Forcing reconciliation is about the most toxic thing you can do in a situation like this. It has the exact same flavor as the bullying. It is basically saying to the bullied kid that his horrific experience is worthless compared to his abusers feelings. This is obscenely twisted.
When you are the one who has badly wronged a person it is your VICTIM that gets to determine conditions of reconciliation (or if and when it will happen AT ALL). ONLY the victim gets to decide this not the perps.
That actually happened to me, my sister SA'd me when I was young and I was in denial for the longest time, until one day I confronted her In front of everyone and she said she actually did that and went in a crying fit and was acting like she is the one who got violated, and my sister's and mother were trying to comfort her, and immediately they started telling me I had to forgive her since it happened a long time ago and she is remorseful, it didn't help that I live in my parents house and she visited 3 times each week, and kept bugging me to forgive her and got angry when I told her I'm not ready, I didn't even want to lay my eye on her but it sucks that I'm dependent on my parents and they are really strict and didn't let me go outside much and socialise and create connection with people, and online I was getting monitored by that abusive sister that I became so scared of even writing comments and liking posts، it's ridiculous I know, but I got tired mentally and physically from the constant bugging from every direction I was like I'm gonna treat her normally until I can find some semblance of independence in my life and get away from my toxic family, she's not the only one who abused me, I have multiple siblings who abused my mentally and physically, but that had a very shocking impact on my life.
Yeah, I read this "argument" so often. "But FaMiLyYYyy!". Where was the family when the abuse happend? I always hear this when the victim is getting blamed.
Exactly. OP was not the victim in this conflict, so she doesn't get to decide what healing looks like for the person who was on the receiving end of the harm
Yeah, they don't care about family when they throw the OP out of the house without any evidence for what the Golden Child says they did, but will use that when they think they can get money out of the kid.
Of course Joseph doesn’t want to reconcile, and of course Ezra didn’t do anything to other kids, wanna bet that if he did bully the other kids, the parents would punish him for bullying them.
@@RequiemPoete Or if Joseph had complained to the parents at first, they would have most likely trivialized it with “JuSt IgNoRe It!” or “Oh, that’s just how older siblings act!”, or worst of all “Oh, ‘BOYS WILL BE BOYS’!”
Story 2: Commenters are praising OP for standing up to his brother and parents for insulting his baby. Where was that backbone when brother was insulting his wife. His parents didn't say anything about that. Yes he did Daddy up to protect his baby. He sure didn't Man up to protect his wife. After OP's Dad saying he hopes OP ends up on the streets, hopefully now he can Man up and go NC with all of them, plus any other family member that contacts him defending his parents and brother.
This is the comment I was looking for if he let them disrespect his wife to both their faces how could he possibly expect them to think his kids were off limits. This is a case of too little to late.
@@iseaflames The commenters praising him aggravated me. It's W T F, did you miss all the time's mentioned that his family insulted/slammed his wife. OP basically did nothing about it. I agree,why should his baby be off limits.
before i was born my grandma and my uncle on my moms side would get into screaming matches a lot and my grandma would shout “you son of a bitch!” and my uncle would just smile and say “youre right” and she never got what he meant lmao
My mother, in one of her rages, once forgot herself and called me "You son of a bitch!" I just smiled and said "Thank you." That was one of the handful of times in the 24 years I lived at home that one of her angry outbursts got derailed into laughter. BTW if Mom had ever called me a bastard, that would have been fine. Technically true, as she and my sperm donor weren't married when I was born. He did however sign my birth certificate, and paid support after they split.
I posted above that ONLY the VICTIM of terrible abuse or betrayal gets to decide terms of forgiveness or reconciliation and that can include NOT AT ALL.
Ezra is the first born son. He can do no wrong. Ezra is a bully, parents knew about this, chose not to deal with it. Parents are EVIL. SIBLING RIVALRY is terrible. If I complained, I was the problem, screw you.
Exactly, and the “consequences” for Ezra were a joke. He should have been sent to military school or to a work farm for bad kids. His possessions should be sold off and the money used to compensate Joseph. Ezra should be banned from ever contacting Joseph again and disowned, disinherited, and permanently kicked out of the home at 18.
@@princessmarlena1359isn’t that a bit harsh? Like I understand military school and having his stuff sold but kicking him out as soon as he is 18 and disinheriting him is a bit far. He bullied his brother yeah but like isn’t that a little much, sure he broke his brother’s arm but that also doesn’t constitute not being a parent. If he were to be completely fair, i think his punishment was ok but maybe yeah send him to like military school or put him on beyond scared straight type of show to show him the direction he is going in. Forcing reconciliation is not okay but abandoning your child also isn’t okay. They both were in need of good parenting and a safe environment.
I think the issue is that Ezra was only in sixth grade when he was caught. Unless your child murdered or Sa'd a person you shouldn't disown them at that point.
I feel so bad for the victim in story one. He got to keep a good relationship with his parents and his other siblings. He had no repercussions besides being grounded for literally attempted murder. He broke his brothers arm and could’ve killed him. The other siblings are terrible because the bullying wasn’t happening to them so therefore they didn’t care. And just like most victims people are trying to guilt them into forgiving the bad guy and are treating the victim like they did something wrong.
Story 2: …Is it possible that OP is an affair baby? He’s the only one in that “family” who *_isn’t_* an AH, and everyone keeps using “bastard” as an insult.
Yes! YTA! Leave Joseph ALONE! You absolutely knew that Ezra was a bully! He bullied his little brother for two years! Ezra broke Joseph's arm by pushing him down the stairs! It could have much worse! Joseph could have ended up paralyzed from a broken spine! Of course Joseph didn't want to live with you two!
There was a video where this ND woman said that psychopaths apparently tend to hate ND people because they can't figure out their emotions and therefore can't manipulate them properly
My wife is not inappropriately jealous. I have danced with other women at events she was at, I have female friends, and she's fine with that. Heck, when we were first married, three of her female friends walked up to me at an event and started hugging and kissing me. Just as I am starting to freak out, here comes my wife! Luckily she couldn't keep a straight face.
yeah. so. people LOVE to point at autistics who are nonverbal or walking into stuff and think they know EVERYTHING about autism. Nope, it turns out that the "creepy" they were sensing was just ignorance about how she's different.
Literally! Her several interests, social anxiety blunt manner of speaking definitely giving 👀 and the friends picking up on that also just reveals their ableist biases
I was looking for a comment along these lines. I'm autistic & was like, "Oh wow, that sounds familiar." There's a reason it's called Autism Spectrum Disorder. It presents in a lot of different ways, but there's a lot of ignorance & ableism around people who aren't "autistic enough." You're either nonverbal & walking into stuff or a savant. Most autistic people are just people with different tendencies/behaviors than the norm.
Or, just going to throw this out here: Maybe Alice has some magical/psychic "talent", and Reuben is the only one of the group who isn't "headblind" (aka has only the normal six senses, or worse yet, only five.) She could well be giving Reuben the creeps without even knowing it, and Reuben in turn has no clue why she creeps him out.
Story 1: OP should have sent Ezra to military school and disowned him. I'm sorry but when a bully turns out to be a sibling to the point of a broken arm and threatening to harm the other siblings to ensure silence from the bullied one, there is no excuse. If there was any chance for reconciliation, it would be Joseph's call all around since it was he who suffered the most. YTA
Why do SOOO many people seem to correlate forgiveness with having a current relationship with somebody? you can absolutely forgive somebody, yet not want anything to do with them for the rest of your life because their actions have consequences. You can absolutely forgive somebody, but never ever speak to them again. Forgiveness does NOT mean you must have a current relationship with them and speak to them. So many people truly need to get that through their ignorant heads.
The best advice my mom ever gave me was "Forgive people - from a safe distance." Let the hurt/anger go if you can, but don't let that person back into your life.
From what I'm seeing this is a culture clash. Born pre 1985, you were taught by a lot of USA that family is sacrosanct and we must always find a way to heal the family unit. That's just not healthy and it's not how things should be. Sometimes you break a relationship and it cannot be fixed , full stop. No one owes a parent or a brother a relationship.
I was born in Romania and live in Germany and I am born in 1985 and I also was told this nonsense. Took me years of therapy to cut contact with my abusive spermdonor cause I thaught I was wrong. So your statement is true in other countries as well.
That's because no one wants to acknowledge the reality that more often than not, the first bullies or abusers that people will meet are likely going to be relatives. Even those who don't come from old fashioned honor cultures are deeply ashamed to be known as the one in the neighborhood with the broken, dysfunctional family.
I was torn on this or to defend the friend. I went through a similar situation where an ex-friend of mine started dating this guy who gave everyone - EVERYONE- a bad feeling and made us all uncomfortable. I approached her (w/o him), told her how I felt but that I'd defer to her since she knew him better. FF 6 months: he put her through a lot, got her to cut ties and burn bridges with almost everyone she knew, and she ended our friendship of 18 years. I have no idea what happened to her or where she is now.
Story 2: Absolutely NTA! If your brother can’t show basic respect and sensitivity toward you and your newborn, it’s only natural to feel hurt and reconsider attending. Weddings are supposed to be about love and family, but if he’s choosing to be disrespectful, he can’t expect you to just brush it off. Family should uplift each other, especially during life-changing moments like welcoming a new baby. You deserve support and respect-stand your ground!
"What do other people think about that?" - "Let them talk behind my back and admire my bubble butt!" ... I had this discussion so often with my father 😂😂
“Social services” are big on reuniting or keeping families together. Many times they do this to the detriment of the child so if THEY demanded the two boys live apart, you know it was really bad. It was likely way worse than what OP claims. Ezra was likely an extremely violent, troubled child.
@@brianbarber5401 I did just that two years later, after reading my old journal entries that recounted her trashing me on my birthday. Deliberately. ... to make me hate the day I was born.
Tell your so-called sister to pound sand and then go no contact with her and the other toxic blood relatives who use that excuse. True family does not abuse you, and your so-called sister lost the privilege of being called family when she made that statement.
How about in story one Joseph gets to push his parents and his other siblings down the stairs and then gets to treat them like crap and bully them for two years. And then they should immediately forgive him and everything goes back to normal.
Story 3 - either Ruben likes OP or he senses his friend has found the one & he's scared OP is gonna be consumed with his romantic relationship, become distant from him & he's gonna be pushed into the background
Yes, and willfully pompous. It is cruel and ignorant to force your child to be buddy buddy with his abuser. That is a special kind arrogance that is grossly arrogant and selfish.
Forced reconciliation should never be done. It never works out. Back in high school, I horribly mistreated a peer due to my twisted unrequited crush on him. I made myself the victim when he fought back. I deeply regret it now and hate myself over it. Part of me wishes I could apologize. But the best apology I could ever give him is to stay away. I keep his name secret when telling people the story, cuz I’m terrified that some do-gooder will try to do this: a forced reconciliation. I will not allow that. I want him to forget I existed and be happy. Abusers who try to seek forgiveness are assholes.
It’s one thing for an abuser to want to make things right by apologizing to their victims and do what they can to set things straight, but they should never do it because they expect forgiveness. I’ve had some former abusers try to do this with me, but I would tell them “I want nothing to do with you. Your apology is noted but not accepted, nor are you forgiven by me.” A couple of them were okay with it. Others became furious and told me that I “had to forgive” them, to “be the bigger person”, and one or two even said “do as Jesus would do” (I hate them the most).
Wow. OP in the first story is clueless or just determined to ignore the fact he dropped the ball with both kids. But the youngest son really got screwed.
Some people only know a half dozen curse words, so they have to recycle them. Some of the "old timers" could cuss at you for five minutes straight without repeating themselves. And Moms back in the day could chew you out for fifteen minutes, reducing you to a quivering heap, without using a single off-color word.
You could tell they didn’t care about Joseph at all, and neither did the siblings since they just abandoned the kid at the Grandparents and the abuser who could’ve killed him pushing him down the stairs, got a slap on the wrist.
OP doesn’t really want to help Joseph, just make it look like he is helping him so he can save face to the public. Joseph should write a book about that awful family.
Story 2: Question, how the hell are they ‘forcing’ you to go? Like how? Do they own your house? Do they pay your bills? If they don’t, they can’t MAKE you do anything. Grow a spine, tell them all to F off and go NC with everyone and live with your wife and kid.
Both my wife and I had fantasies (while being firmly grounded in reality) of being adopted by the Addams Family. She still calls me "Mon cher" and I call her "Carida". We also call each other "You old bat!" and "You old goat!", and have for over 30 years. And instead of actual family drama, our daughter gets texts like "Your Mom is being a brat!", followed by a test from my wife "I am not! He's lying!"
the third story it seems like the best friend is either trying to act like a mother hen or is trying to get with her on the rebound after convincing his buddy to break it off...
@@fallowfloof that much i can tell what confused me was the constant destruction and re building and it happens in all of their videos Most of it just doesn't make any sense 😕
Last story: when op described his girlfriend I said to myself "is she autistic? And that's what weird out his friends?" I discovered I'm autistic a while ago so I can see the clues more clearly now
Going NC is the only healthy thing a dysfunctional family can do. My Narcissist’s mom’s ancestors were the Slave Owners of the Old South. The post-Civil War generations are positively littered with multiple generations of siblings going NC once both parents were dead. My sister and I are the most recent edition to this family legacy. My paternal grandfather’s family tree had no such issues. *They* were the Quakers & Abolitionists.
HARD YTA. The parents kinda just want this entire problem to just be ignored and brushed over when its really a serious issue, they are no better if not worse for even ALLOWING this behaviour to happen.
1st Story: Parents are so stupid for this! The younger sibling had a right to go no contact with his brother and parents! Too little; too late for remorse!
2nd story: those of you out there saying it’s a made up story, is it because he said they racially insult their baby? And if so is it because you think racism doesn’t exist anymore? If so can you tell me right now in the past year you haven’t heard any of your family or friends make any racist comments or jokes? I had a coworker who’s grandfather was black but looks very white and kind of things he says our other coworkers say behind our backs you’ll be shocked. And these are people who act nice in front of us.
Story 1 NTA he did right by Joseph, he didn't force reconciliation he asked Joseph if he would forgive he brother and he listened,, they protected Joseph from his brother and obviously he still had a good relationship with OP because he talks to him more than any other family member lol they just wanted to jump down his neck for being a bad parent when it seems like he's the only one who actually listens to Joseph out the whole family which is crazy
Story 1: I suspect that they made the Entitled Brother the Golden Child after the incident with the uncle because something had happened due to the rumors. They're so accustomed to Rug Sweeping his ish that if they admit he's in the wrong they will have to admit that they failed as parents to OP and have now failed as grandparents
3rd story: Alice not only sounds awesome, but sounds like our daughter's BFF. My Great-Uncle was a writer, and wrote quite a few mystery stories for "True Detective" type magazines back in the day. Before he passed away, he passed some of his writing references on to me. One was called "The Murder Manual." This was a guide on how to write scientifically plausible murder stories. I in turn passed this on to our daughter's BFF, on the condition that I can borrow it if I ever need to reference it. (I am a writer, but sword & sorcery and SciFi, not murder mysteries.) She. Was. Thrilled. FI this was the same girl who I once talked to about what we'd do if we hit "the big lottery." I asked her "Would you build a secret lair like a James Bond villain?" She laughed. "No, I would BE a James Bond villain." Sigh. I love our "second daughter" so much.
What I find highly more disturbing than the actual story is the video itself. It looks like someone who tries to build something and just forgets midway that he is doing so.... What the fuck is this?
*Story 1:* It was completely DISGUSTING the way OP kept asking his children, _"What do you want me to do?"_ 😩 It's like the kids were basically raising _themselves._ Did he REALLY require THAT much guidance in making decisions?
2..nope you need to stay away from your family. Your mom,dad and bri along with his wife are trashy bullies.stop giving them your time .keep your baby safe
Second story it’s up to you who you choose to bring to your table . I have separated from some of my family and it was the best thing my only regret is that I stuck it out as long as I did . A small connection has to be maintained because of lo in common but apart from this I’m non contact . My sister made a comment that I can’t unhear it was a line .
It’s not your call about reconciliation. He is a victim and may never want to forgive his abuser. What you need to do is show your son he is loved. You also need to understand that while you and your spouse may not have known what was going on his other siblings did and they kept the secret. He probably doesn’t want to talk to them either.
Let's see Ezra was acting up, so Josrph gets kicked to the grandparents. And now, you want to ignore Joseph's refusal to reconcile with his bullt. Oh, yeah, you are a AH.
Story 2: the worst part is the parents, they’re enabling him to act like a massive D-bag. And Ops parents are no better. They’re just bullies plain ‘n simple and Op is better off just not even talking to them.
op shouldnt called themself parents. if i were joseph i would cut contact and disowned them since long ago. op is full of himself. what you think better to you not implied to other people too, if they want to reconcile, let ezra the one who approach him. dont interfere
Story 2.. Go FULL social media and call out Brother and everyone who sided with him... Humiliation and being called a racist on scial media with examples
S1 definitely, yta I'm be the one cheering if said child keeps nc with y'all S2 nta you're in the right with your feelings and standing up for yourself 👏 🙌 nobody needs toxicity in their life S3 omg i just cannot 😮
OP claims Ezra went to consulting and was told tht his behavior with his sibling was normal? He broke his brothers arm, that is not normal, that could be life threatening if allowed to continue.Either OP is lying or those counselors need to lose their licensee..
story 3, those are all superficial reasons to not like soneone. if a reason to break up if u dont like the things shes doing, but he likes all the things she dose. but autism can put non nero divergent, and even other nero divergent, off
Forcing reconciliation is about the most toxic thing you can do in a situation like this. It has the exact same flavor as the bullying. It is basically saying to the bullied kid that his horrific experience is worthless compared to his abusers feelings. This is obscenely twisted.
Exactly pushing off the person's feelings as well as ignoring the fact that actions have consequences.
When you are the one who has badly wronged a person it is your VICTIM that gets to determine conditions of reconciliation (or if and when it will happen AT ALL). ONLY the victim gets to decide this not the perps.
It’s a straight up ambush.
Stupid and toxic it more often has the opposite effect.
That actually happened to me, my sister SA'd me when I was young and I was in denial for the longest time, until one day I confronted her In front of everyone and she said she actually did that and went in a crying fit and was acting like she is the one who got violated, and my sister's and mother were trying to comfort her, and immediately they started telling me I had to forgive her since it happened a long time ago and she is remorseful, it didn't help that I live in my parents house and she visited 3 times each week, and kept bugging me to forgive her and got angry when I told her I'm not ready, I didn't even want to lay my eye on her but it sucks that I'm dependent on my parents and they are really strict and didn't let me go outside much and socialise and create connection with people, and online I was getting monitored by that abusive sister that I became so scared of even writing comments and liking posts، it's ridiculous I know, but I got tired mentally and physically from the constant bugging from every direction I was like I'm gonna treat her normally until I can find some semblance of independence in my life and get away from my toxic family, she's not the only one who abused me, I have multiple siblings who abused my mentally and physically, but that had a very shocking impact on my life.
Yta. You can’t force your children to reconcile just because you want it. It’s more about absolving themselves of their poor parenting than anything.
Or “saving face” by trying to look like they are sane and caring when clearly they are neither.
The “family” excuse is so stupid.
Yeah, I read this "argument" so often. "But FaMiLyYYyy!". Where was the family when the abuse happend? I always hear this when the victim is getting blamed.
It's funny they always makes 'family' excuses when they're not doing their part of being family
Exactly. OP was not the victim in this conflict, so she doesn't get to decide what healing looks like for the person who was on the receiving end of the harm
Where was family when the bs was going on and why didn't they do more to stop it?
Yeah, they don't care about family when they throw the OP out of the house without any evidence for what the Golden Child says they did, but will use that when they think they can get money out of the kid.
Of course Joseph doesn’t want to reconcile, and of course Ezra didn’t do anything to other kids, wanna bet that if he did bully the other kids, the parents would punish him for bullying them.
It's possible he choose Joseph because he knew Joseph could be intimidated into silence.
Totally. Favoritism and scapegoating.
@@RequiemPoete Or if Joseph had complained to the parents at first, they would have most likely trivialized it with “JuSt IgNoRe It!” or “Oh, that’s just how older siblings act!”, or worst of all “Oh, ‘BOYS WILL BE BOYS’!”
Story 2: Commenters are praising OP for standing up to his brother and parents for insulting his baby. Where was that backbone when brother was insulting his wife. His parents didn't say anything about that. Yes he did Daddy up to protect his baby. He sure didn't Man up to protect his wife. After OP's Dad saying he hopes OP ends up on the streets, hopefully now he can Man up and go NC with all of them, plus any other family member that contacts him defending his parents and brother.
This is the comment I was looking for if he let them disrespect his wife to both their faces how could he possibly expect them to think his kids were off limits. This is a case of too little to late.
Exactly. He should protect his wife AND child. She should have left him rather than stay and have a kid with him.
@@iseaflames The commenters praising him aggravated me. It's W T F, did you miss all the time's mentioned that his family insulted/slammed his wife. OP basically did nothing about it. I agree,why should his baby be off limits.
@@princessmarlena1359 Or at the least,refused to go to their house.
I was thinking the same thing. You stand up for the baby, but not the wife?
OP, his wife, and Ezra are all YTA.
However, I think letting Joseph stay with his grandparents was the right call. He was safe and loved there.
At least OP learned (had to be shamed for it, but, better late than never), can't say the same for the ex-wife.
When parents call their children a "bastard" what the hell does they make them?
before i was born my grandma and my uncle on my moms side would get into screaming matches a lot and my grandma would shout “you son of a bitch!” and my uncle would just smile and say “youre right” and she never got what he meant lmao
My own mother was so stupid that she would call me a son of a 🐝👁✝🧲H. Um... What does that make HER?? I never dared point that out for obvious reasons
"You're a bastard!"
"You are correct, sir!"
Exactly! I was hoping someone else had noticed that.
My mother, in one of her rages, once forgot herself and called me "You son of a bitch!" I just smiled and said "Thank you." That was one of the handful of times in the 24 years I lived at home that one of her angry outbursts got derailed into laughter.
BTW if Mom had ever called me a bastard, that would have been fine. Technically true, as she and my sperm donor weren't married when I was born. He did however sign my birth certificate, and paid support after they split.
YTA: You want reconciliation? Make a therapy that actualy f-ing works. Pay your son whatever he demands to cover the cost.
Demanding forgiveness only twists the knife in the abused.
I posted above that ONLY the VICTIM of terrible abuse or betrayal gets to decide terms of forgiveness or reconciliation and that can include NOT AT ALL.
Ezra is the first born son. He can do no wrong. Ezra is a bully, parents knew about this, chose not to deal with it. Parents are EVIL. SIBLING RIVALRY is terrible. If I complained, I was the problem, screw you.
Exactly, and the “consequences” for Ezra were a joke. He should have been sent to military school or to a work farm for bad kids. His possessions should be sold off and the money used to compensate Joseph. Ezra should be banned from ever contacting Joseph again and disowned, disinherited, and permanently kicked out of the home at 18.
@@princessmarlena1359isn’t that a bit harsh? Like I understand military school and having his stuff sold but kicking him out as soon as he is 18 and disinheriting him is a bit far. He bullied his brother yeah but like isn’t that a little much, sure he broke his brother’s arm but that also doesn’t constitute not being a parent. If he were to be completely fair, i think his punishment was ok but maybe yeah send him to like military school or put him on beyond scared straight type of show to show him the direction he is going in. Forcing reconciliation is not okay but abandoning your child also isn’t okay. They both were in need of good parenting and a safe environment.
@@ToadKings I personally don’t see it as harsh, though I had a very strict upbringing. Also at 18, you are NOT a child anymore.
I think the issue is that Ezra was only in sixth grade when he was caught. Unless your child murdered or Sa'd a person you shouldn't disown them at that point.
I feel so bad for the victim in story one. He got to keep a good relationship with his parents and his other siblings. He had no repercussions besides being grounded for literally attempted murder. He broke his brothers arm and could’ve killed him. The other siblings are terrible because the bullying wasn’t happening to them so therefore they didn’t care. And just like most victims people are trying to guilt them into forgiving the bad guy and are treating the victim like they did something wrong.
Story 2: …Is it possible that OP is an affair baby?
He’s the only one in that “family” who *_isn’t_* an AH, and everyone keeps using “bastard” as an insult.
I'd agree they kept shoving that word in his face
I wondered that, too.
No matter. The married "parents" accepted him so he is their SON unless he is the son of neither of them.
Joseph = NTA
*_"parents"_** ( including OP !!! ) & Ezra Made Their Own Bed, NOW They Must Lie in It !!!*
Yes! YTA! Leave Joseph ALONE! You absolutely knew that Ezra was a bully! He bullied his little brother for two years! Ezra broke Joseph's arm by pushing him down the stairs! It could have much worse! Joseph could have ended up paralyzed from a broken spine! Of course Joseph didn't want to live with you two!
Ezra doesn't get to heal, he's the one who caused all the harm, Joseph gets to heal
3rd story, I have never in my life heard someone calling somebody "unjealous" as a negative trait. Something is up with ruebin.
Yeah, he wants to go out with her, me thinks...
He likes her.
There was a video where this ND woman said that psychopaths apparently tend to hate ND people because they can't figure out their emotions and therefore can't manipulate them properly
My wife is not inappropriately jealous. I have danced with other women at events she was at, I have female friends, and she's fine with that. Heck, when we were first married, three of her female friends walked up to me at an event and started hugging and kissing me. Just as I am starting to freak out, here comes my wife! Luckily she couldn't keep a straight face.
Staring gf: congrats she's neurodivergent.
Alice will be an awesome gf.
I say, dump Reuben, he's a bad friend.
yeah. so. people LOVE to point at autistics who are nonverbal or walking into stuff and think they know EVERYTHING about autism. Nope, it turns out that the "creepy" they were sensing was just ignorance about how she's different.
Literally! Her several interests, social anxiety blunt manner of speaking definitely giving 👀 and the friends picking up on that also just reveals their ableist biases
Even if she isn’t autistic, point still stands
I was looking for a comment along these lines. I'm autistic & was like, "Oh wow, that sounds familiar." There's a reason it's called Autism Spectrum Disorder. It presents in a lot of different ways, but there's a lot of ignorance & ableism around people who aren't "autistic enough." You're either nonverbal & walking into stuff or a savant. Most autistic people are just people with different tendencies/behaviors than the norm.
Me thinking I’m creepy cuz I like all the things she likes 😅
Or, just going to throw this out here: Maybe Alice has some magical/psychic "talent", and Reuben is the only one of the group who isn't "headblind" (aka has only the normal six senses, or worse yet, only five.) She could well be giving Reuben the creeps without even knowing it, and Reuben in turn has no clue why she creeps him out.
Story 1: OP should have sent Ezra to military school and disowned him. I'm sorry but when a bully turns out to be a sibling to the point of a broken arm and threatening to harm the other siblings to ensure silence from the bullied one, there is no excuse. If there was any chance for reconciliation, it would be Joseph's call all around since it was he who suffered the most. YTA
Why do SOOO many people seem to correlate forgiveness with having a current relationship with somebody? you can absolutely forgive somebody, yet not want anything to do with them for the rest of your life because their actions have consequences. You can absolutely forgive somebody, but never ever speak to them again. Forgiveness does NOT mean you must have a current relationship with them and speak to them. So many people truly need to get that through their ignorant heads.
The best advice my mom ever gave me was "Forgive people - from a safe distance." Let the hurt/anger go if you can, but don't let that person back into your life.
From what I'm seeing this is a culture clash. Born pre 1985, you were taught by a lot of USA that family is sacrosanct and we must always find a way to heal the family unit. That's just not healthy and it's not how things should be. Sometimes you break a relationship and it cannot be fixed , full stop. No one owes a parent or a brother a relationship.
I was born in Romania and live in Germany and I am born in 1985 and I also was told this nonsense. Took me years of therapy to cut contact with my abusive spermdonor cause I thaught I was wrong. So your statement is true in other countries as well.
Ah, that explains the American obsession with "Family Therapy" as the cure for all ills.
Bojack Horseman was right. “Family is a sinkhole, you should get out while you can.”
That's because no one wants to acknowledge the reality that more often than not, the first bullies or abusers that people will meet are likely going to be relatives. Even those who don't come from old fashioned honor cultures are deeply ashamed to be known as the one in the neighborhood with the broken, dysfunctional family.
I would have responded to the father "bastard? Well looks like the apple didn't fall farther from the tree"
Story 1 - OP sounds so PASSIVE! I hope Joseph cuts all contact with him... I also wonder how the heck Ezra ended up like that, though.
Story 3 fuck the friends.
Scrolled too far to see this comment
@@leazimridaniels8552 yeah the algorithm doesn't like me because I won't censor myself so it buried my comment.
I was torn on this or to defend the friend. I went through a similar situation where an ex-friend of mine started dating this guy who gave everyone - EVERYONE- a bad feeling and made us all uncomfortable. I approached her (w/o him), told her how I felt but that I'd defer to her since she knew him better.
FF 6 months: he put her through a lot, got her to cut ties and burn bridges with almost everyone she knew, and she ended our friendship of 18 years. I have no idea what happened to her or where she is now.
Story 2: Absolutely NTA! If your brother can’t show basic respect and sensitivity toward you and your newborn, it’s only natural to feel hurt and reconsider attending. Weddings are supposed to be about love and family, but if he’s choosing to be disrespectful, he can’t expect you to just brush it off. Family should uplift each other, especially during life-changing moments like welcoming a new baby. You deserve support and respect-stand your ground!
"What do other people think about that?" - "Let them talk behind my back and admire my bubble butt!" ... I had this discussion so often with my father 😂😂
“Social services” are big on reuniting or keeping families together. Many times they do this to the detriment of the child so if THEY demanded the two boys live apart, you know it was really bad. It was likely way worse than what OP claims. Ezra was likely an extremely violent, troubled child.
he can ask forgiveness but the brother doesn't have to give it. he doesn't owe you or the abusive brother forgiveness
I was told I could not disconnect by my sister, because "we're family."
She is the abusive one. She is also a child psychologist.
You can tell her to pound sand and get lost
“Family” is an excuse abusive AHs use.
@@brianbarber5401 I did just that two years later, after reading my old journal entries that recounted her trashing me on my birthday.
Deliberately.
... to make me hate the day I was born.
Sorry to hear that.
Tell your so-called sister to pound sand and then go no contact with her and the other toxic blood relatives who use that excuse.
True family does not abuse you, and your so-called sister lost the privilege of being called family when she made that statement.
How about in story one Joseph gets to push his parents and his other siblings down the stairs and then gets to treat them like crap and bully them for two years. And then they should immediately forgive him and everything goes back to normal.
2nd story I hate when people ask the stupidest question if they the asshole
He insulted his newborn nephew in full view of his friends and family, and he's not at fault? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM?
@@marrero8100 He didn't just insult the baby. He was straight up racist.
@@nick-brothwood Racist or not, insulting newborns is effed up.
So OP _knew_ Ezra was a bully and bullying other kids but went “Well it’s not our kids getting bullied so it’s ok.”
Story 3 Girl is a little quirky but normies are scared. Sigh XT sounds like small city folk
Story 1, OP is DEFINITELY the obliviosly malignant AH. Joseph owes you NOTHING!!!!!
Story 3 - either Ruben likes OP or he senses his friend has found the one & he's scared OP is gonna be consumed with his romantic relationship, become distant from him & he's gonna be pushed into the background
Yep. I'm with you here. Ruben is the red flag for several reasons.
OP is a huge green flag!
Yes, and willfully pompous. It is cruel and ignorant to force your child to be buddy buddy with his abuser.
That is a special kind arrogance that is grossly arrogant and selfish.
"My parents called me a bastard"
Uh what? then who's my dad?
Forced reconciliation should never be done. It never works out.
Back in high school, I horribly mistreated a peer due to my twisted unrequited crush on him. I made myself the victim when he fought back. I deeply regret it now and hate myself over it. Part of me wishes I could apologize. But the best apology I could ever give him is to stay away. I keep his name secret when telling people the story, cuz I’m terrified that some do-gooder will try to do this: a forced reconciliation. I will not allow that. I want him to forget I existed and be happy. Abusers who try to seek forgiveness are assholes.
It’s one thing for an abuser to want to make things right by apologizing to their victims and do what they can to set things straight, but they should never do it because they expect forgiveness.
I’ve had some former abusers try to do this with me, but I would tell them “I want nothing to do with you. Your apology is noted but not accepted, nor are you forgiven by me.” A couple of them were okay with it. Others became furious and told me that I “had to forgive” them, to “be the bigger person”, and one or two even said “do as Jesus would do” (I hate them the most).
Unfortunately he'll never forget that you existed. The trauma stays there for the rest of your life and not even a lifetime of therapy will fix that.
Pronounced it
Are-See-Hole 😂🤣😂🤣
I Love it.
So E is your golden child too, not just wife.
Wow. OP in the first story is clueless or just determined to ignore the fact he dropped the ball with both kids. But the youngest son really got screwed.
Newborn bully story: is OP his father's actual child? The word "bastard" was thrown around a lot.
Some people only know a half dozen curse words, so they have to recycle them. Some of the "old timers" could cuss at you for five minutes straight without repeating themselves. And Moms back in the day could chew you out for fifteen minutes, reducing you to a quivering heap, without using a single off-color word.
Story 2: I have heard something like that! THEY will always be more important! Every time! THEY want the IMAGE!
Thanks! Someone else gets it! Wish we did not know this stuff!
For his own peice of mind, Joseph needs to let go of the anger, pain, and resentment before it eats him alive from the inside out.
Op3 wooo shiny spine alert
Story 2: OP has so much restraint. If someone made fun of my SO and baby i would go to jail for aggravated as*ault lol
You really want to Help Joseph? Help him get restraining orders against Ezra, mom and siblings.
You could tell they didn’t care about Joseph at all, and neither did the siblings since they just abandoned the kid at the Grandparents and the abuser who could’ve killed him pushing him down the stairs, got a slap on the wrist.
@@user-qq2ic2vd7y yeah Ezra is probably a Ted Bundy in the making.
OP doesn’t really want to help Joseph, just make it look like he is helping him so he can save face to the public. Joseph should write a book about that awful family.
In story 2: it’s time to go NC. Brother is the golden child. There is no hope.
I feel personally attacked by the Alice story 😆.
Story 1 tell the world youre an uncaring pos without saying youre an uncaring pos
hearing "ate the same thing at every place you went" and knew it was hatred against autism
Parents need to prioritize addressing sibling bullying for the well-being of all their children.
Do you kept the bully and the victim had to live with his grandparents?
Stop forcing any form of reconciliation
18:34 YTA for ever taking it like a bitch and letting him be awful to your wife
YES! I broke up with a [former] fiancé for that.
It's great to see OP get a fresh perspective on their dilemma and make healthy changes based on it. Too easy for the ego to not allow it.
Story three sounds like your best friend subtly poisoned the well with your other friends.
Story 2: Question, how the hell are they ‘forcing’ you to go? Like how? Do they own your house? Do they pay your bills? If they don’t, they can’t MAKE you do anything. Grow a spine, tell them all to F off and go NC with everyone and live with your wife and kid.
The third one sounds like the Addams family origin story
Both my wife and I had fantasies (while being firmly grounded in reality) of being adopted by the Addams Family. She still calls me "Mon cher" and I call her "Carida". We also call each other "You old bat!" and "You old goat!", and have for over 30 years. And instead of actual family drama, our daughter gets texts like "Your Mom is being a brat!", followed by a test from my wife "I am not! He's lying!"
the third story it seems like the best friend is either trying to act like a mother hen or is trying to get with her on the rebound after convincing his buddy to break it off...
2ND story. i would have recorded that call from dad and posted that to every Social media site that translates to English
It frigging irritates me when people try to force a victim to reconcile with their abuser. All because "fffaaaammmmiiiiillllllyyyyyy"
Am i the only one not understanding what the hell the dude in the background is doing
@@fallowfloof that much i can tell what confused me was the constant destruction and re building and it happens in all of their videos
Most of it just doesn't make any sense 😕
They keep calling him a bastard.
Is this person adopted?
Last story: when op described his girlfriend I said to myself "is she autistic? And that's what weird out his friends?" I discovered I'm autistic a while ago so I can see the clues more clearly now
Going NC is the only healthy thing a dysfunctional family can do.
My Narcissist’s mom’s ancestors were the Slave Owners of the Old South. The post-Civil War generations are positively littered with multiple generations of siblings going NC once both parents were dead. My sister and I are the most recent edition to this family legacy.
My paternal grandfather’s family tree had no such issues. *They* were the Quakers & Abolitionists.
ffs I hate the second family so much more.
yay we're just enabling a cycle of abuse cool
Easy to want reconciliation when you’re not the victim.
HARD YTA. The parents kinda just want this entire problem to just be ignored and brushed over when its really a serious issue, they are no better if not worse for even ALLOWING this behaviour to happen.
1st Story: Parents are so stupid for this! The younger sibling had a right to go no contact with his brother and parents! Too little; too late for remorse!
2nd story: those of you out there saying it’s a made up story, is it because he said they racially insult their baby? And if so is it because you think racism doesn’t exist anymore? If so can you tell me right now in the past year you haven’t heard any of your family or friends make any racist comments or jokes? I had a coworker who’s grandfather was black but looks very white and kind of things he says our other coworkers say behind our backs you’ll be shocked. And these are people who act nice in front of us.
story 2 is clearly from India
Story 1 NTA he did right by Joseph, he didn't force reconciliation he asked Joseph if he would forgive he brother and he listened,, they protected Joseph from his brother and obviously he still had a good relationship with OP because he talks to him more than any other family member lol they just wanted to jump down his neck for being a bad parent when it seems like he's the only one who actually listens to Joseph out the whole family which is crazy
Story 2: OP's family are so toxic the EPA should be notified immediately!! NC should be the policy.
Story 1: I suspect that they made the Entitled Brother the Golden Child after the incident with the uncle because something had happened due to the rumors. They're so accustomed to Rug Sweeping his ish that if they admit he's in the wrong they will have to admit that they failed as parents to OP and have now failed as grandparents
2nd Story, I am so glad he cut ties with his family. They are better off with out all of them.
3rd story: Alice not only sounds awesome, but sounds like our daughter's BFF. My Great-Uncle was a writer, and wrote quite a few mystery stories for "True Detective" type magazines back in the day. Before he passed away, he passed some of his writing references on to me. One was called "The Murder Manual." This was a guide on how to write scientifically plausible murder stories. I in turn passed this on to our daughter's BFF, on the condition that I can borrow it if I ever need to reference it. (I am a writer, but sword & sorcery and SciFi, not murder mysteries.)
She. Was. Thrilled. FI this was the same girl who I once talked to about what we'd do if we hit "the big lottery." I asked her "Would you build a secret lair like a James Bond villain?" She laughed. "No, I would BE a James Bond villain." Sigh. I love our "second daughter" so much.
"Arsiehole" made me CACKLE at 7am lol!
Story 1. The Mom viloated a court order. That alone is AH territory
What I find highly more disturbing than the actual story is the video itself. It looks like someone who tries to build something and just forgets midway that he is doing so.... What the fuck is this?
Let get this right you sent the victim away instead of the brother responsible 🤦 yta
*Story 1:* It was completely DISGUSTING the way OP kept asking his children, _"What do you want me to do?"_ 😩 It's like the kids were basically raising _themselves._ Did he REALLY require THAT much guidance in making decisions?
Story 2 to paraphrase words of Chris rock I’m not saying it’s right if you were to introduce his face to a sock with a lock in it … but I’d understand
Moral of the story, never have kids...
Preach! People aren't really willing to do the work of raising children right so, please for the sake of society and mankind, don't do it!
Story 2: Parents and golden child brother are complete selfish, toxic, narcissistic, manipulative vile human beings!
2..nope you need to stay away from your family. Your mom,dad and bri along with his wife are trashy bullies.stop giving them your time .keep your baby safe
Second story it’s up to you who you choose to bring to your table . I have separated from some of my family and it was the best thing my only regret is that I stuck it out as long as I did . A small connection has to be maintained because of lo in common but apart from this I’m non contact . My sister made a comment that I can’t unhear it was a line .
S3 Ruben is mad jelly
It’s not your call about reconciliation. He is a victim and may never want to forgive his abuser. What you need to do is show your son he is loved. You also need to understand that while you and your spouse may not have known what was going on his other siblings did and they kept the secret. He probably doesn’t want to talk to them either.
Let's see Ezra was acting up, so Josrph gets kicked to the grandparents. And now, you want to ignore Joseph's refusal to reconcile with his bullt. Oh, yeah, you are a AH.
Story 2: the worst part is the parents, they’re enabling him to act like a massive D-bag. And Ops parents are no better. They’re just bullies plain ‘n simple and Op is better off just not even talking to them.
Story 3: Tell all of your friends to pound sand!
op shouldnt called themself parents. if i were joseph i would cut contact and disowned them since long ago. op is full of himself. what you think better to you not implied to other people too, if they want to reconcile, let ezra the one who approach him. dont interfere
Story 2.. Go FULL social media and call out Brother and everyone who sided with him... Humiliation and being called a racist on scial media with examples
S1 definitely, yta I'm be the one cheering if said child keeps nc with y'all
S2 nta you're in the right with your feelings and standing up for yourself 👏 🙌 nobody needs toxicity in their life
S3 omg i just cannot 😮
Nah Ruben likes you
23:05 girlfriend is neurodivergent.
OP claims Ezra went to consulting and was told tht his behavior with his sibling was normal? He broke his brothers arm, that is not normal, that could be life threatening if allowed to continue.Either OP is lying or those counselors need to lose their licensee..
story 3, those are all superficial reasons to not like soneone. if a reason to break up if u dont like the things shes doing, but he likes all the things she dose. but autism can put non nero divergent, and even other nero divergent, off
Hard fail for the parent's my god they are horrible
Op younger son should go no contact with his parents because they only care about their public image story 1