Wondering if anyone with BPD has a terrible spiral for a day or two, then the next day you feel so up that you want to do a million things at once. And you have a bunch of great ideas. Then after staying in bed crying for 3 days you get up and clean the house, walk 4K, and overthink everything. Sounds so much like bipolar but the high days are more rare and only last a day!
Sounds like me and yea bipolar and borderlines have similar traits. But BPD mood swings in shorter periods unlike bipolar that's goes on and on if you know what I mesn
Yeah I go through that. If you're talking about the emotional dysregulation, then yeah. It may seem similar to bipolar because they too have emotional dysregulation. But one is a mood disorder disorder and the other personality disorder People with adhd and asd can experience emotional dysregulation (mood swings) as well.
I found getting myself around 'radical acceptance' the best part of DBT skills. It was also the hardest for many in my class to get their head around. I think it could be the biggest block to healing the hyper-emotional mindset.
I'm a 42 year old nurse and I found this man and started watching his videos and thought hmmmm 🤔 perhaps I've been misdiagnosed all these years. I really appreciate his content.
I am so grateful for practitioners like yourself who are compassionate and open to what the borderline's experience is without judgement. I am also grateful for the commentary on self-efficacy.
I was misdiagnosed by so many therapists.. since im a psych student, i looked at my dsm4 and yup. I meet the requirements. I was so scared and couldn't afford therapy. Your manual helped me make sense of things but most importantly it led me to Molly's "Back from the Borderline" podcast. It helped me understand SO much. For anyone out there confused about BPD, take heart. You are okay. You've just been through a lot. If you work through your trauma you will be able to regulate your emotions better
Hi Dr Fox, this is EXACTLY what I needed 🥰 and I really can't wait to this new video. I really enjoy your videos and your great experience on this difficult subject, and particularly the empathy and non judgement you show about what is a real suffering for those with BPD who very often have been really ill treated as a child and therefore feel guilt and shame. You give us a real hope to overcome our disorder, heal and work to be a better person for ourselves and those around us. Unfortunately, here in France and other European countries, mental health problems are still stigmatized a lot, especially as the tendancy these days is youtube coaches making overgeneralizing videos, showing people with Personality disorders as really bad persons who should be avoided and left alone in their corner. I so much would like more experts like you in my country. 😔
So true. Here in germany its the same. Many therapist didnt want to work with me as soon as they heard my diagnosis. The stigma is still very much there.
Even though it's commendable to seek therapy once diagnosed with a personality disorder - when you have been HORRIBLY ABUSED, it's been done by a very personality disordered person - things so horrific that no apology would ever mean anything - that bad. In these instances, it is extremely important that you are nowhere near such an evil person again - the most dangerous time is when you decide to leave.
Hi Dr Fox, I’m a 23yo mother of 1 with BPD. I am currently going through a depressive spiral that’s spanned the last 5 days, i’m coming right though but still easily triggered and teary eyed/guilt feelings for behaviour. Thank you for these videos. I have been going to therapy for the past year at least, my depressive self is so strong. I am trying so hard to keep optimism, faith, hope, balance but that is not my first language so it’s hard to fight the pessimism and anxious rituals at the moment. Knowledge is so powerful. My life, though not at all in a healthy place right now, I know it’s capable for me because i’ve been there before. The progress i’ve made already reflects in my ability to maintain my spells to only a few days - they would last at most to weeks and the consequences now are less severe than they were in my teen years. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be drastically better within the next two years before brain growth (maturing) occurs and my daughter has reached the end of early development stages (age 5) so when I experience a lapse in judgement/behaviour I beat myself up for it mentally. A learned habit from childhood I’ll bet. Have you heard of Neuro-plasticity?
I hate having this…I hate putting my husband thru these things. And self aware sucks because I just sit there watching myself act like a crazy person 😭😭😭
I think people who are self-aware are insightful and bright. I can understand what you are saying though. It sounds like it's very frustrating that you're not able to "tap on the brakes", so to speak, and stop yourself when you'd like to stop. Self-awareness is powerful...and so is self-compassion.
there is a path of progress we, as learning beings, move through. the step-wise progression begins with us awakening from a state of "unconscious incompetence" to become aware of our need for change - "consciously incompetent". this awareness drives our desire to learn, and as we practice new, more helpful strategies we are "consciously competent" until those new skills become automatic! and we enjoy a state of "unconscious competence"! at least until we become aware of yet ANOTHER area for us to grow, and are again, "consciously incompetent"! I find this reassuring.
Hi Mollie, I would love a chance to come on and share my story. I went through a lot of trauma as a child and young adult. I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD and Anxiety. Over the years I've managed to cope extremely well in overcoming BPD in that I've been coping for nearly ten years now with no relapse.
So I’m a therapist myself & I can never understand how clinicians can mix up bipolar d/o and BPD. To me the differences are SO obvious & it is very easy to determine if a patient has BPD or not.
I was diagnosed less than a month ago and I broke down, specially because my husband had just asked for divorce. I found Dr. Fox in TH-cam and his videos have been sooo helpful! I’ve became a big fan of his work, very knowledgeable and empathetic ! I am watching a LOT of the videos from Dr. Fox. I bought his 2 books and the card deck about BPD and also recommended to my Psychologist that loved! Regarding Molly, I just met her in this video, and I will follow her now too. The min 39- 44 is a excellent advice from her I even wrote down for when I need it. Great job you two! 👏
Even though we are very lucky in Australia with NDIS, Medicare and community mental health BPD and some other mental disorders are still highly stigmatised. I was diagnosed with BPD 35 years ago and In my experience it’s only been in the last ten years or so that professionals are becoming more aware of successful treatment.
Thanks so much for everything you have done Dr. Fox. Learning my diagnosis has helped put me on the right path. Your videos and books have helped so much on this journey, thank you.
I hope this is being recorded so I can watch later 🙏🏽 I'm in between patients right now. I have a close friend who I suspect has BPD but I want more understanding, how to cope and help/understand her better. I love this channel ❤️ 💕
Thank you Mollie and Dr Fox. I enjoyed this conversation very much. I find it very generous of the both of you to share your knowledge and experience. Dr Fox, please consider using a microphone to improve the sound quality. 🥴🙏🙏
@@DrDanielFox Hi Dr Fox! Thank you for your reply! 😊 I always listen to your videos with headphones on, so I notice the difference in sound volume and quality. This is particulary noticeable when the TH-cam ads start. 🥴🥴🥴 It may have something to do with the space you are recording in and the mic not capturing the sound adequately. In any event, thank for the videos! 🙏🙏😊
I fell hard for Molley after the first DR Fox video.I was surprised how raw Molly's Instragam channel was. My never-was remains untreated and it breaks my heart.God Bless you Molly and Dr.Fox . Shine on
Two of my favorite people! ^_^ Love this!!!! Also, why are there so many uniformed and hateful people trolling the chat? That's truly unfortunate and disrespectful to these two people. If you're referring to others as, "a BPD", that's like calling someone, "A black". Reducing people to a single component is never cool, or respectable.
We’re hateful because we’re hurt. Let us be in our healing journey and it is so codependent of you to defend the entire world for simply saying ‘a BPD’. It’s not your fight to bring justice to the world and then using our healing to justify your false virtue signalling. DO NOT EVER COMPARE RACISM TO SOMEONE ELSE’s IMPACT OF BPD ABUSE. WAKE THE FUCK UP.
im gonna continue to watch but i had to stop to say how on point you are on the thought of when us who have BPD seem to not be doing the work and the voice in the head is on auto pilot .... me and my partner have actually found a new ability to do just as you said he let me know when he feels I'm making him fight the BPD instead of me also doing the work .... his analogy is "i feel like i paddling the cano forward and your letting the BPD paddle it back words.... please help me paddle the cano forward" ... and for a while it was triggering i would exploued .... but i have finally understand the reality of letting the voice in the head be on auto pilot and even though its hard i have o push and do the work and over time it dsent go away but I'm able to not let the norm be its on auto pilot don't have the control ..... i do and once i started doing the work letting my partner express when i might be letting the inner voice run the show lol lol the other one we use is nope try agen when i start a conversation with a self content statement or overly come to him cause i feel I'm hurting him by taking time to myself lol nope try agen lol so i remember to do the work lol its hard but we can learn ii need to get your book for sure
Sometimes we are the villains of someone’s story, it is ok, but we must always be always the heroes of our own stories, when we do that, no one has power over us and we are truly free to be who we were meant to be, who we want to be.
I wanted to ask about trichatillomania. I suffered from this as a teen. I put it down at the tme to exam stress and anxiety. I ended up with quite the bald patch and had to comb over ( the shame :-( , not a great look on a teenage girl). I enventually got over it though a vestigal desire remains and I sometimes find myself mindlessly pulling at hair strands when stressed. I associate this with an OCD type behaviour but would not identify with OCD in any other way. Is there a BPD link?
Dr fox. How do we with bpd and npd that yearn so much for love due to our past how do we know if what we feel is love or limerance? How do we get over someone we think we love but don't want to because it hurts too much? With all the obsessions and compulsions its so hard to navigate romantic relationships. Do you believe in twin flames? Why do so many with npd blv the person they want is their soul mate? Whats your opinion on jungs theory of synchronicity and tarot as a way to explore self? So many ive metwho are bpd or and npd are deep into astrology tarot and soul mates / twin flames. Ty dr!
And when you're alone you just want to act on the suicidal thoughts. I have more reasons to leave than to stay. It's a lonely life not worth living having this hellish stuff.
You conquered 100% of your worst days so far. You are a warrior. The sun will rise again. I suffer as well, but I do not want to die, I want my pain to die, how can I kill the pain? Self- compassion it kills the pain slowly yet it does. Keep your head up. You got this only one moment at a time. Huggzzzzzz
You need to get distracted. Try something small that gives you happiness and make it grow. What do you like? Maybe sports? Practice a little and watch hiw you become better at it. Maybe plants? You could start something from seed, care for it ecvery day and harvest at the end of the year. What about music? Maybe a guitar from 2nd hand shop. Practice the basic and then try to play your favorite songs. Make recordings. Practice every day. No need for perfection. And after one year listen to your first recs again. And you will see how much you have grown. Same works for sketching and painting. Do you like animals? Cats, dogs? Maybe you could visit you local animal care center and walk some dogs. I have heard rats are very smart. Some ideas. If you have something to do you like, it distracts you from your worries a little and you will be proud becoming better, getting more knowledge and maybe sharing it to others. Best wishes. You are not alone. There are many people who go through the same crap as you.
Mr. What is worse: No confidence, kindness and being bullied because of no boundaries or faking confidence being an asshole to express pseudo strength (meanness, passive aggression, etc everythig one actually hates but still expresses, what a nonsense 😂) in hope of living in peace, what do you think? Do you have to become a monster for not being bullied by monsters? Fighting fire with fire? Does this make sense? Actually the avoiding type, but still attract toxic and entitled to meanness people.
Thank you for your comment and I would encourage you to decrease your emphasis on external validation and focus more on what is important to you and increase your sense of intrinsic understanding and motivation. I think it is hard to find peace when it is so focused on external validation. I wish you all the best.
So. I was diagnosed with BPD...but I don't identify with the symptoms....I work with Special needs kids, and I see myself in the Autistic kids. I've never received any mental health help as I was told that I was lucky....it's goes away as you get older. This was 12 years ago... nothing has improved, I am getting worse...
Dr Fox, what's your take on the undercontrol/overcontrol theory that she references? I've heard about this elsewhere and it resonates with me except for the part where it suggests overcontrol isn't BPD at all but a different diagnosis like AVPD. But none of those diagnoses fit me! Thanks in advance if you answer this and thanks for all your great content.
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
Should I do the manual for complex bpd first instead? I am currently suffering from psychosis and have bipolar disorder as well and pmdd. I started the workbook, but should I start the book to help with my psychosis first?
Does that mean I "should" forgive my abusers? I understand the logic that goes behind generational trauma and know logically how that impacted my abuser, however when is it appropriate to draw the line? I am a victim of incest/SA and it runs on my fathers side. (Also happens culturally to many members of my ethnicity) Even when I am of a sound mind, I do not wish to forgive them. Is this unreasonable?
@@DrDanielFox Dr. Fox, I am so so sorry. I saw the title of the talk, clearly in a BPD moment, and made an assumption, before even listening. Oh, I was tipsy, which is never good for me. Anyway, I apologize. You are kind and empathetic and a beautiful soul, and you are such a gift and help to people with BPD. I apologize for being a tipsy moron! Sincerely, Stefanie
I have been diagnosed with almost all the "disorders". I have severe problems with almost everyone and everything. I am told how nice I am just before I never see them again, or when I see them they are running away, quickly. The number of times someone will want to talk to me and then suddenly the watch is looked at run is happening AGAIN. Both my children live far from me and have as little to do with me as possible. Etc. Etc. I have every... 6 men I devorced... Very sexy body with no brain to match. I am a nice person until I am crossed, then ... Better each day because I cannot accept this as the only option. I now live with my best friend in highschool. Poor guy. My sister went to senior prom with him, oops. He is also her best friend by the way, and she has aspergers. My family for generations is very difunctional. So much going on. I have only one therapist who is awesome but she lives in a small town north of me. A phone call once a week is better than what I had before. Thank you soooo much. Every one avoids me! I have been called" creepy ". NO CALLS ME! Not one person in many years has gone for coffee or stuff... I wake up sobbing many mornings, or very angry with the world in general. From happy with life then something happens that upsets me and I am gone... Now I even hyperventilate! Oh, I have chosen to live with a Black man even after finally learning about the stupid black white stuff. I push the limits on everything. I am from Portland Oregon and never saw any of the racist things around me. My mother kept us, somehow, away from all that. I fired my psychiatrist because he wanted me to take medicine after telling me that medicine will not help me. And I seem to be allergic to all chemicals. Food labels take time to read but if I do not I become crazy in my head and hard things to not be very embarassed... Do you get the picture? I am 69 years old. So much going on. I was Very intelligent in the beginning of second grade in school. After the" injury" I had no clue about anything. I even argued with the teacher in third grade about how 2+3=5! Math had been my best subject before I was injured. And I still have the pain from an injury 63 plus years ago. And no one believes me about any of it. So I cry A LOT. Small town in Alaska I Have learned to Love my Mother Very Much. Makes us Both smile☺ Oh, thank you very much for this video!!!!!!!! Awesome, Thank You!!!
@@thatgnaralooguy runs in my family. Mom did her best to teach us. And I do not give up because I am stubborn. And want to see what could possibly happen next☺
Hi Sue. Hace you sctually considered going in for an Asperger's diagnosis? ASD is very often misdiagnosed as BPD in women. You do mention some key issues that are worth exploring. I wish you all the best.
What's the podcast I'm watching it right now I suffer too and I need some real advice and it's not an easy thing so please let me know I'm watching it and I'm learning everyday about my disease and it's hard and I'm in a relationship and I need help
I watch your videos because I have no insurance and the low income mental health clinic I go to has nobody like you. Nobody with experience with personality disorders. I wish I had access to some real help. I'm so tired of BPD. I'm so tired of my spirals of self hatred . I'm so tired of my "episodes" as people like to call them. I'm so tired of seeing that exasperated look on people's faces when I'm looking for validation again. I'm so tired of needing people to love me so I can breathe. I wish people could actually see and feel everything the way I do for just one day. It feels so hopeless. Having the books and journals for these skills that can supposedly help me, but knowing I can't do it alone. I watch your videos and I cry because I can't afford to go see the doctors here that could help me. I might get insurance finally. I got a promotion at work. If I can get 1 more to assistant manager I can get real help. Will I be able to keep it together long enough? I made the mistake of looking at my body in the mirror and that was all it took. I hate logically knowing that I'm doing this to myself. The self hatred, the downward spiral, the explosion, the guilt, and then picking myself up and trying again. Anyway, I just needed to vent. I figured someone here would understand.
Can person with bpd attach then individuate with partner? Is that what they are attempting to do when they recreate abandonment? Is there honestly hope if they have help to heal with DBT and family support?
Do you think? But this would be a lot of narcisst in my life. I hope it is not true... But possible? Sometimes i wonder if i was a narcist, because i love to be alone. I hate being around people. Dont get me wrong i actually used to love being around people, but only a few selected i felt we got each other. I do not like being around people who seem and act but all fake and mean. I mean we all get mean and sometimes ir have people we dont like, it is normal. But some people make it a priority to put others down, they feel entitled to do so, because they feel intimidated or they associate you with someone or something they dont like at all. They think they know it all though they have never met you. And when you get angry or speak your mind it confirms their beliefs of you being an asshole.
It’s hard to say about the misdiagnosis from narcissistic abuse, but I think sometimes individuals to develop traits of BPD, but also other personality disorders, or other disorders, in that they are developing adapter strategies in order to survive an abusive environment
I have several co morbities mdd on and off since age 14 from 2014 depression more or less constant anxiety all my life I've for about 11 year 3 year after mum died and about 8 year when mum died attachment issues paronia on and off during my whole life 80/ chanc that if I had a formal assessment my art psychotherapist said I'd proberly be high functioning autism severe sucide ideation only still here in this world A I've run out of ideas I'm hopeless at it. B the detestation and heartbreaking would cause for iends then from early this year intermittent situation trigger psychosis episodes and worsening paronia and anger now I'm on 150mg. On another psychotic a day possible sensory processing issues as well so mine sounds like complex bpd I've also got asthma possible slightly deaf back in 1970s it would have been significant was born 5 week prem didn't cry when Bo n had to be given lot of oxygen which caused eye damage had 3 ops on my eyes between ages 4 and 7 years seemed fine with it was told by a therapist in 2015 as I needed surgery for very very seve endermetorisis that I'd got PTSD through losing my dad suddenly when I was nine to a massive cardaric arrest then being in hospital bullied all through school mum dying in 2014 she was aand still is my world I'm comfy now in great supported housing I'm I happy with my lot no I'd give world to lose this bpd if they said to me tomorrow you could have brain surgery but there's a 70/ chance you'd die I'd take risk I know I'd proberly have to go into care as my impulsivity control would be gone but I like cakes so I'd eat them every meal cos I wouldn't be able to make any impulsive decisions it eucks being like this and I hate it
I really don't think it helps about discussing what we feel when we treat others terribly cause they are just not interested. I have been estranged from two older sister and a younger brother for 12 yrs and before that for 6, I am 54. It's easier for them to be my victims than to understand what I am about.
My sister has BPD, we have been estranged for 2 years. This is the second time this has happened. She is 56, I am 52. The reason we don’t speak is because she found a new boyfriend and I went from being the focus of all of her attention to being the person that had caused all of the problems in her life. She completely turned on me and did some things that could have really harmed me, my family and my career. I was extremely hurt to learn that the person I thought would always stand up for me, the person who had a shared childhood with me, my big sister could act so hatefully towards me. The first time was when she went back to her 3rd husband after a separation where she lived with me. She ran out of money and went back to him and basically blamed everything on me. She lied to him about so many things she did and couldn’t have me around because I knew the truth. I didn’t understand BPD, but over the past 2 years I have been trying to learn. I thought I’d give you the perspective of a sibling. I wish my sister would get help. I’m sorry for your situation. I hope you can somehow heal those relationships. ☺️🙏🏻
Wondering if anyone with BPD has a terrible spiral for a day or two, then the next day you feel so up that you want to do a million things at once. And you have a bunch of great ideas. Then after staying in bed crying for 3 days you get up and clean the house, walk 4K, and overthink everything. Sounds so much like bipolar but the high days are more rare and only last a day!
Sounds like me and yea bipolar and borderlines have similar traits. But BPD mood swings in shorter periods unlike bipolar that's goes on and on if you know what I mesn
Yeah I go through that.
If you're talking about the emotional dysregulation, then yeah. It may seem similar to bipolar because they too have emotional dysregulation. But one is a mood disorder disorder and the other personality disorder
People with adhd and asd can experience emotional dysregulation (mood swings) as well.
Explains me too.
Never read something so relatable
BPD with ADHD. Yup.
I found getting myself around 'radical acceptance' the best part of DBT skills. It was also the hardest for many in my class to get their head around. I think it could be the biggest block to healing the hyper-emotional mindset.
fun fact: it is THE first step in any real development in my experience, whether you have BPD or not.
@@lorenzrosenthal119 so true. But I need it tattooed on my arm because I forget it at critical moments! Lol
Watching videos like this make me feel that there is hope
I am so glad and I know that I speak Mollie as well that this is one of those really strong impetuses that keep us going.
@@DrDanielFox thankyou so much for helping so many with your videos
I'm a 42 year old nurse and I found this man and started watching his videos and thought hmmmm 🤔 perhaps I've been misdiagnosed all these years. I really appreciate his content.
You’re very welcome. Be well.
I am so grateful for practitioners like yourself who are compassionate and open to what the borderline's experience is without judgement. I am also grateful for the commentary on self-efficacy.
I was misdiagnosed by so many therapists.. since im a psych student, i looked at my dsm4 and yup. I meet the requirements. I was so scared and couldn't afford therapy. Your manual helped me make sense of things but most importantly it led me to Molly's "Back from the Borderline" podcast. It helped me understand SO much. For anyone out there confused about BPD, take heart. You are okay. You've just been through a lot. If you work through your trauma you will be able to regulate your emotions better
Hi Dr Fox, this is EXACTLY what I needed 🥰 and I really can't wait to this new video. I really enjoy your videos and your great experience on this difficult subject, and particularly the empathy and non judgement you show about what is a real suffering for those with BPD who very often have been really ill treated as a child and therefore feel guilt and shame. You give us a real hope to overcome our disorder, heal and work to be a better person for ourselves and those around us. Unfortunately, here in France and other European countries, mental health problems are still stigmatized a lot, especially as the tendancy these days is youtube coaches making overgeneralizing videos, showing people with Personality disorders as really bad persons who should be avoided and left alone in their corner. I so much would like more experts like you in my country. 😔
Thank you for your kind words and I hope you enjoy the video. I wish you all the best.
@@DrDanielFox Many thanks to you ❤️
So true. Here in germany its the same. Many therapist didnt want to work with me as soon as they heard my diagnosis. The stigma is still very much there.
Even though it's commendable to seek therapy once diagnosed with a personality disorder - when you have been HORRIBLY ABUSED, it's been done by a very personality disordered person - things so horrific that no apology would ever mean anything - that bad. In these instances, it is extremely important that you are nowhere near such an evil person again - the most dangerous time is when you decide to leave.
Mollie I would love an episode on forgiveness. I need it desperately right now.
I actually have that one in the pipeline. Stay tuned. 💓
Hi Dr Fox, I’m a 23yo mother of 1 with BPD. I am currently going through a depressive spiral that’s spanned the last 5 days, i’m coming right though but still easily triggered and teary eyed/guilt feelings for behaviour. Thank you for these videos. I have been going to therapy for the past year at least, my depressive self is so strong. I am trying so hard to keep optimism, faith, hope, balance but that is not my first language so it’s hard to fight the pessimism and anxious rituals at the moment. Knowledge is so powerful. My life, though not at all in a healthy place right now, I know it’s capable for me because i’ve been there before. The progress i’ve made already reflects in my ability to maintain my spells to only a few days - they would last at most to weeks and the consequences now are less severe than they were in my teen years. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be drastically better within the next two years before brain growth (maturing) occurs and my daughter has reached the end of early development stages (age 5) so when I experience a lapse in judgement/behaviour I beat myself up for it mentally. A learned habit from childhood I’ll bet. Have you heard of Neuro-plasticity?
I hate having this…I hate putting my husband thru these things. And self aware sucks because I just sit there watching myself act like a crazy person 😭😭😭
Facts...
I also😢
I think people who are self-aware are insightful and bright. I can understand what you are saying though. It sounds like it's very frustrating that you're not able to "tap on the brakes", so to speak, and stop yourself when you'd like to stop.
Self-awareness is powerful...and so is self-compassion.
there is a path of progress we, as learning beings, move through. the step-wise progression begins with us awakening from a state of "unconscious incompetence" to become aware of our need for change - "consciously incompetent". this awareness drives our desire to learn, and as we practice new, more helpful strategies we are "consciously competent" until those new skills become automatic! and we enjoy a state of "unconscious competence"! at least until we become aware of yet ANOTHER area for us to grow, and are again, "consciously incompetent"!
I find this reassuring.
Develop some self-humor.
Hi Mollie, I would love a chance to come on and share my story. I went through a lot of trauma as a child and young adult. I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD and Anxiety.
Over the years I've managed to cope extremely well in overcoming BPD in that I've been coping for nearly ten years now with no relapse.
So I’m a therapist myself & I can never understand how clinicians can mix up bipolar d/o and BPD. To me the differences are SO obvious & it is very easy to determine if a patient has BPD or not.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Molly!!!!! I love her and Back From the Borderline so so much. Thanks for being awesome Dr. Fox.
💓💓💓💓💓
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
I was diagnosed less than a month ago and I broke down, specially because my husband had just asked for divorce.
I found Dr. Fox in TH-cam and his videos have been sooo helpful! I’ve became a big fan of his work, very knowledgeable and empathetic ! I am watching a LOT of the videos from Dr. Fox. I bought his 2 books and the card deck about BPD and also recommended to my Psychologist that loved!
Regarding Molly, I just met her in this video, and I will follow her now too. The min 39- 44 is a excellent advice from her I even wrote down for when I need it.
Great job you two! 👏
It’s so good to see Mollie! 💙
Thanks, Bryan. Sending so much love to you. 💓
Even though we are very lucky in Australia with NDIS, Medicare and community mental health BPD and some other mental disorders are still highly stigmatised. I was diagnosed with BPD 35 years ago and In my experience it’s only been in the last ten years or so that professionals are becoming more aware of successful treatment.
You work a lot.
Thank you for investing so much time in helping others.
You have helped me a lot.
❤🙏❤️
Thanks so much for everything you have done Dr. Fox. Learning my diagnosis has helped put me on the right path. Your videos and books have helped so much on this journey, thank you.
I’m so glad my material is helpful for you.
Your videos have really helped me better understand my BPD! Thank you 🙏🏽
You're so welcome!
I hope this is being recorded so I can watch later 🙏🏽 I'm in between patients right now. I have a close friend who I suspect has BPD but I want more understanding, how to cope and help/understand her better. I love this channel ❤️ 💕
Thats incredibly kind of you to be so considerate, i dont know if anyone in my life even googled what it was when i got diagnosed xx
Thank you Mollie and Dr Fox. I enjoyed this conversation very much. I find it very generous of the both of you to share your knowledge and experience. Dr Fox, please consider using a microphone to improve the sound quality. 🥴🙏🙏
I was using a microphone. I thought it sounded fine.
@@DrDanielFox Hi Dr Fox! Thank you for your reply! 😊 I always listen to your videos with headphones on, so I notice the difference in sound volume and quality. This is particulary noticeable when the TH-cam ads start. 🥴🥴🥴 It may have something to do with the space you are recording in and the mic not capturing the sound adequately. In any event, thank for the videos! 🙏🙏😊
I fell hard for Molley after the first DR Fox video.I was surprised how raw Molly's Instragam channel was. My never-was remains untreated and it breaks my heart.God Bless you Molly and Dr.Fox . Shine on
We wish you well, and please stay strong and continue your journey.
This was a fantastic interview-I’d love to see future conversations between the two of you
Thanks. Me too
Two of my favorite people! ^_^ Love this!!!!
Also, why are there so many uniformed and hateful people trolling the chat? That's truly unfortunate and disrespectful to these two people.
If you're referring to others as, "a BPD", that's like calling someone, "A black". Reducing people to a single component is never cool, or respectable.
We’re hateful because we’re hurt. Let us be in our healing journey and it is so codependent of you to defend the entire world for simply saying ‘a BPD’. It’s not your fight to bring justice to the world and then using our healing to justify your false virtue signalling. DO NOT EVER COMPARE RACISM TO SOMEONE ELSE’s IMPACT OF BPD ABUSE.
WAKE THE FUCK UP.
I think everyone in mental health care should watch Dr Fox. Possibly required viewing for students.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Wow
Resonance! Thanks y’all
I just got diagnoised 3 weeks ago with BPD, PTSD, depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. Now Im in the process of trying to find a therapist...
It's great that you're taking steps to find a therapist. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.
I appreciate the hope you give to people with BPD … the idea that effective treatment IS out there?!!
im gonna continue to watch but i had to stop to say how on point you are on the thought of when us who have BPD seem to not be doing the work and the voice in the head is on auto pilot .... me and my partner have actually found a new ability to do just as you said he let me know when he feels I'm making him fight the BPD instead of me also doing the work .... his analogy is "i feel like i paddling the cano forward and your letting the BPD paddle it back words.... please help me paddle the cano forward" ... and for a while it was triggering i would exploued .... but i have finally understand the reality of letting the voice in the head be on auto pilot and even though its hard i have o push and do the work and over time it dsent go away but I'm able to not let the norm be its on auto pilot don't have the control ..... i do and once i started doing the work letting my partner express when i might be letting the inner voice run the show lol lol the other one we use is nope try agen when i start a conversation with a self content statement or overly come to him cause i feel I'm hurting him by taking time to myself lol nope try agen lol so i remember to do the work lol its hard but we can learn ii need to get your book for sure
That is the beginning. Going forward is challenging, but rewarding when a step back shows the result. After taking the BPD blinders off.
This is why I like IFS. BPD is that protector part protecting those deep wounds and as you say “the family in the head” / inner critic. Its ego based
This is Great👍🏻 I just ordered your New Book.
Thank you.
This was amazing and right on time for me.
Glad you liked it.
Sometimes we are the villains of someone’s story, it is ok, but we must always be always the heroes of our own stories, when we do that, no one has power over us and we are truly free to be who we were meant to be, who we want to be.
I wanted to ask about trichatillomania. I suffered from this as a teen. I put it down at the tme to exam stress and anxiety. I ended up with quite the bald patch and had to comb over ( the shame :-( , not a great look on a teenage girl). I enventually got over it though a vestigal desire remains and I sometimes find myself mindlessly pulling at hair strands when stressed.
I associate this with an OCD type behaviour but would not identify with OCD in any other way.
Is there a BPD link?
I’m not sure of any clear link, but OCD and OCPD are sometimes comorbid with BPD.
Thank you for your work
You are very welcome
Yay Mollie's here
LOVE YOU KIM ❤
Dr fox. How do we with bpd and npd that yearn so much for love due to our past how do we know if what we feel is love or limerance? How do we get over someone we think we love but don't want to because it hurts too much? With all the obsessions and compulsions its so hard to navigate romantic relationships. Do you believe in twin flames? Why do so many with npd blv the person they want is their soul mate? Whats your opinion on jungs theory of synchronicity and tarot as a way to explore self? So many ive metwho are bpd or and npd are deep into astrology tarot and soul mates / twin flames. Ty dr!
How about swapping forgiving with releasing
I love that.
And when you're alone you just want to act on the suicidal thoughts. I have more reasons to leave than to stay. It's a lonely life not worth living having this hellish stuff.
You conquered 100% of your worst days so far. You are a warrior. The sun will rise again. I suffer as well, but I do not want to die, I want my pain to die, how can I kill the pain? Self- compassion it kills the pain slowly yet it does. Keep your head up. You got this only one moment at a time. Huggzzzzzz
You need to get distracted. Try something small that gives you happiness and make it grow. What do you like? Maybe sports? Practice a little and watch hiw you become better at it. Maybe plants? You could start something from seed, care for it ecvery day and harvest at the end of the year. What about music? Maybe a guitar from 2nd hand shop. Practice the basic and then try to play your favorite songs. Make recordings. Practice every day. No need for perfection. And after one year listen to your first recs again. And you will see how much you have grown. Same works for sketching and painting. Do you like animals? Cats, dogs? Maybe you could visit you local animal care center and walk some dogs. I have heard rats are very smart. Some ideas. If you have something to do you like, it distracts you from your worries a little and you will be proud becoming better, getting more knowledge and maybe sharing it to others. Best wishes. You are not alone. There are many people who go through the same crap as you.
I'm Leah too and borderline too our name means weary one lol
THANKS FOR THE VIDEOS
You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.
imagine having bpd and seeing a video called "it's you and me against bpd"
Excellent episode thank tou
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Mr. What is worse: No confidence, kindness and being bullied because of no boundaries or faking confidence being an asshole to express pseudo strength (meanness, passive aggression, etc everythig one actually hates but still expresses, what a nonsense 😂) in hope of living in peace, what do you think? Do you have to become a monster for not being bullied by monsters? Fighting fire with fire? Does this make sense? Actually the avoiding type, but still attract toxic and entitled to meanness people.
Thank you for your comment and I would encourage you to decrease your emphasis on external validation and focus more on what is important to you and increase your sense of intrinsic understanding and motivation. I think it is hard to find peace when it is so focused on external validation. I wish you all the best.
The cat and dog perhaps sensed the presence of a fox 🦊
Ok I will get my coat.....
HA! 😅❤️
So. I was diagnosed with BPD...but I don't identify with the symptoms....I work with Special needs kids, and I see myself in the Autistic kids. I've never received any mental health help as I was told that I was lucky....it's goes away as you get older. This was 12 years ago... nothing has improved, I am getting worse...
Dr Fox, what's your take on the undercontrol/overcontrol theory that she references? I've heard about this elsewhere and it resonates with me except for the part where it suggests overcontrol isn't BPD at all but a different diagnosis like AVPD. But none of those diagnoses fit me! Thanks in advance if you answer this and thanks for all your great content.
Thank you for asking, but I think the response would require more space than what is allotted here.
I’m in recovery from BPD
Me also
Welcome to the club🙂
Thanks!
You’re welcome
You're so welcome and thank you for your kind support of the channel. It means a lot when people help support the cause of putting out honest and research based information. Thank you and be well.
Should I do the manual for complex bpd first instead? I am currently suffering from psychosis and have bipolar disorder as well and pmdd. I started the workbook, but should I start the book to help with my psychosis first?
The Volume was really poor
So couldn't listen
Does that mean I "should" forgive my abusers?
I understand the logic that goes behind generational trauma and know logically how that impacted my abuser, however when is it appropriate to draw the line?
I am a victim of incest/SA and it runs on my fathers side. (Also happens culturally to many members of my ethnicity)
Even when I am of a sound mind, I do not wish to forgive them.
Is this unreasonable?
It's definately not unreasonable - do not feel bad at all. Sending much love to you.
I was not saying that at all. I was saying on your terms and in your time coming to terms with it, for you.
@@DrDanielFox That makes sense. I'm sorry if I offended you with my question, I just have a difficult time with being OK with what has happened to me.
Our mind can be a bad neighborhood..don't hang out to long..lol
Why are you warning people against those with BPD?? Your work, generally, is empathetic regarding those with BPD?
We’re not doing that at all. I’m very empathetic to those with BPD. Always have been.
@@DrDanielFox Dr. Fox, I am so so sorry. I saw the title of the talk, clearly in a BPD moment, and made an assumption, before even listening. Oh, I was tipsy, which is never good for me. Anyway, I apologize. You are kind and empathetic and a beautiful soul, and you are such a gift and help to people with BPD. I apologize for being a tipsy moron! Sincerely, Stefanie
I'm not recovering from childhood abuse. I'm recovering from last Friday's abuse.
I have been diagnosed with almost all the "disorders". I have severe problems with almost everyone and everything.
I am told how nice I am just before I never see them again, or when I see them they are running away, quickly.
The number of times someone will want to talk to me and then suddenly the watch is looked at run is happening AGAIN.
Both my children live far from me and have as little to do with me as possible. Etc. Etc.
I have every...
6 men I devorced...
Very sexy body with no brain to match.
I am a nice person until I am crossed, then ...
Better each day because I cannot accept this as the only option.
I now live with my best friend in highschool. Poor guy. My sister went to senior prom with him, oops. He is also her best friend by the way, and she has aspergers.
My family for generations is very difunctional. So much going on.
I have only one therapist who is awesome but she lives in a small town north of me. A phone call once a week is better than what I had before.
Thank you soooo much.
Every one avoids me!
I have been called" creepy ".
NO CALLS ME!
Not one person in many years has gone for coffee or stuff...
I wake up sobbing many mornings, or very angry with the world in general.
From happy with life then something happens that upsets me and I am gone...
Now I even hyperventilate!
Oh, I have chosen to live with a Black man even after finally learning about the stupid black white stuff.
I push the limits on everything.
I am from Portland Oregon and never saw any of the racist things around me. My mother kept us, somehow, away from all that.
I fired my psychiatrist because he wanted me to take medicine after telling me that medicine will not help me. And I seem to be allergic to all chemicals. Food labels take time to read but if I do not I become crazy in my head and hard things to not be very embarassed...
Do you get the picture?
I am 69 years old.
So much going on.
I was Very intelligent in the beginning of second grade in school. After the" injury" I had no clue about anything. I even argued with the teacher in third grade about how 2+3=5! Math had been my best subject before I was injured.
And I still have the pain from an injury 63 plus years ago. And no one believes me about any of it.
So I cry A LOT.
Small town in Alaska
I Have learned to Love my Mother Very Much.
Makes us Both smile☺
Oh, thank you very much for this video!!!!!!!!
Awesome, Thank You!!!
You've done well to make it this far Sue. You must be very resilient.
@@thatgnaralooguy runs in my family. Mom did her best to teach us. And I do not give up because I am stubborn.
And want to see what could possibly happen next☺
Hi Sue. Hace you sctually considered going in for an Asperger's diagnosis? ASD is very often misdiagnosed as BPD in women. You do mention some key issues that are worth exploring. I wish you all the best.
What's the podcast I'm watching it right now I suffer too and I need some real advice and it's not an easy thing so please let me know I'm watching it and I'm learning everyday about my disease and it's hard and I'm in a relationship and I need help
I watch your videos because I have no insurance and the low income mental health clinic I go to has nobody like you. Nobody with experience with personality disorders. I wish I had access to some real help. I'm so tired of BPD. I'm so tired of my spirals of self hatred . I'm so tired of my "episodes" as people like to call them. I'm so tired of seeing that exasperated look on people's faces when I'm looking for validation again. I'm so tired of needing people to love me so I can breathe. I wish people could actually see and feel everything the way I do for just one day. It feels so hopeless. Having the books and journals for these skills that can supposedly help me, but knowing I can't do it alone. I watch your videos and I cry because I can't afford to go see the doctors here that could help me. I might get insurance finally. I got a promotion at work. If I can get 1 more to assistant manager I can get real help. Will I be able to keep it together long enough? I made the mistake of looking at my body in the mirror and that was all it took. I hate logically knowing that I'm doing this to myself. The self hatred, the downward spiral, the explosion, the guilt, and then picking myself up and trying again. Anyway, I just needed to vent. I figured someone here would understand.
I’m so sorry for your experience. I’m hoping you get access to the right help and
Can person with bpd attach then individuate with partner? Is that what they are attempting to do when they recreate abandonment? Is there honestly hope if they have help to heal with DBT and family support?
Sound is low
The sound is unbalanced, he sounds very quiet and you sound very loud
Sorry to hear you had that experience
Sound is wayyy to low
Is bpd often times mis diagnosed from narcissistic abuse??
Do you think? But this would be a lot of narcisst in my life. I hope it is not true... But possible? Sometimes i wonder if i was a narcist, because i love to be alone. I hate being around people. Dont get me wrong i actually used to love being around people, but only a few selected i felt we got each other. I do not like being around people who seem and act but all fake and mean. I mean we all get mean and sometimes ir have people we dont like, it is normal. But some people make it a priority to put others down, they feel entitled to do so, because they feel intimidated or they associate you with someone or something they dont like at all. They think they know it all though they have never met you. And when you get angry or speak your mind it confirms their beliefs of you being an asshole.
It’s hard to say about the misdiagnosis from narcissistic abuse, but I think sometimes individuals to develop traits of BPD, but also other personality disorders, or other disorders, in that they are developing adapter strategies in order to survive an abusive environment
I have several co morbities mdd on and off since age 14 from 2014 depression more or less constant anxiety all my life I've for about 11 year 3 year after mum died and about 8 year when mum died attachment issues paronia on and off during my whole life 80/ chanc that if I had a formal assessment my art psychotherapist said I'd proberly be high functioning autism severe sucide ideation only still here in this world A I've run out of ideas I'm hopeless at it. B the detestation and heartbreaking would cause for iends then from early this year intermittent situation trigger psychosis episodes and worsening paronia and anger now I'm on 150mg. On another psychotic a day possible sensory processing issues as well so mine sounds like complex bpd I've also got asthma possible slightly deaf back in 1970s it would have been significant was born 5 week prem didn't cry when Bo n had to be given lot of oxygen which caused eye damage had 3 ops on my eyes between ages 4 and 7 years seemed fine with it was told by a therapist in 2015 as I needed surgery for very very seve endermetorisis that I'd got PTSD through losing my dad suddenly when I was nine to a massive cardaric arrest then being in hospital bullied all through school mum dying in 2014 she was aand still is my world I'm comfy now in great supported housing I'm I happy with my lot no I'd give world to lose this bpd if they said to me tomorrow you could have brain surgery but there's a 70/ chance you'd die I'd take risk I know I'd proberly have to go into care as my impulsivity control would be gone but I like cakes so I'd eat them every meal cos I wouldn't be able to make any impulsive decisions it eucks being like this and I hate it
Dont know how you deal with the madness 40 hours week
I love ❤️ what I do.
🌻
No insurance to see a Dr who doesn't want to treat someone with BPD. What's the point really.
I really don't think it helps about discussing what we feel when we treat others terribly cause they are just not interested. I have been estranged from two older sister and a younger brother for 12 yrs and before that for 6, I am 54. It's easier for them to be my victims than to understand what I am about.
I get you. I'm trying to accept that this isn't all my fault.
My sister has BPD, we have been estranged for 2 years. This is the second time this has happened. She is 56, I am 52. The reason we don’t speak is because she found a new boyfriend and I went from being the focus of all of her attention to being the person that had caused all of the problems in her life. She completely turned on me and did some things that could have really harmed me, my family and my career. I was extremely hurt to learn that the person I thought would always stand up for me, the person who had a shared childhood with me, my big sister could act so hatefully towards me. The first time was when she went back to her 3rd husband after a separation where she lived with me. She ran out of money and went back to him and basically blamed everything on me. She lied to him about so many things she did and couldn’t have me around because I knew the truth. I didn’t understand BPD, but over the past 2 years I have been trying to learn. I thought I’d give you the perspective of a sibling. I wish my sister would get help. I’m sorry for your situation. I hope you can somehow heal those relationships. ☺️🙏🏻
Thank you Dr. Daniel
You’re very welcome.
Stigma and freedom, growth. Healing work. Grief managment