Can't wait to read the book. Not currently having any issues but I am married and have been through all the rollercoasters but in a good way. And I totally have learned on my own all of these great recommendations, follow her advise ❤she definitely is on point. Can't wait to read and share this info with my other lady friends 😜 🤗 💕
I read the book. I found it made me feel like I was being gaslit. Like if I'm reading something because I have a problem, someone telling me, "everyone is normal," doesn't help me fix the problem. There are people walking around with a blood sugar of 300, that isn't normal. Some of us don't have parts that work or work as well. That isn't normal. Telling me to just love the sex even if I never orgasm is impossible. I want to fix the problem, not accept it. I'm so over everyone telling me, including my husband, the unhelpful advice that a therapist gave us, that sex shouldn't be about the orgasm. Well, if that were true, then he should just stop beforehand. But it kinda is....at least for him...every time. That is the goal. That is the point. But I have to be content without being satisfied as part of our intimacy. But 30 years later, and no solution.
hopefully it won't be taken in as gaslighting again, but based on your comment it seems like what the author was talking about does not actually refer to your case - she did mention plenty of times that there are exceptions where some women actually do have a medical issue / psychological trauma that needs addressing and in those cases you may not be considered 'normal'. I don't recall Emily ever saying in the book that lack or orgasm is normal, on the contrary, she talks a lot about how sex is supposed to be fun, pleasurable, and curious. I'm sorry you haven't found the solution yet but imo the book is not addressing the issue you have.
@dominislawa1 I definitely feel like the curiosity has died. 30 yrs and it still doesn't work. The fun and pleasure are directly linked to having working parts. I dont have any medical issue or psychological trauma. I have been to doctors and therapists and pelvic floor therapy and on and on. I just don't have a lot of sensation and a very small clitoris that is far from my vagina. People say that sex is about the journey and not the orgasm, but my body wants and craves the orgasm. It isn't fun to feel desperate and throbbing after the fact every single time. And there was this air of inclusiveness that you aren't broken if you don't orgasm or orgasm easily. That's what I'm referring to. If it doesn't work, it is in fact broken.
Emily, I am loving all your podcasts! I bought your book after having a 4 year spell of no sexual desire after getting married. I have bought your book and have given it to at least 3 people. I am so loving all of this. I want to know more about what you know! Thank you so much for your information. You have helped me so much.
Hi Dr Emily. I'm having a little trouble fully getting my head around the idea of responsive desire as there seems to be some amount of contradiction between the concept and other things I understood to be factual. If I understood correctly, most people who report having responsive desire are female and most female persons are believed to have this type of desire predominately. Yet other scientifically-backed studies suggest that women engage in sexual fantasy and masturbation to a generally similar degree to men - how do these things square with one another since it seems to me that these things would be much more likely to arise out of a more spontaneous type of desire? Is responsive desire something that is mostly genetically/biologically determined - or are significant numbers of people who identify as experiencing this desire type (again, largely women apparently) describing the way they think and feel about sex as a result of the strong social and cultural conditioning they received growing up? Certainly, women of my generation where I live (aged early 50's in Australia) were conditioned to the idea that in a heterosexual relationship, the woman's role is to be that of a passive receiver and that "nice girls" do not initiate sex - either the act itself or any particular part of the act. Instead they were supposed to lay back and "let sex happen to them". My wife (same age as myself) has alluded to this from time to time. She is quite an assertive person at work, in public, essentially every place except one - the bedroom. She's almost a different person there and can have some difficulty taking the lead, even when I let her know that I would like her to (we still do have a good sex life) Just curious. Thanks.
Hi I know I’m not Dr Emily but I read your comment and felt I had some insight into the last paragraph especially. Often women who take the lead in their work life, who work hard, need to be assertive and dominant etc, then need their sexual space to be where they can submit and surrender, not have to think, make decisions etc. It’s a balance thing.
@@kactapuzzle thanks kactapuzzle - that makes a lot of sense to me. She has always loved her job but it can get pretty demanding on her in exactly those areas at certain times (such as when certain deadlines have to be met) and sometimes she can come home completely drained and frazzled at the same time and I always try to give her space to unwind and relax. I can't speak for other men but as much as I do like taking the lead and "being in control" of what we're doing - I also like it when it's the other way around. As much as my generation were conditioned to the notion of the man being the active giver and the woman being the passive receiver in a heterosexual relationship, I still need to feel that she feels the same feelings of desire for me as I do for her, that I'm also wanted in that way and when she takes the lead (even if only briefly) it makes me feel that way.
Yeah I think she’s great but just call a woman a woman. It’s insulting to think women can be anything. Only women have ovaries, period. (Pardon the pun).
The idea on our society being obsessed with 'wanting' and not 'liking' is so on point for western society.
"When you put pleasure at the center of your sexual wellbeing,desire will follow everytime"
Can't wait to read the book. Not currently having any issues but I am married and have been through all the rollercoasters but in a good way. And I totally have learned on my own all of these great recommendations, follow her advise ❤she definitely is on point.
Can't wait to read and share this info with my other lady friends 😜 🤗 💕
I read the book. I found it made me feel like I was being gaslit. Like if I'm reading something because I have a problem, someone telling me, "everyone is normal," doesn't help me fix the problem. There are people walking around with a blood sugar of 300, that isn't normal. Some of us don't have parts that work or work as well. That isn't normal. Telling me to just love the sex even if I never orgasm is impossible. I want to fix the problem, not accept it. I'm so over everyone telling me, including my husband, the unhelpful advice that a therapist gave us, that sex shouldn't be about the orgasm. Well, if that were true, then he should just stop beforehand. But it kinda is....at least for him...every time. That is the goal. That is the point. But I have to be content without being satisfied as part of our intimacy. But 30 years later, and no solution.
hopefully it won't be taken in as gaslighting again, but based on your comment it seems like what the author was talking about does not actually refer to your case - she did mention plenty of times that there are exceptions where some women actually do have a medical issue / psychological trauma that needs addressing and in those cases you may not be considered 'normal'. I don't recall Emily ever saying in the book that lack or orgasm is normal, on the contrary, she talks a lot about how sex is supposed to be fun, pleasurable, and curious. I'm sorry you haven't found the solution yet but imo the book is not addressing the issue you have.
@dominislawa1 I definitely feel like the curiosity has died. 30 yrs and it still doesn't work. The fun and pleasure are directly linked to having working parts. I dont have any medical issue or psychological trauma. I have been to doctors and therapists and pelvic floor therapy and on and on. I just don't have a lot of sensation and a very small clitoris that is far from my vagina. People say that sex is about the journey and not the orgasm, but my body wants and craves the orgasm. It isn't fun to feel desperate and throbbing after the fact every single time. And there was this air of inclusiveness that you aren't broken if you don't orgasm or orgasm easily. That's what I'm referring to. If it doesn't work, it is in fact broken.
Emily, I am loving all your podcasts! I bought your book after having a 4 year spell of no sexual desire after getting married. I have bought your book and have given it to at least 3 people. I am so loving all of this. I want to know more about what you know! Thank you so much for your information. You have helped me so much.
The link to the quiz seems to be down, anyone knows if it's still online somewhere else?
I second this
Wow thank you for this! :)
Hi Dr Emily. I'm having a little trouble fully getting my head around the idea of responsive desire as there seems to be some amount of contradiction between the concept and other things I understood to be factual.
If I understood correctly, most people who report having responsive desire are female and most female persons are believed to have this type of desire predominately. Yet other scientifically-backed studies suggest that women engage in sexual fantasy and masturbation to a generally similar degree to men - how do these things square with one another since it seems to me that these things would be much more likely to arise out of a more spontaneous type of desire?
Is responsive desire something that is mostly genetically/biologically determined - or are significant numbers of people who identify as experiencing this desire type (again, largely women apparently) describing the way they think and feel about sex as a result of the strong social and cultural conditioning they received growing up? Certainly, women of my generation where I live (aged early 50's in Australia) were conditioned to the idea that in a heterosexual relationship, the woman's role is to be that of a passive receiver and that "nice girls" do not initiate sex - either the act itself or any particular part of the act. Instead they were supposed to lay back and "let sex happen to them".
My wife (same age as myself) has alluded to this from time to time. She is quite an assertive person at work, in public, essentially every place except one - the bedroom. She's almost a different person there and can have some difficulty taking the lead, even when I let her know that I would like her to (we still do have a good sex life)
Just curious. Thanks.
Hi I know I’m not Dr Emily but I read your comment and felt I had some insight into the last paragraph especially.
Often women who take the lead in their work life, who work hard, need to be assertive and dominant etc, then need their sexual space to be where they can submit and surrender, not have to think, make decisions etc.
It’s a balance thing.
@@kactapuzzle thanks kactapuzzle - that makes a lot of sense to me. She has always loved her job but it can get pretty demanding on her in exactly those areas at certain times (such as when certain deadlines have to be met) and sometimes she can come home completely drained and frazzled at the same time and I always try to give her space to unwind and relax.
I can't speak for other men but as much as I do like taking the lead and "being in control" of what we're doing - I also like it when it's the other way around. As much as my generation were conditioned to the notion of the man being the active giver and the woman being the passive receiver in a heterosexual relationship, I still need to feel that she feels the same feelings of desire for me as I do for her, that I'm also wanted in that way and when she takes the lead (even if only briefly) it makes me feel that way.
I quit when I heard “If someone in your relationship has ovaries”. I’m sure I can find good advice somewhere else.
Yeah I think she’s great but just call a woman a woman. It’s insulting to think women can be anything. Only women have ovaries, period. (Pardon the pun).
@@faedundiddley9962The 1950s just called, they miss you guys.
Yeah like- thanks for erasing half the population because you are too afraid to call us women, women.
Same Here
it's not that deep