I'm a 40 white cis hetero male, not exactly a face that needs representation. But your late diagnosis helps me and I hope it helps others. Thanks for sharing your experience. May this post satisfy the YT algorithm gods so that your video gets recommended more
I agree that this message isn't bad for men/cis men to hear more of as an Ageing (gay) Cis Male Millenial, myself who gained something from every minute/sentence of this astute Creator
I feel the mixed feelings on the “disability” label. So many disabilities are really just a matter of “society and the world society has built does not accommodate my differences.” I have multiple categories of disability, and my mental health is much more prohibitive to my independent function than my physical conditions. Take care. 💜
Oooof, I’ve been going through the same research/ “aha!” moment phase for the past year, and oh my goodness, you sharing your experiences is so helpful!! Thank you for sharing !
Thank you for putting yourself out here with this. It really does help to see and hear other autistic people. I'm not going for diagnosis although it's been suggested to me by a friend who got hers. Right now I'd find the process too stressful. I'm just working on accepting myself and what works for me. My son was diagnosed age 3 and yeah, I don't present like him. Everything you've said makes sense to me and I really enjoy your channel.
Thank you! Definitely take your time. In the end the best tool we have is our own self respect and self love. Hopefully the rest of society catches up but not sure about that one.
I am late here commenting, but I must tell how much courage you gave me. I an just out of the public healthcare tunnel of five months and a half, of being sent from a nurse to a GP who gets another opinion from a psychologist who says after reading the GP’s notes and not seeing me that no, I do not need any diagnosis because ”there is no severe impairment” so I am not on the spectrum and I am sent back to the nurse who offers me ”group therapy in the net” (with whom???) and chat bot (a robot to talk to), and I tell him no, no, this is not what I need but a diagnosis so that I know what has been the root of my problems for 60+. years, and he says, well in that case you are on your own because we diagnose only children, adults do not have autism…. It is absurd, and depressing. So I will try a private clinic.
Glad you're talking about the privilege aspect. I've always had health insurance, but whenever someone talks about "therapy" I wonder how cushy their life must be that they have a therapist. Even when I've asked for therapy from my insurance they don't make it easy. Mental health is still just for maybe 5% of the United States.
If you are poor and on disability you can get therapy. So not everyone is rich. Also some therapists have a sliding scale. But I do believe that it can be hard to get therapy.
I have been on the autism discovery path for about a month now, weird how I have been working with autistic kids for a few years, but it only clicked for me now, that I am working with a kid who isn't diagnosed yet (and POC) and only shows some of the "classic" autistic traits, but I'm pretty sure he is. The "classic" autistic traits are also all I learned about in my training as a carer and pedagogue for people with disabilites. My brother is ADHD and was assessed for Autism as a kid (about 15 years ago). My mother recently told me that the psychiatrist said according to the test the psychiatrist used, my brother was autistic, but the psychiatrist said she didn't think he was so she didn't diagnose him. My brother shows far more autistic traits and behaviours than I do. He doesn't mask as much as I think I do. He struggles with social rules more than I do. I seriously question that psychiatrist now. I suspect that she didn't diagnose him because he is too "high functioning". I also question the result of her testing me on ADHD. She said the result was inconclusive. I haven't done a lot of research into ADHD yet, so I haven't really drawn my own conclusions on that subject yet.
You made me cry in a good way. I’m a POC and coming from a hispanic family, mental illness of any kind is not taken seriously or even laughed at which has happened to me. I would go through meltdowns and my mom would straight up start laughing at me and saying “wow, she’s so crazy.” I have been not promoted (and eventually quit) despite my loyalty to a company for years because of how I “came off” to my boss despite getting the work done really well (btw the job was given to someone else who wasn’t there as long as me) I have been ostracized in an island for a research study abroad for my university because noone thought I was cool enough to hang out with so it was 3 months of loneliness in a beautiful island. I have had so much suffering in my life relating to me being autistic and adhd. I honestly cannot believe I have made it for this long. At one point I wanted to end it all but the PET team came to my school after I confessed I was doing self harm. Honestly, again, my mother said I was making things hard for her and that I shouldn’t have opened my mouth. I’m sorry I’m oversharing but it helps that I’m anonymous. I just wanted to say that your words validate all my experiences despite not being diagnosed yet. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I am at this point and I just want to befriend all of you neurodivergent people out there because the world can be so horrific and unkind.
diagnosed at 46 - thank you for sharing - I can relate to a lot of it. Yes, people don't understand our disabilities. The danish facebook groups for autistic people state the same; there is very limited help after getting diagnosed. Only if you truely can't cope, public healtcare kicks in. So stay in the game, and try to enjoy life - at the right stress level. Like I say; even many NT-copules pay for house-keeping, help for kids-homework, couples counseling etc.
Thank you … as you said it’s nice to know its not only me that feels this way … as I sat listening to you … it was like you were speaking the thoughts I have been having for the longest time. It gave me a moment to just exhale because I too have been around ableism and it does make you question yourself to whether it’s trauma or not … am I attracting attention to myself … do I have light sensitivity because I had trauma in my childhood … but the answer is no … I had all of this before trauma ever happened to me … I know I am autistic and ADHD … so as far as I’m concerned I’m just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
and...trauma and autism aren't mutually exclusive AND trauma can be worked through. I'm in a similar situation that I'm quite convinced that I'm autistic and have adhd, but I also have trauma from very early childhood on....but after very long time of treating the traumas and actually progressing on it, there were certain traits that just didn't change. It's possible to learn the differences, but also those are usually not as visible through the common diagnostic methods, because it involves alot more questioning about a persons internal being. Like sensory sensitivities as you mentioned, the only reason why it can be confused with hypervigilance from early trauma, is because a hypervigilant person might react to loud sounds with fear because maybe they have been yelled at or hearing horrible fights between caregivers, but those sensitivities usually focus around triggers. Meanwhile sensory sensitivity doesn't really care about the situation or what is causing the loud noises...cause all noise of certain loudness causes pain...and the fear of that pain is what people missinterpret as "same behaviour as trauma caused"
Thank you so much for this post. So much of what you have expressed here truly resonates with me. I am attempting to get diagnosed for autism and am finding many roadblocks, questionable attitudes, tons of ignorance, and quite a bit of dismissiveness. Hearing you has helped me feel validated…less lonely as I struggle with what I believe to be my neurodivergent odyssey. Sending a big hug for your kindness and help.
I was rejected diagnosis and Invalidated by my last psychiatrist because she also had an autistic son and seemed peeved by me asking to screen me for it by asking me questions that I knew were just the criteria from the DSM-5. I should never have paid her for acting how she did, because I don't seem to present like her son, like she's biased on what autism is. Yes she does have to work with her son who will need help his whole life and because I haven't needed the same kind of help because I don't require it doesn't mean she needed to invalidate my issues that I have researched and very much so relate to others with this diagnosis.
Here's what I am learning from you -- 29:10 - 29:28 -- autistic people are traumatized by their family's expectations, expecting them to do things that they can't always do. -- I'm going to take this to heart
It goes beyond that too. Autistic people are people. How are we ALL being harmed by systemic expectations that push us into trauma and dysregulation? Look at poverty, racism, sexism… ableism is a component of all of these, too.
I went for my first step, first session with therapist this week. I have been thinking ADHD, I have all the markers I think. Honestly, all I was looking for was a yes and get me on Ritalin or something and help me keep my head clear and help me start and finish stuff. Solve my anxiety of just doing stuff that normal people do. At the end of the first session, my therapist was leaning towards autism. So it came out of nowhere yet makes sense. I'm 56. My journey has started. I will know more as we progress. Thank you for sharing. I have kinda been successful at masking my whole life. Perhaps even masking to myself.
Thank you. I really related to that. Almost made me cry. Yes. It seems that No one cares. No one cuts you any slack. No one REALLY believes you. You are still expected to function "properly", and get accused of using it as an excuse or crutch. It's like 24/7 gaslighting. Yesss the ONLY benefit that i have found so far.... is that i am no longer my own worst enemy. So i am not fighting and berating myself. And feeling so deeply ashamed. But that's basically where it ends. Doesn't seem to change how anyone else treats me. Though my mom is trying. Im self diagnosed... but have just started the formal diagnosis process. I wasn't going to. But every day i have to reconvince myself that i am autistic...as if my every moment alive doesn't convince me enough... and i guess i just hope it will stop my self gaslighting... which does still happen. But im really scared of being formally invalidated too. And if they say I'm not autistic, i will know they are wrong. So what's the point, i know. But i also think it will be fun because i love writing eteral lists and love answering questions about myself and can do it all day long. So the process has begun. But im glad i found you because you have validated everything i have felt so far, including about the diagnosis. Feel better. Find some joy in your days. Use your special skills a lot.
I relate so hard to describing how to prepare for the diagnosis appointment. Going in without knowing the questions and really examining how I experience what the NTs are asking by that question, there's no way I'd have got my diagnosis. "Can you do eye contact?" I mean... I can fake it. I look at the bridge of peoples nose. And "Do you have trouble making friends?" All my friends are neurodivergent. It was a deliberate choice on my part Also, small vent on how many questions are like "how do you relate to other people?" and what it actually means is how do you relate to NTs? because I relate just fine to people who understand my neurology and don't make unrealistic demands of my communication, thanks. I've had so much stress and anxiety and health issues caused by just advocating for myself and my husband and children when it comes to our needs and that just gives me a massive pit in my stomach for those who have multiple intersections which lead to the actual dangers that people can face in disclosing, or having a diagnonsis on their record, or asking for the help that they need. We really need to just start society over
All of this!! I answered the questions but I knew they were for how we relate to NTs too. I knew it. I’m still trying to find my group of ND and Autistic friends. :)
@@divergent.threadshaving gone through it, for someone that is adhd and almost 99%positive about autism….so you think it’s worth it as a late diagnosis? It almost feels like a waste of money even though it confirms so much. Not to mention it is y covered so I’d be paying a lot of cash for it. For me I’ve reached a burnout point having never been medicated for adhd so the work I used to do, it’s almost impossible now but I need and want to work…but I can’t keep working longterm in environments that are a sensory nightmare…!!
That was so beautifully said. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm new to my son's autism diagnosis (which came around the same time you were getting your diagnosis) so I've very much appreciated you sharing your learnings publicly. All your posts about diversity and inclusion in the costuming world are inspiring and I encourage people to follow you all the time. Thank you!
Oh, and thank you for your recent posts about masking. It has helped me to be more conscious and observant so I can try to create space for people to be themselves. I'm not always good at it right away, but I'm trying to always be better and make corrections when I'm not.
I am 49 and latina. I contemplated if I should get the diagnosis knowing a diagnosis doesn't offer me anything. The only thing it offers is peace of mind because I have imposter syndrome if I don't get the diagnosis. It does anger me that family had always told me I was odd or quirky but once I said I may be autistic I was met with "No, you don't." So it's okay to throw labels at me but I can't get an official label that explains me? you know? Knowing I am autistic explains why my kids also have it. When before family was like "Why did this happen? Is god punishing you?" This would all piss me off to no end.
Thank you for sharing, this was not easy. Your experience of Autism and ADHD is your own, although it can help others. I hope a person may feel braver to share their experience. Many might find a diagnosis like this could cost someone their employment. The company will find another reason to let someone go who has a marked disability, my sister runs into this with her bipolar. It shouldn't be that way but the ableist corporate world is not accommodating no matter how they package it.
There is one thing people need to learn, jumping out of a plane without a parachute and jumping off the effiel tower without a parachute, is not going to hurt any less because the distance is different. That I fall from less height than someone else doesn't change that I can't handle hitting the ground, so you need to focus on the DAMAGE resulting, not how far you fall.
This has been eye-opening in many ways. I have always questioned if I experience autism myself, but society has noted I'm "high-functioning" (I dislike this term, but I have no alternative) in many regards, so I've dismissed it. Some of the things you've listed in the video, particularly needing every instruction written down explicitly for work purposes, resonated with me, in that I cannot do any work, professionally or at home, unless explicitly enumerated in some sort of list I may access. One other thing you noted was lights and photo-sensitivity, which I suffer from. Another recent event that made me question this was in my creative endeavors. I work in video games, mostly as a programmer, but in one instance I wrote a character that, from afar, was a pretty angry fellow, though justifiably so. I wrote from my own person experiences when writing that character to try to add to the realism. After release, multiple people with autism have looked at the character and through my writing saw them as autistic-coded and relatable. This definitely surprised me given the frequency of that type of analysis, and has made me wonder more on what's going on with me. This definitely is something that's gotten me thinking about myself in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I’m glad it resonated with you. There are so many great people to follow on TikTok and Instagram to explain so much, too. Often Autistic coded characters are waaaay better than the intentionally autistic ones lol.
I'm so happy I've have found your channel. Besides I love the results of your craft you share (I'm obsessed with everything Italian renaissance), I can relate pretty much with you in the topic of this video. A few months ago I started my own research on neurodivergency after realising that many difficult and even painful aspects of my life have roots in some potentially ADS and ADHD traits I've noticed I've been carrying my whole lifetime. Now I'm looking forward to get professional mental health atention (in my country I can access to it via public health system, though it takes literal ages of waiting... my first appointment is scheduled for august). However, most of my family and friends don't understand why I want to get a diagnosis and come up with phrases like "if you have never been autistic, why would you become autistic all of a sudden?" or "what would a diagnosis change?" 🤦 Anyway, congratulations for your work in costume and thanks for sharing!!! ♥️
Thanks for sharing. I "passed" the first evaluation and they think I have autism/ADHD. Waiting for further diagnosis. Never thought about ADHD, but it starting to make sense. How did it go with your diagnosis?
Even though I'm not autistic myself (I think), I can relate with so much of what you say. I have ME/cfs, a complex neuro-immune disease, which is very misunderstood and stigmatised. As a result there's no help, no diagnosis, even though millions of people suffer from it. Many are self-diagnosed. And that's fine. Because it gives you validation and a way to find peer support. Social media is a godsend, especially since many of us are not able to socialise in person, due to energy constraints and hypersensitivities. In that way I can relate too, because sound, hubbub, smells, etc can be overstimulating and very disabling for someone with ME/cfs (possibly due brain inflammation). I can't even have a cat around, because it's too much. I'm not the person I used to be, I can't imagine how it must have been for someone who grew up autistic. XOXO
I'm a black male so I'm not confident in this. I feel as if I should go for a diagnosis so I can have some clarity on my issues that I've always had. I'm 25 and I've self harmed in the past and have dealt with addiction and social issues. The closest I've gotten is taking anti depressants, which make things worse. I believe I'm high masking because of the environment I grew up in and navigated, especially in the black community. You have to behave certain ways. it's frustrating.
I don’t have any words or thoughts to add, especially because it’s not my place. All I can do right now is offer virtual hugs of support to you and anyone else who needs it. Thank you for sharing your story.
The speech pattern, tone, flow, and areas of focus/importance are eerily familiar to me-something I only experience with other AuDHD folk. I appreciate how much I relate to the experiences, depth, nuances, and realities shared here. In particular, I enjoyed and related to the incredibly astute list of easily missed groups in the male (I'd add Hetero) Autism/ADHD diagnostics/assessments for non-traditional groups. Personally, I grew up surrounded by women as the solo male in a single mother, all-sister household. These factors, likely among others, contributed to my being missed until age 38 as a rule-following, highly sensitive, anxious, low-income, white, gay cis man. There is incredible value in this video's ability to demonstrate the nuances of navigating the varied maze of impossible (for most) costs, time, and (potential) benefits gained personally and generally from an accurate diagnosis. This is especially true for those of us with imposter syndrome, or those living within one or more marginalized, disadvantaged, or invisible/visible disability groups. There seems to be a larger-than-estimated hidden hive of hyper-passionate, often hyper-focused AuDHDers who have complex ADHD, which includes a variety of other potential neurobiological disorders (like the ASD/AuDHD combo). Complex ADHD/AuDHD makes our lives more challenging, while also causing us to be identified by allistic people’s pre-installed NeuroDar, which immediately tags and labels us as "others to avoid at all cost" (forever henceforth dubbed "OTAAC" [oh-tack]). This not only explains why our lives are such a struggle in a world not built for us, but also why so many articles for allistic people-on how to manage, mitigate, handle, or fix us-drown out the useful ones. We are living in an extremely unique time for our community. Imagine how many generations of AuDHD ancestors before us didn’t have access to anything close to what we now have-such as finding others who aren’t physically connected to us, who share similar stories and make us feel less alone-IF the algorithm finds us, or if we’re as diligent in our research and determination as this Creator is. What gives me the most hope for the neurodivergent community is the expanding abilities of new technologies, data science, machine learning techniques, and especially AI tools that uniquely advantage those of us who have been traditionally disadvantaged. The breadth, depth, and height of the scaffolding potentials from new technologies and AI tools lay a foundation-those scattered components from which a new, alternative, boosted social network and resource-connecting system can create alternatives to traditional allistic systems, which were never (and likely will never be) fully built for us. To further two ideas from this Creator’s videos that have stuck with me: having neurodivergent ASD/ADHD/AuDHD representation in every business or group, and recognizing the unique strategies and skill sets that many of us have developed over a lifetime of masking and continuously adapting, despite never fully fitting in. These could be a shared community resource. I imagine a robust, always-available community of passionate ASD/AuDHDers. It's possible, and something I’m actively working toward building. Watching and experiencing real, unfiltered AuDHD-by-AuDHD content like this-with topics and in-depth discussions that are either wholly lacking or not easily findable-confirms the shared challenges and needs within our community. It also gives me immense hope that we live in a time when connecting and uplifting as a community is possible, potentially in new, nuanced, and neurodivergent-from-the-ground-up ways. There are so many more topics I could highlight from this, and from the video on the experience of ASD and ADHD (a must-watch!), but these are the ones that hit deep, striking a common chord within community experiences. For too long, our voices, ideas, passions, and songs have been muted, silenced, or ignored. I commend this Creator for the experiences, community-oriented moral compass, values, and truths she expresses and represents... Thank you...
It's helped me to get a diagnosis with bureaucratic matters. Also looking up the coping mechanisms other autistics use like special glasses for fluorescent lights and acoustic ear plugs and such.
I have a pair of sunglasses that I wear EVERYWHERE. I only recently connected the dots. My headphones are also a must. The things I was doing were coping mechanisms all along. The revelations just keep coming.
I was diagnosed autistic (without ADHD, I know we’re so rare right? 😂) 10 months ago at the age of 26. I’m so glad I found your channel. Autism has been my new special interest for a year now and I still get excited whenever I discover a new autistic content creator! Gotta go, need to go back to binge-watching your videos now 😂❤
Thanks for this! I'd say I'm semi-diagnosed. I've had health professionals say they are pretty sure I'm autistic over the years but it's a 6 year wait for an assessment in my part of the UK right now (postcode lottery).
The last year and a half has been super eye opening for me, the pandemic in concert with other life events has completely shaken up my world and really shined a light on my neurodivergence. I lost ALL of my structure and just... Fell apart. I'm not sure how I feel about seeking a diagnosis for myself because I live in the middle of nowhere and there is no support system, however I think I need to pursue one for my son because I want him to have that knowledge to seek out community, if not medical treatment, to ease his potential issues later in life.. I definitely feel like "I'm 'high functioning' and I've made it this far what good would it do me"?
Hi! I just found you here on YT and I'm so happy because I'm in the process of understanding and learning about autism and adhd and I just started my own channel. I'm self diagnosed and I'm seeking an official diagnosis in Sweden. I love listening to you because you are so calm and I prefer when people talk slower (it helps me process information). I will watch your other videos! Thank you for talking about your experiences!
I actually have a woman autistic therapist! She’s the first one in my adult life to suggest I may have autism. I am Asian American and I also deal with lots of anxiety from having grown up in a toxic environment where I learned hyper vigilance and accommodating others before myself out of self preservation.
This video hit so close to home. I’m currently self-diagnosed (my son IS diagnosed, and arguing with his doctors about it, because he’s just like me and I’m “bipolar”, led to my research, and I realized I was the one misdiagnosed) and I’m in complete burnout. My family has disowned me, I have no friends, no support system. Ended up abused and jobless during peak pandemic, leading to homelessness. I lost literally everything I’ve ever owned, and haven’t had income for 2 years. I’ve reached out to 20+ organizations/“resources” without any replies. I’ve been trying so hard just to barely survive. I also fit all the criteria for CPTSD and I’ve become fully agoraphobic. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get a diagnosis without income or insurance. Like I said, I’ve burnt out to the point I don’t eat anymore, don’t even drink water, I can’t get up anymore. I just try to sleep. Or hysterically cry, and occasionally throw things. 😿
Thank you for this ❤ I have long had a suspicion that I'm probably somewhere on the spectrum. And I also think that there are so many more people on the spectrum than we know of (because of the issues you mention, the restrictive diagnostic criteria plus non-availabilty of quality care to many humans), and maybe not calling it a disability does NOT mean to devalue the differing experience, but rather the need to see neurodiversity as one of many beautiful variations of the human state and become more open to and accommodating of divergent people.
I think that’s a great aim, but also autistic people do actually struggle. And actually need supports that we aren’t actually getting. We wouldn’t need labels if people actually just assessed our individual needs and met them. This isn’t just a label. It’s a placeholder. And it’s only “safe” for some people to claim it. It’s so complex. For some the disability label is the only thing that actually gets them help.
Recently discovered your channel and I just want to say THANKYOU for sharing your experience! It helps people feel less alone in theirs. I'm 48 and still deciding whether to pursue formal diagnosis (from what I understand of myself after 1-2 years of self-diagnostic research, I'm highly likely ADHD, also possibly Autistic). It DOES feel empowering to understand more about how my brain works, why I have always felt different to my peers, why I can relate to so many neurodivergent people, and to be doing more of the things I need without feeling like I have to justify them.
Beautifully expressed. Recently diagnosed 68 yo here. I have learnt so much more about how I am not the only person in the world that thinks like me. Loved the binder story. A private diagnosis for $2000 was the only way I was able to access a diagnosis. Waiting for over 2 years in the "system". I agree that others maybe need a diagnosis before me as I am retired now so the day to day work struggles aren't an issue any more. Still glad I found out though, more things make sense now.
I am trying to figure out if it is worth being diagnosed or not. I am diagnosed with adhd, but I am really suspecting the autism as well. Part of me wants to get diagnosed because I struggle with imposter syndrome as well. I also think that it could be potentially beneficial for me in therapy to learn how to function. At the same time I am afraid that they will think I am a hypochondriac and self diagnosing with Dr. google, even if I have done a lot of research and it fits. It is such a shame that it is such a hard choice.
You know, it is very sad that our families are the ones that victimized us first. I have cried so many times for baby me and how cruel my own mother and sister were to me. And I still try to please them... What am I even doing?
I was finally diagnosed with ASD at age 45 less than a week ago, and a lot has been going through my head about autism and my life, and on and on... I saw your video thumbnail: "Does it even matter?" and I laughed really hard. Not at you, but at the concept, and the paradoxical twist that it doesn't actually matter after all that time and effort and ruminating and waiting (wondering if they forgot about me) and trying to explain to my Mom. I guess not! Lol. I suppose it's assurance you're not "crazy", that there is no reason to feel insecurity or shame about exploring your special interests (even if most people think it's weird), that you're not alone, knowing you can be strategic about masking (for example, during job interviews only) and that any contributions you give to the world will be of significant value. It is great yet painful to know the truth about one's own life, rather than the hamfisted status quo version. The diagnosis and that whole process was simply where the late diagnosed person was at at the time, and maybe a rite of passage of sorts.
I really felt this video because I'm in the same place.I got my official autism diagnosis last week, and I feel validated and relieved ... and I'm forgiving myself for all the autistic traits I shamed myself for and masked so much even I didn't realize I was masking. I 100% agree that if people came to the conclusion they're autistic by research and talking to autistic people, they deserve to be listened to. I was self-diagnosed before I got my official Stamp of Neurodivergence. 😂
@@tracirex sadly, I agree with you. We seem to have a very rich understanding and observation of how things work for us a lot of other people don’t necessarily have or do.
Hi there, I know this video is 3 years old, but I'm deep in research at the moment. It's always so scary to hear other people talk about their experiences and always have that feeling: Hey, they're talking about me. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I was hoping that everything would finally be OK, only to find out that it wasn't. I saw a video with symptoms of ADHD and autism and thought, eh, no, it can't be. 3 months later I am still researching and can now talk shop with my psychologist about various mental illnesses and why autism and ADHD were not taught in her training. i am by no means an expert and would never presume to be, but I know what I have learned. Fortunately, having been diagnosed with ADHD, I already know that being diagnosed with autism does not mean that people around me will suddenly treat me differently. But I hope I can advocate better for myself and for my two children, who are obviously neurodiverse to me. To everyone else they are just very active, very sensitive, the typical blah blah blah. But I can see them suffering and going through the same things I did as a child and I want to change that. I know how scary it is to open up on here, but I am so grateful for every person who does, otherwise I would never have found out I was an audhd´er. I would still be labelled with depression, social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and so on. Thank you so much! I still don´t have any friends but seeing people going through exactly the same thing is so incredibly liberating. i'm not alone in this.
I know this is an old video, but I wanted to say, Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙏🏻 I am neurodivergent, and never considered until last summer that I may have autism as well as my ADHD. I thought I knew everything about that. But there is so much new information out there (for someone like me who has no idea what autism even is, or it might apply to me), that I am still confused and overwhelmed. I relate to you very much. Just knowing I am not alone, not a baby, not crazy, not stupid, not oversensitive, not looking for attention, or imagining things .. yeah it's a lot. And also it's taken this whole last year for me to even be open about the possibility for some reason. I'm still confused and overwhelmed if it's just ADHD or both. Because the symptoms or needs I have could be from either. And my counselor has ADHD as well, thank goodness! I don't know whether to be relieved that this possibility finally makes things make sense, or resist it because it's taken my whole adult life to come to terms with and develop tools for my ADHD. This feels like a whole other thing put on top of it I have to figure out. 😢 It's so exhausting. So in the meantime, I am learning strategies that help people who also have autism. The PDA - vs - people pleasing tug of war in me makes me not want to make plans... Trying to set boundaries etc. But being alone is not helpful either. Do you have any regrets starting a platform here? I have been thinking about sharing my experiences here sometimes in the future, but I'm terrified. Lol. At the very least, it could be fun to share my art and hobbies! Hehe. 😂❤😂 Tired of feeling like an alien. This job I am at now is the first that I have disclosed my ADHD and asked for accomodations, but my boss tells me basically if I don't want to be in trouble for these symptoms making me late for work or interfering with my functioning at work, I have to contact HR and prove to them with documentation. Sigh... I'm tired of this. You can explain, and give actual neuroscience facts, and it doesn't matter. There has to be a better way. And to be stuck working waaayyy below what you are capable is so depressing. Sometimes I wonder why God, or nature, or whatever you believe gave us so many talents, and capacity for information and incredible things, yet struggle to hold a job. So it feels like what can you even do with it? I'm sad, my counselor didn't have any information or resources for me to find a person who does assessments for that. I have MassHealth and so it probably won't cover. We can do it together I think. Somehow. I know I don't want to give up! There has to be a reason we are here and have so much to share with the world. Thank you for sharing your experience here. I find it very validating, even though I am not sure what to think about my situation, or have any accurate way to see if this might apply to me as well. And I also wondered if it matters. But I would really like to know. Thank you! 💕👩🏻🎤💃🏻🤗🥰 I would be your friend! Too bad the neurodivergent people I know are on here. I just want to crochet blankets for all of you! :D ❤️
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve had some really insulting comments and some very supportive ones. I originally was terrified of making these videos about something so personal, but it does seem to be something some AuDHD people resonate with. Not everyone, and that’s ok. Several years later… knowing these diagnoses not only helped me develop and love my authentic self, but also release all the toxic shame that was weighing me down and find other ways to navigate the world. It isn’t perfect, you can’t really do a lot about the external world but the internal shift has been priceless.
Wowww. That is encouraging to me. Are you referring to getting the diagnosis itself to confirm for you yes it is true you have this? Or having a platform here to share and a community? Or all 3?
@@ladyphoenix_111 I don’t have a community. Many Autistics don’t. I have my kids and my husband. I did get my diagnosis, but we’ve been validating my son’s adhd before we got his diagnosis. It’s so much money, and I believe you don’t need a diagnosis to identify and do what you can for yourself if it applies to you it applies to you. Many other people seem to have found community on TH-cam. I do feel heartened but the comments I get on here, it does help me to know that what I’m saying does help people, even if it’s evolving and I’m still learning too. I have been wondering if what I make even matters.
@@divergent.threadsWell, if it helps for you to know, it absolutely matters to me! I get a little overwhelmed, but I subscribed and I am going to come back and watch more of your content in other videos, later on. It takes a little while for me to process and let the information sink in a bit. But I am finding it invaluable. 💕💕💕👍🏻 Sometimes it's the little things too that help. One of your videos you mentioned your creativity, and then other times it's the mess, I can't express what you were saying exactly. But it was a little slice of info that was a little like a mirror. I can be very productive, especially in the winter when I am crocheting up a storm making things for everyone. But there are messes around me I never completely get under control. (And the yarn has been taking over, even though I got a really cool rack with wheels for it! Lol) It's the daily struggle right? And some days and or weeks I crash and give into the inertia of it all and low energy. Baby steps. My counselor gave me a chart to show the highs and valleys of progress for ADHD. Novelty will fuel enough dopamine when trying a new system, or plan to try to overcome or organize, (whatever the goal is). Then a little time passes and it's not so new, dopamine waning, and it's not as easy, or motivating..then we let it go and get discouraged. Perceiving it as letting ourselves down. But it's part of it. And trying to always change, maintain, or try to be better about functioning, and cleaning up space can be exhausting. But the creativity is more fun, so focus will be back on that. I am going off topic/ on tangent, stopping self sorry! Lol. I had a friend who did period clothing a little similar to you when I lived in NH. I really miss being around other creative people. :) I was going to construct some really beautiful fairy wings for her, and I designed a circlet (more fantasy than historic in this occasion), in exchange for her sewing a dress for me. When I find those photos, maybe I can find a way to put them up here somehow. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I never expect a response. And I am grateful you took the time to help.me and give me some feedback. Your gifts and love for what you do and your family is like your "magic". I don't know how to articulate it. But it's special, it's unique to you, and you didn't have to share anything with us. If other people don't appreciate it. I do and I am sure others do too who struggle, even if you don't receive feedback right away. Thanks for sharing personal aspects with us. It is a gift. 💕💕💕 Ps- here it is me, my fiance and Mom. I have 2 friends but I keep them at arms length to protect my energy and boundaries. Most everyone around me is neurotypical. I relate.
Getting a diagnosis later in life isn't ideal in the sense that you don't know what's going on when you're younger and so it can be more stressful, but it doesn't diminish the value of getting a diagnosis if you're someone who thinks it will help them in some way. Having that way to orient yourself rather than stumbling around can definitely be helpful. But as time goes on it only gains more visibility as an issue so I'm hopeful that avenues open to make things more accessible in general for diagnosis and then dealing with it as an issue in larger society.
It’s actually a teal wallpaper I got off Amazon but sadly very sticky so it took off the paint underneath. I always suggest Clare as a sensory friendly brand of paint. The paint is a good thickness, doesn’t smell, and they come in some wonderful shades. Plus the selection is not too much.
There is an old saying, "Write the book you want to read." I've been tested and am in that weird place, waiting for my diagnostic appointment. It is a lot like the last month of pregnancy seems like it's a year long. If I am autistic I will be really late diagnosis. I wonder if that is why the doctor took my case.
This is not a comment aimed at you, so I hope it's possible for me to bring it in a fitting way. This is a thought that has been bouncing around my head for a long time and comes from personal experiences and observations. I think it might be problematic that we, an ever-growing community of adult autistic folks, keep using the concept of "white boys". It has been necessary but I think we have to be more nuanced than that. Meaning "white boys showing a specific set of traits". I have several male friends who are deeply struggling in life, was assessed some in childhood, some in adulthood, who was deemed allistic because they fit these criterias just as much as you and I do. But oh boy do they fit what is now being described as the female presenting autism. They don't stand a chance of getting the much needed help if we don't add the nuance into our vocabulary. And they are being crushed but society in general, like we are, and by insane expectations to them on their masculinity (mind you, my aim is not to say they are not masculine but that they are harmed even further by framing their traits as feminine). Please be kind, this is the first time I attempt putting written words to these thought.
I agree with you and yo samdy Sam did a great video where she challenged that label. We need to stop attributing Autism to any gender. So many of us exist out of the binary anyways.
Thank you for your honest video. I got my autism diagnosis at the age of 47, I am 48 now. I can relate to the feelings of loneliness. I feel lonely too quite often. What headphones are you using? They look pretty.
@@divergent.threads Thank you for your answer. Oh, I am sorry they don’t work well. I am still trying to figure out what type of headphones or earplugs could be right for me. That’s why I asked. 💛
@@HerGracefulAcres these are the infurture rose gold nc headphones. But after testing several, my kids really like the jlab brand. And I agree, I tried them, they don’t hurt the ears as much.
No time to watch now, but commenting for the sake of the algorithm. You've said things in previous videos that have really struck a chord. I look forward to watching this when I have time to do so properly.
It's also so sad that many Autism traits are just "beaten" out of girls with traditional harsh parenting, and so many woman can pass for neurotypical whilst being fatigued all the time and disassociated with themselves. Boys often get a pass for "wild" stimming behaviour, because of the "boys-will-be-boys" rhetoric, and thus show Autism signs early on. But if I misbehaved, oooh my, it was sitting in the hallway for hours in the "naughty-spot" or things like "no diner for bed", or housarrest for weeks for minor faults etc... :S I quickly learned to be a robot basically, smiling at everything, doing as I was told, be invisible etc. Only discovered I was AuDHD at 31 after a huge burnout when I accidentally stumbled upon a video of Autism in Woman, and it was just as if I was watching a video about me.... :O Now I'm in trauma therapy :P
Well, damn your video really hits close to home for me!! But I don’t have any diagnosis well for one a year ago I would’ve never even thought that I was until my daughter came up to me and told me that she thinks she has it and that’s when I started looking into it. I don’t have the money to go and try to get any kind of diagnosis I mean I do have insurance where I work and I’m going to see if I can at least try to get a diagnosis for my daughter. And if later on, I can go and get a diagnosis, I will try to do that but until then I will just keep looking into it more and more.
I'm a 40 white cis hetero male, not exactly a face that needs representation. But your late diagnosis helps me and I hope it helps others. Thanks for sharing your experience. May this post satisfy the YT algorithm gods so that your video gets recommended more
I agree that this message isn't bad for men/cis men to hear more of as an Ageing (gay) Cis Male Millenial, myself who gained something from every minute/sentence of this astute Creator
You can say 'us' and 'we'. You are part of the #actuallyautistic community. You don't need to feel like an imposter 🙂
❤️❤️❤️
You may get more support from autistic people on TH-cam videos than from the mental health system.
I feel the mixed feelings on the “disability” label. So many disabilities are really just a matter of “society and the world society has built does not accommodate my differences.” I have multiple categories of disability, and my mental health is much more prohibitive to my independent function than my physical conditions. Take care. 💜
Oooof, I’ve been going through the same research/ “aha!” moment phase for the past year, and oh my goodness, you sharing your experiences is so helpful!! Thank you for sharing !
Thank you for putting yourself out here with this. It really does help to see and hear other autistic people. I'm not going for diagnosis although it's been suggested to me by a friend who got hers. Right now I'd find the process too stressful. I'm just working on accepting myself and what works for me. My son was diagnosed age 3 and yeah, I don't present like him. Everything you've said makes sense to me and I really enjoy your channel.
Thank you! Definitely take your time. In the end the best tool we have is our own self respect and self love. Hopefully the rest of society catches up but not sure about that one.
I am late here commenting, but I must tell how much courage you gave me. I an just out of the public healthcare tunnel of five months and a half, of being sent from a nurse to a GP who gets another opinion from a psychologist who says after reading the GP’s notes and not seeing me that no, I do not need any diagnosis because ”there is no severe impairment” so I am not on the spectrum and I am sent back to the nurse who offers me ”group therapy in the net” (with whom???) and chat bot (a robot to talk to), and I tell him no, no, this is not what I need but a diagnosis so that I know what has been the root of my problems for 60+. years, and he says, well in that case you are on your own because we diagnose only children, adults do not have autism…. It is absurd, and depressing. So I will try a private clinic.
Great video, very good points you make. Deserves a lot more views.
Glad you're talking about the privilege aspect. I've always had health insurance, but whenever someone talks about "therapy" I wonder how cushy their life must be that they have a therapist. Even when I've asked for therapy from my insurance they don't make it easy. Mental health is still just for maybe 5% of the United States.
If you are poor and on disability you can get therapy. So not everyone is rich. Also some therapists have a sliding scale.
But I do believe that it can be hard to get therapy.
@@Catlily5 How do you even go about it? Do you type in "Therapist" to google maps? How do people do it?
I have been on the autism discovery path for about a month now, weird how I have been working with autistic kids for a few years, but it only clicked for me now, that I am working with a kid who isn't diagnosed yet (and POC) and only shows some of the "classic" autistic traits, but I'm pretty sure he is. The "classic" autistic traits are also all I learned about in my training as a carer and pedagogue for people with disabilites. My brother is ADHD and was assessed for Autism as a kid (about 15 years ago). My mother recently told me that the psychiatrist said according to the test the psychiatrist used, my brother was autistic, but the psychiatrist said she didn't think he was so she didn't diagnose him. My brother shows far more autistic traits and behaviours than I do. He doesn't mask as much as I think I do. He struggles with social rules more than I do. I seriously question that psychiatrist now. I suspect that she didn't diagnose him because he is too "high functioning". I also question the result of her testing me on ADHD. She said the result was inconclusive. I haven't done a lot of research into ADHD yet, so I haven't really drawn my own conclusions on that subject yet.
You made me cry in a good way. I’m a POC and coming from a hispanic family, mental illness of any kind is not taken seriously or even laughed at which has happened to me. I would go through meltdowns and my mom would straight up start laughing at me and saying “wow, she’s so crazy.” I have been not promoted (and eventually quit) despite my loyalty to a company for years because of how I “came off” to my boss despite getting the work done really well (btw the job was given to someone else who wasn’t there as long as me) I have been ostracized in an island for a research study abroad for my university because noone thought I was cool enough to hang out with so it was 3 months of loneliness in a beautiful island. I have had so much suffering in my life relating to me being autistic and adhd. I honestly cannot believe I have made it for this long. At one point I wanted to end it all but the PET team came to my school after I confessed I was doing self harm. Honestly, again, my mother said I was making things hard for her and that I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.
I’m sorry I’m oversharing but it helps that I’m anonymous. I just wanted to say that your words validate all my experiences despite not being diagnosed yet. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I am at this point and I just want to befriend all of you neurodivergent people out there because the world can be so horrific and unkind.
You are not alone but know that you are a beautiful, kind, unique person who will leave an indelible mark on the world…be YOU without apology!!👍🏾☺️❤️
diagnosed at 46 - thank you for sharing - I can relate to a lot of it. Yes, people don't understand our disabilities. The danish facebook groups for autistic people state the same; there is very limited help after getting diagnosed. Only if you truely can't cope, public healtcare kicks in. So stay in the game, and try to enjoy life - at the right stress level. Like I say; even many NT-copules pay for house-keeping, help for kids-homework, couples counseling etc.
Thank you … as you said it’s nice to know its not only me that feels this way … as I sat listening to you … it was like you were speaking the thoughts I have been having for the longest time. It gave me a moment to just exhale because I too have been around ableism and it does make you question yourself to whether it’s trauma or not … am I attracting attention to myself … do I have light sensitivity because I had trauma in my childhood … but the answer is no … I had all of this before trauma ever happened to me … I know I am autistic and ADHD … so as far as I’m concerned I’m just waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
and...trauma and autism aren't mutually exclusive AND trauma can be worked through.
I'm in a similar situation that I'm quite convinced that I'm autistic and have adhd, but I also have trauma from very early childhood on....but after very long time of treating the traumas and actually progressing on it, there were certain traits that just didn't change. It's possible to learn the differences, but also those are usually not as visible through the common diagnostic methods, because it involves alot more questioning about a persons internal being.
Like sensory sensitivities as you mentioned, the only reason why it can be confused with hypervigilance from early trauma, is because a hypervigilant person might react to loud sounds with fear because maybe they have been yelled at or hearing horrible fights between caregivers, but those sensitivities usually focus around triggers.
Meanwhile sensory sensitivity doesn't really care about the situation or what is causing the loud noises...cause all noise of certain loudness causes pain...and the fear of that pain is what people missinterpret as "same behaviour as trauma caused"
Thank you so much for this post. So much of what you have expressed here truly resonates with me. I am attempting to get diagnosed for autism and am finding many roadblocks, questionable attitudes, tons of ignorance, and quite a bit of dismissiveness.
Hearing you has helped me feel validated…less lonely as I struggle with what I believe to be my neurodivergent odyssey. Sending a big hug for your kindness and help.
I was rejected diagnosis and Invalidated by my last psychiatrist because she also had an autistic son and seemed peeved by me asking to screen me for it by asking me questions that I knew were just the criteria from the DSM-5. I should never have paid her for acting how she did, because I don't seem to present like her son, like she's biased on what autism is. Yes she does have to work with her son who will need help his whole life and because I haven't needed the same kind of help because I don't require it doesn't mean she needed to invalidate my issues that I have researched and very much so relate to others with this diagnosis.
I'm sorry you went through that. Self diagnosis is so very valid.
@@divergent.threads I appreciate you
I would go to a different psychiatrist. I had to attack NHS Autism UK after my referral was rejected based on my psychologist.
Here's what I am learning from you -- 29:10 - 29:28 -- autistic people are traumatized by their family's expectations, expecting them to do things that they can't always do. -- I'm going to take this to heart
It goes beyond that too. Autistic people are people. How are we ALL being harmed by systemic expectations that push us into trauma and dysregulation? Look at poverty, racism, sexism… ableism is a component of all of these, too.
In my home with my kids we do our best to respect each other and our limitations. AND society is right outside our door, doing this stuff to everyone.
Thank you thank you thank you. This is everything ❤️😭🙏🏼
I feel a deep kinship for my fellow autistics because we all seem to have similar struggles.
I see you, fam!🫂
I went for my first step, first session with therapist this week. I have been thinking ADHD, I have all the markers I think. Honestly, all I was looking for was a yes and get me on Ritalin or something and help me keep my head clear and help me start and finish stuff. Solve my anxiety of just doing stuff that normal people do. At the end of the first session, my therapist was leaning towards autism. So it came out of nowhere yet makes sense. I'm 56. My journey has started. I will know more as we progress. Thank you for sharing. I have kinda been successful at masking my whole life. Perhaps even masking to myself.
Thank you. I really related to that. Almost made me cry. Yes. It seems that No one cares. No one cuts you any slack. No one REALLY believes you. You are still expected to function "properly", and get accused of using it as an excuse or crutch. It's like 24/7 gaslighting.
Yesss the ONLY benefit that i have found so far.... is that i am no longer my own worst enemy. So i am not fighting and berating myself. And feeling so deeply ashamed. But that's basically where it ends. Doesn't seem to change how anyone else treats me. Though my mom is trying. Im self diagnosed... but have just started the formal diagnosis process. I wasn't going to. But every day i have to reconvince myself that i am autistic...as if my every moment alive doesn't convince me enough... and i guess i just hope it will stop my self gaslighting... which does still happen. But im really scared of being formally invalidated too. And if they say I'm not autistic, i will know they are wrong. So what's the point, i know. But i also think it will be fun because i love writing eteral lists and love answering questions about myself and can do it all day long. So the process has begun. But im glad i found you because you have validated everything i have felt so far, including about the diagnosis. Feel better. Find some joy in your days. Use your special skills a lot.
I relate so hard to describing how to prepare for the diagnosis appointment. Going in without knowing the questions and really examining how I experience what the NTs are asking by that question, there's no way I'd have got my diagnosis. "Can you do eye contact?" I mean... I can fake it. I look at the bridge of peoples nose. And "Do you have trouble making friends?" All my friends are neurodivergent. It was a deliberate choice on my part
Also, small vent on how many questions are like "how do you relate to other people?" and what it actually means is how do you relate to NTs? because I relate just fine to people who understand my neurology and don't make unrealistic demands of my communication, thanks.
I've had so much stress and anxiety and health issues caused by just advocating for myself and my husband and children when it comes to our needs and that just gives me a massive pit in my stomach for those who have multiple intersections which lead to the actual dangers that people can face in disclosing, or having a diagnonsis on their record, or asking for the help that they need. We really need to just start society over
All of this!! I answered the questions but I knew they were for how we relate to NTs too. I knew it. I’m still trying to find my group of ND and Autistic friends. :)
@@divergent.threadshaving gone through it, for someone that is adhd and almost 99%positive about autism….so you think it’s worth it as a late diagnosis? It almost feels like a waste of money even though it confirms so much. Not to mention it is y covered so I’d be paying a lot of cash for it. For me I’ve reached a burnout point having never been medicated for adhd so the work I used to do, it’s almost impossible now but I need and want to work…but I can’t keep working longterm in environments that are a sensory nightmare…!!
I just was diagnosed today at age 59! I feel so validated but not sure where I go from here. Glad I found your video!
Congrats!
That was so beautifully said. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm new to my son's autism diagnosis (which came around the same time you were getting your diagnosis) so I've very much appreciated you sharing your learnings publicly. All your posts about diversity and inclusion in the costuming world are inspiring and I encourage people to follow you all the time. Thank you!
Oh, and thank you for your recent posts about masking. It has helped me to be more conscious and observant so I can try to create space for people to be themselves. I'm not always good at it right away, but I'm trying to always be better and make corrections when I'm not.
I am 49 and latina. I contemplated if I should get the diagnosis knowing a diagnosis doesn't offer me anything. The only thing it offers is peace of mind because I have imposter syndrome if I don't get the diagnosis. It does anger me that family had always told me I was odd or quirky but once I said I may be autistic I was met with "No, you don't." So it's okay to throw labels at me but I can't get an official label that explains me? you know?
Knowing I am autistic explains why my kids also have it. When before family was like "Why did this happen? Is god punishing you?" This would all piss me off to no end.
❤👍🏾
Thank you for sharing, this was not easy. Your experience of Autism and ADHD is your own, although it can help others. I hope a person may feel braver to share their experience. Many might find a diagnosis like this could cost someone their employment. The company will find another reason to let someone go who has a marked disability, my sister runs into this with her bipolar. It shouldn't be that way but the ableist corporate world is not accommodating no matter how they package it.
Yep. That didn’t make it into the annotations but it’s a reason to not get hired either.
There is one thing people need to learn, jumping out of a plane without a parachute and jumping off the effiel tower without a parachute, is not going to hurt any less because the distance is different.
That I fall from less height than someone else doesn't change that I can't handle hitting the ground, so you need to focus on the DAMAGE resulting, not how far you fall.
This has been eye-opening in many ways. I have always questioned if I experience autism myself, but society has noted I'm "high-functioning" (I dislike this term, but I have no alternative) in many regards, so I've dismissed it. Some of the things you've listed in the video, particularly needing every instruction written down explicitly for work purposes, resonated with me, in that I cannot do any work, professionally or at home, unless explicitly enumerated in some sort of list I may access. One other thing you noted was lights and photo-sensitivity, which I suffer from.
Another recent event that made me question this was in my creative endeavors. I work in video games, mostly as a programmer, but in one instance I wrote a character that, from afar, was a pretty angry fellow, though justifiably so. I wrote from my own person experiences when writing that character to try to add to the realism. After release, multiple people with autism have looked at the character and through my writing saw them as autistic-coded and relatable. This definitely surprised me given the frequency of that type of analysis, and has made me wonder more on what's going on with me.
This definitely is something that's gotten me thinking about myself in a way I wouldn't have otherwise. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I’m glad it resonated with you. There are so many great people to follow on TikTok and Instagram to explain so much, too. Often Autistic coded characters are waaaay better than the intentionally autistic ones lol.
That's so cool
You are still one of the bravest people I know. I can't possibly know your experience but I value you & your story 💖
Thank you Maridith!
thank you for sharing your experience with us :)
I'm so happy I've have found your channel. Besides I love the results of your craft you share (I'm obsessed with everything Italian renaissance), I can relate pretty much with you in the topic of this video. A few months ago I started my own research on neurodivergency after realising that many difficult and even painful aspects of my life have roots in some potentially ADS and ADHD traits I've noticed I've been carrying my whole lifetime. Now I'm looking forward to get professional mental health atention (in my country I can access to it via public health system, though it takes literal ages of waiting... my first appointment is scheduled for august). However, most of my family and friends don't understand why I want to get a diagnosis and come up with phrases like "if you have never been autistic, why would you become autistic all of a sudden?" or "what would a diagnosis change?" 🤦
Anyway, congratulations for your work in costume and thanks for sharing!!! ♥️
Welcome! Thank you. That can be so frustrating. Your brain always was what it was. You don’t “become” ADHD/Autistic. I wish you the best. :)
Thanks for sharing. I "passed" the first evaluation and they think I have autism/ADHD. Waiting for further diagnosis. Never thought about ADHD, but it starting to make sense.
How did it go with your diagnosis?
Thank you, this really spoke to some of the anxiety I’m going through while trying to figure out how to even schedule the diagnosis visit.
I'm glad it helped a little.
Yes, girl, yes. All this. Thank you for voicing your experience.
Even though I'm not autistic myself (I think), I can relate with so much of what you say. I have ME/cfs, a complex neuro-immune disease, which is very misunderstood and stigmatised. As a result there's no help, no diagnosis, even though millions of people suffer from it. Many are self-diagnosed. And that's fine. Because it gives you validation and a way to find peer support. Social media is a godsend, especially since many of us are not able to socialise in person, due to energy constraints and hypersensitivities. In that way I can relate too, because sound, hubbub, smells, etc can be overstimulating and very disabling for someone with ME/cfs (possibly due brain inflammation). I can't even have a cat around, because it's too much. I'm not the person I used to be, I can't imagine how it must have been for someone who grew up autistic. XOXO
I hear you.
I'm a black male so I'm not confident in this. I feel as if I should go for a diagnosis so I can have some clarity on my issues that I've always had. I'm 25 and I've self harmed in the past and have dealt with addiction and social issues. The closest I've gotten is taking anti depressants, which make things worse. I believe I'm high masking because of the environment I grew up in and navigated, especially in the black community. You have to behave certain ways. it's frustrating.
👍🏾❤️
I don’t have any words or thoughts to add, especially because it’s not my place. All I can do right now is offer virtual hugs of support to you and anyone else who needs it.
Thank you for sharing your story.
The speech pattern, tone, flow, and areas of focus/importance are eerily familiar to me-something I only experience with other AuDHD folk.
I appreciate how much I relate to the experiences, depth, nuances, and realities shared here. In particular, I enjoyed and related to the incredibly astute list of easily missed groups in the male (I'd add Hetero) Autism/ADHD diagnostics/assessments for non-traditional groups. Personally, I grew up surrounded by women as the solo male in a single mother, all-sister household. These factors, likely among others, contributed to my being missed until age 38 as a rule-following, highly sensitive, anxious, low-income, white, gay cis man.
There is incredible value in this video's ability to demonstrate the nuances of navigating the varied maze of impossible (for most) costs, time, and (potential) benefits gained personally and generally from an accurate diagnosis. This is especially true for those of us with imposter syndrome, or those living within one or more marginalized, disadvantaged, or invisible/visible disability groups.
There seems to be a larger-than-estimated hidden hive of hyper-passionate, often hyper-focused AuDHDers who have complex ADHD, which includes a variety of other potential neurobiological disorders (like the ASD/AuDHD combo).
Complex ADHD/AuDHD makes our lives more challenging, while also causing us to be identified by allistic people’s pre-installed NeuroDar, which immediately tags and labels us as "others to avoid at all cost" (forever henceforth dubbed "OTAAC" [oh-tack]).
This not only explains why our lives are such a struggle in a world not built for us, but also why so many articles for allistic people-on how to manage, mitigate, handle, or fix us-drown out the useful ones.
We are living in an extremely unique time for our community. Imagine how many generations of AuDHD ancestors before us didn’t have access to anything close to what we now have-such as finding others who aren’t physically connected to us, who share similar stories and make us feel less alone-IF the algorithm finds us, or if we’re as diligent in our research and determination as this Creator is.
What gives me the most hope for the neurodivergent community is the expanding abilities of new technologies, data science, machine learning techniques, and especially AI tools that uniquely advantage those of us who have been traditionally disadvantaged.
The breadth, depth, and height of the scaffolding potentials from new technologies and AI tools lay a foundation-those scattered components from which a new, alternative, boosted social network and resource-connecting system can create alternatives to traditional allistic systems, which were never (and likely will never be) fully built for us.
To further two ideas from this Creator’s videos that have stuck with me: having neurodivergent ASD/ADHD/AuDHD representation in every business or group, and recognizing the unique strategies and skill sets that many of us have developed over a lifetime of masking and continuously adapting, despite never fully fitting in. These could be a shared community resource.
I imagine a robust, always-available community of passionate ASD/AuDHDers. It's possible, and something I’m actively working toward building. Watching and experiencing real, unfiltered AuDHD-by-AuDHD content like this-with topics and in-depth discussions that are either wholly lacking or not easily findable-confirms the shared challenges and needs within our community. It also gives me immense hope that we live in a time when connecting and uplifting as a community is possible, potentially in new, nuanced, and neurodivergent-from-the-ground-up ways.
There are so many more topics I could highlight from this, and from the video on the experience of ASD and ADHD (a must-watch!), but these are the ones that hit deep, striking a common chord within community experiences.
For too long, our voices, ideas, passions, and songs have been muted, silenced, or ignored.
I commend this Creator for the experiences, community-oriented moral compass, values, and truths she expresses and represents... Thank you...
It's helped me to get a diagnosis with bureaucratic matters. Also looking up the coping mechanisms other autistics use like special glasses for fluorescent lights and acoustic ear plugs and such.
I have a pair of sunglasses that I wear EVERYWHERE. I only recently connected the dots. My headphones are also a must. The things I was doing were coping mechanisms all along. The revelations just keep coming.
I was diagnosed autistic (without ADHD, I know we’re so rare right? 😂) 10 months ago at the age of 26. I’m so glad I found your channel. Autism has been my new special interest for a year now and I still get excited whenever I discover a new autistic content creator! Gotta go, need to go back to binge-watching your videos now 😂❤
thank you so much for posting this! i think I may be autistic and this is really helpful!!
Welcome! Self diagnosis is valid. I’m still on my own journey of self discovery.
Thanks for this! I'd say I'm semi-diagnosed. I've had health professionals say they are pretty sure I'm autistic over the years but it's a 6 year wait for an assessment in my part of the UK right now (postcode lottery).
The last year and a half has been super eye opening for me, the pandemic in concert with other life events has completely shaken up my world and really shined a light on my neurodivergence. I lost ALL of my structure and just... Fell apart. I'm not sure how I feel about seeking a diagnosis for myself because I live in the middle of nowhere and there is no support system, however I think I need to pursue one for my son because I want him to have that knowledge to seek out community, if not medical treatment, to ease his potential issues later in life..
I definitely feel like "I'm 'high functioning' and I've made it this far what good would it do me"?
Functioning labels are actually not a great indication of support needs. And a lot of people who mask actually get less than what they actually need.
This video needs so many more views. Thank you for making this.
Thank you. It was a very vulnerable place to be. But I'm glad to see that it is reaching more people who need it.
This is such a good video, thank you for making this!
Thank you, Muse. That means so much.
This is such a great video. Thank you for posting!
I’m so glad you liked it!
Hi! I just found you here on YT and I'm so happy because I'm in the process of understanding and learning about autism and adhd and I just started my own channel. I'm self diagnosed and I'm seeking an official diagnosis in Sweden. I love listening to you because you are so calm and I prefer when people talk slower (it helps me process information). I will watch your other videos! Thank you for talking about your experiences!
I actually have a woman autistic therapist! She’s the first one in my adult life to suggest I may have autism. I am Asian American and I also deal with lots of anxiety from having grown up in a toxic environment where I learned hyper vigilance and accommodating others before myself out of self preservation.
This video hit so close to home. I’m currently self-diagnosed (my son IS diagnosed, and arguing with his doctors about it, because he’s just like me and I’m “bipolar”, led to my research, and I realized I was the one misdiagnosed) and I’m in complete burnout. My family has disowned me, I have no friends, no support system. Ended up abused and jobless during peak pandemic, leading to homelessness. I lost literally everything I’ve ever owned, and haven’t had income for 2 years. I’ve reached out to 20+ organizations/“resources” without any replies. I’ve been trying so hard just to barely survive. I also fit all the criteria for CPTSD and I’ve become fully agoraphobic. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get a diagnosis without income or insurance. Like I said, I’ve burnt out to the point I don’t eat anymore, don’t even drink water, I can’t get up anymore. I just try to sleep. Or hysterically cry, and occasionally throw things. 😿
All the hugs to you. It’s not ok, and so many people end up in burnout and jobless without disability even if they have a diagnosis.
My heart goes out to you. ❤😢
I pray that you be guided on your most peaceful path dear friend , please don't lose hope🙏♥️
I hope you're doing okay today, you're not alone. I know that sounds so cliché but it really is true ❤
Thank you for this ❤ I have long had a suspicion that I'm probably somewhere on the spectrum. And I also think that there are so many more people on the spectrum than we know of (because of the issues you mention, the restrictive diagnostic criteria plus non-availabilty of quality care to many humans), and maybe not calling it a disability does NOT mean to devalue the differing experience, but rather the need to see neurodiversity as one of many beautiful variations of the human state and become more open to and accommodating of divergent people.
I think that’s a great aim, but also autistic people do actually struggle. And actually need supports that we aren’t actually getting. We wouldn’t need labels if people actually just assessed our individual needs and met them. This isn’t just a label. It’s a placeholder. And it’s only “safe” for some people to claim it. It’s so complex. For some the disability label is the only thing that actually gets them help.
And for others? They still need that help but they just won’t get it.
Recently discovered your channel and I just want to say THANKYOU for sharing your experience! It helps people feel less alone in theirs. I'm 48 and still deciding whether to pursue formal diagnosis (from what I understand of myself after 1-2 years of self-diagnostic research, I'm highly likely ADHD, also possibly Autistic). It DOES feel empowering to understand more about how my brain works, why I have always felt different to my peers, why I can relate to so many neurodivergent people, and to be doing more of the things I need without feeling like I have to justify them.
Beautifully expressed. Recently diagnosed 68 yo here. I have learnt so much more about how I am not the only person in the world that thinks like me. Loved the binder story. A private diagnosis for $2000 was the only way I was able to access a diagnosis. Waiting for over 2 years in the "system". I agree that others maybe need a diagnosis before me as I am retired now so the day to day work struggles aren't an issue any more. Still glad I found out though, more things make sense now.
I sm an allistic parent, and I am listening to you and learning from you. Thank you!
I am trying to figure out if it is worth being diagnosed or not. I am diagnosed with adhd, but I am really suspecting the autism as well. Part of me wants to get diagnosed because I struggle with imposter syndrome as well. I also think that it could be potentially beneficial for me in therapy to learn how to function. At the same time I am afraid that they will think I am a hypochondriac and self diagnosing with Dr. google, even if I have done a lot of research and it fits. It is such a shame that it is such a hard choice.
You know, it is very sad that our families are the ones that victimized us first. I have cried so many times for baby me and how cruel my own mother and sister were to me. And I still try to please them... What am I even doing?
This is suuuuuuuch, such, SUCH a good video(!!!!!).
Thank you for speaking *my* mind.
heheeeee ✊♥️
I was finally diagnosed with ASD at age 45 less than a week ago, and a lot has been going through my head about autism and my life, and on and on... I saw your video thumbnail: "Does it even matter?" and I laughed really hard. Not at you, but at the concept, and the paradoxical twist that it doesn't actually matter after all that time and effort and ruminating and waiting (wondering if they forgot about me) and trying to explain to my Mom. I guess not! Lol.
I suppose it's assurance you're not "crazy", that there is no reason to feel insecurity or shame about exploring your special interests (even if most people think it's weird), that you're not alone, knowing you can be strategic about masking (for example, during job interviews only) and that any contributions you give to the world will be of significant value. It is great yet painful to know the truth about one's own life, rather than the hamfisted status quo version.
The diagnosis and that whole process was simply where the late diagnosed person was at at the time, and maybe a rite of passage of sorts.
Thank you for this. I am neurodivergent and enjoy your videos so much.
I really felt this video because I'm in the same place.I got my official autism diagnosis last week, and I feel validated and relieved ... and I'm forgiving myself for all the autistic traits I shamed myself for and masked so much even I didn't realize I was masking. I 100% agree that if people came to the conclusion they're autistic by research and talking to autistic people, they deserve to be listened to. I was self-diagnosed before I got my official Stamp of Neurodivergence. 😂
Thank you. This is very important.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hear you. ❤
Yes. A thousand times yes. ❤
I'm finding that only other self realized / diagnosed autistics are interested in our experiences.
@@tracirex sadly, I agree with you. We seem to have a very rich understanding and observation of how things work for us a lot of other people don’t necessarily have or do.
So I think when we express that, it’s just viewed with “why are you saying all this”
Thank you for this. Just...thank you.
Hi there,
I know this video is 3 years old, but I'm deep in research at the moment. It's always so scary to hear other people talk about their experiences and always have that feeling: Hey, they're talking about me.
I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and I was hoping that everything would finally be OK, only to find out that it wasn't. I saw a video with symptoms of ADHD and autism and thought, eh, no, it can't be. 3 months later I am still researching and can now talk shop with my psychologist about various mental illnesses and why autism and ADHD were not taught in her training. i am by no means an expert and would never presume to be, but I know what I have learned. Fortunately, having been diagnosed with ADHD, I already know that being diagnosed with autism does not mean that people around me will suddenly treat me differently. But I hope I can advocate better for myself and for my two children, who are obviously neurodiverse to me. To everyone else they are just very active, very sensitive, the typical blah blah blah. But I can see them suffering and going through the same things I did as a child and I want to change that. I know how scary it is to open up on here, but I am so grateful for every person who does, otherwise I would never have found out I was an audhd´er. I would still be labelled with depression, social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and so on. Thank you so much! I still don´t have any friends but seeing people going through exactly the same thing is so incredibly liberating. i'm not alone in this.
I know this is an old video, but I wanted to say, Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙏🏻
I am neurodivergent, and never considered until last summer that I may have autism as well as my ADHD. I thought I knew everything about that. But there is so much new information out there (for someone like me who has no idea what autism even is, or it might apply to me), that I am still confused and overwhelmed. I relate to you very much. Just knowing I am not alone, not a baby, not crazy, not stupid, not oversensitive, not looking for attention, or imagining things .. yeah it's a lot. And also it's taken this whole last year for me to even be open about the possibility for some reason. I'm still confused and overwhelmed if it's just ADHD or both. Because the symptoms or needs I have could be from either. And my counselor has ADHD as well, thank goodness! I don't know whether to be relieved that this possibility finally makes things make sense, or resist it because it's taken my whole adult life to come to terms with and develop tools for my ADHD. This feels like a whole other thing put on top of it I have to figure out. 😢 It's so exhausting. So in the meantime, I am learning strategies that help people who also have autism. The PDA - vs - people pleasing tug of war in me makes me not want to make plans... Trying to set boundaries etc. But being alone is not helpful either.
Do you have any regrets starting a platform here? I have been thinking about sharing my experiences here sometimes in the future, but I'm terrified. Lol. At the very least, it could be fun to share my art and hobbies! Hehe. 😂❤😂 Tired of feeling like an alien. This job I am at now is the first that I have disclosed my ADHD and asked for accomodations, but my boss tells me basically if I don't want to be in trouble for these symptoms making me late for work or interfering with my functioning at work, I have to contact HR and prove to them with documentation. Sigh... I'm tired of this. You can explain, and give actual neuroscience facts, and it doesn't matter. There has to be a better way. And to be stuck working waaayyy below what you are capable is so depressing. Sometimes I wonder why God, or nature, or whatever you believe gave us so many talents, and capacity for information and incredible things, yet struggle to hold a job. So it feels like what can you even do with it? I'm sad, my counselor didn't have any information or resources for me to find a person who does assessments for that. I have MassHealth and so it probably won't cover. We can do it together I think. Somehow. I know I don't want to give up! There has to be a reason we are here and have so much to share with the world. Thank you for sharing your experience here. I find it very validating, even though I am not sure what to think about my situation, or have any accurate way to see if this might apply to me as well. And I also wondered if it matters. But I would really like to know. Thank you! 💕👩🏻🎤💃🏻🤗🥰 I would be your friend! Too bad the neurodivergent people I know are on here. I just want to crochet blankets for all of you! :D ❤️
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve had some really insulting comments and some very supportive ones. I originally was terrified of making these videos about something so personal, but it does seem to be something some AuDHD people resonate with. Not everyone, and that’s ok. Several years later… knowing these diagnoses not only helped me develop and love my authentic self, but also release all the toxic shame that was weighing me down and find other ways to navigate the world. It isn’t perfect, you can’t really do a lot about the external world but the internal shift has been priceless.
Wowww. That is encouraging to me. Are you referring to getting the diagnosis itself to confirm for you yes it is true you have this? Or having a platform here to share and a community? Or all 3?
@@ladyphoenix_111 I don’t have a community. Many Autistics don’t. I have my kids and my husband. I did get my diagnosis, but we’ve been validating my son’s adhd before we got his diagnosis. It’s so much money, and I believe you don’t need a diagnosis to identify and do what you can for yourself if it applies to you it applies to you. Many other people seem to have found community on TH-cam. I do feel heartened but the comments I get on here, it does help me to know that what I’m saying does help people, even if it’s evolving and I’m still learning too. I have been wondering if what I make even matters.
@@divergent.threadsWell, if it helps for you to know, it absolutely matters to me! I get a little overwhelmed, but I subscribed and I am going to come back and watch more of your content in other videos, later on. It takes a little while for me to process and let the information sink in a bit. But I am finding it invaluable. 💕💕💕👍🏻 Sometimes it's the little things too that help. One of your videos you mentioned your creativity, and then other times it's the mess, I can't express what you were saying exactly. But it was a little slice of info that was a little like a mirror. I can be very productive, especially in the winter when I am crocheting up a storm making things for everyone. But there are messes around me I never completely get under control. (And the yarn has been taking over, even though I got a really cool rack with wheels for it! Lol) It's the daily struggle right? And some days and or weeks I crash and give into the inertia of it all and low energy. Baby steps. My counselor gave me a chart to show the highs and valleys of progress for ADHD. Novelty will fuel enough dopamine when trying a new system, or plan to try to overcome or organize, (whatever the goal is). Then a little time passes and it's not so new, dopamine waning, and it's not as easy, or motivating..then we let it go and get discouraged. Perceiving it as letting ourselves down. But it's part of it. And trying to always change, maintain, or try to be better about functioning, and cleaning up space can be exhausting. But the creativity is more fun, so focus will be back on that. I am going off topic/ on tangent, stopping self sorry! Lol.
I had a friend who did period clothing a little similar to you when I lived in NH. I really miss being around other creative people. :) I was going to construct some really beautiful fairy wings for her, and I designed a circlet (more fantasy than historic in this occasion), in exchange for her sewing a dress for me. When I find those photos, maybe I can find a way to put them up here somehow. Thank you for your thoughtful response. I never expect a response. And I am grateful you took the time to help.me and give me some feedback. Your gifts and love for what you do and your family is like your "magic". I don't know how to articulate it. But it's special, it's unique to you, and you didn't have to share anything with us. If other people don't appreciate it. I do and I am sure others do too who struggle, even if you don't receive feedback right away. Thanks for sharing personal aspects with us. It is a gift. 💕💕💕
Ps- here it is me, my fiance and Mom. I have 2 friends but I keep them at arms length to protect my energy and boundaries. Most everyone around me is neurotypical. I relate.
This was tremendously helpful, thank you! I feel you in so many ways❤
I really want your video to be translated to spanish to show it to my (probably) neurodiverse family.
I will look into that. I’m not Spanish speaking, but maybe captions can do that for me.
Getting a diagnosis later in life isn't ideal in the sense that you don't know what's going on when you're younger and so it can be more stressful, but it doesn't diminish the value of getting a diagnosis if you're someone who thinks it will help them in some way. Having that way to orient yourself rather than stumbling around can definitely be helpful. But as time goes on it only gains more visibility as an issue so I'm hopeful that avenues open to make things more accessible in general for diagnosis and then dealing with it as an issue in larger society.
Would you please tell me what that beautiful blue shade of paint is called? It is so calming.
It’s actually a teal wallpaper I got off Amazon but sadly very sticky so it took off the paint underneath. I always suggest Clare as a sensory friendly brand of paint. The paint is a good thickness, doesn’t smell, and they come in some wonderful shades. Plus the selection is not too much.
For me living in sweden it sure does 😊
Well done for sharing this
Thank you ❤ This helps a lot!!
There is an old saying, "Write the book you want to read." I've been tested and am in that weird place, waiting for my diagnostic appointment. It is a lot like the last month of pregnancy seems like it's a year long. If I am autistic I will be really late diagnosis. I wonder if that is why the doctor took my case.
This is not a comment aimed at you, so I hope it's possible for me to bring it in a fitting way. This is a thought that has been bouncing around my head for a long time and comes from personal experiences and observations. I think it might be problematic that we, an ever-growing community of adult autistic folks, keep using the concept of "white boys". It has been necessary but I think we have to be more nuanced than that. Meaning "white boys showing a specific set of traits". I have several male friends who are deeply struggling in life, was assessed some in childhood, some in adulthood, who was deemed allistic because they fit these criterias just as much as you and I do. But oh boy do they fit what is now being described as the female presenting autism. They don't stand a chance of getting the much needed help if we don't add the nuance into our vocabulary. And they are being crushed but society in general, like we are, and by insane expectations to them on their masculinity (mind you, my aim is not to say they are not masculine but that they are harmed even further by framing their traits as feminine).
Please be kind, this is the first time I attempt putting written words to these thought.
I agree with you and yo samdy Sam did a great video where she challenged that label. We need to stop attributing Autism to any gender. So many of us exist out of the binary anyways.
Sending you some love ❤ thank you for sharing your experience!
Thank you for your honest video. I got my autism diagnosis at the age of 47, I am 48 now. I can relate to the feelings of loneliness. I feel lonely too quite often. What headphones are you using? They look pretty.
Sadly I don’t know the brand, a $30 pair I got on Amazon. But sadly they do not work very well.
@@divergent.threads Thank you for your answer. Oh, I am sorry they don’t work well. I am still trying to figure out what type of headphones or earplugs could be right for me. That’s why I asked. 💛
Thank you, for everything you have directly and indirectly taught me about autism.
Thank you.
What are your headphones? I’m looking for new ones (Autistic POC here)
@@HerGracefulAcres these are the infurture rose gold nc headphones. But after testing several, my kids really like the jlab brand. And I agree, I tried them, they don’t hurt the ears as much.
@@divergent.threads thank you!
I discovered soap nuts about 18 months ago. Soap nuts and white vinegar make my clothes smell like fabric and they’re pretty good with old stains.
No time to watch now, but commenting for the sake of the algorithm. You've said things in previous videos that have really struck a chord. I look forward to watching this when I have time to do so properly.
u fucking ROCK!! And are beautiful inside out✨
It's also so sad that many Autism traits are just "beaten" out of girls with traditional harsh parenting, and so many woman can pass for neurotypical whilst being fatigued all the time and disassociated with themselves. Boys often get a pass for "wild" stimming behaviour, because of the "boys-will-be-boys" rhetoric, and thus show Autism signs early on. But if I misbehaved, oooh my, it was sitting in the hallway for hours in the "naughty-spot" or things like "no diner for bed", or housarrest for weeks for minor faults etc... :S I quickly learned to be a robot basically, smiling at everything, doing as I was told, be invisible etc. Only discovered I was AuDHD at 31 after a huge burnout when I accidentally stumbled upon a video of Autism in Woman, and it was just as if I was watching a video about me.... :O Now I'm in trauma therapy :P
I keep trying to convince myself by taking online test that im autistic
Well, damn your video really hits close to home for me!! But I don’t have any diagnosis well for one a year ago I would’ve never even thought that I was until my daughter came up to me and told me that she thinks she has it and that’s when I started looking into it. I don’t have the money to go and try to get any kind of diagnosis I mean I do have insurance where I work and I’m going to see if I can at least try to get a diagnosis for my daughter. And if later on, I can go and get a diagnosis, I will try to do that but until then I will just keep looking into it more and more.
I do this all the time and I hate it, our society has given no room for NDs and it’s angering
Well it does matter.... I would never be able to get accommodations let alone keep a job..its life and death for me
So have you already confirmed that your job would allow for necessary accommodations?