See... all I want in life is to, as a guy in every other way, be able to walk around with a skirt on without the whole world judging. I don't have any issues with my gender or anything... skirts are just more comfortable than jeans. And cute. Let me wear skirts, society.
fun fact during the Roman empire, pants were seen as barbaric, its only when they got to colder areas of Europe they adopted pants. From what I've heard anyways.
I do understand why people care so much about gender but its nothing I can relate to. I went through exactly what dodger went through. I grew up very much a timid boy. When I got older I enjoyed cute pretty things and gravitated to feminine characters in entertainment. In high school I had a ton of feminine characteristics. I accepted I was born into a male body but I always just wanted to look cute from time to time. So I started cross dressing for conventions. It was fun and being viewed as cute was real liberating to me. Like I broke free of gender roles. Growing up I realized that gender roles really had no real effect. I was allowed to be as masculine or feminine as I liked. More so I realized its pointless to even worry about it because everyone is a mix of Feminine and Masculinity. So for me idea of gender doesn't exist, your a mix of both.
+Rena Chu And that's good! Everyone has a lot of things to say about gender, and the fact that you're very fluid in your conception and acceptance of gender roles is a big deal. One that I imagine many people wish they could adopt. :)
Lupe Omar Unsure what gender roles exist in your country. But in the united states if a Man walks down the street is a cute pink dress, and a adorable ribbon in his hair, with cute light makeup on. He will literally get the shit kicked out of him in the matter of minutes. Cross Dressing and Transvestism in general is a huge social deviancy. Far above trans and queer. Both Cis and Trans community both sort of view Transvestism as a joke. So there very few safe places to express that without facing physical harm of social ostracization.
+Rena Chu My story and views are pretty similar, except that i haven't ever fully cross-dressed. I have often accessorized in a very feminine way, with nail polish, jewelry, and a scrunchie on my wrist or in my hair if it was long enough.
Its really important to understand that gender is not something about trans people only. It affects all of us. Thanks so much for raising your voice about this matter.
+EstaliorSensei We know the difference between gender, but there's very little need to talk about it when everyone around you is aligned the same way, there's never been a trans person around any of my groups so "You know like, you're male and a man.... me too" never became something to talk about, we knew where we were all at
+blazednlovinit I think that the point was that gender defines us, but we don't get to define gender. In the video, Dodger talks about expressing herself as a boy in many ways when she was young. Right now, to be a girl means something different than it did in 1972. All that is still in effect whether or not whether or not people are cis.
+jdx350 Actually its the exact opposite. Gender does not define us, we define it because its a social construct. Also gender stereotyping is harmful and limiting, especially at a young age.
I really enjoy watching these videos on this subject, it's really neat to see how different people respond to these kinds of questions. Sometimes people are like...super stone cold serious and other times there are videos like yours where the same point is made but in an energetic, more lively way! It's super interesting to hear about the experiences of others and how they've affected them, it can be very inspirational as well! I know this topic has probably caught a lot of flak but I think it's great that so many people can take the same questions and put a part of their story out there for others. Sadly not all the responses are always great, but people will be people! I appreciate the time and effort you put into making this video! Thanks so much!
I'm actually really glad you shared this. I completely understand you when you say you identify as a woman, but growing up were more masculine. Growing up, my uncles were the ones that played with me. They introduced me to video games, comic books, anime that I didn't know was anime at the time... and then I'd go to school and try to talk about these things with other girls and they wouldn't understand or would have this judgmental look on their faces. It never really bothered me, I just didn't understand the issue. Now that I'm older, nothing's really changed. I don't wear dresses or makeup, simply cause I'm not comfortable in them, and I'm too lazy for makeup. I prefer my hair short cause I don't like having to deal with it, and since I've cut it, I really don't like it touching my neck. I dress like I'm in a punk rock band. But oh my god, if I had the means to dress like a prep school boy, I totally would. But again, lazy, and I very rarely leave my house so... my undeniable cuteness would be wasted.
I love how genuine you are with this, like....... not taking it to seriously but just treatin' it like a casual thing like it really is. I'm glad you shared your own past with that feeling of like, "I'm supposed to be a boy!" when younger, and liking "boy things." I remember being told that I was a "tomboy" or "not feminine enough," back then, never really sat well with me, until I realized the irrelevancy of it all, as you said. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I'm a guy and I'm comfortable with having a thing down there, but I also want to wear cute dresses and eat pizza on the couch wacthing anime and crap on netflix. These are my life goals
This video just made me feel sorry for myself really. Dodger kept saying about how she realised it was okay for her to do masculine things, and that made her more comfortable and happier. Well I feel the complete opposite, I feel like I'm too feminine to be considered a proper man. I don't feel like I can express myself or dress how I want without being mocked. I don't want to be transgender, I just wish I had more freedom in terms of my gender mobility. I don't think a lot of women realise how lucky they are when it comes to that.
Unfortunately, the only advice I can give about avoiding mockery and worse, is to surround yourself with people who accept you without judgement. Easier said than done, I know, but it's possible.
I was exactly the same as a kid with the dysphoria thing! Up until about age 11-12 I only wore boys clothes and shoes and was into everything my brother was, I felt like I was supposed to be a boy because I liked 'boys things.' And then high school came along and I matured mentally fairly quickly, and just suddenly became really confident with my femininity. I realised that I could enjoy all those 'boy things' and still be who I felt I was, which was a woman. So I became really interested in make up and fashion whilst still watching my animes and playing call of duty (back when it was cool) and kept my star wars posters on my walls. It's comforting to know you went through the same deal. Luckily I had a really supportive mum growing up who let me shop in the boys isles and collect all the boys toys & what have you. Without her I mightn't be as comfortable expressing my individuality as I am today. My grandmother on the other hand, wouldn't have any of it. hahahaha.
+Ash I totally agree with this! My mom is very very VERY feminine but she let me wear whatever I felt comfortable in and really feel out my own style and I'm eternally grateful to her for being so supportive as I grew up
+Dexbonus I'm always worried when I hear about young trans children, because I don't know how much of it is genuine, and how much of it is the kids following up on their parent's interpretation of their gender. Like, if a little boy is drawn to the color pink and wearing dresses, is the parent interpreting that as trans, and telling them they are a girl on the inside? I feel like identifying any activity or style of dress as masculine or feminine is a mistake. Same with identifying personality aspects. I hate the phrase "man up." I know way too many kickass woman who are more courageous than I am to think that that phrase is ok. I also hate it when women say that they are going to "man up" because that is implying that the only way to be courageous is to act like a man. As a man, I'd like the freedom to be hesitant or cowardly. I think boxes in general are pretty dumb.
+DrLipkin As a trans person myself, it does worry me a bit too. I am 21 and I've been feeling this way my whole life and there's no doubt in my mind it's real. But SOMETIMES it really is a phase. If it's any help my therapist told me that apparently, it is very common for children to feel some gender dysphoria when they are young but if it's a phase then it goes away as they enter puberty. If it stays through puberty then it almost never turns out to be "just a phase". And also, you can't just change your gender willy nilly. You have to go through a psychological evaluation and one of the first things they try to figure out is if this is real or if it's somehow a result of the parents trying to nudge you down that path. And if it's a child then they'r probably even more strict.
Ronin Fredricson When you say "change your gender," I assume you mean physical transition? Because I've heard of children as young as 3 identifying as trans, and living as a gender other than what they were born as. But I'm not really talking about things just being a phase. Even if a child that is born a boy continues to love dresses and girly things as they age, what's that got to do with being male or female? A kid doesn't really know much about the world. They know the world tells them that girls like these things, and since they like those things, they must be a girl. I'm 27, and am physically male. I do not find anything objectionable about being male, so I consider myself such. But I've got no idea what it means to feel like a male. No more than I know what its like to feel like a female. I feel like myself, and have no perspective on what it feels like to be anyone else. So I find trans issues to be confusing. I read every bit of information about it that I can to try and understand better, but I've yet to figure out what people mean when they say they don't feel like what they were physically born as. How can you feel like something without knowing what that thing feels like? Would some people stop being considered trans if personality traits,and activities and/or manner of dress stopped being considered masculine or feminine? I'm openly ignorant. I'm possibly rude. I apologize for both. I do my best not to be an asshole. "Tries not to be an asshole" is the only identity I care to claim. Much as gender politics leave me confused and skeptical, I still respect everyone's right to do what makes them happy. I'll call people whatever names or pronouns they want, and have no issue with people altering their body however they need to to feel comfortable. But I worry that modern gender politics are only muddying already troubles waters. The stereotypical idea of what it means to be male or female obviously needs to be reexamined, but I'm not certain that what this generation has come up with is a good replacement. And that I'm not able to get on board with such things also gives me great anxiety, because again, I don't want to be an asshole. Which leads me to making this long winded youtube comment in an effort to understand better. Yeesh. Sorry that was so long. I don't mean to challenge what you feel. I've just got no idea what that is.
Props. Thank you for this -- it's way awesome to hear what people think about this stuff. But I'm super stoked about two things in particular: 1) It's getting people to think about this stuff, which is awesome, and 2) More people than I would've imagined are in the "people are people and boxes are dumb" category, which I'm 100% behind. Makes me feel better about the world. :D
Always great to see people be happy in their own skin and identify as whatever they choose. As more and more people are being accepted for what they like being accepted as, I'm kinda hoping Straight/Hetero Males and Females won't be thrown to the wayside as the "weird, un-evolved, cis genders" or whatever the bad sects of Tumblr call them these days. Maybe I'll get some flak for this comment, I don't know, but I have to say +foist101's experience below scared me a little for the future.
+Tim K Well, the thing though is that those people are such a tiny little minority. The amount of people in the world that are trans are soooooo vastly outnumbered by those who aren't and out of those people, I think a very small portion hates cis people and think they're "unevolved". It's confirmation bias, it's human. It feels like "Oh EVERYONE is some kind of trans now" but in actuality it's around 1 in a couple thousand.
This was a great video! I'm very glad you shared this with us. :) As a child I experienced a lot of the same stuff you were talking about. I leaned towards "boy" toys, and always felt weird because it didn't seem like what I was "supposed" to like, as a girl. Growing up, I also dressed more masculine, and never felt comfortable in more feminine clothes. I just always felt I was different and strange and didn't fit in anywhere. (And I totally relate to the whole getting curves thing and being like "wait no.") Honestly, it wasn't until really recently that I started to become really comfortable with identifying as a woman, yet still acting and dressing more masculine, and I can say I'm much happier for it. Anyway, I always love hearing people's stories when they're wiling to share, and it was really great to hear something I could relate to so well! Thank you!
As for my view on pronouns. My view is this I'm going to make an assumption based on what you appear to be to me. If I get it wrong I hope people would correct me. At most it's a giant embarrassment to me in the end which I can live with.
then again not every transperson are fitting the binary. I get that it can be scary to ask but it's more respectful to ask what pronouns the person use instead of assuming and accidentally hurt someone, you know?
+Lewis Scott i understand and a thing that has helped me is just to ask lmao!! they shouldnt be offended cus u care about their feelings! goodluck lewis
+Lewis Scott Yeah, I mean probably 99.9% of the time you'll be absolutely right. The only thing I could add is that if for some reason somebody you're only gonna have a very brief interraction with for some reason confuses you and their gender is a bit unclear, you could try to avoid pronouns if possible. I know it's not easy though, because pronouns are so ingrained in language and it's not like I'm DEMANDING you'd do it or you're a bad person. I just mean it could prevent you from hurting someone's feelings by accident.
+Ronin Fredricson Maybe that is a point where going into ye olde english with singular they might be helpful, lets you sound correct and quite posh at the same time :)
I personally have a bad perception of this kind of stuff due to that stupid crazy stuff on tumblr (dragonkin etc.) but saying that, I think I'll do more research into this kinda stuff.
+TimberWolf257 Ya Tumblr tend to has that effect. Whenever I hear people talk about anything related to stuff like this it's always from Tumblr and it always makes me lose faith in humanity.
I mean ok, but at some point everyone knows that ppl who identify their gender as "dragon" or such are just ... kinda... out of their minds ? bahahah. But it's still not necessarily harmful, there are worse things to make you lose your faith on humanity. I rather have someone identify themselves as a sunflower seed than someone who hates on others for not being cis.
+ppmaq I was moreso talking about the people who hate on people who are cis, like somehow being unique when it comes to gender or whatever is better than being normal. I know a girl who insists on being called he and is planning on taking testosterone soon. That's all fine but everyone who knows her, friends and family (all non judgemental) think she is doing it for the wrong reasons, and a big part of that is she is given so much attention and approval for breaking from the norm even though she might regret the change once the process starts.
+TimberWolf257 Honestly it's the tumblr generation(as well as a good chunk of college bred twitterholics) that has truly caused a lot of discussions like this to sound like a manifesto for some major cult.Hence the reason why when some pages(or in this case TH-cam channels) have serious (and none crazy) discussions like this then a lot of people simply tune it out like a parent tuning out a child going on and on about some nonsense.But Im glad to find the discussions like this playing out in a civilized manner.Very rare considering this day and age.
+Fifteen Inches of Joy Really? As a guy I find my facial hair a pain in the ass, it's scratchy and distracting and hides my face more than I'd like. I've never really understood the beard obsession
+strawberrysherbet {semi-hiatus} I'm a 21 year old guy and I also want a beard... too bad I can prolly grow a beard around my 40s and I prolly get grey around that time if not bald.
+Fifteen Inches of Joy For awhile I thought the texture of facial hair was too rough, however, when I shave my beard and touch my face, I hate it. I just hate the feeling of touching my skin. When I have scruff, I feel like my face is being protected from everything. Now I love all my facial hair.
Honestly, this video made me cry because I'm a teenager and I'm going through the exact same thing you went through. Sometimes I feel like life would just be easier if I was a boy, even though I know inside that I'm a girl. I've started watching your videos recently and I think you're awesome. You are what I aspire to be. You give me hope that one day I'll be as secure with myself as you are. It's a good feeling to know that you're not alone.
I'd just like to say, I'm very glad you decided to share this. It's always nice to hear good people speak out about this aspect of life, when there's so much that... still needs to change in culture. The more people speak up about issues related to gender identity, gender roles, the distinction between them, and all that... the better the world will be :)
Let me just say that I'm weird. I'm a trans woman, but I'm a bit fluid in my gender expression. I remember when I was transitioning and I would get a lot of hate from the other trans women in my support group because I didn't like makeup or super girly clothes. I don't dress much different these days as I used to. I just gots the boobs now. I rarely get misgendered despite this, so it's all good. Like you, I prefer men's t-shirts--preferably baggy. But I do have a few form-fitting women's clothes for when I feel like it--which I do. It just depends on the day. I almost always wear tight pants, though. Makes me feel good. Thanks for making this video, Dodger, and giving one more reason to be a fan. :D
+Psycho Yuffie Yeah, I am a transman and I definitely get the opposite of the scale where people expect me to want to be the manliest man ever with flannel and a huge beard who lives in the woods and wrestles bears. But I don't want to be that. That's never really been me. And lately, I've been daring slowly but surely to be a bit more in touch with my feminine side without fearing people aren't gonna take me seriously anymore.
+Alex Kerrigan Gender is one of those topics people have a strong response to. It doesn't bother me too much :) I just hope that the people who watch the whole video get a message of "be yourself!" out of it
Just wanted to say thanks for this, Dodger. Hearing about your experience when you were younger was like listening to somebody else talking about my own life. I went through the exact same thing, and am only really coming to terms with myself now at the age of 24. It's great to hear somebody I respect so much who has provided me with so much entertainment over the years talking about this stuff in such a relatable way. So from one growing meatbag to another, thank you!
This video was a treat and for once got to see that someone else recognizes and feels the "I am a girl but like a lot of boy things", so thank you for uploading. I love how you presented this video and wish you did like a mini series or occasional uploads similar to this just talking about.. for lack of a better term life advise, like how to deal with toxic people/family when avoiding them isn't an option or something.
"I felt like what girls were supposed to be didn't apply to me, and that was very confusing as a child." So. Fricking. True. I used to feel the exact same way, but I'm slowly learning to ignore the people who try to shove me into a box. The only thing that should matter is that I'm comfortable in my own clothes, and in my own skin! I CAN BE AS MASCULINE OR FEMININE AS I WANT!!! Thank you, Dodger, for making this lovely video and sharing your thoughts. You've given me---and a bunch more of your viewers, I'm sure---a huge confidence boost. ^_^
I can't comment from my own personal experience but growing up my brother wore dresses, played with dolls, had many female friends growing up, etc and we were pretty cruel to him because to everyone else he was a bit of a "Nancy" Times are changing though I feel and most people my age (around 20) don't give a shit about that kind of stuff which I think is wonderful. I personally am sick of all these tags and identifying labels just be you, the individual.
Omg your childhood experiences really resonated with me! When I was growing up I always really identified with feminine stuff and my dream career for when I grew up was "girl", and around puberty I was really confused about whether I was transgender, to the point where I started going to therapy about it. But eventually I realised that it's not that I'm uncomfortable being male, it's that I felt uncomfortable about where I stood in relation to "traditional" forms of masculinity, and probably also uncomfortable about coming to terms with being gay too. Thankfully I've realised that I don't have to be traditionally masculine, I can have long hair if I want, I can wear clothes that show off my figure, I can enjoy feminine things and it doesn't make me some kind of anomaly. Also I realised that even if I wouldn't mind in the slightest if I were born a girl, I'd feel no more or less comfortable with how I am now. Any sort of gender-related discomfort is just background radiation that wouldn't go away if I were female.
Aw man Dodger! this is a really interesting video and I'm really glad you uploaded it. Like talking about gender in relation to comfort is super interesting and also important to analyze. Like if I never did that, I probably would be way less comfortable with myself as a person because I would still be fighting this confusing cocktail of masculinity and femininity within me. Then I realized comfort was my number one priority and that I didn't need to identify as anything! Haha. Now I wear whatever the heck I want and I'm on top of the world. BUT YEAH-- cool video! More people should really examine what makes them tick, so I'm glad the gender tag exists.
I LOVED this so much. As a kid I was always taught that the things I liked (comic books, video games, more ~action-y~ shows) were "boy" things, but I was always comfortable in being a girl, I just had interests that everybody deemed more masculine and it always made me confused. As I grew up I learned that that was incredibly silly and didn't let it affect me like it had back then. This was so interesting to hear from you, I'm glad you made this!
Thank you so so much for this Dodger! It's heartening to see more and more people talking about these sorts of issues. I felt the same sort of way when I was younger, that I was too masculine to really be a 'girl.' It caused a fair amount of distress for me while I was growing up, at least until I found a new group of friends that I really gelled with. I'm just really glad that someone I look up to has had some similar experiences.
You freaking rock Doogs. This video is SO important, and so great that you are speaking about this issue. This video is a perfect example of why I have enjoyed your channel so much over the years. I may not watch many of the animu bullshit videos, but I love your ability to be frank and discuss things in a rational manner.
Never had any confusion about my gender, or whatever, or cared about anyone's gender. But this does remind me, I have a very distinct preference to play female characters in games/always write my best characters as female, regardless of the fact that I'm male. I imagine it may have something to do with the fact that I'm so interested in trying to relate to people that are different from me/experience the world differently. But really, just a weird little quirk of mine, that I've noticed isn't exactly uncommon either.
+ScientaEstVox I don't really trust Freud the fraud's opinion on anything. For an example I've heard, and this is me pulling out a wikipedia section. Freud suspected, in addition to hysteria, a "nasal reflex neurosis", a condition popularized by his friend and collaborator Wilhelm Fliess, an ear, nose, and throat specialist. Fliess had been treating "nasal reflex neurosis" by cauterizing the inside of the nose under local anesthesia with cocaine used as the anesthetic. Fliess found that the treatment yielded positive results, in that his patients became less depressed. Fliess conjectured that if temporary cauterization was temporarily useful, perhaps surgery would yield more permanent results. He began operating on the noses of patients he diagnosed with the disorder, including Eckstein and even Freud himself. Eckstein's surgery was a disaster. She suffered from terrible infections for some time, and profuse bleeding. Freud called in a specialist, his old school friend, Dr Ignaz Rosanes,[13] who removed a mass of surgical gauze that Fliess had not removed. Eckstein's nasal passages were so damaged that she was left permanently disfigured. Freud initially attributed this damage to the surgery, but later, as an attempt to reassure his friend that he shouldn't blame himself, Freud reiterated his belief that the initial nasal symptoms had been due to hysteria. Its like saying you can keep your phone hardware waterproof with some software. Thats not how it works. You can also see how he will quickly change what he believes just to fit in a social box that doesn't exist. Just reasons for my opinion on him really.
+SootShade i have a curious trend in my writing that was pointed out to me last year. both in writing projects and when DM-ing RPG games, i never make female antagonists. i have no idea why :P as i said, never even noticed until it was pointed out to me. i'm sure a psychologist would have fun with it :P
I'm really glad you did this, Dodger! Not only do I like hearing peoples' opinions, especially from a female gamer in a "primarily male profession", but I feel like it's also an excellent way of reaching out more to your fans and subscribers when you talk about things that we all have an opinion on. (Be warned of the comments, but I'm sure you already know that). I think you should do more of these things! It makes me (and hopefully us) happy!
just gonna say i fuckin love dodger, and like not in a hopeless, creepy, or whatever way, but just I am so glad that she exists, her views and stances on this vid are so on point it kills me. I am so grateful she exists and that I know of her.
I'm glad you made a video about this Dodger! I can empathize since I started a journey (it really is never-ending) exploring gender and self-identity in my teens, and through the years I've come to a point where I like the things I like whether it's a boy thing or a girl thing. I've embraced aspects of both femininity and masculinity to a point where I feel a sense of freedom of just being myself, and I'm glad I discovered that. Gender and sexuality are complex and interesting topics, and I love that you put your opinion out there. Also, I totally agree that matters of self-identity are obviously highly individualistic and opinions will vary from person to person.
Absolutely Fabulous! I love how you use words and how you approach concepts. You spoke so many things I have thought, but could never say quite right. Thanks, Dodger! You have a beautiful, honest heart.
+InCakeWeTrust I think it's more a case of biased sample fallacy. People are presented with gender discussion in a sort of fantastical extreme and the conversation is hard to have seriously in that space.
Yeah but its not predictable i mean its not like they intentionally say it because they are paid to or something it is actually how they feel and how they have grown up to be.
You know, for a while now I've struggled to understand discussions about gender. But you made the perfect point that kind of clarified the discussion for me: boxes are stupid. We should all just do whatever makes us feel comfortable/happy without worrying about which "box" that fits into.
I know this video was uploaded a few years ago, but I support you, Doogs. And I really relate to this, so thanks for making it. This is part of the reason why you're my favorite streamer/youtuber.
I came out as transgender late last year and I'm getting ready to come out publicly and start living as a woman (less than a week in fact!) and this video has honestly really helped me in understanding myself better. I always felt like I should be more feminine but was always expected to be masculine, but I never experienced what you did with feeling comfortable in your own body when presenting yourself in ways expected of the opposite gender. I hate dressing, acting, pretending and overall being masculine. So this video has definitely helped me understand that what I'm doing is right for me! Thank you for sharing your experiences Dooger! :)
This is something that I think needs to be talked about in a higher public scale. Gender, Individuality, all of it. My family have poked fun at so many people, mainly because of their appearances, like men wearing skirts or women with short hair, and it makes me afraid to express myself around them. I'm happy that I have friends that support the choices that I make, but my family, who I'm around the majority of the time, can't accept others for the way they dress/look, nor can many of the people in my school. It's so frustrating and sad that most young people feel like they need to fit a mold, so they try so hard to be involved, when they can't really accept who they really are. I hate that only very few people near me know that being and accepting who they are is way more important than what others think. I enjoy what I enjoy, I shouldn't be labeled because of it.
Haven't watched the whole video yet, but I'll just say this: It's extremely refreshing seeing a balanced and positive response like this. Gender is a touchy issue right now, and I appreciate the fact that you are able to deal with it in such a mature manner, already fostering so much more fruitful discussion on the matter than what I've seen anywhere else on the internet. It's not generally an issue of great interest to me, but I always delight in reasonable and polite discussion!
Am I the only one who finds the prompts and topics extremely derogatory? I'm pretty neutral on the whole debate. I think people should do whatever the hell they want, be whatever they want to be. And that yes the public perception of gender is too superficial. But then only ask superficial questions? Asking what you wear, smell and want to look like, what box you place yourself in. If you want babies. If you want to make more money than your partner? This is just shaping an outdated narrowminded train of thought into your own reference points. Making it all about yourself. Why not discuss the origins of gender disparity. Linguistically, biologically and socially. How that affects us today. How this effects the general population, how happiness plays a part. What total equality actually entails once you cut out the physical aspects. I'm usually not one to comment a lot. And I really don't wanna attack Dodger. But if whoever came up with these questions, really is that invested in this topic. They should have come up with a lot better than a bloody MySpace survey.
+GlennWillsee Yeah, this is pretty much exactly the way I also think about it, but I don't think that kind of analytical approach is a fit for all that many people. For whatever reason it's a topic of interest to many, and without pretty extensive information on a wide variety of subjects is pretty hard to get that kind of objective view of things. On the other hand, everyone has their personal experiences when it comes to this, and those are easier and more natural to refer to most of the time. That said, as far I'm concerned getting that information that you would need to discuss the matter in a productive manner isn't all that hard in the age of the internet either, so I can agree on that last point.
+GlennWillsee I think the line of questions is more about showing that typical "gender roles" aren't as clear cut as some people feel it is. Talking about children and money i.e.: things that are typically associated with a "mother/wife" or "father/husband" figure allows for a much more clear conversation of "oh I guess not all women are interested in being a caretaker" or "I guess all men don't see money equating to power".
Dodger, you do a great job with topics that can draw a lot of ire. Thanks for being a considerate and conscientious presenter. Your mindfulness is appreciated.
Great video, Dodger! It's nice to know a bit more about you, since I've been watching your videos for pretty much 3 or 4 years. Hah. Now, I don't get the confusion people seem to be having about this issue. I mean, I should be the one to decide what/who I am and what I identify myself as, and that is no one else's business. And I shouldn't have to "expect" or "demand" people to respect my choices, they should do it by default (and by choices I don't mean we choose what our gender identification is, but rather we choose to accept and express it)... As long as people are not hurting anybody else or breaking any laws, they should be allowed to do or be whatever the heck they want, without anyone nagging them. God damn it, people, learn to leave others alone and mind your own lives!
+KonradosHut "No, we should shame them and not allow them to do that, because other people having the strength to be who they want to be is making me jealous and further my own insecurities for not being able to do the same and be the person I want to be!" is what people would answer to that, if those people would have enough braincells for some serious introspective. But if they would be capable of said introspective, then they would probably not have these issues in the first place.
aight,so before i kick this off, i do not endorse/condone abusive behavior. it is grotesque, and it makes a mockery of the unique spark that makes humanity so special. ok? ok! so, some of this opposition comes from belligerence, or lessons you were taught as a kid. HOWEVER! It is important to also recognize that something like gender dysphoria (the feeling of being in the wrong body) is such a leap for someone who has NEVER felt uncomfortable in their own skin. for some people, that's just really hard to process.
Super cool video!~ I'm always glad to see more people talking about gender and expression, especially in a positive/ casual way. Just skimming through the comments I can see some people have a slightly negative opinion on the topic just because of how jumpy tumblr gets about it. I can understand both sides of it since I'm on tumblr all the time anyway lol. Either way I love that you made this video (especially because isn't polarizing) and it makes me want to make one too! :p
These gender tags are interesting to me. I never grew up with a defined box for gender because my parents never pressed the issues. I had a lot of male and female toys and clothes growing up and my mom would always buy us the clothes that we liked the most. To her it was more important we felt comfortable with our appearance and with ourselves than to fit into a stereotype. I really appreciate that my mom did that now that I'm older. I'm happy with who I am and that i don't need to do or wear certain things to feel right with the world.
I really love your video! It has actually cleared up some things for myself as well and how I've been struggling with how I percieve myself. It was really helpful to me, and I relate to your experiences alot, so thank you for making this and uploading it :)
I absolutely loved it. I'm glad to see more of us are showing awareness to this very personal topic for each of us. In fact, I'm compelled to make a video to contribute to the conversation, cheesy low-tech and all. I appreciate this video, Düger. :3
I felt the exact same way, you somehow described my situation growing up exactly! I never thought anyone felt the same way. Thank you for posting this (:
This is so real, oh my god. I was a tomboy growing up and I felt like it was my secret and it was a bad thing and you just expressed and explained what I went through so well. Thank you Dodger! Can't believe how similar our situations were.. :)
I totally feel that younger confusion and hating how gender always felt like I didn't feel like I fit as a girl. Tbh, I am now a demiguy, and I'm happy to see someone who was unsure and all, but ended up still feeling like yes, I am a girl. It's refreshing as people assume often that any confusion means you're the thing you're confused about. Also, you'd be a wonderful mom.
I love you, Dodger, your answers didn't seem like cliche ones and also they sounded a lot like answers I would give or were just basically my answers pretty much word for word. You're real cool ^^
I really like Dodger because in the end she basically says it doesn't matter who you are or where you came from as long as you stay true to yourself keep up the great work
I'm sad to see a lot of hate comments and such but I'm also really glad to see people asking questions or being positive about this video and gender :)
Dodger you're wonderful! I've felt the exact same way my entire life. It's really cool to see someone else share the same feels and stuff. You do you, girl.
I have never been confused about my gender or anything like that but its always nice to hear other people experiences. Really interesting video and its always good to see that despite the obvious dislikes most of the comment section has been civil discussion amongst each other.
I'm dealing with my gender and the dysphoria it brings right now. I needed this so much. And especially from my favorite TH-camr/Twitch streamer. Thank you so much.
Dodger! I had VERY similar feelings about gender that you did when you were young. I always felt like I didnt fit into the box of girl that society forced on me, and my mom was always policing my gender presentation in the sense that she wanted me to wear certain things or act a certain way and for a long time it really hurt and confused me. Like you, as I grew older I became more comfortable showing my femininity but also not being scared of my masculinity, and totally accepting myself. Thank you for the video.
Its nice hearing about your experiences and thoughts, Dodger. Much interestingness. As a transperson, its nice to know even a cislady like yourself has issues with self-identity at a young age. Well, not nice, but comforting that I wasn't alone in my struggles. Personally I feel the same about gender roles nowadays - girls can be boyish yet still be women, and boys can be girly yet still be men. A bit of fluidity is healthy, I think. Oh, and I get misgendered all the time. Hilariously in both directions, since I don't present myself as female in public all that often. It never bothered me when I was a teenager and people mistook me for a woman from behind (long hair), and it doesn't bother me now unless the person knows better and does it anyway (and even then its just because they are being rude rather then the misgendering - I'm not that insecure!).
I seriously relate to this so much! I don't know anyone who has had similar experiences to me and this has made me feel so comfortable knowing someone else has gone down a similar roller coaster. I remember being so confused as a child. I was a boyish little girl with incredibly short hair (not out of my own choice it really just didn't grow) and I liked boyish things. I didn't like wearing girly clothes and much preferred the company of males and a boyish friend of mine who weirdly is the only friend I've kept from my very young childhood. I thought that I had to be one or the other and that I either had to choose to be a boy or a girl and that I had to fit into the box, but there were still girly aspects about me. I used to love climbing trees and getting all muddy and bugs, toads and worms and other females I knew really didn't like that stuff. I grew up with 2 brothers and a rather boyish mother who only wore makeup when she went out and preferred my dads company, like we used to do little building projects together. But like you said, when I went through changes (which was uncommonly young, and before anyone I knew) I started to feel more comfortable in mens clothes and would wear my older brothers clothes. Ever since I've preferred baggy clothes. I have also become more feminine too, realising that being I don't have to like 100% girls and still be a girl. I like wearing girly clothes and dressing up all feminine, but sometimes I don't want to because I don't feel comfortable some days, and I likewise prefer to be comfortable. But I have come to terms with the fact that it's okay to feel like that. I also remember my mother not wanting me to have certain things like pokemon games because she thought they were too boyish since my brother played them, I feel like I only really began to feel comfortable being a girl and being girly when she accepted that I wasn't the fragile little girl she wanted me to be.
I totally feel the same way about the "wanting to be a boy" when I was younger, and I also went HARD through a phase where I rejected everything feminine and it caused a lot of problems between my mom and I when we went shopping for clothes, haha. Thanks Dodger; I want to make a Gender Tag video too!
If all genders are equal and don't have a function in society any more (i.e. what many wish for society to be in the future), why would the gender of your own body still matter? Is it a purely physical thing? If so, could that not be chalked up to self-esteem issues?
+TheMorbidHobo It's not a math equation. It's not equal as in 1 = 1. It's that even though there are differences we all deserve equal rights and to be treated like any other human being without regard to how we choose to (or not) label ourselves. Gender, sexuality, etc. no one is exactly like anyone else, but those aren't the things people should be judged on, but often are.
+TheMorbidHobo Sadly it's not true A girly man will build muscles faster and bigger than any Tom-boy, women see better in dark than men, men on average die earlier than women, most women can't have babies after 40-45, Men can be 90 and be a father. Gender does matter.
Ronin Fredricson I'm talking about both, but my dichotomy of those terms is the historically classical correct one. Modern made up Foucaultian gender theory is sorry to say is trash.
PaulWMac No you're confusing gender theory with Psychiatry. Gender theory isn't a science it's trash pseudo theory. So you're confused. So check your Hipster beard for weevils.
There is no social construct, gender theory is debunked bullshit. There are manly men, there are girly men, there are girly girls, there are tomboys there are homosexuals there are transsexual people, all since the dawn of time. You're Michel Foucault gender theory is trash.
this video was so inspiring and I can really identify cuz I remember thinking the exact same things growing up, and thx to watching you for so many years I've felt more comfortable about my interests, love you dodger x
Dodger, the reason why women's perfume is "fruity" is because men, biologically, like that smell and its visa versa for women. So we basically put on the opposite perfume for others.
+TheSirjull891 As a dude, I completely disagree. Give me a strong and spicy smelling woman over something fruity any day. There are lots of good fruity smells, but it's not because as a dude I'm "biologically" attracted to fruity smells. It's all preference, for anyone of any gender.
+Chris Fox (heychrisfox) It's always based on modal average preferences, mass produced products are very impersonal but they are the way they are because it is easier to sell products to a well defined box of people and then put a person in it than it is to sell a product to every individual. The box itself is made as personal as possible for as many people as possible by using modal average preferences which are based on both social and biological pressures. Though I'm pretty sure the fruity perfume liking box is roughly framed around western teenage boys rather than the male gender as a whole.
Chris Fox ok, I think i didn't elaborate enough. I should have said, men "tend" to like fruity smells and that's cause many biologically like it so women wear it. Yes of course it is more than possible that isn't always the case like you, just saying many times that is the case.
My only experience differing from the "straight male" box is that when I used to have long hair I sometimes would feel self-conscious about people thinking I'm a girl. I assume some people who just saw me from afar did think that sometimes, but I don't remember that feeling ever manifesting itself physically. So all in all, never been very confused about my gender at all.
14:30 Wow, you just did pretty good impression of my Mom. I guess it'll depend on the kid as to whether or not he/she'll appreciate. I've never really minded, but I think my brother sometimes gets annoyed with all the fussiness. This was a cool video, I just hope no one is being tagged or called out to talk about this stuff if they're not comfortable with sharing.
Really great video! I can relate to this a lot. As a man, I've never really bought into the stereotypical image of masculinity in American society and culture. I was raised by a single mom and my grandmother, and was always the only boy in the house. I have always been a very sensitive, emotional person, and have never felt that I needed to hide that side of myself. Because of this, personality wise, I have always found girls more relatable in general, and guys that I do relate to tend to also reject the typical view of masculinity. I've never really dressed in a more feminine way. The closest thing to that would be that I keep my hair long, always passed my shoulders, but that has more to do with subcultural association than it does anything else. Besides, I don't see hair length as something associated with gender, more hair style. I have been misgendered before, but only initially when approached from behind. Sometimes I do feel that certain aspects of my personality are contradictory of eachother, as I really enjoy dark imagery and heavy, aggressive music, but I also absolutely love a well written romance and get all giggly over cute characters. Ultimately, I think societies expectations of what is feminine and what is masculine seemingly ask us to lock away part of what makes us human to conform to the expectations of those around us. I don't think there is anyone in the world who truly possesses only feminine traits or only masculine traits, and to try to allow yourself to only be one or the other is like trying to do a jigsaw with only half the pieces.
Thanks Dodger you rock! Making my video this week. I related to you, because I feel like I'm the boy who likes fruity scents... less than earthy, but I'm fine with my boy bits.
Thank you for this beautiful honest video. Although a long time watcher of your various content, I just came across this video. I have always been into video games and had struggled with gender my entire life. Transition made it much better for me personally. It is nice to hear answers to specific questions and not, what do you think about trans people. I am glad that you are comfortable in yourself and disregard other people's boxes. Xoxo.
I like the comment about how you realized that liking musculine things didn't make you "too manly to be a girl". As a transman (female to male) I sometimes get girls who say stuff like "Yeah I don't like pink and I play video games and I like moustaches I'm just one of the guys, I totally get it, I think I should have been born a man too!" But that's not really what it's about. You don't go through gender reassignment because you want to be "allowed" to like and do things of the opposite gender. You can do all those things anyway. In fact in the past year or so I've finally felt comfortable to act LESS masculine than before because in the past I was scared that if I ever did something affeminate/dressed in a "girly" color etc that people would either go "Hah! See! It was a phase! I knew you didn't really want to be man!" or that I would not pass well enough and get constantly misgendered and feel shit about it.
Aww, I'm so impressed by how thoughtfully and respectfully done this was. Props to Dodger. Personally I think gender is the most meaningless thing ever and it's strange how much power it has. I think the only time I'm really reminded that I'm a cisgender man is when I go to a public toilet. Having said that, I suppose I really do identify as a man and conform to what that means, and other people's gender expression plays a significant role in deciding whether or not I'm attracted to them. But I do feel frustrated by the fact things are gendered in general (even if I don't break out of that mould much). Toys, clothes, perfume... it's all social conditioning that makes us divide this stuff by gender.
See... all I want in life is to, as a guy in every other way, be able to walk around with a skirt on without the whole world judging. I don't have any issues with my gender or anything... skirts are just more comfortable than jeans. And cute.
Let me wear skirts, society.
fun fact during the Roman empire, pants were seen as barbaric, its only when they got to colder areas of Europe they adopted pants.
From what I've heard anyways.
+Protemp it's true
+AlphabetRaptor you should take a trip to Scottland and be the tacky tourist wearing a kilt.
+Admineon Have you tried a kilt?
+Finn Gleason blasphemy! :P
If you tried to grow a Dwarf beard I would shave it in your sleep. :D x
the doog beard is real
As a Dwarf American, Dodgers right to a beard is self evident, stop oppressing her.
+Bodek He's lying, haven't you seen his face fuz? He doesn't know how to shave :P
I know this is a joke, but just letting people know: in some places cutting someone's hair without consent is considered assault, so be careful!
+YOGSCAST Strippin my beard lust has been sated by you finally accepting the beard life
I do understand why people care so much about gender but its nothing I can relate to.
I went through exactly what dodger went through. I grew up very much a timid boy. When I got older I enjoyed cute pretty things and gravitated to feminine characters in entertainment. In high school I had a ton of feminine characteristics.
I accepted I was born into a male body but I always just wanted to look cute from time to time. So I started cross dressing for conventions. It was fun and being viewed as cute was real liberating to me. Like I broke free of gender roles.
Growing up I realized that gender roles really had no real effect. I was allowed to be as masculine or feminine as I liked. More so I realized its pointless to even worry about it because everyone is a mix of Feminine and Masculinity. So for me idea of gender doesn't exist, your a mix of both.
+Rena Chu And that's good! Everyone has a lot of things to say about gender, and the fact that you're very fluid in your conception and acceptance of gender roles is a big deal. One that I imagine many people wish they could adopt. :)
can I just ask why you couldn't dress cute as a guy,not saying you should just wondering if you don't consider any male dress cute.
Lupe Omar Unsure what gender roles exist in your country. But in the united states if a Man walks down the street is a cute pink dress, and a adorable ribbon in his hair, with cute light makeup on. He will literally get the shit kicked out of him in the matter of minutes.
Cross Dressing and Transvestism in general is a huge social deviancy. Far above trans and queer. Both Cis and Trans community both sort of view Transvestism as a joke. So there very few safe places to express that without facing physical harm of social ostracization.
Rena Chu thank you, got some real insight into this situation. Sorry if anything I said offended yoy
+Rena Chu My story and views are pretty similar, except that i haven't ever fully cross-dressed. I have often accessorized in a very feminine way, with nail polish, jewelry, and a scrunchie on my wrist or in my hair if it was long enough.
Its really important to understand that gender is not something about trans people only. It affects all of us. Thanks so much for raising your voice about this matter.
+EstaliorSensei We know the difference between gender, but there's very little need to talk about it when everyone around you is aligned the same way, there's never been a trans person around any of my groups so "You know like, you're male and a man.... me too" never became something to talk about, we knew where we were all at
+blazednlovinit I think that the point was that gender defines us, but we don't get to define gender. In the video, Dodger talks about expressing herself as a boy in many ways when she was young. Right now, to be a girl means something different than it did in 1972. All that is still in effect whether or not whether or not people are cis.
+jdx350 Actually its the exact opposite. Gender does not define us, we define it because its a social construct. Also gender stereotyping is harmful and limiting, especially at a young age.
Humans = Growing meat Sacks. Truer words have never been said.
+LOLmonster08 Reminds me of HK-47. I thought its approach to things was refreshing.
+LOLmonster08 Growing meat sacks ready to touch butts and consume other life.
+SootShade OH GOD THE LOVE IS A HIGH POWERED RIFLE QUOTE MMMMMMMMMMM. Sorry i may have got a little exited lol.
+LOLmonster08 Only until we are decaying meat sacks, which happens pretty much after 25.
+LOLmonster08 That part was funny. We think with MEAT lol
Confirmed Dodger is a fucking Dragon that eats diamonds in order to live.
I really enjoy watching these videos on this subject, it's really neat to see how different people respond to these kinds of questions. Sometimes people are like...super stone cold serious and other times there are videos like yours where the same point is made but in an energetic, more lively way!
It's super interesting to hear about the experiences of others and how they've affected them, it can be very inspirational as well! I know this topic has probably caught a lot of flak but I think it's great that so many people can take the same questions and put a part of their story out there for others. Sadly not all the responses are always great, but people will be people!
I appreciate the time and effort you put into making this video! Thanks so much!
I'm actually really glad you shared this. I completely understand you when you say you identify as a woman, but growing up were more masculine. Growing up, my uncles were the ones that played with me. They introduced me to video games, comic books, anime that I didn't know was anime at the time... and then I'd go to school and try to talk about these things with other girls and they wouldn't understand or would have this judgmental look on their faces. It never really bothered me, I just didn't understand the issue. Now that I'm older, nothing's really changed. I don't wear dresses or makeup, simply cause I'm not comfortable in them, and I'm too lazy for makeup. I prefer my hair short cause I don't like having to deal with it, and since I've cut it, I really don't like it touching my neck. I dress like I'm in a punk rock band. But oh my god, if I had the means to dress like a prep school boy, I totally would. But again, lazy, and I very rarely leave my house so... my undeniable cuteness would be wasted.
I love how genuine you are with this, like....... not taking it to seriously but just treatin' it like a casual thing like it really is. I'm glad you shared your own past with that feeling of like, "I'm supposed to be a boy!" when younger, and liking "boy things." I remember being told that I was a "tomboy" or "not feminine enough," back then, never really sat well with me, until I realized the irrelevancy of it all, as you said. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I'm a guy and I'm comfortable with having a thing down there, but I also want to wear cute dresses and eat pizza on the couch wacthing anime and crap on netflix. These are my life goals
+Kazuki Kun Go for it.
I will live my dreams and show no regret =u=
Wtf does anime and pizza have to do with anything
boris
So does criticizing others in youtube comments :3
boris
whatever gets you through the day I guess =u=
This video just made me feel sorry for myself really.
Dodger kept saying about how she realised it was okay for her to do masculine things, and that made her more comfortable and happier. Well I feel the complete opposite, I feel like I'm too feminine to be considered a proper man. I don't feel like I can express myself or dress how I want without being mocked. I don't want to be transgender, I just wish I had more freedom in terms of my gender mobility. I don't think a lot of women realise how lucky they are when it comes to that.
Unfortunately, the only advice I can give about avoiding mockery and worse, is to surround yourself with people who accept you without judgement.
Easier said than done, I know, but it's possible.
"We're all just growing meat sacks" -Dodger 2015
I was exactly the same as a kid with the dysphoria thing! Up until about age 11-12 I only wore boys clothes and shoes and was into everything my brother was, I felt like I was supposed to be a boy because I liked 'boys things.' And then high school came along and I matured mentally fairly quickly, and just suddenly became really confident with my femininity. I realised that I could enjoy all those 'boy things' and still be who I felt I was, which was a woman. So I became really interested in make up and fashion whilst still watching my animes and playing call of duty (back when it was cool) and kept my star wars posters on my walls. It's comforting to know you went through the same deal.
Luckily I had a really supportive mum growing up who let me shop in the boys isles and collect all the boys toys & what have you. Without her I mightn't be as comfortable expressing my individuality as I am today. My grandmother on the other hand, wouldn't have any of it. hahahaha.
+Ash I totally agree with this! My mom is very very VERY feminine but she let me wear whatever I felt comfortable in and really feel out my own style and I'm eternally grateful to her for being so supportive as I grew up
+Dexbonus I'm always worried when I hear about young trans children, because I don't know how much of it is genuine, and how much of it is the kids following up on their parent's interpretation of their gender. Like, if a little boy is drawn to the color pink and wearing dresses, is the parent interpreting that as trans, and telling them they are a girl on the inside?
I feel like identifying any activity or style of dress as masculine or feminine is a mistake. Same with identifying personality aspects. I hate the phrase "man up." I know way too many kickass woman who are more courageous than I am to think that that phrase is ok. I also hate it when women say that they are going to "man up" because that is implying that the only way to be courageous is to act like a man. As a man, I'd like the freedom to be hesitant or cowardly.
I think boxes in general are pretty dumb.
+DrLipkin truth!!!
+DrLipkin As a trans person myself, it does worry me a bit too. I am 21 and I've been feeling this way my whole life and there's no doubt in my mind it's real. But SOMETIMES it really is a phase.
If it's any help my therapist told me that apparently, it is very common for children to feel some gender dysphoria when they are young but if it's a phase then it goes away as they enter puberty. If it stays through puberty then it almost never turns out to be "just a phase".
And also, you can't just change your gender willy nilly. You have to go through a psychological evaluation and one of the first things they try to figure out is if this is real or if it's somehow a result of the parents trying to nudge you down that path. And if it's a child then they'r probably even more strict.
Ronin Fredricson
When you say "change your gender," I assume you mean physical transition? Because I've heard of children as young as 3 identifying as trans, and living as a gender other than what they were born as.
But I'm not really talking about things just being a phase. Even if a child that is born a boy continues to love dresses and girly things as they age, what's that got to do with being male or female? A kid doesn't really know much about the world. They know the world tells them that girls like these things, and since they like those things, they must be a girl.
I'm 27, and am physically male. I do not find anything objectionable about being male, so I consider myself such. But I've got no idea what it means to feel like a male. No more than I know what its like to feel like a female. I feel like myself, and have no perspective on what it feels like to be anyone else. So I find trans issues to be confusing. I read every bit of information about it that I can to try and understand better, but I've yet to figure out what people mean when they say they don't feel like what they were physically born as. How can you feel like something without knowing what that thing feels like? Would some people stop being considered trans if personality traits,and activities and/or manner of dress stopped being considered masculine or feminine?
I'm openly ignorant. I'm possibly rude. I apologize for both. I do my best not to be an asshole. "Tries not to be an asshole" is the only identity I care to claim. Much as gender politics leave me confused and skeptical, I still respect everyone's right to do what makes them happy. I'll call people whatever names or pronouns they want, and have no issue with people altering their body however they need to to feel comfortable. But I worry that modern gender politics are only muddying already troubles waters. The stereotypical idea of what it means to be male or female obviously needs to be reexamined, but I'm not certain that what this generation has come up with is a good replacement. And that I'm not able to get on board with such things also gives me great anxiety, because again, I don't want to be an asshole. Which leads me to making this long winded youtube comment in an effort to understand better.
Yeesh. Sorry that was so long. I don't mean to challenge what you feel. I've just got no idea what that is.
Wow I can relate so much!:D
Thanks for making me feel better
+Fesiloni I'm so glad!
As a transgender girl, thank you for this video, Dodger. Any awareness is good awareness, especially coming from an awesome person like yourself!
Props. Thank you for this -- it's way awesome to hear what people think about this stuff. But I'm super stoked about two things in particular:
1) It's getting people to think about this stuff, which is awesome, and
2) More people than I would've imagined are in the "people are people and boxes are dumb" category, which I'm 100% behind. Makes me feel better about the world. :D
Always great to see people be happy in their own skin and identify as whatever they choose. As more and more people are being accepted for what they like being accepted as, I'm kinda hoping Straight/Hetero Males and Females won't be thrown to the wayside as the "weird, un-evolved, cis genders" or whatever the bad sects of Tumblr call them these days. Maybe I'll get some flak for this comment, I don't know, but I have to say +foist101's experience below scared me a little for the future.
+Tim K Well, the thing though is that those people are such a tiny little minority.
The amount of people in the world that are trans are soooooo vastly outnumbered by those who aren't and out of those people, I think a very small portion hates cis people and think they're "unevolved".
It's confirmation bias, it's human. It feels like "Oh EVERYONE is some kind of trans now" but in actuality it's around 1 in a couple thousand.
Ronin Fredricson Is the proportion that high?! Nothing wrong with it, but we are more than 7 billion, I would have thought one in tens of thousands.
So, a person is born & the doctor says "It's an it until it decides what it wants to be" Okay then, I'm a Jedi.
14:13 if you use headphones, you can hear Jesse shouting :V
+Fabian B Was he raging while playing HotS again?
kevsonkeyboard Most likely
+Fabian B I love how Jesse is everywhere like a weirdy creepypasta XD
+Fabian B Had to turn it up but you're right :D
This was a great video! I'm very glad you shared this with us. :)
As a child I experienced a lot of the same stuff you were talking about. I leaned towards "boy" toys, and always felt weird because it didn't seem like what I was "supposed" to like, as a girl. Growing up, I also dressed more masculine, and never felt comfortable in more feminine clothes. I just always felt I was different and strange and didn't fit in anywhere. (And I totally relate to the whole getting curves thing and being like "wait no.") Honestly, it wasn't until really recently that I started to become really comfortable with identifying as a woman, yet still acting and dressing more masculine, and I can say I'm much happier for it.
Anyway, I always love hearing people's stories when they're wiling to share, and it was really great to hear something I could relate to so well! Thank you!
As for my view on pronouns. My view is this I'm going to make an assumption based on what you appear to be to me. If I get it wrong I hope people would correct me. At most it's a giant embarrassment to me in the end which I can live with.
+Lewis Scott Pretty much, its a good policy, and as someone who is transgender, this is how I would advise anyone wondering.
then again not every transperson are fitting the binary. I get that it can be scary to ask but it's more respectful to ask what pronouns the person use instead of assuming and accidentally hurt someone, you know?
+Lewis Scott i understand and a thing that has helped me is just to ask lmao!! they shouldnt be offended cus u care about their feelings! goodluck lewis
+Lewis Scott Yeah, I mean probably 99.9% of the time you'll be absolutely right.
The only thing I could add is that if for some reason somebody you're only gonna have a very brief interraction with for some reason confuses you and their gender is a bit unclear, you could try to avoid pronouns if possible.
I know it's not easy though, because pronouns are so ingrained in language and it's not like I'm DEMANDING you'd do it or you're a bad person. I just mean it could prevent you from hurting someone's feelings by accident.
+Ronin Fredricson Maybe that is a point where going into ye olde english with singular they might be helpful, lets you sound correct and quite posh at the same time :)
I personally have a bad perception of this kind of stuff due to that stupid crazy stuff on tumblr (dragonkin etc.) but saying that, I think I'll do more research into this kinda stuff.
+TimberWolf257 Don't let TUMBLR be the definition of anything. XD
+TimberWolf257 Ya Tumblr tend to has that effect. Whenever I hear people talk about anything related to stuff like this it's always from Tumblr and it always makes me lose faith in humanity.
I mean ok, but at some point everyone knows that ppl who identify their gender as "dragon" or such are just ... kinda... out of their minds ? bahahah. But it's still not necessarily harmful, there are worse things to make you lose your faith on humanity. I rather have someone identify themselves as a sunflower seed than someone who hates on others for not being cis.
+ppmaq I was moreso talking about the people who hate on people who are cis, like somehow being unique when it comes to gender or whatever is better than being normal. I know a girl who insists on being called he and is planning on taking testosterone soon. That's all fine but everyone who knows her, friends and family (all non judgemental) think she is doing it for the wrong reasons, and a big part of that is she is given so much attention and approval for breaking from the norm even though she might regret the change once the process starts.
+TimberWolf257 Honestly it's the tumblr generation(as well as a good chunk of college bred twitterholics) that has truly caused a lot of discussions like this to sound like a manifesto for some major cult.Hence the reason why when some pages(or in this case TH-cam channels) have serious (and none crazy) discussions like this then a lot of people simply tune it out like a parent tuning out a child going on and on about some nonsense.But Im glad to find the discussions like this playing out in a civilized manner.Very rare considering this day and age.
I was called weird for being a girl and wanting to grow a beard, so hearing you say you would want a beard made my day! :D
+strawberrysherbet {semi-hiatus} Beards are super amazing. the feeling of scratching your beard when its growing is just an indescribable pleasure
We all want monster beards and anyone who doesn't either already has one or is lying to themselves
+Fifteen Inches of Joy Really? As a guy I find my facial hair a pain in the ass, it's scratchy and distracting and hides my face more than I'd like. I've never really understood the beard obsession
+strawberrysherbet {semi-hiatus} I'm a 21 year old guy and I also want a beard... too bad I can prolly grow a beard around my 40s and I prolly get grey around that time if not bald.
+Fifteen Inches of Joy For awhile I thought the texture of facial hair was too rough, however, when I shave my beard and touch my face, I hate it. I just hate the feeling of touching my skin. When I have scruff, I feel like my face is being protected from everything. Now I love all my facial hair.
Honestly, this video made me cry because I'm a teenager and I'm going through the exact same thing you went through. Sometimes I feel like life would just be easier if I was a boy, even though I know inside that I'm a girl.
I've started watching your videos recently and I think you're awesome. You are what I aspire to be. You give me hope that one day I'll be as secure with myself as you are. It's a good feeling to know that you're not alone.
I'm proud to be a male. I was born a male and I will always be a male. Simple as that.
+Allie-RX good for you.
+Allie-RX cool
+Allie-RX proud?
i aint proud to be human
but eh
cool i guess.
+Allie-RX Cool story, bro.
+Chris Bloor proud to be a meat sack :P
I'd just like to say, I'm very glad you decided to share this. It's always nice to hear good people speak out about this aspect of life, when there's so much that... still needs to change in culture. The more people speak up about issues related to gender identity, gender roles, the distinction between them, and all that... the better the world will be :)
Let me just say that I'm weird. I'm a trans woman, but I'm a bit fluid in my gender expression. I remember when I was transitioning and I would get a lot of hate from the other trans women in my support group because I didn't like makeup or super girly clothes. I don't dress much different these days as I used to. I just gots the boobs now. I rarely get misgendered despite this, so it's all good. Like you, I prefer men's t-shirts--preferably baggy. But I do have a few form-fitting women's clothes for when I feel like it--which I do. It just depends on the day. I almost always wear tight pants, though. Makes me feel good.
Thanks for making this video, Dodger, and giving one more reason to be a fan. :D
+Psycho Yuffie Yeah, I am a transman and I definitely get the opposite of the scale where people expect me to want to be the manliest man ever with flannel and a huge beard who lives in the woods and wrestles bears.
But I don't want to be that. That's never really been me. And lately, I've been daring slowly but surely to be a bit more in touch with my feminine side without fearing people aren't gonna take me seriously anymore.
What's with all of the dislikes? There are so many compared to likes.
+Alex Kerrigan because some people are idiots
+ARCTIC_EAGLE Fair enough
+Alex Kerrigan Gender is one of those topics people have a strong response to. It doesn't bother me too much :) I just hope that the people who watch the whole video get a message of "be yourself!" out of it
+Dexbonus I get you, great video by the way! (*internally screaming* I'VE SPOKEN TO DOOGER)
+Alex Kerrigan Because Tumblr is being taken seriously.
This is a very difficult subject to help people understand. I'm just glad people are talking about it. So , Thank you Dodger you're awesome! :)
Just wanted to say thanks for this, Dodger. Hearing about your experience when you were younger was like listening to somebody else talking about my own life. I went through the exact same thing, and am only really coming to terms with myself now at the age of 24. It's great to hear somebody I respect so much who has provided me with so much entertainment over the years talking about this stuff in such a relatable way. So from one growing meatbag to another, thank you!
This video was a treat and for once got to see that someone else recognizes and feels the "I am a girl but like a lot of boy things", so thank you for uploading. I love how you presented this video and wish you did like a mini series or occasional uploads similar to this just talking about.. for lack of a better term life advise, like how to deal with toxic people/family when avoiding them isn't an option or something.
"I felt like what girls were supposed to be didn't apply to me, and that was very confusing as a child." So. Fricking. True. I used to feel the exact same way, but I'm slowly learning to ignore the people who try to shove me into a box. The only thing that should matter is that I'm comfortable in my own clothes, and in my own skin! I CAN BE AS MASCULINE OR FEMININE AS I WANT!!!
Thank you, Dodger, for making this lovely video and sharing your thoughts. You've given me---and a bunch more of your viewers, I'm sure---a huge confidence boost. ^_^
I can't comment from my own personal experience but growing up my brother wore dresses, played with dolls, had many female friends growing up, etc and we were pretty cruel to him because to everyone else he was a bit of a "Nancy"
Times are changing though I feel and most people my age (around 20) don't give a shit about that kind of stuff which I think is wonderful. I personally am sick of all these tags and identifying labels
just be you, the individual.
Dodger is just so down to earth and real. It's really freaking awesome
+Elastic Okami That's what I love about her :')
Omg your childhood experiences really resonated with me! When I was growing up I always really identified with feminine stuff and my dream career for when I grew up was "girl", and around puberty I was really confused about whether I was transgender, to the point where I started going to therapy about it. But eventually I realised that it's not that I'm uncomfortable being male, it's that I felt uncomfortable about where I stood in relation to "traditional" forms of masculinity, and probably also uncomfortable about coming to terms with being gay too. Thankfully I've realised that I don't have to be traditionally masculine, I can have long hair if I want, I can wear clothes that show off my figure, I can enjoy feminine things and it doesn't make me some kind of anomaly.
Also I realised that even if I wouldn't mind in the slightest if I were born a girl, I'd feel no more or less comfortable with how I am now. Any sort of gender-related discomfort is just background radiation that wouldn't go away if I were female.
Aw man Dodger! this is a really interesting video and I'm really glad you uploaded it. Like talking about gender in relation to comfort is super interesting and also important to analyze. Like if I never did that, I probably would be way less comfortable with myself as a person because I would still be fighting this confusing cocktail of masculinity and femininity within me. Then I realized comfort was my number one priority and that I didn't need to identify as anything! Haha. Now I wear whatever the heck I want and I'm on top of the world.
BUT YEAH-- cool video! More people should really examine what makes them tick, so I'm glad the gender tag exists.
I LOVED this so much. As a kid I was always taught that the things I liked (comic books, video games, more ~action-y~ shows) were "boy" things, but I was always comfortable in being a girl, I just had interests that everybody deemed more masculine and it always made me confused. As I grew up I learned that that was incredibly silly and didn't let it affect me like it had back then. This was so interesting to hear from you, I'm glad you made this!
Thank you so so much for this Dodger! It's heartening to see more and more people talking about these sorts of issues. I felt the same sort of way when I was younger, that I was too masculine to really be a 'girl.' It caused a fair amount of distress for me while I was growing up, at least until I found a new group of friends that I really gelled with. I'm just really glad that someone I look up to has had some similar experiences.
Dodger.... lover of cats, hater of boxes. the enigma continues.
You freaking rock Doogs. This video is SO important, and so great that you are speaking about this issue. This video is a perfect example of why I have enjoyed your channel so much over the years. I may not watch many of the animu bullshit videos, but I love your ability to be frank and discuss things in a rational manner.
Never had any confusion about my gender, or whatever, or cared about anyone's gender. But this does remind me, I have a very distinct preference to play female characters in games/always write my best characters as female, regardless of the fact that I'm male. I imagine it may have something to do with the fact that I'm so interested in trying to relate to people that are different from me/experience the world differently. But really, just a weird little quirk of mine, that I've noticed isn't exactly uncommon either.
+SootShade Lets face it, its probably something Freudian
+ScientaEstVox
I don't really trust Freud the fraud's opinion on anything.
For an example I've heard, and this is me pulling out a wikipedia section.
Freud suspected, in addition to hysteria, a "nasal reflex neurosis", a condition popularized by his friend and collaborator Wilhelm Fliess, an ear, nose, and throat specialist. Fliess had been treating "nasal reflex neurosis" by cauterizing the inside of the nose under local anesthesia with cocaine
used as the anesthetic. Fliess found that the treatment yielded
positive results, in that his patients became less depressed. Fliess
conjectured that if temporary cauterization was temporarily useful,
perhaps surgery would yield more permanent results. He began operating
on the noses of patients he diagnosed with the disorder, including
Eckstein and even Freud himself.
Eckstein's surgery was a disaster. She suffered from terrible
infections for some time, and profuse bleeding. Freud called in a
specialist, his old school friend, Dr Ignaz Rosanes,[13] who removed a mass of surgical gauze
that Fliess had not removed. Eckstein's nasal passages were so damaged
that she was left permanently disfigured. Freud initially attributed
this damage to the surgery, but later, as an attempt to reassure his
friend that he shouldn't blame himself, Freud reiterated his belief that
the initial nasal symptoms had been due to hysteria.
Its like saying you can keep your phone hardware waterproof with some software.
Thats not how it works. You can also see how he will quickly change what he believes just to fit in a social box that doesn't exist.
Just reasons for my opinion on him really.
+SootShade i have a curious trend in my writing that was pointed out to me last year. both in writing projects and when DM-ing RPG games, i never make female antagonists. i have no idea why :P as i said, never even noticed until it was pointed out to me. i'm sure a psychologist would have fun with it :P
I'm really glad you did this, Dodger! Not only do I like hearing peoples' opinions, especially from a female gamer in a "primarily male profession", but I feel like it's also an excellent way of reaching out more to your fans and subscribers when you talk about things that we all have an opinion on. (Be warned of the comments, but I'm sure you already know that). I think you should do more of these things! It makes me (and hopefully us) happy!
just gonna say i fuckin love dodger, and like not in a hopeless, creepy, or whatever way, but just I am so glad that she exists, her views and stances on this vid are so on point it kills me. I am so grateful she exists and that I know of her.
Amazing! God, i love that you did this and shared more awareness that gender isn't just black and white
I'm glad you made a video about this Dodger! I can empathize since I started a journey (it really is never-ending) exploring gender and self-identity in my teens, and through the years I've come to a point where I like the things I like whether it's a boy thing or a girl thing. I've embraced aspects of both femininity and masculinity to a point where I feel a sense of freedom of just being myself, and I'm glad I discovered that. Gender and sexuality are complex and interesting topics, and I love that you put your opinion out there. Also, I totally agree that matters of self-identity are obviously highly individualistic and opinions will vary from person to person.
I like how every time she says something about the body she drops half an octave. "I have woman *bits*"
+Aiden Green all them dope biiiiiiiiiiiiiits~
+Dexbonus Wow, actually read that in your "bits" voice. The Morgan freeman effect.
Absolutely Fabulous! I love how you use words and how you approach concepts. You spoke so many things I have thought, but could never say quite right. Thanks, Dodger! You have a beautiful, honest heart.
"" Why an equalizing discussion about gender?
This is offensive to my set discriminatory-value system!
DISLIKE!!!!!! ""
+InCakeWeTrust I think it's more a case of biased sample fallacy. People are presented with gender discussion in a sort of fantastical extreme and the conversation is hard to have seriously in that space.
+InCakeWeTrust Yeah I cant believe all these dislikes >_> what the-
+InCakeWeTrust i feel like that was suppose to be a joke honestly. just how you phrased that.
I was venting through sarcasm I guess.. Its frustrating to see the same predictable responses people have :(
Yeah but its not predictable i mean its not like they intentionally say it because they are paid to or something it is actually how they feel and how they have grown up to be.
Dodger is Dodger and that is all that matters! I really liked this video and hope to see more stuff like this from you! xD
+LouTalksAnime But Dodger isn't Dodger. Dodger is Brooke! :O
**mind blown**
You know, for a while now I've struggled to understand discussions about gender. But you made the perfect point that kind of clarified the discussion for me: boxes are stupid. We should all just do whatever makes us feel comfortable/happy without worrying about which "box" that fits into.
I know this video was uploaded a few years ago, but I support you, Doogs. And I really relate to this, so thanks for making it. This is part of the reason why you're my favorite streamer/youtuber.
I came out as transgender late last year and I'm getting ready to come out publicly and start living as a woman (less than a week in fact!) and this video has honestly really helped me in understanding myself better. I always felt like I should be more feminine but was always expected to be masculine, but I never experienced what you did with feeling comfortable in your own body when presenting yourself in ways expected of the opposite gender. I hate dressing, acting, pretending and overall being masculine. So this video has definitely helped me understand that what I'm doing is right for me! Thank you for sharing your experiences Dooger! :)
"I don't fit into a box" - best way to describe myself as well. Got here because of Adam Koebel, and I'm glad I watched both your videos.
This is something that I think needs to be talked about in a higher public scale. Gender, Individuality, all of it. My family have poked fun at so many people, mainly because of their appearances, like men wearing skirts or women with short hair, and it makes me afraid to express myself around them. I'm happy that I have friends that support the choices that I make, but my family, who I'm around the majority of the time, can't accept others for the way they dress/look, nor can many of the people in my school. It's so frustrating and sad that most young people feel like they need to fit a mold, so they try so hard to be involved, when they can't really accept who they really are. I hate that only very few people near me know that being and accepting who they are is way more important than what others think. I enjoy what I enjoy, I shouldn't be labeled because of it.
Haven't watched the whole video yet, but I'll just say this: It's extremely refreshing seeing a balanced and positive response like this. Gender is a touchy issue right now, and I appreciate the fact that you are able to deal with it in such a mature manner, already fostering so much more fruitful discussion on the matter than what I've seen anywhere else on the internet. It's not generally an issue of great interest to me, but I always delight in reasonable and polite discussion!
Am I the only one who finds the prompts and topics extremely derogatory?
I'm pretty neutral on the whole debate. I think people should do whatever the hell they want, be whatever they want to be. And that yes the public perception of gender is too superficial.
But then only ask superficial questions? Asking what you wear, smell and want to look like, what box you place yourself in. If you want babies. If you want to make more money than your partner?
This is just shaping an outdated narrowminded train of thought into your own reference points. Making it all about yourself.
Why not discuss the origins of gender disparity. Linguistically, biologically and socially. How that affects us today. How this effects the general population, how happiness plays a part. What total equality actually entails once you cut out the physical aspects.
I'm usually not one to comment a lot. And I really don't wanna attack Dodger. But if whoever came up with these questions, really is that invested in this topic. They should have come up with a lot better than a bloody MySpace survey.
+GlennWillsee Yeah, this is pretty much exactly the way I also think about it, but I don't think that kind of analytical approach is a fit for all that many people. For whatever reason it's a topic of interest to many, and without pretty extensive information on a wide variety of subjects is pretty hard to get that kind of objective view of things. On the other hand, everyone has their personal experiences when it comes to this, and those are easier and more natural to refer to most of the time. That said, as far I'm concerned getting that information that you would need to discuss the matter in a productive manner isn't all that hard in the age of the internet either, so I can agree on that last point.
+GlennWillsee I think the line of questions is more about showing that typical "gender roles" aren't as clear cut as some people feel it is. Talking about children and money i.e.: things that are typically associated with a "mother/wife" or "father/husband" figure allows for a much more clear conversation of "oh I guess not all women are interested in being a caretaker" or "I guess all men don't see money equating to power".
Dodger, you do a great job with topics that can draw a lot of ire. Thanks for being a considerate and conscientious presenter. Your mindfulness is appreciated.
Great video, Dodger! It's nice to know a bit more about you, since I've been watching your videos for pretty much 3 or 4 years. Hah.
Now, I don't get the confusion people seem to be having about this issue. I mean, I should be the one to decide what/who I am and what I identify myself as, and that is no one else's business. And I shouldn't have to "expect" or "demand" people to respect my choices, they should do it by default (and by choices I don't mean we choose what our gender identification is, but rather we choose to accept and express it)... As long as people are not hurting anybody else or breaking any laws, they should be allowed to do or be whatever the heck they want, without anyone nagging them.
God damn it, people, learn to leave others alone and mind your own lives!
+KonradosHut "No, we should shame them and not allow them to do that, because other people having the strength to be who they want to be is making me jealous and further my own insecurities for not being able to do the same and be the person I want to be!" is what people would answer to that, if those people would have enough braincells for some serious introspective. But if they would be capable of said introspective, then they would probably not have these issues in the first place.
aight,so before i kick this off, i do not endorse/condone abusive behavior. it is grotesque, and it makes a mockery of the unique spark that makes humanity so special.
ok? ok!
so, some of this opposition comes from belligerence, or lessons you were taught as a kid. HOWEVER! It is important to also recognize that something like gender dysphoria (the feeling of being in the wrong body) is such a leap for someone who has NEVER felt uncomfortable in their own skin. for some people, that's just really hard to process.
Super cool video!~ I'm always glad to see more people talking about gender and expression, especially in a positive/ casual way. Just skimming through the comments I can see some people have a slightly negative opinion on the topic just because of how jumpy tumblr gets about it. I can understand both sides of it since I'm on tumblr all the time anyway lol. Either way I love that you made this video (especially because isn't polarizing) and it makes me want to make one too! :p
These gender tags are interesting to me. I never grew up with a defined box for gender because my parents never pressed the issues. I had a lot of male and female toys and clothes growing up and my mom would always buy us the clothes that we liked the most. To her it was more important we felt comfortable with our appearance and with ourselves than to fit into a stereotype. I really appreciate that my mom did that now that I'm older. I'm happy with who I am and that i don't need to do or wear certain things to feel right with the world.
I really love your video! It has actually cleared up some things for myself as well and how I've been struggling with how I percieve myself. It was really helpful to me, and I relate to your experiences alot, so thank you for making this and uploading it :)
I absolutely loved it. I'm glad to see more of us are showing awareness to this very personal topic for each of us. In fact, I'm compelled to make a video to contribute to the conversation, cheesy low-tech and all. I appreciate this video, Düger. :3
this is perfect, i wish i could have watched this during high school, this would have helped so much x
I felt the exact same way, you somehow described my situation growing up exactly! I never thought anyone felt the same way. Thank you for posting this (:
This is so real, oh my god. I was a tomboy growing up and I felt like it was my secret and it was a bad thing and you just expressed and explained what I went through so well. Thank you Dodger! Can't believe how similar our situations were.. :)
I totally feel that younger confusion and hating how gender always felt like I didn't feel like I fit as a girl. Tbh, I am now a demiguy, and I'm happy to see someone who was unsure and all, but ended up still feeling like yes, I am a girl. It's refreshing as people assume often that any confusion means you're the thing you're confused about. Also, you'd be a wonderful mom.
Awesome video ! I love watching Dodger talk about different topics and her life and how the two affect each other.
I love you, Dodger, your answers didn't seem like cliche ones and also they sounded a lot like answers I would give or were just basically my answers pretty much word for word. You're real cool ^^
I really like Dodger because in the end she basically says it doesn't matter who you are or where you came from as long as you stay true to yourself keep up the great work
I like how you put it. "This isn't really the aesthetic I was going for."
I'm sad to see a lot of hate comments and such but I'm also really glad to see people asking questions or being positive about this video and gender :)
Dodger you're wonderful! I've felt the exact same way my entire life. It's really cool to see someone else share the same feels and stuff. You do you, girl.
I have never been confused about my gender or anything like that but its always nice to hear other people experiences. Really interesting video and its always good to see that despite the obvious dislikes most of the comment section has been civil discussion amongst each other.
I'm dealing with my gender and the dysphoria it brings right now. I needed this so much. And especially from my favorite TH-camr/Twitch streamer. Thank you so much.
Dodger! I had VERY similar feelings about gender that you did when you were young. I always felt like I didnt fit into the box of girl that society forced on me, and my mom was always policing my gender presentation in the sense that she wanted me to wear certain things or act a certain way and for a long time it really hurt and confused me. Like you, as I grew older I became more comfortable showing my femininity but also not being scared of my masculinity, and totally accepting myself. Thank you for the video.
Its nice hearing about your experiences and thoughts, Dodger. Much interestingness.
As a transperson, its nice to know even a cislady like yourself has issues with self-identity at a young age. Well, not nice, but comforting that I wasn't alone in my struggles.
Personally I feel the same about gender roles nowadays - girls can be boyish yet still be women, and boys can be girly yet still be men. A bit of fluidity is healthy, I think.
Oh, and I get misgendered all the time. Hilariously in both directions, since I don't present myself as female in public all that often. It never bothered me when I was a teenager and people mistook me for a woman from behind (long hair), and it doesn't bother me now unless the person knows better and does it anyway (and even then its just because they are being rude rather then the misgendering - I'm not that insecure!).
I seriously relate to this so much! I don't know anyone who has had similar experiences to me and this has made me feel so comfortable knowing someone else has gone down a similar roller coaster. I remember being so confused as a child. I was a boyish little girl with incredibly short hair (not out of my own choice it really just didn't grow) and I liked boyish things. I didn't like wearing girly clothes and much preferred the company of males and a boyish friend of mine who weirdly is the only friend I've kept from my very young childhood. I thought that I had to be one or the other and that I either had to choose to be a boy or a girl and that I had to fit into the box, but there were still girly aspects about me. I used to love climbing trees and getting all muddy and bugs, toads and worms and other females I knew really didn't like that stuff. I grew up with 2 brothers and a rather boyish mother who only wore makeup when she went out and preferred my dads company, like we used to do little building projects together. But like you said, when I went through changes (which was uncommonly young, and before anyone I knew) I started to feel more comfortable in mens clothes and would wear my older brothers clothes. Ever since I've preferred baggy clothes. I have also become more feminine too, realising that being I don't have to like 100% girls and still be a girl. I like wearing girly clothes and dressing up all feminine, but sometimes I don't want to because I don't feel comfortable some days, and I likewise prefer to be comfortable. But I have come to terms with the fact that it's okay to feel like that. I also remember my mother not wanting me to have certain things like pokemon games because she thought they were too boyish since my brother played them, I feel like I only really began to feel comfortable being a girl and being girly when she accepted that I wasn't the fragile little girl she wanted me to be.
Dodger you're legit my spirit animal!! XD Love this video!!
I know you don't make videos like this often, but I really enjoyed listening to your experiences with gender identity growing up. :D
I totally feel the same way about the "wanting to be a boy" when I was younger, and I also went HARD through a phase where I rejected everything feminine and it caused a lot of problems between my mom and I when we went shopping for clothes, haha. Thanks Dodger; I want to make a Gender Tag video too!
If all genders are equal and don't have a function in society any more (i.e. what many wish for society to be in the future), why would the gender of your own body still matter? Is it a purely physical thing? If so, could that not be chalked up to self-esteem issues?
+TheMorbidHobo It's not a math equation. It's not equal as in 1 = 1. It's that even though there are differences we all deserve equal rights and to be treated like any other human being without regard to how we choose to (or not) label ourselves. Gender, sexuality, etc. no one is exactly like anyone else, but those aren't the things people should be judged on, but often are.
+TheMorbidHobo Sadly it's not true A girly man will build muscles faster and bigger than any Tom-boy, women see better in dark than men, men on average die earlier than women, most women can't have babies after 40-45, Men can be 90 and be a father.
Gender does matter.
Ronin Fredricson I'm talking about both, but my dichotomy of those terms is the historically classical correct one.
Modern made up Foucaultian gender theory is sorry to say is trash.
PaulWMac No you're confusing gender theory with Psychiatry.
Gender theory isn't a science it's trash pseudo theory. So you're confused. So check your Hipster beard for weevils.
There is no social construct, gender theory is debunked bullshit. There are manly men, there are girly men, there are girly girls, there are tomboys there are homosexuals there are transsexual people, all since the dawn of time.
You're Michel Foucault gender theory is trash.
this video was so inspiring and I can really identify cuz I remember thinking the exact same things growing up, and thx to watching you for so many years I've felt more comfortable about my interests, love you dodger x
Dodger, the reason why women's perfume is "fruity" is because men, biologically, like that smell and its visa versa for women. So we basically put on the opposite perfume for others.
+TheSirjull891 As a dude, I completely disagree. Give me a strong and spicy smelling woman over something fruity any day. There are lots of good fruity smells, but it's not because as a dude I'm "biologically" attracted to fruity smells. It's all preference, for anyone of any gender.
+Chris Fox (heychrisfox) It's always based on modal average preferences, mass produced products are very impersonal but they are the way they are because it is easier to sell products to a well defined box of people and then put a person in it than it is to sell a product to every individual. The box itself is made as personal as possible for as many people as possible by using modal average preferences which are based on both social and biological pressures.
Though I'm pretty sure the fruity perfume liking box is roughly framed around western teenage boys rather than the male gender as a whole.
Chris Fox ok, I think i didn't elaborate enough. I should have said, men "tend" to like fruity smells and that's cause many biologically like it so women wear it. Yes of course it is more than possible that isn't always the case like you, just saying many times that is the case.
Right, and my suggestion is that this has little to do with biology. That's all. :)
:/ well maybe you can say that. I'm just using what I learned in biology class. What evs no big deal
"We're all just growing meat sacks." Dooger quotes are the bestest.
I love that you took the time to do this it's such a cool thing
My only experience differing from the "straight male" box is that when I used to have long hair I sometimes would feel self-conscious about people thinking I'm a girl. I assume some people who just saw me from afar did think that sometimes, but I don't remember that feeling ever manifesting itself physically. So all in all, never been very confused about my gender at all.
14:30 Wow, you just did pretty good impression of my Mom. I guess it'll depend on the kid as to whether or not he/she'll appreciate. I've never really minded, but I think my brother sometimes gets annoyed with all the fussiness. This was a cool video, I just hope no one is being tagged or called out to talk about this stuff if they're not comfortable with sharing.
I love this video and find it incredibly relatable. You have a nice way of talking about this subject and it resonates with me.
Really great video! I can relate to this a lot. As a man, I've never really bought into the stereotypical image of masculinity in American society and culture. I was raised by a single mom and my grandmother, and was always the only boy in the house. I have always been a very sensitive, emotional person, and have never felt that I needed to hide that side of myself. Because of this, personality wise, I have always found girls more relatable in general, and guys that I do relate to tend to also reject the typical view of masculinity. I've never really dressed in a more feminine way. The closest thing to that would be that I keep my hair long, always passed my shoulders, but that has more to do with subcultural association than it does anything else. Besides, I don't see hair length as something associated with gender, more hair style. I have been misgendered before, but only initially when approached from behind. Sometimes I do feel that certain aspects of my personality are contradictory of eachother, as I really enjoy dark imagery and heavy, aggressive music, but I also absolutely love a well written romance and get all giggly over cute characters. Ultimately, I think societies expectations of what is feminine and what is masculine seemingly ask us to lock away part of what makes us human to conform to the expectations of those around us. I don't think there is anyone in the world who truly possesses only feminine traits or only masculine traits, and to try to allow yourself to only be one or the other is like trying to do a jigsaw with only half the pieces.
I loved this so much. You and I have a lot of the same thoughts on the matter, I've just never been able to put them into words like you did.
More "discussion videos" like this? Like where you talk about a topic.
Love it.
Thanks Dodger you rock! Making my video this week. I related to you, because I feel like I'm the boy who likes fruity scents... less than earthy, but I'm fine with my boy bits.
Thank you for this beautiful honest video. Although a long time watcher of your various content, I just came across this video. I have always been into video games and had struggled with gender my entire life. Transition made it much better for me personally. It is nice to hear answers to specific questions and not, what do you think about trans people. I am glad that you are comfortable in yourself and disregard other people's boxes. Xoxo.
I like the comment about how you realized that liking musculine things didn't make you "too manly to be a girl".
As a transman (female to male) I sometimes get girls who say stuff like "Yeah I don't like pink and I play video games and I like moustaches I'm just one of the guys, I totally get it, I think I should have been born a man too!"
But that's not really what it's about. You don't go through gender reassignment because you want to be "allowed" to like and do things of the opposite gender. You can do all those things anyway.
In fact in the past year or so I've finally felt comfortable to act LESS masculine than before because in the past I was scared that if I ever did something affeminate/dressed in a "girly" color etc that people would either go "Hah! See! It was a phase! I knew you didn't really want to be man!" or that I would not pass well enough and get constantly misgendered and feel shit about it.
Aww, I'm so impressed by how thoughtfully and respectfully done this was. Props to Dodger.
Personally I think gender is the most meaningless thing ever and it's strange how much power it has. I think the only time I'm really reminded that I'm a cisgender man is when I go to a public toilet. Having said that, I suppose I really do identify as a man and conform to what that means, and other people's gender expression plays a significant role in deciding whether or not I'm attracted to them. But I do feel frustrated by the fact things are gendered in general (even if I don't break out of that mould much). Toys, clothes, perfume... it's all social conditioning that makes us divide this stuff by gender.
"we are all just growing Saks of meat"- Dodger 2015, that is surprisingly physiological and surprisingly accurate
I have a lot of the same opinions/feelings. Glad you joined in on this tag. It's super interesting to talk about.
Are you sure you don't fit into a box? You're a pretty short person. Plenty of boxes you could fit in.
I think it's important to ask these kinds of questions. Not only do we learn about ourselves but also about our society as a whole.
Thanks for sharing your views and experiences! It was nice to hear your thoughts on gender identities and gender rolls. 💚