I was expecting Snake to tell him “also a nuke just got set off like a mile away from me and I looked directly at it. I have fatal radiation poisoning and also I’m blind. Can you ask paramedic where I need to put the splint?”
Paramedic: Ok Snake, put the splint over your eyes then wrap duct tape around it. Snake: Are you even a real doctor? Paramedic: I'm a female doctor in the incredibly sexist 60's, assigned to a CIA black op where literally everyone is expendable including you." Snake: So, no. Paramedic: Correct. Honestly, we're so expendable I'm surprised there isn't a black guy here.
Imagine being on the verge of death, unimaginable pain, can't move whatsoever, bullets in your body, no way to treat your wounds, and your commanding officer laughs at you after telling you with his full chest that nobody is coming to help you.
Nah it’s the Cold War golden age US meaning healthcare is 100% more advance and is affordable as long as he makes a quarter as much of the minimum wage.
Heh, if this were One Piece, even being sawed in half wouldn't keep from getting restored with a few bandages, maybe throw in some food and drinks and a nap if he's still feeling rough
"hnnrgh no worries major, I tried everything in a completely random order and also stuck myself with a cigar for good measure and it looks like I'm on the mend!"
Skullface: "Got a bigger medikit." Snaaked Nake: "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" Skullface: "Insurance Policy. Don't forget to watch for ADAM." Snake: "Uh." *SERIOUS BANDAIDS LATER* Snake: "Thanks...?" Skullface: "Don't mention it!... Seriously, forget this happened. Nobody will believe you, so let it be A Secret To Everybody."
Sigint: You know what, just let him try it, what's the worst that can happen? **5 minutes later** Snake: Alright, I think I'm back to normal, thanks. Paramedic: How in the actual ****** did this work?
Major: He's fucked theres no hope Snake: So this is the end... Paramedic: ..... Paramedic: Apply X to your ribs, that should do the trick Snake: B- but that dosen't even make sen- Paramedic: Just humour me *bone crack* *heal sfx* Snake: WHAT THE FUCK Major: Jesus christ how
i swear... if i had someone on the other end of the phone to just be brutally honest with me... i might not have made so many desperate plays in life lol. man i really wish i just had someone to be like "look, man. you're kinda just fucked. stop trying." save me a whole helluva lot of trouble.
yo wtf is going on lol i keep getting notifications that someone liked this comment. like a bunch. but its still at 3. idgaf abotu how many but i have comments voted past 10k and only got a handful of notifications for them. is there like a silent war going on? people see the thumbs up and say "nah fk that needs to be zero" right before someone disagrees? my inbox makes it seem like my activity is that of a mod ffs. this better not be some trumanshow shit
"I meant more if you had a broken arm or-or maybe a cut on your leg" that line kills me everytime, he sounds so genuine like he for real don't know what to do.
That's why he turned off his life support in MGS IV saying to Solid Snake "Looks like life is slithering out of his body * Looks at the major * Like a *Snake* , Isn't that funny ? * Unplugs life support *"
Those specific bullets are designed to go through armor, so on flesh they would be more likely to leave a small exit wound. Not always, but sometimes. Snake could fix 1 or 2 wounds, if he was really lucky and they didn't hit any major arteries or organs. He darn sure wouldn't have been able to complete the mission afterwards, though
Don't forget that canonically Big Boss undertook operation Snake Eater like a week after having his arm broken and being thrown off a bridge, and those are just his physical injuries, there's gotta be some trauma from the Boss's defection, like did they have no other physically fir soldiers in FOX that would have made more sense to send on paper?
Imagine the Cobra Unit members doing their pre-boss fight speeches about who they are, then they see Naked Snake slithering towards them because all his limbs are broken.
Check which bones on the limbs can be re-set, those that can’t need splints. Use the knife to get the bullets out, use the disinfectant on the bullet wounds, then use the ointment and some bandages. After all that, you have a cigar for a little treat.
Snake asking for help even though they said at the start of snake eater that because he was a solo stealth infiltration that if he got caught or injured, he'd be stuck there had me dying
...i mean outside of broken bones a lot of the equipment... clears a decent chunk of the pain, the cigar clears the bullet wound, his knife pulls out bullets, the splinters are there to pop his arm into place via a cast. And his spine and ribs well... I'd suggest bending over a log and popping it into place. His legs can also use spare splinters to do similar measure but you aint moving and the ointment helps clog any external bleeding. ...being a witch doctor's grandson is fun Edit: oh I guess you could also use the old "how long can you hold your breath for" to slowly pop your lungs out of your ribcages. You'd do it like... six, seven times, to keep your breathing levels stable and prevent blood from piercing your lungs, too little causes suffocation, too much causes that "happy accident"
Reminds me of Sarge from RvB “Grif, why the Hell would you give CPR for a head shot wound?” *sigh* “You’re welcome sir.” “I mean it’s just so damn inconsistent. What’s next? You gonna rub aloe vera for a bullet wound to the foot?”
I can't believe this video actually had me try to think of a logical way to solve Snake's medical issue here. I'd be easy if I could figure out someway to set one his arms in place without the ability to move either of them or his legs. An arm twist like what was shown CAN be brought back into place if you are able to put about the same amount of force that caused it to go out of place in the the first place. With one arm able to move freely you could set one or both legs into place either by fumbling enough to apply the splint or if like the one arm is mostly just out of place and are willing to endure a second wave of serious pain you could just set it yourself if you do it right (Probably need to improvise with something to put it in the right starting position if your stuck from using the other arm). though I'll need a medical expert for specifics on that. The rest is easy, apply disinfectant on the wounds DO NOT PULL OUT THE BULLETS, bandage the entries and if you run out you can light the cigar and press it against the wound to help prevent yourself from bleeding out. Though probably you'll have some internal bleeding going on as well, and I don't think there's an easy way to handle that without some kind of aspirin or anything to help thin out the blood. Even then my understanding, and probably need to be corrected, is that only buys you some more time. Can't really do anything about the broken ribs, and that could be causing internal bleeding as well depending on what broke them. After that, use your one arm and at least one leg to extract from the area of operations. I haven't gotten to MGS3 yet so maybe I lack context that would tell me otherwise, but the mission seems like it is pretty much botched, the best idea would be get out of enemy territory, regroup, recover and come up with a new plan. Also, why did I write this? And how did I get to the point of posting it?
very good, and tbh it wouldnt be that hard since *MGSV spoilers* Skullface and his unit were following him so they may be able to extract him to safety
In the game he suffers from 1 broken leg and a broken/dislocated arm, and several major cuts from falling and or getting cut on river rocks. Not really a fun thing to go through but he had bandages disinfectant syptics surgery kits and splints.
Naked snake: Fine, if you don't want to help me, I'll do it myself. *Stabs himself with the knife to fix his broken arms and just tries shit until he kills himself or his wounds heal naturally*
1. This is a classified operation 2. A medkit can’t heal your entire body 3. Snake was on the other side of the world calling 911 does not make sense when there not even in the same country
In my mind the slithering thing actually worked. Only problem is it ruins the actual stories timeline since it takes him so long to get back to the west. He at least had people waiting for him.
Don't worry guys he's still got his Med Pack he'll be fine
Dude you got a severe case of genital bot infestation. You should have it checked out. Maybe use a herb cigar
@homie got everything wrong The Quadruple Baconator!
You mean rations
@@tbirddddd octonator lol
Jesus loves you 😊
Jesus, the God who healed me instantly in prayer, loves you my broskis
The dry, deadpan delivery of snake's response coupled with the giddy, silly dad joke from the major just sells the bit so, so much.
" can you- "
" *no* "
@@grey2753 " what about-"
" *no* "
I was expecting Snake to tell him “also a nuke just got set off like a mile away from me and I looked directly at it. I have fatal radiation poisoning and also I’m blind. Can you ask paramedic where I need to put the splint?”
Yeah I was surprised it was neither referenced or didn't occur at like the very end
Paramedic: Ok Snake, put the splint over your eyes then wrap duct tape around it.
Snake: Are you even a real doctor?
Paramedic: I'm a female doctor in the incredibly sexist 60's, assigned to a CIA black op where literally everyone is expendable including you."
Snake: So, no.
Paramedic: Correct. Honestly, we're so expendable I'm surprised there isn't a black guy here.
@@PlebNC Poor Sigint getting forgotten.
@@bakefire9138 Actually I didn't forget. This takes place before Sigint joins the team so I opted for some ironic foreshadowing.
@@PlebNC Damn, you got me there.
I wish i could watch this for the first time again, I haven't laughed this hard in a while
@homie got everything wrong *shark porn*
@@ralek592 This got me afraid but curious if I should click the link.
I will choose not to.
@@ralek592 ok huh, yeah u kinda got me interested
@@NotASpyPootis THE ONLY THING I KNOW FOR REAL
@@zkull9982 THERE WILL BE BLOOD, SHED (hey mate)
He's logical enough to tell Snake that the things in his med kit aren't going to help him, but also tells him to try to slither away
no shit?
@@JordanWheeler1999 yes shit.
Because that's like, heh, a snake.
He's giving solutions
His abdomen is intact. Snake could plausibly slither to a clearing so that a helicopter could pick him up.
"Well I would call for medical backup but Snake, do you understand how *EXPENSIVE* Healthcare is?"
Heavily ironic considering Zero is Bri'ish
"No"
This is set in 1960s when Healthcare was affordable and people weren't a bunch of lazy dumbasses that were overweight.
TheShadowwarrior80 So true.
"Healthcare you say? I'm a specialist!"
Imagine being on the verge of death, unimaginable pain, can't move whatsoever, bullets in your body, no way to treat your wounds, and your commanding officer laughs at you after telling you with his full chest that nobody is coming to help you.
Laughter is the best medicine
@@caspermcgoangle975 no, medicine is the best medicine. What clown taught you that?
@@bodaciouschad Medicine doesn't cure mental trauma. Like what the comment described. Laughter might help it
@@bodaciouschad Bobo the clown, he said that he once made a sick kid laugh his cancer away.
@@goatslayer3160 holy shit. Did they ever catch him?
He probably doesn't have healthcare either, so he's really screwed.
I think he gets VA. Which means he's absolutely screwed
It was back in the 1960's no? Back when billionaires paid some taxes and shit.
@today was a good day The refreshing taste of toothpaste and ginger ale together at last!
He's in Cuba, even if he killed Castro he'd have better healthcare than in the US.
Nah it’s the Cold War golden age US meaning healthcare is 100% more advance and is affordable as long as he makes a quarter as much of the minimum wage.
I think they underestimate the power of bandages. In other games, all you have to do is wrap a body part in bandage and you're okey-dokey.
Heh, if this were One Piece, even being sawed in half wouldn't keep from getting restored with a few bandages, maybe throw in some food and drinks and a nap if he's still feeling rough
And if that doesn't do the trick? Wall chicken.
mm comfy cloth wrap my body, me heal ^\\\\^
@@justbny9278 He made it in ONE PIECE.
If i wrap my arm with a bandage, my entire skeletal system will be fixed no problems
"hnnrgh no worries major, I tried everything in a completely random order and also stuck myself with a cigar for good measure and it looks like I'm on the mend!"
"I put ointment literally everywhere on my body and the white circle thing disappeared, I think we're in the clear"
Reminds me of an Awkward Zombie comic
@@caitlinabbott7895 That was definitely intentional
Snake: You know what? Next time I'm sending in another guy who will just pretend to be me.
It's easier this way.
MGS 5 be like
Skullface: "Got a bigger medikit."
Snaaked Nake: "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"
Skullface: "Insurance Policy. Don't forget to watch for ADAM."
Snake: "Uh."
*SERIOUS BANDAIDS LATER*
Snake: "Thanks...?"
Skullface: "Don't mention it!... Seriously, forget this happened. Nobody will believe you, so let it be A Secret To Everybody."
@@TheAzureNightmare *Dies from cringe*
Snake: and there will be a hot mute chick... almost mute
@@wolfy6631 says mr "its big boss not solid snake"
Don't worry guys, all those broken bones don't stand a chance against ointment
The label says it was made by Huey
"Nanomachines, son!"
The whole hell wont stand a chance against skyptic
I am really disappointed that he didn't eat the cigar.
I started playing phantom pain again and totally forgot that the "Why are we still here" speech was in that game
Hiiii :D oh yea:v knife pulls c:: um
Sigint: You know what, just let him try it, what's the worst that can happen?
**5 minutes later**
Snake: Alright, I think I'm back to normal, thanks.
Paramedic: How in the actual ****** did this work?
Sigint wasn’t part of the team at that time tho
@@Semper_Fidelis_ eh, this series has screwed with established events enough.
@@Semper_Fidelis_ Sigint from the future then
@@Semper_Fidelis_ It's a reference to the glow cap mushroom codec segment
@@Semper_Fidelis_ sigint traveled back in time to make sure the timeline wouldnt be shredded to pieces.
Yknow
Average metal gear stuff
RPG protagonist walks in:
_Here is 2 dozen wheels of cheese, eat up. You'll be back on your feet in no time!_
Seems like a waste of cheese, just sleep for 1 hour.
you eat the cheese while you're currently in the fight. when out of the fight you just sleep dude
5 kidney stones later...
I love how casually Snake explains his disability in every limb, so calmly and unphased
that medpack could give him an extra couple of days to reavaluate his life decisions.
He could trade that medpack to the Soviets for some more cigars.
Snake, when he remembers he's still got those lunchables:
"BITCHIN'!"
THE PLOT THICKENS
The snake impression is so spot on I could have sworn it was David Hayter.
That buildup to that ending. Omg
I love the calm and reasonable way he announces that he's kinda bleeding out.
Meanwhile healing in a parallel universe with regenerating health and instant health packs: *"general, where did my eye wound go"*
Nah guys snake's alright. Major Tom was setting up an epic prenk he was retrieved with the Fulton recovery system afterward
Major: He's fucked theres no hope
Snake: So this is the end...
Paramedic: .....
Paramedic: Apply X to your ribs, that should do the trick
Snake: B- but that dosen't even make sen-
Paramedic: Just humour me
*bone crack*
*heal sfx*
Snake: WHAT THE FUCK
Major: Jesus christ how
Paramedic: Snake have you ever watched...
Snake: GAHHHHHH!
“Well this can’t get much worse.
Hey is that a nuke?”
"Nah, can't be a nuke. I stared directly at it and it just disappeared from my view. And the trees... And the ground... And the sky..."
A second later the bomb goes off:
Snake: yep......that was a nuke
i swear... if i had someone on the other end of the phone to just be brutally honest with me... i might not have made so many desperate plays in life lol. man i really wish i just had someone to be like "look, man. you're kinda just fucked. stop trying." save me a whole helluva lot of trouble.
yo wtf is going on lol
i keep getting notifications that someone liked this comment. like a bunch. but its still at 3. idgaf abotu how many but i have comments voted past 10k and only got a handful of notifications for them. is there like a silent war going on? people see the thumbs up and say "nah fk that needs to be zero" right before someone disagrees? my inbox makes it seem like my activity is that of a mod ffs. this better not be some trumanshow shit
@@ioiwut4874 That's TH-cam yeeting likes from people it don't like.
Snake Status: Hospitalized
He needs retirement
"I meant more if you had a broken arm or-or maybe a cut on your leg" that line kills me everytime, he sounds so genuine like he for real don't know what to do.
That's why he turned off his life support in MGS IV saying to Solid Snake "Looks like life is slithering out of his body * Looks at the major * Like a *Snake* , Isn't that funny ? * Unplugs life support *"
that's really sad if you think about it
He's dying and he doesn't have any lunchables
I always wondered how snake fixed a 7.62x25r bullet wound with a knife, styptic, sutures and a bandage.
Very carefully
snake being fully healed after stabbing himself 25 times in the chest
Those specific bullets are designed to go through armor, so on flesh they would be more likely to leave a small exit wound. Not always, but sometimes.
Snake could fix 1 or 2 wounds, if he was really lucky and they didn't hit any major arteries or organs. He darn sure wouldn't have been able to complete the mission afterwards, though
Well obviously, that's what the cigar is for.
Solid Snake is probably one of the greatest fictional people to have lived in our generation
That's not solid snake
@@maplemaple1439 he’s just stating
@@maplemaple1439 Not anymore, with how many bones he’s just broken.
@@maplemaple1439 He's turned into Liquid Snake now
@@MadHatter42 Practically liquid.
Don't forget that canonically Big Boss undertook operation Snake Eater like a week after having his arm broken and being thrown off a bridge, and those are just his physical injuries, there's gotta be some trauma from the Boss's defection, like did they have no other physically fir soldiers in FOX that would have made more sense to send on paper?
He was the apprentice of the boss man was literally the only thing guy at the time that could even attempt a assassination on her
A few decades later, when Snake here is watching Zero die, he'll be thinking back on this joke.
Imagine the Cobra Unit members doing their pre-boss fight speeches about who they are, then they see Naked Snake slithering towards them because all his limbs are broken.
Check which bones on the limbs can be re-set, those that can’t need splints. Use the knife to get the bullets out, use the disinfectant on the bullet wounds, then use the ointment and some bandages. After all that, you have a cigar for a little treat.
I think you bite the cigars while your self medicating so that you don't crack your teeth in agony.
@@bodaciouschad Nah, there's a perfectly serviceable stick within arm's reach for that.
Youd bleed out with a 100% chance of blood infection even with disinfectant
Did you missed the "broken two arms and two legs", can't exactly split an arm or leg without at least one working limb.
@@stefthorman8548 So if he broke everything but one leg he'd have been fine? 😲
Still the Best guy for snake and zero impressions
They didnt even give my man any food
His headband gives him unlimited ammo. Just slither on the shells and bullets.
I think we need something for our future missions, perhaps some kind of small artifact that hardens in response to physical trauma
will that also make you fucking invincible?
@@TheMasterVictory only as much as the plot needs it
Snake asking for help even though they said at the start of snake eater that because he was a solo stealth infiltration that if he got caught or injured, he'd be stuck there had me dying
This channel is a gem
I was waiting for the part where he was screaming unpleasantly
"Yeah, yeah, like a fucking snake, real *solid* joke there, Commander!"
...i mean outside of broken bones a lot of the equipment... clears a decent chunk of the pain, the cigar clears the bullet wound, his knife pulls out bullets, the splinters are there to pop his arm into place via a cast.
And his spine and ribs well... I'd suggest bending over a log and popping it into place. His legs can also use spare splinters to do similar measure but you aint moving and the ointment helps clog any external bleeding.
...being a witch doctor's grandson is fun
Edit: oh I guess you could also use the old "how long can you hold your breath for" to slowly pop your lungs out of your ribcages. You'd do it like... six, seven times, to keep your breathing levels stable and prevent blood from piercing your lungs, too little causes suffocation, too much causes that "happy accident"
You do a great Snake, hilarious video.
Reminds me of Sarge from RvB
“Grif, why the Hell would you give CPR for a head shot wound?”
*sigh* “You’re welcome sir.”
“I mean it’s just so damn inconsistent. What’s next? You gonna rub aloe vera for a bullet wound to the foot?”
*Boom*
"Oh, hey, would you look at that, a mushroom cloud. Major, how much radiation do I need to become a superhero?"
I think a cardboard box is the best way to fix Snake up. That'll keep him alive... Right?
I can't believe this video actually had me try to think of a logical way to solve Snake's medical issue here.
I'd be easy if I could figure out someway to set one his arms in place without the ability to move either of them or his legs. An arm twist like what was shown CAN be brought back into place if you are able to put about the same amount of force that caused it to go out of place in the the first place.
With one arm able to move freely you could set one or both legs into place either by fumbling enough to apply the splint or if like the one arm is mostly just out of place and are willing to endure a second wave of serious pain you could just set it yourself if you do it right (Probably need to improvise with something to put it in the right starting position if your stuck from using the other arm). though I'll need a medical expert for specifics on that.
The rest is easy, apply disinfectant on the wounds DO NOT PULL OUT THE BULLETS, bandage the entries and if you run out you can light the cigar and press it against the wound to help prevent yourself from bleeding out. Though probably you'll have some internal bleeding going on as well, and I don't think there's an easy way to handle that without some kind of aspirin or anything to help thin out the blood. Even then my understanding, and probably need to be corrected, is that only buys you some more time.
Can't really do anything about the broken ribs, and that could be causing internal bleeding as well depending on what broke them.
After that, use your one arm and at least one leg to extract from the area of operations. I haven't gotten to MGS3 yet so maybe I lack context that would tell me otherwise, but the mission seems like it is pretty much botched, the best idea would be get out of enemy territory, regroup, recover and come up with a new plan.
Also, why did I write this? And how did I get to the point of posting it?
very good, and tbh it wouldnt be that hard since *MGSV spoilers*
Skullface and his unit were following him so they may be able to extract him to safety
@@diegoidepersia though you would still need to stop the bleeding either way.
@@PantherCat64 true but they probably have more medical supplies since they are a whole unit
@@diegoidepersia yeah, but what I'm trying to say is you might still want to give yourself as much time as possible just as a precaution.
In the game he suffers from 1 broken leg and a broken/dislocated arm, and several major cuts from falling and or getting cut on river rocks. Not really a fun thing to go through but he had bandages disinfectant syptics surgery kits and splints.
You're a natural at comedy Jesus Christ
"The only thing that can cure me now is one of Miller's mighty fine Burgers"
The distant hawk noises really sell it to
This is basically just Archer
Love comedic chorus cuts
Pretty great Snake VO btw!
Naked snake: Fine, if you don't want to help me, I'll do it myself.
*Stabs himself with the knife to fix his broken arms and just tries shit until he kills himself or his wounds heal naturally*
If he can't slither then he's "Death Stranding" 🤣
"Have you tried rolling?"
The medpack is for minor injuries not your entire body getting destroyed
metal gear: snake bleeds out in the floor of a jungle
Why doesn't he man it out like a boss
Why don't you slither 😂 that's a good snake jokes for solid 😂
This explains the origin of the feud between Big Boss and Zero better than all of MGS4
I like how they're just taking turns being clowns
He should've saved some of those lunchables
I like how turning him into a ninja cyborg wasn't even an option
Snake eater takes place in the early 80s, Raiden didn't come on until ~2015
@@DeathDealer_1021 Snake Eater is in the 60's
Raiden appear on 2009
He becomes robo in 2014
He’s got a cigar, he’s fine
Oh wow; that's an amazing Snake impression!
Oh, where's Healing Magic when you need it?
Really a coincidence that today got snake eater for my 3ds as my first metal gear.
I love how the major didn’t call 911 probably because of American healthcare
@Lazys The Dank Engineer ok then Russian healthcare
1. This is a classified operation
2. A medkit can’t heal your entire body
3. Snake was on the other side of the world calling 911 does not make sense when there not even in the same country
@@thomasobrien1841 you mean the Russia that he illegally entered and is a spy for the US
Idk how to feel if snake was rejected because of this and he comes back as a angry cyber limb enchanced boss
for a moment i thought you were talking about an actual snake and now i can't get that image out of my head
You've got a fantastic Snake voice!
“So… you’ll be able to come into work tomorrow…?”
Should of ate that Tree Frog lol.
Legend says he's still finding that tsuchinoko... but this is leaked footage of the last thing he did, and he was no way near that goal.
"Can you walk?"
No.
"Can you stand?"
No.
"Can you crawl?"
No.
"...you're fucked."
he still has the cigar though that'll at least heal 30% of his HP because smoking is cool
Pov: the codic call how to use the cure menu hasn't played yet
High as duck watch in theism hella funny, when he said slighter I lost it
you should made it so that snake said that he couldnt slither because he had broken ribs
No, no that wasn't a joke
That's literally
Your only hope of survival...
I fucking love this video so much.
In my mind the slithering thing actually worked. Only problem is it ruins the actual stories timeline since it takes him so long to get back to the west. He at least had people waiting for him.
God, I hope the VA will do a bit with this
Ik ur other videos r getting more views, but my favorite ones are these snake ones ngl
"You're fucked"
How the fuck do you sound exactly like Snake its uncanny
I played Resident Evil, he just need to make powder from herbal medicines and snort it, should be good in no time
*proceeds to patch up
Just another Monday for Snake
I can just imagine Snake using his chin to push the radio button and using his teeth to mend himself with the supplies at hand.
"You're fucked" LOL
MAJOR COME IN I'M HURT
I tried to sneak around the boss but the clap of my asscheeks gave me away from the other boxes
@@goroakechi6126 I'm being held prisoner and forced to clap my asscheeks for the guards
*She defected to Russia, gave them the nukes, broke my arm and threw me off a bridge-* 0:08
Man if it was the future all he would need is rations
Snake finds out soldiers are left behind
Knowing Naked Snake, using the logical solution to injuries is more of a suggestion.
Comedic genius!!