When I am experiencing a situation that causes me anxiety and stress I tend to isolate myself as I feel there is no one that can understand what am I going through and I sometimes struggle to communicate things. I think this stems from me trying to explain to others what I have been struggling with however it had not been acknowledged properly. So I think for us autistic people, it is important having people there that we can feel comfortable expressing ourselves to without feeling judged or inadequate. It is also important to stay away from unhealthy coping mechanisms during meltdowns.
The comedian Fern Brady talks in her comedy show about being autistic about how she used to constantly destroy her furniture after every demanding experience like being on tour and stuff. When she was finally diagnosed she realised those were meltdowns. It was the first time I heard someone speak about meltdowns in that way and made me open up and start talking about an experience I had my whole life. It helped a lot with reducing the shame and guilt and generally having way fewer meltdowns because I started understanding myself better (I'm also late diagnosed)
Funnily enough for someone with demand avoidance, having a checklist for meltdown recovery is yet another demand 😂. I literally need to do nothing until I feel like I want to do something, whatever that may be. That's my sign that I'm becoming a person again
Thank you for sharing this. I think being open about having meltdowns with the people in your life and acknowledging it can go a long way in repairing relationships. I did a video on this during a particular rough time : th-cam.com/video/Zq-ogMvfJ0k/w-d-xo.htmlsi=SvikKUq_DBEl4KVC
This was INCREDIBLE! Thank you. Very well articulated, and I felt so seen! When I have a meltdown, I can't do anything.I just need to lie in my bed and try and nap it off. I get very negative thought spirals which do not go away until I've slept. The 'pit of despair' is so entrenching mid-meltdown, it feels like it'll never end. A horrible experience
Having meltdowns in the mental health system led to me being misdiagnosed with BPD for a while. And shamed. I never hit anyone. I just cried, yelled or both. But it was misunderstood. And I couldn't understand why I couldn't make more progress. It was a relief to find out that I was autistic instead of just a bad mental patient. I am mentally ill and autistic. But I was only being treated for half of the problem because they didn't know that I was autistic. Then I was blamed for not making more progress.
That's what happened for me too, and, here in Germany, once BPD is diagnosed no one gives a s... If one really has it. It's just a good box to put unclear, unregulated people into. I got my BPD diagnosis at 15, and then, when I was 39 I got my ADHD diagnosis. But at the moment getting assessed for autism is near impossible, so I have to give myself the understanding myself)
@@lakritzeslenaIm thinking of moving to Germany because where I live is really really bad and theres zero help or benefits for autism, ADHD or any mental illness. You either sink or swim. You said you're having a hard time getting an autism assessment. Is it possible it might be harder for someone whos an immigrant?
@@LiliVillage it would be very hard to get an assessment, and help and support for autistic adults and ADHD is also very sparse. Most practitioners think it's made up, or just a kids issue. And both autism and ADHD in women- even harder. I don't want to discourage you, but for me it was such a let down when I finally got my diagnosis and then, no one felt they could help me.
@@lakritzeslena Sorry you had to go through all this. I'm sure you're right, although I have to argue that it's really not much better where I come from, even worse because people here are very poor and suffer from scarcity mindset. If you dont have family keeping you safe, you have to work god awful jobs to keep yourself afloat. I can't work any office jobs or stable jobs because those are very sparse and moving to the big city is nearly impossible without support. I'm basically left to rot and no prospects of things ever getting better.
Excellent questions and a great discussion. Thank you Ella and everyone for delving beyond the first few layers and discussing this from an insightful position.
Whilst this video is interesting, my grandson is autistic and has adhd. His aggressive outburts are increasing at a scary rate, and so what I'd like is a video on how to manage these outbursts. Whilst I realise that the need to regulate is important, when he's punching and biting, where is the line drawn? My grandson is also non-verbal and so can't express what the trigger is, which only adds to the outburst I imagine 😢 but I worry about the outcome as he gets bigger and stronger. I'd really welcome constructive comments, advice, and / or help, please.
As noted, it's rarely one thing, and the best solution is accommodating before it gets to an overload, which means taking a look at what causes the smaller levels distress that's building up to the big outburst. Two ways of accommodating this are removal of the distressing thing and providing a safe outlet for stress before the outburst phase Examples of the first: leave a noisy area or put on ear defenders; turn off the overhead light; remove the tags from his clothes; taking a break outside a classroom; being able to get up and walk around on a plane; etc. Your grandson may not be speaking verbally, but people will usually show you with body language when something is bothering them. Hunched shoulders, covering his ears, flinching, etc. For safe alternatives: the best time to sort out what helps him is BEFORE he gets to the overloaded point. There are a lot of different sensory tools to use. Everyone has different preferences, and both adding and removing input can be used here. Touch: soft surfaces, or rough surfaces; a fidget/stim toy to play with. Sound: humming along to a song he likes, or making loud non-word noises, ir listening to music or show that he likes. Sight: interesting visuals like twinkling lights or holographic stickers. Something safe to chew on, like chewelry. Something safe to scratch at. Physical activity: giving him a chance to expend the energy that's building up, and if he needs to hit things, finding him safer things to hit and practice when he's NOT overwhelmed so he goes to it when he's having trouble thinking. Weighted lap pillows or blankets, a cozy corner, a room where he feels safe. Don't wait to use these tools until he's nearly in a bad state: it's much easier to let out the overwhelm/build up gradually. Treat this like you would if you were trying to find a food trigger: eliminate potential sources of the problem, then introduce them back in slowly and see if they have a negative effect and if there's a threshold below which it is tolerable.
I really appreciate this series. I had a hard time finding videos that would be appropriate to introduce autism for the people around me. The conversational tone brought with professionalism in a calming ambiance, love it. Side note: As a future subject, I think creating a conversation dedicated on the innerworkings of what is autism could contribute a lot of people. As we all know, many are still new at grasping what autism is today. I would definitely add it to the playlist I created for the people around me. After much research, I haven't found the right video yet ;).
hi there! i love y'all's channel. i saw that y'all had a video on how to help an autistic child with eating challenges, but i was wondering if y'all would be interested in making one about adults with eating challenges too. in this case, i'm referring to sensory sensitivities, like texture, appearance, food touching each other, etc., and not restrictive eating disorders. it would be helpful for me to get insight on that experience from other autistics, because a lot of food related topics on here regarding autism are more restricting related. or by accounts that still use the term aspie/asperger's, which i'm not really a fan of. anyway, just food (haha) for thought! thanks
When I am experiencing a situation that causes me anxiety and stress I tend to isolate myself as I feel there is no one that can understand what am I going through and I sometimes struggle to communicate things. I think this stems from me trying to explain to others what I have been struggling with however it had not been acknowledged properly. So I think for us autistic people, it is important having people there that we can feel comfortable expressing ourselves to without feeling judged or inadequate. It is also important to stay away from unhealthy coping mechanisms during meltdowns.
The comedian Fern Brady talks in her comedy show about being autistic about how she used to constantly destroy her furniture after every demanding experience like being on tour and stuff. When she was finally diagnosed she realised those were meltdowns.
It was the first time I heard someone speak about meltdowns in that way and made me open up and start talking about an experience I had my whole life. It helped a lot with reducing the shame and guilt and generally having way fewer meltdowns because I started understanding myself better (I'm also late diagnosed)
Funnily enough for someone with demand avoidance, having a checklist for meltdown recovery is yet another demand 😂.
I literally need to do nothing until I feel like I want to do something, whatever that may be. That's my sign that I'm becoming a person again
I'm just like you with funny cat and dog videos to destress
Thank you for sharing this. I think being open about having meltdowns with the people in your life and acknowledging it can go a long way in repairing relationships. I did a video on this during a particular rough time : th-cam.com/video/Zq-ogMvfJ0k/w-d-xo.htmlsi=SvikKUq_DBEl4KVC
This was very helpful! Also very validating having these different perspectives!
This was INCREDIBLE! Thank you. Very well articulated, and I felt so seen! When I have a meltdown, I can't do anything.I just need to lie in my bed and try and nap it off. I get very negative thought spirals which do not go away until I've slept. The 'pit of despair' is so entrenching mid-meltdown, it feels like it'll never end. A horrible experience
Having meltdowns in the mental health system led to me being misdiagnosed with BPD for a while. And shamed. I never hit anyone. I just cried, yelled or both. But it was misunderstood. And I couldn't understand why I couldn't make more progress. It was a relief to find out that I was autistic instead of just a bad mental patient. I am mentally ill and autistic. But I was only being treated for half of the problem because they didn't know that I was autistic. Then I was blamed for not making more progress.
That's what happened for me too, and, here in Germany, once BPD is diagnosed no one gives a s... If one really has it. It's just a good box to put unclear, unregulated people into.
I got my BPD diagnosis at 15, and then, when I was 39 I got my ADHD diagnosis. But at the moment getting assessed for autism is near impossible, so I have to give myself the understanding myself)
@@lakritzeslena Sorry you had to go through that.
@@lakritzeslenaIm thinking of moving to Germany because where I live is really really bad and theres zero help or benefits for autism, ADHD or any mental illness. You either sink or swim. You said you're having a hard time getting an autism assessment. Is it possible it might be harder for someone whos an immigrant?
@@LiliVillage it would be very hard to get an assessment, and help and support for autistic adults and ADHD is also very sparse. Most practitioners think it's made up, or just a kids issue. And both autism and ADHD in women- even harder. I don't want to discourage you, but for me it was such a let down when I finally got my diagnosis and then, no one felt they could help me.
@@lakritzeslena Sorry you had to go through all this. I'm sure you're right, although I have to argue that it's really not much better where I come from, even worse because people here are very poor and suffer from scarcity mindset. If you dont have family keeping you safe, you have to work god awful jobs to keep yourself afloat. I can't work any office jobs or stable jobs because those are very sparse and moving to the big city is nearly impossible without support. I'm basically left to rot and no prospects of things ever getting better.
Helpful video thank you for making it
Excellent questions and a great discussion. Thank you Ella and everyone for delving beyond the first few layers and discussing this from an insightful position.
Whilst this video is interesting, my grandson is autistic and has adhd. His aggressive outburts are increasing at a scary rate, and so what I'd like is a video on how to manage these outbursts. Whilst I realise that the need to regulate is important, when he's punching and biting, where is the line drawn? My grandson is also non-verbal and so can't express what the trigger is, which only adds to the outburst I imagine 😢 but I worry about the outcome as he gets bigger and stronger. I'd really welcome constructive comments, advice, and / or help, please.
As noted, it's rarely one thing, and the best solution is accommodating before it gets to an overload, which means taking a look at what causes the smaller levels distress that's building up to the big outburst.
Two ways of accommodating this are removal of the distressing thing and providing a safe outlet for stress before the outburst phase
Examples of the first: leave a noisy area or put on ear defenders; turn off the overhead light; remove the tags from his clothes; taking a break outside a classroom; being able to get up and walk around on a plane; etc.
Your grandson may not be speaking verbally, but people will usually show you with body language when something is bothering them. Hunched shoulders, covering his ears, flinching, etc.
For safe alternatives: the best time to sort out what helps him is BEFORE he gets to the overloaded point. There are a lot of different sensory tools to use. Everyone has different preferences, and both adding and removing input can be used here. Touch: soft surfaces, or rough surfaces; a fidget/stim toy to play with. Sound: humming along to a song he likes, or making loud non-word noises, ir listening to music or show that he likes. Sight: interesting visuals like twinkling lights or holographic stickers. Something safe to chew on, like chewelry. Something safe to scratch at. Physical activity: giving him a chance to expend the energy that's building up, and if he needs to hit things, finding him safer things to hit and practice when he's NOT overwhelmed so he goes to it when he's having trouble thinking. Weighted lap pillows or blankets, a cozy corner, a room where he feels safe. Don't wait to use these tools until he's nearly in a bad state: it's much easier to let out the overwhelm/build up gradually.
Treat this like you would if you were trying to find a food trigger: eliminate potential sources of the problem, then introduce them back in slowly and see if they have a negative effect and if there's a threshold below which it is tolerable.
29:21 they also give some specific advice here about how to make it safer
I really appreciate this series. I had a hard time finding videos that would be appropriate to introduce autism for the people around me. The conversational tone brought with professionalism in a calming ambiance, love it.
Side note: As a future subject, I think creating a conversation dedicated on the innerworkings of what is autism could contribute a lot of people. As we all know, many are still new at grasping what autism is today. I would definitely add it to the playlist I created for the people around me. After much research, I haven't found the right video yet ;).
hi there! i love y'all's channel. i saw that y'all had a video on how to help an autistic child with eating challenges, but i was wondering if y'all would be interested in making one about adults with eating challenges too. in this case, i'm referring to sensory sensitivities, like texture, appearance, food touching each other, etc., and not restrictive eating disorders. it would be helpful for me to get insight on that experience from other autistics, because a lot of food related topics on here regarding autism are more restricting related. or by accounts that still use the term aspie/asperger's, which i'm not really a fan of. anyway, just food (haha) for thought! thanks
That's the best video about meltdowns I have watched so far!!
Very well spoken!