Yes! This description totally describes me 😨. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Post Traumatic Stess Disorder but before the diagnoses I was just like their description. I am working on making changes in my life through self awareness and this video has been a great help.
Ah... If only it were that simple. Think of the J as exceptionally good at reading body language and microexpressions. For INFJ that is similar to hearing tone of voice. It's just there.
Judgement is a necessary survival mechanism as much as sight. We find it difficult if not impossible to accept others delusions. No matter how much they have a Right to them.
@eve You have reached INFJ nirvana. To accept that people will never change and you're fine with it will give you peace. You can do it without compromising your convictions and character.
I don't hate being an INFJ, I like the quirky, creative uniqueness of who God created me to be. I just never knew why I've always had such a hard time making friends. This all makes so much sense. Maybe INFJ's should just stick together?
I agree with you. My problem with friends is that because I am kind, people want me to take care of them. My ex-husband's psychiatrist told me that I only owe my children my time and attention. If I give anything to anyone else it is a gift. If anyone else gives me anything else, its their gift to me. simple and clear
This popped up on my feed. I had no idea what infj even was before today but I’ve been on this journey to find and figure myself out. Literally everything said in this video I’ve experienced. It’s as if TH-cam knew what I needed. Thank u God cause I’m one step closer. I just want undying self love and to learn how to manage being in my head all the damn time lol
I totally agree. I love talking and possibly make friends, but the ones I’ve try to befriend who actually were interested in befriending me first I had to let go. The intentions weren’t what they tricked me to be. It’s like they were envious of me after I would just empathize with them about my life & experiences. Like they wanted every single thing I had or wanted my job, literally everything that interested me they would try to make it theirs. Like I was giving my life away, so I’m very quick to cut ppl off and be ok with it because I know me. I know what I want. I know what energy I want to surround myself with. I love so much, but I do not play about my time and energy
My worst traits as an INFJ are bottling emotions up and then blowing up out of the blue at the people I love the most, overeating and overspending, stubbornness and expecting too much of people.
Omg i literally think this⬆⬆⬆ like EVERY SINGLE DAY! LOL especially when stressing over whatever infraction someone has done agajnst me, attempting to complete even ONE project i have obsessed over for days, months or longer...-all while managing my own life, household and family....uuuugh...its exhausting...and even the tiniest amount of drama or conflict will uproot and send my entire day spiraling out of control...(and by "day"-- ofc i mean" weeks"...okay "months"....and possibly even "calendar year"-- depending on whether or not the "domino effect of fuck ups" take place! lol) yeah...i think need another break...lol
You’ll hate the fact that u can easily ease others pain or even understand them deeply while u in times of need doesn’t have anyone to rely on. Small circle of friends can’t even understand u lol
Iara enricoso, that is so true. we help others, but when we need help , there is no one there. We have to help ourselves and that is what i used to hate most about friends or people. But over the years, I have learnt that people actually want to help us , its just that we push them away. Because we always pride ourself in being in control. When i understood this principal, i learnt to embrace the help that people wanted to give me. Wasn't easy at first. I still feel a loss of control but is only in the mind. They felt happy to help me as i accepted their help as i have helped them as well.
Do you guys ever wonder why they don't help us like we would, and felt that's unfair? I always have, and I was feeling like "Did I do anything wrong?" "Do they actually dislike me?" and all those negative thoughts. Then I found out about MBTI about a year ago, and that I'm an INFJ-T, and almost all others are not. It made all sense. Doesn't mean I happily accept the unfairness, but it's nice knowing that it's probably not me doing wrong things, that's just how we/they are.
Living as an INFJ isn't as easy as breaking some cookies. We tend to want to make other people's issues ours; we overthink; we find it hard to say "no" to people to avoid hurting their feelings, even while we hurt; we don't forget past hurts; we believe that things should be in order (seeming crave for perfection); we believe in the neatness of our environment to the extent that some people label us as OCDs; we make friends so easily because we have a personality that is magnetic, yet we are introverts; when we love, we love deeply; some people think that we are weird and may be from a different planetary body...🙈 I think we should have an INFJ Association.😁
For me (a Sigma Heyoka INFJ) the perfect community would be only INFJ's. Wish we did have a working/playing/hanging out group. I'm SO INFJ, I raised another one. 😍
Definitely relate with the INFJ tendency to cut off relationships abruptly!....While having “high standards“ has a lot to do with it, having an intuitive and sensitive personality along with genuinely wanting to be a caring and understanding person has its pitfalls. When a person “crosses the line” and behaves in a way that hurts or disrespects us, it results in our immediately cutting them out of our lives. We expect mutual respect so when someone does cross the line, it is unacceptable to us.....We tend to take it very personally whenever we feel like someone takes advantage of our “good nature”.
INFJ here who lets those close to me know when I feel disrespected. If after I've let them know what a deal breaker is & they continue to engage in such behavior I have no qualms of being abrupt. There are others (most people) who are not close that I don't feel the need to explain or express myself. If they exhibit what I feel/consider deep disregard for my or others sense of BEing, they are not part of my life. Period. I prefer a few near & dear who are respectful than being with others (most people) who are disrespectful. It makes life so much better!
@@kelliesmith4068 Oh, yes, I definitely relate with not feeling the need to explain or express myself with those who are not close who I feel crossed a line & disrespected me. I just don’t feel the need to waste my time with it.
Oh Yes!! And the worse part for them is when we walk away without explaining or in some cases even admitting there is a problem. Although I am noticing as I get older, I have become more willing to voice my grievances and give people a chance to change, but as I wrote in another post if they show me they are unwilling to change or start ghosting me in someway then I will turn my back on that person. Even family. In fact I am “actively working towards and literally removing most of the negative energy from my home and life. We must push the abusers away for our own spiritual, emotional, and intellectual sanity. Otherwise we will never be able to become better people, complete our dreams, and serve or love those who really need it with our purpose. Can you tell I’m on a mission to achieve True Joy in my life and help others do the same? ☺️😂”
🤓😂 ....15,000 comments of rare introverts busting out their truths....(actually it's the only place I can truly 'speak' confidently, I'd totally avoid the situation in real life).
If someone comforts you when you feel no one else will understand, you probably cannot fathom how lonely and uncomfortable the person who understands you is.
The cool thing about us, is even though we struggle at first with expressing ourselves, we become extremely good at it, to where we can get others to resonate with what we are saying and feeling. Of course, we have to want to do that 😅. I really resonate with your comment, it is very similar with myself. Oh and since you're a nurse, thanks for all your services!!! 🙏
You’ll all get there. I still have trouble and I get mad at myself and think “why did I say yes to this?” The anger I feel at being put out helps me to set boundaries in a nice way (still learning that, too). Otherwise I stuff the anger and get depressed and feel guilty for being angry. It sucks!
When I first read that I thought you were someone who was an actual advocate for INFJ personality types like myself. I was like damned "that is exactly what I need in my life".🤣🤣🤣 Then I realized you were just using the term like counselor and my dream went right out the window. 😂😂😂😉😉🤙
as an INFJ I've experienced many of these in my 74 years. Some are very painful - the stubbornness that leads to blowing things up, the acting out, feeling alone and misunderstood - yes, I know the feelings. On the encouraging side, I've worked though many of these issues, and also time (aging through these experiences) has provided a wealth of understanding and healing. But I would n't trade the helpfulness trait, the supporter of causes, etc/.. it's just part of the package. Learning to love oneself is the greatest challenge.
Time and following life will get you where you need to go. In the world where the pretty people peak soon after Highschool, but INFJ are still getting kicked. 30s-40s and some self reflection Bring us Roaring into our own. It takes time to work out all of our issues.
Haha, the relatives are probably the least to understand us, that's why we usually feel more familiar with likeminded people or with those sharing same interests and ideals rather than the family.
I used to have these problems, then I examined the root cause for each one and designed a method for reprogramming them. Now I don't just recognize others feelings, but my own, and why I have them. This allows me to be very aware of these negative tendencies, and use my tools to help avoid them. Of course, I'm not without flaws, but I couldn't help but smile when he listed all my old quirks, and I can cross most of them out. For those out there that are upset at being an INFJ, know you can use your skills on yourself, and turn what seems like a curse, into a gift. Sure, no one understands us, and it makes us lonely, but sometimes you have to walk the tough path in order to do a lot of good. Shout out to INFJs!!!
I've taken the personality test 3 times now at different times; all 3 INFJ. I've always felt like I was on a different wave length. To the other's who share this personality type, my congratulations and deepest sympathy; it is both a blessing and a curse! I just wish people would trust me and actually figure out that as much as I give I have needs that get totally ignored. True to the video description; it eventually ends up with a BOOM; usually with gaslighting coming from the local narc. We get pushed when we aren't doing enough (when we need personal space) and then (Me at least) over stimulation, push push push... Then BOOM. I need to isolate from the outside world for extended periods of time . :(
I understand your pain! I look at friendship as me making connections and giving people a shoulder to lean on. I know it's not ideal but it helped me get rid of the feeling that I'm lonely, my friends do care, and will help in times of need. It's just unnecessary to talk to them about the way I feel.
While I was growing up my mother always told me my expectations of others were too high and my response was always if I can treat people as well as I do then I should be able to expect it in return. Of course now not being a teenager I realize that not everyone can "see" what they are doing to people. I've found that somehow even though we are a rare personality type most of my closest friends are also INFJs. I think we tend to gravitate towards each other. I think the biggest key to keeping relationships is too communicate our true feelings, which I know is hard, but I force myself to do it even when I don't want too because I've learned the consequences of not doing so.
Become close friends with a kid who has always been in my school, in my town. We even called each other twin flames cause we filled in whatever the other person didn't have or think. He took the test the other day and he was an INFP. Made sense
You don’t know how lucky you are that you found this out so young. I wish I had this information at your age but it makes me really happy for you. If this old INFJ can impart some wisdom, it is to brush up on what a Narcissist is and do your best to stay away. There are many out there and we seem to be prime fodder for them. The sooner you can recognize the signs (love bombing, gaslighting and crazy making) the less heartache you will experience.
@@gigimo6810 you are soooo right and such a blessing for sharing that bit of wisdom. I was reading thru the comments to see how far I'd have to go before I saw someone comment regarding being fodder for narcissists. Yes, we are. As if we had INFJ tattooed on our foreheads (at 60 I still look in the mirror just to check & be sure it's not on any given day).
iNFJ - Present and accounted for. The good, the bad and the ugly. At 50 finally self aware, humble, less critical (even if I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds) and aware and apologetic of my judgements.
This is something i think is not valid for me, although i can't absolutely rule it out. Generally i detect manipulative persons quickly and i hate that type of personality.
@@angelacavon6408 We are, especially if our deepest values, convictions and etical standards our, competence and knowledge are disregarded but i think there is a slight difference between genders. Woman are likely sensitive and easy to hurt in other areas.
@@donarmando916 yep I hate it when ppl try to manipulate me. Iv been lead up till about 5 years ago since I was in my very young teens but now I am in a happy relationship with my first love . I have 2 children from past relationship and due a little girl with my partner right now. He is amazing I put him through so much ad I feel he does not understand me at all and I just won't talk. I'm not a materialist person never have but always wanted my kids to have what I did not. But now there 17yrs and 18yrs old one of each I feel 1 is so selfish and I blame myself for putting her in this situation. And my other child I feel is so like me in every way. But he is so young and inverted into himself ,no good since a young child to make friends not that he done anything wrong he just did not find the games.they played or things they do interesting or nothing about it is taking more of his life from him if he bothers to involve himself . So he is like me he lives his own company now he has a handful of friends and loads on the bet when he plays his game and interacts with the world by headset n speaker while also playing a game but a mate might call and he calls him in . But it's not long before he wants to be alone .when I am upset I dont even need to look he just comes behind me and gives me a hug and kiss bless him from no were .he just knows. Like me but my other child is so the opposite wants wants wants . How do I help her and my son any ideas ? O no I did not explain it well as i am thinking to quick and get all muddled in my mind one thing i want to know do others find they can not keep a story going we tell it in the wrong pattern is this because we think so fast ? And forget as it may not matter that part we forgot ? Help pls. Thanks karen 39yrs old love from Ireland Dublin XXXXXXX mhwaahhhhhhaa my friends ☘☘☘☘☘☘☘
Yeah for I always do this and even thought about shutting out my family for a bit because I felt I couldn’t relate or just be around them and I didn’t want to cause them to be annoyed by me
An INFJ means you sacrifice yourself for everyone. It means you don't care about yourself. Everything you do is for the sake of those you love. That's what gives your life meaning.
That is because you haven't learned to set boundaries yet. You have to learn to be more choosey in who you put time and effort into and not let yourself be a doormat for self interested types. You have to learn that most aren't willing to put half the effort into themselves that you will be willing to do for them and that is unhealthy for you. They will use you and abuse you. If you run across the right people in your life you will learn this lesson quickly because they will completely drain you of everything you have emotionally, physically, and otherwise and then demand more or you aren't worth their time. Try to learn the lesson before you meet that person because we attract them and they can be hard to spot sometimes. It can happen to the best of us and it is a hard lesson to learn.
Maaaaaaaan! I know what the real problem is. It because trifling people keep trying to fool me but I'm too smart for'em! I'm quick as a whip! 😆 That's what makes it hard for this personality type! You can't ignore the bullcrap therefore you move on!😅 I am sure your probably the same way which is why you're gonna keep moving on until you get better results. I see no problem with this. Lol
RIGHT! I always enjoy the fun beginnings but once you get in the relationship it just gets boring and then I over think everything which then just makes me think they are going to hurt me emotionally when they aren’t
I don't hold anyone to expectations I don't hold myself too. And I have high standards because I refuse to settle. I won't settle for good enough and I'm glad that's the stance I hold. My husband is everything I could have wanted and more. If I had settled and lowered my expectations early on in my life I wouldn't have been single when I met him. Don't lower your expectations just because most people won't meet them. You aren't trying to marry most people. You're trying to marry the one person who does meet and exceed your expectations. I'm an in home nurse, I'm a hard worker and I love my job. I go above and beyond for my patients. I don't lie cheat or steal or slack off, I treat others how I would want to be treated and how I would want my grandparents to be treated by their nurses. And I don't think expecting others to have integrity and a work ethic is too much to ask for.
Consider yourself very lucky to have your husband. I’ve had a hard time dating for a long time just finding someone compatible. I’m in a relationship now, and not happy. He doesn’t get me at all. We argue all the time. He doesn’t enjoy my passions traveling, learning. I just feel like I’m dating a rock. He’s a nice man. I don’t want to quit but I’m truly not happy. I just wonder if there is a man who can compliment me being an INFJ. And appreciate it! INFJ’s want to feel appreciated.
@@daniellem578 I'm so sorry! The best match for an infj is another infj. That's what my husband is and this other person commented that their husband is an infj and they get along great too.
@@daniellem578 compliment or complement ? If you want to be appreciated, the best way is to appreciate others and this way you will be fulfilled. Remember whatever we do for others UNCONDITIONALLY, we do that to ourselves.
@@WhitneyDahlin I thought opposites ATTRACT. ( I mean opposite personality BUT with COMMON VALUES ) Being similar would be boring and how does one complement each other ?
Was a professional dancer, travelled across NA Published a book and two plays Read over 500+ books Got married, got divorced Started a nonprofit organization Went through counselling Worked with BMW Was a speaker Within 10 years... I have 1 friend. Very small circle. I trust my INFJ. I have very high expectations of my self and others around me.
I realized how easy it was to manipulate people because they would just open up to me. When I caught myself manipulating a situation to go my way I retreated into myself and shut everyone out because I had expected myself to be better than doing that. I haven’t manipulated anyone since. However, my expectations are apparently still too high. I hear “you can’t expect people to be like you” a lot.
"Cutting off people when we shouldn't " Hit home run for me ... Sometimes I feel the need to just accept the fact that I overreact and smile walking away from them, only to find them by my side because that's what I want at the end of the day 😌
As an INFJ, I can pretty much identify with several of these; most especially is the almost pathological need for perfection and the deep frustration that happens when I fail.
This was quite relatable. It's not easy being this personality type. One suffers from having almost no friends and attracting covert narcissists (OmG so true) as mentioned in other comments as well. I also feel that I let negative emotions (which are also justified) build up inside me and then explode, which could appear to be too dramatic at times. It's important to let it out at the right time which saves us from a lot of misunderstandings and trouble later.
I didn't want to be an INFJ at first, but I've come to appreciate who I am. Learning all of my downsides and weakness has helped me to hone the areas that need improvement. I use info like this to hack my behavior for the good. Our emotions are powerful but they don't have to control us.
my dark side is that I expect others to live up to the same standards that I hold myself accountable to. That's so unfair to my fellow human beings. Now that I'm aware of it, I try to stay conscious of it. It's really challenging to stay alert.
I feel a real INFJ will know their selves so well they they know this video would speak to them. I relate to video that basic of facts about my daily life.
One year on: As an older INFJ, I have learned that the characteristic shortcomings are not insurmountable obstacles. Think of them as hurdles to be taken with experience. On the other side, comes a greater certainty-- if balance is the hurdle. One is capable of deeper levels of intuition. Having success with change means that balance is possible. We stand on the stage of life, behind the curtains, constantly changing.
No doubt, you get wiser as time goes and you learn how to handle a lot of it. Time heals all wounds and we don't like to make the same mistakes over and over again.
I've settled on referring to the Myers-Briggs type indicator as a guideline. I've got the INFJ result three times while answering all questions honestly (and having forgotten how I responded previously), so I definitely feel that it's closest to describing me, my behaviours, strengths and downfalls. Overthinking is one of my major habits, which has led to internalising obsessive thoughts and then having a outburst at inconvenient moments. Actually, one of the defining moments has been me trying to encourage a friend to take the MBTI test - they reacted badly towards it, saying that it was like trying to categorize people into a specific box. That may be true to an extent. I viewed it as an introspective exercise, but she felt trapped by it. That was a good lesson for me. Everybody has their unique traits, but if you're an INFJ and have been struggling with dark thoughts, you are not alone. Trust me :)
As an INFJ I've always relied on intuition cos most of it its true I sometimes hide details from a friend so they dont think im psychic, when i see things going the way i thought they would.
Yeah I understand. I think being INFJ you basic your life on intuition and gut feeling. I feel being part in INFJ you become more spiritual and have more a spiritual beliefs. I feel other people don't believe it or see what we see on daily basic. To us it can be very magical and amazing. Some times things that not good energy is scary. I feel people don't understand us because they can't see what we see, feel, and think.
The worst is when you share a "read" and the other person, who begged for the read, gets intimidated and scared of how easily you see them and their 'hidden' facets. Like duh, I've known this since I met you and value you. Why are you freaking out?
Good video! I've given the "INFJ door slam" to a few people in my life. (I'm now in my 50s.) I don't feel great about that, but--as you mention in the video--I had very good reasons for doing so!
I dated an INFJ. She took multiple personality tests and received that title. She was fascinated with it. I agree with the dark side being they can end relationships out of the blue. After 2 years of romantic bliss and being best friends, one night she called it off. I received no closure. She had a tendency to bottle up the hard truths and spare people negative emotions. What it did was cause me years of grief and emotional confusion. We were young, first of all, so we're all emotionally more sensitive and immature then, but when you have no answers, you're left thinking "It must be me. I'll never know why, but there must be some huge things wrongs with me and this will happen again." You'll be left wondering forever and it's shit you don't need. I realized too late we were heading in different directions in life, but she could have told me instead of sparing my feelings. Would have saved me a long period of unnecessary stress, pain, and new relationships where I struggled with fear of the past repeating itself, altering my actions. We've all been there. That's the dark side of INFJs. Trying to be self-righteous, but not self-aware of the same damage they try to prevent.
Nothing I do is ever good enough for me. I always end up throwing away paintings, drawings and writings when they are finished. I'm just stuck inside in an endless loop of not meeting my own expectations. No sleep for me
@@nightrider6136 it helps when someone needs talking if their feeling down, INFJ people can help with that, so I kind of think it is a blessing. It’s just your opinion though, everyone has opinions 🙂
@@themessesIallow I just suppose that it's a common misunderstanding that INFJ's are these oddball awkward mysterious types when in fact we could be totally normal, buttoned up and outgoing at times and most people wouldn't even realize that we were introverts. It's a product of our ability to adapt to our environments, but...if surrounded by too many toxic people (and that is totally up to the individual to decide who is), we get drained and need to recharge. Not claiming I know it all, it's just an observation and of course not all INFJ's are the same so...
I know. I can’t stand the thought of harming someone. Being manipulative seems like harm. I think “manipulative” is the wrong word for the situation. Yes I can move people to move in the direction I feel is best, but usually it is because I am able to make them see that it is in their interest too.
I get lonely, but I have learned to just stay busy because isolation fosters depression. I’m 38 and I’ve been in love once. I don’t fall in love easy. I’m extremely picky about what woman I end up with. It’s important that we judge everyone because I don’t like hearing from people “ I don’t judge anyone.” I call BS. It’s only human nature as a survival trait. We must judge who is safe and who is not.
I'm an INFJ and this video really helped put a lot of things I do in context. It really shows the down side of how we think and feel, and explains why I feel the way I do sometimes. This was super helpful, thank you and great job!
I can write detailed plans, and blueprints, and to-do lists like no one I know, and never execute them because my starting point is imperfect. That has been the most frustrating and demoralizing aspect of my entire life. I was suppose to be born knowing everything, and everything around me was supposed to be perfect; but, because it's not, my planning is writing out my pipedreams.
@@DaveRod76 I don't know how old you are but, in my experience, you've at least completed ONE step! As a fellow INFJ, who also struggled horrendously with procrastination, I CAN tell you that the video WAS correct about things starting to get a little bit easier as you get older! I found that it started to improve with the first step of writing down lists of everything I needed/wanted to accomplish. And, then, when I looked at the first list and each item seemed like it was impossible to do...I broke the "impossible" into individual steps required to complete that task. Sure...when you do it like that and look at the ENTIRE list it looks insurmountable but, when you look at the individual tasks and check them off one by one, you'll find yourself wondering why it took you so long to get started and how you can combine tasks that are not from the same list item but are close to one another in your home/town/family etc. Simply so you get more items done faster and with less effort! I wish you the best of luck!
@@DaveRod76 in other words, you will discover that there is no such thing as a "perfect starting point" so, simply find the one that best fits your needs and ability so you can chase your dreams! If you're anything like the rest of us (or at least the person I have always been and the person these videos say INFJ's naturally) are, you've spent your life supporting/being there for/helping others...it's your turn so take your list and start checking items off! You deserve it!
That's for sure! Sounds like you could have given better advice than I did since it seems like you have me beat on planning experience but, since you hadn't yet gotten the chance to reply to your previous commenter, I hope you don't mind me offering the little advice I had to offer, Rachel Morosky. Also, for some reason, it wouldn't let me edit my original comment when I realized I forgot to add the other part so please forgive the fact that I had to comment twice! I'm on my Kindle so I can see the videos better so I don't know if that's the issue or what it is but it also wouldn't let me reply @ you either even though it let me to him. Sorry!
I am so happy to be an INFJ, and I appreciate the people that take the time to study this type and give us something to deeply relate to and help us overcome some of the feelings we put on ourselves. Your not weird, and although misunderstood, you have the capacity to help people understand who you are, and help them know who they are when they don't know themselves. Despite these challenges, I'm happy to be an INFJ personality ❤
Being OCD and INFJ is not a fun combination but im blessed to have my support system. Its overwhelming sometimes, but nice to be more self aware to grow
I finally found out why my life was the way it is, when I realized I was an INFJ personality type. The darker side is one that I can relate to very well. It is easier to understand some unexplainable things with these videos. Things that I have searched for answers to for a long time.
Holly shit am I ever experiencing my dark side right now. Wow I can't even begin to explain how much I'm relating to this all this. This is scary accurate more than most infj videos.
Trust me...my thoughts exactly...apart from the expletives!😁 Scarely accurate but many mainly apply only really when under serious pressure. The point of the video is not I quess that we are like this but capable of being like this depending on the circumstances and situiation we are facing...some of it is hard to admit to those even closest to us and sometimes you feel like you the only person like this... encouraging to hear others admit these are things they can struggle with too.
What unexplainable event happened that brought you to seek an answer? .. answers like How did that happen, why doesn't anyone believe that it happened and why they don't understand that no matter how long they've known you that you aren't the type to lie about things of that nature. Because we know how important truth is to bringing people to the greater understanding of who and what we are. And that there's so much more ..oh so much more that they can't feel hear or see. No matter how many experiences you have and revelation of unexplainable knowledge you have been blessed to witness ... I guess they think. What makes you so special? And if that was true everyone would be able to have premonitions or have those experiences. Yeah, Ghost hunters have really did a number on that conspiratorial it's all fake narrative.. And it gets infuriating and very frustrating when you are speaking to someone and they're talking about the newest video game or the football game , and even the TV series like The walking Dead.. And there's so much more to concentrate your energy and time on. Like maybe conversation I'm trying to have about the episode of John B Wells that I feel that they might enjoy. Or a podcast lecture by Manly p Hall. I guess they find that just as interesting as I find the NFL
100% accurate 👀 I am now 54 years young and finally reached the stage of self reflection. I work in an environment of helping low income earners and I follow the Law of Attraction. "The Secret" is only one epiphany that changed my thought pattern and I am finally at peace with my flaws. I recommend this video to other INFJ's and wish you all the very best of peace ✌
I always find myself setting extremely high expectations for everything. When things don't go as planned, i feel very bitter and hopeless about the world. This is such an unhealthy behaviour yet i still refuse to change even though it is necessary.
I can relate to that so much. Im feeling that right now , I feel so hopeless and I keep on beating myself up with negative thoughts because something didn’t as I expected it to go
We have to be aware of this to be aware of our actions, just because i am an INFJ doesnt give me the right to allow myself to be like that, have to be a better person for those people we care about
It is completely exhausting every single day while awake. I hear that I "analyze" and "dwell" on everything. I feel like everything has a best path so many things need to be assessed thoroughly, weigh possible interventions and outcomes, factor in some possible variables, and choose the "best" course of action. This happens in most things in my life or even potential situations. If something doesn't go well, that is where I reprocess it 100x so I may do better or help more next time. This literally never stops in my brain. The intuition is strong but I have to engage the thinking part (probably way more than I should). My intuition has rarely been wrong.
Omg..... wow.... Just when I would be convinced that I’m an INFJ, I would do one of the dark things you talked about here and tell myself I was wrong. It’s so GOOD to know that I’m not wrong and, like someone commented here, ‘I feel seen’ for the first time.
When we understand every one and we're always there for every one and give advice to every one, but no one there to understand us or giving us any advice. Thats why we feel so alone.
I'm one. Don't really make friends any more. Most people I've ever met are either mean, vindictive, jealous and evil behind your back. It's best to be alone than in bad company. I enjoy my own hobbies, live happily with no stress and anxiety over other people any more. Just with my close family. 🙌 I prefer social media/virtual friends to actual people...🤓
The Dark Side. Great vid & agree with most of it. 59 yo INFJ-A here. I believe this is where the differences between INFJ-A & INFJ-T can be noticeably seen. There is plenty of info out there between the 2.
For me, most of what you said was true. Over the years in my life, I would be punished for opening up, so now I just don't. And that before I found out I was an INFJ
When I was very young, I was afraid of my ability to know how people think and react without saying a word because I can easily manipulate them. I was afraid that I could easily manipulate people's thinking as if they were their own.
Yet, it's bitter sweet to be able to disprove someone's logic or motive in a debate or pressing matters. Because, you already know their options of action, and reasoning for them. It's like chess. Learn to use our thought process to stay on top of your game.
Once you understand your thought process you can begin to change your outlook. Just because you score one way does not mean your stuck with the 🏷 only you are at the wheel 👌🏻📰🥸
As an INFJ who has understood himself for decades, I know their is a dark side and it’s a rare window to look thru. That’s because of all the time I’ve spent with myself and inside my own head deep in thought contemplating all the things around me and happening. If and when you go to the dark side or embrace it, you can truly go to a dark place. That contemplative nature of who you are in the positive can also lend to you being diabolical in doing something in stubbornness, going mental overboard in overreacting. When you explode it’s an explosion that’s being building for a very long time if it ever happens literally going off the chart and can cross over to the tendencies of the dark side. That makes people wonder if you’ve literally flipped a switch. I know it’s there, but I’ve also never embraced that door in my own mind just being rather chilled like an ice cube.
You have to learn to vent that anger appropriately and not let it build up so much. That way it isn't so explosive. If you control the release it isn't so uncontrollable and overwhelming and you feel better about it. I have pretty good control over mine now and don't stuff it or let it bottle up. I learned the hard way and had to work on it for a while but it is worth it. 🤙
I'm watching this video during one of my downward spirals (which I've been exhibiting almost all of the behaviors of that are mentioned in this video), and this is just minutes after finding out about this personality type that perfectly describes me. Never felt so understood until today.
The reason why I watched this video is that I did twice the questionary for the personality type, with years between the first and second attempt, and both results were INFJ. My ex was mocking me and calling me "weak" because I complained about being overwhelmed by people's emotions in big crowds. It took me a long time to start separating people's feelings from my own. I often do not do things because of the sheer fear that I won't make it anyway, so why try.
That door slam is so me. Especially when I can't totally cut out the person from my life, I really do become so emotionally distant. I already recognize this bad habit of mine and I know I must change it but it's hard.
I am an INFJ. So, I was very interested when this came up in my feed. I grabbed my journal to take notes and I hit play. This video was just what I needed to hear this evening. I began taking notes and I barely kept up LoL. Wow, To hear this information said outloud was powerful. Thank you!
Something that really resonated with me: having an overly critical outlook, "Honesty comes from a well-intentioned place...opinions can come off as judgemental". I'm always very honest and upfront with everyone. I find that people (who don't know me very well) can often perceive me as harsh or condemnatory when I'm truly trying to help. This stinks because as an INFJ-T (turbulent), I really care about what others think and constantly dwell on past mistakes, so I end up overly criticizing myself for appearing to be hypercritical or bitchy.
The most dark side is "we don't have friends and nobody understands us"🙂. It hurts 💔
Absolutely sumaya..!!
Yes! This description totally describes me 😨. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Post Traumatic Stess Disorder but before the diagnoses I was just like their description.
I am working on making changes in my life through self awareness and this video has been a great help.
True it is painful but once you accept that you are all alone in this world, there comes a moment of blessing and joy :)
Yeah sometimes I wonder if i met another like me would freindship work? Or would it be the same
Trueeeeeee
As an INFJ I can suggest that life is pretty much happier when stop judging others, live simple and maintaining emotional intelligence. 🙂
Ah... If only it were that simple. Think of the J as exceptionally good at reading body language and microexpressions. For INFJ that is similar to hearing tone of voice. It's just there.
Yes,Yes,&Yes
Found love
For forty years
She's in Heaven
Where is today?
never mind tomorrow?
Judgement is a necessary survival mechanism as much as sight. We find it difficult if not impossible to accept others delusions. No matter how much they have a Right to them.
Then I will have to live alone and that is my fate
@eve
You have reached INFJ nirvana. To accept that people will never change and you're fine with it will give you peace. You can do it without compromising your convictions and character.
I don't hate being an INFJ, I like the quirky, creative uniqueness of who God created me to be. I just never knew why I've always had such a hard time making friends. This all makes so much sense. Maybe INFJ's should just stick together?
I agree with you. My problem with friends is that because I am kind, people want me to take care of them. My ex-husband's psychiatrist told me that I only owe my children my time and attention. If I give anything to anyone else it is a gift. If anyone else gives me anything else, its their gift to me. simple and clear
I finally learned to like myself by age 43 or so.
This popped up on my feed. I had no idea what infj even was before today but I’ve been on this journey to find and figure myself out. Literally everything said in this video I’ve experienced. It’s as if TH-cam knew what I needed. Thank u God cause I’m one step closer. I just want undying self love and to learn how to manage being in my head all the damn time lol
@@rosannedoyle1262 Wow! That's really insightful.
I totally agree. I love talking and possibly make friends, but the ones I’ve try to befriend who actually were interested in befriending me first I had to let go. The intentions weren’t what they tricked me to be. It’s like they were envious of me after I would just empathize with them about my life & experiences. Like they wanted every single thing I had or wanted my job, literally everything that interested me they would try to make it theirs. Like I was giving my life away, so I’m very quick to cut ppl off and be ok with it because I know me. I know what I want. I know what energy I want to surround myself with. I love so much, but I do not play about my time and energy
I'm a 54-year-old INFJ and learning to love myself is the biggest gift. It took a while to do but now I'm really happy being alone.
My worst traits as an INFJ are bottling emotions up and then blowing up out of the blue at the people I love the most, overeating and overspending, stubbornness and expecting too much of people.
Same struggle with my infj pers
Being an INFJ, is that you go through life wanting other people to have the same heart as you do.
Only to realize that so few have a heart at all. 😉😆😆
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amen to that. This is why I never had much trouble trusting people because I want to see the good in everyone. It’s so toxic to be pessimistic.
I truly need a break..... From myself.
Same 😭
I need a break from myself...my bullies...my toxic family...my toxic music teacher...Just a break from the entire world so I can just THINK! ;(
🙏🏼
Good plan as Mark Passio like to say tell u ego to shut up from time to time : )
Omg i literally think this⬆⬆⬆ like EVERY SINGLE DAY! LOL especially when stressing over whatever infraction someone has done agajnst me, attempting to complete even ONE project i have obsessed over for days, months or longer...-all while managing my own life, household and family....uuuugh...its exhausting...and even the tiniest amount of drama or conflict will uproot and send my entire day spiraling out of control...(and by "day"-- ofc i mean" weeks"...okay "months"....and possibly even "calendar year"-- depending on whether or not the "domino effect of fuck ups" take place! lol) yeah...i think need another break...lol
You’ll hate the fact that u can easily ease others pain or even understand them deeply while u in times of need doesn’t have anyone to rely on. Small circle of friends can’t even understand u lol
True
Factssss
Iara enricoso, that is so true. we help others, but when we need help , there is no one there. We have to help ourselves and that is what i used to hate most about friends or people. But over the years, I have learnt that people actually want to help us , its just that we push them away. Because we always pride ourself in being in control. When i understood this principal, i learnt to embrace the help that people wanted to give me. Wasn't easy at first. I still feel a loss of control but is only in the mind. They felt happy to help me as i accepted their help as i have helped them as well.
Lol same goes to me.
Do you guys ever wonder why they don't help us like we would, and felt that's unfair?
I always have, and I was feeling like "Did I do anything wrong?" "Do they actually dislike me?" and all those negative thoughts.
Then I found out about MBTI about a year ago, and that I'm an INFJ-T, and almost all others are not. It made all sense.
Doesn't mean I happily accept the unfairness, but it's nice knowing that it's probably not me doing wrong things, that's just how we/they are.
Living as an INFJ isn't as easy as breaking some cookies. We tend to want to make other people's issues ours; we overthink; we find it hard to say "no" to people to avoid hurting their feelings, even while we hurt; we don't forget past hurts; we believe that things should be in order (seeming crave for perfection); we believe in the neatness of our environment to the extent that some people label us as OCDs; we make friends so easily because we have a personality that is magnetic, yet we are introverts; when we love, we love deeply; some people think that we are weird and may be from a different planetary body...🙈 I think we should have an INFJ Association.😁
Right on!
Omg! You described me down to the t. 😮
YESSS!
For me (a Sigma Heyoka INFJ) the perfect community would be only INFJ's. Wish we did have a working/playing/hanging out group.
I'm SO INFJ, I raised another one. 😍
So well-articulated Brian. Everything I was thinking of writing.
Definitely relate with the INFJ tendency to cut off relationships abruptly!....While having “high standards“ has a lot to do with it, having an intuitive and sensitive personality along with genuinely wanting to be a caring and understanding person has its pitfalls. When a person “crosses the line” and behaves in a way that hurts or disrespects us, it results in our immediately cutting them out of our lives. We expect mutual respect so when someone does cross the line, it is unacceptable to us.....We tend to take it very personally whenever we feel like someone takes advantage of our “good nature”.
I can relate to this
INFJ here who lets those close to me know when I feel disrespected. If after I've let them know what a deal breaker is & they continue to engage in such behavior I have no qualms of being abrupt. There are others (most people) who are not close that I don't feel the need to explain or express myself. If they exhibit what I feel/consider deep disregard for my or others sense of BEing, they are not part of my life. Period. I prefer a few near & dear who are respectful than being with others (most people) who are disrespectful. It makes life so much better!
@@kelliesmith4068 Oh, yes, I definitely relate with not feeling the need to explain or express myself with those who are not close who I feel crossed a line & disrespected me. I just don’t feel the need to waste my time with it.
Right on! Life is short & we only have so much time, energy & resources.
Oh Yes!! And the worse part for them is when we walk away without explaining or in some cases even admitting there is a problem. Although I am noticing as I get older, I have become more willing to voice my grievances and give people a chance to change, but as I wrote in another post if they show me they are unwilling to change or start ghosting me in someway then I will turn my back on that person. Even family. In fact I am “actively working towards and literally removing most of the negative energy from my home and life. We must push the abusers away for our own spiritual, emotional, and intellectual sanity. Otherwise we will never be able to become better people, complete our dreams, and serve or love those who really need it with our purpose. Can you tell I’m on a mission to achieve True Joy in my life and help others do the same? ☺️😂”
Speaker : INFJ, the rarest type.
EVeryone: dude thats me....
Or maybe just two people that have this personality type for commenting like myself
🤓😂 ....15,000 comments of rare introverts busting out their truths....(actually it's the only place I can truly 'speak' confidently, I'd totally avoid the situation in real life).
@@djeyeskold1279 lmfao (trump's voice) so true... so true...
If you are an INFJ, it isn't great being rare, and the true INFJs know it's both a blessing and a curse on so many levels.
It's irritating. Everyone thinks they are rare.
This is me exactly. It's not fun being an INFJ. So hard to relate to others.
Underrated comment by far.
I can relate....
I feel like I can relate to others with their perspectives but mostly others can’t relate to /-\
I somehow feel like i can relate to everyone but no one can relate with me.
Me too
If someone comforts you when you feel no one else will understand, you probably cannot fathom how lonely and uncomfortable the person who understands you is.
I...i have never seen anything summed up more beautifully. Thank you.
It’s sounds corny, but ours is a high and holy calling, requiring much silence, introspection, and sacrifice.
EXACTLLY
@@kristamatic6916 Holy is a bit much.
I’m an INFJ Advocate. I’ve learned to express my feelings or I get walked all over. In my 20s it wasn’t so easy, but I’m learning to set boundaries.
The cool thing about us, is even though we struggle at first with expressing ourselves, we become extremely good at it, to where we can get others to resonate with what we are saying and feeling. Of course, we have to want to do that 😅. I really resonate with your comment, it is very similar with myself. Oh and since you're a nurse, thanks for all your services!!! 🙏
I need to learn this skill!
Me 2... I give to much, think too deeply and sacrifice for others to much. Now I'm changing me... slowly but surely
You’ll all get there. I still have trouble and I get mad at myself and think “why did I say yes to this?” The anger I feel at being put out helps me to set boundaries in a nice way (still learning that, too). Otherwise I stuff the anger and get depressed and feel guilty for being angry. It sucks!
When I first read that I thought you were someone who was an actual advocate for INFJ personality types like myself. I was like damned "that is exactly what I need in my life".🤣🤣🤣 Then I realized you were just using the term like counselor and my dream went right out the window. 😂😂😂😉😉🤙
as an INFJ I've experienced many of these in my 74 years. Some are very painful - the stubbornness that leads to blowing things up, the acting out, feeling alone and misunderstood - yes, I know the feelings. On the encouraging side, I've worked though many of these issues, and also time (aging through these experiences) has provided a wealth of understanding and healing. But I would n't trade the helpfulness trait, the supporter of causes, etc/.. it's just part of the package. Learning to love oneself is the greatest challenge.
Well said!
I am 70 y.o. and I couldn't agree more! Thank you for everything you said. Your words describe much of my experience, as well.
i have never felt more seen 😭
OMGGG you are literally one of my favourite readers🥺
Haha same!!
Omg! Kino is also an INFJ 🥺
Gurlllllllll😲💖
Same
Yup ,no friends bec. no body understand us even relatives
Time and following life will get you where you need to go. In the world where the pretty people peak soon after Highschool, but INFJ are still getting kicked. 30s-40s and some self reflection Bring us Roaring into our own. It takes time to work out all of our issues.
Haha, the relatives are probably the least to understand us, that's why we usually feel more familiar with likeminded people or with those sharing same interests and ideals rather than the family.
LOL...I wonder if we can understand each other.
Ikr my classmates dont understand me
@@AKKritter needed to hear that thank you!
Maybe high standards for most people, but it isn't for us..
People criticize what they don't understand...
True. Just be your unique self. Infjs are very important for this world
Someone: You need to lower your standards...
Me: *crickets chirping in the background*
@@MariS1980 why are they so entitled. May be they need to raise their standards.
exactly. if we can reach our own standards, then it shouldn't be impossible for others.
@@amethystsky28 well said
I used to have these problems, then I examined the root cause for each one and designed a method for reprogramming them. Now I don't just recognize others feelings, but my own, and why I have them. This allows me to be very aware of these negative tendencies, and use my tools to help avoid them. Of course, I'm not without flaws, but I couldn't help but smile when he listed all my old quirks, and I can cross most of them out. For those out there that are upset at being an INFJ, know you can use your skills on yourself, and turn what seems like a curse, into a gift. Sure, no one understands us, and it makes us lonely, but sometimes you have to walk the tough path in order to do a lot of good. Shout out to INFJs!!!
Please I need your help
I feel you brother 💯
Yeah dude I need your help.I couldn't find my way out
I've taken the personality test 3 times now at different times; all 3 INFJ. I've always felt like I was on a different wave length. To the other's who share this personality type, my congratulations and deepest sympathy; it is both a blessing and a curse! I just wish people would trust me and actually figure out that as much as I give I have needs that get totally ignored. True to the video description; it eventually ends up with a BOOM; usually with gaslighting coming from the local narc. We get pushed when we aren't doing enough (when we need personal space) and then (Me at least) over stimulation, push push push... Then BOOM. I need to isolate from the outside world for extended periods of time . :(
Im an INFJ and what i hate about it is that i cant have real friends. They misunderstood me sometimes😑
I understand your pain! I look at friendship as me making connections and giving people a shoulder to lean on.
I know it's not ideal but it helped me get rid of the feeling that I'm lonely, my friends do care, and will help in times of need. It's just unnecessary to talk to them about the way I feel.
What you need is an ENFP friend
Maybe sometimes criticism controls our feelings to others, decisions...
@@EZart-bq1xl omggg you are so sweet. i'm an enfp and my guy best friend is an infj and now I'm watching at this to better understand his problems. 💜
@@natalijavelickovic4559 Now that's love
While I was growing up my mother always told me my expectations of others were too high and my response was always if I can treat people as well as I do then I should be able to expect it in return. Of course now not being a teenager I realize that not everyone can "see" what they are doing to people. I've found that somehow even though we are a rare personality type most of my closest friends are also INFJs. I think we tend to gravitate towards each other. I think the biggest key to keeping relationships is too communicate our true feelings, which I know is hard, but I force myself to do it even when I don't want too because I've learned the consequences of not doing so.
Become close friends with a kid who has always been in my school, in my town. We even called each other twin flames cause we filled in whatever the other person didn't have or think. He took the test the other day and he was an INFP. Made sense
You don’t know how lucky you are that you found this out so young. I wish I had this information at your age but it makes me really happy for you. If this old INFJ can impart some wisdom, it is to brush up on what a Narcissist is and do your best to stay away. There are many out there and we seem to be prime fodder for them. The sooner you can recognize the signs (love bombing, gaslighting and crazy making) the less heartache you will experience.
@@gigimo6810 you are soooo right and such a blessing for sharing that bit of wisdom.
I was reading thru the comments to see how far I'd have to go before I saw someone comment regarding being fodder for narcissists.
Yes, we are. As if we had INFJ tattooed on our foreheads (at 60 I still look in the mirror just to check & be sure it's not on any given day).
Talking is the most powerful thing in the world, it can be hard but it's very important to talk things through and work it out with each other.
I can relate to the desire to have a small circle of authentic, transparent, loyal, and honest friends.
being an infj is really exhausting you can't stop thinking 🙂
iNFJ - Present and accounted for. The good, the bad and the ugly. At 50 finally self aware, humble, less critical (even if I have to bite my tongue until it bleeds) and aware and apologetic of my judgements.
INFJ over here ... this video made me feel very understood. Thank you!
Me too. ♥️
Same here!
manipulation is the most difficult part, there are times when I realize very late that I am using it. I hate it
This is something i think is not valid for me, although i can't absolutely rule it out. Generally i detect manipulative persons quickly and i hate that type of personality.
I find INFJs very sensitive people.
@@angelacavon6408 We are, especially if our deepest values, convictions and etical standards our, competence and knowledge are disregarded but i think there is a slight difference between genders. Woman are likely sensitive and easy to hurt in other areas.
@@donarmando916 Yeah, women are usually more insecure than boys. That's probs why girls are more sensitive.
@@donarmando916 yep I hate it when ppl try to manipulate me. Iv been lead up till about 5 years ago since I was in my very young teens but now I am in a happy relationship with my first love . I have 2 children from past relationship and due a little girl with my partner right now. He is amazing
I put him through so much ad I feel he does not understand me at all and I just won't talk. I'm not a materialist person never have but always wanted my kids to have what I did not. But now there 17yrs and 18yrs old one of each I feel 1 is so selfish and I blame myself for putting her in this situation. And my other child I feel is so like me in every way. But he is so young and inverted into himself ,no good since a young child to make friends not that he done anything wrong he just did not find the games.they played or things they do interesting or nothing about it is taking more of his life from him if he bothers to involve himself . So he is like me he lives his own company now he has a handful of friends and loads on the bet when he plays his game and interacts with the world by headset n speaker while also playing a game but a mate might call and he calls him in . But it's not long before he wants to be alone .when I am upset I dont even need to look he just comes behind me and gives me a hug and kiss bless him from no were .he just knows. Like me but my other child is so the opposite wants wants wants . How do I help her and my son any ideas ? O no I did not explain it well as i am thinking to quick and get all muddled in my mind one thing i want to know do others find they can not keep a story going we tell it in the wrong pattern is this because we think so fast ? And forget as it may not matter that part we forgot ? Help pls. Thanks karen 39yrs old love from Ireland Dublin XXXXXXX mhwaahhhhhhaa my friends ☘☘☘☘☘☘☘
"shutting people in their life"
me: damn why did you attack me like that?
69th like
Yeah for I always do this and even thought about shutting out my family for a bit because I felt I couldn’t relate or just be around them and I didn’t want to cause them to be annoyed by me
Me
LMAO
It's true though.. we do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This is a friend of "K's".....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO!!!!! THIS HELPS ME SO MUCH!!! SINCERELY!!!!!
An INFJ means you sacrifice yourself for everyone. It means you don't care about yourself. Everything you do is for the sake of those you love. That's what gives your life meaning.
Agreed. But, at the same time I can also resent the sacrifice and even the person. Exhausting being me :-(
@@rekhakaul2069 nah resentment is never ok
I only want to work just to buy stuff for people I love.
It is exhausting
That is because you haven't learned to set boundaries yet. You have to learn to be more choosey in who you put time and effort into and not let yourself be a doormat for self interested types. You have to learn that most aren't willing to put half the effort into themselves that you will be willing to do for them and that is unhealthy for you. They will use you and abuse you.
If you run across the right people in your life you will learn this lesson quickly because they will completely drain you of everything you have emotionally, physically, and otherwise and then demand more or you aren't worth their time. Try to learn the lesson before you meet that person because we attract them and they can be hard to spot sometimes. It can happen to the best of us and it is a hard lesson to learn.
Me :why im I single
Speaker: drastically ending relationships
I'm probably doing that right now tbh. But dude hardly talks to me and we're not even in a relationship yet.. Wtf
Maaaaaaaan! I know what the real problem is. It because trifling people keep trying to fool me but I'm too smart for'em! I'm quick as a whip! 😆 That's what makes it hard for this personality type! You can't ignore the bullcrap therefore you move on!😅 I am sure your probably the same way which is why you're gonna keep moving on until you get better results. I see no problem with this. Lol
RIGHT! I always enjoy the fun beginnings but once you get in the relationship it just gets boring and then I over think everything which then just makes me think they are going to hurt me emotionally when they aren’t
I don't hold anyone to expectations I don't hold myself too. And I have high standards because I refuse to settle. I won't settle for good enough and I'm glad that's the stance I hold. My husband is everything I could have wanted and more. If I had settled and lowered my expectations early on in my life I wouldn't have been single when I met him. Don't lower your expectations just because most people won't meet them. You aren't trying to marry most people. You're trying to marry the one person who does meet and exceed your expectations. I'm an in home nurse, I'm a hard worker and I love my job. I go above and beyond for my patients. I don't lie cheat or steal or slack off, I treat others how I would want to be treated and how I would want my grandparents to be treated by their nurses. And I don't think expecting others to have integrity and a work ethic is too much to ask for.
Consider yourself very lucky to have your husband. I’ve had a hard time dating for a long time just finding someone compatible. I’m in a relationship now, and not happy. He doesn’t get me at all. We argue all the time. He doesn’t enjoy my passions traveling, learning. I just feel like I’m dating a rock. He’s a nice man. I don’t want to quit but I’m truly not happy. I just wonder if there is a man who can compliment me being an INFJ. And appreciate it! INFJ’s want to feel appreciated.
My husband is the complete same as me.. We're so unsociable it's not funny.... Having to avoid zoom calls during lockdown, making excuses...☺️☺️☺️
@@daniellem578 I'm so sorry! The best match for an infj is another infj. That's what my husband is and this other person commented that their husband is an infj and they get along great too.
@@daniellem578 compliment or complement ?
If you want to be appreciated, the best way is to appreciate others and this way you will be fulfilled. Remember whatever we do for others UNCONDITIONALLY, we do that to ourselves.
@@WhitneyDahlin I thought opposites ATTRACT. ( I mean opposite personality BUT with COMMON VALUES )
Being similar would be boring and how does one complement each other ?
I'm an INFJ and I'm struggling with all of these characteristics.
Me too😔
This is the most accurate description of our dark side I have ever come across. Nailed it!
When I watched your INFJ video. I was 90% sure that I am an INFJ but after this video,
I am 101% sure that I'm an INFJ
Was a professional dancer, travelled across NA
Published a book and two plays
Read over 500+ books
Got married, got divorced
Started a nonprofit organization
Went through counselling
Worked with BMW
Was a speaker
Within 10 years...
I have 1 friend. Very small circle.
I trust my INFJ.
I have very high expectations of my self and others around me.
Same but Was a Microphone
I realized how easy it was to manipulate people because they would just open up to me. When I caught myself manipulating a situation to go my way I retreated into myself and shut everyone out because I had expected myself to be better than doing that. I haven’t manipulated anyone since. However, my expectations are apparently still too high. I hear “you can’t expect people to be like you” a lot.
"Cutting off people when we shouldn't " Hit home run for me ...
Sometimes I feel the need to just accept the fact that I overreact and smile walking away from them, only to find them by my side because that's what I want at the end of the day 😌
This video made me feel anxious and sad, because it rings true
lets take a deep breath and accept our flaws though
thanks for the video!
WOW! 😳 It's me. Cutting people off sometimes is a must for personal growth and mental health.
As an INFJ, I can pretty much identify with several of these; most especially is the almost pathological need for perfection and the deep frustration that happens when I fail.
I watched this while crying. Whoever made videos like this, thank you for understanding me.
This was quite relatable. It's not easy being this personality type. One suffers from having almost no friends and attracting covert narcissists (OmG so true) as mentioned in other comments as well. I also feel that I let negative emotions (which are also justified) build up inside me and then explode, which could appear to be too dramatic at times. It's important to let it out at the right time which saves us from a lot of misunderstandings and trouble later.
This is me! Thanks for posting this. I feel less alone
I took a test and it says I'm an INFJ-T.. I did not know this personality type is the rarest type. What you said is really spot on. I relate so much.
Why do I suddenly felt sad and scared to be an INFJ, I used to be proud and happy with this. We INFJ's must have a lot of self time! it can help. ❣️
I didn't want to be an INFJ at first, but I've come to appreciate who I am. Learning all of my downsides and weakness has helped me to hone the areas that need improvement. I use info like this to hack my behavior for the good. Our emotions are powerful but they don't have to control us.
my dark side is that I expect others to live up to the same standards that I hold myself accountable to. That's so unfair to my fellow human beings. Now that I'm aware of it, I try to stay conscious of it. It's really challenging to stay alert.
that's why i'm so exhausted being an INFJ
I love this comment box.....1st time in my life it feels like I am home
In school, they used to tell me I am "adorably cruel" cause I'm always honest and direct, but I never mean anything bad with it.
Me
I am an INFJ and very proud.
Thanks for the insight.
I appreciate you
Hi.
I'm INFJ. Are you in Lagos?
I'm an INFJ my self, n i swear this video is nothing but FACTS.
I feel a real INFJ will know their selves so well they they know this video would speak to them. I relate to video that basic of facts about my daily life.
We feel emotions deeply. We care about others deeply. We self isolate because the rest of the world makes us feel like outsiders.
One year on: As an older INFJ, I have learned that the characteristic shortcomings are not insurmountable obstacles. Think of them as hurdles to be taken with experience. On the other side, comes a greater certainty-- if balance is the hurdle. One is capable of deeper levels of intuition. Having success with change means that balance is possible. We stand on the stage of life, behind the curtains, constantly changing.
No doubt, you get wiser as time goes and you learn how to handle a lot of it. Time heals all wounds and we don't like to make the same mistakes over and over again.
I've settled on referring to the Myers-Briggs type indicator as a guideline. I've got the INFJ result three times while answering all questions honestly (and having forgotten how I responded previously), so I definitely feel that it's closest to describing me, my behaviours, strengths and downfalls.
Overthinking is one of my major habits, which has led to internalising obsessive thoughts and then having a outburst at inconvenient moments. Actually, one of the defining moments has been me trying to encourage a friend to take the MBTI test - they reacted badly towards it, saying that it was like trying to categorize people into a specific box. That may be true to an extent. I viewed it as an introspective exercise, but she felt trapped by it. That was a good lesson for me.
Everybody has their unique traits, but if you're an INFJ and have been struggling with dark thoughts, you are not alone. Trust me :)
It was the letting wrongdoings build up and end in an explosion for me. Also people just don't get me, they try and "work me out" and they can't.
As an INFJ
I've always relied on intuition cos most of it its true
I sometimes hide details from a friend so they dont think im psychic, when i see things going the way i thought they would.
Yeah I understand. I think being INFJ you basic your life on intuition and gut feeling. I feel being part in INFJ you become more spiritual and have more a spiritual beliefs. I feel other people don't believe it or see what we see on daily basic. To us it can be very magical and amazing. Some times things that not good energy is scary. I feel people don't understand us because they can't see what we see, feel, and think.
The worst is when you share a "read" and the other person, who begged for the read, gets intimidated and scared of how easily you see them and their 'hidden' facets. Like duh, I've known this since I met you and value you. Why are you freaking out?
I feel so understood with what you said because that’s also what I’m feeling tho I can’t share it with anyone bc I feel like they’d be weirded out 🙃
I write out what I see as plainly foreseeable outcomes and then destroy the evidence after they prove true... I thought I was alone in this...
@@annsmith3553 im an infj and feel like killing myself because of how misunderstood ive been for 30 years im drained
Good video! I've given the "INFJ door slam" to a few people in my life. (I'm now in my 50s.) I don't feel great about that, but--as you mention in the video--I had very good reasons for doing so!
I dated an INFJ. She took multiple personality tests and received that title. She was fascinated with it. I agree with the dark side being they can end relationships out of the blue. After 2 years of romantic bliss and being best friends, one night she called it off. I received no closure. She had a tendency to bottle up the hard truths and spare people negative emotions. What it did was cause me years of grief and emotional confusion. We were young, first of all, so we're all emotionally more sensitive and immature then, but when you have no answers, you're left thinking "It must be me. I'll never know why, but there must be some huge things wrongs with me and this will happen again."
You'll be left wondering forever and it's shit you don't need. I realized too late we were heading in different directions in life, but she could have told me instead of sparing my feelings. Would have saved me a long period of unnecessary stress, pain, and new relationships where I struggled with fear of the past repeating itself, altering my actions. We've all been there.
That's the dark side of INFJs. Trying to be self-righteous, but not self-aware of the same damage they try to prevent.
Nothing I do is ever good enough for me. I always end up throwing away paintings, drawings and writings when they are finished. I'm just stuck inside in an endless loop of not meeting my own expectations. No sleep for me
I'm a proud INFJ
Me 2 😊😙✌❤
It's not real😂😂
@@bhhhijjiu9438 what's not real?
Me also.
Why everyone is infj😂😂
We are not clumsy, our "J" trait prevents that as we are super OCD organized punctual types. Also extreme skeptics...at least the males are.
Knowing what others think isn't exactly a blessing.
@@nightrider6136 it helps when someone needs talking if their feeling down, INFJ people can help with that, so I kind of think it is a blessing. It’s just your opinion though, everyone has opinions 🙂
I thought the exact same thing
Well don't you just got it figured out
@@themessesIallow I just suppose that it's a common misunderstanding that INFJ's are these oddball awkward mysterious types when in fact we could be totally normal, buttoned up and outgoing at times and most people wouldn't even realize that we were introverts. It's a product of our ability to adapt to our environments, but...if surrounded by too many toxic people (and that is totally up to the individual to decide who is), we get drained and need to recharge. Not claiming I know it all, it's just an observation and of course not all INFJ's are the same so...
Everything is true except being manipulative. I'm also a self-aware empath. Its hard to manage sometimes.
I hate manipulation. We ourselves can be manipulative but choose not to almost always.
I know. I can’t stand the thought of harming someone. Being manipulative seems like harm. I think “manipulative” is the wrong word for the situation. Yes I can move people to move in the direction I feel is best, but usually it is because I am able to make them see that it is in their interest too.
I can be manipulative at times too depending on how frustrated I am on a certain situation that isn’t working out in the way that I think it should.
@@veronicawo3033 True, there is a toxic manipulation and then just a more innocent one that isn't being careless or uncaring of another person.
Yeah, that's also not true for me as i hate manipulators.
I get lonely, but I have learned to just stay busy because isolation fosters depression. I’m 38 and I’ve been in love once. I don’t fall in love easy. I’m extremely picky about what woman I end up with. It’s important that we judge everyone because I don’t like hearing from people “ I don’t judge anyone.” I call BS. It’s only human nature as a survival trait. We must judge who is safe and who is not.
I'm an INFJ and this video really helped put a lot of things I do in context. It really shows the down side of how we think and feel, and explains why I feel the way I do sometimes. This was super helpful, thank you and great job!
"infj's love to plan for the future" Indeed, been planning my future for the last 40 years! And will continue to do so.....
I can write detailed plans, and blueprints, and to-do lists like no one I know, and never execute them because my starting point is imperfect. That has been the most frustrating and demoralizing aspect of my entire life. I was suppose to be born knowing everything, and everything around me was supposed to be perfect; but, because it's not, my planning is writing out my pipedreams.
@@DaveRod76 I don't know how old you are but, in my experience, you've at least completed ONE step! As a fellow INFJ, who also struggled horrendously with procrastination, I CAN tell you that the video WAS correct about things starting to get a little bit easier as you get older! I found that it started to improve with the first step of writing down lists of everything I needed/wanted to accomplish. And, then, when I looked at the first list and each item seemed like it was impossible to do...I broke the "impossible" into individual steps required to complete that task. Sure...when you do it like that and look at the ENTIRE list it looks insurmountable but, when you look at the individual tasks and check them off one by one, you'll find yourself wondering why it took you so long to get started and how you can combine tasks that are not from the same list item but are close to one another in your home/town/family etc. Simply so you get more items done faster and with less effort! I wish you the best of luck!
@@DaveRod76 in other words, you will discover that there is no such thing as a "perfect starting point" so, simply find the one that best fits your needs and ability so you can chase your dreams! If you're anything like the rest of us (or at least the person I have always been and the person these videos say INFJ's naturally) are, you've spent your life supporting/being there for/helping others...it's your turn so take your list and start checking items off! You deserve it!
That's for sure! Sounds like you could have given better advice than I did since it seems like you have me beat on planning experience but, since you hadn't yet gotten the chance to reply to your previous commenter, I hope you don't mind me offering the little advice I had to offer, Rachel Morosky. Also, for some reason, it wouldn't let me edit my original comment when I realized I forgot to add the other part so please forgive the fact that I had to comment twice! I'm on my Kindle so I can see the videos better so I don't know if that's the issue or what it is but it also wouldn't let me reply @ you either even though it let me to him. Sorry!
@@dd2b4ever I must be one of these “INFJ”s...reading your replies feels like I’m reading one of my own posts. Have I finally found my tribe? 😄
INFJs are like highly intelligent people. They have the same traits.
Agree, except for we also exhibit high emotional IQ too.
@@sirphil13 Yes sir indeed
Hmm. Agree to disagree.
"Knowledge, like a watch, isn't shown, unless asked the time."
Agree..n bit careless too😇
IQ =/= type
1. High expections
I am so happy to be an INFJ, and I appreciate the people that take the time to study this type and give us something to deeply relate to and help us overcome some of the feelings we put on ourselves. Your not weird, and although misunderstood, you have the capacity to help people understand who you are, and help them know who they are when they don't know themselves. Despite these challenges, I'm happy to be an INFJ personality ❤
I just slammed a door and drastically ended one relationship for good 😅
Being OCD and INFJ is not a fun combination but im blessed to have my support system. Its overwhelming sometimes, but nice to be more self aware to grow
Same
High functioning autistic and INFJ here. Not great either.
I finally found out why my life was the way it is, when I realized I was an INFJ personality type. The darker side is one that I can relate to very well. It is easier to understand some unexplainable things with these videos. Things that I have searched for answers to for a long time.
Holly shit am I ever experiencing my dark side right now. Wow I can't even begin to explain how much I'm relating to this all this. This is scary accurate more than most infj videos.
I know exactly what you mean
It's TRUEEEEE
Trust me...my thoughts exactly...apart from the expletives!😁 Scarely accurate but many mainly apply only really when under serious pressure. The point of the video is not I quess that we are like this but capable of being like this depending on the circumstances and situiation we are facing...some of it is hard to admit to those even closest to us and sometimes you feel like you the only person like this... encouraging to hear others admit these are things they can struggle with too.
What unexplainable event happened that brought you to seek an answer? .. answers like How did that happen, why doesn't anyone believe that it happened and why they don't understand that no matter how long they've known you that you aren't the type to lie about things of that nature. Because we know how important truth is to bringing people to the greater understanding of who and what we are. And that there's so much more ..oh so much more that they can't feel hear or see. No matter how many experiences you have and revelation of unexplainable knowledge you have been blessed to witness ... I guess they think. What makes you so special? And if that was true everyone would be able to have premonitions or have those experiences. Yeah, Ghost hunters have really did a number on that conspiratorial it's all fake narrative..
And it gets infuriating and very frustrating when you are speaking to someone and they're talking about the newest video game or the football game , and even the TV series like The walking Dead.. And there's so much more to concentrate your energy and time on. Like maybe conversation I'm trying to have about the episode of John B Wells that I feel that they might enjoy. Or a podcast lecture by Manly p Hall. I guess they find that just as interesting as I find the NFL
100% accurate 👀 I am now 54 years young and finally reached the stage of self reflection. I work in an environment of helping low income earners and I follow the Law of Attraction. "The Secret" is only one epiphany that changed my thought pattern and I am finally at peace with my flaws. I recommend this video to other INFJ's and wish you all the very best of peace ✌
I always find myself setting extremely high expectations for everything. When things don't go as planned, i feel very bitter and hopeless about the world. This is such an unhealthy behaviour yet i still refuse to change even though it is necessary.
I can relate to that so much. Im feeling that right now , I feel so hopeless and I keep on beating myself up with negative thoughts because something didn’t as I expected it to go
We have to be aware of this to be aware of our actions, just because i am an INFJ doesnt give me the right to allow myself to be like that, have to be a better person for those people we care about
Sounds like you are struggling to accept the result. I think we are born with it and can't basically change it unless we go into self denial.
Hello fellow INFJs. Nice to meet you all 😘
Thank you
We should all get together!!!!!!!!!!!!
Heyyyyyy
Hello from Slovakia - Slovak Republic.
Let's be friends all infjs out there hello 🙋🙋🙋
It’s me... I did the Myers Briggs Test twice...Twice the same result...difficult to be like this in this society...
Me too:(
The most difficult way to be ever. It's a lonely path for sure.
@@dabeezkneez8716 i know... I am suffering a lot
Took the test three times and yeah similar result also have problems with anxiety
Yeah, we don't fit the society well in many aspects and as far as i'm concerned i give a ....
hey fellow infjs. god it's kinda scary how much of it is true
I'm 38 and this is the second video I've literally cried at simply because It feels like someone finally understands me to the T.
Better to be -A
I’ve never felt more understood than now. Thank you for this
It is completely exhausting every single day while awake. I hear that I "analyze" and "dwell" on everything. I feel like everything has a best path so many things need to be assessed thoroughly, weigh possible interventions and outcomes, factor in some possible variables, and choose the "best" course of action. This happens in most things in my life or even potential situations. If something doesn't go well, that is where I reprocess it 100x so I may do better or help more next time. This literally never stops in my brain. The intuition is strong but I have to engage the thinking part (probably way more than I should). My intuition has rarely been wrong.
Omg..... wow.... Just when I would be convinced that I’m an INFJ, I would do one of the dark things you talked about here and tell myself I was wrong. It’s so GOOD to know that I’m not wrong and, like someone commented here, ‘I feel seen’ for the first time.
When we understand every one and we're always there for every one and give advice to every one, but no one there to understand us or giving us any advice. Thats why we feel so alone.
I've only ever seen videos on the "pretty" side of being infj. This video makes so much sense, and I just want to say thank you.
Who told this man my business.
😂
This has exactly been who I am all these years, at 30 I am trying to be introspective and understanding
I'm one. Don't really make friends any more. Most people I've ever met are either mean, vindictive, jealous and evil behind your back. It's best to be alone than in bad company. I enjoy my own hobbies, live happily with no stress and anxiety over other people any more. Just with my close family. 🙌 I prefer social media/virtual friends to actual people...🤓
Bongo..🙄😐😑
lol bro sounds like my life 👌😅
Oh my God. Feel the same way. Nice to see someone else is the same.
The Dark Side. Great vid & agree with most of it. 59 yo INFJ-A here. I believe this is where the differences between INFJ-A & INFJ-T can be noticeably seen. There is plenty of info out there between the 2.
For me, most of what you said was true. Over the years in my life, I would be punished for opening up, so now I just don't. And that before I found out I was an INFJ
When I was very young, I was afraid of my ability to know how people think and react without saying a word because I can easily manipulate them. I was afraid that I could easily manipulate people's thinking as if they were their own.
Yet, it's bitter sweet to be able to disprove someone's logic or motive in a debate or pressing matters.
Because, you already know their options of action, and reasoning for them.
It's like chess. Learn to use our thought process to stay on top of your game.
Once you understand your thought process you can begin to change your outlook. Just because you score one way does not mean your stuck with the 🏷 only you are at the wheel 👌🏻📰🥸
As an INFJ who has understood himself for decades, I know their is a dark side and it’s a rare window to look thru. That’s because of all the time I’ve spent with myself and inside my own head deep in thought contemplating all the things around me and happening. If and when you go to the dark side or embrace it, you can truly go to a dark place. That contemplative nature of who you are in the positive can also lend to you being diabolical in doing something in stubbornness, going mental overboard in overreacting. When you explode it’s an explosion that’s being building for a very long time if it ever happens literally going off the chart and can cross over to the tendencies of the dark side. That makes people wonder if you’ve literally flipped a switch. I know it’s there, but I’ve also never embraced that door in my own mind just being rather chilled like an ice cube.
You have to learn to vent that anger appropriately and not let it build up so much. That way it isn't so explosive. If you control the release it isn't so uncontrollable and overwhelming and you feel better about it. I have pretty good control over mine now and don't stuff it or let it bottle up. I learned the hard way and had to work on it for a while but it is worth it. 🤙
That is me now! Be well now!
I'm watching this video during one of my downward spirals (which I've been exhibiting almost all of the behaviors of that are mentioned in this video), and this is just minutes after finding out about this personality type that perfectly describes me. Never felt so understood until today.
💞
This is pretty interesting actually, I am an introvert myself, I didn't know there was INFJ variation of it
Truity has a free mbti test.
You need to take the Myers Briggs personally test, there’s 16 personality types
The reason why I watched this video is that I did twice the questionary for the personality type, with years between the first and second attempt, and both results were INFJ. My ex was mocking me and calling me "weak" because I complained about being overwhelmed by people's emotions in big crowds. It took me a long time to start separating people's feelings from my own. I often do not do things because of the sheer fear that I won't make it anyway, so why try.
That door slam is so me. Especially when I can't totally cut out the person from my life, I really do become so emotionally distant. I already recognize this bad habit of mine and I know I must change it but it's hard.
I am an INFJ. So, I was very interested when this came up in my feed. I grabbed my journal to take notes and I hit play. This video was just what I needed to hear this evening. I began taking notes and I barely kept up LoL. Wow, To hear this information said outloud was powerful. Thank you!
TH-cam recommend this to me,so I went back to look for my screenshot of my Personality type and Surprise I'm INFJ😌
I relates all of this huhuhu
Something that really resonated with me: having an overly critical outlook, "Honesty comes from a well-intentioned place...opinions can come off as judgemental". I'm always very honest and upfront with everyone. I find that people (who don't know me very well) can often perceive me as harsh or condemnatory when I'm truly trying to help. This stinks because as an INFJ-T (turbulent), I really care about what others think and constantly dwell on past mistakes, so I end up overly criticizing myself for appearing to be hypercritical or bitchy.
You and me both!🥰
Ditto