My husband and I work from home together too. In the morning after our walk (holding hands) , we put on music in the kitchen and he puts the coffee on and I chop veggies and assemble what we're having for lunch and put it in the crockpot. It's such a nice time of the day. We make time most evenings to sit and read together too as we're both booklovers. This was a great video, thank you Cass !
@@sabine9012 me neither, but nowadays everything comes with an “ism” or title. For example, for me, “minimalism” is just the way most of the world lives. I learned about empty nesters after our kids left for college. It’s an interesting phenomenon to watch.
@@sabine9012 Haha! This made me laugh - yes, we do! Do you know what it means then? It's short hand for saying the children have "flown the nest" - grown up & moved out in other words.
Married 40 years. Love him to pieces! Take a drive together. Conversation is amazing when there are no children and you are not facing each other. Or walk. The key is being able to look away from the person you are speaking to. It allows you to speak of things that you may be uncomfortable speaking about face to face. Works great with teens, also. Spend a bit of time apart weekly. Walk by yourself. Join a craft group, etc. Encourage him to find something outside also. A little time apart is good for everyone.
Great ideas! I really agree about taking a drive or walking side by side. Our best conversations happen then and definitely bring us closer. We have been married 41 years...and no, it's not easy being with each other 24/7. But, I sure am grateful that we have each other every single day I thank The Lord!
Great video. Don’t assume you’ll be together until you’re old and gray. That’s what I thought too. My husband became ill and in 7 months he was gone. Cherish your spouse everyday!
We're retired. 46 years married next month. He is my best friend. Laughter is key. 😂 He still makes me laugh every day. He is so good and patient with me. He is good, cute, helpful and funny and for some reason he loves me. ❤ I am blessed.
“….bro, give me your face!!” 🤣🤣🤣❤❤ that’s such a great idea! Giving yourself a non-negotiable to help your husband and your relationship to strengthen! You’re right Cas!! it’s so difficult, especially working with them every day seeing him day in day out😂. I’m fortunate my husband gets to take a business trip once and a while. And I can’t help but feel so excited when he announces a trip😂. We have also been together for over 20 years but lately have not been so lovey-dovey. So yes, I think it’s an extremely important forcing time together!!
We've been married for 19 years. It's my second marriage. We are also together 24/7. What I have learned is to always appreciate him and tell him so. I appreciate that we are such a good team. I appreciate you make me laugh my head off. And so on. I hate to say this, but this is a big one......I never say anything bad about him or our relationship to anyone else. It either always gets back to him or he hears you say it. I know it's just a joke, but words can hurt. And even if he says it's okay, it still festers underneath. Just my $0.02.
100% TRUE! Married 41 years and we both had to learn this lesson (not saying anything bad, even joking) more than once. It does really hurt - and often "jokes" are the most injurious. We both have also learned to really take the time to thank each other and to look for the good qualities in the other one - even if sometimes you don't feel like it inside.
I used to hate laundry. There is 6 of us in the house so we do at least 2 loads a day. I figured out what I really hate is folding! 😂 So also, as a Christian I always felt like I needed to carve out more prayer time so I paired the two. It's the perfect time bc for some reason, people leave me alone when I'm folding 😂. So now, folding is enjoyable 🎉
I agree with the at least 2 loads a day! when my kids were little, I definitely struggled with trying to keep up with the laundry so I decided that I would do a load of whites and a load of coloreds every day. It helped me stay on track, and I actually like folding clothes and doing dishes, I know weird right!
We have been married 49 years. Been through a lot together. For me, deliberately focusing on his good qualities solidifies my love and respect. Letting him know that, through comments or notes or any other way, solidifies us. Sometimes it's the little things as we work our way through life together.
married for 38 years and since he has stopped working we see each other near 24/7..I am glad he still has flyball with the dogs but best of all we have a date day once a week where we go out for a meal or go somewhere special together like watching gannets feed or deer hunting with a camera. you have to keep the enthusiasm for each other through a shared enjoyment..apart from the bedroom..😊
Years ago I heard an interview in which the lady said each morning she asked her husband, ‘what can I do for you today that will make your life easier?’ Yes, you are tremendously busy and have your own work load but, during those times when he is very stressed, this is a way to reach out and connect, letting him know you are right there with him.
That’s if your partners love language is ‘acts of service’. I would love that because that’s my number one love language but to my partner he doesn’t care about acts of service so I cater to his #1.
Not sure if that was…Richard Paul Evans…”How I saved my marriage”…he is a writer and I believe speaker and that is the same thing he said as his marriage was failing and he knew he needed to make a change…basically he said to his wife “how can I make your day better?”
I'd say show interest in something that is important to him. My husband has a big woodworking project right now. He's building me a butlers pantry. I go to his woodshop with him. I sand things and help to transport cabates back into the house. He likes having my company. I remember as kids when we were dating, I sat on the driveway and passed tools under a car that he was fixing, so he would have something to drive on our dates. We were 15 and 17 back then. Today, we're 59 and almost 62. I still love being with him and would still sit in the driveway and pass him tools. He's funny and smart and loves me unconditionally.
I’m not married so my advice isn’t worth much. But looking behind me at two divorces, I think I would be kinder, brag on him in public, and not let myself be goaded into pitching a fit!
I've been with my husband 23 years. Due to past trauma, I sometimes have issues with feeling the need to be right. So, a few years into our marriage I asked myself "do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?" The answer is always happy and so I will stop arguing or defending my position the second I realize I'm trying to be right. I'm also chronically ill and ADHD, one of the biggest things to help us overcome those moments of "I can't look at you for a second longer" episodes has been you, Cass. My disorder and his disorder and a cluttered home always made us growlly with each other, but now that I know that I'm a bee and he's a ladybug we've been getting along much better. I no longer see his tossed around stuff the same way and I have built some spaces for me and some for him.
I think something butterfly inducing is my husband finding a passion project, and me throwing my full support behind him and watching him absolutely kill it. Mine started a business last year (he still works full time apart from the business) and watching him connect with business partners, hire, buy equipment, shew, it makes me weak in the knees seeing him be at his full potential and at something he's passionate about. Working for something together that's his own thing is definitely a connector for us.
I remind myself that we are a team. I don’t let my scrolling ever be more important than what he is saying to me. I do my best to recognize his efforts and thank him for them.
One of my favourite things that my partner does is walk up behind me when I'm cooking or cleaning, wrapping his arms around my waist & kissing the top of my head (he's taller than me) ❤ We also hold hands whenever we go out for a walk, even if it's just round the grocery store 😊 xx
I recommend Esther Perel. She says, when you see your partner like a stranger or in a different environment, he is attractive. E. G. on stage, at work, with his friends, in negotiatons, on a construction site, in a shop. When I see my partner in his working clothes, I find him attractive. Another thing: as soon as he talks to me, I put down, mute or stop any electronics or books. I turn to him, look in his eyes and listen. Whenever I feel any kind of love, I tell it. I tell him exactly what I find beautiful at him in this moment. On the other hand, I ask him often: say something nice and he will do it for over 31 years now.
Today is our 25th wedding anniversary! We have endured many joys, blessing, trials and hurts! My best advice is intentionality and forgiveness! I haven't always done a great job at either of these, but I am striving to be better. We need to be intentional with spending time together, and quick to forgive when the other person is seeking forgiveness! Encourage each other in their pursuits, and for us personally, putting God first! Thanks for all of your great information, Cas. It is much appreciated!
We've been married 27 years. We always end up arguing when doing some sort of project. However, this weekend we did a project and even though we get a little testy with each other, I still said thank you when it was done. And he said thank you, too. I don't think I'd ever heard him say that after one of our projects, but I also tried to recall saying thank you to him, and I couldn't. We sometimes forget about simple manners with those we love, but please and especially thank you, really does go a long way. Thank you, Cas, for being you!
I haven't even finished the video and I'm so excited you posted this! Just recently diagnosed at 32 and it's like the clouds have parted. Finally, it makes sense that I am not just a failure at life. Anyways, just wanted to say thanks and share a recent "tool" (more like technique?) I've acquired that is helping me to be more successful in just DOING things. I saw multiple people post the need for a "brain dump" so I took the time to get some fancy, bright gel pens and wrote out every single pending item on my mental to-do list - from accounting items to needing to schedule kids dentist appts - and made each item in a different color (simply so it was engaging and pretty!) And, here's the "success" part, instead of a bulleted list or check boxes, I take a moment to draw a little icon outline instead of a bullet point. i.e. a simple daisy or little blob figure with eyes. When I finish that item on my list, I get to take a few moments to color the icon in with my gel pens and honestly I feel dumb even admitting it but it's so. much. more. motivating to know there's a tiny coloring moment at the end of each task! Thanks again for sharing your tips!
Thanks for sharing. I have struggled to make any tips at all to motivate me to create a routine or give myself the structure I am aware I *need* to function. So every single day is a struggle. I am not reward motivated for the most part. I am more motivated to do things for *someone else* but there isn't a someone else when the person it is for is *me*. I do however liked the idea of brain dumping, but having it all down, won't get me to actually *do* anything listed. Crossing things off really isn't a thing for me. I really don't care. But this idea of coloring in a small image could work for me. I love pens, and lots of color, and doodling. This could work for me. And well even if it doesn't I am still grateful you shared and I took the time to read people's comments today.
I can wholly relate to struggling daily - I swear I wake each day with great intentions but rarely feel like I've done ANYTHING worthwhile by the end of the day. I'm also glad I posted... maybe a little doodle will help you to feel a little more "in order" and therefore, less stressed/happier overall 😊 all my best!
This is a great idea! You get a little shot of fun and maybe dopamine when you get to color in an icon when you finish something on your list! For those of us with a lost inner child or an artistic side this is perfect! Thanks for sharing! ❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
We are married for 20 years. I ask my husband every night. " Did i tell you that i love you today?" and " Did i show you that i love you today? And how did i show you?" Maybe you know the book of the different love languages. So by asking him i can learn how to love him more. And the other way round.
We’ve been married for 23 years but it’s the second marriage fro both of us. Do you know each other’s love language? I have found that when I focus on my husband’s love language I feel more loving myself. It can be as simple as if I haul myself up off the couch to get myself a cup of tea, I ask if he wants anything. So simple but it adds up.
Oh man…..time blindness is that what’s this is called!!!! It makes it feel so much better when there’s a name to this malfunction!!!! Cas this is so so valuable for us adhd folk! So many of your tips have helped me in countless ways. I have a friend who has had to medicate her adhd. But over the years with all your tips and books recommendations atomic habits, Peter Walsh and Gretchen I have not needed to take prescriptions!!! Thank you for years of mastering adhd for all of us!!!❤
I have borderline ADHD, autism and anxiety. I also struggle with time management. Part of my time management problems (I named it myself and have never heard anyone talk about this before so I'm probably the only one who feels this) is managing what I call "time targets." A time target is a specific time I have to be ready to do something or be somewhere. One of them is bedtime by 11 at night. I'm either 30 minutes early or crawling into bed at 12 at night. To solve this, I give myself a "time window," so instead of telling myself I want to be in bed by 11, I'll tell myself to get into bed between 11-11:30. Note: I didn't realize how long this was. If you made it to the end, thanks for your time! Take care!
I'm not adhd but I live with chronic pain and the fog that comes with it, I love your tips as with a little work they have helped me so much. I can only set non negotionables with the understandig that when my pain leaves me bedbound I am aloud to forgive me and start fresh when I can move again. Thank you.
Same here, chronic pain, and I've become a master procrastinator. Ever since becoming disabled and unable to work, I no longer have any conception of time. I don't even watch TV, which used to help me at least keep track of what day of the week it was. It used to be so easy to stay on top of everything, but now it's just a free-for-all. 🙃
@@suestone5076don't feel bad! I moved homes almost 15 years ago & I still have 1 box in a corner. At this stage I don't even remember what's in it! 😂 I should probably declutter it without looking inside, coz I clearly don't need anything in there. 😅
Been with my hubby for 30 years. We just started dating again. We still have 1 kids @ home, but he's 20, so self-reliant MOSTLY. It's fun. Go to each other's interests. Turn off all electronics and see what convos you have. Do the date where pick out things for the other. I found out my hubby's favorite color that way. Guess I never realized it before, lol.
We will be celebrating 45 years in 2024. We almost divorced at 7 years, but Christ in His mercy saved us and restored our marriage. My hubby is amazing and beyond wonderful. I'm a retired Hospice nurse so i helped care for many who did not get to grow old together. This taught me to cherish each day we are together and as Christ is the center of our lives now, no matter what happens we can choose joy. Love your podcasts Cass!
My husband and I have been married for 32 years. We do little things for eachother like when I see his soap is almost gone in the shower I'll replace it or I'll tell him how proud of him I am for doing such a great job at work or around the house. He does the same for me. He knows how much I can't stand mess or clutter so after dinner he will help me load the dishes. He will also tell me how much he appreciates my cooking and taking care of the house. I guess it all comes down to respect and caring. I'm not saying that we never annoy the poop out of eachother, because hello... we are human lol, BUT when those times come up I remember the little things he does for me like I listed above or the big things like taking care of me after surgeries I've had and when I've dealt with illness. ❤
We have been married for 47 years! We are also together 24/7 because we are retired. I took a job cleaning an hour and a half to get away from him! Seriously some days it's the best hour and a half of the day. He is losing his memory and he can't really hear anymore. So the next time you think of growing old together, just know it gets worse from today on,😂😂😂. I love him all day every day and he still tries to make sure I'm safe and don't fall or something. Then there's the days when he gets on a subject and we literally spend the day on one subject. Recently he said he needed underwear, or he'd have to do laundry. Well we bought him underwear, he came home and did laundry cuz he was low on underwear? 😅 yeah it doesn't get better! Love your video's.
Only 9 years here, but I find that 2 things help. 1, some alone time away from each other. He has 2 days in the office and while I know he doesn't like commuting, I will admit the alone time has been sooooo needed and I didn't even realize at first how much I needed it! He also has a couple of hobbies that I have 0 interest in so he heads off to go do those 2ish times a week. I also have a couple of hobbies that he has no interest in so having that level of alone time is so necessary. Number 2 is having a date night once a week. Now we don't always go out for date night sometimes we stay in, but the point is to ON PURPOSE spend time together. A lot of times we just watch something, but so often we're just in the same room (apartment living y'all) without intentionally being together that when we DO decide to do the same task and focus on being there with each other it feels so different. So I guess the idea is to find a way to separate when your just together vs BEING together to make it more quality.
So I read once you talked yourself out of love with them you can talk yourself right back in love with them. So I just started looking at the things that are all over that I can use to boost my feelings for him. Like sure he got snippy as he was fixing blah blah but he was fixing blah blah for me on his day off. It wasn’t a need but a want and he spent his day off doing that for me. So I basically Made myself stop getting amnesia about the things he does cuz he loves me. I hope that makes sense. I started storing those things up. I pull them out when I need em.
Great tips thank you. I was just diagnosed in January of this year at the age of 49 1/2…. I have many systems in place already but the procrastination is kicking my butt. To my hubby- I say thank you to him at least once a day for the things he does around the house and for being patient with all my adhd stuff. 😂
My person and I have been in each other's orbit for 27 years (eeek, doesn't feel that long sometimes but sometimes I feel every single day). We do a check each morning to see what our day looks like, then that evening, before we get into anything else we have a decompress session to talk about what we encountered during the day. Also, on road trips, we make a playlist (both adding songs) and we sing very badly to all of those songs - laughing all the way to our destination. That's become a tradition - we call it Murdering the Hits. LOL
Love your videos Cass! Dancing at home is always fun :). Pull up ballroom dancing videos and learn how to dance or just pull up music to slow dance...one of my favorites is the song "At Last" with Etta James singing it....Frank Sinatra any of the old time music is fun :). Do a surprise dance in the kitchen!
Your always so very generous! Gonna download templates now. I have been trying so hard for so long to get it together in my home. But, depression really hit me and pulling myself out of it can be tough. I know seeing little things accomplished help, so I think the small task will help me tremendously. I often try to do hours at a time, it doesn’t work for me but the 15 min and a designated area may! 😊
I know what you mean about relationships been with my partner 22 years to. It help if we have intrests of our own and also some we do together. I love all your advice its very helpful.
Amen, sister! I get butterflies when I watch my husband do something major that a lot of people can't do. Just think I'm so lucky. Then back to everyday life! 😂
Cas I am an ADHD 55 year old single lady. I really just couldn’t understand why I did all the wifely duties but never a wife. You show has really helped me understand why. Clutter bug. I have been working on my house now. It is hard and scary, I cry sometimes because no help but I am taking it one day at a time. Thanks for sharing and being for real. Love all your information and help. TFS ❤❤❤
I just wanted to let you know how inspired I got after listening to you. I too, struggle with ADHD and was diagnosed in my late thirties. I have adopted the pomodoro technique which has been a life saver. Anywho, I decided to give myself 30 days to do a complete house declutter. We're talking going from daunting to dazzling and decluttered. I'm on my 15 day and the results are amazing. It is so cathartic and I find myself being so darn proud of myself with each item I "Chuck". I'm planning on being done on my 49th birthday and will have the greatest "reveal" party. I just wanted to let you know the gratitude I have for sharing with all of us other ADHD'ers
I am a widow, but not very old though. Don't take your relationship for granted period things I wish I would have done : more holding his hand, smiling at him, giving him a hug from the back. Just silly stupid things like that. Cooked together and talk, just me and him.. No tv, no phones, no kids, just me and him, talking, and just being.
Absolutely love your beautiful way you give information that I can retain and be motivated. We moved from a big house to a small tiny house and I let our family move us. Never do that . I am after 2 years of living in a sea of boxes you motivated me to start getting it organized and have a place. I am not in very good physical health but I am trying to do a little at a time. It works bless you I needed you in my life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Out of all the treatments I had for my ADHD in college, the thing that helped me most was my group therapy. This is going to sound awful, but I mean it in the best way: watching others do the assholey things I was doing because I didn't have my ADHD under control was a real eye opener. The combination of meds and CBT supported that process, of course. I now religiously use my planner, it's my anchor. I don't have relationship advice for you, I'm in the middle of a separation after a 10 year relationship; my advice from that is that the kindest thing you can do sometimes is fight and draw sharp boundaries. So you don't end up with an open tab so long that you can't be your best self anymore. Ask for what you need.
I've been with my husband for 20 years, through all SORTS of ups and downs. But one of the best things about a relationship that long is that our communication has gotten better every year, and especially our abilities to communicate what we need from the other person to help US be our best. My husband and I both need a lot of prompts about what we SHOULD be doing, instead of spending our time on the internet, doomscrolling. But the one thing we started doing two years ago that really brings us together is to choose a few anime shows a season to watch together. We don't have normal TV, and I especially tend to not take the time to sit down and watch something myself (I like to listen while doing other things), but for this we sit down together on the couch the night it airs, snuggle and laugh together...or cry together for some shows. We met in Anime Club in college, so this is something we do to keep our love as young as the day we met.
Hi Cas.😊 my husband and I married 12 years ago, we combine our family and raise 5 kids, our marriage was not very successful at the beginning, you can imagine 2 kids on there teens a boy 13 and a girl 13 with only months of difference a 11 year girl, a 3 year girl and a baby boy. Wasn't easy, we were exhausted and the kids didn't make it easy, coming from a broken family to a new one, it was difficult on them also, so 1 new parent all together. Like you said it's all bananas 😂. So we know we love each other and we want to fight for our own children and family. We make a rule, ones a month for the whole weekend we got away, we rent a hotel room on Friday night and came back until Sunday evening, we take our time from our daily life, we go to dinner🍽, to the movies🏞, we sleep late, 😴 so we reacquainted to each others ❤, reload and back to our family, we never go to sleep with out said I love you 😊. Even when we're mad, or frustrated. And never ever parter without a big kiss 💋 not negotiable 😅
Coversation with myself after watching today's video: "leave a sweet comment for Cass later. You don't have time ight now, must go deal with laundry i forgot in the washer, feed the dogs on the way to the laundry room, put my water bill payment in the mailbox, dust the shelf by the front door (it's hideous)....OH MY GOSH! Look at these stairs! When was the last time I cleaned these? I should call mom and see what she's up today. Mmmm, I should make banana bread. Maybe I'll paint those bookshelves this afternoon before I make dinner. I need to bring those plants inside from the patio before they freeze to death.. OHHH! There's the new book I started reading the other day. It's getting really good. I think I'll read for a bit before I go do whatever I was on my way to do. I should get a drink first." The struggle is real, my friend!
I have been married for 34 years, before the kids were gone it helped to have a date night. Now that kids are gone, separate times away from each other. We also try to find things we both like to do, right now we go Pokémon hunting together. Exercise and working on tasks together.
I totally understand what you are saying Cas!!! 😂 Me and my husband own/run a trucking company out of our home...we are together all the time! We have been together for 22 years also...I love him with every inch of my soul, but there are times when I ask, "Why are you breathing so loud?!" 😂😂 But, I we have 1 rule, no matter if we are getting along great, or mad at each other at the time, we always have to end the night with a kiss and a hug...It is non-negotiable! I always think of, what if it is the last time you see/talk to them...End the day on a good note💞
I really like this video. The to-do list goals are helpful as well as Robin's color themed effort scale. I would like more elaboration on types of activities. I have added exercise to my non negotiable. I'd like to add something with my husband. I recently started listening to the Bible at night before bed. I sleep so much better!
Every Saturday night our local radio station does a 90s Saturday night and we’ve made it a tradition to listen every Saturday. Sometimes we play board games, sometimes we watch football, sometimes we make a meal together if we’ve put it off that late. And for certain songs we will stop whatever we’re doing and go in and dance together. Neither of us are great dancers but it’s a beautiful way to just connect ❤
Moving is helping you in many aspects of your life❣️❣️❣️ You have slim down so much ❣️❣️ You mentioned that your organization ways have changed for the better ❣️❣️❣️ I am so happy for you 🎉❣️❣️
My husband and I work together at home so we started lunch dates. We'll pick a day and go out for lunch- sometimes it's pizza sometimes fancier but there's no pressure and we enjoy it.
I noticed that the 4-color system Robin mentioned was VERY much like the Eisenhower Matrix. As for a planner, if you have problems with making lists, you might want to try the SHE system from The Slob Sisters (may they rest in peace). There are 4 of their books that could be very helpful. In short, their system involves making ONE list of everything you need to do to maintain your home from cleaning the kitchen sink to cleaning out the garage. It also includes your favorite things for yourself, errands and community commitments. Then, each item is written on a 3 x 5 card and filed in a jumbo file box with numbered dividers. This part of the system can vary and each item can be put on your digital calendar as well. Note: The system began in 1977. Their rule was if any task was skipped more than 2 times (with an x in the "skipped" space) then it HAD TO BE DONE the next time it showed up in the system. The books are: Sidetracked Home Executives From Pigpen to Paradise, The Sidetracked Sisters Catch Up on the Kitchen, The Happiness File, and Get Your Act Together. I enjoy your videos and the collaborations when similar people work together. Keep up the good work.
My husband goes outside to his building and does stuff out there. We are still close enough to each other if we need something but have enough space to have alone time. Three of our five kids are still at home so i get less alone time than him 😅. We also try to be spontaneous, so if we are running errands or in town for some reason, we may randomly go out to eat at a sit down restaurant. It is important to make sure and put the devices down in order to fully enjoy each others company in a minorly romantic environment. We have been married almost two decades. I hope this helped. I love you so much. I am interested in checking out minimalist mom though too. Have a great day babe!!🎉❤😊
Temptation Bundling *everything* possible with something fun (e.g. podcast + dishes) has been key for me. In the same way keeping a gratitude journal programs you over time to notice the good things in life more, temptation bundling during and/or right after boring tasks has programmed me to find dull things way less off-putting and occasionally *fun*. I NEVER would have imagined that!!!
I've never heard the term temptation bundling! So cool! I call it going to "Zombie town" because the good podcast, video or audiobook kind of shuts my brain off and my body just moves and cleans without me realizing what I'm doing!
Yes! I'm only allowed to watch new episodes of my show if I'm on the treadmill. I call my grandma and parents when I'm stuck in traffic on my commute home. Bring joy to the boring or frustrating things!
We go on a "couples walk" a few times a week. Sometimes we stop for breakfast, sometimes we hold hands. We always talk, and we both always love it! It helps us feel closer and gives us some time together when nothing else is asking for our attention!
45 plus years together. He retired in 2019 was an adjustment for both of us. We do lunch together once a week away from home, go for drives to look at leaves changing, and have once a week movie nights. We love the old ones like Bringing up Baby. We drink coffee together on the porch and discuss our week of appointments and to do lists for that week. He still makes me laugh with his sense of humor one of the many reasons I fell in love with Him. Laughter is good for the soul and your health. Always say I love you to each other before sleeping. Never forget what you felt for each other while dating.
Thank you Cas. My husband and I have been married 33 years. We hold hands a lot, hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye and snuggle on couch to watch our favorite shows… 😊💕
My husband took his own life last month, leaving me, at 45, with 4 kids under 15 yrs old. He was all those things to me, my greatest love, best friend, life partner, wonderful dad etc. And I would saw off my right arm to have him back. I think I took him for granted and now I know most people do the same with their spouses. Imagine them vanishing from your life with no warning and that will help you appreciate them. Hug them tight, tell them they're precious to you. You never know when you won't have the chance again.
😢I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine your pain but I know it's not your fault & there's nothing you could've done.. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers..
I love to create time by going into the garage and hiding all his tools, and he spends it with me asking where i put everything, and watching him for hours 😂 good times lol🤣 that's 37 yrs and counting 😲
LOVE your 3 things: Make, Clean, Finish! I can relate to so much of what you said re: forgetting, getting distracted, starting stuff but not finishing. Never thought about using my Alexa to remind me! Thanks for a great video.
I've build an "anti-procrastination" day into my schedule. On that day, it doesn't matter what else is going on! I HAVE to spend at least 15 minutes working on whatever I'm procrastinating on. And I always make my "I am procrastinating on these things" list on a different day. Lol Anti-Procrastination day? Pull out my list and choose one. 15 minutes! That's it!
The whole grid your day thing by color hurts my brain. Naming her journal...was.... different. It took me 3 attempts to watch this all the way through.
I haven't been in a relationship in some time but were I in your shoes, I would make sure to spend some time out of the house. Either on your own, with kids, or friends, and he stays home. Or he goes out and you stay home. Also my current secrets to getting anything done: my therapist, my bullet journal, and when I remember it, the Anti-Planner. @How to ADHD has a video about it.
Hmm I think I might need to get tested - everything you just said is my struggle in life too - time blindness (people who know me call it ‘Melanie time’!?), having not enough structure vs having too much structure in my day, non-negotiables to make sure I don’t feel overwhelmed and useless, not being able to keep a planner and being stupid forgetful, and getting major distraction moving from one thing to another without even realising!! And the list could go on 😅 Thanks so much for sharing your tips Cas!! 🤓🤩
We’ve been married for over 60 years. My husband always put my shoes so I could get out of bed and slip into them. I just climb in bed and let them drop Lol. I am now his full time caregiver so I get him all the things he needs now. He always did this for me but can’t do much. So our places have changed some. I love doing this for him now. I do miss my shoe thing he did for me. It’s the little things that make a difference. Cherish your loved ones.
I love watching you as I can relate often to your topics and especially this one. I am a big procrastinator and it is sometimes easier to walk away than to deal with the smaller pile, which eventually grows and grows. I only have myself to blame.
New to your channel and just subscribed, finding your channel is very helpful. This video popped up on my feed and yup I've been procrastinating on some really important stuff that needs to be dealt with in order to more forward. Took some notes and will work on this later today - thank you!
I’ve been with my husband 16 years and we are now home together most of the time. ( I’m retired, he’s pretty much semi retired)I know it’s unusual but there is nothing about him that drives me crazy . We have our activities/hobbies that we do separately, but we also enjoy activities together- including sex, even though I wasn’t supposed to mention that😂. When young couples ask for marriage advice, I always say “don’t stop having sex”
Omg, this is so funny! Just a couple days ago, I was reading a battle between 2 people that left comments on your video. One, said they liked you but thought you were a one trick pony, always talking about ADHD, so your content is always the same…the other, fought them tooth and nail, (as I would too). Well, for the record you nay sayers, 2 things, 1st…I agree with the other fan who said, there are sooo many others to watch, if this isn’t for you…ah bye bye..2nd? THIS video was JUST what I needed! I have ADHD, I have an adult child with Aspergers/ADHD, (he likes you too), and we have NEVER felt like your content isn’t fresh, or whatever the heck that non believer said. TOO FUNNY, the topic was soooo in their face and EXACTLY what we needed to hear today! It was helpful and I can’t wait to put it to use. 💕❤ You go girl….and please MORE help for us ADHDers!
36 years together and yes mostly at home. I concentrate on his strengths, his beautiful eyes and infectious laugh. And he smiles when I bring him a cup of tea. I always hear women complain of something of their husband's and I don't want to have that doing through my head. I want to cherish our love. Funny thing he says, I can't walk past you without you wanting to hug me. Lol well we should all want that right?
One thing that works for me; is to do something that is my hubby's domain; or an activity were he will shine. I know it sounds old fashioned; I'm not talking about faking it...I mean boating and really appreciating that he can tow and captain a boat. Hiking, realizing he can keep us safe, or camping and loving the fact that he loves driving the RV. I always give him a neck massage and cook him a steak plus fix'ns our first night in camp. Driving a huge RV is work; requiring skills. Remember what attracted you to your hubby...and let him shine. Not in a fake way; genuine appreciation. Not chores, but all the fun rewarding stuff. My mom used to go golfing with my dad on Sundays...she took his advice, tips and critique...my dad had a negative handicap. They came home after ever round in a great mood...the 19th hole was always involved (clubhouse).
Hey Cass, I just wanted to say you cracked me up when you were saying you had a 60 second kiss-fest with Joe. My husband and I just celebrated our 40 years Anniversary. He's going to retire in a few years ànd I don't know how I'm going to handle that. Thank God he loves to doe stuff out in his shop. We did build a new one this summer. I insisted on a bathroom. Now for the bedroom....lol 🤷♀️
53 years and don't be joined at the hip everyone needs me time and relationships and friends that don't include your life partner ,then you have something to talk about and share experiences
I've been married to my husband for almost 13 years and sometimes I have to stop and write out a list of why I'm thankful for my husband. I write specific things that he does or says within the past week or 24 hours that make me appreciate him or feel love towards him. I don't usually show him the lists. They're mainly for me to remind myself of the wonderful man that I get to be with, flaws and all. It feels good to feel grateful that he's mine and I'm his.
Together for 34 years and we laugh a lot! He is the kindest most loyal person and I love him lots ... but I understand the wanting to get away from him sometimes!!!
Im retired and most days o dont get much done! Its the old "I can do that tomorrow" syndrome!! There is no immediate need. I live by myself with one cat, so i always have to scoop litter, change water and give him food. Other than that there is not much i "have" to do! I do like a clear clean kitchen and clean bathroom tho. Soany times i wonder how one older woman can make such a mess!! Good tips!
Great video Cas, I am a big time procrastinator . I have to make a list for everything and have recently started using planners . I have 3 planners , business, personal, and bills . I have been married for 22 years and I like to just hug my husband from behind while he is doing stuff like making coffee , talking or even working . I don’t say anything and just walk away after about 30 seconds , sometimes i get an extra hug! Never to busy to give love 💜💜💜
I'm not ADHD. but living alone makes procrastinating much easier. I have non negotiables each day...making the bed, dishes done and kitchen and bathroom tidy. The rest of my house stays pretty tidy, I only do laundry once a week, and I have someone who comes in to do the two things my shoulder cannot do: vacuum and scrub bathrooms. The one sore spot is my office which is a horror show and I promise myself every day I will start on, but don't. I know, I know, little bites. Still don't do it.
Have you tried filming a "before" on your phone?! I know this sounds super weird, but it's effective! Filming a before always motivates people to clean so they can film the "after", not to post it online, just for themselves!
For everyday things, tiny time limits work great (I do pretty much everything in 8 minutes or I don't do it) but for projects, like your office, I love Cas's strategy "Let's See The Power of an Hour". It's a gamechanger. Pour yourself a drink, put some shoes on, andvset a timer for an hour. After the hour is over, you have complete permission to stop.
You did an excellent job of covering this topic! Your first strategy of breaking down big projects into chunks was huge for me to overcome procrastination. I use habit stacking to get my daily non-negotiables done. For example, after breakfast, I do a basic kitchen reset. For me, that means catching up on dishes and wiping the counters and stovetop and any other obvious messes.
My husband and I work from home together too. In the morning after our walk (holding hands) , we put on music in the kitchen and he puts the coffee on and I chop veggies and assemble what we're having for lunch and put it in the crockpot. It's such a nice time of the day. We make time most evenings to sit and read together too as we're both booklovers. This was a great video, thank you Cass !
Wow! You are #relationshipgoals! I'm so happy for you!
Truly relationship goals. Empty nesters here and married 33ish years. (I’m bad with dates) and it’s a challenge.
Funny how much Americans seem to love labels and abbreviation. I don't recall a term for 'empty nester' in German.
@@sabine9012 me neither, but nowadays everything comes with an “ism” or title. For example, for me, “minimalism” is just the way most of the world lives. I learned about empty nesters after our kids left for college. It’s an interesting phenomenon to watch.
@@sabine9012 Haha! This made me laugh - yes, we do! Do you know what it means then? It's short hand for saying the children have "flown the nest" - grown up & moved out in other words.
Married 40 years. Love him to pieces! Take a drive together. Conversation is amazing when there are no children and you are not facing each other. Or walk. The key is being able to look away from the person you are speaking to. It allows you to speak of things that you may be uncomfortable speaking about face to face. Works great with teens, also. Spend a bit of time apart weekly. Walk by yourself. Join a craft group, etc. Encourage him to find something outside also. A little time apart is good for everyone.
Great ideas! I really agree about taking a drive or walking side by side. Our best conversations happen then and definitely bring us closer.
We have been married 41 years...and no, it's not easy being with each other 24/7. But, I sure am grateful that we have each other every single day I thank The Lord!
Amen! I hadn't thought about not looking straight at the person. I think you're on to something.
Great video. Don’t assume you’ll be together until you’re old and gray. That’s what I thought too. My husband became ill and in 7 months he was gone. Cherish your spouse everyday!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thanks for your reminder to not take our spouse for granted!
Truth. I just lost my husband Sept 6th. He was 59 I am 48. We were married 18 years and thought we had a lot more.
@@CrystalBeeMarrinerI’m so sorry ! Wishing you comfort and peace ! ❤
😞😞
Very sorry to hear this, djenkins. May you have comfort and future happiness
We're retired. 46 years married next month. He is my best friend. Laughter is key. 😂 He still makes me laugh every day. He is so good and patient with me. He is good, cute, helpful and funny and for some reason he loves me. ❤ I am blessed.
“….bro, give me your face!!” 🤣🤣🤣❤❤ that’s such a great idea! Giving yourself a non-negotiable to help your husband and your relationship to strengthen! You’re right Cas!! it’s so difficult, especially working with them every day seeing him day in day out😂. I’m fortunate my husband gets to take a business trip once and a while. And I can’t help but feel so excited when he announces a trip😂. We have also been together for over 20 years but lately have not been so lovey-dovey. So yes, I think it’s an extremely important forcing time together!!
Yes! That comment made me laugh out loud!!!
We've been married for 19 years. It's my second marriage. We are also together 24/7. What I have learned is to always appreciate him and tell him so. I appreciate that we are such a good team. I appreciate you make me laugh my head off. And so on. I hate to say this, but this is a big one......I never say anything bad about him or our relationship to anyone else. It either always gets back to him or he hears you say it. I know it's just a joke, but words can hurt. And even if he says it's okay, it still festers underneath. Just my $0.02.
Yes, always be his safe person.
Agree about this 100%.
Yeah, it's said to "not let anyone else into the relationship" these days. It makes sense. It did deteriorate my former relationship quickly!
100% TRUE! Married 41 years and we both had to learn this lesson (not saying anything bad, even joking) more than once. It does really hurt - and often "jokes" are the most injurious. We both have also learned to really take the time to thank each other and to look for the good qualities in the other one - even if sometimes you don't feel like it inside.
I used to hate laundry. There is 6 of us in the house so we do at least 2 loads a day. I figured out what I really hate is folding! 😂 So also, as a Christian I always felt like I needed to carve out more prayer time so I paired the two. It's the perfect time bc for some reason, people leave me alone when I'm folding 😂. So now, folding is enjoyable 🎉
I love it!
This is a great idea! ❤
I agree with the at least 2 loads a day! when my kids were little, I definitely struggled with trying to keep up with the laundry so I decided that I would do a load of whites and a load of coloreds every day. It helped me stay on track, and I actually like folding clothes and doing dishes, I know weird right!
That is genius! In a groove, in a special place, how wonderful! Thank you!
I’m stealing this and thanking you!!!!
We have been married 49 years. Been through a lot together. For me, deliberately focusing on his good qualities solidifies my love and respect. Letting him know that, through comments or notes or any other way, solidifies us. Sometimes it's the little things as we work our way through life together.
26 years for me. Your comment is just lovely. Thank you.
Congratulations
married for 38 years and since he has stopped working we see each other near 24/7..I am glad he still has flyball with the dogs but best of all we have a date day once a week where we go out for a meal or go somewhere special together like watching gannets feed or deer hunting with a camera. you have to keep the enthusiasm for each other through a shared enjoyment..apart from the bedroom..😊
@@hazelblackley1623 Congratulations, Hazel! Sharing fun activities is important on many levels. Wishing you well.
Years ago I heard an interview in which the lady said each morning she asked her husband, ‘what can I do for you today that will make your life easier?’ Yes, you are tremendously busy and have your own work load but, during those times when he is very stressed, this is a way to reach out and connect, letting him know you are right there with him.
That’s if your partners love language is ‘acts of service’. I would love that because that’s my number one love language but to my partner he doesn’t care about acts of service so I cater to his #1.
😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Not sure if that was…Richard Paul Evans…”How I saved my marriage”…he is a writer and I believe speaker and that is the same thing he said as his marriage was failing and he knew he needed to make a change…basically he said to his wife “how can I make your day better?”
I wonder if her husband did the same?
I'd say show interest in something that is important to him. My husband has a big woodworking project right now. He's building me a butlers pantry. I go to his woodshop with him. I sand things and help to transport cabates back into the house. He likes having my company. I remember as kids when we were dating, I sat on the driveway and passed tools under a car that he was fixing, so he would have something to drive on our dates. We were 15 and 17 back then. Today, we're 59 and almost 62. I still love being with him and would still sit in the driveway and pass him tools. He's funny and smart and loves me unconditionally.
I’m not married so my advice isn’t worth much. But looking behind me at two divorces, I think I would be kinder, brag on him in public, and not let myself be goaded into pitching a fit!
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Your advice IS VALUABLE! And so are you ❤
And don't let him pitch a fit
Your advice IS worth listening to... Sometimes the most valuable advice is from negatives learned/discovered in the disasters we survive.
@@lindab146thanks!
I've been with my husband 23 years. Due to past trauma, I sometimes have issues with feeling the need to be right. So, a few years into our marriage I asked myself "do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?" The answer is always happy and so I will stop arguing or defending my position the second I realize I'm trying to be right. I'm also chronically ill and ADHD, one of the biggest things to help us overcome those moments of "I can't look at you for a second longer" episodes has been you, Cass. My disorder and his disorder and a cluttered home always made us growlly with each other, but now that I know that I'm a bee and he's a ladybug we've been getting along much better. I no longer see his tossed around stuff the same way and I have built some spaces for me and some for him.
I think something butterfly inducing is my husband finding a passion project, and me throwing my full support behind him and watching him absolutely kill it. Mine started a business last year (he still works full time apart from the business) and watching him connect with business partners, hire, buy equipment, shew, it makes me weak in the knees seeing him be at his full potential and at something he's passionate about. Working for something together that's his own thing is definitely a connector for us.
I remind myself that we are a team. I don’t let my scrolling ever be more important than what he is saying to me. I do my best to recognize his efforts and thank him for them.
I did that but sadley I never get those needed compliments too
One of my favourite things that my partner does is walk up behind me when I'm cooking or cleaning, wrapping his arms around my waist & kissing the top of my head (he's taller than me) ❤ We also hold hands whenever we go out for a walk, even if it's just round the grocery store 😊 xx
I heard once that procrastination comes from fear of wanting to do something perfectly. So I just go for make something better today.
I recommend Esther Perel. She says, when you see your partner like a stranger or in a different environment, he is attractive. E. G. on stage, at work, with his friends, in negotiatons, on a construction site, in a shop. When I see my partner in his working clothes, I find him attractive.
Another thing: as soon as he talks to me, I put down, mute or stop any electronics or books. I turn to him, look in his eyes and listen.
Whenever I feel any kind of love, I tell it. I tell him exactly what I find beautiful at him in this moment. On the other hand, I ask him often: say something nice and he will do it for over 31 years now.
Today is our 25th wedding anniversary! We have endured many joys, blessing, trials and hurts! My best advice is intentionality and forgiveness! I haven't always done a great job at either of these, but I am striving to be better. We need to be intentional with spending time together, and quick to forgive when the other person is seeking forgiveness! Encourage each other in their pursuits, and for us personally, putting God first! Thanks for all of your great information, Cas. It is much appreciated!
Happy Anniversary!
Happy happy 25th anniversary!!!❤
We've been married 27 years. We always end up arguing when doing some sort of project. However, this weekend we did a project and even though we get a little testy with each other, I still said thank you when it was done. And he said thank you, too. I don't think I'd ever heard him say that after one of our projects, but I also tried to recall saying thank you to him, and I couldn't. We sometimes forget about simple manners with those we love, but please and especially thank you, really does go a long way. Thank you, Cas, for being you!
I haven't even finished the video and I'm so excited you posted this! Just recently diagnosed at 32 and it's like the clouds have parted. Finally, it makes sense that I am not just a failure at life.
Anyways, just wanted to say thanks and share a recent "tool" (more like technique?) I've acquired that is helping me to be more successful in just DOING things. I saw multiple people post the need for a "brain dump" so I took the time to get some fancy, bright gel pens and wrote out every single pending item on my mental to-do list - from accounting items to needing to schedule kids dentist appts - and made each item in a different color (simply so it was engaging and pretty!)
And, here's the "success" part, instead of a bulleted list or check boxes, I take a moment to draw a little icon outline instead of a bullet point. i.e. a simple daisy or little blob figure with eyes. When I finish that item on my list, I get to take a few moments to color the icon in with my gel pens and honestly I feel dumb even admitting it but it's so. much. more. motivating to know there's a tiny coloring moment at the end of each task! Thanks again for sharing your tips!
Thanks for sharing. I have struggled to make any tips at all to motivate me to create a routine or give myself the structure I am aware I *need* to function. So every single day is a struggle.
I am not reward motivated for the most part. I am more motivated to do things for *someone else* but there isn't a someone else when the person it is for is *me*.
I do however liked the idea of brain dumping, but having it all down, won't get me to actually *do* anything listed. Crossing things off really isn't a thing for me. I really don't care.
But this idea of coloring in a small image could work for me.
I love pens, and lots of color, and doodling.
This could work for me.
And well even if it doesn't I am still grateful you shared and I took the time to read people's comments today.
I can wholly relate to struggling daily - I swear I wake each day with great intentions but rarely feel like I've done ANYTHING worthwhile by the end of the day. I'm also glad I posted... maybe a little doodle will help you to feel a little more "in order" and therefore, less stressed/happier overall 😊 all my best!
This is a great idea! You get a little shot of fun and maybe dopamine when you get to color in an icon when you finish something on your list! For those of us with a lost inner child or an artistic side this is perfect! Thanks for sharing! ❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉❤🎉
There is nothing dumb about your idea, it’s great and I’ll be adopting it. Thank you 😊
We are married for 20 years.
I ask my husband every night. " Did i tell you that i love you today?" and " Did i show you that i love you today? And how did i show you?"
Maybe you know the book of the different love languages.
So by asking him i can learn how to love him more.
And the other way round.
We’ve been married for 23 years but it’s the second marriage fro both of us. Do you know each other’s love language? I have found that when I focus on my husband’s love language I feel more loving myself. It can be as simple as if I haul myself up off the couch to get myself a cup of tea, I ask if he wants anything. So simple but it adds up.
Oh man…..time blindness is that what’s this is called!!!! It makes it feel so much better when there’s a name to this malfunction!!!! Cas this is so so valuable for us adhd folk! So many of your tips have helped me in countless ways. I have a friend who has had to medicate her adhd. But over the years with all your tips and books recommendations atomic habits, Peter Walsh and Gretchen I have not needed to take prescriptions!!! Thank you for years of mastering adhd for all of us!!!❤
I have borderline ADHD, autism and anxiety. I also struggle with time management.
Part of my time management problems (I named it myself and have never heard anyone talk about this before so I'm probably the only one who feels this) is managing what I call "time targets." A time target is a specific time I have to be ready to do something or be somewhere. One of them is bedtime by 11 at night. I'm either 30 minutes early or crawling into bed at 12 at night.
To solve this, I give myself a "time window," so instead of telling myself I want to be in bed by 11, I'll tell myself to get into bed between 11-11:30.
Note: I didn't realize how long this was. If you made it to the end, thanks for your time! Take care!
I'm not adhd but I live with chronic pain and the fog that comes with it, I love your tips as with a little work they have helped me so much. I can only set non negotionables with the understandig that when my pain leaves me bedbound I am aloud to forgive me and start fresh when I can move again. Thank you.
Yes❤ I too suffer with a chronic illness and small chunks of activity and forgiveness to ourselves if today is just not what we imagined . Hugs
Same 😢❤
ADHD…AND chronic pain. Plus I just moved across country after 71 years in my hometown. A month later, I still have unpacked boxes…I’m a Hot Mess!
Same here, chronic pain, and I've become a master procrastinator. Ever since becoming disabled and unable to work, I no longer have any conception of time. I don't even watch TV, which used to help me at least keep track of what day of the week it was. It used to be so easy to stay on top of everything, but now it's just a free-for-all. 🙃
@@suestone5076don't feel bad! I moved homes almost 15 years ago & I still have 1 box in a corner. At this stage I don't even remember what's in it! 😂 I should probably declutter it without looking inside, coz I clearly don't need anything in there. 😅
Been with my hubby for 30 years. We just started dating again. We still have 1 kids @ home, but he's 20, so self-reliant MOSTLY. It's fun. Go to each other's interests. Turn off all electronics and see what convos you have. Do the date where pick out things for the other. I found out my hubby's favorite color that way. Guess I never realized it before, lol.
We will be celebrating 45 years in 2024. We almost divorced at 7 years, but Christ in His mercy saved us and restored our marriage. My hubby is amazing and beyond wonderful. I'm a retired Hospice nurse so i helped care for many who did not get to grow old together. This taught me to cherish each day we are together and as Christ is the center of our lives now, no matter what happens we can choose joy. Love your podcasts Cass!
My husband and I have been married for 32 years. We do little things for eachother like when I see his soap is almost gone in the shower I'll replace it or I'll tell him how proud of him I am for doing such a great job at work or around the house. He does the same for me. He knows how much I can't stand mess or clutter so after dinner he will help me load the dishes. He will also tell me how much he appreciates my cooking and taking care of the house. I guess it all comes down to respect and caring.
I'm not saying that we never annoy the poop out of eachother, because hello... we are human lol, BUT when those times come up I remember the little things he does for me like I listed above or the big things like taking care of me after surgeries I've had and when I've dealt with illness. ❤
We have been married for 47 years! We are also together 24/7 because we are retired. I took a job cleaning an hour and a half to get away from him! Seriously some days it's the best hour and a half of the day. He is losing his memory and he can't really hear anymore. So the next time you think of growing old together, just know it gets worse from today on,😂😂😂. I love him all day every day and he still tries to make sure I'm safe and don't fall or something. Then there's the days when he gets on a subject and we literally spend the day on one subject. Recently he said he needed underwear, or he'd have to do laundry. Well we bought him underwear, he came home and did laundry cuz he was low on underwear? 😅 yeah it doesn't get better! Love your video's.
Only 9 years here, but I find that 2 things help. 1, some alone time away from each other. He has 2 days in the office and while I know he doesn't like commuting, I will admit the alone time has been sooooo needed and I didn't even realize at first how much I needed it! He also has a couple of hobbies that I have 0 interest in so he heads off to go do those 2ish times a week. I also have a couple of hobbies that he has no interest in so having that level of alone time is so necessary. Number 2 is having a date night once a week. Now we don't always go out for date night sometimes we stay in, but the point is to ON PURPOSE spend time together. A lot of times we just watch something, but so often we're just in the same room (apartment living y'all) without intentionally being together that when we DO decide to do the same task and focus on being there with each other it feels so different. So I guess the idea is to find a way to separate when your just together vs BEING together to make it more quality.
So I read once you talked yourself out of love with them you can talk yourself right back in love with them. So I just started looking at the things that are all over that I can use to boost my feelings for him. Like sure he got snippy as he was fixing blah blah but he was fixing blah blah for me on his day off. It wasn’t a need but a want and he spent his day off doing that for me. So I basically Made myself stop getting amnesia about the things he does cuz he loves me. I hope that makes sense. I started storing those things up. I pull them out when I need em.
Great tips thank you. I was just diagnosed in January of this year at the age of 49 1/2…. I have many systems in place already but the procrastination is kicking my butt. To my hubby- I say thank you to him at least once a day for the things he does around the house and for being patient with all my adhd stuff. 😂
My person and I have been in each other's orbit for 27 years (eeek, doesn't feel that long sometimes but sometimes I feel every single day). We do a check each morning to see what our day looks like, then that evening, before we get into anything else we have a decompress session to talk about what we encountered during the day. Also, on road trips, we make a playlist (both adding songs) and we sing very badly to all of those songs - laughing all the way to our destination. That's become a tradition - we call it Murdering the Hits. LOL
Love your videos Cass! Dancing at home is always fun :). Pull up ballroom dancing videos and learn how to dance or just pull up music to slow dance...one of my favorites is the song "At Last" with Etta James singing it....Frank Sinatra any of the old time music is fun :). Do a surprise dance in the kitchen!
Your always so very generous! Gonna download templates now. I have been trying so hard for so long to get it together in my home. But, depression really hit me and pulling myself out of it can be tough. I know seeing little things accomplished help, so I think the small task will help me tremendously. I often try to do hours at a time, it doesn’t work for me but the 15 min and a designated area may! 😊
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SEnding Best energy to help you. Cass is AWESOME
I know what you mean about relationships been with my partner 22 years to. It help if we have intrests of our own and also some we do together. I love all your advice its very helpful.
Amen, sister! I get butterflies when I watch my husband do something major that a lot of people can't do. Just think I'm so lucky. Then back to everyday life! 😂
Cas I am an ADHD 55 year old single lady. I really just couldn’t understand why I did all the wifely duties but never a wife. You show has really helped me understand why. Clutter bug. I have been working on my house now. It is hard and scary, I cry sometimes because no help but I am taking it one day at a time. Thanks for sharing and being for real. Love all your information and help. TFS ❤❤❤
"Give me your face"
I love the sixty second kiss 💡 ❤
"GIVE ME YOUR FACE BRO" 😂😂😂
Lol love that to.😊
I just wanted to let you know how inspired I got after listening to you.
I too, struggle with ADHD and was diagnosed in my late thirties.
I have adopted the pomodoro technique which has been a life saver.
Anywho, I decided to give myself 30 days to do a complete house declutter.
We're talking going from daunting to dazzling and decluttered.
I'm on my 15 day and the results are amazing.
It is so cathartic and I find myself being so darn proud of myself with each item I "Chuck".
I'm planning on being done on my 49th birthday and will have the greatest "reveal" party.
I just wanted to let you know the gratitude I have for sharing with all of us other ADHD'ers
I love this idea! Good luck 🎉
I am a widow, but not very old though. Don't take your relationship for granted period things I wish I would have done : more holding his hand, smiling at him, giving him a hug from the back. Just silly stupid things like that. Cooked together and talk, just me and him.. No tv, no phones, no kids, just me and him, talking, and just being.
Thank you for your advice.
Absolutely love your beautiful way you give information that I can retain and be motivated. We moved from a big house to a small tiny house and I let our family move us. Never do that . I am after 2 years of living in a sea of boxes you motivated me to start getting it organized and have a place. I am not in very good physical health but I am trying to do a little at a time. It works bless you I needed you in my life. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Out of all the treatments I had for my ADHD in college, the thing that helped me most was my group therapy. This is going to sound awful, but I mean it in the best way: watching others do the assholey things I was doing because I didn't have my ADHD under control was a real eye opener. The combination of meds and CBT supported that process, of course. I now religiously use my planner, it's my anchor. I don't have relationship advice for you, I'm in the middle of a separation after a 10 year relationship; my advice from that is that the kindest thing you can do sometimes is fight and draw sharp boundaries. So you don't end up with an open tab so long that you can't be your best self anymore. Ask for what you need.
I've been with my husband for 20 years, through all SORTS of ups and downs. But one of the best things about a relationship that long is that our communication has gotten better every year, and especially our abilities to communicate what we need from the other person to help US be our best. My husband and I both need a lot of prompts about what we SHOULD be doing, instead of spending our time on the internet, doomscrolling. But the one thing we started doing two years ago that really brings us together is to choose a few anime shows a season to watch together. We don't have normal TV, and I especially tend to not take the time to sit down and watch something myself (I like to listen while doing other things), but for this we sit down together on the couch the night it airs, snuggle and laugh together...or cry together for some shows. We met in Anime Club in college, so this is something we do to keep our love as young as the day we met.
Give me your face bro! 🤣🤣🤣
33 years here. He passed away in July....I understand what you mean though.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Hi Cas.😊 my husband and I married 12 years ago, we combine our family and raise 5 kids, our marriage was not very successful at the beginning, you can imagine 2 kids on there teens a boy 13 and a girl 13 with only months of difference a 11 year girl, a 3 year girl and a baby boy. Wasn't easy, we were exhausted and the kids didn't make it easy, coming from a broken family to a new one, it was difficult on them also, so 1 new parent all together. Like you said it's all bananas 😂. So we know we love each other and we want to fight for our own children and family. We make a rule, ones a month for the whole weekend we got away, we rent a hotel room on Friday night and came back until Sunday evening, we take our time from our daily life, we go to dinner🍽, to the movies🏞, we sleep late, 😴 so we reacquainted to each others ❤, reload and back to our family, we never go to sleep with out said I love you 😊. Even when we're mad, or frustrated. And never ever parter without a big kiss 💋 not negotiable 😅
"And the kids didn't make it easy..." should they have?? Adults break families and the children suffer. Strangers do not a family make.
Coversation with myself after watching today's video: "leave a sweet comment for Cass later. You don't have time ight now, must go deal with laundry i forgot in the washer, feed the dogs on the way to the laundry room, put my water bill payment in the mailbox, dust the shelf by the front door (it's hideous)....OH MY GOSH! Look at these stairs! When was the last time I cleaned these? I should call mom and see what she's up today. Mmmm, I should make banana bread. Maybe I'll paint those bookshelves this afternoon before I make dinner. I need to bring those plants inside from the patio before they freeze to death.. OHHH! There's the new book I started reading the other day. It's getting really good. I think I'll read for a bit before I go do whatever I was on my way to do. I should get a drink first." The struggle is real, my friend!
Thank you Cass! Executive function issues and time blindness can paralyze me into semi-permanent paralysis.
I have been married for 34 years, before the kids were gone it helped to have a date night. Now that kids are gone, separate times away from each other. We also try to find things we both like to do, right now we go Pokémon hunting together. Exercise and working on tasks together.
I totally understand what you are saying Cas!!! 😂 Me and my husband own/run a trucking company out of our home...we are together all the time! We have been together for 22 years also...I love him with every inch of my soul, but there are times when I ask, "Why are you breathing so loud?!" 😂😂 But, I we have 1 rule, no matter if we are getting along great, or mad at each other at the time, we always have to end the night with a kiss and a hug...It is non-negotiable! I always think of, what if it is the last time you see/talk to them...End the day on a good note💞
Thank you for the wonderful printables!! I’m so excited to finally get organized❤
I really like this video. The to-do list goals are helpful as well as Robin's color themed effort scale. I would like more elaboration on types of activities. I have added exercise to my non negotiable. I'd like to add something with my husband. I recently started listening to the Bible at night before bed. I sleep so much better!
I work evenings and my husband works days. So we only see each other on weekends it's perfect lol.
Every Saturday night our local radio station does a 90s Saturday night and we’ve made it a tradition to listen every Saturday. Sometimes we play board games, sometimes we watch football, sometimes we make a meal together if we’ve put it off that late. And for certain songs we will stop whatever we’re doing and go in and dance together. Neither of us are great dancers but it’s a beautiful way to just connect ❤
I love that that kiss is a non negotiable 😍
Moving is helping you in many aspects of your life❣️❣️❣️
You have slim down so much ❣️❣️ You mentioned that your organization ways have changed for the better ❣️❣️❣️ I am so happy for you 🎉❣️❣️
My husband and I work together at home so we started lunch dates. We'll pick a day and go out for lunch- sometimes it's pizza sometimes fancier but there's no pressure and we enjoy it.
I noticed that the 4-color system Robin mentioned was VERY much like the Eisenhower Matrix. As for a planner, if you have problems with making lists, you might want to try the SHE system from The Slob Sisters (may they rest in peace). There are 4 of their books that could be very helpful. In short, their system involves making ONE list of everything you need to do to maintain your home from cleaning the kitchen sink to cleaning out the garage. It also includes your favorite things for yourself, errands and community commitments. Then, each item is written on a 3 x 5 card and filed in a jumbo file box with numbered dividers. This part of the system can vary and each item can be put on your digital calendar as well.
Note: The system began in 1977. Their rule was if any task was skipped more than 2 times (with an x in the "skipped" space) then it HAD TO BE DONE the next time it showed up in the system.
The books are: Sidetracked Home Executives From Pigpen to Paradise, The Sidetracked Sisters Catch Up on the Kitchen, The Happiness File, and Get Your Act Together.
I enjoy your videos and the collaborations when similar people work together. Keep up the good work.
My husband goes outside to his building and does stuff out there. We are still close enough to each other if we need something but have enough space to have alone time. Three of our five kids are still at home so i get less alone time than him 😅. We also try to be spontaneous, so if we are running errands or in town for some reason, we may randomly go out to eat at a sit down restaurant. It is important to make sure and put the devices down in order to fully enjoy each others company in a minorly romantic environment. We have been married almost two decades. I hope this helped. I love you so much. I am interested in checking out minimalist mom though too. Have a great day babe!!🎉❤😊
I actually love that you call your husband bro 😂 I tried that with my husband and he got maaaad 😂
This was so fun! Love the 60 second kiss too!
I thought so too! Thanks so much for your input on this!
Temptation Bundling *everything* possible with something fun (e.g. podcast + dishes) has been key for me. In the same way keeping a gratitude journal programs you over time to notice the good things in life more, temptation bundling during and/or right after boring tasks has programmed me to find dull things way less off-putting and occasionally *fun*. I NEVER would have imagined that!!!
I've never heard the term temptation bundling! So cool! I call it going to "Zombie town" because the good podcast, video or audiobook kind of shuts my brain off and my body just moves and cleans without me realizing what I'm doing!
@@Clutterbug Love that! 😄You have a wonderful way with words!
Yes! I'm only allowed to watch new episodes of my show if I'm on the treadmill. I call my grandma and parents when I'm stuck in traffic on my commute home. Bring joy to the boring or frustrating things!
I love watching you and Robyn. You both really motivate me to get things done.
We go on a "couples walk" a few times a week. Sometimes we stop for breakfast, sometimes we hold hands. We always talk, and we both always love it! It helps us feel closer and gives us some time together when nothing else is asking for our attention!
45 plus years together. He retired in 2019 was an adjustment for both of us. We do lunch together once a week away from home, go for drives to look at leaves changing, and have once a week movie nights. We love the old ones like Bringing up Baby. We drink coffee together on the porch and discuss our week of appointments and to do lists for that week. He still makes me laugh with his sense of humor one of the many reasons I fell in love with Him. Laughter is good for the soul and your health. Always say I love you to each other before sleeping. Never forget what you felt for each other while dating.
Thank you Cas. My husband and I have been married 33 years. We hold hands a lot, hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye and snuggle on couch to watch our favorite shows… 😊💕
I’ve been with my husband since we were 11 years old. We married at age 21, so at 41 we have been married 20 years and 30 years all together!
Sounds like our life. Together, 42 years married, 38 years. Our sons are 34 and 33. It's wonderful.
We tried the kissing thing 1 minute is long.
My husband took his own life last month, leaving me, at 45, with 4 kids under 15 yrs old. He was all those things to me, my greatest love, best friend, life partner, wonderful dad etc. And I would saw off my right arm to have him back. I think I took him for granted and now I know most people do the same with their spouses. Imagine them vanishing from your life with no warning and that will help you appreciate them. Hug them tight, tell them they're precious to you. You never know when you won't have the chance again.
😢I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine your pain but I know it's not your fault & there's nothing you could've done.. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers..
I love to create time by going into the garage and hiding all his tools, and he spends it with me asking where i put everything, and watching him for hours 😂 good times lol🤣 that's 37 yrs and counting 😲
That's funny
LOVE your 3 things: Make, Clean, Finish! I can relate to so much of what you said re: forgetting, getting distracted, starting stuff but not finishing. Never thought about using my Alexa to remind me! Thanks for a great video.
I've build an "anti-procrastination" day into my schedule. On that day, it doesn't matter what else is going on! I HAVE to spend at least 15 minutes working on whatever I'm procrastinating on. And I always make my "I am procrastinating on these things" list on a different day. Lol Anti-Procrastination day? Pull out my list and choose one. 15 minutes! That's it!
The whole grid your day thing by color hurts my brain. Naming her journal...was.... different. It took me 3 attempts to watch this all the way through.
❤ this duo! More please! ❤ facing your husband for a daily 💋! Little worried about your versions of exercises 😂! ❤😊
Great video Cass! Thank you ! And thank you for the printables. Be blessed.
I haven't been in a relationship in some time but were I in your shoes, I would make sure to spend some time out of the house. Either on your own, with kids, or friends, and he stays home. Or he goes out and you stay home.
Also my current secrets to getting anything done: my therapist, my bullet journal, and when I remember it, the Anti-Planner. @How to ADHD has a video about it.
Hmm I think I might need to get tested - everything you just said is my struggle in life too - time blindness (people who know me call it ‘Melanie time’!?), having not enough structure vs having too much structure in my day, non-negotiables to make sure I don’t feel overwhelmed and useless, not being able to keep a planner and being stupid forgetful, and getting major distraction moving from one thing to another without even realising!! And the list could go on 😅 Thanks so much for sharing your tips Cas!! 🤓🤩
We’ve been married for over 60 years. My husband always put my shoes so I could get out of bed and slip into them. I just climb in bed and let them drop Lol. I am now his full time caregiver so I get him all the things he needs now. He always did this for me but can’t do much. So our places have changed some. I love doing this for him now. I do miss my shoe thing he did for me. It’s the little things that make a difference. Cherish your loved ones.
60 years! Your love sounds eternal. My heart swelled reading your comment ❤
I WOULD HAVE WATCHED THIS VIDEO SOONER, BUT I WAS PUTTING IT OFF UNTIL LATER 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for all you do, Cas. You are changing lives, one life at a time.
I love watching you as I can relate often to your topics and especially this one. I am a big procrastinator and it is sometimes easier to walk away than to deal with the smaller pile, which eventually grows and grows. I only have myself to blame.
Thank you, I learn something new on every video❤ Time blindness is so Real!
This was probably my favorite video that you have made. So many great tips. Thank you.
Adventure challenge scratch off couples edition.. fun date ideas you scratch off, take a photo on the date and put in the book 😊
New to your channel and just subscribed, finding your channel is very helpful. This video popped up on my feed and yup I've been procrastinating on some really important stuff that needs to be dealt with in order to more forward. Took some notes and will work on this later today - thank you!
I’ve been with my husband 16 years and we are now home together most of the time. ( I’m retired, he’s pretty much semi retired)I know it’s unusual but there is nothing about him that drives me crazy . We have our activities/hobbies that we do separately, but we also enjoy activities together- including sex, even though I wasn’t supposed to mention that😂. When young couples ask for marriage advice, I always say “don’t stop having sex”
Don’t just kiss him for 60 seconds. Kiss him like it’s the last kiss you will ever have. Some time apart (time to yourself) is also helpful.
Thanks for the tip!
Omg, this is so funny! Just a couple days ago, I was reading a battle between 2 people that left comments on your video. One, said they liked you but thought you were a one trick pony, always talking about ADHD, so your content is always the same…the other, fought them tooth and nail, (as I would too). Well, for the record you nay sayers, 2 things, 1st…I agree with the other fan who said, there are sooo many others to watch, if this isn’t for you…ah bye bye..2nd? THIS video was JUST what I needed!
I have ADHD, I have an adult child with Aspergers/ADHD, (he likes you too), and we have NEVER felt like your content isn’t fresh, or whatever the heck that non believer said. TOO FUNNY, the topic was soooo in their face and EXACTLY what we needed to hear today! It was helpful and I can’t wait to put it to use. 💕❤ You go girl….and please MORE help for us ADHDers!
36 years together and yes mostly at home. I concentrate on his strengths, his beautiful eyes and infectious laugh. And he smiles when I bring him a cup of tea. I always hear women complain of something of their husband's and I don't want to have that doing through my head. I want to cherish our love. Funny thing he says, I can't walk past you without you wanting to hug me. Lol well we should all want that right?
One thing that works for me; is to do something that is my hubby's domain; or an activity were he will shine. I know it sounds old fashioned; I'm not talking about faking it...I mean boating and really appreciating that he can tow and captain a boat. Hiking, realizing he can keep us safe, or camping and loving the fact that he loves driving the RV.
I always give him a neck massage and cook him a steak plus fix'ns our first night in camp. Driving a huge RV is work; requiring skills.
Remember what attracted you to your hubby...and let him shine. Not in a fake way; genuine appreciation. Not chores, but all the fun rewarding stuff.
My mom used to go golfing with my dad on Sundays...she took his advice, tips and critique...my dad had a negative handicap. They came home after ever round in a great mood...the 19th hole was always involved (clubhouse).
Hey Cass, I just wanted to say you cracked me up when you were saying you had a 60 second kiss-fest with Joe. My husband and I just celebrated our 40 years Anniversary. He's going to retire in a few years ànd I don't know how I'm going to handle that. Thank God he loves to doe stuff out in his shop. We did build a new one this summer. I insisted on a bathroom. Now for the bedroom....lol 🤷♀️
53 years and don't be joined at the hip everyone needs me time and relationships and friends that don't include your life partner ,then you have something to talk about and share experiences
Kissing your hubby for (at least) 60 seconds is wonderful 😍 and makes the rest work well. 😃👍🌹
:)
I've been married to my husband for almost 13 years and sometimes I have to stop and write out a list of why I'm thankful for my husband. I write specific things that he does or says within the past week or 24 hours that make me appreciate him or feel love towards him. I don't usually show him the lists. They're mainly for me to remind myself of the wonderful man that I get to be with, flaws and all. It feels good to feel grateful that he's mine and I'm his.
Love that!
Together for 34 years and we laugh a lot! He is the kindest most loyal person and I love him lots ... but I understand the wanting to get away from him sometimes!!!
Im retired and most days o dont get much done! Its the old "I can do that tomorrow" syndrome!! There is no immediate need. I live by myself with one cat, so i always have to scoop litter, change water and give him food. Other than that there is not much i "have" to do! I do like a clear clean kitchen and clean bathroom tho. Soany times i wonder how one older woman can make such a mess!!
Good tips!
i hear that! i'm also retired. the only way i know what day of the week is, is bc of my pill case!!
Great video Cas, I am a big time procrastinator . I have to make a list for everything and have recently started using planners . I have 3 planners , business, personal, and bills . I have been married for 22 years and I like to just hug my husband from behind while he is doing stuff like making coffee , talking or even working . I don’t say anything and just walk away after about 30 seconds , sometimes i get an extra hug! Never to busy to give love 💜💜💜
I'm not ADHD. but living alone makes procrastinating much easier. I have non negotiables each day...making the bed, dishes done and kitchen and bathroom tidy. The rest of my house stays pretty tidy, I only do laundry once a week, and I have someone who comes in to do the two things my shoulder cannot do: vacuum and scrub bathrooms. The one sore spot is my office which is a horror show and I promise myself every day I will start on, but don't. I know, I know, little bites. Still don't do it.
Have you tried filming a "before" on your phone?! I know this sounds super weird, but it's effective! Filming a before always motivates people to clean so they can film the "after", not to post it online, just for themselves!
For everyday things, tiny time limits work great (I do pretty much everything in 8 minutes or I don't do it) but for projects, like your office, I love Cas's strategy "Let's See The Power of an Hour". It's a gamechanger. Pour yourself a drink, put some shoes on, andvset a timer for an hour. After the hour is over, you have complete permission to stop.
Ask each other every other 3X a week this question. How does your day look like tomorrow and what can I do to make it easier for you.
You did an excellent job of covering this topic! Your first strategy of breaking down big projects into chunks was huge for me to overcome procrastination. I use habit stacking to get my daily non-negotiables done. For example, after breakfast, I do a basic kitchen reset. For me, that means catching up on dishes and wiping the counters and stovetop and any other obvious messes.