If you're a German woman or have ever dated one, which of these points did you find to be accurate or completely off? :) And if you're from a different culture, how is dating different for you? Let me know in the comments below! 😊⬇
Hey Felicia, really appreciate your work, please keep it up! I have been living in Munich for over 1 year now as a foreigner. When I first arrived, I was really shocked that how German use that little social media like FBk, Instagram and twitter comparing to my place and also the US, most of the teens do not even have an account! Can you maybe make a video about cyber culture diff as well? Do you think its a good idea to be your next video?
Yeeees ! 8-/ They definitely WOULD have let me know,....IF they ever, ever really HAD liked me. 8-( SIGH ... But (!!internationally!!) ALL Girls will just let you wait IN VAIN and in UNcertainty forever, ...when they do NOT like you ! 8-/ SIGH. Needless to say, I´ve been waiting in vain a LOT of my Life. 8-/ ALL my Life, to be precise !
German Feli says "I'm usually a few minutes late myself." - American understands: "Maybe 20 or 30 minutes", what German Feli actually means: "Maybe 3 or 4 minutes" ;)
I was 16 or 17 when I stayed in Germany for a few weeks as an exchange student. My exchange partner (a German guy) saw me to the bus station when I was about to return home to Romania. The station was within 15 minutes walking distance, so we walked. I was carrying a ton of baggage and kind of struggling. 3 minutes in, he asked me if I needed any help. Naturally, as any well-raised Eastern European girl, I refused, thinking he would definitely ask again later. Well, no, he didn't. I carried the whole thing myself all the way to the station, chatting casually and trying not to show how heavy my bags were :D This would have been regarded as impolite where I come from, but I realized he was just simply not playing this game, this was his way of being polite, taking me seriously and seeing me as an equal. I guess I learned the hard way that Germans say what they mean and expect others to do the same, and No means just plain and simply NO :)
as a german girl i was raised different i gess. If a boy keep asking me if he could help me, i would be mad. I tould you no and dont dare ask again. I am a big girl. I made my decision to carry the havy bad and if i change my mind I will aks. I would gess that was what he was thinking. My Boyfriend knows and let me du stuff that would be much easier for him but knows i would not agree on him taking tha task over.
@@ZardozCologne There are a lot of Germans too that wanna seem nice and polite and that is why they tell you something kind and polite rather than what they really think of you. Behind you they will share their "truth" with others though. :D They often do it with their best friends as well. Own experience unfortunately...
I’m German and my wife is Greek. When we were dating I wanted to introduce her to my dad. My dad made plans for dinner at 6 PM. I lived 25 minutes away from him. I was at my home waiting for her. It was 6:20 when she arrived. I was absolutely freaked out. She didn’t even understand why I was upset. My dad called me every 5 minutes. He was very annoyed..(that’s an understatement) We rescheduled the dinner and that is the day I learned about “Greek time” which is vague and “German time” which is exact
My wife is Mexican and I am English. I would say come by at 6. She would show up at 7, 7.30. I would get so mad. In the end I started telling her to show up an hour and a half earlier than I wanted her. That seemed to do the trick. After 30 years she now knows what time means ;-)
@@cbuk8691 So nice of you, and so gentle !!! You really loved her, good for her! She was lucky the first time 😳 ... What happens (I'm South American) is that life is too short and beautiful for getting more stressed out than with the job, the boss, the traffic .... enough !!. So just be yourself and enjoy just the way you are with your beloved ones who will understand and let you be yourself, a free creature with no bonds.
This thread has made me realize that there are two basic kinds of cultural time-dilation. The first is just cultural, where you known what time an appointment is, you know what the time currently is, and as long as current time is fairly close to appointment time, you're not late or early - you're "on time" (if that phrase actually has any meaning or use.) The second, related sense of time is "Island time", although it could occur anywhere that the passage of time isn't marked by clocks or bells or sirens, like Siberia. In this kind of time-flow, the current time is blurry. You sort of have an idea approximately what time it is, but, measured by an outsider, "3:00 pm" could mean any particular moment chosen from a continuum of flowing moments more-or-less coinciding with particular time. Perhaps this second kind of time is better explaining by the idea of an hour-hand on an analog watch jumping from 2:00 to 3:00 when you're not looking. But you're not surprised when the time has changed, you just don't know exactly when that happened. So, do you recognzie the difference in your wife? Greece is a sea-faring, islandish nation, so the phenomenon could be the double whammy of cultural time sense mixed with Island time. (I've lived in the Caribbean, where you get a mix of Hispanic time and Island time.) Sounds like a time-keeper's nightmare.
@@cbuk8691That reminds me of a family joke Basically, most of our family in the state goes over to our great-uncle’s house for Christmas eve and play games like white elephant and eat some fudge cubes and just have a good time One part of the family (that only lives like half an hour late) is always 2 hours late We joked that we should tell them that the party starts two hours earlier than it actually does so they arrive around the same time as everyone else
@@cbuk8691 I was thinking while watching this video that there seems to be some overlap between German culture and English culture, and it makes me wonder if it is due to the Germanic roots of England (Anglo-Saxons, even the Danes).
Greetings! I dated a German lady long time ago, and everything in this video is very accurate! The first time I saw her was the gym, then at a Latin club (I’m Latino) , I didn’t know how to approach her. It was very frustrating when I tried to talk and she reacted the same way the lady in this video. Next time, I helped her to reach a towel at the gym, and after that she was the one who took the initiative,She actually was a staff member . She asked me where I was from, I told her, I asked the same she told me, but then I asked her what part of Germany 🇩🇪 she was. She said München , and I said, oh Bavaria! She smiled and asked me how I knew about that, I started talking about a little bit of history and geography, and she smiled , looking straight to my eyes she asked if could dance Salsa.... of course I do!! Well, I don’t want to write my whole experience with her, but she an amazing woman!! ❤️ But like I said, she was pretty much like the lady in this video! 😃 Thank you so much for sharing all these wonderful things about your country and your culture, I enjoy watching you talk and explaining everything! Never stop what you are doing, my best wishes for you! 😃🇩🇪
As a high school student, I dated our German exchange student. It was fun, because I was also taking German, so it was a great opportunity to use what I was learning, as well as it helped her feel more "at home" in small-town Wisconsin. Every last one of these was spot on. I always had thick skin, so I never had any issues with her blunt honesty on things. Honestly, probably the best relationship I had as a kid, only superseded by my marriage today. The only reason we split up was because it was too difficult to maintain when she went back home. Still keep in touch, though. She and my wife get along great.
@@M11TS beware also, if you get in the ballpark of making a baby, that can really under go serious risk of unexpected or sudden complications. For those to whom it may apply! You never know until in the close proximity for decisions and travels! I met an ideal partner we committed after falling in love big-time and engaged with plans to meet overseas but had to be separated at least a short time before rejoining with plans. But got expectant for baby prior to that point and he ended up stuck in the aftermath in big huge earthquake and a major destruction throughout region .Then more political warfare and restrictions broke out, and unfolding ever since in both our regions, serial events....then when and where the baby is to be born and under what circumstances time and laws apply during difficult separate points as for your baby's STATUS ,citizenship,yours or the other partner's status /region, and travel and entries into what region and policy,perhaps changed in short times! Now it's also COVID affected, lockdowns and vax for travels! Yikes! This can be strange! All things!
You are still missing the “You Know you are dating a Korean Girl when...” video. Personally, I’m still waiting for it to be honest!!! 😅😆 Greetings and congratulations on your great channel!!! It kinda helped me to understand and open much more my mind to different cultures, as well as to value them. Love You from Mexico “Dating Beyond Borders”!!! 🇲🇽❤️
It is my understanding that in much of Latin America and the Mediterranean that punctuality is never really a priority. So some cultures definitely view it differently
My family always gave someone a 15 min grace period. Growing up there were alot of train tracks we had to maneuver. And, b4 there were rules that a train can not block a street for longer than 10 min, it would often take that long at a crossing. After that, we would just go on with our plans whether you were there or not.
Speaking of German punctuality.....many years ago I was traveling in Germany with my significant other, and we took the train from Berlin to Dresden. We arrived about 5 minutes late, and we both laughed at the effusive apologies for the late arrival coming over the loudspeakers. It was funny because to us, being 5 minutes late was NOT a big deal at all, in fact we were impressed by how well the train made up for some lost time along the way. A few years prior to that, we had taken a train in the US from Sacramento California to Olympia Washington, and that train arrived over 6 HOURS late. And I don't remember anyone from Amtrak apologizing for that. What a perfect illustration of the importance of punctuality in German culture.
reminds me of a story in japan where a train was late by like 40 seconds and the regional manager (or someone important in the company) when on national TV to apologize
Years ago when I was stationed in Germany I always got a chuckle looking at the clocks at the station. They weren't steady clocks but would move once a minute and if a train was going to leave at 3:17 as soon as that minute hand hit 17 they were off
Thanks, Feli. You triggered a very pleasant memory, My ex-girlfriend was from Frankfurt. 15 minutes into our first date, we were suddenly very intimate in public... And someone drove by and yelled "get a room." Good times. LOL
I lived in Germany during my younger years. That time shaped my dating prospective until present time. It is clear, straight to the point, no beating around the bush, no lies, no drama. It simply shaped my standards. And I will always prefer dating a German as my first choice.
About seeing German women as equal: That is also a disadvantage for German men when it comes to dating someone who is from another country. Like you are taught that women are equal and that overdoing it with the chivalry can be understood as kinda patronising or even sexist. But in my case, when I had the first date with my GF (who is not European), we got to my car and I didn't open the door when getting in and out of the car. Later on she would tell me that she did not like that cause she thought I'm not a gentleman. Luckily it turned out well in the end 😂
That must be equally a disadvantage for German men who wind up with eastern European women, particularly those from Slavic nations. They tend to be more traditional than their western European counterparts.
@@razz.dragomir pretty sure that was also referring to the first dates. I don't care if it's the first date or not, I know how to open a car door, don't treat me like a toddler.
When I was dating my now Frau, there was no question early on if she liked me. Without saying it I knew how she felt. When I was dating American women I couldn't tell where I stood. It was so refreshing meeting her and starting a relationship.
BINGO! I also found this true. Though I married an American girl eventually, I seriously appreciated the directness of German women, and the Germans in general. I'm 1/2 German, so I guess it just felt more natural for me anyway. I've told folks many times that after meeting a German in a club or something you'll know if she/he likes you within the first 10-20 minutes.
From the male perspective, I have been told (my own experience is too anecdotal but certainly does not contradict it) that a woman touching you on the arm or shoulder on a date is a good sign, but you can forget this indicator with Italian women because they touch everyone immediately. To order something in a bar/restaurant before the other person has expressed their preferences I find downright rude.
I’m from the UK, and having dated two German women in my youth I can endorse everything Feli says in this excellent video. I only wish TH-cam had been around in the seventies!
I had long conversations about this very subject with my Brazilian roommate, who was dating a German guy. I found her perspective very interesting because she noticed exactly the same on the other perspective. At first she thought that he wasn't interested at all, because he left her alone when they first met, after her first refuse. I was shocked and said of course he left you alone if you didn't feel like it! She laughed and said, well, but that's the game! When she realized that dating a German man requires a certain amount of initiative and no games involved, she had to admit that it has some advantages. The brutal honesty now leads to two years of happy relationship between these two.
Definitely feels like my preferences are more compatible with Germany. I'm Latino American, but I don't really like small-talk, I always try to be punctual despite the "latino time" stereotype, I prefer talking about meaningful subjects, and I prefer that a woman's upfront about where we stand. Good video.
you sound more like the stereotypical introvert. small talk is baseless babble and more annoying than not .. meaningful conversations catch you you want people to treat you like you treat them .. since you're very aware of you and the reactions other people have to your actions. and you may have a little troubble to read between the lines when people or especialy women are hinting at something .. you want them to be clear and open. plz correct me if i assumed something wrong. btw. that fits to me too
Speaking of the "punctual" part. I had a friend at university who would consistently be about 15 minutes late (which SUCKED when we were going to the movies). At some point I just started telling him a meeting time 15 minutes before the time I told everyone else. Worked like a charm :D
I'm originally from the UK, but never had much success at romance in England, with my first real girlfriend and wife being German, so this is a very interesting topic for me.
I’m not outgoing enough to be like the guy in the video. I hate when people bother me and try to give other people the same courtesy. I’m not self centered enough to think people want to talk to me. When it comes to opening doors for people, I do it for everyone. Man or woman, young or old. Don’t try and make them wait for me to open it though. Love your channel, keep making great content.
Thinking people want to talk to you or not has relatively little to do with being "self-centered". That's just a flattering rationalization you've layered over your observation that, in practice, people don't do it often. You should try to reject these cute stories you tell yourself about yourself - your self-narratives. They hold you back.
Hello Feli, I just found this video and I absolutely love it! My wife is German (from Hungen in Hessen). We met in Germany back in March 2005 when I was 24 and she was 31. I can relate to all of your points about Germans, especially the one about allowing them to make their own decisions. And OMG…….Being on time 😆😆😆 Meeting my father-in-law for the first time, I was late and he lectured me about the importance of being on time for about 30 minutes. I can go on and on about the precise similarities, but those are the what made me fall in love with the German culture. My wife and her family have taught me so much and I value that to this day. She truly changed my life and I’m so thankful I found her. I look forward to more videos! 🇩🇪❤️🇺🇸
I'm glad I happened to find your channel. My wife went to LMU Munich. She's a doctor in the US now, which has been quite the journey. I met her at the Haupbahnhof in Munich in 2009, through a mutual friend when I was visiting Germany from the US. My wife is from Friedrichshafen am Bodensee. Now, in regards to dating, I was very straightforward with my feelings for my wife when we first met and she appreciated that about me. She immediately told me that she had feelings for me, too. She is, to this day, extremely honest and blunt and sometimes it's not so wonderful, but I tend to be like that, as well. She was a little bit difficult to crack, but my openness and honesty won her over (among other things, like my looks and intelligence - I'm a geography teacher). She definitely doesn't like for me to make decisions for her or even for our family. She wants to have a say in everything. She often talks about "making a plan." I am, thankfully, also interested in making detailed plans on trips. Being spontaneous is something that is rare for us, unfortunately. We are both extremely opinionated. In short, we are both kind of difficult people that couldn't have been handled by many other people. We counteract each other pretty well, but we can butt heads sometimes. Still, we love each other and have stayed faithful through 10 years of marriage, living 8 of them in the US (2 in Munich while she was still in Medical School).
Visited Berlin. Ok, Berlin is not Germany, really enjoyed the whole experience. Loved the people, the great in city transportation and the inter city trains. Loved the people, yes there is a difference between the "East" and "West" as there are in the south and north. Loved the city, loved the country side. Most definitely another trip after this winter. All countries have the egg shell mentality. In India it is not making eye contact. In Israel(where I live) it is instantly telling about and sharing kid pictures and inviting to a local meal together. I love the interaction between cultures and peoples. Cheers and best!!
@2:15 Beautiful SMILE !! Yes , your whole face smiles , and your eyes sparkle. Seeing You smile , makes me smile. And makes me want to watch more videos to learn more about Germany, and see your smile again.
American man here, discovering that I may actually be a German woman. Being from the Washington area, much of our small talk is about government and world affairs...
😂 I am German-American woman. I agree wholeheartedly 😂 Yes Feli ❤ Spot on!! That man is too handsy. I would be scooting away also. I don't like hands on me so quickly. I would have just said thank you(& what does he want from me/ what does he want to steal or sell 😂). Yes, insisting on ordering for me would be offensive; he is stranger and doesn't know maybe i hate his suggestions 😂 I love to wander/ walk also.❤
To me a couple of cringeworthy moments right from the top. I can understand how you have to initiate a conversation to get things started but I cringe when he invites himself to sit down unbidden. There was a time when ordering for a woman was an acceptable act of chivalry but now I think it would be better to ask if she’d like you to order for her. You can still ask if the drink of choice is acceptable to her and you can still place the order for the both of you. When you mentioned German women are like coconuts, I tend to be one too. It makes me wonder how one coconut can crack another. Do you suppose if they spend enough time close to each other the shells soften? Or do they bounce off each other until they crack and open up? 😉 I’d like to hear what you think about this. If you consider how pushy he was at first maybe she’s seeing whether he’s able to take criticism without becoming offended. There’s some guys that can’t lead in a relationship and to many women it’s actually a real turn-off without being aware of it. This topic didn’t come up in the questions about you so I’m curious whether you sometimes do the pursuing. This coconut would like to know. 😁
I married a German-American and have some German ancestry myself. I'm pretty much as the video described, except giving my opinion without having been asked. As a side note, when we went in to quarantine due to Covid, I had NO problem not being around people or standing 6ft. apart ...those were my requirements before. I'm very picky about my personal space and when having a conversation with someone and they come into my space, I casually step back, and invariably they come forward! Drives me up the wall!!!! Lol 🥴
Your reaction to the first item reminds me of a story I heard once, involving Americans. An elderly man walks into a Catholic church and, seeing that one of the confessionals is available, steps in, sits down, and closes the door. "I'm 75 years old," he begins, "and last night I spent a wonderful evening in bed with a beautiful young 25-year-old woman." The young priest in the other side of the confessional is a little befuddled, because the man didn't start with the traditional "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned" opening that he expected; so he stumbles a bit. "Uh...yes...ah...how long has it been, my son, since your last confession?" "Last confession?" exclaims the man. "Last confession? I've _never_ been to confession! Why would I? I'm Jewish!" "Jewish?" asks the priest, even more confused. "But then...then why are you telling me this?" The man chuckles. "Oh, I'm telling everybody!"
Hallo Feli, wie schaffst du nur all diesen Output? All die Themen, Analysen, Facts etc. und das scheinbar mit Leichtigkeit. Sehr beeindruckend. Viel Glück weiterhin!
Even as an American woman, I wouldn't like it when I don't get a choice in if I want something. I wouldn't really want to see that guy if they did that on a first date, because it shows that they might be controling.
I went grocery shopping yesterday...the guy in front of me in the line had some interesting stuff: 1 bottle of vodka,2 bottles of orange juice and a pack of marlboros. So I said to the cashier: "You definitely know what he is up for tonight...."she said:" hell yeah...he has been buying the same combo for years now." I laughed,paid and got the hell outta there. so we do have smalltalk in germany every once in a while. #staysafe #stayhealthy #dontdrinkanddrive
The "being asked honesty"-part is important. If a German criticize you without being asked he/she is... A) a friend trying to stop you making a mistake. Or B) rude.
I want to move to Germany more and more every day. I hate how Americans will just volunteer advice about anything, and at any time. Because they all do it, and anything and everything can offend them, especially older people, it's just a never-ending train of nannying.
@ZechsMerquise73. I do? You don’t know me...but please do move on. Forget about Germany, why not just move your miserable ass out into the wilderness somewhere? Get some good one on one time with Bigfoot! Oops, you’re right! Me and my opinions...Damn!! 😂
That chivalry thing can really cause problems. I was taught to hold doors for people. Not women only, but people. So one time I was walking into a bank (if I remember correctly), and there was this woman close enough behind me that I held the door. This was the height of second wave feminism, and the woman very indignantly said “I don’t need a man to open a door for me. Man was probably stretching it, as I was a teenager. So I quickly apologized and let go of the door. Now, this was a VERY heavy door, and she apparently kept walking while she was complaining about me, and the door knocked her flat back on her butt. I was pretty sorry about it at the time, but now I only look back at it with humor. And I still hold doors open for everyone, but I have never run ahead to open a door for a woman. I would do it if someone obviously needed the assistance, but I ask first.
I am the same way and had a similar situation. I saw she was behind me and held the door. She then stopped folded her arms and said "I can get my own door, thank you" (but in a snotty tone). I said sorry in a polite voice and let go of the door. She then just glared at me. Can't please everyone I guess.
Interesting. I do hold doors open for everyone, regardless of gender and age, but i do not remember someone telling me off for that - in my opinion - polite habit. Either they thanked me or did not say a word at all. ^^''
I feel that the bit about "talking about politics, technology or current affairs can be a huge turn on for them" is a bit misleading. It would be more accurate to say talk about something profound that is interesting to her and that leads to a twosided conversation. Of course technology and politics can be such topics, but it very much depends on the person and while there are much more girls who are interested in technology nowadays than 40 years back when many people would still have considered technology a guy thing, girls who have little interest in technology or little interest in politics still exist. Read her reactions and whether she engages with the conversation topic (or pick up her topic, girls can start conversations too ;-.) ), don't just show off your knowledge and mansplain the world to her.
Totally agree, I am german and I definitely don‘t like someone mansplaining politics/current affairs/technology to me. Especially politics - no, no. Politics is such an everybody topic, unless you are working in politics, what on earth would make you think you are more of an expert on it than she is/what makes you think she likes you explaining stuff to her that she totally knows enough about herself? However, if you really _are_ an expert on something I am interested in, I will get exited and dump 1000 (follow up) questions on you and you will definitely know that I am not just doing so out of courtesy. And I will enjoy it when you do the same with topics I adress. So, easy, just listen if she seems genuinely interested before you go on and on about something.
@@alexpond648 I think that should go without saying in a relationship. I would say though that especially talking politics is less problematic with many Germans than it is in the US, where having different opinions on political topics tends to quickly escalate into an emotional one side vs the other side argument. Many Germans like a good debate and are very much able to disagree strongly on certain topics and still like the other person and not being offended by the other person respectfully criticizing their point of view (within certain boundries, of course, there are certain opions that are too radical to have an amicable discussion about it with someone who strongly disagrees). It is not uncommon at all in Germany to see partners that are both active members of different political parties or different religious communities and getting along just fine, without avoiding politics or religions as conversation topics.
@@p.s.224 Someone could want a well educated partner so of course it's important to be able to talk about societal issues and have the same values in life for a longterm relationship
Hi, Feli! That was a lot of fun, both the video you were reacting to and your reactions. This might be my new favorite of yours! I've never dated a German woman, but this video is actually kind of leaning me in that direction.
As a German raised American girl, I find these pretty spot on 😂. I do like chivalry (when it’s not over done like in the video). I will say though, Americans are not used to my blunt honesty, but luckily my friends find it more funny than jarring 😅😁
@@kevincryan7220 So my mother is from Germany (my dad is American), and despite growing up in America, it was in a small German town where everyone still speaks German. So culturally and genetically I’m German, but I’m an American born citizen 😁😁
For me as a German man i feel fine with chivalry that doesn't make people feel patronized. I would never run around the car just to open the door for her - unless she actually can't do it herself.
I can only comment on my experience in general. My great grandparents came to the U.S. from Germany and I'm half German by heritage. I can say that our family are largely pragmatists in almost every aspect of our lives. Not a lot of fluff lol.
I think it’s that way with most women around the world that they want to be considered a equal in a relationship. I know a lot of women here in America want to be considered and equal in a relationship. As well as other aspects of life.
@@mohamedail7446 Exactly. Despite all the "equality" talk, most women are more than eager to throw all that out the window when it comes time to pay the bill.
@@robertromero8692 then you attract the wrong kind. Maybe you should take a look at yourself and what you portray. What you say on dates, what kind of dates you plan. I don't know anything about you, but what is your focus, when you go on a date? To get laid or looking for more? More comes later? Are you even attracted to an independent woman, who can be a real partner or do you just like the idea, but every time you go on a date, you went for traditonal, paying for everything, putting yourself into the role of provider, because you think that is what is expected. Let's say you invited her to a movie, is she paying for the snacks or you? Do you insist on paying, when she wants to? Do you think about it, when she didn't even ask to pay for them? What's on your mind? After the first dates, is she contributing? Is she paying, when she invites you on a date? You can talk about equality all you want, but actions speak for themselves.
I have a friend of nearly 50 years - yes, I'm dating myself. She was born in Germany, but her parents emigrated to the US when she was 2. But when you mentioned walking, I laughed... because her natural walking pace is such that some walking partners have said to her: "when you said "go for a walk", I didn't realize that it would be a "forced march"." She does not "idly stroll"...anywhere... LOL.
@@sonjagatto9981 Perhaps its a family thing - it's tough to keep up with her 85 year old father! :-) Also in her case - she is 178cm tall, with a long stride....
@Halal-kosher Surveillance Since I'm not sure if I am being teased here. (which I enjoy) "Idly Stroll" would be to walk slowly, without apparent direction or purpose. The person that I have been describing, even when touring "just to see things"... covers ground with a distinctly purposeful stride, people see her coming and stand aside.
Honestly some of the points in the video was pretty accurate. My girlfriend is from Stuttgart and when we first met she was kinda cold but funny enough so was I because I’m pretty introverted and I am not too keen on meeting new people but when my girlfriend and I met it felt like we had an instant connection and honestly couldn’t be more happier than I am now. And I can’t wait to move to Stuttgart at the start of next year. Also with the German honesty side of things I don’t find it discouraging because I see it as a way to learn and grow as a person.
I am an American (with German ancestry) and I definitely identify with a lot of what is mentioned. I am absolutely frustrated by infirm plans, being made to wait, and people braking plans with little to no notice. It shows a lack of respect and that you have no regard for the other person's time.
...and next to no regard for your relationship with that person. In fact, I think some women will stand a guy up specifically to communicate their disinterest in him. That is, to spare themselves the discomfort of telling him directly.
Some cultural specific traits definitely can be passed down for generations. I'm American and my mother was raised by German parents who both died before I was born. My father: not German. One day a friend who liked to make broad generalizations said "Germans really like things to work properly". That's when I realized this was true.
Now you mention it, I also like to have things planned, but what has drawn me more towards the American side from my original European upbringing is precisely the option to improvise and be more creative. Of course I'm not referring to dating here, but to working attitudes.
I have to agree with you, Feli. The Bavarian woman I courted for many years was always very frank with me, sometimes painfully so. I did notice after several years of back and forth travel between our countries - that I did win her over and she changed her mind about a dominant German man who had lorded it over her for years. I had been in a kind of tug-of-war with him for her heart. Gradually, though, she became more confident in her own abilities and self worth and he faded out of the picture.
You should react to Geography Nows videos. The one on Germany as a whole and going over the Bundeslanders. Also as a Canadian we have a hybrid American and European social expectations so this feels like you’re also talking to Canadians because a lot of the things you say Americans and Germans do are both common here lol.
I agree that Canadians in general are a mix of the American and European examples. And this is true for both those who have English or French as a first language. We of course have many immigrants and Indigenous peoples who have big differences for some things.
Two points: For myself, the decompression factor of taking a walk is to take in the symphony of life, whether it be in an urban environment or a walk through the woods, all the sounds of live happening, For me it's as much a part of the experience as the visual. Point #2 Although I have no German in my lineage, I was never one who opened up to strangers right away. Friends that I've made have told me that my personality is 180 degress from what they thought I was when hey first met me. Go figure.
I remember a Southern comedian told a story where he got up to offer a woman his chair. She felt patronized and said so, he responded that if he didn't, "his ancestors would jump up and get him."
Of course! That's how you have to do it! Your "interpretation" is actually extremly simplified and you're missing a lot of additional things and details, but you got the basic idea right. Everything else would be just rediculous... Don't tell me, that other cultures do this differently. This sounds very dangerous.
As a German, I can totally relate to what is being said about how we date😂🤣. We show honestly how we think/feel about a person, but maybe not like it is shown here ( still it's on point though). By the way, did you check out the second video "you know you're dating a German man when" ? That's so funny as well, especially as it was done with Hailey an American girl who came to Germany, so she knows about it😉. It is giving all the examples one could feel when dating a German man. Love these kind of videos😍👍. I experienced it myself when dating "Non-German men" and I loved to discover these little things which are different from our dating culture. Most of the times it could lead to very funny situations.... Just take it from the funny side and talk about it, there's so much interesting stuff behind these dating cultures, sooo interesting 😍😊😍! Danke für deine Videos, Feli☺️! Interkulturelle Vergleiche sind mein Lieblingsthema ❤️😊!!!
Maintain the critical honesty, but only when it's asked for. It's honorable and logical. As an American, I despise how superficial and pretentious Americans can be with compliments and our refusal to say anything risky.
I have a German teacher And yes I can agree that most Germans are really straight on point. Like really honest and at times it’s hurtful 😂 She always would say, "If you don’t do this, you will Fail and you will never move ahead, usw"
Now a guide to get German guys: 1. Drink a bunch at some event 2. Ask politely "aryou shhhingle?" 3. If the answer is "Yes", grab him by his arm and don't let him escape. 4. Success.
Girls tried this with my husband in the past! He wasn't at all happy about this and had to get in some cases very rude to get rid of them. They should have tried some of his friends...
Well, because I’m probably more like your parents age (I’m 55), my experiences may be slightly different, but you just confirmed for me that your generation of ladies is very similar to your moms! Actually, I’m glad! I appreciated how honest Germans were. In the 1980s, I really wasn’t a big fan of the nuances of meeting American women; there were many different little games and subtleties that were used. People in general were more superficial (excesses were celebrated), but American women made the dating ritual this kind of maze-run for me. A German girl, however, would let you know immediately if she was interested or not. As a 20 or 21 year old young man, that really simplified things! The conversation thing was right up my alley-I despise small talk, and am a pioneer of “ghosting” people. Otherwise, I’m an extremely well-read person. I went to five different universities, have multiple degrees, and, if not merely comfortable on a broad range of topics, may even be considered an adherent of one thing or another. I can hold my own with many topics of discussion, and enjoy such conversations. American women said I was “too deep.” I confess that I did not actually date any German girls, but I was friends with a great many. I was the best man at two weddings of friends (another process I appreciate). It did seem like where I lived in Frankfurt, girls were much more cosmopolitan, and perhaps more direct, as opposed to more rural areas where German girls were much more reluctant to ever talk to strangers (pre Internet Age). Also, one would be more apt to incur the wrath of her father! I did my best to ingratiate myself with the German people. I tried my best to speak the language, and observe the customs, even promoting my own personal German heritage. It didn’t matter though, I was an American, and-maybe thanks to various obnoxious American service members (among the more than half million parked there at the time), American guys weren’t somebody a German girl would go out of her way to meet I respected that, and instead made some lasting friends.
Wonderful video, Feli. I do have a follow-up question about not being afraid to talk politics and religion in group settings. Part of the taboo in America is because I feel like people are very easily offended by other people's opinions on those topics. Do Germans get easily offended if you disagree with them? And would that be a romantic turn-off for a potential partner?
Disagreeing is not that much of a problem. Some people will enjoy a (respectful) discussion about the pros and cons of the different opinions, others perfer to gently change the subject. But we do get annoyed when someone doesn't respect our point of view and keeps trying to convince us of their opinion.
Germans enjoy having discussions about those topics. We'll bring up different arguments, different sources etc. and just discuss certain topics. With certain topics these days (covid, anti vaxxers, racism etc.) I would say it's definitely become more personal and people aren't willing to talk to each other as much. But with "normal" political topics, Germans don't usually feel personal offended by another person's political view.
It very much depends on whether or not your ideologies are fundamentally different. As long as you have roughly similar core values, you can have good conversations about politics and stuff like that. And that's just the norm in Germany, because most people aren't rightwing/religious extremists. And if you ever encounter one, you want to know that early on so you can avoid them.
@@FelifromGermany I usually only discuss those topics with my closest friends. Usually, people are increasingly wearing their opinions and beliefs on their sleeves, so it makes it easier to know what to avoid.
@@FelifromGermany That's actually very mature. I'm forever in awe about people taking politics so personally that they'll terminate a relationship over it. I'm like, GROW UP! How you and I feel doesn't make a difference in how the world works, anyway!
The lack of interest in small talk (and related interest in conversations of consequence) with the blunt/honest tendency has now convinced me that I am in the wrong country for relationships (I'm from the US).
Feli, love the channel! It's great learning about a country/culture through someone who really knows it. Plus, hearing your American experiences is lots of fun as well. I'd love to see a video about your opinion on Goetta. I know it's originally a food from regional Germany but has a life of its own in Cincinnati. My parents grew up in Cincinnati so I've had experience with it for awhile now. 😁 Keep up the good work!
Hi Feli thank you on your videos and educating people about Germany. As fore me I lived in Germany for 6 years and my freind and lover at the time was a Nurse until she moved away. I loved her honesty and openness she also taught me about German culture. I do think about her,she will always be a dear freind. Thank you.
Dated and then married a German girl - I'd have to say most of this is correct. 46 years later, still married to her, so I guess I did something right LOL...
I do the honesty and plain speaking thing and I'm not from Germany but my grandmother is. I guess it runs in the family. Sometimes I wonder if our brains are just wired differently. I always think it's weird when people in America play these little games with each other. And I'm definitely like this too with the "Be there when you say you're going to be there or let me know if you aren't", or the tell me/them if you're/I'm into me/you or not. We like things to be efficient, and the "social dishonesty" games just seem like a waste of time.
I spent six years in Germany as a member of the US Army. I never dated a German woman as I was a married man. One time while having a beer in a Gasthaus a German man asked me if I had a German girlfriend. I told him I was married and that I did not. He said "a good German man has a wife and a girlfriend." Attempting to be humorous I said "then it's too bad for me I'm not German." My only real interaction with German women came when my wife and I were invited to a Fasching party by a German woman she had befriended. I went dressed as a devil. For some reason my Teufelschwanz seemed irresistible to German women, which did not please my wife in the least.
If you have a wife and a girlfriend, then you can tell the girlfriend you are with the wife, tell the wife you are with the girlfriend, then go to the lab/office and get some work done. :)
10:02 so your telling me ive been studying geography and politics all of the world for years to the point i have memorized each country and its capitals for a reason
Sorry, but for an American black woman, I'm impressed with the chivalry. Bring it on!! I think the different backgrounds and experiences will shape what you expect and appreciate. That's why it can be hard for different cultures when they date. That's why communication (regardless of country) is necessary.
The funny thing is things truly do come full circle a couple of years back when I was really getting into German culture this was the 1st video I watched which then eventually led me to you 😭🤣🖤❤💛👌🏾
I wouldn't over extrapolate from experiences in one area of the US. There are regional and subculture differences, that makes these broad strokes inaccurate at times.
Definitely accurate, we are honest and direct and we want to be respected (this includes punctuality, sharing your own opinions and not overdoing chivalry)! If I'm more than three minutes late I'll let the other party know about it. And lastly why would talking politics be a attractive? That wasn't worded right in the video. It's rather that talking about nothing the whole time is a turn off, small talk for a whole date is tiring and frankly boring.
I took a couple of cues from this video. First, don't be pushy. But that is true of a lot of people. Second, be punctual, I know a few people who are always late. Three, be honest. To quote Shakespeare, "To thine own self be true..." This is good advice no matter what the nationality of the woman.
In some cultures, showing up a little late to someone’s house is considered the polite thing to do because you are thus giving your host more time to get everything ready!
Hallo Feli, I'm Rex, and I'm a Dutch guy from New York! Hoe gaat het ermee? Alles goed? Love your channel and your videos are great! Keep up the good work! You are very inspiring! Cheers!
I think many of these apply to all women worldwide. Being seen as an equal should be the baseline for anyone. ^^ They maybe don't always openly show you how they feel, but I have yet to meet the woman/person who likes it if a dude invades their personal space when they just met him. Take it easy, guys.
Being seen as equal in Germany meens: 1. I pay for my own things at the first date. When there are more dates we can alternate. Once he pays everything, once I do. 2. He doesn't have to surprise me or invite me to something special. He doesn't have to give me the feeling I am something special. We decide together what we do. 3. No door opening, no chair holding, no helping to take a coat off. 4. No "he has to win me over", "he has to deserve me". I am not a prize. I am not more precious that he is. I don't want to be treated like a princess. 5. I don't have to get all dressed up. I look how I do normally and so does he.
@@frankpastrana602 No, but both World Wars had a deep impact. Women kept the economy going while the men where fighting. Women built Germany up afterwards while men where either dead or physically or mentally ill. And in the 50ies when in the US the economic boom started and woman families could afford the mother staying at home, looking perfect, keeping her home perfect.... all movies and advertising suggested that that's the natural role for a woman.... Germans were still struggling economically, building back . In East Germany like in every other communist country and in Socialism in general women are seen as equal. That at least was a positive thing. So the feminist movement from the 60ies to the 80ies was more successful. I'm almost 50. I remember seeing High School movies from the US as a teen and finding them ridiculous... this girls wanting to be the Prom Queen...
MariP well being a prom queen doesn’t necessarily has to be something bad.I respect your preferences but you should respect other peoples point of view of life. Happiness is something relative,many women in my country love a man who is a gentleman and if that make them happy,i think it’s ok.If in countries like yours women prefer to be treated like another man it is ok for me too.😊
i met my ex (from berlin), in newquay whilst we we both on holiday there, we both thought it would be a holiday fling, but ended up being a 3 year relationship. i loved visiting the country, and got to see some of the former east germany as well as the more modern berlin, which is such an amazing city by the way. Things were quite matter of fact, but i liked that, its true, once the coconut shell was cracked, everything was very peachy, (to use your words). i think it helped that i was raised in germany for a while due to my parents working there so i understood the culture a little more than the average englishman.
Loved this video Feli! I find it super interesting that I’m fourth generation USA (and Cincinnati actually!!) with strong German genetics from both parents, and I still see a lot of myself in this video. I’ve never lived in or visited Germany. A lot of my relatives in my direct line have all of these characteristics pretty strongly too 😆. Thinking about my family and I, I wonder if it’s more of an innate biological thing, if they were passed down and modeled from parent to child, if they are primarily a cultural thing, or a mix of everything. Interesting for me to think about!
So, not a woman but I have been told by German girls / friends that the last point is true if a German girl likes you she will let you know. However, it can be subtle when at the bar for the night and could start simply with a conversation. If she talks to you you are good. If she doesn't, back off.
This is terribly funny and true. My partner is a younger German woman who plans everything to the Nth degree, comes across almost as patronizing in whether I'm looking good or bad that day, and takes it for granted that we'll be together forever. And she is actually hornier than I am! It works well because she fills in the gaps in my own personality.
Hi Feli, I have enjoyed your videos since I stumbled onto them. I am a much older first-generation German man. You nailed it on a lot of your comments. Time and being on time is a big one. Interesting for me to see some of the generational differences. I admire your mastery of English. My parents and Opa and Oma endured the war; convoluted story on that, but you commented on the video you did about the Texas Germans whose parents did not teach their kids German, that was my case also, and I really regret it. Anyway, I enjoy your content; I am perhaps a demographic you didn't expect.
Hi, I really have not dated a German girl, but I know several German women well and I think you describe the situation well. As a Finn, I appreciate straight talk, free opinions and honesty.
I had a six month relationship with a local German girl when I was stationed in a small town in Bavaria. She was a really cool chick and zero maintenance, but we only saw each other on the weekends and she spoke no English and I spoke only limited German. So most likely the communication limitations was the reason we never had any verbal dis agreements, and only seeing each other on the weekends was also a factor maybe. But she had a cool disposition, no mood swings, never any drama and no game playing. We had a very connected bond, to the extent that any language barriers were a none factor. Certainly not like American women who are always playing games to establish control, trying to see if the guy will crawl over glass on his bare hands and knees to be with them. There was never any of that.
Unlike these two women above, I thought you were a soldier stationed in Germany who was just getting involved with a local girl. It sounded like a very simple relationship without drama. Good for you!
@@anlajones7188 most definetly I wouldn't consider it as a relationship, but a booty call. (a booty call is also a type of relationship, many females just don't view it as such, they view it as a booty call) Only seeing eachother on the weekends No verbal exchange (therefore no recognizable mood swings) no actual exchange of what's going on inside:) What where the both of you mainly doing when you weren't able to communicate?XD I have a few questions, how old are you? Do you have siblings or are you an only child? Whats your cultural background? What is no mood swings a sign for you that you where in an actual relationship? Actually ups and down are part of life, and there bering nooo tension or friction at all, is a sign that you weren't in a relationship Also ever considered the other person might have a different view upon it all together? And no mood swing ain't no indicator of an actual relationship for Noone other than yourself. If no friction is your Standart, maybe what women and the majority of people consider a relationship simply isn't for you. And maybe that's OK.
@@lucymadelengregg4482 Are you for real? What does my age, cultural background , or the question if I have any siblings got to do with my reply?? You do realize that I'm not the girl he was dating do you? I'm 53 years old so yeah I know what a booty call is. There are various reasons why people can only see each other at weekends. My dad was a long distance lorry driver for example and was away at work during the week. So I guess my mum was her husband's booty call. I have had a long distance relationship for two years until we then decided that one of us moved so we could move in together. Sounds like just because there wasn't any drama does not make it a booty call. Not to have any drama is pretty common, especially as they only saw each other at weekends for a few months. So they didn't really have much time to argue did they.
I am very German when it comes to punchaliyy and making plans. MOst of the time, there is no plan B. I have a German mother and a sister. One thing I learned to never to do is get inbetween a Geamn woman and her Christmas tree. I see a lot of German traits, even though my family is generations removed from der Vaterland.
@@louisegogel7973 Nichs. Nothing but at one time, my church looked at the Puriton tradation reguarding Christmas. Which they considerd pagam and ungodly. So I suggested we tone it down a little. which lasted about 10 seconds. Now I enjoy the festiveness of this wonderful holiday..
@@mikeschroepfer8956 Lustig. Deine Frau wollte den Weihnachtsbaum ganz schön bedecken aber deine Kirche ist etwa gegen solche Sachen? Habe ich richtig verstanden?
@@louisegogel7973 The Puritan tradition would be that everything religious should be serious with no frivolity. Plain churches, no celebrating, just praying. Of course most of Christmas was actually a preexisting German/European winter solstice festivity and the Jesus part was only grafted on. Same thing with Easter.
As an American, I want to comment on this line from you, Feli: "What do you want from me" EXACTLY On the plus side, our system encourages a sort of natural friendliness. But the downside is that so much of that is fake, just masking our true intentions. We're not complimenting you to be nice, we're doing it because we want to bang, and the German can see right through that 😂
So rude !! This I don't like from the German culture, is it an offense to try to meet people and be friendly? Doesn't mean it will end in bed, not necessarily-
In that way in goes hand in hand with the honesty issue. Maybe you do want but the other person might not. In German culture that is not necessary something personal, sometimes, t least German just like to mind their own business - alone. It may be more distant then you would be in other cultures but most Germans won't "waste your time only to not be impolite".
Serious Topics need serious thinking what makes it valuable. Engaging in in conversation about serious topics also shows: "Hey, i respect you and i want to hear your insight and oppinion on this subject, cause you could add something to my point of view." It's much more respectful and an automatic way to show how you acknowledge her very mind.
I am not an autobot,lmao. One of the things I love most about Germans is the fact that they don't talk about nothing all the time, in lew of serious conversation.
Yes, silence is not a bad thing per se. Serious conversations sounds heavy though and can be tireing. We just want it to be real talk, like you realy have something to share or to say.
We are definitely more outgoing in the US than you have always described German culture on your channel. I pretty much always get involved in a discussion with the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at a restaurant, and so on. And being in Texas, I literally ALWAYS tell them all "have a great day." It's just polite!
As a german woman I have to say, we also greet the cashiers and wish them a great day/weekend etc. we just don’t do the smalltalk in between those. You mind find some more conversation, if you know the cashier some more, because you’re always at the same store, or if it’s a small business with fewer customers etc., or if something happens that gives you a topic to talk about. I think it gets back to the part where we like more distance with strangers at the beginning… we are polite, say good morning, thanks, have a nice day etc, but just don’t share personal stuff. That’s even the same with colleagues. The more you know them or you are connected with them on some level, the more they’ll get to know about you. At my work we are pretty close and share even our fears and sorrows, it can get to a very personal level. But you won’t have that everywhere.
Agreed with Lema here. It's not that we're not polite to, for example, cashiers. Greetings and wishing them a nice day is just human decency. But we won't casually tell them things about our life, like the example that Feli used in the video of your sons match. Not only does the cashier simply and honestly not care, it's also seen as rude because you might end up holding up the line with your chatter. Overall, what is appropriate and especially what is polite in customer service varies between germany and the US. What is valued in germany first and foremost is the personal space of the customers. Having a retail worker or a server being up your butt or chatting your ear off if you just want to buy a loaf of bread is simply seen as invasive. And not only to you, it might also disturb other people around you. That's why servers will only rarely check on you and you need to flag them down, they leave you your space and when you need something, you'll let them know. Or why cashiers won't engage on smalltalk with you, they understand that you're just there to buy something and want to make it quick. While in the US people like to be pampered and have people ready and available without any inconvenience. I'm not judging that, it's just different from what we value here. Overall, we're rather be left alone than to have strangers invade our personal spaces.
I think my husband is actually German. 😆 But that's one of the things that drew me to him. And I'm American of German heritage. Mom's maternal side immigrated before WWII and paternal was 1890s. Dad's side is Czech heritage from the German/Czech border. I love all of your videos. They are so informative and amusing. Vielen Dank! Tschüß!
First, thanks for the great videos! My father's paternal side is German (Schleswig-Holstein). We still have family and friends there, mostly in Franconia and Baden-Wurttemberg. Our younger son's fiancee is from Wurzburg. I spend a lot of time there and you are so spot on from my observations. One thing puzzles me though. At least four women in my future daughter-in-law's family have occasionally extended their arms to me when walking together. I instinctively extend mine and they hold it. It seems like they may be welcoming me into the family. Is this a Franken or Bavarian tradition? I'm flattered as German women are awesome!
If you're a German woman or have ever dated one, which of these points did you find to be accurate or completely off? :) And if you're from a different culture, how is dating different for you? Let me know in the comments below! 😊⬇
You should collaborate with Mike from German in Venice
I think the last two examples are not exact clear. But the first ones are on point. I'm a german woman.
Felichen ! In a few years you will have to change your Channel Title to a German WOMAN in America! LOL!
Hey Felicia, really appreciate your work, please keep it up!
I have been living in Munich for over 1 year now as a foreigner. When I first arrived, I was really shocked that how German use that little social media like FBk, Instagram and twitter comparing to my place and also the US, most of the teens do not even have an account! Can you maybe make a video about cyber culture diff as well? Do you think its a good idea to be your next video?
Yeeees ! 8-/ They definitely WOULD have let me know,....IF they ever, ever really HAD liked me. 8-( SIGH ... But (!!internationally!!) ALL Girls will just let you wait IN VAIN and in UNcertainty forever, ...when they do NOT like you ! 8-/ SIGH. Needless to say, I´ve been waiting in vain a LOT of my Life. 8-/ ALL my Life, to be precise !
German Feli says "I'm usually a few minutes late myself." - American understands: "Maybe 20 or 30 minutes", what German Feli actually means: "Maybe 3 or 4 minutes" ;)
I would guess 10-15mins
Yeah like 5-10 😅
@feli, do you then txt them you'll be late?
I was in the military so I'm usually 15 mins early
I have friends from Das Auto show in 🇩🇪 they are so cool and are really nice to be around! I had the opportunity to get to know them
I was 16 or 17 when I stayed in Germany for a few weeks as an exchange student. My exchange partner (a German guy) saw me to the bus station when I was about to return home to Romania. The station was within 15 minutes walking distance, so we walked. I was carrying a ton of baggage and kind of struggling. 3 minutes in, he asked me if I needed any help. Naturally, as any well-raised Eastern European girl, I refused, thinking he would definitely ask again later. Well, no, he didn't. I carried the whole thing myself all the way to the station, chatting casually and trying not to show how heavy my bags were :D This would have been regarded as impolite where I come from, but I realized he was just simply not playing this game, this was his way of being polite, taking me seriously and seeing me as an equal. I guess I learned the hard way that Germans say what they mean and expect others to do the same, and No means just plain and simply NO :)
You know the difference between English and Germans?
English are too polite to be honest
Germans are too honest to be polite
I am German ... ;-)
"trying not to show how heavy my bags were" that compounded your first mistake ;-)
as a german girl i was raised different i gess. If a boy keep asking me if he could help me, i would be mad. I tould you no and dont dare ask again. I am a big girl. I made my decision to carry the havy bad and if i change my mind I will aks. I would gess that was what he was thinking. My Boyfriend knows and let me du stuff that would be much easier for him but knows i would not agree on him taking tha task over.
@@ZardozCologne There are a lot of Germans too that wanna seem nice and polite and that is why they tell you something kind and polite rather than what they really think of you. Behind you they will share their "truth" with others though. :D They often do it with their best friends as well. Own experience unfortunately...
This is such a cute story 😄
I’m German and my wife is Greek. When we were dating I wanted to introduce her to my dad. My dad made plans for dinner at 6 PM. I lived 25 minutes away from him. I was at my home waiting for her. It was 6:20 when she arrived. I was absolutely freaked out. She didn’t even understand why I was upset. My dad called me every 5 minutes. He was very annoyed..(that’s an understatement) We rescheduled the dinner and that is the day I learned about “Greek time” which is vague and “German time” which is exact
My wife is Mexican and I am English. I would say come by at 6. She would show up at 7, 7.30. I would get so mad. In the end I started telling her to show up an hour and a half earlier than I wanted her. That seemed to do the trick. After 30 years she now knows what time means ;-)
@@cbuk8691 So nice of you, and so gentle !!! You really loved her, good for her! She was lucky the first time 😳 ... What happens (I'm South American) is that life is too short and beautiful for getting more stressed out than with the job, the boss, the traffic .... enough !!. So just be yourself and enjoy just the way you are with your beloved ones who will understand and let you be yourself, a free creature with no bonds.
This thread has made me realize that there are two basic kinds of cultural time-dilation. The first is just cultural, where you known what time an appointment is, you know what the time currently is, and as long as current time is fairly close to appointment time, you're not late or early - you're "on time" (if that phrase actually has any meaning or use.)
The second, related sense of time is "Island time", although it could occur anywhere that the passage of time isn't marked by clocks or bells or sirens, like Siberia. In this kind of time-flow, the current time is blurry. You sort of have an idea approximately what time it is, but, measured by an outsider, "3:00 pm" could mean any particular moment chosen from a continuum of flowing moments more-or-less coinciding with particular time. Perhaps this second kind of time is better explaining by the idea of an hour-hand on an analog watch jumping from 2:00 to 3:00 when you're not looking. But you're not surprised when the time has changed, you just don't know exactly when that happened.
So, do you recognzie the difference in your wife? Greece is a sea-faring, islandish nation, so the phenomenon could be the double whammy of cultural time sense mixed with Island time. (I've lived in the Caribbean, where you get a mix of Hispanic time and Island time.)
Sounds like a time-keeper's nightmare.
@@cbuk8691That reminds me of a family joke
Basically, most of our family in the state goes over to our great-uncle’s house for Christmas eve and play games like white elephant and eat some fudge cubes and just have a good time
One part of the family (that only lives like half an hour late) is always 2 hours late
We joked that we should tell them that the party starts two hours earlier than it actually does so they arrive around the same time as everyone else
@@cbuk8691 I was thinking while watching this video that there seems to be some overlap between German culture and English culture, and it makes me wonder if it is due to the Germanic roots of England (Anglo-Saxons, even the Danes).
Greetings!
I dated a German lady long time ago, and everything in this video is very accurate!
The first time I saw her was the gym, then at a Latin club (I’m Latino) , I didn’t know how to approach her. It was very frustrating when I tried to talk and she reacted the same way the lady in this video. Next time, I helped her to reach a towel at the gym, and after that she was the one who took the initiative,She actually was a staff member . She asked me where I was from, I told her, I asked the same she told me, but then I asked her what part of Germany 🇩🇪 she was. She said München , and I said, oh Bavaria! She smiled and asked me how I knew about that, I started talking about a little bit of history and geography, and she smiled , looking straight to my eyes she asked if could dance Salsa.... of course I do!!
Well, I don’t want to write my whole experience with her, but she an amazing woman!! ❤️
But like I said, she was pretty much like the lady in this video! 😃
Thank you so much for sharing all these wonderful things about your country and your culture, I enjoy watching you talk and explaining everything!
Never stop what you are doing, my best wishes for you! 😃🇩🇪
i find this quite interesting as i find meeting people at the Gym the very best !
why do you broke up with her?
As a high school student, I dated our German exchange student. It was fun, because I was also taking German, so it was a great opportunity to use what I was learning, as well as it helped her feel more "at home" in small-town Wisconsin. Every last one of these was spot on. I always had thick skin, so I never had any issues with her blunt honesty on things. Honestly, probably the best relationship I had as a kid, only superseded by my marriage today. The only reason we split up was because it was too difficult to maintain when she went back home. Still keep in touch, though. She and my wife get along great.
Hey Feli, what an hilarious/cringy experience rewatching this super oldie of mine! 😂 Awesome job on the reaction!
You did a great job, too . 👍🏻 Dating beyond borders is a very interesting topic.
She didn't reply because she doesn't know you personally. 🤣
@@mypinis lmao
@@M11TS beware also, if you get in the ballpark of making a baby, that can really under go serious risk of unexpected or sudden complications. For those to whom it may apply! You never know until in the close proximity for decisions and travels! I met an ideal partner we committed after falling in love big-time and engaged with plans to meet overseas but had to be separated at least a short time before rejoining with plans. But got expectant for baby prior to that point and he ended up stuck in the aftermath in big huge earthquake and a major destruction throughout region .Then more political warfare and restrictions broke out, and unfolding ever since in both our regions, serial events....then when and where the baby is to be born and under what circumstances time and laws apply during difficult separate points as for your baby's STATUS ,citizenship,yours or the other partner's status /region, and travel and entries into what region and policy,perhaps changed in short times! Now it's also COVID affected, lockdowns and vax for travels! Yikes! This can be strange! All things!
You are still missing the “You Know you are dating a Korean Girl when...” video. Personally, I’m still waiting for it to be honest!!! 😅😆 Greetings and congratulations on your great channel!!! It kinda helped me to understand and open much more my mind to different cultures, as well as to value them. Love You from Mexico “Dating Beyond Borders”!!! 🇲🇽❤️
To be on time is to be respectful of other people’s time. This holds true whether one is American or German.
It is my understanding that in much of Latin America and the Mediterranean that punctuality is never really a priority. So some cultures definitely view it differently
I agree. I have known people who were up to 2 hours late and found this normal.
@@christian3255 I would say in other cultures you don't take yourself so seriously and therefore don't expect others to either.
My family always gave someone a 15 min grace period. Growing up there were alot of train tracks we had to maneuver. And, b4 there were rules that a train can not block a street for longer than 10 min, it would often take that long at a crossing. After that, we would just go on with our plans whether you were there or not.
33026alex - exactly. Or as to quote Louis XVIII: Punctuality is the courtesy of kings!
Speaking of German punctuality.....many years ago I was traveling in Germany with my significant other, and we took the train from Berlin to Dresden. We arrived about 5 minutes late, and we both laughed at the effusive apologies for the late arrival coming over the loudspeakers. It was funny because to us, being 5 minutes late was NOT a big deal at all, in fact we were impressed by how well the train made up for some lost time along the way. A few years prior to that, we had taken a train in the US from Sacramento California to Olympia Washington, and that train arrived over 6 HOURS late. And I don't remember anyone from Amtrak apologizing for that. What a perfect illustration of the importance of punctuality in German culture.
reminds me of a story in japan where a train was late by like 40 seconds and the regional
manager (or someone important in the company) when on national TV to apologize
does not sound like Deutsche Bahn to me
Years ago when I was stationed in Germany I always got a chuckle looking at the clocks at the station. They weren't steady clocks but would move once a minute and if a train was going to leave at 3:17 as soon as that minute hand hit 17 they were off
Thanks, Feli. You triggered a very pleasant memory, My ex-girlfriend was from Frankfurt. 15 minutes into our first date, we were suddenly very intimate in public... And someone drove by and yelled "get a room." Good times. LOL
I lived in Germany during my younger years. That time shaped my dating prospective until present time. It is clear, straight to the point, no beating around the bush, no lies, no drama. It simply shaped my standards. And I will always prefer dating a German as my first choice.
About seeing German women as equal: That is also a disadvantage for German men when it comes to dating someone who is from another country.
Like you are taught that women are equal and that overdoing it with the chivalry can be understood as kinda patronising or even sexist.
But in my case, when I had the first date with my GF (who is not European), we got to my car and I didn't open the door when getting in and out of the car. Later on she would tell me that she did not like that cause she thought I'm not a gentleman. Luckily it turned out well in the end 😂
I think what Felicia refers to is not connected to the first or second date, but rather that you do that later on as day to day process...
When I'm eating with family I need to get aggressive when saying that I want to pay the meal xD
That must be equally a disadvantage for German men who wind up with eastern European women, particularly those from Slavic nations. They tend to be more traditional than their western European counterparts.
@@Rufio_Cristiforus_Tucarus been there 😂
@@razz.dragomir pretty sure that was also referring to the first dates. I don't care if it's the first date or not, I know how to open a car door, don't treat me like a toddler.
When I was dating my now Frau, there was no question early on if she liked me. Without saying it I knew how she felt. When I was dating American women I couldn't tell where I stood. It was so refreshing meeting her and starting a relationship.
BINGO! I also found this true. Though I married an American girl eventually, I seriously appreciated the directness of German women, and the Germans in general. I'm 1/2 German, so I guess it just felt more natural for me anyway. I've told folks many times that after meeting a German in a club or something you'll know if she/he likes you within the first 10-20 minutes.
From the male perspective, I have been told (my own experience is too anecdotal but certainly does not contradict it) that a woman touching you on the arm or shoulder on a date is a good sign, but you can forget this indicator with Italian women because they touch everyone immediately.
To order something in a bar/restaurant before the other person has expressed their preferences I find downright rude.
As a woman - yes!
I’m from the UK, and having dated two German women in my youth I can endorse everything Feli says in this excellent video. I only wish TH-cam had been around in the seventies!
You finally broke 300K subscribers. CONGRATULATIONS, Felicia!!!
I had long conversations about this very subject with my Brazilian roommate, who was dating a German guy. I found her perspective very interesting because she noticed exactly the same on the other perspective. At first she thought that he wasn't interested at all, because he left her alone when they first met, after her first refuse. I was shocked and said of course he left you alone if you didn't feel like it! She laughed and said, well, but that's the game! When she realized that dating a German man requires a certain amount of initiative and no games involved, she had to admit that it has some advantages. The brutal honesty now leads to two years of happy relationship between these two.
Definitely feels like my preferences are more compatible with Germany. I'm Latino American, but I don't really like small-talk, I always try to be punctual despite the "latino time" stereotype, I prefer talking about meaningful subjects, and I prefer that a woman's upfront about where we stand. Good video.
Go get yourself a German woman my friend!
“Latino time” sounds like a dance event. 😁
You're are right latino people like long talk instead of small one
@@3.k a fun dance event, but it starts 30 minutes late.
you sound more like the stereotypical introvert.
small talk is baseless babble and more annoying than not .. meaningful conversations catch you
you want people to treat you like you treat them .. since you're very aware of you and the reactions other people have to your actions.
and you may have a little troubble to read between the lines when people or especialy women are hinting at something .. you want them to be clear and open.
plz correct me if i assumed something wrong.
btw. that fits to me too
Speaking of the "punctual" part. I had a friend at university who would consistently be about 15 minutes late (which SUCKED when we were going to the movies). At some point I just started telling him a meeting time 15 minutes before the time I told everyone else. Worked like a charm :D
I'm originally from the UK, but never had much success at romance in England, with my first real girlfriend and wife being German, so this is a very interesting topic for me.
I’m not outgoing enough to be like the guy in the video. I hate when people bother me and try to give other people the same courtesy. I’m not self centered enough to think people want to talk to me. When it comes to opening doors for people, I do it for everyone. Man or woman, young or old. Don’t try and make them wait for me to open it though. Love your channel, keep making great content.
Thinking people want to talk to you or not has relatively little to do with being "self-centered". That's just a flattering rationalization you've layered over your observation that, in practice, people don't do it often. You should try to reject these cute stories you tell yourself about yourself - your self-narratives. They hold you back.
Hello Feli, I just found this video and I absolutely love it! My wife is German (from Hungen in Hessen). We met in Germany back in March 2005 when I was 24 and she was 31. I can relate to all of your points about Germans, especially the one about allowing them to make their own decisions. And OMG…….Being on time 😆😆😆 Meeting my father-in-law for the first time, I was late and he lectured me about the importance of being on time for about 30 minutes. I can go on and on about the precise similarities, but those are the what made me fall in love with the German culture. My wife and her family have taught me so much and I value that to this day. She truly changed my life and I’m so thankful I found her. I look forward to more videos! 🇩🇪❤️🇺🇸
Germany sounds like a great place for intellectual introverts.
You may think, but dumb people are everywhere. Silence isn't considered a bad thing per se, though.
It is, if you want to skip dating.
As a German intellectual introvert, I can tell you that even to us, non-introvert Germans are way too much. 😄
jap... just avoid Bavaria..... 🤓
Most Europeans are extroverts... you always find them on streets.
I'm glad I happened to find your channel. My wife went to LMU Munich. She's a doctor in the US now, which has been quite the journey. I met her at the Haupbahnhof in Munich in 2009, through a mutual friend when I was visiting Germany from the US. My wife is from Friedrichshafen am Bodensee. Now, in regards to dating, I was very straightforward with my feelings for my wife when we first met and she appreciated that about me. She immediately told me that she had feelings for me, too. She is, to this day, extremely honest and blunt and sometimes it's not so wonderful, but I tend to be like that, as well. She was a little bit difficult to crack, but my openness and honesty won her over (among other things, like my looks and intelligence - I'm a geography teacher). She definitely doesn't like for me to make decisions for her or even for our family. She wants to have a say in everything. She often talks about "making a plan." I am, thankfully, also interested in making detailed plans on trips. Being spontaneous is something that is rare for us, unfortunately. We are both extremely opinionated. In short, we are both kind of difficult people that couldn't have been handled by many other people. We counteract each other pretty well, but we can butt heads sometimes. Still, we love each other and have stayed faithful through 10 years of marriage, living 8 of them in the US (2 in Munich while she was still in Medical School).
I am not quite sure what is difficult aber wanting to have a say in your own life and actually planning ahead....
The part where you compared Germans to coconuts was pretty funny. I’m German as well, but I must be a brick 🧱😬
lol, He's like a brick: If you drill too much - he breaks.
🤣🤣 @nunya bizness
Then you're from the north! Being from the Frankfurt area i always found it hard to "crack" northerners, they're kind of a different breed.
I'm a brazilian and i may be a brick as well hahahhahaha which is definitely not a really brazilian thing.
Username checks out
Visited Berlin. Ok, Berlin is not Germany, really enjoyed the whole experience. Loved the people, the great in city transportation and the inter city trains.
Loved the people, yes there is a difference between the "East" and "West" as there are in the south and north. Loved the city, loved the country side. Most definitely another trip after this winter.
All countries have the egg shell mentality. In India it is not making eye contact. In Israel(where I live) it is instantly telling about and sharing kid pictures and inviting to a local meal together.
I love the interaction between cultures and peoples. Cheers and best!!
Hey Feli 😊 I just wanted to say that I love your channel and it was actually part of my inspiration to learn German. Greetings from Peru 🇵🇪❤️
Aweeee thanks and I'm so glad to hear that! 😊 Hope you're not struggling too much with our articles 😅
@2:15 Beautiful SMILE !! Yes , your whole face smiles , and your eyes sparkle. Seeing You smile , makes me smile. And makes me want to watch more videos to learn more about Germany, and see your smile again.
American man here, discovering that I may actually be a German woman. Being from the Washington area, much of our small talk is about government and world affairs...
bro i think i might also be a german woman.
Same here, King
American woman here and I may feel like I’m a German one too.
😂
I am German-American woman. I agree wholeheartedly 😂
Yes Feli ❤
Spot on!! That man is too handsy. I would be scooting away also. I don't like hands on me so quickly. I would have just said thank you(& what does he want from me/ what does he want to steal or sell 😂).
Yes, insisting on ordering for me would be offensive; he is stranger and doesn't know maybe i hate his suggestions 😂
I love to wander/ walk also.❤
To me a couple of cringeworthy moments right from the top. I can understand how you have to initiate a conversation to get things started but I cringe when he invites himself to sit down unbidden.
There was a time when ordering for a woman was an acceptable act of chivalry but now I think it would be better to ask if she’d like you to order for her. You can still ask if the drink of choice is acceptable to her and you can still place the order for the both of you.
When you mentioned German women are like coconuts, I tend to be one too. It makes me wonder how one coconut can crack another. Do you suppose if they spend enough time close to each other the shells soften? Or do they bounce off each other until they crack and open up? 😉 I’d like to hear what you think about this.
If you consider how pushy he was at first maybe she’s seeing whether he’s able to take criticism without becoming offended. There’s some guys that can’t lead in a relationship and to many women it’s actually a real turn-off without being aware of it. This topic didn’t come up in the questions about you so I’m curious whether you sometimes do the pursuing. This coconut would like to know. 😁
Being raised by a German mother who has never "americanized" very on point.
Whilst walking I also listen to podcasts. More precisely: I'm trying to understand train station 😊
You're trying not to stand on the hose😅 😁 ( auf dem schlauch stehen)... gute Wahl mit dem Podcasts😁 ich auch
I married a German-American and have some German ancestry myself. I'm pretty much as the video described, except giving my opinion without having been asked. As a side note, when we went in to quarantine due to Covid, I had NO problem not being around people or standing 6ft. apart ...those were my requirements before. I'm very picky about my personal space and when having a conversation with someone and they come into my space, I casually step back, and invariably they come forward! Drives me up the wall!!!! Lol 🥴
Yes, I hate close talkers too. I'm 37% German ancestry. Maybe that's it, lol
Your reaction to the first item reminds me of a story I heard once, involving Americans.
An elderly man walks into a Catholic church and, seeing that one of the confessionals is available, steps in, sits down, and closes the door.
"I'm 75 years old," he begins, "and last night I spent a wonderful evening in bed with a beautiful young 25-year-old woman."
The young priest in the other side of the confessional is a little befuddled, because the man didn't start with the traditional "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned" opening that he expected; so he stumbles a bit. "Uh...yes...ah...how long has it been, my son, since your last confession?"
"Last confession?" exclaims the man. "Last confession? I've _never_ been to confession! Why would I? I'm Jewish!"
"Jewish?" asks the priest, even more confused. "But then...then why are you telling me this?"
The man chuckles. "Oh, I'm telling everybody!"
🤣😉
🥳
LOL... I wouldn't blame him. If I was that 75 year old man, I'd be doing the same thing, if I had that experience, Catholic, or not.
Hallo Feli, wie schaffst du nur all diesen Output? All die Themen, Analysen, Facts etc. und das scheinbar mit Leichtigkeit. Sehr beeindruckend. Viel Glück weiterhin!
Even as an American woman, I wouldn't like it when I don't get a choice in if I want something. I wouldn't really want to see that guy if they did that on a first date, because it shows that they might be controling.
I went grocery shopping yesterday...the guy in front of me in the line had some interesting stuff: 1 bottle of vodka,2 bottles of orange juice and a pack of marlboros. So I said to the cashier: "You definitely know what he is up for tonight...."she said:" hell yeah...he has been buying the same combo for years now." I laughed,paid and got the hell outta there. so we do have smalltalk in germany every once in a while. #staysafe #stayhealthy #dontdrinkanddrive
The "being asked honesty"-part is important. If a German criticize you without being asked he/she is...
A) a friend trying to stop you making a mistake. Or
B) rude.
Öö
I want to move to Germany more and more every day. I hate how Americans will just volunteer advice about anything, and at any time. Because they all do it, and anything and everything can offend them, especially older people, it's just a never-ending train of nannying.
@ZechsMerquise73. I do? You don’t know me...but please do move on. Forget about Germany, why not just move your miserable ass out into the wilderness somewhere? Get some good one on one time with Bigfoot! Oops, you’re right! Me and my opinions...Damn!! 😂
@@ZechsMerquise73 We Germans honor knowledge. 83.9 percent of the members of our Bundestag (basically the Senate) are scientists.
@@Laufbursche4u Scientists are beholden to corporations. They are full of shit too!
That chivalry thing can really cause problems. I was taught to hold doors for people. Not women only, but people. So one time I was walking into a bank (if I remember correctly), and there was this woman close enough behind me that I held the door. This was the height of second wave feminism, and the woman very indignantly said “I don’t need a man to open a door for me. Man was probably stretching it, as I was a teenager.
So I quickly apologized and let go of the door. Now, this was a VERY heavy door, and she apparently kept walking while she was complaining about me, and the door knocked her flat back on her butt. I was pretty sorry about it at the time, but now I only look back at it with humor. And I still hold doors open for everyone, but I have never run ahead to open a door for a woman. I would do it if someone obviously needed the assistance, but I ask first.
I am the same way and had a similar situation. I saw she was behind me and held the door. She then stopped folded her arms and said "I can get my own door, thank you" (but in a snotty tone). I said sorry in a polite voice and let go of the door. She then just glared at me. Can't please everyone I guess.
Interesting. I do hold doors open for everyone, regardless of gender and age,
but i do not remember someone telling me off for that - in my opinion - polite habit.
Either they thanked me or did not say a word at all. ^^''
> So I quickly apologized
Absolutely no reason. Don't feel sorry just because she's an insecure b***
I feel that the bit about "talking about politics, technology or current affairs can be a huge turn on for them" is a bit misleading. It would be more accurate to say talk about something profound that is interesting to her and that leads to a twosided conversation. Of course technology and politics can be such topics, but it very much depends on the person and while there are much more girls who are interested in technology nowadays than 40 years back when many people would still have considered technology a guy thing, girls who have little interest in technology or little interest in politics still exist. Read her reactions and whether she engages with the conversation topic (or pick up her topic, girls can start conversations too ;-.) ), don't just show off your knowledge and mansplain the world to her.
Totally agree, I am german and I definitely don‘t like someone mansplaining politics/current affairs/technology to me. Especially politics - no, no. Politics is such an everybody topic, unless you are working in politics, what on earth would make you think you are more of an expert on it than she is/what makes you think she likes you explaining stuff to her that she totally knows enough about herself? However, if you really _are_ an expert on something I am interested in, I will get exited and dump 1000 (follow up) questions on you and you will definitely know that I am not just doing so out of courtesy. And I will enjoy it when you do the same with topics I adress. So, easy, just listen if she seems genuinely interested before you go on and on about something.
Yes and we're all entitled to have a different view on things and I don't want a lecture.
@@alexpond648 I think that should go without saying in a relationship. I would say though that especially talking politics is less problematic with many Germans than it is in the US, where having different opinions on political topics tends to quickly escalate into an emotional one side vs the other side argument. Many Germans like a good debate and are very much able to disagree strongly on certain topics and still like the other person and not being offended by the other person respectfully criticizing their point of view (within certain boundries, of course, there are certain opions that are too radical to have an amicable discussion about it with someone who strongly disagrees). It is not uncommon at all in Germany to see partners that are both active members of different political parties or different religious communities and getting along just fine, without avoiding politics or religions as conversation topics.
@@p.s.224 Someone could want a well educated partner so of course it's important to be able to talk about societal issues and have the same values in life for a longterm relationship
@@alexpond648 yeah especially from European leftists
Hi, Feli! That was a lot of fun, both the video you were reacting to and your reactions. This might be my new favorite of yours! I've never dated a German woman, but this video is actually kind of leaning me in that direction.
As a German raised American girl, I find these pretty spot on 😂. I do like chivalry (when it’s not over done like in the video). I will say though, Americans are not used to my blunt honesty, but luckily my friends find it more funny than jarring 😅😁
German raised American Girl means?
@@kevincryan7220 So my mother is from Germany (my dad is American), and despite growing up in America, it was in a small German town where everyone still speaks German. So culturally and genetically I’m German, but I’m an American born citizen 😁😁
@@kalilikescheese also sprichst du deutsch ?
I'm a black woman, but I, too, love chivalry. And bluntness is no problem for me, not with friends. With strangers that might be a different story.
For me as a German man i feel fine with chivalry that doesn't make people feel patronized. I would never run around the car just to open the door for her - unless she actually can't do it herself.
I can only comment on my experience in general. My great grandparents came to the U.S. from Germany and I'm half German by heritage. I can say that our family are largely pragmatists in almost every aspect of our lives. Not a lot of fluff lol.
I think it’s that way with most women around the world that they want to be considered a equal in a relationship. I know a lot of women here in America want to be considered and equal in a relationship. As well as other aspects of life.
Until it comes to financial stuff.
@@mohamedail7446 Exactly. Despite all the "equality" talk, most women are more than eager to throw all that out the window when it comes time to pay the bill.
@@robertromero8692 BS
@@christineperez7562 What's BS is that you know anything about my personal experiences or that of most men in general.
@@robertromero8692 then you attract the wrong kind. Maybe you should take a look at yourself and what you portray. What you say on dates, what kind of dates you plan. I don't know anything about you, but what is your focus, when you go on a date? To get laid or looking for more? More comes later? Are you even attracted to an independent woman, who can be a real partner or do you just like the idea, but every time you go on a date, you went for traditonal, paying for everything, putting yourself into the role of provider, because you think that is what is expected. Let's say you invited her to a movie, is she paying for the snacks or you? Do you insist on paying, when she wants to? Do you think about it, when she didn't even ask to pay for them? What's on your mind? After the first dates, is she contributing? Is she paying, when she invites you on a date? You can talk about equality all you want, but actions speak for themselves.
As a American who spent over 2 years in Germany several decades ago, I can say that everything is spot on.
I have a friend of nearly 50 years - yes, I'm dating myself.
She was born in Germany, but her parents emigrated to the US when she was 2.
But when you mentioned walking, I laughed... because her natural walking pace is such
that some walking partners have said to her: "when you said "go for a walk",
I didn't realize that it would be a "forced march"."
She does not "idly stroll"...anywhere... LOL.
🤣 however...this is unique to her and not everyone in Deutschland. 🍁
@@sonjagatto9981 Perhaps its a family thing - it's tough to keep up with her 85 year old father! :-)
Also in her case - she is 178cm tall, with a long stride....
@Halal-kosher Surveillance Since I'm not sure if I am being teased here. (which I enjoy) "Idly Stroll" would be to walk slowly, without apparent direction or purpose.
The person that I have been describing, even when touring "just to see things"... covers ground with a distinctly purposeful stride, people see her coming and stand aside.
Honestly some of the points in the video was pretty accurate. My girlfriend is from Stuttgart and when we first met she was kinda cold but funny enough so was I because I’m pretty introverted and I am not too keen on meeting new people but when my girlfriend and I met it felt like we had an instant connection and honestly couldn’t be more happier than I am now. And I can’t wait to move to Stuttgart at the start of next year. Also with the German honesty side of things I don’t find it discouraging because I see it as a way to learn and grow as a person.
I am an American (with German ancestry) and I definitely identify with a lot of what is mentioned. I am absolutely frustrated by infirm plans, being made to wait, and people braking plans with little to no notice. It shows a lack of respect and that you have no regard for the other person's time.
I agree sister!
...and next to no regard for your relationship with that person. In fact, I think some women will stand a guy up specifically to communicate their disinterest in him. That is, to spare themselves the discomfort of telling him directly.
Some cultural specific traits definitely can be passed down for generations. I'm American and my mother was raised by German parents who both died before I was born. My father: not German. One day a friend who liked to make broad generalizations said "Germans really like things to work properly". That's when I realized this was true.
Now you mention it, I also like to have things planned, but what has drawn me more towards the American side from my original European upbringing is precisely the option to improvise and be more creative. Of course I'm not referring to dating here, but to working attitudes.
I have to agree with you, Feli. The Bavarian woman I courted for many years was always very frank with me, sometimes painfully so. I did notice after several years of back and forth travel between our countries - that I did win her over and she changed her mind about a dominant German man who had lorded it over her for years. I had been in a kind of tug-of-war with him for her heart. Gradually, though, she became more confident in her own abilities and self worth and he faded out of the picture.
You should react to Geography Nows videos. The one on Germany as a whole and going over the Bundeslanders.
Also as a Canadian we have a hybrid American and European social expectations so this feels like you’re also talking to Canadians because a lot of the things you say Americans and Germans do are both common here lol.
I agree that Canadians in general are a mix of the American and European examples. And this is true for both those who have English or French as a first language. We of course have many immigrants and Indigenous peoples who have big differences for some things.
Two points: For myself, the decompression factor of taking a walk is to take in the symphony of life, whether it be in an urban environment or a walk through the woods, all the sounds of live happening, For me it's as much a part of the experience as the visual. Point #2 Although I have no German in my lineage, I was never one who opened up to strangers right away. Friends that I've made have told me that my personality is 180 degress from what they thought I was when hey first met me. Go figure.
I remember a Southern comedian told a story where he got up to offer a woman his chair. She felt patronized and said so, he responded that if he didn't, "his ancestors would jump up and get him."
I told a young lady that got upset when I held a door for her the same thing…. Specifically about my southern mama!
i'm getting married to a german woman in december. i'm so happy. love your channel. it does help us communicate to each other.
yeah the honest and criticism thing could have been a problem with us she's said some things that other guys might have had a problem with.
Dating in Germany requires that you fill out various forms (in triplicate), show Versicherungsbeweiss and have completed an approved Datinglehre.
Of course! That's how you have to do it! Your "interpretation" is actually extremly simplified and you're missing a lot of additional things and details, but you got the basic idea right. Everything else would be just rediculous... Don't tell me, that other cultures do this differently. This sounds very dangerous.
I’m German - that is hilarious!😁
🤣
As a German, I can totally relate to what is being said about how we date😂🤣. We show honestly how we think/feel about a person, but maybe not like it is shown here ( still it's on point though). By the way, did you check out the second video "you know you're dating a German man when" ? That's so funny as well, especially as it was done with Hailey an American girl who came to Germany, so she knows about it😉. It is giving all the examples one could feel when dating a German man. Love these kind of videos😍👍. I experienced it myself when dating "Non-German men" and I loved to discover these little things which are different from our dating culture. Most of the times it could lead to very funny situations.... Just take it from the funny side and talk about it, there's so much interesting stuff behind these dating cultures, sooo interesting 😍😊😍! Danke für deine Videos, Feli☺️! Interkulturelle Vergleiche sind mein Lieblingsthema ❤️😊!!!
German woman here: I am totally with you in all points. I found myself in most points despite the citizising honesty. That´s just rude.
Maintain the critical honesty, but only when it's asked for. It's honorable and logical. As an American, I despise how superficial and pretentious Americans can be with compliments and our refusal to say anything risky.
I have a German teacher
And yes I can agree that most Germans are really straight on point. Like really honest and at times it’s hurtful 😂
She always would say, "If you don’t do this, you will Fail and you will never move ahead, usw"
By the use of "usw" instead of "etc." I can tell ^^.
Now a guide to get German guys:
1. Drink a bunch at some event
2. Ask politely "aryou shhhingle?"
3. If the answer is "Yes", grab him by his arm and don't let him escape.
4. Success.
Facts!
Funnily enough that would work with 90% of my german friends
Girls tried this with my husband in the past! He wasn't at all happy about this and had to get in some cases very rude to get rid of them. They should have tried some of his friends...
@@murielnaumann931 so he failed at point 3...
@@luigipiuattivo3316 He was single at that time 😉, but he didn't liked the way of approach... 🤣
Well, because I’m probably more like your parents age (I’m 55), my experiences may be slightly different, but you just confirmed for me that your generation of ladies is very similar to your moms! Actually, I’m glad! I appreciated how honest Germans were. In the 1980s, I really wasn’t a big fan of the nuances of meeting American women; there were many different little games and subtleties that were used. People in general were more superficial (excesses were celebrated), but American women made the dating ritual this kind of maze-run for me. A German girl, however, would let you know immediately if she was interested or not.
As a 20 or 21 year old young man, that really simplified things! The conversation thing was right up my alley-I despise small talk, and am a pioneer of “ghosting” people. Otherwise, I’m an extremely well-read person. I went to five different universities, have multiple degrees, and, if not merely comfortable on a broad range of topics, may even be considered an adherent of one thing or another. I can hold my own with many topics of discussion, and enjoy such conversations. American women said I was “too deep.”
I confess that I did not actually date any German girls, but I was friends with a great many. I was the best man at two weddings of friends (another process I appreciate).
It did seem like where I lived in Frankfurt, girls were much more cosmopolitan, and perhaps more direct, as opposed to more rural areas where German girls were much more reluctant to ever talk to strangers (pre Internet Age). Also, one would be more apt to incur the wrath of her father!
I did my best to ingratiate myself with the German people. I tried my best to speak the language, and observe the customs, even promoting my own personal German heritage. It didn’t matter though, I was an American, and-maybe thanks to various obnoxious American service members (among the more than half million parked there at the time), American guys weren’t somebody a German girl would go out of her way to meet I respected that, and instead made some lasting friends.
Wonderful video, Feli. I do have a follow-up question about not being afraid to talk politics and religion in group settings. Part of the taboo in America is because I feel like people are very easily offended by other people's opinions on those topics. Do Germans get easily offended if you disagree with them? And would that be a romantic turn-off for a potential partner?
Disagreeing is not that much of a problem. Some people will enjoy a (respectful) discussion about the pros and cons of the different opinions, others perfer to gently change the subject. But we do get annoyed when someone doesn't respect our point of view and keeps trying to convince us of their opinion.
Germans enjoy having discussions about those topics. We'll bring up different arguments, different sources etc. and just discuss certain topics. With certain topics these days (covid, anti vaxxers, racism etc.) I would say it's definitely become more personal and people aren't willing to talk to each other as much. But with "normal" political topics, Germans don't usually feel personal offended by another person's political view.
It very much depends on whether or not your ideologies are fundamentally different. As long as you have roughly similar core values, you can have good conversations about politics and stuff like that. And that's just the norm in Germany, because most people aren't rightwing/religious extremists. And if you ever encounter one, you want to know that early on so you can avoid them.
@@FelifromGermany I usually only discuss those topics with my closest friends. Usually, people are increasingly wearing their opinions and beliefs on their sleeves, so it makes it easier to know what to avoid.
@@FelifromGermany That's actually very mature. I'm forever in awe about people taking politics so personally that they'll terminate a relationship over it. I'm like, GROW UP! How you and I feel doesn't make a difference in how the world works, anyway!
The lack of interest in small talk (and related interest in conversations of consequence) with the blunt/honest tendency has now convinced me that I am in the wrong country for relationships (I'm from the US).
Feli, love the channel! It's great learning about a country/culture through someone who really knows it. Plus, hearing your American experiences is lots of fun as well.
I'd love to see a video about your opinion on Goetta. I know it's originally a food from regional Germany but has a life of its own in Cincinnati.
My parents grew up in Cincinnati so I've had experience with it for awhile now. 😁
Keep up the good work!
Hi Feli thank you on your videos and educating people about Germany. As fore me I lived in Germany for 6 years and my freind and lover at the time was a Nurse until she moved away. I loved her honesty and openness she also taught me about German culture. I do think about her,she will always be a dear freind. Thank you.
Dated and then married a German girl - I'd have to say most of this is correct. 46 years later, still married to her, so I guess I did something right LOL...
I do the honesty and plain speaking thing and I'm not from Germany but my grandmother is. I guess it runs in the family. Sometimes I wonder if our brains are just wired differently. I always think it's weird when people in America play these little games with each other. And I'm definitely like this too with the "Be there when you say you're going to be there or let me know if you aren't", or the tell me/them if you're/I'm into me/you or not. We like things to be efficient, and the "social dishonesty" games just seem like a waste of time.
I spent six years in Germany as a member of the US Army. I never dated a German woman as I was a married man.
One time while having a beer in a Gasthaus a German man asked me if I had a German girlfriend. I told him I was married and that I did not. He said "a good German man has a wife and a girlfriend." Attempting to be humorous I said "then it's too bad for me I'm not German."
My only real interaction with German women came when my wife and I were invited to a Fasching party by a German woman she had befriended. I went dressed as a devil. For some reason my Teufelschwanz seemed irresistible to German women, which did not please my wife in the least.
Lol
If you have a wife and a girlfriend, then you can tell the girlfriend you are with the wife, tell the wife you are with the girlfriend, then go to the lab/office and get some work done. :)
10:02 so your telling me ive been studying geography and politics all of the world for years to the point i have memorized each country and its capitals for a reason
Most of this sounded more like “how to not be a douche”
As a German, video is just basic social skills and stereotypes, I know a ton of people who aren't anything like that.
Sorry, but for an American black woman, I'm impressed with the chivalry. Bring it on!! I think the different backgrounds and experiences will shape what you expect and appreciate. That's why it can be hard for different cultures when they date. That's why communication (regardless of country) is necessary.
The funny thing is things truly do come full circle a couple of years back when I was really getting into German culture this was the 1st video I watched which then eventually led me to you 😭🤣🖤❤💛👌🏾
I enjoy watching your videos, thanks for taking the time producing them.
I wouldn't over extrapolate from experiences in one area of the US. There are regional and subculture differences, that makes these broad strokes inaccurate at times.
Definitely accurate, we are honest and direct and we want to be respected (this includes punctuality, sharing your own opinions and not overdoing chivalry)!
If I'm more than three minutes late I'll let the other party know about it.
And lastly why would talking politics be a attractive? That wasn't worded right in the video. It's rather that talking about nothing the whole time is a turn off, small talk for a whole date is tiring and frankly boring.
I took a couple of cues from this video. First, don't be pushy. But that is true of a lot of people. Second, be punctual, I know a few people who are always late. Three, be honest. To quote Shakespeare, "To thine own self be true..." This is good advice no matter what the nationality of the woman.
How refreshing to hear your explanations of communication between cultures.
Is this your picture
In some cultures, showing up a little late to someone’s house is considered the polite thing to do because you are thus giving your host more time to get everything ready!
%📲➕① ④ ⓪ ⑥ ⑥ ⑧ ⑥ ⑥ ⑤ ⑨ ④ Thanks for watching, I have something new and real I'd love to share with you" what'sap✅.
Hallo Feli, I'm Rex, and I'm a Dutch guy from New York! Hoe gaat het ermee? Alles goed? Love your channel and your videos are great! Keep up the good work! You are very inspiring! Cheers!
In Denmark they like to be introduced to someone before talking and when you go on the subway no one really talks
And Danes are the talkative ones among the Nordics.
I think you did the advertisement really good. I needed the grimaces to see whether they really don't fall off!
I think many of these apply to all women worldwide. Being seen as an equal should be the baseline for anyone. ^^
They maybe don't always openly show you how they feel, but I have yet to meet the woman/person who likes it if a dude invades their personal space when they just met him.
Take it easy, guys.
Being seen as equal in Germany meens:
1. I pay for my own things at the first date. When there are more dates we can alternate. Once he pays everything, once I do.
2. He doesn't have to surprise me or invite me to something special. He doesn't have to give me the feeling I am something special. We decide together what we do.
3. No door opening, no chair holding, no helping to take a coat off.
4. No "he has to win me over", "he has to deserve me". I am not a prize. I am not more precious that he is. I don't want to be treated like a princess.
5. I don't have to get all dressed up. I look how I do normally and so does he.
@@DramaQueenMalena it was always like this or there was a time when german women felt like princesses and men had the gentleman courtesy ?
@@frankpastrana602 No, but both World Wars had a deep impact. Women kept the economy going while the men where fighting. Women built Germany up afterwards while men where either dead or physically or mentally ill. And in the 50ies when in the US the economic boom started and woman families could afford the mother staying at home, looking perfect, keeping her home perfect.... all movies and advertising suggested that that's the natural role for a woman.... Germans were still struggling economically, building back . In East Germany like in every other communist country and in Socialism in general women are seen as equal. That at least was a positive thing.
So the feminist movement from the 60ies to the 80ies was more successful.
I'm almost 50. I remember seeing High School movies from the US as a teen and finding them ridiculous... this girls wanting to be the Prom Queen...
MariP well being a prom queen doesn’t necessarily has to be something bad.I respect your preferences but you should respect other peoples point of view of life.
Happiness is something relative,many women in my country love a man who is a gentleman and if that make them happy,i think it’s ok.If in countries like yours women prefer to be treated like another man it is ok for me too.😊
@@frankpastrana602 there you go, her honestly anserwring hurt your core 😉
i met my ex (from berlin), in newquay whilst we we both on holiday there, we both thought it would be a holiday fling, but ended up being a 3 year relationship. i loved visiting the country, and got to see some of the former east germany as well as the more modern berlin, which is such an amazing city by the way.
Things were quite matter of fact, but i liked that, its true, once the coconut shell was cracked, everything was very peachy, (to use your words). i think it helped that i was raised in germany for a while due to my parents working there so i understood the culture a little more than the average englishman.
Yeah, Chewing gum or eating is a earbud hassle for me lol.
Loved this video Feli!
I find it super interesting that I’m fourth generation USA (and Cincinnati actually!!) with strong German genetics from both parents, and I still see a lot of myself in this video. I’ve never lived in or visited Germany. A lot of my relatives in my direct line have all of these characteristics pretty strongly too 😆. Thinking about my family and I, I wonder if it’s more of an innate biological thing, if they were passed down and modeled from parent to child, if they are primarily a cultural thing, or a mix of everything. Interesting for me to think about!
Almost all or all cultural transmission. It can go on for generations past the origins.
So, not a woman but I have been told by German girls / friends that the last point is true if a German girl likes you she will let you know. However, it can be subtle when at the bar for the night and could start simply with a conversation. If she talks to you you are good. If she doesn't, back off.
Yes, that’s true.
This is terribly funny and true. My partner is a younger German woman who plans everything to the Nth degree, comes across almost as patronizing in whether I'm looking good or bad that day, and takes it for granted that we'll be together forever. And she is actually hornier than I am! It works well because she fills in the gaps in my own personality.
🤣
hahahahahahahahahaha
A German girl broke my heart once.
She was East German actually. She felt she was treated by other Germans as the scourge of Europe, poor thing
Yeah thats sadly something most people in the east would agree to.
Hi Feli, I have enjoyed your videos since I stumbled onto them. I am a much older first-generation German man. You nailed it on a lot of your comments. Time and being on time is a big one. Interesting for me to see some of the generational differences. I admire your mastery of English. My parents and Opa and Oma endured the war; convoluted story on that, but you commented on the video you did about the Texas Germans whose parents did not teach their kids German, that was my case also, and I really regret it. Anyway, I enjoy your content; I am perhaps a demographic you didn't expect.
Can you react or do a video on how German men behave when dating?
Hi, I really have not dated a German girl, but I know several German women well and I think you describe the situation well. As a Finn, I appreciate straight talk, free opinions and honesty.
I had a six month relationship with a local German girl when I was stationed in a small town in Bavaria. She was a really cool chick and zero maintenance, but we only saw each other on the weekends and she spoke no English and I spoke only limited German. So most likely the communication limitations was the reason we never had any verbal dis agreements, and only seeing each other on the weekends was also a factor maybe. But she had a cool disposition, no mood swings, never any drama and no game playing. We had a very connected bond, to the extent that any language barriers were a none factor. Certainly not like American women who are always playing games to establish control, trying to see if the guy will crawl over glass on his bare hands and knees to be with them. There was never any of that.
Sounds like a booty call XD
@@lucymadelengregg4482 No mood swings = booty call for you??
Unlike these two women above, I thought you were a soldier stationed in Germany who was just getting involved with a local girl. It sounded like a very simple relationship without drama. Good for you!
@@anlajones7188 most definetly I wouldn't consider it as a relationship, but a booty call. (a booty call is also a type of relationship, many females just don't view it as such, they view it as a booty call)
Only seeing eachother on the weekends
No verbal exchange (therefore no recognizable mood swings) no actual exchange of what's going on inside:)
What where the both of you mainly doing when you weren't able to communicate?XD
I have a few questions, how old are you? Do you have siblings or are you an only child? Whats your cultural background?
What is no mood swings a sign for you that you where in an actual relationship?
Actually ups and down are part of life, and there bering nooo tension or friction at all, is a sign that you weren't in a relationship
Also ever considered the other person might have a different view upon it all together? And no mood swing ain't no indicator of an actual relationship for Noone other than yourself.
If no friction is your Standart, maybe what women and the majority of people consider a relationship simply isn't for you.
And maybe that's OK.
@@lucymadelengregg4482 Are you for real? What does my age, cultural background , or the question if I have any siblings got to do with my reply?? You do realize that I'm not the girl he was dating do you?
I'm 53 years old so yeah I know what a booty call is. There are various reasons why people can only see each other at weekends. My dad was a long distance lorry driver for example and was away at work during the week. So I guess my mum was her husband's booty call. I have had a long distance relationship for two years until we then decided that one of us moved so we could move in together.
Sounds like just because there wasn't any drama does not make it a booty call. Not to have any drama is pretty common, especially as they only saw each other at weekends for a few months. So they didn't really have much time to argue did they.
Always been a fan of your content. With all the new troubles you've had I am going to start actively sharing your videos.
I am very German when it comes to punchaliyy and making plans. MOst of the time, there is no plan B.
I have a German mother and a sister. One thing I learned to never to do is get inbetween a Geamn woman and her Christmas tree.
I see a lot of German traits, even though my family is generations removed from der Vaterland.
what is up with the xmas tree?
was ist los mit dem Weihnachtsbaum?
@@louisegogel7973 Nichs. Nothing but at one time, my church looked at the Puriton tradation reguarding Christmas. Which they considerd pagam and ungodly. So I suggested we tone it down a little. which lasted about 10 seconds.
Now I enjoy the festiveness of this wonderful holiday..
@@mikeschroepfer8956 Lustig. Deine Frau wollte den Weihnachtsbaum ganz schön bedecken aber deine Kirche ist etwa gegen solche Sachen? Habe ich richtig verstanden?
@@louisegogel7973 The Puritan tradition would be that everything religious should be serious with no frivolity. Plain churches, no celebrating, just praying. Of course most of Christmas was actually a preexisting German/European winter solstice festivity and the Jesus part was only grafted on. Same thing with Easter.
Ray con rocks!! I can hear the music in a crowded bar with these ear buds.
As an American, I want to comment on this line from you, Feli:
"What do you want from me"
EXACTLY
On the plus side, our system encourages a sort of natural friendliness. But the downside is that so much of that is fake, just masking our true intentions. We're not complimenting you to be nice, we're doing it because we want to bang, and the German can see right through that 😂
So rude !! This I don't like from the German culture, is it an offense to try to meet people and be friendly? Doesn't mean it will end in bed, not necessarily-
In that way in goes hand in hand with the honesty issue. Maybe you do want but the other person might not. In German culture that is not necessary something personal, sometimes, t least German just like to mind their own business - alone. It may be more distant then you would be in other cultures but most Germans won't "waste your time only to not be impolite".
Serious Topics need serious thinking what makes it valuable. Engaging in in conversation about serious topics also shows: "Hey, i respect you and i want to hear your insight and oppinion on this subject, cause you could add something to my point of view." It's much more respectful and an automatic way to show how you acknowledge her very mind.
I am not an autobot,lmao. One of the things I love most about Germans is the fact that they don't talk about nothing all the time, in lew of serious conversation.
Yes, silence is not a bad thing per se. Serious conversations sounds heavy though and can be tireing. We just want it to be real talk, like you realy have something to share or to say.
Absolut bester Moment im Video ist, als er endlich eine starke Meinung vertritt und sie ihn dafür plötzlich bewundert und näher heranlässt.
We are definitely more outgoing in the US than you have always described German culture on your channel. I pretty much always get involved in a discussion with the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at a restaurant, and so on. And being in Texas, I literally ALWAYS tell them all "have a great day." It's just polite!
As a german woman I have to say, we also greet the cashiers and wish them a great day/weekend etc. we just don’t do the smalltalk in between those. You mind find some more conversation, if you know the cashier some more, because you’re always at the same store, or if it’s a small business with fewer customers etc., or if something happens that gives you a topic to talk about. I think it gets back to the part where we like more distance with strangers at the beginning… we are polite, say good morning, thanks, have a nice day etc, but just don’t share personal stuff.
That’s even the same with colleagues. The more you know them or you are connected with them on some level, the more they’ll get to know about you. At my work we are pretty close and share even our fears and sorrows, it can get to a very personal level. But you won’t have that everywhere.
Agreed with Lema here. It's not that we're not polite to, for example, cashiers. Greetings and wishing them a nice day is just human decency. But we won't casually tell them things about our life, like the example that Feli used in the video of your sons match. Not only does the cashier simply and honestly not care, it's also seen as rude because you might end up holding up the line with your chatter.
Overall, what is appropriate and especially what is polite in customer service varies between germany and the US. What is valued in germany first and foremost is the personal space of the customers. Having a retail worker or a server being up your butt or chatting your ear off if you just want to buy a loaf of bread is simply seen as invasive. And not only to you, it might also disturb other people around you. That's why servers will only rarely check on you and you need to flag them down, they leave you your space and when you need something, you'll let them know. Or why cashiers won't engage on smalltalk with you, they understand that you're just there to buy something and want to make it quick.
While in the US people like to be pampered and have people ready and available without any inconvenience. I'm not judging that, it's just different from what we value here. Overall, we're rather be left alone than to have strangers invade our personal spaces.
Same with me in Virginia.
Texas is really the South, and getting more so every day.
I think my husband is actually German. 😆
But that's one of the things that drew me to him. And I'm American of German heritage. Mom's maternal side immigrated before WWII and paternal was 1890s.
Dad's side is Czech heritage from the German/Czech border.
I love all of your videos. They are so informative and amusing. Vielen Dank!
Tschüß!
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I should be dating a German. I’m an American and all these things - the equality, the being direct etc all sound great.
First, thanks for the great videos! My father's paternal side is German (Schleswig-Holstein). We still have family and friends there, mostly in Franconia and Baden-Wurttemberg. Our younger son's fiancee is from Wurzburg. I spend a lot of time there and you are so spot on from my observations. One thing puzzles me though. At least four women in my future daughter-in-law's family have occasionally extended their arms to me when walking together. I instinctively extend mine and they hold it. It seems like they may be welcoming me into the family. Is this a Franken or Bavarian tradition? I'm flattered as German women are awesome!