What are YOUR experiences dating Germans 🇩🇪 and Americans 🇺🇸? 💕😅 Let us know in the comments! ⬇ Or, if you've ever dated someone from another country, what kinds of culture shocks did YOU have to deal with?
I’ve heard of a few Canadian girls who moved to Germany and were surprised when they learned their men pee sitting down at home. Have you experienced the opposite? Do you complain if he leaves the toilet seat up?
I’ve always taken a language course before traveling but rarely get to use what I’ve learned bec the people are so excited (that’s the exact word they’ve used) to speak English. We’ve always had great discussions about English slang & idioms.
In Virginia, I hold the door for anyone, especially if it looks like they need it regardless of gender because for me it’s just a matter of mutual respect for people in general. Like I’m trying to show people that they are not invisible or discarded
In Germany people do hold the door too. It is seen as you taking time out of your own life for the benefit of others. It's more about helping them to do "tasks" (such as opening a door) either "faster" or "at the same speed with added convenience". while speed > convenience in most cases ^^ Now if you slow down the process for them, just to make it more convenient, that mostly wouldn't be seen as a desireable outcome for alot of germans. Ex. "getting out of the car" (as with the car example in the video), while having to wait (wasting time). Hope i could explain the difference in the thought process behind that.
I as a German feel like holding the door for other people - even strangers - is still more of a respect thing. Like you wouldn't necessarily hold the door for your girlfriend all the time, but rather for elderly people, a mother carrying a baby or just commonly if you hear someone approach the door. At least I do that a lot and like 90% of the people are thankful of it. So it's not a dependency thing between a man and a woman, but it's just being nice and helpful towards others.
You mean, you pass through a door, see someone behind you and hold it open until they are there as well? I usually do so as well, releasing the door when the other person takes it over. Gender is irrelevant
As an average retirement age American male, I don’t watch much content like this. But I am relieved to see that intelligence and good sense are, for these two at least, not lost. Thank you for the post-
I dated a German man and I would give him compliments- and he loved it! I also love the fact that German men are so direct! You only see players here… We are both sensitive souls so we were very good about communicating in a way that doesn’t sting in the long-run. We rarely fought. He was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though we broke up due to him not wanting a long distance relationship, we will always have love for each other.
I'm amazed to hear that a young American chap like yourself has been taught about walking on the road side when walking with a lady. Here in England, I don't think that anyone younger than me has been taught to do this (I'm 61 by the way). Protecting the lady from being splashed is absolutely what I was taught as a child.
And the historical aspect of this is before the auto... men were to walk on the inside.. to protect the lady from anyone stepping out of the shadows. Who knows...
+nikoss... So you want be equal to men but you prefer men to die instead of you - has your female life a bigger value that a male's?? What kind of crooked culture is that? Are you also one of those who expect a man to give up the last seat in the lifeboat for a woman? I'm disgusted ! ! !
Im an Aussie, 40 yr old. I was never taught that, it was just something i did. The ex pointed it out that i did it. I didnt to it because of water though. I did it because if a car hit me vs if a car hit her. For me its just my protective nature
Is that really shocking? I am in my 30's, raised here in Boston. I was taught chivalry and manners starting at an early age. It isn't the norm here, but I have buddies raised the same way and isn't uncommon to stand up and move away from your open seat, when a lady or elderly man gets onto your train car,. Offer help carrying something, holding the door or flanking street side when walking (on a sidewalk here...only roadsides are highways ) , also same as the Aussie mentioned, that one wasn't taught, just force of habit, that was self taught from childhood, because I had to walk my sister to school every morning before a buddy of mine and I linked up because he also had sister luggage,that went to the same place....then we walked to our school. Sometimes he would even have a loose Marlboro his Dad wouldn't miss. Just a couple of tough customers , on the streets, not even walking quickly. A lit Marlboro, I would also show off the cannon, as we would pass a "Bob Haas-a fighter for Boston" sign w/a black&white sun faded picture of a middle aged bald man who had run for Mayor and lost, mean mugging, in a boxing stance, with his dukes up. I would hunt for three rocks and think I was awe inspiring because I would hit Bob dead center in the dome EVERY DAY and never missed.... not any of three throws, every day for THREE YEARS, even when my friends turned and rooted against me ,every couple of months! (Still shocked this accomplishment isn't discussed in the media!) Manners and chivalry are a show of respect for the other person and also tradition! When I was a young kid and into early teens, that behavior was reinforced because it makes you feel good to show someone you like respect......or to see an older lady suddenly smile and appreciate your consideration! It's not a hard thing to try to be a decent person, and these nominal gestures are easy to offer and have the potential to make someone happy. These types of traditions deserve their place in our culture. So I think there will always be people who appreciate these behaviors. Observing them can't hurt but may help in sone small way. The thing that shocked me is when some dope of a woman, a heavyset lass that was built like a fire hydrant, and maybe on her mid to late twenties, went out of her way to call out to me, after I held a door for her. I had earbuds in, on my way to work and always hold the door for the next person, so thought nothing of it, until someone gestured to turn around. I did so, and lowered volume to point out that I .was listening to something and pointed at my ears and the dog dick red, can't nniss earbuds!This lady was red faced and breathing like she had a plastic bag " Hey, didn't you HEAR ME CALLING you"?! Wow, to lead w/that question and she informed me that she didn't need me to hold the door for her, and I should keep walking and worry about myself! I WAS walking and worrying about myself! And doors must be her specialty, because the miserable glutton couldn't catch up to a brisk walking pace and had to get others involved to waste my time! THAT was odd and shocking! I don't get it. She wasn't sone schizophrenic baglady, she was dressed like a realtor type , so I truly don't understand what she was angry about! Lol
@@yourdashingheroidol7909 Having respect for people is a nice thing. But if you reduce this respect to women and leave aside men then you don't deserve any respect yourself. Why helping an elderly woman and not an elderly man? There is absolutely *no* reason to treat women different than men unless maybe if it's about physical force. When a woman is very modern you might offend her by trying to do something for her that she could do herself - like opening a door. Of course this is silly but it's how they think. In short words: Give men every favour that you would give a woman, too. And if there is only 1 seat left in the lifeboat: Take it yourself and don't give it to a woman only because she has breasts and you don't.
Just wanted to mention that as an American, I always tell someone after the first date if I'm not feeling it. Not necessarily that night, but the next day or two. I have a strict no-ghosting policy since I really hated it when I was younger.
BEN CAN JOIN THE AIR FORCE. RETIRE AFTER 20, 30, OR 40 YEARS & RECEIVE 50 % , 75 %, or 100 % of LAST PAY, for LIFE. (psychologist, dentist or veterinarian)?
On the southern gentleman topic: I'm an european woman living in the U.S. and was much like Feli, used to do things myself. Now I actually enjoy when someone opens the door for me, or offers to carry things to the car. I look at it as someone being kind and respectful and showing this through his actions. It's a kind gesture in a world that can be so cruel. It doesn't mean that I am less capable as a woman to do these exact things myself or that I am weak.
EXACTLY ❤ I luv it...small acts of kindness 💗 I luv our culture but it's disappearing I'm sorry but I want romance Why is that a bad thing. Women have their role in it as well
As a German woman who did both (ghosting and being straight forward) after a date, my personal experience is that while it's uncomfortable to tell someone that you don't want more than an acquaintance or friendship, it saves a lot of time and mental/emotional stress down the line. It also, for me, is a sign of respect for the feelings of the other person. Yes, you hurt them, but you'll hurt them way more through ghosting and keep them from moving on. I am still ashamed of myself that I ever ghosted someone/wasn't honest straight away, because this really led to emotional pain for the other person.
@xXSingMusic4everXx I use to chat with this German girl I met here on TH-cam, she lived in Hamburg, we had interactions here in TH-cam before she gave me her number. We chatted on the app Signal, we had a really good conversation about politics both German and American. But then she must've ghosted me, because she said she was busy with school, but I wouldn't here from her for months. It was hard, it really ruined my interest in Germany, but I'm getting better though. Sorry for over sharing.
We had a couple of exchange students from Germany. They always made me laugh from their very serious and direct responses and skepticism when I was attempting to make a joke. I really miss them.
There was no Feli, or any gorgeous, bright and positive Bavarian princess w/great morals and sweet heart! The exchange students, we got were, M'France and M'Doine.....TWIIIIIIIINS!!!....... .....wait,....what? They were fraternal twin BROTHERS, from Haiti?! Next you will tell me that.......wait. oh, so they actually don't speak English! Hmmm. Okay, well it was nice to meet you fellas. Best of luck.., see you la....ohhhh. They are here to play the two sports that I play, and in baseball I am about to get bemche.....oh, M'Doine is taking my spot, AND I get to be attached at the hip w/them....have to show them around AND can't communicate w/them. Perfect! It sounds like a straight to dvd dart throw movie from 20004! Long story short, I'll be damned if those bastards didn't capture my heart I will member that special day for as long as there is a single grain of sand on this Earth.....somehow, will have to figure it out. Anyway, my silver flip phone buzzed in my pocket. My buddy Kenny was frantically yelling and giggling that I had to immediately get to bathroom! 38Razor was our signal that whatever was happening was the equivalent of all out nuclear war kicking off! ......he underplayed the situation! I rounded the corner into the men's room. Kenny and M'Doine were cracking up, casually leaning against the row of sinks, facing the urinals? What would they.....I turned to see a M'France smiling brightly and nodding to me as a greeting. His pants were pulled all the way down around his ankles...his Cosby sweater rolled all the way up to under his armpits, and he was hunching slightly knees bent, yet no part if him touched the urinal, yet he hovered perfectly over in a way that screamed uncanny valley.....while stacking logs into the urinal that would make any lumberjack proud! It was also odd that his beaming smile never flinched.
I'm German and I'm actually super fond of gentlemen behaviour! It's very respectful in my eyes and when it comes to heavy bags for example I'm glad if I don't have to carry all alone.
❤🇱🇷American woman here. WOMEN fall in love with their ears Men with their Eyes . A man who is kind, sincere, chivalrous will win every time. MY grandfather was the epitomomy of this.. ❤
My wife is of German descent and she’s seen that video with me. She was amused and agreed with all of them. I also found out right away not to get on her bad side. Bring of British descent myself we constantly joke around about our ancestors. It’s never boring, I can guarantee that
@@marksauck8481 😂 yes I do when she wakes up every morning and starts talking German to me and I’m like what the hell you saying. We didn’t win the war for me to talk German to you. She thinks it’s funny tho cuz she forgets sometimes when she’s around me. Love the woman tho I will say her dad don’t like me at all but I sort of understand that cuz his dad was in the war ww2
I'm so glad I found your videos. I just started talking to a German woman, I'm from Texas. I knew there was difference in culture and was learning but THIS is what I needed and didn't know it. She's been my more forward with her feelings towards me than any other woman. So far I agree there. We'll see about the rest I guess. She definitely knows what she wants and was the one to reach out to me. Which was another shock. I've been hit in yeah, but this was entirely different. No games straight to the point. Thanks y'all for the MUCH NEEDED information. Great job and look forward to watching more videos.
How’s use getting on mate. My girlfriend is way forward and don’t care on what she says at times. Very highly sexually woman to. Like my German girlfriend on the beach one day just started flashing to me. Not a care in the world. God I love her tho. She’s truly stunningly beautiful with the most amazing heart and soul. ❤. I’d love to no how your getting on mate. Plus where in the world are you from. I’m in the Isle of Man 🇮🇲 my girlfriend is from bonn
@@ferlou2373Funny how tastes can differ - I absolutely *_love_* that earring! :D It reminds me of the singer of one of my favourite bands growing up: Tears for Fears
I feel its similar with all European people. Im a trucker I spend alot of time on discord talking to ppl from all over the world. At first I thought they were kind of rude to be honest. Europeans are very blunt about things (especially people from london and eastern europe) where in the US we aren't as blunt.
@@paulohagan3309 lol stop it😂 I promise it’s easier to find a European insulting Americans then the other way around. It’s weird how Europeans are bitter about the usa importance that they form a little brother or superiority complex
@@projectc.j.j3310 Not bitter. Not jealous of the 'American way of life at all but have the right to mention a common experience of mine regarding too many of the Americans I met.
As an American, I hate small talk. The worst version is when I get a haircut and she asks every time “how’s your day?”, “anything fun planned today?”, “do you have any pets?”. I want to just sit there for 20 mins and get a haircut but I try not to be rude and I give longer answers instead of the one word answers like I want to. But come on, am I doing anything exciting on my Sunday after 3pm? Yea, I’m going skydiving after this then I’m going to visit Rome. How exciting can I make the real answer?, My weekend is winding down and I’ll go home,probably clean the house and make tuna noodle casserole for dinner. I need to find a German girl.
Lol I like your comment. Sometimes I’m the same, but sometimes I feel when I’m down or in a grumpy mood, someone else’s insistence on small talk gets me out of my shell and makes me feel a little better. Like, it’s nice to know some stranger is interested in my day.
I can't stand uncomfortable silences, I don't talk much but am interested in others so often try and instigate small talk to avoid the silence. It has its purpose!
Fun to listen too. I think there's a lot to be said for the manners learned in youth that are the making of the Southern Gentleman. Good habits from a young age that you will inherently fall back on are worth keeping. From the German side, being direct (not to be confused with intrusion or cruelty) is the gold standard of relationships.
But even in Germany, the trouble with the "traditional manners" exist. For me (as a Southerner) , it's too natural, to keep the door open for a woman, to help her out of the jacket or to put the chair under her...
Aw, come on! There's nothing wrong about dating a German. I had to ask my dad, while he was still alive about dating my mom. My mom was fairly conservative in public but in private, much different story. I was able to see it in person and yes Germans are passionate about everything and about those they love. Be ready, Ben.
Being direct is so awesome. Mind reading reading between the lines having someone be passive aggressive with their communication and then angry with you because you didn't read their mind can be exhausting. In my relationships even though I wasn't raised in Germany I think spending so much time with my grandparents when someone is playing that game that has been normalized I will just ask them to be direct and tell me what they want. It is taken as uncaring even though I do it because I do care what they want.
When I in Germany go to a woman and say to her "You are beautiful. / You have beautifull eyes. / You have a beautiful smile." in the past I nearly everytime got a smile and a "Thank you" in return. So I think, that it depends on the way the man comes to the woman.
About the brutal honesty thing: I worked in the music industry for several years and there's an insider thing about "German compliments". It's really common for bands from English-speaking countries who are on tour in Germany to get proper culture shock about German honesty. It's become like an inside joke and, in some ways, kind of a rite of passage if you're a touring musician. If you mention the "German compliments" thing to a British, American or Canadian musician who's toured in Germany they will be able to tell you at least one story about a funny moment of German honesty :P.
But are they direct or rude. In the video the woman touch him and instruct him how got change his body. On the other hand she is clearly a feminist and will not tolerate a man asking her to change her looks and touching her to that effect. So it looks like hypocritical. I know they are direct, and that is good but I don’t know. In this videos al there is a lot of German=perfect but history tell us they are far from perfect.
I sometimes forget English is my wife's second language because she has no accent. But when she is around German people...or has had a couple of beers...or is on pain meds...the switch is flipped and she just starts rattling on in German and won't even notice it. I can sometimes pick up a couple of words and I'll say something and then she'll realize what she's been doing. It's pretty funny to observe when it happens!
So she probably doesn't realize every time that she speaks English. It's just natural for her to speak English ...until something different happens ;-) My first language is German, but sometimes when I remember a topic, I don't necessarily know whether I heard this topic in a German or in an English TH-cam video for example. Maybe I remember the person and from that I realize that it must have been a video in this language ;-) Or a written article... It does not matter in which one of the both languages it is written... And I might remember many details about the article a week later, but not necessarily the language in which it was written ;-) Or like in the video example, I might remember the (online) magazine in which it was written and so I realize, that it must have been an article in this language ;-) The "method of transportation" is not important, the content of the article or video is the important thing ;-)
@@greenmachine5600 dear, there is a difference linguisticly. Having an accent means usually that the person speaks the language fluently but you can heat that it is not their mother tongue. Whereas native speakers have dialects or idioms, you can also hear where their from within their native country, for example Southerners or Easterners and so on
Regarding what Ben was saying about "winging it" with his friends to meet up to spend time together. I just wanted to mention that I used to do this with my friends too, especially in my late teens and early 20's. However, I think it's important to point out that this is with a group that routinely hangs out, so we didn't make other plans. We were expecting to spend time together. Basically, we had this time planned out in our minds. It's just the time we met up that would vary. I guess what I'm saying is that while there was not a formal plan, there was an informal one, if for no other reason than it became habitual. I would not want to handle it the same way with someone I only see once or twice a year, for example.
I was born in Germany and lived there till I was 5, and my childhood was filled with German friends and their parents/grandparents. I never understood why I am so direct and why I take words literally and hate when things are left to interpretation! This video made me understand myself better, because I did go back to my native Bosnia and grew up there, but I always felt like the black sheep mentality and mindset-wise.
The good thing is that when you go back, it'll pretty much be the same. Unless you have to deal with the authorities, they will always be slightly racist (looking Chinese doesn't help)
When I was 16 I dated a German girl for a while whom I met on holiday in Spain. Wasn’t any different than others girls I’ve dated. Then again, I’m Dutch and I spoke and still speak German, and we lived pretty close together so there weren’t any barriers really :D.
Hi - I've been watching your videos for some time know. This one really hit home for me. Currently I am married to a German (we are currently living in Wuppertal Germany) and we met in 1999 while he was studying at Berkeley U. in CA. We got together for a date - going out for dinner and a movie. He was dead tired from all the work he had to do that week. Back pack full of books, laptop, papers and who knows how many bricks for added weight. There were no seats available on the bus so as we were standing and he looked like he was about to collapse. I told him I will carry his back pack. He said no. This went back and forth for a moment or two until I told him that he was German and my family came from Poland (way back in 1880) and that his people were used to using my people as slave labor. He knew I was joking (and he knows that I am an über-liberal), but this broke the ice and he gave me his back pack so he could rest and end up having a nice weekend with me. We long distance dated for 4 years and at that time we could not legally marry in America (2003) so it was either we end it, or i leave California and live in Germany. I'm still here so I think I made the right choice. Oh yes, and my annual Thanksgiving feast has attained cult status here in Germany.
This may not have anything in common with dating Germans, but the only time I was in Germany was during a NATO exercise, while I was in the military. I was a Hospital Corpsman who was attached to a Marine Infantry unit. We had to set up a machine gun post in the middle of a traffic circle. It was in a small town in Northern Germany, with shops surrounding us. We were there for several days. One day it began to rain cats and dogs, I mean it was raining pretty hard. The women who ran the stores older and younger women alike, tried to get us to come into the stores to get out of the rain. We explained that this was our post and we were not allowed to leave it for any reason. They were not shy about giving their opinion on how the felt about that. They said those were stupid and cruel orders to follow. lol. We just explained that we had no choice in the matter, they later came out with coffee and some snacks for us because they felt sorry for us. Nice people.
LOL! In the 80s I was a taxi driver in West Berlin. One day I was standing in a very busy street at a taxi stand. And there was a military exercise being held by the Allies (at that time there was no German military allowed in West Berlin!). Anyway, it was so funny to see the soldiers crawling along the sidewalk while German civilians went shopping all around. Especially when the Allied soldiers crawled up to the traffic lights, waited for the green light, crossed the street and then immediately threw themselves down again to continue crawling. I will never forget that for the rest of my life!
Not a dating comment, but one summer I worked with a German couple in Africa. Oh my gosh, the organization, the insistence on punctuality… Totally different to the culture there and they got so annoyed when local people didn’t abide by the same rules. The woman also had a complete meltdown when the other two Americans there and I asked about planning something fun not on the weekly schedule last minute. We hid out with the French lady next door till the storm subsided 😂 I know this isn’t all Germans, but there’s a kernel of truth there. haha
i totally agree with Ben. When my son and I went to Germany for a school trip, i found that the teacher's family was very welcoming because they already saw us as part of the inner circle. Others seemed much more distant. i took German in college so my German was very rusty. while in a department store in Munich, the person working there said something to us, which i didn't quite catch all of it. my son said, "He basically just said, we are getting ready to close so make your purchase and get out." Having worked in retail while in high school, i wish this would have been acceptable when people wondered in about 30 seconds before we were supposed to close. Loved Loved Germany and Austria
I'm an American who moved from Ukraine (7 years) to Germany (7 years). Those two cultures (including gender relations) are Venus and Mars. The U.S. is in the middle. Regarding small talk vs. more serious topics, I don't know if this explanation is correct, but some will say that Americans avoid topics like politics because of (a) the great diversity among people in a country of immigrants with big regional and urban vs. rural differences and (b) the fact that your interlocutor might be carrying a gun. Also, a disagreement between friends or family might result in the end of the relationship, especially currently.
The “wasting my time” feeling is so true. While with MarDrt at Ramstein I met a girl that I thought might be interested then it seemed like she wasn’t so I backed off. Later a friend of hers asked me why I didn’t talk to her anymore. I told her Hildi wasn’t interested. I was told she was. I was sooo confused!
It's great to see you two creating videos in front of the camera now! I've been married for a long time now, but when I was dating, I was more like a German...direct...and it "put off" lots of people. I was okay with that because if someone couldn't handle it, then I knew that person wasn't for me. In America, it seems like Gen Z is much more direct than Millennials.
I don't think viewing a stranger approaching you in public skeptically is just a German thing. I would think this is universal. It is common in the US. Especially in the cities
In the US this is far from universal. In the US It really depends on whom is approaching whom, and also depends not only on how urban an area is, but how globally connected vs. provincial a city or region is, as well as what part of the country (different regional subcultures), as well as class, ethnicity, religion and politics. This is a frequent source of social and political conflict (I.E. cancel culture) as well as culture shock WITHIN the US. But in typical American fashion 🙄, we also often refuse to respect or even acknowledge these differences, or are ignorant about them, but we (mostly) tolerate those with different views on boundaries, and learn to then avoid or shun people who are different in this respect.
@@danielzhang1916 being wary of someone coming up from behind alone at night is more universal I think. But otherwise social boundaries in the US vary widely by subculture and are often a source of social and even political conflict. Parts of US culture are far more open to being truly friendly with strangers in public (outside of business contexts) but others find it unacceptable. However compared to some cultures, public criticism of strangers in the US is often asking for a literal fight (you are often at risk of getting physically assaulted) and is a complete No No!
@@danielzhang1916 also sorry if I sound presumptive as I just realized I might. I am speaking as an American but from your reply it sounds like maybe you are also? If so you likely know what I mean. However, I'm often amazed about just how ignorant and provincial USA'an often are about many fellow citizens of our own country, often assuming that their own way is normative often without any real evidence or despite much evidence to the contrary...
You didn't bring up how you actually met each other. Like if it was through mutual friends or at college or a dance. I met my wife through mutual friends and we went on a double date.
This is what 2020 lockdown did to us: we now watch videos of people reacting to videos of people reacting to videos. And for I one welcome this new stage of human evolution. I like the new energy Ben brings when he shows up, Feli. It's cute to see the two of you together having fun and seeing more personal side to your channel! Have a great week!
Yes re the meta-video observation. Feli & Ben are far superior to other vloggers because they demonstrate such respect, sensitivity & appreciation for how they're overcoming cultural & communication roadblocks. Especially refreshing to learn about the German custom of respecting soundly-based differences of opinion on sensitive topics.
Both of you are very intelligent. I’m especially impressed with your boyfriend being so intelligent as well. Throw off my stereotype about American youth. The fact that he graduated from journalism does prove something. A comment about walking: I used to do the same thing by driving 3 minutes to the library from my home. But after I came back from Europe, I took the initiative to walk to the library for five minutes and come back up hill by walking another 8 minutes to get home. I feel so much better about my change. This is what “normal” should be!
When Ben was in Germany with your family, Feli, did you have issues with communication? Specifically, did you have to try to avoid just speaking in German all the time with family so that he could participate in the conversations? Hopefully this question makes sense lol.
That‘s a good question. My dad is in a relationship with an english-speaking woman so when she‘s around we speak english. Sometimes we forget it and speak German together but it‘s not a problem.
Fun to watch. I lived in Germany in the early 1980s. Was impressed how orderly the Germans are. Loved so many aspects about the country and people. And so fun seeing couples holding hands. Says a lot about the couple and how close they really are.
Lots of experience with German women over the years. I met a German woman who was going to be around for two weeks. I was very respectful and polite the whole time. The night before she left: "I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU BUT YOU NEVER REACTED. NOW IT'S TOO LATE; I LEAVE TOMORROW." I was really taken aback. She was upset.
About going as soon as you arrived. Back when I went to West Germany (1985!) as an exchange student, my host family took me to Köln that afternoon and we climbed up a church tower. I went to bed really early that night! 😄
I think apart from the aspect of being more suspicious of strangers, it's also a German thing to somehow feel embarrassed by compliments... either because of the attention or also because we're afraid of them not being meant honestly, or of ulterior motives behind the compliment
15:30 My father had a great example from his vocational training (in Germany). "Kann man/ kannst du so lassen" (you can leave it this way) was the highest appreciation you could get.
Ben is right about the reason for the man walking next to the street, though the custom is much older--it dates back to a time before streets were paved, when dirt and mud would get kicked up by passing horses and horse-drawn carriages (and women only wore full-length skirts or dresses, making them much more prone to getting dirty).
I totally enjoyed your video together. Watched it way later, but who cares?! 😂 You were right in almost everything, Feli, and I enjoyed every minute. And also, I agree with all the people who commented already, you guys are so wonderful together! I hope you'll cherish what you've found and be happy forever! Love from Arizona from a German married to an American. Love knows no border ❤
The "southern gentleman" aspect is most definitely a Southern culture "thing". It comes almost naturally, but if she doesn't like it, she should tell him what she expects/wants. Usually adjustments are made - and he should do as asked. That's my understanding. Very good video, and fun to see you interacting together - bouncing ideas off of each other. Great work, and I would like to see more videos like this.
Not just a Southern thing. I was taught all that growing up in Chicago, including walking on the street side. Some women like, or even expect to be treated that way; some others, mostly younger ones, may actually feel offended. I've had to relearn a lot about cultural conventions in the last few decade.
A Southern gentleman might be insistent on being "polite" as he's taught to be. Also, some of us Americans do actually walk. I even have a rolling grocery bag that I use to walk to shop.
It may be a generational thing too. I am German (but 2 decades older than Feli) and learned things like, "the man walks on the street side of the side walk" (with the exact same explanation), "When you drive/walk somebody home you always wait until they opened the door and go in before you leave" (reasoning: Then you know they are safe) and such little things. And, as @mirajolinardiaglionis399 said, a "Hackenporsche" is a thing in Germany. If you want to see try an image search for "Hackenporsche"
Two girl friends. I had one in northern Germany when I was living and working there, and when I was living and working in the Alps, I had one there. Both girls were from small towns, and they were very simple and easy-going, and well educated. I was only 18/19 at the time back in 1973/74. I'm still friends with them to this day. We enriched each other's lives, and we liked each other. I'm sure our relationship was as special for them as it was for me. Both girls spoke English better than I spoke German. They had an American boyfriend, and I had a German girlfriend. One was a smoker, and I was not, and her parents were smokers - so that was a real issue for me. Apart from the smoking, I really liked her parents and her sister. The family was like country bumkins - I loved it. Years later, her sister and boyfriend stayed with us about a week in California. The two girlfriends/relationships made my life and experience in Germany so much more rewarding and memorable. One big difference I encountered when I was there, was the machoness of young males my age was very different compared to the US. Young males my age also seemed more effeminate when compared to the US. The boys were definitely less aggressive and not so likely to fight. Going out to a Disco, which was common in Germany, was a bit different for me also. And teenagers drank beer. I wasn't a beer drinker. The Disco is where teens met up. When I worked on a farm in northern Germany, one night some of us workers and carpenters and lots of friends all gathered in a giant circle near a farm building that was being built. We were all poured a shot of schnapps, and we toasted to the new building which had a Christmas Tree attached to the roof peak. I'm not a drinker and I didn't know what schnapps was. But my ears sure got hot fast that night.
Haven't had a real relationship yet, but I met a girl and the 2nd time we met we had a lot of trust in each other and talked about very personal stuff we don't talk with anyone about. I like her a lot but I don't know if she likes me like I like her. At a minimum I'm a very good friend. (we are both german btw.) and we were always brutally honest. Update: she definitely likes me back holy shit Update 2: We are a couple now and she had a huge crush on me since the first time we met, she is so damn hot. Update 3: She broke up with me, I miss her a lot, things just went way to quick.
I am 50% German 25% Polish and Irish. I wasn't raised with any ethnic culture other than a little Polish from my fathers mom(parents are divorced) but I find that my personality is very direct and to the point and honest and tend to not understand any other behavior but in my relationship he seems to get his feelings hurt easily and so my direct personality clashes.... I also am a planner to a fault and absolutely mostly hate spontaneity and being late. I know what my opinions are on topics as well and don't mind others having their own opinions but hate when I am judged for having my own and or someone tries to aggressively sway me from mine.
The driving/walking thing also depends on a couple factors: 1. Weather 2. Store parking lot or public/ shared lot. If the lot is just for that one store, in some cases you could be towed if the see you going next door. 3. Safety - as you point out some places are just not setup to allow you walk other than in traffic. 4.How much you need to carry
While stationed in West Germany in the late '80s, I was a boyfriend to a village German girl for two years. Americans didn't have that good a reputation among the locals, so to date her I had to win over her, her parents, and her village. We met through her girlfriend and double dated for weeks before she and I dated one on one, and even then it was weeks before we became a pair. When we met I had taken one semester of college German through extension, but because German was becoming my fourth language, we stuck to German the whole time which helped my language acquisition tremendously. Germans aren't blunt, they're just direct. Your feelings are your issues, so they just say things how they see them. So in Aldi you'll see a grandmother cut in front of you in line if you're dawdling, and then give you a tongue lashing for moving so slow and wasting her time. They have relatively little shame, as long as rules are followed. But it does make concepts like "naughty" a little hard to convey. The best German word we could find was , but in its strongest form means "mean". German women are very direct about sex, and without a strong sense of shame, it's just hard to convey naughty. The upside is if you want something, just ask for it. You'll either get it, or if it crosses a boundry, you won't get it and that's the end of it. As a man if you don't know where you stand, you're just not being German enough. The one funny thing about this particular German girl was that she was usually late, which you would think would be un-German. But she was precisely 15 minutes late when she was, so close you could set your watch to it.
Feli subtly setting the stakes: "I think you will be [fluent in German] at some point." Dude, if you can't recite the Vorrede zu "Faust" in accent-free German by Christmas, you'll be in so much trouble...
Re: "Chivalry" and holding doors and the like, that has to do with gender norms and social norms, and that varies heavily depending on the person. If you're older, more socially conservative/religious, or from a more socially conservative area like The South, you're more likely to have grown up with a different understanding of gender norms and gender stereotypes. You know, the book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" was released in 1992, not *that* long ago, and the basic premise of the book was to reinforce the notion that men and women are fundamentally different (but if you learn how "the other side" communicates, it can help reduce arguments). Another example of this is the thing where then-Vice President Mike Pence stated he, as a rule, is never alone with a woman in a room, other than his wife. That's seen a bit strangely today, but it's understandable if you understand how gender norms and social norms of his time worked, how "consent" was sort of implied by where a woman was and who she was with: if you're going into a dude's hotel room at night with just you and the dude, it's assumed that you're at least open to sex, etc etc. Obviously, things are different now and much more explicit, but back then a lot of it was in a way based on location rather than necessarily words. Hence why Pence is never alone with a woman, as a way of signaling that he'd never be open to sex with anyone other than his wife. Your boyfriend grew up in the South and was sort of exposed to this older set of gender norms and stereotypes, but he's also young enough and probably on social media enough to have understood the new way things work, so he's a sort of bridge between new and old.
First off, I'm old enough to be your grandfather(dang), not a Southern gentleman, born& raised North of the M/D line, but was raised to have good manners and be polite. Maybe in my case it was a generational thing. Opening doors, assisting with seating a lady at table, offering a hand getting out of a car, stuff like that is just what we did. It was all done out of respect. Gets me thinking, when did things change.
the way i treat this is that i am courteous to everybody. I will hold the door for men or women, even at the gym where i know that they can definitely do it themselves. And if someone holds the door for me i say thank you. there are many courteous women out there. still getting used to people calling me sir, then again i am almost 60.... prefer Sir to Bro....
the thing about opening doors for the other in germany. i dont think it happens in relationships or with friends but if 2 strangers go to e.g. the city hall and get to the door at the same time, the one that grabs the door usually lets the other through first. never experienced that situation any different, and had quite a lot of them
German dating sounds easier actually lol. Dating here is exhausting sometimes. Too much guess work, mixed signals, and feeling you have to be a certain type of person.
This is SO me in the video!🤣🙈 Probably every part except for the part where she told him to cut his hair.🤣 And that southern gentleman thing? I really like it. Even if it's normal for american guys, I feel a lot more special than with most german guys. Or I'm probably just surprised.😅
You should both take the love language quiz! The chivalry of things like opening doors and such live on from when everyone had assigned tasks like the women would cook and men would do things like your boyfriend said put their body on the line. It is not a gesture to put her down but actually an attempt to treat her like royalty, which yes can be over done. the best relationships are where they see each other as equals. So if it’s not holding doors do something nice through your love language.
In my 37 years of being in a relationship w/my German wife, the one that sticks out the most for me is PLANS! I will say, don’t EVER mention you’d like to do something unless you are prepared to receive a concrete plan for it happening! An offhand remark like, “we should go to that nice Ice Cream parlor downtown some time” will end with the whole family meeting at 1215 at the Schillerplatz for Eis, Kaffe, Kuchen, und Einkaufen on Thursday! And don’t you DARE try to back out of it! My sis-in-law has been known to generate entire itineraries if we even mention in passing that we’d like to visit (insert town) some day…😂
It's not about dating, but just an observation about public behavior. I was visiting family in Hanau. My cousin and I were walking around downtown I would smile at people walking by and say "Guten tag". My counsin would jab me in the side and tell me, "sei nicht so freundlich." I guess that is why the German people generally have a somber expression their face when you see them in public. I did point out to my cousin how most of the people I greeted smiled and said hello also.
I remember when I was complaining to my daughter about someone who didn't get back to me...ever. She said, "You've been Caspered". I said, "What, I don't get it". She then explained 'ghosting' to me. I told her that my older generation doesn't do that.
19:06 This doesn't have to be just a man/woman thing. It's best to put the more fragile person away from the hazard. This also can apply to a shared-use path. If I'm walking with an older relative or a younger niece or nephew, I'll put them on the side away from passing bicycles.
I call my doctor or dentist or whomever and let them know that I am going to be even a few minutes late. I feel like it will allow them to organize their time better. Sometimes they are very appreciative of my notice and others seem to think I am just weird and crazy.
I feel like this is most European countries, not just Germany. But it is the one country and language I’d like to learn, as I do have some German in me, and distant family in Germany. Grew up in a very European style household. My mum is Lithuanian.
Small talk is a very good thing. Germans should stop making it look like a fake and unnecessary thing. We are humans. We are social beings. Social contact keeps you mentally and psychologically sane. Small talk is a way of acknowledging the other human. Even if it is useless talk. It means that I see you and I acknowledge you. Without it, such as in German society, people behave like robots. No one acknowledges anyone. This makes people psychologically lonely and depressed. So don't blame this small but important human gesture. Just because it doesn't exist in your society, it doesn't mean that it is useless.
What a cute video! It was so much fun watching you two play off each other. The looks between you guys are pretty obvious of how much you're into each other. Enjoy your happiness! 😁🤗
When I was in high school we had a German exchange student there. I worked at a grocery store at the time and he worked some with me. I’ll never forget his first day of work. Someone asked him “where’s the sherbert”? He came to me and said “chris what in the world Is sherbert?” I said “ice cream”. Nicco said “I’m never gonna get this English stuff down!” 😂. That same day he was bagging groceries for a lady and she purchased a box of German chocolate cake mix. He said”German chocolate cake? I’ve never seen this before in my life!” lol
The recipe originally called German’s Chocolate named for Samual German not the nationality. I grew up with the pronunciation sher-beRt with both parts rhyming.
Oh, I thought it sounds actually like „sorbet“ (watery fruit ice cream, sometimes with alcohol) but „sherbet“ is according to Wikipedia a little bit different.
In germany we have a cake that is called russian "zupf"(idk what that is in english) cake which is like the best version of cheescake and it's not russian at all it's german, but they thought they would sell more if they marketed it as russian.
Fun video from you guys! Cross cultural, always interesting. Trying the language where you are is so important to open people up. That guy from New York, Xiaomanyc, who can speak any language is really interesting to watch on TH-cam.
Feli, for many. many years American mothers have made a point of teaching their sons to use courtesy as an expression of respect. They expect their sons to use that training when they interact with women and may try to check on it as they get to know their girlfriends. Such courtesies are certainly never intended to diminish the woman in any way. (Since it came up, fewer and fewer people really understand the reason for a particular gesture like walking on the roadside. Ben, you're the exception -- your explanation was exactly right.) While one is certainly entitled to one's opinion, outright rejection of any courtesy, especially without a polite explanation, is seen as rude and may reflect poor training on her part. Ordering food for your date, for example, is acceptable provided you ask her what she wants before the waiter takes the order thus letting her know that you will do the ordering. It's quite important to get her order right in every detail so she knows you listened to her. If she really prefers that you let her order, she can say so and then you're off the hook so to speak. That courtesy is optional. Feli, I'm sure that, as a German girl living in America, you realize that one cannot and should not ignore local customs and try to substitute your own. That is no more appreciated in America than it would be in Germany. What is polite or inconsequential in one country may be taken as an offense in another, as you know, so any intelligent traveler wants to learn the local customs and acceptable behavior in order to avoid offending anyone. I respectfully suggest that any visitor try to enjoy these new courtesies and customs as part of the learning experience. Just my opinion so don't yell at me like you did the last time when you subjected me to a "Ted Talk," whatever that is.
European mothers expect from theirs children to be independent. An then you want speek for an independent women in public, she feels herself like a child. Should Amerika think about some things, if they could be modernised in some way? To be polite is ok, but on the other side, to see a women as partner on the same level as himself, could be difficult for some men.
@@l.p.7960 But that's a double standard, if you are expecting the American to be the one to adapt, regardless of whether they are in Europe or the U.S., just because you feel the European way is superior. (Although, not all American men are that way, and not all American women are okay with it either.) The point is that respect goes both ways. If she wants him to respect her independence, she should also respect the fact that he's trying to be polite, rather than judge him for it, and come to a clear mutual understanding of how to proceed.
I am a Filipina (somehow has american influence to our culture and mentality, living here in Germany with German kids. I love how independent girls here. Because of that, boys respect them as equal. Girls here never experienced name-calling and harassment in public. Girls know their rights and will stand their ground.
Honesty in Dating makes it easier for everybody. But you don't have to hurt someone. Many years ago I had my first date with a guy. The moment he came trough the door my first thought was "Please keep your cloth on forever". The pictures had nothing to do with reality. In the conversation he was always talking about mum and dad (26 years old) and I had the impression that he did not have his own identity. Mum had told him to look for a women to marry soon and have kids with - he admitted directly. We have been talking for 30 Minutes and I told him that there is no chance for a relationship. I would have never told him that I think he is a mama's boy and I don't like how he looks like.
Much of rhe conversation was foreign to me, coming from the northeast. I had occasion to date europeans and enjoyed their moderate differences and also getting familiar with their languages (including Brits). The most important thing in making a relationship last is getting to know each other's language. It becomes something you each have in common and it is fun. As time goes on, Feli, don't lose your german, Ben, talk more german with Feli.
From a fellow Kentuckian, Ben, I'm sure your momma is proud you were a Southern gentleman. I've raised my sons to always open doors for people, especially their lady friends (my youngest is only 10, so take that for what it is), and my daughter has been taught to expect a gentleman to open a door for her, so she can avoid a possiblyawkward moment. But in fairness, its up to each lady if she likes it. You're a cute couple!
I have never dated a German but my first exposure to Germans was a couple (she was from Goslar) who moved across the street from us (Summit, NJ). I found them a bit standoffish at first but, after a while we became great friends. They even came to visit me in hospital after I had brain surgery back in 2018. Wonderful, loving people. They have since moved to Barcelona but we still stay in touch regularly.
I'm from England, my lovely wife is from Zimbabwe. In Zimbabwe there are 2 local languages Shona and Ndebele, English is an official language most newspapers are printed in English, TV channels are English. Most of my wife's family speak English, but when they converse in Shona. I can read the language and pick up some of the words but find it hard to hold a conversation in Shona. My father in law is 100 years old and I would like nothing more than to be able to hold a conversation with him. Love watching you on your channel and Ben seems to be a lovely genuine guy ❤
I think I might have a little crush on Ben.... My husband from Eastern Germany, I am Austrian. He is definitely a bit too direct for Austrians. I think Germans sometimes pride themselves on how honest and direct they are but in reality they only are open with criticism, not so much about their feelings. But that might just be the area my husband is from. Like my mother in law can only show that she cares about my husband through food and taking care of him. When we got engaged I asked if they agreed/are giving us their blessing, she only said "It is his decision". I think they do like me though, can't be sure :) Surprisingly we struggle about traditions (I thought those wouldn't be so different), like when to put up the Christmas tree (Totensonntag or on Christmas) etc. Once I woke up on the 27th of December and ALL christmas decoration was gone. I felt like the Grinch stole Christmas overnight.
@j.a.1721 My response comes very late, but I just watched this video. I'm German and my husband American. When he tried to switch from my German tradition to open the gifts on the 24th to the American way to open them on the 25th a few times over the years, I simply said to him: you can wait until the 25th, but I want to open mine on the 24th. 😂 that usually ended the discussion very quickly.. in my favor!! 😂
@@margritjones7934 haha at least we agree on that. Kind of. In my family we actually opened our presents in the morning of the 24th because the rest of the day was spent with my big extended family who would attend church and then opend presents afterwards. So my parents decided we would get to open them earlier or we would not have had time to play with our new toys as we would have to drive home and go to bed soon after opening them.
As an American living in Catalunya I've had to learn that time can be fluid... friends say "we'll meet at 8 at this bar" and they might arrive at 9 and think nothing of it. I, however, have been there since 7:50 because I grew up in a culture where the mantra is "if you're on time you're already 10 minutes late." It bothered me at first but - though I still arrive 10 minutes early - these days I know enough to bring a book and do a little reading while waiting. Truthfully, I enjoy that more than always feeling rushed.
What are YOUR experiences dating Germans 🇩🇪 and Americans 🇺🇸? 💕😅 Let us know in the comments! ⬇ Or, if you've ever dated someone from another country, what kinds of culture shocks did YOU have to deal with?
My girlfriend is from Argentina and the food is next level
Love using your app to learn
I’ve heard of a few Canadian girls who moved to Germany and were surprised when they learned their men pee sitting down at home. Have you experienced the opposite? Do you complain if he leaves the toilet seat up?
Ok this guy's getting pretty cool
This link is for him if he's interested
th-cam.com/video/QxhPCU_j6ZE/w-d-xo.html
I was stationed on Germany 3 times, for 8 years total. Never had a problem with German Women.
My son is married to a German girl! She is the best thing to ever come into his life! I love her!
I married a German girl. We speak German & English at home and have raised six bicultural bilingual kinder.
Hehehe siuuuu
that‘s great!
That’s so cool! I always wish I was bilingual it makes me jealous ☺️
Holy shit I read six but somehow thought in my head 3 because 6 is too much. I had to come back to this comment that it was actually 6.
That kinder at the end really got me 😅
When i was in Germany, i found that if you attempted to speak German, the people were incredibly friendly, I loved my short time th8
Same with France
Sure, isn't that true everywhere?
Wie sagte einst tingeltangel bob? "Wer deutsch spricht, kann kein schlechter Mensch sein" xD
I’ve always taken a language course before traveling but rarely get to use what I’ve learned bec the people are so excited (that’s the exact word they’ve used) to speak English. We’ve always had great discussions about English slang & idioms.
@@dnocturn84 it's not true in the Netherlands. If they hear your foreign accent they will immediately talk English to you.
In Virginia, I hold the door for anyone, especially if it looks like they need it regardless of gender because for me it’s just a matter of mutual respect for people in general. Like I’m trying to show people that they are not invisible or discarded
I agree and in Germany people often do that too.
Thank you! People get offended over nothing these days and aren’t appreciative enough for common courtesy.
In Germany people do hold the door too. It is seen as you taking time out of your own life for the benefit of others.
It's more about helping them to do "tasks" (such as opening a door) either "faster" or "at the same speed with added convenience".
while speed > convenience in most cases ^^
Now if you slow down the process for them, just to make it more convenient, that mostly wouldn't be seen as a desireable outcome for alot of germans.
Ex. "getting out of the car" (as with the car example in the video), while having to wait (wasting time).
Hope i could explain the difference in the thought process behind that.
I as a German feel like holding the door for other people - even strangers - is still more of a respect thing. Like you wouldn't necessarily hold the door for your girlfriend all the time, but rather for elderly people, a mother carrying a baby or just commonly if you hear someone approach the door. At least I do that a lot and like 90% of the people are thankful of it.
So it's not a dependency thing between a man and a woman, but it's just being nice and helpful towards others.
You mean, you pass through a door, see someone behind you and hold it open until they are there as well? I usually do so as well, releasing the door when the other person takes it over. Gender is irrelevant
As an average retirement age American male, I don’t watch much content like this.
But I am relieved to see that intelligence and good sense are, for these two at least, not lost. Thank you for the post-
You can tell Feli really likes Ben just in the way she looks at him!
Well, yeah! Who wouldn't!
He's so lucky. I've never had a woman look at me like that.
@@golden.lights.twinkle2329 Neither have I and I'm even married! My own wife doesn't give me that adoring look!
I really agree! Her face almost glows.
He looks at her the same way. They’re def in love.
I dated a German man and I would give him compliments- and he loved it! I also love the fact that German men are so direct! You only see players here…
We are both sensitive souls so we were very good about communicating in a way that doesn’t sting in the long-run. We rarely fought.
He was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though we broke up due to him not wanting a long distance relationship, we will always have love for each other.
I'm amazed to hear that a young American chap like yourself has been taught about walking on the road side when walking with a lady. Here in England, I don't think that anyone younger than me has been taught to do this (I'm 61 by the way). Protecting the lady from being splashed is absolutely what I was taught as a child.
And the historical aspect of this is before the auto... men were to walk on the inside.. to protect the lady from anyone stepping out of the shadows. Who knows...
+nikoss... So you want be equal to men but you prefer men to die instead of you - has your female life a bigger value that a male's?? What kind of crooked culture is that? Are you also one of those who expect a man to give up the last seat in the lifeboat for a woman? I'm disgusted ! ! !
Im an Aussie, 40 yr old. I was never taught that, it was just something i did. The ex pointed it out that i did it. I didnt to it because of water though. I did it because if a car hit me vs if a car hit her. For me its just my protective nature
Is that really shocking? I am in my 30's, raised here in Boston. I was taught chivalry and manners starting at an early age. It isn't the norm here, but I have buddies raised the same way and isn't uncommon to stand up and move away from your open seat, when a lady or elderly man gets onto your train car,. Offer help carrying something, holding the door or flanking street side when walking (on a sidewalk here...only roadsides are highways ) , also same as the Aussie mentioned, that one wasn't taught, just force of habit, that was self taught from childhood, because I had to walk my sister to school every morning before a buddy of mine and I linked up because he also had sister luggage,that went to the same place....then we walked to our school. Sometimes he would even have a loose Marlboro his Dad wouldn't miss. Just a couple of tough customers , on the streets, not even walking quickly. A lit Marlboro, I would also show off the cannon, as we would pass a "Bob Haas-a fighter for Boston" sign w/a black&white sun faded picture of a middle aged bald man who had run for Mayor and lost, mean mugging, in a boxing stance, with his dukes up. I would hunt for three rocks and think I was awe inspiring because I would hit Bob dead center in the dome EVERY DAY and never missed.... not any of three throws, every day for THREE YEARS, even when my friends turned and rooted against me ,every couple of months!
(Still shocked this accomplishment isn't discussed in the media!)
Manners and chivalry are a show of respect for the other person and also tradition! When I was a young kid and into early teens, that behavior was reinforced because it makes you feel good to show someone you like respect......or to see an older lady suddenly smile and appreciate your consideration! It's not a hard thing to try to be a decent person, and these nominal gestures are easy to offer and have the potential to make someone happy.
These types of traditions deserve their place in our culture. So I think there will always be people who appreciate these behaviors. Observing them can't hurt but may help in sone small way.
The thing that shocked me is when some dope of a woman, a heavyset lass that was built like a fire hydrant, and maybe on her mid to late twenties, went out of her way to call out to me, after I held a door for her. I had earbuds in, on my way to work and always hold the door for the next person, so thought nothing of it, until someone gestured to turn around. I did so, and lowered volume to point out that I .was listening to something and pointed at my ears and the dog dick red, can't nniss earbuds!This lady was red faced and breathing like she had a plastic bag
" Hey, didn't you HEAR ME CALLING you"?!
Wow, to lead w/that question and she informed me that she didn't need me to hold the door for her, and I should keep walking and worry about myself! I WAS walking and worrying about myself! And doors must be her specialty, because the miserable glutton couldn't catch up to a brisk walking pace and had to get others involved to waste my time! THAT was odd and shocking! I don't get it. She wasn't sone schizophrenic baglady, she was dressed like a realtor type , so I truly don't understand what she was angry about! Lol
@@yourdashingheroidol7909 Having respect for people is a nice thing. But if you reduce this respect to women and leave aside men then you don't deserve any respect yourself. Why helping an elderly woman and not an elderly man?
There is absolutely *no* reason to treat women different than men unless maybe if it's about physical force.
When a woman is very modern you might offend her by trying to do something for her that she could do herself - like opening a door. Of course this is silly but it's how they think.
In short words: Give men every favour that you would give a woman, too.
And if there is only 1 seat left in the lifeboat: Take it yourself and don't give it to a woman only because she has breasts and you don't.
Just wanted to mention that as an American, I always tell someone after the first date if I'm not feeling it. Not necessarily that night, but the next day or two. I have a strict no-ghosting policy since I really hated it when I was younger.
I never feel obligated after one date.
Thats good. I never got ghosted but I did ghost a girl when i was a kid. It wasnt serious but I still feel bad I did that to her.
@@noneofurbusiness5223 true, me neither. Nor do I expect a feedback if it's negative. Might not be relevant for the next date
Ben is just such a nice guy! 🙂 Congratulations on meeting him. Simply a fundamentally good person, you can tell even from this video alone
BEN CAN JOIN THE AIR FORCE. RETIRE AFTER 20, 30, OR 40 YEARS & RECEIVE 50 % , 75 %, or 100 % of LAST PAY, for LIFE. (psychologist, dentist or veterinarian)?
On the southern gentleman topic: I'm an european woman living in the U.S. and was much like Feli, used to do things myself. Now I actually enjoy when someone opens the door for me, or offers to carry things to the car. I look at it as someone being kind and respectful and showing this through his actions. It's a kind gesture in a world that can be so cruel. It doesn't mean that I am less capable as a woman to do these exact things myself or that I am weak.
EXACTLY ❤ I luv it...small acts of kindness 💗 I luv our culture but it's disappearing I'm sorry but I want romance Why is that a bad thing. Women have their role in it as well
As a German woman who did both (ghosting and being straight forward) after a date, my personal experience is that while it's uncomfortable to tell someone that you don't want more than an acquaintance or friendship, it saves a lot of time and mental/emotional stress down the line. It also, for me, is a sign of respect for the feelings of the other person. Yes, you hurt them, but you'll hurt them way more through ghosting and keep them from moving on. I am still ashamed of myself that I ever ghosted someone/wasn't honest straight away, because this really led to emotional pain for the other person.
@xXSingMusic4everXx
I use to chat with this German girl I met here on TH-cam, she lived in Hamburg, we had interactions here in TH-cam before she gave me her number. We chatted on the app Signal, we had a really good conversation about politics both German and American. But then she must've ghosted me, because she said she was busy with school, but I wouldn't here from her for months. It was hard, it really ruined my interest in Germany, but I'm getting better though. Sorry for over sharing.
We had a couple of exchange students from Germany. They always made me laugh from their very serious and direct responses and skepticism when I was attempting to make a joke. I really miss them.
There was no Feli, or any gorgeous, bright and positive Bavarian princess w/great morals and sweet heart!
The exchange students, we got were, M'France and M'Doine.....TWIIIIIIIINS!!!.......
.....wait,....what? They were fraternal twin BROTHERS, from Haiti?! Next you will tell me that.......wait. oh, so they actually don't speak English! Hmmm. Okay, well it was nice to meet you fellas. Best of luck.., see you la....ohhhh. They are here to play the two sports that I play, and in baseball I am about to get bemche.....oh, M'Doine is taking my spot, AND I get to be attached at the hip w/them....have to show them around AND can't communicate w/them. Perfect! It sounds like a straight to dvd dart throw movie from 20004!
Long story short, I'll be damned if those bastards didn't capture my heart
I will member that special day for as long as there is a single grain of sand on this Earth.....somehow, will have to figure it out.
Anyway, my silver flip phone buzzed in my pocket. My buddy Kenny was frantically yelling and giggling that I had to immediately get to bathroom! 38Razor was our signal that whatever was happening was the equivalent of all out nuclear war kicking off! ......he underplayed the situation!
I rounded the corner into the men's room. Kenny and M'Doine were cracking up, casually leaning against the row of sinks, facing the urinals? What would they.....I turned to see a M'France smiling brightly and nodding to me as a greeting. His pants were pulled all the way down around his ankles...his Cosby sweater rolled all the way up to under his armpits, and he was hunching slightly knees bent, yet no part if him touched the urinal, yet he hovered perfectly over in a way that screamed uncanny valley.....while stacking logs into the urinal that would make any lumberjack proud! It was also odd that his beaming smile never flinched.
More than learning about dating differences, one simply sees how happy you are together. Thus, I just have to love the video :)
I'm German and I'm actually super fond of gentlemen behaviour! It's very respectful in my eyes and when it comes to heavy bags for example I'm glad if I don't have to carry all alone.
❤🇱🇷American woman here. WOMEN fall in love with their ears Men with their Eyes . A man who is kind, sincere, chivalrous will win every time. MY grandfather was the epitomomy of this.. ❤
@@Westpark16Mine as well ❤
I love that Germans can talk about things that matter and just ask questions❣️❣️❣️
My wife is of German descent and she’s seen that video with me. She was amused and agreed with all of them. I also found out right away not to get on her bad side. Bring of British descent myself we constantly joke around about our ancestors. It’s never boring, I can guarantee that
Do you ever bring up the Battle of Britain with her?
That sounds fun 😄
Haha 😂 ye don’t cross a German woman. My German girlfriend I run and hide but the next day it’s forgotten about then highly sexy they are
@@marksauck8481 😂 yes I do when she wakes up every morning and starts talking German to me and I’m like what the hell you saying. We didn’t win the war for me to talk German to you. She thinks it’s funny tho cuz she forgets sometimes when she’s around me. Love the woman tho I will say her dad don’t like me at all but I sort of understand that cuz his dad was in the war ww2
I'm so glad I found your videos. I just started talking to a German woman, I'm from Texas. I knew there was difference in culture and was learning but THIS is what I needed and didn't know it. She's been my more forward with her feelings towards me than any other woman. So far I agree there. We'll see about the rest I guess. She definitely knows what she wants and was the one to reach out to me. Which was another shock. I've been hit in yeah, but this was entirely different. No games straight to the point. Thanks y'all for the MUCH NEEDED information. Great job and look forward to watching more videos.
How’s use getting on mate. My girlfriend is way forward and don’t care on what she says at times. Very highly sexually woman to. Like my German girlfriend on the beach one day just started flashing to me. Not a care in the world. God I love her tho. She’s truly stunningly beautiful with the most amazing heart and soul. ❤. I’d love to no how your getting on mate. Plus where in the world are you from. I’m in the Isle of Man 🇮🇲 my girlfriend is from bonn
How is it going on?
@ John Smith Yeah, let us know how you're going now. It's been 6 months, I see 😁✨.
She's looks so much happier in a relationship. Plus he's super cute...lol
Super cute.
xD My husband came by and asked "are you watching Robert Pattinson videos?" xD
I think Feli loved the movie, Walk to Remember. The BF looks like a brother of Shane West.
yeah‘s he’s a very good looking guy, but that earring…
@@ferlou2373Funny how tastes can differ - I absolutely *_love_* that earring! :D
It reminds me of the singer of one of my favourite bands growing up: Tears for Fears
Germans are very strong people, very honest, it’s very easy to have a conversation, highly Intelligent, kind, thy make the best life partner .❤️
nawww thank you❤🥺🙏🏻
I feel its similar with all European people. Im a trucker I spend alot of time on discord talking to ppl from all over the world. At first I thought they were kind of rude to be honest. Europeans are very blunt about things (especially people from london and eastern europe) where in the US we aren't as blunt.
@@GuyFromTheSouth WellI've met one or two Americans who've been pretty blunt about how superior they feel to us ...
@@paulohagan3309 lol stop it😂 I promise it’s easier to find a European insulting Americans then the other way around. It’s weird how Europeans are bitter about the usa importance that they form a little brother or superiority complex
@@projectc.j.j3310 Not bitter. Not jealous of the 'American way of life at all but have the right to mention a common experience of mine regarding too many of the Americans I met.
As an American, I hate small talk. The worst version is when I get a haircut and she asks every time “how’s your day?”, “anything fun planned today?”, “do you have any pets?”. I want to just sit there for 20 mins and get a haircut but I try not to be rude and I give longer answers instead of the one word answers like I want to. But come on, am I doing anything exciting on my Sunday after 3pm? Yea, I’m going skydiving after this then I’m going to visit Rome. How exciting can I make the real answer?, My weekend is winding down and I’ll go home,probably clean the house and make tuna noodle casserole for dinner. I need to find a German girl.
Lol I like your comment. Sometimes I’m the same, but sometimes I feel when I’m down or in a grumpy mood, someone else’s insistence on small talk gets me out of my shell and makes me feel a little better. Like, it’s nice to know some stranger is interested in my day.
100% agree
i want to give german girl my veenah shnitzel
I can't stand uncomfortable silences, I don't talk much but am interested in others so often try and instigate small talk to avoid the silence. It has its purpose!
Sounds like you need a German barber!
Fun to listen too. I think there's a lot to be said for the manners learned in youth that are the making of the Southern Gentleman. Good habits from a young age that you will inherently fall back on are worth keeping. From the German side, being direct (not to be confused with intrusion or cruelty) is the gold standard of relationships.
😀
But even in Germany, the trouble with the "traditional manners" exist. For me (as a Southerner) , it's too natural, to keep the door open for a woman, to help her out of the jacket or to put the chair under her...
@@compukiller2not sure what the trouble is here. These things are all such nice habits that needs to be passed on
Aw, come on! There's nothing wrong about dating a German. I had to ask my dad, while he was still alive about dating my mom. My mom was fairly conservative in public but in private, much different story. I was able to see it in person and yes Germans are passionate about everything and about those they love. Be ready, Ben.
Being direct is so awesome. Mind reading reading between the lines having someone be passive aggressive with their communication and then angry with you because you didn't read their mind can be exhausting. In my relationships even though I wasn't raised in Germany I think spending so much time with my grandparents when someone is playing that game that has been normalized I will just ask them to be direct and tell me what they want. It is taken as uncaring even though I do it because I do care what they want.
When I in Germany go to a woman and say to her "You are beautiful. / You have beautifull eyes. / You have a beautiful smile." in the past I nearly everytime got a smile and a "Thank you" in return.
So I think, that it depends on the way the man comes to the woman.
It also depends if you’re genuine about it or not
About the brutal honesty thing:
I worked in the music industry for several years and there's an insider thing about "German compliments". It's really common for bands from English-speaking countries who are on tour in Germany to get proper culture shock about German honesty. It's become like an inside joke and, in some ways, kind of a rite of passage if you're a touring musician. If you mention the "German compliments" thing to a British, American or Canadian musician who's toured in Germany they will be able to tell you at least one story about a funny moment of German honesty :P.
Like do you have any anecdotes? I would love to read some examples.
@@Tobmei One I heard from somebody I know went something like this:
German fan: "Do you like your new album?"
Musician: "Yes."
German fan: "Really?"
@@Spermwhales93 OUCH
@@Spermwhales93 One possible response rather than “yes”. “Stupid question. Why would I put out an album I didn’t like.”
But are they direct or rude. In the video the woman touch him and instruct him how got change his body. On the other hand she is clearly a feminist and will not tolerate a man asking her to change her looks and touching her to that effect. So it looks like hypocritical. I know they are direct, and that is good but I don’t know. In this videos al there is a lot of German=perfect but history tell us they are far from perfect.
I sometimes forget English is my wife's second language because she has no accent. But when she is around German people...or has had a couple of beers...or is on pain meds...the switch is flipped and she just starts rattling on in German and won't even notice it. I can sometimes pick up a couple of words and I'll say something and then she'll realize what she's been doing. It's pretty funny to observe when it happens!
So she probably doesn't realize every time that she speaks English. It's just natural for her to speak English ...until something different happens ;-)
My first language is German, but sometimes when I remember a topic, I don't necessarily know whether I heard this topic in a German or in an English TH-cam video for example. Maybe I remember the person and from that I realize that it must have been a video in this language ;-)
Or a written article... It does not matter in which one of the both languages it is written... And I might remember many details about the article a week later, but not necessarily the language in which it was written ;-)
Or like in the video example, I might remember the (online) magazine in which it was written and so I realize, that it must have been an article in this language ;-)
The "method of transportation" is not important, the content of the article or video is the important thing ;-)
She does have an accent. Just a different one. There is no such thing as having no accent.
@@greenmachine5600 not true
yes there is an accent and different rhythm when speaking English, but perfectly understandable!
@@greenmachine5600 dear, there is a difference linguisticly.
Having an accent means usually that the person speaks the language fluently but you can heat that it is not their mother tongue. Whereas native speakers have dialects or idioms, you can also hear where their from within their native country, for example Southerners or Easterners and so on
You both seem to value deep understanding over the form and truth over the fluff - that's a good combination no matter the country of origin :D
Regarding what Ben was saying about "winging it" with his friends to meet up to spend time together. I just wanted to mention that I used to do this with my friends too, especially in my late teens and early 20's. However, I think it's important to point out that this is with a group that routinely hangs out, so we didn't make other plans. We were expecting to spend time together. Basically, we had this time planned out in our minds. It's just the time we met up that would vary. I guess what I'm saying is that while there was not a formal plan, there was an informal one, if for no other reason than it became habitual. I would not want to handle it the same way with someone I only see once or twice a year, for example.
I was born in Germany and lived there till I was 5, and my childhood was filled with German friends and their parents/grandparents. I never understood why I am so direct and why I take words literally and hate when things are left to interpretation! This video made me understand myself better, because I did go back to my native Bosnia and grew up there, but I always felt like the black sheep mentality and mindset-wise.
The good thing is that when you go back, it'll pretty much be the same. Unless you have to deal with the authorities, they will always be slightly racist (looking Chinese doesn't help)
@@sootheskin4022 where did you get that I am Chinese? I am white, just not German
@@sootheskin4022 Chinese??
@@sootheskin4022hä?
Oh wow, the interaction was great. I really enjoyed hearing your boyfriends view of your personality and how he experienced Germany.
When I was 16 I dated a German girl for a while whom I met on holiday in Spain. Wasn’t any different than others girls I’ve dated. Then again, I’m Dutch and I spoke and still speak German, and we lived pretty close together so there weren’t any barriers really :D.
Hi - I've been watching your videos for some time know. This one really hit home for me. Currently I am married to a German (we are currently living in Wuppertal Germany) and we met in 1999 while he was studying at Berkeley U. in CA. We got together for a date - going out for dinner and a movie. He was dead tired from all the work he had to do that week. Back pack full of books, laptop, papers and who knows how many bricks for added weight. There were no seats available on the bus so as we were standing and he looked like he was about to collapse. I told him I will carry his back pack. He said no. This went back and forth for a moment or two until I told him that he was German and my family came from Poland (way back in 1880) and that his people were used to using my people as slave labor. He knew I was joking (and he knows that I am an über-liberal), but this broke the ice and he gave me his back pack so he could rest and end up having a nice weekend with me. We long distance dated for 4 years and at that time we could not legally marry in America (2003) so it was either we end it, or i leave California and live in Germany. I'm still here so I think I made the right choice. Oh yes, and my annual Thanksgiving feast has attained cult status here in Germany.
Greetings to the rain and the Schwebebahn.
How could you not legally marry in the US unless you were already married or under 18?
Feli and Ben are a nice couple who give me hope for the future. Cheers to them making it work! Sehr gut!
As an American I wish people here were more honest and said how they feel politily but honestly. I hate ghosting and shunning.
This may not have anything in common with dating Germans, but the only time I was in Germany was during a NATO exercise, while I was in the military. I was a Hospital Corpsman who was attached to a Marine Infantry unit. We had to set up a machine gun post in the middle of a traffic circle. It was in a small town in Northern Germany, with shops surrounding us. We were there for several days. One day it began to rain cats and dogs, I mean it was raining pretty hard. The women who ran the stores older and younger women alike, tried to get us to come into the stores to get out of the rain. We explained that this was our post and we were not allowed to leave it for any reason. They were not shy about giving their opinion on how the felt about that. They said those were stupid and cruel orders to follow. lol. We just explained that we had no choice in the matter, they later came out with coffee and some snacks for us because they felt sorry for us. Nice people.
LOL!
In the 80s I was a taxi driver in West Berlin.
One day I was standing in a very busy street at a taxi stand. And there was a military exercise being held by the Allies (at that time there was no German military allowed in West Berlin!). Anyway, it was so funny to see the soldiers crawling along the sidewalk while German civilians went shopping all around. Especially when the Allied soldiers crawled up to the traffic lights, waited for the green light, crossed the street and then immediately threw themselves down again to continue crawling.
I will never forget that for the rest of my life!
Not a dating comment, but one summer I worked with a German couple in Africa. Oh my gosh, the organization, the insistence on punctuality… Totally different to the culture there and they got so annoyed when local people didn’t abide by the same rules. The woman also had a complete meltdown when the other two Americans there and I asked about planning something fun not on the weekly schedule last minute. We hid out with the French lady next door till the storm subsided 😂 I know this isn’t all Germans, but there’s a kernel of truth there. haha
😀
i totally agree with Ben. When my son and I went to Germany for a school trip, i found that the teacher's family was very welcoming because they already saw us as part of the inner circle. Others seemed much more distant. i took German in college so my German was very rusty. while in a department store in Munich, the person working there said something to us, which i didn't quite catch all of it. my son said, "He basically just said, we are getting ready to close so make your purchase and get out." Having worked in retail while in high school, i wish this would have been acceptable when people wondered in about 30 seconds before we were supposed to close. Loved Loved Germany and Austria
I'm an American who moved from Ukraine (7 years) to Germany (7 years). Those two cultures (including gender relations) are Venus and Mars. The U.S. is in the middle. Regarding small talk vs. more serious topics, I don't know if this explanation is correct, but some will say that Americans avoid topics like politics because of (a) the great diversity among people in a country of immigrants with big regional and urban vs. rural differences and (b) the fact that your interlocutor might be carrying a gun. Also, a disagreement between friends or family might result in the end of the relationship, especially currently.
The “wasting my time” feeling is so true.
While with MarDrt at Ramstein I met a girl that I thought might be interested then it seemed like she wasn’t so I backed off. Later a friend of hers asked me why I didn’t talk to her anymore. I told her Hildi wasn’t interested. I was told she was. I was sooo confused!
You're in another country - things are different. Her friend knows her better than you do so take another shot.
That was a long time ago, the ‘70s. I did start talking to her again but I got orders back to Camp Pendleton so it never anyplace.
This is simple a Disrespect to the other one!
It's fun watching you two interact!
It's obvious you enjoy each other's company!
I agree: They seem to make an awesome couple. 2 really lovely people met and what's not to love about that!?
Totally agree 😃
It's great to see you two creating videos in front of the camera now! I've been married for a long time now, but when I was dating, I was more like a German...direct...and it "put off" lots of people. I was okay with that because if someone couldn't handle it, then I knew that person wasn't for me. In America, it seems like Gen Z is much more direct than Millennials.
I don't think viewing a stranger approaching you in public skeptically is just a German thing. I would think this is universal. It is common in the US. Especially in the cities
yeah, I definitely glance at someone coming, especially walking at night or alone
In the US this is far from universal. In the US It really depends on whom is approaching whom, and also depends not only on how urban an area is, but how globally connected vs. provincial a city or region is, as well as what part of the country (different regional subcultures), as well as class, ethnicity, religion and politics. This is a frequent source of social and political conflict (I.E. cancel culture) as well as culture shock WITHIN the US. But in typical American fashion 🙄, we also often refuse to respect or even acknowledge these differences, or are ignorant about them, but we (mostly) tolerate those with different views on boundaries, and learn to then avoid or shun people who are different in this respect.
@@danielzhang1916 being wary of someone coming up from behind alone at night is more universal I think. But otherwise social boundaries in the US vary widely by subculture and are often a source of social and even political conflict. Parts of US culture are far more open to being truly friendly with strangers in public (outside of business contexts) but others find it unacceptable. However compared to some cultures, public criticism of strangers in the US is often asking for a literal fight (you are often at risk of getting physically assaulted) and is a complete No No!
@@danielzhang1916 also sorry if I sound presumptive as I just realized I might. I am speaking as an American but from your reply it sounds like maybe you are also? If so you likely know what I mean. However, I'm often amazed about just how ignorant and provincial USA'an often are about many fellow citizens of our own country, often assuming that their own way is normative often without any real evidence or despite much evidence to the contrary...
You didn't bring up how you actually met each other. Like if it was through mutual friends or at college or a dance. I met my wife through mutual friends and we went on a double date.
I like when my husband opens doors for me. It’s him
Being a gentleman & I am not southern.❤️
This is what 2020 lockdown did to us: we now watch videos of people reacting to videos of people reacting to videos. And for I one welcome this new stage of human evolution. I like the new energy Ben brings when he shows up, Feli. It's cute to see the two of you together having fun and seeing more personal side to your channel! Have a great week!
Meta-reaction? 🤔
Yes re the meta-video observation. Feli & Ben are far superior to other vloggers because they demonstrate such respect, sensitivity & appreciation for how they're overcoming cultural & communication roadblocks. Especially refreshing to learn about the German custom of respecting soundly-based differences of opinion on sensitive topics.
With the earbud and the earring, Ben looks like a very cute Bajoran.
Both of you are very intelligent. I’m especially impressed with your boyfriend being so intelligent as well. Throw off my stereotype about American youth. The fact that he graduated from journalism does prove something. A comment about walking: I used to do the same thing by driving 3 minutes to the library from my home. But after I came back from Europe, I took the initiative to walk to the library for five minutes and come back up hill by walking another 8 minutes to get home. I feel so much better about my change. This is what “normal” should be!
When Ben was in Germany with your family, Feli, did you have issues with communication? Specifically, did you have to try to avoid just speaking in German all the time with family so that he could participate in the conversations? Hopefully this question makes sense lol.
That‘s a good question.
My dad is in a relationship with an english-speaking woman so when she‘s around we speak english.
Sometimes we forget it and speak German together but it‘s not a problem.
Fun to watch. I lived in Germany in the early 1980s. Was impressed how orderly the Germans are. Loved so many aspects about the country and people. And so fun seeing couples holding hands. Says a lot about the couple and how close they really are.
As an autistic person I have a sudden overwhelming urge to move to germany
Lots of experience with German women over the years.
I met a German woman who was going to be around for two weeks. I was very respectful and polite the whole time. The night before she left: "I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR I WAS ATTRACTED TO YOU BUT YOU NEVER REACTED. NOW IT'S TOO LATE; I LEAVE TOMORROW."
I was really taken aback. She was upset.
About going as soon as you arrived. Back when I went to West Germany (1985!) as an exchange student, my host family took me to Köln that afternoon and we climbed up a church tower. I went to bed really early that night! 😄
If you mean the "Kölner Dom" well the only thing i remember the many stages i had to climb😂
I think apart from the aspect of being more suspicious of strangers, it's also a German thing to somehow feel embarrassed by compliments... either because of the attention or also because we're afraid of them not being meant honestly, or of ulterior motives behind the compliment
15:30 My father had a great example from his vocational training (in Germany).
"Kann man/ kannst du so lassen" (you can leave it this way) was the highest appreciation you could get.
Ben is right about the reason for the man walking next to the street, though the custom is much older--it dates back to a time before streets were paved, when dirt and mud would get kicked up by passing horses and horse-drawn carriages (and women only wore full-length skirts or dresses, making them much more prone to getting dirty).
Nice....now I don't have to make that point
I totally enjoyed your video together. Watched it way later, but who cares?! 😂 You were right in almost everything, Feli, and I enjoyed every minute. And also, I agree with all the people who commented already, you guys are so wonderful together! I hope you'll cherish what you've found and be happy forever! Love from Arizona from a German married to an American. Love knows no border ❤
The "southern gentleman" aspect is most definitely a Southern culture "thing". It comes almost naturally, but if she doesn't like it, she should tell him what she expects/wants. Usually adjustments are made - and he should do as asked. That's my understanding.
Very good video, and fun to see you interacting together - bouncing ideas off of each other. Great work, and I would like to see more videos like this.
Not just a Southern thing. I was taught all that growing up in Chicago, including walking on the street side. Some women like, or even expect to be treated that way; some others, mostly younger ones, may actually feel offended. I've had to relearn a lot about cultural conventions in the last few decade.
Great & fun perspective hearing how different a real relationship is dating a German. Very cute & interesting
A Southern gentleman might be insistent on being "polite" as he's taught to be. Also, some of us Americans do actually walk. I even have a rolling grocery bag that I use to walk to shop.
Hey John Labus,
these rolling grocery bags are very popular in Germany.
They are named Hackenporsche = Heel Porsche!
Greetings from north Germany 🏖️☀️
It might also be that when on a date you might be in what you would consider "Your Best Behavior". Formal mode.
It may be a generational thing too. I am German (but 2 decades older than Feli) and learned things like, "the man walks on the street side of the side walk" (with the exact same explanation), "When you drive/walk somebody home you always wait until they opened the door and go in before you leave" (reasoning: Then you know they are safe) and such little things.
And, as @mirajolinardiaglionis399 said, a "Hackenporsche" is a thing in Germany. If you want to see try an image search for "Hackenporsche"
Two girl friends. I had one in northern Germany when I was living and working there, and when I was living and working in the Alps, I had one there. Both girls were from small towns, and they were very simple and easy-going, and well educated. I was only 18/19 at the time back in 1973/74. I'm still friends with them to this day. We enriched each other's lives, and we liked each other. I'm sure our relationship was as special for them as it was for me. Both girls spoke English better than I spoke German. They had an American boyfriend, and I had a German girlfriend. One was a smoker, and I was not, and her parents were smokers - so that was a real issue for me. Apart from the smoking, I really liked her parents and her sister. The family was like country bumkins - I loved it. Years later, her sister and boyfriend stayed with us about a week in California. The two girlfriends/relationships made my life and experience in Germany so much more rewarding and memorable.
One big difference I encountered when I was there, was the machoness of young males my age was very different compared to the US. Young males my age also seemed more effeminate when compared to the US. The boys were definitely less aggressive and not so likely to fight.
Going out to a Disco, which was common in Germany, was a bit different for me also. And teenagers drank beer. I wasn't a beer drinker. The Disco is where teens met up.
When I worked on a farm in northern Germany, one night some of us workers and carpenters and lots of friends all gathered in a giant circle near a farm building that was being built. We were all poured a shot of schnapps, and we toasted to the new building which had a Christmas Tree attached to the roof peak. I'm not a drinker and I didn't know what schnapps was. But my ears sure got hot fast that night.
Haven't had a real relationship yet, but I met a girl and the 2nd time we met we had a lot of trust in each other and talked about very personal stuff we don't talk with anyone about. I like her a lot but I don't know if she likes me like I like her. At a minimum I'm a very good friend. (we are both german btw.) and we were always brutally honest.
Update: she definitely likes me back holy shit
Update 2: We are a couple now and she had a huge crush on me since the first time we met, she is so damn hot.
Update 3: She broke up with me, I miss her a lot, things just went way to quick.
Good for you!!!!
I am 50% German 25% Polish and Irish.
I wasn't raised with any ethnic culture other than a little Polish from my fathers mom(parents are divorced) but I find that my personality is very direct and to the point and honest and tend to not understand any other behavior but in my relationship he seems to get his feelings hurt easily and so my direct personality clashes....
I also am a planner to a fault and absolutely mostly hate spontaneity and being late.
I know what my opinions are on topics as well and don't mind others having their own opinions but hate when I am judged for having my own and or someone tries to aggressively sway me from mine.
Each and every time I watch one of Feli's videos relating to German dating I am ever the more convinced that I live in the wrong country for dating.
So you live in the USA and want to rather live in Germany to date German people?
Yes you are mate.
Just be forthright and honest. You will find your people.
The driving/walking thing also depends on a couple factors:
1. Weather
2. Store parking lot or public/ shared lot. If the lot is just for that one store, in some cases you could be towed if the see you going next door.
3. Safety - as you point out some places are just not setup to allow you walk other than in traffic.
4.How much you need to carry
You both are just too cute together!! I love the vibe between you both ♥️♥️♥️♥️ I enjoyed this video a lot - as always 😊
While stationed in West Germany in the late '80s, I was a boyfriend to a village German girl for two years. Americans didn't have that good a reputation among the locals, so to date her I had to win over her, her parents, and her village. We met through her girlfriend and double dated for weeks before she and I dated one on one, and even then it was weeks before we became a pair. When we met I had taken one semester of college German through extension, but because German was becoming my fourth language, we stuck to German the whole time which helped my language acquisition tremendously.
Germans aren't blunt, they're just direct. Your feelings are your issues, so they just say things how they see them. So in Aldi you'll see a grandmother cut in front of you in line if you're dawdling, and then give you a tongue lashing for moving so slow and wasting her time. They have relatively little shame, as long as rules are followed.
But it does make concepts like "naughty" a little hard to convey. The best German word we could find was , but in its strongest form means "mean". German women are very direct about sex, and without a strong sense of shame, it's just hard to convey naughty. The upside is if you want something, just ask for it. You'll either get it, or if it crosses a boundry, you won't get it and that's the end of it. As a man if you don't know where you stand, you're just not being German enough.
The one funny thing about this particular German girl was that she was usually late, which you would think would be un-German. But she was precisely 15 minutes late when she was, so close you could set your watch to it.
Feli subtly setting the stakes: "I think you will be [fluent in German] at some point." Dude, if you can't recite the Vorrede zu "Faust" in accent-free German by Christmas, you'll be in so much trouble...
Until today I remember Schiller´s "die Bürgschaft" (The Pledge). 😁😁🤣🤣
@@teodoro1007 For me, it's the opening to Die Verwandlung.
You guys are absolutely adorable together. Ein super nettes Paar.
Re: "Chivalry" and holding doors and the like, that has to do with gender norms and social norms, and that varies heavily depending on the person. If you're older, more socially conservative/religious, or from a more socially conservative area like The South, you're more likely to have grown up with a different understanding of gender norms and gender stereotypes.
You know, the book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" was released in 1992, not *that* long ago, and the basic premise of the book was to reinforce the notion that men and women are fundamentally different (but if you learn how "the other side" communicates, it can help reduce arguments).
Another example of this is the thing where then-Vice President Mike Pence stated he, as a rule, is never alone with a woman in a room, other than his wife. That's seen a bit strangely today, but it's understandable if you understand how gender norms and social norms of his time worked, how "consent" was sort of implied by where a woman was and who she was with: if you're going into a dude's hotel room at night with just you and the dude, it's assumed that you're at least open to sex, etc etc. Obviously, things are different now and much more explicit, but back then a lot of it was in a way based on location rather than necessarily words. Hence why Pence is never alone with a woman, as a way of signaling that he'd never be open to sex with anyone other than his wife.
Your boyfriend grew up in the South and was sort of exposed to this older set of gender norms and stereotypes, but he's also young enough and probably on social media enough to have understood the new way things work, so he's a sort of bridge between new and old.
Just treat every gender equally, then all the gender/social norms won’t matter anymore
First off, I'm old enough to be your grandfather(dang), not a Southern gentleman, born& raised North of the M/D line, but was raised to have good manners and be polite. Maybe in my case it was a generational thing. Opening doors, assisting with seating a lady at table, offering a hand getting out of a car, stuff like that is just what we did. It was all done out of respect. Gets me thinking, when did things change.
the way i treat this is that i am courteous to everybody. I will hold the door for men or women, even at the gym where i know that they can definitely do it themselves. And if someone holds the door for me i say thank you. there are many courteous women out there. still getting used to people calling me sir, then again i am almost 60.... prefer Sir to Bro....
@@uliwehner Right on, Sir/Bro/Dude. LOL
the thing about opening doors for the other in germany. i dont think it happens in relationships or with friends but if 2 strangers go to e.g. the city hall and get to the door at the same time, the one that grabs the door usually lets the other through first. never experienced that situation any different, and had quite a lot of them
German dating sounds easier actually lol. Dating here is exhausting sometimes. Too much guess work, mixed signals, and feeling you have to be a certain type of person.
This is SO me in the video!🤣🙈 Probably every part except for the part where she told him to cut his hair.🤣
And that southern gentleman thing? I really like it. Even if it's normal for american guys, I feel a lot more special than with most german guys. Or I'm probably just surprised.😅
Ben, what's more scary? Meeting Feli's parents or being dissected by the internet?
You should both take the love language quiz! The chivalry of things like opening doors and such live on from when everyone had assigned tasks like the women would cook and men would do things like your boyfriend said put their body on the line. It is not a gesture to put her down but actually an attempt to treat her like royalty, which yes can be over done. the best relationships are where they see each other as equals. So if it’s not holding doors do something nice through your love language.
In my 37 years of being in a relationship w/my German wife, the one that sticks out the most for me is PLANS! I will say, don’t EVER mention you’d like to do something unless you are prepared to receive a concrete plan for it happening! An offhand remark like, “we should go to that nice Ice Cream parlor downtown some time” will end with the whole family meeting at 1215 at the Schillerplatz for Eis, Kaffe, Kuchen, und Einkaufen on Thursday! And don’t you DARE try to back out of it!
My sis-in-law has been known to generate entire itineraries if we even mention in passing that we’d like to visit (insert town) some day…😂
It's not about dating, but just an observation about public behavior. I was visiting family in Hanau. My cousin and I were walking around downtown I would smile at people walking by and say "Guten tag". My counsin would jab me in the side and tell me, "sei nicht so freundlich." I guess that is why the German people generally have a somber expression their face when you see them in public. I did point out to my cousin how most of the people I greeted smiled and said hello also.
I remember when I was complaining to my daughter about someone who didn't get back to me...ever. She said, "You've been Caspered". I said, "What, I don't get it". She then explained 'ghosting' to me. I told her that my older generation doesn't do that.
19:06 This doesn't have to be just a man/woman thing. It's best to put the more fragile person away from the hazard. This also can apply to a shared-use path. If I'm walking with an older relative or a younger niece or nephew, I'll put them on the side away from passing bicycles.
I call my doctor or dentist or whomever and let them know that I am going to be even a few minutes late. I feel like it will allow them to organize their time better. Sometimes they are very appreciative of my notice and others seem to think I am just weird and crazy.
I feel like this is most European countries, not just Germany. But it is the one country and language I’d like to learn, as I do have some German in me, and distant family in Germany. Grew up in a very European style household. My mum is Lithuanian.
Living over 30 years in US, I still hate small talk. I force myself, thinking the entire time what the hell is it for and when it is over😂
Small talk is a very good thing. Germans should stop making it look like a fake and unnecessary thing.
We are humans. We are social beings. Social contact keeps you mentally and psychologically sane.
Small talk is a way of acknowledging the other human. Even if it is useless talk. It means that I see you and I acknowledge you.
Without it, such as in German society, people behave like robots. No one acknowledges anyone. This makes people psychologically lonely and depressed.
So don't blame this small but important human gesture. Just because it doesn't exist in your society, it doesn't mean that it is useless.
What a cute video! It was so much fun watching you two play off each other. The looks between you guys are pretty obvious of how much you're into each other. Enjoy your happiness! 😁🤗
When I was in high school we had a German exchange student there. I worked at a grocery store at the time and he worked some with me. I’ll never forget his first day of work. Someone asked him “where’s the sherbert”? He came to me and said “chris what in the world Is sherbert?” I said “ice cream”. Nicco said “I’m never gonna get this English stuff down!” 😂. That same day he was bagging groceries for a lady and she purchased a box of German chocolate cake mix. He said”German chocolate cake? I’ve never seen this before in my life!” lol
The recipe originally called German’s Chocolate named for Samual German not the nationality.
I grew up with the pronunciation sher-beRt with both parts rhyming.
@@chrisk5651 I did too with the sherbert. That’s actually what she said. When I typed it, it auto corrected
Oh, I thought it sounds actually like „sorbet“ (watery fruit ice cream, sometimes with alcohol) but „sherbet“ is according to Wikipedia a little bit different.
In germany we have a cake that is called russian "zupf"(idk what that is in english) cake which is like the best version of cheescake and it's not russian at all it's german, but they thought they would sell more if they marketed it as russian.
@@MisterPyOne wow. Anything with Russian in the name in the states would be viewed very negatively.
Honesty and up-front reactions. This is why I dated and married an engineer.
I'm curious. What about a German man dating an American woman? Either in Germany or America.
Fun video from you guys! Cross cultural, always interesting. Trying the language where you are is so important to open people up. That guy from New York, Xiaomanyc, who can speak any language is really interesting to watch on TH-cam.
Feli, for many. many years American mothers have made a point of teaching their sons to use courtesy as an expression of respect. They expect their sons to use that training when they interact with women and may try to check on it as they get to know their girlfriends. Such courtesies are certainly never intended to diminish the woman in any way. (Since it came up, fewer and fewer people really understand the reason for a particular gesture like walking on the roadside. Ben, you're the exception -- your explanation was exactly right.) While one is certainly entitled to one's opinion, outright rejection of any courtesy, especially without a polite explanation, is seen as rude and may reflect poor training on her part. Ordering food for your date, for example, is acceptable provided you ask her what she wants before the waiter takes the order thus letting her know that you will do the ordering. It's quite important to get her order right in every detail so she knows you listened to her. If she really prefers that you let her order, she can say so and then you're off the hook so to speak. That courtesy is optional. Feli, I'm sure that, as a German girl living in America, you realize that one cannot and should not ignore local customs and try to substitute your own. That is no more appreciated in America than it would be in Germany. What is polite or inconsequential in one country may be taken as an offense in another, as you know, so any intelligent traveler wants to learn the local customs and acceptable behavior in order to avoid offending anyone. I respectfully suggest that any visitor try to enjoy these new courtesies and customs as part of the learning experience. Just my opinion so don't yell at me like you did the last time when you subjected me to a "Ted Talk," whatever that is.
European mothers expect from theirs children to be independent. An then you want speek for an independent women in public, she feels herself like a child. Should Amerika think about some things, if they could be modernised in some way? To be polite is ok, but on the other side, to see a women as partner on the same level as himself, could be difficult for some men.
@@l.p.7960 But that's a double standard, if you are expecting the American to be the one to adapt, regardless of whether they are in Europe or the U.S., just because you feel the European way is superior. (Although, not all American men are that way, and not all American women are okay with it either.) The point is that respect goes both ways. If she wants him to respect her independence, she should also respect the fact that he's trying to be polite, rather than judge him for it, and come to a clear mutual understanding of how to proceed.
I am a Filipina (somehow has american influence to our culture and mentality, living here in Germany with German kids. I love how independent girls here. Because of that, boys respect them as equal. Girls here never experienced name-calling and harassment in public. Girls know their rights and will stand their ground.
@@jc3drums916 Exactly right.
@@l.p.7960 There is nothing about courtesy and respect that should threaten anyone's independence.
Honesty in Dating makes it easier for everybody. But you don't have to hurt someone. Many years ago I had my first date with a guy. The moment he came trough the door my first thought was "Please keep your cloth on forever". The pictures had nothing to do with reality. In the conversation he was always talking about mum and dad (26 years old) and I had the impression that he did not have his own identity. Mum had told him to look for a women to marry soon and have kids with - he admitted directly.
We have been talking for 30 Minutes and I told him that there is no chance for a relationship. I would have never told him that I think he is a mama's boy and I don't like how he looks like.
Good for you Ben, you already learned the most important lesson: "If momma/Feli ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." 😁
Much of rhe conversation was foreign to me, coming from the northeast. I had occasion to date europeans and enjoyed their moderate differences and also getting familiar with their languages (including Brits).
The most important thing in making a relationship last is getting to know each other's language. It becomes something you each have in common and it is fun. As time goes on, Feli, don't lose your german, Ben, talk more german with Feli.
Being half German it was interesting w my ex and how i liked traditions
I'm half German potato salad.
It's the best I can muster.
From a fellow Kentuckian, Ben, I'm sure your momma is proud you were a Southern gentleman. I've raised my sons to always open doors for people, especially their lady friends (my youngest is only 10, so take that for what it is), and my daughter has been taught to expect a gentleman to open a door for her, so she can avoid a possiblyawkward moment. But in fairness, its up to each lady if she likes it. You're a cute couple!
I'm from Colorado and my mother also taught me this. Open doors for everyone
I have never dated a German but my first exposure to Germans was a couple (she was from Goslar) who moved across the street from us (Summit, NJ). I found them a bit standoffish at first but, after a while we became great friends. They even came to visit me in hospital after I had brain surgery back in 2018. Wonderful, loving people. They have since moved to Barcelona but we still stay in touch regularly.
I'm from England, my lovely wife is from Zimbabwe. In Zimbabwe there are 2 local languages Shona and Ndebele, English is an official language most newspapers are printed in English, TV channels are English. Most of my wife's family speak English, but when they converse in Shona. I can read the language and pick up some of the words but find it hard to hold a conversation in Shona. My father in law is 100 years old and I would like nothing more than to be able to hold a conversation with him. Love watching you on your channel and Ben seems to be a lovely genuine guy ❤
I think I might have a little crush on Ben....
My husband from Eastern Germany, I am Austrian. He is definitely a bit too direct for Austrians. I think Germans sometimes pride themselves on how honest and direct they are but in reality they only are open with criticism, not so much about their feelings. But that might just be the area my husband is from. Like my mother in law can only show that she cares about my husband through food and taking care of him. When we got engaged I asked if they agreed/are giving us their blessing, she only said "It is his decision". I think they do like me though, can't be sure :)
Surprisingly we struggle about traditions (I thought those wouldn't be so different), like when to put up the Christmas tree (Totensonntag or on Christmas) etc. Once I woke up on the 27th of December and ALL christmas decoration was gone. I felt like the Grinch stole Christmas overnight.
@j.a.1721 My response comes very late, but I just watched this video. I'm German and my husband American. When he tried to switch from my German tradition to open the gifts on the 24th to the American way to open them on the 25th a few times over the years, I simply said to him: you can wait until the 25th, but I want to open mine on the 24th. 😂 that usually ended the discussion very quickly.. in my favor!! 😂
@@margritjones7934 haha at least we agree on that. Kind of. In my family we actually opened our presents in the morning of the 24th because the rest of the day was spent with my big extended family who would attend church and then opend presents afterwards. So my parents decided we would get to open them earlier or we would not have had time to play with our new toys as we would have to drive home and go to bed soon after opening them.
@@j.a.1721 ist doch eine gute Lösung! 💯
As an American living in Catalunya I've had to learn that time can be fluid... friends say "we'll meet at 8 at this bar" and they might arrive at 9 and think nothing of it. I, however, have been there since 7:50 because I grew up in a culture where the mantra is "if you're on time you're already 10 minutes late." It bothered me at first but - though I still arrive 10 minutes early - these days I know enough to bring a book and do a little reading while waiting. Truthfully, I enjoy that more than always feeling rushed.
Get you a girl who spends a 45 minute video staring at you with the biggest wall to wall grin like Feli does with Ben. V cute.
The way he looks at her too... Great couple, clearly in love!