I didn't like the way I phrased one of my sentences 😄 So for the sake of being transparent (I'm too honest for my own good!): Yes I told this man twice that the cuddles needed to stop. I wasn't very good at sticking to my own boundaries however! The second time was mid-show, that's when I said that I would need to see an Email from his wife to say it was OK, otherwise it had to stop. Normally we would cuddle after my solo, it did feel odd, and cold, to walk straight past him without a hug. It effected our performances too. On the final night of the show, I allowed us to be cuddly again, just to end things on a positive note. I also put an end to our DM's. I only broke that "rule" twice. Once a month later, to ask if he had a cat cage, and recently, to wish him all the best. I didn't do things perfectly but I'm glad that I put an end to it and that I no longer miss him 🙂
You definitely did the right thing. You don't want to get with a married man. So much trouble ahead with that type of relationship. I know, I know of a few persons who went through this, that either they were with someone and met someone else or they met someone who alwas taken... so much trouble... you can't even imagine. So good on you!
@@LivingLifewithJudithThanks Judith 😊 Yeah, I've been through enough drama over the years, don't want to willingly walk into more! The simple act of hugging was nice after 10 years of not hugging a man! Some may consider that emotional cheating though and I did point that out to him. The occasional hug is fine, just not lingering hugs. Unless the married man or woman is in an open relationship. That's the rule I will stick by anyway 🙂 Here's hoping that the next man I have a connection with will be single and available! Thankfully I'm not feeling lonely and longing for one right now, and that's a good head-space to be in!
I am a 69 year old man, I live in the UK, I am retired now, my wife died 12 years ago. My secretary at work and I got very close,and we used to hug a lot. She was married, but her marriage was loveless and cold. Our relationship could have developed, but we worked within strict parameters to keep it at the hugging stage. When I was younger had had relationships that went beyond this stage into something more physical and they ended in regret. You have done the right thing in this instance Heidi, it takes inner strength and restraint. You are stronger than you think!
Thanks for sharing Ian, and I'm sorry for your loss! I totally understand how loneliness and a loveless marriage can lead to this desire to hug each other and feel human connection. But even hugging can be considered light physical cheating, and getting close, emotional cheating. It's strange though because it doesn't really feel wrong at the time. It feels like it could be healing for both parties. But at the end of the day, if someone is married, regardless of the state of their marriage, and regardless of the state of our loneliness, I think that the right thing to do is to not go there. But yes it takes willpower! Especially if you're someone like me who never hugs/connects with men! Thank you, I am strong, despite my moments of weakness 😊 Did the right thing in the end and that's the most important thing. Are you still in touch with the secretary? Was she much younger than you? I assume that you had already lost your wife at the time? Did she end up getting a divorce do you know? (nosy one that I am, lol)
@@HeidiNobel Don't worry Heidi, I am happy to share what went on. Catherine my wife had died, and I felt the need too feel a heartbeat next to me. She was the same age as Catherine so that would male her 8 years younger than me. We used to discuss the cold relationship she had with her husband. So I said to her that I wanted to hug her to stop her tears, so that,s how it started. It fulfilled a need in both of us. She is still married but I don't see her now since I retired. She has met a guy and she is obsessed with him I believe. He is married and it's my contention that she is going to get hurt. I have tried to warn her but she is besotted by him.
@@ianhjanThank you for sharing Ian 😊 It's all very interesting. To me nothing is black and white. I feel that we meet people when we are meant to. The experience, however brief, helped me open my heart more for my future partner. I'm sure that the experience helped heal some of your and her pain also. Good on you for not allowing it to go further than it did. You too, are strong! That's especially difficult for a widowed man I imagine. It's a shame that this friend of yours didn't leave her husband if so unhappy, but I know that that's not easy, and that many are against divorce. That's also her journey. I hope that her marriage did at least improve some what. Good that you tried to warn her about this married man that she is now obsessed about. Sometimes people need to learn lessons the hard way sadly. Who knows, maybe it could turn into a happy ending but that is less likely! I hope that you find a loving companion in your senior years Ian - It's never too late to find love. All of the very best! I'm sure that Catherine is proud of you 🥰
I worked in a truck garage for a national company. the person involved was the admin person. As you can imagine the conversations in the canteen used to turn to s*x quiet often among the lads This person would have non of this banter. She confided in me she had symptoms that Doctor Google queried ovarian / cervical cancer . I made her go to the doctor who referred her to the local hospital. It transpired that it was to do with the menopause. She was put on HRT, one side effects was to increase her Libido. After a month the difference was startling. I had to be strong and stick to the guidelines that she was now prepared to break any time and any place. This is when the other man got involved, she told me that she was attracted to him. The rest is history, she is still married but loves this other person. I often wonder what would happen if the hospital stopped prescribing the drug, would she revert to her former self? Take care.
@@ianhjanGee, that's a bit scary! I would rather be my natural self. Still don't think you can blame cheating on a drug though (not that that's what you are saying). Thanks for sharing Ian!
I developed feelings for somebody at work. Not smart, I suppose. She came on to me first. And that was absolutely not my imagination. Made out with me and everything, and then some. (Not at work). But it led to nothing as far as a relationship and she said she didn’t want to lead me on. She even became my boss in some capacity. I didn’t try to avoid her, but it did fade over time, probably more so when she moved away and I wasn’t even able to see her any longer. And yes, one time during the course of all this, she texted me - that when she saw me standing there one day during a company meeting, she felt like hugging me, but she didn’t. And that was supposed to make me feel better,😂 I guess. (I guess). I really tried to get our potential relationship dynamics going, but her boundaries were firm at that point and we had already “went too far”, granted - by her literally welcoming it. In some ways, this may have been right up there with my divorce…as for the pain. As for physical symptoms probably related to the aftermath of anxiety, I have never felt that intense, including shaking and sweating. All this. But only because I actually liked her. So that one BIT. But it was NOT entirely her fault. She gave me some warnings I do believe. And I didn’t believe them. lol. 😅 I did enjoy the fact that we went out once on a date of sorts after that. Looking back, I think that was intended for closure, but I didn’t want to believe that at the time. I’m not always clingy. Often, I do just let go. Live and let live. I strayed from that mindset in this instance. Can’t say I didn’t try. That being said, it’s not usually a good idea to hold on too tightly. And it can be difficult to let go, even if it is what you go through the motions of doing. She had only been divorced for a short time. And often talked about marriage as being daunting. I do believe she is now engaged. Good on her. I want to say I don’t regret the human experience, if that’s what that was. I can’t imagine how conflicted you must have felt as for a married man. I’m glad you seen your way out. As for not regretting the human experience, I feel I’m being a bit “over-crafty” in having said that. But I said it. And I think I even mean it. ❤ Do I? ❤
@@dougwollman2533 Thanks for sharing Doug! I do hope that she warned you that there wasn't a future prior to making her bold move? Appreciate the experience for what it was I guess. As the saying goes, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened (sorry about the intense letting-go anxiety you suffered from though! 😔) You were both single at the time I take it? Getting involved with someone at work can be complicated! I had to continue to work with my situationship partner for 6 months after it ended. Having to grieve the loss of him in front of him was not fun, and it delayed the letting go process. I'm free and well and truly over him now though! I hope the same for you! 🕊🕊
@@HeidiNobel Yes, both single. There may have been a duplicity or ambiguity to how I took certain questions or statements as it relates to warning me about “no future here”. Or maybe the dynamics were intrinsically ambiguous in their presentation. I probably won’t delve into that right now, but I would welcome more inquiry if it’s deemed necessary. Thanks for asking, for sure. I’m glad you were able to let go. Sorry for your struggle as well. Sorry I left that as an afterthought. I did listen to quite a bit from your channel today.
fascinating... i'm comparing this story about you developing feelings with this man with the story about your recent date where you didn't feel a spark. and i've heard it before on dating coaches for men channels, that women often take longer to develop feelings. and safety plays a major role in it too. the woman has to feel SAFE. and there's that whole pre-selection thing. so not only do you know he would be a great husband because he already is, someone pre selected him. women want men other women want. but it's also safe because there's this unspoken understanding that nothing is expected to happen. now compare that to your date where you're expected to see if you feel anything, and there's all this pressure to feel something. but there's no time to let your guard down and feel comfortable. lol anyway, i'm just enjoying trying to figure you out. your a puzzle to piece together. there have definitely been a few occasions when I could sense married women who i had gotten comfortable with started to give off subtle signals that they were developing feelings. it sort of teaches me to slow down with prospects and not show too much interest too quick. to sort of ride that comfortable acquaintance wave as long as possible, and let her get comfortable and feel safe with me. "be a challenge" the dating coaches would say.
Haha! All very well said David, clearly you are a man who thinks deeply too. I'm glad that you are having fun figuring me out! 😄 But yeah (this time) I agree with all you say! Woohoo! We can be on the same page sometimes 😉 Still don't think Mr Date Man was for me though, hehe. Glad I squeezed in another video for ya'll before your bedtime. Thanks for tuning in and sharing your wisdom with us all! ✌💛
Of course that was the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with a woman who already obviously has a relationship. I was thinking watching another video of yours where you talked about your life mostly missing a father in your life. I nearly wanted to write down; maybe you could walk into the trap of having a relationship with a father figure... Good you did notice that yourself too.
@@FBAVYeah, it's interesting that I have never gone for father-figure types before! He still had youthful energy, that helped. I joked with my sister that I have "daddy issues". Onwards and upwards! 🙂
@@bishoptails1591 Hi there, do you mean my life story? I covered most of it on my other channel over the years. Have started sharing it here too, but for the most part I will be talking about the present 🙂
@@bishoptails1591 Thanks so much! Good on you for sharing your story too! It's very therapeutic I find, and a nice way to find our tribe. All of the best and thanks for the support! 🙏♥
That happened to me 20 years ago Heidi I remember I lived next door to a beautiful woman back then I was 24 she was 40 she was married but while her husband was in jail his best friend got him arrested for drugs she was screwing him and other men I remember I was in love with her they were all crackheads I thought she could do better than them truth is I loved her and she never looked my way , now if I can be honest I'm in Love with my mom's best friend I'm 44 she's 65 she's still beautiful and acts like a teen she dates abusive men and men who take advantage of her I understand your story Heidi
@@JohnLopez-t5o Thanks for sharing John! I'm glad my story was more innocent and less dramatic than that 😄 Have you always had a thing for older women? Does your best friend know you like his mum? Go for it I say! Life is short! Goodnight from NZ (I shouldn't be responding to messages right now, it's 2.45am, was half asleep but am dog sitting for my sister, and the dog started barking 😴)
@HeidiNobel u are welcome so was mine see when I was falling in love with the married woman my girlfriend at the time moved to another city without warning I was heart broken and my mom's friend well she's a widow and I'm single and alone and as Valentine's Day approaches I feel more alone than ever
@HeidiNobel mine was innocent as well see see when I fell in love with the married woman my girlfriend at the time had moved to another city without warning I was heartbroken guess I was lonely and as for my mom's friend she's a widow and gets taken advantage of being single for me is hard and no I don't always have feelings for older women I have respect for them goodnight Heidi get some rest and stay safe please
@JohnLopez-t5o Maybe not the best choices of women for you then John. Humans often fall for the wrong people simply because they were there at a time when they felt very lonely. Yes your story was innocent, more their stories that we dramatic. You don't want to take on that drama though, you're better off being alone. I hear you though re Valentine's Day. It doesn't get to me anymore but it used to. Even if it is just a silly commercial holiday. Hang in there John! I hope that my videos will help you feel less alone. And that you also make some new connections this year, friendship or otherwise 🙂
I didn't like the way I phrased one of my sentences 😄 So for the sake of being transparent (I'm too honest for my own good!):
Yes I told this man twice that the cuddles needed to stop. I wasn't very good at sticking to my own boundaries however! The second time was mid-show, that's when I said that I would need to see an Email from his wife to say it was OK, otherwise it had to stop.
Normally we would cuddle after my solo, it did feel odd, and cold, to walk straight past him without a hug. It effected our performances too. On the final night of the show, I allowed us to be cuddly again, just to end things on a positive note.
I also put an end to our DM's. I only broke that "rule" twice. Once a month later, to ask if he had a cat cage, and recently, to wish him all the best. I didn't do things perfectly but I'm glad that I put an end to it and that I no longer miss him 🙂
You definitely did the right thing. You don't want to get with a married man. So much trouble ahead with that type of relationship. I know, I know of a few persons who went through this, that either they were with someone and met someone else or they met someone who alwas taken... so much trouble... you can't even imagine. So good on you!
@@LivingLifewithJudithThanks Judith 😊 Yeah, I've been through enough drama over the years, don't want to willingly walk into more!
The simple act of hugging was nice after 10 years of not hugging a man! Some may consider that emotional cheating though and I did point that out to him.
The occasional hug is fine, just not lingering hugs. Unless the married man or woman is in an open relationship. That's the rule I will stick by anyway 🙂
Here's hoping that the next man I have a connection with will be single and available! Thankfully I'm not feeling lonely and longing for one right now, and that's a good head-space to be in!
@HeidiNobel That's awesome! You can't ask for a better job!!!! Dogs and cats love unconditionally ♡
@@LivingLifewithJudithHaha you're responding to a different comment but all good! I spammed ya! 😉😄
I am a 69 year old man, I live in the UK, I am retired now, my wife died 12 years ago. My secretary at work and I got very close,and we used to hug a lot. She was married, but her marriage was loveless and cold. Our relationship could have developed, but we worked within strict parameters to keep it at the hugging stage. When I was younger had had relationships that went beyond this stage into something more physical and they ended in regret. You have done the right thing in this instance Heidi, it takes inner strength and restraint. You are stronger than you think!
Thanks for sharing Ian, and I'm sorry for your loss! I totally understand how loneliness and a loveless marriage can lead to this desire to hug each other and feel human connection. But even hugging can be considered light physical cheating, and getting close, emotional cheating.
It's strange though because it doesn't really feel wrong at the time. It feels like it could be healing for both parties. But at the end of the day, if someone is married, regardless of the state of their marriage, and regardless of the state of our loneliness, I think that the right thing to do is to not go there.
But yes it takes willpower! Especially if you're someone like me who never hugs/connects with men! Thank you, I am strong, despite my moments of weakness 😊 Did the right thing in the end and that's the most important thing.
Are you still in touch with the secretary? Was she much younger than you? I assume that you had already lost your wife at the time? Did she end up getting a divorce do you know? (nosy one that I am, lol)
@@HeidiNobel Don't worry Heidi, I am happy to share what went on. Catherine my wife had died, and I felt the need too feel a heartbeat next to me. She was the same age as Catherine so that would male her 8 years younger than me. We used to discuss the cold relationship she had with her husband. So I said to her that I wanted to hug her to stop her tears, so that,s how it started. It fulfilled a need in both of us. She is still married but I don't see her now since I retired. She has met a guy and she is obsessed with him I believe. He is married and it's my contention that she is going to get hurt. I have tried to warn her but she is besotted by him.
@@ianhjanThank you for sharing Ian 😊 It's all very interesting. To me nothing is black and white. I feel that we meet people when we are meant to. The experience, however brief, helped me open my heart more for my future partner. I'm sure that the experience helped heal some of your and her pain also.
Good on you for not allowing it to go further than it did. You too, are strong! That's especially difficult for a widowed man I imagine. It's a shame that this friend of yours didn't leave her husband if so unhappy, but I know that that's not easy, and that many are against divorce. That's also her journey. I hope that her marriage did at least improve some what.
Good that you tried to warn her about this married man that she is now obsessed about. Sometimes people need to learn lessons the hard way sadly. Who knows, maybe it could turn into a happy ending but that is less likely!
I hope that you find a loving companion in your senior years Ian - It's never too late to find love. All of the very best! I'm sure that Catherine is proud of you 🥰
I worked in a truck garage for a national company. the person involved was the admin person. As you can imagine the conversations in the canteen used to turn to s*x quiet often among the lads This person would have non of this banter.
She confided in me she had symptoms that Doctor Google queried ovarian / cervical cancer .
I made her go to the doctor who referred her to the local hospital. It transpired that it was to do with the menopause. She was put on HRT, one side effects was to increase her Libido. After a month the difference was startling.
I had to be strong and stick to the guidelines that she was now prepared to break any time and any place. This is when the other man got involved, she told me that she was attracted to him. The rest is history, she is still married but loves this other person. I often wonder what would happen if the hospital stopped prescribing the drug, would she revert to her former self? Take care.
@@ianhjanGee, that's a bit scary! I would rather be my natural self. Still don't think you can blame cheating on a drug though (not that that's what you are saying). Thanks for sharing Ian!
Proud of you!! Nice video.
Aw, thanks! 🥰🙏
Ah the forbidden fruit 😂.
I developed feelings for somebody at work. Not smart, I suppose. She came on to me first. And that was absolutely not my imagination. Made out with me and everything, and then some. (Not at work). But it led to nothing as far as a relationship and she said she didn’t want to lead me on. She even became my boss in some capacity. I didn’t try to avoid her, but it did fade over time, probably more so when she moved away and I wasn’t even able to see her any longer. And yes, one time during the course of all this, she texted me - that when she saw me standing there one day during a company meeting, she felt like hugging me, but she didn’t. And that was supposed to make me feel better,😂 I guess. (I guess). I really tried to get our potential relationship dynamics going, but her boundaries were firm at that point and we had already “went too far”, granted - by her literally welcoming it. In some ways, this may have been right up there with my divorce…as for the pain. As for physical symptoms probably related to the aftermath of anxiety, I have never felt that intense, including shaking and sweating. All this. But only because I actually liked her. So that one BIT. But it was NOT entirely her fault. She gave me some warnings I do believe. And I didn’t believe them. lol. 😅
I did enjoy the fact that we went out once on a date of sorts after that. Looking back, I think that was intended for closure, but I didn’t want to believe that at the time. I’m not always clingy. Often, I do just let go. Live and let live. I strayed from that mindset in this instance. Can’t say I didn’t try. That being said, it’s not usually a good idea to hold on too tightly. And it can be difficult to let go, even if it is what you go through the motions of doing.
She had only been divorced for a short time. And often talked about marriage as being daunting. I do believe she is now engaged. Good on her.
I want to say I don’t regret the human experience, if that’s what that was. I can’t imagine how conflicted you must have felt as for a married man. I’m glad you seen your way out. As for not regretting the human experience, I feel I’m being a bit “over-crafty” in having said that. But I said it. And I think I even mean it. ❤ Do I? ❤
@@dougwollman2533 Thanks for sharing Doug! I do hope that she warned you that there wasn't a future prior to making her bold move? Appreciate the experience for what it was I guess. As the saying goes, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened (sorry about the intense letting-go anxiety you suffered from though! 😔) You were both single at the time I take it?
Getting involved with someone at work can be complicated! I had to continue to work with my situationship partner for 6 months after it ended. Having to grieve the loss of him in front of him was not fun, and it delayed the letting go process. I'm free and well and truly over him now though! I hope the same for you! 🕊🕊
@@HeidiNobel Yes, both single. There may have been a duplicity or ambiguity to how I took certain questions or statements as it relates to warning me about “no future here”. Or maybe the dynamics were intrinsically ambiguous in their presentation. I probably won’t delve into that right now, but I would welcome more inquiry if it’s deemed necessary. Thanks for asking, for sure.
I’m glad you were able to let go. Sorry for your struggle as well. Sorry I left that as an afterthought. I did listen to quite a bit from your channel today.
fascinating... i'm comparing this story about you developing feelings with this man with the story about your recent date where you didn't feel a spark. and i've heard it before on dating coaches for men channels, that women often take longer to develop feelings. and safety plays a major role in it too. the woman has to feel SAFE. and there's that whole pre-selection thing. so not only do you know he would be a great husband because he already is, someone pre selected him. women want men other women want. but it's also safe because there's this unspoken understanding that nothing is expected to happen. now compare that to your date where you're expected to see if you feel anything, and there's all this pressure to feel something. but there's no time to let your guard down and feel comfortable. lol anyway, i'm just enjoying trying to figure you out. your a puzzle to piece together. there have definitely been a few occasions when I could sense married women who i had gotten comfortable with started to give off subtle signals that they were developing feelings. it sort of teaches me to slow down with prospects and not show too much interest too quick. to sort of ride that comfortable acquaintance wave as long as possible, and let her get comfortable and feel safe with me. "be a challenge" the dating coaches would say.
Haha! All very well said David, clearly you are a man who thinks deeply too. I'm glad that you are having fun figuring me out! 😄 But yeah (this time) I agree with all you say! Woohoo! We can be on the same page sometimes 😉 Still don't think Mr Date Man was for me though, hehe. Glad I squeezed in another video for ya'll before your bedtime. Thanks for tuning in and sharing your wisdom with us all! ✌💛
Of course that was the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with a woman who already obviously has a relationship. I was thinking watching another video of yours where you talked about your life mostly missing a father in your life. I nearly wanted to write down; maybe you could walk into the trap of having a relationship with a father figure... Good you did notice that yourself too.
@@FBAVYeah, it's interesting that I have never gone for father-figure types before! He still had youthful energy, that helped. I joked with my sister that I have "daddy issues". Onwards and upwards! 🙂
Share your story!
@@bishoptails1591 Hi there, do you mean my life story? I covered most of it on my other channel over the years. Have started sharing it here too, but for the most part I will be talking about the present 🙂
@@HeidiNobel I recently started sharing my story so, wanted to give a shout in your direction... I support your journey! :)
@@bishoptails1591 Thanks so much! Good on you for sharing your story too! It's very therapeutic I find, and a nice way to find our tribe. All of the best and thanks for the support! 🙏♥
That happened to me 20 years ago Heidi I remember I lived next door to a beautiful woman back then I was 24 she was 40 she was married but while her husband was in jail his best friend got him arrested for drugs she was screwing him and other men I remember I was in love with her they were all crackheads I thought she could do better than them truth is I loved her and she never looked my way , now if I can be honest I'm in Love with my mom's best friend I'm 44 she's 65 she's still beautiful and acts like a teen she dates abusive men and men who take advantage of her I understand your story Heidi
@@JohnLopez-t5o Thanks for sharing John! I'm glad my story was more innocent and less dramatic than that 😄
Have you always had a thing for older women? Does your best friend know you like his mum? Go for it I say! Life is short!
Goodnight from NZ (I shouldn't be responding to messages right now, it's 2.45am, was half asleep but am dog sitting for my sister, and the dog started barking 😴)
@HeidiNobel u are welcome so was mine see when I was falling in love with the married woman my girlfriend at the time moved to another city without warning I was heart broken and my mom's friend well she's a widow and I'm single and alone and as Valentine's Day approaches I feel more alone than ever
@HeidiNobel mine was innocent as well see see when I fell in love with the married woman my girlfriend at the time had moved to another city without warning I was heartbroken guess I was lonely and as for my mom's friend she's a widow and gets taken advantage of being single for me is hard and no I don't always have feelings for older women I have respect for them goodnight Heidi get some rest and stay safe please
@JohnLopez-t5o Maybe not the best choices of women for you then John. Humans often fall for the wrong people simply because they were there at a time when they felt very lonely.
Yes your story was innocent, more their stories that we dramatic. You don't want to take on that drama though, you're better off being alone. I hear you though re Valentine's Day. It doesn't get to me anymore but it used to. Even if it is just a silly commercial holiday.
Hang in there John! I hope that my videos will help you feel less alone. And that you also make some new connections this year, friendship or otherwise 🙂
@@HeidiNobel true but I was alone your right please stay safe