5 Ways To Torture a Narcissist (WARNING: REALLY SADISTIC)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 มิ.ย. 2024
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In this episode, I explain 5 ways to torture a narcissist that would drive them crazy. I explain how you can choose to disengage and leave them stranded.
How you can deflect a narcissist's projection back to them, How you can create organization in your life, How you can focus on rebuilding your life to give a narcissist max narcissistic injury possible.
00:00 intro
00:39 Don't take the bait
02:19 Deflect attempts of manipulation and gaslighting
03:46 Create organisation in your life
05:20 Use their image against them
07:01 Focus on rebuilding your life
how to torture a narcissist danish bashir how to injure a narcissist
How to drive a narcissist insane:
1: Ignore them.
2: Live your own life.
3: When they push back, start at #1 again.
👍🏻
Perfect!
Ignoring the is the best method. It’s also called “gray rock” by some people.
Perfect! This is what works on the narcissist father I was cursed with. My life is not his.
Wow. This is exactly why I got sacked by two different bosses.. and for nothing - in my mind. Now I understand why!
When they talk, picture them in a straight jacket and speaking behind bars in a mental institution. It puts things into perspective.
Exactly right! It took an outsider's shocked assessment of the situation to show me that he really is dangerously unhinged.
😅🤣😂! That's funny
😅🤣😅yesss lol
ABSOLUTELY BEST ADVICE I EVER READ OR HEARD!!!!!!!! THIS COMMENT CHANGED MY WHOLE LIFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
mine are , sitting on toilet, with trousers and knickers around ankles......and they are men.
it works for me...
Don't try to "torture" a narcissist. It's not worth the energy. Just stay as far away from them as possible and you will live a much happier live.
He is not talking about any sort of direct torcher...but telling to do best about yr life and be away.
Point 4 says: Use their image against them. That's basically playing psychological games. Not gonna end well with a narcissist. You're right, when it comes to the rest of the video though.
Take away their supplie and stay silent and give them no attention good or bad..they will torture themselves wondering all the possible. Scenarios of you retaliating against them etc..they trust bo one but the really will not trust you being dead silent and not chasing after them etc...al they care is supply its a drug to them..they do not care about you or the other supplies...they just don't..they really are miserable inside ..and that's on them amd not you
The video is about situations where you are confronted with narcissism and there's no way out.
Like on the job or so. Family situations. Iow where you are kinda forced to have to deal with them.
I like his take on that, you will have to make sure they can't get to you. One way of doing that is making sure you are effortlessly getting under THEIR skin. It's not torture for the sake of torturing... more to send a signal : 'back off'....
Torturing the narcissist only makes you a toxic person.
I've learned the less you tell them the better, because they'll use anything you say against you, especially if it's something you're happy about
Yes, it's hateful!!!
When I was happy at the complicated and painful first birth of our daughter, I was thrilled because she was so beautiful born on a special religious Sunday. He was violent sexually, psychologically and physically towards me and the newborn inside the flat. When I asked him why he was doing all that I was crying all the time, he answered: "I enjoy to screw up your mind."
This is where you bring in the police. @@brigitanovinec439
You are so on point
@@brigitanovinec439 I was cooking my husband something new for dinner that I thought he would really like, and he kept pestering me to the point that I accidentally messed up the recipe. It was a mistake that couldn't be undone. I was so frustrated that I dumped it all in the garbage disposal. After a cry in the bathroom, I asked him why he did that. His answer was: "There wasn't anything good on TV." We had only been married for 6 months at that point. As time went by, the attacks became more frequent and more vicious. If he had been that way when we were dating . . . .
This guy is like Batman dedicating his life to disrupting and making life hell for narcissists. I love it.
Definitely!! The hero we needed 😂😂😂
Seriously, I get so giddy watching his videos. The techniques work so far. I finally got dude out of my house 😊
@@SamskaraSystem that’s awesome! ❤❤❤❤😊
😂😂😂 great comment it made me lol.
Yes He is batman I love him soo much
Show them how confident you are. Example, my narcissistic boss asked me how I felt about loyalty. I told her "I am loyal to principles, not people. People can be dishonest. Principles are reliable." Hearing those words, she looked like she was having a stroke. She fell silent and limited contact with me after that.
@@tlovesgreens8244 thing was, she fired me eventually, but I knew that was going to happen. But the powers that be finally caught on and fired her. At least I escaped with my self esteem.
Isnt that terrifying though? I said a very similar thing to a psychiatrist I had who was textbook NPD (among other issues including substance abuse) and he took offense to it and became passive aggressive insisting that I was trying to make him feel stupid. It is so strange what sets off a narcissist yes there are obvious things but there are weird human like traits that they despice for some reason in others.
@@nateo200 it can be, but I try to approach my life by keeping my integrity. I think it's important to stand up to toxic people/situations even if I may pay a personal price doing so. I told her the absolute truth about what I believed about loyalty. I left the conversation not feeling "oh boy, I zinged her", rather that I stayed consistent with my integrity. There's a price to pay for that. I'm willing to pay it.
@@user-vo9ri9sl4y I always have. That psychiatrist no longer has a job. I no doubt took a ton more abuse from setting boundaries and confronting what amounted to abuse and medical malpractice but I think it was worth it. But you describe it well, it wasn’t about insulting the guy or getting revenge just accountability especially given how truly outrageous my situation was as it involved one of his unstable residents who did plenty of damage. I seriously cannot even believe what I went through actually happened at times because it is psychotic but you have to remember that NPD folks usually have antisocial traits especially the covert narcissist cebrebral type academics men.
@@nateo200 oh yes. These people are shuffled through the system. They get fired then go on to bigger and better jobs. Ultimately, even those these folks are sick, it all comes down to power versus the truth. Individuals are usually oriented to one or the other. Some to both, such as Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King, but you see what happens when you have the courage to tell the truth. I much prefer to "gray rock" these sick folks when I can, but if there are other people involved who are being hurt, (especially when I'm in a leadership position), I resist/stand up/fight
1. Do not take the bait. - Don't wrestle the pig.
2. Stick to your truth.
3. Create organization. Narcs love chaos.
4. Use their image and insecurities against them.
5. Focus on healing yourself. On rebuilding your life. They failed to destroy you.
I found one of the easiest ways to drive narcissist crazy is to act unimpressed when they tried their hardest to impress you. And then show interest in stuff they think is stupid.
Lol goodness 🤣 it really works to.
This makes my cousin incandescent with rage. He spent €32000 on an audi A6 but I said "youre mad, it's only the base 1.8 litre engine, I thought you'd at least get a V6 for that"
"Revenge is a dish best served cold" Bring on the ice!
😂😂😂 You don’t know how much I need this laugh …You’re absolutely right
Truth!
I walked away, blocked and moved on with my life. I will not give a Narcissist even a millimeter of my life. Once I find out someone is a Narcissist, I am done. I am not playing any games with a demonic spirit disguising as a disorder.
Great analogy!
Ain't that the truth
AMEN!!!!!!!
I did the same! I dumped him without explanation . I just stopped responding then I blocked him….
My dia am in there
The best thing you can do with narcissists is remove them from your life completely and never give them a second more.
but what about your heart? mind understands but heart still attached emotionally/ i am very caring empathetical and loving, i understand all the red flags but hard to let go mentally. Sometimes i think maybe i just overthink, maybe i just should stop watching all these videos and anxiety comes. Than watch these videos, relief comes, than anxiety and fear of thta i let go my person comes again
💯💯💯💯💯
What if that narcissist is your family member? Just leave?
@@cynthiaestrada8318 That's a personal choice that I chose to take. I cut contact with any family member that disrespects my boundaries and shows themselves to be toxic!!!
@@user-qz9tz1zi3f But in the end, you know the advice is correct. The fact is that you probably care more about the narcissist than the narcissist cares about you.
1. Ignore them.
2. Don't react to subtle insults. Act like you didn't even understand the insults. They will eventually say something explicit. You can then file an official complaint.
3. Do not rely on them for anything.
4. Find new friends and cut the narcissist loose.
5. Make your own decisions without consulting them.
6. Do not take their free advice. Do your own thing.
7. Decline their "help" which we know comes with a lot of strings attached.
8. When they need you, make them wait. Do not drop whatever else you are doing and rush to their help.
9. Protect your time and boundaries. Never let them violate either.
10. When they trash talk someone else, do not join in. Just be like whatever.
11. Become friends with people the Narcissist hates most. Do not cut ties with anyone based on what the Narcissist says.
This is gold
What if they trash talk about me? I know I should ignore it but it's easier said than done. I gained weight because of the stress they put me in :(. I kept remembering the image of them gossiping about me, things that were not true
@@thefallinourboys9742 Speak your version of truth with courage and confidence. Then move on.
My brother also saying these words to me, your husband is like this psycho leave him don't care about his words n his works ....he is a cheater, abuser, prostitute, mentally torchured....kids also mentally week....still he is harrassing.... enjoying his life sexually physically mentally he was godd in 46 age also...I'm 33 like old woman by stress crying kids problems no healthy food no happiness no enjoyment no happiness to kids also......10 years i bared still how long...tried for jobs no wfh... trying to get in job for my needs unable to concentrate on anything...before I'm a lecturer to students now I'm unable to motivate my self.
Yes, ALL OF THESE
This was so good. I had to take a screenshot and send it to myself as a reminder
i confronted a narcissist about their behaviour and it all was redirected to me and at the end i was apologizing instead of them. they have this twisted way of making you feel gui;ty for something theyve done playing victim card
The way I tortured them is by mirroring to them their own behaviors (short of being abusive) then ignore and not react to their tantrums. Then I go no contact and live my life with joyful success; not as revenge but because I want to maintain my peace. ✌️
That's a killer blow...
My narc used to throw big man tantrums. So as soon as I noticed he's on his way to one, I would say go and throw your tantrum away from me. And ignored them totally.
You could repeat their child like remarks back to them. They speak as of they are the leaders of junior high "mean girls " groups...lol. They do not behave like adults....even the Narcissist men....they behave like a "mean girl "...it's so dumb.."Everybody hates you "...Adults know we can not know who Everybody hates....that's gaslighting and say they can not reason. The more they lie, the more they need to lie in the future. Lying causes them to need to believe their own lies...and it emotionally stunts them. They behave like they are in junior high...lol.
🙌🏾🙌🏾yessss
@@LR-yu3mx that’s awesome! Much prayers for you🕊️
Another thing that makes a narcissist go speechless is giving them only one word answers. 😊
True, less is better, if not thé best
That pisses me off after I put deep thought into a nice message getting a one word answer, just shows you dont matter to that person 😂😂
@@CannabiscloudsSs That's right. My MIL is a narcissist and she only cares about herself. I've had to deal with her for the past 25 years. She is pure evil.
And the one word is NO 😂
@@skincareceo The word my MIL hates the most. And I say it often. She doesn't like me and I couldn't care less. 😃
Ignoring them is torture in itself. So be it.
I didn't understand for many years that I have been living with a bunch of narcissists. My mother-in-law, (who is now deceased), my husband, some of his friends, and almost everyone who works for him. Pls pray that I can find better friends and relatives who truly value me, and move on with my life, because such abuse for more than 20 years has drained me. I don't want to suffer emotionally and physically anymore.
In my case my narcissists are my own mother and aunt
My wife and I are suffering from my narc mom. Just yet she came and said KEEP FEEDING YOUR FILTHY FAT WIFE.. and even though she is pregnant and suffering health issues...but I remained silent...we are like valued 0 and suffer heavy abuses from our own mom I discovered is actually a narc.. it hurts so bad I wanna destroy everything 😭😭😭
Our sincerest prayers are for you. You are a very brave person.
1.) Child stuck in an Adult's body. 2.) Ignore them. Don't argue with them. Tell them their behavior is unacceptable 3.) Tell them "That is your opinion" or That tells me a lot about you". 4,) Organize your life and your home. 5.) Use their personal 'image' against them.
Yup, if they act like a child, treat em like one.
@@deneyacarter6779 Yes, take their favorite toys away. Ignore their behavior. And put them in time-out. And if you have to talk to them, always be polite but 'chuckle' before you answer them. Laughter is like nails on a chalkboard to them. lol
6) Bail out. They will eat you above the waist.
@@mikejohn0088 Depends upon 'which' type of NPD you are dealing with. If it's in person & they are violent; then they will stock you, break down doors, assault you or even try & rape you. If it's over the phone; take you time & dissect them piece by piece. They'll come back everyday, thinking they'll win the next fight. I call it, "Their daily beating". They get so frustrated, they'll scream, cuss & throw down the phone. I just laugh. That will make them so mad, they will get physically sick. And when they see, you've moved on with your life and your are doing better than they are; that pisses them off.
@@deneyacarter6779I wonder if that's why you grandma never let's me throw anything away and has spent the past 2-3 years telling me "not right now" whenever I try to go through and separate clothes I can't wear.
I took my revenge on the Narcissist I was with for 18 years by leaving.
Packing my belongings into a moving truck,getting in,not looking back and leaving.
No grey rock,no angry words,no discussions.
Just gone.
Respect
Not too long ago I said to the narcissist “There’s what you believe, & then there’s the truth.” -dead silence!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out *Metaspyhub@gmail. com.* Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
😂
"When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth."
Incorrect.
Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong and they do have control over their behavior. They generally don't habitually abuse everybody in their circle of association. They choose when to abuse and whom to inflict the abuse upon.
That makes it "personal."
"The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. "
Incorrect again.
Narcissists engage in information mining for a reason. Think about this logically. If the narcissist didn't know who you were, he wouldn't be able to successfully emotionally manipulate you. If narcissists weren't reasonably good at making reasonably accurate judgements about who their victims are, the emotional sociopathy they engage in would be largely ineffectual. But it isn't.
The sort of amateur-hour psychology you've engaged in while trying to over-simplify a complex disorder doesn't have the effect you seem to think it does. It paints real monsters who are really dangerous as Muppets who really aren't all that dangerous..
I think the most painful thing is the people who show the same behaviours as narcissists, but are not actually narcissists. That means they actually know what they are doing, and they are choosing to do it. They may or may not do it because of their own personal issues - but they know what they are doing.
"You're entitled to your feelings" is a favorite of mine. A normal person feels respected by that, a narcissist freaks the hell out.
I’m going to have to use that.
Me too!
I would add.....even if your wrong!! Sit back and enjoy the mental breakdown😅
Meh. Not a narcissist and this seems like a really douchey thing to say to anyone. You might be narcissisty yourself.
"I'm okay with you being wrong about me"
I have left my narcist husband without informing him. I simply told him i would visit my brother for the weekend. I then stept out of the door and never came back. He is extremely angry since i also took my savings and my camper van. He is without a job for 10 years. I had a fulltime job as a business controller, all my savings are mine. He can't demand a cent through the divorce. He can't claim my camper. So now he needs to pay his rent for his house, he needs to pay for his car. He cannot live in my money or salary anymore. And i fled, far away. I live in my camper van in another state and he can't find me. He is so very angry,! He is trying to regain control but nothing works! I am so enjoying my life now. Okay, i don't have a home anymore. I quit my job and i am living of my early retirement plan but i'm happy and content because I am free of him
Good for you. You are amazing.
Good for you ma'am..be strong
You're a queen 👑
Keep on living your life for you and not your ex. I was in a similar situation and finally after 40 years of being together I just announced "I want a divorce". Best thing I ever did. After making that statement I felt like I had just been released from prison and had also regained my eyesight. I now clearly saw all the things she had been doing to me for years and years. When she tried to use those same tactics again, I just laughed at her. Never ever let another narcissist into your life, even for a moment.
Nice work
I’ve shut down a narcissist who was trying to change my decisions with their flawed thinking simply by saying gently but confidently, “I don’t believe that” and looking directly into their eyes. The clarity I had in that moment must’ve shown in my eyes, and their face completely changed out of surprise and being put in their place. The great thing about this is that I was telling them they were wrong, and they couldn’t say I was wrong, because I made it about individual beliefs.
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE them
Then ignore some more ❤
And start laughing when they talk. Do not give them what they want. I cut them off completely
101%true ignore,avoid,dodge,run,hide, don't answer phone or door.😁✅
Yep.. eventually they will find a new victim. Oh and they will let you know when they do too
I have a narcissistic coworker who I turned in at work, I had logs of dates/times and brief explanation of what happened. She was covertly harassing and then gaslighting me. I got her on a recording calling me a bitch when everyone else left the room for their lunch. She doesn't know about that.
She was told not to talk to me and not to talk about the situation. She immediately did, and I just let it happen because at work, to assume something won't keep quiet and eventually get out is naive. I've had to work by her again and she's got some flying monkeys trying to do her dirty work, but luckily they're all pretty tame and I can handle them.
At the same time they're such stupid people. She told them she got in trouble for something she never said, that I made up. Then she's playing the sob story of, "I don't understand why X hates me so much!" And those people will ask coworkers I'm close to, why does she hate her, and they don't respond. But here's the thing: she's claiming I allegedly made up things that she said, and then she can't figure out why I'm mad at her and won't talk to her....umm if that were true, why would you want to speak to that person?!?!?!?
I haven't spoken to her since February, and started ignoring her existence in July after reporting her. She is STILL acting like an absolute fool to try to get me to look at her, like that's some kind of win. She will not stop, I'm about to go say something about her again. She peaks her head around the corner to watch me, like you're 68 years old, retire and hang out with your grandkids!!!
1) don’t take the bait
2) deflect when they try to gaslight you and don’t react! My truth is known to me
3) narcissists hate organization but thrive on disorganization. They hate stability.
4) use their image against them. They want to be accepted and validated ✅
5) focus 🧘♀️ on your life and rebuilding your life! -best one ☝️ of them all. Get out of the abusive cycle 🔁 . Step out if the bubble 🫧 they put you in.
Thank you so much 😊
Yeah, right.
Incredible advice. Thank you.
@@angelos.1957 thank you for your comment
@@PraveenSriram You're so welcome! Thank you for the great work you do. We need you.
Brilliant synopsis
When you stop caring about them and the relationship. The dynamics shift. The goal is indifference. Once there boy does life get better. They want you to stop loving them subconsciously. They want to be a nobody. They respect you when finally you see them as invisible Treat them like they’re insignificant. They’re starving to be “Nothing to you”. Help them have that dream. It’s wonderful to see them become in your eyes what they always knew to be true about themselves. NOBODY that’s where everyone finds peace.
This is so true. #5, I went back to school and became a registered nurse. After that I no longer wanted to participate in any of his narcissist's games. I was no longer "Fun" to him. He gave me the silent treatment, forbid me to take a job, wrote a daily schedule by hour of what I was suppose to do, and "upped" his head games and bad treatment towards me. I made great friends in school and at my hospital job. My new life changed me and he went CRAZY! We were married for 13 yrs and I finally started doing what I wanted. He divorced me in about 6 months or so. It was still very painful for me, if you can believe it I still wanted to stay married. I was so brain washed by him. I thank God every day that he helped me out of that horrible existence. When you are out of it, at least for me I started seeing how toxic it truely was. I can't believe another human being could treat me like that and I forgive myself for letting him do it all those years.
Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, free at last! Good for you. I was together with my wife for 40 years before finally having had my share of lies, abuse. manipulation, control, panic attacks, and gaslighting. She became even angrier while we were going through the divorce because I was no longer under her control and just laughed at her attempts to regain dominance over me. After the divorce became final, I went through a period of time realizing just how much she had been controlling my every day life. At first I thought to myself, how could I have been so ignorant not realize this was happening to me? After reading up on the behaviors of narcissists I became aware of just how good they are at creating chaos. It's hard to see things for what they truly are when you're in a constant state of turmoil and upheaval. Stay on your current course and enjoy your newfound happiness and freedom.
I had a narcissistic ex wife. Dont miss her at all. Sanity is much more valuble. Now I have a great wife. Also sister look into islam and revert, eternal happiness in this life and the afterlife Almighty willing.
To put it simply, the best way to make a narcissist's life hell is to just do your best to live a good life without them. As the old saying goes, living well is the best revenge.
Truer words were never spoken 👍.
I have the problem that my narcissist family members stole my part of the inheritance I got. I just don’t want to give up that money. I can’t start a new live until I got that money back.
@@SN-bl6xmThey’ll do anything to keep the money because you want it. Your only real option is to live without the $. When they lose control you shall win. My wife has our children where I can’t see them easily. When I stopped acting as desperate as I actually feel she got the older one a cell phone so he can call me. She doesn’t want to lose the connection but control it.
@@jackjones9460 Hang in there. Kids grow up. She can't retain control forever. Maintain a good relationship with your kids. Be peaceful and wait.
Pretending to diagnose others is just the start of your problem.
Wishing hell on others deserve some rethinking.
Following bad advice is popular.
Congratulations!
Stay calm. If they want to end a relationship, agree. Walk away. Drives them nuts.
My sister and I bought a home and acreage considering my sister's daughter living with us. We found she made our neighbors think she owned our home. Then she had three large dogs caged in her bedroom. At 5:00 am her dogs started to bark and made noises to go outside. Of course, not being trained, they used the deck and she never cleaned the deck. Well, I had enough! At 5:00 am, I played Italian music loudly. Then I told her to clean up after the dogs. Then she started to slam the doors. My sister and I decided to kick her out. We told her, she went into a rang. She called the police and lied, saying we were abusing her. She never paid for rent, utilities, food, etc. She moved, never repaying us for the thousand of dollars. She is on her fourth marriage now. We feel sad for her husband who will have hell and very little left money.
I told my narcissistic sister that she was the stupidest one in the family. She won’t talk to me after that. It’s been lovely 😊
Best way to end an argument: Agree.
I tortured my narcissistic ex my simply not taking his baits. He tried making me jealous, nothing, he tried to get me to chase, nothing, he tried reverse psychology, still nothing. When he ghosted, l left him to it, no phone call, no begging, so when he ran and saw l wasn’t chasing, he eventually came back and tried to start the process all over again with his love bombing. This process happened on and off throughout the years because l did not know who he was. Now with education and an epiphany, the truth was stripped bare. I was completely disgusted and walked away for the first and the last time. I know who l am. I am not just an empath, l am a super empath and so much more. Narcissists anger me and even though l know l still have some healing to do, my narc ex has no chance in getting away with playing his Jedi mind tricks on me again.
Ah, the power of nothing. It's the very opposite of supply! Just not caring at all is the biggest and best revenge.
I used the same tactics, and it's so satisfying to be free from such abuse, to heal.
As they melt in their own poisonous toxic acid.
“The dark side”
great for you, hope you good.
🥂🍾🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
When I finally realized I was dealing with a narcissist, every time he said something crazy, insulting, or lied, I stopped arguing. I just smiled and said “Okay” and walked away. This made him insane. It truly did torture him.
Oh I recently did this an he was so confused cause I wouldn't argue or say anything it ate him alive
When I did that...he thought I agreed with him.
And after a while in another conversation when he said you agreed with me why now you are doing differently.
I said, I was just hearing your upset speaking I haven't even talk or argue with you.
They can take "okay" as a win
They don’t like that lol! We are so brave!
Try not to become a narcissist by reversing the role. It's also important to realise that when someone has more insight or risk associated with a situation, then being clueless or non caring can wrongfully be associated with narcism. Always remember that a narcissist is out to destroy you. What this guy is trying to do is just a reverse role.
You cannot cure narcism. You have to ask yourself, how can I contribute not to be one myself.
This is why we need to get to know ourselves before we go out and control the emotions of others.
Resist the devil, and he'll flee. Pride comes before a fall, so resist or void them. Good video.
Keep accountability... If you remind them all their mistakes, they will lose it. Then, they will try to gaslight everyone saying that you are lying, just present facts and repeat those fact in front of them and in front of people. That's kryptonite.
I was dating a narcissist for 2 years. I threw her out 3 weeks ago. My house is clean, my kitchen is organized, my stress is considerably lower, and my dogs are happier and healthier. My life is better. They will try to show you what you wanted from them after everything is said and done. They will pursue in the same way they did when you first got together. They will try to prove that they've changed. The only thing that's changed is that you're not under their thumb anymore. They did not change. They know how they are, and they know what they're doing. Do yourself a favor and do not fall for it.
Did the same after 5 yr of being judge and critizise i would never think i would let a women do that to me but like you since she gone grass have start to grow again in my life ...
The same happened to me with a guy I was so in love with! After living together I realized what a narcissist he has and throw him out!! Thank God I did it! My dog appreciates highly ❤
@@annafyssa375I was about to say “May God bless you” then realized you already are without the narcissist in your life. May you enjoy the rest of it!
I'm coming out in the open here, I'm not a victim but a narcissist myself, I identified it long ago by writing my thought patterns out in Google, I had 2 failed relationships, which I take the blame for, decided to not get married and keep only a few friends where I give more and take less. However what has healed me greatly is my love for animals, in unconditionally giving food daily to dogs/cats and sometimes cows (lifelong vegetarian, now vegan), I've greatly come to realize that life is about giving, to fill a place with love where there is none. I like to think I'm reformed now, but I'm not taking chances, I've completely cut out the need for drama or manufactured insecurities, I'm grateful that I have food, clothing and shelter and will help animalkind till my last day on earth. Narcissists reading this, please give back to this earth, your soul will be at peace. Male here.
I had a crush on a girl who was a narcissist. Too bad I thought she was beautiful but she only cared about herself and her work. I'm glad I never dated her.
The way to torture a narcissist is to give them silence treatment, stonewalling , don't defend , to justify , don't explain and don't personalize from my knowledge and understand sychology!!! Don't ever take the bait !!!
Problem is, stonewalling is also a form of abuse. But I guess it's only healthy to do it to narcissists.
Very dr ramani
@@usernameisunavailable8270 absolutely!!!! Stonewalling is inappropriate and awful act toward healthy individuals !!! Narcs have ruined millions lives in this universe especially kids and young adults , kids are dropping out of school due to the abuse and bullies that they have encounter during they school years etc....knowledge and education is crucial for every human being to acquire so that toxic and delusional people won't ever come close to you etc...
I have no problem giving Narcs harsh truths or even a cup of STFU. Bully's can't take what they dish out and will go moonbat crazy when you ignore them.
Doesn't this make anyone mad? Lol
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
@thompsonlauren1004 Narcissists are know for withholding sex in order to torture their partner. And, while they're withholding sex from you, they are most likely cheating with someone else. Mine did the same thing to me for 24 years. It's not you. It was always him.
I know the feeling only too well and it is soul crushing . I feel like something died inside me when her alienation started. Almost took a dark road but was given a beautiful Labrador instead. Her and I are great friends. Best Wishes to you
Girl how many videos are you going to write this same book on? 😂
This guy knows what he’s talking about!!
Straight to the point!!
Narcissists are controlling , disruptive, jealous of our success!! So true 👍👍
The worst part is that children that are psychologically abused by narcissists won't hear this information until they are old enough to seek it out, if they live that long. The damage done in the first seven years will shape their entire life. But no one is addressing this angle.
How to bring children them out of this shit
Not every narcissist has traumatic childhood. Many were spoilt as kids with no accountabilities for wrongdoing
@@JasmineBliss Yup, that was my mom, little princess, rich daddy's favorite.
so so so right !!!!!
Exactly
Silent treatment and maintaining a positive attitude with everyone besides them. Been using this simple technique my whole life.
That is so hard to do when you have to live with them.
Ideally.... But some family relationships aren't as cut and dry. They may have children you love and want to a show what a healthy adult looks like. You may work for them and not have another option right now. You may be disabled and not have options (often happens in the way the US healthcare system is set up. Disability services are based on previous year income which, if it includes the narcissists income, could disqualify someone for services and health insurance. Medicare takes 2 1/2 years to take over from the date someone is declared legally disabled.)
Okay.😅
@@aleafox1675if you live with them put on headphones 🎧 make sure they look like these it creates a barrier between them trying to communicate with you try it out works like a charm
The thing is, it’s so difficult to be joyous around others and look like you are ignoring them, otherwise you look like the bad guy. People don’t see the gaslighting, the twisting, the lies, the false promises, the name calling - they just see you being distant and unfriendly
Dealing with a narcissist is like playing chess with a pigeon, they crap on the board and then strut around like they’ve won.
😂😂😂
Just WOW! Perfect choice of words.
Theyre childish abd totally insane
I went from BLIND, to SEEING it was never my fault -whatever HE did but I was blamed, to ANGRY because I was manipulated for yearssss , to now looking forward to quickly recognize and point out to him what narcissistic thing he just did. Then ignore him like he did to me for years and move on to happily do whatever I like doing. I am so happy gardening, with friend, my dogs.
good for you I hope I can do that for me! :) stay safe
It is difficult I have cried for a month I know I want out but my heart is failing me😢
Dear dr. Bashir, I am an italian psychiatrist and psychotherapist, very impressed by your ability in describing narcissistic interpersonal functioning! You are cristal clear. Bravissimo! 👏👏👏
overcoming the own drama with such parents is the best ever study, no psychiatrist study can be replacement. I am glad for you as one from the sea of psychiatrists that is given him a price! Well done.
You are a doctor and spelled crystal, cristal? I don't understand?
@@pidry2002 English is not his first language, respect to people that speak other languages Mr pidry
@@incorruptus yes, no emotional charge towards narcissist, no reaction is sign of the healed personality.
@@pidry2002 Seriously? He's Italian, English is likely not his first language. What don't you understand?
I was married to a narc psychiatrist and he would diagnose me with mental disorders. He told me I was bipolar. Every time I I made an appointment with an independent psychiatrist and she said I wasn't bipolar. She wrote me a 5 page medical report which I gave him. He never talked about it again.
That sounds so heartbreaking. All the stories I read are just scary. The narcissistic mother of my boyfriend (who has adhd) controls his use of meds. That makes him feel so bad. I don't know what to do anymore
@@Sound-EaterDo a good research on how to handle a narcissist. She is never going to change. Good luck.
Wow 😮
The reason he is a psychiatrist, is probably to get his "narcissistic supply" from his patients. Feeding off their vulnerabilities. Might be a bit hard to understand. They will not be getting much better under his care.
@@Tom-ef9yp that is wild! Sounds like a movie
Thanks for the video. I had a narcissistic boss for 20 years. Last year I quit. He was insecure because he was quite short and he was in a position that he was in no way qualified for (i.e., he inherited this private company because his elder brother died. He didn't have any relevant qualifications, so he was afraid of me because I was actually qualified in what our company did. He didn't promote me because, by his own words "your culture is wrong" (he was Japanese, I was Caucasian). Because I wasn't promoted I started ignoring him. He got mad and insulted me in end of year assessments saying things like, "Why can't you take care of yourself, a six year old can take care of themselves". I did not rise to the bait, just sat there looking at him bemused. He got angry and yelled. I walked out quietly and never came back.
Best way I've seen to torture a narcissist is... being on the spectrum. I had a partner with a narcissistic mother and she _hated_ me. All her manipulations just bounced off my spergie ass simply because I was too socially unaware to recognise what she wanted me to do, or how she was reacting to the things I would say. That relationship didn't last, but her whole family fell apart shortly after and I like to think it was in part because they got to see that the world didn't end just because someone didn't play her little games. Even if it was only because I was too oblivious to even know there were games.
My mother is a covert narcissist and my son has ASD. He is her kryptonite, I swear. All her attempts to manipulate and control him through guilt just bounce off him. She has no idea how to push his buttons. She will use excuses like, "he's going to get bullied at school if you don't make him dress more 'normally'" or whatever it is about him that bothers her at the moment and it's just like, well if he can take YOUR bullying, I'm sure he'll be fine with a run of the mill school bully. My son has almost a celebrity status at school for dressing the way he does. Everywhere I go with him he is recognized and people say hi. He's far from an embarrassment to the family.
@@cinemaocd1752 Trendsetters usually are dressed differently than the rest of people anyhow.
You act dumb. The narcissist has to act smart. The narcissist begins to think you are acting dumb and toying with them. The dumber you act the smarter they suspect you are. This drives them mad
@@beaterbikechannel2538 If narcissists were capable of acting smart they wouldn't be narcistic.
Well narcissists know how to treat a narcissist. Congratz, you're a narcissist too :)
The way I tortured a narcissist once was by making alliances with others close to them. They don’t want the people they try to control to be friendly because they know nobody likes them.
That is so true ❤😊
This definitely works.
Even basic and short polite conversations (not about the narcissist) can hinder their flying monkeys.
And also they don’t want people who know them connecting the dots , they pin people against each other especially knowing that in small talk you won’t ever find out what they been saying about you
Oh yeah I went after all the guys who rejected him including his ex. Gonna try to bang him next week (being gay makes being a narcissist way easier but also getting revenge against them afterward).
Natasha, did people believe you? Did they stop their friendship with your narcissist?
#s 3 and 5 are really important. Narcissists are very insecure, but if you’re confident in yourself you’re like kryptonite to them.
I met a woman a year ago who was a narcissist. When I eventually discovered it I did something incredibly mean. I allowed heer to think she had me uder her thumb, then I called her out, and turned the tables around so to speak. I was so angry that I had lived a life under the thumb of a narcissist parent, and the a husband, I wasn't going to put up with it and I was going to teach her a lesson! And I did!!!! She doesn't have many friends, hummm, wonder why? LOL
Lol, Yes!! Man when you get to the point where you just shut them down by NOT engaging in their "tantrums" & goin on with ur day like it NEVER happened, they becime humble bc they cant understand. I also learned to with hold ANY kind of praise or admiration, that nearly killed him. Then I mimicked his behavior and gave him his own replies and low blows. That REALLY confused him 😆. I'm almost ashamed to say just how low and ugly I did become but the results were AWESOME bc he couldn't figure out how to manipulate me. I even got to the point I basically stays with my daughters and watched my grandkids but would "visit" him and grace him with my presence for a day or night. Apparently I did it so very well in this continued for about 3 or 4 years till eventually we ended up moving into an apartment beside my daughters that was mid April of this year by the following month he was with the neighbor in the apartment across the hall who's supposedly a Christian and knows the word so very well and now they've been together for about 2 to 3 months. What amazes me is I guess she's narcissistic too because they've been together about 2 or 3 months and act like they're married and I'm the crazy ex-girlfriend trying to interfere I think they're both batshit crazy I'm enjoying the show cuz he keeps running over here to my daughter's house and calling my daughters and texting my daughters about me give me money every week give me cigarette money it was insane and it's still going on but I finally did beat him in his response was doing this behind my back trying to embarrass and shame me and make me fight for him. Which I did not. And that's actually made it worse he can't accept that I'm not upset and heartbroken I want to beat her ass because I treated her like a friend she doesn't have a car she was a single mom with two kids I brought her cigarettes brought her clothes brought her daughter brand new shoes I mean I'm not bragging just telling you how I treated the woman truly with respect is a friend and then how she did me. But watching these two fruit loops together they're going to do each other in and I am getting some popcorn and a drink and I'm going to sit down and watch this show cuz they're going to destroy each other and God's going to let me watch it
I’m confident with everyone except my narcissistic daughter. Now that I’m educated on narcissism she’s in for a major wake up call. Her bs isn’t going to work anymore. I think she already has a feeling. She withholds my 1 year old granddaughter so I don’t ever ask about her anymore. It’s supply for her to have me beg to see her. I’ll have to get to know her when she grows up more.
I have been in such darkness, dark thoughts. Thank you for helping me climb out this time.
Don't waste your time torturing a narcissist or trying to torture one. Think of yourself and what the relationship is doing to you already. Walk away. Ghosting them forever is the best thing you can do for your own mental health and due to their self-grandiose and inflated ego, it's difficult for them to accept that you dumped such a prize as them, (in their mind anyway). If you do this, be aware that you could get a nastygram text or email or voicemail and possibly threats. Just take note of them and keep the threat in paper form or if it's in voicemail then record it on a different recorder and save all of them in case they follow thru. Narcissists can get nasty when they don't get their way. They tend to have abandonment issues also.
“Do what the Amish do, shun them. It’s very effective, it’s like slapping someone with silence” - Dwight Schrute.
so true
I like it. I will remember that. Slap them with silence.
I like this,
I love it 🤣🤣
Bahahahaha... U GO GIRL!!!!
My sisters and father are narcissists. I've gone no contact for 5 years now with my sisters & 2 years no contact with my dad. I've worked hard to be happy. I look at it this way. Happiness is like a garden. It takes a lot of work so if you have a dead rose bush then you pull it out. Best decision of my life.
Same with me. Narcissist sister I have t spoken to on 2 1/2 years and a Narc father but he is 96 I can’t go no contact but I don’t see him that often. It’s hard but it’s the best peace to help ourselves. Stay away from them..
Haven't had any contact with my narc mother and her enabler(my father) for 25 years!
Feels good 😎⛵
@@3-DtimeCosmology
It doesn’t matter if your mom is narcissists or not. She is your mother. At least you have to respect her endeavour gave when you were a child. I totally agree you are a narcissist and toxic.
Similar story here. The longer you go the easier life gets
I have a narcist sister and mother.I can't avoid them because they depend on me for living
I instinctively reacted in all those ways with my narcissistic husband…grey rock, walked away from drama and tantrums without an argument. Result… he discarded me and found someone else. It hurt for a while, but I’m doing great and much happier now.
Doubting them and saying "I have to double check that just in case" is like taking a needle to their brain.
They don't like the concept that they might be wrong or got mislead by their source.
Kicking these people to the curb and ignoring them, blocking them and anyone who knows them is the only way to reclaim your serenity.
OH....so true!
🎯🎯🎯
100% agree ! Why spend your energy on a narcissist? No need to "Torture a Narcissist".
Best advice 🙇♂️
Easier said than done right
One of the most important lessons I learned from these videos is that they thrive on your reaction to their bad treatment of you and the chaos and inconsistent behaviour they subject you to. My reaction to days of love bombing and then radio silence for weeks would be to get angry. I started acting like I hadn’t noticed they hadn’t got in touch but also became aware of how they wanted me to feel and didn’t fall into the trap. Just lived my life without bothering. Your reaction to their maltreatment is sweet fuel to them. They use it to portray themselves as victims to their enablers. Trust your instincts about them. Love shouldn’t feel confusing and toxic. Real love and connection is natural and reciprocal.
Same for me, gave me so much peace. Watched him struggle and I did or said nothing🤣🤣🤣
Like 101 here
It's crazy making. Like whaaattt? Don't you have anything more productive to do with your time?? Cuz I sure do! We need to be given awards for trudging through the madness. Hopefully, the end reward/result is finding freedom and learning how to never get in a similar relationship again.
She got me by behaving like a victim. I started to question myself. That was the trap.
Yup yup yup-still feel a bit of a twinge when walking back or away from a narcissist, and end up dodging incoming slings and arrows from any mutual friends/acquaintances/family members concerned about MY mental health…they work tirelessly to isolate and ignore me and when I do recuse myself from their circle they turn around and insist on devaluing me and my reputation to others. It feels like a trap because I cannot explain how I do not wish to tolerate the treatment I receive nor witness the poor behavior and treatment of others because it would cause more drama and distress for myself and others. Those who don’t/can’t/won’t see through the narcissist’s superficial charm and caught up in the cat and mouse pursuit while narcissist toying and abusing them unable to understand my position. Triangulation always a part of unhealthy dynamics. I don’t wish to contribute.
I do know better than to be open about my feelings in this kind of situation, but I feel a little guilty or uncomfortable when I’m not being entirely honest in response to the inevitable “concern” inquiries whenever I need to disengage from narcissistic environment. Accept they’ll always need to blame my “failures” or “problems” for the distancing. But i don’t like it.
So very very true, nothing torments a narcissist more than the success of those it deems subordinate or inferior.
Which, by the way, is just about everybody!
Misleading title for clicks. It's not how to torture them, it's how to recognise their 5 main traits & deal with them to survive them. This IS one of the most succinct & accurate videos I have seen here, to inform of how they are & how they manipulate you & how to deal with them. Thank you.
They cannot stand to see us regain our light (the light they have always hated us for) because it’s utter, objective proof that we’re stronger than they are. It’s the worst kind of narcissistic injury, and it tears them apart.
We are stronger because we want to heal and to work on ourselves. We want to learn how to love ourselves in order to love others in a healthy way. We are curious to look inward even if scared, we want to grow and have courage. They don't want that. We might have been abused like some of them but we don't punish the world for it..we have a strong desire to heal our inner child and we do not lose our humanity and integrity. Abuse is no excuse. ❤️🤗
Wow!, nicely said...
They? You mean we, everyone is a narcissist. Some more than others :)
🍀🦋❤️ Narcissit mania -ERA🍀🦋❤️
So much true. Few months ago they broke me completely and thought I was done. I gray rocked for about 2 or 3 months and they are losing their shit and me gaining my light. It's really rejuvenating experience. They broke me twice already 3rd time again now woke up. They are not able to do jack shit 😅
The problem with trying to ignore a narcissist when they start their stuff is that they can become violent because you are ignoring them. When a 4 year old is trapped in an adult body those tantrums can become dangerous. If your narcissist becomes violent, I recommend leaving the house to walk away and do your own thing. Don't go back until they're calm. Better yet, don't go back at all.
true, be self protective, think ahead, they think slowly........but always be ahead of them and make your plans to escape your hell soon as you can. that's my plan!
Violence can always be met with self defense.
Mine would become violent at the drop of a hat. He wouldn't let me leave, to the point of letting the air out of my tires, taking my phone, slamming the door in my face, pulling the shoes off my feet and throwing them in the yard. All of which was done in the presence of his own mother and twin brother. Who did NOTHING! Then left me, curled up in a corner on the floor while he was pouring water on me...
How does one handle THAT?
@200130769 how does 5.5, 130 pounds, defend against 6.4 280 of absolute rage?
@@dianagoode676 God made man, Samuel colt made man equal. Guns can allow the smallest woman to protect herself from the largest man.
Wow! This is golden advice! Thank you Danish for helping me realize that my older brother - who always gave me what sounded like good advice that was meant to help me - actually wanted to see me fail, and when I didn't it was torture to him. I haven't had any contact with him for almost 10 years now but I still think about all the time I spent with him believing he actually had my best interests at heart. I am still struggling to get his voice out of my head. My mother always stopped me from trying to discuss our obvious problems with him and now I understand she was protecting me, because if he knew what hurt me he would have used it to hurt me more, so she stopped me from telling him how I truly felt. I used to think he and I could have worked out our problems if we had only talked about them, but now I realize my mother knew that was impossible and helped me avoid further pain and suffering by keeping me from opening myself up to him. Thanks, Mom!!
I agree with some other comments extreme narcissists aren't worth your time and energy, walk away, and stay away.
Ignore them. Silence is Golden
That last one is 🔑 lol They hate when you turn your pain into power. Just take a break off social media, heal, and improve your actual life for you, NOT THEM 🤷🏽♀️
And that’s what I did
This is what I did too. I lost the will to live with him…4 years later I started my own online business as a professional artist and am working making good money and things are not perfect by any stretch but I’m doing so well and have my health back, looking fly while he got fatter and made new friends and a new community.
He thought I needed him so much and acted like his below average looks were actually in the 9’s and 10’s and that I wasn’t good enough for him 😂
I know he felt upset and offended when I ran into him months ago because I could feel that I hurt him the next day! That didn’t feel good but I don’t regret it. He isn’t a safe person and the level of disrespect he threw at me…dude does not deserve a single second of my time or energy
Block them and ignore them as if they don't exist. That will trigger them, let them drown in their own anger.
12 years lost
now I live my own life and I am finally thriving
Be "oblivious " to the abuse, don't react except with polite vanilla responses. It drives them nuts if you don't get it that you are being abused
One time he told me he wanted a divorce. At the time I was shocked. I went up stairs. I decided to agree with him. And say I also want a divorce so how good is that...we both want a divorce. I put on Rolling Stones music and 💃 danced. And behaved super excited. Well Toddler brain Narcissist changes his mind really fast. Now he does not want a divorce. Later he tries to force me to move to another state. I said no, I will not move there. So..lol, he tries reverse psychology on me. Puts on his arrogant voice and says ' you were not invited to move '. Me to him : well thank you for sharing 😊. Always remember you are not dealing with an adult.
You made me smile. I love your strength and humour. Bless you sweetheart.
I just realized that I am married to a child.
@@queenefuah444 Me too🙄
They can only regulate their emotions by being abusive to you- hope you escape soon.
@@Tarnishtha Gosh ladies!! They are so PATHETIC!!.
I am honest about their behaviors with friends and loved ones because hiding their abuses because they shame you is how they continue to have power over you.
I need you to know how important you are to endless amounts of people across the globe.
You’re hard work and efforts change lives daily.
Please accept all our love and appreciation for the love you give to us everyday.
You save lives and deeply impact the world. ❤
Call their bluff, don't do what they want. Once you call them out a few times and have your own opinion, it's over. Focus on your self and get out.
I tried using the grey rock technique with a family member and it was interesting. They started to go into discussions that are abusive and I didn't react, just nodded along. Then they kept trailing off to other topics and eventually in the middle of a sentence they pause to tell me I look tired. Trying to get a reaction. I just responded with, 'no, I feel fine.' At that point the discussion was over and they wondered off LOL.
wandered off not wondered off.
Absolutely....Brilliant.....It must have been hilarious to watch. They are disgusting animals...... Good for you....!!
My mil and her gang of aunts would do just the same..i started ignoring the whole lot and over the years the gang itself fell apart😂
I did the grey rock for the first time during a small family holiday party & it was awesome. I couldn’t believe how effective it was.
😂😂🤣🤣
As a child of a narcissist father, #1 is so hard. As the scapegoat daughter, I always had to be my own advocate, which fed his controlling behavior. He got pushed around at work, so he had to let it out on someone, which is me. I spent my whole life defending myself from what he said that I was.
I have same mother
@mississipi…taking a free psych session? Damn, girl. Get ahold of yourself and share with a private psych. You need one to get thru the hell you harbor ❤
I'm so sorry that you had to go through so much but I'm also happy to see that you are into the solution. May God richly bless you and your recovery process.
My Dad was the same way right up to his death
sorry Sweetie. I kind of know this one, it is "projection". my Dad was really afraid of his mother, therefore grew to hate women (he was afraid of women and for good reason) so he punished them by cheating on them. but he was tortured with his mother and later i found out why (totally broke my heart) anyway, he was horrible to me as a kid (I won't go into details) and beat us bad while my mother would stand by (secretly happy, a true narcissist, trust me). we need to forgive ourselves and we start to see how we attracted this into our lives and how it is okay to love ourselves. go to God, in the language of your own heart and pray for help, God is there for us. He helps me and I used to hate myself, so I know. God bless you to heal soon.
When they want to ruin you emotionally you prove them wrong by being genuinely happy
Excellent advice. Stay calm and well grounded, completely disengaged from them and communicating in 3rd person helps to avoid getting personal. Thank you 🙏🏻
Ignoring them hurts their huge sense of grandosity and ego. Also, saying "no", walking away, going silent, and ignoring them hurts them as well. Also, I found for myself is when you talk with no emotions, kind blah, short simple replies, "yes, no, or maybe" with a pause before you answer speak in a low key monotone voice like a robot it shocks them and they don't know what to think and say. It catches them off guard.
these are exactly the things I have been doing myself just recently! And can confirm they 100% work. I only wish it didnt take decades and an emotional collapse to figure it out but better late than never eh
@@konsyjes, I know it works. Short simple answers talking in a monotone voice with no emotion like a robot they are surprised and don't know what to say as you are interacting with them in a different manner something they are not use to and catches them off guard. Always use pauses before you answer them and between words. Make your conversation short and simplified and leave. They sre stunned and don't know what to make of it.
When you said “torture,” I was thinking more along the lines of “water-boarding,” but I guess this works just as well. 😂
🤣🤣🤣
I like your idea better. Lol
waterboarding....
I was thinking more of applying Sharia law upon all humans.
Hahahahhaa this would work far better. I hear you
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I tortured him by walking away. I had to call the sheriff's office a few times, and he couldn't believe I did that.
Bashir Danish, you are brilliant!
I kills him how people are drawn to me..like he said, I put out high energy, positive mindset..people approach me and ignore him.
They hate they don’t get that attention they are haters and big on jealousy lol sick
100%. When the narc used to have me in tears, he would actually laugh. 2 weekends ago he was really winding me up, I was in my bedroom and he stood inside the door so I was a sitting duck really, he ranted and ranted then asked if I was getting upset in a smarmy tone, I just smiled, unknown to him I have been secretly recording him since the end of June with over 130 clips of his nonsense which is now with the police.
I’m glad he did choreograph the pantomime that day because I then went out and bought a motion sensor camera and put it in my room, I’ve had no bother now, I told him it was recording him every time he walked in the room and Its more or less peaceful since.
I move out in a couple of days then see what the police say as what he has done is not only domestic abuse, it is coercion and that has been a criminal offence in the U.K. since 2015.
Next step restraining order like I did honey best thing ever...save urself not him
police won’t help you, they have better things to do
@@SKBSKBSKBSKBSK not always true. I have been the recipient of Top Drawer support from the Sheriff's dpt in my County. The Chief of the town police is now a close friend. He has become my staunchest supporter and I've gotten to school him in Trauma stuff. That was a REACH at first. He didn't want to hear it. He thought my narc daddy was my backbone through my nightmare. He has seen the light and now this little backwater town in New Mexico is pretty much Trauma Intolerant. We know the signs and how to respond.
I was in a similar situation, but I had no way to record, I wasn't allowed a phone or any other type of recording devise. I hope your doing better now.
@@aleafox1675 thank you Alea, yes I’m doing great now, I’m away almost 3 months. Sorry you had to go through this carry on with a narc.
I grew up with a narcissistic father and mother. Both different types but narcissist. My childhood was a mess and filled with physical and emotional abuse. I subconsciously have always been doing every single thing you just mentioned. and today is the first time all my actions feel validated. Many times a third person might never understand the reason for your actions because they don't recognise the narcissist. I'll put down in points how I handled things. It might help someone.
1. No matter what my parents said or did, I built a reputation for myself for being a brutally honest person. I realise how important this was because narcissists will do anything to discredit you and label you as something you are not. My honesty earned me an unshakeable circle of friends and a support system (including teachers, my parents' friends and in-laws) that stood by me despite my parents going behind my back to antagonise them. This includes my husband as well. He is my biggest cheerleader and the strongest wall my parents have to face now to get to me. He will protect me at all costs.
2. Despite numerous attempts at gas lighting and manipulation, never in my life have I questioned or second guessed myself. My support system made sure of that. I always stood my ground and voiced out when I felt they were wrong (and gotten beaten up for it). This self-confidence played a major role in always being able to understand when I was being manipulated. I always was like this. I didn''t learn this or work towards it.
3. I'm extremely organised. And I keep things written down just in case, because somehow I always knew my parents would end up creating issues. I knew my shit at any given point. I made sure there was never a single complaint from school or work or any place else. I am meticulous. My thoughts also are exactly the same. I have always depended on logical thinking because as a child, their actions and abuse never made any sense to me. So no matter what happens, I would logically break things down in my head. This helped me so much to stay ahead of them.
4. My parents are extremely social and their social image their priority. I didn't realise it as a kid, but as a teenager I understood the game. So I would bring up all serious topics, such as marks, choice of subjects, college, job, boyfriend, money, literally everything in front of their close friends, who always took my side. They had no choice but to accept what I'm saying, because their friends would say that they found nothing wrong with what I was saying. Even when I introduced my boyfriend to my parents, I made sure their friends knew he was coming along and they said they will hold down the fort if things go sideways. Thankfully, it was all hunky dory.
5. I'm currently living in another city, married happily, with a large set of friends. I have blocked my parents on all social media because they didn't get the memo that it was pointless trying to manipulate my in-laws or husband against me. I have a life that is completely detached from them. I had disengaged with my relatives a long time ago. But non of them carries a grudge because they know my parents. They still keep me in the loop when an important family event is happening despite knowing that I wouldn't turn up. This is their way of saying that are there for me even if I don't communicate with my parents.
If you have reached this far, that you for reading. I have been in therapy for a few years now and I'm presently in the happiest phase of my life. Not all my issues have been sorted out, but I'm working on them. I'm honestly just proud of myself that at no point in my life did I let them define who I was/am. :)
Sending you much love , positive Energy n happiness all the way from AFRICA, KENYA, MOMBASA, DIANI BEACH.
Wishing you n your family all the Best in life
May your journey of Life be filled with much joy, happiness n Laughter.
May all your Dreams come True
Thank you for sharing! Some parts sound just like my struggles with my Mom and the ways I handled it. Wish you happiness!
Same now realizing its my brother who is my best friend
You are a true warrior, the strength and discipline u showed is commendable.... consider writing a book to help others, seriously. ✊
Why did you write all that
I right every thing down now so that I have a record… he hates that. When I’m getting the silent treatment I dance around and sing while I’m cleaning. He hates this !!! My children get me out of the house, we even travel 🧳. It’s eating his insides. Now I’m working on leaving with the help from my family. Thank you for opening my eyes 👀 and giving me some tools ⚒️ to use for my own mental health. 😊
My husband died a few years ago. I wish, so wish, I had found you before. So much of what you say resonates with me. I was so beaten down by him, now I’m free. Late, after 43 years of marriage and abuse and trying to come to terms with my life. I now know that he was a narcissist, everything was about him.
Wow what a life you going through most women are abused for long time especially when the kids are involved my friend still suffering almost for 40 years but soon will be the end because he is cheating with his mistress
Narcist is a jezebel spirit/demon this demon possesses both men and women it is a high ranking demon meaning it is a king or a queen in the spiritual realm. When they possesses someone they want praise, services and obedience this is a high ranking demon which suck out all the confidence of the target. They manipulate everyone around you. By highlighting your mistakes and while they are always right.
I almost wish I could say that..the abuse I endure daily is so saddening..I don't want hate in my heart or wishing bad on the narc but it's difficult
Start living your life now honey, and enjoy EVERY day and everything is thee best revenge!!!! You deserve it, big time!!❤🎉😊
@@countrygirl63baker64 i am waiting to be free if God willing it will be soon
I celebrate everything the narcissist hopes and expects me to be insecure about. Turning fifty, having belly fat, being hard of hearing.
“I’m fifty!! How nifty!”
“Love my belly fat, it’s like a bank to make sure I have enough to afford my bosom”
“I can’t get sweaty I just used my lady rogaine”
They are baffled by how you can laugh off and just accept such things in life when they can’t handle dropping a spoon
🤣🤣🤣dropping a spoon.. I can relate. It's truly pathetic how they are emotionally stunted🤦🏾♀️
Why is it so important for them to remind us of our age.my 60yr old narcisst who is out of shape had the audacity to put me down when I turned 40.how annoying.
They HATE when U LOVE YOURSELF and hate even MORE when others LOVE YOU😜
More power to you 😃
Fifty and fine!!😍
This narc I'm with is like a little child, he takes fits over nothing many times in a day! I can't get away from it cause he follows me from room to room!
Thanks to the housing market, I’m trapped living with my brother in law, narcissist extraordinaire. Number four was SO validating I actually felt relief.
Things to take caution is that (and often theres a thin line) to beat the monster, not to become the monster ourselves.
Thank you very true !!!
not everyone can be a gray jedi
Don’t let them change you
You slay them with bread crumbs. The least effort has the greatest effect. It's a skill do be mastered.
#1 method I use:
Give someone (not the narc) a sincere compliment while in the presence of a narc. Uplift this person, it MUST be truthful and sincere to work.
I did this while golfing. A narc was acting up, ruining everyone's fun, instead of addressing the adult baby I started complimenting another person in our foursome. I meant every word btw, the look of confusion and fury that came over the narc was priceless. It is now my goto move and has worked every time.
Go "no contact" and stick to it, no matter how much flattery or needy begging from the narcissist!!!!
This was a success for me!
Also, after going "no contact", the narcissist will attempt to re-establish contact after a period of time, maybe years. Don't re-establish contact!
I work for a female narc and she never stops surprising me with her dirty tricks. She is very aggressive, unprofessional and unqualified to be a top level manager. I can't do anything but look at her with pity when she tries to gaslight and it drives her crazy. She's messing with the wrong sigma female. It is pretty exhausting dealing with these people.
Throughout my entire 5-year relationship with my narcissist, I drove him crazy by holding him accountable, revealing all his lies, holding on to my truths, and also fighting back against his gas lighting. I loved and hoped for our friendship, but that was my downfall. SO, the best thing I could do for myself was to go no contact...and it has been 6 months now of no contact. He has reached out to other folks (that he uses) to try to get info on me. I've used screenshots of his own words (and pics) against him...and that drove him mad! NO CONTACT is the best way!
That friendship thing is a bug-a-boo isn't it?
Did you finally have the big epiphany? Mine went something like," Wake TF up!! Why would I ever want to be Friends with someone who treated my so abominably! Duh!!"
From that moment onward it was easy to stay away.!!
@@sunnyadams5842 That's exactly what happened with me. One day I just told myself I'm not taking any more of his crap, lies, deflection, gaslighting, nothing at all. And I let him go that day.
I don't know if this counts as torture but some years ago I decided to completely ignore my aunt's "advice" and left home. According to her, I wasn't ready to be on my own, but unknown to her, I had already been through that kind of manipulation before and calmly I packed my things in front of everyone in the house and got away. Never in my life had I felt so proud of myself.
This video is gold, strongly hitting on vital key points which stump an antagonizers efforts, and importantly emphasises to live your life, regardless. Know it's really difficult, I've had police twice today and days ago, but my bullies get nothing from me anymore, and I can see them squirm as their animosity wrecks their own day up. Wish you all peace, whatever that means...
I think you give excellent definition of narcissism. Their need for dis-organization you mention is so true. But people should not confuse somebody with just some narcissist traits VS a full-blown narcissist. Matter of degrees, always important
True. However, if you have come across as many narcissists as I have, it's easy to tell the difference between ego and narcissism.
Giving them the silence treatment. They hate that but eventually it is the number one strategy for them to leave you alone. Ignoring them forever.
Question everything the narcissist says, "Why would you say that?" Question when they say, "I don't know." Why don't YOU know that?"
That's such a common reply.. I don't know or am I supposed to know? Honestly I'm done with my bloke, I'm surely dumping him, 30 long years of walking on eggshells
@@mariafernandes9227 That is much tooooo long to be living in hell. Once you do leave, you will feel as if a massive building was lifted off your shoulders. Peace!
@@gracec1665 true so true, just looking for a good lawyer to file my papers. I have to do it soon, if not my children and I will lose out on everything. Mine is an evil narc who does not even believe in the risen Lord I remained in this muck because my kids were small, but now it's time to leave. Thank you
@@mariafernandes9227 Be swift, remain strong, and don't believe A WORD he says. I'll will be praying for you...count on it from me.
@@mariafernandes9227 I am in the same situation. I have 30 years with him too. He and our 24yr son are verbally and physically abusive. 24 yr old still living at home. I have two at me almost continuously. The horrible insults degradation.. It's self-righteous and relentless. They truly are exhausting. I am lost but trying to stay strong. We work together in a business. I'm going to lose it all but I do have to see an attorney
My personal experience is to not engage. Slowly, methodically get rid of the toxicity from your life. If you engage with the narcissist, you are giving them what they want. But if this is a family member, that may not be an option...
It's irrelevant if it's a family member or not. Walk away!
@@chrisantoniou4366 Fortunately I don’t have anyone in my family suffering from narcissism. You are probably right, I just cannot imagine having to turn my back on family 😅
@@EgillBjarki You're lucky that you don't have a Narcissist in your family, but I can assure you that if you did, it might take longer and you may not want to turn your back on family, but you will eventually do it, or be consumed by them!
There is no "yours" and "my"truth... Only THE truth. Ignore their gaslighting, blame shifting and projection. My motto is, though difficult at times when i want to tell him how sick and selfish he is, is "i do not have to attend every fight i am invited to".
When I stop reacting and went gray rock that’s when I took my power back I am no longer depressed they had me even worse than depressed I have to sadly admit I’m better now thank you for what you do
🙌🏾🙌🏾
WORD
Same here. It ended up in a divorse after nearly 30 years but so much the better for me now.
Be careful using gray rock because I used gray rock for many years my emotions were dulled I let everything just wash over me to the point where I didn't react so sometimes you have to make a stand and go no I'm not doing this anymore
My aunt is a malignant narcissist and one day I was sick of it, she started her $hit and I put my hand up blocking her face and said "I'm not talking to you" and kept walking.
Holy $hit!!!
She flipped out! Was screaming and throwing stuff in my yard, I had to call the cops.
It was awesome!😂😂😂
I bet she acted like a wounded & defenseless victim that had been attacked by a bloodthirsty lunatic when the Police arrived to question her & get her side of the story. I salute you for standing up top your overbearing aunt