Emotional Boundaries: Feeling Responsible vs. Caring for Someone Else's Emotions
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- Did you know that when you try to be responsible for someone else’s feelings...
- you’re not giving them the credit of being an adult.
- You’re not giving them the right to have their own emotional experience
- You’re making assumptions that might be completely untrue
- You’re holding yourself back from connecting to or understanding your truth
- No one is served in these scenarios.
Life Coach Sasha Marie Stone does a live coaching session on this very important topic.
Sasha's website: sashamarieston...
I can't stop crying because I can't stop thinking about her and how mean I am for abandoned her. But she was making me feel so bad, so insignificant, so little... How do I stop this.
„Whenever there are a lot of assumptions going on, nobody is being served.“
Ingrid's question was basically my life growing up as the oldest in a family of 7. When you said no one can make you responsible for their emotions, I said, "but I was a child and vulnerable! And was punished for not being responsible! It was such a programming." I get that as an adult that completely changes, but I totally hear you Ingrid, it's hard to make that switch 😔
This makes logical sense on A level........but the actuality of MY experience is that all of my family is unable to regulat etheir emotions on their own....and we are all super karmically entangled. In the past I tried to just be....and it was too much for their little ego.......they literally acted like scared little children not knowing how to act around me.
That'd be fine if all other of my personal relationships weren't at some level influenced by my relationship with my family......so it's been almost impossible to be myself with others and then maintain rapport with my family.
I get the feeling, this sort of mindset is only achieved at by people who first prioritized or rationalized their right for happiness..............it doesn't necessarilly WORK.......it's something that comes after the fact.....to maintain our own felt sense of our right to be happy.
And even when I focus only on MY emotions...it still leads to other people ande connections - no one is happy by themselves. Knowing what is MY resposnability and anothers.....is nigh impossible, specially when you are co-creating with other people. Relationship and trust IS a form of interresponsability.
How do you only have 300 subs?! I feel like I’ve found an answer I’ve been seeking for so long. Thank you
The more free we get, the more awake we become, the less friends we have. The more awake we become we see how today’s world is full of toxicity. And being alone sometimes is the best way to love and take care of ourselves.
So here’s my experience: If you do something, and a person with whom you are interacting experiences pain in response to what you did, and you do not at a very bare minimum at least validate their pain, and you continue to interact with that person as though their feelings never happened, the relationship will take on some characteristics of an emotionally manipulative dynamic - even if you never had any intention of being manipulative! The person can feel gas lit. The dynamic can take on aspects of trauma bonding. Etc. Leaving the other unheard and unseen does not contribute to a healthy functional emotional connection. This is absolutely critical in primary attachment relationships. In regards to this I have found Stan Tatkin’s work on primary attachment relationships invaluable. And I also think it plays a less significant but probably helpful role in other less intimate relationships.
If the only thought in your mind is, “How can I protect myself from feeling what you’re feeling?” you will likely look like a threat to the other person, and they will respond as though you are a threat to them, and then you will be settled with the consequences thereof. And the worst case scenario is that that person stays in a relationship with you even though they feel like you are a threat. That easily becomes unhealthy in the blink of an eye.
Great comment! It really boils down to not being able to separate the 2 things going on
1. One party feels slighted or takes something small as criticism (real or perceived) and is triggered emotionally by that
2. When the person who feels criticized does not understand or recognize that their trigger is within themselves, the other person did not cause that trigger. Triggers are little defenses that are built in to shield the inner wounds. I cannot cause the trigger of another person or vice versa
The problem is the "slighted" person is wired to deny any wrong doing in most circumstances. So, for them to actually recognize that they are causing their own trigger, this would feel to them that they have done something wrong, which they cannot handle. The majority of the time they will project, gaslight, revise history and shift blame in order to avoid accountability or any perceived wrong.
So, with no way of self reflecting, they will always believe how they're feeling in the moment, you caused that feeling to exist in them
"Feelings are not reality" is a concept they seem to never understand or grasp. There defense mechanism will never allow it
Wow it's like this was made for me.. I do this with my mom... thanks for making this!
You're welcome!
Brilliant insights into boundary setting. Incredibly helpful.
This woman is so emotionally intelligent. Very helpful.
Thank you for this! The gripe I have though, is what do we do with bad behaviour? what if we really behaved badly and did something that was not upfront or transparent, thus leading to someone else feeling upset. In that sense then I think we (as far as our actions are concerned) should then be responsible for that person feeling upset. I think its important to caveat here that such beliefs should not be an excuse for bad behaviour on our own part
I hear you Elizabeth, though you still aren't responsible for how that person reacts. You are responsible for your own actions. So if you feel you did something unreasonable or deliberately hurtful, then it's up to you to make amends. And again, how that person chooses to respond to those amends is not up to you.
@@SashaMarieStone Thanks for getting back to me! yes that makes alot of sense :) and I agree - we're responsible for our actions, but cannot control how another person reacts to our actions.
Thankyou for these deep insights.
Sasha y r a woman that has never been happy in your relationships. U deserve this.
WOW , you broke it down
Amazing, thank you
Identify what you are responsible for, say: “This is mine and that is yours.”
thanks for leaving this stream up. Really struggling with this right now and I needed some outside perspective.
Nice and full of insights. Thanks
Very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you queen👑 I needed this
You're welcome!
I feel like i do not have any boundaries with my friends and family . I wish to not even be taken advantage of . I really would like more healthy and positive relationships.
The concept that you are responsible for whatever you decide you are responsible and not what the other tells you are responsible for, is a bit confusing, because let's say in a relationship the girl might think that the guy is responsible to bring, for example, the relationship further or other things, the guy might not think like this..then where is being responsible of one's actions against the other person in this case...it kind of confuses me, because then everyone can say "no, you are making me responsible for that, but I myself do not feel responsible for that"...so then everyone can act totally irresponsible towards the other person and still not hold themselves responsible, if they have super bad behavior towards the other person...?!?!?
It's still up to you! If someone brings up something they would like you to be responsible for, it's up to you whether or not you agree or want to take that on. In a relationship, this is how you grow. Communicating any and all expectations is key, and it's up to you which of those expectations you want to rise to. And it's up to you be clear on what you're willing to take on or what you don't feel is yours to keep.
Awesome
That was great advice
Thank you! Wow what a great opportunity to learn for me
Wow I needed this. Thank you 😊
i needed this . thank you
Thank you so much ❤️
You are the best. This helped me alot.
I wrote this at the start of the video...it just keeps getting better
It’s not a good opener when the opening sort of suggests that we are never responsible for other people’s feelings. For example if you were in an intimate relationship and you lied to the other person you’re responsible for their feeling of distrust. If you are near self repeatedly intentionally then you’re responsible for them being concerned about you. Psychologists have a horrible time communicating properly and they turn everything into a fucking ideology.
I need to hear this
What about that relative that knows that you are an emphatic and decides to dump on you all her worries and a list of things to do, she will add stress and more work for you, she won’t make decisions and then guilt you because you make the decision for her. She makes you feel responsible if you don’t help her, she becomes a victim and you become an abuser. How to deal with a manipulative relative?
Hi Deya, that can definitely be a challenging situation, and having clear boundaries with relatives is not always easy, but it is possible. It's important to remember that you get to decide who has your time and attention. Where do these conversations tend to take place? If it's on the phone, as soon as you feel like your energy is draining, you can say you have to go, and send them loving energy as you're hanging up. If it's in person, can you let the relative know that you care for them, but you're not in a position to help them at the moment? If you'd like to chat about this more, please reach out via email and we can continue the conversation there: sasha@sashamariestone.com
@@SashaMarieStone thanks 😊 I send you an email, thank you so much for answering so fast ❤️
So does anyone know why we feel responsible for other people's emotions?
Unrequitted love, u know, don't u?
Essential oils? This talk actually had pretty good wisdom overall and then entirely discredited itself referring to essential oil‘s. Is that within your scope of practice to talk about inflammation and antioxidants? Should you be discussing anything medicinal?
How can receive phone calls on your live stream
Hi Sasha, just subscribed, can you answer - I have been confused and acted with best intentions but took a negative attitude toward a difficult person. I now feel very guilty as their life is a mess (it was a mess anyway) - but I’m in a strong position in my life and feel I wasn’t as helpful as I could have been. I am beating myself up eg I blocked them after they started trying to shame me. They are unwell mentally and I care a lot but looking back on my actions if I cared more if have been even more patient and not so defensive. Thank you
Hi Joanne, thanks for reaching out. There's a lot of different ways to look at this situation, and some important questions to ask yourself are: Did they create any space for you to help them? In what way did you protect your own boundaries by blocking them? How would it serve them, and you, for you to help them? How does it serve them, and you, for you to no longer be in contact? Spend some time reflecting on those questions, and if you want to continue the conversation, email me and let me know what your reflections reveal: thatdistributedlife.com/contact/
How about a person who is making you carry their problems, I want to tell them that I don’t want to. But not in a rude way.
pretty. Not watching. Not feeling The Presentation but Pretty.