From what I gathered of my friends in Singapore, the core of parenting in many chinese houses was the cane. The kids misbehave? bam.. time for some caning.
While IIRC there is a UN push to end corporal punishment in schools, meanwhile in Singapore a 14-year old student was ridiculed when he opined online that he felt that his school's caning of him for vaping was harsh
I remember my mother once bristled: " *You mean respect is supposed to be earned? * " because Asian society generalises more in some areas, such as assuming that older people are more experienced (but in today's fast changing world, need to see also how much of it is still relevant today) & thus must (almost) always be right, & thus cannot be questioned or not respected. They might invoke 1 of our sayings: "I have eaten more salt than you've eaten rice"
Growing up as Taiwanese overseas. I see a lot of burndown in the family. What's the matter if you get into a great university, maybe a great job, and your family relationship s#cks? You grow up afraid even to talk to your parents. Honestly, they came from Confucius's way of teaching which is not really healthy. Now everyone in the family doesn't like going back home plus they might regret what they have done.
My parents want 2 things from me: 1. Don’t get into trouble. 2. Give them grandkids. Yup, that’s Chinese parenting for me at least. It was harder in the earlier days but I attribute that to them both being unbalanced people that weren’t happy, more so than their ethnicity.
It does work, it works so well that the education system puts caps on Asians admission (see ivy leagues) by pitting us against each other or in some cases tries to do away with meritocracy completely (most recently NYC special high school admissions). This is an all or nothing approach and has given us the title Model Minority in America. Is this better Parenting? Living the American Dream as an immigrant; well of all the minorities, Asian Americans are higher statistically at going from low income to middle/high income. Living the American Dream as an American, Asian Americans are often in careers that are not related to their desires or interests. But that's okay because personal happiness is not a part of chinese culture.
Really ? Many seems to done well but they are actually more like cog in the corporate machine miserable. Instead of freely embrace their full potentials, to true thrive and prosper and maybe even make a positive impact around.
I like your videos about the Asian / Western dichotomy in the tech biz. You aren't just sharing your opinions, but you also provide historical grounding in facts along with good thinking skills that legitamizes your analyses. You can't lose when presenting facts to support your argument (and ignore those that don't.) The quality rings true in your discussion of "How Japan Won Lithography", for example. Nice job. I was around in the late 70s and you got it right, as far as I know. In the halls of Fairchild, National, and Stanford, there was genuine shock and awe in the 1980s. It really hurt the pocketbook later that decade when Fujitsu became RAM king and jacked up prices just like the best of the American robber-barons. I paid over $2,000 1988 dollars for 8Mb SIMMs for my new Mac II -- ouch! However, in this video your generalizations present stereotypes that may or may not reflect the real world. I'm surprised, because your other videos I saw were so well done. Now, I'm an old 'gaijin' and wouldn't know anything about the experience of growing up in the PRC or in today's Japan, but I've known of the Dragon mother and 'Panda' father model for about 50 years, which was true when I was an EE undergrad at SFSU in the 1970s and my best study pal was a 1st gen American of Japanese-American, high-achievement parents. (His two maiden aunts, with whom he lived, were even worse with the 'all work, no play' -- ever -- model of "managing" their college age nephew. 😎) To make an already long comment shorter, there are two things to consider. First, parenting styles tend to flip-flop between authoritarianism and liberalism with each generation, probably due to the psychological damage inflicted upon the now adult-child's perspective of how they were raised. So many new parents have strong opinions on how they'll "never do that to their own child". Finally, your knowledge of American-style parenting is limited to your contemporaries. How we got to this sad place in our culture is a long story, so I'll leave it here. Thanks for your time and effort in producing these videos. Your mother would be proud of your industry (but don't show her this one. 😉) Best wishes.
The resolution of the image you chose at 0:00 is pretty bad. you should have selected a higher quality template image with less compression artifacts (High Expectations Asian Father expects nothing less of you).
Thanks for this video, it's great you don't only focus on technology development etc, also culture, and an explanation of family here. The West was more strict in the 60, 70s, then they become more "happy communists" where they try and be nicer and giving too much freedom. This has lead the West, mainly the US, Australia, maybe UK etc to have people who don't have direction, don't know how to focus. So, as westerns companies manufactured their stuff in China, a very ordered society, it drastically pulled up their wealth, whilst the West's children were not given direction and focus, so we're becoming more useless... I'm white by the way, grew up in Africa, so had an older style education, and life experience growing up
@@anmolpatel793 Definitely not, it's just about parents raising the child to be independent, and have direction to work out what thrh want to do in life and focus to get things done. It's really important to care about things and people, but it's equally important to learn to question and discern information. People can push you in a certain direction, but you still have to decide if it fits with you or not. Today, people are triggered a lot more on emotions and acting on them without working out what happened. They follow advice they were given, but don't make a point to understand the full picture, so it can still end badly. That's what I meant
@@anmolpatel793 and that went right over you head. There is a fine line between moulding a childs behaviour using a carrot stick policy and physical/mental/emotional abuse. I am an Indian and i've gotten my fare share and i wouldnt say that it was good, but the lessons i learned under pain stay with me, call it traumaif you want, but when i look back irs not resentment but gratitude i have for learning what i have, love and affection go hand in hand with punishment, the cost of too much freedom without repercussions will undoubtedly lead to reckless behaviour at a crucial developmental stage, most indian parents at times dole out punishments for perceived slights, that pretty much defeats the purpose and use of punishments. You seem to be under the impression that punishment automatically implies phyisical torture, perhaps your experience is different, also the liberal wing in india has been critical of corporal punishment for children, they are only partly right, it depends on how the parents use it and the child's temperament.
You fail to take into account that there’s a growing segment of Asian youth, especially in East Asia, that are also “lacking direction” as you put it (or from my own POV, tired of unreasonable expectations to the detriment of their own well-being down to physical health) and increasingly disillusioned with the “system” in a general sense. I’m one of those lazy Millennials, but what I can tell you is, so much of the world we’ve created for ourselves isn’t meant to be and can be so much better, so much healthier, and this conflict of values between older and younger generations I’ve seen in both Eastern and Western societies. What I will say though is perhaps the values gap is even bigger in Asian countries because Millennials and now Gen Z are the first generations not to live on a purely “survival mindset” but are pursuing much more diverse (and frankly, much better in many cases) ways of living. These differences in living life on a “what’s it for the next meal” mentality versus wanting more “intangible” things, if you will, is especially pronounced between the older and younger generations in Asia. However, it very much exists in the West as well. The way forward is for all of us to accept we aren’t worth nearly as much stuff as we think we are, and that even from a neurological perspective, I believe we aren’t ready for many realities we’ve created for ourselves. Ideally I’d want to give at least another century or two for our minds, from an evolutionary perspective, to be able to keep up with the modern world as it is.
I think there are two different models of parenting. The first one is the plant model, where children are like seeds that needs to be nurtured in order to grow into a healthy plant, which is the Western parenting style. The second one is the clay model, where children are like clay that needs to be shaped into the perfect statue, which is the Eastern model. I think Western and Eastern parenting styles are like Yin and Yang.
According to Diana Baumrind, who came up with the theory of 4 different parenting styles, those under authoritarian parenting perform worse academically, have lower self-esteem and poorer social skills. Maybe there were some problems with the Chinese studies, like they didn't get enough data, or there were some problems when it came to analyzing and gathering the data. Or maybe Baumrind's theory doesn't work so well in non-western settings, who knows.
Interesting. Psychological studies done on westerners tends to not apply very well on other cultures from what I remember. It has something to do about the culture being guilt or shame based. There's an anthropologist who has interesting talks about this, Joseph Henrich.
3:45 In Asia us as children are expected to know that everything that our parents do towards us are "for our own good". "Tough love" as they call it I think. There was a case reported in our newspaper where a father felt slighted when his son asked why he was ordered to run 5km every early Sun morning: "I'm the breadwinner; don't ask questions"
What do people think the western style of parenting actually is? I mean I grew up in a western country and it seemed the families I knew all could have wildly different attitudes to parenting.
IIRC in 2009 a Malaysian consular staff in Sweden was convicted of child abuse after he spanked his child, while meanwhile in Asia we have a saying: "Spare the rod & spoil the child"
The latest (at least 3 years ago) in 'western' parenting was that you can punish your child physically, but it should be a last resort and must be explained why. One of the struggles we have with parenting is that (1) we expect children to do as we say, but not as we do. Children however are much better at mimic and observation than verbal understanding. (2) reward and punishment is not made clear and not consistent. This is without taking into account any hormonal, mental or physical challenges a child may have.
I can proudly say that I have hugged or kissed my child at least once every day. ❤️ I am hoping that that will mean a lot for his emotional stability and welfare down the road. 🤞
Parents are the people who, without your consent, dropped you into the finite ponzi scheme you are living in. A very cruel act indeed. They can go to hell I'm afraid.
"Chinese Parenting", that's an Oxymoron if I've ever heard one. It's disappointing to say the least that most Chinese have no understanding of themselves.
From what I gathered of my friends in Singapore, the core of parenting in many chinese houses was the cane. The kids misbehave? bam.. time for some caning.
While IIRC there is a UN push to end corporal punishment in schools, meanwhile in Singapore a 14-year old student was ridiculed when he opined online that he felt that his school's caning of him for vaping was harsh
Lazy parenting at it's worst
I remember my mother once bristled: " *You mean respect is supposed to be earned? * " because Asian society generalises more in some areas, such as assuming that older people are more experienced (but in today's fast changing world, need to see also how much of it is still relevant today) & thus must (almost) always be right, & thus cannot be questioned or not respected. They might invoke 1 of our sayings: "I have eaten more salt than you've eaten rice"
I was highly distracted by all these excellent memes.
Growing up as Taiwanese overseas. I see a lot of burndown in the family. What's the matter if you get into a great university, maybe a great job, and your family relationship s#cks? You grow up afraid even to talk to your parents. Honestly, they came from Confucius's way of teaching which is not really healthy. Now everyone in the family doesn't like going back home plus they might regret what they have done.
My parents want 2 things from me:
1. Don’t get into trouble.
2. Give them grandkids.
Yup, that’s Chinese parenting for me at least. It was harder in the earlier days but I attribute that to them both being unbalanced people that weren’t happy, more so than their ethnicity.
Hepatitis C?
Why didn't you get Hepatitis A+? 🤣
It does work, it works so well that the education system puts caps on Asians admission (see ivy leagues) by pitting us against each other or in some cases tries to do away with meritocracy completely (most recently NYC special high school admissions). This is an all or nothing approach and has given us the title Model Minority in America. Is this better Parenting? Living the American Dream as an immigrant; well of all the minorities, Asian Americans are higher statistically at going from low income to middle/high income. Living the American Dream as an American, Asian Americans are often in careers that are not related to their desires or interests. But that's okay because personal happiness is not a part of chinese culture.
But at the same time, the children have largely american values, and may value personal happiness more than their parents
Really ? Many seems to done well but they are actually more like cog in the corporate machine miserable. Instead of freely embrace their full potentials, to true thrive and prosper and maybe even make a positive impact around.
I like your videos about the Asian / Western dichotomy in the tech biz. You aren't just sharing your opinions, but you also provide historical grounding in facts along with good thinking skills that legitamizes your analyses. You can't lose when presenting facts to support your argument (and ignore those that don't.) The quality rings true in your discussion of "How Japan Won Lithography", for example. Nice job.
I was around in the late 70s and you got it right, as far as I know. In the halls of Fairchild, National, and Stanford, there was genuine shock and awe in the 1980s. It really hurt the pocketbook later that decade when Fujitsu became RAM king and jacked up prices just like the best of the American robber-barons. I paid over $2,000 1988 dollars for 8Mb SIMMs for my new Mac II -- ouch!
However, in this video your generalizations present stereotypes that may or may not reflect the real world. I'm surprised, because your other videos I saw were so well done. Now, I'm an old 'gaijin' and wouldn't know anything about the experience of growing up in the PRC or in today's Japan, but I've known of the Dragon mother and 'Panda' father model for about 50 years, which was true when I was an EE undergrad at SFSU in the 1970s and my best study pal was a 1st gen American of Japanese-American, high-achievement parents. (His two maiden aunts, with whom he lived, were even worse with the 'all work, no play' -- ever -- model of "managing" their college age nephew. 😎)
To make an already long comment shorter, there are two things to consider. First, parenting styles tend to flip-flop between authoritarianism and liberalism with each generation, probably due to the psychological damage inflicted upon the now adult-child's perspective of how they were raised. So many new parents have strong opinions on how they'll "never do that to their own child". Finally, your knowledge of American-style parenting is limited to your contemporaries. How we got to this sad place in our culture is a long story, so I'll leave it here. Thanks for your time and effort in producing these videos. Your mother would be proud of your industry (but don't show her this one. 😉) Best wishes.
In my household both my parents were extremely strict.
mine taiwanese parents too. growing up overseas and everyone is mentally sick because of the lack of love
LOL excellent choice of the "High Expectations Asian Father" meme thumbnail.
The resolution of the image you chose at 0:00 is pretty bad. you should have selected a higher quality template image with less compression artifacts (High Expectations Asian Father expects nothing less of you).
Sadly it was the best I could find. I have shamed my family.
I hate deers... they are greedy and filthy.
Thanks for this video, it's great you don't only focus on technology development etc, also culture, and an explanation of family here.
The West was more strict in the 60, 70s, then they become more "happy communists" where they try and be nicer and giving too much freedom.
This has lead the West, mainly the US, Australia, maybe UK etc to have people who don't have direction, don't know how to focus.
So, as westerns companies manufactured their stuff in China, a very ordered society, it drastically pulled up their wealth, whilst the West's children were not given direction and focus, so we're becoming more useless...
I'm white by the way, grew up in Africa, so had an older style education, and life experience growing up
So what you are saying is the only way to give direction is through beating and abusing the child ?
@@anmolpatel793 Definitely not, it's just about parents raising the child to be independent, and have direction to work out what thrh want to do in life and focus to get things done.
It's really important to care about things and people, but it's equally important to learn to question and discern information. People can push you in a certain direction, but you still have to decide if it fits with you or not.
Today, people are triggered a lot more on emotions and acting on them without working out what happened. They follow advice they were given, but don't make a point to understand the full picture, so it can still end badly. That's what I meant
@@anmolpatel793 and that went right over you head. There is a fine line between moulding a childs behaviour using a carrot stick policy and physical/mental/emotional abuse. I am an Indian and i've gotten my fare share and i wouldnt say that it was good, but the lessons i learned under pain stay with me, call it traumaif you want, but when i look back irs not resentment but gratitude i have for learning what i have, love and affection go hand in hand with punishment, the cost of too much freedom without repercussions will undoubtedly lead to reckless behaviour at a crucial developmental stage, most indian parents at times dole out punishments for perceived slights, that pretty much defeats the purpose and use of punishments. You seem to be under the impression that punishment automatically implies phyisical torture, perhaps your experience is different, also the liberal wing in india has been critical of corporal punishment for children, they are only partly right, it depends on how the parents use it and the child's temperament.
You fail to take into account that there’s a growing segment of Asian youth, especially in East Asia, that are also “lacking direction” as you put it (or from my own POV, tired of unreasonable expectations to the detriment of their own well-being down to physical health) and increasingly disillusioned with the “system” in a general sense. I’m one of those lazy Millennials, but what I can tell you is, so much of the world we’ve created for ourselves isn’t meant to be and can be so much better, so much healthier, and this conflict of values between older and younger generations I’ve seen in both Eastern and Western societies. What I will say though is perhaps the values gap is even bigger in Asian countries because Millennials and now Gen Z are the first generations not to live on a purely “survival mindset” but are pursuing much more diverse (and frankly, much better in many cases) ways of living. These differences in living life on a “what’s it for the next meal” mentality versus wanting more “intangible” things, if you will, is especially pronounced between the older and younger generations in Asia. However, it very much exists in the West as well.
The way forward is for all of us to accept we aren’t worth nearly as much stuff as we think we are, and that even from a neurological perspective, I believe we aren’t ready for many realities we’ve created for ourselves. Ideally I’d want to give at least another century or two for our minds, from an evolutionary perspective, to be able to keep up with the modern world as it is.
Your videos really improved over time
I think there are two different models of parenting. The first one is the plant model, where children are like seeds that needs to be nurtured in order to grow into a healthy plant, which is the Western parenting style. The second one is the clay model, where children are like clay that needs to be shaped into the perfect statue, which is the Eastern model. I think Western and Eastern parenting styles are like Yin and Yang.
5:55 boah my mother is not chinese but this also affects me. But my dad kinda afraid of my mother.
According to Diana Baumrind, who came up with the theory of 4 different parenting styles, those under authoritarian parenting perform worse academically, have lower self-esteem and poorer social skills.
Maybe there were some problems with the Chinese studies, like they didn't get enough data, or there were some problems when it came to analyzing and gathering the data. Or maybe Baumrind's theory doesn't work so well in non-western settings, who knows.
Interesting. Psychological studies done on westerners tends to not apply very well on other cultures from what I remember. It has something to do about the culture being guilt or shame based. There's an anthropologist who has interesting talks about this, Joseph Henrich.
3:45 In Asia us as children are expected to know that everything that our parents do towards us are "for our own good". "Tough love" as they call it I think. There was a case reported in our newspaper where a father felt slighted when his son asked why he was ordered to run 5km every early Sun morning: "I'm the breadwinner; don't ask questions"
What do people think the western style of parenting actually is? I mean I grew up in a western country and it seemed the families I knew all could have wildly different attitudes to parenting.
IIRC in 2009 a Malaysian consular staff in Sweden was convicted of child abuse after he spanked his child, while meanwhile in Asia we have a saying: "Spare the rod & spoil the child"
The latest (at least 3 years ago) in 'western' parenting was that you can punish your child physically, but it should be a last resort and must be explained why. One of the struggles we have with parenting is that (1) we expect children to do as we say, but not as we do. Children however are much better at mimic and observation than verbal understanding. (2) reward and punishment is not made clear and not consistent. This is without taking into account any hormonal, mental or physical challenges a child may have.
I can proudly say that I have hugged or kissed my child at least once every day. ❤️ I am hoping that that will mean a lot for his emotional stability and welfare down the road. 🤞
As a second gen (probably like yourself), I find this hardcore generalizing. Probably more accurate to say "Asian parenting" over "Chinese parenting"
As I say in the video, generalizations are unavoidable.
I work in Korea. Here the mothers spoil the children. The father brings justice. The grandmother is fun and buys gifts. Not so strict.
Very illuminating !
Great video not that different from Indian parenting.
It depends on the individual and many factors as to which parenting style is best for the child.
I rather live with Butters' parents than Asian parents.
Overbearing and strict
Warmth and acceptance
Parents are the people who, without your consent, dropped you into the finite ponzi scheme you are living in. A very cruel act indeed. They can go to hell I'm afraid.
Like for the memes
"Chinese Parenting", that's an Oxymoron if I've ever heard one. It's disappointing to say the least that most Chinese have no understanding of themselves.