The fact that his 'apology' consisted of him saying they both screwed up when all she was doing was answering his question about where she'd been, that dude is unhinged...
Not to mention the audacity of saying he doesn't like her. Then why even address her??? And then to try to say that it wasn't the first time she trauma dumped on him/ his stream.... THEN STOP RESPONDING TO HER?! The victim blaming was utterly ridiculous and out of line.
He's one narcissistic asshole. Guess that after that stream, she doesn't like him anymore, either. If she's so terrible, why did he not just ignore her? If I could guess I'd say $$$
A simple "oh I'm sorry that happened but glad you're back" would've sufficed. Like, was all of that really necessary? And it wasn't even trauma dumping. She just answered honestly in an enviorment she thought she was safe to do so. Like, you can enact rules within your own space, but there's a way to go about it.
100%. He should have just taken that as a lesson to self-edit his questions. When you essentially ask someone "Why haven't you been in chat?" what do you really want them to say? The truth is the only reasonable answer. There isn't even a default pleasantry for a question like that.
@@Neo-Queenserenityt2l Then don't ask questions that pertain to someone's private life. And don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to, expecting the person to read your mind and know they can only answer with one thing, which is entirely centered around making you look good without actually having to care.
true, why did he even ask her when he later said she does this all the time and he doesn't like her. This is a person who was triggered because of his own inability to be empathetic even to himself.
That dude went off accusing her of being a bummer, as if a guy shouting at a random internet person with unfounded condescension and vitriol won't immediately kill the vibe.
He deadass said that he TREATED HER LIKE SHIT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE HER. Um...so we're not utilizing the block button? No? Just treating them like shit's the way! Tell us she's just a dollar sign without telling us...
Then made up some shit to justify his shitty attitude because it blew up even speculating "and god knows how many chats" like she goes on a rampage to do this or something that's so crass
He could have literally just said "Oh I am sorry for your loss, that really sucks. I am glad you are back!" and that's that. How socially inept can one be?
"I'm sorry for your loss, i hope we can cheer you up with this stream, today is Friday and I've planned a bunch of fun activities for you all " done. I've said the same thing he wanted to but while making her feel welcomed and kept it all fun and chill for the other people
I am socially inept and would have just said "I'm sorry for your loss, I hope things will be better." because death makes me super uncomfortable and I lose my ability to talk like a person.
@@worstusernameintheworld9871 doesn't help that I am likely autistic af, so social situations always put me on edge 😣 and I can't even get an assessment because the only place I could get one at near me has told me to call back in 3 months twice now.
Side bar: but my entire life I’ve thought it’s so freaking weird that people say “how are you” and then expect you to lie to them. Am I weird? It’s so strange that people don’t ask…… to want an answer.
I just politely told the guy who scans my eyes at every appointment to stop asking how i was because it's never good and i legit cant lie about it. If I answer, we'll probably both be crying lol.
It’s difficult since you definitely need to have certain boundaries between fans and creators, but that dude who asked why a regular had been absent then berated her for answering was such a dick 🙄 like don’t ask if you only want positive responses! Or just say “aw sorry to hear that, hope you’re feeling a bit better” and move on! Don’t embarrass her like that
yeah, you can tell just by the way he asked. he doesn’t even say “hey, where have you been?” but instead goes “hey curvy. where the fuck have you been” in the most annoying, judgmental and uncaring way ever. just from the way he talks in his streams you can see from a mile away he doesn’t give two shits about his followers well being and is self centered. you can also tell this from the way he apologized in a tweet just to go back and say the exact opposite in another vid/stream (plus add some lies in there to make himself look even better)… just a fucking weirdo all around 💀
Yeah the guy is an absolute arsehole. He YELLED where the F have you been? Like how dare you be absent? And she responded honestly, "like sorry, been dealing with death." And he responded so disgustingly, like I don't care about you I just want your viewing money
@@Lammington2that’s part of why it’s so frustrating, like even if he felt that way, keep it to yourself and just say something vaguely comforting even if it’s half hearted, y’know? Even if it’s insincere, the fact that he’d rather berate her than just throw out a “aww sorry to hear that” even just shows how self centred he is - he must’ve really thought he was in the right there and not totally going over the line and being cruel. Or he’s just too much of a dick to even care how he’s viewed. Idk just such a nasty response from him that seemed so outta left field 😬
That's what kills me, she made a passing/short comment that could've been moved on from quite easily with almost any response but he ended up turning it into a large, ongoing argument even when she tried to drop it lol.
@@-AV33- I get that. Free counselors exist, though. Even online. I'm not condoning what this streamer did, I think he was a POS for responding like that. He could have said "oh I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're okay", but then again, would this have helped this girl in any way? No. So why trauma dumping? If I'm really struggling, the last thing I would do is talk about my private life with literal strangers, it's common sense. If you want to, you can do it privately, of course, just not in a public chat. Otherwise it just means you want attention.
@@-AV33- Do you hear yourself? Venting online is NOT therapy, that's disrespectful and demeaning. People should get REAL help if they need it. Sure, having someone to listen to you while you vent may be liberating and it can make you feel somewhat better for that moment, but "est modus in rebus". And again, venting online just so some stranger can say to you "oh I'm sorry" doesn't truly help and that's not a form of therapy, it only means you just want someone to feel sorry for you. It's literally that easy.
i love how “trauma dumping” has completely changed from the legitimate issue of strangers who purposefully try to make u as miserable as them ,, to just hating when ur friends& family open up to u😭😭😭 literally now just ppl with zero empathy going “ugh i hate when i have to listen to ppls problems idgaf”
@@martipotato431 trauma dumping is extremely real and happens all the time on the internet especially, but this exchange in the video wasn't trauma dumping at all
Traumadumping is real and it can bring you into bad situations. I have traumadumped to unsafe people that then took advantage of the info. It is not fun, it is a part of PTSD.
@@InimeKai That's why I said "almost", there's definitely instances where the term could apply. It is just so extremely overused that when I hear it my first thought is that the person is like the guy in this video.
Every time I see a fan tell an idol or streamer or whatever that they saved their lives, I just can't imagine the amount of responsability they might feel, knowing that someone's existence depends on them not messing up.
yeah i remember how huge a pressure for me was when i was leading a group of 200 people in a political simulator. People looked up to me, trusted me to make all correct decisions, and spent real money according to my orders. I cannon even imagine how content creators feels, they have tens of thousands followers, and some as you said literally regard them as a life line.
tbh it’s usually extremely dramatic teenage girls, i remember that every feeling was the end of the world most strongest ever, so they know that as much as their fan are passionate they’re also young and will word things dramatically
yea it takes a lot of pressure on that person. I had a friend that I kinda saved their life (basically talked to them when they didn't want to live, and after the talk, they decided to go to the hospital, because they realized how bad it had gotten), which I would do in a heartbeat for anyone, but after that moment, there was this huge pressure on me to not think about myself and what I'm feeling inside, when I need to save a friend from destroying their lives. Took me into a huge depressive hole and was sent to a mental hospital because of it. I'm ok now, because that was a year ago, but, yea, the pressure is real when you are the reason someone is still here, it's like you CANT have anything wrong in your life or show any sad emotion.
As someone who took Lyfts / Ubers to work at a hospice agency for years. I have had a lot of talks with drivers about their parents dying. Its fine. Most people just need a little kindness and empathy.
I worked retail in a couple places that were hotspots for retirees, and, yeah, I've also had a lot of people that needed to vent. At least during a drive you can actually chat. I feel like I'd have someone tell me during a rush that their wife was losing the fight against cancer and all I could do was be like, 'man, that's really rough...uh...your total is $15.37...'
You have a (wonderful) skill. and not everyone has that skill. i definitely agree he should have worded it better, but i understand if someone can't handle trauma dumping 24/7. every once and awhile it should be fine but if its everyday it can be a lot.
@@traceytoole6293 it’s hard to explain in a you tube comment, but I am not a clinician and while I have taken some truly traumatic phone calls & heard a lot of hard stories at work. Most of the conversations with drivers weren’t that. Usually they expressed how grateful they were to have help at a sad point in their lives. And we would chat about how great hospice nurses are! It was all very casual, I didn’t do anything other than acknowledge that it’s really hard to lose someone.
@@bardofthe90s57 oh my god yes it's ao awkward going back to your script (here's ur total, would u like a bag, etc.) after a they just drop that on you, especially during a rush like u said
As much as i agree with and respect the people that out right say "i'm not your friend and i'm not here to be your friend" or just shut down any kind of parasocial tendencies, that guy literally asked her where she's been and then had the nerve to be like "sEe WhAt We'Re NoT gOnNa Do..." like he literally asked😭
OK they ask you how you are in the mcdonalds drive thru but I'm not telling them my personal details lmao. He is literally working, it's not cool to divulge into your personal tragedies in a working environment, be it a streaming platform or the grocery store. He should not have held onto it for that long, i think it came off as the straw that broke the camels back.
That's true, but also the mcdonalds employee does specifically call you out from a crowd to ask you why you havent been in lately and how youre doing. The fan was a stranger, sure, but was clearly in there enough for him to recognize her name and notice her absence. It's different than the casual interaction between a worker and a customer. You probably can't remember the name of the cashier you talked to for five seconds. This isn't to say trauma dumping is cool, it isn't, but it's also not subjecting people to your personal tragdies to briefly explain that you were gone because something shitty happened. He could have literally just said "Oh I am sorry for your loss, that really sucks. I am glad you are back!"
@@vibrantchill7212 That person was a regular, thus a part of the community. We don't know what kind of (friendly) interaction they've had before. So to come back to your example: if you have been 20x to that McD on a regular basis and spoken to that same employee about random short things and have been "missing" for a while ... it's not weird to actually tell them that someone had passed away when asked about how things are going.
Um, what a psycho going off at someone literally just responding to an answer. Just because you're honest and say, "yeah I was ties up in a family death and funeral." Does not equate to, "give me attention." If I say I'm shit or sad I am NOT asking for someone to delve deeper into the issue with me, but I also don't want to lie and say, "I'm good."
New hair cut is fly.The situation with the influencers sucks. I never understood the act of asking how are you in order to be polite. How is it polite when you don't care about the real answer?
I think it depends on where your from in the world. Like in the US it’s more of a greeting. For example when you go to a restaurant, a waiter will ask you “how are you?” when they greet you at your table. They’re not actually asking you how you’re doing, they’re just being polite to you as a customer (often people also won’t tip as well if you don’t ask because they feel you aren’t being polite). You wouldn’t actually spill your guts to the waiter cause that would be rude as you don’t know that person. It would also be considered polite to ask the waiter back how they were doing. I’m aware in other parts of the world and different cultures it doesn’t operate that way. Asking “how are you?” isn’t seen as a greeting, but genuinely asking how someone is. Not to say you can’t genuinely ask someone how they are doing in the states, but you would only do that if you had an actual relationship with that person.
@@five_to_nine_online Great. And now please explain this to neurodivergent (especially autistic) children, so that they don't one day have to learn this from strangers as an adult... because that happens constantly in English speaking countries and at the very least some European countries because they all use this as a pointless conversation starter, even people who you're close with and no, 99,99% of the times they still don't want to know how you actually are. It makes no sense to ask this when you're not interested, especially if the answer could be negative. There are probably a hundred different ways to engage someone in a conversation or to make a customer feel welcome. If someone would just say "Hey, I'd really like to talk with you about XYZ." it would be a lot clearer and direct. The question "How are you?" is completely unnecessary with customers. Just welcoming them to your restaurant and asking for how many people they need a table is direct and easily understandable, just like handing them the menu card, asking what they want to drink and telling them that you're back in a few minutes to take their order. That's what I'm used to in restaurants. I'm from Germany and autistic and NOBODY ever told me about this "social rule"! I learned this from strangers online when I was already an adult... The amount of times that I felt rejected or misunderstood or gotten belittled because someone asked this question - I can't even count them. This happened soooo often and it caused so much damage and traumatised me. The moment someone asks me "How are you?" it overwhelms me for multiple reasons. 1) I have to try to figure out/make a wild guess if this person actually wants to know it and can handle an honest answer. 2) I have to figure out how I'm feeling, which is NOT easy because of my autism. 99,99% of my day is spent feeling completely nothing, so the answer that I would most likely give is "okay" or "neutral"... but I will spent the next hour or so while the other person talks questioning how I'm REALLY feeling and how to maybe incorporate my newly found insight on that (and how my initial answer was wrong) into the conversation without making it weird or it being completely out of context. 3) I'm immediately painfully remembering all the times that someone asked this question and the outcome wasn't positive for me, which is almost every single time I got asked this damn stupid question. I'm immediately stressed out of my mind and want to flee and just disappear completely because dealing with all the negative emotions that were just trigged is almost impossible and just overwhelming and I don't want to have a 10 minute long panic attack in front of someone and then lie down for the rest of the day because all my energy got sucked out of me from reliving traumatic responses to my honest answers to such a simple question... It probably doesn't help that my default mode in life is "trying to survive" and avoiding any attention on me because I've learned pretty early on that I can almost exclusively expect negative responses to my existence and my words... 😬☠️
Sometimes when people (strangers/customers) ask how I'm doing, I say "okay" or "fine" or "it could be better" or "the weather could be better". Then I ask how their doing... they say "good" and other times they completely ignore my question. I learned people don't expect more than a quick generic response and others said it as a greeting because they gave me a weird pause when I answered their question. Edit to add; that the strangers/customers stop at my parents farm to buy stuff and I'm never sure if their a faraway neighbor or someone stopping by on their trip.
@Tabea I'm not at all tryin to be rude saying this, but maybe you shouldn't expect every interaction to be a positive outcome for you. Just like you have bad days, others do as well. So not everything is going to be positive, nor should it be. If you go thru life expecting every experience you have to be a positive one, you will be disappointed more often than not.
Just imagine being that guy's friend, relative or gf/wife and daring to manifest the slightest hint of negative emotion! I was truly shocked to hear him be so rude to that poor girl. I imagine his emotional intelligence is -300. What shocked me even more was the fact that later she wrote that she felt sorry for bri ging down the mood of the stream... Girl, your mom died. You have the right to a full emotional meltdown, if you feel the need.
He is the only one who kill the vibe in his chat on that Friday. He could've just said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Let's focus on something fun and help try to cheer you up." and then moved on. Like, brah, you're the negative one here.
As a German, the twitch clip is so funny to me because that's exactly what you're NOT supposed to do here. If we ask you how you are, then you have to answer honestly and maybe even explain the situation (you can always lie if you don't want to tell). Doesn't matter if we just met you or if we're co-workers. It's not just a synonym for 'hello' here :D
As a Norwegian, same thing. There might be very specific places like at work where you might want to be vague with your answer, but you can still be honest enough to say "been better" or "today is kind of ass" or something along those lines. They might ask you to elaborate and you might joke a little to lighten the mood while they do the same and we both move on from there. I'm probably very biased since I'm from a different culture, but I honestly think that it's just way more logical to only ask if you want a genuine answer. If you just want to acknowledge someone in a polite way, "hi" or "good day/evening" exist for a reason. Like, why would you purposefully neglect the already established phrases for this specific purpose and make things convoluted? I think it's rather rude to ask and falsely display a sense of availability to others and then just expect people to lie for your comfort. It's going out of your way to show other people you don't care about what they say.
My mom would always tell me everything happens for a reason But when I was crying & having meltdowns as a kid she just said, "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." So now when my friends or boyfriend are upset I literally googled how to deal with it cause I had no idea on what to do cause my mom never did & my father was emotionally unavailable. Oh sorry that was trauma dumping my bad .-.
My mother is undiagnosed bipolar and narcissist to do that too or say she had it worse as a child and because they provided a roof over my head I'm not allowed to feel a certain type of way ever. She still says I haven't suffered enough. It's good to let your feelings out once in a while now with help from close loved ones I've gotten better. It's a process but the day will come when it's all better. Maybe look into therapy? I know it's expensive though I'm not able to afford it where I live
Asking people where they have been and then shitting on them is CULT/NARSISTIC. behavior 101. People who reflect your type of values but when applying them they do the opposite - means they are just trying to manipulate you point and simple. If you are a public figure engaging with people if you ASK people whats going on expect a response. He could have said "NIce to see some old faces back after a while, hope things are going well and if not sending that positive energy things will get better" thats what people NEED to hear. Not cult-like behavior. Edit: He then could have lead forward by "and this is why we are here today to spread that positive energy and have fun!" again no shitting-on people behavior needed.
Wow. That man was unhinged. He took her emotions as a sign of weakness... when in realoty allowing yourself to experience emotions is one of the most bravest things you could do.
Sometimes I wonder if these types of influencers have ever worked in like, customer service jobs. Like at bars or in retail. 'Cuz in that type of work, I have had so many patrons drop some pretty troubling information on me - "My son hasn't spoken to me in 10 years", "My kids hate me", "My dog died last week" etc etc. And it can lead anywhere - to genuine moments of bonding, to awkwardness and anxiety, to emotional exhaustion. But I still can't imagine responding the way he did lol ever! Like, damn, I understand not knowing how to handle the situation, it can be ROUGH, but... his response was downright cruel and devolved into bullying.
“There, there. Do you want McDonald’s” is 1000000x better than the How Not to Human 101 response given by that streamer with the Chia Pet taking over his face.
I've worked in retail and have been trauma dumped on plenty of times. Mentioning that your mom passed is NOT inherently trauma dumping. Also, the second part made me think about how I've had to learn to respond to people when they're upset. I tend to go either fixer ('Maybe you could...,' 'Have you tried...?) or wanting to connect ('I've also had something similar...,' can unfortunately sound like I'm trying to one-up the upset person). I've had to learn to just say 'that really sucks.' Sometimes with my closest people, I might say something like, 'is there anything I can do to help?' or 'can I try to offer some advice?' but usually people just need to vent a bit. That list could be helpful to nuerodivergent people, but it does sound really stiff and awkward.
I find his response so hilarious. Like dude looks 30 but acts like a highschooler with his whole "killing my vibes" attitude. What i find more funny though is that on Twitter he's putting on this: "Oh cancel culture again" attitude yet dude has a childish fit over being told some bad news. How can someone pretend to be tough but also be so thin skinned at the same time?
I bet that dude is the same type of person who would say things like "facts don't care about feelings" but like yeah, you asked her why she had been away, so she gave you the FACT that it was because her family passed away. She's not wrong by answering your question and sharing this fact. Just say "sorry for your loss" like a normal human being. Or maybe add something like "hope this stream will make you feel a bit better". Here you go. Super easy. It's not hard to just be polite and civil, even if you can't empathize.
generally speaking, we really should constantly remind ourselves that celebs are *NOT* our friends and just because we may know them, they don't know us and they don't owe us anything. stop putting celebrities on such a high pedestal.
Answering a basic question with a short, realistic answer is not putting anyone on a pedestal. "Hey, how has your day been?" "It has sucked absolute ass so far. Is this card scanner touch compatible?" That is a valid answer to the question. And you know the only response needed? "Damn, hope your day gets better. And no, you gotta insert the card chip." Boom. Done.
@@KettleBlacktheBat i don't understand how your reply is relevant to my comment. I'm not talking about the situation in the video, I'm just generally saying that some people are wayy too obsessed with celebrities and thinks they know them.
As someone mentioned, when someone asks you "how you doing?", they never actually want to know how you are doing and that's the problem. Like you don't have to tell everyone your problems but the fact that so many people are so badly equipped to show any amount of empathy or just good conversation skills should be a cause of concern for those people and the people they interact with.
But that’s not what he asked and in the context, it was implied that he was looking for the real answer not the generic small talk answer. If he met this person on the street in a casual setting, it would be assumed a generic answer was all that was needed, but since he went out of his way to ask this girl the very specific question of “where she’s been?” i.e. why hasn’t been been watching, she gave a very reasonable answer. He’s the one who messed up and put himself in the situation where something “uncomfortable” could get mentioned, it’s not his first time doing a stream. He could have just left it there but then he doubled down and then tripled down on being a super trash person, by saying how he doesn’t want this negativity in his chat while being ultra negative about the whole situation and tearing someone down for not ignoring or lying to him.
Yes. And the thing is that neurodivergent people (but especially autistic people like myself) don't understand this "social rule" or only learned it in their adult years and still might struggle to decipher when someone actually wants an answer to that question and when not... because NOBODY explained to them as a child "Hey, people don't actually care how you're feeling. It's just a pointless conversation starter and you're not supposed to actually answer this question honestly - or even at all.". Everytime someone asks me "How are you?" my immediate thought is either "Do you actually care and want an honest answer or do you just want to talk to me?" OR "I don't know. I haven't thought about this all day... Nothing good happened, so I'm not happy. Nothing bad happened, so I'm not sad. I'm not really understimulated, so I'm not bored. I'm currently not in pain or overwhelmed, so I guess the answer is either okay or neutral... Let me think about this for the next hour while you have already moved on and probably told me stuff that I don't care about and then let me try to figure out how to give you my answer in a way that's not completely weird and out of context of whatever conversation we are having by then."... Just deciphering my own feelings is hard enough for me and 99,99% of the day I feel like I don't have any feelings. Maybe that's because of all the trauma other people have caused me or it's just my autism... or maybe secretly I'm also a sociopath. Who knows... 🤷🏼♀️ I'm 29 now and have stopped taking questions from neurotypical people at face value long ago and refuse to believe that anyone of them cares about me or is even remotely interested in what I have to say... because other people always love to talk over me and dismiss everything I say to a certain degree and it's been that way since my childhood. My default mode in life is "trying to survive" because I learned that any attention on me is dangerous and I'm one second away from either getting bullied, abused, taken advantage of or basically called a liar. It's stressful... I wish people would stop asking "How are you?" when they don't want an honest answer and are able to deal with it. - I usually don't even feel like I'm existing in a physical sense until I'm getting asked this nonsense, so that's "fun" too... 😬☠️
Additionally, imagine what his response would have been if she said something generic, or even slightly less specific. She definitely would have been berated for not watching, he’s clearly that kind of person, the kind that would respond with something like “no excuses!”
Omg but imagine you used one of the premade comfort phrases and the person who’s upset goes “did you get that from a Reddit post??” 😭 my soul would leave my body
Loool, yea both toxic phrases and the non toxic phrases are generic and fake as heck. That's why it's better to not seek comfort from people that don't really know you since it's always going to be a gamble. For me though, I'm not someone that nitpick words since that's very stupid. I look at intentions, you can see when someone cares vs not caring just by what they do and how they go about it.
I've definitely been in a situation when someone immediately trauma dumps in my dms despite them being a complete stranger, but the most you can really say is "Hey that sucks but you probably should talk to someone you know about this because I really can't help you." But going in on them is definitely not the answer. Even if your day is a bit damped by hearing some shit you really didn't need to.
Exactly, there is a kind way of letting someone in clear pain know you’re setting a boundary but usher them in a direction that lets them get the appropriate support they need
Same. I keep all my trauma dump to myself and to my boyfriend occasionally who, is ok with it. This one student in three of my classes would trauma dump or in general talk too damn much to the point I want to say "shut the fuck up! and pls leave me alone!" but then I know how incredibly fucked up that will sound so I will be quiet and wont say nothing
@@OOOO0OOOO0001___ you can def steal my line and maybe that'll help lol. i've definitely said variations irl too. it's not that i don't care but i've only got enough energy to care for a certain number of people and i'd rather not halfass listen and pretend to care if i won't.
He fully went on her for “spreading negativity” while spreading negativity himself, and way longer than she ever could. I can’t really see him as a beacon of positivity, so what is he on about? I bet the mood of the viewers dropped(if it even dropped) due to his reaction and a subsequent rant, not due to that person just stating what happened in her life bc she was asked a question in the first place.
Seems to be a thing in the US especially. A good friend of mine visited the US for a couple of weeks and he told me 2 things he didn't knew before: 1. Almost everyone has a side hustle to make money because you need a safety net in the US. 2. When someone asks how're doing and not the rhetorical one, never say "so-so" oder "not so good". They don't want to hear it, especially if you are not super good friends. He hang out with some music guys and they told him to stfu. They had so little free time they don't wanna deal with the shit from others. For us germans - we are very honest and well, we have more free time in comparison - it's crazy. I'm sure it's not everywhere and I don't mean to offend!
I'm ashamed to say I've done a lot of trauma dumping to anyone who would listen during the first term of my first year of uni. Currently looking forward to the second term. In my mind I just wanted someone to talk to, but I was also seeing some validation from whatever anger I was feeling.
Wow, I knew nothing about this guy or any of this lol However, while I can see how it would be frustrating to constantly deal with people in the chat trauma dumping, he really went in on her. Downright disrespectful and proves he doesn't deserve to have a platform. He is disgusting. Anyway, still nice to see a video from you! Happy New Year!
My friend reached out to me when her grandmother died . We talked for 2hours i conferted her as i had a same experience with my great grandmother so we conferted eachother.we shared our experience and cryed our eyes out. We can really turn a stressful and sad situation into somthing positive and touching but for that you need better comferting skills and NOT toxic positivity. I hope she is better tho
That guy was littrely the defination and reason of toxic masculinety and suppressing your imotion that guys use to compete with women's problems when they are the main reason for it. Non female streamer have I ever seen who will respond like that and men we need to change that. I hope for the best for the men who are going to fight for themselves with other men, just remember we are standing with you and if not i am with you.
Toxic women exist as well. To be honest, I have experienced toxic positivity way more often from women. I suppose it's the social pressure we apply to people no matte their gender to fit into molds. Women are positive, happy, smiling, caring... Men are tough, strong, hard... It sucks both ways. Women can be tough as hell and men can have a soft side. I would hope that in the future we can allow all humans to experience a full range of emotions without some toxicity or another trying to dictate if someone is allowed to be sad or not.
@@sylverscale yes there was a point i thought our society was getting better in accepting and recognizing femininity and masculinity are interchangeable regardless of gender or orientation. Unfortunately it seem like we are regressing what little progress we had
who else has a fear of accidentally acting out toxic positivity? I feel like because it was shoved as the means of comfort down many people's throats,, it became automatic for some to use it as means of comfort for other even tho they know it's hurtful
This reminds me of the time I was moderately tumblr famous for cosplay. Someone sent me an anonymous message saying I was the reason they didn't unalive. And I handled it exactly the way my mid-20s socially inept and cynical brain could; I said something like "I hope you do find more reasons to live, I don't think it's healthy to rely on an internet stranger" or something, I can't recall the exact words, but it was REALLY awful. I felt bad almost immediately after PUBLICLY answering it, and immediately got very deserved angry messages. I still don't know what the person was but I genuinely hope they're doing much better and that they're happy and healthy. I never want to be moderately well-known on any platform ever again.
If someone told me their whole family was sacrificed by a cult, I'd be grossly interested in hearing how they got sucked into the whole situation. . . .but on the other hand I'd be worried id be endangered having heard this info.
For me, toxic positivity is not so much what is said but is HOW it is said. Saying "Wow, that sucks. I hope you get through it" means more when it is from a genuine place than flat and robotic.
So interesting and trippy to see you cover this guy since he was in similar small streamer circles as me, and I watched this all unfold and go viral. This guy is a huge bucket of bummer that's for sure - how hard is it to say "hey that stinks, I hope you're ok!" For us small streamers, many of our viewers truly are our friends because we talk with them live and in discord frequently. I also play games with some of my community members off stream. I would love to see a video covering content creators of this size and how that line between friendship and parasocial relationships get blurred. Also btw WeFoundTheBody is also a pretty tiny creator in the grand scheme of things. It's like he saw how big creators shut down "trauma dumping" and wanted to mimic it lol
Yes! I would love to see a video about this because it can get dark pretty fast. I was on a short-lived stream team with a good chunk of people who were on the cusp of partner (some are doing quite well now) and our Discord server's most active section was just horror story after horror story of people crossing boundaries, paypal chargebacks and power tripping mods. I tried to learn from them and still had my own incident that made me take a major step back from streaming. The line can be so thin and blurry at a certain point and that can be so disheartening. Especially because oftentimes the greatest offenders are the ones you considered friends.
I was watching a Vinny Vinesauce stream where a chat member mentioned a tragedy in their life and Vinny said something along the lines of "oh that sucks, i hope this stream can at least make you smile for a bit" and that seems like a much better response
I clicked too fast. Should I be concerned? I just wanted to say that your videos are EXQUISITE and I like how honest and real you are. Please stay safe and healthy, happy holidays and New Year!
"trauma dumping is not good etiquette" yeah and so is telling someone off who just had a personal loss who thought they had a safe space to divulge. that was uncalled for on his part.
The thing with 'positive phrases' is that they're empty words. They can only work if there is something tangible behind it. Like a friend saying "Don't worry you'll be alright", can only be helpful if it's backed up with "Because I will help you, or I am here" xo.
I use to have toxic positivity and it’s just a way to cope with trauma. So I can kinda understand toxic positive but it’s not an excuse. So I just hope people with trauma learn to cope better without going through that toxic positivity mindset
He could have said "Sorry for your loss, I hope the good vibes of this Friday stream will help you feel better" ; that would have been nice AND refocus on the more cheerful mood of his stream. It's so weird to me how people can't just be nice to others.
The moment he said not calling their fans 'best friend' I'm just reminded of 'Rebal D' 😂 (he's a great guy, insult us every time because we never reply to him 😂)
This is why it’s so unfathomable to me when I see some people spend hundreds and sometimes even thousands of dollars on these streamers like dude, they won’t give a single f*ck if you just dropped dead the next day 😂
12:07 “that’s rough buddy” is a meme based off of one of the best animations of all time. It gets memed up even today. If you get the contextual, it is quite funny, because the trauma that was shared with the character is so outside the scope of understanding and the relationship between them is just starting, so the delivery of the line is just so human in that moment. The fact that the after statement gets memed more than the statement before says it all.
Some people are just lonely and the lifeline is the chat community. That rude man asked where she had been and then shames her as well as saying he doesn't like her. Then why ask the question? I know it's unhealthy to fan girl or fan boy, you have to live in reality... famous people say whatever to make $ even if their intentions aren't to offer false hope. I am a fan of BTS and I know they are charitable. But do they love or care about me out of millions of people? Proof not one of them have sent this Auntie a check.😅 It's easier to say something polite and move on. Me, I am kind hearted but I only rely on myself.
I hope that narcissistic streamer lost a ton of followers, not sure why anyone would want to follow a person like that. Although it would have been better if the fan hadn't overshared, he could have said oh sorry and just MOVE ON. instead he just kept digging deeper and deeper tearing her apart. sometimes saying less is more. what a dick
Honestly, I hope that viewer is okay.. Not only is she dealing with a loss in her family, but being berated like that by one of her favorite (I’m assuming) streamers in front of many other viewers, must’ve been really rough on her. It upset me to hear that they also took a hand in harassing her after the stream.. Hopefully she’s doing well 🙏🏾 Edit** And I sincerely hope she isn’t supporting him anymore 😒..
The followers must keep in mind that there is a line between them and the streamers. Streamers can hide something too about themselves. Always be careful.
Funny. I'm going through some pretty big life difficulties/changes atm and this video cheered me up quite a bit as it's been myself who's trying to say that there's millions of people who have it worse. (While that is true... why do i have to minimize my own struggles if there's plenty of others to do that already?) Thanks a ton for Your work! *nudges softly*
Bro at 8:32 my question is “if you don’t like her, why ask where she’s been?” He’s the epitome of fuck around and never tell me bad stuff bc I’m too fragile for life
he LITERALLY could have just said "i'm sorry to hear that" or "my condolences" and immediately moved on and it would've been fine but he decided to lecture her when she's grieving and then keep doubling down on it including in his freaking APOLOGY???
I wouldn’t ever blast someone like that. I did however set up a boundary recently with my followers and just people I talk to not to trauma dump. And I know it was my fault for sharing my struggles and opening that door. And for someone maybe yes, I was the only one person they could share, but what do I do when 30 people per day trauma dump on me?! And I’m not well physically and mentally? Talking about our trauma in circles has been very bad for me. So I’m changing that now. And some people have been unreasonably upset calling it toxic positivity. You can have negative emotions and feelings, just don’t dump it onto strangers who never consented to listen to that. In the moment I of course wouldn’t ever tell someone to shut up, but I try to redirect them to a therapist or other resources because I can’t help. And it’s too much for me to listen to everyone’s problem every day. It’s been making me so depressed I got sick and couldn’t work.
I know of another streamer (they're on Kick now) that is a narcissist and is full of toxic positivity. They can't take a joke (another streamer made a harmless joke about how they always bootlick a certain AAA company), and they ended up blocking everyone, including myself, that mentioned the joke reply on X. They also used to hide their Twitch vods/clips behind being a subscriber. I don't know why/how toxic people like this become "popular."
Toxic positivity is so emotionally invalidating it's crazy. It seems to me to mostly stem from a place of not being able to deal with difficult emotions, so in a way, I guess that streamer reacted exactly how I would expect him to.
being on the internet and not being lovey with your followers and more professional can be done without screaming that you don’t care and that’s fucked up that they say they love you and being mean like, sorry i’ll go watch someone else. if ur on the job anywhere ur required to be polite so either be professional or shut up about parasocial relationship. i think
Thank you for just being you 🙏 no sales speeches, no fake glitz "my life is so much better than yours, buy all my products and be like me" etc. We like you just as you are ❤
It is 100% his issue. He wants to act like he cares by asking caring questions- but he does not want to be told unpleasantness as he truly does not care. If he was open and said this is only a light hearted chat nothing heavy and never asked how people were he would seem colder but honest. Now he has painted himself as dishonest to cover up his callousness. He clearly has no social skills or ever worked with the public.
I'm glad that I haven't encountered that behavior in this community. Really interesting video--gave me a lot to think about. Hair cut looks great! Happy Holidays to all!!!
I went though something that was very hard and traumatic for me in the beginning of the year and if someone had said those “positive” things to me I would probably just scream at them. And I’m scared of confrontation, but those “right” things to say are so condescending and straight up horrible
I worked in psych hospitals and with the county social services for a hot minute so I'm a bit biased: but if "that" is enough to send you on some sort of tangent I'd worried about how you handle *any* personal stressor irl. Doesn't have to be a therapy session just don't fucking put someone on blast for nothing. If I could I'd legally mandate every one has to have an hour of social time each day where they have to genuinely relate to another person
The fact that his 'apology' consisted of him saying they both screwed up when all she was doing was answering his question about where she'd been, that dude is unhinged...
Not to mention the audacity of saying he doesn't like her. Then why even address her??? And then to try to say that it wasn't the first time she trauma dumped on him/ his stream.... THEN STOP RESPONDING TO HER?! The victim blaming was utterly ridiculous and out of line.
He doesn't like her now cuz he got backlash for being a dick to her, which again, is HIS fault.... NOT hers.
@@venesa5802 yeah I wanna know about these "other times"
He's one narcissistic asshole.
Guess that after that stream, she doesn't like him anymore, either.
If she's so terrible, why did he not just ignore her? If I could guess I'd say $$$
Infleuncers Arent the most empathic people always
A simple "oh I'm sorry that happened but glad you're back" would've sufficed. Like, was all of that really necessary? And it wasn't even trauma dumping. She just answered honestly in an enviorment she thought she was safe to do so. Like, you can enact rules within your own space, but there's a way to go about it.
100%. He should have just taken that as a lesson to self-edit his questions. When you essentially ask someone "Why haven't you been in chat?" what do you really want them to say? The truth is the only reasonable answer. There isn't even a default pleasantry for a question like that.
I get that but at the same time he doesn't know her like you don't tell someone you barely know something that happened in your private life
@@Neo-Queenserenityt2l nah… he knew clearly knew her enough to notice she was gone and why. Stop trying to make excuses for him.
@@Neo-Queenserenityt2l Then don't ask questions that pertain to someone's private life. And don't ask questions that you really don't want the answer to, expecting the person to read your mind and know they can only answer with one thing, which is entirely centered around making you look good without actually having to care.
not u summing it up perfectly.
All he had to say is "I'm sorry for your loss, glad to see you back!" And move on!!! Besides HE'S the one who say "WHERE TF HAVE YOU BEEN?" at her.
Said* not say
Riiiiiiight! Then proceeded to say he doesn’t like her.
Yeah its Gaslighting 101
true, why did he even ask her when he later said she does this all the time and he doesn't like her. This is a person who was triggered because of his own inability to be empathetic even to himself.
That dude went off accusing her of being a bummer, as if a guy shouting at a random internet person with unfounded condescension and vitriol won't immediately kill the vibe.
For real him going off on her like that was much more of a mood killer and probably made things really awkward for everyone else in the chat.
He deadass said that he TREATED HER LIKE SHIT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE HER. Um...so we're not utilizing the block button? No? Just treating them like shit's the way! Tell us she's just a dollar sign without telling us...
Then made up some shit to justify his shitty attitude because it blew up even speculating "and god knows how many chats" like she goes on a rampage to do this or something that's so crass
That man is a narcissistic :v simple
He could have literally just said "Oh I am sorry for your loss, that really sucks. I am glad you are back!" and that's that.
How socially inept can one be?
"I'm sorry for your loss, i hope we can cheer you up with this stream, today is Friday and I've planned a bunch of fun activities for you all " done. I've said the same thing he wanted to but while making her feel welcomed and kept it all fun and chill for the other people
I am socially inept and would have just said "I'm sorry for your loss, I hope things will be better." because death makes me super uncomfortable and I lose my ability to talk like a person.
@@beardiemomhonestly same, I'm really bad at comforting people and I'm not used to being comforted myself so i really have no idea what to say
@@worstusernameintheworld9871 doesn't help that I am likely autistic af, so social situations always put me on edge 😣 and I can't even get an assessment because the only place I could get one at near me has told me to call back in 3 months twice now.
@@beardiemom fr I'm socially awkward still it's not that hard to show empathy.
She wasn't even trauma dumping.Her sentence was only 3 words long 😭😭😭Also hearing him admit to not liking her???
Fr why he over dramatic 😭
Side bar: but my entire life I’ve thought it’s so freaking weird that people say “how are you” and then expect you to lie to them. Am I weird? It’s so strange that people don’t ask…… to want an answer.
I just politely told the guy who scans my eyes at every appointment to stop asking how i was because it's never good and i legit cant lie about it. If I answer, we'll probably both be crying lol.
Lol i feel bad lying and saying I'm good when I'm not but it would also be a lot for me to just unload 😭 it's so confusing
I honestly just tell people my life could be better. It's my truth whether they like it or not.
Exactly!!! I've had toxic friends like this who got pissed at me when I didn't lie and said I was bringing them down
I usually respond with "tired, you?" and I laugh then they laugh and say "same 🙃".
It’s difficult since you definitely need to have certain boundaries between fans and creators, but that dude who asked why a regular had been absent then berated her for answering was such a dick 🙄 like don’t ask if you only want positive responses! Or just say “aw sorry to hear that, hope you’re feeling a bit better” and move on! Don’t embarrass her like that
He was asking because of frustration she was a number missing from his streams, not out of any concern. Dude has the empathy of a brick wall.
yeah, you can tell just by the way he asked. he doesn’t even say “hey, where have you been?” but instead goes “hey curvy. where the fuck have you been” in the most annoying, judgmental and uncaring way ever. just from the way he talks in his streams you can see from a mile away he doesn’t give two shits about his followers well being and is self centered. you can also tell this from the way he apologized in a tweet just to go back and say the exact opposite in another vid/stream (plus add some lies in there to make himself look even better)… just a fucking weirdo all around 💀
Yeah the guy is an absolute arsehole. He YELLED where the F have you been? Like how dare you be absent? And she responded honestly, "like sorry, been dealing with death." And he responded so disgustingly, like I don't care about you I just want your viewing money
@@Lammington2that’s part of why it’s so frustrating, like even if he felt that way, keep it to yourself and just say something vaguely comforting even if it’s half hearted, y’know? Even if it’s insincere, the fact that he’d rather berate her than just throw out a “aww sorry to hear that” even just shows how self centred he is - he must’ve really thought he was in the right there and not totally going over the line and being cruel. Or he’s just too much of a dick to even care how he’s viewed. Idk just such a nasty response from him that seemed so outta left field 😬
That's what kills me, she made a passing/short comment that could've been moved on from quite easily with almost any response but he ended up turning it into a large, ongoing argument even when she tried to drop it lol.
Everyone’s mom is gonna die one day, I think you’re allowed to talk about your mom dying to a community you felt safe in. Wtf
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
And if your Momma never dies - that is because you have died first😭😭😭😭
That's what therapists are for.
@@-AV33- I get that. Free counselors exist, though. Even online. I'm not condoning what this streamer did, I think he was a POS for responding like that. He could have said "oh I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're okay", but then again, would this have helped this girl in any way? No. So why trauma dumping? If I'm really struggling, the last thing I would do is talk about my private life with literal strangers, it's common sense. If you want to, you can do it privately, of course, just not in a public chat. Otherwise it just means you want attention.
@@-AV33- Do you hear yourself? Venting online is NOT therapy, that's disrespectful and demeaning. People should get REAL help if they need it. Sure, having someone to listen to you while you vent may be liberating and it can make you feel somewhat better for that moment, but "est modus in rebus". And again, venting online just so some stranger can say to you "oh I'm sorry" doesn't truly help and that's not a form of therapy, it only means you just want someone to feel sorry for you. It's literally that easy.
i love how “trauma dumping” has completely changed from the legitimate issue of strangers who purposefully try to make u as miserable as them ,, to just hating when ur friends& family open up to u😭😭😭 literally now just ppl with zero empathy going “ugh i hate when i have to listen to ppls problems idgaf”
For real. I almost don't believe trauma dumping is a real thing, just an excuse not to care about people.
@@martipotato431 trauma dumping is extremely real and happens all the time on the internet especially, but this exchange in the video wasn't trauma dumping at all
Traumadumping is real and it can bring you into bad situations. I have traumadumped to unsafe people that then took advantage of the info. It is not fun, it is a part of PTSD.
@@InimeKai That's why I said "almost", there's definitely instances where the term could apply. It is just so extremely overused that when I hear it my first thought is that the person is like the guy in this video.
@@martipotato431you reminded me of an actual therapist who made a tiktok about how "when a patient trauma dumps on you" ... ma'am, you're a therapist
Every time I see a fan tell an idol or streamer or whatever that they saved their lives, I just can't imagine the amount of responsability they might feel, knowing that someone's existence depends on them not messing up.
yeah i remember how huge a pressure for me was when i was leading a group of 200 people in a political simulator. People looked up to me, trusted me to make all correct decisions, and spent real money according to my orders. I cannon even imagine how content creators feels, they have tens of thousands followers, and some as you said literally regard them as a life line.
True. Sometimes you really can’t tell if what you said will be their motivation and make them happy or will become a chain and pressure on them :’(
tbh it’s usually extremely dramatic teenage girls, i remember that every feeling was the end of the world most strongest ever, so they know that as much as their fan are passionate they’re also young and will word things dramatically
what if that idol doesn't exist? 😮
yea it takes a lot of pressure on that person. I had a friend that I kinda saved their life (basically talked to them when they didn't want to live, and after the talk, they decided to go to the hospital, because they realized how bad it had gotten), which I would do in a heartbeat for anyone, but after that moment, there was this huge pressure on me to not think about myself and what I'm feeling inside, when I need to save a friend from destroying their lives. Took me into a huge depressive hole and was sent to a mental hospital because of it. I'm ok now, because that was a year ago, but, yea, the pressure is real when you are the reason someone is still here, it's like you CANT have anything wrong in your life or show any sad emotion.
that streamer is so narcissistic, I would never support someone like that, like... he literally asked 💀
It’s the way he called her out my username…suggesting she’s a regular. He asked her a question, and she replied. He went overboard.
Yes I agree my dear vivi stan. The taste
Imagine getting so pressed just because the person wanted to tell why they’re having a bad day 💀
Can’t believe how difficult it was to say: i’m so sorry for your loss, and then move on.
Hell Ill shorten it for him!
My condolences
As someone who took Lyfts / Ubers to work at a hospice agency for years. I have had a lot of talks with drivers about their parents dying. Its fine. Most people just need a little kindness and empathy.
I worked retail in a couple places that were hotspots for retirees, and, yeah, I've also had a lot of people that needed to vent. At least during a drive you can actually chat. I feel like I'd have someone tell me during a rush that their wife was losing the fight against cancer and all I could do was be like, 'man, that's really rough...uh...your total is $15.37...'
You have a (wonderful) skill. and not everyone has that skill. i definitely agree he should have worded it better, but i understand if someone can't handle trauma dumping 24/7. every once and awhile it should be fine but if its everyday it can be a lot.
Right like even they know nobody can do anything abt it but they're in a vulnerable state of mind and just wanna let it out.
@@traceytoole6293 it’s hard to explain in a you tube comment, but I am not a clinician and while I have taken some truly traumatic phone calls & heard a lot of hard stories at work. Most of the conversations with drivers weren’t that. Usually they expressed how grateful they were to have help at a sad point in their lives. And we would chat about how great hospice nurses are! It was all very casual, I didn’t do anything other than acknowledge that it’s really hard to lose someone.
@@bardofthe90s57 oh my god yes it's ao awkward going back to your script (here's ur total, would u like a bag, etc.) after a they just drop that on you, especially during a rush like u said
As much as i agree with and respect the people that out right say "i'm not your friend and i'm not here to be your friend" or just shut down any kind of parasocial tendencies, that guy literally asked her where she's been and then had the nerve to be like "sEe WhAt We'Re NoT gOnNa Do..." like he literally asked😭
and then claimed that he didn't lmao
OK they ask you how you are in the mcdonalds drive thru but I'm not telling them my personal details lmao. He is literally working, it's not cool to divulge into your personal tragedies in a working environment, be it a streaming platform or the grocery store.
He should not have held onto it for that long, i think it came off as the straw that broke the camels back.
That's true, but also the mcdonalds employee does specifically call you out from a crowd to ask you why you havent been in lately and how youre doing. The fan was a stranger, sure, but was clearly in there enough for him to recognize her name and notice her absence. It's different than the casual interaction between a worker and a customer. You probably can't remember the name of the cashier you talked to for five seconds. This isn't to say trauma dumping is cool, it isn't, but it's also not subjecting people to your personal tragdies to briefly explain that you were gone because something shitty happened. He could have literally just said "Oh I am sorry for your loss, that really sucks. I am glad you are back!"
@@Chachixo It's actually so funny to me when people who habitually gaslight forget that they're being recorded and we can play back the tape
@@vibrantchill7212 That person was a regular, thus a part of the community. We don't know what kind of (friendly) interaction they've had before.
So to come back to your example: if you have been 20x to that McD on a regular basis and spoken to that same employee about random short things and have been "missing" for a while ... it's not weird to actually tell them that someone had passed away when asked about how things are going.
Um, what a psycho going off at someone literally just responding to an answer. Just because you're honest and say, "yeah I was ties up in a family death and funeral." Does not equate to, "give me attention." If I say I'm shit or sad I am NOT asking for someone to delve deeper into the issue with me, but I also don't want to lie and say, "I'm good."
New hair cut is fly.The situation with the influencers sucks. I never understood the act of asking how are you in order to be polite. How is it polite when you don't care about the real answer?
I think it depends on where your from in the world. Like in the US it’s more of a greeting. For example when you go to a restaurant, a waiter will ask you “how are you?” when they greet you at your table. They’re not actually asking you how you’re doing, they’re just being polite to you as a customer (often people also won’t tip as well if you don’t ask because they feel you aren’t being polite). You wouldn’t actually spill your guts to the waiter cause that would be rude as you don’t know that person. It would also be considered polite to ask the waiter back how they were doing.
I’m aware in other parts of the world and different cultures it doesn’t operate that way. Asking “how are you?” isn’t seen as a greeting, but genuinely asking how someone is.
Not to say you can’t genuinely ask someone how they are doing in the states, but you would only do that if you had an actual relationship with that person.
@@five_to_nine_online Great. And now please explain this to neurodivergent (especially autistic) children, so that they don't one day have to learn this from strangers as an adult... because that happens constantly in English speaking countries and at the very least some European countries because they all use this as a pointless conversation starter, even people who you're close with and no, 99,99% of the times they still don't want to know how you actually are. It makes no sense to ask this when you're not interested, especially if the answer could be negative. There are probably a hundred different ways to engage someone in a conversation or to make a customer feel welcome. If someone would just say "Hey, I'd really like to talk with you about XYZ." it would be a lot clearer and direct. The question "How are you?" is completely unnecessary with customers. Just welcoming them to your restaurant and asking for how many people they need a table is direct and easily understandable, just like handing them the menu card, asking what they want to drink and telling them that you're back in a few minutes to take their order. That's what I'm used to in restaurants.
I'm from Germany and autistic and NOBODY ever told me about this "social rule"! I learned this from strangers online when I was already an adult... The amount of times that I felt rejected or misunderstood or gotten belittled because someone asked this question - I can't even count them. This happened soooo often and it caused so much damage and traumatised me. The moment someone asks me "How are you?" it overwhelms me for multiple reasons.
1) I have to try to figure out/make a wild guess if this person actually wants to know it and can handle an honest answer. 2) I have to figure out how I'm feeling, which is NOT easy because of my autism. 99,99% of my day is spent feeling completely nothing, so the answer that I would most likely give is "okay" or "neutral"... but I will spent the next hour or so while the other person talks questioning how I'm REALLY feeling and how to maybe incorporate my newly found insight on that (and how my initial answer was wrong) into the conversation without making it weird or it being completely out of context. 3) I'm immediately painfully remembering all the times that someone asked this question and the outcome wasn't positive for me, which is almost every single time I got asked this damn stupid question. I'm immediately stressed out of my mind and want to flee and just disappear completely because dealing with all the negative emotions that were just trigged is almost impossible and just overwhelming and I don't want to have a 10 minute long panic attack in front of someone and then lie down for the rest of the day because all my energy got sucked out of me from reliving traumatic responses to my honest answers to such a simple question... It probably doesn't help that my default mode in life is "trying to survive" and avoiding any attention on me because I've learned pretty early on that I can almost exclusively expect negative responses to my existence and my words... 😬☠️
Sometimes when people (strangers/customers) ask how I'm doing, I say "okay" or "fine" or "it could be better" or "the weather could be better". Then I ask how their doing... they say "good" and other times they completely ignore my question. I learned people don't expect more than a quick generic response and others said it as a greeting because they gave me a weird pause when I answered their question.
Edit to add; that the strangers/customers stop at my parents farm to buy stuff and I'm never sure if their a faraway neighbor or someone stopping by on their trip.
@Tabea I'm not at all tryin to be rude saying this, but maybe you shouldn't expect every interaction to be a positive outcome for you. Just like you have bad days, others do as well. So not everything is going to be positive, nor should it be. If you go thru life expecting every experience you have to be a positive one, you will be disappointed more often than not.
honestlybuyong me mcdonalds would be an instant mood boost for me
Just imagine being that guy's friend, relative or gf/wife and daring to manifest the slightest hint of negative emotion! I was truly shocked to hear him be so rude to that poor girl. I imagine his emotional intelligence is -300. What shocked me even more was the fact that later she wrote that she felt sorry for bri ging down the mood of the stream... Girl, your mom died. You have the right to a full emotional meltdown, if you feel the need.
He is the only one who kill the vibe in his chat on that Friday. He could've just said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Let's focus on something fun and help try to cheer you up." and then moved on. Like, brah, you're the negative one here.
As a German, the twitch clip is so funny to me because that's exactly what you're NOT supposed to do here. If we ask you how you are, then you have to answer honestly and maybe even explain the situation (you can always lie if you don't want to tell). Doesn't matter if we just met you or if we're co-workers. It's not just a synonym for 'hello' here :D
That sounds so nice
Just imagining this reduces my social anxiety lol
As a Norwegian, same thing. There might be very specific places like at work where you might want to be vague with your answer, but you can still be honest enough to say "been better" or "today is kind of ass" or something along those lines. They might ask you to elaborate and you might joke a little to lighten the mood while they do the same and we both move on from there.
I'm probably very biased since I'm from a different culture, but I honestly think that it's just way more logical to only ask if you want a genuine answer. If you just want to acknowledge someone in a polite way, "hi" or "good day/evening" exist for a reason. Like, why would you purposefully neglect the already established phrases for this specific purpose and make things convoluted?
I think it's rather rude to ask and falsely display a sense of availability to others and then just expect people to lie for your comfort. It's going out of your way to show other people you don't care about what they say.
My mom would always tell me everything happens for a reason
But when I was crying & having meltdowns as a kid she just said, "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."
So now when my friends or boyfriend are upset I literally googled how to deal with it cause I had no idea on what to do cause my mom never did & my father was emotionally unavailable.
Oh sorry that was trauma dumping my bad .-.
My mom said the same stuff to me.
Glad to see you're learning how to do better and break the cycle.
I guess we're trauma bonding?
My mother is undiagnosed bipolar and narcissist to do that too or say she had it worse as a child and because they provided a roof over my head I'm not allowed to feel a certain type of way ever. She still says I haven't suffered enough. It's good to let your feelings out once in a while now with help from close loved ones I've gotten better. It's a process but the day will come when it's all better. Maybe look into therapy? I know it's expensive though I'm not able to afford it where I live
@@suppertimesims wtf my mother said shit like this too. I gotta remind her that even though worse things have happened that doesnt invalid my problems
@@L0rdOfThePies yeah my mother will just not listen to anything I say 95% of the time so I stopped trying plus she's very stubborn
@Olivia Meyers funny when people use the word "Hope" cause that is my mom's name 😂
Asking people where they have been and then shitting on them is CULT/NARSISTIC. behavior 101. People who reflect your type of values but when applying them they do the opposite - means they are just trying to manipulate you point and simple. If you are a public figure engaging with people if you ASK people whats going on expect a response. He could have said "NIce to see some old faces back after a while, hope things are going well and if not sending that positive energy things will get better" thats what people NEED to hear. Not cult-like behavior. Edit: He then could have lead forward by "and this is why we are here today to spread that positive energy and have fun!" again no shitting-on people behavior needed.
Wow. That man was unhinged. He took her emotions as a sign of weakness... when in realoty allowing yourself to experience emotions is one of the most bravest things you could do.
I unfortunately feel that that kind of attitude is to be expected from "creators" like him. He has that alpha toxicity about him.
It’s the unnecessary SCREAMING in every single clip for me… do people really like to hear a man scream in their spare time???
Pff i literally stay away from loud attention seeking people. This guy fits the bill thus its litle no wonder why i dont even care about them
Its the beard. For some reason the beard gives it away
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 He reminds me of Keemstar lol
The dude in question has anger issues and insults everyone when he feels uncomfortable.
Sometimes I wonder if these types of influencers have ever worked in like, customer service jobs. Like at bars or in retail. 'Cuz in that type of work, I have had so many patrons drop some pretty troubling information on me - "My son hasn't spoken to me in 10 years", "My kids hate me", "My dog died last week" etc etc. And it can lead anywhere - to genuine moments of bonding, to awkwardness and anxiety, to emotional exhaustion. But I still can't imagine responding the way he did lol ever! Like, damn, I understand not knowing how to handle the situation, it can be ROUGH, but... his response was downright cruel and devolved into bullying.
This also shows how people are lacking in social etiquette skills people do not know how to communicate at all anymore
“There, there. Do you want McDonald’s” is 1000000x better than the How Not to Human 101 response given by that streamer with the Chia Pet taking over his face.
I've worked in retail and have been trauma dumped on plenty of times. Mentioning that your mom passed is NOT inherently trauma dumping. Also, the second part made me think about how I've had to learn to respond to people when they're upset. I tend to go either fixer ('Maybe you could...,' 'Have you tried...?) or wanting to connect ('I've also had something similar...,' can unfortunately sound like I'm trying to one-up the upset person). I've had to learn to just say 'that really sucks.' Sometimes with my closest people, I might say something like, 'is there anything I can do to help?' or 'can I try to offer some advice?' but usually people just need to vent a bit. That list could be helpful to nuerodivergent people, but it does sound really stiff and awkward.
He was cruel. And doubled down on it.
I find his response so hilarious. Like dude looks 30 but acts like a highschooler with his whole "killing my vibes" attitude.
What i find more funny though is that on Twitter he's putting on this: "Oh cancel culture again" attitude yet dude has a childish fit over being told some bad news. How can someone pretend to be tough but also be so thin skinned at the same time?
“It’s friYAY!! Don’t bring down the vibes sweaty. SMH how dare you??” Lmfao
I bet that dude is the same type of person who would say things like "facts don't care about feelings" but like yeah, you asked her why she had been away, so she gave you the FACT that it was because her family passed away. She's not wrong by answering your question and sharing this fact. Just say "sorry for your loss" like a normal human being. Or maybe add something like "hope this stream will make you feel a bit better". Here you go. Super easy. It's not hard to just be polite and civil, even if you can't empathize.
generally speaking, we really should constantly remind ourselves that celebs are *NOT* our friends and just because we may know them, they don't know us and they don't owe us anything. stop putting celebrities on such a high pedestal.
Answering a basic question with a short, realistic answer is not putting anyone on a pedestal.
"Hey, how has your day been?"
"It has sucked absolute ass so far. Is this card scanner touch compatible?"
That is a valid answer to the question. And you know the only response needed?
"Damn, hope your day gets better. And no, you gotta insert the card chip."
Boom. Done.
@@KettleBlacktheBat i don't understand how your reply is relevant to my comment. I'm not talking about the situation in the video, I'm just generally saying that some people are wayy too obsessed with celebrities and thinks they know them.
As someone mentioned, when someone asks you "how you doing?", they never actually want to know how you are doing and that's the problem. Like you don't have to tell everyone your problems but the fact that so many people are so badly equipped to show any amount of empathy or just good conversation skills should be a cause of concern for those people and the people they interact with.
But that’s not what he asked and in the context, it was implied that he was looking for the real answer not the generic small talk answer. If he met this person on the street in a casual setting, it would be assumed a generic answer was all that was needed, but since he went out of his way to ask this girl the very specific question of “where she’s been?” i.e. why hasn’t been been watching, she gave a very reasonable answer.
He’s the one who messed up and put himself in the situation where something “uncomfortable” could get mentioned, it’s not his first time doing a stream. He could have just left it there but then he doubled down and then tripled down on being a super trash person, by saying how he doesn’t want this negativity in his chat while being ultra negative about the whole situation and tearing someone down for not ignoring or lying to him.
@@RavenFilms this
Yes. And the thing is that neurodivergent people (but especially autistic people like myself) don't understand this "social rule" or only learned it in their adult years and still might struggle to decipher when someone actually wants an answer to that question and when not... because NOBODY explained to them as a child "Hey, people don't actually care how you're feeling. It's just a pointless conversation starter and you're not supposed to actually answer this question honestly - or even at all.".
Everytime someone asks me "How are you?" my immediate thought is either "Do you actually care and want an honest answer or do you just want to talk to me?" OR "I don't know. I haven't thought about this all day... Nothing good happened, so I'm not happy. Nothing bad happened, so I'm not sad. I'm not really understimulated, so I'm not bored. I'm currently not in pain or overwhelmed, so I guess the answer is either okay or neutral... Let me think about this for the next hour while you have already moved on and probably told me stuff that I don't care about and then let me try to figure out how to give you my answer in a way that's not completely weird and out of context of whatever conversation we are having by then."...
Just deciphering my own feelings is hard enough for me and 99,99% of the day I feel like I don't have any feelings. Maybe that's because of all the trauma other people have caused me or it's just my autism... or maybe secretly I'm also a sociopath. Who knows... 🤷🏼♀️ I'm 29 now and have stopped taking questions from neurotypical people at face value long ago and refuse to believe that anyone of them cares about me or is even remotely interested in what I have to say... because other people always love to talk over me and dismiss everything I say to a certain degree and it's been that way since my childhood.
My default mode in life is "trying to survive" because I learned that any attention on me is dangerous and I'm one second away from either getting bullied, abused, taken advantage of or basically called a liar. It's stressful... I wish people would stop asking "How are you?" when they don't want an honest answer and are able to deal with it. - I usually don't even feel like I'm existing in a physical sense until I'm getting asked this nonsense, so that's "fun" too... 😬☠️
@@RavenFilms well said
Additionally, imagine what his response would have been if she said something generic, or even slightly less specific. She definitely would have been berated for not watching, he’s clearly that kind of person, the kind that would respond with something like “no excuses!”
Omg but imagine you used one of the premade comfort phrases and the person who’s upset goes “did you get that from a Reddit post??” 😭 my soul would leave my body
Loool, yea both toxic phrases and the non toxic phrases are generic and fake as heck. That's why it's better to not seek comfort from people that don't really know you since it's always going to be a gamble.
For me though, I'm not someone that nitpick words since that's very stupid. I look at intentions, you can see when someone cares vs not caring just by what they do and how they go about it.
I've definitely been in a situation when someone immediately trauma dumps in my dms despite them being a complete stranger, but the most you can really say is "Hey that sucks but you probably should talk to someone you know about this because I really can't help you."
But going in on them is definitely not the answer. Even if your day is a bit damped by hearing some shit you really didn't need to.
Exactly, there is a kind way of letting someone in clear pain know you’re setting a boundary but usher them in a direction that lets them get the appropriate support they need
Same. I keep all my trauma dump to myself and to my boyfriend occasionally who, is ok with it. This one student in three of my classes would trauma dump or in general talk too damn much to the point I want to say "shut the fuck up! and pls leave me alone!" but then I know how incredibly fucked up that will sound so I will be quiet and wont say nothing
@@OOOO0OOOO0001___ you can def steal my line and maybe that'll help lol. i've definitely said variations irl too. it's not that i don't care but i've only got enough energy to care for a certain number of people and i'd rather not halfass listen and pretend to care if i won't.
sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger because you know they will be more objective about your situation
but she didnt trauma dump?? he ASKED, and she gave an answer. people really overuse that term now.
Wow, that guy is pretty awful, I have no idea who he is but he didn't need to be such a jerk to that person.
The fact he’s giving her social advice before dogpiling on her… for her mom… dying…
One of toxic positivity I received a lot is "stay positive" when I'm struggling with some stuff. I ended up feeling helpless.
He fully went on her for “spreading negativity” while spreading negativity himself, and way longer than she ever could. I can’t really see him as a beacon of positivity, so what is he on about? I bet the mood of the viewers dropped(if it even dropped) due to his reaction and a subsequent rant, not due to that person just stating what happened in her life bc she was asked a question in the first place.
Seems to be a thing in the US especially. A good friend of mine visited the US for a couple of weeks and he told me 2 things he didn't knew before: 1. Almost everyone has a side hustle to make money because you need a safety net in the US. 2. When someone asks how're doing and not the rhetorical one, never say "so-so" oder "not so good". They don't want to hear it, especially if you are not super good friends. He hang out with some music guys and they told him to stfu. They had so little free time they don't wanna deal with the shit from others. For us germans - we are very honest and well, we have more free time in comparison - it's crazy. I'm sure it's not everywhere and I don't mean to offend!
I'm ashamed to say I've done a lot of trauma dumping to anyone who would listen during the first term of my first year of uni. Currently looking forward to the second term. In my mind I just wanted someone to talk to, but I was also seeing some validation from whatever anger I was feeling.
Wow, I knew nothing about this guy or any of this lol However, while I can see how it would be frustrating to constantly deal with people in the chat trauma dumping, he really went in on her. Downright disrespectful and proves he doesn't deserve to have a platform. He is disgusting. Anyway, still nice to see a video from you! Happy New Year!
My friend reached out to me when her grandmother died . We talked for 2hours i conferted her as i had a same experience with my great grandmother so we conferted eachother.we shared our experience and cryed our eyes out. We can really turn a stressful and sad situation into somthing positive and touching but for that you need better comferting skills and NOT toxic positivity. I hope she is better tho
That guy was littrely the defination and reason of toxic masculinety and suppressing your imotion that guys use to compete with women's problems when they are the main reason for it. Non female streamer have I ever seen who will respond like that and men we need to change that. I hope for the best for the men who are going to fight for themselves with other men, just remember we are standing with you and if not i am with you.
Toxic women exist as well. To be honest, I have experienced toxic positivity way more often from women.
I suppose it's the social pressure we apply to people no matte their gender to fit into molds. Women are positive, happy, smiling, caring... Men are tough, strong, hard... It sucks both ways. Women can be tough as hell and men can have a soft side.
I would hope that in the future we can allow all humans to experience a full range of emotions without some toxicity or another trying to dictate if someone is allowed to be sad or not.
You're lucky if you haven't run into the female variety. That is some serious coincidence for someone complaining about toxic masculinity.
@@sylverscale yes there was a point i thought our society was getting better in accepting and recognizing femininity and masculinity are interchangeable regardless of gender or orientation. Unfortunately it seem like we are regressing what little progress we had
who else has a fear of accidentally acting out toxic positivity? I feel like because it was shoved as the means of comfort down many people's throats,, it became automatic for some to use it as means of comfort for other even tho they know it's hurtful
Totally, I thhink we all do, it's hard to deconstruct
This reminds me of the time I was moderately tumblr famous for cosplay. Someone sent me an anonymous message saying I was the reason they didn't unalive. And I handled it exactly the way my mid-20s socially inept and cynical brain could; I said something like "I hope you do find more reasons to live, I don't think it's healthy to rely on an internet stranger" or something, I can't recall the exact words, but it was REALLY awful. I felt bad almost immediately after PUBLICLY answering it, and immediately got very deserved angry messages. I still don't know what the person was but I genuinely hope they're doing much better and that they're happy and healthy. I never want to be moderately well-known on any platform ever again.
If someone told me their whole family was sacrificed by a cult, I'd be grossly interested in hearing how they got sucked into the whole situation.
. . .but on the other hand I'd be worried id be endangered having heard this info.
For me, toxic positivity is not so much what is said but is HOW it is said. Saying "Wow, that sucks. I hope you get through it" means more when it is from a genuine place than flat and robotic.
So interesting and trippy to see you cover this guy since he was in similar small streamer circles as me, and I watched this all unfold and go viral. This guy is a huge bucket of bummer that's for sure - how hard is it to say "hey that stinks, I hope you're ok!"
For us small streamers, many of our viewers truly are our friends because we talk with them live and in discord frequently. I also play games with some of my community members off stream. I would love to see a video covering content creators of this size and how that line between friendship and parasocial relationships get blurred. Also btw WeFoundTheBody is also a pretty tiny creator in the grand scheme of things. It's like he saw how big creators shut down "trauma dumping" and wanted to mimic it lol
Yes! I would love to see a video about this because it can get dark pretty fast. I was on a short-lived stream team with a good chunk of people who were on the cusp of partner (some are doing quite well now) and our Discord server's most active section was just horror story after horror story of people crossing boundaries, paypal chargebacks and power tripping mods. I tried to learn from them and still had my own incident that made me take a major step back from streaming. The line can be so thin and blurry at a certain point and that can be so disheartening. Especially because oftentimes the greatest offenders are the ones you considered friends.
I know that "how are you" is a polite question with no real expectation but I always say what happened.
Bro forbids talking about bad things but is taking all his anger out of her ->true garbage right there.
I was watching a Vinny Vinesauce stream where a chat member mentioned a tragedy in their life and Vinny said something along the lines of "oh that sucks, i hope this stream can at least make you smile for a bit" and that seems like a much better response
The dude is literally doing a 4000 word essay on not doing a 4000 word essay. And he still thinks he makes sense.
When he asks you how you're doing and you just have to say that you're fine, but you're not fine...
That dude was horrible, what the heck. I feel sorry for that woman.... I hope she's okay.
My disassociative self sees someone crying and suddenly my brain shuts off
I would've never returned if that happened to me, that man is so freaking rude.
I clicked too fast. Should I be concerned? I just wanted to say that your videos are EXQUISITE and I like how honest and real you are. Please stay safe and healthy, happy holidays and New Year!
It's awesome to be around good people who care about you.
"trauma dumping is not good etiquette" yeah and so is telling someone off who just had a personal loss who thought they had a safe space to divulge. that was uncalled for on his part.
Good thing I didn't even know that rude guy. Oohhh. He sounds so mean and insensitive. Poor girl.
"there there, you want mcdonalds?" is exactly the kind of comforting I need most of the time
The thing with 'positive phrases' is that they're empty words. They can only work if there is something tangible behind it. Like a friend saying "Don't worry you'll be alright", can only be helpful if it's backed up with "Because I will help you, or I am here" xo.
I use to have toxic positivity and it’s just a way to cope with trauma. So I can kinda understand toxic positive but it’s not an excuse. So I just hope people with trauma learn to cope better without going through that toxic positivity mindset
He could have said "Sorry for your loss, I hope the good vibes of this Friday stream will help you feel better" ; that would have been nice AND refocus on the more cheerful mood of his stream. It's so weird to me how people can't just be nice to others.
The moment he said not calling their fans 'best friend' I'm just reminded of 'Rebal D' 😂 (he's a great guy, insult us every time because we never reply to him 😂)
I think he was mad the attention went on her for a sec. These influencers are desperate narcissists.
I would never treat my subs like that.
This is why it’s so unfathomable to me when I see some people spend hundreds and sometimes even thousands of dollars on these streamers like dude, they won’t give a single f*ck if you just dropped dead the next day 😂
12:07 “that’s rough buddy” is a meme based off of one of the best animations of all time. It gets memed up even today. If you get the contextual, it is quite funny, because the trauma that was shared with the character is so outside the scope of understanding and the relationship between them is just starting, so the delivery of the line is just so human in that moment. The fact that the after statement gets memed more than the statement before says it all.
Some people are just lonely and the lifeline is the chat community. That rude man asked where she had been and then shames her as well as saying he doesn't like her. Then why ask the question?
I know it's unhealthy to fan girl or fan boy, you have to live in reality... famous people say whatever to make $ even if their intentions aren't to offer false hope. I am a fan of BTS and I know they are charitable. But do they love or care about me out of millions of people? Proof not one of them have sent this Auntie a check.😅
It's easier to say something polite and move on. Me, I am kind hearted but I only rely on myself.
I hope that narcissistic streamer lost a ton of followers, not sure why anyone would want to follow a person like that. Although it would have been better if the fan hadn't overshared, he could have said oh sorry and just MOVE ON. instead he just kept digging deeper and deeper tearing her apart. sometimes saying less is more. what a dick
Honestly, I hope that viewer is okay.. Not only is she dealing with a loss in her family, but being berated like that by one of her favorite (I’m assuming) streamers in front of many other viewers, must’ve been really rough on her. It upset me to hear that they also took a hand in harassing her after the stream.. Hopefully she’s doing well 🙏🏾
Edit** And I sincerely hope she isn’t supporting him anymore 😒..
The followers must keep in mind that there is a line between them and the streamers. Streamers can hide something too about themselves. Always be careful.
Funny. I'm going through some pretty big life difficulties/changes atm and this video cheered me up quite a bit as it's been myself who's trying to say that there's millions of people who have it worse. (While that is true... why do i have to minimize my own struggles if there's plenty of others to do that already?)
Thanks a ton for Your work!
*nudges softly*
Bro at 8:32 my question is “if you don’t like her, why ask where she’s been?”
He’s the epitome of fuck around and never tell me bad stuff bc I’m too fragile for life
he LITERALLY could have just said "i'm sorry to hear that" or "my condolences" and immediately moved on and it would've been fine but he decided to lecture her when she's grieving and then keep doubling down on it including in his freaking APOLOGY???
the idea that someone is somehow victimizing you by making you feel any kind of empathy needs to die and fast
Lol bro spent so much time being mad at a person on the internet that he could do a free online therapy session instead
I wouldn’t ever blast someone like that.
I did however set up a boundary recently with my followers and just people I talk to not to trauma dump. And I know it was my fault for sharing my struggles and opening that door. And for someone maybe yes, I was the only one person they could share, but what do I do when 30 people per day trauma dump on me?! And I’m not well physically and mentally? Talking about our trauma in circles has been very bad for me. So I’m changing that now. And some people have been unreasonably upset calling it toxic positivity.
You can have negative emotions and feelings, just don’t dump it onto strangers who never consented to listen to that. In the moment I of course wouldn’t ever tell someone to shut up, but I try to redirect them to a therapist or other resources because I can’t help. And it’s too much for me to listen to everyone’s problem every day. It’s been making me so depressed I got sick and couldn’t work.
He seems like the kind of person who is not comfortable sharing their emotions so is bothered when other people have the nerve to do so
I got so shocked when i saw ed's hairstyle, i was like "wtf did you do to your hair"
If it wasn’t her first time over sharing in his chat then why didn’t he just block her from chatting like he has no excuse.
I know of another streamer (they're on Kick now) that is a narcissist and is full of toxic positivity. They can't take a joke (another streamer made a harmless joke about how they always bootlick a certain AAA company), and they ended up blocking everyone, including myself, that mentioned the joke reply on X. They also used to hide their Twitch vods/clips behind being a subscriber. I don't know why/how toxic people like this become "popular."
Omg those streamer clips were painful
My happy thoughts is my marbles and I lost my marbles
Toxic positivity is so emotionally invalidating it's crazy. It seems to me to mostly stem from a place of not being able to deal with difficult emotions, so in a way, I guess that streamer reacted exactly how I would expect him to.
being on the internet and not being lovey with your followers and more professional can be done without screaming that you don’t care and that’s fucked up that they say they love you and being mean like, sorry i’ll go watch someone else. if ur on the job anywhere ur required to be polite so either be professional or shut up about parasocial relationship. i think
Thank you for just being you 🙏 no sales speeches, no fake glitz "my life is so much better than yours, buy all my products and be like me" etc. We like you just as you are ❤
It is 100% his issue. He wants to act like he cares by asking caring questions- but he does not want to be told unpleasantness as he truly does not care. If he was open and said this is only a light hearted chat nothing heavy and never asked how people were he would seem colder but honest. Now he has painted himself as dishonest to cover up his callousness. He clearly has no social skills or ever worked with the public.
I'm glad that I haven't encountered that behavior in this community. Really interesting video--gave me a lot to think about. Hair cut looks great! Happy Holidays to all!!!
I went though something that was very hard and traumatic for me in the beginning of the year and if someone had said those “positive” things to me I would probably just scream at them. And I’m scared of confrontation, but those “right” things to say are so condescending and straight up horrible
the first guy is def the kind of guy who would blame his partner for having a bad day bc it "makes him feel bad" to hear about it
Your hair looks amazing
agree 👍
It really does!
I worked in psych hospitals and with the county social services for a hot minute so I'm a bit biased: but if "that" is enough to send you on some sort of tangent I'd worried about how you handle *any* personal stressor irl. Doesn't have to be a therapy session just don't fucking put someone on blast for nothing. If I could I'd legally mandate every one has to have an hour of social time each day where they have to genuinely relate to another person