haha I'm an INFJ and when my boss will occasionally quiz me on my knowledge out of the blue and catch me off guard, my answers come out so retarded but if you put me in a teaching role where I'm able to collect my thoughts and express them, then my true amount of knowledge comes out. I hate being put on the spot. It makes me feel anxious.
Never heard that 'funnel' analogy before, but it's just SPOT ON.. Every...darn...time when I want to express my thoughts about something complex, and the funnel is opened from the bottom, I get this almost panicky feeling that I'm drowning in ideas and thoughts. Almost right away my focus slips, I'm restarting sentences, talk 3x as fast because the fear ppl might lose there attention, stumble over my words, eyes widen, tense every muscle and express only a few percent of what I wanted to say and then shut up embarrassed. DAMN.....IT.. Lovely and personal video, thx.
Haha I feel the same exact way and I hate that part about myself. I would love to properly convey just a bit more of what I'm thinking into words. I HATE HATE HATE not being able to express all of the aspects and all of the details of my ideas and my perspectives and simply not getting that through to someone. I feel like the second and third point also coincide quite often. One of the reasons to why we don't like asking for help is because we fear we may not get the nature of our problem across to the other person or make them understand what it is we actually need help with.
Heh I think that funnel is just due to excessive Ti connections that open up in a whole bunch of places. Wherein there are connections that we can't express because they aren't even known fully to ourselves.
INFJs by nature are contemplative private types. Their preferred mode of communication is indirect (ex. writing) and personal or one-on-one (at most, a small group!), at which they excel. Answering questions, reciting or speaking in front of the class is an uncomfortable extroverted situation for an INFJ. Highly sensitive and perfectionistic, INFJs fear criticism (hard for them to handle) as their over-thinking and Fe makes them act as if all (critical) eyes are upon them. Additionally, before responding they prefer time to ponder rather than on-the-spot superficial banter. Getting over fear of public speaking (glossophobia) could be a critical cog in attaining leadership positions (so needed in today's world!) for reluctant INFJs. In that effort, Sarah, the teacher, has taken a public speaking course (recommended!) and has achieved the "counterintuitive(!)" by publishing her helpful video blogs. Usually laid back, INFJs, when their core values or "cause" or a loved one is threatened, can skip the discussion phase and move right to bald-faced assertiveness (look out!). INFJs radiate empathy and rarely get asked how THEY are doing! Blessed be the friend/colleague that does (hold on to them!). Sublimation helps. Learn to say no.
OMG... when I do get asked that, sincerely, and no other agenda other than letting me vent, it's a moment to cherish forever, I feel tears welling up just writing/thinking/feeling about it.
I practiced this with getting two teaching degrees and with reciting music when I was young. It is a mode also INFJ's can learn to be more relaxed with. It is like switching to a different kind of mode.
Not necessarily true When it comes to communication personally I love really large groups and dont like small because it gets to personal whilst in a Big group its easier to slip into chameleon mode which is much more impersonal.
"You sounded like an idiot" is usually what I said to myself after trying to verbalise something which makes perfect sense in my head to people. Insightful video, well explained. Notice how we rarely make eye contact at all, even to a camera lens.
Silas K. Theres the 5 second rule for eyecontact, look away for a brief moment and then 5 more (if u whant). More than 5 is regarded as sexual. I learned this the hard way with a job interview, day dreaming and staring into his soul while just focusing on not getting nervous. He then said something about "we dont role romanticly in this company.." I was like wtf but got the job and the first day they said I was the fastest learner theyd had. Then I quit the job the next day lul.
I think language barriers is a perfect way of summarizing the INFJ struggle. We do have our own unique ways of communicating & seeing the world that only resonate with a small percentage of people.
That funnel analogy is SO ON POINT. I'm an INFJ and I often have a lot of really cool ideas/stories I wanted to tell people, but when I do, it doesn't sound as great as it is in my head and it's really frustrating that I couldn't share 100% of my thoughts.
INFJ here, assertiveness 0, communicating my own problems 0, keeping inside things until im breaking point 100%, this happened long ago to myself, i did have no idea i was breaking point until my shadow came to the rescue. Yes, im a good listener and try to protect and give good advice. Assertiveness , communication and expressing my problems was solved as i grow older (nearly 60 years old now) but i wish i did have all the information that is now available through youtube, books etc...would have helped me lots and avoid some suffering down the line. Since i got back my voice , my life changed for the better . take care
I just wanted to say that's it's.. comforting to hear you say what you're saying the way you're saying it. The way that your thoughts come out in pieces feels familiar and.. I feel like I'm not alone. Thanks.
The funnel. Very accurate. Asking for help is almost painful for me. I have a genuine phobia of "inconveniencing" people with my problems. Although in reality it probably isn't an inconvenience at all.
And we sense that S types are getting impatient with our detail when we are trying to funnel all the info down into a concise statement...lol! We give the essay answer for the fill in the blank question!! You have nailed everything so well in this video!
I can relate sooooo much to the notion of not being able to ask for help! I often feel like it's my duty to be happy, and if I share my own personal pain with people I care about, it's going to pass my hurt onto them. I never really thought of it in terms of MBTI or Fe until now though. I once even shared with someone "I don't want to hurt people with my own emotional pain", and that person was like "if your friend or relative was going through the same thing, wouldn't you want them to come to you?" I answered "of course!", but still felt like reciprocal treatment shouldn't apply to me.
Past halfway through the video it dawned on me (like snapping out of my INFJ trance) that I was feeling every layer, every word, every inflection, following your every cadence of thought, and felt the overwhelming want to hug you and everyone here, and say, “Everything’s gonna be okay,” like the blathering homeless drunk in the bar scene of The Wedding Singer. Thanks 🙏 much for the clear articulation. I couldn’t have expressed it better myself. Probably because I’d need to draft 8-10 scripts and record it 3-5 times, accumulating to dozens of hours of work, before committing to publishing this one video! Then taking it down and doing it one final time (at least, I think). Honestly, how many ‘final’ Final Drafts do I need anyway? The answer? All of them 😅
I recently took the MBTI and scored as an INFJ. I became super fascinated with it and have been looking up all kinds of videos to help understand myself better. Spot on analysis. I am constantly apologizing to people, or even in my own head if I need to talk to someone, because I feel like I am too aggressive or being a jerk. It's definitely been quite a conundrum with every job I've ever had because my bosses usually said I was too nice because of how often I felt the need to apologize for expressing myself, even though the only reason I ever did it was because I thought I was being aggressive. To your second point, I always wondered why I could never come up with an on the spot answer or analysis to a topic posed in class, especially if called upon to answer. Writing down my answers if given enough time absolutely helped, but if it was a teacher picking a student at random I'd always freeze, give an incorrect or dumb sounding answer and would feel super embarrassed after. This is probably why I have flourished in an online graduate program, because 95% of everything we do is in some sort of written format. Whether it's a discussion post or paper, I don't have to be in a class where a good chunk of our grade hinges on class participation by verbally giving responses to topics. As to the not asking for help I have always struggled with this. Relationships, friendships, work, I can never ask for help. I would rather be the one to help others solve their problems, and not put my own problems onto them. So I generally struggle in personal relationships with people because they never feel like I can open up to them, despite wanting to do so, but also not put any unnecessary stress on them. Which is why when someone else described an INFJ to me, they said we're usually an enigma or contradictory in a lot of ways. Thanks for the video, definitely spot on with everything!
You are right on. I’m all of the above! The part about when I feel sad and I need to hide myself really resonates with me. I wish I could talk to someone too but some how I feel I need the time to myself to sort things out first. I too also don’t like people discounting my feelings. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I don’t like talking about my feelings.
I agree with everything you are saying about leaning toward the passive side because I don't want to cause drama, and worrying that others will interpret my assertiveness for aggression. Drama is one of my least favorite things on the planet, dramatic as that sounds. Being firm and direct can feel weird for an INFJ if you don't practice that skill. The quicker I speak up about something that's bothering me (and that can be hard because I don't even always realize that something is bothering me right away), the easier it is not to attach too much emotion to it, the calmer I come across, and thus the less my anxiety about possibly being misread as angry.
I noticed a couple of times that whenever I had just the right amount of alcohol my tongue got straight forward connected to my mind. At that condition I stop overthinking and being overwhelmed by my thoughts but my mind is still clear enough. If I then get the opportunity to have a speech, people around me and myself as well are often impressed by my speaking skills. I then wonder where I get all those smart and beautiful words from. Sometimes I get people emotionally moved. Some even start to cry because they feel understood I guess. My voice is shaking in such speeches because my emotions are then trying to burst out. It is very hard for myself then to keep cool and not get overwhelmed by my emotions and am also afraid to drop my pokerface. Probably it would be healthier and even more effective to let my emotions out. Am working on that. Anyway, I got compliments for my speeches a couple times in my lifetime so far and I hope there are more to come.
Seems like theres too much frontal cortex activity with infj. Anxiety drugs basically treat overestimated frontal cortex to calm you. Im beginning to wonder if being infj is somewhat of a disability. Alcohol is a depressant which also essentially inhibits your frontal lobe.
Also, when I'm stressed I can not make eye contact like her.. I'd be saying my ideas while in my head. I've been told to look at them while I talk. A coworker told me I stare, which apparently I was unaware of.
The beauty of this video really shows how vulnerable, smart, and beautiful we all are! We all speak & process information so different and it is a miracle that any of us connect at all! But young lady you expressed yourself beautifully. I learned and enjoyed this video. Not sure if I'm a INFJ but I'm glad to have a better understanding of someone elses experience.
Makes perfect sense to Me, INFJ. When I leave voicemails on my girlfriends Phone I usually end up deleting and starting over again 10 times. Doesn't help that she is a communications graduate and it's imperative I use the correct words for what I'm wanting to convey. Most times now I just keep it to a few simple sentences. Like I'm writing an email in the old. CPA office I worked at years ago.
Yes :/ Getting out of it though, we all HAVE to. It's our own responsibility. Time to learn, adapt over time to the fact that a fresh living human being should have their ego's in the backseat, as a tool for survival and some singular "fits", no more than that.
Thank you for articulating this so wonderfully and I feel comforted as I watch. The 'funnel' image you share really resonates and for me I sense it as a 'tiny hole' that I'm trying to squeeze all that I experience through. I feel so much joy and gratitude when I experience patience in myself and another and I find I can get out of this 'tiny hole' what is happening for me, particularly if it is painful'. Thank you for video and keep sharing.. Le grá
The funnel theory is perfect. Formulating thoughts to words It's kinda like having an artist mind with no ability to draw. Like to think and see all these beautiful pictures in your mind then when you try to paint or draw them, it's a huge mess and doesn't translate.. just piggyback analogy.
Thank you so much for this post! It comforts me to be able to relate to someone on these things. I am constantly having fascinating and stimulating ideas, and naturally I want to share that with those I love, but I always get disappointed when they either aren't as enthusiastic as me over that particular idea, or they don't understand what I'm getting at at all... The world inside my head is so beautiful and intriguing, but the inability to transfer that to the outside world is the worst part about being an infj...
What you said about the funnel. When I'm sharing ideas I pause too much because I'm trying to say/ all the points at once.....ill try writing it out before I share next time. Thanks for the guidance
As an INFJ I have learned to be more assertive without feeling guilty about it .it has not been easy though, people are def jerks and problem is we see them from far away. I have learned to stay behind the scenes and let others show themselves.
You're right. As an INTJ, it usually takes me 5-10 seconds to respond to someone else's questions. Even when I try to organize my thoughts well, what I actually say sometimes sounds really dumb in hindsight. One of the downsides to having dominant Ni. :/
I struggle to watch this because I could feelhow hard it was to search for the descriptive words. So easy to know but it's so hard to describe. Just know I'm thankful for your video. Until three weeks ago I had no idea there was anyone like me. Then I learned about the Myers-Briggs test. I didn't even need the results I instantly knew. I can tell in less than a minute of your video you are for real. so many people want to talk about the rarest personality type but you're the first that I can tell is a real INFJ. I actually don't like using that out loud or in writing. Because unless you are you don't understand. Thank you. I really needed to know there's someone else and videos like yours have made me feel not so alone inside.
Wow...you nailed it exactly! You have so clearly articulated the problems we INFJs experience. I was nodding the whole time. I feel like to watch the video again to absorb all your points. Subbed!
Spot on. From beinging to end. When you got choked up at the end speaking about having difficulty expressing your feelings to others, it made me so sad. But don't feel bad, ok? ;) I have the exact same issue. Just a few weeks ago my best friend brought up that we haven't talked much about my father's recent passing, and during that conversation is when I both realized and expressed what why its so hard for me. And its exactly what you just said. I see the pain I'm "causing" them, and I just can't handle it when I'm already emotional. It also makes it even more difficult for me to formulate a coherent thought, and I'll either not make sense or not be able to find any words at all.
+solohouette Thank you hun, I appreciate it. 💖 I hope you find solace in who you are despite the disadvantages we as INFJ's have. Work on them, but remember not to dwell on them.. and always remember that you're beautiful! :)
1. This is super relatable to me. Like exponentially. But I have only just discovered these personality types and though it says I am INFJ, I am not certain that this is correct. So I am gonna take my time trying to figure it out. 2. You seemed very upset during this video. Like you were struggling, but determined. I'm not sure how to put it. But it was like you were remembering a lot of painful things. 3. I know you posted this forever ago, but I still wanted to comment and say it was interesting and lovely. I felt everything you were trying to say, and the way you explained how I think is absolutely phenomenal. I would never have thought to use an analogy of a funnel.
thankyou for clarifying all that. it really helped. struggling with expressing oneself verbally has been my number one problem my entire life and it means so much to actually see someone like that for real.
For your age, you are very wise! The bit about how we find listening to other people easy, see their problems and can help quite well (not always with advice, but with giving them enough empathy and support), yet find it so hard to talk about our own, not wishing to pass on bad feelings, as we can read other people's mood so well, is a very big problem. i have an INTJ husband but am separating after 30 years because he is very dismissive of me when I have a problem and takes everything, however carefully you say it, as criticism. He is very intelligent, but they lack this capacity to acknowledge feelings in others, more than most other types, and he is just not prepared to work on it at all or can't. They can be very compatible as friends or partners for a while, but I think that the deep understanding the INFJ craves from a partner or very good friends is not possible, and it becomes very difficult after a time - as you say, you close up and don't want to share, fearing their reaction (which is not good). And yes, they can sound harsh, they don't get nuances. If INTJ is intellectual but dealing in facts, INFJ is intellectual of feelings and the whole picture. I'm not sure philosophers/creatives always get on well with the solidly and coldly scientific, because there is no room in their world for the myriad differences and rainbow of humanity. For instance, a scientific person will create an android and say it should be grateful to have existence, while the INFJ will consider all the moral and humane implications - creating something that is half human and 'other' as it comes into existence, just to serve, to be under the thumb of humans, many of whom are not as intelligent or capable of seeing the inherent flaws in this, the dangers, the cruelty. The INTJ has a much narrower field of vision and that is a strength, but for the INFJ it might feel a weakness, just as their deep but fragmented vision is too unfocused for the INTJ. Anyway, you are young and enjoy the moments you have. The INFJ is very loyal so don't get trapped by that. INFJs must learn to be more direct and to think of themselves a little more, rather than putting others always first, Have your boundaries and be clear about what others do that hurts you, but explain it to them in the best way. If they take note, and you can both change to meet in the middle, it's a good sign, but if they are dismissive of your concerns, be very wary. It won't get better but only worse. Unfortunately, when I was young, I had very good insight into myself, as you do, but felt so weird, and I had no idea until recently I was an INFJ. So many things fell into place. You can be proud of yourself for making these videos and putting into words so well what is very intangible but felt so deeply (and on so many different levels).
Hi! Thank you for all of your videos and for making the world a better place. You captured the three ideas so well. I haven't commented to videos before, but when you described how you benefit from having a person to be a sounding board for sharing ideas and feelings, it was thought-provoking. I want to thank you and let you know the message was received. I've been traveling down soliloquies in my head, not knowing if it is hurtful or else helpful. I knew it has been helpful to build ideas and general patterns of understanding and resolve confusing feelings and values. I didn't know if it was a healthy substitute for talking with another person. I guess the obvious answer, which you confirmed, is that we need both internal and external dialogue, mostly one-on-one. Hmm. I may be stuck. Internal dialogue is so much easier.
my first INFJ viedo is going to be about boundaries. I must push past perfectionist real quick so I can make a much needed video for myself as well as others. your right , bounce our thoughts around together is a beautiful thing. thanks for posting.
Everything you said is spot on with what I experience. I have just recently got into MBTI and my results from 2 websites swing between INFJ and INFP. I always have difficulty verbalising complex thoughts. I rarely ask for help and tend to bottle up my emotions. I get the perfectionist part too! I regularly tear up my drawings because one part of it doesn't look right, or how I imagine in my head it should look.
Thank you for the insight. I can relate to almost all of that. I normally blurted out the right answer after a good minute stare down, me almost in tears, with those evil teachers who randomly pointed and picked questions.
the reason i don't ask for help is because i feel i am putting them out, like they have enough problems without being burdened with mine, but as soon as someone asks me for help i am right there ! i love helping people, i exist to help people, i can totally burn out with some people and cut them off but that being said if push came to shove i would still be there for them.
This made sense. Really resonated with me... and you put words to a sort of undiagnosed issue I’ve had in communicating within my own relationship (w/an INTJ). Mission accomplished. Thank you.
Just like you said, I never really open up about my own problems, no matter how desparately I need help. But whenever some of them slips away out of my tongue somehow, the listener just doesn't seem to bother (even if they often share their feelings and sufferings with me and I've always been a good listener). Eventually, I have to regret it every time I mistakenly do.
I'm older so I'm safe, you can always bounce your thoughts off me, I know exactly what you mean. I found out about being an INFJ WAAAY TO LATE in life. I've had to go through my life hitting 50 before I even heard this term. So everything I've learned and struggled through, I did with God's help. Well, and Martial Arts. My thing was to do everything better than everyone, and I often did it, and I felt great for awhile. I really only have a couple concerns now, they are; making sure I fulfill my purposes in this life, and to do everything to make my children sade and joyfully. Happiness is Fleeting, but Joy Remains throughout our struggles. Hang in there sweetheart it gets better. You will have a rich life, I can see gentle sincerity through your beautiful little eyes. God bless you young lady.
I thought the speaking thing was unique to me. I always have trouble stating clearly my thoughts or even responding quickly to people. I always thought I must have learned a different language as a child and speaking English was second since I always have to organize my words before speaking.
If there was a machine that could express what we're trying to say or to feel what we feel by connecting thru whispers, dreams, and visions then it would be the end of our stoic life trying to simplify every deep thoughts, words and feelings just to make ourselves understood by others. This is my first time watching your vid, and I see thru those beautiful eyes.
i don't know before and i feel it's curse. too much questions in my mind, to looking for who i am.. why i'm not like the most people.. time after time .. my weirdness and intuition brings me to here and i don't believe and trying to ignore the truth. and now i'm accept who i am.. haha i'm not alone.. and i've got many amazing aliens here. same here .. thanks for sharing. and i'm an infj finally (:
LOL!!! The funnel is spot-on but, I describe it as like a crowd of people trying leave through the same exit. If you have to many people heading for the exit, they get stuck and jammed up against the door frame. Thoughts are the same.
I get so angry, that a Little Angel, like YOU has to struggle through this stuff. Never doubt your feelings, We are the Masters of thought. I'm learning NO ONE thinks as deep as us-no one. Young lady, I'm a little older now, I've learned to; Be yourself because there's someone out there looking for someone exactly like you. How will they ever find you if you change who you are. And just look for people who need help in this world, and with our Spidy Senses we will know who they are. I wish I would have met someone as sincerely gentle in spirit, . Like you. You are a gift to all of us.
one thing I noticed was the abrupt change when you realized you had said everything you had to say and then went into the 'wrap it up mode' which I think is very foreign to our way of being because I almost always percieve things as being continuous.
I relate to this so so much. I am the same way when sharing problems with friends. I think the same exact things as you. Thank you so much for sharing this and being so open. :) love and light to you.
When I'm trying to explain while using my hands like you did with passive on your right and aggressive on your left, usually by the time I get to my point I've forgotten which hand was which, so my point gets all muddy while I flounder trying to remember and then having to switch to a different analogy. I've had much better luck with using two different objects like a spoon for passive and a fork for aggressive because the points on the fork remind me of aggression while the spoon is more passive looking. But using words alone is difficult, and expressing ideas without making comparisons is impossible! Thank you for all your wonderful videos!
Gosh I relate to this a lot! Thank you for uploading this, it truly means a lot because we do have these struggles, and you voiced the realities we go through
Very good.... Another issue that relates to sharing problems or reaching out for help, to add to your list of reasons is I'm afraid they'll make me feel even worse than I already do, by being mean or discouraging... And they do these things by either talking down to me or have no appreciation for my emotions or what I'm going through.
I swear you are me ten years ago. My husband is an INTJ, so I get what you were saying about them. They can be blunt speaking truth, and it hurts sometimes.
I have commented the same on your ' 3 reason why INFJs love MBTI ' video . take a look. I Liked this video (as well) . I am relatively new to this, understanding of being an INFJ. MBTI results were astonishing for me as to how accurate they were in describing me. I very rarely comment in any of the videos I watch, but this one has compelled me to comment, as you have provided a very profound understanding of INFJs. I am now getting to understand the adaptability part of my personality, as I used to think I was more of a pushover (used to get upset about it that I wont ever be able to show the rich opinion I have based on my knowledge) , even though I used to have good knowledge and insight about a topic , especially in front of a group of more than 5-6 people. Now I understand why do I get easily influenced by others opinion externally even though I would remain in conflict inside and eventually be misunderstood. This test and this video has helped me . I would ask you to keep on making such nicely introspected , read and thoughtful videos on INFJs and their compatibility with other 15 personalities
I can really relate to this video as well. Another Issue that I could think of with us INFJs is that we can sometimes be perceived as a negative person, who is either sort of a cry baby or somewhat snotty, whereas the real reason is we do not know how to correctly express ourselves at that particular moment/situation.
Yes! The dumbest things on spot. I can hardly ever say what I want to say on the spot. Going through school, most people thought I was stupid because of this.
my husband is an intj too and I feel just like you. I also feel like he doesn't show enough emotion and we have a disconnect there. I love to love deep, he's superficial. idk.
Yea I do more mind talking than verbal communication with people. I would literally ask and answer questions in my mind, while the person is talking to me. I'm scared to say the wrong thing ( we INFJs are just one person with different lives I guess) it's so amazing I have always wanted to meet a person like me and here on TH-cam I feel I'm not alone
Great video, the Reason you have anxiety about having to answer questions on the spot or being able to address people verbally in the moment is your underdeveloped Se. I’m 56 and I still struggle with it. You just have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and fail and be embarrassed. Once you realized that being uncomfortable and embarrassed isn’t that bad the your Ni will slow down and allow you to think in those stressful moments.
Gosh, yes. Skipping assertive and going straight to aggression? So hard to find the right balance. Also, I am married to an INTJ and the tone thing with my husband is a constant struggle. It is so annoying. The calling randomly on students was constantly a source of anxiety in school. It is really astonishing how much I relate to this video...
Being an INFJ whose an empath, the infj loop can really go into overdrive at points. Thank you for sharing yes being misunderstood happens with me often, so i often dont speak because of it. While, a plethora of other reasons may happen also. It's also not worth it for me to start speaking on matters unless other people bring up a particular subject then i feel like ok i can speak cause im around someone who will understand what Im talking about. Its not worth it for me to discuss matters to people who really don't care or dont have the capacity to understand what Im talking about. Sorry if that last part sounded high and mighty or conceded. Once again thank you and to everyone else in the infjs for uploading your videos. Its nice not to feel so alone
Wow you just mentioned Assertiveness. Its amazing as I have just been doorslammed by my INFJ friend. We met a year ago. Im ENFP and Im an assertivness instructor. The irony of it all is most impressive. That they have doorslammed a person who sees this in them and wished to assist in their personal development. Add to the irony how much they assisted in mine. Sigh .... I think sometimes INFJs are their own worst enemy.
As an INFJ, I have known to door slam; however, it should be noted that I will give a person 525 chances to set things right. I will let so, so, so many things slide before I get to the point that I feel like I would just rather not have you in my life. If you're being doorslammed, especially by an INFJ, look into the reason behind it instead of blaming it all on the personality type.
That was really good, Solohouette. The advice and explanations re: INFJ's challenges in being beholden to prominent Fe were interesting and useful. Thanks for coming back out. :-) I hope you feel better soon.
I agree with a great deal of what you've described. I'm curious if any other INFJs, like me, are not afraid of causing drama if drama is warranted. When I say something, though, I mean it... I mean really mean it. That comes from me thinking so much. Trouble asking for help? Oh, yeah... AND Abeing a good listener... you're talking about me. Ironically... I'm listening to you and less than a minute ago I was thinking "It doesn't seem like I can talk with anyone about things". This is good...
This is crazy I was just thinking this the only time I’m able really connect too someone is if I’m being a good listener too them, putting myself in there shoes and trying too ask engaging questions.
I'm an INFJ Male, and I can relate. When i was younger, i grew up in a very strict asian household, and was sheltered alot. I was raised by my grandparents and was just quiet and withdrawn. As i got older in age, it was hard for me building long friendships, or even connecting and dating. I never really tried to initiate the conversation, or approach. so it was hard for me in my teens, Now im 25 and im more aggressive now than i was before, i learned how to assert myself, but not too much. but sometimes when i feel attacked that sensitive INFJ comes out and starts going nuts ready to flip out on anyone causing my anger. lol.
I'm an INTJ, and I can completely relate about teachers calling on students randomly. It's something I really hate, and it can cause me some anxiety. I need a lot of time to think and process.
Hi there. I'm an INFJ, but with more developed TI and SE. You see, I was born a lefty, but I didn't know that until high school (I'm twenty now). My theory is that because I was taught to be a righty, I developed my weaker functions earlier than I would have normally. I ended up relying on my TI and SE more than my primary functions. So, now I have to work on my primary functions more. For the longest time I thought I was a right handed person. I've always struggled to be able to talk well. I just can't convert my ideas in my head into action very well. I also have problems expressing myself and having any confidence in my own abilities. I think that's also in part due to the fact that I didn't learn to use my left hand for most things until pretty recently. I had always used my left hand for simple things like using a computer mouse. I would turn the mouse sideways and use it like that. Weird, I know. Anyway, thank you for sharing this video and reading this comment. :)
haha I'm an INFJ and when my boss will occasionally quiz me on my knowledge out of the blue and catch me off guard, my answers come out so retarded but if you put me in a teaching role where I'm able to collect my thoughts and express them, then my true amount of knowledge comes out. I hate being put on the spot. It makes me feel anxious.
YES
💯 % relate
Never heard that 'funnel' analogy before, but it's just SPOT ON.. Every...darn...time when I want to express my thoughts about something complex, and the funnel is opened from the bottom, I get this almost panicky feeling that I'm drowning in ideas and thoughts. Almost right away my focus slips, I'm restarting sentences, talk 3x as fast because the fear ppl might lose there attention, stumble over my words, eyes widen, tense every muscle and express only a few percent of what I wanted to say and then shut up embarrassed.
DAMN.....IT..
Lovely and personal video, thx.
Haha I feel the same exact way and I hate that part about myself. I would love to properly convey just a bit more of what I'm thinking into words. I HATE HATE HATE not being able to express all of the aspects and all of the details of my ideas and my perspectives and simply not getting that through to someone. I feel like the second and third point also coincide quite often. One of the reasons to why we don't like asking for help is because we fear we may not get the nature of our problem across to the other person or make them understand what it is we actually need help with.
+Leo Engstam so uncannily accurate, even all the comments
Heh I think that funnel is just due to excessive Ti connections that open up in a whole bunch of places. Wherein there are connections that we can't express because they aren't even known fully to ourselves.
Or you try to explain what you are thinking and you get that "deer caught in headlights" look and I think... Ohhhh... oops, Sorry. Nevermind.
But when some says shut up I don't care what you think and you want to cry
INFJs by nature are contemplative private types. Their preferred mode of communication is indirect (ex. writing) and personal or one-on-one (at most, a small group!), at which they excel. Answering questions, reciting or speaking in front of the class is an uncomfortable extroverted situation for an INFJ.
Highly sensitive and perfectionistic, INFJs fear criticism (hard for them to handle) as their over-thinking and Fe makes them act as if all (critical) eyes are upon them. Additionally, before responding they prefer time to ponder rather than on-the-spot superficial banter.
Getting over fear of public speaking (glossophobia) could be a critical cog in attaining leadership positions (so needed in today's world!) for reluctant INFJs.
In that effort, Sarah, the teacher, has taken a public speaking course (recommended!) and has achieved the "counterintuitive(!)" by publishing her helpful video blogs.
Usually laid back, INFJs, when their core values or "cause" or a loved one is threatened, can skip the discussion phase and move right to bald-faced assertiveness (look out!).
INFJs radiate empathy and rarely get asked how THEY are doing! Blessed be the friend/colleague that does (hold on to them!). Sublimation helps. Learn to say no.
OMG... when I do get asked that, sincerely, and no other agenda other than letting me vent, it's a moment to cherish forever, I feel tears welling up just writing/thinking/feeling about it.
this is perfect description. 100% accurate in my experience
I practiced this with getting two teaching degrees and with reciting music when I was young. It is a mode also INFJ's can learn to be more relaxed with. It is like switching to a different kind of mode.
Not necessarily true When it comes to communication personally I love really large groups and dont like small because it gets to personal whilst in a Big group its easier to slip into chameleon mode which is much more impersonal.
Great analysis, spot on points and well presented.
"You sounded like an idiot" is usually what I said to myself after trying to verbalise something which makes perfect sense in my head to people. Insightful video, well explained. Notice how we rarely make eye contact at all, even to a camera lens.
Silas K. Theres the 5 second rule for eyecontact, look away for a brief moment and then 5 more (if u whant). More than 5 is regarded as sexual. I learned this the hard way with a job interview, day dreaming and staring into his soul while just focusing on not getting nervous. He then said something about "we dont role romanticly in this company.." I was like wtf but got the job and the first day they said I was the fastest learner theyd had. Then I quit the job the next day lul.
@@mikael1835 "staring into his soul" lol
I think language barriers is a perfect way of summarizing the INFJ struggle. We do have our own unique ways of communicating & seeing the world that only resonate with a small percentage of people.
That funnel analogy is SO ON POINT. I'm an INFJ and I often have a lot of really cool ideas/stories I wanted to tell people, but when I do, it doesn't sound as great as it is in my head and it's really frustrating that I couldn't share 100% of my thoughts.
INFJ here, assertiveness 0, communicating my own problems 0, keeping inside things until im breaking point 100%, this happened long ago to myself, i did have no idea i was breaking point until my shadow came to the rescue. Yes, im a good listener and try to protect and give good advice. Assertiveness , communication and expressing my problems was solved as i grow older (nearly 60 years old now) but i wish i did have all the information that is now available through youtube, books etc...would have helped me lots and avoid some suffering down the line. Since i got back my voice , my life changed for the better . take care
I just wanted to say that's it's.. comforting to hear you say what you're saying the way you're saying it. The way that your thoughts come out in pieces feels familiar and.. I feel like I'm not alone. Thanks.
dito
The funnel. Very accurate. Asking for help is almost painful for me. I have a genuine phobia of "inconveniencing" people with my problems. Although in reality it probably isn't an inconvenience at all.
You are literally taking the words out of my head and recording them. Thank you for being an authentic INFJ.
I feel like I found my people. I struggle with all that you talked about.
All thoughts here make perfect sense and resonate with INFJs. Wonderful of you to be so honest and outgoing. Thx!
And we sense that S types are getting impatient with our detail when we are trying to funnel all the info down into a concise statement...lol! We give the essay answer for the fill in the blank question!! You have nailed everything so well in this video!
MtnGirl & Bunny not all S types.. it more prone done by SPs who want fast paced tempo
I can relate sooooo much to the notion of not being able to ask for help! I often feel like it's my duty to be happy, and if I share my own personal pain with people I care about, it's going to pass my hurt onto them. I never really thought of it in terms of MBTI or Fe until now though. I once even shared with someone "I don't want to hurt people with my own emotional pain", and that person was like "if your friend or relative was going through the same thing, wouldn't you want them to come to you?"
I answered "of course!", but still felt like reciprocal treatment shouldn't apply to me.
Past halfway through the video it dawned on me (like snapping out of my INFJ trance) that I was feeling every layer, every word, every inflection, following your every cadence of thought, and felt the overwhelming want to hug you and everyone here, and say, “Everything’s gonna be okay,” like the blathering homeless drunk in the bar scene of The Wedding Singer.
Thanks 🙏 much for the clear articulation. I couldn’t have expressed it better myself. Probably because I’d need to draft 8-10 scripts and record it 3-5 times, accumulating to dozens of hours of work, before committing to publishing this one video! Then taking it down and doing it one final time (at least, I think). Honestly, how many ‘final’ Final Drafts do I need anyway? The answer? All of them 😅
I relate to everything you said 100% It is nice to know that we are not alone in a world that makes us feel so alone.
I recently took the MBTI and scored as an INFJ. I became super fascinated with it and have been looking up all kinds of videos to help understand myself better. Spot on analysis. I am constantly apologizing to people, or even in my own head if I need to talk to someone, because I feel like I am too aggressive or being a jerk. It's definitely been quite a conundrum with every job I've ever had because my bosses usually said I was too nice because of how often I felt the need to apologize for expressing myself, even though the only reason I ever did it was because I thought I was being aggressive.
To your second point, I always wondered why I could never come up with an on the spot answer or analysis to a topic posed in class, especially if called upon to answer. Writing down my answers if given enough time absolutely helped, but if it was a teacher picking a student at random I'd always freeze, give an incorrect or dumb sounding answer and would feel super embarrassed after. This is probably why I have flourished in an online graduate program, because 95% of everything we do is in some sort of written format. Whether it's a discussion post or paper, I don't have to be in a class where a good chunk of our grade hinges on class participation by verbally giving responses to topics.
As to the not asking for help I have always struggled with this. Relationships, friendships, work, I can never ask for help. I would rather be the one to help others solve their problems, and not put my own problems onto them. So I generally struggle in personal relationships with people because they never feel like I can open up to them, despite wanting to do so, but also not put any unnecessary stress on them. Which is why when someone else described an INFJ to me, they said we're usually an enigma or contradictory in a lot of ways.
Thanks for the video, definitely spot on with everything!
You are right on. I’m all of the above! The part about when I feel sad and I need to hide myself really resonates with me. I wish I could talk to someone too but some how I feel I need the time to myself to sort things out first. I too also don’t like people discounting my feelings. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I don’t like talking about my feelings.
I love this video. You don't look at the camera hardly lol. Thanks for making it. -fellow INFJ
This could have been part of her list! I can't look at someone when I speak because I can't think. Gotta look off to think.
I agree with everything you are saying about leaning toward the passive side because I don't want to cause drama, and worrying that others will interpret my assertiveness for aggression. Drama is one of my least favorite things on the planet, dramatic as that sounds. Being firm and direct can feel weird for an INFJ if you don't practice that skill. The quicker I speak up about something that's bothering me (and that can be hard because I don't even always realize that something is bothering me right away), the easier it is not to attach too much emotion to it, the calmer I come across, and thus the less my anxiety about possibly being misread as angry.
I noticed a couple of times that whenever I had just the right amount of alcohol my tongue got straight forward connected to my mind. At that condition I stop overthinking and being overwhelmed by my thoughts but my mind is still clear enough. If I then get the opportunity to have a speech, people around me and myself as well are often impressed by my speaking skills. I then wonder where I get all those smart and beautiful words from. Sometimes I get people emotionally moved. Some even start to cry because they feel understood I guess. My voice is shaking in such speeches because my emotions are then trying to burst out. It is very hard for myself then to keep cool and not get overwhelmed by my emotions and am also afraid to drop my pokerface. Probably it would be healthier and even more effective to let my emotions out. Am working on that. Anyway, I got compliments for my speeches a couple times in my lifetime so far and I hope there are more to come.
Seems like theres too much frontal cortex activity with infj. Anxiety drugs basically treat overestimated frontal cortex to calm you. Im beginning to wonder if being infj is somewhat of a disability. Alcohol is a depressant which also essentially inhibits your frontal lobe.
Your reluctance to make strong facial contact, " you can see the monitor " made say , she's one of us . I HATE taking selfies.
Namaste.
Also, when I'm stressed I can not make eye contact like her.. I'd be saying my ideas while in my head. I've been told to look at them while I talk. A coworker told me I stare, which apparently I was unaware of.
The beauty of this video really shows how vulnerable, smart, and beautiful we all are! We all speak & process information so different and it is a miracle that any of us connect at all! But young lady you expressed yourself beautifully. I learned and enjoyed this video. Not sure if I'm a INFJ but I'm glad to have a better understanding of someone elses experience.
Makes perfect sense to Me, INFJ. When I leave voicemails on my girlfriends Phone I usually end up deleting and starting over again 10 times. Doesn't help that she is a communications graduate and it's imperative I use the correct words for what I'm wanting to convey. Most times now I just keep it to a few simple sentences. Like I'm writing an email in the old. CPA office I worked at years ago.
Information addiction anyone?
YES! SOOOOOOO BAD! lol
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes :/ Getting out of it though, we all HAVE to. It's our own responsibility. Time to learn, adapt over time to the fact that a fresh living human being should have their ego's in the backseat, as a tool for survival and some singular "fits", no more than that.
Yes, definitely
Same
Thank you for articulating this so wonderfully and I feel comforted as I watch. The 'funnel' image you share really resonates and for me I sense it as a 'tiny hole' that I'm trying to squeeze all that I experience through. I feel so much joy and gratitude when I experience patience in myself and another and I find I can get out of this 'tiny hole' what is happening for me, particularly if it is painful'. Thank you for video and keep sharing.. Le grá
The funnel theory is perfect. Formulating thoughts to words It's kinda like having an artist mind with no ability to draw. Like to think and see all these beautiful pictures in your mind then when you try to paint or draw them, it's a huge mess and doesn't translate.. just piggyback analogy.
Thank you so much for this post! It comforts me to be able to relate to someone on these things. I am constantly having fascinating and stimulating ideas, and naturally I want to share that with those I love, but I always get disappointed when they either aren't as enthusiastic as me over that particular idea, or they don't understand what I'm getting at at all... The world inside my head is so beautiful and intriguing, but the inability to transfer that to the outside world is the worst part about being an infj...
Carl Nice Carl :)
What you said about the funnel. When I'm sharing ideas I pause too much because I'm trying to say/ all the points at once.....ill try writing it out before I share next time. Thanks for the guidance
Wow! Can I ever relate to what you are saying. But I'm 65 years old. I wish I knew all this decades ago.
As an INFJ I have learned to be more assertive without feeling guilty about it .it has not been easy though, people are def jerks and problem is we see them from far away. I have learned to stay behind the scenes and let others show themselves.
You're right. As an INTJ, it usually takes me 5-10 seconds to respond to someone else's questions. Even when I try to organize my thoughts well, what I actually say sometimes sounds really dumb in hindsight. One of the downsides to having dominant Ni. :/
I'm a mix of INTJ and INFJ and I go through exactly what you go through!!! Thanks for sharing!
Yes I'm a mix too
You cannot be a mix in the human psyche. You problably studied, experienced more since and "found" your ego type.
Wow you really nailed all of the areas where I feel like I lack skill and it’s good to know that it’s natural for my personality type to be this way!
The best expressed, most thought out explanation of being an INFJ. Thank you.
I struggle to watch this because I could feelhow hard it was to search for the descriptive words. So easy to know but it's so hard to describe. Just know I'm thankful for your video. Until three weeks ago I had no idea there was anyone like me. Then I learned about the Myers-Briggs test. I didn't even need the results I instantly knew. I can tell in less than a minute of your video you are for real. so many people want to talk about the rarest personality type but you're the first that I can tell is a real INFJ. I actually don't like using that out loud or in writing. Because unless you are you don't understand. Thank you. I really needed to know there's someone else and videos like yours have made me feel not so alone inside.
Wow...you nailed it exactly! You have so clearly articulated the problems we INFJs experience. I was nodding the whole time. I feel like to watch the video again to absorb all your points. Subbed!
Spot on. From beinging to end. When you got choked up at the end speaking about having difficulty expressing your feelings to others, it made me so sad. But don't feel bad, ok? ;) I have the exact same issue. Just a few weeks ago my best friend brought up that we haven't talked much about my father's recent passing, and during that conversation is when I both realized and expressed what why its so hard for me. And its exactly what you just said. I see the pain I'm "causing" them, and I just can't handle it when I'm already emotional. It also makes it even more difficult for me to formulate a coherent thought, and I'll either not make sense or not be able to find any words at all.
Thank you for sharing, Morgan. So sorry to hear about your father's passing. Hope you can find some relief soon ♡
+solohouette Thank you hun, I appreciate it. 💖 I hope you find solace in who you are despite the disadvantages we as INFJ's have. Work on them, but remember not to dwell on them.. and always remember that you're beautiful! :)
exactly this
1. This is super relatable to me. Like exponentially. But I have only just discovered these personality types and though it says I am INFJ, I am not certain that this is correct. So I am gonna take my time trying to figure it out.
2. You seemed very upset during this video. Like you were struggling, but determined. I'm not sure how to put it. But it was like you were remembering a lot of painful things.
3. I know you posted this forever ago, but I still wanted to comment and say it was interesting and lovely. I felt everything you were trying to say, and the way you explained how I think is absolutely phenomenal. I would never have thought to use an analogy of a funnel.
thankyou for clarifying all that. it really helped. struggling with expressing oneself verbally has been my number one problem my entire life and it means so much to actually see someone like that for real.
The essence of a true infj! How your pace picked up near the middle of the video, riding the flow of thoughts!
For your age, you are very wise! The bit about how we find listening to other people easy, see their problems and can help quite well (not always with advice, but with giving them enough empathy and support), yet find it so hard to talk about our own, not wishing to pass on bad feelings, as we can read other people's mood so well, is a very big problem.
i have an INTJ husband but am separating after 30 years because he is very dismissive of me when I have a problem and takes everything, however carefully you say it, as criticism. He is very intelligent, but they lack this capacity to acknowledge feelings in others, more than most other types, and he is just not prepared to work on it at all or can't. They can be very compatible as friends or partners for a while, but I think that the deep understanding the INFJ craves from a partner or very good friends is not possible, and it becomes very difficult after a time - as you say, you close up and don't want to share, fearing their reaction (which is not good). And yes, they can sound harsh, they don't get nuances. If INTJ is intellectual but dealing in facts, INFJ is intellectual of feelings and the whole picture. I'm not sure philosophers/creatives always get on well with the solidly and coldly scientific, because there is no room in their world for the myriad differences and rainbow of humanity. For instance, a scientific person will create an android and say it should be grateful to have existence, while the INFJ will consider all the moral and humane implications - creating something that is half human and 'other' as it comes into existence, just to serve, to be under the thumb of humans, many of whom are not as intelligent or capable of seeing the inherent flaws in this, the dangers, the cruelty. The INTJ has a much narrower field of vision and that is a strength, but for the INFJ it might feel a weakness, just as their deep but fragmented vision is too unfocused for the INTJ.
Anyway, you are young and enjoy the moments you have. The INFJ is very loyal so don't get trapped by that. INFJs must learn to be more direct and to think of themselves a little more, rather than putting others always first, Have your boundaries and be clear about what others do that hurts you, but explain it to them in the best way. If they take note, and you can both change to meet in the middle, it's a good sign, but if they are dismissive of your concerns, be very wary. It won't get better but only worse.
Unfortunately, when I was young, I had very good insight into myself, as you do, but felt so weird, and I had no idea until recently I was an INFJ. So many things fell into place. You can be proud of yourself for making these videos and putting into words so well what is very intangible but felt so deeply (and on so many different levels).
Hi! Thank you for all of your videos and for making the world a better place.
You captured the three ideas so well. I haven't commented to videos before, but when you described how you benefit from having a person to be a sounding board for sharing ideas and feelings, it was thought-provoking. I want to thank you and let you know the message was received.
I've been traveling down soliloquies in my head, not knowing if it is hurtful or else helpful. I knew it has been helpful to build ideas and general patterns of understanding and resolve confusing feelings and values. I didn't know if it was a healthy substitute for talking with another person. I guess the obvious answer, which you confirmed, is that we need both internal and external dialogue, mostly one-on-one.
Hmm. I may be stuck. Internal dialogue is so much easier.
my first INFJ viedo is going to be about boundaries. I must push past perfectionist real quick so I can make a much needed video for myself as well as others. your right , bounce our thoughts around together is a beautiful thing. thanks for posting.
Everything you said is spot on with what I experience. I have just recently got into MBTI and my results from 2 websites swing between INFJ and INFP. I always have difficulty verbalising complex thoughts. I rarely ask for help and tend to bottle up my emotions. I get the perfectionist part too! I regularly tear up my drawings because one part of it doesn't look right, or how I imagine in my head it should look.
Thank you for the insight. I can relate to almost all of that. I normally blurted out the right answer after a good minute stare down, me almost in tears, with those evil teachers who randomly pointed and picked questions.
the reason i don't ask for help is because i feel i am putting them out, like they have enough problems without being burdened with mine, but as soon as someone asks me for help i am right there !
i love helping people, i exist to help people, i can totally burn out with some people and cut them off but that being said if push came to shove i would still be there for them.
OH MAN YES! That funnel is the perfect analogy. I've been so frustrated by that so many times.... Writing helps that a lot.
This made sense. Really resonated with me... and you put words to a sort of undiagnosed issue I’ve had in communicating within my own relationship (w/an INTJ). Mission accomplished. Thank you.
Just like you said, I never really open up about my own problems, no matter how desparately I need help. But whenever some of them slips away out of my tongue somehow, the listener just doesn't seem to bother (even if they often share their feelings and sufferings with me and I've always been a good listener). Eventually, I have to regret it every time I mistakenly do.
I'm older so I'm safe, you can always bounce your thoughts off me, I know exactly what you mean. I found out about being an INFJ WAAAY TO LATE in life. I've had to go through my life hitting 50 before I even heard this term. So everything I've learned and struggled through, I did with God's help. Well, and Martial Arts. My thing was to do everything better than everyone, and I often did it, and I felt great for awhile. I really only have a couple concerns now, they are; making sure I fulfill my purposes in this life, and to do everything to make my children sade and joyfully. Happiness is Fleeting, but Joy Remains throughout our struggles. Hang in there sweetheart it gets better. You will have a rich life, I can see gentle sincerity through your beautiful little eyes. God bless you young lady.
you are SO on point!
YEW EXPLAINED THIS SO WELL!! I’ve never felt so related to in my life. This is exactly how i feel! I always thought i was alone
I thought the speaking thing was unique to me. I always have trouble stating clearly my thoughts or even responding quickly to people. I always thought I must have learned a different language as a child and speaking English was second since I always have to organize my words before speaking.
Wow! Really well put. Everything you said was right on point. It was helpful to hear my own feelings and frustrations articulated so well!
Thank you for this particular video. It's a relief to hear you explain what I'm not able to ☺
So sad you haven´t done any more videos
If there was a machine that could express what we're trying to say or to feel what we feel by connecting thru whispers, dreams, and visions then it would be the end of our stoic life trying to simplify every deep thoughts, words and feelings just to make ourselves understood by others.
This is my first time watching your vid, and I see thru those beautiful eyes.
WAYYY too relatable to the point where i knew what you were going to say next before you even said it!!
i don't know before and i feel it's curse. too much questions in my mind, to looking for who i am.. why i'm not like the most people.. time after time .. my weirdness and intuition brings me to here and i don't believe and trying to ignore the truth. and now i'm accept who i am.. haha i'm not alone.. and i've got many amazing aliens here. same here .. thanks for sharing. and i'm an infj finally (:
LOL!!! The funnel is spot-on but, I describe it as like a crowd of people trying leave through the same exit. If you have to many people heading for the exit, they get stuck and jammed up against the door frame. Thoughts are the same.
I get so angry, that a Little Angel, like YOU has to struggle through this stuff. Never doubt your feelings, We are the Masters of thought. I'm learning NO ONE thinks as deep as us-no one. Young lady, I'm a little older now, I've learned to; Be yourself because there's someone out there looking for someone exactly like you. How will they ever find you if you change who you are. And just look for people who need help in this world, and with our Spidy Senses we will know who they are. I wish I would have met someone as sincerely gentle in spirit, . Like you. You are a gift to all of us.
I listen to a lot of trash about the INFJ type and they make me feel like I am not one. But your words made 100% sense to me.
100% on point. Thanks for the video, from a newly self- discovered INFJ.
one thing I noticed was the abrupt change when you realized you had said everything you had to say and then went into the 'wrap it up mode' which I think is very foreign to our way of being because I almost always percieve things as being continuous.
I relate to this so so much. I am the same way when sharing problems with friends. I think the same exact things as you. Thank you so much for sharing this and being so open. :) love and light to you.
This is sooo legit and true for INFJs overall, me included. My "greatest weaknesses".
When I'm trying to explain while using my hands like you did with passive on your right and aggressive on your left, usually by the time I get to my point I've forgotten which hand was which, so my point gets all muddy while I flounder trying to remember and then having to switch to a different analogy. I've had much better luck with using two different objects like a spoon for passive and a fork for aggressive because the points on the fork remind me of aggression while the spoon is more passive looking. But using words alone is difficult, and expressing ideas without making comparisons is impossible! Thank you for all your wonderful videos!
Gosh I relate to this a lot! Thank you for uploading this, it truly means a lot because we do have these struggles, and you voiced the realities we go through
Solohoutte
Thank you for sharing this, I could see how painful this topic is for you. If it wasn't painful, you wouldn't be an infj. Good job.
Very good.... Another issue that relates to sharing problems or reaching out for help, to add to your list of reasons is I'm afraid they'll make me feel even worse than I already do, by being mean or discouraging... And they do these things by either talking down to me or have no appreciation for my emotions or what I'm going through.
I swear you are me ten years ago. My husband is an INTJ, so I get what you were saying about them. They can be blunt speaking truth, and it hurts sometimes.
Why do we have to feel uncomfortable for being assertive 😭 sometimes, I wish I don't have to feel too much 😥
I have commented the same on your ' 3 reason why INFJs love MBTI ' video . take a look. I Liked this video (as well)
. I am relatively new to this, understanding of being an INFJ. MBTI results were astonishing for me as to how accurate they were
in describing me. I very rarely comment in any of the videos I watch,
but this one has compelled me to comment, as you have provided a very
profound understanding of INFJs. I am now getting to understand the
adaptability part of my personality, as I used to think I was more of a
pushover (used to get upset about it that I wont ever be able to show
the rich opinion I have based on my knowledge) , even though I used to
have good knowledge and insight about a topic , especially in front of a
group of more than 5-6 people. Now I understand why do I get easily
influenced by others opinion externally even though I would remain in
conflict inside and eventually be misunderstood. This test and this
video has helped me . I would ask you to keep on making such nicely
introspected , read and thoughtful videos on INFJs and their
compatibility with other 15 personalities
I can really relate to this video as well. Another Issue that I could think of with us INFJs is that we can sometimes be perceived as a negative person, who is either sort of a cry baby or somewhat snotty, whereas the real reason is we do not know how to correctly express ourselves at that particular moment/situation.
You are so Good Heart Person.......😊😊😊😊😊😊
Yes! The dumbest things on spot. I can hardly ever say what I want to say on the spot. Going through school, most people thought I was stupid because of this.
my husband is an intj too and I feel just like you. I also feel like he doesn't show enough emotion and we have a disconnect there. I love to love deep, he's superficial. idk.
Yea I do more mind talking than verbal communication with people. I would literally ask and answer questions in my mind, while the person is talking to me. I'm scared to say the wrong thing ( we INFJs are just one person with different lives I guess) it's so amazing I have always wanted to meet a person like me and here on TH-cam I feel I'm not alone
Great video, the Reason you have anxiety about having to answer questions on the spot or being able to address people verbally in the moment is your underdeveloped Se. I’m 56 and I still struggle with it. You just have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and fail and be embarrassed. Once you realized that being uncomfortable and embarrassed isn’t that bad the your Ni will slow down and allow you to think in those stressful moments.
Same. That assertiveness bar is blurry... and I hate it. It's all or none for us, we have no gray area.
WOW...nice to hear what I look and sound like from an outside perspective
Gosh, yes. Skipping assertive and going straight to aggression? So hard to find the right balance. Also, I am married to an INTJ and the tone thing with my husband is a constant struggle. It is so annoying. The calling randomly on students was constantly a source of anxiety in school. It is really astonishing how much I relate to this video...
Being an INFJ whose an empath, the infj loop can really go into overdrive at points. Thank you for sharing yes being misunderstood happens with me often, so i often dont speak because of it. While, a plethora of other reasons may happen also. It's also not worth it for me to start speaking on matters unless other people bring up a particular subject then i feel like ok i can speak cause im around someone who will understand what Im talking about. Its not worth it for me to discuss matters to people who really don't care or dont have the capacity to understand what Im talking about. Sorry if that last part sounded high and mighty or conceded.
Once again thank you and to everyone else in the infjs for uploading your videos. Its nice not to feel so alone
THANK YOU that was beautiful and so accurate .I want to say more but I'm still processing .
I just feel you have put into words thoughts I struggle the most with and don't know how to explain
Thanks 🌸
You honesty hit the nail on the head.
Wow you just mentioned Assertiveness. Its amazing as I have just been doorslammed by my INFJ friend. We met a year ago. Im ENFP and Im an assertivness instructor. The irony of it all is most impressive. That they have doorslammed a person who sees this in them and wished to assist in their personal development. Add to the irony how much they assisted in mine. Sigh .... I think sometimes INFJs are their own worst enemy.
As an INFJ, I have known to door slam; however, it should be noted that I will give a person 525 chances to set things right. I will let so, so, so many things slide before I get to the point that I feel like I would just rather not have you in my life. If you're being doorslammed, especially by an INFJ, look into the reason behind it instead of blaming it all on the personality type.
That was really good, Solohouette. The advice and explanations re: INFJ's challenges in being beholden to prominent Fe were interesting and useful. Thanks for coming back out. :-) I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you, Enid :) I appreciate your support
Jeez, you said a lot of things there that I haven't ever been able to put into words.
I agree with a great deal of what you've described. I'm curious if any other INFJs, like me, are not afraid of causing drama if drama is warranted. When I say something, though, I mean it... I mean really mean it. That comes from me thinking so much. Trouble asking for help? Oh, yeah... AND Abeing a good listener... you're talking about me. Ironically... I'm listening to you and less than a minute ago I was thinking "It doesn't seem like I can talk with anyone about things". This is good...
Same goes for when I ask people for advice, it’s like I just down them because the advice ppl give never really helps
This is crazy I was just thinking this the only time I’m able really connect too someone is if I’m being a good listener too them, putting myself in there shoes and trying too ask engaging questions.
So... I'm supposed to be INFP but I can relate to each and everything you've said in this video! Especially the last part about asking for help.
This video will be relevant forever. Thanks
I'm an INFJ Male, and I can relate. When i was younger, i grew up in a very strict asian household, and was sheltered alot. I was raised by my grandparents and was just quiet and withdrawn. As i got older in age, it was hard for me building long friendships, or even connecting and dating. I never really tried to initiate the conversation, or approach. so it was hard for me in my teens, Now im 25 and im more aggressive now than i was before, i learned how to assert myself, but not too much. but sometimes when i feel attacked that sensitive INFJ comes out and starts going nuts ready to flip out on anyone causing my anger. lol.
I'm an INTJ, and I can completely relate about teachers calling on students randomly. It's something I really hate, and it can cause me some anxiety. I need a lot of time to think and process.
A good listener is a good speaker so you correct your self confidence with good attitude you take the micca and speak publicly.
Hi there. I'm an INFJ, but with more developed TI and SE.
You see, I was born a lefty, but I didn't know that until high school (I'm twenty now). My theory is that because I was taught to be a righty, I developed my weaker functions earlier than I would have normally.
I ended up relying on my TI and SE more than my primary functions. So, now I have to work on my primary functions more. For the longest time I thought I was a right handed person.
I've always struggled to be able to talk well. I just can't convert my ideas in my head into action very well.
I also have problems expressing myself and having any confidence in my own abilities. I think that's also in part due to the fact that I didn't learn to use my left hand for most things until pretty recently. I had always used my left hand for simple things like using a computer mouse. I would turn the mouse sideways and use it like that. Weird, I know.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this video and reading this comment. :)
You are more like an ISTP
you're gorgeous! and i like your shyness
This was a good characterization