i tried mubi but whenever i watched films with subtitles, the subtitles would just disappear half way through the film. would be interested to hear if this happened to other people.
I remember some of my guy friends telling "crazy ex-girlfriend" stories. My buddy Josh asked me, "Hey, why don't ladies have as many crazy exes stories?" and me and my friend Ashley replied, "Because we don't usually survive crazy ex-boyfriends. And if we do, they're not usually funny." They got pretty quiet after that.
@@christopherbrown5409 It's not about "always", but about "mostly". I'm quite tall and heavy-set, but once a drunk man swept me physically of my feet out of a club like a little girl.Nothing happened because there were a lot of people around and I think he was just fooling around. But I froze and later freaked out exactly BECAUSE I saw what could happen to me if a guy took it to his fancy to assault me - strong and fit as I consider myself, I wouldn't stand a chance.
No but there is a reason why, they are debating equality in sports with the inclusion of transwomen. Testosterone makes men in general stronger than women.
Examples for crazy ex girlfriends on TV: a bunch of fictional characters. Examples for crazy ex boyfriends on TV: only True Crime and historical figures
It’s a huge red flag if a dude portrays all of his ex girlfriends as crazy. There’s one common denominator there. Not to mention the ongoing sexist implications of making women out to be crazy/hysterical. So if he’s saying it about more than one of his exes, run.
There is a saying in my language When a man says "oh my ex is crazy" or along those lines RED BIG FUCKING FLAG 🚩. Ask her what he did to her to make her go crazy.
What about the women that say all their ex boyfriends are a$$holes? There is a common denominator there as well. She is in a loop of only liking bad boys and won’t give the nice guy a chance.
@@Nat-ls1uo I get that most toxic and abusive relationship are generally initiated by men to women because of our patriarcal dispositions but there are also real instances where the girlfriend was actually abusive, manipulative, violent. To say "Ask her what he did to her to make her go crazy" is already taking sides for the girl when she could really be the one to inflict the more damage and saying that like this implies that this is necessarily the fault of the man.
And he was really young, too. When I saw his special I was like… yeah! How is it that this very young person understands this and old boomers don’t get it?!
sadly the gender inversion of the Crazy ex girlfriend which is the stalker violent ex boyfriend is far more common in real life yet taken less seriously until the woman is murdered or traumatized...smh at society
@@homerc9101 Although the "crazy" ex-girlfriend can be just as dangerous as the ex-boyfriend stalker. Somehow the film industry think it's funnier to parody the ex girlfriend.
I loved it!Every song covered important mental or social issues...Rachel Bloom is a genius, and all the actors were so talented. There were such jewels, including Love Kernels, I Could if I wanted to, Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal Sexy Getting Ready Song, Where's The Bathroom, Remember that We Suffered, Santa Anna Wind, Greg's Drinking Song, JAP battle...just brilliant!
@@iunnbrynveig3309 love all the songs you listed but I feel like I need to add to the list: Lets Generalize about Men, and Fit Hot Guys have Problems too
Now that you’ve done a spotlight on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, would you ever consider doing one of those series on individual characters and what they represent like you did for The Office, Friends, etc.? I think that show would be PERFECT for that.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was an AMAZING series, thank you for letting your audience know of it's existence I really do feel anybody could benefit from watching Rebecca Bunch's struggle to find her own identity and her path to 'new normal'!
I think I would have really liked it but never got past the name of the series. Didn't realize it was exactly the opposite of what it sounds like!! (dismissive of women)
@@eps3154 you have to see the first season as a parody of the sitcom genre. But season 2, this is where they really risked with some of the most ambitious stuff I have ever seen in a TV show!
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 the show didn't suggest she should go to prison. She wants to go to prison because she feels like she "deserves" it. Everyone else in the show try to explain to her that it is not the solution for her issues.
We also need to talk about how there are men who lie and frame their ex as crazy when really the ex is only reaching out to them because the man owes them money they told them they would pay back. It happened to me. I let my then boyfriend now ex borrow money and he promised he would pay me back but after we broke up he acted like I was a crazy ex girlfriend when I only wanted my money back. I just moved on after he tried to frame me like that even though he owed me.
Oh that's sucks , some people misuses and act fake "víctims" by using other people's trauma for there on selfishness , and they are slefish and heartless bc they are mocking true víctims
Funny, my ex often talked about his "crazy ex-girlfriend". I am naturally calm and don't even know how to express anger properly (I am trying to figure that out in therapy...), so I was chilly chill. But then we broke up because he said I was "too calm, too shy", not enough thrill maybe. Whatever 🤷
Fuck that, blaming someone’s characteristics for breaking up with them and making them think it’s their fault they got broken up with is such a sick move
We all normalize based on our family of origin and experiences as we grow up. So, your normal may not be normal to him. That being said, some people may feel distance from people that are calm most of the time, calling it "cold".
Regarding the Crazy ex boyfriend, I wish you had mentioned Trent from CXG - a male character set up to be a reflection of Rebecca, and yet is far more frightening for the audience (and the characters) seeing as we already know ex-boyfriends to be an actual real life threat.
I loved Trent. Not just holding up a mirror to Rebecca's behavior. But also that Rebecca dates him because he cooks her dinner, gives her massages, and she's tired after work.
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 rewatch that jailhouse scene. Once the other inmates realize she put herself in jail they all yell at her that she didn’t deserve to be there.
THANK YOU for calling out Rachel's toxicity towards Ross. Both did horrible things to each other but 99% of the time people (including this channel) labels him as the toxic one and just The Worst TM.
"Jane Eyre" does call out Rochester for his treatment of Bertha and he winds up with some heavy karmic retribution in the end (Namely being blinded and losing his mansion by the very woman he imprisoned): Rochester: So this is my crazy attic wife. She is crazy. I have to keep her in here because she's crazy. And evil. Jane: This is bullshit. She can't help it and you're mean for chaining her to the wall. Rochester: We can't get hitched. Wanna be my mistress instead? Jane: I have too much self respect for this. Peace out, Bitches.
You get it! So many people talk about this book as if it’s condoning all the characters and situations in a way that’s completely tone deaf to the scathing critique the book does of it’s own characters, completely missing the themes of the story.
@@doll_dress_swap12 Exactly, Bronte makes it pretty clear that Rochester has created his own misery and punishes others as much as, if not more than, himself.
His comeuppance being blindness plays into another toxic trope, the idea of disability being a karmic punishment. The fact that Bertha did burn down their house, her prison, was pretty badass, though. Personally, I think a more satisfying ending would have been if Rochester was left to face his broken heart over losing Jane and letting that be the start of him really examining himself and his marriage instead of running away from it by wining and dining any woman who'd have him for a season. Because, as it's written, Rochester gets exactly what he wants without having to do any inner growth: Bertha conveniently dies and Jane eventually comes back to and marries him. Jane was such a strong character up until that point. Her going back to him, after knowing what a liar he was, because she heard him call her in the wind and that was the sign they were meant to be was such a cop-out. She should've left Rochester to face himself and Bertha and gone on to do what she wanted at the beginning of the book, "to be more than just someone who knits stockings and makes puddings".
@@AliciaNyblade yeah, but to be honest, Jane Eyre was written by Bronte as a fantasy over her own crush for a married man. the two of them getting together was the point all along.
The problem with this trope is that the ex girlfriend is usually normal at first then gets dumped and goes crazy like they are saying women are one heartbrake away from losing it that's not how the human mind works
i was the crazy ex in my 20s. quit drinking and no longer do crazy stuff after break ups. ya live ya learn. and ive been scared for my life to leave boyfriends. just goes both ways. i’m on disability for mental illness. many times i’m sought out by users because i am vulnerable. protect yourselves and put yourself first always. if someone doesn’t want you anymore then that’s life. feelings arent forever. we’ve been fed a myth.
I feel you. I deleted all my social media accounts because I reached out to my ex out of nowhere and was super desperate, humiliating myself but I was so unhappy with myself I didn’t realize I was just reaching for things. Men, alcohol, drugs. I learned it from my mom. I still cringe from how badly I humiliated myself but I’m trying really hard and am in counseling now. I basically live like a hermit.
I need to say that there is a line between the crazy ex and an actual abuser. Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo are labeled as crazy exes because they write songs about them. So they both have played into that trope to show that they're not what the media portrays them as. And give commentary on the double standard that is present in society when it comes to men doing the same things as them. The ex that is an abuser is very different, because emotional or physical abuse is real and definitive, quantifiable. It's not subjective. We shouldn't demean abuse just because it is coming from a woman and being aimed at a man. There are plenty of people who are abusive, regardless of gender. Abuse should never be dismissed.
OMG thank you!!! I’ve known plenty of men who were abused by women and when they would try to leave she would get physically violent. I even knew a guy who was r*ped by two girls who drugged him and one of them ended up pregnant and kept the baby as some sort of leverage to keep him in her life. So abuse is not gender specific and should not be treated as such
@@charnellejackson3641 my biological dad was a drunk who beat my mom whenever he got wasted, everyone can bring in anecdotal evidence with personal possibly made up stories to push their prerogative that they are more of a victim of the other gender. its like everyone wants to win the suffrage olympics.
@@madelinemcmillan4020 I never said one gender was worse or more likely to be an abuser I simply pointed out that abuse is not gender specific. It’s dangerous for everyone if we pretend men are more likely to be abusive than women because then those who are abused by women rather than men may be more inclined to ignore the signs of abuse and stay in a toxic relationship until it becomes deadly. There’s no harm in acknowledging male victims when the video is painting women as only being capable of abusive behavior once pushed to that point when that is simply not the case
@@charnellejackson3641 "It’s dangerous for everyone if we pretend men are more likely to be abusive than women" they say it because statistically speaking, its true. even if it not really favorable for you. not saying the opposite doesnt happen (I've watched documentaries of female psychopaths just for some change of pace from the norm) it does happen, but at a significantly lower rate. men and woman just deal with pain differently, biologically, chemically even the hormones produced cause different effects in their bodies and their brain activity. men are more likely to use violence or other forms of aggression to express themselves and hurt others (maybe its just part of nature?) while woman just endure, use other means to cope like developing a victim complex, which makes them sound like annoying _karens_ to others, but at least they are aren't punching or shooting people. woman are less likely to do things that would put their lives in danger, men often take on riskier jobs for more pay. testosterone encourages competitive instincts and behavior. this is all proven by science. I just finished watching a video by Mr ballen on some girl who was somewhat of youtuber celebrity, and she got shot by one of her male crazed fans. some people say your much more likely to be killed by someone your close to.. but woman in all 3rd world country's are still being treated like property and assaulted in the streets by random men, and in most of these cases woman just keep silent. they dont lash out, or pull a knife on someone. the police dont take them seriously. I hear on average more real world stories of woman being yet "another dead victim" of a mans rage then I do about school shooting being started by a female student, or a religious cult that killed all their male members for being "impure" or male tourists being raped and dismembered by a woman. also its not just violence against woman; there's man on man violence to consider here. I'm not saying men are the bad guys. I've come to accept this is just the way it is, human beings are messy animals by nature.
Mainstream media: she's crazy, she's gonna stalk you and your new girlfriend, she's obsessed with you, she won't ever leave you alone until either of you dies Most ex-girlfriends in reality: so I dealt with the break up like an adult, cried and then moved on🤷🏾♀️
Keep in mind that Bertha in Jane Arye is a symptom of Victorian society, where husbands could throw their wives in mental institutions for no reason, which T.S.Eliot famously did, most commonly labeled as hysteria. And Rebecca has a gay subtext, I am pretty sure the housekeeper was in love with her, but her husband realize Rebecca was a narcissist and could love no one.
The thing is the person who really pushes the idea that Rebecca was a narcissist is the man who KILLS her and says she told him she was pregnant, when she wasn't. He then marries someone who is insecure and can easily be bullied, takes her to a house where Mrs. Danvers proceeds to bully and manipulate her, while he totally ignores any bad behavior. I find Maxim's "Rebecca was a demon" narrative as somewhat unreliable. Yes, other characters make it clear she wasn't a nice woman and she could be cruel, but I still have some problem saying that her murderer is giving a clear description of her character, especially when she is not around to defend herself. We are certainly meant to see Rebecca as an psychopath and I have bought Maxim's characterization, BUT, I am aware that the guy who killed her is the one blackening her name beyond all redemption.
@@percysowner It really depends on how Rebecca is translated to the screen, it's based on a novel written by a female author that was written in the 30s. I personally was thinking of the 1940s version starring Laurence Olivier and directed by Alfred Hitchcock, as have not seen the modern take on it. In the original version, she drives him to kill her by claiming she was expecting another man's baby because she had cancer and didn't want to go through the process of suicide. She was actually having an affair which is told to the audience by the other man, not Maxim. His killing her is an accident, they struggle and she hits her head. The ironic thing about this ending is she was trying to die and he makes her involuntary manslaughter look like a suicide.
It’s like that Donald Glover stand up special “Guys have so many crazy ex girlfriend stories. Why don’t we hear any crazy ex boyfriends stories? Then I remembered. If your man is crazy, you gonna die”
Glenn Close commented once in an interview that she couldn’t understand why people didn’t see that the character of “Alex” is a woman who clearly needed help and empathy, not ridicule. I think “Fatal Attraction” would be viewed way differently if made today.
Glenn is an incredible actress that I suspect takes great care in making sure she understands more rather than judges the characters she portrays. Something one of my own acting teachers taught me was “regardless of how flawed or even morally awful your character may be, when you are acting as them do not judge them. Or you will create a caricature rather than a person.”
She said they changed the ending. In the original script, the character died by suicide. But I guess that made her too sympathetic to audiences, so they made her homicidal instead.
Because they didn't see her a human, part of them. They see her as a woman, something that must suffer if she dare to make mistakes or act umpleasantly. But when men rape, touture and kill women, people always say "oh, he nerds help" "he needs therapy". Just look at the coments in videos talking about incels. Men receive too much undeserved emphaty an pity, and they take advantage of it.
As a man the minute someone says their ex is crazy, my first question is "what did you do to her?" Cause 9/10 you gaslit her and she is trying to deal with that.
Not really and why even ask that as your first response it's about as intelligent as saying she just hit you what did you do to her thou. Like what lol.
@@bread2951 So you agree that all males should be treat with guilt and all females with sympathy no matter the lack of info you have because of a bad experience ok lol.
I'm still mad about the Take's recap of the OITNB ending where they called her spin into madness a "choice". She was ill and never got any medical or psychological help
Blank Space is actually a parody. After the media titled Taylor Swift as a crazy, obsessive ex-girlfriend for writing songs about her personal life, she decided to write a song from the perspective of this “character” that they claimed her to be. Taylor is such a badass.
@@scorpionbraid no one criticised her for the act of dating while single, young, and female; they criticised her for exploiting her love life as Top 40 fodder. FWIW I like TayTay, but I couldn't blame anyone then for thinking "Taylor Swift hit coming in 5... 4... 3... 2..." whenever they saw her holding hands with some guy
@@christopherbrown5409 but almost all singer songwriters exploit their romantic lives for songwriting material. It’s why we have so many gorgeous ballads and heartbreaking songs of love lost. They all do it. Why does Taylor get far more flack for something that the rest of her peers do and are praised for? Go Google a list of best break up songs, and you’ll find the gender breakdown of the artists is fairly even. Because they all do it- working through your emotions and trauma using songwriting is just what songwriters DO. And that emotion is why their audience connects with the song. And it’s not even accurate- she’s been with her latest partner for years at this point, and she still is a reputation for short lived romances. She can’t win.
@@katherinemorelle7115 1. I was discussing Taylor Swift THEN vs Taylor Swift NOW, thank you very much. 1A. Sometimes branding sticks (especially self-branding). That's why you need to be careful with your personal brand. 2. Using life experiences and exploiting them are two totally different things. 3. Taylor Swift was born into a rich family that moved as needed to help her further HER dreams and ambitions, was signed as a songwriter FOR SONY before she was old enough to drive, made Billboard before she was old enough to smoke, won FOUR GRAMMIES IN ONE NIGHT before she was old enough to drink, and has went on to personify international renowned success, acclaim, and artistry in her chosen profession. I could go on (her "receipts" are both impressively extensive and impressive), but to wrap it up: Taylor Alison Swift is established as THAT GIRL (or one of them, rather), and she's been winning at LIFE since conception. I'll never understand why people like you say she "can't win".
Weird how men seem to be the primary beneficiaries of this trope. They get to be poor innocent victims because they were just SO desirable that some crazy girl couldn't get over him. Sure, Jan.
The crazy ex boyfriend trope does exist but it's rare and typically played off for comedy like the man child trope. However we did get a true to trope character in the recent "The Invisible Man" movie. So basically we just need less comedy attached to the trope in general and acknowledge the mental health crisis these characters represent.
@@Chris-rg6nm I was only referring to ex-boyfriends in particular but I will admit that my views are probably skewed not necessarily by bias but definitely by lack of exposure. I'm not the kind of person who regularly watches the genres that would have this trope present.
It's generally so weird that (in movies more so than in reality) when a woman is hurt after a breakup or still hangs on to the relationship, she's deemed crazy and when a guy does it or is even obsessive about it, it's often romanticised
@@theunknown5386 I meant it in a general way, not specifically talking about "you" (that show was f*cked up), but I totally agree, it's often women that romanticise those guys which is even more crazy because they wouldn't want this to happen to themselves either
@@theunknown5386 totally agree, we're on the same page here.There are so many men that are abused, mentally, physically/sexually and it's brushed under the rug because "they should've defended themselves as the strong gender" or "they should've enjoyed it" or whatever biased crap some people spout. It's horrible that on one hand men get ridiculed and not taken seriously when they are the victims and then there are (as you already said, rightfully so) weird women that romanticise men that are the perpetrators as well. It's such a toxic mentality... and the fact that female perpetrators are often also not taken as what they are - despicable criminals - just because they are women...so f*cked up. We should generally stop with these stupid (gender) roles and biases, I really hope it's getting better in the future years
I wish they did a series for CXG, like they did for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. They’re so fleshed out that you could do a whole video on each of the characters!
The crazy ex girlfriend is for sure real, I just don't think it's that common. I think often men say an ex is crazy to brush off any responsibility for emotional damage they cause and act like it didn't happen, which is straight up gaslighting (not every man does this, but based on my experience and that of people I know, this does happen a lot). I also know of some ex girlfriends who are legit crazy, as in they took pills for their crazy.
@@alwaysforanimals Yes, if "all" our exes are "crazy", the least we can do is see the pattern and get help to stop it.Also, who knows what we might find out about ourselves in the process!
@@iunnbrynveig3309 exactly! Unfortunately my guy friends didn't realize this, only thought that they were only attracted to "crazy girls," and didn't reflect on their own behaviors and actions that make the women they date "crazy"
@@alwaysforanimals It takes some insight, usually when one hits a wall.E.g. I realised I was "always" attracted to fun, artsy but emotionally unavailable (to me!) men , I realised that something was rotten in Denmark, so I went to therapy to figure it out and change the pattern.We can't live in this world thinking everybody else is insensitive or even worse, that we are victims.
Gaslighting is so common in our society, people will use it just as a defense mechanism without thinking about the effects of it. I can’t count the amount of times I heard people say “you’re crazy”
I only hate The trope because it Presents the women as crazy just because instead of explaining why. It’s a problem I have with the crazy tropes in general in media
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 uhhh it didn't suggest that at all. Rebecca's guilt was the only thing that made her want to go to prison and people told her she shouldn't be in there.
I'm mentally ill but I try very hard to be empathetic and take accountability for my actions in my relationship. I'm non violent, not controlling, go to therapy, take my meds, etc.. I've been very afraid of being the crazy gf that I've felt guilty talking about my mental illness with my bf. I'm terribly afraid of being a burden. Edit: I do talk about my issues with my bf but there's so much that I can't help but feel awful. See my response below... Sorry if I made it seem like I don't talk to him even if I'm ashamed and feel like shit about being a burden...
You shouldn't ever feel guilty about sharing something so personal with the one you love. Your mental health issues aren't your fault. You aren't a burden.
You shouldn't feel guilty about taking to your bf about your mental health. It will cameout eventually. I had a girlfriend that had mental problems, but she didn't go to therapy. I have broken up with her and she ended up sticking me.
Oh you poor thing! I feel you're pain. Honest it sucks being both a chick and having mental illnesses! I dont wanna be seen as the crazy ex gf either 🥺
To be fair, Amy was crazy looooo g before her husband cheated on her. She’s actually a sociopath. When her husband investigates incidents in her past he finds out she has framed other people too. It wasn’t just her husband cheating on her that made her like that.
The Take's reading of Gone Girl is completely off. They always gloss over that little detail about Amy, and how she wanted control in her relationships. Yes, she was done dirty by her parents and was frustrated for not living up to expectations, but she was also a sociopath who killed a man who truly loved her just to fullfill her revenge. There is no way anyone can justify that saying that "Amy was tired of being the cool girl".
This trope is so sad, considering ex-boyfriends are the ones who are likely to harm or even murder their ex-girlfriends after a break-up. At least that's the realitiy in Latin America.
@@christopherbrown5409 Exactly as every family knows someone who has been a victim of abusive partners. News every other week report another female who is murdered by her ex or current partner and then put up the amount of this cases in the current month/year. There are massive protests for these victims. Our justice system is changing and journalists are really doing their job on this.
There's a lot of context missing whenever anyone mentions Jason and Medea. In those days, a woman who's husband had divorced her would go home to her parents. Medea can't, because she betrayed her country and killed her brother for Jason, in order to help Jason in his quest for the golden fleece. He was happy to use her, and then basically said, go starve on the street, fuck off lol. Her rage is about more than him remarrying.
8:36 Big problem here - Rebecca does not hallucinate, she dissociates. A hallucinating person doesn't know their hallucinations are not real, the fake & real are incredibly blurred. What Rebecca does is dissociate - she is aware that her introspection is not real, and that it is fantasy. It is a RESPONSE to powerful emotions, not controlling her emotions. This distinction is incredibly important to make as not doing so can result in life-changing neglect against those with mental illness, which I myself have witnessed first hand.
I just finished a rewatch of How I met your mother. The original intent was to see if I could pick out the clues about the mother now that I knew the whole story and I kept putting this off. Before I started, I came across this channel's video's on ted, and a few others talking about nice guys and such (like how toxic ross is on friends). What got me to watch the show was a friend of mine who had started and stopped watching their own re-watch of the show after getting out of an abusive relationship, stating they couldn't handle Ted's Narcissism and how much it reminded them of the relationship they just got out of, and so I decided not only to keep an eye out for clues, I wanted to re-watch the show to see how toxic the views were on relationships in general. WOOF! I honestly think the show creators put Barney in there to be an exaggeration of toxicity that Ted would look decent by comparison. The first two episodes show's ted not taking no for an answer, gaslighting Robin, and love bombing her. And you see this toxic behavior throughout the whole show. This show was on for almost 10 years and was normalizing the belittlement of women and referred to male characters as women/girls in a way to belittle them if they did anything that stepped out of line with perceptions of masculinity. It's this kind of shit that socializes men to be assholes and women to accept it, and it even forces women to conform to an idea of how to act, that if the man doesn't respond to it the way the woman has been pressured into accepting it, she is seen as the perpetrator when she snaps from the insanity of these expectations. Two women from the show come to mind, one referred to as BlahBlah until ted finally remembered her name to be Carol at the end of the last season, and the other Jenette, who destroyed teds stuff after he kept gaslighting her (there are some caveats with the fact that she's a cop meaning she was already prone to violent outbursts and being overall an asshole/bastard as can be expected from all cops). With Carol, he was still hung up on Robin and their first meeting, and it's no surprise she reacted the way she did. I can only imagine what she's been through before meeting him. With Jenette, Ted was so lost in his pursuit of "the one" that he was dragging her down into his own downward spiral of expectations that he didn't have the decency to deal with his shit and not get someone else tangled up in it. What I overall see is this society telling people how to act, even subconsciously, and when the cookiecutter fantasy world doesn't match the reality in front of people, it causes them to snap, and we don't have much room for healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with these shattered expectations. So closing this longwinded comment about the subject of the "crazy" ex-girlfriend specifically, what I see is a society that doesn't leave women much, if any wiggle room to deal with all the expectations put on them in all the other aspects of their lives. When someone is fed up with feeling powerless and the frustration of the constant abuse, I'm not surprised at all that people reach their breaking points.
Oh yeah, Before I forgot this too, one of the most toxic things I saw in the show was presenting marriage as the ultimate show of loving someone, treating it like a foregone conclusion of any relationship. If Barney and Robin's marriage failed for any reason, it was from forcing two people who did not want to get married in the first place to get married. They were happy when they were dating and hanging out, the only thing their friendship really lacked before they had sex, was having sex. Forcing the two of them into a label of what a relationship is supposed to be, they set the two lone wolves up for failure.
Awesome. Can you do The Mistress next and how the anger regarding infidelity often gets misdirected towards women, both the other woman and the wife? And what is it about attached Men that is so tempting? With examples like Monica Lewinsky, Joan and Peggy from Mad Men, April Warner and Dee Fillcott from Why Women Kill, and the Pre Code film , need to look it up EDIT: The Smiling Lieutenant
Yeah, it always called my attention that in both real life and fiction, when the man comit infidelity the conflict is between the women and he is just an espectator safe from it. I didn't read much about it so my current teory is that psycologicaly is easier to blame and harm the other woman than the man. Because she isn't as much of a threat as the man and we are not educated to take into account her side of the story, so they think the worst about her.
AT LAST!!! It's about time for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to shine in this channel. Btw, I think, in Greek mythology, before Medea, there was Hera, a goddess of marriage, unhappily married, might lose power as a marriage goddess if she divorced unfaithful Zeus.
The thing is, like attracts like, so the men were equally immature or mentally unwell. Quite “crazy” is a word to take no responsibility for your own choices.
I mostly disagree. People who would be considered “crazy” by their ex were often abusers of some sort and abusers rarely go after people like them. They want/need someone to victimize to feel validated.
@@wyatt6403 no is not. Make abusers often frame their exes and víctims as crazy or manipulative so people in the work-place and social circle doesn't believe the girl when she finaly comes forward. That way they can revictimize them socialy or take revenge for speaking up because there's no one to willing to stop them.
Its a huge red-flag when guy say "all my exes are crazy." Reality - they dismiss and belittle and don't believe woman's opinions Edit: from personal experience
@@kiriki4558 Some of them are crazy, some of them are not like the ex-boyfriends/girlfriends say. It's not alway a frame. Believe it or not, my ex-girlfriend wasn't really "crazy" but she was extremely toxic and wasn't good for me. These fucking crazy ex-girlfriends exist and they're often extremely narcissistic and try to dominate men who're not that confident.
I should have been more clear. Nobody deserves abuse. I meant if you call someone crazy, chances are you aren’t totally sane. I would never blame an abused person.
its too easy to call ex girlfriends or woman that follow this trope crazy and for men not to take responsibility or see the reason why they behave this way. RED FLAGS
Anytime there's an attempt to talk about an issue relating to women in any way, you're suddenly going to get a lot of people either going "what about men/not all men" or questioning if something is even an issue at all. Watch out for it, because you will start to see this EVERY TIME.
México, and I would said Latin America, in a nutshell. The fear of being murder by your current or ex boyfriend is real and extremely terrifying -more when most of the murderers are free-, but you still hear about the “crazy ex girlfriends”…
I'll tell you now, I've always been on Medea's side. She's literally a magical princess descended from the gods. She plans Jason's quests, helps in them, and in some versions, does the tasks for him. He promises her marriage, so she leaves, When her father chases her down, she kills her brother and drops his body in the sea so her father stops chasing her. Medea gives Jason two sons, and so accomplishes everything a woman of her time should do. Yet when Jason meets a rich younger princess (not even one descended from the gods or even magical), he dumps Medea and tells her to leave with their children so he can set up house with the new woman (with what money? to where? remember she's stolen her father's treasures and killed her brother so her maternal family is out). So she does the only thing that will hurt Jason: kills the children, curses the new wife, predicts his death, and calls on her grandfather, the god of the sun, to give her a ride. What else was she supposed to do?
In which world is betrayal a higher crime than murder of innocent people ? The extent to which people justify women’s heinous actions are appalling and honestly, disgusting.
@@keerthanatharal7572 like fr, people literally justify it even when she klled innocent children Literal CHILDREN , people just wannabe so "woke" and "progressive" they start to justify Evil , and which is bc of ignorance..and I bet those kind of ignorant people going to attack u for saying Logical thing and call u "pick me" bc common sense is not common anymore and people start become more and more blind and ignorant for some reason.
@@rodan9773 let me go out on a limb and say both are equally crazy but we highlight and stigmatize women more and normalize and rationalize men's behavior!!
In Hinduism, divorce was virtually unheard of until much later as marriage was seen as a sacrament (like Christianity) and widowed women found it hard to remarry as it would mean relinquishing their ex-husband’s wealth although widowers could marry as much as they wanted. It’s the same everywhere: Marriage is a socially acceptable prison for women.
@@sigridbjergbakkemeyer3653 Then you’re an exception rather than a rule. And marriage is constructed to be debilitating to a person. You’re happy despite its trappings.
@@sigridbjergbakkemeyer3653 You're lucky your husband is a good person. If he wasn't, it would be a prison. The process of leaving a husband is way too complicated for women everywhere. And because of that, marriage is a prison for women. Or at least a potential prison.
Oh believe me, it exists. Crazy ex boyfriend exist too. It’s not a gender exclusive thing. Though I must say I’m not the biggest fan of this trope you can’t just ignore any and all examples of women or men doing shitty things. It’s overused as hell but it’s a trope for a reason.
The Take can't accept 'bad/toxic/abusive' women exist of their own volition without rationalising/apologising the hell out of it, a standard they'd never hold of bad/toxic/abusive men. Including that disgusting assertion that men/current girlfriends can't be harmed by their ex's the way ex boyfriends can.
@@aintnoslice3422 I think they did that with Rachel from Friends. Her having feelings for him isn’t a good reason nor an excuse to break up and manipulate his relationships with other women.
It’s not that “crazy” exes don’t exist. It’s that the *trope* of the “crazy” ex gf is rooted in derogatory beliefs about women and people suffering form mental health issues. Female characters being written as genuinely and inexcusably manipulative/abusive but also being more complex and fitting into patterns of representation is not mutually exclusive.
I have seen cases in real life that would normally be called "crazy ex girlfriend" and both cases were from women who were mentally ill and labeling them as "crazy" for some reason was used to downplay who serious was the case. One of them was violent towards her former husband and i refused to call her crazy, i straight up called her an abuser, which is what she was. If the point of the video is saying that reducing unstable behaviour in the word "crazy" is just brushing on the woman´s mental health AND ignoring a possible male victim of some kind of stalking at best and violence at worst
Oh my god I’ve been waiting for a video essay on Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I’ve even searched “the take + Crazy Ex girlfriend” before. Can’t wait to watch this! This show was revolutionary. You all would probably love the channel Bagels at Midnight and his take on the series.
Borderline personality disorder is often what caracterize the "crazy ex girlfriend" and it's sad for people who have that disorder to just get called "crazy"
@@thisisntallowed9560 correct, but I doubt most laypeople aren't thinking about the immediate ethical/moral concerns. I imagine there's some valid risk assessment going on when people are called "crazy", due to the inherent risks of disorders like BPD.
@@happymantis Calling someone crazy is just "I don't know what's going but it scares me", while taking into account the humanity of the person is "I understand better why this person acts like this so it's easier for me to manage it and decide if I want this in my life or not, while still having compassion for the person". So it's not just about an ethical concern it's also about being smart.
@@happymantis If you're still not convinced, tell me about the benefit of calling someone crazy instead of a more tactful denotation of what's going on (BPD).
I love it how you treat all these tropes with the most honest and respectful approach I've seen so far in videos addressing these tropes. And the 'Crazy' Ex-Girlfriend is no exeption indeed.
My momma always told me only actions you can control are your own so never let anyone get you out of your hook up! Also anyone can do crazy things thusly gaining the label crazy and no not the mentally ill just people who lack self control 🤷🏾♂️
I wish I could agree that the crazy ex was a completely made up trope and has no real basis in real life, but due to the constant harassment from my ex that me and my fiance have been getting for the better part of a year, I can only agree that it's way less common and more complex than you see in TV and movies. Great video either way.
I do think that there are real “crazy” or rather toxic or abusive ex-girlfriends, and that should be taken seriously (it’s interesting how often the trope’s played for laughs) but as the video says it’s far less common than the male variant. People say that men’s worst fear going on a first date with a woman is being laughed at, while women’s worst fear is being killed. I don’t think that’s entirely true, I think they do fear similar things to us, or at least fear a toxic, over possessive partner, but the difference is in how realistic that fear is and therefore how much a part of your life it is. I don’t think think men often get how much of an ever present, background noise fear male violence and abuse is in women’s lives especially in dating. And how genuinely scary it is to decide to trust and be vulnerable with someone who (usually) has both more social and physical power than you, and who isn’t having to take the same level of risk to be in a relationship with you. But it’s also just... a normal part of life. It’s a really weird headspace to live with. I don’t think the “crazy” ex trope can ever really be a joke to women who date men, unless it’s like trench humour. It shouldn’t be a joke when it happens to men either but the trope often seems to be played for laughs in an “imagine if it happened this way round wouldn’t that be weird?” kind of way, or least it appears that way to me.
Crazy ex girlfriend/boyfriend is an old trope. The difference is that the crazy ex girlfriend is usually portrayed in comedy movies, whereas crazy ex boyfriend is usually in thrillers, horrors or dramas.
I suffer from severe BPD and in the past never took medication for it. Hence, I know there are many stories about me being the crazy ex. Now, I live a quiet single life with my cats. Even medicated, I don't think I can handle relationships.
Same in Latin America and in rural USA: the real crazies are the boyfriends, fiancés, husbands, and fathers. It seems that men being deranged, violent lunatics is universal across cultures and/or denomination/religion (whether it's Catholic dominated Latin America, Protestant rural USA, or your country).
@@charlee_hotel dudes write these tv and movie stories for the most part, so their personal experiences in relationships are going to be show cased more. That is why crazy ex girlfriends are so prominent, when abusive crazy boyfriends and father's are just as common. And not just in rural religious areas in the USA or in or people from other cultural backgrounds.
Everyone is capable of being the crazy ex, there is no denying that. But it's rare for crazy ex girlfriends in real life to be as violent as depicted in media, both film and written. However, that level of violence is more common with real crazy ex boyfriends. If anything, I feel that media over exaggerates the violence and craziness of women while under exaggerating it for men. And if men are violent or driven mad in stories, they are usually given a rational explanation as to why. This is usually not offered to crazy and/or violent women. Also, media tend to have the crazy ex be a woman, which further implies that women are always the irrational or wrong one in any relationship or situation.
It's funny how now Princess Diana is only spoken of as this sainted, universally loved, idealized figure, yet I remember at the time the press was actually brutal towards her. Even when what was said about her wasn't itself negative, the media seemed to have this desire to consume this woman, she wasn't allowed a second's peace and not a single action went unscrutinized, to such a point that whether the conclusions of that scrutiny were favorable or not was besides the point. The media was the true "crazy ex" in the Lady Di narrative, chasing her to her death.
She probably has BPD . Y’all really need a psychology expert to help out on your Chanel especially when the trope includes something that includes mental health . I saw another video from a psychology channel and the guy said that in films the crazy ex gf has the worst traits of BPD . While in men they portray them more as having psychopathy , all male villains , like mob bosses , and your bond bad guy . Most people who have BPD add usually women , and I have seen it on men before . But people of all sexes & genders have the capability of being awful . Some men are gaslighters and they want to portray women as crazy , but on the flip side if you talk to a lesbian I’m sure some of them have their crazy ex gf stories too .
There are exes who are very manipulative and want revenge. Their is a radio show in my hometown who has a segment called “Revenge”, where people call in to get payback at someone. There was one episode of the Revenge segment, thus guy “Jerry” called in and was planning revenge on his ex “Gigi”. He said that he and Gigi dated, then broke up, but a month later Gigi calls and tells Jerry that she’s pregnant; Jerry went back to Gigi for the sake of the child, but they ended up losing the baby, so they break up again (Jerry even admits that he doubts that the pregnancy was real). Jerry starts dating someone new and one day, Gigi called his new girlfriend and told her how Jerry had forced her to abort their baby. That segment of Revenge was crazy! So for Revenge, the radio host called Gigi and got her on the phone admitting to the stuff she did (Jerry was on the other line), and Jerry took the transcript and posted it on her Facebook wall. While the “crazy ex girlfriend” can be a trope, for some people it is very much a reality.
I could not disagree more about the Jane + Coach beard relationship being a relationship that "works for them", more so I see it as an attempted honest depiction of a mutually toxic relationship, where both people cause eachother intense misery most the time, with sprinkles of compassion and intimacy that only holds them together, because they fear no one else could love them. That relationship is not good for the growth of either person imo.
Could not agree more. Sure they have nice moments here and there that stops them from being labeled as “crazy”, but both are clearly bad for each other
I'm honestly shocked that this video said that they are good for each other. Jane tells Beard that she hopes he is dead in a ditch when he doesn't reply to her texts after a bit. That is not normal or healthy behavior.
As a general sentiment though, who are you to decide that? What does it matter to you, and why do you think your opinion matters at all, whether or not someone else's relationship seems "toxic" to you, if they're on an even playing field and satisfied with it? There are a lot of people in this world who have relationships that might seem weird to you or that don't add up in your head as logical or loving, but it's not your place to decide that.
Its almost humorous as to why this trope came to its being. I mean we have to ask ourselves, why is this trope so popular? Sure its because the patriarchy has always been attached to the idea that women are hysterical and irrational, but why doesnt this trope stick to any other relationship with a girl, why is it always with a woman a man has a romantic relationship with. This really all comes back to the insane ego some men have when talking about their sexual and romantic capabilities. Its almost like a trophy that they've collected "oh look at what I made this woman do" he made her crazy. She is so obsessed with him, not because she has mental issues and needs medical care, but he is an almost divine being that leads women to this "craziness", the power he holds over her even AFTER they've broken up is like some sort of finished accomplishment, shes a ruined women and thats that.
I'm usually with you on all your videos, but this one feels extremely biased. I believe there are both crazy ex gfs and bfs. And some are justified and some are not. To say it doesn't exist is outrageous.
Even Medea got an unfair treatment in her story; first, she was struck by one of Eros's arrows (so she didn't even had control over her own feelings) and consequently had to help Jason against her family's wishes, wich lead her to run away from her homeland with him (risking certain death if she stayed). Jason always relied on her powers and her plans to get what he wanted, and THEN, when she was no use to him anymore, he started courting a local princess (while he was already MARRIED for years with Medea and had two kids with her), planning to keep Medea as HIS MISTRESS all so he could get a royal status! He broke his oath not only to her, but to Hera herself (You know, the goddess of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY??), who was his protector through his adventures! So yeah, I kinda understand why she went mad...
It resinated in me. I am affraid to get mad, as I do not want fighting or getting hurt or the label as an angry woman/on her period. But I had to have a counsler telling me every emotion is okay and should be felt as to deal with it and the source for it
Here in LATAM the statistics of women murdered by their partners is so scary… because they decide to leave, because they’re scared and stay, because they finally decide to press charges and authorities ignore them…
I have had an ex pull a knife on me so I definitely know this exists. It does seem like my experience is an anomaly. But the tendency of violence being used toward an ex partner is more prevent along men.
It’s not an anomaly we’re just not conditioned to see violence as scary when it’s a woman doing it to a man because we think he should be able to defend himself against her whereas when it’s man against woman we think how can she possibly take him down making him seem scarier 🤷🏾♀️
I mean, Medea wasn't divorced. Jason just wanted a wife with more social standing and was totally willing to keep Medea as a mistress. The play even has her pause to be all 'You care about the kids more than Jason does' and she gets explicit divine aid; admittedly from Hera, arguably THE 'crazy ex' in that she routinely responds to her husband's infidelity with murder.
Hello, I was wondering if you could do a video on "The love witch." I watched it recently (to set the mood for the Halloween season) and thought it was very interesting. From the general retro aesthetic of the film, to the costume and set design, script, the film shows the very particular vision that the woman who produced it and directed it has about feminism and the way femininity and masculinity operate within society. I would love to see what your take on this movie is. Hugs, B.
The funny thing is that Medea isn't even seen as wrong in the original series of plays. Her actions are supported by the gods themselves, specifically Hera, because her husband was terrible and deserved it. You watch her story from the beginning, and you can see the manipulation, tragedy, and betrayal she experiences on an intimate level. With the crazy ex-girlfriend trope, you don't see her motivations nor is her pain taken as seriously. She's assumed as going too far and being without justification, and we're expected to accept that at face value. This is true even when it's clear that her ex-partner is pretty awful.
There's huge cultural pressure to cut all ties with anyone that we have been intimate with as soon as the intimacy breaks down. This can be an emotionally brutal experience which can push people to all kinds of destructive behaviour from obsession to suicide. Much of this comes from the old 'the one' trope in which there's an all or nothing aspect to relationships that denies any possibility of simply developing lasting bonds that evolve over time with multiple people... which would be far more nourishing to us as individuals and to society as a whole. The idea that it could be beneficial to acknowledge the existence of an 'ex' is just so alien to the way most people now think that it becomes increasingly unlikely that anyone in a social group would show support for it. Marriage was a contract that dealt with property rights not a social construct for supporting a natural human instinct to seek out exclusivity in physical relationships! Such an instinct doesn't exist in our nature... it is instilled by convention and justified by tradition in direct opposition to actual lived experience. I'm not saying that there isn't a time of life in which it is desirable to 'settle down' rather that for many people such a desire is impermanent or at the very least situationally dependent... it isn't a genuinely heartfelt core motivation... whereas the desire for community really is and it is this that suffers from the rabid, excessive and often entirely unnecessary 'cutting off' of contact from people that we have gotten close to and who have gotten close to us.
Get a full month of MUBI FOR FREE: mubi.com/thetake
i tried mubi but whenever i watched films with subtitles, the subtitles would just disappear half way through the film. would be interested to hear if this happened to other people.
i just need a sad girl trope
I remember some of my guy friends telling "crazy ex-girlfriend" stories. My buddy Josh asked me, "Hey, why don't ladies have as many crazy exes stories?" and me and my friend Ashley replied, "Because we don't usually survive crazy ex-boyfriends. And if we do, they're not usually funny." They got pretty quiet after that.
So true. I would rather just smile and be agreable with an angry man than argue. A man can physically confine a outraged woman - a woman cannot.
@@sigridbjergbakkemeyer3653 not always; not every woman is some delicate little sparrow
@@christopherbrown5409 It's not about "always", but about "mostly". I'm quite tall and heavy-set, but once a drunk man swept me physically of my feet out of a club like a little girl.Nothing happened because there were a lot of people around and I think he was just fooling around. But I froze and later freaked out exactly BECAUSE I saw what could happen to me if a guy took it to his fancy to assault me - strong and fit as I consider myself, I wouldn't stand a chance.
No but there is a reason why, they are debating equality in sports with the inclusion of transwomen. Testosterone makes men in general stronger than women.
@@christopherbrown5409 who hurt you?
Examples for crazy ex girlfriends on TV: a bunch of fictional characters.
Examples for crazy ex boyfriends on TV: only True Crime and historical figures
Stan just became a goth for a while in South Park, Butters chose to protest the national anthem, Cartman threatened suicide.
Paul Stadler in grey's anatomy.
Crime stats!!
It’s a huge red flag if a dude portrays all of his ex girlfriends as crazy. There’s one common denominator there. Not to mention the ongoing sexist implications of making women out to be crazy/hysterical. So if he’s saying it about more than one of his exes, run.
There is a saying in my language
When a man says "oh my ex is crazy" or along those lines RED BIG FUCKING FLAG 🚩. Ask her what he did to her to make her go crazy.
What about the women that say all their ex boyfriends are a$$holes? There is a common denominator there as well. She is in a loop of only liking bad boys and won’t give the nice guy a chance.
That is why I don’t date
Even just one. If I loved someone and respect them like I need to respect any human being I cannot do that to them.
@@Nat-ls1uo I get that most toxic and abusive relationship are generally initiated by men to women because of our patriarcal dispositions but there are also real instances where the girlfriend was actually abusive, manipulative, violent. To say "Ask her what he did to her to make her go crazy" is already taking sides for the girl when she could really be the one to inflict the more damage and saying that like this implies that this is necessarily the fault of the man.
There’s a Donald Glover monologue where he asks the audience “why don’t woman tell stories about their crazy ex boyfriends? Because they died”
Oooooof! That hit hard.
@@ChronosQ sorry to read that, I’m glad you’re alive and I hope your coping well
@@ChronosQ I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re doing ok.
And he was really young, too. When I saw his special I was like… yeah! How is it that this very young person understands this and old boomers don’t get it?!
@@tabathaalshalhoub1653 maybe it happened to a close friend or family member?
sadly the gender inversion of the Crazy ex girlfriend which is the stalker violent ex boyfriend is far more common in real life yet taken less seriously until the woman is murdered or traumatized...smh at society
Agreed
Taken less seriously? Are you insane?
@@homerc9101 nah, you're just pathetic but pretending to be jaded.
@@availanila nobody, not even the most sexist guy in the police force will believe a ex gf is a bigger problem than a psychopath stalker.
@@homerc9101 Although the "crazy" ex-girlfriend can be just as dangerous as the ex-boyfriend stalker. Somehow the film industry think it's funnier to parody the ex girlfriend.
I'm so happy you finally talked about crazy ex-girlfriend. It's such an underrated but important series
I loved it!Every song covered important mental or social issues...Rachel Bloom is a genius, and all the actors were so talented. There were such jewels, including Love Kernels, I Could if I wanted to, Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal Sexy Getting Ready Song, Where's The Bathroom, Remember that We Suffered, Santa Anna Wind, Greg's Drinking Song, JAP battle...just brilliant!
@@iunnbrynveig3309 love all the songs you listed but I feel like I need to add to the list: Lets Generalize about Men, and Fit Hot Guys have Problems too
@@hillakatz5855 I was just listenign to those now.Couldn't agree more, but the list would have been too long;-)
The Take introduced me to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and I am so grateful!
I've been waiting SO LONG for them to do a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend episode! It's one of my all-time favorite shows, and it's criminally underrated.
Now that you’ve done a spotlight on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, would you ever consider doing one of those series on individual characters and what they represent like you did for The Office, Friends, etc.? I think that show would be PERFECT for that.
RATATA
YES
Bagels After Midnight's channel did exactly this.
@@Hollyberrystreats True. Wouldnt be so bad if The Take does too though!
PLEASE DO THIS @THE TAKE
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was an AMAZING series, thank you for letting your audience know of it's existence I really do feel anybody could benefit from watching Rebecca Bunch's struggle to find her own identity and her path to 'new normal'!
I discovered this serie because it was casually mentioned in 2 or more The Take videos. I really love Crazy Ex Girlfriend ❤️
I think I would have really liked it but never got past the name of the series. Didn't realize it was exactly the opposite of what it sounds like!! (dismissive of women)
@@eps3154 you have to see the first season as a parody of the sitcom genre. But season 2, this is where they really risked with some of the most ambitious stuff I have ever seen in a TV show!
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 the show didn't suggest she should go to prison. She wants to go to prison because she feels like she "deserves" it. Everyone else in the show try to explain to her that it is not the solution for her issues.
We also need to talk about how there are men who lie and frame their ex as crazy when really the ex is only reaching out to them because the man owes them money they told them they would pay back. It happened to me. I let my then boyfriend now ex borrow money and he promised he would pay me back but after we broke up he acted like I was a crazy ex girlfriend when I only wanted my money back. I just moved on after he tried to frame me like that even though he owed me.
I see men all the time claim their exes are crazy. You'd think most women were insane according to these dudes. It's sexism.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
agree. saying he has a crazy ex gf is actually an instant red flag.
@@sophieruby9135 so u saying men can't víctim of abuse or violence?? People like u are the reason alot male víctims ashamed to come out smh
Oh that's sucks , some people misuses and act fake "víctims" by using other people's trauma for there on selfishness , and they are slefish and heartless bc they are mocking true víctims
Funny, my ex often talked about his "crazy ex-girlfriend". I am naturally calm and don't even know how to express anger properly (I am trying to figure that out in therapy...), so I was chilly chill. But then we broke up because he said I was "too calm, too shy", not enough thrill maybe. Whatever 🤷
How on EARTH your ex isn't "Man of the Year" for multiple years running, I just. Don't. Know. /s
Fuck that, blaming someone’s characteristics for breaking up with them and making them think it’s their fault they got broken up with is such a sick move
He went from one extreme to another.
maybe his ex is just crazy, and he was enlightened to you because you were the polar opposite but then he moved on...
We all normalize based on our family of origin and experiences as we grow up. So, your normal may not be normal to him.
That being said, some people may feel distance from people that are calm most of the time, calling it "cold".
Regarding the Crazy ex boyfriend, I wish you had mentioned Trent from CXG - a male character set up to be a reflection of Rebecca, and yet is far more frightening for the audience (and the characters) seeing as we already know ex-boyfriends to be an actual real life threat.
Yeah I think he was necessary to show some viewers, that Rebecas behaviours were not romantic but problematic.
I loved Trent. Not just holding up a mirror to Rebecca's behavior. But also that Rebecca dates him because he cooks her dinner, gives her massages, and she's tired after work.
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 rewatch that jailhouse scene. Once the other inmates realize she put herself in jail they all yell at her that she didn’t deserve to be there.
Trent was a good way to show the fun house version of Bex
THANK YOU for calling out Rachel's toxicity towards Ross. Both did horrible things to each other but 99% of the time people (including this channel) labels him as the toxic one and just The Worst TM.
"Jane Eyre" does call out Rochester for his treatment of Bertha and he winds up with some heavy karmic retribution in the end (Namely being blinded and losing his mansion by the very woman he imprisoned):
Rochester: So this is my crazy attic wife. She is crazy. I have to keep her in here because she's crazy. And evil.
Jane: This is bullshit. She can't help it and you're mean for chaining her to the wall.
Rochester: We can't get hitched. Wanna be my mistress instead?
Jane: I have too much self respect for this. Peace out, Bitches.
You get it! So many people talk about this book as if it’s condoning all the characters and situations in a way that’s completely tone deaf to the scathing critique the book does of it’s own characters, completely missing the themes of the story.
@@doll_dress_swap12 Exactly, Bronte makes it pretty clear that Rochester has created his own misery and punishes others as much as, if not more than, himself.
He really did treat her like shit. And we sympathise with him because she's 'crazy'
His comeuppance being blindness plays into another toxic trope, the idea of disability being a karmic punishment. The fact that Bertha did burn down their house, her prison, was pretty badass, though.
Personally, I think a more satisfying ending would have been if Rochester was left to face his broken heart over losing Jane and letting that be the start of him really examining himself and his marriage instead of running away from it by wining and dining any woman who'd have him for a season. Because, as it's written, Rochester gets exactly what he wants without having to do any inner growth: Bertha conveniently dies and Jane eventually comes back to and marries him. Jane was such a strong character up until that point. Her going back to him, after knowing what a liar he was, because she heard him call her in the wind and that was the sign they were meant to be was such a cop-out. She should've left Rochester to face himself and Bertha and gone on to do what she wanted at the beginning of the book, "to be more than just someone who knits stockings and makes puddings".
@@AliciaNyblade yeah, but to be honest, Jane Eyre was written by Bronte as a fantasy over her own crush for a married man. the two of them getting together was the point all along.
The problem with this trope is that the ex girlfriend is usually normal at first then gets dumped and goes crazy like they are saying women are one heartbrake away from losing it that's not how the human mind works
Yeah they usually show signs before they get crazy enough to run you over with a truck.
i was the crazy ex in my 20s. quit drinking and no longer do crazy stuff after break ups. ya live ya learn. and ive been scared for my life to leave boyfriends. just goes both ways. i’m on disability for mental illness. many times i’m sought out by users because i am vulnerable. protect yourselves and put yourself first always. if someone doesn’t want you anymore then that’s life. feelings arent forever. we’ve been fed a myth.
I feel you. I deleted all my social media accounts because I reached out to my ex out of nowhere and was super desperate, humiliating myself but I was so unhappy with myself I didn’t realize I was just reaching for things. Men, alcohol, drugs. I learned it from my mom. I still cringe from how badly I humiliated myself but I’m trying really hard and am in counseling now. I basically live like a hermit.
I need to say that there is a line between the crazy ex and an actual abuser. Taylor Swift and Olivia Rodrigo are labeled as crazy exes because they write songs about them. So they both have played into that trope to show that they're not what the media portrays them as. And give commentary on the double standard that is present in society when it comes to men doing the same things as them.
The ex that is an abuser is very different, because emotional or physical abuse is real and definitive, quantifiable. It's not subjective. We shouldn't demean abuse just because it is coming from a woman and being aimed at a man. There are plenty of people who are abusive, regardless of gender. Abuse should never be dismissed.
Exactly
OMG thank you!!! I’ve known plenty of men who were abused by women and when they would try to leave she would get physically violent. I even knew a guy who was r*ped by two girls who drugged him and one of them ended up pregnant and kept the baby as some sort of leverage to keep him in her life. So abuse is not gender specific and should not be treated as such
@@charnellejackson3641 my biological dad was a drunk who beat my mom whenever he got wasted, everyone can bring in anecdotal evidence with personal possibly made up stories to push their prerogative that they are more of a victim of the other gender. its like everyone wants to win the suffrage olympics.
@@madelinemcmillan4020 I never said one gender was worse or more likely to be an abuser I simply pointed out that abuse is not gender specific. It’s dangerous for everyone if we pretend men are more likely to be abusive than women because then those who are abused by women rather than men may be more inclined to ignore the signs of abuse and stay in a toxic relationship until it becomes deadly. There’s no harm in acknowledging male victims when the video is painting women as only being capable of abusive behavior once pushed to that point when that is simply not the case
@@charnellejackson3641 "It’s dangerous for everyone if we pretend men are more likely to be abusive than women" they say it because statistically speaking, its true. even if it not really favorable for you. not saying the opposite doesnt happen (I've watched documentaries of female psychopaths just for some change of pace from the norm) it does happen, but at a significantly lower rate. men and woman just deal with pain differently, biologically, chemically even the hormones produced cause different effects in their bodies and their brain activity. men are more likely to use violence or other forms of aggression to express themselves and hurt others (maybe its just part of nature?) while woman just endure, use other means to cope like developing a victim complex, which makes them sound like annoying _karens_ to others, but at least they are aren't punching or shooting people. woman are less likely to do things that would put their lives in danger, men often take on riskier jobs for more pay. testosterone encourages competitive instincts and behavior. this is all proven by science.
I just finished watching a video by Mr ballen on some girl who was somewhat of youtuber celebrity, and she got shot by one of her male crazed fans. some people say your much more likely to be killed by someone your close to.. but woman in all 3rd world country's are still being treated like property and assaulted in the streets by random men, and in most of these cases woman just keep silent. they dont lash out, or pull a knife on someone. the police dont take them seriously. I hear on average more real world stories of woman being yet "another dead victim" of a mans rage then I do about school shooting being started by a female student, or a religious cult that killed all their male members for being "impure" or male tourists being raped and dismembered by a woman.
also its not just violence against woman; there's man on man violence to consider here. I'm not saying men are the bad guys. I've come to accept this is just the way it is, human beings are messy animals by nature.
Mainstream media: she's crazy, she's gonna stalk you and your new girlfriend, she's obsessed with you, she won't ever leave you alone until either of you dies
Most ex-girlfriends in reality: so I dealt with the break up like an adult, cried and then moved on🤷🏾♀️
So crazy violent women don't exist?
@@majeedmamah7457 i’m going to need you to reread where I said “most ex-girlfriends”. MOST. I never said violent ex partners don’t exist.
Keep in mind that Bertha in Jane Arye is a symptom of Victorian society, where husbands could throw their wives in mental institutions for no reason, which T.S.Eliot famously did, most commonly labeled as hysteria. And Rebecca has a gay subtext, I am pretty sure the housekeeper was in love with her, but her husband realize Rebecca was a narcissist and could love no one.
The thing is the person who really pushes the idea that Rebecca was a narcissist is the man who KILLS her and says she told him she was pregnant, when she wasn't. He then marries someone who is insecure and can easily be bullied, takes her to a house where Mrs. Danvers proceeds to bully and manipulate her, while he totally ignores any bad behavior.
I find Maxim's "Rebecca was a demon" narrative as somewhat unreliable. Yes, other characters make it clear she wasn't a nice woman and she could be cruel, but I still have some problem saying that her murderer is giving a clear description of her character, especially when she is not around to defend herself.
We are certainly meant to see Rebecca as an psychopath and I have bought Maxim's characterization, BUT, I am aware that the guy who killed her is the one blackening her name beyond all redemption.
@@percysowner It really depends on how Rebecca is translated to the screen, it's based on a novel written by a female author that was written in the 30s. I personally was thinking of the 1940s version starring Laurence Olivier and directed by Alfred Hitchcock, as have not seen the modern take on it. In the original version, she drives him to kill her by claiming she was expecting another man's baby because she had cancer and didn't want to go through the process of suicide. She was actually having an affair which is told to the audience by the other man, not Maxim. His killing her is an accident, they struggle and she hits her head. The ironic thing about this ending is she was trying to die and he makes her involuntary manslaughter look like a suicide.
It’s like that Donald Glover stand up special “Guys have so many crazy ex girlfriend stories. Why don’t we hear any crazy ex boyfriends stories? Then I remembered. If your man is crazy, you gonna die”
Glenn Close commented once in an interview that she couldn’t understand why people didn’t see that the character of “Alex” is a woman who clearly needed help and empathy, not ridicule. I think “Fatal Attraction” would be viewed way differently if made today.
Glenn is an incredible actress that I suspect takes great care in making sure she understands more rather than judges the characters she portrays. Something one of my own acting teachers taught me was “regardless of how flawed or even morally awful your character may be, when you are acting as them do not judge them. Or you will create a caricature rather than a person.”
@@theunknown5386 Do you specifically follow this channel so you can happily be your most disgusting and misogynist self? Flasher vibes
People tend to be very unforgiving of characters that harm animals. I sympathised with her to a point.
She said they changed the ending. In the original script, the character died by suicide. But I guess that made her too sympathetic to audiences, so they made her homicidal instead.
Because they didn't see her a human, part of them. They see her as a woman, something that must suffer if she dare to make mistakes or act umpleasantly.
But when men rape, touture and kill women, people always say "oh, he nerds help" "he needs therapy". Just look at the coments in videos talking about incels.
Men receive too much undeserved emphaty an pity, and they take advantage of it.
As a man the minute someone says their ex is crazy, my first question is "what did you do to her?" Cause 9/10 you gaslit her and she is trying to deal with that.
Not really and why even ask that as your first response it's about as intelligent as saying she just hit you what did you do to her thou.
Like what lol.
Which is víctim blaming mindset incase u don't know
As a daughter who has emotionally abusive father, I agree. My mom gets crazy when my father gaslits her and when I protest he tries to gaslit me.
@@bread2951 So you agree that all males should be treat with guilt and all females with sympathy no matter the lack of info you have because of a bad experience ok lol.
Thank you! May more men learn from you 🤍
Lorna from Orange is the New Black is one of the most fascinating characters I've ever seen. I would LOVE an in-depth analogy of her
I'm still mad about the Take's recap of the OITNB ending where they called her spin into madness a "choice". She was ill and never got any medical or psychological help
Her losing her baby and how she dealt with it was sooo heartbreaking 💔 😢
I assume you meant analysis*
Blank Space is actually a parody. After the media titled Taylor Swift as a crazy, obsessive ex-girlfriend for writing songs about her personal life, she decided to write a song from the perspective of this “character” that they claimed her to be. Taylor is such a badass.
YES EXACTLY
That song is brilliant, as well as the video.When I heard/saw it I realised what a great storyteller that girl is.
@@scorpionbraid no one criticised her for the act of dating while single, young, and female; they criticised her for exploiting her love life as Top 40 fodder. FWIW I like TayTay, but I couldn't blame anyone then for thinking "Taylor Swift hit coming in 5... 4... 3... 2..." whenever they saw her holding hands with some guy
@@christopherbrown5409 but almost all singer songwriters exploit their romantic lives for songwriting material. It’s why we have so many gorgeous ballads and heartbreaking songs of love lost. They all do it. Why does Taylor get far more flack for something that the rest of her peers do and are praised for? Go Google a list of best break up songs, and you’ll find the gender breakdown of the artists is fairly even. Because they all do it- working through your emotions and trauma using songwriting is just what songwriters DO. And that emotion is why their audience connects with the song.
And it’s not even accurate- she’s been with her latest partner for years at this point, and she still is a reputation for short lived romances. She can’t win.
@@katherinemorelle7115
1. I was discussing Taylor Swift THEN vs Taylor Swift NOW, thank you very much.
1A. Sometimes branding sticks (especially self-branding). That's why you need to be careful with your personal brand.
2. Using life experiences and exploiting them are two totally different things.
3. Taylor Swift was born into a rich family that moved as needed to help her further HER dreams and ambitions, was signed as a songwriter FOR SONY before she was old enough to drive, made Billboard before she was old enough to smoke, won FOUR GRAMMIES IN ONE NIGHT before she was old enough to drink, and has went on to personify international renowned success, acclaim, and artistry in her chosen profession. I could go on (her "receipts" are both impressively extensive and impressive), but to wrap it up: Taylor Alison Swift is established as THAT GIRL (or one of them, rather), and she's been winning at LIFE since conception. I'll never understand why people like you say she "can't win".
My ex told everyone I was crazy yet he was the one doing drugs and physically and mentally abusing me. I left and he stalked me.
Weird how men seem to be the primary beneficiaries of this trope. They get to be poor innocent victims because they were just SO desirable that some crazy girl couldn't get over him. Sure, Jan.
Reverse victim-blaming? Please do not call yourself a feminist.
The crazy ex boyfriend trope does exist but it's rare and typically played off for comedy like the man child trope. However we did get a true to trope character in the recent "The Invisible Man" movie. So basically we just need less comedy attached to the trope in general and acknowledge the mental health crisis these characters represent.
@@kyteplay720 this is not reddit, dude.
@@Chris-rg6nm I was only referring to ex-boyfriends in particular but I will admit that my views are probably skewed not necessarily by bias but definitely by lack of exposure. I'm not the kind of person who regularly watches the genres that would have this trope present.
@@theunknown5386 No, we will look at men for acting like the villain- stalking, gaslighting, the whole nine yards. Now shut up and do your homework.
It's generally so weird that (in movies more so than in reality) when a woman is hurt after a breakup or still hangs on to the relationship, she's deemed crazy and when a guy does it or is even obsessive about it, it's often romanticised
@@theunknown5386 I meant it in a general way, not specifically talking about "you" (that show was f*cked up), but I totally agree, it's often women that romanticise those guys which is even more crazy because they wouldn't want this to happen to themselves either
@@theunknown5386 totally agree, we're on the same page here.There are so many men that are abused, mentally, physically/sexually and it's brushed under the rug because "they should've defended themselves as the strong gender" or "they should've enjoyed it" or whatever biased crap some people spout. It's horrible that on one hand men get ridiculed and not taken seriously when they are the victims and then there are (as you already said, rightfully so) weird women that romanticise men that are the perpetrators as well. It's such a toxic mentality... and the fact that female perpetrators are often also not taken as what they are - despicable criminals - just because they are women...so f*cked up. We should generally stop with these stupid (gender) roles and biases, I really hope it's getting better in the future years
I wish they did a series for CXG, like they did for Mad Men and Breaking Bad. They’re so fleshed out that you could do a whole video on each of the characters!
The crazy ex girlfriend is for sure real, I just don't think it's that common. I think often men say an ex is crazy to brush off any responsibility for emotional damage they cause and act like it didn't happen, which is straight up gaslighting (not every man does this, but based on my experience and that of people I know, this does happen a lot). I also know of some ex girlfriends who are legit crazy, as in they took pills for their crazy.
Its a huge red-flag when guy say "all my exes are crazy."
Reality - they dismiss and belittle and don't believe woman's opinions
@@alwaysforanimals Yes, if "all" our exes are "crazy", the least we can do is see the pattern and get help to stop it.Also, who knows what we might find out about ourselves in the process!
@@iunnbrynveig3309 exactly! Unfortunately my guy friends didn't realize this, only thought that they were only attracted to "crazy girls," and didn't reflect on their own behaviors and actions that make the women they date "crazy"
@@alwaysforanimals It takes some insight, usually when one hits a wall.E.g. I realised I was "always" attracted to fun, artsy but emotionally unavailable (to me!) men , I realised that something was rotten in Denmark, so I went to therapy to figure it out and change the pattern.We can't live in this world thinking everybody else is insensitive or even worse, that we are victims.
Gaslighting is so common in our society, people will use it just as a defense mechanism without thinking about the effects of it. I can’t count the amount of times I heard people say “you’re crazy”
The take should do a video on how crushes are depicted in media
Shipping does ruin most things.
The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is basically the Evil Stepmother but in relationships.
They actually should do a evil stepmother
Oh, crazy exes do exist. Not necessarily "crazy" in any clinical sense, more likely a result of possessiveness, entitlement, or narcissism.
Oh yes, I know at least one case of the last one irl.
After a thief, a junkie and a juvie (in that order) I gave up and got a sex doll. Goodbye Crazy.
You just described my ex-girlfriend
I mean narcissism is clinical though.
I only hate The trope because it
Presents the women as crazy just because instead of explaining why.
It’s a problem I have with the crazy tropes in general in media
It's nice to finally see some appreciation for crazy ex gf 😭
The Crazy Ex Girlfriend cast is my second most listened to artist on Spotify, I love that show so much
right?!?
I suffer from mental illness and I HATED this show and I HATE how much people praise it. It is fucked up in so many ways, but the most horrible part of it was when it suggested she deserved to go to prison and that it would be good for her
@@whitefang238 uhhh it didn't suggest that at all. Rebecca's guilt was the only thing that made her want to go to prison and people told her she shouldn't be in there.
@@whitefang238 did you watch all the seasons?
I'm mentally ill but I try very hard to be empathetic and take accountability for my actions in my relationship. I'm non violent, not controlling, go to therapy, take my meds, etc.. I've been very afraid of being the crazy gf that I've felt guilty talking about my mental illness with my bf. I'm terribly afraid of being a burden.
Edit: I do talk about my issues with my bf but there's so much that I can't help but feel awful. See my response below... Sorry if I made it seem like I don't talk to him even if I'm ashamed and feel like shit about being a burden...
You shouldn't ever feel guilty about sharing something so personal with the one you love. Your mental health issues aren't your fault. You aren't a burden.
You are valid despite your struggles where u had no control over
You shouldn't feel guilty about taking to your bf about your mental health. It will cameout eventually.
I had a girlfriend that had mental problems, but she didn't go to therapy. I have broken up with her and she ended up sticking me.
Oh you poor thing! I feel you're pain. Honest it sucks being both a chick and having mental illnesses! I dont wanna be seen as the crazy ex gf either 🥺
I know how you feel. 💗💗💗
To be fair, Amy was crazy looooo g before her husband cheated on her. She’s actually a sociopath. When her husband investigates incidents in her past he finds out she has framed other people too. It wasn’t just her husband cheating on her that made her like that.
The Take's reading of Gone Girl is completely off. They always gloss over that little detail about Amy, and how she wanted control in her relationships. Yes, she was done dirty by her parents and was frustrated for not living up to expectations, but she was also a sociopath who killed a man who truly loved her just to fullfill her revenge. There is no way anyone can justify that saying that "Amy was tired of being the cool girl".
Obviously Gone Girl is an exaggeration of reality. We can dream of taking revenge, but you have to be out of your mind to actually do it
@@melodyclark1944 that doesn't undo the effects of the revenge, such as its harm of its victims
@@alejandramoreno6625 I wouldn't say that her creepy ex truly loved her. He's possessive and manipulative, similar to Amy.
@@alejandramoreno6625 her ex didn't love her, he was too trying to take advantage of her state by helping her
This trope is so sad, considering ex-boyfriends are the ones who are likely to harm or even murder their ex-girlfriends after a break-up. At least that's the realitiy in Latin America.
And in the United States
Agreed!
Exactly how likely?
@@christopherbrown5409 Exactly as every family knows someone who has been a victim of abusive partners. News every other week report another female who is murdered by her ex or current partner and then put up the amount of this cases in the current month/year. There are massive protests for these victims. Our justice system is changing and journalists are really doing their job on this.
@@Nat-ls1uo I meant statistically; I get sick of people treating this as a common occurrence like it's every third woman or something.
There's a lot of context missing whenever anyone mentions Jason and Medea. In those days, a woman who's husband had divorced her would go home to her parents. Medea can't, because she betrayed her country and killed her brother for Jason, in order to help Jason in his quest for the golden fleece. He was happy to use her, and then basically said, go starve on the street, fuck off lol. Her rage is about more than him remarrying.
Whose*
8:36 Big problem here - Rebecca does not hallucinate, she dissociates. A hallucinating person doesn't know their hallucinations are not real, the fake & real are incredibly blurred. What Rebecca does is dissociate - she is aware that her introspection is not real, and that it is fantasy. It is a RESPONSE to powerful emotions, not controlling her emotions. This distinction is incredibly important to make as not doing so can result in life-changing neglect against those with mental illness, which I myself have witnessed first hand.
I just finished a rewatch of How I met your mother. The original intent was to see if I could pick out the clues about the mother now that I knew the whole story and I kept putting this off. Before I started, I came across this channel's video's on ted, and a few others talking about nice guys and such (like how toxic ross is on friends). What got me to watch the show was a friend of mine who had started and stopped watching their own re-watch of the show after getting out of an abusive relationship, stating they couldn't handle Ted's Narcissism and how much it reminded them of the relationship they just got out of, and so I decided not only to keep an eye out for clues, I wanted to re-watch the show to see how toxic the views were on relationships in general.
WOOF! I honestly think the show creators put Barney in there to be an exaggeration of toxicity that Ted would look decent by comparison. The first two episodes show's ted not taking no for an answer, gaslighting Robin, and love bombing her. And you see this toxic behavior throughout the whole show. This show was on for almost 10 years and was normalizing the belittlement of women and referred to male characters as women/girls in a way to belittle them if they did anything that stepped out of line with perceptions of masculinity. It's this kind of shit that socializes men to be assholes and women to accept it, and it even forces women to conform to an idea of how to act, that if the man doesn't respond to it the way the woman has been pressured into accepting it, she is seen as the perpetrator when she snaps from the insanity of these expectations.
Two women from the show come to mind, one referred to as BlahBlah until ted finally remembered her name to be Carol at the end of the last season, and the other Jenette, who destroyed teds stuff after he kept gaslighting her (there are some caveats with the fact that she's a cop meaning she was already prone to violent outbursts and being overall an asshole/bastard as can be expected from all cops). With Carol, he was still hung up on Robin and their first meeting, and it's no surprise she reacted the way she did. I can only imagine what she's been through before meeting him. With Jenette, Ted was so lost in his pursuit of "the one" that he was dragging her down into his own downward spiral of expectations that he didn't have the decency to deal with his shit and not get someone else tangled up in it.
What I overall see is this society telling people how to act, even subconsciously, and when the cookiecutter fantasy world doesn't match the reality in front of people, it causes them to snap, and we don't have much room for healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with these shattered expectations. So closing this longwinded comment about the subject of the "crazy" ex-girlfriend specifically, what I see is a society that doesn't leave women much, if any wiggle room to deal with all the expectations put on them in all the other aspects of their lives. When someone is fed up with feeling powerless and the frustration of the constant abuse, I'm not surprised at all that people reach their breaking points.
Oh yeah, Before I forgot this too, one of the most toxic things I saw in the show was presenting marriage as the ultimate show of loving someone, treating it like a foregone conclusion of any relationship. If Barney and Robin's marriage failed for any reason, it was from forcing two people who did not want to get married in the first place to get married. They were happy when they were dating and hanging out, the only thing their friendship really lacked before they had sex, was having sex. Forcing the two of them into a label of what a relationship is supposed to be, they set the two lone wolves up for failure.
@Sophia Kebbede I remember that episode, I'm pretty sure I blinked in astonishment a couple of times and shook my head after she said it.
‘The Girl on the Train’ still gives me nightmares. The scariest part is not the text but that people may relate to it.
Awesome.
Can you do The Mistress next and how the anger regarding infidelity often gets misdirected towards women, both the other woman and the wife? And what is it about attached Men that is so tempting?
With examples like Monica Lewinsky, Joan and Peggy from Mad Men, April Warner and Dee Fillcott from Why Women Kill, and the Pre Code film , need to look it up
EDIT: The Smiling Lieutenant
Yeah, it always called my attention that in both real life and fiction, when the man comit infidelity the conflict is between the women and he is just an espectator safe from it.
I didn't read much about it so my current teory is that psycologicaly is easier to blame and harm the other woman than the man.
Because she isn't as much of a threat as the man and we are not educated to take into account her side of the story, so they think the worst about her.
@@kiriki4558 Also that pesky history of being economically dependent
AT LAST!!! It's about time for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend to shine in this channel.
Btw, I think, in Greek mythology, before Medea, there was Hera, a goddess of marriage, unhappily married, might lose power as a marriage goddess if she divorced unfaithful Zeus.
The thing is, like attracts like, so the men were equally immature or mentally unwell. Quite “crazy” is a word to take no responsibility for your own choices.
I mostly disagree. People who would be considered “crazy” by their ex were often abusers of some sort and abusers rarely go after people like them. They want/need someone to victimize to feel validated.
@@wyatt6403 no is not. Make abusers often frame their exes and víctims as crazy or manipulative so people in the work-place and social circle doesn't believe the girl when she finaly comes forward.
That way they can revictimize them socialy or take revenge for speaking up because there's no one to willing to stop them.
Its a huge red-flag when guy say "all my exes are crazy."
Reality - they dismiss and belittle and don't believe woman's opinions
Edit: from personal experience
@@kiriki4558 Some of them are crazy, some of them are not like the ex-boyfriends/girlfriends say. It's not alway a frame. Believe it or not, my ex-girlfriend wasn't really "crazy" but she was extremely toxic and wasn't good for me. These fucking crazy ex-girlfriends exist and they're often extremely narcissistic and try to dominate men who're not that confident.
I should have been more clear. Nobody deserves abuse. I meant if you call someone crazy, chances are you aren’t totally sane. I would never blame an abused person.
its too easy to call ex girlfriends or woman that follow this trope crazy and for men not to take responsibility or see the reason why they behave this way. RED FLAGS
The amount of comments hung up on the "it doesn’t exist" part is baffling. You people realize that they’re talking about movie and tv tropes, right?
Anytime there's an attempt to talk about an issue relating to women in any way, you're suddenly going to get a lot of people either going "what about men/not all men" or questioning if something is even an issue at all. Watch out for it, because you will start to see this EVERY TIME.
She's saying they don't exist irl
@@sleepingdogpro same thing happens with topics about men....
@@lochofmceo Your comment is literally what she was talking about... -.-
México, and I would said Latin America, in a nutshell. The fear of being murder by your current or ex boyfriend is real and extremely terrifying -more when most of the murderers are free-, but you still hear about the “crazy ex girlfriends”…
I'll tell you now, I've always been on Medea's side. She's literally a magical princess descended from the gods. She plans Jason's quests, helps in them, and in some versions, does the tasks for him. He promises her marriage, so she leaves, When her father chases her down, she kills her brother and drops his body in the sea so her father stops chasing her. Medea gives Jason two sons, and so accomplishes everything a woman of her time should do. Yet when Jason meets a rich younger princess (not even one descended from the gods or even magical), he dumps Medea and tells her to leave with their children so he can set up house with the new woman (with what money? to where? remember she's stolen her father's treasures and killed her brother so her maternal family is out). So she does the only thing that will hurt Jason: kills the children, curses the new wife, predicts his death, and calls on her grandfather, the god of the sun, to give her a ride. What else was she supposed to do?
she was justified
Not kill the children...
The rest is ok
@@gabrielleporter553 Like Hell was she.
In which world is betrayal a higher crime than murder of innocent people ? The extent to which people justify women’s heinous actions are appalling and honestly, disgusting.
@@keerthanatharal7572 like fr, people literally justify it even when she klled innocent children Literal CHILDREN , people just wannabe so "woke" and "progressive" they start to justify Evil , and which is bc of ignorance..and I bet those kind of ignorant people going to attack u for saying Logical thing and call u "pick me" bc common sense is not common anymore and people start become more and more blind and ignorant for some reason.
There's alot of crazy ex bf lol , overplayed and sexist when it comes to women
Not at all.
@@rodan9773 let me go out on a limb and say both are equally crazy but we highlight and stigmatize women more and normalize and rationalize men's behavior!!
In Hinduism, divorce was virtually unheard of until much later as marriage was seen as a sacrament (like Christianity) and widowed women found it hard to remarry as it would mean relinquishing their ex-husband’s wealth although widowers could marry as much as they wanted. It’s the same everywhere: Marriage is a socially acceptable prison for women.
N'
@Erwin Lii I mean, there’s a film called ‘Ruthless People’.
I am married. It is not a prison everywere and for everyone.
@@sigridbjergbakkemeyer3653 Then you’re an exception rather than a rule. And marriage is constructed to be debilitating to a person. You’re happy despite its trappings.
@@sigridbjergbakkemeyer3653 You're lucky your husband is a good person. If he wasn't, it would be a prison. The process of leaving a husband is way too complicated for women everywhere. And because of that, marriage is a prison for women. Or at least a potential prison.
Oh believe me, it exists. Crazy ex boyfriend exist too. It’s not a gender exclusive thing.
Though I must say I’m not the biggest fan of this trope you can’t just ignore any and all examples of women or men doing shitty things. It’s overused as hell but it’s a trope for a reason.
The Take can't accept 'bad/toxic/abusive' women exist of their own volition without rationalising/apologising the hell out of it, a standard they'd never hold of bad/toxic/abusive men. Including that disgusting assertion that men/current girlfriends can't be harmed by their ex's the way ex boyfriends can.
@@aintnoslice3422
I think they did that with Rachel from Friends. Her having feelings for him isn’t a good reason nor an excuse to break up and manipulate his relationships with other women.
Comprehention please. Watch the video entirely and identify the context before comenting or get deffensive over men.
@@kiriki4558 I did. And my point still stands.
It’s not that “crazy” exes don’t exist. It’s that the *trope* of the “crazy” ex gf is rooted in derogatory beliefs about women and people suffering form mental health issues.
Female characters being written as genuinely and inexcusably manipulative/abusive but also being more complex and fitting into patterns of representation is not mutually exclusive.
I have seen cases in real life that would normally be called "crazy ex girlfriend" and both cases were from women who were mentally ill and labeling them as "crazy" for some reason was used to downplay who serious was the case. One of them was violent towards her former husband and i refused to call her crazy, i straight up called her an abuser, which is what she was. If the point of the video is saying that reducing unstable behaviour in the word "crazy" is just brushing on the woman´s mental health AND ignoring a possible male victim of some kind of stalking at best and violence at worst
Historically, the "crazy ex" is actually the Madwoman in the Attic trope.
@@nharber9837 thats horrible , hope they are in prission of at least away fron your friends
Every time you call me crazy
I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry
I get more angry...
I was JUST rewatching CXG episodes yesterday!! What a pleasant surprise, I’ve been waiting for this video for SO LONG
Oh my god I’ve been waiting for a video essay on Crazy Ex Girlfriend. I’ve even searched “the take + Crazy Ex girlfriend” before. Can’t wait to watch this! This show was revolutionary. You all would probably love the channel Bagels at Midnight and his take on the series.
Borderline personality disorder is often what caracterize the "crazy ex girlfriend" and it's sad for people who have that disorder to just get called "crazy"
I mean, BPD often comes with some extreme symptoms and many of those symptoms definitely correlate with what most people associate with "crazy."
@@happymantis But just calling a person with mental disorder crazy undermine something much more complex and deshumanize the person.
@@thisisntallowed9560 correct, but I doubt most laypeople aren't thinking about the immediate ethical/moral concerns. I imagine there's some valid risk assessment going on when people are called "crazy", due to the inherent risks of disorders like BPD.
@@happymantis Calling someone crazy is just "I don't know what's going but it scares me", while taking into account the humanity of the person is "I understand better why this person acts like this so it's easier for me to manage it and decide if I want this in my life or not, while still having compassion for the person". So it's not just about an ethical concern it's also about being smart.
@@happymantis If you're still not convinced, tell me about the benefit of calling someone crazy instead of a more tactful denotation of what's going on (BPD).
I love it how you treat all these tropes with the most honest and respectful approach I've seen so far in videos addressing these tropes. And the 'Crazy' Ex-Girlfriend is no exeption indeed.
My momma always told me only actions you can control are your own so never let anyone get you out of your hook up! Also anyone can do crazy things thusly gaining the label crazy and no not the mentally ill just people who lack self control 🤷🏾♂️
When someone says that they have a crazy ex girlfriend it's sort of a joke
But when it's a crazy ex boyfriend damn that's literally a life threat
Lilith is the og "crazy" ex-girlfriend
I wish I could agree that the crazy ex was a completely made up trope and has no real basis in real life, but due to the constant harassment from my ex that me and my fiance have been getting for the better part of a year, I can only agree that it's way less common and more complex than you see in TV and movies. Great video either way.
I do think that there are real “crazy” or rather toxic or abusive ex-girlfriends, and that should be taken seriously (it’s interesting how often the trope’s played for laughs) but as the video says it’s far less common than the male variant. People say that men’s worst fear going on a first date with a woman is being laughed at, while women’s worst fear is being killed. I don’t think that’s entirely true, I think they do fear similar things to us, or at least fear a toxic, over possessive partner, but the difference is in how realistic that fear is and therefore how much a part of your life it is.
I don’t think think men often get how much of an ever present, background noise fear male violence and abuse is in women’s lives especially in dating. And how genuinely scary it is to decide to trust and be vulnerable with someone who (usually) has both more social and physical power than you, and who isn’t having to take the same level of risk to be in a relationship with you. But it’s also just... a normal part of life. It’s a really weird headspace to live with. I don’t think the “crazy” ex trope can ever really be a joke to women who date men, unless it’s like trench humour. It shouldn’t be a joke when it happens to men either but the trope often seems to be played for laughs in an “imagine if it happened this way round wouldn’t that be weird?” kind of way, or least it appears that way to me.
She's just a girl in love, doesn't want to be held accountable for her actions.
She's an ingenue!
Crazy ex girlfriend/boyfriend is an old trope. The difference is that the crazy ex girlfriend is usually portrayed in comedy movies, whereas crazy ex boyfriend is usually in thrillers, horrors or dramas.
I suffer from severe BPD and in the past never took medication for it. Hence, I know there are many stories about me being the crazy ex. Now, I live a quiet single life with my cats. Even medicated, I don't think I can handle relationships.
In iran my country we are more scared of crazy husband or father
Same in Latin America and in rural USA: the real crazies are the boyfriends, fiancés, husbands, and fathers.
It seems that men being deranged, violent lunatics is universal across cultures and/or denomination/religion (whether it's Catholic dominated Latin America, Protestant rural USA, or your country).
@@charlee_hotel dudes write these tv and movie stories for the most part, so their personal experiences in relationships are going to be show cased more. That is why crazy ex girlfriends are so prominent, when abusive crazy boyfriends and father's are just as common. And not just in rural religious areas in the USA or in or people from other cultural backgrounds.
Everyone is capable of being the crazy ex, there is no denying that. But it's rare for crazy ex girlfriends in real life to be as violent as depicted in media, both film and written. However, that level of violence is more common with real crazy ex boyfriends. If anything, I feel that media over exaggerates the violence and craziness of women while under exaggerating it for men. And if men are violent or driven mad in stories, they are usually given a rational explanation as to why. This is usually not offered to crazy and/or violent women. Also, media tend to have the crazy ex be a woman, which further implies that women are always the irrational or wrong one in any relationship or situation.
Having BPD does make you feel crazy. Thanks for covering this.
It's funny how now Princess Diana is only spoken of as this sainted, universally loved, idealized figure, yet I remember at the time the press was actually brutal towards her. Even when what was said about her wasn't itself negative, the media seemed to have this desire to consume this woman, she wasn't allowed a second's peace and not a single action went unscrutinized, to such a point that whether the conclusions of that scrutiny were favorable or not was besides the point. The media was the true "crazy ex" in the Lady Di narrative, chasing her to her death.
Crazy Ex Girlfriend was such a great show. It did such a good job deconstructing the crazy ex girlfriend trope.
In Wuthering Heigths isn't Heathcliff Catherine's crazy ex.
If a man calls his ex crazy, I'm immediately wondering what he did to her to make her crazy.
It should be a red flag, don't jsut believe him
She probably has BPD . Y’all really need a psychology expert to help out on your Chanel especially when the trope includes something that includes mental health .
I saw another video from a psychology channel and the guy said that in films the crazy ex gf has the worst traits of BPD . While in men they portray them more as having psychopathy , all male villains , like mob bosses , and your bond bad guy .
Most people who have BPD add usually women , and I have seen it on men before . But people of all sexes & genders have the capability of being awful . Some men are gaslighters and they want to portray women as crazy , but on the flip side if you talk to a lesbian I’m sure some of them have their crazy ex gf stories too .
There are exes who are very manipulative and want revenge.
Their is a radio show in my hometown who has a segment called “Revenge”, where people call in to get payback at someone. There was one episode of the Revenge segment, thus guy “Jerry” called in and was planning revenge on his ex “Gigi”. He said that he and Gigi dated, then broke up, but a month later Gigi calls and tells Jerry that she’s pregnant; Jerry went back to Gigi for the sake of the child, but they ended up losing the baby, so they break up again (Jerry even admits that he doubts that the pregnancy was real). Jerry starts dating someone new and one day, Gigi called his new girlfriend and told her how Jerry had forced her to abort their baby. That segment of Revenge was crazy! So for Revenge, the radio host called Gigi and got her on the phone admitting to the stuff she did (Jerry was on the other line), and Jerry took the transcript and posted it on her Facebook wall.
While the “crazy ex girlfriend” can be a trope, for some people it is very much a reality.
I could not disagree more about the Jane + Coach beard relationship being a relationship that "works for them", more so I see it as an attempted honest depiction of a mutually toxic relationship, where both people cause eachother intense misery most the time, with sprinkles of compassion and intimacy that only holds them together, because they fear no one else could love them. That relationship is not good for the growth of either person imo.
Could not agree more. Sure they have nice moments here and there that stops them from being labeled as “crazy”, but both are clearly bad for each other
I'm honestly shocked that this video said that they are good for each other. Jane tells Beard that she hopes he is dead in a ditch when he doesn't reply to her texts after a bit. That is not normal or healthy behavior.
As a general sentiment though, who are you to decide that? What does it matter to you, and why do you think your opinion matters at all, whether or not someone else's relationship seems "toxic" to you, if they're on an even playing field and satisfied with it? There are a lot of people in this world who have relationships that might seem weird to you or that don't add up in your head as logical or loving, but it's not your place to decide that.
I once had neighbors who told people I was crazy because I didn't do everything they wanted. They no longer live in my building
Its almost humorous as to why this trope came to its being. I mean we have to ask ourselves, why is this trope so popular? Sure its because the patriarchy has always been attached to the idea that women are hysterical and irrational, but why doesnt this trope stick to any other relationship with a girl, why is it always with a woman a man has a romantic relationship with. This really all comes back to the insane ego some men have when talking about their sexual and romantic capabilities. Its almost like a trophy that they've collected "oh look at what I made this woman do" he made her crazy. She is so obsessed with him, not because she has mental issues and needs medical care, but he is an almost divine being that leads women to this "craziness", the power he holds over her even AFTER they've broken up is like some sort of finished accomplishment, shes a ruined women and thats that.
whover hasn't seen crazy ex-gf (the series), DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR. it's so absurd, funny, and critical, i love it
Great to see the mention of Jean Rhys from our small Caribbean island Dominica!
Always beware of the man who describes all her exes as "crazy"...huge red flag!
I'm usually with you on all your videos, but this one feels extremely biased. I believe there are both crazy ex gfs and bfs. And some are justified and some are not. To say it doesn't exist is outrageous.
Even Medea got an unfair treatment in her story; first, she was struck by one of Eros's arrows (so she didn't even had control over her own feelings) and consequently had to help Jason against her family's wishes, wich lead her to run away from her homeland with him (risking certain death if she stayed). Jason always relied on her powers and her plans to get what he wanted, and THEN, when she was no use to him anymore, he started courting a local princess (while he was already MARRIED for years with Medea and had two kids with her), planning to keep Medea as HIS MISTRESS all so he could get a royal status! He broke his oath not only to her, but to Hera herself (You know, the goddess of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY??), who was his protector through his adventures! So yeah, I kinda understand why she went mad...
Crazy Ex Girlfriend was the best show!
It was until the final season
Thanks for this! And I will forever love Princess Diana.
It resinated in me. I am affraid to get mad, as I do not want fighting or getting hurt or the label as an angry woman/on her period. But I had to have a counsler telling me every emotion is okay and should be felt as to deal with it and the source for it
Here in LATAM the statistics of women murdered by their partners is so scary… because they decide to leave, because they’re scared and stay, because they finally decide to press charges and authorities ignore them…
I have had an ex pull a knife on me so I definitely know this exists. It does seem like my experience is an anomaly. But the tendency of violence being used toward an ex partner is more prevent along men.
It’s not an anomaly we’re just not conditioned to see violence as scary when it’s a woman doing it to a man because we think he should be able to defend himself against her whereas when it’s man against woman we think how can she possibly take him down making him seem scarier 🤷🏾♀️
This is such a beautiful video essay, just, I love it, thank you!
The Great Gatsby is a gender reverse Crazy Ex Girlfriend
I always felt bad for Janice from Friends. I was the gf that none of my ex's friends liked. It's not a nice feeling
I mean, Medea wasn't divorced. Jason just wanted a wife with more social standing and was totally willing to keep Medea as a mistress. The play even has her pause to be all 'You care about the kids more than Jason does' and she gets explicit divine aid; admittedly from Hera, arguably THE 'crazy ex' in that she routinely responds to her husband's infidelity with murder.
Mark Wahlberg in Fear was terrifying! That movie really needs more attention.
Hello,
I was wondering if you could do a video on "The love witch." I watched it recently (to set the mood for the Halloween season) and thought it was very interesting. From the general retro aesthetic of the film, to the costume and set design, script, the film shows the very particular vision that the woman who produced it and directed it has about feminism and the way femininity and masculinity operate within society. I would love to see what your take on this movie is.
Hugs, B.
The funny thing is that Medea isn't even seen as wrong in the original series of plays. Her actions are supported by the gods themselves, specifically Hera, because her husband was terrible and deserved it. You watch her story from the beginning, and you can see the manipulation, tragedy, and betrayal she experiences on an intimate level. With the crazy ex-girlfriend trope, you don't see her motivations nor is her pain taken as seriously. She's assumed as going too far and being without justification, and we're expected to accept that at face value. This is true even when it's clear that her ex-partner is pretty awful.
Sometimes people call you crazy just so they don’t have to take ownership for what they did to you
Commenting before finishing the video, but I’m thinking of Wayne’s World.
“If you’re not careful, Wayne, you’re gonna lose me.”
“I did lose you!”
You guys are finally talking in depth about Crazy ex girlfriend
This is one of the best video essays y'all have put out this year. Stellar job with this one.
There's huge cultural pressure to cut all ties with anyone that we have been intimate with as soon as the intimacy breaks down. This can be an emotionally brutal experience which can push people to all kinds of destructive behaviour from obsession to suicide. Much of this comes from the old 'the one' trope in which there's an all or nothing aspect to relationships that denies any possibility of simply developing lasting bonds that evolve over time with multiple people... which would be far more nourishing to us as individuals and to society as a whole. The idea that it could be beneficial to acknowledge the existence of an 'ex' is just so alien to the way most people now think that it becomes increasingly unlikely that anyone in a social group would show support for it. Marriage was a contract that dealt with property rights not a social construct for supporting a natural human instinct to seek out exclusivity in physical relationships! Such an instinct doesn't exist in our nature... it is instilled by convention and justified by tradition in direct opposition to actual lived experience.
I'm not saying that there isn't a time of life in which it is desirable to 'settle down' rather that for many people such a desire is impermanent or at the very least situationally dependent... it isn't a genuinely heartfelt core motivation... whereas the desire for community really is and it is this that suffers from the rabid, excessive and often entirely unnecessary 'cutting off' of contact from people that we have gotten close to and who have gotten close to us.
Apparently one of my exes was telling people that I used to beat him. That was fun to learn
All my crazy ex’s would agree with you. They didn’t think they were crazy either.
100%
alot of times she a highly damage individual and its easier to call her crazy than explain her terrible behavior
@@zero1188 you just described a crazy person
You have multiple bro? Somebody has a type
😂