I remember telling my ex gf that sex with her was boring and it made her really mad. I was tired of the mechanical sex. She'd literally tell me to take no more than 2 minutes and it killed me a little on the inside. She would NEVER initiate sex and didn't seem to care about me at all. She made it clear that she was not intimate but I simply couldn't understand. I did not know such people really existed. The many cold and lonely nights I slept right next to her broke me. I forgot how it felt like to be loved, wanted, desired, touched, kissed etc It's hard to describe what I went through. It broke my spirit. Thank you, Sam.
Sam I know exactly how you feel. My current girlfriend is very loving and caring about us. Problem is I’m so damaged from my ex I hope i can one day love her as much as she’s loving me. That last one just made me so numb.
The covert narcissist is the opposite. They will call you gross, a slut, or be very offended if you dress in a sexual way around the house if you are interested in sex but they aren't. If they aren't it is an offense to them and they act like a victim of your advancement. 3 years with my covert.
This makes soooooo much sense...the guy I talked to would say some of the craziest stuff regarding sex. He wanted to dominate a woman but in a way that wasn’t BDSM it was psychotic how he wanted put chains on a woman and leave her at the house and then come back when he felt like it 😳 He once mentioned he gave himself a hard stop to not watch porn because he said he was watching it every night. It’s crazy how now I see that he genuinely is a narcissist, he would say alllllll the time that he didn’t trust ANYONE...that he was TOTALLY self sufficient. In hindsight from knowing him for many years on an occasional basis to going to talking to him for almost 2yrs but NEVER doing anything sexual I’m so glad I didn’t because he would have been dangerous. Something told me not to open that Pandora’s Box and I’m so glad I didn’t thanks to these videos.
Literally my last relationship - he stopped having sex with me, I found out and he agreed to block it. Never told him no to sex even when it was barely intimate and almost every day. He still wanted to watch porn. So then he broke up with me.
let it be known, you are better off w/o a guy like that. don’t buy in to anyone in the culture who guilts or shames you into not accepting his heartless use of it. you are very much valid. i wish you the very best. you’re not alone
My ex husband was obsessed with porn. He’d be up at 2am weekly to watch porn. I found him to be boring and extremely unattractive over time. It killed the marriage. He’d often give me the silent treatment for days on end. Nothing seemed to make him happy.
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/NARCISSISTIC-PERSONALITY-DISORDER/kA1vtsqWAiI
I think an overlooked part of the problem is that men are faced with an increasingly unstable cohort of women from which to choose - eating disorders, drug addiction , STDs,alcoholism, past abuse and the ever present anti male influences of increasingly hostile feminism. Our post modern society has not been a beneficial force in many ways but especially in terms of relationships - there has formed a rigid set of guide lines for both men and women that do not allow for fluidity of understanding who other people are and to what extent compromise is required to advance into a unified whole. What we seem to be stuck with after having had decades of promiscuity self indulgence and indeed a turn towards high levels of narcissism is an incapacity to recognize a state of arrested development as well as a loss of capacity for critical and objective thinking.
Wow! Beautiful, elegant, and entirely accurate. I've made a raft of mistakes in sexual matters--who i opted to be with; who i screwed up with or rejected. And now in my final chapters alone. I spend a lot of time contemplating how i got here.
Don't worry about society. Look for the women who think for themselves, outside the box. (Unfortunately some of those will be narcissists too.) We are living in hard times. I've tended to look for partners a little above my age group because they were from a time when it was more normal to get married and have a "soul mate."
Wow, it sounds like you know my husband. His pornography viewing is just sickening. It's all day, every day. He takes very little break from it. He talks about sex all the time. But doesn't have it with me, his wife. It's really weird.
IMO a narc tries to fill their emptiness of his/her soul by many pleasures..until he gets bored and then comes extreme pleasures..porn is just one of them
I think only 20% of my male friends are in serious relationships or married and are happy too, what they have in common, they are together since high school with their partner. For sure watching porn creates some sort of addiction and is bad but it is way easier than having to deal with the majority of women. Plus the prices for escorts dropped to an insane degree in the last years and they are hot. I see that this makes men lazier too in about everything financial/emotional. Social media changed a lot of things.
This man is a philosopher.
Totally correct no emotion contact
Wow 🤩 I’m amazed with his explanation.. Especially on the last 2 minutes.. I’m floored
Sex with my narcissist lover felt like robotic. It was rubbish. It burnt my heart with all the emotions and love I had for him. It’s very painful.
Dr Vaknin, thank you for opening my eyes, and thank you for explaining in English x
This is must be one of Sam’s most interesting videos as he gets down to the nitty gritty of the narcissist sex life.
Fantastic video, DR. VAKNIN!!!
You helped me understand so much. Thank you!
I remember telling my ex gf that sex with her was boring and it made her really mad. I was tired of the mechanical sex. She'd literally tell me to take no more than 2 minutes and it killed me a little on the inside.
She would NEVER initiate sex and didn't seem to care about me at all. She made it clear that she was not intimate but I simply couldn't understand. I did not know such people really existed. The many cold and lonely nights I slept right next to her broke me. I forgot how it felt like to be loved, wanted, desired, touched, kissed etc
It's hard to describe what I went through. It broke my spirit. Thank you, Sam.
I'm there man. Been there for years. It is painful.
Good luck.
Sam I know exactly how you feel. My current girlfriend is very loving and caring about us. Problem is I’m so damaged from my ex I hope i can one day love her as much as she’s loving me. That last one just made me so numb.
Summed up the cerebral ex of mine - no sex. Totally void of sexually intamacy.
The covert narcissist is the opposite. They will call you gross, a slut, or be very offended if you dress in a sexual way around the house if you are interested in sex but they aren't. If they aren't it is an offense to them and they act like a victim of your advancement. 3 years with my covert.
Those are the worst kind
That's a cerebral narc
This makes soooooo much sense...the guy I talked to would say some of the craziest stuff regarding sex.
He wanted to dominate a woman but in a way that wasn’t BDSM it was psychotic how he wanted put chains on a woman and leave her at the house and then come back when he felt like it 😳
He once mentioned he gave himself a hard stop to not watch porn because he said he was watching it every night.
It’s crazy how now I see that he genuinely is a narcissist, he would say alllllll the time that he didn’t trust ANYONE...that he was TOTALLY self sufficient.
In hindsight from knowing him for many years on an occasional basis to going to talking to him for almost 2yrs but NEVER doing anything sexual I’m so glad I didn’t because he would have been dangerous.
Something told me not to open that Pandora’s Box and I’m so glad I didn’t thanks to these videos.
Mental chains, leave her at the house and then come back when he felt like it. That pretty much sums up what it's like to be married to a narcissist.
this was so interesting and eye-opening to me
in some cultures people wont have sex for a number of years before marriage, does that mean they are somehow moving towards narcissism with time?
1:25 : oh lord 🙄
2:40 : searches
4:10 6:29 : 🤔
9:40 : his fantasies
11:10 : auto eroticism
Knowledgeable video
Literally my last relationship - he stopped having sex with me, I found out and he agreed to block it. Never told him no to sex even when it was barely intimate and almost every day. He still wanted to watch porn. So then he broke up with me.
let it be known, you are better off w/o a guy like that. don’t buy in to anyone in the culture who guilts or shames you into not accepting his heartless use of it. you are very much valid. i wish you the very best. you’re not alone
My ex husband was obsessed with porn. He’d be up at 2am weekly to watch porn. I found him to be boring and extremely unattractive over time. It killed the marriage. He’d often give me the silent treatment for days on end. Nothing seemed to make him happy.
Very interesting info
It becomes scary when you mentionned pedophilia..... what to do if you have kids and you share custody....
Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links:
groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/NARCISSISTIC-PERSONALITY-DISORDER/kA1vtsqWAiI
I think an overlooked part of the problem is that men are faced with an increasingly unstable cohort of women from which to choose - eating disorders, drug addiction , STDs,alcoholism, past abuse and the ever present anti male influences of increasingly hostile feminism. Our post modern society has not been a beneficial force in many ways but especially in terms of relationships - there has formed a rigid set of guide lines for both men and women that do not allow for fluidity of understanding who other people are and to what extent compromise is required to advance into a unified whole. What we seem to be stuck with after having had decades of promiscuity self indulgence and indeed a turn towards high levels of narcissism is an incapacity to recognize a state of arrested development as well as a loss of capacity for critical and objective thinking.
Well said!
Wow! Beautiful, elegant, and entirely accurate. I've made a raft of mistakes in sexual matters--who i opted to be with; who i screwed up with or rejected. And now in my final chapters alone. I spend a lot of time contemplating how i got here.
Less and less to choose healthy woman to actually have a healthy relationship with.. I concur.
Don't worry about society. Look for the women who think for themselves, outside the box. (Unfortunately some of those will be narcissists too.) We are living in hard times. I've tended to look for partners a little above my age group because they were from a time when it was more normal to get married and have a "soul mate."
Wow, it sounds like you know my husband. His pornography viewing is just sickening. It's all day, every day. He takes very little break from it. He talks about sex all the time. But doesn't have it with me, his wife. It's really weird.
So if a person escalates to hiring sex workers to act out fantasies, does this mean they are not a narcissist?
Wow seeing this after 4yrs at 19
the title should be pornography vs real life?
Great 😍
Wow wow
IMO a narc tries to fill their emptiness of his/her soul by many pleasures..until he gets bored and then comes extreme pleasures..porn is just one of them
So True.. a robottic act. Hé always closed his eyes! 🤬
I think only 20% of my male friends are in serious relationships or married and are happy too, what they have in common, they are together since high school with their partner. For sure watching porn creates some sort of addiction and is bad but it is way easier than having to deal with the majority of women. Plus the prices for escorts dropped to an insane degree in the last years and they are hot. I see that this makes men lazier too in about everything financial/emotional. Social media changed a lot of things.