LAST STORY HAS AN UPDATE. She broke up with him. She showed her post to her bf and how bad it was assholed. He didnt like it so he made one. It got severely bad so he deleted it. Her family heard what his family was trying to do and tried to impose the same tradition but backwards. He said it was ridiculous. In the end, she dumped him.
The wedding and the pregnancy announcement story: what op did was quietly tell her parents that she was pregnant. She did absolutely nothing to ruin her sisters big day. The sister is trying to take the future and put it in the past so she feels vindicated, and she is absolutely the butthole cause she’s twisting the events to be worse than it actually was.
The entire time RSlash is saying he would have told his parents the next day I was rolling my eyes. I don't think anyone would have been level headed when pregnant enough to wait till the next day. I also kept repeating "fuck that bitch" because honestly, if my sibling did that, they'd be no sibling of mine. Making me suffer with the help of no one who's actually done that shit before? For what was it? 3? Or 4 months? Yeah fuck that bitch.
OP was far more graceful than I would have ever been. I would grabbed the mic and ruined the entire wedding for making me suffer and without support from my mother for months!
The minute you cheat on me, you become expendable and replaceable in my eyes. I’m not gonna waste tears on somebody who decided I’m not enough for them, that our family is not enough for them.
He don’t need to be around you but dont you ever bring your children into the situation to petty all your doing is fuking up them kids and that would be your fault alone
Story 2: That sister took away support from you by not allowing you to tell your parents.. She NEVER intended on letting you announce! She wanted ALL the spotlight on her that entire time.. She didn't even know you told your parents at all so her freaking wedding wasn't destroyed... You have ZERO reason to apologize.. What she did was ridiculous so stop feeling bad about it! The sister made it all about her and lead you on out of selfishness! Nta 1000%
Glad to see other people point this out. The first trimester of her first pregnancy, with morning sickness, endured without the support she needed because of a lie. And the sister has the nerve to pull that narcissistic silent treatment crap after doing that to her. Just selfishness on the part of that bridezilla.
Yeah, I completely disagree with RSlash's verdict on this one. The sister acted completely selfish and manipulative then had the gall to act like the victim because OP went ahead with the plan in the least intrusive way she possibly could. NTA on OP and 3/5 on the Sister imo.
As a mom recovering from a parent with narcissistic traits, I APPLAUD OP for checking his wife. I am going to therapy for this and I CRINGE when I think of some of the things I've said to my boys.😢
Story 3: NTA. She needs this wake up call she's projecting onto her child she needs help! The fact that she even says this and tells this to her child is disgusting! She slandered bro whole family
yeah, sometimes you need to say something like that to get through to someone. i hope that she gets therapy and does better. i really hope that that was the post-partum depression talking and not her real self
She does need a wake-up call. When my second kid was born (I'd say when she reached about 18 months -- my older daughter was about 4yo), my wife started to "compare" them to each other -- talking about how good the other one was to each kid. Not to the kid themselves... but basically telling Kid A how great Kid B was and vice versa. I asked her "What are you doing? This 'playing the kids off of each other' is the same shit your mom did to you and your sisters and your sister did to her kids. It's why you and your sisters rarely get along, and why our niece and nephew hate each other. Do you want that to happen here?" She was doing it because that's how she'd been brought up, and was doing it out of force of habit. Thankfully she looked at what she was doing, and stopped almost immediately (there were a couple more minor incidents like that, but they were few and far between -- and if she didn't catch herself, I did, so it was _very_ seldom) My kids, now 16 and 19, get along great. They enjoy spending time together. And my wife thanks me for stopping that to this day (seeing how many other siblings absolutely hate each other) I doubt that OP's wife is doing it consciously, but she needs a wake-up call to be stopped -- even if that wake-up call is yelling. Hopefully she listens and makes changes.
Story 2: op DID take the high road tho. She could've easily grabbed a mic and announced it to the entire building or even decided to go on social media and make the status update in the middle of the celebration. But she didn't. She just took her parents aside, told them privately and told them to keep it private. So she really didn't steal focus off her sister like she's claiming she is
I am COMPLETELY against taking the high rode with these types of people. Take the low road EVERY TIME and ruin the moment they fucked you over to have.
With the last story you missed the epic update. The OP told her family and they went with the “husband test” with her family because they thought it was ridiculous. Her boyfriend went to AITA and got ROASTED and dirty deleted the story. They broke up and a lot of people felt that while he ways saying he would support her working, that he most certainly wanted her to take a stay at home role as soon as they got married. Bullet dodged.
Yeah, we've also seen those stories. Where the couple agree on SAHM or not before the first kid is born. THEN as soon as the kid is born, one of them wants to flip the script. Not sure why people think this stuff will end well...
If she is as feckless and lazy about housework as she says she is, who really dodged the bullet here? I say he did, and good riddance. All he needs to do is check her living standards before they move in together. Guaranteed, it's atrocious.
I think in a modern marriage there should be no wifes/husbands work(well, for obvious reasons its only pregnancy and breast feeding a man can't do!) All things should be divided equally. Everybody is able to learn how to clean, cook, renovate a house or repair a car! For me there is no thing as a mans/womans work, just work that has to be done!
Story 2: I thought the same thing R/, the sister didn't say anything until OP brought it up, halfway through the wedding reception. My guess is she wasn't planning on telling her. Since you didn't actually take over her wedding like she claimed because Dad had to tell her when he found out she has no reason to be mad, but you do. You needed some advice from your mom and you couldn't get it for her sake, pulls the rug right out from under you, then punishes you for having a quiet moment at your wedding even though she didn't even notice. Stop apologizing.
Story 3: this sounds like generational trauma, and it's better to stop this now before she can understand and before this gets drilled into your son's head too. Wherever she going through is no excuse for inflicting pain that she herself went through on her baby that's not even the month old yet. Get a diagnosis and take her to a therapist, but it is good that you are setting a president that you will not tolerate her giving your daughter insecurities about her looks. And her indirect diggs you and your family would just cruel, and you should address that too.
Well said. This could be a turning point if it's handled well and if she's open to change. He really needs to go back and say he doesn't hate her but he can't let his children be brought up in a toxic environment and it has to be addressed now.
She absolutely needs to get therapy before it gets to the point where her daughter needs it. My mum used to make the exact same comments about my lips being small and getting a bit of lip filler and it's so damaging
Last story had an update, turns out the boyfriend made his own post and was very quickly voted YTA. OPs family also thought it be funny to test the boyfriend, to which the boyfriend got really angry and let it slip that he did, in fact, want OP to be a housewife. They aren't together anymore. 😊
Story 1 is actually a really good display of cheating red flags. 1. Suddenly coming home much later and with minimal or no warning and without discussing why beyond dismissive answers like "work...". Most partners if they're having to suddenly do overtime will be more open about it with venting. Like "Ugh, remember that new guy I told you about that I didn't think would last? Yeah, he just quit! Now I gotta stay late until they get a replacement!" 2. Becoming distant and uninvolved with the family and home. Again, most partners when becoming distant due to stress still give more to go off of even if they aren't the emotional type. They'll look tired, look down, express ticks like sighing or fidgeting, all sorts of different body language and subconscious expressions to say "I'm overwhelmed". Not just go cold and angry. 3. Last is the projection of guilt. How he specifically attacked her ability to be a wife and mother. People snap at each other when stressed and angry, that's normal but you usually go after things like annoying quirks and behaviors or something they said last week. Specifically targeting her for not being an "adequate" wife? This is guilt projecting, he feels guilty for cheating and is projecting it onto his wife to try and justify it to himself. "It's not MY fault for cheating, it's her fault for not being good enough! If she cooked better or cleaned more or looked more sexy then I wouldn't have cheated!"
Wedding story: You're right. The sister plays a dirty game. Made you go though the first trimesters alone with your husband. Also, she can have her pretty princess day and be the center of attention. Not just that day but for the 3 months leading up to it. You did not make her wedding about you by pulling your parents aside privately so much so that she didn't even realize till three weeks later that you had brought up your pregnancy during her wedding. Plus she's the one that changed the plan at the very last minute. What really happened was that she made your pregnancy all about her. Stop calling, stop apologizing. She doesn't want to meet her niece or nephew can't remember which one that's on her. I wouldn't let her back in your life without an apology. For how terrible she treats you and then for trying to play victim.
She's likely enjoying the attention she's getting from OP and the stress it's causing, viewing it as OP's punishment. You're right, stop calling, stop apologizing, and watch her start to lose it as a result.
@@black1917 This really has a lot of narcissism flags. From the manipulation to get all the spotlight down to the silent treatment. They need to stop feeding the beast.
UPDATE: AITA for refusing to honour my boyfriend’s family’s tradition? "Several things have happened since my post and I received requests for an update so here it is. This will be my only update. I got a lot of insight from the votes and comments in my original post and I would like to thank you all for that. I showed my bf the responses and judgment on the original post. Most of you felt I was NTA and like you would guess, he was upset by this judgment. He tried to make his own post but was TA-ed so badly he deleted it in less than an hour. Anyway, I talked to my family and told them about the test. Yesterday they called us home for dinner and told him they would let me take his family's test if he let my dad and male cousins put him through a similar test. He blew up about how ridiculous it is because it's a family tradition for his family but for mine it's something we came up with at random. He ended up saying it's okay if I don't do the test but my parents and I were being childish. he let slip mid-argument that his youngest SIL didn't want to do the test either but look at her, the perfect wife. He said a lot of things but long story short, he is still supportive of whatever I want to do with my life after marriage but his family will never think the same way. However, I was starting to see a pattern so I asked to take a break. It was great while it lasted. It's not a fun or cute update but there you go. Time for me to binge-watch heartbreaking movies with a giant tub of ice cream. Once again, thank you for the comments and judgment."
This shows just how unreasonable, unhinged and misogynistic he and his family "traditions" are. SiL was probably bullied to the point of breaking (straight up abuse), that's why "she had no problem with it" because she was treated like a slave not an equal partner.
Story 3: my mom abused me mentally and physically. I would be HORRIFIED if I did the same thing to my future kids. She is doing the exact same thing she claims her mother did. She needed to be called out, she needs help because that is so foul.
Same for me, and that's what made me a better parent. Sometimes if my son had done something that had made me feel really mad I'd stop and think "What would my mother do", and that would be enough to calm me into reasonableness and I'd invariably do the opposite of what she'd do. It's really not hard not to be cruel.
My parents got drunk a lot when I was a kid and my mom would say some horrible things about my body (that today I'm still dealing with) and I refuse to drink while my stepdaughter is around, not that I think she has body flaws, she's awesome just as she is and I'll punch out anyone's lights out that try to bring her down. I just don't want her to deal with what I had to deal with...
4th story had an update: Op and his family made the same deal, that Fiancé has to do so manly chores to see if he's fit for the family, he got pissed and didn't want to because it's not the same. He made a reddit pose but he deleted it because he was votes the AH. He also revealed that he actually wanted OP to be a housewife They broke up at the end.
Story 1: I hope OP takes her ex to the cleaners in the Divorce. Story 2: NTA. I agree with RSlash, OP sister wanted all the attention and didnt want OP pregnancy to take away her "thunder" Story 3: WTF is wrong with OP wife??? Story 4: OP, RUN!!!
Story 4: Run, indeed. It was mentioned in an update that one of the SILs initially refused to do the test, but after doing so (likely due to being coerced somehow) wound up becoming a "perfect housewife." This "test" is nothing more than some sort of patriarchal power play, and OP was wise to dump her now ex-bf when he refused to stand up for her.
i heard somewhere that if you can prove that your spouse was cheating on you in the divorce than you get better stuff, like full custody of the kids and the house, then you would otherwise. so yeah, i think OP has a pretty good chance of getting off better in the divorce.
Story 4: I'm not one to just s**t on family tradition, but if OP doesn't want to be a SAHW/SAHM, then that's the end, even if it fails the test. OP shouldn't have to compromise something as large as a career And I bet you if OP were to suggest a husband equivalent of the "Old-Fashioned Wife" test, the family would go bonkers, ironically complaining about being judged.
I fully agree she shouldn't have to do anything she doesn't want to she shouldn't give up here careese and the test should go both ways but if you love someone wouldn't you want to respect their culture and traditions even if she doesn't become a SAHW its showing you are trying to incorporate them into your own culture and life because you love their son
Love that OP in the first story tells the kids to go to their room before blowing up on her husband. They've heard enough stuff by that stage. And whatever stress he was going through at work, doesn't give him the right to be pissy at other people, especially his own family. What a piece of work, and frankly that woman he shacked up with sounded like a good match for him anyway.
Story 3: wtf is the wife on? I would have been tempted to slap her the moment she called my side of the family ugly seriously this is not going to help your daughter's self confidence. Also depression isn't a excuse for this behaviour I had depression for so many years and not once did I ever tell a baby to get plastic surgery
The disorder she has wouldn’t even cause this 😂😂 that’s what I find insane ppd won’t cause this, I’m a psych major I learned about all these disorders it’ll make her irritated but I don’t see that as a reason to insult the baby I think more so her getting irritable with her husband, and withdrawn but not this
@@Atlobsessed14 apparently her mother used to say such things to her too. also, women do have it hard, what with all the stupid beauty standards and all, but yeah, that isn't an excuse. i think the ppd and her general anxiety and the trauma from her own mother is making her say these things. i hope with therapy that she becomes better. i'm happy that OP has his head on straight though.
@@abiean222 I think it’s more of the trauma, PPD and General anxiety wouldn’t really cause this, at least not with what I have learned and my own research. I’m not a professional just yet, but it’s generational trauma for sure and she needs therapy
The chicken alfredo story- I kinda figured something was up when he suddenly decided to say she was a crappy Mom and complain about something he normally does (his laundry). It sounded like someone was telling him that he shouldn't have to do it himself. When she mentioned he was staying out later it all fell into place. I think it's really messed up he didn't even answer her when she was calling. They have kids and it could have been something to do with them. I think Op was smart in getting rid of him. I think most would try to work it out considering they had children together but if her instinct was to get a divorce I'm glad she did. Also, what was up with him trying to claim the house her parents paid for? I kinda wonder if he gave his mistress the impression that it was his house and she found out that it wasn't when he had to come live with her. Lol
Story1 I'm betting the chick he cheated with was saying things like "I would *never* let you do your own laundry" & "you shouldnt have to do [fill in the blank], that's HER job" Heads up to any guys who might fall for it, yes, she would. Just as soon as she thinks she has you, she will either move on to a more challenging prospect or start doing to very things she said she never would. Why? Because anyone who would have an affair with a married person is a liar. They lie and cheat. Why would they change for you?
There's an update to the last story where OP tells that comment to her fiance. The fiance is furious about it. He then goes on to say that the youngest SIL was against the test too but is now the perfect SIL. To me, the fact he said she was the perfect wife as a SAHM despite claiming it's not what he wants for OP is the mask slipping. It's him revealing what he wanted to happen post marriage. Glad OP got out of that
Story 4: I would also add a test for the mother in law on whether or not they are able to show fairness to children from different families. And better yet, this test is always on going. One slip up and bye bye visiting privileges. You do get a retake each holiday, so you better keep your game up.
Updated on the last story: she broke up with him. Seeing the everyone was on her side, he posted his side on reddit. Of course, he got chewed out so he deleted it. OP dad suggested that the ex and the men in his family should be "tested" too. Uno reverse card😂. The ex says it's not the same (of course it isn't because he's sexist) and let it slip in his rant the his SIL didn't agree to the test. But look, she's the perfect housewife🙄.
What stops it from being both? I even read a children's book where a child was being horribly abused by her mother and it started out with her having post-natal depression. The poor girl was abused for six years in front of her father who did nothing, and when she tried to speak out, her mother explained it away and then threatened to cut her daughter's tongue out if she ever told anyone else. This wasn't a true story, but it's pretty accurate to abuse in real life. The book came out in December of 2004, with the target audience being ages 8-12. The author said that she meant to show the central family, a mother and five daughters with different dads is a very warm and loving family, while the little girl in the mock-Tudor house with the neat plaits and clean clothes comes from a very troubled background - apparently inspired when a politician criticized an earlier book the author had written partly because the two sisters in that also had different fathers (that book also had unintentional child abuse, mainly parentification because of the mother's refusal to be treated for her psychiatric condition).
God, I have anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD from parenthood abuse and I would NEVER even think about insulting a child's appearance, especially my own baby. And doing so by comparing it to my partner and their family? Absolutely NEVER.
Story 2: OP is not the butthole. Her sister insisted the pregnancy announcement at the wedding was okay. OP wasn't going to randomly tell everyone. She didn't even tell everyone. Just her parent's privately. My guess is the sister wanted all the attention because she was getting married.
Sis is a complete AH. OP did not "announce" her pregnancy. She just told her parents in confidence. Big difference. I'd give Sis three buttholes, OP gets none.
Second story, I can't blame OP for not waiting any longer because of how her sister lied and tricked while also dealing with an especially bad time with her pregnancy. But she did so it in an incredibly tasteful manner by just making it a very private affair then giving her sister's marriage time to get attention after the fact. There's definitely something wrong with the sister though. By the time of that post it'd been about seven months since her marriage and she's so firm on NC that she's even willing to ignore her new nephew?
Story 1: Dude, just because you're stressed out doesn't give you the green light to be an AH to your own wife, especially if it's chicken Alfredo of all things! Now that's a massive red flag. And he cheated on OP? That's a loud, red alarm on his head. NTA, you deserve better.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 the husband literally b*tched and moaned throughout the whole dinner and called his own wife and embarrassment over CHICKEN ALFREDO. He started it bro, OP was being super patient with him.
11:10 Dude, that diagnosis isn’t an excuse. It’s a metric you can use to tell when she’s safe to be around again. Until she gets an all clear from a doctor, she WILL continue abusing your daighter.
Story 1: sorry for everything you're going through, and I hope you get everything together. For what it's worth I'm certain your life's going to get a whole lot better wear that piece of crap in your life.
Story 3: I haven’t even finished the story and we’ve reached divorce worthy imo. Not only is she verbally abusing her daughter, but she’s putting OP down to do it! She’s *explicitly* stating that the connections between OP’s daughter and OP are bad, while talking up her and her own family. She’s revealing her true colors, as someone who doesn’t really love OP.
Story 1: You deserve better babe. Story 2: It's not like you made anything about you. You quietly took your parents aside after your sister betrayed you. Yeah you could've done it next day, but your sister screwed you over. Story 3: Your wife needs therapy. Like, legitimately. She's pushing all this abusive hurtful stuff onto a 3 week old, thats not good. Story 4: His family sound like they're from the 1800's
Story 4 update: she broke up with him. She showed her post (seeing everyone was on her side) and posted his side. After being chewed out, he deleted. OP's dad suggest that the ex and the men and his family should be "tested" too. An uno reverse card😂. According to the ex, it's different (of course it is because he's sexist) and in his rant, he let it slip that his SIL didn't agree on the test. But hey, she's the perfect wife now 🙄
Story 3: mother is 100% the asshole. What kind of mother insults her own child?! If she continues this kind of treatment, I worry for the child's mental health, which will no doubt be attributed to her physical appearance. Also, why are people hating on hooked noses?! I genuinely don't care either way with noses, but I've always found hooked noses to be extremely unique and eye catching!
Racism... The aquiline nose aka hooked nose is most commonly accosiated with Jews~ And while it's "publicly racist" to attack Jews, and to say that all jews have hooked noses. Attacking hooked noses, without mentioning race, is considered publicly viable and not racist! Thus woke antisemites will just complain about hooked noses explicitely... 'cause this is what happens when you simply censor racism instead of fighting it. The people will hate just as much, it just becomes more complicated to know their targets.
1st Story: As soon as your spouse is coming come later than usual without a notice it's from work (or proof for that matter that it's about work), ontop of becoming suddenly distant and generally rude like that, that can be an immediate worry, glad OP is getting out and doing all she can for her kids. 2nd Story: Like it was said, OP didn't grab a mic and announce it publicly until AFTER the wedding online, she and her husband told her parents PRIVATELY... The sister is clearly on some sort of entitled bridal trip and I fear her true colours are starting to show after all these years to OP... 3rd Story: The wife needs serious help for her postpartum, but something tells me it's more than that if she's beginning to project onto her 3 week old daughter like that, clearly infront of the old-enough-to-hear son and clearly-old-enough-to-understand husband. I hope OP begins thinking about his relationship if this may be how his wife has always felt about him... 4th Story: Anytime I've seen stories where OP's partner's family offers some "test" for them, it's always an armada of red flags. I think in some updates OP ends up dumping him, which, good for OP.
My prediction before hearing the whole story: It sounds to me like the sister in story2 didn't want anyone to know op was pregnant and that's why she talked op into waiting until the wedding and then changing her mind. She probably assumed op wouldn't want to upset her or make a scene since they were so close. The sister absolutely used their relationship to control op and this probably wasn't the first time. After hearing the whole story: If I'm right, the sister won't forgive op. Instead, she will hold this over her head to keep op in line. If that is the case, the only thing op can do that won't end in her being her sister's forever sIave, is to continue to put her foot down and let the sister know that op has realized what their relationship has actually been for all these years and that it will not continue.
I was all ready to jump on OP in the pregnancy announcement story because you just don't do that at a wedding. But then when the details came out it was like, "oh, the sister asked her to do that" and then when the sister changed her mind, I was all "uhoh" but THEN OP only told her parents, privately, and didn't make a scene. 100% NOT the bad guy.
Story 2: NTA op you didn't make her wedding about your baby you just told your parents in serect, I mean yeah sure you could have waited but the sister is blowing this way out of purportian
6:58 if she didn’t notice before op’s father announced it, it didn’t matter. She should’ve said that she changed her opinion long before the wedding IF she actually changed her opinion. 11:17 Hurt! Hurt! She’s not hurt, she’s just a bully crying because she got called out for bullying 12:01 not basically. Just is
Story 1 : Stress from work doesn't give anyone cartblanche to treat their significant other like garbage.. NTA.. Update: yup he's a sleezball.. Update 2 : so he's a fake tough guy sleezball.. Op ex : " it's my home I am not leaving " Op calls her brother .. Op ex : "ok jeez I will leave".. what a pansy. . Story 2 : NTA.. The sister is incredibly selfish.. Op sister: " you made my wedding all about you Op : " nahhh you made my pregnancy all about you " Op sister :" you selfish B word".. Op why the hell did you Apologize to a backstabbing witch?? Story 3 : NTA..these things the wife is saying is subtle shots at you.. the wife is a jackal..No op this is not anxiety or depression.. I've had anxiety and depression I have never called someone ugly and never dumped on any of my children my problems.. The wife is a straight up punk who's using her sex as an excuse..The wife is conditioning the baby to verbally abuse her at 3 weeks old.. what a psychopath.. Story 4 : NTA.. What a ridiculous "tradition "..what is this family stuck in the 1930s?? Op should've gotten up and hugged the Sil before walking away from this trash family..
Man forgot the 80 - 20 rule. So focused on that 20 percent he was missing, that he missed the 80 he already had. Tbh it was more like 90, all he had to do was get his kids on the bus, clean up his own mess, and do his own laundry
I have to kind of love one detail in the first story. The fact that the affair partner started laughing at OP during the phone call. Means the affair partner likely has no interested in Dear Husband long term. So Dear Husband may soon have be without his wife and kids and without his fling.
That third story hurt; coming from some who was also hurt by my mothers comments, I could never sit and make hurtful comments like that to my baby. My husband sits and makes mean comments about how babies are ugly, and I just don't see that. When I finally get the opportunity to carry full term and become a mom, I will be extremely blessed and that baby would receive NO mean comments. Comments like that does not come from depression and anxiety, its entirely from the way she was raised. It's something that she needs to work on.
... My husband works 40 hrs a week & he doesn't do his own laundry or anything else. He does read to 1 of our sons & drops the other off at daycare. He used to help with projects around the house (replacing tile, putting in baseboard, cutting down trees) but he hasn't any of that for a year. He gets tired and ... I've tried to help & give him vacations bc I think he's depressed. It's impossible that he's cheating, he can't keep secrets & he seems too tired. He sleeps more & watches a lot of TV.
Story 3: NTA at all. In fact, yelling and berating the wife is the reality check she needed so badly. Depression and anxiety isn't an excuse to be an abusive mother. My own mother suffers from depression after my father passed from Covid and also has anxiety from my unemployment of 4 years (I'm not a lazy ass either, I apply to jobs and keep studying for certifications and I even published a fantasy novel in Amazon), yet when she starts being negligent to even herself I call her BS since it's humiliating that I have to be the parent of my own mother. If I ask "What's gonna be for lunch/dinner?" and she replies "I don't know" despite the fact that it's time to literally eat, I'll just say "F*ck this sh*" and I cook myself something. She had HOURS to just think what to cook and I WOULD EVEN HELP HER COOK, but no, she doesn't know. I won't expect anything from her, I won't trust her in my darkest time, I'll take care of myself since nobody is gonna do it, apparently. I won't care if she just eats some chips as lunch since she won't help at all, while I need to search for jobs and study for certifications and get better paid jobs. I simply can't trust her, at all.
Story 3; jeez that hit hard, I have very similar features to the daughter cause of my dad and I got picked on for it, even by my own mom (like why would you date someone you don't like the look of), the wife's probably gonna keep making those comments even when the daughters old enough to understand them and take em to heart. Wife's definitely the bad guy, she needs to work some things out with a therapist.
That manliness test at the end is actually a good idea. You should know how to do basic car maintenance, basic plumbing, and moving typical heavy home objects
@@gmann215 I don't expect my wife to rotate my tires, change my oil, or fix the garbage disposal. That's my job. I take care of the heavy lifting, the lawn, and all maintenance. She keeps the house tidy, cooks and cleans.
I really loved how OP's boyfriend in the last story really believed that she would post to reddit and that reddit would call her the AH. Just shows how convinced he was of the tradition being the right way of things.
There are really only two reasons for a husband to consistently come home later than usual. Best case; family life stress is simply getting to him and he is using extra spare time to cool off. More common worst case: well that has been established in the story. Aggressive self destructive behavior is a clear sign of the latter.
Being able to listen to Rslash every year on your birthday is so special and gives just another reason to celebrate! Thank you for making your awesome content :)
rSlash, I love how you seamlessly take written word and make it into spoken word, and do it really well. You and Redwheel are my favorite narrators of Reddit posts.
It's great how the family tradition isn't something fun, like "the wife gets taken on a girls night/vacation to get to know her", and is always "she's tested and valued solely on her abilities as a housewife, and must stay at home to be a homemaker for as long as she is part of our family". You just KNOW that is they do get married, OP will be back with another AITA for fighting with her in laws and "being selfish" or refusing to side with her husband when she was told to stop working and stay home all day.
The one about the 3 week old baby girl, it reminds me of something with my mum, she was told by my grandma when she was a teenager that she would pay for her to have a nose job, something my mum never before even thought about, never had an issue with her nose, and would always say her older sister was the pretty sister. My mum is now almost 70 years old, and does not like to look into mirrors if she doesn’t have to, which breaks my heart every day, and I try every time this conversation comes up to tell her she is beautiful, and that she has to look beautiful because I look just like her, which always makes her laugh and agree
I just want to know what’s the point of the “stay at home wife test” if she won’t be a stay at home wife. She doesn’t need to pass it if she has no intention of doing it. 😂 Its because they’ll then nag her INCESSANTLY after marriage if “how goooood she was at the test and how she should JUST try being a SAHW”
Lmfao the 3rd story’s comment 9:39 is literally said in every Middle Eastern/Arab family. It’s said so much that im desensitized to it but I would yell and cuss anyone who would drop those comments if a child was in the room. Example: I became an aunt recently and my sis commented on my niece’s nose (keep in mind that baby’s nose r small and hella cute) and I immediately told her “don’t fn say that sh1t about her and she’s perfect! And don’t pass ur image issues into this beautiful potato! SHE IS PERFECT!”. I went off on her even though it was said in a joking manner. I still won’t allow this sh1t ruin my niece’s life. Edited: I would like to add that being subjected to these comments constantly by my narcissistic mother fked me up that made me struggle with ed, depression, anxiety etc… it doesn’t effect me anymore but I will go ballistic if I heard someone dropping those comments around their kids or young relatives.
Wait for the next day? No. I would've gone with the OG deal and announced it to everyone at the wedding. The fact that she only quietly told her parents makes her more of a Saint than me.
Story 3: My mother once held my face in her hands and sighed. "Too much of your dad's side. What a shame you had to be homely" (southern for ugly but when you wanna be nice) I have literally never forgotten it...and she will die on the street for it (and the countless years of abuse) Also story 4? Sure. Let's see how your boy does against my dad's manliness tests. How is he at enduring live fire drills? My dad was a Marine after all. Can he wake and shoot an intruder accurately? Also...how can my dad trust this man with his daughter if he can't rebuild an engine, complete a flawless paint job, detect, and drill a well, and pass an investment skills test?
Oh hell no! There is nowhere in the vows that say, "Til Being a Maid us do part." They also don't say, "In sickness and in health and being the perfect maid!!" This is just disgusting behavior.. If you don't want to be married, don't cheat! Do not do your children that way AT THE LEAST! Do not leave that house.. Take the kids to their Uncles and tell him it's time for him to go!! File for divorce and follow what the lawyer says... I do NOT do cheaters, PERIOD! The pain caused by it has always made me never want to do it even if I didn't want to be with that person... Never CHEAT!! LEAVE! Happy Sunday R-SLASHERS!! ❤
I believe that last story had a comment or an update or something from the OP where she said she proposed that her BF take a "husband test," and he got all bent out of shape about it and said it was stupid, that OP's family didn't have that as a tradition and that OP was only suggesting it to be retaliatory about their "fun tradition." In other words, OP was about to marry someone who can dish it out but can't take it. They broke up. Surprise, surprise.
A note to women who think it's cute to laugh at the wife of the man you're cheating with: don't make the mistake of thinking all wives are pushovers and will just cry like a little btch. You might just get your laughing mouth busted up and that face you're so proud of rearranged for you. I know a chick who made that mistake and my friend did just that. When the bandages finally came off, the chick looked more like a bag of mismatched spare parts leftover from making the original. Don't chance it, keep your hands off other women's men and if you do make that mistake, at least do yourself the favor of keeping your mouth shut and don't taunt the wife. You never know who you're fkng with.
Last story: I've read about the updates, but what gets me about the initial story here is the BF told OP "it's just a test" and "it's not like they would reject (you) if (you) failed it." Sure they wouldn't. Oh, they'd probably let OP marry into the family... But you know they'd never let her live it down. You KNOW this is exactly the kind of family that would bring it up all the time. You KNOW they'd pick and poke at her and her career and bring it up every single visit. This is the kind of family that would tsk-tsk OP for having a Roomba, or pester OP to quit her career to be "a better mom." Nobody likes relationship tests for a reason. I'm glad to know OP broke it off. I hope he never finds happiness until he gives up this nonsense.
If WifeTest BF legitimately thought it was just a Silly Fun Tradition That Didn't Really Matter to Him, then he should have warned OP that his family would ask and helped her come up with fun quippy answers to the usual tests so she could hold her own and not be at a total disadvantage. He was looking forward to having her failure at this as leverage in the relationship.
the first story had my heartbreaking, thinking this guy slipped into major depression from 60-80hr burnout weeks and that OP was about to go in judging him….. and then the ‘coming home hours later than usual’ came and obliterated that line of thinking, the sh*tty wife comment was the bomb on top!
Story 2: I get that the sister didn't want any attention for the time leading up to the wedding to be diverting from her, but leading someone on like that is just bad (at least to me). She could've just said "Can you wait until the day after my wedding?" or something. At least OP just told her parents and not the entire building
Dabney, story 2, OP had a tough first few months of pregnancy with VERY LITTLE SUPPORT and all because of a longcon of whether or not (obvious that it didn't happen) there will be an announcement. Pregnancy is terrifying and I've never been pregnant. What the sister did was extremely selfish and OP privately told her parents. Nothing more. She didn't even know the parents knew until a week later when the father slipped. Op did her best to be supportive. 100% NTA, what OP did was nothing compared to what the sister did. OP did took "the high road" Hhhh I am a but heated because I hate when people say "take the high road" when it means, "Let the victim suffer in silence a bit longer for the asshole to get her way"
Last story, I was waiting for OP to mention that part of the test is to make sure that she's still a virgin by being allowed to "poke around in there." Yeah, screw that... no pun intended.
Story 4: ah yes, the long and fun family tradition of *misogyny* and telling a woman she's not good enough (extra perks since it's other women telling you this for extra spice)
As someone who got her dad's big nose, we've definitely joked about it but we didn't joke about it until I was old enough to laugh too, and not in a way that insulted my dad. I just used to look a little goofy in pictures until the rest of my face grew into my nose lol I honestly like that I have his nose, it's cool when you can recognize your parents features in your face.
My wife and I found out 2-3 days before my sister's wedding. My Dad read it off me as soon as he saw me there (we live in different states). So, I had to tell my sister as well. She was super happy to be an aunt and then found out a month later that she was having one of her own. So, I mean, I see where both sides are coming from. I felt really shitty because we were planning to tell my Dad like 2-3 days later in our visit.
Story 3: I think that 1 your wife might need to go to therapy and counseling or couples therapy because it obviously has an effect on her and the best way to get through that is to get the proper help. Now I don’t think it’s good to let these kinds of things just fester so I do think you need to talk about it and discuss it with her, as a couple, but I don’t really think your the bad guy. The wife however insulting a baby I’d give 1 or 2 out of 5 bad guys.
S1) Don't worry about how the trash has taken itself out OP. Get the parenting app. She won't be laughing once she becomes the one he cheats on. S2) Your sister is the kind of person who needs to be the center of attention. Knowing you were pregnant she felt it would take away from her wedding day if you told your family then and there. So she plotted to string you along until the day of where she pulled the rug out from under you. You didn't make a huge announcement to everyone and their grandma. You did your announcement in private with your parents only. Let her have her temper tantrum. She needs to learn not everythings about her. S3) Your wife either gets herself into therapy or you divorce her and go for full custody for both kids. She needs professional help with this especially if she dealt with it growing up. This is not okay behavior and needs to be nipped in the bud. If she doesn't do therapy or doubles down you really need to leave this relationship with the kids. If you've documented every time she said these thing and how often it'll help with a court case if you have to go that route. Be honest with her. Let her know her comment not only shows how toxic she is about her up bringing but how she sees you. As someone not worthy of her or of being loved. Seriously OP really rethink staying in this if she doesn't get help. S4) Yeah I heard this one. He couldn't deal with it being turned back on him so she dumped him. If someone wants to test you its over. If they haven't seen your worth by the time the talks of marriage has come around odds are they never will. It also goes along the lines of if the treat you as less than. That's a deal breaker regardless of who does it.
Thanks for the stories, they made me feel better. Yay out the hospital! I drove the nurses crazy listening to the stories but before I left they were asking what channel I was listening to. You might have more fans! Woot! Story #1: NEVER raise a grown man! If you do, except to be treated like a maid...and we all know how maids are treated. Why have another "child" in the home? That was the first 🛑, second: ignoring his duties as a father. OP did the right thing! Story #2: Op's sister is an attention hog. There was no real reason to wait to announce the pregnancy, sis used her wedding as an excuse so she could basically make the entire year about herself and never intended to include her sister. even when she agreed to do so, it wasn't about OP but herself, to bring more attention to herself. Screw her! So selfish! OP has the right to announce her pregnancy any time she wishes and she chose to please her sister by waiting. THEN she refuses to see the baby because she is holding these non-existent hurt feelings against OP. I say: Good riddance! Who needs that kind of crap in their lives? At least she knows how her sister truly feels and how her sister truly is but I bet when the sister has a baby she will expect OP to come running or to be a free babysitter under the guise of "You ruined my wedding, you owe me." Story#3: Ops wife needs therapy. I had post par but I never made mean comments about my kid! She's literally devaluing her kid and NO depression and post par are NOT an excuse for what she is doing. Yelling is harsh but sometimes it's needed. Story #4: GREAT on OP for standing up for herself and by refusing a toxic tradition. His family are instantly jealous that OP has a career and refuses the "old" traditions which include surpression of women. Op's bf is brainwashed and there are TONS of red flags. I say: HOLD OFF the engagement and living together. His behavior will only show more sides of his toxic family.
Update on last story: OP's family suggested a similar test, and her bf blew up. He said it wasn't the same and thought it was ridiculous since it was more spur of the moment and his was a "Family Tradition". In his tirade, it came out "that his youngest SIL didn't want to do the test either but look at her, the perfect wife." (Again, it's just a family tradition, not cultural) They're taking a break right now, but I'd recommend she break it off.
The sister didn't even know she told anyone until a week after the wedding. OP did take the high road. She didn't grab the mic and make an announcement. She quietly told her PARENTS who told no one else. The sister is mad because she didn't get her way.
*“That I’ve just been letting the whole family go to shit and I should be ashamed of myself for treating him and his children like that. Called me a bad wife and mother…” Gather round children, come come, and say it with me now: **Every Accusation Is A Confession**
imagine that as a mother and wife you're calling your own kid ugly, probably going to give them an eating disorder or something and calling your husband, and his entire family ugly in the same breath.
That last story is also kinda like r/maliciouscompliance because the boyfriend said "I think you're the asshole, so I recommend you to post on AITA" well well, how ironic XD
I would love to take the manly test, but only if they taught me what i was clearly lacking afterwards. If its just to make fun of me for my lack of plumbing skills then im good 😂😂
For the baby announcement story. How do you claim that someone stole attention from you, when you didn't notice and found out when told weeks later? "You ruined my wedding even though your actions had no impact on it."🤣
Story 3: yikes. I'm worried about if those comments continue even for a few months. Apparently babies comprehend, on some level, the words that people say to them a *lot* earlier than a lot of people realize, and even if the actual memories don't stick around, the insecurities do. For example, I was a fat baby, my hands would literally turn blue if I turned them the wrong way because the wrist fat cut off their circulation, so I guess I understand why my mom thought it was kinda funny in that it was so ridiculous, and would joke about it. She had stopped saying anything about it by the time I was about half a year old, so well before I had learned to talk. But apparently one of the very first things I said to my mom was "Don't call me fat," soooo I guess I held onto that, lol. And I only know the details because I was told, I don't consciously remember any of that, but it sure as heck explains my lifelong insecurity about weight even though I've always been relatively thin since then. My mom didn't have any malicious intent and realized her big whoops when she found out later on that I'd actually understood any of that, but it just goes to show that it's never a good idea to make those kinds of comments to kids, even babies, even if you think they can't understand you. geez.
Story four is a classic case of sexism and misogyny, in their eyes women shouldn’t get a job and should be a “stay at home wife” while the husband basically controls everything.
LAST STORY HAS AN UPDATE. She broke up with him.
She showed her post to her bf and how bad it was assholed.
He didnt like it so he made one. It got severely bad so he deleted it.
Her family heard what his family was trying to do and tried to impose the same tradition but backwards. He said it was ridiculous.
In the end, she dumped him.
I need to go find this update! What a crazy family.
Fantastic 🎉 good for her.
I wonder what the ex boyfriend’s deleted post looked like.
I knew dude was lying about the 'harmless fun' BS. If it was so innocent... why didn't he tell her about it before?
"He said it was ridiculous" Summarizes how far up he is in his butt he is with that.
The wedding and the pregnancy announcement story: what op did was quietly tell her parents that she was pregnant. She did absolutely nothing to ruin her sisters big day. The sister is trying to take the future and put it in the past so she feels vindicated, and she is absolutely the butthole cause she’s twisting the events to be worse than it actually was.
Exactly. OP didn't make the wedding about herself. The sister made OP's pregnancy about her.
If it had ruined the wedding, don't you think the bride would have noticed it at the wedding, not one week later.
The entire time RSlash is saying he would have told his parents the next day I was rolling my eyes. I don't think anyone would have been level headed when pregnant enough to wait till the next day. I also kept repeating "fuck that bitch" because honestly, if my sibling did that, they'd be no sibling of mine. Making me suffer with the help of no one who's actually done that shit before? For what was it? 3? Or 4 months? Yeah fuck that bitch.
Jerk move. But OP isn’t the jerk because the pregnancy hormones are probably making petty.
OP was far more graceful than I would have ever been. I would grabbed the mic and ruined the entire wedding for making me suffer and without support from my mother for months!
The minute you cheat on me, you become expendable and replaceable in my eyes. I’m not gonna waste tears on somebody who decided I’m not enough for them, that our family is not enough for them.
He don’t need to be around you but dont you ever bring your children into the situation to petty all your doing is fuking up them kids and that would be your fault alone
Same. Cheaters aren't worth the effort.
I like to think staying with a cheater, is like rereading a book. You know how it ends.
@@ashtonfetnetboy5135 The second a parent cheats on their partner, they bring their children into a bad situation regardless.
@@OutlasterTwink ok then why is justified to make is worse by not allowing children to have both parents
Story 2: That sister took away support from you by not allowing you to tell your parents.. She NEVER intended on letting you announce! She wanted ALL the spotlight on her that entire time.. She didn't even know you told your parents at all so her freaking wedding wasn't destroyed... You have ZERO reason to apologize.. What she did was ridiculous so stop feeling bad about it! The sister made it all about her and lead you on out of selfishness! Nta 1000%
Glad to see other people point this out. The first trimester of her first pregnancy, with morning sickness, endured without the support she needed because of a lie. And the sister has the nerve to pull that narcissistic silent treatment crap after doing that to her. Just selfishness on the part of that bridezilla.
Yeah, I completely disagree with RSlash's verdict on this one. The sister acted completely selfish and manipulative then had the gall to act like the victim because OP went ahead with the plan in the least intrusive way she possibly could. NTA on OP and 3/5 on the Sister imo.
@@CouchSpud91 Right!? R/SLASH 1.5 rating was WAAAAY too low...
As a mom recovering from a parent with narcissistic traits, I APPLAUD OP for checking his wife. I am going to therapy for this and I CRINGE when I think of some of the things I've said to my boys.😢
I'm glad you're getting the help you need. That's the start of being a good role model for your boys
Story 3: NTA. She needs this wake up call she's projecting onto her child she needs help! The fact that she even says this and tells this to her child is disgusting! She slandered bro whole family
yeah, sometimes you need to say something like that to get through to someone. i hope that she gets therapy and does better. i really hope that that was the post-partum depression talking and not her real self
The way he described his daughter honestly just sounds like a regular cute baby. Esp the widow’s peak I think those are cool
He's actually being very cruel to her husband as well. What a way to make him feel unattractive!
She does need a wake-up call.
When my second kid was born (I'd say when she reached about 18 months -- my older daughter was about 4yo), my wife started to "compare" them to each other -- talking about how good the other one was to each kid. Not to the kid themselves... but basically telling Kid A how great Kid B was and vice versa.
I asked her "What are you doing? This 'playing the kids off of each other' is the same shit your mom did to you and your sisters and your sister did to her kids. It's why you and your sisters rarely get along, and why our niece and nephew hate each other. Do you want that to happen here?"
She was doing it because that's how she'd been brought up, and was doing it out of force of habit. Thankfully she looked at what she was doing, and stopped almost immediately (there were a couple more minor incidents like that, but they were few and far between -- and if she didn't catch herself, I did, so it was _very_ seldom)
My kids, now 16 and 19, get along great. They enjoy spending time together. And my wife thanks me for stopping that to this day (seeing how many other siblings absolutely hate each other)
I doubt that OP's wife is doing it consciously, but she needs a wake-up call to be stopped -- even if that wake-up call is yelling. Hopefully she listens and makes changes.
@@shanelbryant5638 she’s 21 days old 😭😭 idk but to me all babies look a little weird at first lol
Story 2: op DID take the high road tho. She could've easily grabbed a mic and announced it to the entire building or even decided to go on social media and make the status update in the middle of the celebration. But she didn't. She just took her parents aside, told them privately and told them to keep it private. So she really didn't steal focus off her sister like she's claiming she is
After being lied to, that would have been very tempting since that was, effectively, what was promised
OP's sister lowkey sounds like a narcissist. she won't even go see her nephew over this.
@abiean222 not lowkey lol
2nd OP's sister is a b!tch for what she did.
I am COMPLETELY against taking the high rode with these types of people. Take the low road EVERY TIME and ruin the moment they fucked you over to have.
With the last story you missed the epic update. The OP told her family and they went with the “husband test” with her family because they thought it was ridiculous. Her boyfriend went to AITA and got ROASTED and dirty deleted the story.
They broke up and a lot of people felt that while he ways saying he would support her working, that he most certainly wanted her to take a stay at home role as soon as they got married.
Bullet dodged.
Yeah, we've also seen those stories. Where the couple agree on SAHM or not before the first kid is born. THEN as soon as the kid is born, one of them wants to flip the script. Not sure why people think this stuff will end well...
@@fdm2155 idk, its almost as if these guys don't think of women as people
Link?
If she is as feckless and lazy about housework as she says she is, who really dodged the bullet here? I say he did, and good riddance. All he needs to do is check her living standards before they move in together. Guaranteed, it's atrocious.
I think in a modern marriage there should be no wifes/husbands work(well, for obvious reasons its only pregnancy and breast feeding a man can't do!) All things should be divided equally. Everybody is able to learn how to clean, cook, renovate a house or repair a car!
For me there is no thing as a mans/womans work, just work that has to be done!
Story 2: I thought the same thing R/, the sister didn't say anything until OP brought it up, halfway through the wedding reception. My guess is she wasn't planning on telling her. Since you didn't actually take over her wedding like she claimed because Dad had to tell her when he found out she has no reason to be mad, but you do. You needed some advice from your mom and you couldn't get it for her sake, pulls the rug right out from under you, then punishes you for having a quiet moment at your wedding even though she didn't even notice. Stop apologizing.
Story 3: this sounds like generational trauma, and it's better to stop this now before she can understand and before this gets drilled into your son's head too. Wherever she going through is no excuse for inflicting pain that she herself went through on her baby that's not even the month old yet. Get a diagnosis and take her to a therapist, but it is good that you are setting a president that you will not tolerate her giving your daughter insecurities about her looks. And her indirect diggs you and your family would just cruel, and you should address that too.
This. All of this.
Well said. This could be a turning point if it's handled well and if she's open to change. He really needs to go back and say he doesn't hate her but he can't let his children be brought up in a toxic environment and it has to be addressed now.
She absolutely needs to get therapy before it gets to the point where her daughter needs it. My mum used to make the exact same comments about my lips being small and getting a bit of lip filler and it's so damaging
Last story had an update, turns out the boyfriend made his own post and was very quickly voted YTA. OPs family also thought it be funny to test the boyfriend, to which the boyfriend got really angry and let it slip that he did, in fact, want OP to be a housewife. They aren't together anymore. 😊
Good riddance!
Bullet dodged. Funny that even after his own post he seems to lack introspection.
Story 1 is actually a really good display of cheating red flags.
1. Suddenly coming home much later and with minimal or no warning and without discussing why beyond dismissive answers like "work...". Most partners if they're having to suddenly do overtime will be more open about it with venting. Like "Ugh, remember that new guy I told you about that I didn't think would last? Yeah, he just quit! Now I gotta stay late until they get a replacement!"
2. Becoming distant and uninvolved with the family and home. Again, most partners when becoming distant due to stress still give more to go off of even if they aren't the emotional type. They'll look tired, look down, express ticks like sighing or fidgeting, all sorts of different body language and subconscious expressions to say "I'm overwhelmed". Not just go cold and angry.
3. Last is the projection of guilt. How he specifically attacked her ability to be a wife and mother. People snap at each other when stressed and angry, that's normal but you usually go after things like annoying quirks and behaviors or something they said last week. Specifically targeting her for not being an "adequate" wife? This is guilt projecting, he feels guilty for cheating and is projecting it onto his wife to try and justify it to himself. "It's not MY fault for cheating, it's her fault for not being good enough! If she cooked better or cleaned more or looked more sexy then I wouldn't have cheated!"
Wedding story: You're right. The sister plays a dirty game. Made you go though the first trimesters alone with your husband. Also, she can have her pretty princess day and be the center of attention. Not just that day but for the 3 months leading up to it. You did not make her wedding about you by pulling your parents aside privately so much so that she didn't even realize till three weeks later that you had brought up your pregnancy during her wedding. Plus she's the one that changed the plan at the very last minute. What really happened was that she made your pregnancy all about her. Stop calling, stop apologizing. She doesn't want to meet her niece or nephew can't remember which one that's on her. I wouldn't let her back in your life without an apology. For how terrible she treats you and then for trying to play victim.
OP has already given birth and her sister won't go see him over this BS, i think that the sister might be a narcissist
Yep. Also the butthole score was way short. This is a. 3/5 * not 1.5. The sister royally sucks.
Absolutely agreed. To hell with her.
She's likely enjoying the attention she's getting from OP and the stress it's causing, viewing it as OP's punishment. You're right, stop calling, stop apologizing, and watch her start to lose it as a result.
@@black1917 This really has a lot of narcissism flags. From the manipulation to get all the spotlight down to the silent treatment. They need to stop feeding the beast.
UPDATE: AITA for refusing to honour my boyfriend’s family’s tradition?
"Several things have happened since my post and I received requests for an update so here it is. This will be my only update. I got a lot of insight from the votes and comments in my original post and I would like to thank you all for that.
I showed my bf the responses and judgment on the original post. Most of you felt I was NTA and like you would guess, he was upset by this judgment. He tried to make his own post but was TA-ed so badly he deleted it in less than an hour.
Anyway, I talked to my family and told them about the test. Yesterday they called us home for dinner and told him they would let me take his family's test if he let my dad and male cousins put him through a similar test. He blew up about how ridiculous it is because it's a family tradition for his family but for mine it's something we came up with at random.
He ended up saying it's okay if I don't do the test but my parents and I were being childish. he let slip mid-argument that his youngest SIL didn't want to do the test either but look at her, the perfect wife. He said a lot of things but long story short, he is still supportive of whatever I want to do with my life after marriage but his family will never think the same way.
However, I was starting to see a pattern so I asked to take a break. It was great while it lasted.
It's not a fun or cute update but there you go. Time for me to binge-watch heartbreaking movies with a giant tub of ice cream.
Once again, thank you for the comments and judgment."
This shows just how unreasonable, unhinged and misogynistic he and his family "traditions" are. SiL was probably bullied to the point of breaking (straight up abuse), that's why "she had no problem with it" because she was treated like a slave not an equal partner.
I need to hear an update with the sister in law. I want to know how she’s doing.
THANK YOU!!!!
It's heartbreak now, but in time she will realize she dodged a major bullet. Thanks for sharing the update!
Story 3: my mom abused me mentally and physically. I would be HORRIFIED if I did the same thing to my future kids. She is doing the exact same thing she claims her mother did. She needed to be called out, she needs help because that is so foul.
Same for me, and that's what made me a better parent. Sometimes if my son had done something that had made me feel really mad I'd stop and think "What would my mother do", and that would be enough to calm me into reasonableness and I'd invariably do the opposite of what she'd do.
It's really not hard not to be cruel.
My parents got drunk a lot when I was a kid and my mom would say some horrible things about my body (that today I'm still dealing with) and I refuse to drink while my stepdaughter is around, not that I think she has body flaws, she's awesome just as she is and I'll punch out anyone's lights out that try to bring her down. I just don't want her to deal with what I had to deal with...
4th story had an update:
Op and his family made the same deal, that Fiancé has to do so manly chores to see if he's fit for the family, he got pissed and didn't want to because it's not the same. He made a reddit pose but he deleted it because he was votes the AH. He also revealed that he actually wanted OP to be a housewife They broke up at the end.
good for OP, she dodged a bullet there.
I need to read his post 😂
Story 1: I hope OP takes her ex to the cleaners in the Divorce.
Story 2: NTA. I agree with RSlash, OP sister wanted all the attention and didnt want OP pregnancy to take away her "thunder"
Story 3: WTF is wrong with OP wife???
Story 4: OP, RUN!!!
Story 4: Run, indeed. It was mentioned in an update that one of the SILs initially refused to do the test, but after doing so (likely due to being coerced somehow) wound up becoming a "perfect housewife." This "test" is nothing more than some sort of patriarchal power play, and OP was wise to dump her now ex-bf when he refused to stand up for her.
Any form of disability is NO EXCUSE for this kind of behavior! 😡
i heard somewhere that if you can prove that your spouse was cheating on you in the divorce than you get better stuff, like full custody of the kids and the house, then you would otherwise. so yeah, i think OP has a pretty good chance of getting off better in the divorce.
@@andredunbar3773 Thank you for the happy update
@@abiean222 That is going to depend on what country you're in and what the laws are. Most civilised countries have no fault divorce.
Story 4: I'm not one to just s**t on family tradition, but if OP doesn't want to be a SAHW/SAHM, then that's the end, even if it fails the test. OP shouldn't have to compromise something as large as a career
And I bet you if OP were to suggest a husband equivalent of the "Old-Fashioned Wife" test, the family would go bonkers, ironically complaining about being judged.
There were updates to the post. Ultimately, they broke.
@@andredunbar3773 good for OP
Of course ex-fiance saw no problem with this idiotic "test", as the guys don't have to do the same. All fun&games when the onus is on someone else.
He claimed that he shouldn't do a test because for his family it's tradition, while for her family, they're just being retaliatory.
I fully agree she shouldn't have to do anything she doesn't want to she shouldn't give up here careese and the test should go both ways but if you love someone wouldn't you want to respect their culture and traditions even if she doesn't become a SAHW its showing you are trying to incorporate them into your own culture and life because you love their son
Love that OP in the first story tells the kids to go to their room before blowing up on her husband. They've heard enough stuff by that stage. And whatever stress he was going through at work, doesn't give him the right to be pissy at other people, especially his own family. What a piece of work, and frankly that woman he shacked up with sounded like a good match for him anyway.
Story 3: wtf is the wife on? I would have been tempted to slap her the moment she called my side of the family ugly seriously this is not going to help your daughter's self confidence. Also depression isn't a excuse for this behaviour I had depression for so many years and not once did I ever tell a baby to get plastic surgery
Any form of disability is NO EXCUSE for this kind of behavior! 😡
The disorder she has wouldn’t even cause this 😂😂 that’s what I find insane ppd won’t cause this, I’m a psych major I learned about all these disorders it’ll make her irritated but I don’t see that as a reason to insult the baby I think more so her getting irritable with her husband, and withdrawn but not this
i wish people would be required to get a psychological analysis before having kids. If its postpartum, she needs therapy.
@@Atlobsessed14 apparently her mother used to say such things to her too. also, women do have it hard, what with all the stupid beauty standards and all, but yeah, that isn't an excuse. i think the ppd and her general anxiety and the trauma from her own mother is making her say these things. i hope with therapy that she becomes better. i'm happy that OP has his head on straight though.
@@abiean222 I think it’s more of the trauma, PPD and General anxiety wouldn’t really cause this, at least not with what I have learned and my own research. I’m not a professional just yet, but it’s generational trauma for sure and she needs therapy
The chicken alfredo story- I kinda figured something was up when he suddenly decided to say she was a crappy Mom and complain about something he normally does (his laundry).
It sounded like someone was telling him that he shouldn't have to do it himself. When she mentioned he was staying out later it all fell into place. I think it's really messed up he didn't even answer her when she was calling. They have kids and it could have been something to do with them. I think Op was smart in getting rid of him. I think most would try to work it out considering they had children together but if her instinct was to get a divorce I'm glad she did.
Also, what was up with him trying to claim the house her parents paid for? I kinda wonder if he gave his mistress the impression that it was his house and she found out that it wasn't when he had to come live with her. Lol
Story1 I'm betting the chick he cheated with was saying things like "I would *never* let you do your own laundry" & "you shouldnt have to do [fill in the blank], that's HER job" Heads up to any guys who might fall for it, yes, she would. Just as soon as she thinks she has you, she will either move on to a more challenging prospect or start doing to very things she said she never would. Why? Because anyone who would have an affair with a married person is a liar. They lie and cheat. Why would they change for you?
There's an update to the last story where OP tells that comment to her fiance. The fiance is furious about it. He then goes on to say that the youngest SIL was against the test too but is now the perfect SIL. To me, the fact he said she was the perfect wife as a SAHM despite claiming it's not what he wants for OP is the mask slipping. It's him revealing what he wanted to happen post marriage. Glad OP got out of that
Story 4: I would also add a test for the mother in law on whether or not they are able to show fairness to children from different families. And better yet, this test is always on going. One slip up and bye bye visiting privileges. You do get a retake each holiday, so you better keep your game up.
Updated on the last story: she broke up with him. Seeing the everyone was on her side, he posted his side on reddit. Of course, he got chewed out so he deleted it. OP dad suggested that the ex and the men in his family should be "tested" too. Uno reverse card😂. The ex says it's not the same (of course it isn't because he's sexist) and let it slip in his rant the his SIL didn't agree to the test. But look, she's the perfect housewife🙄.
Last story: BF is a liar. No way he thought the 'test' was harmless fun. If he believed that, he wouldn't have hidden it from OP.
Story 3: That’s not PPD; that’s abuse.
What stops it from being both? I even read a children's book where a child was being horribly abused by her mother and it started out with her having post-natal depression. The poor girl was abused for six years in front of her father who did nothing, and when she tried to speak out, her mother explained it away and then threatened to cut her daughter's tongue out if she ever told anyone else. This wasn't a true story, but it's pretty accurate to abuse in real life. The book came out in December of 2004, with the target audience being ages 8-12. The author said that she meant to show the central family, a mother and five daughters with different dads is a very warm and loving family, while the little girl in the mock-Tudor house with the neat plaits and clean clothes comes from a very troubled background - apparently inspired when a politician criticized an earlier book the author had written partly because the two sisters in that also had different fathers (that book also had unintentional child abuse, mainly parentification because of the mother's refusal to be treated for her psychiatric condition).
Every time I see a story where someone spouse starts coming home later and later I just know it’s never gonna end well
God, I have anxiety, depression, and C-PTSD from parenthood abuse and I would NEVER even think about insulting a child's appearance, especially my own baby. And doing so by comparing it to my partner and their family? Absolutely NEVER.
Story 2: OP is not the butthole. Her sister insisted the pregnancy announcement at the wedding was okay. OP wasn't going to randomly tell everyone. She didn't even tell everyone. Just her parent's privately.
My guess is the sister wanted all the attention because she was getting married.
my guess is that the sister is a narcissist, after all, she won't go see her nephew over all this.
Sis is a complete AH. OP did not "announce" her pregnancy. She just told her parents in confidence. Big difference. I'd give Sis three buttholes, OP gets none.
Second story, I can't blame OP for not waiting any longer because of how her sister lied and tricked while also dealing with an especially bad time with her pregnancy. But she did so it in an incredibly tasteful manner by just making it a very private affair then giving her sister's marriage time to get attention after the fact. There's definitely something wrong with the sister though. By the time of that post it'd been about seven months since her marriage and she's so firm on NC that she's even willing to ignore her new nephew?
Yeah... Part of me wonders if she was always going to refuse to see him. Or she was always controlling and OP just never put it together
Story 1: Dude, just because you're stressed out doesn't give you the green light to be an AH to your own wife, especially if it's chicken Alfredo of all things! Now that's a massive red flag. And he cheated on OP? That's a loud, red alarm on his head. NTA, you deserve better.
OP didn’t start it, he did.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 they didn’t say it was OP’ started it.
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012 the husband literally b*tched and moaned throughout the whole dinner and called his own wife and embarrassment over CHICKEN ALFREDO. He started it bro, OP was being super patient with him.
11:10 Dude, that diagnosis isn’t an excuse. It’s a metric you can use to tell when she’s safe to be around again. Until she gets an all clear from a doctor, she WILL continue abusing your daighter.
Story 1: sorry for everything you're going through, and I hope you get everything together. For what it's worth I'm certain your life's going to get a whole lot better wear that piece of crap in your life.
god, i hate cheaters. they are the worst, there never is a reason to cheat.
Story 3: I haven’t even finished the story and we’ve reached divorce worthy imo.
Not only is she verbally abusing her daughter, but she’s putting OP down to do it! She’s *explicitly* stating that the connections between OP’s daughter and OP are bad, while talking up her and her own family.
She’s revealing her true colors, as someone who doesn’t really love OP.
I think at least some of her behaviour is the result of her post-partum depression, but overall you're not wrong. She's on thin ice.
Story 1: You deserve better babe.
Story 2: It's not like you made anything about you. You quietly took your parents aside after your sister betrayed you. Yeah you could've done it next day, but your sister screwed you over.
Story 3: Your wife needs therapy. Like, legitimately. She's pushing all this abusive hurtful stuff onto a 3 week old, thats not good.
Story 4: His family sound like they're from the 1800's
Story 3, she's also being very cruel to her husband.
Story 4 update: she broke up with him. She showed her post (seeing everyone was on her side) and posted his side. After being chewed out, he deleted. OP's dad suggest that the ex and the men and his family should be "tested" too. An uno reverse card😂. According to the ex, it's different (of course it is because he's sexist) and in his rant, he let it slip that his SIL didn't agree on the test. But hey, she's the perfect wife now 🙄
Story 3: mother is 100% the asshole. What kind of mother insults her own child?! If she continues this kind of treatment, I worry for the child's mental health, which will no doubt be attributed to her physical appearance. Also, why are people hating on hooked noses?! I genuinely don't care either way with noses, but I've always found hooked noses to be extremely unique and eye catching!
Racism...
The aquiline nose aka hooked nose is most commonly accosiated with Jews~
And while it's "publicly racist" to attack Jews, and to say that all jews have hooked noses.
Attacking hooked noses, without mentioning race, is considered publicly viable and not racist!
Thus woke antisemites will just complain about hooked noses explicitely...
'cause this is what happens when you simply censor racism instead of fighting it.
The people will hate just as much, it just becomes more complicated to know their targets.
1st Story: As soon as your spouse is coming come later than usual without a notice it's from work (or proof for that matter that it's about work), ontop of becoming suddenly distant and generally rude like that, that can be an immediate worry, glad OP is getting out and doing all she can for her kids.
2nd Story: Like it was said, OP didn't grab a mic and announce it publicly until AFTER the wedding online, she and her husband told her parents PRIVATELY... The sister is clearly on some sort of entitled bridal trip and I fear her true colours are starting to show after all these years to OP...
3rd Story: The wife needs serious help for her postpartum, but something tells me it's more than that if she's beginning to project onto her 3 week old daughter like that, clearly infront of the old-enough-to-hear son and clearly-old-enough-to-understand husband. I hope OP begins thinking about his relationship if this may be how his wife has always felt about him...
4th Story: Anytime I've seen stories where OP's partner's family offers some "test" for them, it's always an armada of red flags. I think in some updates OP ends up dumping him, which, good for OP.
My prediction before hearing the whole story: It sounds to me like the sister in story2 didn't want anyone to know op was pregnant and that's why she talked op into waiting until the wedding and then changing her mind. She probably assumed op wouldn't want to upset her or make a scene since they were so close. The sister absolutely used their relationship to control op and this probably wasn't the first time.
After hearing the whole story: If I'm right, the sister won't forgive op. Instead, she will hold this over her head to keep op in line. If that is the case, the only thing op can do that won't end in her being her sister's forever sIave, is to continue to put her foot down and let the sister know that op has realized what their relationship has actually been for all these years and that it will not continue.
Who knows, maybe the husband hates chicken Alfredo because OP is secretly the lady with the rancid food.
I was all ready to jump on OP in the pregnancy announcement story because you just don't do that at a wedding. But then when the details came out it was like, "oh, the sister asked her to do that" and then when the sister changed her mind, I was all "uhoh" but THEN OP only told her parents, privately, and didn't make a scene. 100% NOT the bad guy.
Story 2: NTA op you didn't make her wedding about your baby you just told your parents in serect, I mean yeah sure you could have waited but the sister is blowing this way out of purportian
6:58 if she didn’t notice before op’s father announced it, it didn’t matter. She should’ve said that she changed her opinion long before the wedding IF she actually changed her opinion.
11:17 Hurt! Hurt! She’s not hurt, she’s just a bully crying because she got called out for bullying
12:01 not basically. Just is
Perfect timing! Literally just finished a huge playlist of saved up RSlash videos! Please keep the earlier videos, it’s so much better!
you should check out the puppy bloopers they're glorious
Story 1 : Stress from work doesn't give anyone cartblanche to treat their significant other like garbage.. NTA..
Update: yup he's a sleezball..
Update 2 : so he's a fake tough guy sleezball..
Op ex : " it's my home I am not leaving "
Op calls her brother ..
Op ex : "ok jeez I will leave".. what a pansy. .
Story 2 : NTA.. The sister is incredibly selfish..
Op sister: " you made my wedding all about you
Op : " nahhh you made my pregnancy all about you "
Op sister :" you selfish B word"..
Op why the hell did you Apologize to a backstabbing witch??
Story 3 : NTA..these things the wife is saying is subtle shots at you.. the wife is a jackal..No op this is not anxiety or depression.. I've had anxiety and depression I have never called someone ugly and never dumped on any of my children my problems.. The wife is a straight up punk who's using her sex as an excuse..The wife is conditioning the baby to verbally abuse her at 3 weeks old.. what a psychopath..
Story 4 : NTA.. What a ridiculous "tradition "..what is this family stuck in the 1930s?? Op should've gotten up and hugged the Sil before walking away from this trash family..
Any form of disability is NO EXCUSE for this kind of behavior! 😡 The wife KNOWS what she is doing, just using the depression as an EXCUSE!
Man forgot the 80 - 20 rule. So focused on that 20 percent he was missing, that he missed the 80 he already had.
Tbh it was more like 90, all he had to do was get his kids on the bus, clean up his own mess, and do his own laundry
Rslash: OP what you did at your sisters wedding wasnt wrong
Also Rslash: but you were wrong
I have to kind of love one detail in the first story. The fact that the affair partner started laughing at OP during the phone call. Means the affair partner likely has no interested in Dear Husband long term. So Dear Husband may soon have be without his wife and kids and without his fling.
That third story hurt; coming from some who was also hurt by my mothers comments, I could never sit and make hurtful comments like that to my baby. My husband sits and makes mean comments about how babies are ugly, and I just don't see that. When I finally get the opportunity to carry full term and become a mom, I will be extremely blessed and that baby would receive NO mean comments. Comments like that does not come from depression and anxiety, its entirely from the way she was raised. It's something that she needs to work on.
Thanks for the daily entertainment. Happy Easter, Dabney.
... My husband works 40 hrs a week & he doesn't do his own laundry or anything else. He does read to 1 of our sons & drops the other off at daycare.
He used to help with projects around the house (replacing tile, putting in baseboard, cutting down trees) but he hasn't any of that for a year. He gets tired and ... I've tried to help & give him vacations bc I think he's depressed. It's impossible that he's cheating, he can't keep secrets & he seems too tired. He sleeps more & watches a lot of TV.
Story 3: NTA at all.
In fact, yelling and berating the wife is the reality check she needed so badly.
Depression and anxiety isn't an excuse to be an abusive mother.
My own mother suffers from depression after my father passed from Covid and also has anxiety from my unemployment of 4 years (I'm not a lazy ass either, I apply to jobs and keep studying for certifications and I even published a fantasy novel in Amazon), yet when she starts being negligent to even herself I call her BS since it's humiliating that I have to be the parent of my own mother.
If I ask "What's gonna be for lunch/dinner?" and she replies "I don't know" despite the fact that it's time to literally eat, I'll just say "F*ck this sh*" and I cook myself something.
She had HOURS to just think what to cook and I WOULD EVEN HELP HER COOK, but no, she doesn't know.
I won't expect anything from her, I won't trust her in my darkest time, I'll take care of myself since nobody is gonna do it, apparently.
I won't care if she just eats some chips as lunch since she won't help at all, while I need to search for jobs and study for certifications and get better paid jobs.
I simply can't trust her, at all.
Story 3; jeez that hit hard, I have very similar features to the daughter cause of my dad and I got picked on for it, even by my own mom (like why would you date someone you don't like the look of), the wife's probably gonna keep making those comments even when the daughters old enough to understand them and take em to heart.
Wife's definitely the bad guy, she needs to work some things out with a therapist.
Last Story: OP's family did indeed propose the test on bf and of course he denied doing it. 🤷
That manliness test at the end is actually a good idea. You should know how to do basic car maintenance, basic plumbing, and moving typical heavy home objects
And she should know how to wash the dishes, cook, and keep a tidy home. This is all basic stuff that today's woman thinks is beneath her. It isn't.
Everyone should be able to do all of that stuff, regardless of gender. It's about cleanliness, not conformity.
@@gmann215 I don't expect my wife to rotate my tires, change my oil, or fix the garbage disposal. That's my job. I take care of the heavy lifting, the lawn, and all maintenance. She keeps the house tidy, cooks and cleans.
@@gmann215 healthy division of labor is key to a happy relationship.
Story 3 - "Hahaha baby ugly"
"Stfu!"
"Waaah my fee-fees are hurted."
There's a C word to describe her.
I was going to say that op was a jerk but she didn't even announce it at the wedding like the title suggested, just to 2 people.
I really loved how OP's boyfriend in the last story really believed that she would post to reddit and that reddit would call her the AH. Just shows how convinced he was of the tradition being the right way of things.
There are really only two reasons for a husband to consistently come home later than usual. Best case; family life stress is simply getting to him and he is using extra spare time to cool off. More common worst case: well that has been established in the story. Aggressive self destructive behavior is a clear sign of the latter.
Being able to listen to Rslash every year on your birthday is so special and gives just another reason to celebrate! Thank you for making your awesome content :)
rSlash, I love how you seamlessly take written word and make it into spoken word, and do it really well. You and Redwheel are my favorite narrators of Reddit posts.
"She said i made her wedding about my pregnancy"
No what happened is the sister making OP's pregnancy about her wedding.
Third story: NTA. The vanity, she will only love a kid if it looks like her.
The minute my significant other starts acting suspicious and refuses to communicate. I’m hiring a Private Investigator
me too
Me too
Ditto to that.
If that's all it takes to start calling in the professionals, why have a significant other?
It's great how the family tradition isn't something fun, like "the wife gets taken on a girls night/vacation to get to know her", and is always "she's tested and valued solely on her abilities as a housewife, and must stay at home to be a homemaker for as long as she is part of our family".
You just KNOW that is they do get married, OP will be back with another AITA for fighting with her in laws and "being selfish" or refusing to side with her husband when she was told to stop working and stay home all day.
Chicken Alfredo is bomb how is he going to say that isn’t a good meal
Death penalty! ⚖
My hubby and I made shrimp Alfredo once it was good
"coming home hours later than usual"
huge red flag. op should use all the red flags to make a superman cape and fly away.
Story 3: then she needs therapy, not to ABUSE HER DAUGHTER. She has the ability to stop the cycle.
The one about the 3 week old baby girl, it reminds me of something with my mum, she was told by my grandma when she was a teenager that she would pay for her to have a nose job, something my mum never before even thought about, never had an issue with her nose, and would always say her older sister was the pretty sister. My mum is now almost 70 years old, and does not like to look into mirrors if she doesn’t have to, which breaks my heart every day, and I try every time this conversation comes up to tell her she is beautiful, and that she has to look beautiful because I look just like her, which always makes her laugh and agree
I just want to know what’s the point of the “stay at home wife test” if she won’t be a stay at home wife. She doesn’t need to pass it if she has no intention of doing it. 😂
Its because they’ll then nag her INCESSANTLY after marriage if “how goooood she was at the test and how she should JUST try being a SAHW”
Lmfao the 3rd story’s comment 9:39 is literally said in every Middle Eastern/Arab family. It’s said so much that im desensitized to it but I would yell and cuss anyone who would drop those comments if a child was in the room. Example: I became an aunt recently and my sis commented on my niece’s nose (keep in mind that baby’s nose r small and hella cute) and I immediately told her “don’t fn say that sh1t about her and she’s perfect! And don’t pass ur image issues into this beautiful potato! SHE IS PERFECT!”. I went off on her even though it was said in a joking manner. I still won’t allow this sh1t ruin my niece’s life.
Edited: I would like to add that being subjected to these comments constantly by my narcissistic mother fked me up that made me struggle with ed, depression, anxiety etc… it doesn’t effect me anymore but I will go ballistic if I heard someone dropping those comments around their kids or young relatives.
Wait for the next day? No. I would've gone with the OG deal and announced it to everyone at the wedding. The fact that she only quietly told her parents makes her more of a Saint than me.
Story 3: My mother once held my face in her hands and sighed. "Too much of your dad's side. What a shame you had to be homely" (southern for ugly but when you wanna be nice)
I have literally never forgotten it...and she will die on the street for it (and the countless years of abuse)
Also story 4? Sure. Let's see how your boy does against my dad's manliness tests.
How is he at enduring live fire drills? My dad was a Marine after all. Can he wake and shoot an intruder accurately? Also...how can my dad trust this man with his daughter if he can't rebuild an engine, complete a flawless paint job, detect, and drill a well, and pass an investment skills test?
Oh hell no! There is nowhere in the vows that say, "Til Being a Maid us do part." They also don't say, "In sickness and in health and being the perfect maid!!" This is just disgusting behavior.. If you don't want to be married, don't cheat! Do not do your children that way AT THE LEAST! Do not leave that house.. Take the kids to their Uncles and tell him it's time for him to go!! File for divorce and follow what the lawyer says... I do NOT do cheaters, PERIOD! The pain caused by it has always made me never want to do it even if I didn't want to be with that person... Never CHEAT!! LEAVE! Happy Sunday R-SLASHERS!! ❤
I believe that last story had a comment or an update or something from the OP where she said she proposed that her BF take a "husband test," and he got all bent out of shape about it and said it was stupid, that OP's family didn't have that as a tradition and that OP was only suggesting it to be retaliatory about their "fun tradition." In other words, OP was about to marry someone who can dish it out but can't take it. They broke up. Surprise, surprise.
When a cheater/bad partner insults you and says you're the bad person: *wtf face*
Also nta take him to the cleaners
A note to women who think it's cute to laugh at the wife of the man you're cheating with: don't make the mistake of thinking all wives are pushovers and will just cry like a little btch. You might just get your laughing mouth busted up and that face you're so proud of rearranged for you. I know a chick who made that mistake and my friend did just that. When the bandages finally came off, the chick looked more like a bag of mismatched spare parts leftover from making the original. Don't chance it, keep your hands off other women's men and if you do make that mistake, at least do yourself the favor of keeping your mouth shut and don't taunt the wife. You never know who you're fkng with.
Last story: I've read about the updates, but what gets me about the initial story here is the BF told OP "it's just a test" and "it's not like they would reject (you) if (you) failed it."
Sure they wouldn't. Oh, they'd probably let OP marry into the family... But you know they'd never let her live it down. You KNOW this is exactly the kind of family that would bring it up all the time. You KNOW they'd pick and poke at her and her career and bring it up every single visit. This is the kind of family that would tsk-tsk OP for having a Roomba, or pester OP to quit her career to be "a better mom."
Nobody likes relationship tests for a reason. I'm glad to know OP broke it off. I hope he never finds happiness until he gives up this nonsense.
If WifeTest BF legitimately thought it was just a Silly Fun Tradition That Didn't Really Matter to Him, then he should have warned OP that his family would ask and helped her come up with fun quippy answers to the usual tests so she could hold her own and not be at a total disadvantage. He was looking forward to having her failure at this as leverage in the relationship.
the first story had my heartbreaking, thinking this guy slipped into major depression from 60-80hr burnout weeks and that OP was about to go in judging him….. and then the ‘coming home hours later than usual’ came and obliterated that line of thinking, the sh*tty wife comment was the bomb on top!
Story 2: I get that the sister didn't want any attention for the time leading up to the wedding to be diverting from her, but leading someone on like that is just bad (at least to me). She could've just said "Can you wait until the day after my wedding?" or something.
At least OP just told her parents and not the entire building
The sister would rather have 100% of the attention of every there and let op suffer
I really don't get that attention hoggyness.
Dabney, story 2, OP had a tough first few months of pregnancy with VERY LITTLE SUPPORT and all because of a longcon of whether or not (obvious that it didn't happen) there will be an announcement. Pregnancy is terrifying and I've never been pregnant. What the sister did was extremely selfish and OP privately told her parents. Nothing more. She didn't even know the parents knew until a week later when the father slipped. Op did her best to be supportive. 100% NTA, what OP did was nothing compared to what the sister did. OP did took "the high road"
Hhhh I am a but heated because I hate when people say "take the high road" when it means, "Let the victim suffer in silence a bit longer for the asshole to get her way"
Last story, I was waiting for OP to mention that part of the test is to make sure that she's still a virgin by being allowed to "poke around in there." Yeah, screw that... no pun intended.
Story 4: ah yes, the long and fun family tradition of *misogyny* and telling a woman she's not good enough (extra perks since it's other women telling you this for extra spice)
As someone who got her dad's big nose, we've definitely joked about it but we didn't joke about it until I was old enough to laugh too, and not in a way that insulted my dad. I just used to look a little goofy in pictures until the rest of my face grew into my nose lol I honestly like that I have his nose, it's cool when you can recognize your parents features in your face.
My wife and I found out 2-3 days before my sister's wedding. My Dad read it off me as soon as he saw me there (we live in different states). So, I had to tell my sister as well. She was super happy to be an aunt and then found out a month later that she was having one of her own. So, I mean, I see where both sides are coming from. I felt really shitty because we were planning to tell my Dad like 2-3 days later in our visit.
Story 3: I think that 1 your wife might need to go to therapy and counseling or couples therapy because it obviously has an effect on her and the best way to get through that is to get the proper help. Now I don’t think it’s good to let these kinds of things just fester so I do think you need to talk about it and discuss it with her, as a couple, but I don’t really think your the bad guy. The wife however insulting a baby I’d give 1 or 2 out of 5 bad guys.
If the boyfriend actually loved her, he wouldn’t entertain the idea of her going through these tests
S1) Don't worry about how the trash has taken itself out OP. Get the parenting app. She won't be laughing once she becomes the one he cheats on.
S2) Your sister is the kind of person who needs to be the center of attention. Knowing you were pregnant she felt it would take away from her wedding day if you told your family then and there. So she plotted to string you along until the day of where she pulled the rug out from under you. You didn't make a huge announcement to everyone and their grandma. You did your announcement in private with your parents only. Let her have her temper tantrum. She needs to learn not everythings about her.
S3) Your wife either gets herself into therapy or you divorce her and go for full custody for both kids. She needs professional help with this especially if she dealt with it growing up. This is not okay behavior and needs to be nipped in the bud. If she doesn't do therapy or doubles down you really need to leave this relationship with the kids. If you've documented every time she said these thing and how often it'll help with a court case if you have to go that route. Be honest with her. Let her know her comment not only shows how toxic she is about her up bringing but how she sees you. As someone not worthy of her or of being loved. Seriously OP really rethink staying in this if she doesn't get help.
S4) Yeah I heard this one. He couldn't deal with it being turned back on him so she dumped him. If someone wants to test you its over. If they haven't seen your worth by the time the talks of marriage has come around odds are they never will. It also goes along the lines of if the treat you as less than. That's a deal breaker regardless of who does it.
OMG that last story is ridiculous, run girl run
Thanks for the stories, they made me feel better. Yay out the hospital! I drove the nurses crazy listening to the stories but before I left they were asking what channel I was listening to. You might have more fans! Woot!
Story #1: NEVER raise a grown man! If you do, except to be treated like a maid...and we all know how maids are treated. Why have another "child" in the home? That was the first 🛑, second: ignoring his duties as a father. OP did the right thing!
Story #2: Op's sister is an attention hog. There was no real reason to wait to announce the pregnancy, sis used her wedding as an excuse so she could basically make the entire year about herself and never intended to include her sister. even when she agreed to do so, it wasn't about OP but herself, to bring more attention to herself. Screw her! So selfish! OP has the right to announce her pregnancy any time she wishes and she chose to please her sister by waiting. THEN she refuses to see the baby because she is holding these non-existent hurt feelings against OP. I say: Good riddance! Who needs that kind of crap in their lives? At least she knows how her sister truly feels and how her sister truly is but I bet when the sister has a baby she will expect OP to come running or to be a free babysitter under the guise of "You ruined my wedding, you owe me."
Story#3: Ops wife needs therapy. I had post par but I never made mean comments about my kid! She's literally devaluing her kid and NO depression and post par are NOT an excuse for what she is doing. Yelling is harsh but sometimes it's needed.
Story #4: GREAT on OP for standing up for herself and by refusing a toxic tradition. His family are instantly jealous that OP has a career and refuses the "old" traditions which include surpression of women. Op's bf is brainwashed and there are TONS of red flags. I say: HOLD OFF the engagement and living together. His behavior will only show more sides of his toxic family.
Update on last story: OP's family suggested a similar test, and her bf blew up. He said it wasn't the same and thought it was ridiculous since it was more spur of the moment and his was a "Family Tradition".
In his tirade, it came out "that his youngest SIL didn't want to do the test either but look at her, the perfect wife." (Again, it's just a family tradition, not cultural)
They're taking a break right now, but I'd recommend she break it off.
The sister didn't even know she told anyone until a week after the wedding. OP did take the high road. She didn't grab the mic and make an announcement. She quietly told her PARENTS who told no one else.
The sister is mad because she didn't get her way.
*“That I’ve just been letting the whole family go to shit and I should be ashamed of myself for treating him and his children like that. Called me a bad wife and mother…”
Gather round children, come come, and say it with me now: **Every Accusation Is A Confession**
imagine that as a mother and wife you're calling your own kid ugly, probably going to give them an eating disorder or something and calling your husband, and his entire family ugly in the same breath.
That last story is also kinda like r/maliciouscompliance because the boyfriend said "I think you're the asshole, so I recommend you to post on AITA"
well well, how ironic XD
I would love to take the manly test, but only if they taught me what i was clearly lacking afterwards. If its just to make fun of me for my lack of plumbing skills then im good 😂😂
For the baby announcement story. How do you claim that someone stole attention from you, when you didn't notice and found out when told weeks later? "You ruined my wedding even though your actions had no impact on it."🤣
Story 3: yikes. I'm worried about if those comments continue even for a few months. Apparently babies comprehend, on some level, the words that people say to them a *lot* earlier than a lot of people realize, and even if the actual memories don't stick around, the insecurities do. For example, I was a fat baby, my hands would literally turn blue if I turned them the wrong way because the wrist fat cut off their circulation, so I guess I understand why my mom thought it was kinda funny in that it was so ridiculous, and would joke about it. She had stopped saying anything about it by the time I was about half a year old, so well before I had learned to talk. But apparently one of the very first things I said to my mom was "Don't call me fat," soooo I guess I held onto that, lol. And I only know the details because I was told, I don't consciously remember any of that, but it sure as heck explains my lifelong insecurity about weight even though I've always been relatively thin since then. My mom didn't have any malicious intent and realized her big whoops when she found out later on that I'd actually understood any of that, but it just goes to show that it's never a good idea to make those kinds of comments to kids, even babies, even if you think they can't understand you. geez.
Story four is a classic case of sexism and misogyny, in their eyes women shouldn’t get a job and should be a “stay at home wife” while the husband basically controls everything.
I hope that everyone is having a good Sunday!
Easter Sunday, too
I wasn't wearing my glasses so I thought you said "I hate" 😭😭 but thanks!! You too! ❤
Same to you love!! ❤❤❤🎉
Made me smile, thanks for posting this!
Op from The first story probably isnt