When what needed to be said wasn’t said because it felt harsh and wrong, but was actually appropriate and necessary. Lesson learned. Silent treatment is a torture, especially when they become a very different person to another person in your presence.
Very good point, I've definitely been there. This video focuses on standard behaviors that we may navigate. I think I may want to touch on all the autistic behaviors that come off toxic but are just misunderstood in a companion video.
@hannosolo 100% agree. It took me a while with the silent treatment but decided to just put my headphones on or read a book and ignore it. That made him mad too but 🤷♀️ that is my boundary. You give the ST then I'll go do my thing. I mean I'm happier building in my game anyway.
@hannosolo I’ve not been super successful at handling the ST very well. It somehow hurts like excruciatingly, for me. My heart closes off to the person automatically until the relationship dies and they act shocked when I ‘tell themm when to get dressed for its’ funeral.
People will say I’m being too dramatic when I get physiological responses and cannot control my movements or sounds. Like I can eff around with things they freak out about, like clowns or spiders, but I can’t tell them I think those are dumb things to be bothered by bc I might get salted again idk
Some people are just self-absorbed and oblivious. So you may spend time “taking care” of them thinking they will do the same for you or at the very least appreciate. It isn’t always overt abuse or manipulation. But sometimes trying to meet needs with a selfish or otherwise the wrong person. Yet friendship may seem so scarce to us that we fear to lose being a butler or crutch.
I went from my toxic mother to ex-husband to now being alone which is great peace; I long for companionship. Therapy helps some but I feel frustrated w their lack of understanding me. Empty platitudes more than *support*. Your videos are better therapy than any therapist I’ve ever had. Soul relief to know I’m not alone!!! Just wish I could find a friend irl 😢 Thank you! ❤ You and a few other autistic youtubers have literally saved my life in 2024
I'm glad we've been helpful, although I'm sorry you've felt so low. I get it, I've definitely been there. I do hope things improve for you in this new year. Please be kind to yourself.
My friend has just come out of a very long-lasting relationship with a narcissist, and all her friends and cousins (me included) had been telling her for years that she should leave him or asking why she would tolerate his behavior, but she just kinda smiled, and we assumed that maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked, and only when the relationship ended she told us that she had major brain fog when she was dating him. She couldn't remember many of the bad situations that we could remember, as if her brain had refused to acknowledge them ever happening in the first place (no substances were included). It was scary to listen to her.
We do tend to make excuses.. I'm not sure if I went so far in my abusive relationship, I think I would have listened to friends. It was actually a friend that got me to see clearly at the end and stop making excuses. On the other hand, my parent is in an abusive marriage and they can not be rationalized with. She says I'm making it up. I'm not sure whether she believes that. Very scary.
Relational abuse (especially with narcs) can cause actual brain damage. The fog you're talking about is quite common in victims. It is very scary indeed.
I just ended this kind of relationship. It is so painful but when it kills your spirit it is not worth being in. The abandonment malange was real. Thank you for bringing this to attention. *I've also had friends who were toxic and I didn't know they were using me.
I'm so glad you found the strength to leave. I hope it gets easier for you soon. In regards to "friendships", that's another interesting dynamic. I may need to do a video specifically on that....
I was stuck in a similar situation, my ex was a malignant narcissist and he had the support of loads of flying monkeys and the support of my covert narcissist mother also l suspect her to be autistic herself but very manipulative and emotionally cruel.
Thank you so much for this Karen! 28 year old man here. Diagnosed with autism towards the middle of last year. Came out of a four year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life after my therapist pointed out that I was being manipulated and abused. She was telling me things were great but my gut was off. I believe she was a covert narcissist and realising how things really were has been the most mind-bending and painful experience.
Yes, recovery after a narcissistic relationship is difficult. So much deception, it's hard to wrap the head around it. Hopefully the right one is just around the corner 💛
While being love bombed it was a great feeling. When I got knocked off that pedestal and gas lighting began it was like living a nightmare. It was demoralizing and a depressing stage that followed. I somewhat felt ashamed for allowing such treatment. I mean I did see some red flags but thought things could be worked out somehow. That whole experience changed me into a more stoic being.
You are not alone. Same here. But a bad situation doesn't have to stay that way. I worked (and continue to work) on my goals of self-sufficiency and better friends, all through better decisions on my part. It was hard and took a long time, but I'm better for it. And hey, your stoic attitude is a plus. It's protective. And chicks dig mystery! 😆
Same. No need to feel shame though, that's on them. You went in there thinking you could trust your partner. Totally reasonable. I think what hurt me most was the realization that it was all calculated. They did so many things that were hurtful and humiliating, but played dumb. Realizing that it was all intentional and that they duped me was really difficult. It was very, very hard to trust after that, however I eventually found a good person. I hope things have gotten better for you.
@@JB-pk3bz this chick right here can’t deal with mystery bc soooo much is already like a way too difficult puzzle lol. I’d rather speak plainly with another and we both do for each other what each feels is supportive. To benefit their well-being. Each giving 100%. Also not expecting others to be mind-readers. Both giving and receiving in order to improve quality of life for two whole people 😊
@@ProudlyAutistic yes-*duped* is the most accurate word I always used that word bc I think its has a bit of expression of the humiliation aspect. If that makes sense Idk it’s sorta like maybe synesthetic “feeling”(?) with that word and feels satisfying to have a word that feeeeels accurate
I've had problems like this all of my life with friendships. They've always ended either terribly or with doors shut. I have a friend that has major red flags that over the past couple of years I haven't been close with anymore. They've called a few times in the past several months but I haven't picked up. I was mostly trying to forgive them and make sure that I am not angry with them. I'm sure someday soon I'll speak to them but I'm just so over this. I'm currently looking for better people to cultivate good enduring friendships with. Thanks for the video😇
@@ProudlyAutistic Over the past several years I've slowly worked on removing things that are not good for me. I'm finally realizing I'm worth more than that. It's time to move forward!
@@TheRightTriangle00-x2g I can relate to both of yr comments a lot! I love hearing from others who also understand this experience and I can appreciate how much work goes into learning and processing so much often without many guideposts. Like you’re a trailblazer and that’s awesome and amazing! The more we all speak up, the more sense of belonging we may feel. I love hearing how u also transmute hurt feelings into a perspective that values integrity rather than allowing pettiness or bitterness within
I too have been in dysfunctional relationships and I also ignored my inner voice of warning. It ended badly, every time. A friend advised a healthy boundary book, similar to your presentation but without an autistic perspective. I'll be analyzing your video again! Very helpful tips! The pacing was perfect! Thank you, Karen!
I know the feeling. You have to find the exit but often it's not an easy option at all. I'm glad I was nearly made homeless or I might've waited forever.
Karen, this was so helpful. I am grieving all of the relationships that I’ve had where I didn’t listen to the Voice saying that something wasn’t right. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing words and not actions. Literal and hopeful thinking. Never again! This episode was an absolute gem! I’ve already passed it on and love and prayers to all of you who watched it and Have been through this. I call for a support group!
I'm glad it helped. Sorry you found yourself in that situation. I'm looking into how to set up groups where we can chat about life stuff. I'll post an update within the next month or so....
Thank you so much for sharing. I was in a relationship with someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder for several years, so I know this all too well. Now, I’ve recently gone through another breakup, and only two years later did I realize that my girlfriend most likely had undiagnosed autism. She displayed a large number of the typical symptoms, and this realization has helped me understand a lot... For instance, why she constantly complained that I wasn’t touching her at all, even though I was. I feel sad that I only figured this out after she broke up with me, and I can’t tell her anymore. After all of this, I’ve realized that the cruel way she ended our relationship, and the relationship itself-which was otherwise very beautiful-was very similar to what I experienced with borderline personality disorder. The classic devaluation, triangulation, and discard. Object constancy played a big role in this as well. Her childhood was also very difficult, with both parents having personality disorders. Now I’m confused because I don’t know if it was all due to misunderstandings in communication caused by autism, which I was unaware of, or if BPD might have been a factor that I didn’t recognize.
@@Matej-c4h well, just beware of getting lost in speculation bc it kinda ultimately doesn’t matter what the dx would be other than looking to learn from it all. Don’t face too much backwards that u run into a pole or step in quicksand. I can relate tho and we do gotta take our time getting through it to make it make sense, right
Hi Karen, this was such a great overview because you basically covered everything-- very comprehensive. And I can definitely say that you nailed it, because I have experienced all of this at one time or another.
Great topic, and I liked hearing your perspective on these types of relationships. Oh yeah, I've had so many of these relationships in my life (romantic as well as friends). It's only in the past couple years I have learned what a narcissist is, and why I was such an easy target (being autistic, as well as a very abusive family growing up, especially my mother). I am learning what my boundaries are, and how to hold them in different types of situations. Also learning that I can say "No", and I am not obligated to give anyone my time or attention if I don't want to.
I had a similar situation growing up (1 narc parent, 1 autistic parent). Sounds like you've learned a lot and are taking the necessary steps to protect yourself. Great job, I know it's hard,
Very thorough. I have an extremely small support network so I take things very slowly. It appears you get more toxic people in same sex relationships but I see plenty in straight couples too. I think relationships take work and that's something you both need to do. Never be in a rush to live with someone there's nothing wrong with having your very own space.
Thanks, Karen. 💖 I had a similar experience with just an online group moderator that traumatized me so badly I was in weekly therapy for a year working on being able to sleep, etc. I'm still in therapy 3 years later, but I'm down to monthly.
Brilliant video. Thank you! 🙏🏻 I had two of these kinds of relationships. And for a long time I thought they were normal, that suffering in love is normal. Luckily, I learned my lesson at least when it comes to intimate relationships. Friendships however, I’m still learning at 43. 😅
I'm glad you learned and hopefully you're in a much better place 💛 Personally, I've given up on friendships, but it can get lonely. It just takes too much energy.
I’m autistic and extremely socially anxious but I learned how to be polite and respecful im my introversion. I am also extremely gullible and naive despite having university level knowledge on healthy va non healthy emotionally abusive patterns. I have only been in abusive relationships so at this point I am giving up on seeking a relationship to protect myself from abusive relationships.
My cousin also told me my dad had pontoons for his plane. No. Another cousin fooled me into thinking she had just figured out how to play the piano with her left hand, expertly. I was suspicious… then I think I remembered she’s left handed. She had me, though. She’s the one who is in administration at our children’s hospital. She’s an amazing person.
With covert, ie mid-range Narcissists, it's all even more invisible. I hate compliments, for example, so my last Ex didn't lovebomb. Nevertheless, he agreed on so many things with me and was so nice in the beginning that I felt like he's my soulmate in just two weeks
She is labeling a relationship toxic. As if it existing is the problem rather than "how" it exists. It's something psychologists will correct on about 40 years when it's all rebranded. Like primal scream therapy or revirthing therapy or rudimentary electroshock therapy without anesthesia for everything or needless lobectomies still practiced in some parts of the world that historically targeted women and minorities or even people who there was no way it would help... just because it was a trend. Now we live in a world where everyone follows tik-tok trends. Be careful. Yes I survived being abused by a diagnosed narcissist with tark traits and other things... but even my ex who could be quite evil... was still a human being with value, even of I can't trust her. Sometimes our reactions are even more toxic than the original injury. Don't become what you are against. Just do better. And some relationships can be made better. Mine was irreparable because she chose that route and maybe couldn't change but at least she is better off than when I found her. A lot of damaged people need a lifeguard, but throw jn a life preserver... don't go all in and put yourself at risk for someone who is either limited in their ability to reciprocate in ways that are healthy or maybe they just don't care... but your injury makes the scenario bad for you and it does not necessarily make them a "toxic person" which is itself a dehumanizing word and not helpful to a damaged or abusive relationship. The reasons to leave are to save yourself from participating either as a targeted person, an enabler, or a participant if you can't avoid it or don't have the resources to prevent it or recover.
I don’t think that ‘love-bombing’ is a useful concept or term. What you describe with your ex is him coming on too strong early on. There is usually at least a slight imbalance in how much each person likes the other. If you wanted to go slower, you needed to say that. His desire to have you meet his family, etc. very quickly was a clear sign of his interest, and it’s either welcome or excessive -- only you can decide that. What people are usually getting at with the term is someone manipulating you by being nice and loving. That’s quite an evil concept. Niceness and love are good. What’s bad is if it *stops* or if there is clear evidence of it not being genuine in some way. I see lots of examples of people saying ‘He’s love-bombing me!’ or ‘Watch out for him love-boming you!’ and it’s literally just a guy being a decent boyfriend for once. There is nothing inherently wrong with him getting you flowers and being attentive to your needs. Sure, be aware that the level of effort might be unsustainable, in which case you can ask whether he always sweeps partners off their feet but perhaps has trouble maintaining that for months or years. But would someone who never sweeps you off your feet and goes straight into ‘mediocre hubby of ten years’ mode be necessarily be better?
I think you've never experienced actual love bombing. Love bombing is grand gestures that show off the amount of time and money the person is able to invest in you. It's almost never tailored to your wants or needs. Often it's not even about you at all: They're performing for a public audience so that your friends know how much they "love" you and their friends know how much money they have. I grant you that there is a problem with people casually using the term "love bombing" to describe normal, healthy behavior.
@Afishionado1 I've literally never seen love-bombing so described before, and I find no resources so describing it (e.g. the Wikipedia article). Nobody says that love-bombing is unpleasant, but instant the exact opposite: the person showers you with praise, gifts, etc. in order to manipulate you. That wouldn't work if it were shit you didn't want.
@@AmyThePuddytatIf you never seen it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. In these cases, trust the people who experienced it and greatly suffered. Because it unfortunately does exist. I went through that twice (unfortunately). Today I’d know better because I have the comparison between being super in love in the beginning and doing a lot, and being nearly suffocated with love gestures and then cut off all of a sudden. It’s a difference.
Lol whatever dude. Gen x for starters. And it's called high masking. It's not cool to invalidate others simply because they present different than you.
When what needed to be said wasn’t said because it felt harsh and wrong, but was actually appropriate and necessary. Lesson learned. Silent treatment is a torture, especially when they become a very different person to another person in your presence.
Very good point, I've definitely been there. This video focuses on standard behaviors that we may navigate. I think I may want to touch on all the autistic behaviors that come off toxic but are just misunderstood in a companion video.
@@ProudlyAutistic Look forward to watching it, thanks.
@hannosolo 100% agree. It took me a while with the silent treatment but decided to just put my headphones on or read a book and ignore it. That made him mad too but 🤷♀️ that is my boundary. You give the ST then I'll go do my thing. I mean I'm happier building in my game anyway.
@hannosolo I’ve not been super successful at handling the ST very well. It somehow hurts like excruciatingly, for me. My heart closes off to the person automatically until the relationship dies and they act shocked when I ‘tell themm when to get dressed for its’ funeral.
People will say I’m being too dramatic when I get physiological responses and cannot control my movements or sounds. Like I can eff around with things they freak out about, like clowns or spiders, but I can’t tell them I think those are dumb things to be bothered by bc I might get salted again idk
Some people are just self-absorbed and oblivious. So you may spend time “taking care” of them thinking they will do the same for you or at the very least appreciate.
It isn’t always overt abuse or manipulation. But sometimes trying to meet needs with a selfish or otherwise the wrong person.
Yet friendship may seem so scarce to us that we fear to lose being a butler or crutch.
I went from my toxic mother to ex-husband to now being alone which is great peace; I long for companionship. Therapy helps some but I feel frustrated w their lack of understanding me. Empty platitudes more than *support*.
Your videos are better therapy than any therapist I’ve ever had. Soul relief to know I’m not alone!!! Just wish I could find a friend irl 😢
Thank you! ❤ You and a few other autistic youtubers have literally saved my life in 2024
I'm glad we've been helpful, although I'm sorry you've felt so low. I get it, I've definitely been there. I do hope things improve for you in this new year. Please be kind to yourself.
My friend has just come out of a very long-lasting relationship with a narcissist, and all her friends and cousins (me included) had been telling her for years that she should leave him or asking why she would tolerate his behavior, but she just kinda smiled, and we assumed that maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked, and only when the relationship ended she told us that she had major brain fog when she was dating him. She couldn't remember many of the bad situations that we could remember, as if her brain had refused to acknowledge them ever happening in the first place (no substances were included). It was scary to listen to her.
We do tend to make excuses.. I'm not sure if I went so far in my abusive relationship, I think I would have listened to friends. It was actually a friend that got me to see clearly at the end and stop making excuses. On the other hand, my parent is in an abusive marriage and they can not be rationalized with. She says I'm making it up. I'm not sure whether she believes that. Very scary.
Relational abuse (especially with narcs) can cause actual brain damage. The fog you're talking about is quite common in victims. It is very scary indeed.
I just ended this kind of relationship. It is so painful but when it kills your spirit it is not worth being in. The abandonment malange was real. Thank you for bringing this to attention.
*I've also had friends who were toxic and I didn't know they were using me.
I'm so glad you found the strength to leave. I hope it gets easier for you soon. In regards to "friendships", that's another interesting dynamic. I may need to do a video specifically on that....
@ProudlyAutistic Thank you. The friend dynamic video would be great. I really need to learn how to vet people for either relationship.
I was stuck in a similar situation, my ex was a malignant narcissist and he had the support of loads of flying monkeys and the support of my covert narcissist mother also l suspect her to be autistic herself but very manipulative and emotionally cruel.
Thank you so much for this Karen!
28 year old man here. Diagnosed with autism towards the middle of last year. Came out of a four year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life after my therapist pointed out that I was being manipulated and abused. She was telling me things were great but my gut was off.
I believe she was a covert narcissist and realising how things really were has been the most mind-bending and painful experience.
Yes, recovery after a narcissistic relationship is difficult. So much deception, it's hard to wrap the head around it. Hopefully the right one is just around the corner 💛
While being love bombed it was a great feeling. When I got knocked off that pedestal and gas lighting began it was like living a nightmare. It was demoralizing and a depressing stage that followed. I somewhat felt ashamed for allowing such treatment. I mean I did see some red flags but thought things could be worked out somehow. That whole experience changed me into a more stoic being.
You are not alone. Same here. But a bad situation doesn't have to stay that way. I worked (and continue to work) on my goals of self-sufficiency and better friends, all through better decisions on my part. It was hard and took a long time, but I'm better for it.
And hey, your stoic attitude is a plus. It's protective. And chicks dig mystery! 😆
Same. No need to feel shame though, that's on them. You went in there thinking you could trust your partner. Totally reasonable. I think what hurt me most was the realization that it was all calculated. They did so many things that were hurtful and humiliating, but played dumb. Realizing that it was all intentional and that they duped me was really difficult. It was very, very hard to trust after that, however I eventually found a good person. I hope things have gotten better for you.
@@loumonte658 yes! *Stoic* 👍
@@JB-pk3bz this chick right here can’t deal with mystery bc soooo much is already like a way too difficult puzzle lol. I’d rather speak plainly with another and we both do for each other what each feels is supportive. To benefit their well-being. Each giving 100%. Also not expecting others to be mind-readers. Both giving and receiving in order to improve quality of life for two whole people 😊
@@ProudlyAutistic yes-*duped* is the most accurate word I always used that word bc I think its has a bit of expression of the humiliation aspect. If that makes sense
Idk it’s sorta like maybe synesthetic “feeling”(?) with that word and feels satisfying to have a word that feeeeels accurate
I've had problems like this all of my life with friendships. They've always ended either terribly or with doors shut. I have a friend that has major red flags that over the past couple of years I haven't been close with anymore. They've called a few times in the past several months but I haven't picked up. I was mostly trying to forgive them and make sure that I am not angry with them. I'm sure someday soon I'll speak to them but I'm just so over this. I'm currently looking for better people to cultivate good enduring friendships with. Thanks for the video😇
Good on you for recognizing that the relationship isn't healthy and demanding better for yourself. That's hard!
@@ProudlyAutistic Over the past several years I've slowly worked on removing things that are not good for me. I'm finally realizing I'm worth more than that. It's time to move forward!
I think trying to find people with common interests is excellent advice. I think people should change and try new things.
@@TheRightTriangle00-x2g I can relate to both of yr comments a lot! I love hearing from others who also understand this experience and I can appreciate how much work goes into learning and processing so much often without many guideposts. Like you’re a trailblazer and that’s awesome and amazing! The more we all speak up, the more sense of belonging we may feel. I love hearing how u also transmute hurt feelings into a perspective that values integrity rather than allowing pettiness or bitterness within
I too have been in dysfunctional relationships and I also ignored my inner voice of warning. It ended badly, every time. A friend advised a healthy boundary book, similar to your presentation but without an autistic perspective. I'll be analyzing your video again! Very helpful tips! The pacing was perfect! Thank you, Karen!
Perfect. I needed this today. I'm stuck in one of those relationships and it's miserable.
I'm sorry.
I know the feeling. You have to find the exit but often it's not an easy option at all. I'm glad I was nearly made homeless or I might've waited forever.
Karen, this was so helpful. I am grieving all of the relationships that I’ve had where I didn’t listen to the Voice saying that something wasn’t right. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, believing words and not actions. Literal and hopeful thinking. Never again! This episode was an absolute gem! I’ve already passed it on and love and prayers to all of you who watched it and Have been through this. I call for a support group!
I'm glad it helped. Sorry you found yourself in that situation. I'm looking into how to set up groups where we can chat about life stuff. I'll post an update within the next month or so....
Thank you so much for sharing.
I was in a relationship with someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder for several years, so I know this all too well.
Now, I’ve recently gone through another breakup, and only two years later did I realize that my girlfriend most likely had undiagnosed autism. She displayed a large number of the typical symptoms, and this realization has helped me understand a lot... For instance, why she constantly complained that I wasn’t touching her at all, even though I was. I feel sad that I only figured this out after she broke up with me, and I can’t tell her anymore.
After all of this, I’ve realized that the cruel way she ended our relationship, and the relationship itself-which was otherwise very beautiful-was very similar to what I experienced with borderline personality disorder. The classic devaluation, triangulation, and discard. Object constancy played a big role in this as well. Her childhood was also very difficult, with both parents having personality disorders.
Now I’m confused because I don’t know if it was all due to misunderstandings in communication caused by autism, which I was unaware of, or if BPD might have been a factor that I didn’t recognize.
@@Matej-c4h well, just beware of getting lost in speculation bc it kinda ultimately doesn’t matter what the dx would be other than looking to learn from it all. Don’t face too much backwards that u run into a pole or step in quicksand. I can relate tho and we do gotta take our time getting through it to make it make sense, right
Hi Karen, this was such a great overview because you basically covered everything-- very comprehensive. And I can definitely say that you nailed it, because I have experienced all of this at one time or another.
Thanks! Hopefully you're in better situation now.
Great topic, and I liked hearing your perspective on these types of relationships. Oh yeah, I've had so many of these relationships in my life (romantic as well as friends). It's only in the past couple years I have learned what a narcissist is, and why I was such an easy target (being autistic, as well as a very abusive family growing up, especially my mother). I am learning what my boundaries are, and how to hold them in different types of situations. Also learning that I can say "No", and I am not obligated to give anyone my time or attention if I don't want to.
I had a similar situation growing up (1 narc parent, 1 autistic parent). Sounds like you've learned a lot and are taking the necessary steps to protect yourself. Great job, I know it's hard,
Great and important video-thanks Karen.
Very thorough. I have an extremely small support network so I take things very slowly. It appears you get more toxic people in same sex relationships but I see plenty in straight couples too. I think relationships take work and that's something you both need to do. Never be in a rush to live with someone there's nothing wrong with having your very own space.
Karen, this is a masterpiece! It describes a few of my worst relationships where I was getting used.
Hey Alan! Thank you 💛
Thanks, Karen. 💖
I had a similar experience with just an online group moderator that traumatized me so badly I was in weekly therapy for a year working on being able to sleep, etc. I'm still in therapy 3 years later, but I'm down to monthly.
Wow I'm so sorry. Glad you're healing 💛
❤️thank you for all of this clarity and your suggestions!
Brilliant video. Thank you! 🙏🏻 I had two of these kinds of relationships. And for a long time I thought they were normal, that suffering in love is normal. Luckily, I learned my lesson at least when it comes to intimate relationships. Friendships however, I’m still learning at 43. 😅
I'm glad you learned and hopefully you're in a much better place 💛 Personally, I've given up on friendships, but it can get lonely. It just takes too much energy.
This is such a thoughtful and important video
I’m autistic and extremely socially anxious but I learned how to be polite and respecful im my introversion.
I am also extremely gullible and naive despite having university level knowledge on healthy va non healthy emotionally abusive patterns. I have only been in abusive relationships so at this point I am giving up on seeking a relationship to protect myself from abusive relationships.
I wish I knew all this in my dating days.
I fell for the “gullible is not in the dictionary” joke. 🤦♀️ as a young adult.
I mean… gullible much? The most. Lol
Wait...really?!...you mean it isn't?! (pretty sure I did too)
@@ProudlyAutistic 😂❤️
My cousin also told me my dad had pontoons for his plane. No.
Another cousin fooled me into thinking she had just figured out how to play the piano with her left hand, expertly. I was suspicious… then I think I remembered she’s left handed. She had me, though. She’s the one who is in administration at our children’s hospital. She’s an amazing person.
Hopefully it was all in good fun. I hated when people teased me and I could tell it wasn't nice but didn't understand why.
Thank you. I just relived my old marriage in this video. 😅
Your welcome? 😆
🌻
With covert, ie mid-range Narcissists, it's all even more invisible. I hate compliments, for example, so my last Ex didn't lovebomb. Nevertheless, he agreed on so many things with me and was so nice in the beginning that I felt like he's my soulmate in just two weeks
She is labeling a relationship toxic. As if it existing is the problem rather than "how" it exists. It's something psychologists will correct on about 40 years when it's all rebranded. Like primal scream therapy or revirthing therapy or rudimentary electroshock therapy without anesthesia for everything or needless lobectomies still practiced in some parts of the world that historically targeted women and minorities or even people who there was no way it would help... just because it was a trend. Now we live in a world where everyone follows tik-tok trends. Be careful. Yes I survived being abused by a diagnosed narcissist with tark traits and other things... but even my ex who could be quite evil... was still a human being with value, even of I can't trust her. Sometimes our reactions are even more toxic than the original injury. Don't become what you are against. Just do better. And some relationships can be made better. Mine was irreparable because she chose that route and maybe couldn't change but at least she is better off than when I found her. A lot of damaged people need a lifeguard, but throw jn a life preserver... don't go all in and put yourself at risk for someone who is either limited in their ability to reciprocate in ways that are healthy or maybe they just don't care... but your injury makes the scenario bad for you and it does not necessarily make them a "toxic person" which is itself a dehumanizing word and not helpful to a damaged or abusive relationship. The reasons to leave are to save yourself from participating either as a targeted person, an enabler, or a participant if you can't avoid it or don't have the resources to prevent it or recover.
I don’t think that ‘love-bombing’ is a useful concept or term. What you describe with your ex is him coming on too strong early on. There is usually at least a slight imbalance in how much each person likes the other. If you wanted to go slower, you needed to say that. His desire to have you meet his family, etc. very quickly was a clear sign of his interest, and it’s either welcome or excessive -- only you can decide that.
What people are usually getting at with the term is someone manipulating you by being nice and loving. That’s quite an evil concept. Niceness and love are good. What’s bad is if it *stops* or if there is clear evidence of it not being genuine in some way. I see lots of examples of people saying ‘He’s love-bombing me!’ or ‘Watch out for him love-boming you!’ and it’s literally just a guy being a decent boyfriend for once. There is nothing inherently wrong with him getting you flowers and being attentive to your needs. Sure, be aware that the level of effort might be unsustainable, in which case you can ask whether he always sweeps partners off their feet but perhaps has trouble maintaining that for months or years. But would someone who never sweeps you off your feet and goes straight into ‘mediocre hubby of ten years’ mode be necessarily be better?
I think you've never experienced actual love bombing.
Love bombing is grand gestures that show off the amount of time and money the person is able to invest in you. It's almost never tailored to your wants or needs. Often it's not even about you at all: They're performing for a public audience so that your friends know how much they "love" you and their friends know how much money they have.
I grant you that there is a problem with people casually using the term "love bombing" to describe normal, healthy behavior.
@Afishionado1 I've literally never seen love-bombing so described before, and I find no resources so describing it (e.g. the Wikipedia article). Nobody says that love-bombing is unpleasant, but instant the exact opposite: the person showers you with praise, gifts, etc. in order to manipulate you. That wouldn't work if it were shit you didn't want.
@@AmyThePuddytatIf you never seen it, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. In these cases, trust the people who experienced it and greatly suffered. Because it unfortunately does exist. I went through that twice (unfortunately). Today I’d know better because I have the comparison between being super in love in the beginning and doing a lot, and being nearly suffocated with love gestures and then cut off all of a sudden. It’s a difference.
@@SimoneEppler You're going off-topic. If only I could block people like in the olden days.
@@AmyThePuddytatwhat an unkind response! No worries, I am not interested in any further exchange with you.
Your not Autistic 😂 your just socially awkward lol Gen Z and their labels
Lol whatever dude. Gen x for starters. And it's called high masking. It's not cool to invalidate others simply because they present different than you.