Im still in contact with my mother and since I've done so much self discovery and self work over the past couple of years, I have found shopping for obligatory cards to be really triggering for me. None of the typical gushy ones are applicable to me, and being disingenuous is reeeeally hard for me. I stand there forever trying to find something not TOO generic but not overly "flowery" either. I feel like I am who I am IN SPITE OF my mom, not because of her. I could probably make millions of dollars producing a line of cards that says things like "thanks for providing basic food and shelter, mom" or "my therapist is glad you had kids." 😂
Allow yourself to be real and stop sending the card. You’re going along with the narrative that she was a mother to be celebrated and you don’t need to. Living an authentic life is something you owe yourself.
@mj-rg9kp I'm in a similar situation as original commentor is. I'm finding it most true to myself to still send a card but never lie with or within the card...I am extremely thoughtful, caring, sweet, creative. Sometimes, being happy and not holding a grudge is the best "revenge". I recently decided to let her be whatever kind of mom she wants; I'm expecting acceptance from her, afterall! I am EXTREMELY LOW CONTACT with the parent I'm referring to. Emergencies only BUT there's some trauma, for me, in pretending she doesn't exist...or pretending she never did one single good or loving thing...
I finally gave up shopping for Father's Day and Mother's Day cards. I always hated it and continuously joked how I was going to start a dysfunctional greeting card company for just that reason. Dear Mom thanks for being my mother when it suited you and you weren't having an emotional breakdown at my expense😂
@@amandarattray2845 If sending a card to her makes you feel good in any way, go ahead. However, just bc you don’t send a card doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge. You may not want to send it bc you simply don’t want to, since it doesn’t come from the heart, and that’s ok too. I don’t even remember the last time I sent a card to my mom but I don’t harbor any grudges. I’m a mom now too so I think it’s a day more about me and my kids and tbh, I don’t even think of her much on Mother’s Day..which is probably bad but I’m ok with that too.
After my mom passed I got a huge freedom from being beholden to the rest of my family. She brainwashed us into thinking that family was everything. The pandemic also helped create distance between siblings so I no longer feel obligated to do anything for family that I don't want to do. Being the only one 'doing the work' I'm the outcast and I'm okay with that. My siblings can miss their loving mother, and I can be thankful that she provided food and shelter, and continue to work on creating safer and healthier bonds, and take care of myself the way she never did. I naively thought that through therapy I'd just fix what was broken and move on - the truth is is that it will always be there but it can be less intense and less triggering.
1. @6:12, you are bad (unworthy). 2. @8:30, you (your needs) are a burden. 3. @9:40, you are beholden to me. (You are responsible for how I feel) 4. @11:45, you are "bonded" to mother. (Separation=bad, enmeshment=good) 5. @12:55, you are bound to me no matter what. Partly true, but the nature of that bond CAN be changed, repaired and made healthier.
THIS is it - the very toxic burden my grandmother put onto my father. He in turn was an abusive, self centered, demanding man who damaged his own children.
@@allthingsharbor Funny...I saw the same thing happen across 3 generations. Twice. I knew a grandma (very histrionic) abuse a young boy who turned into such a father. Second, I saw a depressed, abusive mother who abused her daughter and the daughter turned into a total witch who severely damaged her kids.
I remember when my ex wifes family was always bombarding her with THEIR problems. Especially her mother. They all basically kept trying to guilt her into solving their problems like crazy. This really stressed her out. I have super boundaries and I have no problem enforcing them, so I told her to let me handle all calls and requests from her family. Well she felt afraid of the reaction that would cause, and she refused to let me take the lead on that and so she kept being stressed out. I learned that a person really has to participate in their own rescue. That goes for us all. If you don't change your approach, accept or seek help, and just keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten and keep experiencing the same problems over and over again. It really takes some humility to apply that.
Long ago, when I was told for the umpteenth time, 'Oh, but your mother loves you," I said, "Maybe so. Could be. But if that's love then you can keep it. Whatever that is, I don't want it."
Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone in this. Mothers Day I celebrate that I am breaking the generational trauma my narcissistic mother passed down. I celebrate myself as a mother who works on healing my cptsd and breaking the trauma bond that's held me my entire life until now. Working through bitterness isn't easy but that's what this mothers day has unburied. Happy Mama's day to you and cheers to learning from our parents mistakes.
I feel this bitterness too. It feels like rage or resentment to me I feel so hurt by this whole thing ... how could you not keep me safe??? IM YOUR CHILD!!! WHY!!!! ITS SUCH BULLSHIT I HATE THIS>
Unfortunately, Mothers Day is the most painful day of the year for me. At 60, I am still alienated by my 2 sons because I didn't have the strength to leave the Narcissist ( I did when they were in their teens) . I wish I understood and had help at 20 and not until 55. I studied and educated myself, but that loss is very real and still heartbreaking.
I can't imagine that pain. I'm so sorry. Maybe on that day, pamper yourself. Schedule a massage, buy yourself flowers and a gift, pick up your favorite takeaway and have it just before a candlelit bubble bath w music. Make it a day dedicated to you, from you ❤
😢Oh man, yes. I know it's coming soon, how I'm an ungrateful daughter, for not sending wishes tomorrow. I decided I had to block, after ANOTHER VERY HURTFUL event, that of course she minimized. I finally got strong enough this month, to end the cycle of abuse. I choose me now. And it's finally to the point she no longer scares me or makes me nervous. Since childhood, I have suffered with a nervous stomach & insomnia. I take cbd now & it works for me. It is so great not to feel that nervousness in my stomach😔
For the first time I am not calling my mother or sending her flowers or candy, I'm doing nothing. It's kind of a scary feeling but I'm not going to continue lauding her with praise and gifts. She was a terrible mother, I've finally come to terms with that fact. From my childhood I felt like I had to protect her when it should have been the other way around. I do not remember her once saying I was a good girl or how sweet I was, no memories of nurturing. It's a comfort for me to know I am not alone in my feelings.
Unbelievable betrayal. I believe some people just feel powerful keeping a lot of secrets. And are just so incredibly selfish. Glad I don't have to fawn over a liar ever again. They just don't get it that we were always paying attention to what they were doing too. Respect has to be earned. Not expected. I believe that's a horrible rule. I can forgive a fool that doesn't know what they're doing. You teach your children bad habits when you're a fake. But I'll never repeat or copy a lunatics behavior around my children. The truth is the truth. You can't cover up mental and/or emotional problems. That's why we're here. To get some answers for their bad behavior they hid from the public. So Glad that I was adopted.
thank you for this. Mothers Day is such a complicated day for many of us. I celebrate my own motherhood and the close relationships I have with my children, but also mourn having a "good enough" mother. My mother was a traumatized 15 year old when I was born and developed what I believe are 2 personality disorders and was very abusive even when I was a baby. I got my first spanking at 3 months old and even social workers saw there was some abuse, but no one intervened. I have no contact with my mother any longer, and while I am sad that my children don't have a grandmother, it is better that they are not exposed to her toxicity and lies.
Thank you Dr. Sage, for putting yourself out heŕe, for mothers. Thank you for the special Mother's Day message. Me and my wonderful husband, were blessed with 2 kids: a boy and a girl. They are both young adults now.. Our son got married a few weeks ago. But we live with a big sadness: our beautiful daughter, cut me out of her life. She started being disrespectful and talking to me as if she was a judge or something and I was nothing. The she cut me off. She blocked me every way she could. It is now 5 years that it feels my daughter is dead.She also don't text her dad anymore. If they talked and mentioned me she would just cut him off. She didn't even attend her brother's wedding. 5 years is a long time to think what did I do wrong. Her birth was terrible and she only knows a sick mother most of the time. I never blame her, that would be really bad. It was a lousy Gynecologist's mistakes. I did a lot of soul searhing and write her an email to ask forgiveness. But I didn't mail it because she told me not to contact her. I asked my husband what can I do. He talked to her. Her answer was: I could mail her, but my husband should read it first. We did it and send her the email. Seeing she said I could mail her; I did a few times again. But she doesn't answer me. She is pushing away everyone who really loves her. My mother-in-law lived with us. She had a lot of problems. But she openly and all the time rejected our son. While our daughter was an angel. Could this situation sparked something in my daughter? The fact that I was sick and is still struggling, could also be a factor. I miss her so much and the heartache is terrible. I want to hear from her. But to be honest: the way she is, I am afraid of her! I've been for help , many times but it didn't help! What should I do? Thank you. VL South Africa.
What a beautiful mother's day message for all of us who brought new beings into the world. I am tearing up because I relate to so much of what you are describing. I have been listening to your videos the last couple weeks. At the end of the 15 signs of CPST I cried healing tears. As a mother of three I am crying healing tears for my three adult children who had me as a wounded mother who caused more wounds for my children who I never intended to wound..
Omg, when I finaly realized that I always feel guilty because in childhood I felt like a burden for existing, with my mom always saying to me, "I can't do this alone!" and my grandma always pushing me to help my mom more, resulting in me never measuring up (though there was lots of love in my childhood), well, that's when things started to make sense.
Thank you, Dr. Just thought I’d mention that your advice today is equally healing for those of us with father wounds. I flipped the script in my mind and applied what you were saying to my dad and it was very healing. Thank you very much for your calm, heart-felt energy and happy Mother’s Day to you. ❤
All my life, my mother has used me to get revenge on my father. She'd hurt me on purpose to hurt my father. I have turned a blind eye to this, even though my father pointed it out to me - I always thought she mistreated me because she didn't like me, or maybe because I was somehow "not right" for her. She told her family lies about me and they, too, mistreated me and disliked me, and I never understood why. But my therapist had this insight on our last session and it has unlocked memories for me. What can I say, my memory is all blocked/messed up. My mother did a number on that, too, gaslighting me saying that my memories didn't happen, but I am 100% sure they happened. Even with my tiny hippocampus due to childhood trauma.
Mother’s Day is the worst day for me from the perspective of a mother and child. Nmom makes sure we do things she wants. When I used to celebrate the day, I would treat myself to being alone. Its hard with a narcissistic that dominates.
Every single thing you say resonates with me 100%, from perpetually self-shaming, feeling like I am beholden to everyone, to second-guessing my professional skills (I have major impostor syndrome) and lacking self-worth in my personal relationships. I have gone through life not knowing what exactly it was that I was doing wrong (it would have had to be my own shortcomings, of course) and that prevented me from being happy. I always knew that the constant, violent beatings and emotional/ verbal abuse I endured from my mother had affected me, but never before did I form a clear picture of just how much damage she had caused me and everyone else in my family. I grew up in Europe, in an area where behavioral disorders are still poorly sized up and execrably dismissed as mere personality traits. Thank you for your work and for your precious time, Dr Sage.
Aww thank you for this!! I needed this! I need to not go on facebook on Mother's Day because everyone posting about heir mom and how amazing she is with pics included together really triggers me. I was fine before seeing all that!
@DrKimSage This is the problem of narc mothers, even when I am listening to you, my mother's inner critic voice told me "Look how evil Dr. Kim is? she wants you to hate me". I am grateful that I could handle this. Thanks Dr. Kim
Thank you Dr Sage. Happy Mother's Day to you, your Subscribers, foster Mums, Mother Grandmothers, ...and Happy 'Daddy Mother's Day', to all the single fathers. Thank you for your beautiful words that resonate so deeply and realistically in relation to me being a survivors of narcissistic abuse from my toxic mother, and a sufferer of CPTSD. Your words a kind substitute for the void of a real mother's love and nurture ...that I have rarely ...no ...falsely interpreted as real. Sufferer from aged 3 to 53. God Bless. Love Western Australia xx
OMW😢😮 speechless.... Mother's day has always been hard, because my mother expected a nicely worded card...but I just couldn't be hypocritical about saying how wonderful she was.... cause I didn't feel it.....but truly by the grace of God my Lord and Savior I've been healed and could be the mother that I never had....❤ Thought of her today....old, far from me in a nursing home, bedridden all alone, thankfully with people taking care of her.... can't get myself to reach out, to send a message. I've let go more than 10 years ago, but I still long for and it makes me sad to think we couldn't have a normal relationship. Thanks for the insightful video 🇿🇦🙏🏻
So my mom passed away on 12 June, peaceful and quiet. I believe she found peace with her Maker and knew I loved her and had no animosity towards her. 🙏🏻
The key to healing from my mother's trauma in childhood is forgiveness. Forgiveness helps us to let go of the past, and to press on to the future. Understanding that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, enables us to forgive and stop expecting perfection from others. None of us are perfect even though we think we are.
It's good that it works for you. We can also forgive the behavior and move on from a distance. There's no need or advantage to keeping people close when they don't honor your worth.
Thank you so so much for talking about this topic with compassion for people who have PDs. I struggled with severe BPD for a long time as a result of my own mother's trauma and PDs, and I've fully recovered, but I also know that my mother's abuse came in part from her mental struggles. And I don't want to demonize her PD while I acknowledge how it had a role in the trauma she caused me, because I know how hurtful and counterproductive and dehumanizing it was to feel demonized for my own PD. Just. Thank you. There are so many people who talk about this topic who dehumanize the "narcissist" or "borderline" and make it harder to find compassionate help. People are messy. Thank you for saying ppw/PDs aren't incapable of love and it's not for anyone else to decide that, and that we can still judge their actions as loving or not. Just. Thank you a million times.
The difference between bondage and attachment struck me. We’re wired for attachment to others, but if we only absorbed lessons about unhealthy ways to attach, we keep ourselves in bondage to those unhealthy patterns as we age. In a sense then, triggers are like “the gift of pain” that Paul Brand described for physical hurts. They help us see unhelpful patterns that were invisible to us. I do find that as I uncover these patterns, it becomes easier to frame my upbringing, to see the good as well as the bad, and to be able to say, for example, yes, I learned my voice did not matter, but that was untrue, and I can speak up for myself as needed even if it means being criticized unfairly or losing a relationship; being true to myself is what matters most.
It took a long time for me to understand my mother did the best she knew at the time, and that she had been thru much trauma herself. Forgiveness brings freedom.
I stumbled upon your videos by accident however what you speak about is helping me in my healing process. I realized i was married yo a covert narcisist & right in the middle of realizing that while trying to process it i ended up realizing my mom is a narcisist as well. My oldest brother always said our mom was a narcisist & i never really thought about his words & then in the process of waking up to realizing i was married to a narcisist she verbally evilly got very nasty with me. Looking back on it now i do feel that had i not been a strong person i would have lost my mind because there was 2 of them going at me at the same time & i lived with both of them at the time. I did get therapy after i had some therapy i then tried to talk to my mom about her verbally attacking me like that & all she did was scream at me that i was a liar & crazy that she never did that. That told me then she was not going to take any accountability of her actions & that her & my relationship was not going to change for the better. I felt like i was a burden, a problem, an annoyance all my life with her. I was the child that became quieter that blamed myself. I learned not to ask for anything not even my most basic needs because she always acted like i was a problem. Not only did she minimize me & my feelings it taught me to do the same to myself. Its been about 4 yrs since i realized this about her & started distancing myself right after Thanksgiving last yr for my health both mental & physical health. It saddens me as i wanted a close relationship with my mom however its not something that can be therefore ive accepted it. For a long time i couldnt bring myself to distance myself as i felt like i was the problem, that i was a bad daughter for even thinking of distancing myself however the burdens she has put on me as i faced homelessness(house i was renting for 8 yrs the owners decided to sell so i'm living in a motel right now) took away any denial i had about her & that was my 1st step in distancing myself. I know who i am at my core however i am trying to find out who i am in other ways. I'm working on not just setting boundaries but enforcing them too. Im trying to rediscover things that bring me joy in my life. I'll end this comment now as i could keep talking about this. What you share helps many of us in more ways than i can articulate
Decades of my youth, young adult and early adulthood were years I tried to ignore what happened to me regarding my mother. I have spent my sober years trying to manage seeing her. I think the part of the early years that survives regarding the hurt is I'm still lesser than and told I don't need to talk or be expressive. Meaning I'm told to "get to the point", "I don't want to know that", "You make it seem like I can't understand", or she may talk over me, shush me, and twice has publicly shamed me by putting her hand over my mouth to stiffle me. Because one of those happened yesterday, and also Mother's day, I'm a bit triggered. I wish to try and make talk minimal, but we share a traumatic kind of life history, separate and together and ASD.
The most apalling thing abut any psychotrauma is that untill someone points on your issues using right words you totally can't see them, it's like they're lurking inside you not wanting to be relieved.
I’m only 3 minutes in and I just want to pause to say thank you for that acknowledgment, it was so comforting and validating. Thankful for you Dr. Sage and hope you had a nice Mother’s Day. 💕
Thanks for your videos. I'm your fan from Europe :) I was in the therapy, both individual and group one but in the same therapist. I always had a feeling that not matter what I was telling about my mother the therapist tried to find a excuse for her behavior i.e she used to never be at home because she did not want to see my father (he was an alcoholic) or she humiliated and beat me because she had a lot o rage inside because of difficult life etc. I was scared of her when I was a child because I never knew what mood she'd had. I moved out when I was 19 but still she was supporting me financially when I was at university, so I was depended on her and she used to use this against me when we had argument. My father stopped drinking over 10 years ago but we still don't have a good contact. A few years ago my mother got a cancer, she recovered. And now she is the nicest person in the world. She buys a expensive gifts for me and my sister but on the other side she think that she was a good mother and she did not anything wrong and we were difficult children and deserved this. I don't know what should I think I feel all my life depend on her (she was also very controlling person) and even though we have a good relation now I cannot forget the past and I feel wounded. I'm sending love whoever is reading this :)
I have been watching TH-cam for over 10 years and have never once commented on a video. I have never needed to hear something more on this day. Thank you so much for this. I really genuinely appreciate it. I'm wondering if you are taking clients right now and if so if you do any kind of online therapy?
You are such a wealth of information. I currently can’t afford a therapist , but I had a mom that I believe has borderline personality disorder. She definitely had an unsafe love for me . I have had a lot of similar struggles to you . Thank you for sharing this.
@9:10 I was diagnosed t1 diabetic age 11. It was 1977 and there were no glucose monitors or pumps or jack. Hospitalized for 16 days. 🤣 (now it’d be like 16 hours) If I wasn’t already a burden….. I’m realizing right now I don’t read social cues very easily.
Kim, I am learning so much from you and I’m starting to understand what’s wrong with me or what isn’t wrong with me I should say. I still struggle every day but when I have really hard times which is most days, I tend to go to your videos just to hear your voice cause it’s so soothingand relaxing for me. It’s a comfort thing.
Wishing you a peaceful mothers day with your children Dr Sage ❤🙏 I have always found mothers day full of conflicting emotions and very triggering but like many celebration days, another day feeling pressure to put on a smile for the familys sake. Mothers day was a while ago here in the UK and after my nan, my mother's mum passed this Christmas, the new dynamics that played out on mothers day between my mother and I, this year more than ever, made me realise that these are such historial wounds. It was in many ways a day of letting go and acceptance. It has ended up being really freeing for me ❤
Thnk you for making this video . I do not speak to my mom as much nowadays I do not wish to speak to her with mothers day plus feel a bit alone with this .... this video feels a bit warm plus hears me how I feel loss for a mother loss for mother loss pure loss I feel that I fearr this is my life always hurt
It is interesting to learn, now that I'm about 3 or 4 months since finding this channel & returning multiple times per week, the little things I've in common w/ Dr Sage while doing a mini- binge - watch of her videos. I too detest small talk.😂
Thanks for your videos. I relate to so much of what you say. It can feel a little lonely carrying the secret burden of your trauma that is ever present but you have to hide to everybody else. I like listening to what you say because then I don't feel like I'm the only one on earth who feels the way I feel and who has endured what I have endured. Thank you.
Thank you, you're so right about everything. Its so true. I am a 47 female who got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am the oldest out of five children my parens had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love i been a Christian for over ten years I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God gives us victory. God is great all the time. I enjoy doing things on my own by myself now. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists enablers are just as bad as Narcissists. Narcissists are liars Narcissists are broken people Narcissists are insecure people Narcissists never loved us Narcissists don't care about you at all Narcissists always act like the victim Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil Narcissists are fake and phony people
Thank you, Kim. For my FA partner with a toxic mom and me struggling with my beloved mom’s recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis as well as wanting to me a mom much later in life, this hits so many notes. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
I just want to write to say I am very sad and have nobody to tell that. After 10 years of avoiding my father I saw him today for the first time, he has dementia since 2 years ago and has a lot of trouble speaking. I finally stopped my avoidance towards him but now I can barely have a conversation with him about everything that was never spoken in my childhood. He was never fully emotionally there for me. Not because he does not want to but can’t somehow. Probably because he has autism like i do. I don’t know why.. it breaks me to see my own dad like this. And I figured out my mother and possibly also sister has undiagnosed borderline. Everything in my life almost has failed and has been pain. Its like I and my dad carry the same shame, of being losers. That is the pain described. Father and son both failed at life but I can’t talk about that with him. Can’t remember any of us saw eachother cry ever, not even once. I don’t think I can heal from all my trauma. If I could kill myself without hurting my family members I imagine I could want it. This is the channel that started my awakening more then anything tho and that I am so thankful for.
When shopping for Mother's Day cards, it is so hard to find one that doesn't say some variation of "I love you" or "You're the best mother in the world." I don't love her, and she was a toxic mother. There are very few Mother's Day cards that simply say "Have a good Mother's Day." I wish I had a different relationship. Scratch that. I wish I had a different mother.
For a daughter that was transferred away from her N mother so that I was not able to meet her needs or be her best friend, eventually I got relegated to the scapegoat spot. I think I would have rather maintained the golden spot. Have you talked about these changing roles😱before??
When I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend this mother’s day, ( to love on her)she told me no and said she will take a “rain check!” No explanation. So cold.
When I try to talk to my mother about being the family scapegoat, she says those people are crazy stop listening to them. When I try to tell her how I feel or defend myself because I was blamed unjustly she says, it’s all about you. I don’t feel seen or heard or validated. It’s definitely not safe my last email she told me i ruined my nieces wedding, i wasn’t even there that’s the funny part.
My mother threw my photos out of the family album - I spent my life trying to get her love, cared for her children, from the age of 3, had to stand on a bar stool to hang the clothes up to dry, cleaned (sometimes getting up in the middle of the night to do it hoping she'd be happily surprised) her house, meal prep + clean up, cried when she died cause I would never have another chance to get her to love me. Married at 18, to a narcissist like her, poured everything into my 6 kids who I loved more than life itself, when he was presented with my desire for couples, family therapy, he went behind back and surprised me with a no contact order, I lost my home + family, powerless, I want to die
I refuse to ever have a relationship with my so called " mom", she doesn't even deserve that title, so I since a child have never called her mom, always Judy. She's the most evil person I've ever encountered in my life and in her 70's she's the same. 2 years ago,my sister, who she sold for $1,000 for drugs ( I was 10 and heard the entire conversation) my sister was 6 weeks old,I came home from school and she e gone. For all these years she's called me a liar about it, even to my other younger siblings! I was the only she abused and other things I won't say on here. Well when my sister who she sold found me,we took DNA,of course she was my sister. Judy still denied it! We found out she had sold another sister after I ended up running away at 12. Now, I have 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. And am nothing of her! So Mother's Day,is about the family I made, because to me Judy( the person who birthed me, but never wanted me nor did my sperm donor I have never met) Both of them are already dead to me. It may sound cruel, but if you knew what I went through you would understand.
Sending love to all for whom Mother's Day is a reminder of pain, triggers or loss. Please take good care of yourselves.💗💗🙏🙏
Thank you! It is very hard for me. I do enjoy my children and family but grieve to have a mom myself 🥲
Thank you love you
We appreciate you!!!
thank you, kim. have a beautiful mother’s day ❤
Much appreciated, Dr. Kim -- thank you
Im still in contact with my mother and since I've done so much self discovery and self work over the past couple of years, I have found shopping for obligatory cards to be really triggering for me. None of the typical gushy ones are applicable to me, and being disingenuous is reeeeally hard for me. I stand there forever trying to find something not TOO generic but not overly "flowery" either. I feel like I am who I am IN SPITE OF my mom, not because of her.
I could probably make millions of dollars producing a line of cards that says things like "thanks for providing basic food and shelter, mom" or "my therapist is glad you had kids." 😂
Allow yourself to be real and stop sending the card. You’re going along with the narrative that she was a mother to be celebrated and you don’t need to. Living an authentic life is something you owe yourself.
I bought my mom a yoga themed card this year! GOOD SAVE, Marshalls! LOL "Mom-aste" - "Relax and Renew! This day's for you. XOX"
Now we both win..
@mj-rg9kp I'm in a similar situation as original commentor is. I'm finding it most true to myself to still send a card but never lie with or within the card...I am extremely thoughtful, caring, sweet, creative. Sometimes, being happy and not holding a grudge is the best "revenge". I recently decided to let her be whatever kind of mom she wants; I'm expecting acceptance from her, afterall!
I am EXTREMELY LOW CONTACT with the parent I'm referring to. Emergencies only BUT there's some trauma, for me, in pretending she doesn't exist...or pretending she never did one single good or loving thing...
I finally gave up shopping for Father's Day and Mother's Day cards. I always hated it and continuously joked how I was going to start a dysfunctional greeting card company for just that reason. Dear Mom thanks for being my mother when it suited you and you weren't having an emotional breakdown at my expense😂
@@amandarattray2845 If sending a card to her makes you feel good in any way, go ahead. However, just bc you don’t send a card doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge. You may not want to send it bc you simply don’t want to, since it doesn’t come from the heart, and that’s ok too. I don’t even remember the last time I sent a card to my mom but I don’t harbor any grudges. I’m a mom now too so I think it’s a day more about me and my kids and tbh, I don’t even think of her much on Mother’s Day..which is probably bad but I’m ok with that too.
After my mom passed I got a huge freedom from being beholden to the rest of my family. She brainwashed us into thinking that family was everything. The pandemic also helped create distance between siblings so I no longer feel obligated to do anything for family that I don't want to do. Being the only one 'doing the work' I'm the outcast and I'm okay with that. My siblings can miss their loving mother, and I can be thankful that she provided food and shelter, and continue to work on creating safer and healthier bonds, and take care of myself the way she never did. I naively thought that through therapy I'd just fix what was broken and move on - the truth is is that it will always be there but it can be less intense and less triggering.
1. @6:12, you are bad (unworthy).
2. @8:30, you (your needs) are a burden.
3. @9:40, you are beholden to me.
(You are responsible for how I feel)
4. @11:45, you are "bonded" to mother.
(Separation=bad, enmeshment=good)
5. @12:55, you are bound to me no matter what. Partly true, but the nature of that bond CAN be changed, repaired and made healthier.
Bad, Burden, Beholded, Bound, Bound-permanent....the B's😁
Nice alliteration 👍💡👍🤔💡🤔💡
Thank you for listing the lies and their timestamps for us. It saves me the trouble of having to do this service myself.
@@warrenbradford2597 You're welcome!
THIS is it - the very toxic burden my grandmother put onto my father. He in turn was an abusive, self centered, demanding man who damaged his own children.
@@allthingsharbor Funny...I saw the same thing happen across 3 generations. Twice. I knew a grandma (very histrionic) abuse a young boy who turned into such a father. Second, I saw a depressed, abusive mother who abused her daughter and the daughter turned into a total witch who severely damaged her kids.
I remember when my ex wifes family was always bombarding her with THEIR problems. Especially her mother. They all basically kept trying to guilt her into solving their problems like crazy. This really stressed her out.
I have super boundaries and I have no problem enforcing them, so I told her to let me handle all calls and requests from her family. Well she felt afraid of the reaction that would cause, and she refused to let me take the lead on that and so she kept being stressed out.
I learned that a person really has to participate in their own rescue. That goes for us all. If you don't change your approach, accept or seek help, and just keep doing the same things you've always done, you'll keep getting the same results you've always gotten and keep experiencing the same problems over and over again. It really takes some humility to apply that.
Long ago, when I was told for the umpteenth time, 'Oh, but your mother loves you," I said, "Maybe so. Could be. But if that's love then you can keep it. Whatever that is, I don't want it."
Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone in this. Mothers Day I celebrate that I am breaking the generational trauma my narcissistic mother passed down. I celebrate myself as a mother who works on healing my cptsd and breaking the trauma bond that's held me my entire life until now. Working through bitterness isn't easy but that's what this mothers day has unburied. Happy Mama's day to you and cheers to learning from our parents mistakes.
I feel this bitterness too. It feels like rage or resentment to me I feel so hurt by this whole thing ... how could you not keep me safe??? IM YOUR CHILD!!! WHY!!!! ITS SUCH BULLSHIT I HATE THIS>
Mother's Day is a tough one for me. So empty and hurtful to have nothing to celebrate my mother for.
Unfortunately, Mothers Day is the most painful day of the year for me. At 60, I am still alienated by my 2 sons because I didn't have the strength to leave the Narcissist ( I did when they were in their teens) . I wish I understood and had help at 20 and not until 55. I studied and educated myself, but that loss is very real and still heartbreaking.
I can't imagine that pain. I'm so sorry. Maybe on that day, pamper yourself. Schedule a massage, buy yourself flowers and a gift, pick up your favorite takeaway and have it just before a candlelit bubble bath w music. Make it a day dedicated to you, from you ❤
Oh wow, I've often wondered aloud who I would be and what I'd have accomplished with even one loving, attentive, gentle parent in my life.
I can’t begin to thank you enough Kim for everything you do to validate this type of trauma. I’m learning so much.
Love is a behavior not a feeling. Actions tell everything.
😢Oh man, yes. I know it's coming soon, how I'm an ungrateful daughter, for not sending wishes tomorrow. I decided I had to block, after ANOTHER VERY HURTFUL event, that of course she minimized. I finally got strong enough this month, to end the cycle of abuse. I choose me now. And it's finally to the point she no longer scares me or makes me nervous. Since childhood, I have suffered with a nervous stomach & insomnia. I take cbd now & it works for me. It is so great not to feel that nervousness in my stomach😔
For the first time I am not calling my mother or sending her flowers or candy, I'm doing nothing. It's kind of a scary feeling but I'm not going to continue lauding her with praise and gifts. She was a terrible mother, I've finally come to terms with that fact. From my childhood I felt like I had to protect her when it should have been the other way around. I do not remember her once saying I was a good girl or how sweet I was, no memories of nurturing. It's a comfort for me to know I am not alone in my feelings.
That's right, CANCLE her and never speak to her again!
Yaaaas
👹
Thanks Dr. Kim. I'm on my 6th year with no contact. The sting is a little less each day. Appreciate you and your videos a lot
My mother is still with us...and I long for the mother I never had. To be validated for who I am, and not for what she wants me to be.
Unbelievable betrayal. I believe some people just feel powerful keeping a lot of secrets. And are just so incredibly selfish. Glad I don't have to fawn over a liar ever again. They just don't get it that we were always paying attention to what they were doing too. Respect has to be earned. Not expected. I believe that's a horrible rule. I can forgive a fool that doesn't know what they're doing. You teach your children bad habits when you're a fake. But I'll never repeat or copy a lunatics behavior around my children. The truth is the truth. You can't cover up mental and/or emotional problems. That's why we're here. To get some answers for their bad behavior they hid from the public. So Glad that I was adopted.
Your voice is very soothing
thank you for this. Mothers Day is such a complicated day for many of us. I celebrate my own motherhood and the close relationships I have with my children, but also mourn having a "good enough" mother. My mother was a traumatized 15 year old when I was born and developed what I believe are 2 personality disorders and was very abusive even when I was a baby. I got my first spanking at 3 months old and even social workers saw there was some abuse, but no one intervened. I have no contact with my mother any longer, and while I am sad that my children don't have a grandmother, it is better that they are not exposed to her toxicity and lies.
Thank you Dr. Sage, for putting yourself out heŕe, for mothers.
Thank you for the special Mother's Day message.
Me and my wonderful husband, were blessed with 2 kids: a boy and a girl. They are both young adults now.. Our son got married a few weeks ago.
But we live with a big sadness: our beautiful daughter, cut me out of her life. She started being disrespectful and talking to me as if she was a judge or something and I was nothing. The she cut me off. She blocked me every way she could. It is now 5 years that it feels my daughter is dead.She also don't text her dad anymore. If they talked and mentioned me she would just cut him off. She didn't even attend her brother's wedding.
5 years is a long time to think what did I do wrong. Her birth was terrible and she only knows a sick mother most of the time. I never blame her, that would be really bad. It was a lousy Gynecologist's mistakes.
I did a lot of soul searhing and write her an email to ask forgiveness. But I didn't mail it because she told me not to contact her. I asked my husband what can I do. He talked to her. Her answer was: I could mail her, but my husband should read it first.
We did it and send her the email.
Seeing she said I could mail her; I did a few times again. But she doesn't answer me. She is pushing away everyone who really loves her.
My mother-in-law lived with us. She had a lot of problems. But she openly and all the time rejected our son. While our daughter was an angel. Could this situation sparked something in my daughter? The fact that I was sick and is still struggling, could also be a factor.
I miss her so much and the heartache is terrible. I want to hear from her. But to be honest: the way she is, I am afraid of her!
I've been for help , many times but it didn't help!
What should I do?
Thank you.
VL
South Africa.
What a beautiful mother's day message for all of us who brought new beings into the world. I am tearing up because I relate to so much of what you are describing. I have been listening to your videos the last couple weeks. At the end of the 15 signs of CPST I cried healing tears. As a mother of three I am crying healing tears for my three adult children who had me as a wounded mother who caused more wounds for my children who I never intended to wound..
Omg, when I finaly realized that I always feel guilty because in childhood I felt like a burden for existing, with my mom always saying to me, "I can't do this alone!" and my grandma always pushing me to help my mom more, resulting in me never measuring up (though there was lots of love in my childhood), well, that's when things started to make sense.
Thank you, Dr. Just thought I’d mention that your advice today is equally healing for those of us with father wounds. I flipped the script in my mind and applied what you were saying to my dad and it was very healing. Thank you very much for your calm, heart-felt energy and happy Mother’s Day to you. ❤
All my life, my mother has used me to get revenge on my father. She'd hurt me on purpose to hurt my father. I have turned a blind eye to this, even though my father pointed it out to me - I always thought she mistreated me because she didn't like me, or maybe because I was somehow "not right" for her. She told her family lies about me and they, too, mistreated me and disliked me, and I never understood why. But my therapist had this insight on our last session and it has unlocked memories for me. What can I say, my memory is all blocked/messed up. My mother did a number on that, too, gaslighting me saying that my memories didn't happen, but I am 100% sure they happened. Even with my tiny hippocampus due to childhood trauma.
Is it common for people with CPTSD to constantly wake up feeling totally crabby and irritated all the time?
Possibly, but it could also be something more simple and easy to address. Overnight blood sugar issues can result in that.
@@madeleinegrayson8372 I've been eating more MCT oil & coconut oil instead and it's been helping ^_^
My mother said that she loved us but her actions said different.
Mother’s Day is the worst day for me from the perspective of a mother and child. Nmom makes sure we do things she wants. When I used to celebrate the day, I would treat myself to being alone. Its hard with a narcissistic that dominates.
I feel sad I will never have this mother I desire
Every single thing you say resonates with me 100%, from perpetually self-shaming, feeling like I am beholden to everyone, to second-guessing my professional skills (I have major impostor syndrome) and lacking self-worth in my personal relationships. I have gone through life not knowing what exactly it was that I was doing wrong (it would have had to be my own shortcomings, of course) and that prevented me from being happy. I always knew that the constant, violent beatings and emotional/ verbal abuse I endured from my mother had affected me, but never before did I form a clear picture of just how much damage she had caused me and everyone else in my family. I grew up in Europe, in an area where behavioral disorders are still poorly sized up and execrably dismissed as mere personality traits. Thank you for your work and for your precious time, Dr Sage.
Aww thank you for this!! I needed this! I need to not go on facebook on Mother's Day because everyone posting about heir mom and how amazing she is with pics included together really triggers me. I was fine before seeing all that!
I moved 3000 miles away. Yet, it took 10 years to get her constantly negative voice out of my head.
These were the messages I heard on a regular basis in my childhood
@DrKimSage This is the problem of narc mothers, even when I am listening to you, my mother's inner critic voice told me "Look how evil Dr. Kim is? she wants you to hate me". I am grateful that I could handle this. Thanks Dr. Kim
Thank you Dr Sage.
Happy Mother's Day to you, your Subscribers, foster Mums, Mother Grandmothers, ...and Happy 'Daddy Mother's Day', to all the single fathers.
Thank you for your beautiful words that resonate so deeply and realistically in relation to me being a survivors of narcissistic abuse from my toxic mother, and a sufferer of CPTSD.
Your words a kind substitute for the void of a real mother's love and nurture ...that I have rarely ...no ...falsely interpreted as real.
Sufferer from aged 3 to 53.
God Bless.
Love Western Australia xx
Happy reparenting day! Seriously, anyone who has to reparent themselves deserves a holiday :)
OMW😢😮 speechless.... Mother's day has always been hard, because my mother expected a nicely worded card...but I just couldn't be hypocritical about saying how wonderful she was.... cause I didn't feel it.....but truly by the grace of God my Lord and Savior I've been healed and could be the mother that I never had....❤ Thought of her today....old, far from me in a nursing home, bedridden all alone, thankfully with people taking care of her.... can't get myself to reach out, to send a message. I've let go more than 10 years ago, but I still long for and it makes me sad to think we couldn't have a normal relationship. Thanks for the insightful video 🇿🇦🙏🏻
So my mom passed away on 12 June, peaceful and quiet. I believe she found peace with her Maker and knew I loved her and had no animosity towards her. 🙏🏻
@@tanjasmit7535I hope you are well.
The key to healing from my mother's trauma in childhood is forgiveness. Forgiveness helps us to let go of the past, and to press on to the future. Understanding that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes, enables us to forgive and stop expecting perfection from others. None of us are perfect even though we think we are.
It's good that it works for you. We can also forgive the behavior and move on from a distance. There's no need or advantage to keeping people close when they don't honor your worth.
Thank you so so much for talking about this topic with compassion for people who have PDs. I struggled with severe BPD for a long time as a result of my own mother's trauma and PDs, and I've fully recovered, but I also know that my mother's abuse came in part from her mental struggles. And I don't want to demonize her PD while I acknowledge how it had a role in the trauma she caused me, because I know how hurtful and counterproductive and dehumanizing it was to feel demonized for my own PD.
Just. Thank you. There are so many people who talk about this topic who dehumanize the "narcissist" or "borderline" and make it harder to find compassionate help. People are messy. Thank you for saying ppw/PDs aren't incapable of love and it's not for anyone else to decide that, and that we can still judge their actions as loving or not. Just. Thank you a million times.
The difference between bondage and attachment struck me. We’re wired for attachment to others, but if we only absorbed lessons about unhealthy ways to attach, we keep ourselves in bondage to those unhealthy patterns as we age. In a sense then, triggers are like “the gift of pain” that Paul Brand described for physical hurts. They help us see unhelpful patterns that were invisible to us. I do find that as I uncover these patterns, it becomes easier to frame my upbringing, to see the good as well as the bad, and to be able to say, for example, yes, I learned my voice did not matter, but that was untrue, and I can speak up for myself as needed even if it means being criticized unfairly or losing a relationship; being true to myself is what matters most.
Thank you so much! It's a alot to deal with but it helps to know that we're not alone. 😢❤❤❤❤
You're excellent Dr. Kim. Thank you. Happy mother's day. The gummy bears breakfast was hilarious 😂
It took a long time for me to understand my mother did the best she knew at the time, and that she had been thru much trauma herself. Forgiveness brings freedom.
Great video happy mother's day!! I left my relationship because she let her mother run her life and ultimately our relationship!!!
I stumbled upon your videos by accident however what you speak about is helping me in my healing process.
I realized i was married yo a covert narcisist & right in the middle of realizing that while trying to process it i ended up realizing my mom is a narcisist as well. My oldest brother always said our mom was a narcisist & i never really thought about his words & then in the process of waking up to realizing i was married to a narcisist she verbally evilly got very nasty with me. Looking back on it now i do feel that had i not been a strong person i would have lost my mind because there was 2 of them going at me at the same time & i lived with both of them at the time.
I did get therapy after i had some therapy i then tried to talk to my mom about her verbally attacking me like that & all she did was scream at me that i was a liar & crazy that she never did that. That told me then she was not going to take any accountability of her actions & that her & my relationship was not going to change for the better.
I felt like i was a burden, a problem, an annoyance all my life with her.
I was the child that became quieter that blamed myself. I learned not to ask for anything not even my most basic needs because she always acted like i was a problem.
Not only did she minimize me & my feelings it taught me to do the same to myself. Its been about 4 yrs since i realized this about her & started distancing myself right after Thanksgiving last yr for my health both mental & physical health.
It saddens me as i wanted a close relationship with my mom however its not something that can be therefore ive accepted it.
For a long time i couldnt bring myself to distance myself as i felt like i was the problem, that i was a bad daughter for even thinking of distancing myself however the burdens she has put on me as i faced homelessness(house i was renting for 8 yrs the owners decided to sell so i'm living in a motel right now) took away any denial i had about her & that was my 1st step in distancing myself.
I know who i am at my core however i am trying to find out who i am in other ways. I'm working on not just setting boundaries but enforcing them too.
Im trying to rediscover things that bring me joy in my life.
I'll end this comment now as i could keep talking about this.
What you share helps many of us in more ways than i can articulate
Decades of my youth, young adult and early adulthood were years I tried to ignore what happened to me regarding my mother. I have spent my sober years trying to manage seeing her.
I think the part of the early years that survives regarding the hurt is I'm still lesser than and told I don't need to talk or be expressive. Meaning I'm told to "get to the point", "I don't want to know that", "You make it seem like I can't understand", or she may talk over me, shush me, and twice has publicly shamed me by putting her hand over my mouth to stiffle me.
Because one of those happened yesterday, and also Mother's day, I'm a bit triggered. I wish to try and make talk minimal, but we share a traumatic kind of life history, separate and together and ASD.
The most apalling thing abut any psychotrauma is that untill someone points on your issues using right words you totally can't see them, it's like they're lurking inside you not wanting to be relieved.
I’m only 3 minutes in and I just want to pause to say thank you for that acknowledgment, it was so comforting and validating. Thankful for you Dr. Sage and hope you had a nice Mother’s Day. 💕
This video bought me to tears 💔
Thanks for your videos. I'm your fan from Europe :)
I was in the therapy, both individual and group one but in the same therapist. I always had a feeling that not matter what I was telling about my mother the therapist tried to find a excuse for her behavior i.e she used to never be at home because she did not want to see my father (he was an alcoholic) or she humiliated and beat me because she had a lot o rage inside because of difficult life etc. I was scared of her when I was a child because I never knew what mood she'd had. I moved out when I was 19 but still she was supporting me financially when I was at university, so I was depended on her and she used to use this against me when we had argument. My father stopped drinking over 10 years ago but we still don't have a good contact. A few years ago my mother got a cancer, she recovered. And now she is the nicest person in the world. She buys a expensive gifts for me and my sister but on the other side she think that she was a good mother and she did not anything wrong and we were difficult children and deserved this. I don't know what should I think I feel all my life depend on her (she was also very controlling person) and even though we have a good relation now I cannot forget the past and I feel wounded.
I'm sending love whoever is reading this :)
I have been watching TH-cam for over 10 years and have never once commented on a video. I have never needed to hear something more on this day. Thank you so much for this. I really genuinely appreciate it. I'm wondering if you are taking clients right now and if so if you do any kind of online therapy?
You are such a wealth of information. I currently can’t afford a therapist , but I had a mom that I believe has borderline personality disorder. She definitely had an unsafe love for me . I have had a lot of similar struggles to you . Thank you for sharing this.
The "beholden" issue is the thing that I struggle with the most.
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Sage! Woke up feeling scared, isolated, and trapped - watching this has helped set a healthy tone for my day.
Such a comfort and a good reminder on a day like today. Thank you and happy mother's day!
U described my Mom to a T . I don't know how to express my needs because when I was little I wasn't allowed to have needs .
@9:10 I was diagnosed t1 diabetic age 11. It was 1977 and there were no glucose monitors or pumps or jack. Hospitalized for 16 days. 🤣 (now it’d be like 16 hours) If I wasn’t already a burden…..
I’m realizing right now I don’t read social cues very easily.
Kim, I am learning so much from you and I’m starting to understand what’s wrong with me or what isn’t wrong with me I should say. I still struggle every day but when I have really hard times which is most days, I tend to go to your videos just to hear your voice cause it’s so soothingand relaxing for me. It’s a comfort thing.
Wishing you a peaceful mothers day with your children Dr Sage ❤🙏 I have always found mothers day full of conflicting emotions and very triggering but like many celebration days, another day feeling pressure to put on a smile for the familys sake. Mothers day was a while ago here in the UK and after my nan, my mother's mum passed this Christmas, the new dynamics that played out on mothers day between my mother and I, this year more than ever, made me realise that these are such historial wounds. It was in many ways a day of letting go and acceptance. It has ended up being really freeing for me ❤
Just found you this morning. Thank you for providing your content. Truly
How sad for us all. I relate to the nuances of these comments. I do wonder what percentage of people actually grew up without fear
Thnk you for making this video . I do not speak to my mom as much nowadays I do not wish to speak to her with mothers day plus feel a bit alone with this .... this video feels a bit warm plus hears me how I feel loss for a mother loss for mother loss pure loss I feel that I fearr this is my life always hurt
What a loving kind soul you are. I just love you. Thank you for your amazing help
Wendy 💕
Had to cry hearing this because this just hits home.
Thank you so much, Dr. Sage. Really, just thank you. 💕
Wow every point hit home.
It is interesting to learn, now that I'm about 3 or 4 months since finding this channel & returning multiple times per week, the little things I've in common w/ Dr Sage while doing a mini- binge - watch of her videos. I too detest small talk.😂
Thanks for your videos. I relate to so much of what you say. It can feel a little lonely carrying the secret burden of your trauma that is ever present but you have to hide to everybody else. I like listening to what you say because then I don't feel like I'm the only one on earth who feels the way I feel and who has endured what I have endured. Thank you.
Hope you enjoyed Mother's Day. Pamper yourself, that's great advice.❤
Watching your videos, I feel so seen, and heard. Thank you for these videos.
Thank you for this!
Wisng you a fabulous Mother’s Day filled with love. 💜🦋🌊
You are such a good person!
Thank you, you're so right about everything. Its so true. I am a 47 female who got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am the oldest out of five children my parens had. I always been the black sheep in my family. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love i been a Christian for over ten years
I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God gives us victory. God is great all the time. I enjoy doing things on my own by myself now. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists enablers are just as bad as Narcissists. Narcissists are liars
Narcissists are broken people
Narcissists are insecure people
Narcissists never loved us
Narcissists don't care about you at all
Narcissists always act like the victim
Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil
Narcissists are fake and phony people
Thank you.. It was a really good video. I choose to break The relation but The wond is still there.
Thank you, Kim. For my FA partner with a toxic mom and me struggling with my beloved mom’s recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis as well as wanting to me a mom much later in life, this hits so many notes. Happy Mother’s Day to you.
I need to take time to recover from these lies myself and practice self-love. I need to get some privacy to that as my authenticity enrages her.
Wow, this is so true.
I just want to write to say I am very sad and have nobody to tell that. After 10 years of avoiding my father I saw him today for the first time, he has dementia since 2 years ago and has a lot of trouble speaking. I finally stopped my avoidance towards him but now I can barely have a conversation with him about everything that was never spoken in my childhood. He was never fully emotionally there for me. Not because he does not want to but can’t somehow. Probably because he has autism like i do. I don’t know why.. it breaks me to see my own dad like this. And I figured out my mother and possibly also sister has undiagnosed borderline. Everything in my life almost has failed and has been pain. Its like I and my dad carry the same shame, of being losers. That is the pain described. Father and son both failed at life but I can’t talk about that with him. Can’t remember any of us saw eachother cry ever, not even once. I don’t think I can heal from all my trauma. If I could kill myself without hurting my family members I imagine I could want it. This is the channel that started my awakening more then anything tho and that I am so thankful for.
Please know you are valuable no matter what. My mom has Alzheimers and it's very difficult. Can you seek out therapy?
Beautifully explained - thank you Dr. Kim 🙏
When shopping for Mother's Day cards, it is so hard to find one that doesn't say some variation of "I love you" or "You're the best mother in the world." I don't love her, and she was a toxic mother. There are very few Mother's Day cards that simply say "Have a good Mother's Day." I wish I had a different relationship. Scratch that. I wish I had a different mother.
Thank you for this loving message 💜
Thank you 🙏 Blessings to all Mums ❤
Thanks for the video. MANY blessings to you and yours in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of NAZARETH. The name above ALL names. AMEN.
Thank you!!! You’ve helped me so much!!!
For a daughter that was transferred away from her N mother so that I was not able to meet her needs or be her best friend, eventually I got relegated to the scapegoat spot. I think I would have rather maintained the golden spot. Have you talked about these changing roles😱before??
THANK YOU!!! This is helpful :)
This helped me so much.
thank you that was wonderful to hear.❤
My fundamentalist christian upbringing highly featured the "you are born bad and sinful" . If I had emotions then I was manipulative or a crybaby.
This was so good. Tysm.
I appreciate you
Happy Mother's day
Celebrate however you want
Or not
If you want
As you are more interested in the me that actually exists than my mother is (she disinherited me 4 years ago), happy Mother's Day to you. :-)
Thank you!!
When I wanted to spend time with my girlfriend this mother’s day, ( to love on her)she told me no and said she will take a “rain check!” No explanation. So cold.
When I try to talk to my mother about being the family scapegoat, she says those people are crazy stop listening to them. When I try to tell her how I feel or defend myself because I was blamed unjustly she says, it’s all about you. I don’t feel seen or heard or validated. It’s definitely not safe my last email she told me i ruined my nieces wedding, i wasn’t even there that’s the funny part.
Thank you so much 💐
❤ thank you
Thank You❣️
I'm leaving my husband, but I'm the one who feels abandoned.
Thank you
My mother threw my photos out of the family album - I spent my life trying to get her love, cared for her children, from the age of 3, had to stand on a bar stool to hang the clothes up to dry, cleaned (sometimes getting up in the middle of the night to do it hoping she'd be happily surprised) her house, meal prep + clean up, cried when she died cause I would never have another chance to get her to love me. Married at 18, to a narcissist like her, poured everything into my 6 kids who I loved more than life itself, when he was presented with my desire for couples, family therapy, he went behind back and surprised me with a no contact order, I lost my home + family, powerless, I want to die
I refuse to ever have a relationship with my so called " mom", she doesn't even deserve that title, so I since a child have never called her mom, always Judy. She's the most evil person I've ever encountered in my life and in her 70's she's the same. 2 years ago,my sister, who she sold for $1,000 for drugs ( I was 10 and heard the entire conversation) my sister was 6 weeks old,I came home from school and she e gone. For all these years she's called me a liar about it, even to my other younger siblings! I was the only she abused and other things I won't say on here. Well when my sister who she sold found me,we took DNA,of course she was my sister. Judy still denied it! We found out she had sold another sister after I ended up running away at 12.
Now, I have 2 adult daughters and grandchildren. And am nothing of her! So Mother's Day,is about the family I made, because to me Judy( the person who birthed me, but never wanted me nor did my sperm donor I have never met) Both of them are already dead to me. It may sound cruel, but if you knew what I went through you would understand.
I applaud you for surviving. I hope you have a lovely Mother’s Day. And your siblings that Judy sold.
@@sherrypeveto1868 Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️