Vibe! The first half of my life was spent struggling to figure out how to survive in this world, unscathed. The second half of my life I am wholly committed to not hurting others while fighting to stay present in their lives. Trauma is a weighty burden but it’s one I must carry. It stops here!
Mom and dad were good people. My mom's growth was stunted in the 1920's when as a child she was sent to an orphanage. Her parents were alive. My dad was the 8th child born in the reconstruction era. So he didn't get a lot of nurturing. But both of them were underdeveloped. There was so much they just did not know. The one important gift my mom gave was the love of reading. She would curl up on her bed with me and read these delightful Hans Christian Anderson tales to me. Once I got old enough to read on my own, I kept on reading my heart out. As a result my quest for knowledge is strong. I study a wide variety of subjects. I guess that's why I am here. I am seeking relief from the empty feeling I grew up with.
Thank you. These videos have really helped me understand a lot. I never realized parents were supposed to teach and nuture their kids. Realizing this is a culture shock. I thought I had a normal childhood. My parents were great in the physical. We had plenty of food, clothing, medical. Holidays and birthdays we got tons of presents. We took vacations every year. My dad bought both me and my sister a car at 16. They were cheap but our dad paid for them and fixed them up for us. Our parents went above and beyond what was necessary in the physical but the emotional, nurturing and learning sides were absolutely nonexistent. I had to figure all that on my own. My parents were basically pieces of furniture.
We're all just trying our best to do our best. Tim sharing his best increase our ability to do our best which is just the best. Thank you Tim and team, I've been searching for years, this is like a revalation to me, thank you so much.
Hum.."don't attach to ourself"..that explains why I felt like I was the little doggie in the window. I could not connect to anyone, or to myself. You made this crystal clear. Thank you.
Just hearing about how scheduling time, taking an interest in what you're doing, etc, was eye-opening. I'm terrible at keeping important events for myself and others on a calendar. I rarely plan things for myself or others and I have a hard time remembering what other people have going on. I realized today that these were things my family never did. We almost never had a planned activities. I rarely went to the library or the park, we really spent most of our time inside. My mom and dad rarely took an interest directly in what I was doing. My behaviors and attitudes in relationships reflect these things and now these are the things I struggle with as well.
Great video. There was a time when my daughter sent me a video of my very young grandchildren getting a brand new puppy. She was really embarrassed because they were fighting over who got to sit by the puppy. I told her that if I could not understand young children fighting over who got to sit by a brand new puppy then I was not a very good grandmother.
Subjects like these were SO taboo back in the 50's, 60's and 70s. I loved my Mother but she was SO predictable in her unpredictability - she was my princess when I was super little but then she would burst into tears or fly into a rage over seemingly nothing at times, and this followed me around like a fart- my Dad was military and gone all the time (he was more of a "fun" Dad - around for the good times) I am praying now that God gives me the courage to educate and heal myself ... FINALLY. I am SUPER CODY to those people in my life who I am closest too - its exhausting...
Dear Tim, I have BPD, and youve opened my eyes to that. I was doing inner work past 3 years and after listening one of youre videos about fear ofa abondonment I found out that I have that diagnosis. And it was hard to see it. I knew that I have this strong fear scince childhood, but in searching for diagnosis, I was always put in anciety or depression title. And it is not the same. And I must say I never conected to my child, and I feel I lot of guilt and shame about it. And trying to do it and never feel or never get conected to him. So the despeare is becoming greater. Because introspection in doing mine inner work is so overocupying and becoming depressed so deep that I camt even do anything amd not carring on my child. I wish that I found out what is trauma and a problem with me in my twenties, and not in the age of 38. But it is not possible. It is like my inner child doesnt excist and from that space I dont even play wth my child. My hooe is that the society will raise to a place where we can understand what it means to be traumatized person and how it becomes a problem in conecting with anyone and our children.
I so relate to what you are saying. The inability to play with my children kills me. Why can't i do it? This is one piece that keeps me seeking. And I started having my children at age 39. I am 54 now. I am learning the best thing I can do for them is continue this work on myself. I feel so alone in this. Thanks for sharing your truth. My children were the catalyst for my self inquiry. Pastor Fletcher's work has helped me so much. Keep going. You are so worth it. We will play!!
I just changed this channel name from Being Cornelius... as whom I would like to reply here... I'm curious to the working of you not playing with your child... the context I'm coming from is for a few years I stepped in for someone who seemed to refuse(!?) to play with their child, while this PLAY ... was helping to bring this child from the depths of withdrawal...( into self...) this withdrawal was diagnoses as Autism. The child was non-verbal... But became more.interested.in life... and everyone.coukd see this... 'thank you' they said. But somehow they couldn't bring themselves to play... and overinvestimg.to get the child healthier... cost me other things. So I'd like some insight ... as a solution for otherrs where PLAY will help give children their voice (see Ash Perrin of Dr K Jarvis's work)... Good people... somehow couldn't wouldn't water the child's soul... with the actions that made him curious to life, reconnect to life. -they now have a life... - but for a while it was neccessary to have a surrogate person there... I hope you can at some stage explain to your kid... If I look back and wonder why they didn't play, I know they had trauma, and that somehow this schooled their values... and they seemed to disdain play... and me, because of the 'just play'; but this brought their kid to life... day by day. and if they helped... it could have been two years work... instead of seven. And the mistery of why they don't want to explain... keeps me from warning others...(it feels like...) The trNsgenerational cycle is brought about... because from the wars sure we inherit trauma, but hopefully we can move out of this, and stop transgenerational Trauma. and simple PLAY can be a tool... has been a tool&therapy... to have a less affected next generation. PLAY also gives oxytocin and other feel-good hormones... and thus a sense of love fulfillmemt and belonging. So if done right it should feel good. i say... PLAY SAVED THE CHILD. *hope in some way this means something to you. Don't be hard on yourself. There is yesterday, there is today... and there is what comes....
This series is full of good information on parenting. I am nearly 70 and very broken from my narcistic mother, brother and sister. I want so badly to heal. I am looking for the REPARENTING skills. I am not actually finding HOW to reparent in these videos. I sense the goodness of this man; but I am not looking for how to parent my children. I am not looking for how I didn't have what a child needs - I KNOW this intuitively. I am looking for how I can heal myself. Descriptions are not what I need. I need perscriptions - WHAT to do, HOW to reparent, what that is, what it looks like now that I am an adult or is this not even possible? I am not trying to be rude. It is just that I was hopeful with the title of this series, but not seeing the substance of the title.
I did sense anxiety and a lack of self acceptance. But I did not have that vocavulary as a preteen/teen. So my childlike mind just concluded my mother was stupid and that I should be ashamed of her. I avoided hanging out with her at all costs. When she invited me to go to the grocery store with her I flat refused, unless there was an ice cream cone involved. In which case I put up with her. My father never even bothered to invite me anywhere. He just went on his excursions and visits alone..just like a single man. I was torn about that because he was a fun person, but also a bully. I was afraid of him castigating me, yet I wanted him to teach me the things of life I thought he knew.
Great video To connect with myself I write poetry. It is short so it allows me to truly explore what I am feeling. It is easier today because the computer has a thesaurus
So this shows that children (if honest!), wants the honesty given to them, security, etc. ,etc. If the parents are not conscious, aloof, whatever, a child reels under the " what's wrong with this picture" essentially! So some children are brighter than given credit for. Some children have honest cores and this should be acknowledged. It seems many of your lectures always talked about the majority being dishonest, and playing games and much deception., I feel you should also speak about those who weren't chameleons / selfish, etc etc, speak about the ones who weren't big time phoney manipulators, but those who wanted integrity of the heart, but were silent observers., yet came from dysfunctional families!!!
this is so upsetting to me, it tells me I've screwed up my kids ( now teens) as I was angry, irritable and unhealthy for their formative years - this means I passed on what my parents did to me.. even though I am working on myself now I can see many issues in my kids and my relationship with them, which is low on attachment I am afraid
You can start fixing repairing things literally as soon as you are now aware, just as you are repairing yourself. And "only teens" ....? You've got plenty if years to make things right. They're still young. And very neuroplastic. 25 years is when that slows down and even then through various modalities you can reaccess the capacity for change
Wow, I think I am doomed. When I was born, I had to spend 3 weeks in hospital and that time, in that country, mothers were only allowed to visit, no overnight stays. Also, apparently, I cried a lot and when they took me to the doctor, he said I was okay I was just hungry. Then I was passed to my grandma to take care of me during the day. My father was never there, he just worked all the time, I was shocked to see a school drawing 'family christmas' and I didn't draw him. My mother left when I was 12. This is going to be a gargantuan task to fix.
It can be fixed though. I am the result of a r*pe. My mom didn’t want to keep me. My family talked her into keeping me. I was raised by someone who never wanted me. If I can work on re-parenting myself, I believe you can too. 💕❤️ you can do this
I promise you, the progress you'll make while watching your way through Tim's vids is gonna surprise you. I never think I'd make this much profound progress in such a short space of time.
I realise my parents were such emotionally immature that they were totally unfit to parent anyone. The amount of damage they have done to me is unsurmountable, so sad to see how they have destroyed their own and my life
Do not despair. As long as you’re alive, your life hasn’t yet been “destroyed”. Until you take your last breath, you can follow Tim’s guidance and reparent yourself and provide yourself what your parents didn’t provide for you and experience lasting fulfillment and overall well-being. Stay encouraged.
I don’t want to be negative. Where do we find safe people? I have no family and my partner passed away. All of ,my “friends” were not real friends so I cut ties and isolated. It’s been five years. I honestly do not know how to do this. I was abandoned when I was 15 after a childhood of severe trauma and the loss of my Mum. My Mum is the only person who I have felt 💯 safe. I understand that there are therapists however it’s a transactional relationship and I don’t feel 💯 trust or safety. Please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am sure that so many others are experiencing the same challenge. Thank you
Hope things are looking up for you, but I thought I could try my hand here? Of course we know isolation puts us in a tough spot of developing secure relationships, and it’s a pattern that’s easy to fall back into, so try and keep in mind that it will require you to resist that temptation (I say this as a shut in) But I think meeting safe people requires a level of judging the people you encounter and just getting to know them enough to make that call. Where to meet people in general? Online spaces have a lot of options, forum websites, social media, using tags and posting about your interests with them and commenting on the posts of others etc. Offline I know places like libraries hold a lot of events and activities even for adults that you could look into. I am not strongly familiar with other community places like that, but I have heard librarians often have resources to find that kind of information too and could help direct you. It’s most helpful to seek out things relating to hobbies you already have or would like to develop so you already have strong reasons to engage with the people there and something easy to discuss. Personally I struggle socially, so something like local conventions for my interests would be a bit too advanced since you’re only there once, but I am sure some people meet through those as well. I’ve heard certain gyms might have a culture that promotes people interacting too, but I haven’t personally been to say how that might work Idk that any of this would be new info to you, but I hope it might help
Next time you experience a strong emotion that's overpowering you, stop for a second and observe it. Just observe the feeling without any stories about it or whatever it means to your life. Just feel the emotion as it is. Perhaps it involves a burning sensation in the stomach or maybe a flutter in the heart. Observe its physical manifestations in your body. But also observe its effects on your mind. Maybe it makes the thoughts start racing. Maybe it confuses the thinking apparatus. Observe all the facets of the overwhelming emotion, scientifically. The way you might observe a strange bug you see walking nearby. Or maybe the way you observed raindrops on a window when you were a kid. Really the goal is to learn to ride your emotions the way a Surfer rides waves. You don't just crash into them and you don't just let yourself get pulled under. With practice you can learn to ride them to shore. (Jesus said when you learn how to suffer you also learn how not to suffer!)
I am super curious. I don't remember Jesus saying anything like that. Do you mind referencing which scripture you are refering to? Maybe it is one I never considered from that perspective before. I would love to know. Thank you.
Need to be aware and atuned, attentive, quite a few facets of things to be built up and exercised and it needs to be enjoyable, not a burden or a chore because that would kill the vibe ✔
Mr Fletcher, first I would like to say how very much I enjoyed your videos. I only recently became familiar with you and your channel. Secondly, I wish for mention that tattoos are not permitted in Judaism, Orthodox Judaism anyway. Your talk about Abraham and God's 'mark' on him (circumcision) followed by some suggestion that people might mark themselves with a tattoo is not just not practical, but not permitted by their faith. Leora Sarah Bas Avraham (Abraham).
What about an experience where one refuses - for reasons that are unclear - to be parented, by self or other. Tools like “set a simple goal” seem impossible. Not that I can’t go against the grain when work requires me to. But outside of that, cleaning, eating, exercise, sleep, relational responsibilities … all impossible. Lp
What about us parents that didn’t form an attachment with our own children ? What about us parents that didn’t have parents that formed a bond with us?
My "attachment style" was one where I held people at arm's length until I could feel a BASIS for trust. I have endured decades of psychosocial and severe psychological abuse via organized stalking and harassment, and now I'm warped, broken, and I cannot trust anyone, including "authorities," whom have betrayed me. The program is damaging and life destroying. I have been forced for years to be in survival mode in an emotional desert filled with predators. My quality of life has been utterly, permanently decimated.
@@williehaller5840 What percentage of a normal human lifespan is 60 years? MY LIFE WAS STOLEN FROM ME AND MISUSED INVOLUNTARILY AND YOU THINK THIS TIME SERVED FOR NO CRIME AT ALL IS APPROPRIATE? DANGEROUS SERIAL MURDERERS GET LESS TIME FOR REAL CRIME!
Then you have a good relationship with your kid. My parents never asked me how my day was growing up not once so that would have been an upgrade for me.
me too, totally same, my life full of evils, including evil narcissist therapists, and too late to recovery, I am the same age as you, I am very very good heart person,but whole life destroyed, right now, my life still full of narcissists, and evils, I workded extremely hard in 12 steps, but attract all narcissists members and sponsors, too late for everything,my god also evil,my mom is real evil.
Whoa, heavy. So great to be awakened to this madness. So difficult to reconcile this malevolence. So worth the journey. You are not alone. There is light my friend.
Today, boomer parents have narcissistic personality disorder and chose cars over walkable livable cities. You made the kids you made the world what are you complaining about?
This is so important not just for reparenting ourselves but for parenting my own kids. I so want the break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
It’s essential as a high school curriculum. And should be mandatory in college too.
True
Vibe! The first half of my life was spent struggling to figure out how to survive in this world, unscathed. The second half of my life I am wholly committed to not hurting others while fighting to stay present in their lives. Trauma is a weighty burden but it’s one I must carry. It stops here!
Mom and dad were good people. My mom's growth was stunted in the 1920's when as a child she was sent to an orphanage. Her parents were alive. My dad was the 8th child born in the reconstruction era. So he didn't get a lot of nurturing. But both of them were underdeveloped. There was so much they just did not know. The one important gift my mom gave was the love of reading. She would curl up on her bed with me and read these delightful Hans Christian Anderson tales to me. Once I got old enough to read on my own, I kept on reading my heart out. As a result my quest for knowledge is strong. I study a wide variety of subjects. I guess that's why I am here. I am seeking relief from the empty feeling I grew up with.
❤❤❤
I felt this in my soul. In the trenches with you 🥹💗🙏🏽
One of the best videos on TH-cam. Thank you Tim.
I'm bawling right now knowing I need to do better for my babies...been working on healing for a while now...struggling 😢
Well the main thing is caring enough to try. If you're doing that then you can't be that bad.
Thank you. These videos have really helped me understand a lot. I never realized parents were supposed to teach and nuture their kids. Realizing this is a culture shock. I thought I had a normal childhood. My parents were great in the physical. We had plenty of food, clothing, medical. Holidays and birthdays we got tons of presents. We took vacations every year. My dad bought both me and my sister a car at 16. They were cheap but our dad paid for them and fixed them up for us. Our parents went above and beyond what was necessary in the physical but the emotional, nurturing and learning sides were absolutely nonexistent. I had to figure all that on my own. My parents were basically pieces of furniture.
Same bro
😂 pieces of furniture
If you dont mind asking, what are all your ages?
@@krishnapankaj_kp I'm 50 going on 51. My sister would be 52 although I got word that she died last year. I didn't verify it or go to her funeral
@@kurt6410 oh..thank you for your reply!
This is pure gold.
Wow, this strikes so many nerves. It is SUCH a good thing that I never had kids. I would have messed them up so bad.
36 and same here.. I’m working to undo/heal from this mess but I’m so glad I never had kids in my 20s.. definitely would’ve passed on the trauma
SAME! I figured "the cycle ends with me"
We're all just trying our best to do our best. Tim sharing his best increase our ability to do our best which is just the best. Thank you Tim and team, I've been searching for years, this is like a revalation to me, thank you so much.
Hum.."don't attach to ourself"..that explains why I felt like I was the little doggie in the window. I could not connect to anyone, or to myself. You made this crystal clear. Thank you.
I have so little time for those that cannot give me undivided attention when it’s time. I can give it to myself at anytime, thank you very much.
Much gratitude to you Tim for your generosity and keen perception and wisdom
Just hearing about how scheduling time, taking an interest in what you're doing, etc, was eye-opening. I'm terrible at keeping important events for myself and others on a calendar. I rarely plan things for myself or others and I have a hard time remembering what other people have going on. I realized today that these were things my family never did. We almost never had a planned activities. I rarely went to the library or the park, we really spent most of our time inside. My mom and dad rarely took an interest directly in what I was doing. My behaviors and attitudes in relationships reflect these things and now these are the things I struggle with as well.
Same here
Wonderful! Thanks a lot Tim.. you are amazing.. Kind Regards from UK
thank you, you have helped me soooo much with all your videos
We want parenting ourselves please tips in daily bases ? to drive balance life //God bless you 💜💜
Great video.
There was a time when my daughter sent me a video of my very young grandchildren getting a brand new puppy. She was really embarrassed because they were fighting over who got to sit by the puppy. I told her that if I could not understand young children fighting over who got to sit by a brand new puppy then I was not a very good grandmother.
Brilliant synopsis, a happy by-product of this quarantine
Thank you for this great reminder. God bless you
The part about repairing broken connection. Is there a video or someplace Tim talks some more about how to do it?
Subjects like these were SO taboo back in the 50's, 60's and 70s. I loved my Mother but she was SO predictable in her unpredictability - she was my princess when I was super little but then she would burst into tears or fly into a rage over seemingly nothing at times, and this followed me around like a fart- my Dad was military and gone all the time (he was more of a "fun" Dad - around for the good times) I am praying now that God gives me the courage to educate and heal myself ... FINALLY. I am SUPER CODY to those people in my life who I am closest too - its exhausting...
Dear Tim, I have BPD, and youve opened my eyes to that. I was doing inner work past 3 years and after listening one of youre videos about fear ofa abondonment I found out that I have that diagnosis. And it was hard to see it. I knew that I have this strong fear scince childhood, but in searching for diagnosis, I was always put in anciety or depression title. And it is not the same. And I must say I never conected to my child, and I feel I lot of guilt and shame about it. And trying to do it and never feel or never get conected to him. So the despeare is becoming greater. Because introspection in doing mine inner work is so overocupying and becoming depressed so deep that I camt even do anything amd not carring on my child. I wish that I found out what is trauma and a problem with me in my twenties, and not in the age of 38. But it is not possible. It is like my inner child doesnt excist and from that space I dont even play wth my child. My hooe is that the society will raise to a place where we can understand what it means to be traumatized person and how it becomes a problem in conecting with anyone and our children.
Hoping community restores...
I so relate to what you are saying. The inability to play with my children kills me. Why can't i do it? This is one piece that keeps me seeking. And I started having my children at age 39. I am 54 now. I am learning the best thing I can do for them is continue this work on myself. I feel so alone in this. Thanks for sharing your truth. My children were the catalyst for my self inquiry. Pastor Fletcher's work has helped me so much. Keep going. You are so worth it. We will play!!
I just changed this channel name from Being Cornelius... as whom I would like to reply here... I'm curious to the working of you not playing with your child... the context I'm coming from is for a few years I stepped in for someone who seemed to refuse(!?) to play with their child, while this PLAY ...
was helping to bring this child from the depths of withdrawal...( into self...)
this withdrawal was diagnoses as Autism.
The child was non-verbal...
But became more.interested.in life...
and everyone.coukd see this...
'thank you' they said.
But somehow they couldn't bring themselves to play...
and overinvestimg.to get the child healthier...
cost me other things.
So I'd like some insight ... as a solution for otherrs where PLAY will help give children their voice (see Ash Perrin of Dr K Jarvis's work)...
Good people... somehow couldn't wouldn't water the child's soul... with the actions that made him curious to life, reconnect to life.
-they now have a life...
- but for a while it was neccessary to have a surrogate person there...
I hope you can at some stage explain to your kid... If I look back and wonder why they didn't play, I know they had trauma, and that somehow this schooled their values...
and they seemed to disdain play...
and me, because of the 'just play'; but this brought their kid to life... day by day.
and if they helped... it could have been two years work... instead of seven.
And the mistery of why they don't want to explain... keeps me from warning others...(it feels like...)
The trNsgenerational cycle is brought about... because from the wars sure we inherit trauma, but hopefully we can move out of this, and stop transgenerational Trauma.
and simple PLAY can be a tool... has been a tool&therapy... to have a less affected next generation.
PLAY also gives oxytocin and other feel-good hormones... and thus a sense of love fulfillmemt and belonging. So if done right it should feel good.
i say...
PLAY SAVED THE CHILD.
*hope in some way this means something to you. Don't be hard on yourself. There is yesterday, there is today... and there is what comes....
Thank you from heart
This series is full of good information on parenting. I am nearly 70 and very broken from my narcistic mother, brother and sister. I want so badly to heal. I am looking for the REPARENTING skills. I am not actually finding HOW to reparent in these videos. I sense the goodness of this man; but I am not looking for how to parent my children. I am not looking for how I didn't have what a child needs - I KNOW this intuitively. I am looking for how I can heal myself. Descriptions are not what I need. I need perscriptions - WHAT to do, HOW to reparent, what that is, what it looks like now that I am an adult or is this not even possible? I am not trying to be rude. It is just that I was hopeful with the title of this series, but not seeing the substance of the title.
I think the idea of reparenting as an adult literally means parenting a child which means treating yourself like a child, and parenting that child.
God bless u and all you do.❤
Thanks so much!!❤ I never wanted kids and Iam lucky I don't have them. Blessings from Germany
I did sense anxiety and a lack of self acceptance. But I did not have that vocavulary as a preteen/teen. So my childlike mind just concluded my mother was stupid and that I should be ashamed of her. I avoided hanging out with her at all costs. When she invited me to go to the grocery store with her I flat refused, unless there was an ice cream cone involved. In which case I put up with her. My father never even bothered to invite me anywhere. He just went on his excursions and visits alone..just like a single man. I was torn about that because he was a fun person, but also a bully. I was afraid of him castigating me, yet I wanted him to teach me the things of life I thought he knew.
Thank you, very valuable information
Great video
To connect with myself I write poetry. It is short so it allows me to truly explore what I am feeling. It is easier today because the computer has a thesaurus
So this shows that children (if honest!), wants the honesty given to them, security, etc. ,etc. If the parents are not conscious, aloof, whatever, a child reels under the " what's wrong with this picture" essentially! So some children are brighter than given credit for. Some children have honest cores and this should be acknowledged. It seems many of your lectures always talked about the majority being dishonest, and playing games and much deception., I feel you should also speak about those who weren't chameleons / selfish, etc etc, speak about the ones who weren't big time phoney manipulators, but those who wanted integrity of the heart, but were silent observers., yet came from dysfunctional families!!!
Thank you beautiful soul ❤
This is priceless stuff....
this is so upsetting to me, it tells me I've screwed up my kids ( now teens) as I was angry, irritable and unhealthy for their formative years - this means I passed on what my parents did to me.. even though I am working on myself now I can see many issues in my kids and my relationship with them, which is low on attachment I am afraid
Deepest empathy for your loss. At least you admitted it. Hope you're doing much better now❤
You can start fixing repairing things literally as soon as you are now aware, just as you are repairing yourself. And "only teens" ....?
You've got plenty if years to make things right. They're still young. And very neuroplastic. 25 years is when that slows down and even then through various modalities you can reaccess the capacity for change
Wow, I think I am doomed. When I was born, I had to spend 3 weeks in hospital and that time, in that country, mothers were only allowed to visit, no overnight stays. Also, apparently, I cried a lot and when they took me to the doctor, he said I was okay I was just hungry. Then I was passed to my grandma to take care of me during the day.
My father was never there, he just worked all the time, I was shocked to see a school drawing 'family christmas' and I didn't draw him. My mother left when I was 12.
This is going to be a gargantuan task to fix.
It can be fixed though. I am the result of a r*pe. My mom didn’t want to keep me. My family talked her into keeping me. I was raised by someone who never wanted me. If I can work on re-parenting myself, I believe you can too. 💕❤️ you can do this
OOOFT THIS IS HORRIFIC TO HEAR I WISH SHE DID A BETTER JOB AS A PARENT GOSH DAMN IT HORRIFIC TO HEAR I HATE THIS
I promise you, the progress you'll make while watching your way through Tim's vids is gonna surprise you.
I never think I'd make this much profound progress in such a short space of time.
I realise my parents were such emotionally immature that they were totally unfit to parent anyone. The amount of damage they have done to me is unsurmountable, so sad to see how they have destroyed their own and my life
Same here raised by a narcissist sister
Same here
Do not despair. As long as you’re alive, your life hasn’t yet been “destroyed”. Until you take your last breath, you can follow Tim’s guidance and reparent yourself and provide yourself what your parents didn’t provide for you and experience lasting fulfillment and overall well-being. Stay encouraged.
I don’t want to be negative. Where do we find safe people? I have no family and my partner passed away. All of ,my “friends” were not real friends so I cut ties and isolated. It’s been five years. I honestly do not know how to do this. I was abandoned when I was 15 after a childhood of severe trauma and the loss of my Mum. My Mum is the only person who I have felt 💯 safe. I understand that there are therapists however it’s a transactional relationship and I don’t feel 💯 trust or safety. Please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I am sure that so many others are experiencing the same challenge. Thank you
Hope things are looking up for you, but I thought I could try my hand here?
Of course we know isolation puts us in a tough spot of developing secure relationships, and it’s a pattern that’s easy to fall back into, so try and keep in mind that it will require you to resist that temptation (I say this as a shut in)
But I think meeting safe people requires a level of judging the people you encounter and just getting to know them enough to make that call.
Where to meet people in general?
Online spaces have a lot of options, forum websites, social media, using tags and posting about your interests with them and commenting on the posts of others etc.
Offline I know places like libraries hold a lot of events and activities even for adults that you could look into. I am not strongly familiar with other community places like that, but I have heard librarians often have resources to find that kind of information too and could help direct you.
It’s most helpful to seek out things relating to hobbies you already have or would like to develop so you already have strong reasons to engage with the people there and something easy to discuss.
Personally I struggle socially, so something like local conventions for my interests would be a bit too advanced since you’re only there once, but I am sure some people meet through those as well.
I’ve heard certain gyms might have a culture that promotes people interacting too, but I haven’t personally been to say how that might work
Idk that any of this would be new info to you, but I hope it might help
I feel like this to this day with my single parent. She is 78 and I’m 52.
Next time you experience a strong emotion that's overpowering you,
stop for a second and observe it.
Just observe the feeling without any stories about it or whatever it means to your life.
Just feel the emotion as it is.
Perhaps it involves a burning sensation in the stomach or maybe a flutter in the heart.
Observe its physical manifestations in your body.
But also observe its effects on your mind.
Maybe it makes the thoughts start racing.
Maybe it confuses the thinking apparatus.
Observe all the facets of the overwhelming emotion, scientifically.
The way you might observe a strange bug you see walking nearby.
Or maybe the way you observed raindrops on a window when you were a kid.
Really the goal is to learn to ride your emotions the way a Surfer rides waves.
You don't just crash into them and you don't just let yourself get pulled under.
With practice you can learn to ride them to shore.
(Jesus said when you learn how to suffer you also learn how not to suffer!)
I am super curious. I don't remember Jesus saying anything like that. Do you mind referencing which scripture you are refering to? Maybe it is one I never considered from that perspective before. I would love to know. Thank you.
Powerful
❤❤ excellent
What are the 12 needs i missed that 😮
What are the 12 needs?
What do u do when they want space, only to text if it is important. My husband and children are doing this, I am at my mums house, for 2 years.
Need to be aware and atuned, attentive, quite a few facets of things to be built up and exercised and it needs to be enjoyable, not a burden or a chore because that would kill the vibe ✔
Mr Fletcher, first I would like to say how very much I enjoyed your videos. I only recently became familiar with you and your channel. Secondly, I wish for mention that tattoos are not permitted in Judaism, Orthodox Judaism anyway. Your talk about Abraham and God's 'mark' on him (circumcision) followed by some suggestion that people might mark themselves with a tattoo is not just not practical, but not permitted by their faith.
Leora Sarah Bas Avraham (Abraham).
Can you re-upload with better sounds please? It's staticky
Thank you!!
What about an experience where one refuses - for reasons that are unclear - to be parented, by self or other. Tools like “set a simple goal” seem impossible. Not that I can’t go against the grain when work requires me to. But outside of that, cleaning, eating, exercise, sleep, relational responsibilities … all impossible. Lp
To reparent yourself. You first have to step outside and stop looking at life from their own bias perspective.
interesting point... so from your constucted paradigm it is difficult to 'see' where we... are... ?
What are the 12 needs? I can’t remember all of them…
👏👏👏👏👏
What about us parents that didn’t form an attachment with our own children ? What about us parents that didn’t have parents that formed a bond with us?
Guess you're fucked, don't have kids
32:34 32:41
My "attachment style" was one where I held people at arm's length until I could feel a BASIS for trust. I have endured decades of psychosocial and severe psychological abuse via organized stalking and harassment, and now I'm warped, broken, and I cannot trust anyone, including "authorities," whom have betrayed me. The program is damaging and life destroying. I have been forced for years to be in survival mode in an emotional desert filled with predators. My quality of life has been utterly, permanently decimated.
Permanent sounds like a long time.
Prayers with you for peace and healing. The first steps towards healing seems to have started ready by u ..
@@williehaller5840 What percentage of a normal human lifespan is 60 years? MY LIFE WAS STOLEN FROM ME AND MISUSED INVOLUNTARILY AND YOU THINK THIS TIME SERVED FOR NO CRIME AT ALL IS APPROPRIATE? DANGEROUS SERIAL MURDERERS GET LESS TIME FOR REAL CRIME!
@@kristinmeyer489 not what I said at All.
Hope you re doing better now❤
My parents messed me up and then I went and did it to my children. UGGGHHHHHH
Taylor Mary Wilson Maria Wilson Donald
Can I see myself in your eyes...
That is a long list of things to be . Most of us get things wrong don’t we?
Asking my 15 year old to rate her day on a scale from 1-10 would be robotic and a downgrade from our present rapport.
Then you have a good relationship with your kid. My parents never asked me how my day was growing up not once so that would have been an upgrade for me.
me too, totally same, my life full of evils, including evil narcissist therapists, and too late to recovery, I am the same age as you, I am very very good heart person,but whole life destroyed, right now, my life still full of narcissists, and evils, I workded extremely hard in 12 steps, but attract all narcissists members and sponsors, too late for everything,my god also evil,my mom is real evil.
Whoa, heavy. So great to be awakened to this madness. So difficult to reconcile this malevolence. So worth the journey. You are not alone. There is light my friend.
Today, Adult Children have an Entitlement Mentality
I witness adult children making parents responsible for their happiness. Wow, such a disservice.
Adult children need to grow up and accept the consequences of their decisions
I take it you guys are unable to comprehend what he is saying? This is the problem
@@chilloften what caused them to be adult children?
Today, boomer parents have narcissistic personality disorder and chose cars over walkable livable cities. You made the kids you made the world what are you complaining about?