I tell people with full time jobs that I don't know how they do it, and they are doing a good job, and most of them just shrug and say it is normal, or that they are not even tired. I am exhausted with my little part time/gig type jobs, so I can't imagine it. All I can say, is wow, they are doing a super good job.
I feel like gig jobs would be way more exhausting. The lack of structure itself would just be extremely difficult for me. I enjoy having a job where somebody else tells me when to work and what to do, and the bonus is that it will structure my life for 8 hours a day, five days a week.
Hi Olivia & Orion, It's not just "A" lost generation. I'm 78, & have only recently learned enough about the autistic spectrum to realize that 1.) that is me, & 2.) that was also my late husband. Orion's videos first brought me to this important realization. I can't thank you enough!
Hi, Linda. I'm 75 and have realized within the past year that I'm probably autistic. I have one more session before I get an official diagnosis (or maybe not). The psychologist told me I'm definitely neurodivergent in some way. Our generation and all the ones before us were "lost generations" when it comes to getting help for autism.
Hi, Orion. Thank you for doing this video with Olivia. This video is how I found learned of your channel. I truly enjoy and relate to your videos so much. Thanks for all you do.
My husband and I got together as teenagers and got our autism diagnoses in our early 40s. It has its pros and cons. There is a really deep bond between us based on mutual understanding. When we are both struggling, it's bad, but usually only one is struggling and the other can support. When we are both working full time, it is difficult. We have taken turns with being the main support for the two of us. We didn't have kids, because we didn't think we could manage that.
I think it's a bit like this with my partner and I he is not diagnosed I'm just diagnosed but we get her on so well it may be due to us being neurodiverse anyways only he seems to manage full-time work way better then I do
My daughter’s psychiatrist was also one of my high school teachers. I was invited to sit in on her first interview with him. During that session he told me that they knew back in high school that I was autistic, but no one ever told me until I was in my 30s. In fact I had to go to the VA hospital with the sole purpose of finding out why I am treated so much worse than everyone else.
My wife learned a lot of traits from me. She is not autistic, but she adapted the things she liked into her way of thinking and doing things. It sounds like your spouses did the same. It's perfectly natural. When 2 people love one another, each will adapt, and to some extent, they will become as one.
I'm autistic and married to a neurotypical person. Thank you for showing the good side of that pairing! Everything I read recommends partnership with another ND person, and I can see why. However I imagine it's got to be so hard surviving in this world with two NDs. It shouldn't be like that, but that's the world we live in. My husband and I have had misunderstandings due to communication, but now that we know I'm autistic, those issues have disappeared. Knowledge is key. We have been married almost 30 years and I wish we had had this info years ago. I have three grown or almost-grown children who are on the spectrum or at least ND. It would have reduced the stress immensely if we had understood fully.
"Knowledge is key". You are so right. I wish we would teach people the difference between neurotypes in kindergarten. I think that would be one of the best ways to reduce childhood bullying. Understanding is key.
I am not diagnosed, but my problems with work are ASD-typical. So I have signed up to work with an autism employment coach, as the practical help is more urgently needed than the actual label. I might seek diagnosis in future when I can afford it.
Hello OLIVIA HOPS and I am 37 years old. And I am a male. And I am on the Autism spectrum I have PDD-NOS. And I am a disabled person. And I am 5'0 feet tall. And I was born on march 29th 1985. And I live in the united states of America. I live in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania. I live on the east coast. And I love your TH-cam channel. And I subscribe to your TH-cam channel.
I'm 25 and have just reached burnout, now realising I am autistic and was a part of the 'lost generation' where autism was not well studied and detected in girls. I can't say I don't feel resentment and anger towards this, as it would've saved me a lifetime of hardship, but I am glad that we are making leaps and bounds in research.
I mean... I found out I was autistic, cause my partner is autistic 😅😅 I like to think there are some pros to having an autistic partner, cause there's a lot of understanding... We take turns for the meltdowns 😂 and we are very comited to be there for one another when one of us is doing fine and the other one is not, lots of unconditional support and love. And we understand when the other is not available or needs time off, or just can't be present, cause we are in our world or just too overwhelmed to handle things... The key is total honesty and commitment to our growth and our relationship, and it's been beautiful, and of course at times very hard too, but we are doing great so far ❤️ But yeah definetly it can be a challenge too. But I imagine having a neurotypical partner can be also a challenge... Man, being in a relationship is a challenge in of itself. Lol I think the most important thing, neuro diverse or neurotypical aside, is communication, understanding and compatibility.
Yeah I’m trying to understand what exactly they’re talking about with having a neurotypical partner being more beneficial 😅 I didn’t even know I was autistic until recently and my partner still hasn’t been diagnosed; we’re both just learning about our neurodivergencies. I find it really hard to talk to anyone neurotypical and that was before I knew I was autistic. Them saying that they have more oppourtunities to be successful because they have an allistic breadmaker also makes me feel like I will never be successful if me and my partner try living independently.
@@kikiwannabananawatermelonmango I know, that gave me a bit of anxiety too 😅😅 But I can get by pretty well on my own, been independent for some years, still don't live with my partner yet, but for sure hope we can join forces and be stronger together, and I think it can be done, from a place of understanding our needs and etc... At least hope so
I come from 12 years in Bible college and it's kind-of fun to be able to refer to something new now other than the New Testament with the acronym NT (Neuro-Typical) lol.
Very well said. My husband and I both understand each other very well. We are both Autistic, but he's on the higher side than I am (even though I am also high functioning). It just all depends on the situation and circumstances. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
My husband and I have been arrived for almost 22 years, we have 5 diagnosed autistic children. I didn't know I was autistic til a month ago (self diagnosed). We both had anxiety issues but we over looked that because we loved each other, we have so much in common, we have lots of special interests that we are both busy with. Well in the last month I recognize as autistic, I see it all throughout my life. Things that never readers sense about myself now make sense. He has also done self examination and now he recognizes as adhd. I want to say this has made us closer and more patient with each other.
I’m flat out telling my Psychiatrists and they still haven’t given me the diagnosis.I had a few moments in life where I thought I could have Autism but kept getting diagnosed with other things.Once I met my Husband who is also Autistic and specifically Asberger’s,which is what I believe I have.There was no doubt in my mind.I had just never known another Autistic person and just thought I was a crazy weirdo outsider that was going to die alone cause I was tired of explaining myself to others and feeling rejected.After meeting my Husband I started really digging into research and started to fully accept this is what I have.Once I started watching videos though of other Autistic people,especially females,I started to get huge sighs of relief and validation that I wasn’t alone and that nothing was wrong with me.I am just different and that’s a good thing.I am now working on not masking as much b/c I’m olde and deal with a lot of physical ailments and pain so masking just causes more.Learning I’m not alone out here has def helped with giving me the confidence to not Mask.Thanks for bringing awareness to others.Especially younger females cause it wouldn’t have def made a difference if I would have known sooner.
I went through 59 years of life before getting the diagnosis of ASD, ADHD, and some other serious mental and physical diagnosis. My past life feels like a bad dream now. It helps so much to know why I was such a failure at human relationships. Knowing early could have helped me and all the other people in my life to have had a much better life. So glad that people are getting diagnosed earlier now. I don't want anyone to go through what I did.
I hope you guys do another collaboration soon. I love hearing honest opinions and experiences especially when they are bounced back and forth between two alike people because it gives a wider range of perspective. Not everyone has the same experience as you two, and that's perfectly ok. The more we listen to a variety of autistic people, the more we as a society can grip the idea that we are all just as unique as allistic people. But you both do have similar experiences which I love, because that makes for more free flowing autistic thoughts 😂 for lack of a better term. When you can relate and connect to another individual it can set your neurons on FIRE! In a good way lol. Sidenote:Also I don't know if I'll ever be able to remember which spelling of experience (expirience) is correct no matter how many times I google it......Autism? 😂
I always compared being autistic to being dyslexic in English Class, except my life is always English Class with dyslexia, and nobody even believes me when I tell them I'm dyslexic, and as I learn to read out of necessity to survive, despite not being properly taught how to read based on the needs of my neurology, the better I get at it the more people doubt I actually struggle and question all the gears that have to turn in my head just to function. It's the best comparison I can think of to describe why I have a massive chip on my shoulder despite being a successful autistic person, even though it's a flawed comparison because having dyslexia is a genuine problem of visual perception, and being autistic is not inherently a flaw in our neurological programming, just a different perception.
I think people on the spectrum are more likely to end up together because no one else will give us a chance. I tell my hubbs all the time that I don't know what other woman would put up with him 😂 but he puts up with me too... until we met each other we had no one who understood us. It's a totally different connection, we are on the same page in ways that we never have been with anyone else, because our brains function so similarly
"don't tell me to just get over it, I can't get out of the wheelchair and suddenly just walk up the stairs." - YES YES YES!! I've thought of that analogy many times! People just don't understand... even siblings.
Fun fact: one of my favourite songs is called Orion by Metallica, on their Master of Puppets album and it’s an instrumental. Also in Europe in the 80’s and 90’s Ford had a model of car called Orion, which was a sedan (saloon) and was the first model of car I drove after my driving test back in 2001.
Both Ford and Metallica are two of my intense interests, and could be considered part of bigger intense interests when it comes to my love of cars and heavy metal music. I’m not diagnosed yet, but I have recently started to process of getting a possible diagnose of being on the autistic spectrum. Saying that is also a good Segway to me pointing out that computers/technology is another one of my intense interests and my first home computer was a Sinclair ZX Spectrum.
Holy crap I totally get the “radar!” I’ve had to learn to not say that part out loud because my wife is nt (I’m late diagnosed autistic) and I “see undiagnosed autism / autistic behaviors” everywhere and I’ve definitely been called out for stating “well that person is definitely autistic!” 😅
Excellent video and I loved the interview you did on his channel, too. I’d love a series with you two talking like this regularly. It’s so fun to listen to.
I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not (pretty certain I'm neurodivergent in some way), but I agree completely about having the benefits of having a neurotypical partner. I've never really understood why two autistics together would always be the best option, as many claim. Yes, there could be a greater level of understanding from the point of view of brain wiring, but there are too many practical things that could go wrong! Plus, the saying "if you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person" is relevant and so there's no guarantee that a fellow ND partner would be better. My husband is a slightly eccentric but definitely neurotypical person and he helps me so much. He knows exactly what to do in social situations and isn't socially confused or afraid of people, as I tend to be. He is also extremely practical and makes sure we eat well etc. I'm better at looking after myself than I used to be, but I really have to concentrate sometimes. I do my share of the chores/pay my share of the bills etc., but he keeps everything together and running smoothly.
I just recently discovered your channel and appreciate your insight into autism. I have a son on the spectrum and right now he is driving me crazy! Your insights help me to better understand him, so thank you.
That was SUCH A GOOD VIDEO. I'm NT (husband) and my wife is AS - you two have helped me understand things from a very different point of view. I hope you're able to bring us more content. Kind regards and best wishes from North Wales UK ❤❤
This is a fascinating discussion. I did not know I was neuro-atypical until about a week ago. It is very interesting to look at my life through that lens. No one payed much attention to me outside academics in art because I accelerate in school, and I was emotionally intuitive (or it appeared that way). When I had a car accident in march of this year, in which my car flipped all the way into the other side of a divorced highway landing upside down-I came out unscathed,- and I think that was the trigger of the start of an awakening. In elementary school, I lived with my dad and his then-gf and her two daughters (one a year older, the other 4 years younger). I was somehow pigeon-holed as the black sheep early on and that lead to suicidal feelings that I knew were not safe to share starting at age 7-8. They told me I was stubborn, and I believed them. They told me I was selfish, and I believed them. Looking back, I can see that I was neuro-atypical struggling with a big change (moving into a house with a built in family with entirely new set of rules), and no one cared enough to genuinely ask how that made me feel, which made me start to believe it did not matter. I did not realize until a week ago that I had C-PTSD, which in short means that I learned that while I was somehow responsible for every other person’s emotional state, they were never looking after mine (Or so it felt). Kindness felt like a trick meant to dupe me. And I knew I wouldn’t fall for it again. I was luck I had academia to be able to ask questions and explore the world With curiosity. It also gave me tools like the scientific method that helped me frame the patterns that I noticed in different social situations. All people seemed to care about was the “what” of things, and I wanted to know “why.” I quickly learned that you are not supposed to ask questions about things that apparently everyone knows (somehow?), and it led me to be a neurotic depressed, socially anxious (how could I not be when I felt like an imposture trying to make the correct move to not get found out). Unbeknownst to me, I was also feeling guilty when I made strides to have my own needs met. It somehow seemed selfish. A week ago I found myself in crisis after I had decided to go to therapy for my perceived depression and anxiety. I told my mom, she had no reaction, and the damn broke. Emotions I had left long ago resurfaced, and I realized how much effort (all my energy) had gone into maintaining others stability in my environment. There was hardly enough energy left for me to function. Somehow I managed to let go of whatever it was keeping me stuck. I feel spiritually enlightened, able to access my emotions, but they never become me. I changed overnight from someone who barely did more then eat junk and watch TV to someone with boundless creativity and energy to go forward into the world. I quit school, started eating correctly, I have made efforts to change unhealthy habits, I am moving out of my mother’s house, I am connecting more with my sister and father (also undiagnosed on the spectrum, which I found out this week), and have big goals to help the world with the skills available to me. I think the biggest revelation in regards to neuro-atypicalness and my perception of people is that I think that people who are neuro-atypical people have access to at least part of the sub conscience. I think that is why they struggle with words. If you sometimes think in the Ineffable, how are you supposed to make that bite size for a neuotypical person? The only down side of letting go of my shame and guilt and letting myself make mistakes, is now it is harder to remember the little things like appointments, etc. well worth it. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have that voice telling me that the world would be better off without me. 10/10 would recommend.
Wow!!! I haven't watched the video yet but I want to say that I am super excited to se two of my favorite people in one video, working together when it comes to spreading info and awareness about AUTISM. I always relate all what you have said so far 100% and more!!!! I feel great in your virtual company!!!! That sense that someone gets you totally and that event say that it is OK to be different is PRICELESS!!!! Now, let me dive into your discussion and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.......
Wow. I was so happy to hear O hear that he loves the mall, because I do too. I'm 74 and Australian and love watching the crazy aliens doing their thing. They're so cute.
My wife just discovered (actually it was me) that she is an Aspie Girl ... AND she says that so much "you be better off with out me, your life would better" ... to which I reply " stop !!! saying that I live for you !!! You are my reason for living. We've been a couple 24 years (married 22) .. what worked for us was working together. Unfortunately working couples jobs have all but vanished. We are retired now but I may have to go back to work. I'm 67 and she's 43 but it would literally be easier and more practical for me to go back than her. She also has a rare genetic physical disability, and it was the DNA report for that illness that pointed to ASD as well. Then I went and digging, but it wasn't until I showed her one of Olivia's video she became convinced ...still a lot more digging and yes
Amazingly enjoyable banter!!!! Only have listened as far as chatting names and energy is so accepting and enjoyable!! I feel like I’m right there part of it! Thanks both of you😊🥰
In my experience having autistic partner when you are autistic yourself is not so good as we both had to deal with unfulfilled expectation frim each other. In other words, neither could lean on each other in the times of need and that brought lots of resentment on both sides. I had to hold steady job becaus he couldn't do it. He always made sure to inform me that I can never lean on him financial. That feeling of not being protected while we were raising one child together made me fell alone, scared, depressed, unloved and unappreciated. Needless to say that most of the work around child was left to me to do as I was the mother. By behaving that way he managed his autistic life with less stress and it alway made me frustrated, angry and hateful towards him. I found some peace after separation but my personal struggle and confusion about not being content never left me. And I didn't understand why. Suddenly I haven't had him in my life as I view him as an burden but there was no much of the improvement of my personal life. I also never wanted new partner as I found partnership hard and tedious chore. Our child is obviously autistic but having gaing lots of knowledge about autism lately I want to believe that she is going to make fare less mistakes then we did simply by knowing her own limitation. No competions, no compering, no unrealistic expectation that made us all previous generations of autistic people to suffocate, drown, burn out or drop dead while we tried to prove ourself to ourself, to the parents, to the siblings, to our own kids that we can do the same as the other people can do. I surrender now and I admit now that I can't and perception of other people if me now matter less. Much less then ever before. And that feels liberating. Not that struggle is over, but I am much more gentle and understanding to myself nowadays then ever before!!!!
I don’t think if i could date an autistic person, but it’s because I think my stims and triggers would conflict. I married a NT introverted male. He’s good at planning and executing a plan, which is great since I also have ADHD. He can act extroverted, but he prefers to be a homebody. It works well. The main conflict we have had is him thinking my touch aversion was person, but once he mentioned to me that he thought I was autistic (I was already over a year into deep research) that eased up a lot. There’s still some communication we have, but we’ve been working on it and figuring out what works best.
Reality is here in Spain most doctors don't even go to educational workshops to learn about advances in general medicine never mind Autism. We are in the dark ages here.
Lo siento. ¡Muy triste! It's the same here in the Philippines. What's worse is that the parents of autistic kids here still believe they are the best resources regarding autism when autistic Filipino adults can help but are being sidelined.
I'm relating so much to both of you talking about your relationships and partners!! My husband is totally chill and I cannot imagine going through life with someone that is like me (which is the exact opposite of chill haha)
On the other hand, I'm also relating to Orion when he talked about his autistic son. I don't have kids, but my dad is autistic. But he has only accepted that he is after I got my own diagnosis, which was recently and he's in his 60s. Now I'm actually advocating for HIM and helping him get help when I can see he needs it due to an autistic trait. And this type of relationship between 2 autistic people is also super nice to have.
Really good video. The quiet party area really hit home. I was at a house party and retreated to a quiet area and the daughter of one of my friends came over and asked if I was ‘on the spectrum’. Probably yes but undiagnosed. We had a good conversation about masking, work, and relationships. I’ve managed the work situation pretty well, I’ve found a job I am good at, I have a routine there, and I have not changed jobs for 27 years.
Hello! I really enjoyed this video. I'm a younger autistic adult and it's really nice to hear the perspective of other autistic adults. I was slightly wary of the title {with the way gender and autism were looked at in the past), but I liked how you both approached the conversation. Also, it really makes me happy to see other people with speech patterns similar to my own, which feels like a weird thing to say, but there's just a certain way a lot of other autistic folks talk in terms of cadence that feels really distinct. I have something I'd like to add in the relationship area. I think autistic people can definitely be compatible in relationships, but our strengths and weaknesses need to compliment each other. For example, the roommate I've gotten along the best with is also neurodivergent, but we're able to get what we need done because we can each do different things. Hopefully this isn't as rambly as I feel it is and I hope what I said makes sense.
You're all good young one! I really like some autism reddits and reading hundreds of people discus the autism-gender subject. I was assigned male at birth and for 40 years nobody ever raised a flag. Well I am a transwoman and match the "female" autism criteria very well. Many women do not match the "female" autism criteria. I almost feel honored to break the mold throughout life, except everything is so difficult
I was ~37Y until a blind date got this autism stuff up and after some own reasearch it makes so much clear, why i struggled with social things, be rude, unctonrolled outbreaks as a kid, and so on. I am 41Y today and my 1st diagnosis was a nightmare and she wrote that thing very contradictory and its only a half baked and fishy thing.....currently, I am on the waiting list for a 2nd diagnose, it is another place, but i have a very bad feeling about this. This "lost generation" is also a thing i can agree to 100%, so much potential is unused. In every company i was, and i changed my place every 6-12 months and was in many, I pushed them forward and optimized many things....but they told me many times "Thats not your job here" or "uhhmm you pushed us forward, but you seem not to fit into this team, sorry, but you are fired." I have a very high education and this opens me many doors beforehand, but when my autism shows up......bye bye
I've always had these 8 hr jobs to 40 hr per week jobs. But I can never stay in them. I always feel overwhelmed and cry all the time. The only reason I've recently started thinking I may be autistic is when I was at my new job... 1st day at a new location and there was so many things going on and my tasks kept changing every 10 to 30 minutes made me have a breakdown. Then I started realizing I've had these types of breakdowns in every job I've been in. It was just like a ... woah moment for me.
Olivia, thank you so much for all you do. I began learning that I have autism with your videos. With this one, I’ve found another great autism TH-camr. Orion is great and I enjoy his personality. Thank you.
When I think about the growth of my emotion maturity, it’s in how I handle a Colts loss now compared to middle school. But never interrupt during the Colts. So true. I think the Peyton Manning era spoiled me.
In the uk the simple difference with male and female autism is mental health egnore males all the time. As a male i was diagnosed 13years ago with only 2 visits to to hospital, never had any assistance after that. But I know many females with autism have way more support access to therapy social help. But every time I as a male need assistance I'm egnored.
4:20 I think about the “lost generation” a little bit differently when it comes to ppl who were diagnosed as adults. I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life (so I can’t speak on autism), but I think those that go undiagnosed for a period of time develop coping skills that can payoff when you start getting treatment and/or medication. There was also a self discovery process that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I remember my childhood with a lot more empathy for the younger version of myself and in retrospect I’m pretty proud that I got as far as I did, all things considered.
YES!!! "Belonging is being around people who force you to be yourself" Truth! Thank you O & O for this helpful and informative video, especially for females :)
Can relate to what Oliva says at 11:00. A friend asked me to come over and it was like my whole being just shouted 'NO!' at the very concept. So I forced myself, bitterly, to get on a bus and just hang out as I didn't want to seem like a bad friend. Worst part is that once I got there the feeling just stopped, which just made me feel even more guilty.
Be careful of a victim complex I’m autistic too We have resources and are high functioning. It’s too seductive to blame everyone else when we act like assholes. We deserve patience but we don’t deserve a free pass
My nickname is Otis. Man, Orion sounds like me so often it's scary.. I made a post on a forum I'm on a few weeks ago talking about gender disparity and how it favors women in today's society because men aren't allowed to be stay at home dads/husbads/boyfriends because you HAVE to be the bread winner. If you don't have you own place/car/job and pull in a good amount of money, you're completely worthless and no one will ever want to date you, but we HAVE to accept that from a woman if that's her choice.. Doesn't matter what disabilities a man has, he HAS to be the status quot... just like it doesn't matter if a man is autistic, he better be woke and say things perfectly or he's going to get torn a new one with absolutely no leniency at all. (having a big fight over that one on reddit right now) I hate the idea that only autistics will ever understand autistics.. For the most part, other than one Canadian woman, I've never found another autistic person I get along with. In my experiences they are even less accepting of my issues with speaking and are extremely strict about having to be woke, will quickly call you sexist or incel or whatever catchphrase they can instead of just accepting that you are just trying to ask a question. I've been booted from so many groups for not knowing how to say what I mean acceptably it's not even funny... and I get completely vilified for it. BTW, I'm straight, I never knew I was autistic until 30 which was 7 years ago now, and I've never actually been on a real date. I tried to spend time with a girl I met online (that approached me go figure) but it didn't turn out well because she expected normal from me and I wasn't. (this was when I was 22) I have no clue how to meet anyone, let alone notice the little hints she's giving while I'm worried about sounding stupid/childish/missing those very signs... and after all this time alone I have no clue why anyone would want me (especially with all my medical issues and no job and not on disability) and I feel so far behind that interacting with anyone is painful, let alone someone I'm attracted to. It really feels like I'm still just a stupid little kid despite being 37 and 6'10. Orion saying he feels bad for his wife.. I definitely feel sorry for whatever woman that decides she wants me to be a part of her life, it's going to be so damn hard.. if she exists.
Hey, I just subscribed to you channel and I love y'alls perspective here with everything you guys had to say. I am, too Autistic (Aspergers), and as far as relationships go, from my personal experience, I rather be married to a neurodivergent, than be married to a neurotypical. My husband is probably on the highest side of the spectrum, yet I am more obvious, but c'mon..it's so nice to understand each other. Now, unlike me, he can hold a job and socialize...and blah blah blah (maybe it's because he talks too much...lol). We can also be our authentic selves together, especially having fun with our crude sense of humor. We also know when to adult though (ugh...adulting sucks!). Other than that, I can relate to everything else you *O*some (awesome) guys said. See what I did there with the O by the way? Hehe! Thanks again!
I’ve been labeled as gay af for not conforming to stereotypical male gender expectations. I generally identify as agender. People here in the states just don’t understand it, especially in more rural areas. I’m not allowed to not like sports, or cars, or misogyny, or what have you. I hate it.
You need to move to a more enlightened area. Moving is hard, but it's worth it. I'm in Santa Fe. In one recent election both leading candidates--a man and a woman--were gay, and it barely came up as an issue. I'm not saying it's any kind of paradise. It's not very friendly, but at least your sexual orientation isn't any big deal.
I am a male and diagnosed in my 50's. P am 58 now. I spent my entire life not understanding why I was different. Even after being diagnose I could not accept my ASD. But as I looked at it more closely I realized that the Dr was correct. Now that I say I have ASD I wonder what all my friends over the decade feel about me. Now that I realized that I have ASD I don't want them to think about me differently but at the same time I do. I am different from normals.
This was such a great video! Thank you for giving perspectives from different genders🙏🏽 Could you please cover the topic of asking for help, the difficulties that autistic people have with asking for help & strategies or hacks to address this? I also received a late diagnosis as a 31 yr old female…it’s been rough, okayyy🥲 And my biggest struggle is asking for help when I need to avoid triggers or need extra support doing simple day-to-day tasks. My inability to ask for help causes my brain to be super mean by telling me that I’m useless and undeserving. And this usually leads to a meltdown which traps me and makes it even more difficult to get my needs met. Help please!!🌻🌻🌻
My boyfriend of 11 years is some kind of neurodivergent but he is much more functional than I am. I get money from disability. He is a handyman. We don't have children by choice. I do feel shame about not doing as many chores as him. (I do have physical problems also.) But we get along well. I think the most important thing is to be open minded to different types of people like you said, Olivia. Different autistic people can have different strengths though. Just like NT's. I joke that couples have to have compatible weaknesses (so you can cover for each other) as well as compatible personalities.
The whole "O" name is so awesome! That is such an oddity I have as an autistic. Same names, letters, etc. My biggest one is when someone shares my birthday. I have twin cousins that share my birthday so my whole life, I am drawn to a commonality of birthday.
Agree with Orion about society's expectation of men providing and I'd say it's tough to not let that bog you down We are all just trying our best with what we know
Linda Jones 0 seconds ago Great points, but I personally struggled with neurotypical folks a lot in my life because their judgement about me or my intentions were not true.I learned in a hard way to become more aware of what I say, do, and share with people after learning some underlying “ power plays” rotted on social games. My mother thought me well how to clean my own dishes and be independent; although, standard workplace still a “horror movie” to be debunked in my personal experience. Thru experience I learned how manage myself around people who runs relationships like a business transaction. Yeah, it might take longer for me to achieve certain things in life, but I prefer having a partner that understands my struggles instead of labeling me useless or putting pressure on me to be who I will never be! I learned my limits and thru therapy I learned that making a choice doesn’t have to be a life/death experience. Having a partner that chooses you in death and sickness is a very rare thing anywhere you go and nothing to be ashamed off. It gives hope to think that not everyone is out there with the intention to use you as his “frying pan.”; although, I know that if an aspie says bananas it actually means bananas!
I feel the same way when it comes to getting along with other girls as I'm almost 20 now...but I looove collecting dolls- and I always thought I was weird- To learn that's a common special interests in females ((still struggling to find a place to diagnose-))
There are places you can get your assessment online. We struggled to find a place for my adult child. Eventually we found GRASP. The assessor she had was fabulous and thorough - all telehealth. Afterward, she was provided with the diagnostic report as well as letters for Healthcare providers, employers, etc. Best of luck!
I've never been able to find my name either (Philleen) I think its kind of cool but somewhat disappointed at times, btw i love both of your channels ! ^.^ I had my first evaluation appointment and my next one is the last day of august! Relieved and anxious
I'm not sure it would work if my husband was Autistic. Now he isn't neurotypical, he has ADHD and Dyslexia. Hu is the "bread winner" of the family. He balances me out. He talks on the phone for me, handles appointments, and is my shield if I start getting overwhelmed. I probably depend on him too much. At least he never ever has to worry about me cheating on him though. That would require talking to people, and I'm very happy to be a hermit.
The Lost Generation sounds like a sequel to a Will Farrel, hollow-earth movie. I love the notion that the big, bad world of intimidating, sometimes smirking therapy being in the dark ages was wonderful to hear. I thought the aversion to small talk was an Indigo trait but it can very much be an Autistic trait, eh? All this talk about preferring game day accompanied by as few other people as possible if any ... I agree wholespiritedly but in the realm of movies and Oscar Night. The only person's opinions I cherish and like are my Wife and two Children ... I really really reaaally don't enjoy hearing strangers related/unrelated comments during the show. Please shut the heaven up and let me hear the presenters, actors, and red carpet interviewers and preview scene clips even though I've already seen the films. Please shut the love up, especially if it's shallow excrement - I want/need to hear the show.
My life in industry was helped by the fact that I was put on a late shift but running 2 shifts and a laboratory, to cut down on my social interaction with the normal people, bonus for me was a lot of back shift people are broken to so we all got along.
You laugh about the kid still at home stuff. I have a 28 year old autistic genius son still at home that eventhough he made it through college (barely) at the top of his class, his mental and physical issues keeps him in bed most of every day. Another son at age 20 had to move in with his sister because the conflict between him and Dad (also autistic) was so great. "The struggle is real!"
Every job I’ve had I quit after a breakdown I want part time but I just started a new job and so far it is easy and I work with my brother (in different areas) which makes it all the better. I hope this job never makes me feel overwhelmed like the rest. Also it’s through a temp agency. Any job I’ve tried to get myself, especially over phone interview, I never got. God forbid anyone hires someone awkward or quiet (sarcasm) 🙄
I want friends and connection, but I'm the type that loads to the max and goes home and crashes, and doesn't need human contact again until I do again. This comes in waves where I just need people around me, and then I don't. I love people interaction in doses and go home I both love and hate being alone I think I hate being alone more. I need a kitten or dog or something that doesn't place demands on me that I can take care of. It's a non talking relationship that cares about me too, and wants to spend time with me. Tell her she's artistic Say she's definitely artistic When she does the taxes then she's auditistic. When you play the stereo you are audiotistic. My daughter is aspie I might be also. I don't know yet. I haven't been tested for this yet
What makes it difficult for us as autistic people is that society is designed for neuro typical people and yet so Many of us are neuro diverse and feel completely like we are the ones that need to change and get therapy. Orion was right about the wheelchair analogy. We can’t just get up the stairs.
I am going through a slow-boat-to-China-speed divorce from / with a Neuro-Typical Wife. She is/was the sweetest, most noble, assertive, thoughtful, Christian, good-looking, exciting, satisfying, and emotionally present, Proverbs 31 woman I could've asked for ... we just didn't know Autism was a thing. If I fully, fully, officially lose her (I am hoping I don't have to), I will/might honestly become curious about my chances with a Neuro-Diverse woman ... if only to lend someone needy the same caregiver cheerleader support and selflessness my Sweet, Magickal Wife has exhausted herself dry lending me for 30 years.
There is some new research now that prenatal exposure to cigarette smoke and or alcohol, is a factor. My dad did smoke and drink before I was born, and my whole childhood. Drinking and smoking affects biotin levels prenatally. If anyone wants to google it, it would be interesting to know if there is a connection. "Since the brain is quite vulnerable to biotin deficiency, delayed biotin therapy could result in neurological damage."
I just simply cant even say how very much a relief and yet guilt it is as Ive sat binge watching your videos and some others and just amazed how many , Dr's, therapists, specialists weve gone to asking how to help my children and now realizing it is extremely likely my son and daughter are Austic. It's confusing to me that no medical people or professionals ever suggested testing for Autism.
If you are in the U.S. I think it might work better to work through your children's school rather than with most doctors. Schools deal with autism in kids constantly.
If you could please pray for my daughter, she has her first of two 3hr evaluations for autism next week. I can see that she has been internalizing struggles for years, and it is likely related to being neurodiverse when her brother and my husband are both autistic and I have ADHD. However, it will likely be an uphill battle to get a diagnosis for her when she is a truly exceptional social mimic. She is only 5 and I can see her developing a mask and see the toll masking can be for her, and it is heartbreaking when I don't have answers I can give her.
Just want share my experience. Orion says he thought he was a bad person. I personally experienced that I thought alot of other people were stupid and boring.
I experience some of both. The thing I've beat myself up most about, I think, is not being a very good friend and not being able to make friends. But a lot of people who have tried to be friends with me are not very interesting to me.
One of my grandkids name is Onyxus, his middle name That custom plates for the truck 😂 That's one you won't find in the store either. His mother likes onyx, the stone 🪨
I tell people with full time jobs that I don't know how they do it, and they are doing a good job, and most of them just shrug and say it is normal, or that they are not even tired. I am exhausted with my little part time/gig type jobs, so I can't imagine it. All I can say, is wow, they are doing a super good job.
SAME.
Nearly everyone I know are exhausted from their job!
@@tomjones2157 yep. It's true.
@@DeborahAnnsuperversatile then you probably mostly know neurodivergent people
I feel like gig jobs would be way more exhausting. The lack of structure itself would just be extremely difficult for me. I enjoy having a job where somebody else tells me when to work and what to do, and the bonus is that it will structure my life for 8 hours a day, five days a week.
Hi Olivia & Orion,
It's not just "A" lost generation. I'm 78, & have only recently learned enough about the autistic spectrum to realize that 1.) that is me, & 2.) that was also my late husband. Orion's videos first brought me to this important realization. I can't thank you enough!
Hi, Linda. I'm 75 and have realized within the past year that I'm probably autistic. I have one more session before I get an official diagnosis (or maybe not). The psychologist told me I'm definitely neurodivergent in some way. Our generation and all the ones before us were "lost generations" when it comes to getting help for autism.
I'm 51 and thinking I'm on the spectrum.
❤️ 💙💜💛 Thanks so much for having me on your channel Olivia! You’re the best 🙏
You got me at the point where you said "God, I hope so..." hahahahahahahahaha
@@IntrepidIanRinon 😂
Hi, Orion. Thank you for doing this video with Olivia. This video is how I found learned of your channel. I truly enjoy and relate to your videos so much. Thanks for all you do.
My husband and I got together as teenagers and got our autism diagnoses in our early 40s. It has its pros and cons. There is a really deep bond between us based on mutual understanding. When we are both struggling, it's bad, but usually only one is struggling and the other can support. When we are both working full time, it is difficult. We have taken turns with being the main support for the two of us. We didn't have kids, because we didn't think we could manage that.
I think it's a bit like this with my partner and I he is not diagnosed I'm just diagnosed but we get her on so well it may be due to us being neurodiverse anyways only he seems to manage full-time work way better then I do
"You truly belong when your around people who force you to be yourself."
Yes.
❤🎉 once we find em 😊
A great quote.
Unfortunately for me, those people are extremely rare.
So for now, I am alone :(
My daughter’s psychiatrist was also one of my high school teachers. I was invited to sit in on her first interview with him. During that session he told me that they knew back in high school that I was autistic, but no one ever told me until I was in my 30s. In fact I had to go to the VA hospital with the sole purpose of finding out why I am treated so much worse than everyone else.
Did you serve in the military? If so, thank you. It would be cool if you could make a video about what it was like.
My wife learned a lot of traits from me. She is not autistic, but she adapted the things she liked into her way of thinking and doing things. It sounds like your spouses did the same. It's perfectly natural. When 2 people love one another, each will adapt, and to some extent, they will become as one.
10:30
"belonging is being around people who force you to be yourself"
Orion Kelly
very well said sir
cheers
I'm autistic and married to a neurotypical person. Thank you for showing the good side of that pairing! Everything I read recommends partnership with another ND person, and I can see why. However I imagine it's got to be so hard surviving in this world with two NDs. It shouldn't be like that, but that's the world we live in. My husband and I have had misunderstandings due to communication, but now that we know I'm autistic, those issues have disappeared. Knowledge is key. We have been married almost 30 years and I wish we had had this info years ago. I have three grown or almost-grown children who are on the spectrum or at least ND. It would have reduced the stress immensely if we had understood fully.
"Knowledge is key". You are so right. I wish we would teach people the difference between neurotypes in kindergarten. I think that would be one of the best ways to reduce childhood bullying. Understanding is key.
I am not diagnosed, but my problems with work are ASD-typical. So I have signed up to work with an autism employment coach, as the practical help is more urgently needed than the actual label. I might seek diagnosis in future when I can afford it.
Hello OLIVIA HOPS and I am 37 years old. And I am a male. And I am on the Autism spectrum I have PDD-NOS. And I am a disabled person. And I am 5'0 feet tall. And I was born on march 29th 1985. And I live in the united states of America. I live in Waynesboro, Pennsylvania. I live on the east coast. And I love your TH-cam channel. And I subscribe to your TH-cam channel.
I'm 25 and have just reached burnout, now realising I am autistic and was a part of the 'lost generation' where autism was not well studied and detected in girls. I can't say I don't feel resentment and anger towards this, as it would've saved me a lifetime of hardship, but I am glad that we are making leaps and bounds in research.
I mean... I found out I was autistic, cause my partner is autistic 😅😅
I like to think there are some pros to having an autistic partner, cause there's a lot of understanding...
We take turns for the meltdowns 😂 and we are very comited to be there for one another when one of us is doing fine and the other one is not, lots of unconditional support and love. And we understand when the other is not available or needs time off, or just can't be present, cause we are in our world or just too overwhelmed to handle things... The key is total honesty and commitment to our growth and our relationship, and it's been beautiful, and of course at times very hard too, but we are doing great so far ❤️
But yeah definetly it can be a challenge too. But I imagine having a neurotypical partner can be also a challenge... Man, being in a relationship is a challenge in of itself. Lol
I think the most important thing, neuro diverse or neurotypical aside, is communication, understanding and compatibility.
Yeah I’m trying to understand what exactly they’re talking about with having a neurotypical partner being more beneficial 😅
I didn’t even know I was autistic until recently and my partner still hasn’t been diagnosed; we’re both just learning about our neurodivergencies. I find it really hard to talk to anyone neurotypical and that was before I knew I was autistic. Them saying that they have more oppourtunities to be successful because they have an allistic breadmaker also makes me feel like I will never be successful if me and my partner try living independently.
That's how it is for me and my husband too. Both autistic.
@@kikiwannabananawatermelonmango I know, that gave me a bit of anxiety too 😅😅
But I can get by pretty well on my own, been independent for some years, still don't live with my partner yet, but for sure hope we can join forces and be stronger together, and I think it can be done, from a place of understanding our needs and etc...
At least hope so
I come from 12 years in Bible college and it's kind-of fun to be able to refer to something new now other than the New Testament with the acronym NT (Neuro-Typical) lol.
Very well said. My husband and I both understand each other very well. We are both Autistic, but he's on the higher side than I am (even though I am also high functioning). It just all depends on the situation and circumstances. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
Really love Olivia's input for the community
My husband and I have been arrived for almost 22 years, we have 5 diagnosed autistic children. I didn't know I was autistic til a month ago (self diagnosed). We both had anxiety issues but we over looked that because we loved each other, we have so much in common, we have lots of special interests that we are both busy with.
Well in the last month I recognize as autistic, I see it all throughout my life. Things that never readers sense about myself now make sense. He has also done self examination and now he recognizes as adhd. I want to say this has made us closer and more patient with each other.
I’m flat out telling my Psychiatrists and they still haven’t given me the diagnosis.I had a few moments in life where I thought I could have Autism but kept getting diagnosed with other things.Once I met my Husband who is also Autistic and specifically Asberger’s,which is what I believe I have.There was no doubt in my mind.I had just never known another Autistic person and just thought I was a crazy weirdo outsider that was going to die alone cause I was tired of explaining myself to others and feeling rejected.After meeting my Husband I started really digging into research and started to fully accept this is what I have.Once I started watching videos though of other Autistic people,especially females,I started to get huge sighs of relief and validation that I wasn’t alone and that nothing was wrong with me.I am just different and that’s a good thing.I am now working on not masking as much b/c I’m olde and deal with a lot of physical ailments and pain so masking just causes more.Learning I’m not alone out here has def helped with giving me the confidence to not Mask.Thanks for bringing awareness to others.Especially younger females cause it wouldn’t have def made a difference if I would have known sooner.
I went through 59 years of life before getting the diagnosis of ASD, ADHD, and some other serious mental and physical diagnosis. My past life feels like a bad dream now. It helps so much to know why I was such a failure at human relationships. Knowing early could have helped me and all the other people in my life to have had a much better life. So glad that people are getting diagnosed earlier now. I don't want anyone to go through what I did.
Also, words cannot describe how much I love Orion's shirt!! 💜💜💜💜
I hope you guys do another collaboration soon. I love hearing honest opinions and experiences especially when they are bounced back and forth between two alike people because it gives a wider range of perspective. Not everyone has the same experience as you two, and that's perfectly ok. The more we listen to a variety of autistic people, the more we as a society can grip the idea that we are all just as unique as allistic people. But you both do have similar experiences which I love, because that makes for more free flowing autistic thoughts 😂 for lack of a better term. When you can relate and connect to another individual it can set your neurons on FIRE! In a good way lol.
Sidenote:Also I don't know if I'll ever be able to remember which spelling of experience (expirience) is correct no matter how many times I google it......Autism? 😂
Literally just gotta remember
"My ex teaches pe"
I always compared being autistic to being dyslexic in English Class, except my life is always English Class with dyslexia, and nobody even believes me when I tell them I'm dyslexic, and as I learn to read out of necessity to survive, despite not being properly taught how to read based on the needs of my neurology, the better I get at it the more people doubt I actually struggle and question all the gears that have to turn in my head just to function. It's the best comparison I can think of to describe why I have a massive chip on my shoulder despite being a successful autistic person, even though it's a flawed comparison because having dyslexia is a genuine problem of visual perception, and being autistic is not inherently a flaw in our neurological programming, just a different perception.
I loved listening to your chat with Orion Kelly, you both brought up some interesting things. Keep up the great videos Olivia.
I think people on the spectrum are more likely to end up together because no one else will give us a chance. I tell my hubbs all the time that I don't know what other woman would put up with him 😂 but he puts up with me too... until we met each other we had no one who understood us. It's a totally different connection, we are on the same page in ways that we never have been with anyone else, because our brains function so similarly
"don't tell me to just get over it, I can't get out of the wheelchair and suddenly just walk up the stairs." - YES YES YES!! I've thought of that analogy many times! People just don't understand... even siblings.
Fun fact: one of my favourite songs is called Orion by Metallica, on their Master of Puppets album and it’s an instrumental. Also in Europe in the 80’s and 90’s Ford had a model of car called Orion, which was a sedan (saloon) and was the first model of car I drove after my driving test back in 2001.
Both Ford and Metallica are two of my intense interests, and could be considered part of bigger intense interests when it comes to my love of cars and heavy metal music.
I’m not diagnosed yet, but I have recently started to process of getting a possible diagnose of being on the autistic spectrum. Saying that is also a good Segway to me pointing out that computers/technology is another one of my intense interests and my first home computer was a Sinclair ZX Spectrum.
Holy crap I totally get the “radar!” I’ve had to learn to not say that part out loud because my wife is nt (I’m late diagnosed autistic) and I “see undiagnosed autism / autistic behaviors” everywhere and I’ve definitely been called out for stating “well that person is definitely autistic!” 😅
Excellent video and I loved the interview you did on his channel, too. I’d love a series with you two talking like this regularly. It’s so fun to listen to.
Oh it’s in the way!
I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not (pretty certain I'm neurodivergent in some way), but I agree completely about having the benefits of having a neurotypical partner. I've never really understood why two autistics together would always be the best option, as many claim. Yes, there could be a greater level of understanding from the point of view of brain wiring, but there are too many practical things that could go wrong! Plus, the saying "if you've met one autistic person you've met one autistic person" is relevant and so there's no guarantee that a fellow ND partner would be better. My husband is a slightly eccentric but definitely neurotypical person and he helps me so much. He knows exactly what to do in social situations and isn't socially confused or afraid of people, as I tend to be. He is also extremely practical and makes sure we eat well etc. I'm better at looking after myself than I used to be, but I really have to concentrate sometimes. I do my share of the chores/pay my share of the bills etc., but he keeps everything together and running smoothly.
Honestly this collab was better than my expectations!! So thankful for you both ❤
I am also late diagnosed Autistic and my name also starts with 'O' and also already following both you... Great to watching you in a combined way.
You have the COOLEST name! (Sorry Orion & Olivia) how does one pronounce it? Or-sun?
@@LaceyMyriah Thank you. You also have a cool name. Orçun is a Turkish name. There is a dot underneath the c letter, so it is pronounced as Or-chu-un.
I just recently discovered your channel and appreciate your insight into autism. I have a son on the spectrum and right now he is driving me crazy! Your insights help me to better understand him, so thank you.
That was SUCH A GOOD VIDEO. I'm NT (husband) and my wife is AS - you two have helped me understand things from a very different point of view. I hope you're able to bring us more content. Kind regards and best wishes from North Wales UK ❤❤
This is a fascinating discussion. I did not know I was neuro-atypical until about a week ago. It is very interesting to look at my life through that lens. No one payed much attention to me outside academics in art because I accelerate in school, and I was emotionally intuitive (or it appeared that way).
When I had a car accident in march of this year, in which my car flipped all the way into the other side of a divorced highway landing upside down-I came out unscathed,- and I think that was the trigger of the start of an awakening.
In elementary school, I lived with my dad and his then-gf and her two daughters (one a year older, the other 4 years younger). I was somehow pigeon-holed as the black sheep early on and that lead to suicidal feelings that I knew were not safe to share starting at age 7-8. They told me I was stubborn, and I believed them. They told me I was selfish, and I believed them. Looking back, I can see that I was neuro-atypical struggling with a big change (moving into a house with a built in family with entirely new set of rules), and no one cared enough to genuinely ask how that made me feel, which made me start to believe it did not matter.
I did not realize until a week ago that I had C-PTSD, which in short means that I learned that while I was somehow responsible for every other person’s emotional state, they were never looking after mine (Or so it felt). Kindness felt like a trick meant to dupe me. And I knew I wouldn’t fall for it again.
I was luck I had academia to be able to ask questions and explore the world With curiosity. It also gave me tools like the scientific method that helped me frame the patterns that I noticed in different social situations.
All people seemed to care about was the “what” of things, and I wanted to know “why.” I quickly learned that you are not supposed to ask questions about things that apparently everyone knows (somehow?), and it led me to be a neurotic depressed, socially anxious (how could I not be when I felt like an imposture trying to make the correct move to not get found out). Unbeknownst to me, I was also feeling guilty when I made strides to have my own needs met. It somehow seemed selfish.
A week ago I found myself in crisis after I had decided to go to therapy for my perceived depression and anxiety. I told my mom, she had no reaction, and the damn broke. Emotions I had left long ago resurfaced, and I realized how much effort (all my energy) had gone into maintaining others stability in my environment. There was hardly enough energy left for me to function.
Somehow I managed to let go of whatever it was keeping me stuck. I feel spiritually enlightened, able to access my emotions, but they never become me.
I changed overnight from someone who barely did more then eat junk and watch TV to someone with boundless creativity and energy to go forward into the world.
I quit school, started eating correctly, I have made efforts to change unhealthy habits, I am moving out of my mother’s house, I am connecting more with my sister and father (also undiagnosed on the spectrum, which I found out this week), and have big goals to help the world with the skills available to me.
I think the biggest revelation in regards to neuro-atypicalness and my perception of people is that I think that people who are neuro-atypical people have access to at least part of the sub conscience. I think that is why they struggle with words. If you sometimes think in the Ineffable, how are you supposed to make that bite size for a neuotypical person?
The only down side of letting go of my shame and guilt and letting myself make mistakes, is now it is harder to remember the little things like appointments, etc. well worth it. For the first time in my adult life, I don’t have that voice telling me that the world would be better off without me. 10/10 would recommend.
❤
Lovely! Thank God for the scientific method (joke)
Wow!!! I haven't watched the video yet but I want to say that I am super excited to se two of my favorite people in one video, working together when it comes to spreading info and awareness about AUTISM.
I always relate all what you have said so far 100% and more!!!!
I feel great in your virtual company!!!! That sense that someone gets you totally and that event say that it is OK to be different is PRICELESS!!!!
Now, let me dive into your discussion and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.......
Wow. I was so happy to hear O hear that he loves the mall, because I do too. I'm 74 and Australian and love watching the crazy aliens doing their thing. They're so cute.
My wife just discovered (actually it was me) that she is an Aspie Girl ... AND she says that so much "you be better off with out me, your life would better" ... to which I reply " stop !!! saying that I live for you !!! You are my reason for living. We've been a couple 24 years (married 22) .. what worked for us was working together. Unfortunately working couples jobs have all but vanished. We are retired now but I may have to go back to work. I'm 67 and she's 43 but it would literally be easier and more practical for me to go back than her. She also has a rare genetic physical disability, and it was the DNA report for that illness that pointed to ASD as well. Then I went and digging, but it wasn't until I showed her one of Olivia's video she became convinced ...still a lot more digging and yes
Me and my husband are both autistic but have the exact opposite difficulties... I usually think that the two of us together make ONE neurotypical 😅
Amazingly enjoyable banter!!!! Only have listened as far as chatting names and energy is so accepting and enjoyable!! I feel like I’m right there part of it! Thanks both of you😊🥰
O'Diane.....J/K! I too am 30's diagnosed. Thank you 80's/90's.
I am always focusing on Name similarities. I noticed in the last video I watched with both of you that both of your names stared with O’s
In my experience having autistic partner when you are autistic yourself is not so good as we both had to deal with unfulfilled expectation frim each other.
In other words, neither could lean on each other in the times of need and that brought lots of resentment on both sides.
I had to hold steady job becaus he couldn't do it.
He always made sure to inform me that I can never lean on him financial.
That feeling of not being protected while we were raising one child together made me fell alone, scared, depressed, unloved and unappreciated.
Needless to say that most of the work around child was left to me to do as I was the mother.
By behaving that way he managed his autistic life with less stress and it alway made me frustrated, angry and hateful towards him.
I found some peace after separation but my personal struggle and confusion about not being content never left me.
And I didn't understand why. Suddenly I haven't had him in my life as I view him as an burden but there was no much of the improvement of my personal life. I also never wanted new partner as I found partnership hard and tedious chore.
Our child is obviously autistic but having gaing lots of knowledge about autism lately I want to believe that she is going to make fare less mistakes then we did simply by knowing her own limitation.
No competions, no compering, no unrealistic expectation that made us all previous generations of autistic people to suffocate, drown, burn out or drop dead while we tried to prove ourself to ourself, to the parents, to the siblings, to our own kids that we can do the same as the other people can do.
I surrender now and I admit now that I can't and perception of other people if me now matter less.
Much less then ever before. And that feels liberating. Not that struggle is over, but I am much more gentle and understanding to myself nowadays then ever before!!!!
I don’t think if i could date an autistic person, but it’s because I think my stims and triggers would conflict. I married a NT introverted male. He’s good at planning and executing a plan, which is great since I also have ADHD. He can act extroverted, but he prefers to be a homebody. It works well. The main conflict we have had is him thinking my touch aversion was person, but once he mentioned to me that he thought I was autistic (I was already over a year into deep research) that eased up a lot. There’s still some communication we have, but we’ve been working on it and figuring out what works best.
Reality is here in Spain most doctors don't even go to educational workshops to learn about advances in general medicine never mind Autism. We are in the dark ages here.
Lo siento. ¡Muy triste! It's the same here in the Philippines. What's worse is that the parents of autistic kids here still believe they are the best resources regarding autism when autistic Filipino adults can help but are being sidelined.
I'm relating so much to both of you talking about your relationships and partners!! My husband is totally chill and I cannot imagine going through life with someone that is like me (which is the exact opposite of chill haha)
On the other hand, I'm also relating to Orion when he talked about his autistic son. I don't have kids, but my dad is autistic. But he has only accepted that he is after I got my own diagnosis, which was recently and he's in his 60s. Now I'm actually advocating for HIM and helping him get help when I can see he needs it due to an autistic trait. And this type of relationship between 2 autistic people is also super nice to have.
Really good video. The quiet party area really hit home. I was at a house party and retreated to a quiet area and the daughter of one of my friends came over and asked if I was ‘on the spectrum’. Probably yes but undiagnosed. We had a good conversation about masking, work, and relationships. I’ve managed the work situation pretty well, I’ve found a job I am good at, I have a routine there, and I have not changed jobs for 27 years.
Hello! I really enjoyed this video. I'm a younger autistic adult and it's really nice to hear the perspective of other autistic adults. I was slightly wary of the title {with the way gender and autism were looked at in the past), but I liked how you both approached the conversation. Also, it really makes me happy to see other people with speech patterns similar to my own, which feels like a weird thing to say, but there's just a certain way a lot of other autistic folks talk in terms of cadence that feels really distinct.
I have something I'd like to add in the relationship area. I think autistic people can definitely be compatible in relationships, but our strengths and weaknesses need to compliment each other. For example, the roommate I've gotten along the best with is also neurodivergent, but we're able to get what we need done because we can each do different things. Hopefully this isn't as rambly as I feel it is and I hope what I said makes sense.
You're all good young one! I really like some autism reddits and reading hundreds of people discus the autism-gender subject. I was assigned male at birth and for 40 years nobody ever raised a flag. Well I am a transwoman and match the "female" autism criteria very well. Many women do not match the "female" autism criteria. I almost feel honored to break the mold throughout life, except everything is so difficult
I was ~37Y until a blind date got this autism stuff up and after some own reasearch it makes so much clear, why i struggled with social things, be rude, unctonrolled outbreaks as a kid, and so on.
I am 41Y today and my 1st diagnosis was a nightmare and she wrote that thing very contradictory and its only a half baked and fishy thing.....currently, I am on the waiting list for a 2nd diagnose, it is another place, but i have a very bad feeling about this.
This "lost generation" is also a thing i can agree to 100%, so much potential is unused. In every company i was, and i changed my place every 6-12 months and was in many, I pushed them forward and optimized many things....but they told me many times "Thats not your job here" or "uhhmm you pushed us forward, but you seem not to fit into this team, sorry, but you are fired." I have a very high education and this opens me many doors beforehand, but when my autism shows up......bye bye
I've always had these 8 hr jobs to 40 hr per week jobs. But I can never stay in them. I always feel overwhelmed and cry all the time. The only reason I've recently started thinking I may be autistic is when I was at my new job... 1st day at a new location and there was so many things going on and my tasks kept changing every 10 to 30 minutes made me have a breakdown. Then I started realizing I've had these types of breakdowns in every job I've been in. It was just like a ... woah moment for me.
Olivia, thank you so much for all you do. I began learning that I have autism with your videos. With this one, I’ve found another great autism TH-camr. Orion is great and I enjoy his personality.
Thank you.
When I think about the growth of my emotion maturity, it’s in how I handle a Colts loss now compared to middle school. But never interrupt during the Colts. So true. I think the Peyton Manning era spoiled me.
I am autistic and my husband autistic . It works well. It has been hard at times but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
In the uk the simple difference with male and female autism is mental health egnore males all the time.
As a male i was diagnosed 13years ago with only 2 visits to to hospital, never had any assistance after that. But I know many females with autism have way more support access to therapy social help.
But every time I as a male need assistance I'm egnored.
Orion, you express yourself so clearly regarding the signing up for this part. This very helpful. ❤
I love that the two of you did another collaboration together.
4:20 I think about the “lost generation” a little bit differently when it comes to ppl who were diagnosed as adults.
I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life (so I can’t speak on autism), but I think those that go undiagnosed for a period of time develop coping skills that can payoff when you start getting treatment and/or medication.
There was also a self discovery process that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I remember my childhood with a lot more empathy for the younger version of myself and in retrospect I’m pretty proud that I got as far as I did, all things considered.
Im female awaiting diagnosis at 43, while I resonate with Olivia’s hermit personality I feel like I have the same animated mentality as Orion.
YES!!! "Belonging is being around people who force you to be yourself" Truth! Thank you O & O for this helpful and informative video, especially for females :)
Therapy without autism diagnosis doesn't address the root issues
Can relate to what Oliva says at 11:00. A friend asked me to come over and it was like my whole being just shouted 'NO!' at the very concept. So I forced myself, bitterly, to get on a bus and just hang out as I didn't want to seem like a bad friend. Worst part is that once I got there the feeling just stopped, which just made me feel even more guilty.
Thank you both for this excellent conversation. It means world to me!!!! ❤️
Glad you have a great supportive family; loving your O'shirt! Congrats!
Be careful of a victim complex
I’m autistic too
We have resources and are high functioning. It’s too seductive to blame everyone else when we act like assholes.
We deserve patience but we don’t deserve a free pass
My nickname is Otis. Man, Orion sounds like me so often it's scary.. I made a post on a forum I'm on a few weeks ago talking about gender disparity and how it favors women in today's society because men aren't allowed to be stay at home dads/husbads/boyfriends because you HAVE to be the bread winner. If you don't have you own place/car/job and pull in a good amount of money, you're completely worthless and no one will ever want to date you, but we HAVE to accept that from a woman if that's her choice.. Doesn't matter what disabilities a man has, he HAS to be the status quot... just like it doesn't matter if a man is autistic, he better be woke and say things perfectly or he's going to get torn a new one with absolutely no leniency at all. (having a big fight over that one on reddit right now)
I hate the idea that only autistics will ever understand autistics.. For the most part, other than one Canadian woman, I've never found another autistic person I get along with. In my experiences they are even less accepting of my issues with speaking and are extremely strict about having to be woke, will quickly call you sexist or incel or whatever catchphrase they can instead of just accepting that you are just trying to ask a question. I've been booted from so many groups for not knowing how to say what I mean acceptably it's not even funny... and I get completely vilified for it.
BTW, I'm straight, I never knew I was autistic until 30 which was 7 years ago now, and I've never actually been on a real date. I tried to spend time with a girl I met online (that approached me go figure) but it didn't turn out well because she expected normal from me and I wasn't. (this was when I was 22) I have no clue how to meet anyone, let alone notice the little hints she's giving while I'm worried about sounding stupid/childish/missing those very signs... and after all this time alone I have no clue why anyone would want me (especially with all my medical issues and no job and not on disability) and I feel so far behind that interacting with anyone is painful, let alone someone I'm attracted to. It really feels like I'm still just a stupid little kid despite being 37 and 6'10. Orion saying he feels bad for his wife.. I definitely feel sorry for whatever woman that decides she wants me to be a part of her life, it's going to be so damn hard.. if she exists.
Hello Olivia I have a grandson has autism and just found Orion and just found my daughter has adhd you have so opened up our world a huge thank you xx
Wow orion was so on point! "Belonging is being around peopel who firce you to be yrself" yesssss🎉
Hey, I just subscribed to you channel and I love y'alls perspective here with everything you guys had to say. I am, too Autistic (Aspergers), and as far as relationships go, from my personal experience, I rather be married to a neurodivergent, than be married to a neurotypical. My husband is probably on the highest side of the spectrum, yet I am more obvious, but c'mon..it's so nice to understand each other. Now, unlike me, he can hold a job and socialize...and blah blah blah (maybe it's because he talks too much...lol). We can also be our authentic selves together, especially having fun with our crude sense of humor. We also know when to adult though (ugh...adulting sucks!). Other than that, I can relate to everything else you *O*some (awesome) guys said. See what I did there with the O by the way? Hehe! Thanks again!
I’ve been labeled as gay af for not conforming to stereotypical male gender expectations. I generally identify as agender. People here in the states just don’t understand it, especially in more rural areas. I’m not allowed to not like sports, or cars, or misogyny, or what have you. I hate it.
You need to move to a more enlightened area. Moving is hard, but it's worth it. I'm in Santa Fe. In one recent election both leading candidates--a man and a woman--were gay, and it barely came up as an issue. I'm not saying it's any kind of paradise. It's not very friendly, but at least your sexual orientation isn't any big deal.
I am a male and diagnosed in my 50's. P am 58 now. I spent my entire life not understanding why I was different. Even after being diagnose I could not accept my ASD. But as I looked at it more closely I realized that the Dr was correct. Now that I say I have ASD I wonder what all my friends over the decade feel about me. Now that I realized that I have ASD I don't want them to think about me differently but at the same time I do. I am different from normals.
This was such a great video! Thank you for giving perspectives from different genders🙏🏽
Could you please cover the topic of asking for help, the difficulties that autistic people have with asking for help & strategies or hacks to address this?
I also received a late diagnosis as a 31 yr old female…it’s been rough, okayyy🥲 And my biggest struggle is asking for help when I need to avoid triggers or need extra support doing simple day-to-day tasks. My inability to ask for help causes my brain to be super mean by telling me that I’m useless and undeserving. And this usually leads to a meltdown which traps me and makes it even more difficult to get my needs met. Help please!!🌻🌻🌻
My boyfriend of 11 years is some kind of neurodivergent but he is much more functional than I am. I get money from disability. He is a handyman. We don't have children by choice. I do feel shame about not doing as many chores as him. (I do have physical problems also.) But we get along well. I think the most important thing is to be open minded to different types of people like you said, Olivia. Different autistic people can have different strengths though. Just like NT's.
I joke that couples have to have compatible weaknesses (so you can cover for each other) as well as compatible personalities.
I work with an Oren and an Orton, both male and I'm partial to your last name, Orion. LOL
The whole "O" name is so awesome! That is such an oddity I have as an autistic. Same names, letters, etc. My biggest one is when someone shares my birthday. I have twin cousins that share my birthday so my whole life, I am drawn to a commonality of birthday.
Awesome video! Enjoyed you both!
Agree with Orion about society's expectation of men providing and I'd say it's tough to not let that bog you down
We are all just trying our best with what we know
Linda Jones
0 seconds ago
Great points, but I personally struggled with neurotypical folks a lot in my life because their judgement about me or my intentions were not true.I learned in a hard way to become more aware of what I say, do, and share with people after learning some underlying “ power plays” rotted on social games. My mother thought me well how to clean my own dishes and be independent; although, standard workplace still a “horror movie” to be debunked in my personal experience. Thru experience I learned how manage myself around people who runs relationships like a business transaction. Yeah, it might take longer for me to achieve certain things in life, but I prefer having a partner that understands my struggles instead of labeling me useless or putting pressure on me to be who I will never be! I learned my limits and thru therapy I learned that making a choice doesn’t have to be a life/death experience. Having a partner that chooses you in death and sickness is a very rare thing anywhere you go and nothing to be ashamed off. It gives hope to think that not everyone is out there with the intention to use you as his “frying pan.”; although, I know that if an aspie says bananas it actually means bananas!
I feel the same way when it comes to getting along with other girls as I'm almost 20 now...but I looove collecting dolls- and I always thought I was weird-
To learn that's a common special interests in females
((still struggling to find a place to diagnose-))
There are places you can get your assessment online. We struggled to find a place for my adult child. Eventually we found GRASP. The assessor she had was fabulous and thorough - all telehealth. Afterward, she was provided with the diagnostic report as well as letters for Healthcare providers, employers, etc. Best of luck!
Thank you, Olivia !! 🙂
I've never been able to find my name either (Philleen) I think its kind of cool but somewhat disappointed at times, btw i love both of your channels ! ^.^ I had my first evaluation appointment and my next one is the last day of august! Relieved and anxious
Loved the talk. You guys are funny 💝
I'm not sure it would work if my husband was Autistic. Now he isn't neurotypical, he has ADHD and Dyslexia. Hu is the "bread winner" of the family. He balances me out. He talks on the phone for me, handles appointments, and is my shield if I start getting overwhelmed. I probably depend on him too much. At least he never ever has to worry about me cheating on him though. That would require talking to people, and I'm very happy to be a hermit.
The Lost Generation sounds like a sequel to a Will Farrel, hollow-earth movie. I love the notion that the big, bad world of intimidating, sometimes smirking therapy being in the dark ages was wonderful to hear. I thought the aversion to small talk was an Indigo trait but it can very much be an Autistic trait, eh? All this talk about preferring game day accompanied by as few other people as possible if any ... I agree wholespiritedly but in the realm of movies and Oscar Night. The only person's opinions I cherish and like are my Wife and two Children ... I really really reaaally don't enjoy hearing strangers related/unrelated comments during the show. Please shut the heaven up and let me hear the presenters, actors, and red carpet interviewers and preview scene clips even though I've already seen the films. Please shut the love up, especially if it's shallow excrement - I want/need to hear the show.
I love the part Olivia shares about the guilt of the everyday.
My husband and I watch Reacher too, and I recently made the same observation to him about Reacher as you and Alex did!! It seems so obvious to me! 😂
My life in industry was helped by the fact that I was put on a late shift but running 2 shifts and a laboratory, to cut down on my social interaction with the normal people, bonus for me was a lot of back shift people are broken to so we all got along.
You laugh about the kid still at home stuff. I have a 28 year old autistic genius son still at home that eventhough he made it through college (barely) at the top of his class, his mental and physical issues keeps him in bed most of every day. Another son at age 20 had to move in with his sister because the conflict between him and Dad (also autistic) was so great. "The struggle is real!"
There is Orion telescopes and binoculars, a popular distributor in the U.S. lol
I am autistic ,aswell as my husband and my three boys.
Every job I’ve had I quit after a breakdown
I want part time but I just started a new job and so far it is easy and I work with my brother (in different areas) which makes it all the better.
I hope this job never makes me feel overwhelmed like the rest.
Also it’s through a temp agency.
Any job I’ve tried to get myself, especially over phone interview, I never got.
God forbid anyone hires someone awkward or quiet (sarcasm) 🙄
@Ivan Braginski Enjoyer 🌻 thank you so much. This was very kind 🤍
Job interviews are the worst. Best wishes to you!
I feel your pain ... no keychains, no mugs, no door signs with Georgia. :( Lol! I love your channel!
I want friends and connection, but I'm the type that loads to the max and goes home and crashes, and doesn't need human contact again until I do again.
This comes in waves where I just need people around me, and then I don't.
I love people interaction in doses and go home
I both love and hate being alone
I think I hate being alone more.
I need a kitten or dog or something that doesn't place demands on me that I can take care of.
It's a non talking relationship that cares about me too, and wants to spend time with me.
Tell her she's artistic
Say she's definitely artistic
When she does the taxes then she's auditistic.
When you play the stereo you are audiotistic.
My daughter is aspie
I might be also.
I don't know yet.
I haven't been tested for this yet
What makes it difficult for us as autistic people is that society is designed for neuro typical people and yet so Many of us are neuro diverse and feel completely like we are the ones that need to change and get therapy. Orion was right about the wheelchair analogy. We can’t just get up the stairs.
I am going through a slow-boat-to-China-speed divorce from / with a Neuro-Typical Wife. She is/was the sweetest, most noble, assertive, thoughtful, Christian, good-looking, exciting, satisfying, and emotionally present, Proverbs 31 woman I could've asked for ... we just didn't know Autism was a thing. If I fully, fully, officially lose her (I am hoping I don't have to), I will/might honestly become curious about my chances with a Neuro-Diverse woman ... if only to lend someone needy the same caregiver cheerleader support and selflessness my Sweet, Magickal Wife has exhausted herself dry lending me for 30 years.
You haven’t failed at friendships and relationships they have failed you by not accommodating you.
There is some new research now that prenatal exposure to cigarette smoke and or alcohol, is a factor. My dad did smoke and drink before I was born, and my whole childhood. Drinking and smoking affects biotin levels prenatally. If anyone wants to google it, it would be interesting to know if there is a connection. "Since the brain is quite vulnerable to biotin deficiency, delayed biotin therapy could result in neurological damage."
I just simply cant even say how very much a relief and yet guilt it is as Ive sat binge watching your videos and some others and just amazed how many , Dr's, therapists, specialists weve gone to asking how to help my children and now realizing it is extremely likely my son and daughter are Austic. It's confusing to me that no medical people or professionals ever suggested testing for Autism.
If you are in the U.S. I think it might work better to work through your children's school rather than with most doctors. Schools deal with autism in kids constantly.
The lampshade and bedside table and headboard betrays she’s set up in her bedroom 😀
Orion is a cool name!
Thanks!
I named my cat Orion. I like the song called "Orion" by Jethro Tull and it is one of a couple constellations I can recognize.
If you could please pray for my daughter, she has her first of two 3hr evaluations for autism next week. I can see that she has been internalizing struggles for years, and it is likely related to being neurodiverse when her brother and my husband are both autistic and I have ADHD. However, it will likely be an uphill battle to get a diagnosis for her when she is a truly exceptional social mimic. She is only 5 and I can see her developing a mask and see the toll masking can be for her, and it is heartbreaking when I don't have answers I can give her.
Just want share my experience. Orion says he thought he was a bad person. I personally experienced that I thought alot of other people were stupid and boring.
I experience some of both. The thing I've beat myself up most about, I think, is not being a very good friend and not being able to make friends. But a lot of people who have tried to be friends with me are not very interesting to me.
I call what I have a neuro-diverse aspie light version of ptsd brain!
My teenaged kids are angry at me for being a useless dad. My autistic brain is pretty cool in some ways, but that aspect is painful.
One of my grandkids name is Onyxus, his middle name
That custom plates for the truck 😂
That's one you won't find in the store either.
His mother likes onyx, the stone 🪨