What does DID feel like to you? Or are there other misconceptions you wish I had talked about? Let's keep learning together about the dissociative disorders. xoxo
Hi Kati, I watched your DP/DR video as well and thought I mostly related to just Depersonalization (DP), and not so much Derealization (DR). For example, feeling disconnected from my body (almost like seeing myself in 3rd person) and having an issue recognizing my reflection during these times (logically I know it’s me but it doesn’t feel like me…if that makes sense). My question though is specifically around, what’s the difference between DP, DID, and OSDD? With DP is it common to associate “yourself” with different people/personalities during these states of DP (more than just being more confident going out with friends or professional at work as myself but almost like DID though without the dissociative amnesia, the only criteria I don’t relate to, which is why I know I’m not experiencing DID), or is this more like OSDD? Most commonly I’ll either use it as a coping skill for my anxiety to emotionally disconnect and rewrite the memory (as if it was their experience instead of mine) or for high stress situations, for example in social or sexual situations (due to experiencing high social anxiety and sexual trauma from a young age). Or could this all simply be a symptom of C-PTSD with dissociative episodes? Sorry for the long paragraph, but thank you for all that you do! ❤️
DID to me feels like Groundhog Day. It’s kind of like you do the same thing over and over but a little bit changes. Because you never remember the day before or in my case most of the day that just happened. I don’t know how it is for anybody else, but for me it really just feels like the movie Groundhog Day.
So... we're really upset because we like you Kati and have found a lot of your videos interesting and helpful but this one... I know experiences are different for different systems but we ARE different people. We aren't one person with different sides. We are all equally important and the host isn't the "original" or the "core" or the "main" person who HAS DID. We have good communication and even though we still have amnesia we value each other and don't want any of us to "go away." Amnesia is very difficult and has made us unable to work. But we can talk to each other and negotiate who will be out and we hardly ever argue. But a few of us who front the most often are upset with your description of who we are and the suggestion to try and distract ourselves so that one person can be out all the time. Also... we are on multiple medications to help us with our bipolar disorder and C-PTSD symptoms and it doesn't make us go away. It has made our trauma holder who has suicidal thoughts front less often because sje came out more when we would have depressive episodes. We've been in therapy for 20 years. We aren't going away. Therapy has helped us with communication and to help with anxiety and just a place to vent things so we aren't overwhelmed. Thankfully our therapist has been treating us for 2.5 years and she knows us and understands us and treats us as equals not just "part of Tiffany." Our birth name and former hose who fused with a protector so doesn't even exist anymore. Also.. we can switch out whenever we want to regardless of who is fronting and if they agree to it and though we try and negotiate that switch consent to switch isn't really nessisary and fighting it just causes a massive headache. I'm sorry I'm ranting... we all have so much to say. And we're just really hurt at some of the ways you describe us that we feel is completely inaccurate. 😞😞😞
Hi Kati. DID for me has some differences to the way you explained it on here... For example I never 'wake up' in a place or in clothes with no idea of what happened... But time does jump. I have fairly good communication with my other parts and I feel that this contributes- we fill missing information in like a fast download of memory so we can pick up. If there are details we missed then I ask my therapist or a trusted friend (particularly if another part fronted and Im hazy on details). However when prompted I can usually have a shared memory and continue. Most of my amnesia comes from emotion. I don't have connections to emotions that are held by others and memory of events. I also hold denial that others are not in denial over. We have a whole range of perspectives on things. Forced or fought off switches create extreeeeme headaches and fatigue. I often have to spend a day or two in bed afterwards to try and regain some semblance of energy and normality xx
Katie - I've followed you for 6+ years. Love your channel. That being said, this video feels very "off" to me. I have DID. Known since 07/2017. I don't relate to any part of your explanation. And using the term "voices" instead of alters just seams degrading. Personally, I'm not a fan of alters either. I prefer insiders. And there can be clear manifestations of different insiders being present. My t can identify many just by body language and speech/tone of voice. I would love for you to do a collab with Multiplicity and Me or at least check out some of her videos. It REALLY explains it. I have a relatively small system at 30+ insiders. Male and Female. Infant to 10+ years older than the body. And absolutely no one would know that I have DID unless they knew me really well. My insiders were created to mimic me and do so very well. Only a few close people in my life have fully "met" one of my insiders. Everyone else stays hidden. But they are there and traumatized. And I'm "high functioning" in appearance. I work full time, but it still causes great distress...especially in therapy. Trauma processing doesn't "fix" DID. And EMDR can make it worse by removing the dissociative barriers before the system can handle it. I encourage you to speak about functional multiplicity.
Oh my god!!!! The part that explained the internal voices had me screaming. It is like being in a cafe with multiple people talking at the same time. It feels like one is whispering, one is yelling etc etc. I was diagnosed with DID a year ago and I also have C-PTSD. It's very hard. And I was glad to find this video.
This is a great video on DID. We have OSDD so less day to day memory loss than DID, but still a lot of symptoms and distress. I feel others coming close by feeling sleepy and floaty rather than anxious. I also find it interesting how often chronic illnesses like autoimmune problems or EDS, POTS, PCOS and others… I definitely believe it’s linked to decades of living in the freeze response and affecting our bodies. Much love to all the systems out there ❤️
We find it's mostly a numb feeling not like a freeze response only in really sad desperate times but just generally a constant numbness all the time very rare I feel anything more than a few hours
@@suejorgensen46 I agree. On some ways this felt like more disinformation. Putting cold water on your face can help with the dissociation where you leave your body, it does stop inside parts from coming out. It's ALWAYS begins with childhood "Trauma." It doesn't have to be only sexual abuse, what is happening in Ukraine could cause enough trauma to cause DID for the children. Mostly you don't usually see switching enough to be diagnosed till adulthood, but always forms as a child. (I've mostly read under 7.) It's also capital T trauma severe or repeated or both. And Kati, please stop using the word personalities. That doesn't help the stigma of MPD! There was a sense that you equated it to work mode, play mode...that's not correct. Please do another using proper DiD terms like system, alter/insider or other words some use. The only treatment for DID is long term therapy. Anti-anxiety meds can help people who also have anxiety but that is not a "treatment" for DID. Trauma informed therapists are not good enough. Please ask if the have worked with DID before. This is not just dissociation on steroids. I agree Sue. I also hate that all the pictured shown look like people who are miserable. The woman in the car? Yikes. Please do a much longer video or sit with say Kathy of DiscussingDissociation.com who's whole life is about helping people with DID. There is no 13 minute video that can give adequate or appropriate or even all the correct information. Denial and acceptance is so strong and hard. And we are not the murderers on all crime shows!
We have various autoimmune disorders as well as extensive childhood medical trauma - our therapist believes that that was one of the first splitting off points for our system. So much love to fellow systems
Hey Emily I am currently questioning if I am a system or not. I experience some of the chronic illnesses you listed. Is there anywhere I could contact you to ask you some questions? :)
I experienced DID for decades without even realising it. My parts/alters were so subtle and sneaky, no one else really realised either. But they influenced my behaviours. And eventually I realised that I often wasn't in control of my behaviours. I'm at the stage of somewhat believing I suffer with it, but part of me still trys to believe I'm mixing it all up to fit a diagnoses. To be validated
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Gemma. Since it's often linked to trauma, the minimization or struggling to validate our experience is normal, and with support it will go away. xoxo
Gemma denial and" I must be making this up " is such a common problem it ought to be a diagnostic criteria. I treat my Denial, as a Part, I dialog with it, comfort it's fear, and use the same dialog I would use for any other Protector or Introject. Hi, Denial I hear your fear , that we are liars and we are making this up. You are working so hard to keep us safe from anyone finding out. That is a really hard job and ..... We love you and appreciate you for working so hard Then you Orient the Part to time and place, we are safe, we can talk about being multiple because...our abuser is dead or we are grown etc. I'd like you to come with and observe that it is safe ..and if it isn't safe yet let me know what we need to do. It's made it so much easier including it as a part and asking for it's cooperation But most of all know you aren't alone in that symptom Sue and Katalina this morning
DID is a “hidden” condition so I feel you are right on target. As far as PTSD and Complex PTSD , anyone will do most anything to avoid revisiting that pain. There is way better help and knowledge today with understanding and treating this condition. I hope you find the right hands to lean into and help you unfold so you can rebuild. It’s very hard work but it’s worth every bit. Beauty in the agony. Beauty always trumps ❤ …. Or so I choose to believe 💝
I experienced DID for decades without even realising it. My parts/alters were so subtle and sneaky, no one else really realised either ^ Heehee 'subtle and sneaky' DID is a disorder of hiddenness, a covert disorder. That is the point. My primary protector was sneaky as well and went undetected for years. However I knew she was there because physically felt the presence of someone else in my body and heard her say my name multiple times as a child.
Hi Katie, Thank you for destigmatizing DID. I was diagnosed at age 58. I always knew there was something but never knew what. I was in and out of therapy. Each new therapist had a different diagnosis and each had different drugs. But over 30 years nothing seem to help. Then my last attempt to try again. The T told me i dissociate. Had me tested by trauma specialist. Felt like alot of testing. The Trauma T, first said DDNOS, possibly DID. Wanted to work with me before declaring DID. After about a year, Trauma T, changed the dx to DID. It was a blow, yet, it explained so very much. I had to learn alot, and the hardest was, is, acceptance. A funny story about the grounding techniques. Early in the dx, was in ER for dad. It was a really rough time. Tried so hard to stay present. So we looked around the room, tried counting objects of various color. There was a color in the room that wasn't blue, and wasn't purple. That started the parts engaging in an argument over the color, blue vs lavender vs periwinkle. OMG! My dad is in ER, i am by his side, & the internals, are actually arguing about a color during a grounding technique.! It was at that point, had to realize, yup, must be DID. That was nearly 5 yrs ago & am still in therapy. There is some collaboration amoung us. So its getting easier. Its just there is so much. The hardest is each system is unique. No two are alike, and its all so abstract. Personally i think thats why so many mental health providers are in denial about the condition even though its in the DSM. And that makes me mad. They would rather misdiagnos, then acknowledge. Why is that Katie? Its like a medical dr saying TB doesn't exist, you just have a bad cough.!?! Thats why i think its not as rare as they think. There are so many misdiagnosis. It took me 30 yrs of misdiagnosis. I heard it can take on average 10 plus years. Thats sad,
4:13 You explained it well in a way that a regular person with no prior understanding can better relate to the experience. But for us it really is like different people sharing a body. We don't feel like parts of a whole, we feel like many whole separate people stuck together in a vessel. We do have a 'default' host but it's not a situation that any of us like, even the host. We'd prefer not to have a primary frontrunner and all have equal time.
she did. I wanted to comment in a similar way, but you already did. I experience my brain more an a "different people live together and sometimes need to discuss and talk to each other, including fights and sometimes even moments of care and empathy", comparable to a shared appt, which is my head. I guess this is what divides people like us from one-person-people, they can't fanthom how it is beeing a system. Just like me not beeing able to imagine hearing ONE voice, havong ONE thought.
i was about to comment something like that as well, for me it's totally like my brain was a truck and twenty-or-so people are taking turns at the steering wheel, at the back when they don't see what's going on, in the passenger seat... yes i have like "versions" of myself when i was younger but it would feel almost derogatory calling all the different people parts of me when we're really not
Been with DID all my life, don't know any different. So hard to deal with, as at the time in my life that I have no idea who I am or what I want. Very distinctive, mannerism, attitude, etc..in a sense we all have different parts of mind, only difference is our dissociation between each part of mind. That is why IFS can help with so many different disorders. No one system is like another, all are very different and varies. Very good video. Great explanation from the Australian resource you quoted. Thanks.
The past couple of years, one day just ran into another and feels blurred. Probably contributes to DID. Depression I have is bad enough when it comes to remembering, so my heart goes out to you who dissociate.
How are you, Kati? I want you to know that we as a community appreciate your efforts so much. Please do take time for your mental and physical health as well. You do so much for us. You deserve to take time out for yourself. May you have peace, blessings and happiness in your life ahead ❤️❤️
Thanks for checking in on me Ujala :) I am doing better, my mom came to visit for a few weeks and that really helped. But still working my way through it. xoxo I hope you have a wonderful week!! xoxo
DID was 100 times harder for me when I didn't know that I had it. As soon as we became consious of it and started treating it in several ways it has become so much more managable. Reddit helped me a ton, talking to other people who have it was so enlightening. They gave me solutions and ways to manage every aspect of it.
I am crying so hard. I did not understand how I COULD have DID. But the laundry and the kettle thing you said could have been written by me . I can’t believe this is happening to me. I thought I was handling the trauma well ..I was wrong. This is so exhausting, I’m so tired.
I just want you to know how much your videos have helped me throughout the years I’ve been watching you for 10 years and I’m finally just starting to except and understand everything and I thank you for your help. Just the tears when hearing about other people having my exact symptoms make me feel not so alone in this.
Hi Julia, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you're finding my videos helpful! It can be so very validating to hear others experiences... The comment section sometimes helps us see that we're not alone. xoxo
Love all your recent content on dissociation & dissociative disorders 🙌🏼 it’s so important to spread knowledge because like you said, the general population isn’t well informed about them & they’re so misunderstood.
We are creating a documentary about Maggie who has been living with DID for over 50 years. She didn't believe she had it until she had an epiphany moment at a classical music concert and all of her alters could hear the music independently. Her system is now composing music and they are writing a thesis for her PhD in music composition. She has found a way to come to terms with her DID through music.
My Daydreaming destroyed my academic, social and potentially occupational life, luckily I got a bit hold of it, now I could manage my life, years ago I used to be in massive dissociation sessions and followed their Amnesias too.
One of the best videos on DID we have ever seen. Do wish the fact 99% of cases are covert was mentioned. I manage a forum for mature adults with DID, it’s not uncommon to be in one’s 40’s or 50’s before even getting diagnosed. We dig your management tips, great advice! Very highly suggest DBT. That’s done more good than anything else.
Spoken from experience I felt you were respectful and explained the experience well. It is inspiring to see the disorder spoken about in a positive educational way 🙂 thank you
Just to clarify, I have never been diagnosed with DID, I do have BPD with various dissociative symptoms though and the way you described dissociative amnesia was super relatable
I now call it my multiple personality blessing because I chose to see it that way and there are so many opportunities. I created a life that works for me and make sure my nervous system is calm. I don't do activities that exhaust me as it's just too much such as too many people, too much chaos. I live my truth and I feel this is the answer and keeps me in a state of peace most of the time. Sometimes I sense a switch or I am co conscious with someone else, which is fascinating and I feel like I lost it completely and yes, I have times of full amnesia too. The most terrifying switches and longer memory gaps (weeks) happen when I am back in the country of my childhood trauma.
I have always heard other voices in my head and thought it was normal, but being the quiet shy kid I was, I never said anything to anyone. I thought for the longest time, it was just me being ADHD (which I do still have, and can make things even MORE exhausting) but as I have been seeing my therapist and opening up more about my day to days, we have realized there is more to it and this video has helped with that. Thank you Kati, we thank you 💜
Thank you for doing this video. I was first diagnosed over 20 years ago. I've also been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in the past. Having DID wasn't easy on my daughters and it was confusing to them if one alter would, for example, be letting them do something another alter would think was too dangerous. I've found myself parked in a traffic circle trying to explain to a police officer why I was there. Just recently I found myself lost after walking just a couple bocks from home. You managed to capture the feelings very well. I've been in therapy for over 20 years now, and don't expect that to change soon. Again though, thank you.
Thanks for your video Katie. This video was really well put together and concise. I liked that it made me personally feel validated as a person with DID. I was formally diagnosed with DID and Ptsd in 2017.I was in my early 30s. It kinda was a light bulb moment in my life. There were so many things that just felt like contradictions, in taste, in identity, in personality that people would tell me and I would feel like...there's no way thats me. After a retraumatization in 2017 sent me spiraling I was diagnosed because my symptoms became overt. I ended up places and didn't know how I got there, ended up driving and became suddenly aware and had to ask Google where am I? Ended up one time in a grocery store dropping a box of spaghetti didn't know how I got there, why or even what store I was in...really bad. I went to therapy for a while and it helped somewhat deal with why it was happening but the most healing came when I started doing my own digging into what happened in my life to cause this..it was painful and hard to face the truth of the matter..to say outloud what had happened...to try to piece together forgotten and broken memories, some or many I will never know the true weight of or fully remember and I'm ok with that...I used to feel ashamed and broken but I don't now. I can say since working on myself I don't dissociate as deeply or completely but still do if I get very upset. But I try very hard not to for my self and my family. I kinda know what triggers me and try not to feed into those things...DID can be exhausting...there are alot of internal did things that are interesting..sometimes I feel feelings about certain things that I know are not mine or calming feelings like almost a internal hug when I'm scared but it's different from a self soothing feeling. Sometimes you double guess yourself about things as well like do I really like this or am I the " original" am I just another alter am I real at all? Am I an I or we? Or they? I just choose to adress myself as I because I feel like it helps me take ownership of my own life and I tell my self it's just my brains way of making the world more comfortable for me...even though it has the potential to cause severe disruption...I think saying that makes my mind feel less stressed and therefore I dissociate less. My husband used to touch me with something cold if he noticed me doing it but it too jolting but effective. I think what I want others to know about DID is that it's not TV, it's not just a barrage of diff outfits..you often switch and ppl wouldn't notice.unless they really were close to you..loosing time is scary..it's not fun...in a way I'm grateful that did protected me as a kid but it's not something I would personally choose...especially if I get overwhelmed...We're all just having our own human experience with our own unique challenges so I decided to choose to try to live the best I can and if I have a hard day then that's OK too...
I've been living with DID since my late teens. Been extremely hard. I've never been stable because I can't afford proper care. They put me Risperdal (?) but I've never found it helps. I have bad and good days sure. I've basically given up on life and just trying to make the day to day ordeal a little more bearable. I try and do things every day I need to (i.e. chores..helping my dad etc..) because if I don't i feel much worse. My alters have massive influence over life and my decisions and I have to listen to what they say..God help me if I don't! My family don't understand me most of the time and have given up trying to change me. They could never understand..although they do help me a lot. Edit: That website that mentioned the patient who said his voices were "inside his head and not externalised" that was one helluva surprise to me..because that's exactly what I experience! Anyway that's my story.
Please forward this video to Veterans that have been in a few firefights where he or she exchanged gun fire or engaged in armed or unarmed with a highly trained assailant. This an excellent video. I gave it a perfect score of 10/10. I commend Kati on a job well done. Be blessed.
For us life is like an extended stay at Disneyland -first you go on that ride, then you go on that ride, then you go on that ride… “rides” are our self-states, other-selves, identities or whatever we call ourselves. Living for 61 years this way, we have adapted and do the best we can to have a happy and healthy life. Therapy, with a person knowledgeable of trauma and its effects, has been our help and salvation.
You are so right with this happening within the DID system and the effects on the body brain and cranial brain. I’ve had this diagnosed condition for the last 30 years and of course we all know that’s not where the DID began. Your information is so clear and correct and I thank you very much for helping the public understand better. And my deep gratitudes to you for being there for so many with DID including myself to help us be comforted, informed and with hope for connectedness. ❤
@@JesusSaves194 I’m so happy for your wife ! I’ve had many many miraculous experiences 💖 myself and my life is Love 💗 My system name is Power of Love ❤️ That started with a 9 yr old alter transformation she experienced as “doctor of Love” Pain and suffering can be utilized for the greatest experiences. Trust me I don’t like pain and suffering but with the work , trust and faith it certainly beets living in suffering 🙏
Hi Kati I've suffered from dissociation pretty much my whole life instead of multiple personalities I dissociated to disappear the smaller the better only now putting the puzzle back together, your effort to make these videos is much appreciated thankyou
I appreciate your video. It's very informative. I've been diagnosed with DID and was getting help until my doctor left. I then got transferred to a different doctor who just medicated the hell out of me which only made matters worse! The last thing I needed was being all doped up when I was already having memory loss issues. So I stopped going to therapy. I'm 56 years old and wasn't even aware of my disorder until my early 20s. All this time I have just winged it. So thank you for your video
Thank you so much for making this video. I am currently seeing a trauma therapist and I never really wanted to talk about 1 specific experience I had ONCE... because I am afraid it made me look schizo or anything else. I got diagnosed with PTSD already so yeah... So what happened was that I was in the bus on my way to uni... and I saw a new busline pop up for transfer... Suddenly I was bawling and I heard a lil girl's voice in my head.. Saying: I want my mommy. Mommy I want my mommy, MOMMY MOMMY. All because that busline was headed for my old hometown. It was an one time experience and that is why I doubt it is DID and so hesitant to tell my psych,,, because it hasn't happened again... Even when I was super open the days after in my mind like hey you can talk to me, how ya feeling... what's going on. I don't know this event has left me so confused. I can remember it because I wrote it down like RIGHT AWAY.. but generally I do forget a lot
I feel disconnected alot from myself this year, yet depression and anxiety still pretty much accompany me everywhere, im not familiar to open up about my struggle yet i try so hard to make friends and connecting to people ... Your videos and presence helps alot Katie, maybe i'll try to write my triggers, so i can recognize where my stress come from....
What if I don’t (at least not frequently) have the memory loss thing, but I do have different voices in my head. I have a parental voice that comforts me when I am in distress. I have another that helps me do difficult things. I have a little kid. It is often hard to tell which one I am at any given time. It is like my entire worldview changes when I switch. The memories carry over, but they are often fragmented with most of the emotion behind them gone. But I am not dealing with forgetting people I have met or conversations. I do have to keep notes about important things I do like taking medication because sometimes I forget doing stuff and have to play detective to figure out if I did it or not. But I also have bad dissociation from trauma. I don’t remember most of my childhood. I think I was in a near constant state of dissociation for years, and I still struggle a lot with checking out.
While I didn't experience severe abuse, like some individuals, social isolation and long term harassment sharply stunted my personal development. I was stuck in a cycle of adaptation or escape, so for decades there was a near constant state of mental ruminance occurring in my head. The constant din with no release, as from playing video games, was very distressing. I also had very little experience articulating wants, needs and preferences because my interpersonal relationships were so limited in their nature.
this is very accurate! but i will say, for many of us it genuinely feels like we are different distinct people. we aren't, of course, but we don't feel just like someone with giant gaps in memory - we have our own personalities, sometimes skillsets, expressions, behaviors. it just happens as a side effect of us being separated to grow independently in our own memories and life experiences. as one person we *aren't* actually separate. but for some of us it truly feels like we're separate entirely.
Thank you so much for this video Katie. I have complex PTSD and everyone was saying I have ADHD or bipolar. I really relate to how DID is described here. I realize now how fractured I've been.
I have this! Just got diagnosed. It’s kind of wild that I didn’t even know until I was in my 30s. Feels like learning about it actually accelerated that and I’m still learning more about myselves everyday.
@@Rat_Queen86 there is a subreddit for people who need to talk about it. Feel free to reach out. It’s a very very hard thing to ask people to understand sometimes but you are not alone.
Kati Morton.hello and good afternoon from uk feeling uncomfortable and anxious today and just finished a therapy assessment on the phone I'd like to thank you so much for all your good and helpful videos and advice you have shared though your videos they gave me hope and gave me the confidence to reach out and get myself back into therapy this video is also very relatable to me because I'd always dissociative during my therapy sessions and on and off during each day i have dissociation I am constantly grateful for finding you and your channel and you continue to be so caring and understanding and offer so much support ❤️
Growing up with DID is especially smth painful to remember. I constantly forgot...everything. I got yelled at a lot for things I never remembered. Often times it'd be for eating things in the house that weren't mine, especially during 2020, where due to financial crisis my sister, her BF, and her two kids had to move in with me, mom and abusive dad. I got yelled at and bullied (mostly by my sister) to the point of a suicide attempt. A stressful, horrific time to just be discovering that I was a system. But I look back on my childhood home and realize that the signs were always there. Im surprised no one picked up on it sooner. DID is a constant struggle for me, but I have good times too. I've learned to bond and socialize with alters and in a way they became my closest and best friend group. At the same time, the constant memory loss and the fact ive lost every single job ive ever had to this day because of it, is beyond painful.
I remember one time where my parents were arguing while we were out doing groceries and I'm in the back seat. I wanted to pull myself away so bad that I remember trying to think of nothing by thinking of everything, every conceptual thought I had at 6 and it pushed me inward. I feel like this video, along with others of Katie's, have helped label my psyche and I feel like talking to a therapist I'm going to give them too much at once, and still not enough.
I woke up in Texas at one point. had no clue on how I got there. I'm from IL. I realized where I was when I was in downtown Fort Worth, and I was with people that I did not know, however, they seem to have known me. I played along until I was able to figure out a way to get back to Illinois. That's happened on more than a few occasions. I find toys around the house and in odd places. Like in the closet or behind the couch when I don't have kids. And as far as I remember, nobody has brought their kids over. So I have no idea or clue where they came from. It is just things like that, that randomly happened on a week-to-week basis. for myself anyway. It is very frightening to realize that you're doing things that you do not remember. In my opinion, it is also incredibly dangerous as well. Nothing has happened to me as yet that I remember anyway, that would put me in any danger but there's always that possibility of it happening. It almost makes me want to barricade myself into the house and not leave. I also get worried when my friends come over because of what I might do or what I might say. I have lost friends in the past because of that very thing.
This video is nice to have, we probably have DID or OSDD, it's very much a struggle, especially when multiple alters want to do something, I cannot even begin to count our most frequent fronting (I KNOW YOU CAN READ THIS KAN JUST SET A FUCKING ALARM OH MY GODDD/LH) alter usually does the laundry and then IMMEDIATELY forgets about it after, we are constantly on the edge of needing to redo our laundry because we start the washer, or even put the clothes in, and then walk away and forget we even ever left our room and it is such a pain in the ass, one of many very small things that impair us, it's just one of many pain points We do get along pretty well but we're all just so... individual? That our aspirations and desires can mix into a soup where instead of doing something we do absolutely nothing, I wish we could switch more and have our headmates do the things they want to do more but our memory genuinely cannot keep up
I lived with a partner for 17 yrs she has recently passed away from cancer . Life with her was life with a whole community . I tried to remember all the alters and came up with 40 names but i know there were so many others. Your facts here are all true . From memory loss, triggers, voices, etc. There was a main group of alters almost daily and others came and went. But some did control her daily life to the point i never knew who I was going to interact with. This included in person, telephone calls, text messages and emails. She also was an extreme hoarder and i mean every room full of even garbage. She too had other mental health issues including narcissistic behavior's, chronic lying, and anxiety. And i am sure a few more. Life was a mad world most days but some not so bad. I agree that treatment or the correct treatment would have helped a long way but she was good at controlling the narrative. I am sure her Psychiatrist really did not know her at all. To all out there get the help you need and or find a way to get help for your loved one.
10:25 pm , Mountain time- My couples counselor said I could have DID. My individual counselor has recommended me to get a memory test from my doctor to see if its short-term loss, recall or signs of dementia. I identified with gaps in my memory. In counseling sessions I have forgotten the time between our last session to the present session. I can usually only remember the two days before our session. I need to really identify my triggers. They are mine and no one elses. I need to learn to spot the trigger, process it, figure it out, what it is, and where it came from. Thank you for this very informative video on DID.
I don’t have almost any real memory from around maybe 1st grade or somewhere in elementary through basically my entire middle school life. My high school life I can remember way more but it’s still blurry. I thought it was normal since school and life is just boring, until my family would constantly bring up or ask why my whole body seemingly changes. Been going to my therapist for around 2-almost 3 years now so he’s definitely noticed. Just recently I finally got that official DID diagnosis because my therapist wanted to make sure they saw what they did. My therapist has been super helpful for me, but it’s still scary knowing my family will have to know. Only my grandpa does and he’s chill and the one I’m most comfy around. But people like my mom and grandma, I know will always love me as their very accepting and helping with my other medical needs. But their reactions to things can be…a little invalidating. Like how my mom tells me to stop speaking a certain way when I’m stressed cause she’s worried for when I start working. I know they’ll love me, but the small sense of doubt they’ll have and their reactions is what scares me. I have 5 alters, with only 1 of them never being seen or maybe noticed fronting yet. One is mute, one has an accent, one is a little and so on. I do have 2 who are technically considered persecutors, who deal with things in harmful ways. One often just finches and hits themselves a lot more, but the other has actively tried to harm myself and even take my life or someone else’s. A lot of this I know from everyone around me, videos, photos, and the little co-consciousness I have. I’m only 18, so I hope to get better and work to harmonise everything so I can start to work and help my mother
I love your videos there really informative. I dissociate 24/7 since 2009. I never gotten a diagnosis. for DID or dissociative disorder I do know I’m a very depressed and anxious person. I’ve had trauma happened in the past. mentally abused as a teen, forced abortion, diagnosed with hiv from a abused relationship and the past yr my sister passed away. So I know lately I haven’t been feeling like myself. feeling out of touch with myself and my surroundings more so all in my head! my thoughts don’t stop i’m anxious! I just haven’t been excited about living at all! I know I forget so much! I work in retail I will go to the back to get something for a customer come out to wrong person not remembering who they are at all. And I feel so confused about it !
I do Christian deliverance for people with DID bpd at no cost if you need help . Do you believe in Jesus? My wife and step brother was completely healed of bpd and D.I.D
Childhood trauma, PTSD, BPD, DID, major anxiety, among other issues. My biggest problem is convincing other’s, including therapists and psychiatrists, that I actually have issues. They treat me like I’m just whining instead of telling them what is wrong with me. They treat me like a liar just wanting drugs. Dealing with the VA doesn’t make things easier. Valium helps me tremendously, yet its on the VA’s “Bad Drug List” so they keep giving me crap that doesn’t work and causes more issues like Brain Zaps for years now. Tell them for years, no one cares until I “flip out” then they are all like “why didn’t you say anything?
DID feels very isolating for me. It makes me feel like very few people will ever truly know me. Because I am not a singlet I pop out here and there to the front but I'm not the only one who fronts. There are over 20 of us in this body. Because of this it is hard for the people in my life to see the lines between each of us alters. Thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are not mine are often associated with me by others and its a very lonely feeling. -Talia
THIS! It makes us so lonely on an almost funny level, doesn't it? Too many voices in the head, too any different thoughts and ideas and emotions at the same time, but totally lonely in the outer world. People, except for my husband, won't see that as many differences between my parts ( I prefer calling them parts not alters). There are more of us than we know - we are called covert DID. The DID comes from "discreet" ;)
I've seen a therapist a while ago and am seeing a doctor next week to figure out why I keep forgetting things so much. Thank you for your videos that you make! They've really helped me understand a lot of different things that could apply to me. I did think that DID could be a possibility but it's not a main focus as it's just figuring out if my memory loss is due to depression or something else. I will say though sometimes I think of doing a thing and I end up doing something else instead, only to remember minutes later what I was supposed to be doing. Kinda gross but sometimes I have to touch my toothbrush to see if it was used in the morning if I forgot if I brushed my teeth lol and the other day, I drove without my license bc I couldn't find it and I was going to be late for work. Only to look everywhere it was supposed to be and turns out I threw it under a towel in the bathroom after work and forgot about it. I remembered throwing it there but idk why I didn't just throw it in a drawer or put it in my room like I normally would. Kinda funny but not lol but I've been forgetting to start the washer after I dump the detergent in and my clothes arent washed or dried bc I forgot to actually turn it on. Lots of minor things being forgotten and it's bothering me at work too so now I'm trying to talk to a doctor mid year before I do another evaluation at the end of the year. I can't keep working like this, it's rough. Anyways, videos like this help me think about what sounds more relevant to me and keeps me functioning without much therapy and no insurance. Thank you really.
I feel like I’m being blocked off from my emotions and I watch as my I respond with no empathy to the situation. This might be depersonalization because in an instance my arms and legs became numb and my hands were distorted. Thank you Kati I find all your dissociation vids helpful and find myself looking you up when my dissociation gets bad.
I would agree with a lot of this video as someone who lives with this disorder. I think you did a good job representing it. Overall it's not an easy disorder to live with. However I know that it has quite literally saved my life.
I was dx’d twice in the past seven years,am still having problems within the system to actually accept this is us.I miss a lot of hours ,have had two very frightening fugues,I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this.
My psychiatrist told me once that I had D.I.D but never explained it to me. I’m so confused and now I’m freaking out a bit. I understand that I have PTSD, I’ve been working on it consistently since 2019 and have been taking some SSRI or other since 2013, but I don’t understand this. I’m confused about the voices? I just hear one voice, it’s always mine and I’m always having a conversation. It’s why I never get bored, I always have someone to talk to.
So like I almost certainly have this and it's probably a red flag that my argument against is that "One of my personalities insists that we don't have it"... But the thing is, admitting I probably have it has been super helpful, because it's allowed me to look at these things from the outside and think "You are just a sad, hurt little child. I want to heal you."
At times I don't know who I am, like I am a stranger to myself. The feeling is disturbing and induces a sense of panic and anxiety. I think this is because I was abused by my mother mentally and physically, which kept me from developing a true sense of self in terms of what I want and need. I was never allowed to consider what I wanted or what I needed as a child. Not knowing what I need or want makes it difficult to establish relationships with most people, unless they are people that were abused and also do not know what they want or need. Then I would wind up in an abusive relationship where I was not allowed to have what I wanted or needed. As a result I have not had a friend or girlfriend in almost 30 years, since I could no longer tolerate the trauma I had to endure as a child.
I relate to this heavily. Only really now being a so called adult that I now know that I'm allowed to have my own wants and desires but I have to keep telling myself this day in day out but still never sticks. My last relationship was with someone who had d.i.d as well but trouble is because she had so many physical health problems I couldn't cope but I felt so bad o just stuck around even though I was unhappy for 2 years :/
@@DjNexus69 I just got into therapy about a year ago and it is already helping me process my trauma so I am less likely to keep repeating the same trauma over and over. Even though I avoided toxic relationships and unfortunately, relationships altogether, I still self-sabotaged my life and recreated the trauma I endured as a child. I once went into therapy nearly 20 years ago, at age 30, but the experience was way too intimate for me to handle and I sabotaged the therapy by mentally abusing my therapist. Unfortunately, the therapist was in training, and she quickly gave up when she experienced the full extent of my crazy and ability to manipulate when I feel vulnerable and unsafe. That brief experience helped me a lot though as it was the first time anyone suggested to me that my mom was abusive. Prior to that I just accepted my mom's abuse as normal. In fact, since I was raised to respect and obey my mom, I was also raised to respect and obey my mom's abuse.
I don't tell anyone because of coworkers (at an inpatient psych facility) completely blew it out of proportion... when I ended up disabled from dysautonomia, the DID was noticeable to an astute coworker, and I had to get a letter from a psychiatrist saying I wasn't likely to hurt the residents or visitors. That crushed me.
This video just described my daily struggle. I haven't been diagnosed yet but an seeking help to get evaluated to figure out what exactly is happening with my brain so I can better manage it. The part were your suddenly going from laundry to making coffee sounds really similar to what I deal with. I notice Im in a bunch of random different places with gaps in between kinda like how a dream is. It's super stressful and I was unawares of exactly what was going on until recently.
There are so many types of experiences that I think get lost in either the public discourse around DID and OSDD and in the DSM's very bare bones classification rules (or diagnostic criteria). What if you have a history of amnesia for middle childhood, even seeming to be unconscious more often than not during middle childhood (or jumping through time/ only remembering the spaces between home and school but very little about school or home),, but if you never heard voices (inside or our loud), but you have had the experience of very distinct (opposite gender and apparent age) parts that are unique and persistent over time getting close and affecting our experience, feelings, and behavior and sometimes, during stress taking over and talking through you while you are a passive observer dipping in and out of consciousness, and sometimes in and out of control, and then the experience completely passing and never happening again for many years, so that you almost forget it ever happened, and these experiences seeming to be becoming fewer and farther between as you get older?
DID is Terrifying for me. My brain splits and suddenly I have new people and black shadow shards and it's terrifying. I want to end my life because of it, but I have two adult children who would be devastated so I continue living this new existence where I have become not a person, but an apartment building housing all these strangers that are supposed to be me. I lost My Being in all of this. WTFrick? I'm in therapy, but I don't feel my therapist understands the fear or the pain associated with it so I'm basically all alone in my fear and pain.
just move on. You already came so far, you survived so much, you stopped they cycle, you raised 2 beautiful children, just move on. It will become easier, once you managed to communicate to and with your alters. It might be the worst thing you ever thought you'd ever experience, bc the people carry secrets that will smash you, but it will get better I promise. You are not alone in this. We are many (ok that sound funny).
I will also add that it was very confusing and felt normal to have voices as my mom always talked about the "committee" in her head. She was in. OA, and probably had some BPD and narcissistic tendencies. Never diagnosed as far as Im aware...I know that with BPD you can have a lot of critical voices...and maybe even dissociate but not to the point of what DID does, as Kati has explained the criteria. It wasn't until things got very complicated, messy, and unmanageable and switching in sessions that I was diagnosed in 2010. It is common to get a late diagnosis as well. Good luck to all that are struggling with this disorder and remember to be kind, and compassionate with your recovery and with yourself!!!
I found this video quite helpful... although I've been in therapy for years, and no longer fit the dx criteria for d.i.d., it feels good to know that other folx have experienced things similarly to me. At the same time, although I'm fairly well "integrated," my default is dissociation. After all these years, I still find it harder to be "present" than "removed." I still fit the criteria for CPTSD, anxiety & depression... and I don't know if I'll ever be rid of all of that.. but I've learned to live as I am and function.
Lost my mum two weeks ago from cancer she loved my channel ddlg abdl age regression little space just got diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder I hate getting headaches and forgetting sometimes a lot during a day or where I'm going and what I'm doing
I have been suffering from Disassociation for over 36 years or more, I didn't realize it could be different personalities as I thought it was just Anxiety & Mood Swings making say or act different at times or be someone else for while when I'm anxious. It's been hard today split up with my girlfriend as I said something wrong as I wasn't thinking at the time & I was overwhelmed by all the information she was saying to process. I do have trouble remembering most of my life & go out of my body often to somewhere nearby in a fog. Never heard any voices in my head as it is completely silent in my head.
I thought everything you said was right on Kati except for me, I don't have a lot of problems with memory issues unless the stress starts and I'm often coconscious. However, my biggest issues are the switching headaches and the general anxiety that comes along with dealing with recovery. It gets so bad at times I can't even walk because I'm so dizzy from anxiety and my head is so spacey I actually cant see well.I can't find a doctor that can help me with this-I get one that will give me 5mg valium which does a little but I need more and of course they think I'm a drug addict asking for more. I'd be better off in the hospital. I'm on topamax for migraines because thats what used to happen. I think it's so sad that I have to suffer like this from what my parents did to me and I cant find the right help it makes me want to give up but I don't. I can't leave my cats anyway. edit: I do meditate during these times to try to keep the stress in check
This made me cry because I didn't even realize I did have this stuff on a day to day basis but I do :/ but you don't realise till it's pointed out then all of a sudden you do remember how it all comes together but then it will disappear again later when we dissociate and just go back to normal :/ I'm really looking for other people who have it because I feel on my own with it specially in the UK because I get no support and I'm basically left to educate myself on it so if anyone wants someone who is officially diagnosed with it and does get it then feel free to comment because would love to meet people who are interested in and maybe wanna share or interested in the research with it or have it themselves. See right now I feel just regular me but watching the video all of a sudden I open up then it becomes we again and I see inside my head all my alters etc but it goes again and why I hate it because I can never show anyone it :/ technically we have 28 alters which I know is on the extreme end but normally about 6 or 12 around but really varies. Still hard to get my head around but I would like to try face it :/ So if anyone is interested or just wants a friend and yeah I know this is desperate but then have d.i.d I really am because I am totally alone ironically with so many people in my head. But anyone wanna talk or have ideas or questions feel free to ask and don't hold back?
I didn’t know I had D.I.D. It was family members and close friends that were witnessing it. I had no recollection. I had to also go to a therapist for an official medical diagnosis of it. It’s not something that can be self-diagnosed. And tends to be more common with those who were severely physically abused in childhood for years. More than a decade at least.
My son's life is a living hell and I think his alters are all that save him. He has no friends so they're his friends. They protect him. At one point there were bad people but I think with the anti-psychotics it's made them fade in to the background. He has such severe PTSD. He sees ghosts. He loses time. He can't focus on his school work. He's only 17 and most of his life has been like this since he was about 10. What pains me the most is we don't have good access to therapy. We have a clinic that doses him up and sees him every few months. They assign therapists that constantly misgender him so he's put off by them. They are cheerleader therapists. "Just gotta get out there and make friends!" One suggested he get a job when he can't even focus an hour on school work. It's like they're not taking this seriously. They won't even put it on his record that he has DID even though his psychiatrist said it's DID but she's making out like it's only because of the PTSD. I don't care what they call it, I just know it doesn't help him to not address it. They want to give him mindfulness exercises that don't work when he will start one and the next thing he knows he's picked up a game controller or he's eaten something he can't remember getting. I want them to do real therapy, not cheer lead once or twice a month. The only option is in-patient in another state. I can't get him there, nor can I afford it. So he just gets worse and worse and sadder and sadder. Meanwhile we have these teens of TikTok making stupid videos where they pretend to have it for attention and that makes it where people don't take the diagnosis seriously.
Ironic so do we haha. Tbh that's where it just blurs into one. Very hard to get help for one when there's so many other problems to solve. Specially with is noticed how my OCD and ADHD is in certain alters some how not sure how it works like bit yeah it's almost like it can get a break from them but when the ocd hits god I go into a complete clean freak
Keep in mind I am not diagnosed yet but working on getting it. This is just what i am struggling with especially with these three girls showing themselves more lately then in the past. What i am struggling with is i have three little girls inside of me. One is named Sandy who is one and a half and autistic with truble navigating the world. I struggle with the world and am autistic. Another girl is names Anastasia and she is a two year old little brat but she is sweet. My husband says i have a brat side but I'm also very sweet to. My last one is Sandy a very shy girl who i often notice from what i have gathered is due to my anxiety that is when I notice her showing her cute shy head. I have noticed especially lately as I have been piecing the puzzle together. Keep in mind my puzzle is not finished. But I am noticing some days that one moment I want to watch cartoons because of one girl then the next I am out exploring and at ramdom but not relize and will go wait how did I get here. Example some days I will be playing videogames and all of the sudden I am like wait how did I get in bed for a nap or where did this drink come from. I look in the mirror many days and notice I don't recognize who I am most days. As I ask people around me I notice that people tell me I have told them I feel like is this real life or is this a dream more offten then not on any given day. I haven't captured the moment I disosiate per say but I noticed when some triggers hit I feel dizzy, get itchy eyes and if I am able to go somewhere safe I will and alow myself to switch but I really don't have grounding techniques to stop this from happening when I am not in a safe area. What is weird is a lot of times over my life I remember hearing the three girls names but not knowing what this was all I heard many times of my life in my mind is Sandy remember me, Anastasia remember me, Julia remember me
Hi Kati! She really enjoys your videos. So she has not been diagnosed with DID by her psychiatrist, but she has experienced prolonged trauma for YEARS: bullied for all 12 years of her education, hospitalized 5 times for depression and anorexia, emotionally abused by a former pastor (religious trauma), and sexually assaulted for 2 years. For the past month, she began hearing this voice in her head, and her voice is very different, and she has very different desires from her own desires- she is no longer self destructive and she no longer starves herself, but she constantly wants to self harm and starve herself, and yes, she began having memory gaps... and she grew up with supportive and loving parents, so the abuse by family members does not apply to her.. and regarding the requirement that someone has to have TWO personalities (does that mean the host and one personality or is it one host and 2 personalities??), she only have one voice with different motives and desires, and they are exclusively self destructive, and the voice has a different name.
Mine was not diagnosed until I was 55 even though I had been telling the same facts, behaviors, even internal voices, missing time, etc for decades. Psychiatrists had tried several solutions but never, never ever considered this diagnosis. Just piled on meds and hoped for the best. Extreme and cavalier gaslighting was the norm for all mental health to even traumatizing levels to include forced inpatient stays for "anxiety" or even laughing (literally) at tramas as they emerged as memories. I had all of these you were telling and far more with horrible gaps in memory with real physical symptoms of what happened in those gaps that many had gaslit as I tried to tell. Is this normal? I know it's not acceptable. Why also are other British ando ther country professionals stating that there are far more systems then US professionals who seem to emphatically state it's either not real or just extremely, extremely unusual event that rarely if ever occurs---some in leadership positions. This is so frustrating and disempowering. Luckily, I have a great therapist now and have found channels like yours.
The battle for the truth about D.I.D is also the battle of social injustice, poverty, and social engineering. Many are now observing the phenomenon that the USA actually has the highest percentage of humans in the world with severe dissociation! ( ex. Flat earth community) But , yes some of those people are in positions of power (evil doctors /power families with multi generational trauma / politicians, etc ) and so they are using their money and power to corrupt the public narrative.
kati the light of my life. its always refreshing to see you pop up on my screen with your many purls of wisdom and insights that are profoundly helpful and i for one am most grateful for that .thank you for gracing us with your presence on our screens
Can you please make more DID videos? Please 🙏🏻 Eg, Like covert to overt to covert (cycle repeats) why this happens. How to cope with it. Please 🙏🏻 ❤ There’s hardly anything about DID which makes me think even more so why my therapist isn’t working out. Is it just not for therapy. I’m starting to think about canceling my therapist. Sigh 😪😪😪😪 tysm xxxx
I never realized it until the last couple of years, but even as a child when I was feeling “floaty” (what I now know to be dissociative) or like I was watching bad things from outside my body I would pick an object in the room, stare at it and chant the colors of it from greatest to least. I would do that over and over until it was safe to go back into my body. I still don’t know exactly what bad memory that was covering up, though I know some parts of me knows.
its rough, when you don't know the source of where it came from, because i cant identify any specific abuse or trauma in my upbringing, but i do know that i never felt safe. i don't know what else kind of thing could cause different internal states, though. I'll be seeing a trauma specialist about this soon. i need to be able to work so that i can survive, after all.
most 'trauma specialists' DO NOT understand DID. maybe in LA or Seattle or some other large city with educated, more liberally-social minded people. but i promise there are MANY 'specialists' in trauma that will totally invalidate DID, *even* *with* *a* *legitimate* *diagnosis*. i have all but given up on therapy because i can't take another therapist not even getting to know me and invalidating my diagnosis in the first session because it's 'incredibly rare' and i 'probably don't really have that' (actual quotes from a recent therapist). it makes me so sad because i feel i have to figure this out all on my own and it's taking way longer with a lot of trial and error and in turn, is costing me the ability to have any kind of life. i see others living with this and being somewhat or entirely functional and i long to have that for myself... but don't think it's possible for me. it's just really, really sad... but i guess i was never meant to accomplish much anyway. it's sick how an abuser was right only because the damage they caused enabled the fulfillment of their prophecy. i used to be so capable, and motivated, and intelligent... now i'm just... a freakshow.
What does DID feel like to you? Or are there other misconceptions you wish I had talked about? Let's keep learning together about the dissociative disorders. xoxo
Hi Kati, I watched your DP/DR video as well and thought I mostly related to just Depersonalization (DP), and not so much Derealization (DR). For example, feeling disconnected from my body (almost like seeing myself in 3rd person) and having an issue recognizing my reflection during these times (logically I know it’s me but it doesn’t feel like me…if that makes sense). My question though is specifically around, what’s the difference between DP, DID, and OSDD? With DP is it common to associate “yourself” with different people/personalities during these states of DP (more than just being more confident going out with friends or professional at work as myself but almost like DID though without the dissociative amnesia, the only criteria I don’t relate to, which is why I know I’m not experiencing DID), or is this more like OSDD? Most commonly I’ll either use it as a coping skill for my anxiety to emotionally disconnect and rewrite the memory (as if it was their experience instead of mine) or for high stress situations, for example in social or sexual situations (due to experiencing high social anxiety and sexual trauma from a young age). Or could this all simply be a symptom of C-PTSD with dissociative episodes? Sorry for the long paragraph, but thank you for all that you do! ❤️
DID to me feels like Groundhog Day. It’s kind of like you do the same thing over and over but a little bit changes. Because you never remember the day before or in my case most of the day that just happened. I don’t know how it is for anybody else, but for me it really just feels like the movie Groundhog Day.
So... we're really upset because we like you Kati and have found a lot of your videos interesting and helpful but this one... I know experiences are different for different systems but we ARE different people. We aren't one person with different sides. We are all equally important and the host isn't the "original" or the "core" or the "main" person who HAS DID. We have good communication and even though we still have amnesia we value each other and don't want any of us to "go away." Amnesia is very difficult and has made us unable to work. But we can talk to each other and negotiate who will be out and we hardly ever argue. But a few of us who front the most often are upset with your description of who we are and the suggestion to try and distract ourselves so that one person can be out all the time. Also... we are on multiple medications to help us with our bipolar disorder and C-PTSD symptoms and it doesn't make us go away. It has made our trauma holder who has suicidal thoughts front less often because sje came out more when we would have depressive episodes. We've been in therapy for 20 years. We aren't going away. Therapy has helped us with communication and to help with anxiety and just a place to vent things so we aren't overwhelmed. Thankfully our therapist has been treating us for 2.5 years and she knows us and understands us and treats us as equals not just "part of Tiffany." Our birth name and former hose who fused with a protector so doesn't even exist anymore. Also.. we can switch out whenever we want to regardless of who is fronting and if they agree to it and though we try and negotiate that switch consent to switch isn't really nessisary and fighting it just causes a massive headache. I'm sorry I'm ranting... we all have so much to say. And we're just really hurt at some of the ways you describe us that we feel is completely inaccurate. 😞😞😞
Hi Kati. DID for me has some differences to the way you explained it on here... For example I never 'wake up' in a place or in clothes with no idea of what happened... But time does jump. I have fairly good communication with my other parts and I feel that this contributes- we fill missing information in like a fast download of memory so we can pick up. If there are details we missed then I ask my therapist or a trusted friend (particularly if another part fronted and Im hazy on details). However when prompted I can usually have a shared memory and continue. Most of my amnesia comes from emotion. I don't have connections to emotions that are held by others and memory of events. I also hold denial that others are not in denial over. We have a whole range of perspectives on things. Forced or fought off switches create extreeeeme headaches and fatigue. I often have to spend a day or two in bed afterwards to try and regain some semblance of energy and normality xx
Katie - I've followed you for 6+ years. Love your channel. That being said, this video feels very "off" to me. I have DID. Known since 07/2017. I don't relate to any part of your explanation. And using the term "voices" instead of alters just seams degrading. Personally, I'm not a fan of alters either. I prefer insiders. And there can be clear manifestations of different insiders being present. My t can identify many just by body language and speech/tone of voice. I would love for you to do a collab with Multiplicity and Me or at least check out some of her videos. It REALLY explains it.
I have a relatively small system at 30+ insiders. Male and Female. Infant to 10+ years older than the body. And absolutely no one would know that I have DID unless they knew me really well. My insiders were created to mimic me and do so very well. Only a few close people in my life have fully "met" one of my insiders. Everyone else stays hidden. But they are there and traumatized. And I'm "high functioning" in appearance. I work full time, but it still causes great distress...especially in therapy.
Trauma processing doesn't "fix" DID. And EMDR can make it worse by removing the dissociative barriers before the system can handle it. I encourage you to speak about functional multiplicity.
Oh my god!!!! The part that explained the internal voices had me screaming. It is like being in a cafe with multiple people talking at the same time. It feels like one is whispering, one is yelling etc etc. I was diagnosed with DID a year ago and I also have C-PTSD. It's very hard. And I was glad to find this video.
This is a great video on DID. We have OSDD so less day to day memory loss than DID, but still a lot of symptoms and distress. I feel others coming close by feeling sleepy and floaty rather than anxious. I also find it interesting how often chronic illnesses like autoimmune problems or EDS, POTS, PCOS and others… I definitely believe it’s linked to decades of living in the freeze response and affecting our bodies. Much love to all the systems out there ❤️
We find it's mostly a numb feeling not like a freeze response only in really sad desperate times but just generally a constant numbness all the time very rare I feel anything more than a few hours
I felt like this video sounded more like an explanation of OSDD than DID
@@suejorgensen46 I agree. On some ways this felt like more disinformation. Putting cold water on your face can help with the dissociation where you leave your body, it does stop inside parts from coming out. It's ALWAYS begins with childhood "Trauma." It doesn't have to be only sexual abuse, what is happening in Ukraine could cause enough trauma to cause DID for the children. Mostly you don't usually see switching enough to be diagnosed till adulthood, but always forms as a child. (I've mostly read under 7.) It's also capital T trauma severe or repeated or both.
And Kati, please stop using the word personalities. That doesn't help the stigma of MPD! There was a sense that you equated it to work mode, play mode...that's not correct.
Please do another using proper DiD terms like system, alter/insider or other words some use. The only treatment for DID is long term therapy. Anti-anxiety meds can help people who also have anxiety but that is not a "treatment" for DID. Trauma informed therapists are not good enough. Please ask if the have worked with DID before. This is not just dissociation on steroids.
I agree Sue. I also hate that all the pictured shown look like people who are miserable. The woman in the car? Yikes. Please do a much longer video or sit with say Kathy of DiscussingDissociation.com who's whole life is about helping people with DID. There is no 13 minute video that can give adequate or appropriate or even all the correct information. Denial and acceptance is so strong and hard. And we are not the murderers on all crime shows!
We have various autoimmune disorders as well as extensive childhood medical trauma - our therapist believes that that was one of the first splitting off points for our system. So much love to fellow systems
Hey Emily I am currently questioning if I am a system or not. I experience some of the chronic illnesses you listed. Is there anywhere I could contact you to ask you some questions? :)
I experienced DID for decades without even realising it. My parts/alters were so subtle and sneaky, no one else really realised either. But they influenced my behaviours. And eventually I realised that I often wasn't in control of my behaviours.
I'm at the stage of somewhat believing I suffer with it, but part of me still trys to believe I'm mixing it all up to fit a diagnoses. To be validated
Thank you so much for sharing your experience Gemma. Since it's often linked to trauma, the minimization or struggling to validate our experience is normal, and with support it will go away. xoxo
Gemma denial and" I must be making this up " is such a common problem it ought to be a diagnostic criteria.
I treat my Denial, as a Part,
I dialog with it, comfort it's fear, and use the same dialog I would use for any other Protector or Introject.
Hi, Denial
I hear your fear , that we are liars and we are making this up.
You are working so hard to keep us safe from anyone finding out. That is a really hard job and .....
We love you and appreciate you for working so hard
Then you Orient the Part to time and place, we are safe, we can talk about being multiple because...our abuser is dead or we are grown etc.
I'd like you to come with and observe that it is safe ..and if it isn't safe yet let me know what we need to do.
It's made it so much easier including it as a part and asking for it's cooperation
But most of all know you aren't alone in that symptom
Sue and Katalina this morning
Avoidance is a symptom of ptsd
DID is a “hidden” condition so I feel you are right on target.
As far as PTSD and Complex PTSD , anyone will do most anything to avoid revisiting that pain. There is way better help and knowledge today with understanding and treating this condition.
I hope you find the right hands to lean into and help you unfold so you can rebuild. It’s very hard work but it’s worth every bit. Beauty in the agony. Beauty always trumps ❤ …. Or so I choose to believe 💝
I experienced DID for decades without even realising it. My parts/alters were so subtle and sneaky, no one else really realised either
^ Heehee 'subtle and sneaky'
DID is a disorder of hiddenness, a covert disorder. That is the point. My primary protector was sneaky as well and went undetected for years. However I knew she was there because physically felt the presence of someone else in my body and heard her say my name multiple times as a child.
Hi Katie,
Thank you for destigmatizing DID. I was diagnosed at age 58. I always knew there was something but never knew what. I was in and out of therapy. Each new therapist had a different diagnosis and each had different drugs. But over 30 years nothing seem to help. Then my last attempt to try again. The T told me i dissociate. Had me tested by trauma specialist. Felt like alot of testing. The Trauma T, first said DDNOS, possibly DID.
Wanted to work with me before declaring DID. After about a year, Trauma T, changed the dx to DID. It was a blow, yet, it explained so very much. I had to learn alot, and the hardest was, is, acceptance.
A funny story about the grounding techniques. Early in the dx, was in ER for dad. It was a really rough time. Tried so hard to stay present. So we looked around the room, tried counting objects of various color. There was a color in the room that wasn't blue, and wasn't purple.
That started the parts engaging in an argument over the color, blue vs lavender vs periwinkle. OMG! My dad is in ER, i am by his side, & the internals, are actually arguing about a color during a grounding technique.! It was at that point, had to realize, yup, must be DID.
That was nearly 5 yrs ago & am still in therapy. There is some collaboration amoung us. So its getting easier. Its just there is so much. The hardest is each system is unique. No two are alike, and its all so abstract. Personally i think thats why so many mental health providers are in denial about the condition even though its in the DSM. And that makes me mad. They would rather misdiagnos, then acknowledge.
Why is that Katie? Its like a medical dr saying TB doesn't exist, you just have a bad cough.!?! Thats why i think its not as rare as they think. There are so many misdiagnosis. It took me 30 yrs of misdiagnosis. I heard it can take on average 10 plus years. Thats sad,
When you are misdiagnosed do they just remove the previous diagnosis or do you just keep a long list of things you're diagnosed with?
@@JesusLightsYourPath they keep it on the long list
4:13 You explained it well in a way that a regular person with no prior understanding can better relate to the experience. But for us it really is like different people sharing a body. We don't feel like parts of a whole, we feel like many whole separate people stuck together in a vessel. We do have a 'default' host but it's not a situation that any of us like, even the host. We'd prefer not to have a primary frontrunner and all have equal time.
she did. I wanted to comment in a similar way, but you already did. I experience my brain more an a "different people live together and sometimes need to discuss and talk to each other, including fights and sometimes even moments of care and empathy", comparable to a shared appt, which is my head. I guess this is what divides people like us from one-person-people, they can't fanthom how it is beeing a system. Just like me not beeing able to imagine hearing ONE voice, havong ONE thought.
i was about to comment something like that as well, for me it's totally like my brain was a truck and twenty-or-so people are taking turns at the steering wheel, at the back when they don't see what's going on, in the passenger seat... yes i have like "versions" of myself when i was younger but it would feel almost derogatory calling all the different people parts of me when we're really not
Been with DID all my life, don't know any different. So hard to deal with, as at the time in my life that I have no idea who I am or what I want. Very distinctive, mannerism, attitude, etc..in a sense we all have different parts of mind, only difference is our dissociation between each part of mind. That is why IFS can help with so many different disorders.
No one system is like another, all are very different and varies.
Very good video. Great explanation from the Australian resource you quoted. Thanks.
The past couple of years, one day just ran into another and feels blurred. Probably contributes to DID. Depression I have is bad enough when it comes to remembering, so my heart goes out to you who dissociate.
xoxo
@@Katimorton xoxo to you ♥️
How are you, Kati? I want you to know that we as a community appreciate your efforts so much. Please do take time for your mental and physical health as well. You do so much for us. You deserve to take time out for yourself. May you have peace, blessings and happiness in your life ahead ❤️❤️
Thanks for checking in on me Ujala :) I am doing better, my mom came to visit for a few weeks and that really helped. But still working my way through it. xoxo I hope you have a wonderful week!! xoxo
I suffer from DID,Schizo-Effective Disorder and ASD.Its sure been tough trying to survive from my own thoughts.
That dose not sound like a fun combo. Hang in there.
That’s cool man. How was your high school experience?
DID was 100 times harder for me when I didn't know that I had it. As soon as we became consious of it and started treating it in several ways it has become so much more managable. Reddit helped me a ton, talking to other people who have it was so enlightening. They gave me solutions and ways to manage every aspect of it.
I am crying so hard. I did not understand how I COULD have DID. But the laundry and the kettle thing you said could have been written by me . I can’t believe this is happening to me. I thought I was handling the trauma well ..I was wrong. This is so exhausting, I’m so tired.
I just want you to know how much your videos have helped me throughout the years I’ve been watching you for 10 years and I’m finally just starting to except and understand everything and I thank you for your help. Just the tears when hearing about other people having my exact symptoms make me feel not so alone in this.
Hi Julia, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you're finding my videos helpful! It can be so very validating to hear others experiences... The comment section sometimes helps us see that we're not alone. xoxo
Love all your recent content on dissociation & dissociative disorders 🙌🏼 it’s so important to spread knowledge because like you said, the general population isn’t well informed about them & they’re so misunderstood.
We are creating a documentary about Maggie who has been living with DID for over 50 years. She didn't believe she had it until she had an epiphany moment at a classical music concert and all of her alters could hear the music independently. Her system is now composing music and they are writing a thesis for her PhD in music composition. She has found a way to come to terms with her DID through music.
My Daydreaming destroyed my academic, social and potentially occupational life, luckily I got a bit hold of it, now I could manage my life, years ago I used to be in massive dissociation sessions and followed their Amnesias too.
I am so glad you've been able to get a better hold of it :) Thank you so much for sharing your experience. xoxo
One of the best videos on DID we have ever seen. Do wish the fact 99% of cases are covert was mentioned. I manage a forum for mature adults with DID, it’s not uncommon to be in one’s 40’s or 50’s before even getting diagnosed. We dig your management tips, great advice! Very highly suggest DBT. That’s done more good than anything else.
Spoken from experience I felt you were respectful and explained the experience well. It is inspiring to see the disorder spoken about in a positive educational way 🙂 thank you
Thank you Kati, this made me think of DID differently. I liked the way you talked about memory gaps and 'losing' time, this describes me down to a tee
Just to clarify, I have never been diagnosed with DID, I do have BPD with various dissociative symptoms though and the way you described dissociative amnesia was super relatable
I now call it my multiple personality blessing because I chose to see it that way and there are so many opportunities. I created a life that works for me and make sure my nervous system is calm. I don't do activities that exhaust me as it's just too much such as too many people, too much chaos. I live my truth and I feel this is the answer and keeps me in a state of peace most of the time. Sometimes I sense a switch or I am co conscious with someone else, which is fascinating and I feel like I lost it completely and yes, I have times of full amnesia too. The most terrifying switches and longer memory gaps (weeks) happen when I am back in the country of my childhood trauma.
Thank you, Katie Morton, I love you. You have helped me more than you may ever become aware.
Aww I am so glad I could be helpful. xoxox
I have always heard other voices in my head and thought it was normal, but being the quiet shy kid I was, I never said anything to anyone. I thought for the longest time, it was just me being ADHD (which I do still have, and can make things even MORE exhausting) but as I have been seeing my therapist and opening up more about my day to days, we have realized there is more to it and this video has helped with that. Thank you Kati, we thank you 💜
Thank you for doing this video.
I was first diagnosed over 20 years ago. I've also been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in the past.
Having DID wasn't easy on my daughters and it was confusing to them if one alter would, for example, be letting them do something another alter would think was too dangerous.
I've found myself parked in a traffic circle trying to explain to a police officer why I was there.
Just recently I found myself lost after walking just a couple bocks from home.
You managed to capture the feelings very well.
I've been in therapy for over 20 years now, and don't expect that to change soon.
Again though, thank you.
Thank you for this video. You are the first person ive ever heard accurately describe what its like inside my head every sec of my life.
Love it thank you for this video. As a DID sufferer, this is gold
Did you really think this was accurate?
Much improved over your previous DID video. Thank you for learning, growing, and passing on your updated understandings.
Thanks for your video Katie. This video was really well put together and concise. I liked that it made me personally feel validated as a person with DID. I was formally diagnosed with DID and Ptsd in 2017.I was in my early 30s. It kinda was a light bulb moment in my life. There were so many things that just felt like contradictions, in taste, in identity, in personality that people would tell me and I would feel like...there's no way thats me. After a retraumatization in 2017 sent me spiraling I was diagnosed because my symptoms became overt. I ended up places and didn't know how I got there, ended up driving and became suddenly aware and had to ask Google where am I? Ended up one time in a grocery store dropping a box of spaghetti didn't know how I got there, why or even what store I was in...really bad. I went to therapy for a while and it helped somewhat deal with why it was happening but the most healing came when I started doing my own digging into what happened in my life to cause this..it was painful and hard to face the truth of the matter..to say outloud what had happened...to try to piece together forgotten and broken memories, some or many I will never know the true weight of or fully remember and I'm ok with that...I used to feel ashamed and broken but I don't now. I can say since working on myself I don't dissociate as deeply or completely but still do if I get very upset. But I try very hard not to for my self and my family. I kinda know what triggers me and try not to feed into those things...DID can be exhausting...there are alot of internal did things that are interesting..sometimes I feel feelings about certain things that I know are not mine or calming feelings like almost a internal hug when I'm scared but it's different from a self soothing feeling. Sometimes you double guess yourself about things as well like do I really like this or am I the " original" am I just another alter am I real at all? Am I an I or we? Or they? I just choose to adress myself as I because I feel like it helps me take ownership of my own life and I tell my self it's just my brains way of making the world more comfortable for me...even though it has the potential to cause severe disruption...I think saying that makes my mind feel less stressed and therefore I dissociate less. My husband used to touch me with something cold if he noticed me doing it but it too jolting but effective. I think what I want others to know about DID is that it's not TV, it's not just a barrage of diff outfits..you often switch and ppl wouldn't notice.unless they really were close to you..loosing time is scary..it's not fun...in a way I'm grateful that did protected me as a kid but it's not something I would personally choose...especially if I get overwhelmed...We're all just having our own human experience with our own unique challenges so I decided to choose to try to live the best I can and if I have a hard day then that's OK too...
I've been living with DID since my late teens. Been extremely hard. I've never been stable because I can't afford proper care. They put me Risperdal (?) but I've never found it helps. I have bad and good days sure. I've basically given up on life and just trying to make the day to day ordeal a little more bearable. I try and do things every day I need to (i.e. chores..helping my dad etc..) because if I don't i feel much worse. My alters have massive influence over life and my decisions and I have to listen to what they say..God help me if I don't! My family don't understand me most of the time and have given up trying to change me. They could never understand..although they do help me a lot.
Edit: That website that mentioned the patient who said his voices were "inside his head and not externalised" that was one helluva surprise to me..because that's exactly what I experience!
Anyway that's my story.
Please forward this video to Veterans that have been in a few firefights where he or she exchanged gun fire or engaged in armed or unarmed with a highly trained assailant. This an excellent video. I gave it a perfect score of 10/10. I commend Kati on a job well done.
Be blessed.
they won't develop a DID bc you need to be younger than 5 to develop it. Guess veterans are elder.
For us life is like an extended stay at Disneyland -first you go on that ride, then you go on that ride, then you go on that ride… “rides” are our self-states, other-selves, identities or whatever we call ourselves.
Living for 61 years this way, we have adapted and do the best we can to have a happy and healthy life.
Therapy, with a person knowledgeable of trauma and its effects, has been our help and salvation.
You are so right with this happening within the DID system and the effects on the body brain and cranial brain.
I’ve had this diagnosed condition for the last 30 years and of course we all know that’s not where the DID began.
Your information is so clear and correct and I thank you very much for helping the public understand better.
And my deep gratitudes to you for being there for so many with DID including myself to help us be comforted, informed and with hope for connectedness. ❤
This can be completely healed through deliverance my wife has an amazing testimony
@@JesusSaves194 I’m so happy for your wife !
I’ve had many many miraculous experiences 💖 myself and my life is Love 💗
My system name is Power of Love ❤️
That started with a 9 yr old alter transformation she experienced as “doctor of Love”
Pain and suffering can be utilized for the greatest experiences.
Trust me I don’t like pain and suffering but with the work , trust and faith it certainly beets living in suffering 🙏
Hi Kati I've suffered from dissociation pretty much my whole life instead of multiple personalities I dissociated to disappear the smaller the better only now putting the puzzle back together, your effort to make these videos is much appreciated thankyou
I appreciate your video. It's very informative. I've been diagnosed with DID and was getting help until my doctor left. I then got transferred to a different doctor who just medicated the hell out of me which only made matters worse! The last thing I needed was being all doped up when I was already having memory loss issues. So I stopped going to therapy. I'm 56 years old and wasn't even aware of my disorder until my early 20s. All this time I have just winged it. So thank you for your video
What meds were you taking? Are you taking any now
Thank you so much for making this video. I am currently seeing a trauma therapist and I never really wanted to talk about 1 specific experience I had ONCE... because I am afraid it made me look schizo or anything else.
I got diagnosed with PTSD already so yeah... So what happened was that I was in the bus on my way to uni... and I saw a new busline pop up for transfer... Suddenly I was bawling and I heard a lil girl's voice in my head.. Saying: I want my mommy. Mommy I want my mommy, MOMMY MOMMY.
All because that busline was headed for my old hometown. It was an one time experience and that is why I doubt it is DID and so hesitant to tell my psych,,, because it hasn't happened again... Even when I was super open the days after in my mind like hey you can talk to me, how ya feeling... what's going on.
I don't know this event has left me so confused. I can remember it because I wrote it down like RIGHT AWAY.. but generally I do forget a lot
hi :) did something traumatic happen in your old hometown that triggered you ? That’s what came to my mind .
I feel disconnected alot from myself this year, yet depression and anxiety still pretty much accompany me everywhere, im not familiar to open up about my struggle yet i try so hard to make friends and connecting to people ...
Your videos and presence helps alot Katie, maybe i'll try to write my triggers, so i can recognize where my stress come from....
What if I don’t (at least not frequently) have the memory loss thing, but I do have different voices in my head. I have a parental voice that comforts me when I am in distress. I have another that helps me do difficult things. I have a little kid. It is often hard to tell which one I am at any given time. It is like my entire worldview changes when I switch. The memories carry over, but they are often fragmented with most of the emotion behind them gone. But I am not dealing with forgetting people I have met or conversations. I do have to keep notes about important things I do like taking medication because sometimes I forget doing stuff and have to play detective to figure out if I did it or not. But I also have bad dissociation from trauma. I don’t remember most of my childhood. I think I was in a near constant state of dissociation for years, and I still struggle a lot with checking out.
While I didn't experience severe abuse, like some individuals, social isolation and long term harassment sharply stunted my personal development. I was stuck in a cycle of adaptation or escape, so for decades there was a near constant state of mental ruminance occurring in my head. The constant din with no release, as from playing video games, was very distressing. I also had very little experience articulating wants, needs and preferences because my interpersonal relationships were so limited in their nature.
this is very accurate! but i will say, for many of us it genuinely feels like we are different distinct people. we aren't, of course, but we don't feel just like someone with giant gaps in memory - we have our own personalities, sometimes skillsets, expressions, behaviors. it just happens as a side effect of us being separated to grow independently in our own memories and life experiences. as one person we *aren't* actually separate. but for some of us it truly feels like we're separate entirely.
This was just brought up in a therapy session about a month ago. Therapist told me to bring this up to my psych nurse but haven't yet.
Thank you so much for this video Katie. I have complex PTSD and everyone was saying I have ADHD or bipolar. I really relate to how DID is described here. I realize now how fractured I've been.
I have this! Just got diagnosed. It’s kind of wild that I didn’t even know until I was in my 30s. Feels like learning about it actually accelerated that and I’m still learning more about myselves everyday.
I was diagnosed a year ago. Its very hard.
@@Rat_Queen86 there is a subreddit for people who need to talk about it. Feel free to reach out. It’s a very very hard thing to ask people to understand sometimes but you are not alone.
Kati Morton.hello and good afternoon from uk feeling uncomfortable and anxious today and just finished a therapy assessment on the phone I'd like to thank you so much for all your good and helpful videos and advice you have shared though your videos they gave me hope and gave me the confidence to reach out and get myself back into therapy this video is also very relatable to me because I'd always dissociative during my therapy sessions and on and off during each day i have dissociation I am constantly grateful for finding you and your channel and you continue to be so caring and understanding and offer so much support ❤️
Growing up with DID is especially smth painful to remember. I constantly forgot...everything. I got yelled at a lot for things I never remembered. Often times it'd be for eating things in the house that weren't mine, especially during 2020, where due to financial crisis my sister, her BF, and her two kids had to move in with me, mom and abusive dad. I got yelled at and bullied (mostly by my sister) to the point of a suicide attempt. A stressful, horrific time to just be discovering that I was a system. But I look back on my childhood home and realize that the signs were always there. Im surprised no one picked up on it sooner.
DID is a constant struggle for me, but I have good times too. I've learned to bond and socialize with alters and in a way they became my closest and best friend group. At the same time, the constant memory loss and the fact ive lost every single job ive ever had to this day because of it, is beyond painful.
I remember one time where my parents were arguing while we were out doing groceries and I'm in the back seat. I wanted to pull myself away so bad that I remember trying to think of nothing by thinking of everything, every conceptual thought I had at 6 and it pushed me inward.
I feel like this video, along with others of Katie's, have helped label my psyche and I feel like talking to a therapist I'm going to give them too much at once, and still not enough.
Such a beautiful and graceful explanation. Thank you for putting it into perspective. Helps us be a lot more gentle ..
I woke up in Texas at one point. had no clue on how I got there. I'm from IL. I realized where I was when I was in downtown Fort Worth, and I was with people that I did not know, however, they seem to have known me. I played along until I was able to figure out a way to get back to Illinois. That's happened on more than a few occasions. I find toys around the house and in odd places. Like in the closet or behind the couch when I don't have kids. And as far as I remember, nobody has brought their kids over. So I have no idea or clue where they came from. It is just things like that, that randomly happened on a week-to-week basis. for myself anyway. It is very frightening to realize that you're doing things that you do not remember. In my opinion, it is also incredibly dangerous as well. Nothing has happened to me as yet that I remember anyway, that would put me in any danger but there's always that possibility of it happening. It almost makes me want to barricade myself into the house and not leave. I also get worried when my friends come over because of what I might do or what I might say. I have lost friends in the past because of that very thing.
Thank you Kati. I hope you're well and staying safe. Sending you love 💯💚🔥👊
This video is nice to have, we probably have DID or OSDD, it's very much a struggle, especially when multiple alters want to do something, I cannot even begin to count our most frequent fronting (I KNOW YOU CAN READ THIS KAN JUST SET A FUCKING ALARM OH MY GODDD/LH) alter usually does the laundry and then IMMEDIATELY forgets about it after, we are constantly on the edge of needing to redo our laundry because we start the washer, or even put the clothes in, and then walk away and forget we even ever left our room and it is such a pain in the ass, one of many very small things that impair us, it's just one of many pain points
We do get along pretty well but we're all just so... individual? That our aspirations and desires can mix into a soup where instead of doing something we do absolutely nothing, I wish we could switch more and have our headmates do the things they want to do more but our memory genuinely cannot keep up
I lived with a partner for 17 yrs she has recently passed away from cancer . Life with her was life with a whole community . I tried to remember all the alters and came up with 40 names but i know there were so many others. Your facts here are all true . From memory loss, triggers, voices, etc. There was a main group of alters almost daily and others came and went. But some did control her daily life to the point i never knew who I was going to interact with. This included in person, telephone calls, text messages and emails. She also was an extreme hoarder and i mean every room full of even garbage. She too had other mental health issues including narcissistic behavior's, chronic lying, and anxiety. And i am sure a few more. Life was a mad world most days but some not so bad. I agree that treatment or the correct treatment would have helped a long way but she was good at controlling the narrative. I am sure her Psychiatrist really did not know her at all. To all out there get the help you need and or find a way to get help for your loved one.
10:25 pm , Mountain time- My couples counselor said I could have DID. My individual counselor has recommended me to get a memory test from my doctor to see if its short-term loss, recall or signs of dementia. I identified with gaps in my memory. In counseling sessions I have forgotten the time between our last session to the present session. I can usually only remember the two days before our session. I need to really identify my triggers. They are mine and no one elses. I need to learn to spot the trigger, process it, figure it out, what it is, and where it came from. Thank you for this very informative video on DID.
I don’t have almost any real memory from around maybe 1st grade or somewhere in elementary through basically my entire middle school life. My high school life I can remember way more but it’s still blurry. I thought it was normal since school and life is just boring, until my family would constantly bring up or ask why my whole body seemingly changes.
Been going to my therapist for around 2-almost 3 years now so he’s definitely noticed. Just recently I finally got that official DID diagnosis because my therapist wanted to make sure they saw what they did.
My therapist has been super helpful for me, but it’s still scary knowing my family will have to know. Only my grandpa does and he’s chill and the one I’m most comfy around.
But people like my mom and grandma, I know will always love me as their very accepting and helping with my other medical needs. But their reactions to things can be…a little invalidating. Like how my mom tells me to stop speaking a certain way when I’m stressed cause she’s worried for when I start working.
I know they’ll love me, but the small sense of doubt they’ll have and their reactions is what scares me.
I have 5 alters, with only 1 of them never being seen or maybe noticed fronting yet. One is mute, one has an accent, one is a little and so on. I do have 2 who are technically considered persecutors, who deal with things in harmful ways. One often just finches and hits themselves a lot more, but the other has actively tried to harm myself and even take my life or someone else’s.
A lot of this I know from everyone around me, videos, photos, and the little co-consciousness I have.
I’m only 18, so I hope to get better and work to harmonise everything so I can start to work and help my mother
I love your videos there really informative. I dissociate 24/7 since 2009. I never gotten a diagnosis. for DID or dissociative disorder I do know I’m a very depressed and anxious person. I’ve had trauma happened in the past. mentally abused as a teen, forced abortion, diagnosed with hiv from a abused relationship and the past yr my sister passed away. So I know lately I haven’t been feeling like myself. feeling out of touch with myself and my surroundings more so all in my head! my thoughts don’t stop i’m anxious! I just haven’t been excited about living at all! I know I forget so much! I work in retail I will go to the back to get something for a customer come out to wrong person not remembering who they are at all. And I feel so confused about it !
Praying for you I’m so sorry to hear about all of this❤️🔥🙏🏼❤️🔥
Thank you. I am going through my yearly cycle of “maybe it’s just possession/ or BPD” - can’t afford a therapist so, thank you.
I do Christian deliverance for people with DID bpd at no cost if you need help . Do you believe in Jesus?
My wife and step brother was completely healed of bpd and D.I.D
piss of. Really. SO many of DID people developed DID due to cult circumstances and your holy church is one of the main perpetrators. @@JesusSaves194
Childhood trauma, PTSD, BPD, DID, major anxiety, among other issues.
My biggest problem is convincing other’s, including therapists and psychiatrists, that I actually have issues.
They treat me like I’m just whining instead of telling them what is wrong with me.
They treat me like a liar just wanting drugs.
Dealing with the VA doesn’t make things easier.
Valium helps me tremendously, yet its on the VA’s “Bad Drug List” so they keep giving me crap that doesn’t work and causes more issues like Brain Zaps for years now.
Tell them for years, no one cares until I “flip out” then they are all like “why didn’t you say anything?
6yr army vet here, thx for your service hearts and hugs to you...
you are helping me by writing that.
truly
Intently
DID feels very isolating for me. It makes me feel like very few people will ever truly know me. Because I am not a singlet I pop out here and there to the front but I'm not the only one who fronts. There are over 20 of us in this body. Because of this it is hard for the people in my life to see the lines between each of us alters. Thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are not mine are often associated with me by others and its a very lonely feeling.
-Talia
I understand how you feel. I've been there lots before. But try to remember you're not alone close to 1.5% of the population is said to live with DID.
THIS! It makes us so lonely on an almost funny level, doesn't it? Too many voices in the head, too any different thoughts and ideas and emotions at the same time, but totally lonely in the outer world. People, except for my husband, won't see that as many differences between my parts ( I prefer calling them parts not alters). There are more of us than we know - we are called covert DID. The DID comes from "discreet" ;)
I've seen a therapist a while ago and am seeing a doctor next week to figure out why I keep forgetting things so much. Thank you for your videos that you make! They've really helped me understand a lot of different things that could apply to me. I did think that DID could be a possibility but it's not a main focus as it's just figuring out if my memory loss is due to depression or something else. I will say though sometimes I think of doing a thing and I end up doing something else instead, only to remember minutes later what I was supposed to be doing. Kinda gross but sometimes I have to touch my toothbrush to see if it was used in the morning if I forgot if I brushed my teeth lol and the other day, I drove without my license bc I couldn't find it and I was going to be late for work. Only to look everywhere it was supposed to be and turns out I threw it under a towel in the bathroom after work and forgot about it. I remembered throwing it there but idk why I didn't just throw it in a drawer or put it in my room like I normally would. Kinda funny but not lol but I've been forgetting to start the washer after I dump the detergent in and my clothes arent washed or dried bc I forgot to actually turn it on. Lots of minor things being forgotten and it's bothering me at work too so now I'm trying to talk to a doctor mid year before I do another evaluation at the end of the year. I can't keep working like this, it's rough. Anyways, videos like this help me think about what sounds more relevant to me and keeps me functioning without much therapy and no insurance. Thank you really.
Kati, I love your grounding technique examples!
I feel like I’m being blocked off from my emotions and I watch as my I respond with no empathy to the situation. This might be depersonalization because in an instance my arms and legs became numb and my hands were distorted. Thank you Kati I find all your dissociation vids helpful and find myself looking you up when my dissociation gets bad.
Thank you for this video, I have DID and I appreciate the educated and well made video on it!
Did you find it accurate?
@@musiclolli7280 I did, yea. I think the only thing that I would add that wasn’t outright mentioned was that everyone experiences it differently.
I would agree with a lot of this video as someone who lives with this disorder. I think you did a good job representing it. Overall it's not an easy disorder to live with. However I know that it has quite literally saved my life.
That should read who lives with this disorder
Thank you for being so Awesome!!!
I was dx’d twice in the past seven years,am still having problems within the system to actually accept this is us.I miss a lot of hours ,have had two very frightening fugues,I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life like this.
My psychiatrist told me once that I had D.I.D but never explained it to me.
I’m so confused and now I’m freaking out a bit. I understand that I have PTSD, I’ve been working on it consistently since 2019 and have been taking some SSRI or other since 2013, but I don’t understand this. I’m confused about the voices? I just hear one voice, it’s always mine and I’m always having a conversation. It’s why I never get bored, I always have someone to talk to.
So like I almost certainly have this and it's probably a red flag that my argument against is that "One of my personalities insists that we don't have it"...
But the thing is, admitting I probably have it has been super helpful, because it's allowed me to look at these things from the outside and think "You are just a sad, hurt little child. I want to heal you."
At times I don't know who I am, like I am a stranger to myself.
The feeling is disturbing and induces a sense of panic and anxiety.
I think this is because I was abused by my mother mentally and physically, which kept me from developing a true sense of self in terms of what I want and need.
I was never allowed to consider what I wanted or what I needed as a child.
Not knowing what I need or want makes it difficult to establish relationships with most people, unless they are people that were abused and also do not know what they want or need.
Then I would wind up in an abusive relationship where I was not allowed to have what I wanted or needed.
As a result I have not had a friend or girlfriend in almost 30 years, since I could no longer tolerate the trauma I had to endure as a child.
I relate to this heavily. Only really now being a so called adult that I now know that I'm allowed to have my own wants and desires but I have to keep telling myself this day in day out but still never sticks. My last relationship was with someone who had d.i.d as well but trouble is because she had so many physical health problems I couldn't cope but I felt so bad o just stuck around even though I was unhappy for 2 years :/
@@DjNexus69 I just got into therapy about a year ago and it is already helping me process my trauma so I am less likely to keep repeating the same trauma over and over.
Even though I avoided toxic relationships and unfortunately, relationships altogether, I still self-sabotaged my life and recreated the trauma I endured as a child.
I once went into therapy nearly 20 years ago, at age 30, but the experience was way too intimate for me to handle and I sabotaged the therapy by mentally abusing my therapist.
Unfortunately, the therapist was in training, and she quickly gave up when she experienced the full extent of my crazy and ability to manipulate when I feel vulnerable and unsafe.
That brief experience helped me a lot though as it was the first time anyone suggested to me that my mom was abusive.
Prior to that I just accepted my mom's abuse as normal.
In fact, since I was raised to respect and obey my mom, I was also raised to respect and obey my mom's abuse.
I don't tell anyone because of coworkers (at an inpatient psych facility) completely blew it out of proportion... when I ended up disabled from dysautonomia, the DID was noticeable to an astute coworker, and I had to get a letter from a psychiatrist saying I wasn't likely to hurt the residents or visitors. That crushed me.
❤❤❤
This video just described my daily struggle. I haven't been diagnosed yet but an seeking help to get evaluated to figure out what exactly is happening with my brain so I can better manage it. The part were your suddenly going from laundry to making coffee sounds really similar to what I deal with. I notice Im in a bunch of random different places with gaps in between kinda like how a dream is. It's super stressful and I was unawares of exactly what was going on until recently.
There are so many types of experiences that I think get lost in either the public discourse around DID and OSDD and in the DSM's very bare bones classification rules (or diagnostic criteria). What if you have a history of amnesia for middle childhood, even seeming to be unconscious more often than not during middle childhood (or jumping through time/ only remembering the spaces between home and school but very little about school or home),, but if you never heard voices (inside or our loud), but you have had the experience of very distinct (opposite gender and apparent age) parts that are unique and persistent over time getting close and affecting our experience, feelings, and behavior and sometimes, during stress taking over and talking through you while you are a passive observer dipping in and out of consciousness, and sometimes in and out of control, and then the experience completely passing and never happening again for many years, so that you almost forget it ever happened, and these experiences seeming to be becoming fewer and farther between as you get older?
I needed to hear this like omg you have no idea I been going through this way too often lately
Sending hugs ♥️
Thank you for making a video about this topic. I always enjoy your videos but this one is especially helpful.
thank you for talking about this important topic! ❤️
DID is Terrifying for me. My brain splits and suddenly I have new people and black shadow shards and it's terrifying. I want to end my life because of it, but I have two adult children who would be devastated so I continue living this new existence where I have become not a person, but an apartment building housing all these strangers that are supposed to be me. I lost My Being in all of this. WTFrick? I'm in therapy, but I don't feel my therapist understands the fear or the pain associated with it so I'm basically all alone in my fear and pain.
just move on. You already came so far, you survived so much, you stopped they cycle, you raised 2 beautiful children, just move on. It will become easier, once you managed to communicate to and with your alters. It might be the worst thing you ever thought you'd ever experience, bc the people carry secrets that will smash you, but it will get better I promise. You are not alone in this. We are many (ok that sound funny).
I will also add that it was very confusing and felt normal to have voices as my mom always talked about the "committee" in her head. She was in. OA, and probably had some BPD and narcissistic tendencies. Never diagnosed as far as Im aware...I know that with BPD you can have a lot of critical voices...and maybe even dissociate but not to the point of what DID does, as Kati has explained the criteria. It wasn't until things got very complicated, messy, and unmanageable and switching in sessions that I was diagnosed in 2010. It is common to get a late diagnosis as well.
Good luck to all that are struggling with this disorder and remember to be kind, and compassionate with your recovery and with yourself!!!
As a parent of a did child it helps understand what is happening to them
I found this video quite helpful... although I've been in therapy for years, and no longer fit the dx criteria for d.i.d., it feels good to know that other folx have experienced things similarly to me. At the same time, although I'm fairly well "integrated," my default is dissociation. After all these years, I still find it harder to be "present" than "removed." I still fit the criteria for CPTSD, anxiety & depression... and I don't know if I'll ever be rid of all of that.. but I've learned to live as I am and function.
Lost my mum two weeks ago from cancer she loved my channel ddlg abdl age regression little space just got diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder I hate getting headaches and forgetting sometimes a lot during a day or where I'm going and what I'm doing
This made me feel better about my DID.
I have been suffering from Disassociation for over 36 years or more, I didn't realize it could be different personalities as I thought it was just Anxiety & Mood Swings making say or act different at times or be someone else for while when I'm anxious. It's been hard today split up with my girlfriend as I said something wrong as I wasn't thinking at the time & I was overwhelmed by all the information she was saying to process. I do have trouble remembering most of my life & go out of my body often to somewhere nearby in a fog. Never heard any voices in my head as it is completely silent in my head.
I pray over people with this, and they are healed through Christian deliverance
I really liked the thumbnail! It grabbed my attention enough to start watching
I thought everything you said was right on Kati except for me, I don't have a lot of problems with memory issues unless the stress starts and I'm often coconscious. However, my biggest issues are the switching headaches and the general anxiety that comes along with dealing with recovery. It gets so bad at times I can't even walk because I'm so dizzy from anxiety and my head is so spacey I actually cant see well.I can't find a doctor that can help me with this-I get one that will give me 5mg valium which does a little but I need more and of course they think I'm a drug addict asking for more. I'd be better off in the hospital. I'm on topamax for migraines because thats what used to happen. I think it's so sad that I have to suffer like this from what my parents did to me and I cant find the right help it makes me want to give up but I don't. I can't leave my cats anyway. edit: I do meditate during these times to try to keep the stress in check
This made me cry because I didn't even realize I did have this stuff on a day to day basis but I do :/ but you don't realise till it's pointed out then all of a sudden you do remember how it all comes together but then it will disappear again later when we dissociate and just go back to normal :/
I'm really looking for other people who have it because I feel on my own with it specially in the UK because I get no support and I'm basically left to educate myself on it so if anyone wants someone who is officially diagnosed with it and does get it then feel free to comment because would love to meet people who are interested in and maybe wanna share or interested in the research with it or have it themselves.
See right now I feel just regular me but watching the video all of a sudden I open up then it becomes we again and I see inside my head all my alters etc but it goes again and why I hate it because I can never show anyone it :/ technically we have 28 alters which I know is on the extreme end but normally about 6 or 12 around but really varies. Still hard to get my head around but I would like to try face it :/
So if anyone is interested or just wants a friend and yeah I know this is desperate but then have d.i.d I really am because I am totally alone ironically with so many people in my head. But anyone wanna talk or have ideas or questions feel free to ask and don't hold back?
Thank you for bringing awareness.
Thank you for sharing this.
I didn’t know I had D.I.D. It was family members and close friends that were witnessing it. I had no recollection. I had to also go to a therapist for an official medical diagnosis of it. It’s not something that can be self-diagnosed. And tends to be more common with those who were severely physically abused in childhood for years. More than a decade at least.
My son's life is a living hell and I think his alters are all that save him. He has no friends so they're his friends. They protect him. At one point there were bad people but I think with the anti-psychotics it's made them fade in to the background. He has such severe PTSD. He sees ghosts. He loses time. He can't focus on his school work. He's only 17 and most of his life has been like this since he was about 10. What pains me the most is we don't have good access to therapy. We have a clinic that doses him up and sees him every few months. They assign therapists that constantly misgender him so he's put off by them. They are cheerleader therapists. "Just gotta get out there and make friends!" One suggested he get a job when he can't even focus an hour on school work. It's like they're not taking this seriously. They won't even put it on his record that he has DID even though his psychiatrist said it's DID but she's making out like it's only because of the PTSD. I don't care what they call it, I just know it doesn't help him to not address it. They want to give him mindfulness exercises that don't work when he will start one and the next thing he knows he's picked up a game controller or he's eaten something he can't remember getting. I want them to do real therapy, not cheer lead once or twice a month. The only option is in-patient in another state. I can't get him there, nor can I afford it. So he just gets worse and worse and sadder and sadder. Meanwhile we have these teens of TikTok making stupid videos where they pretend to have it for attention and that makes it where people don't take the diagnosis seriously.
U never miss anything, it always comes in handy
This description really highlights how one can think they have ADHD instead of DID I have both so my memory is just so bad.
Ironic so do we haha. Tbh that's where it just blurs into one. Very hard to get help for one when there's so many other problems to solve. Specially with is noticed how my OCD and ADHD is in certain alters some how not sure how it works like bit yeah it's almost like it can get a break from them but when the ocd hits god I go into a complete clean freak
Keep in mind I am not diagnosed yet but working on getting it. This is just what i am struggling with especially with these three girls showing themselves more lately then in the past. What i am struggling with is i have three little girls inside of me. One is named Sandy who is one and a half and autistic with truble navigating the world. I struggle with the world and am autistic. Another girl is names Anastasia and she is a two year old little brat but she is sweet. My husband says i have a brat side but I'm also very sweet to. My last one is Sandy a very shy girl who i often notice from what i have gathered is due to my anxiety that is when I notice her showing her cute shy head. I have noticed especially lately as I have been piecing the puzzle together. Keep in mind my puzzle is not finished. But I am noticing some days that one moment I want to watch cartoons because of one girl then the next I am out exploring and at ramdom but not relize and will go wait how did I get here. Example some days I will be playing videogames and all of the sudden I am like wait how did I get in bed for a nap or where did this drink come from. I look in the mirror many days and notice I don't recognize who I am most days. As I ask people around me I notice that people tell me I have told them I feel like is this real life or is this a dream more offten then not on any given day. I haven't captured the moment I disosiate per say but I noticed when some triggers hit I feel dizzy, get itchy eyes and if I am able to go somewhere safe I will and alow myself to switch but I really don't have grounding techniques to stop this from happening when I am not in a safe area. What is weird is a lot of times over my life I remember hearing the three girls names but not knowing what this was all I heard many times of my life in my mind is Sandy remember me, Anastasia remember me, Julia remember me
Thank you for the video, I wanted to learn more about it after watching Moon Knight series from Marvel and Disney Plus ❤️
You really understand! Thanks for putting up this video -
thank you so much for this video. very well explained and expressed!!!!
Hi Kati! She really enjoys your videos. So she has not been diagnosed with DID by her psychiatrist, but she has experienced prolonged trauma for YEARS: bullied for all 12 years of her education, hospitalized 5 times for depression and anorexia, emotionally abused by a former pastor (religious trauma), and sexually assaulted for 2 years. For the past month, she began hearing this voice in her head, and her voice is very different, and she has very different desires from her own desires- she is no longer self destructive and she no longer starves herself, but she constantly wants to self harm and starve herself, and yes, she began having memory gaps... and she grew up with supportive and loving parents, so the abuse by family members does not apply to her.. and regarding the requirement that someone has to have TWO personalities (does that mean the host and one personality or is it one host and 2 personalities??), she only have one voice with different motives and desires, and they are exclusively self destructive, and the voice has a different name.
Mine was not diagnosed until I was 55 even though I had been telling the same facts, behaviors, even internal voices, missing time, etc for decades. Psychiatrists had tried several solutions but never, never ever considered this diagnosis. Just piled on meds and hoped for the best. Extreme and cavalier gaslighting was the norm for all mental health to even traumatizing levels to include forced inpatient stays for "anxiety" or even laughing (literally) at tramas as they emerged as memories. I had all of these you were telling and far more with horrible gaps in memory with real physical symptoms of what happened in those gaps that many had gaslit as I tried to tell. Is this normal? I know it's not acceptable. Why also are other British ando ther country professionals stating that there are far more systems then US professionals who seem to emphatically state it's either not real or just extremely, extremely unusual event that rarely if ever occurs---some in leadership positions. This is so frustrating and disempowering. Luckily, I have a great therapist now and have found channels like yours.
The battle for the truth about D.I.D is also the battle of social injustice, poverty, and social engineering. Many are now observing the phenomenon that the USA actually has the highest percentage of humans in the world with severe dissociation! ( ex. Flat earth community) But , yes some of those people are in positions of power (evil doctors /power families with multi generational trauma / politicians, etc ) and so they are using their money and power to corrupt the public narrative.
kati the light of my life. its always refreshing to see you pop up on my screen with your many purls of wisdom and insights that are profoundly helpful and i for one am most grateful for that .thank you for gracing us with your presence on our screens
Can you please make more DID videos? Please 🙏🏻
Eg, Like covert to overt to covert (cycle repeats) why this happens. How to cope with it. Please 🙏🏻 ❤
There’s hardly anything about DID which makes me think even more so why my therapist isn’t working out.
Is it just not for therapy. I’m starting to think about canceling my therapist. Sigh 😪😪😪😪 tysm xxxx
I never realized it until the last couple of years, but even as a child when I was feeling “floaty” (what I now know to be dissociative) or like I was watching bad things from outside my body I would pick an object in the room, stare at it and chant the colors of it from greatest to least. I would do that over and over until it was safe to go back into my body. I still don’t know exactly what bad memory that was covering up, though I know some parts of me knows.
its rough, when you don't know the source of where it came from, because i cant identify any specific abuse or trauma in my upbringing, but i do know that i never felt safe. i don't know what else kind of thing could cause different internal states, though. I'll be seeing a trauma specialist about this soon. i need to be able to work so that i can survive, after all.
most 'trauma specialists' DO NOT understand DID. maybe in LA or Seattle or some other large city with educated, more liberally-social minded people. but i promise there are MANY 'specialists' in trauma that will totally invalidate DID, *even* *with* *a* *legitimate* *diagnosis*. i have all but given up on therapy because i can't take another therapist not even getting to know me and invalidating my diagnosis in the first session because it's 'incredibly rare' and i 'probably don't really have that' (actual quotes from a recent therapist). it makes me so sad because i feel i have to figure this out all on my own and it's taking way longer with a lot of trial and error and in turn, is costing me the ability to have any kind of life. i see others living with this and being somewhat or entirely functional and i long to have that for myself... but don't think it's possible for me. it's just really, really sad... but i guess i was never meant to accomplish much anyway. it's sick how an abuser was right only because the damage they caused enabled the fulfillment of their prophecy. i used to be so capable, and motivated, and intelligent... now i'm just... a freakshow.
Thank you Kati
Thank you. Thank you. 🤍