Hurt people, hurt people. Try to recognize the warning signs early (flakiness, send off missions, indecisiveness, etc) and cut it off immediately. If you weed out the bad seeds, you'll find your match. ☺
Honestly I've just been sittin back and letting God work. Every time I seek out a relationship and wear my heart on my sleeve, it's like ppl make it their mission to rip that shit off my arm and step on it...just work on you and the right one will come in when the time is right.
Justin, guard your heart --- don't fall too fast. If the feelings aren't mutual, tell yourself that you deserve a real relationship and move on. You can’t lose what was never meant to be. I learned this the hard way. Feel better boo.
I was always told that I'm too "stand offish", and "nonchalant" I hate getting attached to people, because 9 times out of ten, something is going to happen. People's true color come out, so I avoid getting to know people. I had to cut a person's off for being to clingy. Just pay dust to these folks. And remind yourself, "I lived before I met this person." Just keep reminding yourself that, and you should be fine!
dating is trash nowadays either everyone's looking for a hookup or to find a relationship and when do they get a relationship they don't wanna put in the effort to keep it going..im convinced ppl just love the image of a relationship
jay_rael u summed it up and hit the nail on the head...i was in the latter one...they quickly wanted the relationship but did not do the work and we were long distance at that...ut uh
We always want what we can't have. We are intrigued with the challenge. When it's easy, we get bored. We don't realize that it should be easy, when it's right.
I'm 45. Dating IS trash. People don't want to date. They want to fuck. They want to chill. They want to do what they want with as many people as they want. The thing is, they don't want to be HONEST. It's NOT that people don't know what they want. They know what they DON'T want but they're too SELFISH to tell you the truth. I'm the same way. I wear my heart on my sleeve but to be honest, it's hard to NOT be that person. You have to save some of that for yourself. You're OBVIOUSLY an EMPATH. Live your life and try to enjoy everyday. You're becoming more and more successful everyday. When the time comes, you will find the right person because they'll come to you. I've learned this the hard way. I'm not trying to date. When I get to a certain point in my life, then I'll be open to the idea of a relationship but I don't have time for it right now. Take your time and don't give your energy to the WRONG people.
I can relate so much to this video. It's sad to say, but I've been more happier single than being in relationships. Men just made my life miserable. lol. I haven't given up hope though. I just decided to focus on my goals and will always put myself first. Any man I meet will have to accept that. lol.
The internet and potential access to millions of others makes people think that the pool of finding their "soulmate" is greater than it was in the past. They want instant gratification and to find perfection when they don't bring ANY of that to the table.
Thank you for being vulnerable. I have been in the same place and position. I came to a moment when I literally said "You know what, maybe I'll never be with someone who is truly ready to commit". I was going to adopt some cats and some kids and buy a house and just do me... What changed? Long story short, literally I made a list per this Oprah video I watched where someone wrote a list of 100 things they wanted in a man (be super specific!! Down to the T). I made a list of 131...my current husband who I met a year later was 130 of that 131! Now our first year of marriage was hard (merging lives, moving, changing careers), but we were committed to work hard and now I can't imagine life without him. He is my best friend and love of my life. You have nothing to lose! Try it. Just know, not many people deserve you and for the person who walked away, they just made room for new blessings. It hurts, it's frustrating, not knowing if it will ever happen is torture! Your feelings are real and valid and there is nothing wrong with them. Only 1 person out of all my friends tried making a list of what they want (they weren't serious I guess). If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, why not have what you want? Even 80%? Hang in there..take your time to heal the way you heal. Know your worth. It's not dependent on anyone else, but it's also okay to want love. It's coming. I hate to say be patient, but it's all I know to do. I love your videos so keep it up and keep doing you!
I feel you. It's why I'm so distant and unavailable emotionally at times with most men, because I've been vulnerable and open before and each time I did that it left me broken in ways that no one can fix. It sometimes feels like I'm two or three different people inside in order to protect myself from men and in the process I feel like I'm slowly becoming this emotionally empty person who hurts people by giving them absolutely nothing despite them having given me a part of them. It's going to take a lot of time and work to fortify yourself and to be able to see through people without feeling like you have to be this cold hearted person. And at the same time you'd still want to be the sweetheart that you know you are who is able to care for others and feel like your kindness isn't being taken for granted. I wish I had the answer to this at least but it's a difficult personal journey for you and me both. But I'm hoping that you will find that man who adds to you and doesn't take away from you
29 years old and I can completely relate! I even get a little jealous when 'peculiar' looking people are married. Thank you for expressing your true feelings that are so parallel to mine. My resolution is to write. Write what I desire from my ideal husband to education. I've done this method with other areas of my life and manifestation took full effect. Remember words are powerful therefore you must speak life into existence. And writing is just as powerful.
Baby! This touched my spirit. I just went through a break up on Monday lol. So we in the same boat. But I'm over it. My time has been wasted, my energy has been spent, promises have not been fulfilled and I have let go.
Never show emotions until you know for sure how the other person feels. Always, always protect your heart and never have expectations. If you go into every situation expecting the person to be the one you will continue to have disappointment! If a person knows you're really into him and he's not into you it opens the door for him to have the upper hand.
Justin your emotions are what make you you. I teared up watching this. You are an honest person and it will hurt sometimes but you are authentic. I'm still your huge fan. Huge and a fan ;) x
1. No man is the Answer to your life. He can't fill the holes or cracks or top off the shortcomings. 2. The death of expectations are about as painful as the death of a person. The pain of lost expectations is fucking real. 3. Emotions are really just chemicals. And the chemicals are lying to you. 4. Time really heals all.
Cut yourself some slack Justin; living, loving and caring for someone is a beautiful thing. It is a gift that should be given to someone who is deserving and ready. Dating is a challenge for everyone and it is especially hard when you feel that you have had a connection with someone who ultimately disappoints you. Don't allow the beautiful you to tarnish as a result of other peoples actions. You are allowed to vent and have a moment to validate the way you are truly feeling...once that time has passed...brush your shoulders off, hold your head up high and keep it movin. Much love to you...Raya.
Justin you gotta find away to be attached and detached at the same time with all people bc most folks are ""oppurtunustist, fake, sometimey, etc" .....just gotta protect yourself and your feelings bc its real out here in these streets. #nofucksgiven
Justin. I felt the exact same way after my separation/divorce 3 almost 4 years ago. So I decided to be content being single for a year and a half and got back into dating in 2015, it was HORRIBLE, men nowadays are so ass backwards because people are so easy nowadays that they don't have to be in a relationship, they're getting that no stings attached... So beginning of 2016, I went celibate, and when I tell you, it weeded out the wacks from real, it was so true. I met my now current bf last August, told him straight up how I am and that I was celibate until in a committed relationship and he stuck around, wined and dined, straight QUEEN treatment. Told me straight up he wants a relationship from day 1. Fast FWD to 10 months later, we are still going strong. Don't worry boo, it'll happen. Just be patient and don't settle for NO ONE, you are a KING and should be treated as such!
Being vulnerable is a gift ! You even talking about this is letting the universe know what it is you truly want and your manifesting it ! I know you'll find true love . And it'll be someone who matches your frequency and spirit .
Justin, Dear, you are a hopeless romantic. Nothing wrong with this. You are still young. Keep working on yourself. You will attract the correct element. I am so glad you ask questions. keep asking. truth is, folks who are not ready for the real love that goes the distance, hate questions because it exposes things they want to hide. U are special because u chose not to settle. Many who are in relationship settle. U have a wonderful spirit and keep working on you. Get into a passport, get a travel agent and go see inspiring things. The more you add to your character, the more you expand ur horizons u will quickly weed out bad matches and eventually find that person who will fit u. It wont be perfect but u will be able to find someone who you can evolve with.
It's ok Justin.... as long as you know who you are and you're not settling for less.. also you know your standards and these men need to recognize your worth. You have a great heart and boo these situations are leading you to who God has for you.. WE LOVE YOU ❤️😘
let's have Relationship Wednesday. Hell, apparently we all need each other, or we'd be on another website on this vast information highway, but we are here.
This video makes me feel a lot better. I spent all day depressed about fake friends and failed relationships and I 100% agree with the fact that so many people don't know what they want and end up using you as a time waster and as someone who also lives around Atlanta I also agree that it can be trash and I hate the club scene here and people who just want to smoke all day everyday. It really is hard to find real friends here and I've been depressed on and off for years from being lonely and other personal issues. But to know I'm not alone here makes it hurt a little less and I'm so glad you opened up to us. Thank you Justin.
I get it, meet somebody and the second I start feeling them, they end up being trash, i don't have no advice because I'm trying to figure it out too. I'm in my late 30s and at this point I'm really like okay let me stack these coins so I can pay somebody to wipe my ass when I'm old and alone because I sleep real good when I'm single and that's really starting to be my preference
I love how open you are. You are willing to show your true feelings and I really appreciate it! I can relate to every single word you said!!!! I'm almost 30 and it's crazy how my tolerance level has dwindled down to 0!!! Dating is irritating, and seems to be a waste of time. I wish I didn't care either. The harder I push forward in my career, the more I wish I had someone to share it with!.....but hopefully something good will come along for us!!
This video just made me cry because I feel like I'm in the same boat. Although I'm interested in heterosexual relationships, being a virgin in your mid-twenties who believes in abstinence and no cohabitation until marriage has it challenges. Also, I'm in grad school pursuing a PhD in a predominantly white City at a PWI and I, too, pray that I don't have "things" (degree, etc) and no one to share it with. I'm a spiritual (NOT religious) person and I am open to to all types of Black men (degree, no degree, entrepreneur, etc) as long as their spirit and mind are centered and authentic...but the journey has been a little challenging. I've had two emotional situationships (one in undergrad, one last year that I thought was very promising) but none of those truly manifest to something of substance. Also, when ALL your male homeboys tell you you're mother material but they need to get a few more things out of their system before they feel they're ready for my "caliber" - lol, I don't know how to follow up with that except, "While I can work with someone working on themselves, I will NOT put my heart on layaway until Rico gets ready for me within the next four years." You can't put people's heart on layaway and I wish people didn't feel so comfortable playing with and breaking hearts instead of actual things. Nonetheless, I've huge on positive energy, positive words and positive thoughts, and I truly believe that I am of value and worth the wait so I remain patient with high hope, although I do have my moments like today! Like my mama always tells me, "You only need one!" lol. ...and she's absolutely right! What I have to offer may not be of value to everyone but to ME, what I offer is absolutely special and only someone wanting the value hat I have, will establish his interest and leadership for the long term, consistently always in all ways. I only need one. Stay strong and hopeful Justin, even when the clouds get heavy and as you continue to journey alone, remember to "pack light" (in my Erykah Badu voice). xo.
Oh Justin! Thank you for this honest and vulnerable message. I'm living your truth right now sir. Know that you are not alone in your soft & pink moments
As hard as it may be to hear please don't change. The person for you will love that about you. I'm the same way. I'm in Atlanta too and you're so right about relationships in the city. It's becoming superficial like LA. Write down the qualities that you want in a mate then put the paper away. Next, focus that energy on your work and watch what happens. 😘
ALWAYS be yourself Justin...don't change because the person that's out there for you, deserves the care and love you display. The issue is you can't give that to everyone and you can't give it too soon. Be JUST FRIENDS first. Leave the physical out of it LONG ENOUGH to KNOW they are going to be there long term.
You're not the only one that feels this way. I truly do believe the one will reveal themselves to you. I also believe time will reveal our "type" or who is "meant" for us. All I can say is stay in there. Keep your head up and your mind open.
I am literally feeling the same way right now... If showing feelings is you then it's just you don't change you... however your cut off game can be strong asf until you get what you deserve.
I think it's a stage a lot of people must go through. You have to keep pushing through. Don't let fear stop you from living. life will give you a lot of fillers that lead you to fulfillment.
Caring is a leo problem. But, we don't have time for the bullshit. And, when it's your time, it's your time. Too bad we can't get time back. Go have a cocktail and watch a comedy. I do feel your pain.
I know & understand the feeling completely . I totally hated dating & having to start over. It's challenging but it's part of the process if you want to find a life mate. Don't worry that "one" will come along when you least expect it. Look up you are deserving
About to be vulnerable just like you were thank you btw. I feel just like you Justin, I am 18 (young I know) but it's hard. I don't wanna have sex, I don't wanna smoke weed, I don't wanna party, I wanna sit at home in the dark, goof around and watch Hulu and just talk, TALK. It's so simple but people make it so hard. My friends are like here I am with my suitors having a great time and I can't relate. Then they're like Abena you can't relate because you don't want to… no i can't relate because nobody has shown interest in me or can stimulate my mind. Then I feel like the "less than par" friend because nobody around here likes me. Is it because I'm African, is it because I'm dark skin, is it because I don't have long flowing hair, is it because I'm not twiggy, is it because I'm opinionated like why do I have to change so that I can be approachable? II just want someone who's honest and wants to have genuine fun. I guess that's hard for people to comprehend nowadays but why? You're right it feels like a waste of time and I don't want to keep wasting energy and time "keeping hope alive" or still searching. I'm going to college in August what if I don't find a guy there? And I don't want to put that thought in my mind but time goes by so quick I can blink tomorrow and I'll be 25 doing my graduates degree 💀 it just sucks but something deep down and I mean deep deep down is telling me WE'll be okay hopefully WE'll be happy too, Justin I love you 💛
Justin, it is not going to be okay. Slap yourself and snap out of it. Life is what you make it and you are winning. You may not be winning in all aspects of your life but you are winning in most. Be nonchalant about life and focus on what you want. You are the shit, know it own it and live it.
Patience Justin....And don't give them to much of yourself....or you'll Burn out baby...Just show em' a little and if you feel as though that person is trust worthy then show a little more...Never show all your cards at once...because we have to protect our hearts...you don't give just anyone your whole heart. And I know you have a Big one... But patience...Your Blessing is coming!!
Just hang in there Justin. We all go through it sometimes. There's many a day I feel just like you and I wonder if I'm going to find that special man to fulfill my life...or am I going to wind up as a lonely ol' lady with 20 cats! You a beautiful person and have so much to offer and as I see it they're the ones losing out.
What you are feeling is normal, and I totally understand what u mean when you say "I'm tired". I've had that feeling all week with college, but stay strong and remember who you are. When it happens it'll happen, until then enjoy life. I always say "it's happening so enjoy it." I totally understand the tired feeling though. sometimes it looks like it won't get any better but that's when you really have to push and just focus on what u want and what will make you happy. you deserve happiness❤ I know you've made me laugh plenty of nights I was tired so hope this message will make you feel a bit better.❤
awe Justin you're awesome don't feel intimidated by anyone or anything ever. Look at the position you're in. Do you know how blessed you are. The right person will come along it may be a distraction right now, seems as if great doors are opening for you. I hope you feel better honey
I know how you feel Justin. I wanted to shut all feelings down as well, but on my journey, Im learning how to fall in love with myself and be comfortable by being on my own. Once you get that, you'll focus on more important things like spiritual life, health, family, career, self love etc all of that will come in due time. I do believe that sometimes, you have to change locations. I've heard that ATL is one of the worst places to date.
You are still young, someone worth you while will come along. Until then, don't give up and yes, start at least dating here and there. You are wise and you know your worth so you are really heads above a lot out here. I felt the same as you in my 30's and married someone because I thought love had finally found me. Not!!! I've learned a lot since then. Even though things didn't work out, I've never given up on love and you shouldn't either!
Exactly! I was married for over 10 years and when I got back to dating it just wasn't all everyone made it cracked up to be...😒 I almost was like, "shoulda stayed where I was at" lol #not 😄
Lol my mama told me that once. Her and my dad, married for 25+ years were fighting for a week and I was like, "yall' getting a divorce?" not only did she slap me for saying it, she goes, "you're safer with the devil you know." -_______-
Honey you are everything Wish I could find a strait guy like u U handsome, knowledgeable, seem confident, n u are kept together n know how to look nice
I been single for 2 yrs and u r right. I am fed up with the bs, games, lies, etc. it's best to be happy by yourself. sex is no different, the same positions, time, same dirty talks and all, etc
Justin, you just have to recognize the potential "Waste your timers" early on. There are tale tell signs in the beginning that you might of subconsciously ignored. One of the classic quotes of a wasteyourtimer is "I'm not ready to settle down; we'll see how it goes." That person is now calling the shots. Tell him what you are seeking in the beginning, if he is not seeking the same thing, don't entertain him.
Hey justin! i literally just went though the same thing you did. I let the love of my life go and alot of trash that ive used all of my emotions towards. and you realize we only want to make them better because its a distraction from feeling the same way they feel. Anyway im here for you. I live in new york in Brooklyn in Bushwick . if you need an emotional penpal! let me know . cheers to us for actually moving on because we wont settle we are worth much more
I went thru the same thing when I turned 30. Got someone who said the all the right things and it turned out to be thrash. I pushed that situation all bec' I thought I was off schedule and thought it was time. Enjoy your life and the journey. Besides you seem to have alot of exciting things on your plate right now. Maybe the universe is telling you to make that your main thing right now.
Don't stop being you babe because that's a great quality to enjoy having a connection with someone but be wise and have fun.. I was so focused on a relationship instead of enjoying my personal space. Life is short don't force it and don't become bitter because you have to try a little 😉
This was very honest and open thank you for sharing this...this right here makes you more human to your supporters I think you're so smart extremely handsome with a pure heart please don't allow these fuck boys ruin you continue to pray and ask the universe for your true love and when you least expect it love will find you 🙏🏾🌎❤️ blessings Justin
I AM RAY haaaayyyyyy my love!!! 😍😂 I love Justin Jay I hate he's going through this I hate that anyone goes through this they always say when you least expect it love finds you so we just gotta pray that God blesses us with our soulmates I love this channel and Adrian girl they be going awf!! 😂👏🏾
Justin you are very attractive. Most important confidence is appealing to anyone! If someone is intimidated by you , they aren't your type to begin with. You need someone that will build you up and build with you. Someone that is strong minded, attractive, but someone that can teach you things. It's hard when your always the one everyone looks up too, that's a lot on ones shoulders in a relationship!
Hi Justin, I have some advice for you and I hope you consider what I'm saying... I don't know you and I'm a 41 year old woman, so I've had my fair share of bad romances with men.. However, what I learned in my 20's and I give the same advice to my children... When your in your 20's, I don't feel you should be trying to get into a real solid relationship... People are very immature in their 20's and they truly do not know what they want... and it's not a bad thing... while your going thru your 20's, in my opinion, you should be focused on your education and career... Now, that is easier said then done, but are you really trying to settle down when you really don't have alot to bring to the table?? Just because you have your own place and a car and money in your bank account, does not make you ready to committ... The reason why I say this, is your still growing into the man that your destined to be... The reason your not meeting the right men is because your not truly ready yourself... Not saying that when you get to 30, everything just clicks in place, but people really start to mature and the things you were looking for in your 20's, will not be the same things you are looking for when you hit 30 or 40... Your going to have to kiss lots of ugly toads before you meet your prince charming... What your feeling now, will make you a stronger, matured person and it will help you weed out the bad people that are not meant for you... Keep working on Justin and making him successful... Luv and commitment will find you when you least expect it... Just a side note, what your looking for may not be in ATL... You don't know where your life is going to take you... So just keep going and put your career and your true friendships first... The man your looking for will see you shining and winning a mile away... I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me, but it's just my opinion... kisses, Jadiey!!!
I can relate so much to this video! At this point I would rather be single then to be dating someone. I am happier being single, I do not have time for for the fuck shit. I am more worried about finishing college and getting started in my career. I don't have the time or energy to be playing with people I need people to know what they want right off the bat. Again, great video and Thank you so much Justin for being honest and vulnerable with us.
It's a mindset Justin. When you go on a date, don't expect it to turn into a relationship. Sometimes its nice to go out for the sake of going out. You getting irritated bc they don't want to be in a relationship. Hell, maybe they're scared too. Maybe they think the moment they're taken, something better will come along and they won't be available. Dating is complicated like that.
You are feeling this way because you are turning 30. When you turn 40, you will not care. People will either fit into your world or they will not. And you will have established the friendships that match who you are. Continue to focus on yourself and get to know yourself and you will then attract the person that fits with you naturally.
I've been through it many times. Sometimes we expect people to be more than what they are. If someone shows you their all for themselves or they are not willing to compromise Believe them the first time!
I understand exactly. There is no problem with you. I have been single for a year from a person I was dating for 2 years. I thought I was going to marry this man, but he ended up treating me horribly and wasting my time. After like 5 months of us being apart, he was in another "relationship" and I was still grieving from him. What I realized is I had to move on with my life and gain securities within myself before I EVER put myself in such a commitment again. Alot of people aint shit, but there are also alot of others that feel the same way as we do. For me, I have to make sure I'm secure with my life so that when I decide to bring someone in my life like that again, they will be a bonus to it, not just an addition. 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Stay who you are Justin...and don't give all of you to soon i.e. Talking on the phone for hours...letting them know how you feel about them...let them work for all of that. When they show you who they are in the first couple of months believe them ...good or bad believe them....if it's bad don't tarry too long...on to the next!
As I single man I have a good time dating especially spending someone else's money the free food and drinks i can't get enough but love will come whenever God see it for me just keep doing you Justin
I subscribed to your channel and I love you. Keep your faith and be strong. God is keeping that trash out your life so he can Bless you. Keep staying true to yourself and your endeavors in pursuing in your goals. Trust in God and lean on his understanding and not our own. Keep doing you and I love everything about you keep your head up
I use to be where you are, but I'm old and older now and having relationships are not important. I thought I would be old and feeling lonely when I was younger, but I'm not at all now. Hopefully a good person will come into your world that will sincerely connect with you eventually.
OMG Justin!!!!! I am going to be 30 on Aug 13 of 2017 too!!! It's hard to create new relationships nowadays especially with social media and where society is today. I feel exactly where you are coming from on not being able to connect with people and have those friends that just understand you guys are not on the same level.
Hurt people, hurt people. Try to recognize the warning signs early (flakiness, send off missions, indecisiveness, etc) and cut it off immediately. If you weed out the bad seeds, you'll find your match. ☺
Honestly I've just been sittin back and letting God work. Every time I seek out a relationship and wear my heart on my sleeve, it's like ppl make it their mission to rip that shit off my arm and step on it...just work on you and the right one will come in when the time is right.
Thanks for your vulnerability Justin. Beautiful and honest video.
Justin, guard your heart --- don't fall too fast. If the feelings aren't mutual, tell yourself that you deserve a real relationship and move on. You can’t lose what was never meant to be. I learned this the hard way. Feel better boo.
I was always told that I'm too "stand offish", and "nonchalant" I hate getting attached to people, because 9 times out of ten, something is going to happen. People's true color come out, so I avoid getting to know people. I had to cut a person's off for being to clingy. Just pay dust to these folks. And remind yourself, "I lived before I met this person." Just keep reminding yourself that, and you should be fine!
dating is trash nowadays either everyone's looking for a hookup or to find a relationship and when do they get a relationship they don't wanna put in the effort to keep it going..im convinced ppl just love the image of a relationship
jay_rael u summed it up and hit the nail on the head...i was in the latter one...they quickly wanted the relationship but did not do the work and we were long distance at that...ut uh
You're not wasting your time. You're learning the right lesson and know you'll know for the next time all the signs for "Stop Wasting my time."
Those kind of people are lonely. Stay who you are, loving, caring, it's Beautiful!
We always want what we can't have. We are intrigued with the challenge. When it's easy, we get bored. We don't realize that it should be easy, when it's right.
I'm 45. Dating IS trash. People don't want to date. They want to fuck. They want to chill. They want to do what they want with as many people as they want. The thing is, they don't want to be HONEST.
It's NOT that people don't know what they want. They know what they DON'T want but they're too SELFISH to tell you the truth.
I'm the same way. I wear my heart on my sleeve but to be honest, it's hard to NOT be that person. You have to save some of that for yourself.
You're OBVIOUSLY an EMPATH.
Live your life and try to enjoy everyday. You're becoming more and more successful everyday. When the time comes, you will find the right person because they'll come to you.
I've learned this the hard way. I'm not trying to date. When I get to a certain point in my life, then I'll be open to the idea of a relationship but I don't have time for it right now.
Take your time and don't give your energy to the WRONG people.
I can relate so much to this video. It's sad to say, but I've been more happier single than being in relationships. Men just made my life miserable. lol. I haven't given up hope though. I just decided to focus on my goals and will always put myself first. Any man I meet will have to accept that. lol.
I can relate just date have fun and stop trying to fall in love then before you know it it will happen for you
NIECY MAJOR True
Michael D. Williams III yes indeed
Very True.....and that is truly the key!!!!!!!!*
The internet and potential access to millions of others makes people think that the pool of finding their "soulmate" is greater than it was in the past. They want instant gratification and to find perfection when they don't bring ANY of that to the table.
Thank you for being vulnerable. I have been in the same place and position. I came to a moment when I literally said "You know what, maybe I'll never be with someone who is truly ready to commit". I was going to adopt some cats and some kids and buy a house and just do me...
What changed?
Long story short, literally I made a list per this Oprah video I watched where someone wrote a list of 100 things they wanted in a man (be super specific!! Down to the T). I made a list of 131...my current husband who I met a year later was 130 of that 131!
Now our first year of marriage was hard (merging lives, moving, changing careers), but we were committed to work hard and now I can't imagine life without him. He is my best friend and love of my life.
You have nothing to lose! Try it. Just know, not many people deserve you and for the person who walked away, they just made room for new blessings. It hurts, it's frustrating, not knowing if it will ever happen is torture! Your feelings are real and valid and there is nothing wrong with them. Only 1 person out of all my friends tried making a list of what they want (they weren't serious I guess). If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, why not have what you want? Even 80%?
Hang in there..take your time to heal the way you heal. Know your worth. It's not dependent on anyone else, but it's also okay to want love. It's coming. I hate to say be patient, but it's all I know to do. I love your videos so keep it up and keep doing you!
And if you don't make the list, then girl bye! LOL. JK. Just try it! Have a cry, a sip of wine and get to writing!
"I kinda dragged him a lil bit... So we're in a good space" 😂😂
I feel you. It's why I'm so distant and unavailable emotionally at times with most men, because I've been vulnerable and open before and each time I did that it left me broken in ways that no one can fix. It sometimes feels like I'm two or three different people inside in order to protect myself from men and in the process I feel like I'm slowly becoming this emotionally empty person who hurts people by giving them absolutely nothing despite them having given me a part of them. It's going to take a lot of time and work to fortify yourself and to be able to see through people without feeling like you have to be this cold hearted person. And at the same time you'd still want to be the sweetheart that you know you are who is able to care for others and feel like your kindness isn't being taken for granted. I wish I had the answer to this at least but it's a difficult personal journey for you and me both. But I'm hoping that you will find that man who adds to you and doesn't take away from you
29 years old and I can completely relate! I even get a little jealous when 'peculiar' looking people are married. Thank you for expressing your true feelings that are so parallel to mine.
My resolution is to write. Write what I desire from my ideal husband to education. I've done this method with other areas of my life and manifestation took full effect. Remember words are powerful therefore you must speak life into existence. And writing is just as powerful.
Baby! This touched my spirit. I just went through a break up on Monday lol. So we in the same boat. But I'm over it. My time has been wasted, my energy has been spent, promises have not been fulfilled and I have let go.
Never show emotions until you know for sure how the other person feels. Always, always protect your heart and never have expectations. If you go into every situation expecting the person to be the one you will continue to have disappointment! If a person knows you're really into him and he's not into you it opens the door for him to have the upper hand.
"Want everything that comes with a relationship, but doesn't want a relationship" this is dating in 2017
Literally feeling the same way 🙄😒
je'lyn herring Girl Same Here!!!
Justin your emotions are what make you you. I teared up watching this. You are an honest person and it will hurt sometimes but you are authentic. I'm still your huge fan. Huge and a fan ;) x
1. No man is the Answer to your life. He can't fill the holes or cracks or top off the shortcomings. 2. The death of expectations are about as painful as the death of a person. The pain of lost expectations is fucking real. 3. Emotions are really just chemicals. And the chemicals are lying to you. 4. Time really heals all.
Mata Lizari I love this 🙏
Cut yourself some slack Justin; living, loving and caring for someone is a beautiful thing. It is a gift that should be given to someone who is deserving and ready. Dating is a challenge for everyone and it is especially hard when you feel that you have had a connection with someone who ultimately disappoints you. Don't allow the beautiful you to tarnish as a result of other peoples actions. You are allowed to vent and have a moment to validate the way you are truly feeling...once that time has passed...brush your shoulders off, hold your head up high and keep it movin. Much love to you...Raya.
yes it is very very draining
I'm doing a King of Reads marathon this Sunday and I'm lovin' it.
Justin you gotta find away to be attached and detached at the same time with all people bc most folks are ""oppurtunustist, fake, sometimey, etc" .....just gotta protect yourself and your feelings bc its real out here in these streets. #nofucksgiven
iamtinika anybody that says JustinJ1232 king of reads don't keep it 💯 either a hater or needs to see this video fr
iamtinika well said!
Justin. I felt the exact same way after my separation/divorce 3 almost 4 years ago. So I decided to be content being single for a year and a half and got back into dating in 2015, it was HORRIBLE, men nowadays are so ass backwards because people are so easy nowadays that they don't have to be in a relationship, they're getting that no stings attached... So beginning of 2016, I went celibate, and when I tell you, it weeded out the wacks from real, it was so true. I met my now current bf last August, told him straight up how I am and that I was celibate until in a committed relationship and he stuck around, wined and dined, straight QUEEN treatment. Told me straight up he wants a relationship from day 1. Fast FWD to 10 months later, we are still going strong. Don't worry boo, it'll happen. Just be patient and don't settle for NO ONE, you are a KING and should be treated as such!
I understand where you coming from about dating it's so hard
Being vulnerable is a gift ! You even talking about this is letting the universe know what it is you truly want and your manifesting it ! I know you'll find true love . And it'll be someone who matches your frequency and spirit .
Justin, Dear, you are a hopeless romantic. Nothing wrong with this. You are still young. Keep working on yourself. You will attract the correct element. I am so glad you ask questions. keep asking. truth is, folks who are not ready for the real love that goes the distance, hate questions because it exposes things they want to hide. U are special because u chose not to settle. Many who are in relationship settle. U have a wonderful spirit and keep working on you. Get into a passport, get a travel agent and go see inspiring things. The more you add to your character, the more you expand ur horizons u will quickly weed out bad matches and eventually find that person who will fit u. It wont be perfect but u will be able to find someone who you can evolve with.
It's ok Justin.... as long as you know who you are and you're not settling for less.. also you know your standards and these men need to recognize your worth. You have a great heart and boo these situations are leading you to who God has for you.. WE LOVE YOU ❤️😘
praying for you to find peace in your personal relationships.
Dating is 2017 is so trash, Justin. I'm 20 years old & I just don't do it. People in this generation don't know how to really date.
This really is authentic af
let's have Relationship Wednesday. Hell, apparently we all need each other, or we'd be on another website on this vast information highway, but we are here.
p gm I agree ☝🏾 with you
Justin you saying what some people feel but scare to be alone so they with that person.
Your emotions and situations is called DATING; it is the process
2017 "Not Ready For A Relationship" Has Been The Fuckery Of All Fuckery...
Nicole Vonn girl I cut a fool off after he said this BS..Nope we r not friends either 😂
@Shayla Nicole ... The Fuckery Of All Fuckery & then some !!!
This video makes me feel a lot better.
I spent all day depressed about fake friends and failed relationships and I 100% agree with the fact that so many people don't know what they want and end up using you as a time waster and as someone who also lives around Atlanta I also agree that it can be trash and I hate the club scene here and people who just want to smoke all day everyday. It really is hard to find real friends here and I've been depressed on and off for years from being lonely and other personal issues. But to know I'm not alone here makes it hurt a little less and I'm so glad you opened up to us. Thank you Justin.
I love this video. This is probably my 5th time watching it. I relate to what you are saying, Justin. 💛🙌🏾
I get it, meet somebody and the second I start feeling them, they end up being trash, i don't have no advice because I'm trying to figure it out too. I'm in my late 30s and at this point I'm really like okay let me stack these coins so I can pay somebody to wipe my ass when I'm old and alone because I sleep real good when I'm single and that's really starting to be my preference
I love how open you are. You are willing to show your true feelings and I really appreciate it! I can relate to every single word you said!!!! I'm almost 30 and it's crazy how my tolerance level has dwindled down to 0!!! Dating is irritating, and seems to be a waste of time. I wish I didn't care either. The harder I push forward in my career, the more I wish I had someone to share it with!.....but hopefully something good will come along for us!!
This video just made me cry because I feel like I'm in the same boat. Although I'm interested in heterosexual relationships, being a virgin in your mid-twenties who believes in abstinence and no cohabitation until marriage has it challenges. Also, I'm in grad school pursuing a PhD in a predominantly white City at a PWI and I, too, pray that I don't have "things" (degree, etc) and no one to share it with. I'm a spiritual (NOT religious) person and I am open to to all types of Black men (degree, no degree, entrepreneur, etc) as long as their spirit and mind are centered and authentic...but the journey has been a little challenging. I've had two emotional situationships (one in undergrad, one last year that I thought was very promising) but none of those truly manifest to something of substance. Also, when ALL your male homeboys tell you you're mother material but they need to get a few more things out of their system before they feel they're ready for my "caliber" - lol, I don't know how to follow up with that except, "While I can work with someone working on themselves, I will NOT put my heart on layaway until Rico gets ready for me within the next four years." You can't put people's heart on layaway and I wish people didn't feel so comfortable playing with and breaking hearts instead of actual things. Nonetheless, I've huge on positive energy, positive words and positive thoughts, and I truly believe that I am of value and worth the wait so I remain patient with high hope, although I do have my moments like today! Like my mama always tells me, "You only need one!" lol. ...and she's absolutely right! What I have to offer may not be of value to everyone but to ME, what I offer is absolutely special and only someone wanting the value hat I have, will establish his interest and leadership for the long term, consistently always in all ways. I only need one. Stay strong and hopeful Justin, even when the clouds get heavy and as you continue to journey alone, remember to "pack light" (in my Erykah Badu voice).
xo.
Oh Justin! Thank you for this honest and vulnerable message. I'm living your truth right now sir. Know that you are not alone in your soft & pink moments
As hard as it may be to hear please don't change. The person for you will love that about you. I'm the same way. I'm in Atlanta too and you're so right about relationships in the city. It's becoming superficial like LA. Write down the qualities that you want in a mate then put the paper away. Next, focus that energy on your work and watch what happens. 😘
I appreciate your vulnerability, you are a very strong person for showcasing this to the world. Thank you.
ALWAYS be yourself Justin...don't change because the person that's out there for you, deserves the care and love you display. The issue is you can't give that to everyone and you can't give it too soon. Be JUST FRIENDS first. Leave the physical out of it LONG ENOUGH to KNOW they are going to be there long term.
You're not the only one that feels this way. I truly do believe the one will reveal themselves to you. I also believe time will reveal our "type" or who is "meant" for us. All I can say is stay in there. Keep your head up and your mind open.
It's like these days in relationships whoever gives the less fucks has the upper hand.. it sucks but it's true
Sis, you ain't never lied!!! That puts me at the bottom of the totem pole.
I guess we gotta lean to be heartless.
1mez1978 Girl u hit the Nail on the Head. But how Sad that is.. I can't turn my emotions off. I've tried!
Jackie Taylor I can't seem to turn mine off either 🙄
1mez1978 #thatpart
I am literally feeling the same way right now... If showing feelings is you then it's just you don't change you... however your cut off game can be strong asf until you get what you deserve.
Vulnerability is really strength. Be encouraged Justin.
I think it's a stage a lot of people must go through. You have to keep pushing through. Don't let fear stop you from living. life will give you a lot of fillers that lead you to fulfillment.
Im over it. Letting God control all that dating. I dont. need the added damn stress. lol
I can totally relate...I've been single for a minute now too. I say forget relationships...just let things flow and see where it goes!
Caring is a leo problem. But, we don't have time for the bullshit. And, when it's your time, it's your time. Too bad we can't get time back. Go have a cocktail and watch a comedy. I do feel your pain.
I know & understand the feeling completely . I totally hated dating & having to start over. It's challenging but it's part of the process if you want to find a life mate. Don't worry that "one" will come along when you least expect it. Look up you are deserving
About to be vulnerable just like you were thank you btw. I feel just like you Justin, I am 18 (young I know) but it's hard. I don't wanna have sex, I don't wanna smoke weed, I don't wanna party, I wanna sit at home in the dark, goof around and watch Hulu and just talk, TALK. It's so simple but people make it so hard. My friends are like here I am with my suitors having a great time and I can't relate. Then they're like Abena you can't relate because you don't want to… no i can't relate because nobody has shown interest in me or can stimulate my mind. Then I feel like the "less than par" friend because nobody around here likes me. Is it because I'm African, is it because I'm dark skin, is it because I don't have long flowing hair, is it because I'm not twiggy, is it because I'm opinionated like why do I have to change so that I can be approachable? II just want someone who's honest and wants to have genuine fun. I guess that's hard for people to comprehend nowadays but why? You're right it feels like a waste of time and I don't want to keep wasting energy and time "keeping hope alive" or still searching. I'm going to college in August what if I don't find a guy there? And I don't want to put that thought in my mind but time goes by so quick I can blink tomorrow and I'll be 25 doing my graduates degree 💀 it just sucks but something deep down and I mean deep deep down is telling me WE'll be okay hopefully WE'll be happy too, Justin I love you 💛
Try being single for 9 years. YES 9 YEARS!!!!! I've been single since my freshman year of high school. 😔 I don't know if it's me or the guys.
Kiana Mae you are gorgeous
Asia Nelson Thanks 😁
I know you posted this a long time ago but I'm just now finding it and wil say I feel the exact.same.way.
"I'm tired of getting to know people..dating is trash! 😂😂
Justin, it is not going to be okay. Slap yourself and snap out of it. Life is what you make it and you are winning. You may not be winning in all aspects of your life but you are winning in most. Be nonchalant about life and focus on what you want. You are the shit, know it own it and live it.
Patience Justin....And don't give them to much of yourself....or you'll Burn out baby...Just show em' a little and if you feel as though that person is trust worthy then show a little more...Never show all your cards at once...because we have to protect our hearts...you don't give just anyone your whole heart. And I know you have a Big one... But patience...Your Blessing is coming!!
Just hang in there Justin. We all go through it sometimes. There's many a day I feel just like you and I wonder if I'm going to find that special man to fulfill my life...or am I going to wind up as a lonely ol' lady with 20 cats! You a beautiful person and have so much to offer and as I see it they're the ones losing out.
What you are feeling is normal, and I totally understand what u mean when you say "I'm tired". I've had that feeling all week with college, but stay strong and remember who you are. When it happens it'll happen, until then enjoy life. I always say "it's happening so enjoy it." I totally understand the tired feeling though. sometimes it looks like it won't get any better but that's when you really have to push and just focus on what u want and what will make you happy. you deserve happiness❤ I know you've made me laugh plenty of nights I was tired so hope this message will make you feel a bit better.❤
awe Justin you're awesome don't feel intimidated by anyone or anything ever. Look at the position you're in. Do you know how blessed you are. The right person will come along it may be a distraction right now, seems as if great doors are opening for you. I hope you feel better honey
I know how you feel Justin. I wanted to shut all feelings down as well, but on my journey, Im learning how to fall in love with myself and be comfortable by being on my own. Once you get that, you'll focus on more important things like spiritual life, health, family, career, self love etc all of that will come in due time. I do believe that sometimes, you have to change locations. I've heard that ATL is one of the worst places to date.
You are still young, someone worth you while will come along. Until then, don't give up and yes, start at least dating here and there. You are wise and you know your worth so you are really heads above a lot out here. I felt the same as you in my 30's and married someone because I thought love had finally found me. Not!!! I've learned a lot since then. Even though things didn't work out, I've never given up on love and you shouldn't either!
Its not ur location. I'm ALL the way in Oklahoma and they ain't shit here either!
charmian baldwin new York #trash
chelseacc c say that again!!!!
charmian baldwin Dallas #TeamTrash 🗑
Chicago...also #trash
Girl, the Poconos #ruraltrash
#datingisttrash2017 👍👌😄☺
Exactly! I was married for over 10 years and when I got back to dating it just wasn't all everyone made it cracked up to be...😒 I almost was like, "shoulda stayed where I was at" lol #not 😄
Latrice Johnson so freaking true!
Lol my mama told me that once. Her and my dad, married for 25+ years were fighting for a week and I was like, "yall' getting a divorce?" not only did she slap me for saying it, she goes, "you're safer with the devil you know." -_______-
North West's Baby Hairs when I say let the church say amen!!! Sad but true
Y Sims truth spoken!
Honey you are everything
Wish I could find a strait guy like u
U handsome, knowledgeable, seem confident, n u are kept together n know how to look nice
I been single for 2 yrs and u r right. I am fed up with the bs, games, lies, etc. it's best to be happy by yourself. sex is no different, the same positions, time, same dirty talks and all, etc
Justin, you just have to recognize the potential "Waste your timers" early on. There are tale tell signs in the beginning that you might of subconsciously ignored. One of the classic quotes of a wasteyourtimer is "I'm not ready to settle down; we'll see how it goes." That person is now calling the shots. Tell him what you are seeking in the beginning, if he is not seeking the same thing, don't entertain him.
Hey justin! i literally just went though the same thing you did.
I let the love of my life go and alot of trash that ive used all of my emotions towards. and you realize we only want to make them better because its a distraction from feeling the same way they feel. Anyway im here for you. I live in new york in Brooklyn in Bushwick
. if you need an emotional penpal! let me know
. cheers to us for actually moving on because we wont settle we are worth much more
Keep your head up Justin and thank God he's taking all of those ppl who aren't for you out of your life
I went thru the same thing when I turned 30. Got someone who said the all the right things and it turned out to be thrash. I pushed that situation all bec' I thought I was off schedule and thought it was time. Enjoy your life and the journey. Besides you seem to have alot of exciting things on your plate right now. Maybe the universe is telling you to make that your main thing right now.
me too...Justin J...I so agree with you...I got tired of ups and downs....playing house...I hate wearing mine on my sleeves
Don't stop being you babe because that's a great quality to enjoy having a connection with someone but be wise and have fun.. I was so focused on a relationship instead of enjoying my personal space. Life is short don't force it and don't become bitter because you have to try a little 😉
This was very honest and open thank you for sharing this...this right here makes you more human to your supporters I think you're so smart extremely handsome with a pure heart please don't allow these fuck boys ruin you continue to pray and ask the universe for your true love and when you least expect it love will find you 🙏🏾🌎❤️ blessings Justin
Scrolling through the comments and who I see #MyTH-camSister, I definitely understands where is coming from I have been there, it just a process
I AM RAY haaaayyyyyy my love!!! 😍😂 I love Justin Jay I hate he's going through this I hate that anyone goes through this they always say when you least expect it love finds you so we just gotta pray that God blesses us with our soulmates I love this channel and Adrian girl they be going awf!! 😂👏🏾
Justin you are very attractive. Most important confidence is appealing to anyone! If someone is intimidated by you , they aren't your type to begin with. You need someone that will build you up and build with you. Someone that is strong minded, attractive, but someone that can teach you things. It's hard when your always the one everyone looks up too, that's a lot on ones shoulders in a relationship!
Fr getting to know people is so draining and takes so much energy out of u espically when in the end it was a waste of time
I wish I was there with u...your spirit is so beautiful...and that's their loss. I really understand what u mean..keep your head up.
I feel the same way. I have been single for 5 years now. Focus on u now. Work on just being Justin. We luv you boo!😉
Hi Justin, I have some advice for you and I hope you consider what I'm saying... I don't know you and I'm a 41 year old woman, so I've had my fair share of bad romances with men.. However, what I learned in my 20's and I give the same advice to my children... When your in your 20's, I don't feel you should be trying to get into a real solid relationship... People are very immature in their 20's and they truly do not know what they want... and it's not a bad thing... while your going thru your 20's, in my opinion, you should be focused on your education and career... Now, that is easier said then done, but are you really trying to settle down when you really don't have alot to bring to the table?? Just because you have your own place and a car and money in your bank account, does not make you ready to committ... The reason why I say this, is your still growing into the man that your destined to be... The reason your not meeting the right men is because your not truly ready yourself... Not saying that when you get to 30, everything just clicks in place, but people really start to mature and the things you were looking for in your 20's, will not be the same things you are looking for when you hit 30 or 40... Your going to have to kiss lots of ugly toads before you meet your prince charming... What your feeling now, will make you a stronger, matured person and it will help you weed out the bad people that are not meant for you... Keep working on Justin and making him successful... Luv and commitment will find you when you least expect it... Just a side note, what your looking for may not be in ATL... You don't know where your life is going to take you... So just keep going and put your career and your true friendships first... The man your looking for will see you shining and winning a mile away... I'm sure lots of people will disagree with me, but it's just my opinion... kisses, Jadiey!!!
I can relate so much to this video! At this point I would rather be single then to be dating someone. I am happier being single, I do not have time for for the fuck shit. I am more worried about finishing college and getting started in my career. I don't have the time or energy to be playing with people I need people to know what they want right off the bat. Again, great video and Thank you so much Justin for being honest and vulnerable with us.
I feel you 1000% I'm so over the BS myself. I'm in the same place and space you're in.
It's a mindset Justin. When you go on a date, don't expect it to turn into a relationship. Sometimes its nice to go out for the sake of going out. You getting irritated bc they don't want to be in a relationship. Hell, maybe they're scared too. Maybe they think the moment they're taken, something better will come along and they won't be available. Dating is complicated like that.
You are feeling this way because you are turning 30. When you turn 40, you will not care. People will either fit into your world or they will not. And you will have established the friendships that match who you are. Continue to focus on yourself and get to know yourself and you will then attract the person that fits with you naturally.
You are a mirror of me... it's so hard to find "real love"!!!
I've been through it many times. Sometimes we expect people to be more than what they are. If someone shows you their all for themselves or they are not willing to compromise Believe them the first time!
I understand exactly. There is no problem with you. I have been single for a year from a person I was dating for 2 years. I thought I was going to marry this man, but he ended up treating me horribly and wasting my time. After like 5 months of us being apart, he was in another "relationship" and I was still grieving from him. What I realized is I had to move on with my life and gain securities within myself before I EVER put myself in such a commitment again. Alot of people aint shit, but there are also alot of others that feel the same way as we do. For me, I have to make sure I'm secure with my life so that when I decide to bring someone in my life like that again, they will be a bonus to it, not just an addition. 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
I'm right there with you, I vowed to take a hiatus from dating for the same reasons. I hope things get better for you.
Stay who you are Justin...and don't give all of you to soon i.e. Talking on the phone for hours...letting them know how you feel about them...let them work for all of that. When they show you who they are in the first couple of months believe them ...good or bad believe them....if it's bad don't tarry too long...on to the next!
I feel you Justin, I've been single for years too I don't have time to waste so if you're not for me than keep it moving
Some people aren't ready for a relationship but want the pros and cons that comes along with a relationship
I'm with you Justin. Dating is not the business for me right now either. I need someone on my level mentality and that's that.
As I single man I have a good time dating especially spending someone else's money the free food and drinks i can't get enough but love will come whenever God see it for me just keep doing you Justin
I subscribed to your channel and I love you. Keep your faith and be strong. God is keeping that trash out your life so he can Bless you. Keep staying true to yourself and your endeavors in pursuing in your goals. Trust in God and lean on his understanding and not our own. Keep doing you and I love everything about you keep your head up
I use to be where you are, but I'm old and older now and having relationships are not important. I thought I would be old and feeling lonely when I was younger, but I'm not at all now. Hopefully a good person will come into your world that will sincerely connect with you eventually.
OMG Justin!!!!! I am going to be 30 on Aug 13 of 2017 too!!! It's hard to create new relationships nowadays especially with social media and where society is today. I feel exactly where you are coming from on not being able to connect with people and have those friends that just understand you guys are not on the same level.