I'm so sick and tired of mean, nasty, unhappy people. I work hard, I do a good job, I mind my own business, I try my best to earn the company money, I respect my boss, I try my best to be pleasant and nice all day, and I try to help out my co-workers. And even still, they treat me as though I'm no good at my job and they try their hardest to make me look bad. I'm seriously over it. Why can't people just be normal and nice??
I agree it would be amazing to work in companies where everyone was nice, respectful, pleasant etc. The leaders have the biggest influence on the culture of the company and who works in the company so over to them...
Because they are not "you" that's why. To survive in any workplace, you should be a sheep AND A LION. A FOX in a forest. You should learn cleverness. Being clever means you can be nice, but witty and outsmart your opponents.
@@darkvalue505 For sure... every day. Calling them out when they lie, calling them out when they talk trash about people, calling them out when they are playing games. It's as though they are socially and mentally stunted.
I'm just gonna look for a new job. the manager doesn't even response to my evidence or the situation that's happening around me. I work better than the person who undermines me and i'm new to the job and he's work there for years.
It is pretty tough being in this situation. If your manager doesn't respond at all to your evidence, then you can go higher up the management chain, go to HR or leave. If you can easily get another job, why wouldn't you. Take your talents to somewhere that appreciates them a lot more.
Good management will care and will tackle poor managers or managers not doing their job. Ignoring the problem will negatively impact their jobs over time. It is in everyone's interests to have good and fair managers in the business.
@@Enhancetraining coach I encounter such things. I am new to my current job. My supervisor sees me as a rude figure and to myself i have never shown rudeness act. I just come on time do my work better than required and leave. It was the other day when he reported me to the manager saying that I am rude to him. I am not talkative i just like being quiete and not talking to people at office. Can that be my problem of why i can be a rude?
I decided this morning that I’m going to document everything. These people think they can push me around so I guess I’m going to show them what happens when good people get pushed too far. These people are doing majority of everything you’ve listed and I had hoped people would see the truth for what it is but nope, I’m done. Already on top of my reaction towards the bullying and exclusion.
It sounds like you are in a pretty tough situations which is never nice to hear. I am glad you are documenting everything - it will definitely help you. If there is anything I can do to help drop me a line - details on our website.
A new job will have the same problem. I will stay in the current job and learn how to combat these issues, lest your new job will have the same problem. As a matter of fact, most jobs will have these problems. You're dealing with people, period.
@darkvalue505 - great comments. There will always be people that think undermining others will make themselves feel better. Much better to learn how to stop this behaviour. There are some working cultures that are purely toxic. Best to leave these. Changing one person's behaviour is possible. Changing a culture is not (unless you are the leader).
Because most people who want to be managers and executives have toxic personalities which filters down to their subordinates... if people want to stay at any job for extending periods of time they have to fit the culture and if that culture is toxic they have to become toxic to survive. Sometimes when you meet people outside of work they are very pleasant but when they are in the office they are a walking nightmare. Corporate environment really turns people into monsters.
I am sure true in some companies. I have worked in many amazing compaies with very supportive cultures ... the managers were nice people and behave that way at work too. I have also been in few sink or swim cultures...
Remember that your job is a battle. Everyone wants the same goal. To be promoted, to get a raise, recognition, etc. And there are MORE SNAKES, VIPERS, AND RATS at a workplace than butterflies and ladybugs. In other words, at your workplace, there are less friends than enemies and backstabbers. So, always be aware that conflict will come your way. Never be in your comfort zone.
I agree the workplace is very competitive and many people try to get ahead through underhand tatics. Knowing how to deal with these people is super useful!
Im in this situation now. I have staff undermining me, because they think they can do the job better. They only see the top portion of the job but not the admin portion. That's a nightmare on its on. Its hard when you fall short of not getting mgt training, webinars, etc. None! How would you notice these undermining situations without videos like this to teach you. Thank you enhance training for these wonderful videos.
Your situation is common. Far too few managers are given any or enough training and boss's are often too busy or lack the skills to teach these skills quickly enough. I very much hope you are able to address the undermining behaviour in your team. Two approaches to think about - being open with your team about the portion of your job they don't see and revisiting expectations on behaviour. J
It was said to take it to HR…They exist to keep the company safe from lawsuits, NOT to help the individual employee. NEVER go to HR. Start looking for another job.
HR very much protects the company first. Approached in the right way and with the right support already behind you, they can be a very useful ally. I would recommend getting support within management before speaking to HR. Getting another job is always an option. I would always suggest you do what is best for you personally in your situation. J
I would disagree. You don't need them to admit they are undermining you (which I think would be rare) - you do need to demonstrate they are using behaviours and tactics with the aim of undermining you. By demonstrating their behaviours, getting allies - your manager and other in positions of authority plus HR is much more likely. Increasing the pressure against the person undermining you is the most effective way of getting them to stop in my view.
They want to undermine you??? Give them a show!!!!! That's exactly what I am doing!!! I don't give a damn anymore!!!! I am becoming better at my job and they hate it!!!!! I am giving them a show and not even paying them no mind anymore. When you Ignore and keep growing, they won't have a choice but to leave you at some point. I am 5 months in at my new jobs, nurses that are been in the field for a while want to undermine and make fun of me!!!!! I am going to take every bit of training from that organization for 2 years then get the hell out and make myself valuable somewhere else but not without giving them a show!!! They are the one who is going to look stupid in the end. It' is all coming from insecurities, and I have decided that I will not suffer at the expenses of someone else low self-esteem. They need to deal with themselves.
@larosenoirek2197 Doing a great job or doing an even better job than you are currently is a great way to respond to undermining. Don't forget to communicate the great job you are doing to those you need to. Love your comment.
I am so happy to come across this channel. What you describe sounds exactly like what I have been going through. I found that focusing on my work, and pursuing excellence for long enough, will eventually expose the underminer. Eventually, your true character shines through. You may even eventually earn the respect of the underminer.
I agree focusing on the work is better but these kinds of undermining behaviors really hurt the motivation and my self confidence. I start questioning myself, make more mistakes consequently..
Just focusing on doing a great job on its own is not often enough. You doing better work may be the reason they are trying to undermine you. Better to take more proactive action. J
Some really great tips there, especially the ones about maintaining or improving your standards at work and marketing yourself within the business. 💯 It is a difficult situation, but also a learning opportunity. Thank you for your insightful and practical video. 🙏
I have a colleague who is in the same level as me, however I have to work on some projects along with him and he keeps correcting me on everything I do.. he keeps telling me I am wrong or I have poor soft skills, however I have received good feedback from other senior colleagues. He keeps nagging and correcting me all the time. Please suggest how to tell him to stop doing that without being rude or unprofessional.
This does not sound like a nice situation to be in. If his comments are general you could respond by asking clarification questions with a neutral tone of voice. E.g ‘You are not doing this right!’ you could respond ‘What exactly am I not doing right and how exactly should I be doing it?’ Pushing for a more detailed explanation helps make the feedback useful - or as often happens - stops the general negative comments being made altogether. Another approach might be in private asking what are you doing to make him feel threatened… or ask "I am confused - you keep making negative comments, yet others are give very positive feedback - I don't understand where you are coming from - please can you explain?" Or use a similar style of statement and question. This works well for those who use bullying or put down tactics.
@@Enhancetraining I tried doing both methods but it didn't resolve anything, it actually amplified their undermining behaviour I'm thinking of changing my role or quitting
If confronting the person is making the situation worse, other than moving jobs, you could gather examples and evidience and take it to your manager and/or HR. The behaviour you are describing is workplace bullying in my view. Are you able to find out if this person is treating others in a similar way? This would really strengthen your case.
I'm in the same boat... simply put, anything you say will be perceived as "not being a team player" especially if this guy is close to management. The only way to remedy the situation is to try and find a better working environment somewhere else. Not all companies are toxic snake pits and you're not married to your company.
Undermining can be undertaken by very competent individuals as much as incompetent individuals. The more respected they are by others, the harder it is to stop their undermining (in my experience). J
What if your manager only listens to a colleague who continuously reports the actions of other staff members and cant be bothered or care to ask what is actually going on? Then the colleague gets promoted making the situation worse?
@kofiastra9837 - this sort of situation is really hard. A good effective way to counter this situation is work on building the relationship with you manager and offering an alternative viewpoint on the actions of other staff. The more in the team that do this, the less opportunity for undermining.
What about other managers or even your own manager undermining you? I literally have never been undermined by a colleague. It has always been by someone up the food chain/hierarchy.
Good question - the steps outlined still remain very relevant for other managers in the business. I would be careful about confronting them - better that your manager does the confronting on your behalf if they are the same level. Otherwise find allies at the undermining manager's level or above and see if you can get them to directly support you or ask the underminer to back off. Your manager should be a key source of support in this process. If it is your own manager, everything becomes a lot harder. You would need to go higher up the chain and get support using your evidence. And this would not be easy and would be risky (depending on the culture).
For me it's always inexperienced managers or supervisor / team leaders. In my experience you can't do anything, they'll get rid of you before they get rid of the problem, despite any evidence.
I agree more often than not, the company takes action on the person being underminded and not the actual problem. You can take effective action and get a good result - it really does depend on how many supporters you can get and how senior they are. No easy but certainly doable.
@@Enhancetraining In my situation, I spoke with HR - so it would be on a record. Then the senior manager and that is what knocked the undermining on the head. I can tell you now it was an extremely stressful action to do in reality.. I still believe my immediate manager is undermining me, but its difficult to get evidence. ie I don't know what he is saying about the work I do that he presents. Meetings that I could be in. I feel invisible.
In a way, I feel like it's both ways for my workplace: I inadvertently undermined some coworkers, and some undermined me. And that's just it: when a person makes a mistake and does wrong, you don't have to respond with wrongness. I know from experience. 1. I stupidly mentioned a man’s right to hit a woman for self-defense, and a new coworker proposed a new topic. Weeks later, I was casually chatting with a baker while waiting for the desserts, she entered and said “harassing the baker, John?” I asked why she thought that, and she said “Because you’re John.” Well, that's extremely rude especially when she didn't recognize the offense in my question and willingly answered it. I own that I made a bad impression the first day--that's totally my fault--but she didn't have to make me feel worse. 2. Or how about the time I told a coworker *(whom I didn’t think would resent this, since he’s clownish, snuck up on a guy, and once made a weight joke to him)* “put a sock in your àss. I mean mouth.” He told me I can’t speak to him that way. I didn’t intend harm; he had interrupted a question of mine to another worker to (if I remember correctly) playfully diss me. I guess I was just annoyed with the dick-like interruption. I apologized later, and he said, “You’re good, man. You just need to learn how to speak to people.” A jocular dick saying that feels worse. In fact, he's actually quite popular and well-liked at work. I've seen him have fun and get along with my coworkers, while acting like I don't exist. We pass each other, and he doesn't speak to me. I'd say I'm not on his "good buds to joke with" list. Just the concept of being ignored hurts, and it doesn't help when others show admiration for the guy whom I think is obnoxious. 3. Finally, I was taken to my boss's office with her and a high-ranking chef. The chef told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much. Not _that_ type of touch, of course not! Just *_casual_* ones, like on arms or shoulders. I was always very outgoing at work. When I asked her if anyone complained, she said it didn't matter (so yes?). She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, and that I pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school (I work at a university's catering service). She told me I shouldn't tell my stories because they may be inappropriate to my coworkers. Now yeah, I guess I do occasionally say ✌"inappropriate"✌ stuff at work, but not *_horribly or intentionally._* I only meant to joke around and have fun with my coworkers. I really didn't get specific information about what and whom. She understands/likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits. And again, that I shouldn't touch anyone without consent. But seriously, I'm not a creep. I didn't mean to be so "handsy". Of course, I feel the chef may have gone a little too far too. Maybe she lectured me a little too much? Maybe it wasn't fair I was taken to the office? Maybe it was obnoxious she asked my boss, "Is there anything you want to add?" while I was IN the room? I'm not denying my mistakes, but I feel she made some too. And it doesn't help how the chef actually said, "How was your weekend?" before we entered the office. And the next day, she actually said, "How are you?" How did she think I was? She needs to understand that it's rude to ask a polite question the day _after_ a lecture. Fake kindness and patronization are just wrong.
I am a teacher at our school and recently faced a difficult situation. Despite positive feedback from both parents and students about my teaching, my colleague, who is also a friend, spread rumors that I am arrogant and believe I am more competent than other teachers. As a result of these rumors, I was assigned only one class to teach by the headmaster. I am concerned about how these false claims have affected my reputation and professional opportunities. How should I address this situation?
@mrsaffoufa - Your "friend" has put you in an unpleasant and difficult position. A couple of actions that you could take: firstly, speak to the headmaster about your concerns - find out if they have heard the rumours and if these have affected the number of classes you are being asked to teach as a result. Reassure the headmaster that you aren't arrogant or feel you are better than colleagues. I would summarise a number of examples that demonstrate that you don't think this way. Secondly, you could also talk to your "friend". They may have spread these rumours because they are threatened by you in some way (maybe you are better than they are for example). Understanding why they have spread the rumours will help you work out what can be done about their fears. It will also communicate to the "friend" that you will not accept false rumours being spread. I don't know the situation nearly as well as you, so take the best actions for you. Do take some action. J
Hi Jake, if your manager is undermining you it is super tough to change this. Getting allies at your manager's level or above or via HR is one route. Marketing the work you do within the wider team - to your manager's peers for example is another route to negate some or all of the undermining, and of course you can more manager. Good luck.
@@Enhancetraining Thanks for the tip. Unfortunately, the team is very small and with one reporting manager. It is tough to get another manager/HR involved as they are all afraid of offending the said manager. Time to move on. :)
I am upset at a lead who stated an undermining comment about me in front of a table of coworkers at the lunch hour today. I am not in a managerial or supervisor position, but today during the work lunch hour, the whole work crew took a coworker out to celebrate the coworkers birthday. The 1 lead that was there said something negative about my job performance to the other people there at the table. The lead was not talking directly to me but she wanted me to hear it. It was very rude and unprofessional. I also happen to be transferring to another office in another city in two days so I naturally will no longer work with her. I tried to communicate with her about the incident today but she had to go out of the office for the rest of the day. She didn’t get to see my message. I am not going to make any excuses not to talk to her. I will definitely attempt to talk to her privately tomorrow. I am going to give her advice not to do that to anyone working under her. 13:14
It is never nice to hear undeserved negative comments. The lead should absolutely be more professional. They should make constructive educational comments about underperformance in private and praise in public. Well done for taking some action to challenge their behaviour. It takes courage to respond in a professional way. Well done.
For a month-and-a-half now I work at my new job of a very widely known as being a toxic work environment, Goodwill. Luckily in my state, it is a 1 party law, to record evidence with others not knowing it. I just keep putting up with it and recording. I'm being undermined from three of my four managers and three of my co-workers, could be more and I don't know it. And gaslighting too.
Continually communicating the value of what you produce to bosses and colleagues without showing off is the most valuable step to negate undermining from a career perspective. Tackle the undermining to stop feeling let down by colleagues - your summary is good.
From experience, undermining peeps can get vicious when confronted. Managers don't want to deal with workplace conflicts. Upper-level staff may have psychopathic traits. HR is not going to advocate on the employee's behalf, but on business interests. Investigations rarely deliver fair results. So, great advice but subtle tactics with a moral bring change when delivered with precision. Be that swiss army knife.
There are so many different situations and different people that we all encounter. Flexing your approach to the situation and people you face is a must. There are also companies, managers and HR that do genuinely investigate and end up with a fair result for the circumstances (though I agreed they remain in the minority)
From what I experienced and heard, do not go to HR, unless you intend to leave the company soon. HR is not a Police department. HR does not play the role of judge and jury. Human Resources are just workers like everybody else. If there is a conflict between two workers, HR is going to do what is right for the company, not the victim. HR will usually get rid of the victim if the victim has low social status. In companies that do not have an HR department, they will just get rid of both employees who are in conflict. Then will hire two employees who can get along with each other.
I absolutely agree - HR looks after the company first, the employees second. Gathering examples and evidience, good positioning of the situation and building support can all work well with HR and management IF you create more value for the business than the effort of taking action to get a fair result.
My opinion is to show your greatness in public. That's the only way. When people undermine, you still have public evidence and examples. And remember to market yourself, ALWAYS!
Underminers often work on getting friendly with the manager to make it easier to undermine others. Ignoring the person is one option. What might they be saying to the manager about you? Always useful to proactively and directly educate your manager about the work you are doing.
I can't see how creating fear about you in coworkers is going to be helpful to you so I would suggest this is a type of undermining. What do you think?
One of my best lines to a colleague who underminds, etc me is "I hope one day I am as perfect as you. How do YOU do it?" And walk away. Leaving them not knowing if it is a compliment. Being that it is usually a narcistic, all about me type, they probably take it as a compliment because the one liner is basically all about them. They love when they get all the attention. Lol 😂
Capturing how they are undermining you, demonstrating the pattern and getting help from managers to deal with the situation applies to anyone undermining. If they have personality issues then actions taken may have a more limited impact. If the person continues to undermine you or others, and this impacts team performance and culture, I would hope managers would take action to remove the person. J
I am a volunteer co-ordinator and I had one member taking control by starting up a Whatsapp group without referring me first. Being a co ordinator I would have to moderate it but I could not as he owned the group. I didn't want a Whatsapp group for a variety of reasons. He probably did it for the best of intentions. Then he started trying to manipulate me that 'most people wanted a Whatsapp group'. Even if I said No I may lose other volunteers as the 'bad person'. There is no way I want to damage the safety and reputation of my group even if it makes some of the volunteers life easier. As a Co-ordinator you have to see the big picture. I also had details of other members because I was a Co-ordinator and he didnt and so he even excluded the others. He gaslighted me when I spoke to him about it. It also excludes those who don't have a smart phone. etc. I decided to quit and let them sort out a new co-ordinator and get the others to do the work although it pretty much means that the group will fold as they won't have the time to do what I did. He would be hard to work with and to be frank I just can't be bothered anymore it is volunteer work and it mean that I would have more free time for me if I quit
@user-qv7vi2ls6j - I would go to HR after you have tried the other steps first. Remember HR's first priority is to protect the company, not necessarily you.
@sylvesterwilliams9531 A lot of situations are more complex than you comment suggests. I know there is a lot you can do to be a person your boss likes and it has little to do with personality. There are also too many situations that are as black and white as you suggest. J
Truth is authorty is almost always in on it and will label you as a trouble maker when you check people or call you a tattletale if you complian on them yet they can freely complain on you
The response you get really does depend on the managers above you. Many will find it easier to ignore the problem and maintain the status quo (less effort and potential conflict for them). Good managers will stamp out poor behaviour well before it becomes a real issue, and plenty of others will take action if you present evidence.
@@Enhancetraining They always get rid of the person with the issue instead of those that cause it. Its rare they actually do something. Then again Im a man of God and most people are low fquency
When companies say you must be a team player, what they really mean is - try really hard to be accepted by our clique. High school politics never go away, the people just get older.
What about when it's your manager who is undermining you? I've never been undermined by a colleague, but am being undermined by my manager and it's awful to go through.
I'm so sick and tired of mean, nasty, unhappy people. I work hard, I do a good job, I mind my own business, I try my best to earn the company money, I respect my boss, I try my best to be pleasant and nice all day, and I try to help out my co-workers. And even still, they treat me as though I'm no good at my job and they try their hardest to make me look bad. I'm seriously over it. Why can't people just be normal and nice??
I agree it would be amazing to work in companies where everyone was nice, respectful, pleasant etc. The leaders have the biggest influence on the culture of the company and who works in the company so over to them...
Because they are not "you" that's why. To survive in any workplace, you should be a sheep AND A LION. A FOX in a forest. You should learn cleverness. Being clever means you can be nice, but witty and outsmart your opponents.
@@darkvalue505 For sure... every day. Calling them out when they lie, calling them out when they talk trash about people, calling them out when they are playing games. It's as though they are socially and mentally stunted.
I'm just gonna look for a new job. the manager doesn't even response to my evidence or the situation that's happening around me. I work better than the person who undermines me and i'm new to the job and he's work there for years.
It is pretty tough being in this situation. If your manager doesn't respond at all to your evidence, then you can go higher up the management chain, go to HR or leave. If you can easily get another job, why wouldn't you. Take your talents to somewhere that appreciates them a lot more.
They almost never do, managers these days dont really manage people.
Good management will care and will tackle poor managers or managers not doing their job. Ignoring the problem will negatively impact their jobs over time. It is in everyone's interests to have good and fair managers in the business.
Yes. I was about to ask what if the management has the same behavior who also undermine you.
@@Enhancetraining coach I encounter such things. I am new to my current job. My supervisor sees me as a rude figure and to myself i have never shown rudeness act. I just come on time do my work better than required and leave. It was the other day when he reported me to the manager saying that I am rude to him. I am not talkative i just like being quiete and not talking to people at office. Can that be my problem of why i can be a rude?
If you’re looking at this video, it’s probably time for a change.
That could easily be the case. Thanks for your comments. J
Spot on. This is my last resort
Why bother, just move on to somewhere else, with a bit of luck on higher pay?
Always a good option when you have good skills and experience. Probably more hassle than addressing the conflicts in your current job.
I decided this morning that I’m going to document everything. These people think they can push me around so I guess I’m going to show them what happens when good people get pushed too far.
These people are doing majority of everything you’ve listed and I had hoped people would see the truth for what it is but nope, I’m done.
Already on top of my reaction towards the bullying and exclusion.
It sounds like you are in a pretty tough situations which is never nice to hear. I am glad you are documenting everything - it will definitely help you. If there is anything I can do to help drop me a line - details on our website.
Find your inner animal and unleash it
I thought by keeping quiet and fly under the radar helped, but it didn’t help. I did my part and applied for a new job.
I haven't found keeping quiet helps (from personal experience). Well done for getting yourself out of the situation
applying for a new job is usually the best solution
A new job will have the same problem. I will stay in the current job and learn how to combat these issues, lest your new job will have the same problem. As a matter of fact, most jobs will have these problems. You're dealing with people, period.
@darkvalue505 - great comments. There will always be people that think undermining others will make themselves feel better. Much better to learn how to stop this behaviour. There are some working cultures that are purely toxic. Best to leave these. Changing one person's behaviour is possible. Changing a culture is not (unless you are the leader).
Why do we all have to deal with this crap?
I agree - it would be so much nicer if we didn't have to. Until we get there, it helps to know what to do when you do come across these issues.
Because most people who want to be managers and executives have toxic personalities which filters down to their subordinates... if people want to stay at any job for extending periods of time they have to fit the culture and if that culture is toxic they have to become toxic to survive.
Sometimes when you meet people outside of work they are very pleasant but when they are in the office they are a walking nightmare. Corporate environment really turns people into monsters.
I am sure true in some companies. I have worked in many amazing compaies with very supportive cultures ... the managers were nice people and behave that way at work too. I have also been in few sink or swim cultures...
People are evil unfortunately.
Because you are not a good manager. You are the problem.
Remember that your job is a battle. Everyone wants the same goal. To be promoted, to get a raise, recognition, etc. And there are MORE SNAKES, VIPERS, AND RATS at a workplace than butterflies and ladybugs. In other words, at your workplace, there are less friends than enemies and backstabbers. So, always be aware that conflict will come your way. Never be in your comfort zone.
I agree the workplace is very competitive and many people try to get ahead through underhand tatics. Knowing how to deal with these people is super useful!
Im in this situation now. I have staff undermining me, because they think they can do the job better. They only see the top portion of the job but not the admin portion. That's a nightmare on its on. Its hard when you fall short of not getting mgt training, webinars, etc. None! How would you notice these undermining situations without videos like this to teach you. Thank you enhance training for these wonderful videos.
Your situation is common. Far too few managers are given any or enough training and boss's are often too busy or lack the skills to teach these skills quickly enough. I very much hope you are able to address the undermining behaviour in your team. Two approaches to think about - being open with your team about the portion of your job they don't see and revisiting expectations on behaviour. J
OMG, so relatable! 😢I am for the first time in such a situation feeling hopeless for real.
Hope your situation improves. Communication and understanding are the first steps to try to improve the situation. J
It was said to take it to HR…They exist to keep the company safe from lawsuits, NOT to help the individual employee. NEVER go to HR. Start looking for another job.
HR very much protects the company first. Approached in the right way and with the right support already behind you, they can be a very useful ally. I would recommend getting support within management before speaking to HR. Getting another job is always an option. I would always suggest you do what is best for you personally in your situation. J
This is all assuming that the person who is undermining is professional enough to admit to the behavior, which is rarely the case.
I would disagree. You don't need them to admit they are undermining you (which I think would be rare) - you do need to demonstrate they are using behaviours and tactics with the aim of undermining you. By demonstrating their behaviours, getting allies - your manager and other in positions of authority plus HR is much more likely. Increasing the pressure against the person undermining you is the most effective way of getting them to stop in my view.
They want to undermine you??? Give them a show!!!!! That's exactly what I am doing!!! I don't give a damn anymore!!!! I am becoming better at my job and they hate it!!!!! I am giving them a show and not even paying them no mind anymore. When you Ignore and keep growing, they won't have a choice but to leave you at some point. I am 5 months in at my new jobs, nurses that are been in the field for a while want to undermine and make fun of me!!!!! I am going to take every bit of training from that organization for 2 years then get the hell out and make myself valuable somewhere else but not without giving them a show!!! They are the one who is going to look stupid in the end. It' is all coming from insecurities, and I have decided that I will not suffer at the expenses of someone else low self-esteem. They need to deal with themselves.
@larosenoirek2197 Doing a great job or doing an even better job than you are currently is a great way to respond to undermining. Don't forget to communicate the great job you are doing to those you need to. Love your comment.
Thank you sir, for your good advice it is of great help since I will soon become a manager.
Glad it was helpful to you and good luck in your first management role! J
Most helpful methodical vid on undermining and how to manage it.
Glad it was helpful!
These are great tips.Thank you for your assistance.
Glad it was helpful! J
I am so happy to come across this channel. What you describe sounds exactly like what I have been going through. I found that focusing on my work, and pursuing excellence for long enough, will eventually expose the underminer. Eventually, your true character shines through. You may even eventually earn the respect of the underminer.
Thanks for the feedback. Glad you find the channel content so useful. J
I agree focusing on the work is better but these kinds of undermining behaviors really hurt the motivation and my self confidence. I start questioning myself, make more mistakes consequently..
Just focusing on doing a great job on its own is not often enough. You doing better work may be the reason they are trying to undermine you. Better to take more proactive action. J
Some really great tips there, especially the ones about maintaining or improving your standards at work and marketing yourself within the business. 💯 It is a difficult situation, but also a learning opportunity. Thank you for your insightful and practical video. 🙏
Thanks Lisa for your comments. Glad you found the video so useful
Thanks Jesse. This session was great! So hard to deal with personnel who perhaps don’t share your vision.
Glad you enjoyed it! J
I have a colleague who is in the same level as me, however I have to work on some projects along with him and he keeps correcting me on everything I do.. he keeps telling me I am wrong or I have poor soft skills, however I have received good feedback from other senior colleagues. He keeps nagging and correcting me all the time. Please suggest how to tell him to stop doing that without being rude or unprofessional.
This does not sound like a nice situation to be in. If his comments are general you could respond by asking clarification questions with a neutral tone of voice. E.g ‘You are not doing this right!’ you could respond ‘What exactly am I not doing right and how exactly should I be doing it?’ Pushing for a more detailed explanation helps make the feedback useful - or as often happens - stops the general negative comments being made altogether.
Another approach might be in private asking what are you doing to make him feel threatened… or ask "I am confused - you keep making negative comments, yet others are give very positive feedback - I don't understand where you are coming from - please can you explain?" Or use a similar style of statement and question. This works well for those who use bullying or put down tactics.
@@Enhancetraining I tried doing both methods but it didn't resolve anything, it actually amplified their undermining behaviour
I'm thinking of changing my role or quitting
If confronting the person is making the situation worse, other than moving jobs, you could gather examples and evidience and take it to your manager and/or HR. The behaviour you are describing is workplace bullying in my view. Are you able to find out if this person is treating others in a similar way? This would really strengthen your case.
I'm in the same boat... simply put, anything you say will be perceived as "not being a team player" especially if this guy is close to management. The only way to remedy the situation is to try and find a better working environment somewhere else. Not all companies are toxic snake pits and you're not married to your company.
Just tell him to SHUT HIS MOUTH!!!!!
More often than not, the ones who are undermining aren’t even taken seriously by anyone else.
Undermining can be undertaken by very competent individuals as much as incompetent individuals. The more respected they are by others, the harder it is to stop their undermining (in my experience). J
beautiful presentation
Thank you. Glad you liked it. J
Thank you for sharing
Thanks for watching!
What if your manager only listens to a colleague who continuously reports the actions of other staff members and cant be bothered or care to ask what is actually going on?
Then the colleague gets promoted making the situation worse?
@kofiastra9837 - this sort of situation is really hard. A good effective way to counter this situation is work on building the relationship with you manager and offering an alternative viewpoint on the actions of other staff. The more in the team that do this, the less opportunity for undermining.
What about other managers or even your own manager undermining you? I literally have never been undermined by a colleague. It has always been by someone up the food chain/hierarchy.
Good question - the steps outlined still remain very relevant for other managers in the business. I would be careful about confronting them - better that your manager does the confronting on your behalf if they are the same level. Otherwise find allies at the undermining manager's level or above and see if you can get them to directly support you or ask the underminer to back off. Your manager should be a key source of support in this process.
If it is your own manager, everything becomes a lot harder. You would need to go higher up the chain and get support using your evidence. And this would not be easy and would be risky (depending on the culture).
For me it's always inexperienced managers or supervisor / team leaders. In my experience you can't do anything, they'll get rid of you before they get rid of the problem, despite any evidence.
I agree more often than not, the company takes action on the person being underminded and not the actual problem. You can take effective action and get a good result - it really does depend on how many supporters you can get and how senior they are. No easy but certainly doable.
@@Enhancetraining In my situation, I spoke with HR - so it would be on a record. Then the senior manager and that is what knocked the undermining on the head. I can tell you now it was an extremely stressful action to do in reality.. I still believe my immediate manager is undermining me, but its difficult to get evidence. ie I don't know what he is saying about the work I do that he presents. Meetings that I could be in. I feel invisible.
@@Strider9655and they make sure to twist the story and frame you as the culprit
Thanks
You are welcome
In a way, I feel like it's both ways for my workplace: I inadvertently undermined some coworkers, and some undermined me. And that's just it: when a person makes a mistake and does wrong, you don't have to respond with wrongness. I know from experience.
1. I stupidly mentioned a man’s right to hit a woman for self-defense, and a new coworker proposed a new topic. Weeks later, I was casually chatting with a baker while waiting for the desserts, she entered and said “harassing the baker, John?” I asked why she thought that, and she said “Because you’re John.” Well, that's extremely rude especially when she didn't recognize the offense in my question and willingly answered it. I own that I made a bad impression the first day--that's totally my fault--but she didn't have to make me feel worse.
2. Or how about the time I told a coworker *(whom I didn’t think would resent this, since he’s clownish, snuck up on a guy, and once made a weight joke to him)* “put a sock in your àss. I mean mouth.” He told me I can’t speak to him that way. I didn’t intend harm; he had interrupted a question of mine to another worker to (if I remember correctly) playfully diss me. I guess I was just annoyed with the dick-like interruption. I apologized later, and he said, “You’re good, man. You just need to learn how to speak to people.” A jocular dick saying that feels worse. In fact, he's actually quite popular and well-liked at work. I've seen him have fun and get along with my coworkers, while acting like I don't exist. We pass each other, and he doesn't speak to me. I'd say I'm not on his "good buds to joke with" list. Just the concept of being ignored hurts, and it doesn't help when others show admiration for the guy whom I think is obnoxious.
3. Finally, I was taken to my boss's office with her and a high-ranking chef. The chef told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much. Not _that_ type of touch, of course not! Just *_casual_* ones, like on arms or shoulders. I was always very outgoing at work. When I asked her if anyone complained, she said it didn't matter (so yes?). She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment, and that I pretty much shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school (I work at a university's catering service). She told me I shouldn't tell my stories because they may be inappropriate to my coworkers. Now yeah, I guess I do occasionally say ✌"inappropriate"✌ stuff at work, but not *_horribly or intentionally._* I only meant to joke around and have fun with my coworkers. I really didn't get specific information about what and whom. She understands/likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits. And again, that I shouldn't touch anyone without consent. But seriously, I'm not a creep. I didn't mean to be so "handsy". Of course, I feel the chef may have gone a little too far too. Maybe she lectured me a little too much? Maybe it wasn't fair I was taken to the office? Maybe it was obnoxious she asked my boss, "Is there anything you want to add?" while I was IN the room? I'm not denying my mistakes, but I feel she made some too. And it doesn't help how the chef actually said, "How was your weekend?" before we entered the office. And the next day, she actually said, "How are you?" How did she think I was? She needs to understand that it's rude to ask a polite question the day _after_ a lecture. Fake kindness and patronization are just wrong.
Thanks for sharing.
I am a teacher at our school and recently faced a difficult situation. Despite positive feedback from both parents and students about my teaching, my colleague, who is also a friend, spread rumors that I am arrogant and believe I am more competent than other teachers. As a result of these rumors, I was assigned only one class to teach by the headmaster. I am concerned about how these false claims have affected my reputation and professional opportunities. How should I address this situation?
@mrsaffoufa - Your "friend" has put you in an unpleasant and difficult position. A couple of actions that you could take: firstly, speak to the headmaster about your concerns - find out if they have heard the rumours and if these have affected the number of classes you are being asked to teach as a result. Reassure the headmaster that you aren't arrogant or feel you are better than colleagues. I would summarise a number of examples that demonstrate that you don't think this way. Secondly, you could also talk to your "friend". They may have spread these rumours because they are threatened by you in some way (maybe you are better than they are for example). Understanding why they have spread the rumours will help you work out what can be done about their fears. It will also communicate to the "friend" that you will not accept false rumours being spread. I don't know the situation nearly as well as you, so take the best actions for you. Do take some action. J
Pretty much useless if the undermining person is the direct boss.
Hi Jake, if your manager is undermining you it is super tough to change this. Getting allies at your manager's level or above or via HR is one route. Marketing the work you do within the wider team - to your manager's peers for example is another route to negate some or all of the undermining, and of course you can more manager. Good luck.
@@Enhancetraining Thanks for the tip. Unfortunately, the team is very small and with one reporting manager. It is tough to get another manager/HR involved as they are all afraid of offending the said manager.
Time to move on. :)
Yes - time to move on.
I am upset at a lead who stated an undermining comment about me in front of a table of coworkers at the lunch hour today. I am not in a managerial or supervisor position, but today during the work lunch hour, the whole work crew took a coworker out to celebrate the coworkers birthday. The 1 lead that was there said something negative about my job performance to the other people there at the table. The lead was not talking directly to me but she wanted me to hear it. It was very rude and unprofessional. I also happen to be transferring to another office in another city in two days so I naturally will no longer work with her. I tried to communicate with her about the incident today but she had to go out of the office for the rest of the day. She didn’t get to see my message. I am not going to make any excuses not to talk to her. I will definitely attempt to talk to her privately tomorrow. I am going to give her advice not to do that to anyone working under her. 13:14
It is never nice to hear undeserved negative comments. The lead should absolutely be more professional. They should make constructive educational comments about underperformance in private and praise in public. Well done for taking some action to challenge their behaviour. It takes courage to respond in a professional way. Well done.
hope that went well...I wish I challenged a female who did that, as she walked out the door. I was taken aback and hence lost for words at the time
good luck
For a month-and-a-half now I work at my new job of a very widely known as being a toxic work environment, Goodwill. Luckily in my state, it is a 1 party law, to record evidence with others not knowing it. I just keep putting up with it and recording. I'm being undermined from three of my four managers and three of my co-workers, could be more and I don't know it. And gaslighting too.
Would it not be better and nicer for you to move jobs into an much nicer more friendly environment? Where you are working sounds anything but fun...
Be confident. Never trust human resources.Tell your boss how you feel.If a coworker tries to undermine you tell them firmly to Never do it again
Continually communicating the value of what you produce to bosses and colleagues without showing off is the most valuable step to negate undermining from a career perspective. Tackle the undermining to stop feeling let down by colleagues - your summary is good.
From experience, undermining peeps can get vicious when confronted. Managers don't want to deal with workplace conflicts. Upper-level staff may have psychopathic traits. HR is not going to advocate on the employee's behalf, but on business interests. Investigations rarely deliver fair results. So, great advice but subtle tactics with a moral bring change when delivered with precision. Be that swiss army knife.
There are so many different situations and different people that we all encounter. Flexing your approach to the situation and people you face is a must. There are also companies, managers and HR that do genuinely investigate and end up with a fair result for the circumstances (though I agreed they remain in the minority)
From what I experienced and heard, do not go to HR, unless you intend to leave the company soon. HR is not a Police department. HR does not play the role of judge and jury. Human Resources are just workers like everybody else. If there is a conflict between two workers, HR is going to do what is right for the company, not the victim. HR will usually get rid of the victim if the victim has low social status. In companies that do not have an HR department, they will just get rid of both employees who are in conflict. Then will hire two employees who can get along with each other.
I absolutely agree - HR looks after the company first, the employees second. Gathering examples and evidience, good positioning of the situation and building support can all work well with HR and management IF you create more value for the business than the effort of taking action to get a fair result.
My opinion is to show your greatness in public. That's the only way. When people undermine, you still have public evidence and examples. And remember to market yourself, ALWAYS!
Part of the problem is the mgr is buddy buddy with said person. I just ignore the person.
Underminers often work on getting friendly with the manager to make it easier to undermine others. Ignoring the person is one option. What might they be saying to the manager about you? Always useful to proactively and directly educate your manager about the work you are doing.
What about if somebody is going around telling other coworkers that you are after their jobs? Is that undermining?
I can't see how creating fear about you in coworkers is going to be helpful to you so I would suggest this is a type of undermining. What do you think?
@@Enhancetraining That should be illegal, especially if it's not true.
agreed.
One of my best lines to a colleague who underminds, etc me is "I hope one day I am as perfect as you. How do YOU do it?" And walk away. Leaving them not knowing if it is a compliment. Being that it is usually a narcistic, all about me type, they probably take it as a compliment because the one liner is basically all about them. They love when they get all the attention. Lol 😂
I bet it feels very satisfying to say the line. I could imagine their faces. Does it help with the undermining going forward?
ok, but what if the person doing the undermining you has narcissistic personality disorder?
Capturing how they are undermining you, demonstrating the pattern and getting help from managers to deal with the situation applies to anyone undermining. If they have personality issues then actions taken may have a more limited impact. If the person continues to undermine you or others, and this impacts team performance and culture, I would hope managers would take action to remove the person. J
Why do these things always presume that you work.In an office? I don't and never have
You are right - many people do not work in offices. The same principles should apply with a little adaption to your working situation.
Im planning to tell my boss first on what I will do to my bully so she can be updated on what is happening just in case things escalate. Is this okay?
If you boss will support you - then yes absolutely. You are the best judge as you know the relationship you have with your boss.
Most of the time, it is not our fault, it's the undermining guy who is filled with insecurities.
100% agree. Underminers are usually the ones with insecurities and fears they are trying to cover up.
Video starts at 3:35.
Thanks for your comment.
Jack at my work Is a BIT£#.. And if he undermines me again ITS ON!!!!
Good luck with Jack. Being undermined is never nice no matter your position and confidence level.
I am a volunteer co-ordinator and I had one member taking control by starting up a Whatsapp group without referring me first. Being a co ordinator I would have to moderate it but I could not as he owned the group. I didn't want a Whatsapp group for a variety of reasons. He probably did it for the best of intentions. Then he started trying to manipulate me that 'most people wanted a Whatsapp group'. Even if I said No I may lose other volunteers as the 'bad person'. There is no way I want to damage the safety and reputation of my group even if it makes some of the volunteers life easier. As a Co-ordinator you have to see the big picture. I also had details of other members because I was a Co-ordinator and he didnt and so he even excluded the others. He gaslighted me when I spoke to him about it. It also excludes those who don't have a smart phone. etc. I decided to quit and let them sort out a new co-ordinator and get the others to do the work although it pretty much means that the group will fold as they won't have the time to do what I did. He would be hard to work with and to be frank I just can't be bothered anymore it is volunteer work and it mean that I would have more free time for me if I quit
Hi Beaulieu, sorry to hear of someone undermining you. Sounds like you make a decision you were happy with so enjoy the extra time you have.
You are suggesting to go to HR good to know😢
@user-qv7vi2ls6j - I would go to HR after you have tried the other steps first. Remember HR's first priority is to protect the company, not necessarily you.
Why do i have hackers on my home pc non stop? Can they be arrested? This is for 3+ years now
I can't help you on this one
@@Enhancetraining ok thanks, now it has become HATE crimes
Gossipers that complain about their target "mobbing"
?
These people treat a 9-5 like Game of Thrones.
Doing well at work does involve awareness of human psychology and the games that do go on in the workplace
all of the above...sadly...
Thanks for sharing
Yup seeing this garbage I will be addressing it today.
Good for you.
That's an embarrassing typo in the thumbnail. Don't you think you should fix that?
Thanks for that spot - a little embarrasing. Now changed.
Thanks
write Everthing down, date, time who said what, what where the results.
Yes - evidence and examples trump opinion and are a lot harder to dispute. J
None of this advice amounts to anything. At the end of the day, if the boss likes you you got a job. If the boss does not like you, you're fired
@sylvesterwilliams9531 A lot of situations are more complex than you comment suggests. I know there is a lot you can do to be a person your boss likes and it has little to do with personality. There are also too many situations that are as black and white as you suggest. J
Truth is authorty is almost always in on it and will label you as a trouble maker when you check people or call you a tattletale if you complian on them yet they can freely complain on you
The response you get really does depend on the managers above you. Many will find it easier to ignore the problem and maintain the status quo (less effort and potential conflict for them). Good managers will stamp out poor behaviour well before it becomes a real issue, and plenty of others will take action if you present evidence.
@@Enhancetraining They always get rid of the person with the issue instead of those that cause it. Its rare they actually do something. Then again Im a man of God and most people are low fquency
That is pretty tough. Maybe look for a job in an organisation with a better culture.
When companies say you must be a team player, what they really mean is - try really hard to be accepted by our clique. High school politics never go away, the people just get older.
@@BillClinton228 facts
What about when it's your manager who is undermining you? I've never been undermined by a colleague, but am being undermined by my manager and it's awful to go through.
Being undermined by your manager is really tough - I have been there too. I put together this video to help th-cam.com/video/FEseItw5Moo/w-d-xo.html