Yeah, that's actually the point where you end up turning to the father and saying "Well, then I guess I'm an orphan, because I don't have a father anymore". I'd be angry crying about it, but I'd definitely consider them as being dead and gone from my life. Mainly due to the fact that it was so incredibly cruel of the father to treat the daughter like that.
That lockbox was OP's best investment: it revealed that the boyfriend was the controlling and abusive one all along, and that the act of eating all the snacks had always been a power play.
Ironic that he accused her of denying him food… cos that exactly what he did to her! The only difference is that he stored it in his stomach instead of a box!
Seems like a total narcissist he would make everything her fault and then when she left he was live bombing her good thing she is smart and got out of it quickly
he accused her of being abusive and controlling and not respecting him, but how is eating her half of the snacks respecting her? She dodged a major bullet with that one and I hope she finds someone who will respect her.
I DON'T KNOW if I should B more angry/ more SORRY for Karen OP'S mother-inlaw bcause she wreckEd OP'S wedding dress /sorry for her bcause she has a brain tumor+may have done it partially unintentionally. I DO think that it is a thing that is difficult to forgive .
I agree With the Op who Got THE lock box BCAUSE the boy- friend didn't know how to share fairly + OP got very Little if any of the treats+ snacks. I am not very SUPRISED that OP got the lock box+ wouldn't give it up whatever the boy-friend said/offered to do . SOME people only learn the painfull way
Story 2. If OP is a minor, then I hope that the grandparents told social security where to send the death benefits check since she's no longer living with dad. Also OP needs to get a lawyer and find out who owns the house and whether mom had a will. In some states, kids get a good chunk of the estate. So if mom's name is on the deed and didn't have a will, she should hire a shark to get the house sold and get her share if she's entitled.
@@petunia7623 regardless of that, every state has their own inheritance laws . OP should go live with her grandparents and find an estate attorney to investigate what rights OP has to her mother's estate .... and then pursue them to the nth degree. And yes, that includes OP's SS benefits from her mother's SS account. If daddy dearest has already filed for them on OP's behalf and named himself Representative Payee, an attorney should be able to intervene and have that changed to either of her grandparents if OP is a minor, or if she has turned 18 and is planning to attend college, then she can have the benefits distributed in her own name (that's assuming it still works that way).
@@Aspen_exists_and_stuff Yep, better that OP moves to her grandparents' home and they get a good attorney to sort out her mother's estate. What do you want to bet that daddy dearest has not filed his deceased wife's will, or worse yet, she was intestate and her estate has not be probated. That witch, excuse me woman, he married is sure to do whatever she can to screw OP out of what is rightfully hers.
The lock box story caused a bit of PTSD. Unless you’ve lived with someone like this, you won’t understand. The lock box sounds so petty until you go to grab the lunch that you prepared the night before & it’s gone. So you try to grab something else only to find it’s gone, also. You go to work without breakfast or lunch because they ate everything in the house. My job doesn’t allow enough time to run out to get anything & get back before break is over. This can be a type of abuse. I think she dodged a bullet with him.
Last story. Even suffering from a brain tumor, Mil thought that she was doing something good. She probably thought that she supposed to make the wedding dress. I hope that she makes a full recovery.
Same! That was actually heartbreaking to read and to fond out it wasn’t even out of malice but because of a very serious medical issue? Yeah, I hope The MiL makes a full recovery and that Op and her Husband despite what happened continues to have a great relationship with her.
I just want to say, it seems hard to understand how much love that woman had in heart for her daughter in law to be. Even in a confused state, where reality isn't like it should be, she did what she thought was for the betterment of the bride. Even if, in reality, it got trashed, I think it shows that there is nothing she wouldn't do for her sons wife.
The MIL is indeed a very sweet person, as a healthcare worker this broke my heart. The tumor itself is already hard to deal with, and now it messed up her relationship with her son and dil. 😢 I hope op forgive her and be more understanding about the condition. No one ever wants that to happened.
I can _imagine_ exceptions where happy couples would need a lockbox, but that requires the offending partner to admit that they have a problem they need help with.
@@scuba535 The best part is that Nurse let MIL know she isn't a pushover from the very beginning. I bet MIL didn't try to get away with much after Nurse and her hubby got married.
Story 3: OMG Food Abuse, Financial Abuse, then violence and then gaslighting... this guy screams narcissistic abuser to the max... I have been married going on 20 years, if I buy a snack for me, my husband will wait till I am eating it and ask if he can have some, if he buys something for himself he will usually just say this is to share or please do not eat this as we are both on special medical diets... He is hypertensive I am hypotensive. But if they were buying their own food as he ate more and she was buying stuff for her to munch only to have him take it all then gaslight her into thinking she had no right to keep food she bought or paid for in part from him- yeah that is a serious abusive red flag...
Im kinda wondering if he might be on steroids.. Considering he just all of a sudden starting having violent outbursts like that. Or either he was that way all along but finally showed his true colors..
@@naomirobinson84 These stories always make me wonder if it was really out of the blue or if there were just signs that OP didn't notice. In this case it really does sound like it was pretty sudden so I agree that it might be steroids or something similar, especially with it being such a small thing as "stop eating my snacks".
@@Enray11or even maybe he changed medication. I'm on the spectrum and my parents and I were trying to find the right medicine for me. One of them didn't even last more than 2 days because my Mom noticed how it made me very volatile when normally it takes a lot to make me explode.
It also could be a reaction to childhood abuse. If he was abused as a child where he had food withheld and went hungry often this might be the way an emotionally damaged, and emotionally immature person deals with it. Its not an excuse for the follow on behavior, but when someone is triggered from past abuse and doesnt know how to deal with it then tend to lash out.
Have to comment on lockbox: I'd say it was her last resort. It may have been childish to some but if they are spiltting expenses, in the end she suffers...financially... she pays but doesn't benefit. And if it took a lockbox for him to show his true colors... it was a wise choice.
@@NateWilliams-h8qsure incel, someone who ignores your boundaries and disregards you when you communicate your unhappy with their behaviour is a "good man" she's definitely going to miss🙄
@@NateWilliams-h8q If I wanted to win anyone over it sure as hell wouldn't be you🤡 no way I'd stay with someone who thinks someone should stay with an abuser
ESH. Boyfriend was clearly in the wrong for eating her snacks, repeatedly. It was disrespectful to continue to do so after being asked not to. OP's response was, however, was a passive-aggressive move to fix the problem she had rather than communicating with boyfriend and coming up with a mutual solution. It was, in fact, emotionally abusive and controlling, and disrespectful of him. But then of course BF's reaction was completely over the top.
The lock box story has me in my feelings. Some people may feel that it was petty but it's about respect and boundaries. Don't keep apologizing and doing it again...if more snacks is needed then buy more snacks, but don't make OP feel like the bad guy because she wants to eat the food that she spent money on.
All of this. The wife and I haven't gotten that far but there would be many times where say I felt like treating myself to oreos. If eat 1/4 of the container and tell her to help herself assuming she would have some but nope she would kill the the rest. Low and behold I'd either come home to zero oreos or maybe 3 left. That's the tip of the iceberg but I can definitely feel her pain. Willing to share but damn. Unless I say hey go ahead and kill it me saying have some isn't me saying have the rest.
Story 4 what a heartbreaker... I feel so bad for everyone involved, the consideration to not ruin OP's wedding with traumatic medical news, the disorientation and the mental decline of someone who had been so loving and supportive before the tumor started impairing judgement... so horrible for everyone. I truly pray that MIL can be treated and makes a full recovery and can spend her golden years with her family that she seems to care so much for. What a tragic outcome... I know what it is like to watch a loving lucid person fall to dementia or Alzheimer's, it is devastating to live thru and even worse to consciously witness. I wanted MIL eviscerated before the updates... now I am just speechless... Good on OP and the rest of the family coming together to support MIL thru what is going to be a long time, and painfully uncomfortable process. God willing it even is successful...
It's a great example of how you need to hear both sides of an issue. So many people on reddit "just know" so much that isn't in the story. And sure, many times that might be true, but often there's a whole other story that we will never hear.
Exactly! We thought my mom had Dementia, even her primary physician did. Nope, lung cancer came back and spread to her brain. It sucked watching her decline so much and rapidly. Hope this woman can get help and treatment for recovery.
I feel I should be mad at the GF for destroying OP's family, but I'm more angry with OP's dad for basically abandoning his own daughter over his GF. What a cheekie bastard
Wait till years later, he finds out she drained him dry and left him begging for money, then tries to want some sort of relationship with OP only to throw him out like he did to her. I hope she’ll be okay after all the pain he caused her.
Honestly Op in story two should Say exactly what they said about her dad getting rid of everything of his ex-wife inculding his child to his face and “wish” him the best for “getting rid” of the last bit of “worthless” memories of his ex-wife to start over with his current GF. See how he responds to that especially if Op blocks/Gos no contact them right after
The lock box was only necessary because they weren't sharing. She wanted to share! He didn't. She's better off without him. He didn't care enough to leave any for her cuz he's selfish.
It sounds like he is not respecting her boundaries. In fact, is stepping all over them. I would not remove the lockbox. I would take it and all my stuff and get out. What a complete and total narcissist! It’s good you got away!!!
Constantly eating her snacks after she made it clear it was a violation of her boundaries is abusive. He got mad that she enforced her boundaries because it meant he couldn't abuse her
Story 3: NTA. The first warning flag that you have a bad relationship is thinking it's "perfect". Relationships are never perfect. Boyfriend constantly stomped on one of OP's boundaries (eating her snacks) and it was a constant rinse and repeat battle until she took proactive measures against his theft. If he loved and respected her, he wouldn't touch her snacks without asking her first. He wouldn't even care about her choosing to put her stuff in a lockbox. He was mad that he could no longer control her and that she was taking a stand instead of being submissive to him. Imagine if they had kids and he was constantly eating the food meant for them. His physical outburst/rage (destruction of the laptop) isn't from roid rage, that's just his REAL personality coming out.
@@BonniRavenexcept for the fact dad made OP a "stranger", courtesy of writing off everything his daughter says regarding his new girl as "lies" and trying to ruin his new relationship
Story 2: Nope leave, move in with people who actually love you and are not trying to erase your existence because of the past. The truth will out and Dad will eventually see what this 2 face monster of a human did to his family... or he will continue to ignore it and live in a life sucking delusion pushing away everyone he ever loved. OP cannot make that decision for him, she has to depend on herself and those who do love her for her own well being.
Honestly I feel like that dad got destroyed by grief and never recovered, leading to the girlfriend taking him over. Threw everything out to try and avoid it. That's no excuse and I hope he learns the hard way. Ultimately he isn't the victim anymore. He pushed that role onto OP to escape it rather than addressing it.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too. The girlfriend came in when he was emotionally vulnerable and basically manipulated him into this. I feel bad for both of them, though if I was the grandparents I'd have torn my son a new one (if they're the dad's parents, if not I'd still have done it)
OP I’m so sorry for all your pain. It’s like you lost both parents. Your father is the jerk not you! I hope someday he’ll realize how much he hurt you and maybe in the future you might be able to have an adult relationship. But if you don’t, just remember none of this is your fault! And I do recommend counseling.
The lockbox story reminded of my (late) sister-in-laws. She came down from their home state to take care of my newborn baby when I returned to work. She was 19@ the time. She was very overweight and the "baby girl" of the family. I would come home from work only to find that she had eaten the food I had planned to fix for supper -usually ALL of it. I wouldn't have complained if she just esten a regular lunch or had checked with me about what it was ok for her TO eat. But it continued to happen. I ended up labeling the food I had bought for our meals, so she would know not to touch it. She wasn't happy about that. But I wasn't happy having to scramble to make a meal when the food I wanted to serve for all of us (herself included) was just gone .
Why do you keep harping on her getting a lockbox for the fridge? It's not her fault her now ex kept eating all her food and showed absolutely no respect for her. OP did what she needed to do when her "roommate" kept stealing her food.
Your father should have gotten both of you into therapy when your mother died. Abandoning you once he found a girlfriend will come back to haunt him one day😢 OP, no, this relationship was not worth saving. His behavior became very outrageous. I’m glad that you were able to get out of that relationship😢
As far as the lockbox story it sounds like the relationship is not worth salvaging. He seems to think that OPs money is his and anything they buy together is his.
Story 1 - Oh wow, that was GREAT!!! MIL tries to bribe nurse into leaving her son only to have it backfire on her and the best part is she can’t say or do anything about it. 😂😂😂😂
When BF said it's abusive and controlling to deny him food, OP should have responded with "I'm not denying you food, there is plenty of food in the fridge to eat and he gets his half of each snack we buy FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!, that lock box is simply there to ensure I actually get MY HALF OF THE SNACKS!!! It is however, EXTREMELY Rude, Disrespectful and Abusive for YOU to eat MY half of the snacks we buy FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!"
The second story is a shame. Seriously is going to be years and years down the road hes probably gonna realize this and that and then realize he probably needs his kid whom he abandoned. Realize the bridge is burnt. And end up alone.
Last story. Dear lord, those updates made that story SOO sad. I am glad OP is taking the time to sort through her feelings before speaking to her MIL again. I do feel VERY bad for MIL. I cannot imagine basically not being in full control of who you are and what you do. Or even not being able to remember doing something awful to someone you care for. I hope MIL recovers quickly and will be able to go back to who she actually is.
Omg that second story is going to make me sad for the rest of the week... I really hope OP is doing well and that dad regrets his decision one day and every day after that until he dies. Third story, he's the one being disrespectful by not leaving her some of the snacks if she says she wants them. My husband will literally go out to the store and buy more if he realizes he's eaten something I wanted. I don't even ask him to do that, I just ask where something went and he says he ate it, apologizes and goes to get more. I wouldn't expect every man to do this but at least don't eat the whole thing if you've already talked about this being an issue! It shouldn't be that hard to just leave half alone! Or do be sneaky about it and buy more before she notices 😂 it's just not that hard to respect your partner if you really care for them and don't just want to marry your parent.
Story 4 - I was SO angry with MIL, but to learn she has a brain tumor, that's just heartbreaking. Story with lockbox - glad she got out of that relationship.
OMG that mother in law needed to be in the hospital taking care of the brain tumor ASAP because it can do really bad things if you don't take care of it right away. My dad's best friend that he's had for almost 50 years had a sudden blackout that made him flip over his car and almost killed him. He barely made it out without having to be paralyzed for life. They found that he had either a brain tumor or blood cott is brain. He's back to work and okay as far as I know working at Walmart as a pharmacist.
That's absolutely true ... I was wondering whether they delayed treatment or just the revelation that MiL had a brain tumor. The former would be horrific.
Story 3: I could see a lockbox being a reasonable tool when one person has a weakness they need help with, like smoking, vaping, chocolate, hot Cheetos, etc. But it won't work if the addict doesn't admit they have a problem and need help (and even then, I'd expect some issues).
Story 2 - You’re not wrong hoping that the dad ends up miserable cause I do too. My heart goes out to OP, I know it was hard for OP but she made the right choice, hopefully things will get better for her. As for the Dad… I hope he realizes what a witch his GF really is and that he made a huge mistake in choosing her over his own daughter. Parents should always choose their kids over a stranger. It’s always heartbreaking to hear when parents lose their husband/wife and then they turn into a completely different person when they meet someone new. They completely ignore their own family and even turn on them. They believe a stranger over their own flesh and blood, it’s both aggravating and sad.
Story 2: Cut him off, op’s father is going to regret his decision in the future, when op gets married and has children herself, in no way should she allow her father to see his grandchildren. He didn’t have time for op after being with that entitled girlfriend so op should return the favour in kind. “You told me to leave and never come back, well the feeling is mutual” That is what op should say if he wants to see his grandchildren.
Story 2 was my family. I was out of the house, but my sister and younger brother were still in school. Our mom died and dad was remarried within a year. Sister got “rescued” by my now brother-in-law. Youngest brother moved to my grandparents. Were we “abandoned”? You could say that. But we all maintained a relationship with him and step mom. We were all with him when he passed.
Story 3... "shared snacks" as in both get to eat them... not that the BF gets to eat them all, and the GF gets nothing. Personally, the splitting them and the half of the GF into a lockbox so they can savour them... while annoying, if I was looking for some snacks, would not be a big issue. The rage over it shows she dodged a very big abuse issue.
Story 3. I really really hope she got her money out of their joint account before he could snatch it!! Story 4. All the feelings are in this sad but true story with what I believe is a happy ending. And I wish for MIL to get all the medical care she needs.
I have a sort of a lockbox story. My fiancé has four "snacky" weaknesses: marshmallows, chocolate chips, raisins and peanut butter, which he eats directly from the jar with a spoon. What this means is that I can never count on having peanut butter and I can never make cookies or rice krispy treats, because he will eat all the cookie making items before I manage to get to them. It started as a horrible conflict item with my accusations of his total lack of self-control and his accusations of me being controlling. It was a big blowup and I considered leaving. Then we sat down and both said, tearfully, "Are we really breaking up over food?" the outcome was that we made up and put some things in place. 1. If he finds marshmallows while foraging for snacks, for instance, he asks if there's a plan for it. And I can answer. 2. When I buy those weakness items, I buy extra and hide half of it. 3. He is now allowed to keep a jar of peanut butter and a spoon in his car. LOL 4. We keep open communication about my baking. 5. We make jokes about it all the time. This has kept us happy and relaxed for nearly 9 years. Long engagement, but the wedding is set for August.
That last story was just so sad. That poor mother in law would be so filled with guilt over something that is beyond her control. My grandfather died of a brain tumour. Before it was diagnosed he had trouble with his sight perception, though he didn’t realise it, and crashed into a truck. When they took him to the hospital they found the tumour. But by that point it was too far gone. The drugs they put him on to help his condition completely changed his personality and he got mean and cruel. It was really hard to see, because I knew it wasn’t him. I hope that poor lady recovers, both from the cancer, the guilt and the broken relationships it caused
I think that by denouncing a lock box that either you’ve never lived with a food gorger, who doesn’t leave anything at all for the someone else who’s contributed to the purchase, or might be one yourself.
Story 2: OP is probably 18-19 now. Dad probably married that awful woman and is wondering why the invite to OP went unanswered and the reality of his idiocy is hopefully starting to set in if it hasn't already.
the boyfriend in the third story had no respect for op's snacks. he definitely felt entitled to everything. if anyone has no respect for a small item like sharing snacks then next they'll move on to something else. she's definitely better off without him.
I wonder how long ago story 2 happened? Because I have a feeling that the gf will marry the father and then when he starts getting too old and not as fun anymore, she will dump him for a newer model. If they have any kids I am sure she will make sure she gets full custody and drain him of every penny he has and still not see his new kids.
I'm so glad the person left her Dad's house, that was no way to live. Hopefully, he never comes back, but if he does, I'm hoping OP remembers this, and doesn't allow someone that abandoned her back into her life. The whole "but he's/she's your family," only works if they actually are. Abuse and abandonment nullify that.
My then husband had a bag of frozen peas and pearl onions for snacks and he even put his initials with black sharpie. Our toddler was hungry and a REALLY picky eater, so I was making her ramen and scrambled eggs with a few of the peas from that bag because we had no other veggies my daughter would eat. He wasn’t home to ask,which I would have, so I was prepared to go get him a whole new bag at the next shopping trip. I told him what I did and figured it would be fine, but OH NO, he was so furious that after not speaking to me for hours, he actually came up to me and told me he wanted me to move out. Yeah. Over a bag of effing FROZEN PEAS!
I understand that OP loves her father and doesn't want him to think she is leaving him if she goes to live with her mother's parents. But, why should she care? He has already abandoned her emotionally for his witch of a girlfriend. It's unfortunate that OP was not able to record that conversation the girlfriend had with that friend of hers. But, in all probability, he would have found some way to pass it off as OP misunderstanding what the girlfiend (typo, but it fits) meant.
The father will regret it. My grandfather cheated on his first wife my grandmother and then later cheated on his second with his third wife. Third wife turn out to be a convining gold digger. Sadly he passed away a few years ago and we believe his will was forged.
the dad will have a lonely life and OP has cut him off since that is what he wants so all the special events in her life with be ones without him like her wedding and children etc. funny that this dad is so unaware that as he ages he need for her would be greater but he cuts that connection off without a tear.
Story 2: Geez, not only trying to erase OP's mom from her life, but basically poisoned the dad into thinking OP wants to get rid of his gf. OP made the right choice, either the guilt forever eats away at him, or he just considers it over forever and start a second family. Either way, the GF is out of OP's life and that's what matters
You know damn well if op is doing well later in life and Dad's not doing so hot, the two of them will be coming around knocking because "they're family"
This sounds like there's more to it. Dad apparently removed the pictures long before GF was on the scene. People process grief differently. It also sounds like OP may have been acting hostilely before anything happened.
That father doesn't realize that by saying what he's saying, doing what he's doing, and choosing who he's choosing - that it isn't OP that wants the father to be alone but that the father wants OP to be alone. I hate how the father is talking about "taking a break" like OP is his GF and not his daughter. I've never dealt with it and hope I never do but I just don't understand the concept of "you remind me of someone I lost so I want to lose you, too." It's more likely the father was never taught empathy as a child.
That tumor story hurts. I feel so sorry for everyone involved. And medical conditions like that can be so strange and come up fast. My sister got sick on a Monday, and died on Friday next, from an undetected tumor, so any story where they are involved is bad. And the Nurse story? Grr, nurses are doing one of the hardest jobs on earth. There are a ton of them in my family, mom, aunt, two cousins and their wives, a second cousin and his wife. And one of those cousins has a grandson in nursing school. He's a wonderful young man and we are all so proud of him. I told him in private that if he ever needs a little help with things, that I'm at a place where I could be of assistance.
On the lockbox story, I do agree that the lockbox was called for in the story. I had flashbacks to when I was still married, and I had four children (all now adults) and I would buy a package of Oreos that I intended to be doled out across the course of a week (at the time, there were 36 Oreos in the package--Golden DoubleStuf Oreos). Well, now-ex came home from work and sees the package and opens it, and promptly starts eating them ... I mean he hasn't even finished chewing and swallowing Oreo #1 before he's cramming Oreo #2 into his mouth. He went on to eat 14 Oreos saying that it was ok because he "likes them". Like the rest of us didn't? A fair share of the package would have been 6 Oreos. So after that, I got some ziploc baggies, labeled one with each name (one for me, one for each of the four children) and hid them. The kids all knew where I hid them, and nobody ever took from someone else's bag--the rule was that the ones in your bag were yours, you could eat all six in a sitting, eat one a day, whatever, but I only bought one package per week. Well, like the guy in story #2 when confronted with the lockbox, my now-ex went bonkers mad about how "someone keeps eating all the Oreos" because there'd only be six (his share--6 people who like the thing, 36 items) left in the package. That wasn't the reason why I am no longer married (much worse), but the kids still sometimes talk about the Oreos, and they all have mastered delayed gratification, having a sense of fairness about sharing things, and don't make little pigs of themselves just because they like a particular food item.
If you are lucky you will only ever feel a touch of psychosis a handful of times in your life. But when you finally do experience it, it changes so much about how you see others. To know that for a time there was another you, in your body, doing things you'd never do yourself, is shattering.
Wow!! Story 4: I’m glad that OP’s In-laws (aside from the Mother in-law) were very, VERY understanding!!! I’m glad they’ve done everything to help OP and husband find OP a new dress etc, which was very sweet of them!
The only reason I can think of not to take the $ comes from watching too much TV: perhaps MiL is surreptitiously recording the transaction to show her son what a nasty golddigger his fiancée is.
The lockbox did not create the break. The BF had already broken it when he refused to consider OP. If they've bought something special and/or fancy as a snack and he eats it all, like the cheese in an hour, he's just plain selfish and has no impulse control at all.
No no no. The father is selfish, the GF is trouble. Bet a dollar she takes him to the cleaners. The GF should’ve been glad to have a daughter. I would’ve been stoked and I’ve been in that situation as the stepmom.
*First and Last story-* my in-laws hated me since the day we met. They never thought I was good enough for their son. And the night before our wedding, my father-in-law tried talking my hubby out of marrying me!!! And I’m epileptic, so I’ve had seizures during family gatherings. I had a seizure at my cousins wedding, so I was really tired. But there was only 2 girls to catch the bouquet. So, my mom told me to go, even though I didn’t feel good. One of the girls wanted the flowers more than me, and she knocked me over and *I got a concussion!* They had to call 911 because I got knocked out.
The lock box is a good relationship test; If a person can't be patient or have self-control this is a sign that you need to improve that way. I have no self-control when it comes to pop if I have it at my house I have to drink it all. I'm trying to work out as well as go swimming to try and lose weight.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings I work night shift so my schedule's thrown off but I do drink cold water before I go to bed and when I get up so that it burns weight through my metabolism. I've done it before and I've lost 17 lb and it helps my sleep too.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings Yeah Op should have definitely should have shown him the Reddit post on how people are reacting to his behavior after maybe doing some kind of an intervention thing with him with people around him that our witnessing this whole event.
I have a bit of a weight issue myself, though a big issue of that is my level of activity. For some backstory: I have a job in security where most of my job consists of me sitting at a desk alone for 8 hours (3pm-11pm with an hours drive both to and from work). I do get up and down to check trucks out as they leave the property but otherwise, I am mainly just sitting here. If work is slow and the weather allows it, I try to get out and walk laps around my post for at minimum of 30 minutes to 1 hour. One thing I looked into that helped me a lot was intermittent fasting. While I still ate what I normally ate, I just restricted myself on when I ate. I would only allow myself to eat between 9am-5pm. Usually, I'd wake up and have a big brunch of whatever was leftover from the night before. And then I would take some small snack stuff to snack on for the first 2 hours of work. After that, from 5pm-9am...all I had was water, or occasionally a bit of sweet tea. I would implement this intermittent fasting on Monday - Friday with the weekends being my "cheat days". And with the weather being nicer at the time, I was walking at least 1 hour, some nights 2 hours if the night allowed. Just doing that alone, no changing WHAT I ate, but more so WHEN I ate...coupled with some casual walking...in about a month and a half, I dropped 30lbs. The only issue for me is the holidays. We tend to have more sweets and junk in the house which makes for easy access snaking; and the much colder weather in the evenings makes it a bit more difficult to get out and walk for extended periods of time. This ultimately led to gaining almost 20lbs back so I am really trying to kick myself in the ass to get back onto my intermittent fasting routine again.
I love that the last OP made a point to respond back in defense of the circumstances and still held to the boundaries she would have If it was any other reason. I hope she was able to enjoy the honeymoon and that all of them have been able to heal since the wedding. The communication from everyone in that story was exactly what healthy looks like.
The last story is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm sure the MIL is torn up about what happened & also that because of it she missed her son's wedding, something I'm sure she very much looked forward to from the way OP described her. I hope she will recover quickly to be able to enjoy the rest of her life with her family & hopefully lots of grandchildren ❤️
Story 3 is death by a thousand cuts. A lockbox in the fridge seems extreme, but with the info presented, this is after, what, months of the girlfriend repeatedly telling her boyfriend to stop eating all the snacks. The resulting tantrum seemed to clearly be roid rage, but the behavior after the fact is a bunch of red flags that suggests abusive tendencies and OP is very right for keeping her distance.
Second story hits home. Grieving parents can go from the sweetest, warmest relationships to strangers when a new partner comes along... mine got divorced, but as soon as my dad got remarried I've had next to no contact with him, he has a new family now so why bother with his daughter? 🙄 All the best to OP, it sucks but gets easier as the years go by.
Last story with the brain tumor. Genuinely heartbreaking, and I hope she gets better. Illnesses of the mind, be it tumors, injuries, or forms of dementia are horrifying. It can turn a loving person into a monster, or make them so confused they do not know what they are doing or who they even are anymore.
Story 2: I'll never understand how some people can just chose someone over their own flesh and blood, man is gonna wake up one day and wonder why his daughter wants nothing to do with him.
Thr only thing wrong with the boyfriend is that he won't take her needs seriously, gets irrationally angry when she exerts any sort of control and turns violent.
By eating all the snacks, especially things like expensive cheese, he was financially using her! She paid for half, and over and over she got none! He didn't respect her enough to use self control and leave some for her, AND he expected her to accept him pooping on her over and over again! It might *seem* like a little thing, but actually it runs deep! Over time, he'd do other things to take more than his share, and expect her to just make do with crumbs, or nothing! In short, he thought his needs were more important than her needs!
Last story is just sad. That's not the MIL behaving badly, that's the brain tumor behaving badly. I was angry for OP at first too, but the medical information is critical to understanding the situation.
@@WaddickLawnCarethat is impossible for any individual. You seem to have a deep psychological desire to blame them which suggests a need for medical intervention for you.
The last story. That was so tragic. I know the wedding was important, but her husband may very well be losing his mother and the father losing his wife. If the mother did what she did thinking she was trying to do something good, I feel so bad for her. So very bad for her. These kinds of things as well as relatives that develop dementia have a lot of similarities. I have had relatives that had even slight dementia, and it is so frustrating for them, and embarrassing for them as well. But we all understand and work to smooth things over. That is what the dad in this case was doing. He needs support as well, as he is having to watch his wife slowly fade away, which probably kills him a little each day as well. I'm sorry to go on like this, but I know how heartbreaking these things can be.
@@WaddickLawnCare The particulars of these situations are very difficult. How much leeway do you give a person who is going through so much before you start detracting from their dignity. Very hard situations and since I don't know all the particulars of her state of mind (and even if I did) I do not fault the FIL. You say "by her bedside". She wasn't bedridden, and she was obviously able to communicate reasonably well since no one knew of this problem till she did what she did. It is a difficult situation for the FIL to juggle.
That last story broke me! Poor women, both OP and MIL. I’ve seen loving relatives in various states of mental decline, and it doesn’t get easy. If they’re not in familiar surroundings, that can make things even worse, which probably meant even more incidents of odd behavior from MIL. And they don’t want to ruin the wedding with devastating medical news, but as a result, no one at the wedding understood what was happening. That’s an impossible situation. I hope the family heals with whatever comes next.
The lockbox was the final straw kind of thing. Not everyone shares everything in a relationship. He was stepping over a boundary that was set. If my partner were to constantly do something I told her honestly bothered me, it would be unhealthy. What is trivial to some is a big deal to others. Love is complicated. Respect your partner. I personally think the two aren't compatible in the first place, and he may have been taking steriods.
That fists story is brilliant! Reminds me of the same thing happening to Stan & Francine in that 100th episode of American Dad when Jeff & Hayley eloped.
Story 3 reminds me of my current relationship. I tell her to stop eating me out of house and home, she laughs it off or makes some excuse. My solution was to buy food that she couldn't eat, and things that she doesn't like but I do. The real solution is to never live with someone but in this economy it can be hard to suggest that
That dad in the 2nd story is gonna wonder one day why he's all alone
And why his daughter won’t speak with him. He deserves to be alone.
And I'll be there to lap up the sweet sweet sad tears just to add insult to injury~
...Yes, I'm aware it'll look weird, but, eh, you only live once!
Yeah, that's actually the point where you end up turning to the father and saying "Well, then I guess I'm an orphan, because I don't have a father anymore". I'd be angry crying about it, but I'd definitely consider them as being dead and gone from my life. Mainly due to the fact that it was so incredibly cruel of the father to treat the daughter like that.
He doesn't deserve his daughter. It makes one wonder, if he could jettison her so heartlessly, what his relationship with her mother was REALLY like.
I bet his new wife will be gone as soon as the money runs out.
That lockbox was OP's best investment: it revealed that the boyfriend was the controlling and abusive one all along, and that the act of eating all the snacks had always been a power play.
100%. If it wasn't about power he'd have just bought more snacks for himself.
And she did share with him. So she wasn’t “denying him food.”
Ironic that he accused her of denying him food… cos that exactly what he did to her! The only difference is that he stored it in his stomach instead of a box!
Seems like a total narcissist he would make everything her fault and then when she left he was live bombing her good thing she is smart and got out of it quickly
He's not controlling. He was just hungry.
he accused her of being abusive and controlling and not respecting him, but how is eating her half of the snacks respecting her? She dodged a major bullet with that one and I hope she finds someone who will respect her.
It's projection. Dude knew he was being abusive and controlling and not respecting her, but wanted to make it her fault.
He might wanna stop the cycle of roids he's on
"Have you gotten rid of the lockbox?"
"Are you going to stop eating my snacks?"
The line she missed using was "good riddance to bad rubbish".
Bad response, he'd promise too stop eating her snacks again.
After already promising several times and reneging? OPs boyfriend is a textbook abuser. Lovebombing, destroying her stuff.
I DON'T KNOW
if I should B
more angry/ more SORRY for Karen OP'S
mother-inlaw
bcause she
wreckEd OP'S
wedding dress
/sorry for her
bcause she
has a brain tumor+may have done it
partially
unintentionally.
I DO think that
it is a thing that is difficult
to forgive .
I agree With the Op who
Got THE lock
box BCAUSE
the boy- friend
didn't know
how to share
fairly + OP got
very Little if
any of the
treats+ snacks.
I am not very
SUPRISED that
OP got the
lock box+
wouldn't give
it up whatever
the boy-friend
said/offered to
do . SOME
people only
learn the
painfull way
Story 2. If OP is a minor, then I hope that the grandparents told social security where to send the death benefits check since she's no longer living with dad. Also OP needs to get a lawyer and find out who owns the house and whether mom had a will. In some states, kids get a good chunk of the estate. So if mom's name is on the deed and didn't have a will, she should hire a shark to get the house sold and get her share if she's entitled.
@@petunia7623 regardless of that, every state has their own inheritance laws . OP should go live with her grandparents and find an estate attorney to investigate what rights OP has to her mother's estate .... and then pursue them to the nth degree. And yes, that includes OP's SS benefits from her mother's SS account. If daddy dearest has already filed for them on OP's behalf and named himself Representative Payee, an attorney should be able to intervene and have that changed to either of her grandparents if OP is a minor, or if she has turned 18 and is planning to attend college, then she can have the benefits distributed in her own name (that's assuming it still works that way).
@@tinydancer7426op is 15 or 16 at the time of the post
@@Aspen_exists_and_stuff Yep, better that OP moves to her grandparents' home and they get a good attorney to sort out her mother's estate. What do you want to bet that daddy dearest has not filed his deceased wife's will, or worse yet, she was intestate and her estate has not be probated. That witch, excuse me woman, he married is sure to do whatever she can to screw OP out of what is rightfully hers.
If your significant other was eating all your food. Or taking all your money. You'd lock it up to.
Not to mention break up immediately
Especially if they were on drugs.
And the fact that his actions make the fiance a thief and a selfish glutton.
The lock box story caused a bit of PTSD. Unless you’ve lived with someone like this, you won’t understand. The lock box sounds so petty until you go to grab the lunch that you prepared the night before & it’s gone. So you try to grab something else only to find it’s gone, also. You go to work without breakfast or lunch because they ate everything in the house. My job doesn’t allow enough time to run out to get anything & get back before break is over. This can be a type of abuse. I think she dodged a bullet with him.
Last story. Even suffering from a brain tumor, Mil thought that she was doing something good. She probably thought that she supposed to make the wedding dress. I hope that she makes a full recovery.
Same! That was actually heartbreaking to read and to fond out it wasn’t even out of malice but because of a very serious medical issue? Yeah, I hope The MiL makes a full recovery and that Op and her Husband despite what happened continues to have a great relationship with her.
Agreed, if it wasn't for the fact that she had a brain tumor, I would have thought she was actually entitled.
Agree the lady is not a Karen due to medical condition, but what I really want to know is if OP actually got married in her bathrobe
I just want to say, it seems hard to understand how much love that woman had in heart for her daughter in law to be. Even in a confused state, where reality isn't like it should be, she did what she thought was for the betterment of the bride.
Even if, in reality, it got trashed, I think it shows that there is nothing she wouldn't do for her sons wife.
The MIL is indeed a very sweet person, as a healthcare worker this broke my heart. The tumor itself is already hard to deal with, and now it messed up her relationship with her son and dil. 😢 I hope op forgive her and be more understanding about the condition. No one ever wants that to happened.
Happy couples don't each other's snacks to the point where a lockbox is needed. The guy was a nightmare.
I can _imagine_ exceptions where happy couples would need a lockbox, but that requires the offending partner to admit that they have a problem they need help with.
Story 1: What a thoughtful MIL! She loved them so much that she just up and gave them 10k as a wedding present. How very kind of her. 🙂
And doesn't even mention the gift thereafter. What an angel.
The best part is she probably had to get an actual gift for the wedding so the secret didn’t come out. lol
😂
@@scuba535 The best part is that Nurse let MIL know she isn't a pushover from the very beginning. I bet MIL didn't try to get away with much after Nurse and her hubby got married.
Story 3: OMG Food Abuse, Financial Abuse, then violence and then gaslighting... this guy screams narcissistic abuser to the max... I have been married going on 20 years, if I buy a snack for me, my husband will wait till I am eating it and ask if he can have some, if he buys something for himself he will usually just say this is to share or please do not eat this as we are both on special medical diets... He is hypertensive I am hypotensive. But if they were buying their own food as he ate more and she was buying stuff for her to munch only to have him take it all then gaslight her into thinking she had no right to keep food she bought or paid for in part from him- yeah that is a serious abusive red flag...
Im kinda wondering if he might be on steroids.. Considering he just all of a sudden starting having violent outbursts like that. Or either he was that way all along but finally showed his true colors..
@@naomirobinson84 These stories always make me wonder if it was really out of the blue or if there were just signs that OP didn't notice. In this case it really does sound like it was pretty sudden so I agree that it might be steroids or something similar, especially with it being such a small thing as "stop eating my snacks".
@@Enray11or even maybe he changed medication. I'm on the spectrum and my parents and I were trying to find the right medicine for me. One of them didn't even last more than 2 days because my Mom noticed how it made me very volatile when normally it takes a lot to make me explode.
It also could be a reaction to childhood abuse. If he was abused as a child where he had food withheld and went hungry often this might be the way an emotionally damaged, and emotionally immature person deals with it. Its not an excuse for the follow on behavior, but when someone is triggered from past abuse and doesnt know how to deal with it then tend to lash out.
#3 is just proof that the guy has no respect for her boundaries, a huge red flag
Have to comment on lockbox: I'd say it was her last resort. It may have been childish to some but if they are spiltting expenses, in the end she suffers...financially... she pays but doesn't benefit. And if it took a lockbox for him to show his true colors... it was a wise choice.
Totally agree!
@@NateWilliams-h8qsure incel, someone who ignores your boundaries and disregards you when you communicate your unhappy with their behaviour is a "good man" she's definitely going to miss🙄
@@angycat4262 Oh look, name calling! That will surely win people over.
@@NateWilliams-h8q If I wanted to win anyone over it sure as hell wouldn't be you🤡 no way I'd stay with someone who thinks someone should stay with an abuser
ESH. Boyfriend was clearly in the wrong for eating her snacks, repeatedly. It was disrespectful to continue to do so after being asked not to. OP's response was, however, was a passive-aggressive move to fix the problem she had rather than communicating with boyfriend and coming up with a mutual solution. It was, in fact, emotionally abusive and controlling, and disrespectful of him. But then of course BF's reaction was completely over the top.
The lock box story has me in my feelings. Some people may feel that it was petty but it's about respect and boundaries. Don't keep apologizing and doing it again...if more snacks is needed then buy more snacks, but don't make OP feel like the bad guy because she wants to eat the food that she spent money on.
All of this. The wife and I haven't gotten that far but there would be many times where say I felt like treating myself to oreos. If eat 1/4 of the container and tell her to help herself assuming she would have some but nope she would kill the the rest. Low and behold I'd either come home to zero oreos or maybe 3 left. That's the tip of the iceberg but I can definitely feel her pain. Willing to share but damn. Unless I say hey go ahead and kill it me saying have some isn't me saying have the rest.
I think most people agree.. It caught me off guard when the narrator took the AH's side... Oof 😬
Story 4 what a heartbreaker... I feel so bad for everyone involved, the consideration to not ruin OP's wedding with traumatic medical news, the disorientation and the mental decline of someone who had been so loving and supportive before the tumor started impairing judgement... so horrible for everyone. I truly pray that MIL can be treated and makes a full recovery and can spend her golden years with her family that she seems to care so much for. What a tragic outcome... I know what it is like to watch a loving lucid person fall to dementia or Alzheimer's, it is devastating to live thru and even worse to consciously witness. I wanted MIL eviscerated before the updates... now I am just speechless... Good on OP and the rest of the family coming together to support MIL thru what is going to be a long time, and painfully uncomfortable process. God willing it even is successful...
It's a great example of how you need to hear both sides of an issue. So many people on reddit "just know" so much that isn't in the story. And sure, many times that might be true, but often there's a whole other story that we will never hear.
Exactly! We thought my mom had Dementia, even her primary physician did. Nope, lung cancer came back and spread to her brain. It sucked watching her decline so much and rapidly. Hope this woman can get help and treatment for recovery.
Story2 Yes, it was spoiled, entitled, and childish...of the dads gf. No doubt that was all intentional.
I feel I should be mad at the GF for destroying OP's family, but I'm more angry with OP's dad for basically abandoning his own daughter over his GF. What a cheekie bastard
@Josh_the_jester Agreed. They're both a piece of work, but a parent choosing someone over their child is on another level.
Wait till years later, he finds out she drained him dry and left him begging for money, then tries to want some sort of relationship with OP only to throw him out like he did to her. I hope she’ll be okay after all the pain he caused her.
Honestly Op in story two should Say exactly what they said about her dad getting rid of everything of his ex-wife inculding his child to his face and “wish” him the best for “getting rid” of the last bit of “worthless” memories of his ex-wife to start over with his current GF. See how he responds to that especially if Op blocks/Gos no contact them right after
@@debbiebogart5742 But OP's mom is dead, right? 🤔🤨
The lock box was only necessary because they weren't sharing. She wanted to share! He didn't. She's better off without him. He didn't care enough to leave any for her cuz he's selfish.
It sounds like he is not respecting her boundaries. In fact, is stepping all over them. I would not remove the lockbox. I would take it and all my stuff and get out. What a complete and total narcissist! It’s good you got away!!!
Dark Fluff, why do you think it’s ok for the boyfriend to eat HER snacks and his?
Constantly eating her snacks after she made it clear it was a violation of her boundaries is abusive. He got mad that she enforced her boundaries because it meant he couldn't abuse her
9:57 This indicates an agreement to split those snacks. When he broke the agreement, the lockbox was necessary.
If you don't get any of the snacks, and I mean 0%, yeah a lock-box is needed.
Story 3: NTA. The first warning flag that you have a bad relationship is thinking it's "perfect". Relationships are never perfect. Boyfriend constantly stomped on one of OP's boundaries (eating her snacks) and it was a constant rinse and repeat battle until she took proactive measures against his theft. If he loved and respected her, he wouldn't touch her snacks without asking her first. He wouldn't even care about her choosing to put her stuff in a lockbox. He was mad that he could no longer control her and that she was taking a stand instead of being submissive to him. Imagine if they had kids and he was constantly eating the food meant for them. His physical outburst/rage (destruction of the laptop) isn't from roid rage, that's just his REAL personality coming out.
Story 2: I guarantee you that in the future; dad's going to come back, acting like nothing happened.
And OP can say, "I don't know you. Go away!" Close the door and write him off. 🤨
He'll show up when he needs a kidney. 😡
Or he needs a free babysitter for any kids his gf has because “op is family” now and they “shouldn’t have to pay a stranger”
@@BonniRavenexcept for the fact dad made OP a "stranger", courtesy of writing off everything his daughter says regarding his new girl as "lies" and trying to ruin his new relationship
Story 2: Nope leave, move in with people who actually love you and are not trying to erase your existence because of the past. The truth will out and Dad will eventually see what this 2 face monster of a human did to his family... or he will continue to ignore it and live in a life sucking delusion pushing away everyone he ever loved. OP cannot make that decision for him, she has to depend on herself and those who do love her for her own well being.
He is more the monster than she is. He chose to throw his daughter away.
Honestly I feel like that dad got destroyed by grief and never recovered, leading to the girlfriend taking him over. Threw everything out to try and avoid it. That's no excuse and I hope he learns the hard way. Ultimately he isn't the victim anymore. He pushed that role onto OP to escape it rather than addressing it.
Yeah that's what I was thinking too. The girlfriend came in when he was emotionally vulnerable and basically manipulated him into this. I feel bad for both of them, though if I was the grandparents I'd have torn my son a new one (if they're the dad's parents, if not I'd still have done it)
OP I’m so sorry for all your pain. It’s like you lost both parents. Your father is the jerk not you! I hope someday he’ll realize how much he hurt you and maybe in the future you might be able to have an adult relationship. But if you don’t, just remember none of this is your fault! And I do recommend counseling.
The lockbox story reminded of my (late) sister-in-laws. She came down from their home state to take care of my newborn baby when I returned to work. She was 19@ the time. She was very overweight and the "baby girl" of the family. I would come home from work only to find that she had eaten the food I had planned to fix for supper -usually ALL of it. I wouldn't have complained if she just esten a regular lunch or had checked with me about what it was ok for her TO eat. But it continued to happen. I ended up labeling the food I had bought for our meals, so she would know not to touch it. She wasn't happy about that. But I wasn't happy having to scramble to make a meal when the food I wanted to serve for all of us (herself included) was just gone .
Story 3 - OP is NTA, and it sounds like that she dodged a bullet with that guy.
Why do you keep harping on her getting a lockbox for the fridge? It's not her fault her now ex kept eating all her food and showed absolutely no respect for her. OP did what she needed to do when her "roommate" kept stealing her food.
Your father should have gotten both of you into therapy when your mother died. Abandoning you once he found a girlfriend will come back to haunt him one day😢
OP, no, this relationship was not worth saving. His behavior became very outrageous. I’m glad that you were able to get out of that relationship😢
As far as the lockbox story it sounds like the relationship is not worth salvaging. He seems to think that OPs money is his and anything they buy together is his.
That last story... ouch that's a stab in the heart.
Story 1 - Oh wow, that was GREAT!!! MIL tries to bribe nurse into leaving her son only to have it backfire on her and the best part is she can’t say or do anything about it. 😂😂😂😂
The last story was heartbreaking.
A food lock box shouldnt be a thing just like how taking food THATS NOT YOURS IS A THING!!!!!!!
*rolls eyes at 1st story* Karen MIL, love is much more powerful than money. And 30+ years of marriage is proof of that fact, no matter what.
When BF said it's abusive and controlling to deny him food, OP should have responded with "I'm not denying you food, there is plenty of food in the fridge to eat and he gets his half of each snack we buy FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!, that lock box is simply there to ensure I actually get MY HALF OF THE SNACKS!!! It is however, EXTREMELY Rude, Disrespectful and Abusive for YOU to eat MY half of the snacks we buy FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!"
The second story is a shame. Seriously is going to be years and years down the road hes probably gonna realize this and that and then realize he probably needs his kid whom he abandoned. Realize the bridge is burnt. And end up alone.
Story 1: Best wedding gift a Karen in-law can give to OP since the mother in law gave a great gift to OP and an insult to herself.
The fact that MIL Karen tried to bribe OP to break up with her son backfired is ironic because they’re now married for 30+ years!
Last story. Dear lord, those updates made that story SOO sad. I am glad OP is taking the time to sort through her feelings before speaking to her MIL again. I do feel VERY bad for MIL. I cannot imagine basically not being in full control of who you are and what you do. Or even not being able to remember doing something awful to someone you care for. I hope MIL recovers quickly and will be able to go back to who she actually is.
Omg that second story is going to make me sad for the rest of the week... I really hope OP is doing well and that dad regrets his decision one day and every day after that until he dies.
Third story, he's the one being disrespectful by not leaving her some of the snacks if she says she wants them. My husband will literally go out to the store and buy more if he realizes he's eaten something I wanted. I don't even ask him to do that, I just ask where something went and he says he ate it, apologizes and goes to get more. I wouldn't expect every man to do this but at least don't eat the whole thing if you've already talked about this being an issue! It shouldn't be that hard to just leave half alone!
Or do be sneaky about it and buy more before she notices 😂 it's just not that hard to respect your partner if you really care for them and don't just want to marry your parent.
That revenge in the first story was GLORIOUS!
Story 4 - I was SO angry with MIL, but to learn she has a brain tumor, that's just heartbreaking.
Story with lockbox - glad she got out of that relationship.
Redirect that anger to FIL he didn’t protect and take care of his wife in her most medically weak moment what a terrible man!
OMG that mother in law needed to be in the hospital taking care of the brain tumor ASAP because it can do really bad things if you don't take care of it right away. My dad's best friend that he's had for almost 50 years had a sudden blackout that made him flip over his car and almost killed him. He barely made it out without having to be paralyzed for life. They found that he had either a brain tumor or blood cott is brain. He's back to work and okay as far as I know working at Walmart as a pharmacist.
That's absolutely true ... I was wondering whether they delayed treatment or just the revelation that MiL had a brain tumor.
The former would be horrific.
Story 3: I could see a lockbox being a reasonable tool when one person has a weakness they need help with, like smoking, vaping, chocolate, hot Cheetos, etc.
But it won't work if the addict doesn't admit they have a problem and need help (and even then, I'd expect some issues).
Story 2 - You’re not wrong hoping that the dad ends up miserable cause I do too. My heart goes out to OP, I know it was hard for OP but she made the right choice, hopefully things will get better for her. As for the Dad… I hope he realizes what a witch his GF really is and that he made a huge mistake in choosing her over his own daughter. Parents should always choose their kids over a stranger.
It’s always heartbreaking to hear when parents lose their husband/wife and then they turn into a completely different person when they meet someone new. They completely ignore their own family and even turn on them. They believe a stranger over their own flesh and blood, it’s both aggravating and sad.
He's just a pathetic disgrace. He can't look at his daughter because she reminds him of her? Grow the fuck up.
Story 2: Cut him off, op’s father is going to regret his decision in the future, when op gets married and has children herself, in no way should she allow her father to see his grandchildren. He didn’t have time for op after being with that entitled girlfriend so op should return the favour in kind.
“You told me to leave and never come back, well the feeling is mutual” That is what op should say if he wants to see his grandchildren.
Damn right
Story 2 was my family. I was out of the house, but my sister and younger brother were still in school. Our mom died and dad was remarried within a year. Sister got “rescued” by my now brother-in-law. Youngest brother moved to my grandparents. Were we “abandoned”? You could say that. But we all maintained a relationship with him and step mom. We were all with him when he passed.
Geez, that last story took 180 in the end. I didn't saw the update coming.
Story 3... "shared snacks" as in both get to eat them... not that the BF gets to eat them all, and the GF gets nothing. Personally, the splitting them and the half of the GF into a lockbox so they can savour them... while annoying, if I was looking for some snacks, would not be a big issue. The rage over it shows she dodged a very big abuse issue.
Story 3. I really really hope she got her money out of their joint account before he could snatch it!!
Story 4. All the feelings are in this sad but true story with what I believe is a happy ending. And I wish for MIL to get all the medical care she needs.
Story 3: Tell him good riddance.
I have a sort of a lockbox story. My fiancé has four "snacky" weaknesses: marshmallows, chocolate chips, raisins and peanut butter, which he eats directly from the jar with a spoon. What this means is that I can never count on having peanut butter and I can never make cookies or rice krispy treats, because he will eat all the cookie making items before I manage to get to them. It started as a horrible conflict item with my accusations of his total lack of self-control and his accusations of me being controlling. It was a big blowup and I considered leaving. Then we sat down and both said, tearfully, "Are we really breaking up over food?"
the outcome was that we made up and put some things in place.
1. If he finds marshmallows while foraging for snacks, for instance, he asks if there's a plan for it. And I can answer.
2. When I buy those weakness items, I buy extra and hide half of it.
3. He is now allowed to keep a jar of peanut butter and a spoon in his car. LOL
4. We keep open communication about my baking.
5. We make jokes about it all the time.
This has kept us happy and relaxed for nearly 9 years. Long engagement, but the wedding is set for August.
That last story was just so sad. That poor mother in law would be so filled with guilt over something that is beyond her control. My grandfather died of a brain tumour. Before it was diagnosed he had trouble with his sight perception, though he didn’t realise it, and crashed into a truck. When they took him to the hospital they found the tumour. But by that point it was too far gone. The drugs they put him on to help his condition completely changed his personality and he got mean and cruel. It was really hard to see, because I knew it wasn’t him. I hope that poor lady recovers, both from the cancer, the guilt and the broken relationships it caused
I think that by denouncing a lock box that either you’ve never lived with a food gorger, who doesn’t leave anything at all for the someone else who’s contributed to the purchase, or might be one yourself.
You made a great point, right up to "...or might be one yourself", which is not only mean-spirited, but truly unnecessary.
OP does need to get rid of the lock box, right when she gets rid of HIM! 😡
@@larrywest42 you’re right, it was sarcasm and reads wrong
Dad: welcome to the My kid went No Contact Club. You’re President of the “And I have no idea why!” chapter.
Story 2: OP is probably 18-19 now. Dad probably married that awful woman and is wondering why the invite to OP went unanswered and the reality of his idiocy is hopefully starting to set in if it hasn't already.
the boyfriend in the third story had no respect for op's snacks. he definitely felt entitled to everything. if anyone has no respect for a small item like sharing snacks then next they'll move on to something else. she's definitely better off without him.
I wonder how long ago story 2 happened? Because I have a feeling that the gf will marry the father and then when he starts getting too old and not as fun anymore, she will dump him for a newer model. If they have any kids I am sure she will make sure she gets full custody and drain him of every penny he has and still not see his new kids.
About a couple years ago. I remembered rslash reading it and the 10k mil.
I'm so glad the person left her Dad's house, that was no way to live. Hopefully, he never comes back, but if he does, I'm hoping OP remembers this, and doesn't allow someone that abandoned her back into her life. The whole "but he's/she's your family," only works if they actually are. Abuse and abandonment nullify that.
My then husband had a bag of frozen peas and pearl onions for snacks and he even put his initials with black sharpie. Our toddler was hungry and a REALLY picky eater, so I was making her ramen and scrambled eggs with a few of the peas from that bag because we had no other veggies my daughter would eat. He wasn’t home to ask,which I would have, so I was prepared to go get him a whole new bag at the next shopping trip. I told him what I did and figured it would be fine, but OH NO, he was so furious that after not speaking to me for hours, he actually came up to me and told me he wanted me to move out. Yeah. Over a bag of effing FROZEN PEAS!
I understand that OP loves her father and doesn't want him to think she is leaving him if she goes to live with her mother's parents. But, why should she care? He has already abandoned her emotionally for his witch of a girlfriend. It's unfortunate that OP was not able to record that conversation the girlfriend had with that friend of hers. But, in all probability, he would have found some way to pass it off as OP misunderstanding what the girlfiend (typo, but it fits) meant.
The father will regret it. My grandfather cheated on his first wife my grandmother and then later cheated on his second with his third wife. Third wife turn out to be a convining gold digger. Sadly he passed away a few years ago and we believe his will was forged.
the dad will have a lonely life and OP has cut him off since that is what he wants so all the special events in her life with be ones without him like her wedding and children etc. funny that this dad is so unaware that as he ages he need for her would be greater but he cuts that connection off without a tear.
Story 3, Talk about a Textbook case of an Abuser...Right up to and including the Projection. OP Dodged a bullet there.
Story 2: Geez, not only trying to erase OP's mom from her life, but basically poisoned the dad into thinking OP wants to get rid of his gf.
OP made the right choice, either the guilt forever eats away at him, or he just considers it over forever and start a second family.
Either way, the GF is out of OP's life and that's what matters
You know damn well if op is doing well later in life and Dad's not doing so hot, the two of them will be coming around knocking because "they're family"
This sounds like there's more to it. Dad apparently removed the pictures long before GF was on the scene. People process grief differently. It also sounds like OP may have been acting hostilely before anything happened.
@@owenbrau63no this is all on the dad no matter how long it has been. He changed bc of the girlfriend
That father doesn't realize that by saying what he's saying, doing what he's doing, and choosing who he's choosing - that it isn't OP that wants the father to be alone but that the father wants OP to be alone.
I hate how the father is talking about "taking a break" like OP is his GF and not his daughter. I've never dealt with it and hope I never do but I just don't understand the concept of "you remind me of someone I lost so I want to lose you, too."
It's more likely the father was never taught empathy as a child.
That tumor story hurts. I feel so sorry for everyone involved. And medical conditions like that can be so strange and come up fast. My sister got sick on a Monday, and died on Friday next, from an undetected tumor, so any story where they are involved is bad. And the Nurse story? Grr, nurses are doing one of the hardest jobs on earth. There are a ton of them in my family, mom, aunt, two cousins and their wives, a second cousin and his wife. And one of those cousins has a grandson in nursing school. He's a wonderful young man and we are all so proud of him. I told him in private that if he ever needs a little help with things, that I'm at a place where I could be of assistance.
On the lockbox story, I do agree that the lockbox was called for in the story.
I had flashbacks to when I was still married, and I had four children (all now adults) and I would buy a package of Oreos that I intended to be doled out across the course of a week (at the time, there were 36 Oreos in the package--Golden DoubleStuf Oreos). Well, now-ex came home from work and sees the package and opens it, and promptly starts eating them ... I mean he hasn't even finished chewing and swallowing Oreo #1 before he's cramming Oreo #2 into his mouth. He went on to eat 14 Oreos saying that it was ok because he "likes them". Like the rest of us didn't? A fair share of the package would have been 6 Oreos. So after that, I got some ziploc baggies, labeled one with each name (one for me, one for each of the four children) and hid them. The kids all knew where I hid them, and nobody ever took from someone else's bag--the rule was that the ones in your bag were yours, you could eat all six in a sitting, eat one a day, whatever, but I only bought one package per week.
Well, like the guy in story #2 when confronted with the lockbox, my now-ex went bonkers mad about how "someone keeps eating all the Oreos" because there'd only be six (his share--6 people who like the thing, 36 items) left in the package.
That wasn't the reason why I am no longer married (much worse), but the kids still sometimes talk about the Oreos, and they all have mastered delayed gratification, having a sense of fairness about sharing things, and don't make little pigs of themselves just because they like a particular food item.
If you are lucky you will only ever feel a touch of psychosis a handful of times in your life. But when you finally do experience it, it changes so much about how you see others. To know that for a time there was another you, in your body, doing things you'd never do yourself, is shattering.
Thank you for another great video. People with alzimers exhibit the same kinds of things. I hope she recovers. God be with you and your family 🙏
Wow!! Story 4: I’m glad that OP’s In-laws (aside from the Mother in-law) were very, VERY understanding!!! I’m glad they’ve done everything to help OP and husband find OP a new dress etc, which was very sweet of them!
I could never treat my daughter like that POS! He will regret his behavior!
Even now I'd still take the 10,000 dollars even today. I mean why not?😂😂
The only reason I can think of not to take the $ comes from watching too much TV: perhaps MiL is surreptitiously recording the transaction to show her son what a nasty golddigger his fiancée is.
The lockbox did not create the break. The BF had already broken it when he refused to consider OP. If they've bought something special and/or fancy as a snack and he eats it all, like the cheese in an hour, he's just plain selfish and has no impulse control at all.
No no no. The father is selfish, the GF is trouble. Bet a dollar she takes him to the cleaners. The GF should’ve been glad to have a daughter. I would’ve been stoked and I’ve been in that situation as the stepmom.
*First and Last story-* my in-laws hated me since the day we met. They never thought I was good enough for their son. And the night before our wedding, my father-in-law tried talking my hubby out of marrying me!!!
And I’m epileptic, so I’ve had seizures during family gatherings. I had a seizure at my cousins wedding, so I was really tired. But there was only 2 girls to catch the bouquet. So, my mom told me to go, even though I didn’t feel good. One of the girls wanted the flowers more than me, and she knocked me over and *I got a concussion!* They had to call 911 because I got knocked out.
The lock box is a good relationship test; If a person can't be patient or have self-control this is a sign that you need to improve that way. I have no self-control when it comes to pop if I have it at my house I have to drink it all. I'm trying to work out as well as go swimming to try and lose weight.
A trick my friend found helped them lose weight was that they stopped eating after 8pm. They said it made a huge difference for them.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings I work night shift so my schedule's thrown off but I do drink cold water before I go to bed and when I get up so that it burns weight through my metabolism. I've done it before and I've lost 17 lb and it helps my sleep too.
@@richewilson6394 it's nifty how super small changes can make such a difference.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings Yeah Op should have definitely should have shown him the Reddit post on how people are reacting to his behavior after maybe doing some kind of an intervention thing with him with people around him that our witnessing this whole event.
I have a bit of a weight issue myself, though a big issue of that is my level of activity. For some backstory: I have a job in security where most of my job consists of me sitting at a desk alone for 8 hours (3pm-11pm with an hours drive both to and from work). I do get up and down to check trucks out as they leave the property but otherwise, I am mainly just sitting here. If work is slow and the weather allows it, I try to get out and walk laps around my post for at minimum of 30 minutes to 1 hour.
One thing I looked into that helped me a lot was intermittent fasting. While I still ate what I normally ate, I just restricted myself on when I ate. I would only allow myself to eat between 9am-5pm. Usually, I'd wake up and have a big brunch of whatever was leftover from the night before. And then I would take some small snack stuff to snack on for the first 2 hours of work. After that, from 5pm-9am...all I had was water, or occasionally a bit of sweet tea. I would implement this intermittent fasting on Monday - Friday with the weekends being my "cheat days". And with the weather being nicer at the time, I was walking at least 1 hour, some nights 2 hours if the night allowed. Just doing that alone, no changing WHAT I ate, but more so WHEN I ate...coupled with some casual walking...in about a month and a half, I dropped 30lbs.
The only issue for me is the holidays. We tend to have more sweets and junk in the house which makes for easy access snaking; and the much colder weather in the evenings makes it a bit more difficult to get out and walk for extended periods of time. This ultimately led to gaining almost 20lbs back so I am really trying to kick myself in the ass to get back onto my intermittent fasting routine again.
I love that the last OP made a point to respond back in defense of the circumstances and still held to the boundaries she would have If it was any other reason. I hope she was able to enjoy the honeymoon and that all of them have been able to heal since the wedding. The communication from everyone in that story was exactly what healthy looks like.
That lockbox helped that girl dodge one hell of a bullet with that dude jeeeeesus
The last story is absolutely heartbreaking.
I'm sure the MIL is torn up about what happened & also that because of it she missed her son's wedding, something I'm sure she very much looked forward to from the way OP described her.
I hope she will recover quickly to be able to enjoy the rest of her life with her family & hopefully lots of grandchildren ❤️
Story 3 is death by a thousand cuts. A lockbox in the fridge seems extreme, but with the info presented, this is after, what, months of the girlfriend repeatedly telling her boyfriend to stop eating all the snacks.
The resulting tantrum seemed to clearly be roid rage, but the behavior after the fact is a bunch of red flags that suggests abusive tendencies and OP is very right for keeping her distance.
Second story hits home.
Grieving parents can go from the sweetest, warmest relationships to strangers when a new partner comes along... mine got divorced, but as soon as my dad got remarried I've had next to no contact with him, he has a new family now so why bother with his daughter? 🙄
All the best to OP, it sucks but gets easier as the years go by.
A healthy relationship looks more like "I left the last snack for you" "but I left it for you" - no lockbox required
Last story with the brain tumor. Genuinely heartbreaking, and I hope she gets better. Illnesses of the mind, be it tumors, injuries, or forms of dementia are horrifying. It can turn a loving person into a monster, or make them so confused they do not know what they are doing or who they even are anymore.
last story: WOW!What an ending!
Story 2: I'll never understand how some people can just chose someone over their own flesh and blood, man is gonna wake up one day and wonder why his daughter wants nothing to do with him.
Thr only thing wrong with the boyfriend is that he won't take her needs seriously, gets irrationally angry when she exerts any sort of control and turns violent.
By eating all the snacks, especially things like expensive cheese, he was financially using her! She paid for half, and over and over she got none! He didn't respect her enough to use self control and leave some for her, AND he expected her to accept him pooping on her over and over again! It might *seem* like a little thing, but actually it runs deep! Over time, he'd do other things to take more than his share, and expect her to just make do with crumbs, or nothing! In short, he thought his needs were more important than her needs!
Last story is just sad. That's not the MIL behaving badly, that's the brain tumor behaving badly. I was angry for OP at first too, but the medical information is critical to understanding the situation.
FIL should have been by her side every minute no excuses! He is the reason she wasn’t protected and caused this!
@@WaddickLawnCarethat is impossible for any individual. You seem to have a deep psychological desire to blame them which suggests a need for medical intervention for you.
Story 2: Did the daughter never think about recording anything the girlfriend said?
She said that her dad would be mad if she did. I'm sure it's because he'd have to face the truth, not that he was strict about privacy.
The last story. That was so tragic. I know the wedding was important, but her husband may very well be losing his mother and the father losing his wife. If the mother did what she did thinking she was trying to do something good, I feel so bad for her. So very bad for her. These kinds of things as well as relatives that develop dementia have a lot of similarities. I have had relatives that had even slight dementia, and it is so frustrating for them, and embarrassing for them as well. But we all understand and work to smooth things over. That is what the dad in this case was doing. He needs support as well, as he is having to watch his wife slowly fade away, which probably kills him a little each day as well. I'm sorry to go on like this, but I know how heartbreaking these things can be.
No FIL should have been by his wife’s side every minute of this trip and since he wasn’t he didn’t protect her in her weakest moment medically!
@@WaddickLawnCare The particulars of these situations are very difficult. How much leeway do you give a person who is going through so much before you start detracting from their dignity. Very hard situations and since I don't know all the particulars of her state of mind (and even if I did) I do not fault the FIL. You say "by her bedside". She wasn't bedridden, and she was obviously able to communicate reasonably well since no one knew of this problem till she did what she did. It is a difficult situation for the FIL to juggle.
That last story broke me! Poor women, both OP and MIL. I’ve seen loving relatives in various states of mental decline, and it doesn’t get easy. If they’re not in familiar surroundings, that can make things even worse, which probably meant even more incidents of odd behavior from MIL. And they don’t want to ruin the wedding with devastating medical news, but as a result, no one at the wedding understood what was happening. That’s an impossible situation. I hope the family heals with whatever comes next.
The lockbox was the final straw kind of thing. Not everyone shares everything in a relationship. He was stepping over a boundary that was set. If my partner were to constantly do something I told her honestly bothered me, it would be unhealthy. What is trivial to some is a big deal to others. Love is complicated. Respect your partner. I personally think the two aren't compatible in the first place, and he may have been taking steriods.
I ADORE nurse story, never get tired of listening to it
That fists story is brilliant! Reminds me of the same thing happening to Stan & Francine in that 100th episode of American Dad when Jeff & Hayley eloped.
Resorting to a lock box because a grown adult refuses to share snacks is hardly petty.
That last story was an emotional whiplash, god dang. 😢
Story Two: By any fair definition she didn't leave him because he already left her first.
Story 3: Maybe not F You lockboxes out in the open, but I bet lots of loving couples survive a secret Snickers drawer or two.
Story 3 reminds me of my current relationship. I tell her to stop eating me out of house and home, she laughs it off or makes some excuse. My solution was to buy food that she couldn't eat, and things that she doesn't like but I do. The real solution is to never live with someone but in this economy it can be hard to suggest that
Story 4: Hopefully MIL makes a full recovery.
Crazy boyfriend probably trashed his car in a rage too and that's why he demanded ex to buy him a car...after all it was her fault he got mad.