My Friends Cut Me Off Because I Have Cancer: Cancer Ghosting | Petal Palmer | TEDxWVU
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- NOTE FROM TED: TEDx events are independently organized by volunteers. The guidelines we give TEDx organizers are described in more detail here: storage.ted.com...
Petal describes what her friendships were like after receiving her cancer diagnosis. Petal Palmer is a senior pre-med student majoring in Exercise Physiology at West Virginia University. From Toronto, ON, Canada, she began her studies at WVU in Fall 2020 as an athlete on the Track and XC team. Petal has competed at the NCAA National XC and Big 12 Conference championships, served as a member on the Student Athlete Advisory Council and represented the school at the Black Student Athlete Summit while having a 4.0 GPA. After being diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) in August 2022, just one week after starting Junior year, she has been especially passionate about ‘Moving Mountains’ within oneself. In her talk, she discusses the phenomenon of ‘cancer ghosting’ and how the experiences she’s faced during cancer treatment has helped her recognize the importance of living in one’s truth and not trying to please others. She is a big patient advocate, highlighting the importance of sharing stories - which she shares in her TH-cam channel of 120,000+ subscribers. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
THATS PETALLLL??? I watch her all the timeee
Me too!! 😮
Me too
I hope the "friends" watch this & are ashamed of themselves...
Don't even deserve that title😢
They're not friends and they don't care. In fact they're probably laughing at her as they watch this video. Typical American behavior. People here don't care about anyone but themselves. She should have stayed in Canada. There is no real friendship here in the US. Just convenient acquaintances based on money. This is the sad truth and why I am looking to leave.
@@coupleofbeers31 the US is a bad place to be depends on who you’re asking and encountered. America is a society that has a more individualistic approach on relationships so they tend to put themselves first. In a more diverse area such as California, more times than not, you have ppl coming from all over the world with a more collectivist approach. They tend to look out for themselves and others. I can’t attest for everyone but I know that there are good people everywhere scattered, hidden like a needle in haystacks. This isn’t to dismiss being ghosted due to having cancer but everything to do with a mindset of feeling superior than the other and the stigma surrounding “poor health” and disability of any extent. In this case, these so called friends are simply being human and are passive aggressive about her condition and such behavior applies everywhere in the world. I truly hope that these folks will not pursue a career in customer service and particularly in healthcare. It sucks no matter how you approach it when a person is made to feel and believe they’ve been ostracized.
So sorry to hear what you have gone through. At the same time, no one should ever make you feel a certain way without your permission. Continue to stand tall. 🙂
Same
@@coupleofbeers31 hun, we don't choose to live in the us. We just live here, don't liken every single American to the shallow ones.
Here from her post on her youtube channel 😢 Her research and presentation in her videos is excellent. Those former "friends" set her on the path to blossom into the Petal thay we see now, providing a voice for those who have sufferent medical malpractice. Edit: My MIL is battling cancer as well. I wonder if she has experienced this with others beyond the family 💔
Dear Petal, I want you to know that we hear you today and always. God bless 🙏🙏🙏.....
Shes one of my favorites, feels like hanging out with a friend while learning interesting things. I couldnt ask for more :)
Excellent Research and Presentation...I love her content!❤ We stand with you Gal, you will do great things! ❤❤❤
Found out my friend had cancer. I hadn't seen her for 8 years. I immediately coordinated a visit, I buy her her favorite perfume and cashmere hats, I buy her good food, send her money so she can see her grandkids...I don't want her stressing about anything I can help with. I drive 5 hours there and back once a month. But, I am a nurse and I've been around cancer, but I would never ghost someone like this, but maybe cause I've been ghosted and the feeling sucks.
Too many friendships nowadays seem so fickle. People just want to hang out and not necessarily build bonds that last through easy and hard times. It feels like the world is turning into this selfish superficial materialistic boring consumer-oriented subspace that excludes anything/anyone that disturbs its peace. And I'm over it.
Im insanely loyal and this was hard lesson to learn growing up, not everyone feels the same way. Another was realizing I can pick my friends, Im not obligated to be friends with everyone. Fair weather friends arent really friends, sometimes it just takes a while to identify them. Often you just need to listen; does this person talk only about themselves? Would they do this favor to me, if the roles were reversed? Are we equal? Sometimes it’s so obvious, especially when you are the one in need. And it still sucks, oh absolutely!
Bang on!
I wish Petal was my friend.Anyone would be privileged to be her friend ❤
Quite.
Wow…my friend did some bad things to me , but they hit me up a year later letting me know they were diagnosed with cancer and needed a support system I immediately was there for her I didn’t care about our fight, I just wanted to be there for her ! People are so mean and inconsiderate!
Not you. You are wonderfully forgiving and a good soul
@@micheleandrew9612 thank u I’m not perfect but I’m glad I have compassion
I’m sorry this happened to her. Bad enough she had to battle cancer, but to have people she trusted turn on her. This world can be so cruel.
i love you for saying that nobody should have to be an inspiration. i’m developmentally disabled and i hate being expected to be an “inspiration.”
„You‘re life isn’t hard enough yet, entertain me!“
- people insisting on „inspiring“ stories about other people struggling to put food on the table
I feel this, as a blind person. I really, really do not like, or want, to be called an inspiration... It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
"You're such an inspiration!" Really? Great! Because I certainly don't inspire myself 🤣😭
@@cronchyskull You should start asking those people what you inspired them to do, lol.
My daughter has leukemia. When we started telling friends and family so they would know to be careful and to understand why we were taking extra precautions, a lot of her friends parents and even family members started ghosting us. I called one mother and asked why her daughter was no longer friends with my daughter. The answer I got was weird and basically amounted to the mother thinking her child could get leukemia from my child. Trying to explain that's not how leukemia works fell on deaf ears. Fortunately, my daughter has made so many friends at the hospital and my husband and I have found support groups to help us. Support is everything, and the fact that many people will just run rather than stay with a friend is really disheartening and sad.
Friends also reject mental illness. Anxiety and depression. I lost everyone including my own kids. I'm completely alone. I don't even have a power of attorney. 🙏🙏🙏
Sending positive thoughts your way
I’ve been through it too and it hurts so badly. Sending hugs and prayers your way…..
❤
Mhmm quick way to find out who your real friends are is to be sick they start disappearing real quick
Generally I don't comment, but I had cancer at 13 and I lost all my friends too. I couldn't be mad at them though. They were kids like me and they didn't understand what was happening. I've never heard anyone else speak about this or that it was an actual thing with a name. I'm so so glad to see the attention called to it.
I love your videos and adore watching you speak. And I'm not sure how to wrap this up because I don't generally comment, but just... thank you for what you do in general but especially for having this talk.
I think it’s mainly the fear of watching someone you once knew and loved deteriorate in front of your eyes
I found my real friends after experiencing symptoms of a chronic illness. People planning things without you is the most isolating experience ever.
I feel for you… I don’t have cancer but have a chronic disease and I lost all but one friend after my diagnosis. People are strange and I’m living my best life now 🤷♀️😂.
I was born disabled and developed many chronic diseases so I was like you only had a couple of friends. Now I have cancer at 32 and they’re gone too. 💔
@@iShereei’m so sorry ur going through this please know you’re not alone
@@santi-z5g thank you ❤️❤️
I’m also ill. I recognize this.
Me too it’s so hard I’m so glad it’s talked about
I had no idea Petal Palmer did a Ted Talk. I'm here from her TH-cam channel. Sorry to hear this happened to her
Beautiful talk. I saw your IG post and watched right away. It happens with bipolar, and that goes without saying and is easily ‘justified’, unlike ghosting someone for getting diagnosed with cancer. Love your YT videos!
I was born disabled and sick with chronic illnesses so never had a lot of friends. I was diagnosed bipolar/borderline/cptd/ocd at 28 and had a few bipolar friends left until I got cancer last year at 32 and now they’re gone too. 💔
I was born disabled&sick so I didn’t have many friends to begin with. Now I have cancer at 32 and it feels like I have no friends left. I have my partner and carers but it isn’t the same. 💔 Thank you for this, I know I am not alone. 🙏
Sending hugs to you ❤❤❤
@@taiwoabiose6382 thank you kind stranger ❤️❤️
❤❤
I had a huge circle of "friends" who loved me when i was 23, carefree party girl. Then once sh*t got real and my mom was diagnosed with cancer she was battling on and off for 2 years, they all left. It was during winter 2020 when they were all going out & i stayed home to keep my mom safe that they all turned on me. I'd ask if they'd video call me during sleepovers because i missed them and got nothing. They started getting mad at me and blowing up on me for inconsequential things. I firmly believe they thought i was exaggerating how sick my mom was until my mom passed away. Then they were crying crocodile tears at her wake before fking off from my life forever. We are better off without people who can't hold compassion and space for us in tough times.
Well Done Petal. Tbh, I've had a dream of setting up a BPD support group in my town (because none exist at mo), & doing so would Definitely change my life. Thanks for your encouragement 🙏. Y'all please send me pos vibes so I can action this 'pipe dream' 🤞
Some people have shown me their real colors after losing my mom. Now i don't just trust anyone
Life is better spent alone and true to yourself than surrounded by people who will never care. People will come and go but your dignity lasts forever. You are incredible Petal, and I hope you've made better friends, you deserve it!
How true.
😞 that is so brutal. I can understand that for younger children and teens, but young adults should know better.
But yes, ultimately, you have to be your own cheerleader and not forget your own worth.
They aren’t friends at that point they are just people you used to know. They don’t deserve that title.
This is so heart breaking. I can tell the hurt and emotion in her voice even if she had this memorized. This is a sensitive subject that not many are brave enough to cover because of the hurt associated with it or just how confusing it is that "hey I'm getting better physically" but I'm feeling a bit lonely and depressed because everyone is leaving for some reason.
I wonder how her family treated her, hopefully they were loving and supportive.
Came from Petal Palmers TH-cam channel. So sorry to hear that you were ghosted. I understand the feeling.
I was like "dang she looks looks familiar, OH ITS PETAL"
I could tell you were nervous Petal but you smashed it. I coukd never do that. Youre strength and bravery is incredible. Best wishes
Hey guyanese young lady. Thanks for your speech.
I am also from Guyana 🇬🇾 and I can only understand how you felt.
People are coward. They are afraid of life.
I experienced it after an event in my life.
I am better without those people. As a child I could remember how lonely my mother was while dying for cancer. She is free from this world.
❤💯🇬🇾
It isn’t only Cancer! Anything which brings a change, gives rise to being unavailable or lacking in energy for activities, will bring rejection, from some. Little by little, people tire of their support for an unending disease. Terry some odd years after I began having symptoms from diseases which bring chronic issues, I am alone most days. It’s become common to me and it’s ok, now. I’m in my seventies, now, and don’t really fit anywhere. Even family only come around on special holidays, if then. The depressive atmosphere, I understand. They could bring joy with them and it wouldn’t be depressive!
Bring your own joy! byoj! Share it!
Well said!
I don’t know how people can be so cruel.i have met so much cruelty from fake people myself.Petal you are a beautiful soul ❤
"I just feel like i should focus on myself and my own personal journey. It seems like we need different things." How my best friend of five years responded when i told her i had cancer.
My sister told me she couldn’t support me when I told her I had a rare tumor and was starting chemo. I understand how it feels
Some friend eh? You deserve better and I hope you've found new supporters. I've got cancer and am hurt by some friends' silence. Not knowing what to say to us is a selfish, weak excuse. Keep battling on!
@@alacrity28Dear Lord, what a body blow. You clearly don't need that. Blood is not thicker than water...I hope you find support from those with more water to them. You take care.
Shout out to Petal's amazing channel and all the wonderfully presented information they provide!
So thankful for you Petal and for your TH-cam channel. 🖤
I don’t have cancel but I have multiple chronic illnesses, autoimmune conditions, mental health issues and disabilities, that have piled on over the years and have now left me mostly bed bound. But I am still fun and a social butterfly.
My wife left me. Most of my friends ghosted me. The reason? I am too much work, too much responsibility, too much of an inconvenience, I can’t go out and do anything exciting anymore (wrong - I go to concerts in my wheelchair once a month), etc. Thankfully I have a few good friends who have stayed by my side and I feel so grateful for them.
As a medical doctor, I always learn from you Petal about how to be a better practitioner. Thank you.
I can't imagine isolating someone in their most vulnerable moments, thats so upsetting. Hugs to you Petal, you're such an amazing person and content creator. I just discovered your channel a few days ago and I've already binge watched almost all your videos ❤
Wow this is raw. I hope you are feeling well petal! We appreciate you
Petal, you are such a gifted speaker! How you got through this difficult topic amazes me 💗 I just ‘discovered’ your channel & subscribed because you have a nice vibe ☮️ I’m wishing you all the very best 🥰
Thanks petal I’m behind you 100 💯 percent. I’m a retired nurse so I can get what you’re going through. 💜💜💜💕💕💕
Same thing happens when you have a chronic illness.
Agreed.
Powerful message. I salute you❤
PETAL PALMEEEER ❤❤❤
Hi Petal, I don’t know if it’s whiny for me to say but I feel like modern day friendships are very selfish and the only reason people keep others around is to keep the stuff coming. I wish people would just realize that it’s ok to just care about and check in with another human being.
Yes this ‼️
You are fantastic!! Your channel is amazing.
To be clear, I mean petal palmers page ♥️
This is freaking SICK! I’d be driving’s them to appointments !
TWO PETAL PALMER VIDEOS IN TWO DAYS 🎉🎉🎉 YOU ARE BRILLIANT
I'm so sorry that happened to you Petal. Sending hugs
Same.❤️
God Bless
Ppl are heartless human beings. I was basically on my own dealing with my cancer with my 2 children in a new place. Husband deployed and no family and friends. Coworkers were the worst, till this day still. I can forgive but not forget. Blessed the ones who showed support 🙏
The reminders of death thing just makes me think of how I could see people looking at a cancer diagnosis as a flag, "okay, this person may die on me, I'm not prepared to handle that kind of heartbreak."
Never mind some aspects to stuff like the death positivity movement is having an acceptance that it's usually random, in the grand scheme of it. Nobody really knows when their number's up, let alone that of their closest/fondest. Death has no sense for fairness. It's always a dice roll to get invested in another human being as it is, and cancer is a /known/ modifier to someone's chances... a /known/ variable that which is simultaneously comforting (for the one throwing up the wall; and it is semi-irrational - given how many unknown unknowns MUST exist in a given person's mortality) and callous (for the one getting isolated; which is a far more concrete consequence).
It's a prompt for anticipated grief - even in more benign presentations or long periods of remission. A specter that it can return. (Which, honestly/obviously can /not/ be more keenly felt than in the person who is actually living with cancer or a history thereof, here. It's just one of those uncomfortable moments where you can really understand both sides of that painful coin.)
Love your TH-cam videos. Happy to see your voice expanding to others.
Have just had this happen to me am relying on God to get me through this
I've heard of this way too often in cases where someone had an accident, or their medical condition took a drastic turn. This is not a new thing. It's been going on for a long, long time.
Doesn't mean it hurts less. It hurts all right, and would be bewildering and awful to experience. My heart goes out to Petal. I'm so proud of where she is in her life now, though.
How about " my friends and family cut me off because my mom had alzheimers"? That's a Long ride guilt trip included Oh, and now my Dad has dementia; nobody wants to touch me with a ten foot pole let alone call me unless it's for possible financial gain
Never felt so seen, thank you petal. I went into Ceptic shock and was in the hospital for 6 months with 4 in isolation. Crazy to see the messages diminish and never to return a day at a time
👏👏👏👏👏aplauding you, for speaking u for all of us who have been “ghosted”! 🙏🦋🙏🦋🙏
The older I get I believe most people are selfish or don’t truly know how to communicate their feelings. But I find it funny when something happens to them they need support and help smh
Yes... as ye sow, so shall ye reap. I don't know why I've gone all biblical, it just seems appropriate 😅
OMG Petal!!!! I thought my ears were deceiving me until i looked up.
Well petal i love you & although we don't know one another personally i consider you my friend in just a few months that i first saw your page you've gotten me through many lonely friendless nights while in my path of sobriety I've lost just about all of my friends who were there in my addiction but for some reason n my recovery I've come to learn that my ability to observe character flaws that don't align with my personal growth yes they're all watching me progress from afar still watching tho so thank you for keeping me busy on nights i may not have been able to sleep or needed something educational to fall asleep too you are amazing may god cover & heal you inside out❤
petal power!!!
💗❣💗 you are strong and amazing
Wow…. No words for those people.
Petal is so intelligent and straight forward, a brilliant young woman, I enjoy watching her videos.
I couldn't imagine that cancer ghost was a thing. I'm flabbergasted 😮.
I had 1 friend diagnosed, she only told us after she was out of the woods...i make sure to regularly check on her so she knows i care
Petal!! I love your content and you have such a wonderful voice. Thank you for sharing this with the world
Petal: you are fantastic! So strong and amazing ❤ only good things will happen to you ❤
This video helped me recognize what to do if somebody I love has to go thru something as such. Thank you for your insight. Love the videos on the channel btw!
Thank you for making this. I experienced the same thing with chronic illness. It is so lonely and hard.
I thought I was the only one to experience such. Yep. My friends and all of my cousins. I was told I'd began to "walk too slow". They're all gone. EVERY one.
And their walk is the dance of inhumanity. You go at your own speed. Cancer slows us down in so many ways, but we are still our fabulous selves. You stay strong hon and remember they are the losers.
@@micheleandrew9612 I never could've known just how much one day I'd highly appreciate other people who I've never met in person bc our shared experiences give us a deep, profound understanding that we mutually can relate to. Your words are so spot on. It has taken me some time to grasp this & truly make it my reality, but... every second of getting here today has been worth it. THANK YOU!
im so sorry you had to go through this Petal, we love you so much! Fellow physics student here too, im doing Medical Physics xxx
Please do not call those ingrates friends. They never were. Sorry this happened to you.
I’m currently dealing with this problem
Me too. We are still our fabulous selves, if friends forget this, we can either remind them, or forget them. Take care.
Sorry your friends didn't support you. I had a friend that turned out to be a user and manipulator. Sometimes it takes an extreme event to show us who our friends really are. I don't miss her and I am glad she showed her true colours and not make me waste more time on someone who was a shell of a human being. I am sure you will find true friends along your new path💚
omg- this is just awful- u did not deserve that and i am so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. Thank you for taking the time to tell your story to the world because the world desrves to hear yourr story! Gods blessings sweetheart!
I have seen this happen. People feel uncomfortable & no longer have same things in common. It's heartless, but it happens.
oh petal i love you babygirl!
I'd totally hang with you if I still lived in WV! Basketball games were fun and I mostly went alone too 😅 thank you for reminding us to be kind to others.
Sad; but it similar to how people were treated during the AIDS pandemic. Of course, not everyone is like that. There's some caring, supportive people out there.
I remember- at first people were terrified of it because they didn't understand anything about it.
That's true. I remember attitudes of some people in the 80s, alas.
Never knew this was a thing. So sad to think people would treat their friends like this
It’s a thing and this also happens to anyone with chronic illness.
Love you Petal
Such an inspiration❤😊
Maybe it’s not just cancer ghosting, maybe it’s people not wanting to associate with bad events, either out of ignorance or avoiding ‘bad energy’ or not empathizing with the situation or just not wanting to come close for fear of contamination.I shed off most people that I considered to be my friends when I suddenly lost my sister in 2022. Maybe I expected too much when I hoped that they would show up for me like I had done for them when they needed me. I mean, people moved on with their lives like nothing had happened to me, some cut me off entirely probably out of the guilt of not showing up for me and some expected to pick up conversations when we met like nothing ever happened. Literally trying to water down the pain and trauma that I went through after coming face to face with death. I learnt that no one really cares. If you are going through sh**, you are basically on your own. Thank God for those who show up for you and remember to return their kindness when their time comes. ❤
Petal!!🩷
Love her channel. It's so sad that people back away during the most vulnerable times.
I am a big fan of Petal ❤
I’m so happy for you Petal! 💗🌸💐Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us!✨
You are better off without the fake friends .❤
They should be ashamed. I hope they see your TEDTalk or your YT videos and feel ashamed of themselves.
I came because I really like Petal's content, but also this happened to my mother when she got diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer's disease. People she had considered close friends could not be there for her. Avoiding people we love who are sick and dying does not protect us from sickness and death - it just robs us of time with those loved ones and usually manifests as regret later.
love you petal 💙 sending best wishes
People carry their own trauma and it manifests in ways that are selfish...they haven't dealt with their own demons. Just focus on the ones that are around now ❤️
I cant even comprehend this is a thing. I have felt excluded too,and felt lonely,something wrong with me,was i unlikable.but with a cancer diagnosis sound more lonely,more scary. Thanks for speaking out,calling out the people who did this.i daresay,in thier lives,you are probably not the 1st or last person these particular people will abandon. To me it feels like a personality trait (flaw even).
Im subscribed to Petal's but found this at random
same
Just coming here as a fellow Petal subscriber. I didn't know her journey with cancer until she posted about this talk. Not sure exactly when I started following her but it was definitely during her infancy as a creator, and I felt so happy to have found her. I only knew that she was a knowledgeable, well researched, and eloquently spoken youtuber who was passionate about patient advocacy. It's mind boggling to think that she was going through something this harrowing at the same time. I cannot wait to see what's next for her and her career!
This! Thank you Petal! I don’t have cancer but I have seizures. I got a new job and obviously my brain isn’t the same as yours so I got sick and my hearing was lost and I had to admit to my work about my condition. People do not know how to deal and even after being told I was loved and was doing great I was fired(for bs reasons). Nobody wants to be around the seizure girl. Haven’t had a seizure in two years after working so hard and working with doctors but nobody cares, I’m just seizure girl.
You are not alone you are seen. Sending love & hugs for you. You are more than the seizures... Keep going
@@queenemma4250 thank you very much 💗
Go Petal!
we love you petal 💕 so happy i found your channel and you’re amazing. sending love 🥰
That would never happen to me since I don't have friends ✌️
They were never your friends to begin with.