Exactly! Laws need to be in place to address the alienation. The courts are a joke. Go along to get along with these attorneys who don't do their homework and due diligence.
At last.......this completely describes my situation both during and after the marriage. Like many alienated parents you think because there is a lack of outright vicious verbal attack that it must after all be your fault. But my gut kept telling me something just wasn't adding up and I couldn't understand why my children were slowly but surely pulling away from me. It is indeed a drip-feed of manipulation, so very subtle and cleverly manoeuvred. Haven't seen my son for 7 years and rarely my daughter who has now cut ties with me for the last two. They are now 23 and 25 and I've missed so many significant landmarks in their teenage to young adulthood years. And the grief is indescribable. Thank you both so very much for your work, strength, support, insight and wisdom into this heinous abuse to both children and parents alike. Best wishes.
I'm in exactly the same position. 7 years no contact with my 3 kids. Supported by family court after false accusations of violence against me. My son and I shared a very strong bond. My wife made me question everything I had done as a father to keep me confused and being the introspective person I am it kept me confused as to what was going on for the first 2 years. It's a terrible to endure and it's happening more then people know. The courts fully support this by not acknowledging it exists and by not protecting the kids from this. A lesser person then me would have hurt someone by now.
My heart is with you… I’m going thru the same thing. I’m so scared and heartbroken. It’s all I can do just to wake up in the morning. I feel like I’m grieving a death of a child but she’s very well alive. I can’t breathe. 🥺
Same here. Five years I haven’t spoken to my now 17 yr old daughter. She attended my mother’s funeral 3 years ago - on the condition I not approach or speak to her. It’s emotional amputation. 15 years of gaslighting and world class manipulation. I’m a shell of the man I once was.
Thank you for these videos!!! I gave up on the courts doing anything. I use these videos for support, and empowerment, for my child, and myself, as we navigate through our last 3 years of her father's abuse. I also started a TH-cam channel to keep a line open in case my ex cuts our daughter's phone off. She still knows where she can find me to message me. The videos are light, fun, and no personal information. I REFUSE to be erased...
I am a grad student who has not yet been corrupted by the standard therapeutic model. I really want to write about this model of family reunification and I hope to get my phd psych based on this model of reunification. I have sent you an e-mail to that effect. I have had 30 years of first hand experience with the narc/borderline parent and saw it passed on through generations. this could truly revolutionize the way family support networks view this important type of malignant parental abuse.
Parents, and MOST of ALL the CHILDREN need as many people in possession s to help to spread the word until changes are made. My 11 year old daughter attempted suicide after suffering an extreme case for 8 years. I asked for help MULTIPLE times prior to this happening. The family services can't do anything because it's not "TANGIBLE" abuse. Our daughter almost DIED.
I’m wanting to find help, get help, give help. This is a real problem I’m living. It’s a generational curse. My kids are suffering and so am I. I miss my son. He needs help! I need help!
@@wynnkidsnannylorivance4111 there are so many parents who are looking for their lost children, and kids going without parents who are fighting be in their lives. Paying court fees ( mediation, evaluations, family inspection/ court appointed investigators, parenting classes, child support, AND let's not forget the support groups, and counseling we need to stay sane after working as many hours as possible to pay everyone the courts have ordered you to see. It's typical for the abusive parent to use their money and the family courts to bury the other parent in legal fees that they can't afford. I make less than $40,000 a year, my ex makes $300,000. There is no free legal representation for family court. It's almost like they want you to give up the rights to your child, or keep paying their system to get the absolute minimum of Rights. Bills have been introduced to a number of states, but none have adopted any kinds of reform. Hawaii is supposed to have a law / rule that judges are to stay presiding over their family court cases but that doesn't happen. Our family is a prime example of that. This is all documented in legal court records as to how many judges have overseen a particular case. An audit should be done to see how many cases forward from that have seen multiple judges. It's so sad to see that we are not the only family that has been lost in the system. Judges are more concerned with their jobs than helping the families they preside over. There's no accountability, and the children are the ones that suffer. I'm an adult, and I know how to seek out Social Services, or mental health services for support. KIDS DON'T HAVE THE RIGHTS, OR KNOW HOW TO GET THESE SERVICES WHEN THEY ARE BEING ABUSED IN THIS MANNER. As adults we are looking for answers....imagine being a child w-no voice. Our family story is long, but not unusual. I never fathom that this could ever happen. I documented the abuse, I kept the emails, I paid all the fees...... the one judge that understood what was going on with our family and called it out for what it was got moved to the Hawaii Supreme Court's, and we never saw her again. It was completely downhill after that. It's never easy being a black woman in the courts. That's when I started looking for outside Solutions like TH-cam, PARENT & CHILDREN TOGETHER programs. It's not much but you use what you have available to you to maintain those life lines between you and your child. I'm not saying that they're not times that you feel like giving up and like it's pointless. These kids do come looking for their parents and I want my daughter to know that I NEVER stopped reaching out to her. I know she's hurting without me. There's never been any Science that said said kids are okay without their parents. Some of these parents even die before their children have a chance to find them. Can you imagine what that does to the child.......... regardless of how we feel about each other if the child protective services doesn't see a reason to withhold the child from the parent we have got to work toward reunification, w- parental alienation specialist, so that these kids are not going without their parents who clearly love them, and want to be in their lives.
Dr. Childress is a national treasure! He needs more visibility at least nationally so that millions of children and target parents will be saved. For generations to come!
I agree 100% w/everything Dr Childress says. He's the greatest authority on this topic. My alienator developed dysfunctional "comradery" with my child AND himself stating that they were both the "victims" of my mistreatments. He'd tell our child things along the lines of, "Well, you know how she is, she won't pay for my haircut so it's no surprised she won't give you money to go to the mall with". He became my third "child" attempting to console my youngest daughter by relating to how she felt with stories of his own frustrations with me.
I'm working on reconnecting with my 17 year old after a 10 year separation with her. She offered the information that her dad didn't bad mouth me. I told her that's really good eventhough i didn't believe it and now i understand why I didn't believe it. I'm searching for info on how to navigate our reconnect process thank you this information and your videos are very helpful.
Dam...... and I thought I was the only one dealing with this. Haven't seen my sons in five years she has brainwashed them to the point they are robots, she has stripped them from their individuality and altered the way they think about their dad. This is the real pandemic
its an epidemic. I think its akin to stockholme syndrome. the child thinks like the mother or gets drowned in the tub. goes to hell when kid becomes a teen because hormones kick in and call out the PA parents crap.
This man is brilliant. My children have an incompetent therapist who has no business dealing with the issue of parental alienation. She has made things worse. She listens to what the children tell her and believes them. She will not include me in the therapy. I believe that most professionals have no clue when it comes to lying and manipulative mothers. They present themselves and the children as victims. The distortions that the mothers create are part of their mental illness.
Man I thought I was the only one dealing with this. It baffles me how many people are dealing with the loss of their children due to parental alienation. The therapist and counselors are not trained to identify extreme parental alienation.
Thank you for the detailed explanation how this works. When I call 911 not emergency to report Custodial interference. Now when the police officer asks why my child doesn't want to see me. I'll show them this :-)
I’m personally involved in a case now 3 yrs long but, not giving up. God has given me the strength and support needed to do so. The rabbit hole with parent alienation is deep and Mr Childress is definitely speaking TRUTH.. the lawmakers really need to huddle up to mitigate this crap. Surely not in the best interest of the child/ren.
This is a very helpful discussion. The concept of psychological seduction is important. That process can lead to outright psychological kidnapping. At some point, it is appropriate for a targeted parent to say, 'Your [mom/dad] wants to destroy the relationship you and I have together. I am not going to let that happen. I will always be your [father/mother]. I will always be here for you. I want you to know that I would be hurting you if I were to accept all these misconceptions you have. You would be very, very sad to get your way by thinking of me as dangerous to you. I love you and I want you to have both of your parents in your life.'
Dr childress could not even be more on target but he is absolutely a sniper comes to targeting all this pathology changed my life in the fact that he can articulate and convey exactly what we targeted parents have gone through.... We can talk about it all day long to whomever and it may never make sense to anyone he can lay it down and it can't be made more clear... Thank you Dr Craig Childress
This is exactly what is happening! He nailed it!!! What can I do to show my children and help them see it too?? I wish I could just show them this video! 😭😭😭
Hi Jennifer, a lot of the work we do is helping parents learn the skills to communicate effectively with alienated kids and shift the way they are showing up. Once you shift how you show up, your child will also shift how they show up. Shifting how you show up can release the child from this struggle and allow them to be kids again. They don't have to know what is going on, they just have to know that you are there, holding the container for them. You can schedule a call with my team if you'd like to learn more; www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
At time stamp 19.44 been there, i can so relate to this :( my daughter is 23 and the damage done is beyond saving her and a father daughter relationship. Even at one point i got a reply back how she is a winner, how can that be? you grew up never having your father in your life, you grand dad died when you were 8 and you never saw him, four other family members have also gone to there graves and if you ever have kids they will never know there grand dad. My daughter has truly become a mirror of her mother and she is proud of this. I have the legal system to than for this and the system in general for allowing these things to happen to parents who are shut out of there children`s lifes.
Me too man. 7 years no contact with my 3 kids. Falsely accused of violence against my ex to distract from my wife's mental illness. I spent 4 years in prison for felony domestic battery. Never even raised my voice to anyone. I reached out for help so many times. I got no help.
@@jimig399 I dont think truly understand and judge saying "he must have done something for her to do this to him" But unless they have been through it them selfs. The reality is quite different to what they think, parental alienation years on is still as hidden as domestic abuse to men and just as taboo. Sorry to hear your story fella :( I hope your kids one day see through the bull shit and come find you.
@@jaybond9386 I dont. I hope I never see them again. I wasted the last 7 years holding out hope that they would love me again. That I would be their dad again. 7 years is a long time to hold on to hope of something that you keep wanting to happen and keep working towards happening only for it to continue to evade you for 7 years. To spend every holiday utterly alone while they celebrate the holidays every year in the house that I built and we all lived together in for so long but haven't stepped foot inside for 7 years. I haven't seen my dog in 7 years because of this.. I don't want to see them ever again. If they do come around me it will likely only be to use me and solicite money or other resources from me. Thats what the psychology says. And I believe it. They've already shown that they have no regard for me or my well being. I fought for them for 7 years. I guess 7 years was my limit. I don't have hope anymore. I'm not the same man anymore. I don't want them anymore even if they want me. I'd accept my dog back because I know she loves me still and misses me and has missed me all along. I can't say the same about any of my kids. They broke the bond. I tried to hang on to it and it's destroyed me while they ignore everything about me. Fuck'em.
I've watched/listen to 100's of hours on this subject, for over 7 years. My mind is absolutely blown right now. I saw this manipulation through text between my ex and our sons. She played me the same way in our marriage. But I couldn't put my finger on it, until now. My boys are more screwed up than I very thought. WOW!
The signs are usually unnoticed until an event happens that makes parents impacted by alienation look at what got them to this point. You're not alone! And it's never too late to reunite. Connect with us! www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
While it's great to know that there are professionals who are willing and able to see that this is a severe problem, it's unfortunate that they're so few and far between. The fact of the matter is, PA is not within the realm of understanding for common citizens who have not experienced it. To make matters worse, the signs and symptoms are completely counterintuitive. Because of that, it's all but guaranteed to face fierce opposition at every turn. Videos like these are helpful in the sense that they validate the reality some of us are forced to live in, but, they're also not helpful because they can give one a sense of false hope. The reality is, there are very few attorneys and/or psychologists who can prove PA to reach a healthy outcome. Finding a professional who is even willing to try, is like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack. All that to say, I commend the work being done here, but there is an undeniable need for more drastic action to be taken. That drastic action would require a deluge of reputable professionals to step forward and insist on change. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening for a very long time.
That's very well said. Everything you said is true. The courts dont want to hear about this. I know because I tried and the judge admonished me harshly for even trying. I was actually targeted by an officer of the court who fancied herself as some self-styled vigilante/protector of women. I was accused of being a racist and a pedophile in open court by her. I was a good father and had a strong bond with my 3 children. The impatience and frustration they saw in me only confused them further and made me more frustrated and desperate to reunite with my kids. It got me nowhere. Like you said, it's difficult for people to understand unless they've experienced it first hand. It took me 2 years to figure out what was going on myself. I didn't have a clue. My ex wife was manipulating all of us by isolation and triangulation. She's borderline personality. I told my attorney that she was borderline and I thought it would explain everything. He didn't even know what it was let alone that it predisposed her to manipulation, triangulation and parental alienation. This is so prevalent now that it's scary. Everywhere you look on TH-cam now there is a new video on Narcissists, borderlines and psychopaths. I think it's feeding the mental health crisis we are experiencing. My kids are damaged. They will pass this on to their own kids unfortunately and it will exponentially self perpetuate until the whole world is suffering for this. It breeds apathy. Thats not a good thing for any of us. Good luck to you.
@@jimig399 I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. My affected son is now grown, so, it's now just up to me to try to reverse the damage. It's too late to prevent it. Having lived through it, and seeing the long (er) term affects, has made it something I'm extremely passionate about. These children grow up believing that only one parent REALLY cares about them. No sane person could say that children being convinced of something like isn't extremely damaging. The family courts are supposed to exist to protect children, but, they miss SO much. It's way overdue for these systems to be re-evaluated and revamped.
@@lisalisa2375I couldn't have said it better myself, "the family court's are supposed to exist to protect the children and they miss so much." They have lost all objectivity and don't see cases as individuals. Same with criminal court. It's all about the numbers. It's a chess match. They don't want to see people. They see case numbers and profiles. They are truly doing more damage then good for sure. And when your eyes are open to it as ours have been it's disturbing to think about where it's all headed. There seems to be just as many women who are victims of this as there are men. I find out more everyday that I didn't know yesterday. So many people dealing with this same issue all over the country. I thought my experience with it was unique because it's especially agregeious due to my wifes level of mental illness compounded by her substance abuse. But I find people almost daily who have had very similar experiences. I had a discourse with a man from Australia recently. Our situations are virtually identical. The borderline personality wife, false accusations, parental alienation and the whole court drama that only made his life a living hell. He was a contractor like me. Lost his business just like me over the exact same behaviors of a vindictive spouse. The exact same actions taken by a court and a judge with blinders on. The whole system is dysfunctional. God forbid you have a bad day during your interactions with the court and get on someone's bad side because they can decide to create a prejudice against you that all the rest will fall in line with. And there are so many narcissists that hold positions of authority in the courts. They believe they are serving justice. They serve their own egos and not much more. They had a 50/50 chance of getting it right in my case and they were so wrong it'd laughable. I don't want this to consume my life anymore. I'm trying to find a positive outlet for all of this information, education and experience I've garnered thru this ordeal but I've yet to settle on something. Truth be told I still struggle daily. But I don't know how to give up or quit. Still, It's very hard not to be bitter after everything I've suffered. Some days I feel like I'm moving forward. Some days I wish I could erase them from my mind and my heart so I had no memory of them anymore. I really do wish I could just forget it all and have my life back the way it was. I want my dog back. I haven't seen my dog in 7 years. Poor girl must believe I abandoned her. I know she waits for me by the door everyday waiting for me to come home... and its heartbreaking to think about. But I can't stop thinking about her. This has messed me up so bad. Sorry ..I think I'm having a bad day. I'm so lonely it hurts. The pandemic has made it especially difficult. I'm sure I would have found someone to be with by now if not for the pandemic. Would make moving forward much easier if i had partner and a new set of goals and interests to occupy my mind. Hopefully I can be happy again someday. Hopefully.
@@lisalisa2375 and while it's on my mind.... clearly there is a connection with the number of narcissistic personalities in the courts that have authority as officers of the court and why this has become such a prevalent occurrence among families going through high conflict divorce. It's obvious that they see the narcissistic qualities in the bad actors and identify with them and therefore are inclined to side with them. It creates an identity bias that they will never admit to because they all see themselves as righteous. But their righteousness is having dire consequences for the 23 million kids in America who are growing up without a father at home. That number will broach 30 million by years end due to all the divorces filed for that are backlogged since the covid lockdowns. Those are just the ones with an absent father or positive male role model... which is so important for healthy child development. Im not sure I've ever seen a statistic for children growing up without their birth mother in the home. I'm going to have to find it. Its a real epidemic that most people aren't even aware of. But clearly the affects are far reaching based on the number of subscriptions to TH-cam content providers of psychology and narcissistic abuse. Im done. 🤷😂🙋
What she stated about therapists telling alienated parents to give up... It is so true. I’ve spoken to three of them and they all have said that to me. They’ve backed it Up with “this is a custody issue and I don’t want to get in the middle of it.” Um... WHAT?
In short; INSINUATIONS is what I lived with. My child punished me for two months because I said "ditto" to her bf father in a salutation. Her stepmom ran that as outrage and I couldn't defend myself adequately over the outrage. YOU two are EXACTLY correct! Ah, I hung up the phone once and didn't say I love you, that punishment was and still is thrown in my face, for being a bad mother.
The best thing a kid can say to a parent - the alienating parent is - " it's none of your business!" But the alienating parent will never get this response from the child, because they are traumatically bonded to the alienating parent.
I've also noticed that the narcissistic borderline parent will make it so that kids are only allowed to do fun things with them and the other parent they're not allowed to do fun things with
This works perhaps until you deal with a parent who is a malignant narcissist, who is abusive, cruel, physically abusive, threatening, or psychopathic. Then it’s a whole new ball game.
What you're saying is very true I have been in a relationship with two different narcissists and I did notice that both narcissists did the same thing they were accusing every guy that they had ever met in their life of being a child molester but the last narcissist I look at her record had to print it out and it was not good she was accusing people of the things that she did in the past
My kids told me that the stepmother would repeatedly call me stupid at every word I said, everything I did and every decision I made. She also sat my daughter down at six years old to tell her all about me her mother. She went on to repeat everything my ex actually did that I had not told my child about. This woman was very explicit and my daughter came home screaming at me that she knew everything about me as "Jane" had told her everything. She also forbid my kids to talk about me unless it was nasty talk and after an accident that my daughter hurt her finger, this woman put on a drama saying how I (her mother) broke her finger. But never once took her to a dr to prove her finger was broken (,which there is no way it was) my daughter is 31 and still can't see through it and still to this day makes up ridiculous lies of things I'm supposedly doing to this day. The lies are obvious but I'll get calls telling me to leave this woman alone. In 25yrs this woman has managed to have never even have met me. I don't even know what she looks like. Many of the stories don't even have a Kernal of truth and yes this woman was very explicit. I haven't even bothered to try to contact her either as I expect it would be lied about. I also did laugh at a majority of the accusations as they were ridiculous. It made no difference.
My 10 year old son started lying to me a lot. I asked him why he was lying and he said"so I don't get in trouble: I always thought he was not wanting to get into trouble with me and I could not understand it. Now I know it was either his Dad or his dad's second wife he was afraid of getting I. Trouble with
Dr Childress explains this so well. I am happy to finally understand what is happening to my daughter and I, but saddened at the same time that no therapist in my area understands it. I feel like I finally understand the 'disease' my child has, but there is not one doctor that is trained to treat it. I can only dream of the Foundations program, it is financially totally out of my reach. So feeling very sad and hopeless tonight. :(
I totally understand what you're going through. As a man who has lost his kids to parental alienation due to the mother being scorned and bitter towards me. Set out to destroy my relationship with my son refuses to comply with court orders I am financially drained You Are Not Alone. It is going on 6 years my youngest son was 10 when I dropped him off at home to the alienator
As a child whose parents divorced when I was a toddler and was alienated from Parent A by Parent B for 18 years, I will ADVISE you that it is THE DUTY OF BOTH PARENTS TO FIGHT FOR AND PURSUE AND CREATE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE toddler, preschooler, CHILD, and teenager!!! If you are not the narcissistic personality parent, then FIGHT FOR THAT CHILD!!!!!!!! EVEN when Parent B was badmouthing Parent A who wasn't there for 18 years, I knew in my heart of heart that Parent B was full of horse manure. When I finally spent time with Parent A at age 20, I learned what a narcissistic personality Parent A was, just as Parent B was. Parent B told me throughout the 18 yrs that Parent A was the devil, when in fact, she herself was the devil!!!! They were 2 peas in a pod, and they both wanted to dominate the other person, even during their marriage. It's no surprise to me that they couldn't stand each other, and finally divorced!!! They were equally venomous and filled with hate for the other. Parent A blamed Parent B of badmouthing them for 20 yrs, and for creating the rift in our relationship. The fact is, if Parent A wanted to, they could have seen me as often as they wanted. Parent A always had open access to me. But, Parent A never once reached out to me. Parent B always made it sound like he was a deadbeat father. Finally, when we hung out when I was 22, Parent A promised me we would continue to hang out, but I never heard from him again. Meanwhile, he continues to be in contact with the other child, my sibling who was also raised by Parent B. I came to find out that Parent A felt I wasn't easily manipulated by him, so he gave up. The other sibling was still being manipulated by Parent A. Meanwhile, Parent B continued to manipulate me because Parent A's rejection and neglect of me for the second time was used against me, as leverage because now she could say I was unworthy of any love whatsoever since Parent A rejected me AGAIN, so in her eyes, I had nobody in my corner and I was extremely vulnerable which is exactly what suited her because I was weaker and easier to fool and keep me under her spell.
This is very good… probably the best insight into Parental Alienation. My ex when we were married would routinely cut out her parents, sisters from our children’s lives after the smallest infraction or perceived slight. So I had an insight into her behaviour, her lack of being objective and grey areas. Everything was black and white.
Hi there! Reach out to us as we have been doing this work since 2006 and successfully recovering families: consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
Where are the other three video segments? I can't tell you how much this is my life. It's a terrible thing they do. I don't know if my child will ever recover. They don't care the inevitable damage this will caused their own children in adult life.
In the first 3 minutes of this video, Dr. Childress details exactly how my soon to be ex-wife has masterfully emotionally alienated me from my kids who need me and he simultaneously dismantles common myths about how alienation occurs in reality.
Everything our family did was under scrutiny, every decision, every action, everything was used as fodder for the mother to build mountains, to look as if she was the empathetic parent, eventually she turned 16 and left us and never came back, I was heartbroken as a stepmom, but also relieved and I feel guilty for being relieved, I am also scared for her future, she was taught by her mother to make bad decisions/or decisions based on false assumptions, my stepdaughter is doing what seems to be very well which is confusing emotionally for me, she’s 22 about to graduate from college and about to get married. Dealing with the alienating parent is always like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
THIS! And this is why the child will say they hate that parent but can give NO reasons why!!! Absolutely heartbreaking and so very unhealthy for the child.
Unfortunately I am dealing with extreme parent alienation from my adult children now ..when. My son was 15 he all of sudden did want nothing to do with long story short he is now going on 22 an completely.cut me off .I don't see him coming back in my heart .I always wonder even with the extreme parent alienation does the child stop loving us
My mom does this all the time with everything. She does it with my marriage. She fishes for whatever she imagines might be wrong and insists on the confirmation- it’s exhausting.
I hear all of this but I lost my kids 12 years ago. I wish I had this information 20 years ago because that’s when my ex started her poison. One of my kids has already tried to commit suicide. I don’t even see getting my kids back in my life. But they are so damaged I really don’t want them back because they are just like my ex. The reason I left me ex because she sick. 🤦🏻♂️
Sorry to hear that. It’s been almost 20 years for me without seeing my kids or having any real, genuine contact with them. I could particularly relate with your statement of “I really don’t want them back because they are just like my ex…” When that happens, when they become little carbon copies of the pathogenic parent, it seems like all hope is forever lost on this earth as far as reconciling with our alienated children.
@@adobemastr I’m really fortunate in that my wife’s twin girls took my last name. One is an Attorney the other works for the Pentagon. I guess I’ve done something right over the last 20 years. 😊🙋♂️
@@whitelightning4952 Well, it seems like your second wife was not a wacko like your first. What is the gender of the children that you haven’t seen in 12 years? From my reading on this subject, it appears little girls have a much tougher time with a divorce than the boys do and that daughters are more apt to be alienated than the boys. In my case, this is true.
Same here white lightning. My 23 son is in rehab now and most likely a narcissist/ borderline. My 78 yr mother alienated me . It is so very tragic. I do not believe there is a future for me and my son. My sisters and father are also brainwashed. I was the scapegoat and got away 3 yrs ago. It’s alternately peaceful and gutwrenching. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. 🌎
@@tigress725 I know it’s hard not to lose hope, but there are many stories of parents like us who have reunited with their children. There are groups out there who specialize in reuniting alienated parents with their alienated children, but I don’t like the fact that some of them charge tens of thousands of dollars for their reunification programs. It helps to hear other successful stories and I want to encourage you that it could happen to you as well.
My ex husband told me that if I denied (left, divorced...)him that I would be denying my then 2 year old son, too. I didn't know what he meant at the time. 29 years later I understand his intentions. I haven't seen or spoken to my son in 25 years. Thanks to these TH-cam presenters for at least validating my experience.
This is literally what is happening with my husband’s ex wife and my step son. My son is now so scared of his father because of the things that his mother has filled his head with. She so manipulative and vile towards my husband. And my step son is the victim in it all.. this is absolutely insane how accurate this is. He’s only 9…
So sorry to hear that your family is going through this, Samantha! Schedule a call with a member of my team - we can help! consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
The covert narcissistic parent creates instability in the co parent, who is being traumatized. The trauma is perceived as bad by the children. The parent tormenting and bringing out
Emotional & psychological abuse of children by psychological kidnapping or seduction or hijacking the child's mind is more than sad. it is criminal behaviour. it is not acknowledged, let alone recognised. it destroyed my brother & me. He gave up at the age of 32. My parents did nothing but fight & blame & rage. if you're going to have children, please be aware that this can be the outcome. this is the real reason children & parents have "mental illness".
Also when you communicate with the father always be polite as these interactions will be shown to the court.The undoing of the father was through his emails as you could really see how pathological he was.
Can this type of alienation occur in adult children and grandchildren when there is a divorce very late in life after the children have left home? Especially when the abusive spouse dies shortly after? Do the children direct the grief response to the surviving parent? Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Hi Teresa, thank you for watching and for your comment. Yes, that happens quite frequently. I recommend checking out our free webinar here about reuniting with adult children. www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/reunited-replay/ There is also a paid course if you want additional support.
Hey David! Reach out to my team so they can point you in the right direction based on what you're looking for. We have some resources and courses that go more in depth. You can email us at clientcare@coparentinginstitute.com
22:54 I dunno if gaslighting the child is right, though. To actually laugh at a child who is degrading a parent is the right approach? Isn't laughing what the alienator does when the child does things like show affection etc toward the other parent?
Is it ever possible for the targeted parent yo help balance the child, or is the help of a professional always required? Either way, can this work whilst the child is still residing with the alienating parent?
Hi Brett, yes, the work we do is designed to empower you to fix this for your family instead of relying on professionals to fix it for you as they oftentimes don't know how to solve this. And yes, we work with many parents whose children are still residing with the alienating parent. You can contact us here: consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
Does the narcissistic borderline parent also use these same tactics against grandparents, ex spouses significant others? I have witnessed these tactics used against me my family and now my ex-wife’s new in-laws. Well she’s not married yet, but it’s her fiancé’s family. I am witnessing the whole background of what happened with me reenacted in her new relationship like it’s déjà vu.
So where do we get help for our children? And how do we help our children when we can't get to them because of all of this? I am on 17 years of this and in my situation, there is actually a mob of family that surrounded my children to carry this out including my own mother and stepfather and brother.... If you can imagine that... Where do we go for help to turn things around because you don't even know how to communicate with them without it being turned into damned if we do and damned if we don't
You're not alone! We have been doing this work for a long time and helping parents (no matter how long they have been cut-off for) learn how to successfully reunite and attract their children back by following a step-by-step process and doing the work. Schedule a call with a member of my team: www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
So when a child has seen domestic violence, heard and been verbally abused, knows dad is an alcoholic and comes home saying he doesn’t like dad or want to be around him because he yells at the child, calls him names, dad is mean, and the child is afraid what should the mothers response be to the child?? When there is clearly emotional damage to the child happening during visitation should the mother stay neutral or comfort the child while waiting to go back to court to fight for supervised visitation?
I would refuse to let him go. If the child can tell the police what you just said that should be enough to get a temporary injunction or whatever it’s called so that he doesn’t have to go there.
@@ArtsCraftsAntiquity I already tried that. The judge was VERY angry I kept the kids from him. Dad got 10 hours of anger management and then unsupervised visitation every other weekend
@@ArtsCraftsAntiquity I have 2 kids I have to send. My daughter is 8 and my son is 11. They both want supervised visitation with their dad. They tell me this.
Therapy. Court and therapy are your recourses. Sadly we have to watch our tongues around our kids. Therapists can tell it like it is, and know how to do so without causing further damage. When parents talk bad about the other parent, even in agreement with the child, it can hurt the child subconciously. The child's ego is too entwined with the parent, so if parent is a bad person, the child thinks they are bad too. The child will wonder if you can truly love them if you hate their other parent. Comfort as best you can without bad mouthing the other parent, even if its true.
@@AliciaGuitar I don’t bad mouth him but I’m definitely not going to lie for him or make it seem like the abuse the kids saw with their own eyes is ok. They’ve been in therapy though for over a year now.
We can help you with that. You need the support of putting your evidence together properly. False allegations should never be taken lightly and should be documented and presented properly. Reach out to someone on the team www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/info-crm/
I would go a little further saying this also happens during the relationship, being the over the top caring person during the relationship with the narcissistic person. Solution is reinforce to child someone the alienating parent encourages.. eg. Targeted for eating a certain food.... antidote I'm sure the child's doctor as part of a balanced diet would say that's ok... the moment the aleinator undermines this statement they undeemine themselves... and the balanced diet is right. This could be exposed anytime in the future
Ok but how is this happening if dad wasn't involved most case. Who continued this? Why was this not addressed like I stated many times before it's this out of control? I know I told my therapist this was completely dysfunctional behavior I said many times.
I've read many of your posts. I know you've suffered. I know your familiar with this topic because you've experienced it first hand and know how it feels. As have I. I've done tons of research on this subject and have experienced many different things while doing that research. One thing I've encountered is that there are absolutely narcissists in these forums and they present themselves as victims while I can easily tell that they are not victims. They lack the the depth of someone who has suffered extreme loss. These 2 jokers who responded to your comment are perfect examples of this. They are narcs in disguise here to glean some information that they can use later. Or to solicit compassion that they are not deserving of. I've come to the conclusion that most of the people moderating these forums are narcissits because they often inject themselves into a conversation and say things to intentionally confuse people and keep them guessing. Or they intentionally provoke conflict and hostility by highlighting certain inflammatory comments with the intent of targeting certain individuals. Some narc is absolutely reviewing this material for later use. These 2 commentors are adamant that they could not possibly be because they lack focus or patience. So ridiculous. But notice they both invalidate your comment. Be careful what you say in these forums. There is some other agenda at work here that I haven't figured out yet but it's definitely at work in these forums.
Sought court for protection and yes, legit molestation. Although I've "never" restricted or denied the father; in fact I've taken the neutral road to not speak any disparities against dad,came for Years my kids wld come home angry, accusatory, argumentative, defiant, pitted against each other, unruly, sad, & overall disrespectful! YEARS!! well with the professional ignorance pervasive throughout the family court systems, dad manipulated & twisted & outright lied claiming alienation! This miscarriage of justice in dad projecting in fact his own wrongdoings, avoiding his culpability & within 8 min custody was severed traumatically for the abusers much wanted trauma bond. 238 days since....😡💔❓Huh??? Twilight Zone!!! Welcome to CPTSD & LAS!! ...You comply because you want it to stop. Because you comply, it will Never stop."...
Suggestion for anyone is to maybe seek out "coercive control" in law statutes, or case law, and moving forward to educate or initiate bills to criminalize it. It will never "end" but accountability & consequences will surely subside the deterioration of humanity!!,
Mine screamed at me "you chose not to be a father anymore" and called me a "family abandoner" when I left her. Five years later she is still trying to erase me
Great question! Unfortunately most professionals surrounding the family court system are incompetent and don't want to solve the problem and would rather keep families stuck. Are you currently in court?
My daughter went through this and the aunt made false reports against my daughter dss gave the aunt the kids they had someone there to watch the kids how they acted and things but the aunt had a party that had friends there and they had ice cream cake cookies and the aunt ask the kids who did they want to stay with and the kids said they wanted to stay with the aunt ....we want to stay here of course the kids would want to stay there with all that going on but the one over the kids told the judge they were happy where they are .. I don't think that's fair when the aunt would not let us around the kids we were supposed to get birthdays and holidays with the kids we never got that time with them my daughter told dss she was not getting this time with them and they said it was up to the aunt well what about what the judge ordered
We see this all of the time and this also was an issue with my sister allying with my ex to try to alienate my children. This is why I started the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute to assist the families in recovering their children. The pathology is a narcissistic/ borderline cluster B personality disordered issue that drives the behavior. You can check out our free course here www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/uncoverthetruth/
That is delusional. As a formerly alienated child, I know that what you are saying is false. That is the narrative of the people who alienate use to continue to hide the psychological abuse they are perpetrating on children. I would focus on what is actually happening, which is child psychological abuse, and when you look at the symptoms in the child, it t is easy to see what is going on, if you fight for the strawman argument that this is what men do you are part of the problem, not the solution. If you are the recipient of domestic violence, then focus on that actual abuse; children don't reject parents, and that is not normal, so if it is happening, then who is causing it? The assessment and review of the evidence to determine what the problem is. Domestic violence is different from child psychological abuse, and a review of the evidence assists in determining what is going on.
yes, and it is accurate and so stick around and consume as much as you can and most importantly take actions. This a great place to start www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/tame-the-pain-free-gift/
This man is the only one out there who understands how PA happens. The rest of professionals are simply clueless.
💯
Sadly, yes.
facts
He isn't the only one.
Exactly! Laws need to be in place to address the alienation. The courts are a joke. Go along to get along with these attorneys who don't do their homework and due diligence.
At last.......this completely describes my situation both during and after the marriage. Like many alienated parents you think because there is a lack of outright vicious verbal attack that it must after all be your fault. But my gut kept telling me something just wasn't adding up and I couldn't understand why my children were slowly but surely pulling away from me. It is indeed a drip-feed of manipulation, so very subtle and cleverly manoeuvred. Haven't seen my son for 7 years and rarely my daughter who has now cut ties with me for the last two. They are now 23 and 25 and I've missed so many significant landmarks in their teenage to young adulthood years. And the grief is indescribable. Thank you both so very much for your work, strength, support, insight and wisdom into this heinous abuse to both children and parents alike. Best wishes.
I'm in exactly the same position. 7 years no contact with my 3 kids. Supported by family court after false accusations of violence against me. My son and I shared a very strong bond. My wife made me question everything I had done as a father to keep me confused and being the introspective person I am it kept me confused as to what was going on for the first 2 years. It's a terrible to endure and it's happening more then people know. The courts fully support this by not acknowledging it exists and by not protecting the kids from this. A lesser person then me would have hurt someone by now.
So much love to you! 😭❤️
My heart is with you… I’m going thru the same thing. I’m so scared and heartbroken. It’s all I can do just to wake up in the morning. I feel like I’m grieving a death of a child but she’s very well alive. I can’t breathe. 🥺
OMG. My heart aches for anyone that has experienced this.
Same here. Five years I haven’t spoken to my now 17 yr old daughter. She attended my mother’s funeral 3 years ago - on the condition I not approach or speak to her. It’s emotional amputation. 15 years of gaslighting and world class manipulation. I’m a shell of the man I once was.
Thank you for these videos!!! I gave up on the courts doing anything. I use these videos for support, and empowerment, for my child, and myself, as we navigate through our last 3 years of her father's abuse.
I also started a TH-cam channel to keep a line open in case my ex cuts our daughter's phone off. She still knows where she can find me to message me.
The videos are light, fun, and no personal information.
I REFUSE to be erased...
@@westlawn7000 what the ??
I am a grad student who has not yet been corrupted by the standard therapeutic model. I really want to write about this model of family reunification and I hope to get my phd psych based on this model of reunification. I have sent you an e-mail to that effect. I have had 30 years of first hand experience with the narc/borderline parent and saw it passed on through generations. this could truly revolutionize the way family support networks view this important type of malignant parental abuse.
Parents, and MOST of ALL the CHILDREN need as many people in possession s to help to spread the word until changes are made.
My 11 year old daughter attempted suicide after suffering an extreme case for 8 years. I asked for help MULTIPLE times prior to this happening.
The family services can't do anything because it's not "TANGIBLE" abuse.
Our daughter almost DIED.
I’m wanting to find help, get help, give help. This is a real problem I’m living. It’s a generational curse. My kids are suffering and so am I. I miss my son. He needs help! I need help!
@@Candycherry808 that's awful!
@@wynnkidsnannylorivance4111 there are so many parents who are looking for their lost children, and kids going without parents who are fighting be in their lives.
Paying court fees ( mediation, evaluations, family inspection/ court appointed investigators,
parenting classes,
child support,
AND let's not forget the support groups, and counseling we need to stay sane after working as many hours as possible to pay everyone the courts have ordered you to see.
It's typical for the abusive parent to use their money and the family courts to bury the other parent in legal fees that they can't afford.
I make less than $40,000 a year, my ex makes $300,000.
There is no free legal representation for family court.
It's almost like they want you to give up the rights to your child, or keep paying their system to get the absolute minimum of Rights.
Bills have been introduced to a number of states, but none have adopted any kinds of reform.
Hawaii is supposed to have a law / rule that judges are to stay presiding over their family court cases but that doesn't happen. Our family is a prime example of that. This is all documented in legal court records as to how many judges have overseen a particular case.
An audit should be done to see how many cases forward from that have seen multiple judges.
It's so sad to see that we are not the only family that has been lost in the system.
Judges are more concerned with their jobs than helping the families they preside over.
There's no accountability, and the children are the ones that suffer.
I'm an adult, and I know how to seek out Social Services, or mental health services for support.
KIDS DON'T HAVE THE RIGHTS, OR KNOW HOW TO GET THESE SERVICES WHEN THEY ARE BEING ABUSED IN THIS MANNER. As adults we are looking for answers....imagine being a child w-no voice.
Our family story is long, but not unusual. I never fathom that this could ever happen.
I documented the abuse, I kept the emails, I paid all the fees...... the one judge that understood what was going on with our family and called it out for what it was got moved to the Hawaii Supreme Court's, and we never saw her again.
It was completely downhill after that.
It's never easy being a black woman in the courts.
That's when I started looking for outside Solutions like TH-cam, PARENT & CHILDREN TOGETHER programs.
It's not much but you use what you have available to you to maintain those life lines between you and your child.
I'm not saying that they're not times that you feel like giving up and like it's pointless.
These kids do come looking for their parents and I want my daughter to know that I NEVER stopped reaching out to her.
I know she's hurting without me.
There's never been any Science that said said kids are okay without their parents.
Some of these parents even die before their children have a chance to find them.
Can you imagine what that does to the child.......... regardless of how we feel about each other if the child protective services doesn't see a reason to withhold the child from the parent we have got to work toward reunification, w- parental alienation specialist, so that these kids are not going without their parents who clearly love them, and want to be in their lives.
@@Candycherry808 that's so sad but so true. I'm sorry for what's going in ur family. 😔
This is extremely helpful in dealing with my husbands ex and children. It's really sad what happens to children in these situations.
Wow.. amazing. This is my current situation..It's the most insidious form of abuse.
Dr. Childress is a national treasure! He needs more visibility at least nationally so that millions of children and target parents will be saved. For generations to come!
yes he is.
I agree 100% w/everything Dr Childress says. He's the greatest authority on this topic. My alienator developed dysfunctional "comradery" with my child AND himself stating that they were both the "victims" of my mistreatments. He'd tell our child things along the lines of, "Well, you know how she is, she won't pay for my haircut so it's no surprised she won't give you money to go to the mall with". He became my third "child" attempting to console my youngest daughter by relating to how she felt with stories of his own frustrations with me.
I definitely believe that is what happened with my ex.
I'm working on reconnecting with my 17 year old after a 10 year separation with her. She offered the information that her dad didn't bad mouth me. I told her that's really good eventhough i didn't believe it and now i understand why I didn't believe it. I'm searching for info on how to navigate our reconnect process thank you this information and your videos are very helpful.
Dam...... and I thought I was the only one dealing with this. Haven't seen my sons in five years she has brainwashed them to the point they are robots, she has stripped them from their individuality and altered the way they think about their dad. This is the real pandemic
Follow these 2
I can't believe how fast 30 years go by.
Hopeful you will be with your children soon. Fight don't let 30 years go flying by.
@@milmex317th thank you god bless..
its an epidemic. I think its akin to stockholme syndrome. the child thinks like the mother or gets drowned in the tub. goes to hell when kid becomes a teen because hormones kick in and call out the PA parents crap.
Yes. It's so depressing 😢.
This man is brilliant. My children have an incompetent therapist who has no business dealing with the issue of parental alienation. She has made things worse. She listens to what the children tell her and believes them. She will not include me in the therapy. I believe that most professionals have no clue when it comes to lying and manipulative mothers. They present themselves and the children as victims. The distortions that the mothers create are part of their mental illness.
Man I thought I was the only one dealing with this. It baffles me how many people are dealing with the loss of their children due to parental alienation. The therapist and counselors are not trained to identify extreme parental alienation.
It happens to moms as well. Same thing for me and I was an at home mom for 18 years.
Thank you for the detailed explanation how this works. When I call 911 not emergency to report Custodial interference. Now when the police officer asks why my child doesn't want to see me. I'll show them this :-)
I’m personally involved in a case now 3 yrs long but, not giving up. God has given me the strength and support needed to do so. The rabbit hole with parent alienation is deep and Mr Childress is definitely speaking TRUTH.. the lawmakers really need to huddle up to mitigate this crap. Surely not in the best interest of the child/ren.
This is a very helpful discussion. The concept of psychological seduction is important. That process can lead to outright psychological kidnapping. At some point, it is appropriate for a targeted parent to say, 'Your [mom/dad] wants to destroy the relationship you and I have together. I am not going to let that happen. I will always be your [father/mother]. I will always be here for you. I want you to know that I would be hurting you if I were to accept all these misconceptions you have. You would be very, very sad to get your way by thinking of me as dangerous to you. I love you and I want you to have both of your parents in your life.'
👏✊👏
@ Kevin Hornbuckle : The psychological kidnapping is precisely what it is.
Dr childress could not even be more on target but he is absolutely a sniper comes to targeting all this pathology changed my life in the fact that he can articulate and convey exactly what we targeted parents have gone through.... We can talk about it all day long to whomever and it may never make sense to anyone he can lay it down and it can't be made more clear... Thank you Dr Craig Childress
All truth. Glad you are here
This is exactly what is happening! He nailed it!!! What can I do to show my children and help them see it too?? I wish I could just show them this video! 😭😭😭
Hi Jennifer, a lot of the work we do is helping parents learn the skills to communicate effectively with alienated kids and shift the way they are showing up. Once you shift how you show up, your child will also shift how they show up. Shifting how you show up can release the child from this struggle and allow them to be kids again. They don't have to know what is going on, they just have to know that you are there, holding the container for them. You can schedule a call with my team if you'd like to learn more; www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
Oh thank you, that makes so much sense as to why the child is convinced that it was all their own idea.
Mind blown!!! He knows his stuff!! ❤
yes he really does.
At time stamp 19.44 been there, i can so relate to this :( my daughter is 23 and the damage done is beyond saving her and a father daughter relationship. Even at one point i got a reply back how she is a winner, how can that be? you grew up never having your father in your life, you grand dad died when you were 8 and you never saw him, four other family members have also gone to there graves and if you ever have kids they will never know there grand dad. My daughter has truly become a mirror of her mother and she is proud of this. I have the legal system to than for this and the system in general for allowing these things to happen to parents who are shut out of there children`s lifes.
Me too man. 7 years no contact with my 3 kids. Falsely accused of violence against my ex to distract from my wife's mental illness. I spent 4 years in prison for felony domestic battery. Never even raised my voice to anyone. I reached out for help so many times. I got no help.
@@jimig399 I dont think truly understand and judge saying "he must have done something for her to do this to him" But unless they have been through it them selfs. The reality is quite different to what they think, parental alienation years on is still as hidden as domestic abuse to men and just as taboo. Sorry to hear your story fella :( I hope your kids one day see through the bull shit and come find you.
@@jaybond9386 I dont. I hope I never see them again. I wasted the last 7 years holding out hope that they would love me again. That I would be their dad again. 7 years is a long time to hold on to hope of something that you keep wanting to happen and keep working towards happening only for it to continue to evade you for 7 years. To spend every holiday utterly alone while they celebrate the holidays every year in the house that I built and we all lived together in for so long but haven't stepped foot inside for 7 years. I haven't seen my dog in 7 years because of this.. I don't want to see them ever again. If they do come around me it will likely only be to use me and solicite money or other resources from me. Thats what the psychology says. And I believe it. They've already shown that they have no regard for me or my well being. I fought for them for 7 years. I guess 7 years was my limit. I don't have hope anymore. I'm not the same man anymore. I don't want them anymore even if they want me. I'd accept my dog back because I know she loves me still and misses me and has missed me all along. I can't say the same about any of my kids. They broke the bond. I tried to hang on to it and it's destroyed me while they ignore everything about me. Fuck'em.
@@jimig399 wow.
I've watched/listen to 100's of hours on this subject, for over 7 years. My mind is absolutely blown right now. I saw this manipulation through text between my ex and our sons. She played me the same way in our marriage. But I couldn't put my finger on it, until now. My boys are more screwed up than I very thought. WOW!
The signs are usually unnoticed until an event happens that makes parents impacted by alienation look at what got them to this point. You're not alone! And it's never too late to reunite. Connect with us! www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
Oh my... Dr, Childress is Gold standard.
true. All of our work at the Conscious Co-parenting Institute is anchored in his work which is accepted constructs of psychology
While it's great to know that there are professionals who are willing and able to see that this is a severe problem, it's unfortunate that they're so few and far between. The fact of the matter is, PA is not within the realm of understanding for common citizens who have not experienced it. To make matters worse, the signs and symptoms are completely counterintuitive. Because of that, it's all but guaranteed to face fierce opposition at every turn.
Videos like these are helpful in the sense that they validate the reality some of us are forced to live in, but, they're also not helpful because they can give one a sense of false hope. The reality is, there are very few attorneys and/or psychologists who can prove PA to reach a healthy outcome. Finding a professional who is even willing to try, is like finding the proverbial needle in the haystack.
All that to say, I commend the work being done here, but there is an undeniable need for more drastic action to be taken. That drastic action would require a deluge of reputable professionals to step forward and insist on change. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening for a very long time.
That's very well said. Everything you said is true. The courts dont want to hear about this. I know because I tried and the judge admonished me harshly for even trying. I was actually targeted by an officer of the court who fancied herself as some self-styled vigilante/protector of women. I was accused of being a racist and a pedophile in open court by her. I was a good father and had a strong bond with my 3 children. The impatience and frustration they saw in me only confused them further and made me more frustrated and desperate to reunite with my kids. It got me nowhere. Like you said, it's difficult for people to understand unless they've experienced it first hand. It took me 2 years to figure out what was going on myself. I didn't have a clue. My ex wife was manipulating all of us by isolation and triangulation. She's borderline personality. I told my attorney that she was borderline and I thought it would explain everything. He didn't even know what it was let alone that it predisposed her to manipulation, triangulation and parental alienation. This is so prevalent now that it's scary. Everywhere you look on TH-cam now there is a new video on Narcissists, borderlines and psychopaths. I think it's feeding the mental health crisis we are experiencing. My kids are damaged. They will pass this on to their own kids unfortunately and it will exponentially self perpetuate until the whole world is suffering for this. It breeds apathy. Thats not a good thing for any of us. Good luck to you.
@@jimig399 I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you. My affected son is now grown, so, it's now just up to me to try to reverse the damage. It's too late to prevent it. Having lived through it, and seeing the long (er) term affects, has made it something I'm extremely passionate about. These children grow up believing that only one parent REALLY cares about them. No sane person could say that children being convinced of something like isn't extremely damaging. The family courts are supposed to exist to protect children, but, they miss SO much. It's way overdue for these systems to be re-evaluated and revamped.
@@lisalisa2375I couldn't have said it better myself, "the family court's are supposed to exist to protect the children and they miss so much." They have lost all objectivity and don't see cases as individuals. Same with criminal court. It's all about the numbers. It's a chess match. They don't want to see people. They see case numbers and profiles. They are truly doing more damage then good for sure. And when your eyes are open to it as ours have been it's disturbing to think about where it's all headed. There seems to be just as many women who are victims of this as there are men. I find out more everyday that I didn't know yesterday. So many people dealing with this same issue all over the country. I thought my experience with it was unique because it's especially agregeious due to my wifes level of mental illness compounded by her substance abuse. But I find people almost daily who have had very similar experiences. I had a discourse with a man from Australia recently. Our situations are virtually identical. The borderline personality wife, false accusations, parental alienation and the whole court drama that only made his life a living hell. He was a contractor like me. Lost his business just like me over the exact same behaviors of a vindictive spouse. The exact same actions taken by a court and a judge with blinders on. The whole system is dysfunctional. God forbid you have a bad day during your interactions with the court and get on someone's bad side because they can decide to create a prejudice against you that all the rest will fall in line with. And there are so many narcissists that hold positions of authority in the courts. They believe they are serving justice. They serve their own egos and not much more. They had a 50/50 chance of getting it right in my case and they were so wrong it'd laughable. I don't want this to consume my life anymore. I'm trying to find a positive outlet for all of this information, education and experience I've garnered thru this ordeal but I've yet to settle on something. Truth be told I still struggle daily. But I don't know how to give up or quit. Still, It's very hard not to be bitter after everything I've suffered. Some days I feel like I'm moving forward. Some days I wish I could erase them from my mind and my heart so I had no memory of them anymore. I really do wish I could just forget it all and have my life back the way it was. I want my dog back. I haven't seen my dog in 7 years. Poor girl must believe I abandoned her. I know she waits for me by the door everyday waiting for me to come home... and its heartbreaking to think about. But I can't stop thinking about her. This has messed me up so bad. Sorry ..I think I'm having a bad day. I'm so lonely it hurts. The pandemic has made it especially difficult. I'm sure I would have found someone to be with by now if not for the pandemic. Would make moving forward much easier if i had partner and a new set of goals and interests to occupy my mind. Hopefully I can be happy again someday. Hopefully.
@@lisalisa2375 and while it's on my mind.... clearly there is a connection with the number of narcissistic personalities in the courts that have authority as officers of the court and why this has become such a prevalent occurrence among families going through high conflict divorce. It's obvious that they see the narcissistic qualities in the bad actors and identify with them and therefore are inclined to side with them. It creates an identity bias that they will never admit to because they all see themselves as righteous. But their righteousness is having dire consequences for the 23 million kids in America who are growing up without a father at home. That number will broach 30 million by years end due to all the divorces filed for that are backlogged since the covid lockdowns. Those are just the ones with an absent father or positive male role model... which is so important for healthy child development. Im not sure I've ever seen a statistic for children growing up without their birth mother in the home. I'm going to have to find it. Its a real epidemic that most people aren't even aware of. But clearly the affects are far reaching based on the number of subscriptions to TH-cam content providers of psychology and narcissistic abuse. Im done. 🤷😂🙋
What she stated about therapists telling alienated parents to give up... It is so true. I’ve spoken to three of them and they all have said that to me. They’ve backed it Up with “this is a custody issue and I don’t want to get in the middle of it.” Um... WHAT?
In short; INSINUATIONS is what I lived with. My child punished me for two months because I said "ditto" to her bf father in a salutation. Her stepmom ran that as outrage and I couldn't defend myself adequately over the outrage. YOU two are EXACTLY correct! Ah, I hung up the phone once and didn't say I love you, that punishment was and still is thrown in my face, for being a bad mother.
The best thing a kid can say to a parent - the alienating parent is - " it's none of your business!" But the alienating parent will never get this response from the child, because they are traumatically bonded to the alienating parent.
This is actually hard and at the same time relieving to listen to.
I've also noticed that the narcissistic borderline parent will make it so that kids are only allowed to do fun things with them and the other parent they're not allowed to do fun things with
very annoying but true
My mother did this. She became the fun parent during the divorce.
This works perhaps until you deal with a parent who is a malignant narcissist, who is abusive, cruel, physically abusive, threatening, or psychopathic. Then it’s a whole new ball game.
This is my life. I need help but can’t find any real help.
Hi Candice we can help you. email us at clientcare@coparentinginstitute.com
Me too
You are not alone,
There's probably millions of us alienates
Money machines for this bureaucracy.
A lot of therapists encourage the alienation. They ate often happy to buy in to the perspective of the narcissistic/borderline/antisocial parent.
true
What you're saying is very true I have been in a relationship with two different narcissists and I did notice that both narcissists did the same thing they were accusing every guy that they had ever met in their life of being a child molester but the last narcissist I look at her record had to print it out and it was not good she was accusing people of the things that she did in the past
often times we repeat our patterns until we wake up to what is going on and change how we are showing up
This was fascinating!
My kids told me that the stepmother would repeatedly call me stupid at every word I said, everything I did and every decision I made. She also sat my daughter down at six years old to tell her all about me her mother. She went on to repeat everything my ex actually did that I had not told my child about. This woman was very explicit and my daughter came home screaming at me that she knew everything about me as "Jane" had told her everything. She also forbid my kids to talk about me unless it was nasty talk and after an accident that my daughter hurt her finger, this woman put on a drama saying how I (her mother) broke her finger. But never once took her to a dr to prove her finger was broken (,which there is no way it was) my daughter is 31 and still can't see through it and still to this day makes up ridiculous lies of things I'm supposedly doing to this day. The lies are obvious but I'll get calls telling me to leave this woman alone. In 25yrs this woman has managed to have never even have met me. I don't even know what she looks like. Many of the stories don't even have a Kernal of truth and yes this woman was very explicit. I haven't even bothered to try to contact her either as I expect it would be lied about. I also did laugh at a majority of the accusations as they were ridiculous. It made no difference.
Gosh that has to be hard to accept.
Manipulative people can do so much damage, it triggers me just reading these stories.
I've been saying this for years about bad mouthing. The parent alienator does this in a subtle way.
Amen to shut down kid's criticism of a targeted parent (applies to therapists, too!)
My 10 year old son started lying to me a lot. I asked him why he was lying and he said"so I don't get in trouble:
I always thought he was not wanting to get into trouble with me and I could not understand it. Now I know it was either his Dad or his dad's second wife he was afraid of getting I. Trouble with
Dr Childress explains this so well. I am happy to finally understand what is happening to my daughter and I, but saddened at the same time that no therapist in my area understands it. I feel like I finally understand the 'disease' my child has, but there is not one doctor that is trained to treat it. I can only dream of the Foundations program, it is financially totally out of my reach. So feeling very sad and hopeless tonight. :(
I totally understand what you're going through. As a man who has lost his kids to parental alienation due to the mother being scorned and bitter towards me. Set out to destroy my relationship with my son refuses to comply with court orders I am financially drained You Are Not Alone. It is going on 6 years my youngest son was 10 when I dropped him off at home to the alienator
I’ve read and watched a lot on this, but this is really brilliant stuff
Holy moly!!!! This guy has it down 100% great video
true
Exactly…… I will never give up on my kids.
As a child whose parents divorced when I was a toddler and was alienated from Parent A by Parent B for 18 years, I will ADVISE you that it is THE DUTY OF BOTH PARENTS TO FIGHT FOR AND PURSUE AND CREATE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE toddler, preschooler, CHILD, and teenager!!! If you are not the narcissistic personality parent, then FIGHT FOR THAT CHILD!!!!!!!! EVEN when Parent B was badmouthing Parent A who wasn't there for 18 years, I knew in my heart of heart that Parent B was full of horse manure. When I finally spent time with Parent A at age 20, I learned what a narcissistic personality Parent A was, just as Parent B was. Parent B told me throughout the 18 yrs that Parent A was the devil, when in fact, she herself was the devil!!!! They were 2 peas in a pod, and they both wanted to dominate the other person, even during their marriage. It's no surprise to me that they couldn't stand each other, and finally divorced!!! They were equally venomous and filled with hate for the other. Parent A blamed Parent B of badmouthing them for 20 yrs, and for creating the rift in our relationship. The fact is, if Parent A wanted to, they could have seen me as often as they wanted. Parent A always had open access to me. But, Parent A never once reached out to me. Parent B always made it sound like he was a deadbeat father. Finally, when we hung out when I was 22, Parent A promised me we would continue to hang out, but I never heard from him again. Meanwhile, he continues to be in contact with the other child, my sibling who was also raised by Parent B. I came to find out that Parent A felt I wasn't easily manipulated by him, so he gave up. The other sibling was still being manipulated by Parent A. Meanwhile, Parent B continued to manipulate me because Parent A's rejection and neglect of me for the second time was used against me, as leverage because now she could say I was unworthy of any love whatsoever since Parent A rejected me AGAIN, so in her eyes, I had nobody in my corner and I was extremely vulnerable which is exactly what suited her because I was weaker and easier to fool and keep me under her spell.
Thank you so much for this.
Absolutely Amazing video. Its too bad I can not use mich of it in court. I cant use it because it would be considered expert testimony in a court room
This is very good… probably the best insight into Parental Alienation. My ex when we were married would routinely cut out her parents, sisters from our children’s lives after the smallest infraction or perceived slight. So I had an insight into her behaviour, her lack of being objective and grey areas. Everything was black and white.
This is all great info, and very helpful... But how do we fight it? What's the mechanism to provide balance to the child's thought streams?
Hi there! Reach out to us as we have been doing this work since 2006 and successfully recovering families: consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
Where are the other three video segments?
I can't tell you how much this is my life. It's a terrible thing they do. I don't know if my child will ever recover. They don't care the inevitable damage this will caused their own children in adult life.
Dr. Childress is brilliant but is he available for consultation or therapy & how? Everything he says resonates
All true! God with us all suffering still ❤️🤘✝️ thanks Dr.!
Education is the first step.
This is exactly what happens also saying how much I miss you and promise to of buying things as a reward.
My mother & father tried to destroy each other. They ended up destroying my brother & i instead.
so true
In the first 3 minutes of this video, Dr. Childress details exactly how my soon to be ex-wife has masterfully emotionally alienated me from my kids who need me and he simultaneously dismantles common myths about how alienation occurs in reality.
Me, too
Everything our family did was under scrutiny, every decision, every action, everything was used as fodder for the mother to build mountains, to look as if she was the empathetic parent, eventually she turned 16 and left us and never came back, I was heartbroken as a stepmom, but also relieved and I feel guilty for being relieved, I am also scared for her future, she was taught by her mother to make bad decisions/or decisions based on false assumptions, my stepdaughter is doing what seems to be very well which is confusing emotionally for me, she’s 22 about to graduate from college and about to get married. Dealing with the alienating parent is always like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
THIS! And this is why the child will say they hate that parent but can give NO reasons why!!! Absolutely heartbreaking and so very unhealthy for the child.
Where are the other videos in this series? It says they are hidden. I really need this information! Please advise?
How can I get in contact with Dr Childress
Unfortunately I am dealing with extreme parent alienation from my adult children now ..when. My son was 15 he all of sudden did want nothing to do with long story short he is now going on 22 an completely.cut me off .I don't see him coming back in my heart .I always wonder even with the extreme parent alienation does the child stop loving us
Same for me with my young adult children. Im so sorry. Its the worst pain.
My mom does this all the time with everything. She does it with my marriage. She fishes for whatever she imagines might be wrong and insists on the confirmation- it’s exhausting.
I hear all of this but I lost my kids 12 years ago. I wish I had this information 20 years ago because that’s when my ex started her poison. One of my kids has already tried to commit suicide.
I don’t even see getting my kids back in my life. But they are so damaged I really don’t want them back because they are just like my ex. The reason I left me ex because she sick. 🤦🏻♂️
Sorry to hear that. It’s been almost 20 years for me without seeing my kids or having any real, genuine contact with them. I could particularly relate with your statement of “I really don’t want them back because they are just like my ex…” When that happens, when they become little carbon copies of the pathogenic parent, it seems like all hope is forever lost on this earth as far as reconciling with our alienated children.
@@adobemastr I’m really fortunate in that my wife’s twin girls took my last name. One is an Attorney the other works for the Pentagon.
I guess I’ve done something right over the last 20 years. 😊🙋♂️
@@whitelightning4952 Well, it seems like your second wife was not a wacko like your first. What is the gender of the children that you haven’t seen in 12 years? From my reading on this subject, it appears little girls have a much tougher time with a divorce than the boys do and that daughters are more apt to be alienated than the boys. In my case, this is true.
Same here white lightning. My 23 son is in rehab now and most likely a narcissist/ borderline. My 78 yr mother alienated me . It is so very tragic. I do not believe there is a future for me and my son. My sisters and father are also brainwashed. I was the scapegoat and got away 3 yrs ago. It’s alternately peaceful and gutwrenching. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. 🌎
@@tigress725 I know it’s hard not to lose hope, but there are many stories of parents like us who have reunited with their children. There are groups out there who specialize in reuniting alienated parents with their alienated children, but I don’t like the fact that some of them charge tens of thousands of dollars for their reunification programs. It helps to hear other successful stories and I want to encourage you that it could happen to you as well.
My ex husband told me that if I denied (left, divorced...)him that I would be denying my then 2 year old son, too. I didn't know what he meant at the time. 29 years later I understand his intentions. I haven't seen or spoken to my son in 25 years. Thanks to these TH-cam presenters for at least validating my experience.
This started in my kid's infancy. Dad removed all the "green stuff" that bad Mommy put on baby's plate.
Spot on.
This is literally what is happening with my husband’s ex wife and my step son. My son is now so scared of his father because of the things that his mother has filled his head with. She so manipulative and vile towards my husband. And my step son is the victim in it all.. this is absolutely insane how accurate this is. He’s only 9…
So sorry to hear that your family is going through this, Samantha! Schedule a call with a member of my team - we can help! consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
The covert narcissistic parent creates instability in the co parent, who is being traumatized. The trauma is perceived as bad by the children. The parent tormenting and bringing out
And where are the other 3 videos???
Hi Jennifer, if you check out our TH-cam channel, the videos are listed in there!
Emotional & psychological abuse of children by psychological kidnapping or seduction or hijacking the child's mind is more than sad. it is criminal behaviour. it is not acknowledged, let alone recognised. it destroyed my brother & me. He gave up at the age of 32. My parents did nothing but fight & blame & rage. if you're going to have children, please be aware that this can be the outcome. this is the real reason children & parents have "mental illness".
Also when you communicate with the father always be polite as these interactions will be shown to the court.The undoing of the father was through his emails as you could really see how pathological he was.
the behavior is so easy to see when you know what you are looking for
Can this type of alienation occur in adult children and grandchildren when there is a divorce very late in life after the children have left home? Especially when the abusive spouse dies shortly after? Do the children direct the grief response to the surviving parent? Anyone have any thoughts on this?
Hi Teresa, thank you for watching and for your comment. Yes, that happens quite frequently. I recommend checking out our free webinar here about reuniting with adult children. www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/reunited-replay/ There is also a paid course if you want additional support.
Brilliant! Thank you!
Does anyone know if this content is available in written form somewhere online?
Hey David! Reach out to my team so they can point you in the right direction based on what you're looking for. We have some resources and courses that go more in depth. You can email us at clientcare@coparentinginstitute.com
This says 3. -where can we find 2, 4, etc
22:54 I dunno if gaslighting the child is right, though. To actually laugh at a child who is degrading a parent is the right approach? Isn't laughing what the alienator does when the child does things like show affection etc toward the other parent?
Man I wish you were In Florida. Are there any Drs in other states who you recommend?
I have asked the same thing. Still looking, in Florida. I would do anywhere on zoom, at this point, if someone was educated enough.
Where do we get help if a ex husband is going through this. It is a really painful experience.
Hi there! Here's the link to connect with us further about the situation: consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
That kind of mess is bound to mess up a child for the rest of their lives.
Is it ever possible for the targeted parent yo help balance the child, or is the help of a professional always required? Either way, can this work whilst the child is still residing with the alienating parent?
Hi Brett, yes, the work we do is designed to empower you to fix this for your family instead of relying on professionals to fix it for you as they oftentimes don't know how to solve this. And yes, we work with many parents whose children are still residing with the alienating parent. You can contact us here: consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/contact-us/
Blame and shame is the core of addiction. Alienators and addictions have similarities.
yes they do
Does the narcissistic borderline parent also use these same tactics against grandparents, ex spouses significant others? I have witnessed these tactics used against me my family and now my ex-wife’s new in-laws. Well she’s not married yet, but it’s her fiancé’s family. I am witnessing the whole background of what happened with me reenacted in her new relationship like it’s déjà vu.
yes can happen with any other family members, friends, etc
So where do we get help for our children? And how do we help our children when we can't get to them because of all of this? I am on 17 years of this and in my situation, there is actually a mob of family that surrounded my children to carry this out including my own mother and stepfather and brother.... If you can imagine that... Where do we go for help to turn things around because you don't even know how to communicate with them without it being turned into damned if we do and damned if we don't
You're not alone! We have been doing this work for a long time and helping parents (no matter how long they have been cut-off for) learn how to successfully reunite and attract their children back by following a step-by-step process and doing the work. Schedule a call with a member of my team: www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/strategy-session/
ty
So when a child has seen domestic violence, heard and been verbally abused, knows dad is an alcoholic and comes home saying he doesn’t like dad or want to be around him because he yells at the child, calls him names, dad is mean, and the child is afraid what should the mothers response be to the child?? When there is clearly emotional damage to the child happening during visitation should the mother stay neutral or comfort the child while waiting to go back to court to fight for supervised visitation?
I would refuse to let him go. If the child can tell the police what you just said that should be enough to get a temporary injunction or whatever it’s called so that he doesn’t have to go there.
@@ArtsCraftsAntiquity I already tried that. The judge was VERY angry I kept the kids from him. Dad got 10 hours of anger management and then unsupervised visitation every other weekend
@@ArtsCraftsAntiquity I have 2 kids I have to send. My daughter is 8 and my son is 11. They both want supervised visitation with their dad. They tell me this.
Therapy. Court and therapy are your recourses. Sadly we have to watch our tongues around our kids. Therapists can tell it like it is, and know how to do so without causing further damage. When parents talk bad about the other parent, even in agreement with the child, it can hurt the child subconciously. The child's ego is too entwined with the parent, so if parent is a bad person, the child thinks they are bad too. The child will wonder if you can truly love them if you hate their other parent. Comfort as best you can without bad mouthing the other parent, even if its true.
@@AliciaGuitar I don’t bad mouth him but I’m definitely not going to lie for him or make it seem like the abuse the kids saw with their own eyes is ok. They’ve been in therapy though for over a year now.
What do you do when you're accused of being physically abusive and mentally ill? That's what's happening to me.
We can help you with that. You need the support of putting your evidence together properly. False allegations should never be taken lightly and should be documented and presented properly. Reach out to someone on the team www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/info-crm/
This is very common
Yes it is and even worse the professionals are completely clueless on how to solve it.
thank you for doing this!!! We have made a video game to try to counter the kidnapping culture!!! see the "Voodoo Breaker"!!!
So smart and so much to think about. Great interviewer as well.
I would go a little further saying this also happens during the relationship, being the over the top caring person during the relationship with the narcissistic person.
Solution is reinforce to child someone the alienating parent encourages.. eg. Targeted for eating a certain food.... antidote I'm sure the child's doctor as part of a balanced diet would say that's ok... the moment the aleinator undermines this statement they undeemine themselves... and the balanced diet is right. This could be exposed anytime in the future
I agree. This happened to me. Undermining the target parent is the modus operandum.
This model makes sense but I don’t think this is the only pattern of parental alienation that exists.
Ok but how is this happening if dad wasn't involved most case. Who continued this? Why was this not addressed like I stated many times before it's this out of control? I know I told my therapist this was completely dysfunctional behavior I said many times.
Some sick narc is probably watching this taking pointers on what TO DO to alienate their kids from the targeted parent
In my experience a narc would watch 2 seconds and proclaim "this is stupid!"
I've read many of your posts. I know you've suffered. I know your familiar with this topic because you've experienced it first hand and know how it feels. As have I. I've done tons of research on this subject and have experienced many different things while doing that research. One thing I've encountered is that there are absolutely narcissists in these forums and they present themselves as victims while I can easily tell that they are not victims. They lack the the depth of someone who has suffered extreme loss. These 2 jokers who responded to your comment are perfect examples of this. They are narcs in disguise here to glean some information that they can use later. Or to solicit compassion that they are not deserving of. I've come to the conclusion that most of the people moderating these forums are narcissits because they often inject themselves into a conversation and say things to intentionally confuse people and keep them guessing. Or they intentionally provoke conflict and hostility by highlighting certain inflammatory comments with the intent of targeting certain individuals. Some narc is absolutely reviewing this material for later use. These 2 commentors are adamant that they could not possibly be because they lack focus or patience. So ridiculous. But notice they both invalidate your comment. Be careful what you say in these forums. There is some other agenda at work here that I haven't figured out yet but it's definitely at work in these forums.
Sought court for protection and yes, legit molestation. Although I've "never" restricted or denied the father; in fact I've taken the neutral road to not speak any disparities against dad,came for Years my kids wld come home angry, accusatory, argumentative, defiant, pitted against each other, unruly, sad, & overall disrespectful! YEARS!!
well with the professional ignorance pervasive throughout the family court systems, dad manipulated & twisted & outright lied claiming alienation!
This miscarriage of justice in dad projecting in fact his own wrongdoings, avoiding his culpability & within 8 min custody was severed traumatically for the abusers much wanted trauma bond.
238 days since....😡💔❓Huh??? Twilight Zone!!!
Welcome to CPTSD & LAS!!
...You comply because you want it to stop. Because you comply, it will Never stop."...
Suggestion for anyone is to maybe seek out "coercive control" in law statutes, or case law, and moving forward to educate or initiate bills to criminalize it. It will never "end" but accountability & consequences will surely subside the deterioration of humanity!!,
So so true.
Mine screamed at me "you chose not to be a father anymore" and called me a "family abandoner" when I left her. Five years later she is still trying to erase me
just stop already please!!
How come courts don’t know about this?
Great question! Unfortunately most professionals surrounding the family court system are incompetent and don't want to solve the problem and would rather keep families stuck. Are you currently in court?
Yes the issue is never the issue they can criticize you for doing something and then the next day they can do it and it's alright 🤷
yes this is true
it does not have to be a "parent".
My daughter went through this and the aunt made false reports against my daughter dss gave the aunt the kids they had someone there to watch the kids how they acted and things but the aunt had a party that had friends there and they had ice cream cake cookies and the aunt ask the kids who did they want to stay with and the kids said they wanted to stay with the aunt ....we want to stay here of course the kids would want to stay there with all that going on but the one over the kids told the judge they were happy where they are .. I don't think that's fair when the aunt would not let us around the kids we were supposed to get birthdays and holidays with the kids we never got that time with them my daughter told dss she was not getting this time with them and they said it was up to the aunt well what about what the judge ordered
We see this all of the time and this also was an issue with my sister allying with my ex to try to alienate my children. This is why I started the Conscious Co-Parenting Institute to assist the families in recovering their children. The pathology is a narcissistic/ borderline cluster B personality disordered issue that drives the behavior. You can check out our free course here www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/uncoverthetruth/
OH EM GEEE . . . This is scary, it happened like this to me with my exhusband . . .
This was created for male Perpertrators DV as a loop hole .I survived this in the family court.
That is delusional. As a formerly alienated child, I know that what you are saying is false. That is the narrative of the people who alienate use to continue to hide the psychological abuse they are perpetrating on children. I would focus on what is actually happening, which is child psychological abuse, and when you look at the symptoms in the child, it t is easy to see what is going on, if you fight for the strawman argument that this is what men do you are part of the problem, not the solution. If you are the recipient of domestic violence, then focus on that actual abuse; children don't reject parents, and that is not normal, so if it is happening, then who is causing it? The assessment and review of the evidence to determine what the problem is. Domestic violence is different from child psychological abuse, and a review of the evidence assists in determining what is going on.
This is such information but so incredibly painful at the same time
yes, and it is accurate and so stick around and consume as much as you can and most importantly take actions. This a great place to start www.consciouscoparentinginstitute.com/tame-the-pain-free-gift/
Many times I said to my therapist document this abuse from Kathy and making a incident repeatedly in front of child.
Dr. Childress you’re a genius, that 100% how my stbx caused our daughter to alienate me.
The strongest lies all have a kernel of truth because it lends plausible deniability.