BE ASSERTIVE ON-THE-SPOT: Tips for Being Assertive When You Need to (avoid not knowing what to say!)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 มิ.ย. 2024
- In this video, you’ll learn how to be assertive on-the-spot and in the moment. These tips will help you avoid getting brain freeze - where you stand there not knowing what to say! Sometimes we’re caught off guard with rude comments or negative remarks from people. Often this happens when we’re in a stressful or difficult conversation. It can be really hard to know how to respond or what to say to that person on-the-spot.
The reason you get this brain freeze is because you’re experiencing the fight or flight response. I explain in this video what that is all about and why it prevents you from responding assertively on the spot. Then I delve into five techniques to help you respond assertively so you can tell the other person what you truly think and feel. No more suppressing your internal thoughts, feelings or opinions. It’s time to let the other person know what they are!
00:00 Be assertive on-the-spot
00:48 Why is it so hard to think of a response on the spot?
01:00 What is the flight or flight response?
03:06 Tip 1: Calm your stress response
03:40 Adopt confident body language
04:50 Tip 2: Be prepared (if you can)
06:23 Tip 3: Listen first
08:28 Tip 4: Get your key message clear in your mind
10:09 Tip 5: Re-write previous difficult conversations
12:04 Final message about being assertive
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Thanks for watching! Do you get brain freeze during difficult conversations too? Please share as I’m sure I’m not the only one :)
This teaching is critical for all of us who grew up in abusive and neglectful families of origin where we were not taught how to communicate properly. I have been fawning, freezing and taking flight for years whenever I sense conflict. But, learning to stand your ground assertively and respectfully is critical to good emotional health and relationships. We need healthy relationships in order to thrive. Thank you for sharing this information, Kara.
I could totally relate 😢 I ended up feeling bad about myself and lowered my self esteem. I wanted to say a lot of things to my previous boss but I wanted to be polite but most of the time I would have a brain freeze and didn’t want to create disagreement so I would suppress my emotions and opinions and would think about it before sleeping, things I wanted to tell straightforwardly.😢
Fight, flight or freeze.
Freeze is like being a stick insect that thinks if it doesn’t move the bird of prey will not detect them and fly away.
Unfortunately ’freeze’ is my gut instinct. To compensate, at times I have tried convince myself that it was better to say nothing and keep what I know to myself.
This is obviously not constructive.
Thanks for sharing the thoughtful video above.
I'm very responsive to this type of teaching. ❤🙏👏👏👏🤗😏👍 great teacher.
Vital Message here. Thank you for the Tips and for sharing practical experiences
Very useful video, thx!
This channel is an absolute gem. Thank you.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for this, listening now.
Fantastic! I hope you enjoy it Adaeze.
Thank you x
This is super helpful! Thank you Kara 😊
I am so glad to hear that! Thank you so much for watching 😀
Thank you.
Thank you for this video, grateful for this extremely inspirational and valuable information we can apply on daily basis.
I'm so glad to hear this video was helpful for you Diana! Thank you!
Thank you so much ma'am 😊
You're welcome!
Good job,keep it up
You have to practice every day!!
Kara, with respect for your beautiful work and encouragement. I listened to your podcasts and watched your videos. I find the podcasts easier to listen to, you speak slower, and the information flows. It doesn't feel like I get distracted by thinking that I just heard that or that the same statements are being repeated. I think longer podcasts and shorter videos. On TH-cam, I noticed that people want the information much quicker on a podcast it gives me more time to enjoy it.
You're right, the podcast audience and TH-cam audience are different. So the information should be given in a different way. I'm glad you like the podcast episodes!
Dear Kara, I just want to say thank you I have been watching your videos for 3 days now in a raw (on my way to office and before I go to bed) and I can say this you are helping me a lot every word u describe it link me and also I took one of your example on how to be decisive good example to replace could we with Let’s have marguerite and James I would like you take over the first point !!!! Thank you
Thank you so much for your kind message Nasser! I'm delighted to hear that my TH-cam videos have been really helpful for you and that you've been watching so many of them. It's great one of the examples I shared you could use at work! Wonderful!
This is what happen to me when discussing with my colleague. When I leave the discussion, there is lots of idea in my thought to speak
It's very common.
People who are in period of disregulated ptsd cant fix all this step.
I tried but everything be so fast for me that I dont know where I should start or finish
Thank you Kara this is very helpful❤🙏🙏✌👐🙌🌷❤
I'm glad this video was helpful for you! Keep up the good work being assertive.
A kind thank you.
You're very welcome Vain3D!
This is a great refresher from your masterclass. I do have a question: What is the best response when your conversation partner doesn't respond well to your tactics? If you need to remove yourself from the situation, what is the best way to do so, and how do you reopen the conversation later?
Like you said, sometimes you need to remove yourself from the conversation. If you've tried the persistence & repeat method that I teach in the Assertive Communication Skills Masterclass as well as the workable compromise method, and neither work, then you might need to remove yourself from the conversation. To come back to is later, say something like, "I feel too stressed to think clearly right now. Can we pause for a while and come back to this conversation later on?".
Love your content, love your soft & gentle voice but wish it to be louder in the video. :)
I've been trying to research a strategy to overcome when a person is talking in conflict and you give them the time to talk but the questions in your mind or thoughts get lost and forget what your were going to say because of these type of people that talk and talk and talk and just don't get to the point. How do you overcome a person that talks so much you can't get a word in and others are listening to which you need to catch their attention with your response as well? It's like getting sabotaged in an argument or discussion.
Good
Interesting
Haha same here Kara, for me it takes 1 hour to find the perfect response 😂
It's really common Xhoni - unfortunately 😫.
I did want to learn this and I'm sure there was some good information here, but everything was spoken at the same level and very monotone, which I have a tendancy of doing and have been trying to fix that, so im hyper aware of it. You will be more assertive if your speech is more dynamic and draws people in.
So im currently foing through this with my Mother who has very poor communication skills and is very disrespectful, cant control her emotions.
Its nagging me, becausei was napping and she set me a text message informing me about supper, so she same instairs unaware i uadnt seen text becausei wassleeping and came down yelling.
I should have been assertive and told her "i dont allow people to talk to me like that" or "dont talk to melike that" butinstead i iust explained i was sleeping..which didnt address my needs or my boundary
The music playing in the background is distracting.