Whenever I find myself procrastinating or self-sabotaging, I like to ask myself what those behaviors might be protecting me from. Often, I find that when I’m on the precipice of some new frontier of growth and expansion, my subconscious recognizes this movement towards the unknown as potentially unsafe and attempts to keep me where I am. Instead of berating myself, I consciously thank the part of myself for trying to protect me from risk and comfort it as if it were a child, reassuring it that I am safe and supported and ready to change. In this way, I can simultaneously validate the concerns of my subconscious while still choosing behaviors that align with my desired outcomes.
I am just discovering this thought of thinking as well now. I am going to try to apply it in reverse as well to understand why I continue to engage in bad behaviours and addictions as a way to soothe myself. They are familiar and safe as they hold me back from growth and the fear that if I become something, I have a bigger distance to fall back down. Rock bottom under the bedsheets has always been my safety net but with time, we can raise the standards for ourselves as we learn self-love and to redevelop the self-regulating voice inside of us.
Wow. “Discipline is the product of finding something that authentically works for you and choosing to engage in that thing continuously in any way that leads you to where you want to go.”
My God. When you have said the part about needing 15hours per week of unstructured thinking, while walking around the city, it was like the lightbulb turned on in my head. It seems that I need it too, just wasn't able to put it into words. Thank you 😌
This video took me about 45 minutes to watch due to my note-taking, pausing to write down amazing quotes verbatim, rewatching key points, and yelling "Yes!" and clapping at huge eye-opening moments. Thank you!!
Booyah! I was scribbling like mad! I keep a "Brain Book" and routinely journal stream of consciousness/brain dumps. After reviewing my notes I see so much that completely resonates with this - I just couldn't always see the trees for the forest.
No Joke, this is EXACTLY what my both my grandma and my new therapist brought up with me after i communicated how frustrated i am with life right now. Divine timing, at its finest. Thanks for existing, Heidi.
I finished the video, but I'm finding it difficult to understand the practical application. However, one of my negative patterns is trying to solve everything at once. I think the best thing for me right now is to keep my focus more narrow, and anchor some consistency through a regular sleep schedule.
@@davontaej I have the same pattern of trying to solve it all at that exact moment! Now actively in a place of letting what comes come and looking inward at what my TRUE feelings are about things and it's hard (but I don't think impossible) to break this pattern. Not knowing what the end point will be can be really hard and scary but it is becoming more apparent to me, at least, that when I thought I had solved things I really hadn't and still didn't know the end point but found myself having to correct the mistakes of rash decisions at the same time.
@@SavannahL5214 Right. Its like trying to solve a puzzle perfectly before putting any pieces down, except we don't know what the final image will be anyway. Such a perfectionistic mindset that always results in exhaustion, then anxiety when taking the rest we really need. Then we beat ourselves up (surprise, surprise) after not seeing progress in any one area, cause the energy is spread so thin. I'm glad you're now in a place of more awareness. I feel myself starting to move into that space as well. Been getting more consistent, but already feeling the urge to add more to my plate. For now, I hope we both stick with what's working.
@@davontaej you stated that so perfectly…”like trying to solve a puzzle perfectly before putting any pieces down”! Yes, yes, yes, that’s EXACTLY it! And the curse of perfectionism. I too hope we both stick with what’s working!!
same pattern. Start celebrating small wins for yourself! I mean really small, like take a toothpick and clean your teeth. Wake up, and get up. Move your coffee cup from right to left. Tie your shoes. it sounds pointless, but it works.
“Start being present with the parts of ourselves that we are currently just bullying-the parts of ourselves that are feeling drained and uncreative and uninspired, the parts of ourselves that procrastinate, that are lazy, that don’t rile up to get the job done when we want to-instead of bullying those parts, we have to learn to go sit down on the couch next to them and get to know them.” Literally. Go sit on the couch and feel it out. 8:29
PLEASE tag this for individuals with ADHD and functioning Autism. This idea has opened doors in my life I've fought with for decades and something I've started hitting in strides the last 2 years starting with the thought "You wouldn't talk to, or treat others this way, stop talking to yourself this way". Thank you for putting this into a frame that adds clarity to the process.
level 1: i think need more rest (gives myself more rest) level 2: i have rest and my body is still telling me something is missing (meaningful structure) level 3: investigating, experimenting, and reflecting (more information about myself, hella experiments) level 4: stacking complex new information (i don't like feeling procrastination at night where my natural energy takes me > i need to get more done in the morning > I don't feel natural energy > using tools and strategies like minimal effort for momentum, timers, and acknowledging real progress) level 5: acknowledging newfound feeling of pride and high empathy/high discipline from formation of relationship to self as motivating energy
There she goes again, using ideas I thought I already understood and, like a magician with skilled slight-of-hand, Heidi gives it new depth. The "oh, wow" of wonder I experience is every bit as exciting as seeing a beautiful dove fly out from a silk scarf.
Who is this incredible woman? I usually browse nonsense while listening to TH-cam, but this was a wait-a-sec, play-that-again, give-up-browsing-and-watch-intently kind of surprise. Immediately subscribed
That redefinition, "Devotion rather than Discipline", helps SO MUCH. It perfectly describes how I feel when things are going right--why there's an almost religious satisfaction in "serving" that goal or ideal instead of constant personal condemnation.
Through studies of split brains, when people have the 2 halves of their brain surgically separated due to seizers, it shows that the creative/ emotional side of our brain simply doesn't have access to our vocal cords. It has to convey information to the logical half of your brain before you're able to communicate your emotions. I've learned when going through a rough time. What works for me is I vocally ask myself a question and wait to see how my body feels in response to that hard question. Usually if it conflicts with the desires of my emotional half then I start feeling my stomach drop and start feeling anxious. It allows me to TRULY figure out what's bothering me. In this process I believe I truly take my whole brain into consideration. It's helped me figure out a lot of things in my life that has held me back. Thank you Heidi for your channel ❤
I feel like growing up I’ve always been in the low empathy high discipline and it’s caused so much internal turmoil for me. Then I went through a long period of “giving up” where I was low discipline and low empathy. No I feel like I’m transitioning to low discipline higher empathy. My goal is to start spending more time in the higher discipline high empathy side. I know I can do it if I start with small gentle steps and I’ve had experiences already where I’ve done exactly that
Same with book recommendations! I already am halfway through atomic habits and I just picked up healing toxic shame. I’m getting one every payday that she recommends.
@@EvolvementEras atomic habits is amazing!!! Good choice, I still need to finish "healing the shame that binds you", last time I picked it up I had an existential crisis
@@EvolvementErasI look on TH-cam for the books she recommends. And that takes me to a preview of the books that someone else has read and then they put the list together from example 1 through 10 or 1 through 15 and then all you have to do is take 10 minutes to scan
@@shockedpikachuface7376 I can only imagine! Working through all of this mental and emotional trauma definitely is not easy and I know it’s gonna be a tough one! Heidi has been instrumental in helping me start the healing process
I struggle between holding myself accountable and doing the work to heal, but also giving myself enough self-compassion to not burn-out. Sometimes I get super complacent when I don't discipline myself enough and it's a constant internal battle with myself that I'm trying to navigate as I heal. edit: made this comment before i watched the video and I am shocked to hear that Heidi is touching on the very things I am currently struggling with 😭
One of the things I learned from my therapist that I find useful, related to the lateral move towards high empathy, is to start to calm the critic down by reassuring it that we are fine and doing ok. Step by step build a team with it, because going against it or ignoring it was not helping and it would return with a vengeance. As i see it, trying to make it become more of a coach
True. I always found myself uncomfortable with the idea of hating or trying to get rid of the inner critic. It felt as if I am only trying to hate and kill a part of me. What I've realized from all I've read and understood so far is that, inner critic is just a coping mechanism that's on panicky high alert. I think inner critic is just conscience high on trauma. And if I showed it compassion and love, I can bring out the rational side of it and transform the inner critic into a good radar and a guide to help me become a better person for myself and the people in my life.
True - but sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that we are fine and okay. just like that. as someone with anxiety, i have noticed that I am often living my worst case scenario - way far away from it being even a remote possibility.
Crazy how sitting down and discussing your needs in relationships feels so much more common and talked about than doing the same thing with and for yourself. Honestly, it feels a bit doofy to realize that you can actually have these conversations with yourself to suss out what really, truly moves you. It’s hard, too! You have to peel back so many layers of the onion (i.e. family and societal expectations, your own insecurities, lessons to unlearn from the past, etc.) in order to get down to what you truly want and need AND you have to tell yourself it’s okay to want and need those things. Whew! 😅
I just finished listening to the book Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak, she offers a few tools to help tease out our true desires. Some of them would be closer to our true self while others would be more of inner child desires but becoming aware of them and take steps towards fulfilling them will provide us with experiences and feedback we need to see where we are at and to grow.
Thank you so much for this video. I went though the rigidity and burnout phase before landing in the self-hatred one. I feel so ashamed for failing to bully myself into obedience. I didn't even realize the other options existed.
Questions to ask ourselves: "What is my resistance wanting me know?" "Why is it that I seem to need so much rest right now? " "Why is it that I seemed to need so much distraction right now? " "Why is it that my brain doesn't want to focus and be in the present moment? " "What is the most compassionate possible interpretation of the way that I am currently behaving?"
This is HUGE, I'm so thankful for this, thank you Heidi! Edit: this line took me out= "Authentic acts of discipline look a lot like DEVOTION" HOW AMAZINGLY ACCURATE AND ASTONISHING THAT I CAN BE BOTH LAZY (as a result of something) AND DEVOTED!!
My friend also loves your vids but listens instead of watches… meaning, she misses your geek study notes. I’m here to vote for these becoming podcasts with guides available, yes there are lots of podcasts but there is a huge lack of this quality content. Also I would relisten often. The quadrants show how/why I go through burnout way too often. Thanks for the call-out yet again lol
I missed you, i get avoidant to whatever makes an improvement in my life because i believe deep inside i don't want to feel good or happy because i don't believe i deserve to. Watching your videos is an act of self-love for me. Thank you for doing what you are doing.
I have a very strong inner critic, so this resonated. The part that really spoke out to me the most is the idea that hard work could feel like devotion, if done right.
This reflects a thing that's been on my mind. This year, out of pure curiosity, I decided to see exactly how hard losing weight actually is. Rather than looking up "how-to"s, I just "did stuff"- lot's of walking first, then after a while decided to see how hard it would be to change my eating habits, then figured out relevant stretches/exercises. Each step led to a "problem" ("walking alone isn't as impactful as I'd like" or "my calves/toes hurt") and then naturally to a possible solution ("Can I change my eating portions?" or "I could try some stretches and a little strength training"). So far, I've dropped 15 lbs, and because I built it around myself I don't feel "put out". I still have a "fairly unhealthy" diet (in terms of content), but I also found working with craving to actually be easy for me (it might scream it wants tons of chocolate or sugar, but it relaxes with just a small snack). It's been on my mind how diet or exercise routines circulate, and they come with a feeling (for me anyway), that "Either you do this, or you're failing", and even though I sort of think of the problems I had as essentially "failures" in some sense, solving them means having a string of successes compared to a series of failures. I'm lucky that I "don't really care if I lose weight", because shame around that must be a huge problem and why these "solutions" circulate. I also was lucky that I had an experience to start identifying "true hunger", as compared to my other reasons for eating (stress, craving, and routine)- this meant I have some grounds to feel satisfied with a meal other than the abating stress or craving. I'm sure the lesson is more broadly applicable, and now there's a video saying it's more broadly applicable, so now I can only admit that part of that idea is just intimidating (or at least self-compassion in other parts is intimidating).
this is SO insightful. I've been wondering the last handful of years why I can't get into things and succeed the way I used to, and watching this video I realized that nowadays I'm trying to have discipline for things I want-to-want, not things I actually want to be doing. Thank you so much!
This comment section is already doing a great job summarizing, quoting and expressing how great your work is, Heidi. Yet, all engagement helps and I for one think you're doing wonderful work. Thank you.
You are single most effective person into giving me useful info for self improvement. I’m an ENFP of course, im in a bad effing place but u have given me some tools to work with .
15+ hours a week of physical wandering to self-regulate. Also my experience. My "secret" method to think clearly, to keep stress at bay, to stay at my highest potential. In my case I commuted to work by bike, and rode every where I traveled. I stopped this when I shifted to self-employment, and then full-time farming. Extreme discipline drove me to exhaustion against insurmountable work. Complete lack of self-empathy, so could only see my inadequacy. Insomnia -- where the day's stress comes to visit. Eventually my immune system attacked me: my body mirroring my unkind mind. I've been stuck, wondering why I am so exhausted and unmotivated to do what I need to do, while feeling guilt about taking the bike ride or swim. This talk makes clear what I had forgotten. Need to give myself back time to wander and heal.
Heidi, you have perfectly stated what I had been struggling with while studying for the professional engineer exam (I had made a video for my own record just this morning)! Thanks for explaining how my desire to work towards a goal can be more meaningful than the end goal itself.
Honestly, Hiede, you hit the nail on the head for me. Your content always resonates so much with me. It’s like you say things that I didn’t even realize I needed to hear until I hear you say it. I’ve been in chronic burnout for years now. I’m quitting my career and have no idea where to go or what to do and criticizing myself for not having my stuff together and procrastinating about making my decision. Thank you for the enlightenment you have brought me with this video. As always, it struck home for me and was exactly what I needed.
Having a simple conceptual diagram which you add a little detail to as you tell the story, next to being able to see you talking around it, works really really well for me.
Almost 50 and it took that much time to pick apart all the emotions, all the physical symptoms and reduce the negative self talk enough to be able to understand something like this.
This is one of the rare videos where I actually have made some personal progress in the things you describe - it's absolutely true to my experience that attunement is the key to developing discipline. Two years ago, I was constantly and aggressively berating myself for not being able to maintain motivation in a job that I very much "wanted to want," but which was actually making me miserable. Since it was a public service profession (high school teacher), there was an extra barrier of shame to admitting that it was the wrong thing for me. I completely burned out, but the experience forced me to recognize that I did in fact have emotional and psychological needs that couldn't be ignored, and that I would have to address and take care of them if I wanted to move forward with my life. Happy to say that I've come a long way since then!
Similar. I have LOVED maths my entire life, and had always thought it would be so fulfilling to teach something that I loved, and to help teenager’s understand the intricacies of mathematics. When I went to university, and taught, I found that there is actually M far more planning of lessens, writing self reflections, and keeping official notes of your teaching methods/ ways you taught. It burned me out and I lost interest - not just in teaching but in maths. I haven’t touched a text book in 2 years. Point us - I was FORCING MYSELF to undertake a ‘dream’ that wasn’t genuine. Strangely, I was accepted into university the same year my girlfriend was - in the SAME university (she is a nearly qualified primary teacher) whereas I only needed a masters. She loves it, but I don’t.
@@JohnM... I was teaching math as well! I love math deeply, but I found that it wasn't enough - you really have to love working with kids more than you love your subject area in order to make the career sustainable, and in the end, that wasn't me.
Totally relate! I went to medical school (not totally a wrong move but not totally aligned with my unique self) and then picked a specialty for all the wrong reasons and tried so hard to keep doing it but ultimately stopped practicing 10 years in with severe burnout. Few people in my life really understand because to a lot of people being a doctor seems like a dream. Definitely wasn't for me and glad I was able to walk away despite society's judgements. Like your quote "the experience forced me to recognize that I did in fact have emotional and psychological needs that couldn't be ignored" - couldn't agree more
I discovered you recently and been consuming your content like my life depends on it lol you're absolutely brilliant in the way you see and explain things. Thanks for making high quality therapy sessions available free of cost! Fr! 🙏🏻🧡
This is extremely helpful since this gives me insight into what I have been doing wrong or rather how I have been doing things wrong and how I was doing things right. I have always felt my happiest on a trail hiking and taking photos. I was hiking a lot at some point but developed plantar fasciitis, tried to deal with it but additionally got hip bursitis. Imagine not being able to do what you love doing most… still recovering. Bit thank you so much for explaining how doing things that we do not love leads to a burn-out. Having curiosity and empathy for oneself are important - have been working on that with a counselor.
I need to listen to this one twice....or more. After getting into a career that society (and my family of origin) tends to see positively but that almost did me in, and then thankfully finding a way to use that degree that was less taxing but still not something I was really interested in, I've finally arrived at exactly what you are talking about in this video. Right now, I'm basically doing almost nothing I don't want to do. Inwardly exploring what messages are the "shoulds" versus the things I really want. I changed my entire life including moving somewhere where I can afford to live without having to overwork and burn out and I finally see the benefit in just letting whatever comes up come up and checking in with myself to see what resonates and what doesn't. The slightly scary part is letting go even though in the back of mind is the question, "what if nothing comes up?" Maybe something will, maybe something won't; I'm learning to live with that uncertainty. You truly do have a gift for explaining these concepts and you have helped me so much!
People who impose their form of `discipline` are not usually hoping for your success. They're hoping you fail in a way that works for them so they can feel superior to you. This is a pitfall for many young males who run into the wrong type of rolemodel.
This makes so much sense for the different seasons in my life. Throughout my timeline, I have experienced all four of these mental states. However, I’ve moved back and forth consistently between the ridged/burnout and procrastination/self-hatred quadrants more than any of them. I think I’m seeing myself finally entering the exploration and desire stage permanently! It feels so weird to be in my early adulthood achieving this concept. Now, it’s to the point where I’m learning so much about myself AND having the confidence to do so! Younger me really imagined myself being further along than where I’m at currently. 😂
i am just liking you more and more over time!!!!! UGH. i cannot thank you ENOUGH. PLEASE keep doing this good work! your angle, explanation, presentation is so clear, concise, well thought out… the examples all make sense and have expanded my perspective and helped along my personal development journey so much. you also teach what NO ONE else talks about! you are really serving the knowledge we need! this content is no less than life changing and should be taught in schools. you are really helping me out so much. argh i just enjoy these videos immensely. i just wish others could relate to my joy and love for personal development, growth, and education.
Lol this made me think of him too. It's been a few years since I read his book, but I remember thinking this man has been through so much that could form trauma. At one point he says he works so hard because if God saw him not giving 100% he'd be judged for it - which made me feel pretty sorry for him. On the other hand, I think he is still inspirational in some ways. I suspect he stumbled into his authentic energy when he turned his life around with exercise, because he's a naturally talented athlete. I think a lot of people our society sees as hugely successful are actually somewhere in between the top 2 quadrants - working insanely hard, but at something they are built to do.
Great comment! But honestly?! I’d love to see a conversation of these two! Both are impressive in their own ways. And as life always develops around yin and yang energies I’d love to see the synergies that these two could have. And come on, Goggins could sure benefit from sitting down with a shrink once in a while 😅
When I was watching and listening to this video, I realize that the answer to the question you ask around 16 minutes into the video regarding "what type of person do I want to hang out with in thinking towards a long-term romantic relationship", is "I want a woman who is aware of her feelings and desires in the way you are." It's refreshing to hear the clear way you express yourself.
I’ve never thought of discipline in this way, and ironically it was a topic I was ruminating over this morning and saw your video. I’ve always pushed myself instead to do a lot of things, instead of directing that energy into what I authentically desire. Lots to think and journal about, thank you!!! Love your videos!
Listened to this a few times today, actually in the last 6 hours! This is immensely good! Relevant all the more for me - as I am creating my "desire and exploration" phase! It was a relief to hear that its okay to not be disciplined through this - hard for people who push themselves a bit too much.
11:30 omg. Since december 2022 I have been walking on average 12~15 hours per week. And this habbit came out of nowhere.I guess it is because 2020~2022 was the worst period of my life and now I really need this time to process my emotions.
Thank you Heidi. I cried listening to several parts of this. It resonates so much and made me remember parts of myself that I have been burying for a while. Thank you
This reminds me of that old line about the difference between a manager and a leader: A manager ensures people get up the ladder; a leader ensures the ladder is against the right wall. This video seems like the internalisation of that basic idea, but you are your own manager and leader. Worth bearing in mind that leaders, depending on the field of course, tend to be creative and empathic (broad focus), whereas managers tend to be officious and efficient (narrow focus).
I'm blown away. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I'm new to your channel but you can already consider me a regular. Thanks so much for your insight!
I get what you say. I have combined doing weight lifting with watching movies /TV series /listening to music and this way I do something useful while I do something that pleases me at the same time, instead of doing only one and wasting time or the other and feeling miserable 😅
Heidi, your videos have helped me so, so much since I first found them I have evolved in more ways than I thought I ever would. I'm a whole new person, thanks for helping fuel my healing journey. On a side note... PLEASE make a best books of 2023 video! Let's not break that awesome tradition! : )
Most impactful video I have seen in a while, I feel like you explained in 20 minutes what my therapist has tried to help me understand all year, you are so good at communicating. Thank you for this, I feel it is just what I need.
I love this. As a Tapping Practicioner, this first horizontal move towards empathy and attunement is mostly my first step when working with clients and it makes such a palpable difference to start with acknowledging all the aspects of an inner conflict while releasing as much of the inner stress, tension and resistance that comes from self hatred. Just that step had people dancing in their living room afterwards... 😊
Heidi, thank you for this video. It succinctly describes the path I've been on for the past 15-20 years--moving from, as you describe it, learned habits of self-bullying to curiosity and exploration, to meaning and purpose. In the past few years, I've experienced personal fulfilment and a high level of focus, with incredible life-changing results. I'm really appreciative of your perspective on the mechanics of how that happens; I wish this for everyone, and will share this with others 💖
This was awesome, it would be so so amazing if you had a course on how to figure all this stuff out: 1) what do I really want vs what do I want to want 2) what do I want but fear to want, feel ashamed to want or insecure to want - how to discern resistence and how to understand growing vs shrinking pain in discipline vs compassion
Damn woman! Seriously, the wisdom that comes out of your mouth is insane! I’m gonna have to watch this several times and pause it and take notes because I really want to get it! I really really want to get it!
I am now low discipline high empathy phase. But trying to move upward phase. Thanks a lot heidi for such an amazing perspective on discipline ❤. Your video makes us love more! Really helpful 😊
This video alone has provided me with a framework I never knew existed. I’ve been trying to figure out why I resist growth in my career and now I can visually see why. I’ve been stuck in the lower left quadrant since I became an adult. What you said about your brain needing so much time each week to just get lost in your thoughts, I’m the same 100%. Thank you. I needed this.
As an ex-teacher, I wish stuff like this was on the curriculum for trainee education professionals. Schools have a lot to do with why many kids grow up doomed to fail, and getting the education system to account for a person's need to self-regulate would make kids more efficient and happier. The cynic in me says it would piss off traditionalists too much, so it'll never happen, but you can dream.
I am also a recovering educator and agree with everything you outlined here. There are so many holes in what actual, truly beneficial education should be for both teachers and students, but invariably, if it bucks the system in any way it and the person advocatingfor change are the problem. I believe this is largely responsible for the exodus of teachers currently occurring across the U.S. And yeah, I dream about it happening, but I don't hold my breath.
I'll probably never stop telling myself to quit my bitching and get on with it. But realistically if I didn't I'd probably never get anything done - my body hurts most of the time and I'm too poor to pay anyone to do work I can do myself. Stopping at a healthy point before I hit my hard limits however is a new thing for me, and this was useful.
I can’t wait to understand all this so I can stop my life long yo-yo diet of hiding in anxiety and pushing thru while shaking like a leaf but getting it done , good me then hoping this would continue when the next THING happens and I’m stuck again and the years go by……
Heidi, you literally slay every single video. Every single video. I have found so much growth that I wasn't aware I needed or thought possible. I am so so grateful for you and all that you do. You are changing lives.
This video is so timely, illuminating ,spot-on and practical. Thanks Heidi. I've been thinking about these quadrants a lot but they were loosely formed ideas..I wasn't thinking in a more structured systematic way that you offer here. It's as if you clarified and finished my thought process for me abd gave me a very dooable road map for my journey towards greater productivity. Now, I feel like I have a realistic game plan.... starting laterally and slowly & deliberately moving forward. Great ideas all! Thanks Again Heidi. Your insights are golden.
Thank you, Heidi! I needed precisely this information so, so much, and here you are presenting it in such a clear, concise and structured way… For the past couple of years I’ve been ricocheting between the first two quadrants, and even though I knew that there had to be some issue that got me stuck in this loop, I just couldn’t figure out, what it was. Now I have the hope that I will finally move towards a healthier approach, as I have much more clarity on the why’s. I truly, deeply appreciate what you are doing here ❤
Here is s good example of the need for rest. Well before you actually get sick your body is fighting off the infection. You body will signal the need for rest and good food. Most people their body that there is nothing wrong and that they don't' feel sick. I listen to that part of me, I don't get sick at all. I might need more rest and less stress for few days and I don't get sick. If i ignore that feeling, gaslighting myself that I feel fine then I end up getting sick which last more that few days.
I feel so good hearing this. 🎉Thank you Heidi. 🙏🏼 Desire and exploration. Compassionate interpretation, sitting on a couch and chatting with the beautiful rascals. What problems do I enjoy must struggling with. Where did I leave my purpose. And ✍🏼journaling like nobody’s watching followed by a walk. New audio books. Attunement. You truly care 🔋 I feel so good hearing this. 🎉Thank you Heidi. 🙏🏼 Desire and exploration. Compassionate interpretation, sitting on a couch and chatting with the beautiful rascals. What problems do I enjoy must struggling with. Where did I leave my purpose. And ✍🏼journaling like nobody’s watching followed by a walk. New audio books. Attunement. You truly care 🔋🙂
I grab a notebook 📓 (pause a lot the video because its a lot to take in) and start to learn with you! Goddamn! Thanks for your work, this videos are life-changing for me. And the way you are presenting it is perfect. What you are doing is amazing
Thank you. Goosebumps. I hope I can move toward this ideal of alignment in my life soon. Thank you for a reminder of what I know is true in my soul. Just tried to explain this EXACT thing to my mom last night. Needless to say, I didn’t communicate it anywhere near as clearly and confidently as you. I hate feeling like I can’t articulate things that mean so much to me to someone so close to me. Not feeling understood and supported in my beliefs and dreams by my mom, ever, feels so debilitating. Especially because I’m already at a vulnerable place when wanting this type of conversation and connection. Thanks again. To Heidi and anyone who reads/relates to this: 🌄 Onward and upward. Sending positive vibes from the Mile High! 🏔️
I find myself forcing myself to hold intimacy well with someone when my somatic response is fear and run based on childhood experiences to survive...good vid..i will try not to be too hard on myself
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. You speak so directly to my soul. Thank you for sharing your gifts as they help me along my journey to my authentic self. I became a RN many years ago, but never wanted to do it. I've been working on my alignment with my True Self in my ways, one including a 12-Step group. All my life, I'm finally coming into understanding that my body says, hell no to this, and it's ok, to move in the direction of a Yes. That my survival needs will get met and more of I'm doing what i love. I'm still exploring What it is i love. This has been my long journey. Thank you
Thanks Heidi 💖for advising us of self attunement that "noticing and deeply understanding your own energy and how it works, ✨and forming habits that you actually able to consistently maintain to avoid burnout and reach our goals" ☺Don't push ourselves to do something the true self doesn't feel resonated.👍🏻
The impossibility to receive positive attention or even be heard. It’s hard hearing it as other people and not from myself. The world is extremely difficult and judgmental. Toxic even. I was in a community college course and someone spoke about being a foster parent and I remember hearing a voice talk about how selfish he is to be taking time away to get some classes in. To the point where the outside group would agree until he actually is considered selfish…it’s not easy when you don’t have a realistic public opinion and those judgements blatantly become more and more valid.
You are amazing. It's like you're talking my language and it resonates perfectly. Continue to help and inspire others while you so have the desire that is within you ❤
Whenever I find myself procrastinating or self-sabotaging, I like to ask myself what those behaviors might be protecting me from. Often, I find that when I’m on the precipice of some new frontier of growth and expansion, my subconscious recognizes this movement towards the unknown as potentially unsafe and attempts to keep me where I am.
Instead of berating myself, I consciously thank the part of myself for trying to protect me from risk and comfort it as if it were a child, reassuring it that I am safe and supported and ready to change. In this way, I can simultaneously validate the concerns of my subconscious while still choosing behaviors that align with my desired outcomes.
I love this, thanks for posting
Beautiful love this
I am just discovering this thought of thinking as well now. I am going to try to apply it in reverse as well to understand why I continue to engage in bad behaviours and addictions as a way to soothe myself. They are familiar and safe as they hold me back from growth and the fear that if I become something, I have a bigger distance to fall back down. Rock bottom under the bedsheets has always been my safety net but with time, we can raise the standards for ourselves as we learn self-love and to redevelop the self-regulating voice inside of us.
❤
that's very helpful! thank you.
Wow. “Discipline is the product of finding something that authentically works for you and choosing to engage in that thing continuously in any way that leads you to where you want to go.”
That blew my mind!
Heidi, i don't know what your purpose or life goal is, but if it is changing people's lives, i would like to tell you that you've succeeded.
I agree 100%👍
I wanna be friends with people who comment on and appreciate Heidi’s videos
😊 👋 right?
Let's start a book club where we discuss her content 📚 and how we're going about applying and implementing the lessons in our day to day lives 💪🪄
Does she have a discord server? Would be cool to have one!
A discord would be excellent 🎉
Same!!! Her videos have helped me so much I don’t know how there’s not at least a subreddit community on her videos yet!
My God. When you have said the part about needing 15hours per week of unstructured thinking, while walking around the city, it was like the lightbulb turned on in my head. It seems that I need it too, just wasn't able to put it into words. Thank you 😌
This video took me about 45 minutes to watch due to my note-taking, pausing to write down amazing quotes verbatim, rewatching key points, and yelling "Yes!" and clapping at huge eye-opening moments. Thank you!!
Haha you’re fast! It usually takes me a week 🤭
i play heidi’s videos at 2x which gives me tunnel vision! and i’ll pause to jot notes. 😅
lol, I can relate so much. Was doing the same today and Im glad to hear that Im not alone celebrating Heidis Content (vocal alone in my room)
Booyah! I was scribbling like mad! I keep a "Brain Book" and routinely journal stream of consciousness/brain dumps. After reviewing my notes I see so much that completely resonates with this - I just couldn't always see the trees for the forest.
Hahahahah we are doing the same and I'm really impressed it only took you 45 minutes I have been more than an hour here 😂.
No Joke, this is EXACTLY what my both my grandma and my new therapist brought up with me after i communicated how frustrated i am with life right now. Divine timing, at its finest. Thanks for existing, Heidi.
I finished the video, but I'm finding it difficult to understand the practical application. However, one of my negative patterns is trying to solve everything at once. I think the best thing for me right now is to keep my focus more narrow, and anchor some consistency through a regular sleep schedule.
@@davontaej I have the same pattern of trying to solve it all at that exact moment! Now actively in a place of letting what comes come and looking inward at what my TRUE feelings are about things and it's hard (but I don't think impossible) to break this pattern. Not knowing what the end point will be can be really hard and scary but it is becoming more apparent to me, at least, that when I thought I had solved things I really hadn't and still didn't know the end point but found myself having to correct the mistakes of rash decisions at the same time.
@@SavannahL5214 Right. Its like trying to solve a puzzle perfectly before putting any pieces down, except we don't know what the final image will be anyway. Such a perfectionistic mindset that always results in exhaustion, then anxiety when taking the rest we really need. Then we beat ourselves up (surprise, surprise) after not seeing progress in any one area, cause the energy is spread so thin.
I'm glad you're now in a place of more awareness. I feel myself starting to move into that space as well. Been getting more consistent, but already feeling the urge to add more to my plate. For now, I hope we both stick with what's working.
@@davontaej you stated that so perfectly…”like trying to solve a puzzle perfectly before putting any pieces down”! Yes, yes, yes, that’s EXACTLY it! And the curse of perfectionism. I too hope we both stick with what’s working!!
I've always been very hard on myself for the littlest things but very sympathetic towards others for very large things
same pattern. Start celebrating small wins for yourself! I mean really small, like take a toothpick and clean your teeth. Wake up, and get up. Move your coffee cup from right to left. Tie your shoes. it sounds pointless, but it works.
Is it ok that I cry watching most of Heidi's videos? It's ok.. it's ok inner child
“Start being present with the parts of ourselves that we are currently just bullying-the parts of ourselves that are feeling drained and uncreative and uninspired, the parts of ourselves that procrastinate, that are lazy, that don’t rile up to get the job done when we want to-instead of bullying those parts, we have to learn to go sit down on the couch next to them and get to know them.”
Literally. Go sit on the couch and feel it out.
8:29
Nah just work through it
@@andreacruz8641 That slows me down, but if it works for you, great! 👍🏼
PLEASE tag this for individuals with ADHD and functioning Autism.
This idea has opened doors in my life I've fought with for decades and something I've started hitting in strides the last 2 years starting with the thought "You wouldn't talk to, or treat others this way, stop talking to yourself this way".
Thank you for putting this into a frame that adds clarity to the process.
I was looking for this comment so much of this advice doesn’t work if you’re Audhd I feel its disheartening
level 1: i think need more rest (gives myself more rest)
level 2: i have rest and my body is still telling me something is missing (meaningful structure)
level 3: investigating, experimenting, and reflecting (more information about myself, hella experiments)
level 4: stacking complex new information (i don't like feeling procrastination at night where my natural energy takes me > i need to get more done in the morning > I don't feel natural energy > using tools and strategies like minimal effort for momentum, timers, and acknowledging real progress)
level 5: acknowledging newfound feeling of pride and high empathy/high discipline from formation of relationship to self as motivating energy
Ego likes to make things complicated
"Motivating energy" for what tho?
There she goes again, using ideas I thought I already understood and, like a magician with skilled slight-of-hand, Heidi gives it new depth. The "oh, wow" of wonder I experience is every bit as exciting as seeing a beautiful dove fly out from a silk scarf.
love the imagery of this comment. Keep writing 🙏🏿
*sleight
Wow you couldnt have said it better
Nailed it like she did
Trauma response - people that have gone through it - are not lazy. Just takes them longer to process and to undertake things
Who is this incredible woman? I usually browse nonsense while listening to TH-cam, but this was a wait-a-sec, play-that-again, give-up-browsing-and-watch-intently kind of surprise. Immediately subscribed
That redefinition, "Devotion rather than Discipline", helps SO MUCH.
It perfectly describes how I feel when things are going right--why there's an almost religious satisfaction in "serving" that goal or ideal instead of constant personal condemnation.
Through studies of split brains, when people have the 2 halves of their brain surgically separated due to seizers, it shows that the creative/ emotional side of our brain simply doesn't have access to our vocal cords. It has to convey information to the logical half of your brain before you're able to communicate your emotions.
I've learned when going through a rough time. What works for me is I vocally ask myself a question and wait to see how my body feels in response to that hard question. Usually if it conflicts with the desires of my emotional half then I start feeling my stomach drop and start feeling anxious. It allows me to TRULY figure out what's bothering me. In this process I believe I truly take my whole brain into consideration. It's helped me figure out a lot of things in my life that has held me back.
Thank you Heidi for your channel ❤
I feel like growing up I’ve always been in the low empathy high discipline and it’s caused so much internal turmoil for me. Then I went through a long period of “giving up” where I was low discipline and low empathy.
No I feel like I’m transitioning to low discipline higher empathy. My goal is to start spending more time in the higher discipline high empathy side. I know I can do it if I start with small gentle steps and I’ve had experiences already where I’ve done exactly that
This is my biography
I too am getting into high discipline, high empathy. Congrats to you as well.
I'm a simple person, I see a new Heidi Prieb video, and I click
Same with book recommendations! I already am halfway through atomic habits and I just picked up healing toxic shame. I’m getting one every payday that she recommends.
@@EvolvementEras atomic habits is amazing!!! Good choice, I still need to finish "healing the shame that binds you", last time I picked it up I had an existential crisis
@@EvolvementErasI look on TH-cam for the books she recommends. And that takes me to a preview of the books that someone else has read and then they put the list together from example 1 through 10 or 1 through 15 and then all you have to do is take 10 minutes to scan
Haha same
@@shockedpikachuface7376 I can only imagine! Working through all of this mental and emotional trauma definitely is not easy and I know it’s gonna be a tough one! Heidi has been instrumental in helping me start the healing process
I struggle between holding myself accountable and doing the work to heal, but also giving myself enough self-compassion to not burn-out. Sometimes I get super complacent when I don't discipline myself enough and it's a constant internal battle with myself that I'm trying to navigate as I heal.
edit: made this comment before i watched the video and I am shocked to hear that Heidi is touching on the very things I am currently struggling with 😭
One of the things I learned from my therapist that I find useful, related to the lateral move towards high empathy, is to start to calm the critic down by reassuring it that we are fine and doing ok. Step by step build a team with it, because going against it or ignoring it was not helping and it would return with a vengeance. As i see it, trying to make it become more of a coach
True. I always found myself uncomfortable with the idea of hating or trying to get rid of the inner critic. It felt as if I am only trying to hate and kill a part of me. What I've realized from all I've read and understood so far is that, inner critic is just a coping mechanism that's on panicky high alert. I think inner critic is just conscience high on trauma. And if I showed it compassion and love, I can bring out the rational side of it and transform the inner critic into a good radar and a guide to help me become a better person for myself and the people in my life.
True - but sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that we are fine and okay. just like that. as someone with anxiety, i have noticed that I am often living my worst case scenario - way far away from it being even a remote possibility.
thank you for this.
Crazy how sitting down and discussing your needs in relationships feels so much more common and talked about than doing the same thing with and for yourself. Honestly, it feels a bit doofy to realize that you can actually have these conversations with yourself to suss out what really, truly moves you. It’s hard, too! You have to peel back so many layers of the onion (i.e. family and societal expectations, your own insecurities, lessons to unlearn from the past, etc.) in order to get down to what you truly want and need AND you have to tell yourself it’s okay to want and need those things. Whew! 😅
I just finished listening to the book Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak, she offers a few tools to help tease out our true desires.
Some of them would be closer to our true self while others would be more of inner child desires but becoming aware of them and take steps towards fulfilling them will provide us with experiences and feedback we need to see where we are at and to grow.
Thank you so much for this video.
I went though the rigidity and burnout phase before landing in the self-hatred one. I feel so ashamed for failing to bully myself into obedience.
I didn't even realize the other options existed.
Questions to ask ourselves:
"What is my resistance wanting me know?"
"Why is it that I seem to need so much rest right now? "
"Why is it that I seemed to need so much distraction right now? "
"Why is it that my brain doesn't want to focus and be in the present moment? "
"What is the most compassionate possible interpretation of the way that I am currently behaving?"
Thanks!
This is HUGE, I'm so thankful for this, thank you Heidi!
Edit: this line took me out= "Authentic acts of discipline look a lot like DEVOTION"
HOW AMAZINGLY ACCURATE AND ASTONISHING THAT I CAN BE BOTH LAZY (as a result of something) AND DEVOTED!!
My friend also loves your vids but listens instead of watches… meaning, she misses your geek study notes. I’m here to vote for these becoming podcasts with guides available, yes there are lots of podcasts but there is a huge lack of this quality content. Also I would relisten often.
The quadrants show how/why I go through burnout way too often. Thanks for the call-out yet again lol
Heidi is simply the best! No one can make so many things make sense so gently.
I had two burnouts in 13 years and this video literally changed my life. Thank you, Heidi, so so much.
I missed you, i get avoidant to whatever makes an improvement in my life because i believe deep inside i don't want to feel good or happy because i don't believe i deserve to. Watching your videos is an act of self-love for me. Thank you for doing what you are doing.
I have a very strong inner critic, so this resonated. The part that really spoke out to me the most is the idea that hard work could feel like devotion, if done right.
This reflects a thing that's been on my mind. This year, out of pure curiosity, I decided to see exactly how hard losing weight actually is. Rather than looking up "how-to"s, I just "did stuff"- lot's of walking first, then after a while decided to see how hard it would be to change my eating habits, then figured out relevant stretches/exercises. Each step led to a "problem" ("walking alone isn't as impactful as I'd like" or "my calves/toes hurt") and then naturally to a possible solution ("Can I change my eating portions?" or "I could try some stretches and a little strength training"). So far, I've dropped 15 lbs, and because I built it around myself I don't feel "put out". I still have a "fairly unhealthy" diet (in terms of content), but I also found working with craving to actually be easy for me (it might scream it wants tons of chocolate or sugar, but it relaxes with just a small snack).
It's been on my mind how diet or exercise routines circulate, and they come with a feeling (for me anyway), that "Either you do this, or you're failing", and even though I sort of think of the problems I had as essentially "failures" in some sense, solving them means having a string of successes compared to a series of failures. I'm lucky that I "don't really care if I lose weight", because shame around that must be a huge problem and why these "solutions" circulate. I also was lucky that I had an experience to start identifying "true hunger", as compared to my other reasons for eating (stress, craving, and routine)- this meant I have some grounds to feel satisfied with a meal other than the abating stress or craving.
I'm sure the lesson is more broadly applicable, and now there's a video saying it's more broadly applicable, so now I can only admit that part of that idea is just intimidating (or at least self-compassion in other parts is intimidating).
I swear this woman is watching me live my life. Thanks Heidi. Your videos are so impactful
this is SO insightful. I've been wondering the last handful of years why I can't get into things and succeed the way I used to, and watching this video I realized that nowadays I'm trying to have discipline for things I want-to-want, not things I actually want to be doing. Thank you so much!
This comment section is already doing a great job summarizing, quoting and expressing how great your work is, Heidi. Yet, all engagement helps and I for one think you're doing wonderful work. Thank you.
Your ability to know exactly what I'm going through at any given moment and release strikingly relevant content is unmatched.
You are single most effective person into giving me useful info for self improvement.
I’m an ENFP of course, im in a bad effing place but u have given me some tools to work with .
15+ hours a week of physical wandering to self-regulate. Also my experience. My "secret" method to think clearly, to keep stress at bay, to stay at my highest potential.
In my case I commuted to work by bike, and rode every where I traveled.
I stopped this when I shifted to self-employment, and then full-time farming. Extreme discipline drove me to exhaustion against insurmountable work. Complete lack of self-empathy, so could only see my inadequacy. Insomnia -- where the day's stress comes to visit. Eventually my immune system attacked me: my body mirroring my unkind mind.
I've been stuck, wondering why I am so exhausted and unmotivated to do what I need to do, while feeling guilt about taking the bike ride or swim.
This talk makes clear what I had forgotten.
Need to give myself back time to wander and heal.
Heidi, you have perfectly stated what I had been struggling with while studying for the professional engineer exam (I had made a video for my own record just this morning)! Thanks for explaining how my desire to work towards a goal can be more meaningful than the end goal itself.
Honestly, Hiede, you hit the nail on the head for me. Your content always resonates so much with me. It’s like you say things that I didn’t even realize I needed to hear until I hear you say it. I’ve been in chronic burnout for years now. I’m quitting my career and have no idea where to go or what to do and criticizing myself for not having my stuff together and procrastinating about making my decision. Thank you for the enlightenment you have brought me with this video. As always, it struck home for me and was exactly what I needed.
Having a simple conceptual diagram which you add a little detail to as you tell the story, next to being able to see you talking around it, works really really well for me.
Almost 50 and it took that much time to pick apart all the emotions, all the physical symptoms and reduce the negative self talk enough to be able to understand something like this.
This is one of the rare videos where I actually have made some personal progress in the things you describe - it's absolutely true to my experience that attunement is the key to developing discipline. Two years ago, I was constantly and aggressively berating myself for not being able to maintain motivation in a job that I very much "wanted to want," but which was actually making me miserable. Since it was a public service profession (high school teacher), there was an extra barrier of shame to admitting that it was the wrong thing for me. I completely burned out, but the experience forced me to recognize that I did in fact have emotional and psychological needs that couldn't be ignored, and that I would have to address and take care of them if I wanted to move forward with my life. Happy to say that I've come a long way since then!
Similar. I have LOVED maths my entire life, and had always thought it would be so fulfilling to teach something that I loved, and to help teenager’s understand the intricacies of mathematics. When I went to university, and taught, I found that there is actually M far more planning of lessens, writing self reflections, and keeping official notes of your teaching methods/ ways you taught. It burned me out and I lost interest - not just in teaching but in maths. I haven’t touched a text book in 2 years.
Point us - I was FORCING MYSELF to undertake a ‘dream’ that wasn’t genuine. Strangely, I was accepted into university the same year my girlfriend was - in the SAME university (she is a nearly qualified primary teacher) whereas I only needed a masters. She loves it, but I don’t.
@@JohnM... I was teaching math as well! I love math deeply, but I found that it wasn't enough - you really have to love working with kids more than you love your subject area in order to make the career sustainable, and in the end, that wasn't me.
@@jaredbitz that’s so true.
Totally relate! I went to medical school (not totally a wrong move but not totally aligned with my unique self) and then picked a specialty for all the wrong reasons and tried so hard to keep doing it but ultimately stopped practicing 10 years in with severe burnout. Few people in my life really understand because to a lot of people being a doctor seems like a dream. Definitely wasn't for me and glad I was able to walk away despite society's judgements. Like your quote "the experience forced me to recognize that I did in fact have emotional and psychological needs that couldn't be ignored" - couldn't agree more
I discovered you recently and been consuming your content like my life depends on it lol you're absolutely brilliant in the way you see and explain things. Thanks for making high quality therapy sessions available free of cost! Fr! 🙏🏻🧡
This is extremely helpful since this gives me insight into what I have been doing wrong or rather how I have been doing things wrong and how I was doing things right. I have always felt my happiest on a trail hiking and taking photos. I was hiking a lot at some point but developed plantar fasciitis, tried to deal with it but additionally got hip bursitis. Imagine not being able to do what you love doing most… still recovering. Bit thank you so much for explaining how doing things that we do not love leads to a burn-out. Having curiosity and empathy for oneself are important - have been working on that with a counselor.
I need to listen to this one twice....or more. After getting into a career that society (and my family of origin) tends to see positively but that almost did me in, and then thankfully finding a way to use that degree that was less taxing but still not something I was really interested in, I've finally arrived at exactly what you are talking about in this video. Right now, I'm basically doing almost nothing I don't want to do. Inwardly exploring what messages are the "shoulds" versus the things I really want. I changed my entire life including moving somewhere where I can afford to live without having to overwork and burn out and I finally see the benefit in just letting whatever comes up come up and checking in with myself to see what resonates and what doesn't. The slightly scary part is letting go even though in the back of mind is the question, "what if nothing comes up?" Maybe something will, maybe something won't; I'm learning to live with that uncertainty. You truly do have a gift for explaining these concepts and you have helped me so much!
People who impose their form of `discipline` are not usually hoping for your success. They're hoping you fail in a way that works for them so they can feel superior to you. This is a pitfall for many young males who run into the wrong type of rolemodel.
This makes so much sense for the different seasons in my life. Throughout my timeline, I have experienced all four of these mental states. However, I’ve moved back and forth consistently between the ridged/burnout and procrastination/self-hatred quadrants more than any of them. I think I’m seeing myself finally entering the exploration and desire stage permanently! It feels so weird to be in my early adulthood achieving this concept. Now, it’s to the point where I’m learning so much about myself AND having the confidence to do so! Younger me really imagined myself being further along than where I’m at currently. 😂
One of the videos that I didn't know that I needed but truly truly did, and do.
Freaking love you
i am just liking you more and more over time!!!!! UGH. i cannot thank you ENOUGH. PLEASE keep doing this good work! your angle, explanation, presentation is so clear, concise, well thought out… the examples all make sense and have expanded my perspective and helped along my personal development journey so much. you also teach what NO ONE else talks about! you are really serving the knowledge we need! this content is no less than life changing and should be taught in schools. you are really helping me out so much. argh i just enjoy these videos immensely. i just wish others could relate to my joy and love for personal development, growth, and education.
I completely concur. Verbatim.
David Goggins has left the chat
😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Lol this made me think of him too. It's been a few years since I read his book, but I remember thinking this man has been through so much that could form trauma. At one point he says he works so hard because if God saw him not giving 100% he'd be judged for it - which made me feel pretty sorry for him.
On the other hand, I think he is still inspirational in some ways. I suspect he stumbled into his authentic energy when he turned his life around with exercise, because he's a naturally talented athlete. I think a lot of people our society sees as hugely successful are actually somewhere in between the top 2 quadrants - working insanely hard, but at something they are built to do.
Great comment! But honestly?! I’d love to see a conversation of these two! Both are impressive in their own ways. And as life always develops around yin and yang energies I’d love to see the synergies that these two could have. And come on, Goggins could sure benefit from sitting down with a shrink once in a while 😅
Love goggins
Heidi you speak about the truly important stuff that no one else speaks about. Thank you.
When I was watching and listening to this video, I realize that the answer to the question you ask around 16 minutes into the video regarding "what type of person do I want to hang out with in thinking towards a long-term romantic relationship", is "I want a woman who is aware of her feelings and desires in the way you are." It's refreshing to hear the clear way you express yourself.
Lord! You have helped me tremendously! I wish I had found your channel on my 7 hr drive. I will be tuning in on the way home. 🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️
I’ve never thought of discipline in this way, and ironically it was a topic I was ruminating over this morning and saw your video. I’ve always pushed myself instead to do a lot of things, instead of directing that energy into what I authentically desire. Lots to think and journal about, thank you!!! Love your videos!
Listened to this a few times today, actually in the last 6 hours! This is immensely good! Relevant all the more for me - as I am creating my "desire and exploration" phase! It was a relief to hear that its okay to not be disciplined through this - hard for people who push themselves a bit too much.
11:30 omg. Since december 2022 I have been walking on average 12~15 hours per week. And this habbit came out of nowhere.I guess it is because 2020~2022 was the worst period of my life and now I really need this time to process my emotions.
Thank you Heidi. I cried listening to several parts of this. It resonates so much and made me remember parts of myself that I have been burying for a while. Thank you
I cried all the way through this video. Thanks for opening a door I couldn’t find!
This reminds me of that old line about the difference between a manager and a leader:
A manager ensures people get up the ladder; a leader ensures the ladder is against the right wall.
This video seems like the internalisation of that basic idea, but you are your own manager and leader.
Worth bearing in mind that leaders, depending on the field of course, tend to be creative and empathic (broad focus), whereas managers tend to be officious and efficient (narrow focus).
I'm blown away. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I'm new to your channel but you can already consider me a regular. Thanks so much for your insight!
One day, I'm going to be telling my great grandchildren about how my life turned around because of these videos iA
and again you've done it. I'm going to stop saying it because it's always true. you always, ALWAYS, seem to know just what I need. thank so much.
I get what you say. I have combined doing weight lifting with watching movies /TV series /listening to music and this way I do something useful while I do something that pleases me at the same time, instead of doing only one and wasting time or the other and feeling miserable 😅
Heidi, your videos have helped me so, so much since I first found them I have evolved in more ways than I thought I ever would. I'm a whole new person, thanks for helping fuel my healing journey. On a side note... PLEASE make a best books of 2023 video! Let's not break that awesome tradition! : )
I second this!
Most impactful video I have seen in a while, I feel like you explained in 20 minutes what my therapist has tried to help me understand all year, you are so good at communicating. Thank you for this, I feel it is just what I need.
I love this. As a Tapping Practicioner, this first horizontal move towards empathy and attunement is mostly my first step when working with clients and it makes such a palpable difference to start with acknowledging all the aspects of an inner conflict while releasing as much of the inner stress, tension and resistance that comes from self hatred. Just that step had people dancing in their living room afterwards... 😊
Heidi, thank you for this video. It succinctly describes the path I've been on for the past 15-20 years--moving from, as you describe it, learned habits of self-bullying to curiosity and exploration, to meaning and purpose. In the past few years, I've experienced personal fulfilment and a high level of focus, with incredible life-changing results. I'm really appreciative of your perspective on the mechanics of how that happens; I wish this for everyone, and will share this with others 💖
This was awesome, it would be so so amazing if you had a course on how to figure all this stuff out: 1) what do I really want vs what do I want to want 2) what do I want but fear to want, feel ashamed to want or insecure to want - how to discern resistence and how to understand growing vs shrinking pain in discipline vs compassion
being hard on myself in terms of physical activity works like a charm. it definitely improves my life every time I manage to pull it through.
Damn woman! Seriously, the wisdom that comes out of your mouth is insane! I’m gonna have to watch this several times and pause it and take notes because I really want to get it! I really really want to get it!
I am now low discipline high empathy phase. But trying to move upward phase. Thanks a lot heidi for such an amazing perspective on discipline ❤. Your video makes us love more! Really helpful 😊
Same!
It’s listening to our intuition, the inner wise voice
This video alone has provided me with a framework I never knew existed. I’ve been trying to figure out why I resist growth in my career and now I can visually see why. I’ve been stuck in the lower left quadrant since I became an adult. What you said about your brain needing so much time each week to just get lost in your thoughts, I’m the same 100%. Thank you. I needed this.
As an ex-teacher, I wish stuff like this was on the curriculum for trainee education professionals. Schools have a lot to do with why many kids grow up doomed to fail, and getting the education system to account for a person's need to self-regulate would make kids more efficient and happier. The cynic in me says it would piss off traditionalists too much, so it'll never happen, but you can dream.
I am also a recovering educator and agree with everything you outlined here. There are so many holes in what actual, truly beneficial education should be for both teachers and students, but invariably, if it bucks the system in any way it and the person advocatingfor change are the problem. I believe this is largely responsible for the exodus of teachers currently occurring across the U.S. And yeah, I dream about it happening, but I don't hold my breath.
I'll probably never stop telling myself to quit my bitching and get on with it. But realistically if I didn't I'd probably never get anything done - my body hurts most of the time and I'm too poor to pay anyone to do work I can do myself.
Stopping at a healthy point before I hit my hard limits however is a new thing for me, and this was useful.
I am right there trying to figure this out. The way you explain this is incredibly helpful. You are incredibly talented in this field.
I can’t wait to understand all this so I can stop my life long yo-yo diet of hiding in anxiety and pushing thru while shaking like a leaf but getting it done , good me then hoping this would continue when the next THING happens and I’m stuck again and the years go by……
Heidi, you literally slay every single video. Every single video. I have found so much growth that I wasn't aware I needed or thought possible. I am so so grateful for you and all that you do. You are changing lives.
This is so amazing. I wish you would turn this into a full-length book with in depth examples.
This video is so timely, illuminating ,spot-on and practical. Thanks Heidi. I've been thinking about these quadrants a lot but they were loosely formed ideas..I wasn't thinking in a more structured systematic way that you offer here.
It's as if you clarified and finished my thought process for me abd gave me a very dooable road map for my journey towards greater productivity.
Now, I feel like I have a realistic game plan....
starting laterally and slowly & deliberately moving forward.
Great ideas all!
Thanks Again Heidi.
Your insights are golden.
Thank you, Heidi! I needed precisely this information so, so much, and here you are presenting it in such a clear, concise and structured way… For the past couple of years I’ve been ricocheting between the first two quadrants, and even though I knew that there had to be some issue that got me stuck in this loop, I just couldn’t figure out, what it was. Now I have the hope that I will finally move towards a healthier approach, as I have much more clarity on the why’s. I truly, deeply appreciate what you are doing here ❤
Another superb video from you, Heidi!! In the current phase of my life, you are like a guiding light! Can’t thank you enough for your work!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Working on my final essays for the semester and oh boy does this video came at the right time 🙌🏽 Thank you, Heidi ❤
Here is s good example of the need for rest. Well before you actually get sick your body is fighting off the infection. You body will signal the need for rest and good food. Most people their body that there is nothing wrong and that they don't' feel sick. I listen to that part of me, I don't get sick at all. I might need more rest and less stress for few days and I don't get sick. If i ignore that feeling, gaslighting myself that I feel fine then I end up getting sick which last more that few days.
Thank you for kindly offering pure true help instead of plugging in sales like the rest.
I feel so good hearing this. 🎉Thank you Heidi. 🙏🏼 Desire and exploration. Compassionate interpretation, sitting on a couch and chatting with the beautiful rascals. What problems do I enjoy must struggling with. Where did I leave my purpose. And ✍🏼journaling like nobody’s watching followed by a walk. New audio books. Attunement. You truly care 🔋 I feel so good hearing this. 🎉Thank you Heidi. 🙏🏼 Desire and exploration. Compassionate interpretation, sitting on a couch and chatting with the beautiful rascals. What problems do I enjoy must struggling with. Where did I leave my purpose. And ✍🏼journaling like nobody’s watching followed by a walk. New audio books. Attunement. You truly care 🔋🙂
The chart is mind blowing. Understanding ourselves is as much art as it is science, but it IS science
I grab a notebook 📓 (pause a lot the video because its a lot to take in) and start to learn with you! Goddamn!
Thanks for your work, this videos are life-changing for me.
And the way you are presenting it is perfect.
What you are doing is amazing
Thank you. Goosebumps. I hope I can move toward this ideal of alignment in my life soon.
Thank you for a reminder of what I know is true in my soul. Just tried to explain this EXACT thing to my mom last night.
Needless to say, I didn’t communicate it anywhere near as clearly and confidently as you. I hate feeling like I can’t articulate things that mean so much to me to someone so close to me. Not feeling understood and supported in my beliefs and dreams by my mom, ever, feels so debilitating. Especially because I’m already at a vulnerable place when wanting this type of conversation and connection.
Thanks again.
To Heidi and anyone who reads/relates to this:
🌄 Onward and upward. Sending positive vibes from the Mile High! 🏔️
I find myself forcing myself to hold intimacy well with someone when my somatic response is fear and run based on childhood experiences to survive...good vid..i will try not to be too hard on myself
This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. You speak so directly to my soul. Thank you for sharing your gifts as they help me along my journey to my authentic self. I became a RN many years ago, but never wanted to do it. I've been working on my alignment with my True Self in my ways, one including a 12-Step group. All my life, I'm finally coming into understanding that my body says, hell no to this, and it's ok, to move in the direction of a Yes. That my survival needs will get met and more of I'm doing what i love. I'm still exploring What it is i love. This has been my long journey. Thank you
Thanks Heidi 💖for advising us of self attunement that "noticing and deeply understanding your own energy and how it works, ✨and forming habits that you actually able to consistently maintain to avoid burnout and reach our goals" ☺Don't push ourselves to do something the true self doesn't feel resonated.👍🏻
This is why shes the goat
This woman's voice resonates with so much compassion. ❤ I really enjoy these videos and have learned a lot!
The impossibility to receive positive attention or even be heard. It’s hard hearing it as other people and not from myself. The world is extremely difficult and judgmental. Toxic even. I was in a community college course and someone spoke about being a foster parent and I remember hearing a voice talk about how selfish he is to be taking time away to get some classes in. To the point where the outside group would agree until he actually is considered selfish…it’s not easy when you don’t have a realistic public opinion and those judgements blatantly become more and more valid.
it's incredible how almost every new video you make is super relevant for me
It is so nice to hear the things I have been practicing from another person. Thank you, I needed this. I will be saving this video.
Your videos always arrive in the right time. Thank you for sharing such wisdom.
You are amazing. It's like you're talking my language and it resonates perfectly. Continue to help and inspire others while you so have the desire that is within you ❤