“...I don’t know if what I feel is wrong because it’s what I’ve been taught or because it’s wrong for me...” This hit me so hard and sums up almost every thought, feeling, and all the confusion in my life’s journey, not just my sexuality. Sadie and Hannah, I genuinely hope you know how impactful you are on the world! You share in such a kind, safe and vulnerable way the thoughts and emotions that are so tough! Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve watched this video twice...You women are so YOUNG (compared to me), so beautifully open and honest - even when the words are hanging on for dear life to STAY UNSAID! ... I’ve been SO moved!! What I’m hearing from Sadie resonates with me on every level...and, to me, is sound evidence of profound damage perpetrated on the personal psyche of women (and men), on very broad and very deep levels..by the organized church - NOT just the church of Sadie’s experience. This messaging continues today. I believe the teachings are the cause of hate, discrimination, homophobia, misogyny, suicide, rape, pornography, and...on and on! The conversation you two have started is HUGE...a challenging, ambitious, and courageous endeavor. You have my respect. The action you’re taking is certain to have a positive affect on many lives. I sincerely would appreciate it if you would PM me... please. 💜
You are not alone. I grew up Catholic, attended Catholic school. It was the hypocrisy that I could not reconcile and I left the church while in college. My mother had a harder time when I told her I left the Church than when I came out to them as a woman who loves women. There is a big difference between being religious and having faith or being spiritual. Understanding that has helped me. I have found a spiritual practice that is unconditionally accepting of who I am. Sadie and Hannah, thank for sharing your experience and I am in awe of your courage and honesty.
I was raised in a catholic family, Sadie's experience resonates mine, even at school the teachings about mariage and sex are on a limiting beliefs not until college where I discovered so much about myself until one day I told my mother atleast I was attracted to both woman and man also have relationships to both, she said I always have a feeling that you are gay but her thinking is only "lesbian" she didn't even understand bisexual. But she's very accepting despite the fact that she's religious catholic I love her. Anyway your channel makes me feel I'm not alone. Thank you❤️🇵🇭
This was a fantastic video! I wasn't raised in a religious household so it's very interesting for me to learn what topics of sex/sexuality looked like for people who were. Thank you both for being so vulnerable and open and choosing to talk about this! Much love
Thank you both for being brave and bringing these conversations to the world. I definitely relate to the shame and that being gay isn't even an option to consider...even growing up completely without religion. Looking forward to your series!
Honestly, I'm struggling with what my favorite part of this video is: 1. Shell's personality/facial expressions (especially around 11min mark). 2. Hannah's facial expressions (I mean this in the most positive way! You're not hiding your emotions/reactions and that's wonderful. Even with difficult subjects there are always some light moments that should make you smile or laugh) or 3. the overall content/dialogue. Thank you for always making my day a bit brighter with your content!
Fascinating video - can't wait to see the rest of the series. I so like the depth you bring to these conversations; good thought provoking stuff. Thank you!
This was so uncomfortable for me to even listen to. Sadie I feel you. I'm going through the re-evaluating my faith because of my sexuality whilst carrying all the shame and guilt from the church I was raised in. I'm only just starting to explore all of this by myself (I think I should get a good understanding of myself and my experiences before jumping into a relationship) and it's scary. I don't have friends that I can talk about this with so it's all kinda just happening in my head. Thank you so much for doing this series, reading the comments I already feel less alone 😅.
Thank you so much for this! I grew up in a very religious household and it took me years of critical thinking about religion before I could eventually come to terms with my sexuality. I also just never thought it was an option for me. The line "we can't understand where we end and it begins," explained it best. Thanks again ❤️️🇿🇦
I feel this "not seeing it as an option". I grew up evangelical and it took me over 20 years to find out that i'm trans and looking back its actually pretty clear but i always looked for other explanations because that just wasnt an option for me... less because i was super transphobic or something but i just was absolutely convinced that i wouldnt be. Even when i became more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community i always thought that its great if everyone can love and be who they want but me? naah i'm cis-het for sure... ^^ Kinda like those parents that are okay with gay kids, as long as it isnt their own
Thank you for being so open about it Sadie! To leave a positive comment here: I am in the lucky position of having great girlfriends with which I talked about sex when I started having it and the talks have only gotten more and more open, honest and vulnerable from there. I can also imagine that our European culture is tendetially a bit more open to talking about sex. By now it feels very natural for us to also talk about specifics and empowering each other to get to know ourselves ever so more and e.g. really to feel into what consent is all about for us. I also thought I would really love to hear your reflections on consent btw!
I was raised catholic and attended catholic schools, but my parents weren’t strict catholics and I questioned a lot about religion from an early age. Though I finally came to identify as atheist/humanist, this video has made me realise that regardless of how critical I was of the church and its teachings, it was still the filter that I saw the world through. Sex education was limited, there was just a complete absence of acknowledgement of non-heteronormative lifestyles... and I still felt a deep sense of shame about my sexuality that stopped me coming out fully until I was 34. Thank you for tackling this topic. X
I ultimately had to reject my religion to embrace my sexuality, since the two were not compatible. I am also learning to liberate my sexuality and denounce the conservative thoughts which have confined it in the past. Thank you for this conversation, Hannah and Sadie. It is taboo, but necessary.
I'm an catholic raised hetero normative man (I thought at least) from the fifties. And again you two make me reconsider and recover my believes over the last 70 years..... I think I need at least a week to go over this.....
On not considering being gay as an option: I’m not religious and never had that as a force to reckon with- however it took me a long time to take my attraction to women very seriously. I always discarded the consideration of pursuing a relationship with women as “unrealistic” or something that I outright didn’t deserve. it was me feeling not good enough or disregarding those feelings as fantasy. I didn’t want to be alone so I went along dating men. Being gay was never an option to me because the false logic I was upholding in my own head. I wanted to leave this comment so that maybe someone else who was feeling this way could read this and feel a little less alone.
Loved it ladies!! Amazing and so interesting for sure.. You all made such great points on what you all talked about.. You all are such an amazing couple and I can't to see part 2.. Shell is getting more and more precious.. Thanks for sharing.. Much love to you all.. Stay sweet and keep on rockin!!
It's so much easier to follow you without the irritating background music you had in your previous videos. You have so much of interest to say. It's great to be able to hear it properly.
Wow. Didn’t even know I needed this video until I watched it. Super interesting and fascinating. Thank you again and can’t wait for the next installment!
This is so relatable my heart hurts but in a "I'm not alone and I'm so sad this happens to many of us" kinda way. I was also raised in the church, but the youth group I attended from the ages 12-18 was homophobic among other things. I was asked to sign a document saying I would not promote same-sex marriage or be in a same-sex relationship. I have so much shame around sex/ sexuality, as for years I was taught sex before marriage is sin, porn is super sinful, pretty much anything to do with pleasure/sex is sinful. Thank you so incredibly much for making this video, I feel so isolated in my experience and appreciate you sharing your story so much. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
OMG great chat today ladies! This topic is so important for everyone to have with someone! Doesn’t have to be with a partner but it’s great when you can. These difficulties are the same in the UK too. With my daughter having just turned teen, I’ve needed to re-teach her sex-Ed that she received at school as all she was taught was the physical logistics of how to or not to produce children! Thankfully she persevered with the torment of talking to her Mum about this, within the same month she admitted she may be bi (after we talked about my being bi too). Hopefully our conversation leads her to feel comfortable with learning what she likes and wants for her love life and sexuality (so far so good!). Have to say your chat would have helped be a bridge to explain the negative power of normal heterosexual of relationships in society! I will be saving it just in case I need it as a prop! Great talk, look forward to every one! On an additional note, I’ve taught all my kids, the boys too, that sex shouldn’t be like a school exam, it’s more like driving. Practice makes perfect; driving after passing your test is just such a relief because then you can just enjoy the ride!
Kudos for tackling this topic! It deserves more attention. This does resonate with me personally as I, too, was reared Catholic, (currently non-practicing and still trying to recover). I now know that upbringing contributed to my feeling of asexuality that I had for so long. Or, rather, that I assigned to myself because deep down I probably knew I wasn’t interested in hetero sex and same sex possibilities were definitely not an option. I even thought I might become a nun, as perhaps a way to avoid all of the questions surrounding my non dating life. (wanting to be a nun was probably a huge clue, btw, that I definitely wasn’t straight, lol. Looking forward to the rest of this series. Huge props, Sadie and Hannah!
As a pastor, albeit Lutheran, I think your read of Catholic theology on sex is accurate. As a now transitioned Lesbian Woman of Transgender experience I also resonate with the reality that our up bringing set the boundaries on what I thought was possible. Also the shame around sex question is reality for this country because of our puritan background, which has now been threaded through out all the major Christians sects in this country.
Hey Hannah, hey Sadie! Thank you both for being so open und sharing your experiences and thoughts with us! I found your channel just a few days ago and am almost done watching all of your videos. :D You two have just such an amazing chemistry and so much love and respect for each other...! It´s just so much fun watching you. :) I'm on the "finding my sexuality"-journey myself (as a 23 year old female) and so you really help me sort out my thoughts and feelings. To the topic of this video... I always was the "very open" friend in my school-friends group. So I had no shame or problem talking about sex, positions, masturbation and so on. Mostly because I was very interested in sex and watched porn pretty early on (like 12/13 maybe?). So it was just normal for me and I loved explaining those things to others. I grew up in a pretty unreligious household - even though we were catholic - so I never had "bad" feelings talking about these things. Fast forward a few years, I got a new female roommate who is very religious and has a boyfriend who is also very religious. She told me that they wanted to wait till marriage but they were intimate otherwise. One day she said that she wasn't sure if they had have sex. We talked about it and also about contraception. She said that she doesn't know how to put on a condom and I was shocked! A 20 y old woman doesn't know about this...! So I went to my room, grabbed a condom and a banana, showed her educational videos, told her what she had to pay attention to while putting it on and off und then let her try it in real life. Her boyfriend wasn't really amused but it is just SO IMPORTANT that you know how to protect yourself and your partner. At least now she is educated and it´s good to know "just in case". Again, thank you so much for opening up and I'm excited about part 2 coming soon. :) Have a great day!
I’m gay and Catholic. After years of struggling with the church’s teaching on homosexuality, although I’m not the best example of a Catholic, however my yearning is to be closer to Christ. My girlfriend & I go to church every sunday and I don't feel being "gay" is an option, it's your life and you need to own it
That's the same problem in any monotheistic religion. I grew up in a traditional Jewish family, but not religious. Sexuality was something that was actually never discussed about. After graduating from school I went to theme evening at the Jewish student union. One of these evening was a meeting was gay men, which was also the first time I got into contact with homosexuality. We were invited to come to a performance of a gay version of an operetta at the gay centre. I went there secretly (especially not telling my parents) and I was also the only one from the Jewish students. This evening was an eye opener for me as it was that moment in which I realized I could also have feelings for men (later on I realized that it was an attraction to all genders). Due to the strict law in Austria concerning male homosexuality (age protection law) and also the fear of the reaction of my parents I was too afraid to explore my gay side deeper. I then fell in love and married a woman (still hapilly married for over 23 years). I thought I had to lable myself straight because of this. Fast forward to 2014. When I was invited to attend the same-sex wedding of my cousin's daughter in Tel Aviv, I immediately had the feeling that I had to attend. It turned out to be the happiest and most emotional wedding I ever attended. After that it became continuously harder for me not to talk to anyone on my feelings (sexuality). In May 2019, during my stay at the Eurovision Song Contest in Tel Aviv, I came out to close friends and to my cousin's daughter. 2 months ago I finally also had the courage to tell my wife, but I also told her that it doesn't change anything concerning our relationship.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, I admire your honesty and your kindness! You've helped me a lot in my journey discovering my sexuallity and rethinking a lot of things I've never cuestioned . I feel the same about never thinking it was an option for me to be gay, until one day something clics in your head and everything makes sense. Thank you so much again ❤🇦🇷
"Locker room talk" - I loathe that talk, as a guy I always run from the guys who can't talk about anything else but locker room talk. As a disabled guy I feel like I have many of the same issues, we're deemed non-sexual and we totally are.
Being raised a Catholic was a trying time for me but at 13, I asked a question that got me literally kicked out of CCD classes. Which I secretly wanted to stop going to, but then my parents wanted me to return at 15 for my communion, yuck. Anyway, again I asked the most challenging questions that again got me sent this time the priest to confess my sinful questions and for forgiveness. Let me tell you, I refused and told him "the only person that I will confess my sins to is God and she is too busy to hear me complain about the bible and the men who wrote it". The priest smiled and said "you are wiser than you will ever know, don't let anyone hold you back or tell you that you are wrong cause you are a girl or woman". Turns out he was gay and had been living a lie his whole life. We remind friends for years to come and I had many conversations over the years with him. He was very honest and open to anything I asked, within reason. If you want to know more or share information please fill free to get in touch. I look forward to your new series. Best to you two lovely ladies. I do believe we have a lot in common.
Omg, this video is SO PERFECT. You said it all. I resonate so much with all you said... It's a video I will probably watch more times, because makes so much sense and helps to put thoughts in order... Thank you so much again!!! Ps: Hannah's facial expressions are the best! Hahahahahah
It is great that you are going to continue this Sex Series discussion. For sure it is going to be useful to many people understand how the system manipulate our mind to better control the society. Intelligent discussions will be arisen.... Looking forward to it.... Congrats, dear girls!!!
Let just start by saying you both are wonderful. You are honestly tackling issues that really mean something. Yes, I was raised Catholic, attending Catholic grade school, high school and college. 🤦🏼♀️. I still remember a sex education class in high school taught by this poor, young priest who anytime he had to mention an awkward word like 'masturbation' turned so red his white priest color seemed to reflect a pink glow. I don't remember a thing he said, but I do still remember how sorry I felt for him. Sex was never, ever discussed at home. When I had my first period, my mother just handed me a pamphlet put out by the church and that was it. Kind of a 'do-it-yourself' approach, I guess. 😊. It is so sad that the church, and society at the time, seemed to project that sex was taboo and 'dirty'. At least that is the message that came through loud and clear to me. It has taken a lifetime and a conscious choice to explore reality on my own, to change that mindset. So again, what you are offering here on YT is valuable beyond words. I must say, when friends took me out to a gay bar for the first time when I was in my early 30's, I felt like I had come home. It was like I had been living in the dark for years and years and someone just turned on the light. It was wonderful! Please keep doing what you are doing here. It can change lives literally around the world where some societies are tragically super repressive. Videos here are able to be viewed freely and secretly, if need be, until a person can escape to a safer environment or society changes to a more open and inclusive attitude. Bless you for all you do. 👍🙏🏼💕
I've always been proud of being black and Catholic but being a lesbian has always been problematic for me ! Recently I share my truth with two friends and both said they knew I was gay ! And I was thinking that I played this heterosexual part so well ! Both said that they were waiting for me to bring it up . As I've gotten older I just want to live a truth life . I don't have time for any of the shit !
Thanks for this ladies. . This is bringing back so many thoughts of how I felt, though not brought up Catholic living in a place /culture where same sex relationships are taboo, and how it is just something that happens after marriage... And no you just dont talk about it... And yeah still don't always talk about it, and didn't realize my feelings surrounding it... Luckily these days opening up is easier, and acceptance is better... Dankie dames 💕🌼🇿🇦
My family consists of conservative Christians. I have drifted away from the religion because of personal reasons but I know that if I come out to my family his side will disown me. I know this because my cousin came out as gay a few years ago and he was disowned. It's a battle between the desire to be myself and the desire to have my family. Additionally, my dad pays for my college education and I fear that he would withdraw that support if I came out to him.
always wait with coming out until you are in a situation where you are safe and independent from your family. It's shitty but it would suck immensely if you couldnt finish your education because of bigotry.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know it's hard but if you can wait untill you don't require financial support from them it would be best... untill then maybe it would be a good idea to build a support network of accepting people so when you do come out you have some support. These are the things I wish I had considered before coming out. 💜
As a former Catholic who went through 14 years of Catholic school (and volunteered as a peer minister) for my then-church, I have some experience in the subject. The guidelines of sexual activity outlined by Sadie is just what I was being taught in junior year of high school. Ironically, the teacher of that course was this guy who came off as semi-creepy and had students perform yard work at the teacher's house in exchange for beers. While there were some great things in my high school, there were some really wrong things there. Bullying teachers, bullying students (cyberbullying before the term was coined), grossly detailed sexual harassment (the Bloodhound Gang lyrics happen to give me a traumatizing flashback whenever I hear them), stifling students' feminine sides ("all boys school"), at least one pedo (who quit shortly after an incident involving a group of bullying students and mental breakdown in front of the class), a really nice teacher (likely gay) who some parents labeled as a pedo because of his popularity and slight flamboyance, and a disturbing student culture that was extremely homoerotic in their acts and homophobic in their taunts (such as plenty of oral and paying each other to go commando in gym class and the weight room). I returned to my old high school in 2019 for a reunion, and confiding in the president that I'm likely trans (I could possibly be my old high school's first out alumna), and telling him how much of a problem the bullying and sexual harassment were when I was as a student. He apologized, said that the first move that he made was getting rid of a nationally renowned coach who had called me "Columbine Kenny" for four years since I was a bullied social outcast in his class within 6 months following 1999 school shooting. He went on to say that the school now had a LGBTQ+ alliance and that the valedictorian for that year was an out gay student. I almost hugged him, I was so grateful.
I'm a Christian and i recently came out to my father where he was really accepting at that moment but it feels like he is avoiding it so much that he doesn't want to believe me. And I'm being forced to go to church which i don't have a problem with but i don't feel like I'm not in a safe environment, when i walk into the church doors. And I feel like it's driving me so mad that i am literally overthinking my sexuality to the point i just go completely depressed due to my internalized homophobia. And i don't know but i feel like I'm not allowed to express myself for who I am and it is so hurtful and i don't have someone to reach out to, i tried talking to him about it but when I mentioned something about my sexuality he looked at me in a way as if he tried to tell me to stop saying that so i just walked away. Any advice though?
Super interesting. It most be a a hell for girls, one more thing to rate religion. You are very good teachers girls. I am impressed, as man I never thought that way 🤔
We have always discussed freely, from an early age, with my mother about sex, sexuality, sex toys, drugs, alchool, violence, domestic abuse and many other topics because she didn't want that my siblings or myself were misinformed, had doubts, fears, being mistreated. We are formatted by family, society, school, religion to learn to know ourselves only through these filters, which is dangerous and reductive. My grandfather, who grew up in a Catholic orphanage surrounded by priests, was not very religious but still lived by some of their principles and beliefs he taught me but also how to made my own opinion from what's being told to me, trust my instincts. I've always worked with men, and it doesn't matter in which job or position, they think women exists to only serve and/or please them so every time they find out or i tell them i'm gay they decide that their duty is to change my sexuality. I had to watch the video several times because She was too cute, adorable and funny. I love this new serie, very interesting and needed.
Religion is a very personal issue with people, my journey is that I believe god loves everyone, the bible was written by men. Church is managed by humans that have there own issues in life, and so for me I now have a faith in god but the church is not in my life. Also life people and community have grown personally so a persons life is complicated, and just add the bible is a very violent book if you look at it as a book. Culture in that time was like that but life and meaning of life in my opinion has changed, wars battles were common because you want what that person land over there so you go to war. I have gotten off the subject religion is personal and if you want a meaningful life you have to live it honestly so love is love you can’t help who you fall in love with but all relationships in life are vital even with god..... I’ve gone on for to long. Thank you for this video I enjoyed it and loved it and love the both of you.
When gay is not an option in your own head it makes things very confusing. Because you know that you are different but you don’t know why. It takes meeting a special crush to start to ask yourself if you could be gay. But of course you don’t want to be at first. I grew up only hearing negative things about gay people. So of course I saw it as wrong. It took me years to work myself out.
omg, I've felt so alone on this. I was raised Catholic and recently figured out I was gay (and probably demisexual too). Tbf there were signs all along, but the shame blocked them. Even now, this catholic shame eats me up! For the longest time, I thought I was straight because I thought I could 'deal' with having sex with a man 2-3 times in order to have children. Nobody should have to 'deal' with sex like that. Nevertheless, I didn't know of any other option! I seriously contemplated being a nun at one point just to avoid having sex with men! For years, after when I found out what being gay was, I wouldn't allow it as an option in my head, I would have to just shut that part-out and bury it. I think when it comes to the catholic church and being gay, there's not only scripture to deal with but catholic culture too, which of course lends from religion. It is an organisation rich in patriarchal standards and women are always seen as lesser- unless you're the virgin mary (again, a person who had to deal? with being a woman and mother). But this glorification of men and god being seen as male, makes women feel indebted to men. Like we owe them. And of course with Adam and Eve, it's still women's fault that we are all born with sin as Eve ate the apple first. As a result, all this misogyny has lead to more homophobia. And maybe I'm just projected here, but in Irish catholic culture, there's a lot of gossiping and shame related talk, like if you're gay then you're a joke. In fact any deviation from heterosexuality or even what the catholic church deems as right produces an environment of judgment and hate. Furthermore, Catholic schools have bred a lot of negativity around sex. We definitely lacked any education around it, and a lot of people from my school year have had children in their mid-teens because they weren't taught about protection. And that sex was for men. As a result, I have internalised a lot of shame around sex, like it was evil, violent, or something. After coming out as gay, the shame still lingers. And I feel guilty for not being such a proud lesbian and that I'm still quite prudish when it comes to sex. So it's like double guilt! And it's hard to make people who weren't raised religious to understand this shame, but it totally consumes your every thought and has made me physically ill. I would like to know, how do I overcome this shame around sex? For some time I did think I was asexual, but I think I'm just a demisexual lesbian... however I am still overcoming the shame around sexuality and just being 'seen' with a woman. I feel like I'm doing something 'wrong' by dating a women, but to me, it feels so right, like how could society and religion deem this kind of love immoral. Luckily I'm 20 and I've caught onto this, but I could have easily forced myself and slipped into life the catholic church could've wanted me to have. I just want to say a massive thank you to you guys and your channel, it has helped me so much and has brought me to tears. Your insights have brought me great relief and a sense of calm
This was an interesting video! Sorry if you mentioned this and I didnt catch it, but are you still a catholic Sadie? I personally found it difficult to continue being religious as I got older and realized I was gay, and also just because of issues around women's issues and a whole host of other things. Though I was not raised catholic, I was raised Presbyterian. On the sex until marriage thing - I feel like everyone is exaggerating how bad having sex when you're first married is? I agree that the theological beliefs and religious culture that get people to the point where they haven't even kissed can be gnarly, but saying it's a recipe for disaster seems a bit much. As for having sex with each other for the first time - you can presumably just figure I out and take it slow. Do some research depending on the gender or body parts of the person they're having sex with so they have a general idea of what people with those parts like and try it out. If it doesn't work, okay. They can try something else. If you're literally marrying this person then presumably you're having sex because you ( in addition to wanting to get off), love each other. So it taking time to get better shouldn't be the end of the world lol. And since literally everyone is a virgin at some point, and they also have to figure it out, usually in the context romantic relationships, it's not an entirely unusual scenario. I don't buy into the religious beliefs behind these choices, but I know that as long as there isn't some humongous pressure to have the perfect sex immediately or god forbid on the wedding night, then it really is gonna be okay lol. I know in these kinds of situations that pressure often is there, which is what causes all the problems (along with the guilt and fear they were probably both indoctrinated into), but it's not an inherent part of the situation and even if it is it can be overcome. Sexual incompatibility may be a problem, but to my knowledge people with these beliefs tend to have a pretty vanilla/more constrained understanding of sex and what is appropriate, so the potential for incompatibility is less. There could definitely still be issues, but I know people who have done this, and it really isn't as bad as people think it is (in regards to how it affects the relationship if it's done without all the pressure and misogyny). People have been doing it for centuries, so it can't be completely disastrous. And this is not to say that I'm some sort if spokesperson for this method. I don't value virginity at all lol, it's a bullshit social construct. I just think we have a tendency to attach shame and judgement to sexuality when it doesn't look like what we expect it to. Society shames people for being too prudish or we shame them for being sluts. A lot of those shows that depict adult virgins or people kissing at the alter for the first time intentionally depict them in a way that exaggerates their ignorance or awkwardness or fits into the unflattering view society generally has of adult virginity. These views can hurt people who make their own personal choices to not have sex or are just asexual or on the spectrum. And I'd just hoped we were moving away from making people seem abnormal or pathological for how much sex they are or aren't having or how they decide to have it (safe and consensually).You could say there are reasonable issues one may raise with either having or not having sex in particular ways at particular times with particular people (I.e. After marriage), but at the end of the day, outside of concerns about safety and consent, I don't see much wrong with waiting for mairrgae if that's what one really wants, and if they hold that position in a healthy way (sans the guilt, weird expectations about how sex is going to be the first time you have it, misognyny, and ideas around sex as only procreation). Purity culture and its effects are what really mess people up, but the act of deciding to have sex later alone doesn't have to be a disastrous one.
My grandma had seven kids. She may well have had miscarriages too. We'd never know because she would have been shamed for it. At the age of 84, she told me "sex is a man's pleasure". I'm sad to think how much sex she must have had that she didn't enjoy.
Hiya guys i grew up Baptist and came out as crossdresser at 60 married 32years ago , interesting point in regarding too not having sex before getting married is regarded as breaking virginity law with both man / woman , iam the youngest out of 4 kids grew up in the 60s - 80s . Allot of sexually issues were rarely discussed growing up , what about menopause subject ...Peter...
I grew up as Mormon in a very Mormon family, I had to leave the church because of a few reasons. Mainly, I stopped believing in it because of everything they said about sexuality was just wrong. And I knew that I was gay since I was 15 and knew I'd never could do what they wanted me to and thus eventually get excommunicated anyway.
Listening to you, kinda of makes me feel some what sorry for you, in the fact that you’ve never found a partner that took the time to find out about you. I’ve found the one of the key ingredients of a strong sex life is communication!
First off loved the video and you both. However, I have to disagree with wide sweeping generalizations of "men" in culture. I know toxic masculinity is prominant in American culture, but I wouldn't go as far as lumping all men in that category just because they're men.
I think this is to refer to the fact that ALL men are socialized to be misogynistic and to have elements of toxicity, and unless they are actively fighting against that socialization and misogyny in society, they are upholding that system. A lot of men may not actively engage in locker room talk or other blatantly toxic behaviours, but they will protect those who do, not call them out when stuff like that is being said in their presence, or otherwise minimize or brush aside the effects of these things in women. Even if they don't do these things, again, even when you actively fight against it, you still benefit from rape culture and societal patriarchy by virtue of you being a man. It's not enough to 'not be misoynistic'. You have to be actively against it. Saying 'men' acknowledges that no man can escape accountability of doing this work of actively fighting against it. And it also points out that men engage in more misogynistic behaviours than they are often aware of because again, this is something all men are socialized into from every direction and part of that socialization is being blind to it. It is generally better to spend time acknowledging any culpability you may have and reflecting on that than it is correcting women when they're talking about their experiences of misogyny. Because it makes it seem as if you care more about yourself and how you're being portrayed than you care about how this stuff harms women. I can assure you that no men are being harmed when women say 'men do X' because really if it doesn't apply to you than you know it applies to a large enough quantity of men that it's an issue. And that even if it isn't a large quantity of men, the size of the issue shows that these men are somehow being protected or shielded by a system that is often made up of other men who enable their behaviour. Because it is such a large issue for men, then you definitely know or have been around people who have done this and are thus culpable in the issue if you at any point have not held them accountable.
The ways in which people misinterpret the Bible regarding sex, deliberately and otherwise....continues to irk me.
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When you do stuff,just because it feels good,doesn't make it right. Please go get some counseling, and find out why you hate males so much. Most of the time females are lazy learners, and think bad relationships with males,can be replaced with a bad relationship with a female, and before they actually realize it,they keep going from one bad relationship to another.
“...I don’t know if what I feel is wrong because it’s what I’ve been taught or because it’s wrong for me...” This hit me so hard and sums up almost every thought, feeling, and all the confusion in my life’s journey, not just my sexuality. Sadie and Hannah, I genuinely hope you know how impactful you are on the world! You share in such a kind, safe and vulnerable way the thoughts and emotions that are so tough! Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve watched this video twice...You women are so YOUNG (compared to me), so beautifully open and honest - even when the words are hanging on for dear life to STAY UNSAID! ... I’ve been SO moved!! What I’m hearing from Sadie resonates with me on every level...and, to me, is sound evidence of profound damage perpetrated on the personal psyche of women (and men), on very broad and very deep levels..by the organized church - NOT just the church of Sadie’s experience. This messaging continues today. I believe the teachings are the cause of hate, discrimination, homophobia, misogyny, suicide, rape, pornography, and...on and on! The conversation you two have started is HUGE...a challenging, ambitious, and courageous endeavor. You have my respect. The action you’re taking is certain to have a positive affect on many lives. I sincerely would appreciate it if you would PM me... please. 💜
"We gain understanding of ourselves as we gain understanding of the system" - whoaaaaaaa
Right?! Sadie, that was so on point!
You are not alone. I grew up Catholic, attended Catholic school. It was the hypocrisy that I could not reconcile and I left the church while in college. My mother had a harder time when I told her I left the Church than when I came out to them as a woman who loves women. There is a big difference between being religious and having faith or being spiritual. Understanding that has helped me. I have found a spiritual practice that is unconditionally accepting of who I am. Sadie and Hannah, thank for sharing your experience and I am in awe of your courage and honesty.
I was raised in a catholic family, Sadie's experience resonates mine, even at school the teachings about mariage and sex are on a limiting beliefs not until college where I discovered so much about myself until one day I told my mother atleast I was attracted to both woman and man also have relationships to both, she said I always have a feeling that you are gay but her thinking is only "lesbian" she didn't even understand bisexual. But she's very accepting despite the fact that she's religious catholic I love her. Anyway your channel makes me feel I'm not alone. Thank you❤️🇵🇭
This was a fantastic video! I wasn't raised in a religious household so it's very interesting for me to learn what topics of sex/sexuality looked like for people who were. Thank you both for being so vulnerable and open and choosing to talk about this! Much love
This is so relatable. Once again, 10/10 content
Thank you both for being brave and bringing these conversations to the world. I definitely relate to the shame and that being gay isn't even an option to consider...even growing up completely without religion. Looking forward to your series!
Honestly, I'm struggling with what my favorite part of this video is: 1. Shell's personality/facial expressions (especially around 11min mark). 2. Hannah's facial expressions (I mean this in the most positive way! You're not hiding your emotions/reactions and that's wonderful. Even with difficult subjects there are always some light moments that should make you smile or laugh) or 3. the overall content/dialogue. Thank you for always making my day a bit brighter with your content!
Fascinating video - can't wait to see the rest of the series. I so like the depth you bring to these conversations; good thought provoking stuff. Thank you!
This was so uncomfortable for me to even listen to. Sadie I feel you. I'm going through the re-evaluating my faith because of my sexuality whilst carrying all the shame and guilt from the church I was raised in. I'm only just starting to explore all of this by myself (I think I should get a good understanding of myself and my experiences before jumping into a relationship) and it's scary. I don't have friends that I can talk about this with so it's all kinda just happening in my head. Thank you so much for doing this series, reading the comments I already feel less alone 😅.
Thank you so much for this! I grew up in a very religious household and it took me years of critical thinking about religion before I could eventually come to terms with my sexuality. I also just never thought it was an option for me. The line "we can't understand where we end and it begins," explained it best. Thanks again ❤️️🇿🇦
I feel this "not seeing it as an option". I grew up evangelical and it took me over 20 years to find out that i'm trans and looking back its actually pretty clear but i always looked for other explanations because that just wasnt an option for me... less because i was super transphobic or something but i just was absolutely convinced that i wouldnt be. Even when i became more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community i always thought that its great if everyone can love and be who they want but me? naah i'm cis-het for sure... ^^ Kinda like those parents that are okay with gay kids, as long as it isnt their own
Thank you for being so open about it Sadie! To leave a positive comment here: I am in the lucky position of having great girlfriends with which I talked about sex when I started having it and the talks have only gotten more and more open, honest and vulnerable from there. I can also imagine that our European culture is tendetially a bit more open to talking about sex. By now it feels very natural for us to also talk about specifics and empowering each other to get to know ourselves ever so more and e.g. really to feel into what consent is all about for us.
I also thought I would really love to hear your reflections on consent btw!
I was raised catholic and attended catholic schools, but my parents weren’t strict catholics and I questioned a lot about religion from an early age. Though I finally came to identify as atheist/humanist, this video has made me realise that regardless of how critical I was of the church and its teachings, it was still the filter that I saw the world through. Sex education was limited, there was just a complete absence of acknowledgement of non-heteronormative lifestyles... and I still felt a deep sense of shame about my sexuality that stopped me coming out fully until I was 34. Thank you for tackling this topic. X
I love talking about the intersection of religion and sexuality! So excited for more related videos!
I ultimately had to reject my religion to embrace my sexuality, since the two were not compatible. I am also learning to liberate my sexuality and denounce the conservative thoughts which have confined it in the past. Thank you for this conversation, Hannah and Sadie. It is taboo, but necessary.
I'm an catholic raised hetero normative man (I thought at least) from the fifties. And again you two make me reconsider and recover my believes over the last 70 years..... I think I need at least a week to go over this.....
On not considering being gay as an option: I’m not religious and never had that as a force to reckon with- however it took me a long time to take my attraction to women very seriously. I always discarded the consideration of pursuing a relationship with women as “unrealistic” or something that I outright didn’t deserve. it was me feeling not good enough or disregarding those feelings as fantasy. I didn’t want to be alone so I went along dating men. Being gay was never an option to me because the false logic I was upholding in my own head. I wanted to leave this comment so that maybe someone else who was feeling this way could read this and feel a little less alone.
Very relatable.
Loved it ladies!! Amazing and so interesting for sure.. You all made such great points on what you all talked about.. You all are such an amazing couple and I can't to see part 2.. Shell is getting more and more precious.. Thanks for sharing.. Much love to you all.. Stay sweet and keep on rockin!!
It's so much easier to follow you without the irritating background music you had in your previous videos. You have so much of interest to say. It's great to be able to hear it properly.
Wow. Didn’t even know I needed this video until I watched it. Super interesting and fascinating. Thank you again and can’t wait for the next installment!
This is so relatable my heart hurts but in a "I'm not alone and I'm so sad this happens to many of us" kinda way. I was also raised in the church, but the youth group I attended from the ages 12-18 was homophobic among other things. I was asked to sign a document saying I would not promote same-sex marriage or be in a same-sex relationship. I have so much shame around sex/ sexuality, as for years I was taught sex before marriage is sin, porn is super sinful, pretty much anything to do with pleasure/sex is sinful.
Thank you so incredibly much for making this video, I feel so isolated in my experience and appreciate you sharing your story so much. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
OMG great chat today ladies! This topic is so important for everyone to have with someone! Doesn’t have to be with a partner but it’s great when you can. These difficulties are the same in the UK too. With my daughter having just turned teen, I’ve needed to re-teach her sex-Ed that she received at school as all she was taught was the physical logistics of how to or not to produce children! Thankfully she persevered with the torment of talking to her Mum about this, within the same month she admitted she may be bi (after we talked about my being bi too). Hopefully our conversation leads her to feel comfortable with learning what she likes and wants for her love life and sexuality (so far so good!). Have to say your chat would have helped be a bridge to explain the negative power of normal heterosexual of relationships in society! I will be saving it just in case I need it as a prop! Great talk, look forward to every one!
On an additional note, I’ve taught all my kids, the boys too, that sex shouldn’t be like a school exam, it’s more like driving. Practice makes perfect; driving after passing your test is just such a relief because then you can just enjoy the ride!
Kudos for tackling this topic! It deserves more attention. This does resonate with me personally as I, too, was reared Catholic, (currently non-practicing and still trying to recover). I now know that upbringing contributed to my feeling of asexuality that I had for so long. Or, rather, that I assigned to myself because deep down I probably knew I wasn’t interested in hetero sex and same sex possibilities were definitely not an option. I even thought I might become a nun, as perhaps a way to avoid all of the questions surrounding my non dating life. (wanting to be a nun was probably a huge clue, btw, that I definitely wasn’t straight, lol. Looking forward to the rest of this series. Huge props, Sadie and Hannah!
As a pastor, albeit Lutheran, I think your read of Catholic theology on sex is accurate. As a now transitioned Lesbian Woman of Transgender experience I also resonate with the reality that our up bringing set the boundaries on what I thought was possible. Also the shame around sex question is reality for this country because of our puritan background, which has now been threaded through out all the major Christians sects in this country.
Hey Hannah, hey Sadie! Thank you both for being so open und sharing your experiences and thoughts with us! I found your channel just a few days ago and am almost done watching all of your videos. :D You two have just such an amazing chemistry and so much love and respect for each other...! It´s just so much fun watching you. :)
I'm on the "finding my sexuality"-journey myself (as a 23 year old female) and so you really help me sort out my thoughts and feelings.
To the topic of this video...
I always was the "very open" friend in my school-friends group. So I had no shame or problem talking about sex, positions, masturbation and so on. Mostly because I was very interested in sex and watched porn pretty early on (like 12/13 maybe?). So it was just normal for me and I loved explaining those things to others. I grew up in a pretty unreligious household - even though we were catholic - so I never had "bad" feelings talking about these things.
Fast forward a few years, I got a new female roommate who is very religious and has a boyfriend who is also very religious. She told me that they wanted to wait till marriage but they were intimate otherwise. One day she said that she wasn't sure if they had have sex. We talked about it and also about contraception. She said that she doesn't know how to put on a condom and I was shocked! A 20 y old woman doesn't know about this...! So I went to my room, grabbed a condom and a banana, showed her educational videos, told her what she had to pay attention to while putting it on and off und then let her try it in real life. Her boyfriend wasn't really amused but it is just SO IMPORTANT that you know how to protect yourself and your partner. At least now she is educated and it´s good to know "just in case".
Again, thank you so much for opening up and I'm excited about part 2 coming soon. :)
Have a great day!
I’m gay and Catholic. After years of struggling with the church’s teaching on homosexuality, although I’m not the best example of a Catholic, however my yearning is to be closer to Christ. My girlfriend & I go to church every sunday and I don't feel being "gay" is an option, it's your life and you need to own it
Love Hannah's facial expressions and love Sadie's vulnerability
Ya! At like 15 minutes in, ya I thought that was so communicative (and also funny as a 3rd party watcher)
That's the same problem in any monotheistic religion. I grew up in a traditional Jewish family, but not religious. Sexuality was something that was actually never discussed about.
After graduating from school I went to theme evening at the Jewish student union. One of these evening was a meeting was gay men, which was also the first time I got into contact with homosexuality. We were invited to come to a performance of a gay version of an operetta at the gay centre. I went there secretly (especially not telling my parents) and I was also the only one from the Jewish students. This evening was an eye opener for me as it was that moment in which I realized I could also have feelings for men (later on I realized that it was an attraction to all genders).
Due to the strict law in Austria concerning male homosexuality (age protection law) and also the fear of the reaction of my parents I was too afraid to explore my gay side deeper.
I then fell in love and married a woman (still hapilly married for over 23 years). I thought I had to lable myself straight because of this.
Fast forward to 2014. When I was invited to attend the same-sex wedding of my cousin's daughter in Tel Aviv, I immediately had the feeling that I had to attend. It turned out to be the happiest and most emotional wedding I ever attended. After that it became continuously harder for me not to talk to anyone on my feelings (sexuality).
In May 2019, during my stay at the Eurovision Song Contest in Tel Aviv, I came out to close friends and to my cousin's daughter.
2 months ago I finally also had the courage to tell my wife, but I also told her that it doesn't change anything concerning our relationship.
So excited about this series!
Thank you for sharing your experiences, I admire your honesty and your kindness! You've helped me a lot in my journey discovering my sexuallity and rethinking a lot of things I've never cuestioned . I feel the same about never thinking it was an option for me to be gay, until one day something clics in your head and everything makes sense. Thank you so much again ❤🇦🇷
Kenyans represented here🇰🇪🇰🇪.. love you guys ❤️❤️😍😘
Yall should really read Her Name in the Sky its YA but its about 2 friends and their journey with sexuality and Catholicism! Its very very good!
"Locker room talk" - I loathe that talk, as a guy I always run from the guys who can't talk about anything else but locker room talk.
As a disabled guy I feel like I have many of the same issues, we're deemed non-sexual and we totally are.
Being raised a Catholic was a trying time for me but at 13, I asked a question that got me literally kicked out of CCD classes. Which I secretly wanted to stop going to, but then my parents wanted me to return at 15 for my communion, yuck. Anyway, again I asked the most challenging questions that again got me sent this time the priest to confess my sinful questions and for forgiveness. Let me tell you, I refused and told him "the only person that I will confess my sins to is God and she is too busy to hear me complain about the bible and the men who wrote it". The priest smiled and said "you are wiser than you will ever know, don't let anyone hold you back or tell you that you are wrong cause you are a girl or woman". Turns out he was gay and had been living a lie his whole life. We remind friends for years to come and I had many conversations over the years with him. He was very honest and open to anything I asked, within reason. If you want to know more or share information please fill free to get in touch. I look forward to your new series. Best to you two lovely ladies. I do believe we have a lot in common.
cameron esposito's, "save yourself", is such a great book that touches on this topic!!!
Awesome video, it really hit home with me. Thank you💙
Omg, this video is SO PERFECT. You said it all. I resonate so much with all you said... It's a video I will probably watch more times, because makes so much sense and helps to put thoughts in order... Thank you so much again!!!
Ps: Hannah's facial expressions are the best! Hahahahahah
This is such a powerful discussion. Thank you for sharing it with us.
You are not alone Sadie.. Still struggling with that today!
It is great that you are going to continue this Sex Series discussion. For sure it is going to be useful to many people understand how the system manipulate our mind to better control the society. Intelligent discussions will be arisen.... Looking forward to it.... Congrats, dear girls!!!
Let just start by saying you both are wonderful. You are honestly tackling issues that really mean something. Yes, I was raised Catholic, attending Catholic grade school, high school and college. 🤦🏼♀️. I still remember a sex education class in high school taught by this poor, young priest who anytime he had to mention an awkward word like 'masturbation' turned so red his white priest color seemed to reflect a pink glow. I don't remember a thing he said, but I do still remember how sorry I felt for him.
Sex was never, ever discussed at home. When I had my first period, my mother just handed me a pamphlet put out by the church and that was it. Kind of a 'do-it-yourself' approach, I guess. 😊. It is so sad that the church, and society at the time, seemed to project that sex was taboo and 'dirty'. At least that is the message that came through loud and clear to me. It has taken a lifetime and a conscious choice to explore reality on my own, to change that mindset. So again, what you are offering here on YT is valuable beyond words. I must say, when friends took me out to a gay bar for the first time when I was in my early 30's, I felt like I had come home. It was like I had been living in the dark for years and years and someone just turned on the light. It was wonderful!
Please keep doing what you are doing here. It can change lives literally around the world where some societies are tragically super repressive. Videos here are able to be viewed freely and secretly, if need be, until a person can escape to a safer environment or society changes to a more open and inclusive attitude. Bless you for all you do. 👍🙏🏼💕
I've always been proud of being black and Catholic but being a lesbian has always been problematic for me ! Recently I share my truth with two friends and both said they knew I was gay ! And I was thinking that I played this heterosexual part so well ! Both said that they were waiting for me to bring it up . As I've gotten older I just want to live a truth life . I don't have time for any of the shit !
Thanks for this ladies. .
This is bringing back so many thoughts of how I felt, though not brought up Catholic living in a place /culture where same sex relationships are taboo, and how it is just something that happens after marriage... And no you just dont talk about it... And yeah still don't always talk about it, and didn't realize my feelings surrounding it... Luckily these days opening up is easier, and acceptance is better...
Dankie dames 💕🌼🇿🇦
My family consists of conservative Christians. I have drifted away from the religion because of personal reasons but I know that if I come out to my family his side will disown me. I know this because my cousin came out as gay a few years ago and he was disowned. It's a battle between the desire to be myself and the desire to have my family. Additionally, my dad pays for my college education and I fear that he would withdraw that support if I came out to him.
always wait with coming out until you are in a situation where you are safe and independent from your family. It's shitty but it would suck immensely if you couldnt finish your education because of bigotry.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I know it's hard but if you can wait untill you don't require financial support from them it would be best... untill then maybe it would be a good idea to build a support network of accepting people so when you do come out you have some support. These are the things I wish I had considered before coming out. 💜
As a former Catholic who went through 14 years of Catholic school (and volunteered as a peer minister) for my then-church, I have some experience in the subject. The guidelines of sexual activity outlined by Sadie is just what I was being taught in junior year of high school. Ironically, the teacher of that course was this guy who came off as semi-creepy and had students perform yard work at the teacher's house in exchange for beers. While there were some great things in my high school, there were some really wrong things there. Bullying teachers, bullying students (cyberbullying before the term was coined), grossly detailed sexual harassment (the Bloodhound Gang lyrics happen to give me a traumatizing flashback whenever I hear them), stifling students' feminine sides ("all boys school"), at least one pedo (who quit shortly after an incident involving a group of bullying students and mental breakdown in front of the class), a really nice teacher (likely gay) who some parents labeled as a pedo because of his popularity and slight flamboyance, and a disturbing student culture that was extremely homoerotic in their acts and homophobic in their taunts (such as plenty of oral and paying each other to go commando in gym class and the weight room).
I returned to my old high school in 2019 for a reunion, and confiding in the president that I'm likely trans (I could possibly be my old high school's first out alumna), and telling him how much of a problem the bullying and sexual harassment were when I was as a student. He apologized, said that the first move that he made was getting rid of a nationally renowned coach who had called me "Columbine Kenny" for four years since I was a bullied social outcast in his class within 6 months following 1999 school shooting. He went on to say that the school now had a LGBTQ+ alliance and that the valedictorian for that year was an out gay student. I almost hugged him, I was so grateful.
I'm a Christian and i recently came out to my father where he was really accepting at that moment but it feels like he is avoiding it so much that he doesn't want to believe me. And I'm being forced to go to church which i don't have a problem with but i don't feel like I'm not in a safe environment, when i walk into the church doors. And I feel like it's driving me so mad that i am literally overthinking my sexuality to the point i just go completely depressed due to my internalized homophobia. And i don't know but i feel like I'm not allowed to express myself for who I am and it is so hurtful and i don't have someone to reach out to, i tried talking to him about it but when I mentioned something about my sexuality he looked at me in a way as if he tried to tell me to stop saying that so i just walked away. Any advice though?
So good, great dialog, many aha moments
Another great video u guys are amazing i am catholic to
Super interesting. It most be a a hell for girls, one more thing to rate religion. You are very good teachers girls. I am impressed, as man I never thought that way 🤔
This is an incredible video. So many similar feelings.
We have always discussed freely, from an early age, with my mother about sex, sexuality, sex toys, drugs, alchool, violence, domestic abuse and many other topics because she didn't want that my siblings or myself were misinformed, had doubts, fears, being mistreated.
We are formatted by family, society, school, religion to learn to know ourselves only through these filters, which is dangerous and reductive. My grandfather, who grew up in a Catholic orphanage surrounded by priests, was not very religious but still lived by some of their principles and beliefs he taught me but also how to made my own opinion from what's being told to me, trust my instincts.
I've always worked with men, and it doesn't matter in which job or position, they think women exists to only serve and/or please them so every time they find out or i tell them i'm gay they decide that their duty is to change my sexuality.
I had to watch the video several times because She was too cute, adorable and funny. I love this new serie, very interesting and needed.
Religion is a very personal issue with people, my journey is that I believe god loves everyone, the bible was written by men. Church is managed by humans that have there own issues in life, and so for me I now have a faith in god but the church is not in my life. Also life people and community have grown personally so a persons life is complicated, and just add the bible is a very violent book if you look at it as a book. Culture in that time was like that but life and meaning of life in my opinion has changed, wars battles were common because you want what that person land over there so you go to war. I have gotten off the subject religion is personal and if you want a meaningful life you have to live it honestly so love is love you can’t help who you fall in love with but all relationships in life are vital even with god..... I’ve gone on for to long. Thank you for this video I enjoyed it and loved it and love the both of you.
Was there a Garfunkle and Oats reference in there?
Really Great Video!!! 💜
great video and interesting. i m sorry, i was a little distracted by your dog is so funny and cute
When gay is not an option in your own head it makes things very confusing. Because you know that you are different but you don’t know why. It takes meeting a special crush to start to ask yourself if you could be gay. But of course you don’t want to be at first. I grew up only hearing negative things about gay people. So of course I saw it as wrong. It took me years to work myself out.
omg, I've felt so alone on this. I was raised Catholic and recently figured out I was gay (and probably demisexual too). Tbf there were signs all along, but the shame blocked them. Even now, this catholic shame eats me up!
For the longest time, I thought I was straight because I thought I could 'deal' with having sex with a man 2-3 times in order to have children. Nobody should have to 'deal' with sex like that. Nevertheless, I didn't know of any other option! I seriously contemplated being a nun at one point just to avoid having sex with men! For years, after when I found out what being gay was, I wouldn't allow it as an option in my head, I would have to just shut that part-out and bury it.
I think when it comes to the catholic church and being gay, there's not only scripture to deal with but catholic culture too, which of course lends from religion. It is an organisation rich in patriarchal standards and women are always seen as lesser- unless you're the virgin mary (again, a person who had to deal? with being a woman and mother). But this glorification of men and god being seen as male, makes women feel indebted to men. Like we owe them. And of course with Adam and Eve, it's still women's fault that we are all born with sin as Eve ate the apple first. As a result, all this misogyny has lead to more homophobia. And maybe I'm just projected here, but in Irish catholic culture, there's a lot of gossiping and shame related talk, like if you're gay then you're a joke. In fact any deviation from heterosexuality or even what the catholic church deems as right produces an environment of judgment and hate.
Furthermore, Catholic schools have bred a lot of negativity around sex. We definitely lacked any education around it, and a lot of people from my school year have had children in their mid-teens because they weren't taught about protection. And that sex was for men. As a result, I have internalised a lot of shame around sex, like it was evil, violent, or something.
After coming out as gay, the shame still lingers. And I feel guilty for not being such a proud lesbian and that I'm still quite prudish when it comes to sex. So it's like double guilt! And it's hard to make people who weren't raised religious to understand this shame, but it totally consumes your every thought and has made me physically ill.
I would like to know, how do I overcome this shame around sex? For some time I did think I was asexual, but I think I'm just a demisexual lesbian... however I am still overcoming the shame around sexuality and just being 'seen' with a woman. I feel like I'm doing something 'wrong' by dating a women, but to me, it feels so right, like how could society and religion deem this kind of love immoral.
Luckily I'm 20 and I've caught onto this, but I could have easily forced myself and slipped into life the catholic church could've wanted me to have.
I just want to say a massive thank you to you guys and your channel, it has helped me so much and has brought me to tears. Your insights have brought me great relief and a sense of calm
Thanks 😌
This was an interesting video! Sorry if you mentioned this and I didnt catch it, but are you still a catholic Sadie? I personally found it difficult to continue being religious as I got older and realized I was gay, and also just because of issues around women's issues and a whole host of other things. Though I was not raised catholic, I was raised Presbyterian.
On the sex until marriage thing - I feel like everyone is exaggerating how bad having sex when you're first married is? I agree that the theological beliefs and religious culture that get people to the point where they haven't even kissed can be gnarly, but saying it's a recipe for disaster seems a bit much. As for having sex with each other for the first time - you can presumably just figure I out and take it slow. Do some research depending on the gender or body parts of the person they're having sex with so they have a general idea of what people with those parts like and try it out. If it doesn't work, okay. They can try something else. If you're literally marrying this person then presumably you're having sex because you ( in addition to wanting to get off), love each other. So it taking time to get better shouldn't be the end of the world lol. And since literally everyone is a virgin at some point, and they also have to figure it out, usually in the context romantic relationships, it's not an entirely unusual scenario. I don't buy into the religious beliefs behind these choices, but I know that as long as there isn't some humongous pressure to have the perfect sex immediately or god forbid on the wedding night, then it really is gonna be okay lol. I know in these kinds of situations that pressure often is there, which is what causes all the problems (along with the guilt and fear they were probably both indoctrinated into), but it's not an inherent part of the situation and even if it is it can be overcome. Sexual incompatibility may be a problem, but to my knowledge people with these beliefs tend to have a pretty vanilla/more constrained understanding of sex and what is appropriate, so the potential for incompatibility is less. There could definitely still be issues, but I know people who have done this, and it really isn't as bad as people think it is (in regards to how it affects the relationship if it's done without all the pressure and misogyny). People have been doing it for centuries, so it can't be completely disastrous.
And this is not to say that I'm some sort if spokesperson for this method. I don't value virginity at all lol, it's a bullshit social construct. I just think we have a tendency to attach shame and judgement to sexuality when it doesn't look like what we expect it to. Society shames people for being too prudish or we shame them for being sluts. A lot of those shows that depict adult virgins or people kissing at the alter for the first time intentionally depict them in a way that exaggerates their ignorance or awkwardness or fits into the unflattering view society generally has of adult virginity. These views can hurt people who make their own personal choices to not have sex or are just asexual or on the spectrum. And I'd just hoped we were moving away from making people seem abnormal or pathological for how much sex they are or aren't having or how they decide to have it (safe and consensually).You could say there are reasonable issues one may raise with either having or not having sex in particular ways at particular times with particular people (I.e. After marriage), but at the end of the day, outside of concerns about safety and consent, I don't see much wrong with waiting for mairrgae if that's what one really wants, and if they hold that position in a healthy way (sans the guilt, weird expectations about how sex is going to be the first time you have it, misognyny, and ideas around sex as only procreation). Purity culture and its effects are what really mess people up, but the act of deciding to have sex later alone doesn't have to be a disastrous one.
Very brave very valuable!
love you guyssss
Will you guys talk about toxic masculinity and consent
Great video
My grandma had seven kids. She may well have had miscarriages too. We'd never know because she would have been shamed for it. At the age of 84, she told me "sex is a man's pleasure". I'm sad to think how much sex she must have had that she didn't enjoy.
Hiya guys i grew up Baptist and came out as crossdresser at 60 married 32years ago , interesting point in regarding too not having sex before getting married is regarded as breaking virginity law with both man / woman , iam the youngest out of 4 kids grew up in the 60s - 80s . Allot of sexually issues were rarely discussed growing up , what about menopause subject ...Peter...
love you guys
Love you both 💝❤️
Really interesting and brave of you two. if you want another perspective on being gay and a Christian check out Angel & Nicole's TH-cam vlogs.
🖐🏻
Do you know the humorist Hannah Gasby ?
Have a nice day,
Take care 💋
I grew up as Mormon in a very Mormon family, I had to leave the church because of a few reasons. Mainly, I stopped believing in it because of everything they said about sexuality was just wrong. And I knew that I was gay since I was 15 and knew I'd never could do what they wanted me to and thus eventually get excommunicated anyway.
Listening to you, kinda of makes me feel some what sorry for you, in the fact that you’ve never found a partner that took the time to find out about you. I’ve found the one of the key ingredients of a strong sex life is communication!
You are nice couple. Ustedes son bonita pareja 🥰
😎😃😊😜😍😘💖🌹
Oh yeah one other thing I have no problem discussing any subject to include sex. Just FYI, LOL
First off loved the video and you both. However, I have to disagree with wide sweeping generalizations of "men" in culture. I know toxic masculinity is prominant in American culture, but I wouldn't go as far as lumping all men in that category just because they're men.
I think this is to refer to the fact that ALL men are socialized to be misogynistic and to have elements of toxicity, and unless they are actively fighting against that socialization and misogyny in society, they are upholding that system. A lot of men may not actively engage in locker room talk or other blatantly toxic behaviours, but they will protect those who do, not call them out when stuff like that is being said in their presence, or otherwise minimize or brush aside the effects of these things in women. Even if they don't do these things, again, even when you actively fight against it, you still benefit from rape culture and societal patriarchy by virtue of you being a man. It's not enough to 'not be misoynistic'. You have to be actively against it. Saying 'men' acknowledges that no man can escape accountability of doing this work of actively fighting against it. And it also points out that men engage in more misogynistic behaviours than they are often aware of because again, this is something all men are socialized into from every direction and part of that socialization is being blind to it. It is generally better to spend time acknowledging any culpability you may have and reflecting on that than it is correcting women when they're talking about their experiences of misogyny. Because it makes it seem as if you care more about yourself and how you're being portrayed than you care about how this stuff harms women. I can assure you that no men are being harmed when women say 'men do X' because really if it doesn't apply to you than you know it applies to a large enough quantity of men that it's an issue. And that even if it isn't a large quantity of men, the size of the issue shows that these men are somehow being protected or shielded by a system that is often made up of other men who enable their behaviour. Because it is such a large issue for men, then you definitely know or have been around people who have done this and are thus culpable in the issue if you at any point have not held them accountable.
You 2 are my role model, I wish I have a gf .
Ok, but what’s on fire to the right of Hannah’s head?
The ways in which people misinterpret the Bible regarding sex, deliberately and otherwise....continues to irk me.
When you do stuff,just because it feels good,doesn't make it right. Please go get some counseling, and find out why you hate males so much. Most of the time females are lazy learners, and think bad relationships with males,can be replaced with a bad relationship with a female, and before they actually realize it,they keep going from one bad relationship to another.