Can you tell me more about that? What are you feeling right now? Why do you feel that way? Help me understand you better. What's the message you have for me today? What is your job? What are you protecting? That makes sense to me, or ask more questions. Acknowledge and compassion.
I think one place where my treatment has differentiated slightly from what is shown in the video is that, yes, we want to do our best to hear and honor and accommodate our parts from the place of the self, but if it comes to a point where there is non agreeance, it's okay for us to make a decision from the self that one of our parts does not like or fully embrace. As long as we communicate it in love we can move forward and ask the part to do its best to understand. They do not have to be fully on board, nor will they be every time. Just as he explained, it's more about them feeling heard and loved and learning to build trust in you. Just as you can set boundaries with others in your life, you can also set boundaries internally and make decisions that are best for the whole even if it's not a part's favorite decision. Its not always easy, but the parts actually tend to learn through your leadership in time 🙂
Yes! We can always negotiate with Parts, and even then we don't have to agree with everything our Part want in order to gain their trust. (In fact, wise leadership can be even more effective at gaining their trust.)
I have a very loud part that believes that nothing ever helps. This video is superhelpful so I am taking the time to say. Hopefully I can help that part soften a bit by showing proof of something useful. Thank you Conor!
This material is a real HOOT. Note: I AM taking it seriously. This is exciting stuff! But a question, only partly "tongue in cheek," can you do GROUP THERAPY on your own parts? Ha! WOW!
Hi Conor, that was very well explained and sounded so authentic. Over the years I've had horrible moments where my anxiety hit the roof and blasted through It to leave me a complete wreck but now I can see that there are parts. I'll come back to this video. What's even more important is just to recognise when these parts come up. Thanks again. ❤❤ Vincent
Aubrey Marcus did a podcast episode interviewing Dr Richard Schwartz and talked about how he and his wife talk to each other’s parts. I found it quite interesting.
I'm SO glad you're talking about this! The "figure it out" part has been very challenging for me to unblend from, to the extent that journaling gets stressful for me. I find myself very up in my head and I get confused. Hopefully this approach of gentleness with this part will help! Love what you said about how sometimes, it's OKAY that i'm making a decision while blended with a part. It'll take some time and practice :)
Thanks brother fit yr videos You make ifs easier to do Other therapist do a demo and start talking with their parts cause I don’t start talking to them so I feel I can never do it
This is me! That is such a great name as it explains my role so well. . And no, I'm not done figuring it out. It's in my name. What's wrong with me? I'm trying to help figure out the chaos inside? It's in the name, how great is that name? I heard that and I was like that's me! I'm the figuring out part! 😊
omentA big ahh for me recently was reaching a place where I could separate a part's wants from its needs. Parts don't always communicate their needs perfectly - or at least mine don't. They're subject to the same over-reactions and exaggerations and single-mindedness that we can all have. Sometimes what they want isn't what they need - it's a fixation on a knee-jerk reaction that they think will fix the problem. But I find that if I'm curious enough and patient enough about it, my Self is pretty astute at understanding the emotional needs of others, my own parts included (it turns out). Once I understand the needs of the opposing parts, it becomes a lot easier to find solutions that work for all of them.
Can you tell me more about that?
What are you feeling right now?
Why do you feel that way?
Help me understand you better.
What's the message you have for me today?
What is your job?
What are you protecting?
That makes sense to me, or ask more questions.
Acknowledge and compassion.
I totally have a figure it out part! I’ve had others say I can know so much about myself but be so stuck
I think one place where my treatment has differentiated slightly from what is shown in the video is that, yes, we want to do our best to hear and honor and accommodate our parts from the place of the self, but if it comes to a point where there is non agreeance, it's okay for us to make a decision from the self that one of our parts does not like or fully embrace. As long as we communicate it in love we can move forward and ask the part to do its best to understand. They do not have to be fully on board, nor will they be every time. Just as he explained, it's more about them feeling heard and loved and learning to build trust in you. Just as you can set boundaries with others in your life, you can also set boundaries internally and make decisions that are best for the whole even if it's not a part's favorite decision. Its not always easy, but the parts actually tend to learn through your leadership in time 🙂
Yes! We can always negotiate with Parts, and even then we don't have to agree with everything our Part want in order to gain their trust. (In fact, wise leadership can be even more effective at gaining their trust.)
I have a very loud part that believes that nothing ever helps. This video is superhelpful so I am taking the time to say. Hopefully I can help that part soften a bit by showing proof of something useful. Thank you Conor!
This material is a real HOOT. Note: I AM taking it seriously. This is exciting stuff! But a question, only partly "tongue in cheek," can you do GROUP THERAPY on your own parts? Ha! WOW!
Thank you! I love ifs and it has helped me so much not only internally but also understanding my relationships with others as well!
I love parts work! It is so gentle and intuitive. So healing but then at times elusive. That’s when we need a therapist to work with 👍🌺
Hi Conor, that was very well explained and sounded so authentic. Over the years I've had horrible moments where my anxiety hit the roof and blasted through It to leave me a complete wreck but now I can see that there are parts. I'll come back to this video. What's even more important is just to recognise when these parts come up. Thanks again. ❤❤ Vincent
Thank you, but the background music is distracting.
I’d love to hear a series done on how to respond to a different person’s part that comes out during a conversation, say with a spouse or a co-worker?
Aubrey Marcus did a podcast episode interviewing Dr Richard Schwartz and talked about how he and his wife talk to each other’s parts. I found it quite interesting.
I'm SO glad you're talking about this! The "figure it out" part has been very challenging for me to unblend from, to the extent that journaling gets stressful for me. I find myself very up in my head and I get confused. Hopefully this approach of gentleness with this part will help! Love what you said about how sometimes, it's OKAY that i'm making a decision while blended with a part. It'll take some time and practice :)
Is the "figure it out" part usually a manager?
رائع goooood
Thanks brother fit yr videos
You make ifs easier to do
Other therapist do a demo and start talking with their parts cause I don’t start talking to them so I feel I can never do it
This is me! That is such a great name as it explains my role so well. . And no, I'm not done figuring it out. It's in my name. What's wrong with me? I'm trying to help figure out the chaos inside? It's in the name, how great is that name? I heard that and I was like that's me! I'm the figuring out part! 😊
Classic ambivalence. Powerful, thanks.
Thank you. Your clarity is very helpful.
omentA big ahh for me recently was reaching a place where I could separate a part's wants from its needs. Parts don't always communicate their needs perfectly - or at least mine don't. They're subject to the same over-reactions and exaggerations and single-mindedness that we can all have. Sometimes what they want isn't what they need - it's a fixation on a knee-jerk reaction that they think will fix the problem. But I find that if I'm curious enough and patient enough about it, my Self is pretty astute at understanding the emotional needs of others, my own parts included (it turns out). Once I understand the needs of the opposing parts, it becomes a lot easier to find solutions that work for all of them.
Thank you for this Connor