You provide such great advice and wisdom and it’s also pleasant to listen to you and watch you. I truly would have loved to have access to your knowledge 20 years ago. I’m sure my love life would have turned out differently. 🤦♀️
Years ago I was in a long distance relationship in which we spoke on the phone every evening, sometimes for hours. I was just recalling today that whenever he called, it showed up on my caller ID as “UNAVAILABLE”😂. Think the universe was giving me a hint?
In the spiritual sense, you meet people at your level. I’m attractive/attracted to emotionally unavailable people because I’m not connected to myself. It’s a mirror of the relationship with myself, so I need to heal myself first.
Got It. But if It Is true, It should goes both ways, then he Is also not connected to himself. But on the other hand he met me, whom I'm totally available. So what?
🎯 Bingo! “His need to gather supportive women around him that would pine over him and make him feel good about himself.” My experience exactly, still recovering… Happy Valentines Day 💔
Not sure if this applies to you, but as a person who recently went through something similar, I want to say, it's not your fault. You are responsible for protecting yourself against shitty people like that, but it's not your FAULT that they act the way they act. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake, however stupid this mistake might seem in retrospect. Try to do better next time, to be nicer to yourself and gift yourself a nice partner, not a manchild.
"He was masking his fears in New Age crap about releasing all attachments". This made me laugh out loud because I recently experienced this. Unfortunately the people who engage in this kind of behaviour don't have the self-awareness to know they are doing it. The person I was briefly with said "I'm not here as a garbage bin to your unchecked feelings or to meet any of your needs". This is after I asked if he was listening to anything I said as he wasn't acknowledging anything (on text). I said " we wouldn't be trying to have a relationship if we didn't have needs". The "Spiritual" community has a lot of this spiritual bypassing going on unfortunately. I prefer someone real who acknowledges their needs and their desires, than a pseudo-spiritual person who has "gone beyond needs".
I had a guy who said he has 'no will' because 'he gave away his will to the spiritual guides/this 'other world'. After I said 'it seemes to me that I'm the only one who wants this?
He sounds so narc though... I mean well yeah if people don't need each other why they're together? But they're the one saying don't want to engage with those "negative" emotions. We're not all smiley everyday i mean most of times people do feel like shit.
It's fine. I have experienced non-romantic and even anhedonia. For me it was like a call to change my habits. What do i have done during this episode ? Shadow work, learn to do something previously disagreable or unconfortable (sport, play music etc.). It helps a lot to analyse what you really feel when you feel "nothing". I hope the best for you.
For me it's not the sex that attaches me to people - it's the getting to know you process (if I find that I like them) itself. It applies across the board - whether I'm dealing with potential friends or sexual/romantic interests. And it sounds like the woman writing in also has this issue - nothing sexual happened with most, if not all, of the situations she describes. Nonetheless, she was stuck and it took her years to recover.
I either find narcissistic people or unavailable and now in the last year I’ve learned why and am beginning to heal. I hope I can heal enough to find someone to marry. I’d like that experience before I die.
Healing is possible! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Oh my! Did you ever nail me and the patterns of my attachments through most of my life! How much time I wasted on how much heartbreak I heaped on myself by chasing after a married man, a closeted gay man, and others that never were right for me. Three abortions, a divorce and other messes later, I finally had some breakthroughs. I hope this video helps other people stop the madness sooner than I did!
My mother was a wonderful person but my father was an abusive alcoholic. He told me that no man would ever want me. Guess who ended up alone for life at 64 years old ? Therapy and coaching didn’t help at all. I got very clear about wanted for years but never met that person. I gave up dating when I was 58 years. Yes Ive known not to sleep with someone and getting to know them first. I knew this at 25 years old . Just kept attracting toxic men or men I have no attraction too.😊 Did all the online research and read multiple self help and relationship books over the years. There are just very few men who are single and available at this age.
Yes I just had a situation where I slept with a guy first and then we tried to take things slowly. It gave me so much anxiety. And he didn't respect my boundaries because we already crossed the line. It made me feel like crap.
I’ve been friends with David for 15 years and been in love with him for 12 years. We were already friends when my husband left me for another woman in January 2010 and he had just gotten engaged in December 2009. He expressed that he wished that we had met earlier because he wanted to date me. He married Lynn and I completed my nursing degree as a single parent. As our friendship progressed I realized that I was falling in love with him yet I was careful to keep these feelings to myself and respect his marriage to Lynn. Lynn left him for another man in 2020 and I was there for emotional support. I became very busy with the COVID pandemic and we lost touch until I left the hospital to start my own business. We reconnected and he asked me out however he neglected to tell me that he had a live-in girlfriend. The betrayal was enormous and we initially broke up. Foolishly I went back to him because he convinced me that he and his partner were “trying to figure out separation since we were buying a house together.” That was two years ago. With the help of your podcast I’m finally learning about CPTSD and making decisions for a better future. Thanks Anna!
Attachment issue make me want acceptance from unavailable people because I pleased them to accept me. I ignore the fact, they don't really care so much to me. They are indifferent to me. I ruminated alot because unreciprocrated feeling that I invest to them. I always wonder, that I deserve the genuine relationship and friendship? I always do sincerely, but I never get good feedback. 😢
God, when ever I hear about an emotionally abusive father (god forbid one who would attack the mother.) I get emotional, because I left an emotionally abusive man. I realized it was him, or a future family. Because we couldn’t have both, and he would do what he was doing to me, to our hypothetical children. He denied it, said he would never. But I countered that no one close to him was spared, so what he said (at least to me) called bullshit. He would terrorize our children just like he would me, and when I was afraid. They would be 10 fold, and I would hate myself for what I allowed to happen. So I’m sorry for this ladies pain, but it reminds me in my weak moments that I made the right decision. And I’m never going back.
I had a similar experience. It was my dad and i that would escape together from my mom. I had 5 men in my life that i t felt like we had a "connection" but not romantic. I got rid of them all one day thinking if i was not talking to them i may be able to meet someone. It made me depressed. I felt like i broke up with 5 different people. I am no lonner urgently looking for a partner nor do i have as stringent of criteria since i am past childbearing years. I am also healing. One person was using me and i was letting him. I did finally get him out of my life. 🎉😂 baby steps to potentially lasting relationship. Signed ex sidechick
I relate to this person's entire experience except I am in my 30s. I feel so numb and repressed but at the same time long for companionship. I use to be a very deep and interesting person but now I feel so dry from disappointments with myself and unmet expectations. My relationship with my only friend is suffering because I've been having trouble with transparency and self disclosure. It seems she and everyone I know is able to experience and recall things so richly and vividly and I'm just dull. I have lost vision for my life and some days feel quite cynical. It is no coincidence that I am not in a relationship but lately have been entertaining unavailable men with conversations, just to feel wanted. I don't know where to start to free myself.
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy
I've avoided watching this video since it was posted for the simple reason that I knew it was me - in a nutshell. Having watched it now, I can start working on my 'squirrel-like' behaviors (pun intended). Thanks as always, 💙
Don’t rely on TH-cam, get real professional help please.. this is why content creators like this do more damage than good. I’m sorry you feel like this..there is hope but like everything good it takes work and time. You got this!
The person can be right there, living with you in a romantic partnership and have been unavailable the entire time, using destructive substances as their “first love”, gaming, shunning you for whatever reasons. It’s not just physical distance. Then if you find a “healthy and secure” person, you’ll sabotage it.
This is me! I had feelings for this woman when I was 19 yrs. old. I’m now 55 yrs. and I found her on FACEBOOK. Although she’s married I still feel the exact feelings I had back then! I’m devastated, angry and frustrated with myself because I feel the same as I did back then. These feelings don’t go away ever. It’s what I feel and as much as I try, I can’t:don’t/ want to let go!
I hear you. I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thankyou, I’ve watched your videos before and everything you say shooks me to the core because you definitely get it. I will start the practice tonight when I’m home. Thank you again for your reply.
It really sucks when it's your parents that are unavailable. I'll be 31 in a couple months. I'm finally accepting I need to give up on having a relationship with either one of them. Including not being in communication at all. It's messed up when I can say I forgive my mom for being a shitty mom. but as soon as anything is brought up about her, a bunch of excuses and if those aren't accepted straight to screaming.
I don’t sleep with them, so yes it can be done. You need discipline and stand true to your convictions. It has saved me from getting attached to toxic man.
WARNING: Stay away from ONLINE DATING 2024... don't want to be a 'debbie-downer' .. it's hard to find that SINCERE genuine magic in online dating anymore -- been there-done that for years. PLEASE BE SAFE & PROTECTED..!! 😢😢😢
Yes I totally agree. Every man I met online was either narcissistic, emotionally unavailable or just wanted sex. Or all three! Be careful after your divorce with a narcissist. You are not ready to date until you understand why you chose them, someone who abused you and why you stayed. Be careful! That goes for men too. Women are predators too!
Yes. I really liked to be in these unavailable strange stories for 12 years in my young age, although there was drama as it belongs to every good movie 👌. I never dreamed of getting married and don't feel like needing a therapist 😂 I'm in a beautiful harmonic honest twin flame relationship since 14 years now and I can say I've had enough suspense and adventures in my life 😂. And my self-esteem is repaired now 👍.
I had a child, by choice, at age forty; he is now a healthy and decent young man; There are other ways to have children without a partner - it is not easy but certainly not as difficult as being alone in a disfunctional relationship (the route many people i know are on)… Good luck to you!! Life is short 🦋
Yes, me too! Attraction is different than love, and I feel it almost immediately. But real love can take some time to grow. And of course, not everyone I love is the best person for me to be with!
This is true. I was talking to a guy. We were like ling distance talking stage. I liked him and often wondered why isnt he asking me to be his gf. Turns out he was there as a friend only. And i wasted 2 years TALKING to him. Also limerence on him. And then a year getting over that limerence. That limerence was like “possible limerence” so it was very hard to get over with. And i also have my best friend who is long distance. Terrible TERRIBLE. No connection. But best friends. She texts at her own time sometimes after days. Sometimes short sometimes doesnt even read. But i have been ok with it. I feel isolated yes. But i dont have any friends. Even in college somehow i couldnt make any friends. Also old school friends I HATE THEM. they r so stupid. So cringe. So bad. I hated them then too. But because i didnt have anyone else i stuck with them. BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE. Now i understand. I stayed with wrong ppl lost good ppl coz 1. I wasnt available 2. They saw me unavailable 3. I failed to get out of that situation. Also i stayed in long distance relationships when thats the thing i hate the most. Frustrates me most. Confuses me most. I hate it. I hate time lag of replies. And feeling of uneasiness. I want to have real life freidns and real life boyfriend. Meeting face to face everyday.
I also want to hangout with friends time to time in real life. Talk and respond to them AND SEE THEM RESPOND TO ME. texting is sooooooo irritating. I also want to have irl bf. Hugging him seeing him smile at me. Taking care of me. Being all touchy with loved ones. Saying this coz i havent touched another human being in like 10years. I mean accidental touch is different. And just puting hand over shoulders and neck is different.
I also want to hangout with friends time to time in real life. Talk and respond to them AND SEE THEM RESPOND TO ME. texting is sooooooo irritating. I also want to have irl bf. Hugging him seeing him smile at me. Taking care of me. Being all touchy with loved ones. Saying this coz i havent touched another human being in like 10years. I mean accidental touch is different. And just puting hand over shoulders and neck is different. I also havent have had any experiences with anyone. Like going to garden or to cafe or to park or hiking or long drive or chatting in room.
I’m wondering how you get rid of this when you don’t date and don’t have any intention to date? I’ve never pursued anything remotely romantic with anyone I’m attracted to - either because they’re married/engaged, or because I didn’t think they would be interested. I typically just become friends with them, which has been pretty good since my last married LO helped advance my career
how important is attraction? I feel like I always end up dating guys that I kind of have to convince myself about because they seem to be so sure about wanting to date me idk a certain type of guy not sure what type yet but they remind me of my exes. is it bad to date people you’re not physically attracted to? or is it inevitable to lose attraction even with someone you found attractive at the start?
Can you please do a message on addiction . I have a cigarette addiction. I have this huge problem where i can't go from room to the other throughout my day without feeling like i have to break to smoke. Its way worse feeling inside 😢i was molested as child by dad and abused and neglected by alcoholic mother. Never been successfully careerwise.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. I found you last night after saying ok heavenly father I need to get to the bottom of this bc this is not living. I feel like im in a mental prison. He has healed me from soo many things but the work is not done.
I've only heard good things about Crappy Childhood Fairy so I'm excited and hopeful to be here, and this is the first video I've watched, but I don't really agree with this? "Minimize loss and hurt by not getting deeply involved with them until you get to know them. You do not sleep with them." This doesn't delay attachment though? I can still get attached to someone even if we don't have sex. For me personally the sex is an add on, it doesn't change my feelings. I had deep feelings for a high school crush, but we never had sex. And there was another man when I was in my 20s. Even though he was unavailable, I would have been crushed if he hadn't slept with me! To this day, I'm glad we had sex. And finally, men can lie to you about their intentions! Plenty of men lie and play the long game to get you into bed. You can wait to have sex, think you know them, and they can still leave you right afterwards. In fact, they're usually on their best behavior UNTIL you have sex! Lol. I actually think it's safer to jump into bed pretty quick, so you can see them "comfortable" right away. I learned this after tending to "wait" in my 20s. I'm in my 30s now. A good guy will be there for you even if you had sex on the first date, but an avoidant could suffer through the uncomfortable feelings of marrying you and still leave you. I'm still going to explore your content (can you tell that my last boyfriend told me I ARGUE too much? haha) as I'm definitely looking for answers to my love life struggles, but if I always waited that long to get deeply involved, I'd still be a virgin!
I’m demi, so I *can’t* experience physical attraction for someone until I’ve already developed a bond with them. Which makes online dating futile, & everything else really difficult 😭 #FML
Im much more addicted to attention and emotional connection than sex. Sex doesnt change anything for me. If there is no emotional addiction- i forget about the guy the next day after sex. And if there is- i cant forget about the guy even if we didnt have sex. And i think its same for a lot of women.
Someone please help me. I was limerant/ in love with someone for many many years. When I approached him, he politely declined. I accepted his decision but it took me a looong time to get over him. I recently started practicing letting go and surrendering. I had achieved it too. And lo and behold! after two years, he contacts me out of nowhere. He still isn't talking properly, but why did he contact me then?
starting to think this channel overly generalizes and ends up being unhelpful and unhealthy. Subbed when i felt one video spoke to me but idk the more i watch the more it seems like you put all people with cptsd in one pool, with all the same symptoms and issues. Feels like this channel caters towards people who diagnose themselves with googles/youtubes help.
@@Mudpuppyjunior No, of course not don't be ridiculous. This is why it's better to seek real professional help, instead of this kinda garbage you see on the internet. Broad generalizations like this are worthless, and do more damage than good.
Your approach is too easy. I've been in therapy with 3 therapists over the last decade. although I realized a lit about myself and I got better with some unhealthy stuff...right now, Anna's videos already helped me at least as much as all those years of therapy, because I never got to know about CPTSD, or limerance, or neurological dysbalance. not once. Overcoming the latter two will help me so much, because they drove my life from late childhood on. Hence, I actually think that therapy is not everything. It can take years to find a fitting therapist. and if you have multiple issues, multiple sourced of help are the best. And Anna's Videos are so, so helpful, at least, if you live your life in the patterns she covers in her videos.
What if I am closing the distance and getting married? The lady is long distance but she does want me we talk all the time. It's been 6 years but there have been many hurdles to our travel including a world pandemic. Still we have remained committed and are planning on marrying this year. What about my case?
I’m also long distance, I think as long as there is a clear goal then that’s okay. You’ve been together for 6 years so I’m guessing you’ve developed a good communication and that’s a good thing. I’d suggest though, not to get married fast as you close the distance. If you may first you can get engaged and try living together, because getting to know a person irl can be different so it serves as a way to determine if you guys get along irl too.
I was abandoned as a baby by father not my mom she was my angel till her death but I never married no kids ,and I am so kind maternal giving and soft hearted but I've been hurt so deeply by my personal romantic life it never works out the guy said he loved me wanted to be exclusive ...but keeping options open and apps, and women so I see a pattern the internet addicts with sex addictions and bad guys like me it's a joke
Anna, I think she was talking about demisexuality when said that she needs time to get attracted to somebody. It is a part of asexuality spectrum and it is valid. But I definitely agree that the things like feeling well with the other person are important from the start.
What about the married men who look for women outside their marriage? Are they strong and mature and fulfilled? Their marriages are more miserable than most single people are. Nobody speaks about them, gives them advice or counsels them. I have never seen anyone speaking about miserable marriages where the spouse is looking for things outside their marriage. The no. Is ever increasing and that even more pushes us away from commitment
100% true. I recently met a man online, he was already seeing us as a couple after 2 weeks talking on the phone and 1 date. He was upset everytime I didn't send him a message 🫠 I told him I'm glad being single and I'm gonna stay single 😌 Too much damaged people trying to suck my soul for their benefits.
2:32 have another listen.. she didn't "shit" on him. He let her on, and when she arrived, that's when she discovered that he was not ready he may not have even realize that himself.
You provide such great advice and wisdom and it’s also pleasant to listen to you and watch you. I truly would have loved to have access to your knowledge 20 years ago. I’m sure my love life would have turned out differently. 🤦♀️
Years ago I was in a long distance relationship in which we spoke on the phone every evening, sometimes for hours. I was just recalling today that whenever he called, it showed up on my caller ID as “UNAVAILABLE”😂. Think the universe was giving me a hint?
Why Long Distance Relationships Rarely Work - Jonathon Aslay podcast
That’s quite the “sign” 😂
😂😂😂 oh boy
My aunt did the same and has now been living with the guy for 10 years. It's not impossible to make it work
In the spiritual sense, you meet people at your level. I’m attractive/attracted to emotionally unavailable people because I’m not connected to myself. It’s a mirror of the relationship with myself, so I need to heal myself first.
So simple, yet so beautifully articulated! Gosh that’s so true!💖
Same 🤍
Great insight.
Got It. But if It Is true, It should goes both ways, then he Is also not connected to himself. But on the other hand he met me, whom I'm totally available. So what?
@@alice-hp7dh you’re not as available as you think. Start with that
🎯 Bingo! “His need to gather supportive women around him that would pine over him and make him feel good about himself.” My experience exactly, still recovering… Happy Valentines Day 💔
And he works with one and shares your whole married life with her
Not sure if this applies to you, but as a person who recently went through something similar, I want to say, it's not your fault. You are responsible for protecting yourself against shitty people like that, but it's not your FAULT that they act the way they act. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake, however stupid this mistake might seem in retrospect. Try to do better next time, to be nicer to yourself and gift yourself a nice partner, not a manchild.
"He was masking his fears in New Age crap about releasing all attachments". This made me laugh out loud because I recently experienced this. Unfortunately the people who engage in this kind of behaviour don't have the self-awareness to know they are doing it. The person I was briefly with said "I'm not here as a garbage bin to your unchecked feelings or to meet any of your needs". This is after I asked if he was listening to anything I said as he wasn't acknowledging anything (on text). I said " we wouldn't be trying to have a relationship if we didn't have needs". The "Spiritual" community has a lot of this spiritual bypassing going on unfortunately. I prefer someone real who acknowledges their needs and their desires, than a pseudo-spiritual person who has "gone beyond needs".
I had a guy who said he has 'no will' because 'he gave away his will to the spiritual guides/this 'other world'. After I said 'it seemes to me that I'm the only one who wants this?
He sounds so narc though... I mean well yeah if people don't need each other why they're together? But they're the one saying don't want to engage with those "negative" emotions. We're not all smiley everyday i mean most of times people do feel like shit.
@@renticatyep many narcs are spiritual or religious which is quite ironical
Because of our emotional empathy we feel like we are bound to these broken people.
And now I'm the one that is emotionally unavailable
😂😭
Oh baby. That’s not funny. That’s so sad. I feel this right now so much.
It's fine. I have experienced non-romantic and even anhedonia.
For me it was like a call to change my habits.
What do i have done during this episode ?
Shadow work, learn to do something previously disagreable or unconfortable (sport, play music etc.).
It helps a lot to analyse what you really feel when you feel "nothing".
I hope the best for you.
Exactly ! ME too ! I will be emotionally unavailable until a man is powerfull and patient enough to get to my heart and take out the best of it.
For me it's not the sex that attaches me to people - it's the getting to know you process (if I find that I like them) itself. It applies across the board - whether I'm dealing with potential friends or sexual/romantic interests. And it sounds like the woman writing in also has this issue - nothing sexual happened with most, if not all, of the situations she describes. Nonetheless, she was stuck and it took her years to recover.
This is why I don't have sex with them until I figure out their aim. If they leave, oh well. Not having sex will run most men off😂. Wait 3-6 months.
Exactly, I have zero sexual experience and I still get limerent
I either find narcissistic people or unavailable and now in the last year I’ve learned why and am beginning to heal. I hope I can heal enough to find someone to marry. I’d like that experience before I die.
Marriage is just a piece of paper.
Healing is possible! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@pam164 If that's your definition of it, then that is what it will be for you.
@christinelamb1167 I've been married, so I know, and it's hard to get out of. You don't need to get married, to have a happy relationship.
Oh my! Did you ever nail me and the patterns of my attachments through most of my life! How much time I wasted on how much heartbreak I heaped on myself by chasing after a married man, a closeted gay man, and others that never were right for me. Three abortions, a divorce and other messes later, I finally had some breakthroughs. I hope this video helps other people stop the madness sooner than I did!
My mother was a wonderful person but my father was an abusive alcoholic. He told me that no man would ever want me. Guess who ended up alone for life at 64 years old ? Therapy and coaching didn’t help at all. I got very clear about wanted for years but never met that person. I gave up dating when I was 58 years. Yes Ive known not to sleep with someone and getting to know them first. I knew this at 25 years old . Just kept attracting toxic men or men I have no attraction too.😊
Did all the online research and read multiple self help and relationship books over the years. There are just very few men who are single and available at this age.
Just scraps left.
so sorry for you.
Yes I just had a situation where I slept with a guy first and then we tried to take things slowly. It gave me so much anxiety. And he didn't respect my boundaries because we already crossed the line. It made me feel like crap.
@pravnica77 girl shoo this channel for healing. Go find a playground
Hugs to You my love💞🤗 💞 It Will get better.. don’t be too hard on yourself🤗 You’re here so I’m sure your healing process has begun.💞
@GODis_N_ctrl thank you so much for the love. I saw this at the right moment. I appreciate that 🙏🏼
I 💯 % agree….no sleep, no crazy limerance ….it’s true
Not true for everyone. I've had it my whole life and not at all with people I'd have anything sexual with in the past.
I’ve been friends with David for 15 years and been in love with him for 12 years. We were already friends when my husband left me for another woman in January 2010 and he had just gotten engaged in December 2009. He expressed that he wished that we had met earlier because he wanted to date me. He married Lynn and I completed my nursing degree as a single parent. As our friendship progressed I realized that I was falling in love with him yet I was careful to keep these feelings to myself and respect his marriage to Lynn. Lynn left him for another man in 2020 and I was there for emotional support. I became very busy with the COVID pandemic and we lost touch until I left the hospital to start my own business. We reconnected and he asked me out however he neglected to tell me that he had a live-in girlfriend. The betrayal was enormous and we initially broke up. Foolishly I went back to him because he convinced me that he and his partner were “trying to figure out separation since we were buying a house together.” That was two years ago. With the help of your podcast I’m finally learning about CPTSD and making decisions for a better future. Thanks Anna!
Attachment issue make me want acceptance from unavailable people because I pleased them to accept me. I ignore the fact, they don't really care so much to me. They are indifferent to me. I ruminated alot because unreciprocrated feeling that I invest to them. I always wonder, that I deserve the genuine relationship and friendship? I always do sincerely, but I never get good feedback. 😢
Same
Thank you, ❤ It’s the truth. I’m happy to be in a place where we can say the truth. It’s Valentine’s Day, the most loving thing is the truth.
Forgiveness is understanding + genuine healing (ie. nervous system regulation / somatic practice) 🙏🏼
These videos help me so much. I love listening to them because I feel so empowered/inspired afterwards.
God, when ever I hear about an emotionally abusive father (god forbid one who would attack the mother.) I get emotional, because I left an emotionally abusive man. I realized it was him, or a future family. Because we couldn’t have both, and he would do what he was doing to me, to our hypothetical children. He denied it, said he would never. But I countered that no one close to him was spared, so what he said (at least to me) called bullshit. He would terrorize our children just like he would me, and when I was afraid. They would be 10 fold, and I would hate myself for what I allowed to happen. So I’m sorry for this ladies pain, but it reminds me in my weak moments that I made the right decision. And I’m never going back.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Great job on setting your boundaries!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you, it took me so long. But I finally stood up for my boundaries. Because he lived to trample on them.
This one really hit home. Thank you, Anna for laying this all out so clearly and Avery for the testimony.
Thank you for sharing Avery’s letter.Speaks to me. Triggers many, many regrets for me. 40 years alone, now Old and no time left.
I had a similar experience. It was my dad and i that would escape together from my mom. I had 5 men in my life that i t felt like we had a "connection" but not romantic. I got rid of them all one day thinking if i was not talking to them i may be able to meet someone. It made me depressed. I felt like i broke up with 5 different people. I am no lonner urgently looking for a partner nor do i have as stringent of criteria since i am past childbearing years. I am also healing. One person was using me and i was letting him. I did finally get him out of my life. 🎉😂 baby steps to potentially lasting relationship. Signed ex sidechick
Thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
Avery you are so well
Spoken and thoughtful. Wishing you love and joy
Thank you for sharing your kindness to the letter-writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
I relate to this person's entire experience except I am in my 30s. I feel so numb and repressed but at the same time long for companionship. I use to be a very deep and interesting person but now I feel so dry from disappointments with myself and unmet expectations. My relationship with my only friend is suffering because I've been having trouble with transparency and self disclosure. It seems she and everyone I know is able to experience and recall things so richly and vividly and I'm just dull. I have lost vision for my life and some days feel quite cynical. It is no coincidence that I am not in a relationship but lately have been entertaining unavailable men with conversations, just to feel wanted. I don't know where to start to free myself.
We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD.
Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD
Nika@TeamFairy
I've avoided watching this video since it was posted for the simple reason that I knew it was me - in a nutshell.
Having watched it now, I can start working on my 'squirrel-like' behaviors (pun intended). Thanks as always, 💙
I have a similar history as the lady who wrote the letter. Thanks for sharing, I know that I'm not alone. I'd love to heal from this.
You certainly aren't alone and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Such lovely advice, so genuine. Bravo for being able to share yourself and your knowledge so authentically.
Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy
damn. i really dont think i have any hope left. my life trajectory has been just like the first woman
You're not alone, I feel the same way.
I'm very similar too. I go sometime, 13 years, until I've gone back on dating scene, then Hurt again and the cycle goes on.😮
Mine as well
Don’t rely on TH-cam, get real professional help please.. this is why content creators like this do more damage than good. I’m sorry you feel like this..there is hope but like everything good it takes work and time. You got this!
I’m not gonna write a letter to you Anna… 😂
Your fairy pen would melt from circling so much crap! 😂.
I thank you for helping me thru this process ❤️😘
Anna is the Greatest ❤
Wait until 55😂 dogs or cats are better options
Yes, especially since cats are indifferent unless they want feeding.
Got my kitty! Purest love in the world come from animals...❤
Girl what
No, they don't live as long. Was in the vets office today with my dog and I just wanted my ex to hold me when I got the dianogsis.
Spend time with those that matter to you, and care about you.
The person can be right there, living with you in a romantic partnership and have been unavailable the entire time, using destructive substances as their “first love”, gaming, shunning you for whatever reasons. It’s not just physical distance.
Then if you find a “healthy and secure” person, you’ll sabotage it.
Why I avoid romantic relationships..
Too danged complicated!!
This is me! I had feelings for this woman when I was 19 yrs. old. I’m now 55 yrs. and I found her on FACEBOOK. Although she’s married I still feel the exact feelings I had back then! I’m devastated, angry and frustrated with myself because I feel the same as I did back then. These feelings don’t go away ever. It’s what I feel and as much as I try, I can’t:don’t/ want to let go!
I hear you. I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thankyou, I’ve watched your videos before and everything you say shooks me to the core because you definitely get it. I will start the practice tonight when I’m home. Thank you again for your reply.
It really sucks when it's your parents that are unavailable. I'll be 31 in a couple months. I'm finally accepting I need to give up on having a relationship with either one of them. Including not being in communication at all. It's messed up when I can say I forgive my mom for being a shitty mom. but as soon as anything is brought up about her, a bunch of excuses and if those aren't accepted straight to screaming.
It's hard to separate from your mother. I had to do the same. Trust me, you get used to it.
I relate to you
❤
Anna gives me my daily morning learning ❤❤❤❤
I don’t sleep with them, so yes it can be done. You need discipline and stand true to your convictions. It has saved me from getting attached to toxic man.
True, I’m just going to stay away from romantic relationships from now on.
Same here ..
WARNING: Stay away from ONLINE DATING 2024... don't want to be a 'debbie-downer' .. it's hard to find that SINCERE genuine magic in online dating anymore -- been there-done that for years. PLEASE BE SAFE & PROTECTED..!! 😢😢😢
Amen to that.
The Truth About Dating Apps - Jonathon Aslay podcast
Why Long Distance Relationships Rarely Work - Jonathon Aslay podcast
Yes I totally agree. Every man I met online was either narcissistic, emotionally unavailable or just wanted sex.
Or all three! Be careful after your divorce with a narcissist. You are not ready to date until you understand why you chose them, someone who abused you and why you stayed. Be careful!
That goes for men too. Women are predators too!
I don't really think it is a waste of time to be interested in unavailable people. What is a waste of time is no one else around being interesting.
Yes. I really liked to be in these unavailable strange stories for 12 years in my young age, although there was drama as it belongs to every good movie 👌.
I never dreamed of getting married and don't feel like needing a therapist 😂
I'm in a beautiful harmonic honest twin flame relationship since 14 years now and I can say I've had enough suspense and adventures in my life 😂. And my self-esteem is repaired now 👍.
Another relatable video. Dang, I hate my life.
I had a child, by choice, at age forty; he is now a healthy and decent young man; There are other ways to have children without a partner - it is not easy but certainly not as difficult as being alone in a disfunctional relationship (the route many people i know are on)…
Good luck to you!! Life is short 🦋
I know within mins if I'm attracted to a man.
Yes, me too! Attraction is different than love, and I feel it almost immediately. But real love can take some time to grow. And of course, not everyone I love is the best person for me to be with!
I was never neglected or abused as a kid but i still have cptsd from bullying
Also we can be comfortable around, and attach to, emotionally unavailable people as it feels familiar but last thing we need :-/.
Exactly!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is true. I was talking to a guy. We were like ling distance talking stage. I liked him and often wondered why isnt he asking me to be his gf. Turns out he was there as a friend only. And i wasted 2 years TALKING to him. Also limerence on him. And then a year getting over that limerence. That limerence was like “possible limerence” so it was very hard to get over with.
And i also have my best friend who is long distance.
Terrible TERRIBLE.
No connection. But best friends. She texts at her own time sometimes after days. Sometimes short sometimes doesnt even read. But i have been ok with it. I feel isolated yes. But i dont have any friends. Even in college somehow i couldnt make any friends. Also old school friends I HATE THEM. they r so stupid. So cringe. So bad. I hated them then too. But because i didnt have anyone else i stuck with them. BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE.
Now i understand. I stayed with wrong ppl lost good ppl coz
1. I wasnt available
2. They saw me unavailable
3. I failed to get out of that situation.
Also i stayed in long distance relationships when thats the thing i hate the most. Frustrates me most. Confuses me most. I hate it. I hate time lag of replies. And feeling of uneasiness.
I want to have real life freidns and real life boyfriend.
Meeting face to face everyday.
I also want to hangout with friends time to time in real life. Talk and respond to them AND SEE THEM RESPOND TO ME. texting is sooooooo irritating. I also want to have irl bf. Hugging him seeing him smile at me. Taking care of me. Being all touchy with loved ones. Saying this coz i havent touched another human being in like 10years. I mean accidental touch is different. And just puting hand over shoulders and neck is different.
I also want to hangout with friends time to time in real life. Talk and respond to them AND SEE THEM RESPOND TO ME. texting is sooooooo irritating. I also want to have irl bf. Hugging him seeing him smile at me. Taking care of me. Being all touchy with loved ones. Saying this coz i havent touched another human being in like 10years. I mean accidental touch is different. And just puting hand over shoulders and neck is different.
I also havent have had any experiences with anyone. Like going to garden or to cafe or to park or hiking or long drive or chatting in room.
I’m wondering how you get rid of this when you don’t date and don’t have any intention to date? I’ve never pursued anything remotely romantic with anyone I’m attracted to - either because they’re married/engaged, or because I didn’t think they would be interested. I typically just become friends with them, which has been pretty good since my last married LO helped advance my career
This is so true!
🙌❤️ thank you so much
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
how important is attraction? I feel like I always end up dating guys that I kind of have to convince myself about because they seem to be so sure about wanting to date me idk a certain type of guy not sure what type yet but they remind me of my exes. is it bad to date people you’re not physically attracted to? or is it inevitable to lose attraction even with someone you found attractive at the start?
Can you please do a message on addiction . I have a cigarette addiction. I have this huge problem where i can't go from room to the other throughout my day without feeling like i have to break to smoke. Its way worse feeling inside 😢i was molested as child by dad and abused and neglected by alcoholic mother. Never been successfully careerwise.
You're in luck: I have a video with the true story of how I quit smoking. I hope you find it helpful. th-cam.com/video/kM3IYkrZhiQ/w-d-xo.html
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. I found you last night after saying ok heavenly father I need to get to the bottom of this bc this is not living. I feel like im in a mental prison. He has healed me from soo many things but the work is not done.
Right
I've only heard good things about Crappy Childhood Fairy so I'm excited and hopeful to be here, and this is the first video I've watched, but I don't really agree with this? "Minimize loss and hurt by not getting deeply involved with them until you get to know them. You do not sleep with them."
This doesn't delay attachment though? I can still get attached to someone even if we don't have sex. For me personally the sex is an add on, it doesn't change my feelings.
I had deep feelings for a high school crush, but we never had sex. And there was another man when I was in my 20s. Even though he was unavailable, I would have been crushed if he hadn't slept with me! To this day, I'm glad we had sex.
And finally, men can lie to you about their intentions! Plenty of men lie and play the long game to get you into bed. You can wait to have sex, think you know them, and they can still leave you right afterwards. In fact, they're usually on their best behavior UNTIL you have sex! Lol.
I actually think it's safer to jump into bed pretty quick, so you can see them "comfortable" right away. I learned this after tending to "wait" in my 20s. I'm in my 30s now. A good guy will be there for you even if you had sex on the first date, but an avoidant could suffer through the uncomfortable feelings of marrying you and still leave you.
I'm still going to explore your content (can you tell that my last boyfriend told me I ARGUE too much? haha) as I'm definitely looking for answers to my love life struggles, but if I always waited that long to get deeply involved, I'd still be a virgin!
Dang sure truth !!!!
This is me. I am now 42. I really want a life partner. Sometimes this longing is so painful that i feel so worthless
I hear you
How come we don't find available?
Like how do we keep finding unavailable when we actually want available?
I’m demi, so I *can’t* experience physical attraction for someone until I’ve already developed a bond with them.
Which makes online dating futile, & everything else really difficult 😭 #FML
Im much more addicted to attention and emotional connection than sex. Sex doesnt change anything for me. If there is no emotional addiction- i forget about the guy the next day after sex. And if there is- i cant forget about the guy even if we didnt have sex. And i think its same for a lot of women.
Love isn't sex
@@Shts-n7h and?? She was speaking about not sleeping with people right away. How is your comment related to this lol
Someone please help me. I was limerant/ in love with someone for many many years. When I approached him, he politely declined. I accepted his decision but it took me a looong time to get over him. I recently started practicing letting go and surrendering. I had achieved it too. And lo and behold! after two years, he contacts me out of nowhere. He still isn't talking properly, but why did he contact me then?
Because he knows that you're so into him and be aware probably he's lonely now but when he's not anymore he will just gone again and broke your heart.
@@renticat I agree. Thank you for the answer.
So very true
Wow😮 that happens just now to me
Glad you are here. Hope Anna's videos will help you heal.
Nika@TeamFairy
Truth ❤
Empaths choosing a narccists.
Wooowwww…. 🎯🎯🎯🎯
Spot-on excellent advice on all points.
starting to think this channel overly generalizes and ends up being unhelpful and unhealthy. Subbed when i felt one video spoke to me but idk the more i watch the more it seems like you put all people with cptsd in one pool, with all the same symptoms and issues. Feels like this channel caters towards people who diagnose themselves with googles/youtubes help.
Of course it generalizes. All disorders share certain characteristics. What's she supposed to do make a video for each subscriber?
@@Mudpuppyjunior No, of course not don't be ridiculous. This is why it's better to seek real professional help, instead of this kinda garbage you see on the internet. Broad generalizations like this are worthless, and do more damage than good.
Your approach is too easy. I've been in therapy with 3 therapists over the last decade. although I realized a lit about myself and I got better with some unhealthy stuff...right now, Anna's videos already helped me at least as much as all those years of therapy, because I never got to know about CPTSD, or limerance, or neurological dysbalance. not once. Overcoming the latter two will help me so much, because they drove my life from late childhood on.
Hence, I actually think that therapy is not everything. It can take years to find a fitting therapist. and if you have multiple issues, multiple sourced of help are the best. And Anna's Videos are so, so helpful, at least, if you live your life in the patterns she covers in her videos.
What if I am closing the distance and getting married? The lady is long distance but she does want me we talk all the time. It's been 6 years but there have been many hurdles to our travel including a world pandemic. Still we have remained committed and are planning on marrying this year. What about my case?
Why Long Distance Relationships Rarely Work - Jonathon Aslay podcast
I’m also long distance, I think as long as there is a clear goal then that’s okay. You’ve been together for 6 years so I’m guessing you’ve developed a good communication and that’s a good thing. I’d suggest though, not to get married fast as you close the distance. If you may first you can get engaged and try living together, because getting to know a person irl can be different so it serves as a way to determine if you guys get along irl too.
I got lucky my LDR partner moved in with me after being together for two years lol
really?
But how do you stop being in love with an unavailable person? I have tried everything and am starting to consider hypnosis or lobotomy 🤣
Ali
I was abandoned as a baby by father not my mom she was my angel till her death but I never married no kids ,and I am so kind maternal giving and soft hearted but I've been hurt so deeply by my personal romantic life it never works out the guy said he loved me wanted to be exclusive ...but keeping options open and apps, and women so I see a pattern the internet addicts with sex addictions and bad guys like me it's a joke
Anna, I think she was talking about demisexuality when said that she needs time to get attracted to somebody. It is a part of asexuality spectrum and it is valid. But I definitely agree that the things like feeling well with the other person are important from the start.
What about the married men who look for women outside their marriage? Are they strong and mature and fulfilled? Their marriages are more miserable than most single people are. Nobody speaks about them, gives them advice or counsels them. I have never seen anyone speaking about miserable marriages where the spouse is looking for things outside their marriage. The no. Is ever increasing and that even more pushes us away from commitment
You live in lala land. In todays world its basically imposdible to meet anyone good. Online is no way to do it
100% true.
I recently met a man online, he was already seeing us as a couple after 2 weeks talking on the phone and 1 date. He was upset everytime I didn't send him a message 🫠
I told him I'm glad being single and I'm gonna stay single 😌
Too much damaged people trying to suck my soul for their benefits.
I have a man who. Keeps calling me..
Thank god I'm a young guy since I'm just like the first letter sender 💀
Not so young, but a guy as well and i relate so much to the first sender as well
Why did she have to shit on the guy who was going through a process just like her.
2:32 have another listen.. she didn't "shit" on him. He let her on, and when she arrived, that's when she discovered that he was not ready he may not have even realize that himself.
I’m Anna’s addict 🫶🫶
I love listening to her videos❣️❣️
Why I avoid romantic relationships..
Too danged complicated!!
I wish I had no idea what you are talking about.