That's a cute idea IF you both have discussed the idea of marriage and we're both on board with the idea. He's sounding like the jerk by forcing you to marry him.
Where is everyone getting this "force her to marry him" narrative. She was not forced to do anything. She in fact said no and left. If she was "forced" we would be reading about how she was dragged to the altar and married against her will.
AN "AMBUSH" Wedding is absolute no way to start your life together. The fact that everyone thought this was OK just shows what kind of toxic families you both have. RUN, do not walk away from this relationship. He obviously thinks you are property. The misogyny is strong with this one.
story 1: ... Who freaking does that?! There is absolutely no reason why the boyfriend couldn't have planned an elaborate proposal surprise that would have been romantic and nice, but not a total disregard for OP's wishes to have a say in her own wedding. I mean idk if I'm really the type of person to be into all that, but doing that means she didn't even get to have a wedding dress at all. Let alone a say in everything else.
So dramatic hahaha 😂 sounds like a dumb boyfriend who thought he was making her happy since she has told everyone they'll eventually get married, loooooves surprises , and kept saying she hated the idea and stress of planning a wedding. He even told her the signing document party wasn't there so they can decide when to go together.
For the package thief, Either get a camera, or get a delivery bag for your front door. You can put a combo lock on it, and put the combo in the delivery instructions, along with instructions to put it in the bag. It's like a big backpack with straps that go above and below the door, so it will rattle on the door if someone tries to take it, cut it, etc. The good onea are also made of very tough material and difficult to cut through.
Story 1: who springs an entire wedding on someone!?!?! The surprise should be when they pop the question not when they say I do. Seriously planning the wedding is planning the start of their lives together and leaving one member of the couple out of it completely that not a good start to their future as a team.
I had a friend who's mom dated a guy who got violent when she refused to sign marriage papers. His kids were nice, it's too bad their dad was such a crotch rocket.
OP in the fourth story had every right to scream at the package stealer. Those were the OP's packages, therefore they belong to OP and this technically counts as theft. Especially theft of mail. Which is illegal. Not to mention he stole a kid's bike! Sure, maybe the kid would discard the bike eventually, but the guy didn't need to steal it! OP has every right to snap at him, and I frankly would've gone further. Maybe even smack him.
For the last story even if the boyfriend isn't cheating it's a red flag. Who tf isn't concerned about someone stealing their identity. Plus, he can see it's affecting OP's trust in him so he should at least been somewhat concerned about the situation. Not to mention, the profile is conveniently taken down after Op's conversation.
You're absolutely right you should marry whenever you're ready not whenever he decides he he's ready but pulling this stunt he basically took the Romantic part of this stunt out of the equation
Story 1 Everyone knew she liked surprises. Her and him had a conversation. But all that said I can't say he was being a jerk about it. Was his idea a bad one yes. His intention was to surprise her. Good intentions and terrible execution.
OP is absolutely right! Stressful or Not, a woman WANTS a Say in the Details of Her Wedding PERIOD, Full Stop, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $500! How clear does that have to Be? He should be glad she’s not having second thoughts about him!
Story 1: A surprise birthday or a surprise engagement is fine. But a surprise wedding?! What if the OG didn’t want to get married yet, or was not ready. Her boyfriend should have thought about that before doing something that CRAZY!
And even the cultures that practice arranged weddings generally give the future bride and groom time to prepare themselves, not ambush one or both parties on the spot.
“You’re thinking too hard about how people treat you” I’m sorry……what?! That sentence, in and of itself, proves that OP’s family does not care about how they or other people treat them and don’t think that their feelings, boundaries, autonomy or personal space matters. SMH.
Story 2: Being unreasonable? It’s just a Christmas Card. Okay, then the family can include her then. It’s not a contract where she will appear each and every year from then on out, is it? It’s just a way home f wishing people the best for that particular year. MAYBE she just wants to feel included after being passed up on previous years. Would it be so wrong for OP’s parents to say: ‘oh yeah. We realise she’s joining the family and clearly a big part of your life. Let’s involve her this year’. What is up with people?? Sounds to me like the mom is doing her best to cherrypick who’s in her better-than-everyone-else family. She sends out family Christmas cards here, my guys. Doesn’t that go to show you exactly the kind of Karen she is?
I agree. She's not unreasonable and I'd feel slighted, too. I also agree with her excluding his family from wedding photos in response. If they protest, she can just say it's her tradition, and apparently that means they're not allowed to protest it.
Story 2, the fiance is absolutely in the right. She's not being selfish or rude, she feels hurt. That tradition is an extremely stupid, excluding, and mean-spirited tradition. The entire point behind it is "until you're married, you're not family. You're temporary, replaceable, and expendable to us until you marry in." That's naturally going to make a person feel extremely unwelcome, undervalued, and excluded. She feels worthless, like the family doesn't like or care about her after all this time and even after being engaged they still refuse to see her as family. That kind of behavior, to someone not raised up in it, seems cruel and unjust. It's indicative of them continuing to mistreat her even after the marriage, because in the eyes of any normal person the actual day of the wedding shouldn't (and doesn't) change anything about how people view each other and how they treat each other. The moment they decided to get married, they were effectively locked in, and it's a problem that OP won't stand up for their fiance or advocate for her at all. From her perspective, it's telling her that they won't ever stand up for her when the family mistreats, looks down on, or refuses to accept her. She won't ever truly be apart of the family, despite clearly wanting to be and being willing to put in time and effort to make those connections. It's not at all fair to her to continue excluding her like that. Just because something is tradition or a rule, doesn't mean that it's right or just. It doesn't mean you should continue doing it when it's clearly hurting people. That's stupid. Shows that they're selfish and self-absorbed, and are completely lacking in empathy or understanding of others, and they aren't willing to change that.
When one is considering potential family, one doesn't treat them coldly and distantly until the very moment they're actually in the family legally. That makes 0 sense. I promise you that if these people act like this, where they refuse to accept or treat her nicely until she's actually married in, all the way up until that very day, then they're not going to 180 and be kind and loving and accepting and supportive. They'll change from being cold, distant, unaccepting assholes, to just barely being tolerant of her. They'll leave her alone to her own devices, and she'll have to forcibly work her way into the family dynamic by proving she deserves a place among them. That's not love. That's not how families work. If they actually liked her at all, if they were accepting of her as a potential newcomer to the family, they would show that. They would show that they want her around. They would be kind, and loving, and accepting, and supportive now. In the present. To show her what she's in for once she joins the family. So that shell want to stick around and be apart of it. The fact that they're not doing that isn't an accident. They are in fact showing her exactly what she's in for by joining this family. They're showing her that they don't like, trust, or accept outsiders of any kind. That they will continue to be cold, distant, and unaccepting of her even after the marriage. But that instead of actively and intentionally excluding her, they'll just tolerate her presence. It isn't about the Christmas card. The card isn't the point. It's their behavior towards her. It's the principle, the way they treat her now is how they'll always treat her. And she knows that. And it's not selfish for her to want her future-husband to stand up for her and be on her side. They treating her unfairly. OP and his family are the jerks. Majorly. Extremely so.
Ambush weddings and public proposals are not cool. It isn’t fair to put anyone on the spot like that, especially in public. I’ve had to break up with former significant others over this, one guy ambush proposed to me in public to try to pressure me, and I said “No”. Everyone else was mad at me, but I only knew/dated the guy for three weeks.
@@sutdog6707 well, proposals are more classy if private. If made into a big public spectacle putting someone on the spot, then they’re wrong. Perhaps I should change the term from “ambush proposals” to “public proposals”.
Regarding story 1. Anyone calling the OPs partner toxic, or an abuser, or a psycho is somewhat unhinged themself. OP said in edits and comments that her partner (of five years in case we forgot) and her had discussed getting married and she'd made it clear to him that she did in fact want to get married. She had also stated that she'd mentioned on several occasions that the idea of wedding planning stressed her out. Also it's a known fact in her circle that she loves surprises. All this together suggests the partner is a well-meaning idiot rather than a psychotic, red-flag-waving abuser. Was she wrong to say no and walk away? Absolutely not. However to suggest that there was any force or violation of consent in this situation is a severe misuse of those words. OP was able to say "no" and she was able to leave. Therefore at no stage was she forced or she would be writing a post about how she was married against her will. I'm not sure what level of asshattery her friends/family are pulling on her but if it's anything beyond either a single question if she's absolutely certain she made the right decision especially given she wants to stay in this relationship. And a general apology for, and acknowledgement of the awkwardness of the whole situation, then she should tell them to go sit on a tack.
i feel you girl i feel you and i'm sorry you went through this as how belle went through this in beauty and the beast that gaston tried to force her into marriage
Why hasn't the OP in the bike/package turned the guy in for the bike theft? Like he saw the video of the guy doing it going around but did he let the people know it was their neighbor and where he lives so the police can arrest him?
In defense of story 2, she could also become the OP's ex wife, so your argument doesn't hold any water. And the logic behind the mother falls apart if a divorce happens. It doesnt seem to consider that an option.
Speaking as a BF in a similar situation as the BF in the last story. My girlfriend constantly wants to look at my messages and always asks who I am talking to if I get a phone call. I have not, nor will I ever cheat, but from her doing these actions, I have thought about leaving her once or thrice.
How can you waste a perfectly good wedding that you didn't even know about if anybody is the jerk here it's your boyfriend who thinks he can just decide without your consent and thinks it'll all be done
Story #1 - Just waiting for the moments where the father of the bride is holding a shotgun to the guy's back. Because he joked about getting her pregnant. I mean OP could've done the party but they did try and raise concerns just after it started. Someone should've said this is not okay and just made it an engagement party. Story #2 - with more divorces than ever before; I'm not surprised the rule is 'not until you're married'. Sounds like mom has been burned before or knows someone who's been stuck explaining why X+Z are not together. It's a fair rule and leaves the OP+Fiance to announce their engagement themselves which makes it more personal. Story #3 - Sister assaulted the OP and treated her like a naughty child with the wound-down windows. Moving house is one of the most stressful things you do in your life and previously both her and their father were useless. Not the jerk. You don't need the challenge. Story #4 - "I didn't steal no package" ... unless someone mentions it first; that's an admission of guilt right there. You either know packages get stolen, who the thief is or you ARE the thief. I reckon it's time for OP to order themselves a glitterbomb! Or just report him to the police. But landlord would be a better start. Story #5 - Oh, nevermind. I was going to say check for abnormalities, confer with the friend about the profile, but OP already broke up with him. And yeah, it was either an PHENOMINAL coincidence or it belonged to him.
Story 4.... ive had a neighbor steal my mail...... sooo. i bought a vibrator and guess what, it was taken XD so i posted a note to "have fun" with all the stuff theyve taken...
Story one is giving “I’m going to trap her one way or another” I’d be very careful around him after that matter of fact I don’t know if I’d be able to continue the relationship , it’s literally just a matter of time before he screws with birth control or condoms to get his way.
story 2 I agree with the conclussion however that is an realy stupid rule which would mean if I had someone she would never be on the cristmas card since zI wont ever marry.
But who the hell is ok with someone stealing their identity. He even know this is affecting OP trust but never even took the chance to get angry about the situation. Even if by some miracle it isn't him I would break up with them. I personally don't want a relationship with a partner who isn't the slightest concerned about people stealing or using their identity.
First Story: dump him, he doesn’t respect op’s boundaries. Yes she mentioned about getting married but a marriage takes two to tango. OP is not the jerk in anyway and screw her friends and family. Honestly, the guy is not trustworthy and that is a major importance to a marriage.
1st. Surprise weddings are a terrible idea but i don't think he did this with ill intent. He and the family knew because she would always tell them that 1. She wanted to marry him 2. She loved surprises 3. Planning a wedding is stressful. If you keep saying this to everyone you know that people are going to start taking it as a hint of what she wants. I think based on this the bf and family thought this would make her happy. Obviously not letting her know would be an issue but if she never tells anyone that she wants to plan a wedding and just complains about how stressful it is then obviously they'll think that taking the wedding stress from her and instead surprise her would be a good idea. I don't think he would have gone to all the trouble otherwise. But at the end of the day not telling her she's getting married is a bad idea. Ladies and gents please talk to your partner about what you want and need it'll help avoid confusing situations.
For story 1: I agree that there should be communication between 2 people who would be involved in a wedding. However, I lay the blame squarely at the feet of the OP because they like surprises and expressed as much, they also have stated they think planning a wedding is stressful and the OP has said that they would like to marry their boyfriend sometime in the future. All this would lead anyone to believe a surprise wedding would be appropriate and memorable. So when it comes to communicating, I feel like OP needs to do a better job of it. Because now it just sounds like they are sending mixed signals due to them being incompetent and indecisive.
What the hell kind of response is "you think too hard about how people treat you"? His parents are just as toxic as the sister and probably the reasons shes toxic at all. Being related by blood does not give you a pass to disrespect someone. People seem to think the word family means they have to forgive you butnit actually means i hold you to stricter standards.
Story 1: yes you are you gave all the signs of not wanting to be apart of the planing if you wanted part in it you should have considered his thinking that "she loves surprises and she will get stressed" you should have came forward and said you wanted a part In planning he was trying to make you happy and you shut him down you complain that he's being inconsiderate but you refuse to see his side And this title is bogus he didn't trick her into marriage they both planned on getting married he had good intentions why is he being criminalized for wanting to make it perfect for her 🤦🏼
Before I let the story about the sister and the trip, op I DON'T BLAME YOU for not wanting your sister along on your trip. She sounds entitled and crazy.
I agree that the actions of the Man in The last story did seem suspicious, but I do agree with the trust comment he had. I went through the same thing with my ex girlfriend. Her ex-husband had cheated on her repeatedly. So I couldn't even be told hi at a convenience store by a worker there without being accused of cheating. I had to show her over and over again that I was faithful and even let her go through my phone more than a few times while also reassuring her that she was the only one I was with. A person can only take that for so long though.
Erm, who are these friends and family in the first story? It’s unbelievably inappropriate and that should be clear to anyone who isn’t insane. I’m guessing the OP comes from a different culture as nobody I know would think it was any way ok.
Story #1: Wow, this is a tough one, but because most of the ppl side with the OP I’m gonna play the DA even though I am on the fence about this one. The OP sounds like she cares more about planning a wedding than actually getting married. It was a freakin surprise ppl, this could have went off as the greatest engagement of all time cuz the OP could have gotten two weddings out of it. I would be surprised if this guy ever proposes or wants to surprise the OP ever again. She came off as kinda of entitled but she could have avoided it by going along with it but making sure he knew in private that she wasn’t cool with that. This was like one of those situations where the guy asked the girl to prom in a public display and she turns him down with a disgust and shock. The OP handled this poorly and may have caused some irreversible damage to the relationship. Additionally, the OP may have opened the relationship up to mockery. No freaking way I get an invite to this wedding and not think, “Hmmm, I wonder if she’s gonna go through with it this time?” You know what I mean? 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
On the story about the photos and the fiance, op I think it's crazy, BUT it is your mother's pictures. Your fiance is in the wrong, what if you both broke up before the wedding and she is in the picture, that would be an awful thing for everyone asking who is the woman in the picture.
Story 1 : Man , he done that surprise wedding , and that is the thank you for it? You already discussed the wedding prior to the event, you like suprises , and even your bf said if you want they can make it legal 3-4 days later or finish it later. He was really not rushing anything , but you over reacted. And yeah if you really want to marry him , you should said yes , but wanted to prep your wedding. True jerk , we don't want to marry you , he done that for you only, not for himself.... If i was the guy , i would left you on the spot and never look back.
i can see the christmas card from both sides. you love this man you are to be married to this man and become part of the family, it feels very cold to have to stand off to the side when something like a family photo is being taken. But shes not wrong when saying the wedding is this year and a few months before or maybe days after the cards arrive at their location. Now if the engagement was on shaky ground i could see that. But also the mother has already set the rule and made another childs non married significant other sit out before this so last years card i can see the wife being upset with but it was still valid since it was already in place it is this years photo that really makes the inlaws look like the a-holes.
The Christmas card..how about OP compromises with both. Have 2 pictures taken, 1 with & 1 without. That way, by the time they're married & the card goes out, maybe mom will use the one with.
You advice people here all the time. I wonder what happen to them after you gave them advice? Did they listen to it? What happened? You should do "what happened after...?" episodes.
Okay seriously. You cannot say "Looking for another Package?" and then "I haven't got that one either" in the same sentence when after you said "I didn't steal your Package" when the person never even mentioned a Package. Hell no Op was the Jerk, if some effer pulled that crap with me and tried to be a tough guy. Never mind Screaming, that effer will be on the ground with a black eye, busted nose and missing a few teeth. And I'm not even a Violent Person *Surprise Surprise*. But there is a limit to someone's patience. Eff around, find out what happens.
I mean, from what the chick in the first story is saying, her bf is listening and made a romantic gesture. She says she loves surprises, always said how stressful it would be to plan a wedding, says she wants to get married, says she wants to marry this guy specifically, says they've been dating for 5 years, and even says that surprise engagements are stale. It sounds to me like this was a perfect idea on paper and she really does seem like the jerk here.
@@clericofchaos1ok so let's say u are the one doing what the man did u would have said she was in the wrong and this is the opposite situation she was the one called in the wrong
Story 1: A surprise wedding in general is just a terrible idea. Story 2: The family is allowed to exclude non-relatives (which the fiancé is) from photos. Fiancés have been known to break off engagements. Story 3: The OP's sister sounds like a toxic, narcissistic womanchild.
I think he should compromise on the card. Take 2 pictures, 1 with her & 1 without. That way, when they're married & the card goes out, maybe OPs mom will use the one with
Story 2: wanna know a great way to encourage fiances to stay? By treating them with kindness, love, and acceptance. By excluding her and being cold and distant, they're just showing her that they're not a kind and accepting family worth joining. That kind of behavior doesn't just disappear after the wedding. She's been shown that they don't care about her or value her presence at all, and she would be 100% in the right to leave. Especially since her future husband refuses to stand up for her and see that what they're doing is wrong.
Story 1- No matter whether the OP was right or wrong to not go ahead with the wedding. Her friends and family are now bullying her, for HER choice. That is not on. There used to be a series on TV where the bride was surprised by a wedding. Because of the pressure of cameras etc. they went ahead with the wedding. It wasn't much of a surprise when half of those marriages didn't last a year. One wasn't even consummated and ended in annulment, because the bride walked out afterward and didn't speak to her husband ever again. Story 2- Honestly if it was just her being excluded, I'd be upset, but as it has also been applied to other family members it's just a small matter that needs to be ignored. His parents are probably worried that if the rule isn't in place, that they may be putting fiances and fiancees on cards to only find they are no longer engaged a couple of months later.
For story 2, that family is in the wrong for how they're treating her. It was wrong before when they applied it to other people, and it's still wrong now. Just because everyone else gave in and accepted the mistreatment doesn't make it right.
😈😈 finish listening to ALL the stories here th-cam.com/play/PL4qCR1644UR0Z4S8QKTe0MYZFVaNXuAUY.html
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“I didn’t steal packages” is something a package thief would say
Especially when the topic of packages never came up until then. Old mate sounded suspicious from the start.
That's a cute idea IF you both have discussed the idea of marriage and we're both on board with the idea. He's sounding like the jerk by forcing you to marry him.
They wouldn't have been legally married.
@@llcoojoe20yes they would as long as they sign the papers then yes yes they are
They did discuss just never planned the actual details
@@sati5130 if you pay attention to the video op said they would have to sign papers later. So after the surprise wedding only it wouldn't be legal.
Where is everyone getting this "force her to marry him" narrative. She was not forced to do anything. She in fact said no and left. If she was "forced" we would be reading about how she was dragged to the altar and married against her will.
AN "AMBUSH" Wedding is absolute no way to start your life together. The fact that everyone thought this was OK just shows what kind of toxic families you both have. RUN, do not walk away from this relationship. He obviously thinks you are property. The misogyny is strong with this one.
it being bad is one thing but actually saying it was "misogynic" is one of the most ret ard ed things i have ever heard XD
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681I see ur point but why spell it like that
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681nd what does misogynic mean
@@rjchatman9039 The word they're looking for is "misogynistic".
@@Fiery_Latina_Goatchan_GF_681 Oh, I don't know, Sounded right to me. Prove me wrong.
story 1: ... Who freaking does that?!
There is absolutely no reason why the boyfriend couldn't have planned an elaborate proposal surprise that would have been romantic and nice, but not a total disregard for OP's wishes to have a say in her own wedding. I mean idk if I'm really the type of person to be into all that, but doing that means she didn't even get to have a wedding dress at all. Let alone a say in everything else.
Definitely a case of a controlling BF. I've heard of shotgun weddings, but this was on an entirely new level.
That 1st story reminds me of that Beauty and the Beast scene where Gaston arranges a wedding then tries to propose to Belle 😂
very true
Gaston got angry when he couldn't get belle to fall in love him then he tried to kill the beast but it backfired. Gaston was killed 😂😂😂
Sounds like a control problem. The fact that he AND the guests didn't include her AND kept it all quiet is concerning and shows lack of respect
So dramatic hahaha 😂 sounds like a dumb boyfriend who thought he was making her happy since she has told everyone they'll eventually get married, loooooves surprises , and kept saying she hated the idea and stress of planning a wedding.
He even told her the signing document party wasn't there so they can decide when to go together.
Surprise Wedding: Drop the guy. I've always hated public proposals, and this is even worse. It's both a public proposal and wedding.
And she should cut ties with her family too for siding with that controlling psycho and his family.
For the package thief, Either get a camera, or get a delivery bag for your front door. You can put a combo lock on it, and put the combo in the delivery instructions, along with instructions to put it in the bag. It's like a big backpack with straps that go above and below the door, so it will rattle on the door if someone tries to take it, cut it, etc. The good onea are also made of very tough material and difficult to cut through.
Story 1: who springs an entire wedding on someone!?!?! The surprise should be when they pop the question not when they say I do. Seriously planning the wedding is planning the start of their lives together and leaving one member of the couple out of it completely that not a good start to their future as a team.
I had a friend who's mom dated a guy who got violent when she refused to sign marriage papers. His kids were nice, it's too bad their dad was such a crotch rocket.
OP in the fourth story had every right to scream at the package stealer. Those were the OP's packages, therefore they belong to OP and this technically counts as theft. Especially theft of mail. Which is illegal. Not to mention he stole a kid's bike! Sure, maybe the kid would discard the bike eventually, but the guy didn't need to steal it! OP has every right to snap at him, and I frankly would've gone further. Maybe even smack him.
The guy might have broke a federal law if it came from the post office
Wow I do love making myself question humanity.
7:00 😂 if the girl write that story he would choose girl side
For the last story even if the boyfriend isn't cheating it's a red flag. Who tf isn't concerned about someone stealing their identity. Plus, he can see it's affecting OP's trust in him so he should at least been somewhat concerned about the situation. Not to mention, the profile is conveniently taken down after Op's conversation.
You're absolutely right you should marry whenever you're ready not whenever he decides he he's ready but pulling this stunt he basically took the Romantic part of this stunt out of the equation
Story 1 Everyone knew she liked surprises. Her and him had a conversation. But all that said I can't say he was being a jerk about it. Was his idea a bad one yes. His intention was to surprise her. Good intentions and terrible execution.
you know its a great day when AmItheJerk posts with these videos
How did the boyfriend get a marriage license without OP's consent?
he didnt he wanted to do an official legal wedding after the fact
Identity fraud via forging her signature. Depending on where they are, he could get a massive fine or face a short stint in jail.
@LunaP1 it's neither bcs they didn't sign anything
OP is absolutely right! Stressful or Not, a woman WANTS a Say in the Details of Her Wedding PERIOD, Full Stop, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $500! How clear does that have to Be? He should be glad she’s not having second thoughts about him!
“ I don’t know what to do “ never gets old
Amazon thief victim: I would invest in a locker for delivery packages
Story 1: A surprise birthday or a surprise engagement is fine. But a surprise wedding?! What if the OG didn’t want to get married yet, or was not ready. Her boyfriend should have thought about that before doing something that CRAZY!
You didn't steal my packages, I didn't kickthe crap outa you just now.
Story 2: I wouldn't drive there either. You don't want me on your photos - you are probably ok with me not attending.
The first op they are right they should help with the decisions. Hopefully everyone else will come to realization this that op feelings matters to
but the boyfriend is forcing her into marriage
Keep them up love the videos
There is no such thing as a "surprise wedding" unless you are a part of a culture that practices arranged marriage.
Run from anyone who does that.
And even the cultures that practice arranged weddings generally give the future bride and groom time to prepare themselves, not ambush one or both parties on the spot.
Story 4: The guy says “I didn’t steal the packages” even though the OP didn’t ask him. When you steal something you tend to deny it quickly.
When someone snaps to denial when the topic hadn't come up in conversation, that's pretty much an admission of guilt.
Yeah, there are plenty of occasions where a surprise party is appropriate. A wedding is not one of them.
“You’re thinking too hard about how people treat you”
I’m sorry……what?!
That sentence, in and of itself, proves that OP’s family does not care about how they or other people treat them and don’t think that their feelings, boundaries, autonomy or personal space matters.
SMH.
Story 2: Being unreasonable? It’s just a Christmas Card. Okay, then the family can include her then. It’s not a contract where she will appear each and every year from then on out, is it? It’s just a way home f wishing people the best for that particular year. MAYBE she just wants to feel included after being passed up on previous years. Would it be so wrong for OP’s parents to say: ‘oh yeah. We realise she’s joining the family and clearly a big part of your life. Let’s involve her this year’. What is up with people?? Sounds to me like the mom is doing her best to cherrypick who’s in her better-than-everyone-else family. She sends out family Christmas cards here, my guys. Doesn’t that go to show you exactly the kind of Karen she is?
I agree. She's not unreasonable and I'd feel slighted, too. I also agree with her excluding his family from wedding photos in response. If they protest, she can just say it's her tradition, and apparently that means they're not allowed to protest it.
Who in their right mind throws a surprise wedding?!?! AND people call the OP..the victim of this insanity..the villain?!?
Story 1 😂: You are allowed to do a surprise wedding for guests but you are not allowed to surprise the bride with such an event.
The 1st story was a train wreck waiting to happening. Surprise wedding is somewhere close to a shotgun wedding
Story 2, the fiance is absolutely in the right. She's not being selfish or rude, she feels hurt. That tradition is an extremely stupid, excluding, and mean-spirited tradition. The entire point behind it is "until you're married, you're not family. You're temporary, replaceable, and expendable to us until you marry in." That's naturally going to make a person feel extremely unwelcome, undervalued, and excluded. She feels worthless, like the family doesn't like or care about her after all this time and even after being engaged they still refuse to see her as family. That kind of behavior, to someone not raised up in it, seems cruel and unjust. It's indicative of them continuing to mistreat her even after the marriage, because in the eyes of any normal person the actual day of the wedding shouldn't (and doesn't) change anything about how people view each other and how they treat each other. The moment they decided to get married, they were effectively locked in, and it's a problem that OP won't stand up for their fiance or advocate for her at all. From her perspective, it's telling her that they won't ever stand up for her when the family mistreats, looks down on, or refuses to accept her. She won't ever truly be apart of the family, despite clearly wanting to be and being willing to put in time and effort to make those connections. It's not at all fair to her to continue excluding her like that.
Just because something is tradition or a rule, doesn't mean that it's right or just. It doesn't mean you should continue doing it when it's clearly hurting people. That's stupid. Shows that they're selfish and self-absorbed, and are completely lacking in empathy or understanding of others, and they aren't willing to change that.
When one is considering potential family, one doesn't treat them coldly and distantly until the very moment they're actually in the family legally. That makes 0 sense. I promise you that if these people act like this, where they refuse to accept or treat her nicely until she's actually married in, all the way up until that very day, then they're not going to 180 and be kind and loving and accepting and supportive. They'll change from being cold, distant, unaccepting assholes, to just barely being tolerant of her. They'll leave her alone to her own devices, and she'll have to forcibly work her way into the family dynamic by proving she deserves a place among them. That's not love. That's not how families work. If they actually liked her at all, if they were accepting of her as a potential newcomer to the family, they would show that. They would show that they want her around. They would be kind, and loving, and accepting, and supportive now. In the present. To show her what she's in for once she joins the family. So that shell want to stick around and be apart of it. The fact that they're not doing that isn't an accident. They are in fact showing her exactly what she's in for by joining this family. They're showing her that they don't like, trust, or accept outsiders of any kind. That they will continue to be cold, distant, and unaccepting of her even after the marriage. But that instead of actively and intentionally excluding her, they'll just tolerate her presence. It isn't about the Christmas card. The card isn't the point. It's their behavior towards her. It's the principle, the way they treat her now is how they'll always treat her. And she knows that. And it's not selfish for her to want her future-husband to stand up for her and be on her side. They treating her unfairly. OP and his family are the jerks. Majorly. Extremely so.
Ambush weddings and public proposals are not cool. It isn’t fair to put anyone on the spot like that, especially in public. I’ve had to break up with former significant others over this, one guy ambush proposed to me in public to try to pressure me, and I said “No”. Everyone else was mad at me, but I only knew/dated the guy for three weeks.
People are stupid why would they get mad at you for that even if you were together for 3 years if you are not ready you are not ready
Aren’t all proposals ambush’s
@@sutdog6707 well, proposals are more classy if private. If made into a big public spectacle putting someone on the spot, then they’re wrong. Perhaps I should change the term from “ambush proposals” to “public proposals”.
Regarding story 1. Anyone calling the OPs partner toxic, or an abuser, or a psycho is somewhat unhinged themself. OP said in edits and comments that her partner (of five years in case we forgot) and her had discussed getting married and she'd made it clear to him that she did in fact want to get married. She had also stated that she'd mentioned on several occasions that the idea of wedding planning stressed her out. Also it's a known fact in her circle that she loves surprises. All this together suggests the partner is a well-meaning idiot rather than a psychotic, red-flag-waving abuser.
Was she wrong to say no and walk away? Absolutely not. However to suggest that there was any force or violation of consent in this situation is a severe misuse of those words. OP was able to say "no" and she was able to leave. Therefore at no stage was she forced or she would be writing a post about how she was married against her will.
I'm not sure what level of asshattery her friends/family are pulling on her but if it's anything beyond either a single question if she's absolutely certain she made the right decision especially given she wants to stay in this relationship. And a general apology for, and acknowledgement of the awkwardness of the whole situation, then she should tell them to go sit on a tack.
This is the most reasonable and agreeable comment about that story
Apparently he has watched too many Hallmark movies.
😂
Guy number two seems awesome. Found the one time to stand up for your mom, as opposed to your girl.
Bruh I would get camera and report the neighbor. How poor do you have to be to steal packages. Ur not the jerk
The neighbour is likely a kleptomaniac or an online seller.
Story 1 dude is an absolute psychopath for thinking an ambush wedding would be a good idea
i feel you girl i feel you and i'm sorry you went through this as how belle went through this in beauty and the beast that gaston tried to force her into marriage
you should just run away fast, start all over and get a new boyfriend.
Story1: Kinda reminds me of the end to Sgt Bilko, surprise wedding moment.
I was intro #1 years old when I found out we throw around the phrase "red flag" way too damn often.
Why hasn't the OP in the bike/package turned the guy in for the bike theft? Like he saw the video of the guy doing it going around but did he let the people know it was their neighbor and where he lives so the police can arrest him?
Regarding Story 1, I know what you mean. This happened to me and I was pissed.
Some things shouldn't be surprises to spring on other people.
In defense of story 2, she could also become the OP's ex wife, so your argument doesn't hold any water. And the logic behind the mother falls apart if a divorce happens. It doesnt seem to consider that an option.
Honestly for the surprise wedding i think nobody was the jerk
Story 2: has SIL not explained it happened to her too??
In that last story I would question why the friend talked to the guy, complicit in the attempt (cheating) to me
"relationships are built on trust". Yes, yes they are. But another great saying is "trust but verify". words to live by
Speaking as a BF in a similar situation as the BF in the last story. My girlfriend constantly wants to look at my messages and always asks who I am talking to if I get a phone call. I have not, nor will I ever cheat, but from her doing these actions, I have thought about leaving her once or thrice.
Run for the hills! Your GF has trust issues and if she's that nosey, she's looking for a reason to cut you out.
Story 1:Op was exactly right, Marriage is a joint decision not on the 24 hours notice.
Story 3 your entire family are showing signs of being toxic, manipulative and abusive! Go no contact with the lot of them!
How can you waste a perfectly good wedding that you didn't even know about if anybody is the jerk here it's your boyfriend who thinks he can just decide without your consent and thinks it'll all be done
Story #1 - Just waiting for the moments where the father of the bride is holding a shotgun to the guy's back. Because he joked about getting her pregnant. I mean OP could've done the party but they did try and raise concerns just after it started. Someone should've said this is not okay and just made it an engagement party.
Story #2 - with more divorces than ever before; I'm not surprised the rule is 'not until you're married'. Sounds like mom has been burned before or knows someone who's been stuck explaining why X+Z are not together. It's a fair rule and leaves the OP+Fiance to announce their engagement themselves which makes it more personal.
Story #3 - Sister assaulted the OP and treated her like a naughty child with the wound-down windows. Moving house is one of the most stressful things you do in your life and previously both her and their father were useless. Not the jerk. You don't need the challenge.
Story #4 - "I didn't steal no package" ... unless someone mentions it first; that's an admission of guilt right there. You either know packages get stolen, who the thief is or you ARE the thief. I reckon it's time for OP to order themselves a glitterbomb! Or just report him to the police. But landlord would be a better start.
Story #5 - Oh, nevermind. I was going to say check for abnormalities, confer with the friend about the profile, but OP already broke up with him. And yeah, it was either an PHENOMINAL coincidence or it belonged to him.
Even a perfect storm is more probable than that Tinder profile not being his.
Story 4.... ive had a neighbor steal my mail...... sooo. i bought a vibrator and guess what, it was taken XD so i posted a note to "have fun" with all the stuff theyve taken...
Story one is giving “I’m going to trap her one way or another” I’d be very careful around him after that matter of fact I don’t know if I’d be able to continue the relationship , it’s literally just a matter of time before he screws with birth control or condoms to get his way.
3:38 NOT THE JERK, you need a say. its a "couple marriage, not single i decide everything".
Is this a reupload because i swear ive heard all of these stories narrated here before
story 2 I agree with the conclussion however that is an realy stupid rule which would mean if I had someone she would never be on the cristmas card since zI wont ever marry.
Last story what’s to say it’s not the op friend who owns the profile in order to split them up
But who the hell is ok with someone stealing their identity. He even know this is affecting OP trust but never even took the chance to get angry about the situation. Even if by some miracle it isn't him I would break up with them. I personally don't want a relationship with a partner who isn't the slightest concerned about people stealing or using their identity.
First Story: dump him, he doesn’t respect op’s boundaries. Yes she mentioned about getting married but a marriage takes two to tango. OP is not the jerk in anyway and screw her friends and family. Honestly, the guy is not trustworthy and that is a major importance to a marriage.
1st. Surprise weddings are a terrible idea but i don't think he did this with ill intent. He and the family knew because she would always tell them that 1. She wanted to marry him 2. She loved surprises
3. Planning a wedding is stressful.
If you keep saying this to everyone you know that people are going to start taking it as a hint of what she wants. I think based on this the bf and family thought this would make her happy. Obviously not letting her know would be an issue but if she never tells anyone that she wants to plan a wedding and just complains about how stressful it is then obviously they'll think that taking the wedding stress from her and instead surprise her would be a good idea. I don't think he would have gone to all the trouble otherwise. But at the end of the day not telling her she's getting married is a bad idea. Ladies and gents please talk to your partner about what you want and need it'll help avoid confusing situations.
For story 1: I agree that there should be communication between 2 people who would be involved in a wedding. However, I lay the blame squarely at the feet of the OP because they like surprises and expressed as much, they also have stated they think planning a wedding is stressful and the OP has said that they would like to marry their boyfriend sometime in the future. All this would lead anyone to believe a surprise wedding would be appropriate and memorable. So when it comes to communicating, I feel like OP needs to do a better job of it. Because now it just sounds like they are sending mixed signals due to them being incompetent and indecisive.
What the hell kind of response is "you think too hard about how people treat you"? His parents are just as toxic as the sister and probably the reasons shes toxic at all. Being related by blood does not give you a pass to disrespect someone. People seem to think the word family means they have to forgive you butnit actually means i hold you to stricter standards.
Story 1: yes you are you gave all the signs of not wanting to be apart of the planing if you wanted part in it you should have considered his thinking that "she loves surprises and she will get stressed" you should have came forward and said you wanted a part In planning he was trying to make you happy and you shut him down you complain that he's being inconsiderate but you refuse to see his side
And this title is bogus he didn't trick her into marriage they both planned on getting married he had good intentions why is he being criminalized for wanting to make it perfect for her 🤦🏼
She never said she wanted to do the wedding
I get Fiance being sad. But they aren't married, it’s the people doing the picture who are making the call. Also, it's a stupid Xmas card.
Before I let the story about the sister and the trip, op I DON'T BLAME YOU for not wanting your sister along on your trip. She sounds entitled and crazy.
I agree that the actions of the Man in The last story did seem suspicious, but I do agree with the trust comment he had. I went through the same thing with my ex girlfriend. Her ex-husband had cheated on her repeatedly. So I couldn't even be told hi at a convenience store by a worker there without being accused of cheating. I had to show her over and over again that I was faithful and even let her go through my phone more than a few times while also reassuring her that she was the only one I was with. A person can only take that for so long though.
You don't have to finish this story no you're not the jerk he cannot force you to marry him if you don't want to
Erm, who are these friends and family in the first story? It’s unbelievably inappropriate and that should be clear to anyone who isn’t insane. I’m guessing the OP comes from a different culture as nobody I know would think it was any way ok.
Wow!
for anyone wondering this is the first comment
@@meliesther😂 I was laughing while scrolling down all of the yay I'm the 🥇 first!! 😂
Story #1: Wow, this is a tough one, but because most of the ppl side with the OP I’m gonna play the DA even though I am on the fence about this one. The OP sounds like she cares more about planning a wedding than actually getting married. It was a freakin surprise ppl, this could have went off as the greatest engagement of all time cuz the OP could have gotten two weddings out of it. I would be surprised if this guy ever proposes or wants to surprise the OP ever again. She came off as kinda of entitled but she could have avoided it by going along with it but making sure he knew in private that she wasn’t cool with that. This was like one of those situations where the guy asked the girl to prom in a public display and she turns him down with a disgust and shock. The OP handled this poorly and may have caused some irreversible damage to the relationship. Additionally, the OP may have opened the relationship up to mockery. No freaking way I get an invite to this wedding and not think, “Hmmm, I wonder if she’s gonna go through with it this time?” You know what I mean? 🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
On the story about the photos and the fiance, op I think it's crazy, BUT it is your mother's pictures. Your fiance is in the wrong, what if you both broke up before the wedding and she is in the picture, that would be an awful thing for everyone asking who is the woman in the picture.
Why would u choose a dragon to play u cant see anything with it?
You should have started a tender account as someone else and tried to have a date with him.
Story 4: ITS PROBABLY OP'S FRIEND. She's the 🍑🕳️.
Story 1 : Man , he done that surprise wedding , and that is the thank you for it? You already discussed the wedding prior to the event, you like suprises , and even your bf said if you want they can make it legal 3-4 days later or finish it later. He was really not rushing anything , but you over reacted. And yeah if you really want to marry him , you should said yes , but wanted to prep your wedding. True jerk , we don't want to marry you , he done that for you only, not for himself.... If i was the guy , i would left you on the spot and never look back.
Isn't the wedding supposed to be all about the girl? And you just 100% took the girl out of it??
Story 2: Dump her. She'll cause more drama and headache once they get married.
She's in the right, OP and his family are the assholes
Girl he's got the Tinder profile and he's he's either cheating on you currently or he is really about to don't be naive
5 years!? Brake up! You are just looking for someone better!
i can see the christmas card from both sides. you love this man you are to be married to this man and become part of the family, it feels very cold to have to stand off to the side when something like a family photo is being taken. But shes not wrong when saying the wedding is this year and a few months before or maybe days after the cards arrive at their location. Now if the engagement was on shaky ground i could see that. But also the mother has already set the rule and made another childs non married significant other sit out before this so last years card i can see the wife being upset with but it was still valid since it was already in place it is this years photo that really makes the inlaws look like the a-holes.
The Christmas card..how about OP compromises with both. Have 2 pictures taken, 1 with & 1 without. That way, by the time they're married & the card goes out, maybe mom will use the one with.
You advice people here all the time. I wonder what happen to them after you gave them advice? Did they listen to it? What happened? You should do "what happened after...?" episodes.
Okay seriously. You cannot say "Looking for another Package?" and then "I haven't got that one either" in the same sentence when after you said "I didn't steal your Package" when the person never even mentioned a Package. Hell no Op was the Jerk, if some effer pulled that crap with me and tried to be a tough guy. Never mind Screaming, that effer will be on the ground with a black eye, busted nose and missing a few teeth. And I'm not even a Violent Person *Surprise Surprise*. But there is a limit to someone's patience. Eff around, find out what happens.
I mean, from what the chick in the first story is saying, her bf is listening and made a romantic gesture. She says she loves surprises, always said how stressful it would be to plan a wedding, says she wants to get married, says she wants to marry this guy specifically, says they've been dating for 5 years, and even says that surprise engagements are stale. It sounds to me like this was a perfect idea on paper and she really does seem like the jerk here.
You are wrong.
@@LemonChick Not according to the groom and BOTH of their families. Woman's just being selfish, but that's how women are.
@@clericofchaos1ok so let's say u are the one doing what the man did u would have said she was in the wrong and this is the opposite situation she was the one called in the wrong
@@rjchatman9039 Wow, that grammar is just awful. I have no idea what you're asking.
👍👍👍
Hi
hi
backgrounds a bit distracting.
Srsly tho am I the first?
Story 1: A surprise wedding in general is just a terrible idea.
Story 2: The family is allowed to exclude non-relatives (which the fiancé is) from photos. Fiancés have been known to break off engagements.
Story 3: The OP's sister sounds like a toxic, narcissistic womanchild.
I think he should compromise on the card. Take 2 pictures, 1 with her & 1 without. That way, when they're married & the card goes out, maybe OPs mom will use the one with
Story 2: wanna know a great way to encourage fiances to stay? By treating them with kindness, love, and acceptance. By excluding her and being cold and distant, they're just showing her that they're not a kind and accepting family worth joining. That kind of behavior doesn't just disappear after the wedding. She's been shown that they don't care about her or value her presence at all, and she would be 100% in the right to leave. Especially since her future husband refuses to stand up for her and see that what they're doing is wrong.
Story 1- No matter whether the OP was right or wrong to not go ahead with the wedding. Her friends and family are now bullying her, for HER choice. That is not on. There used to be a series on TV where the bride was surprised by a wedding. Because of the pressure of cameras etc. they went ahead with the wedding. It wasn't much of a surprise when half of those marriages didn't last a year. One wasn't even consummated and ended in annulment, because the bride walked out afterward and didn't speak to her husband ever again.
Story 2- Honestly if it was just her being excluded, I'd be upset, but as it has also been applied to other family members it's just a small matter that needs to be ignored. His parents are probably worried that if the rule isn't in place, that they may be putting fiances and fiancees on cards to only find they are no longer engaged a couple of months later.
For story 2, that family is in the wrong for how they're treating her. It was wrong before when they applied it to other people, and it's still wrong now. Just because everyone else gave in and accepted the mistreatment doesn't make it right.
First to comment 😎 also great vids
Nope
@@ambreenijaz3919 no I was
@@MissDrell nope
Day 91 of saying the same thing until I get pinned
Karen's getting destroyed is one of the best parts of my life
Every one but the op in that wedding story is stupid lol, who the hell does a "suprise wedding"
Wa