First time foster parent vs experienced - picky eating with toddler
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ธ.ค. 2023
- Caring for a picky eater? Here are some considerations. Entering foster care is an incredibly overwhelming and traumatizing experience for kids. We may find that eating times are difficult for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they are not familiar with the food you cook, or dont have experience with eating certain foods. They may also have experienced food insecurity or abuse related to food. Or perhaps they dont have much of an appetite given everything going on in their life. 💛 Consider meeting them where they are at and building in variety in low pressure, connective ways. 💛
How do you support picky eating in your home? There are SO many ways we can help kids, and every kid needs something different. Let me know in the comments below! ⬇️
#fosterparent #fosterparenting #fosterchild #toddler #pickyeating
Great advice! Many parents/caregivers act like eating veggies is a chore or punishment, then get annoyed when their child doesn’t want to eat it…
Yes!!!!!😮😮😮😑
also being fed is more important than being fed healthy stuff. at least for foster children who might have trauma related to starvation or food insecurity.
Ok hear me out. If it’s not offered and we’ll liked as a baby to toddler it most likely won’t be liked into childhood. My oldest loved broccoli’s carrots and corn when he was little and those are his favorite veggies today at 11. I never liked peas and still tolerates them today. He disliked beans unless it was chilli. So that’s how I do beans in my meals. I have a 2 toddlers now that’s are changing tastebuds. The middle one will eat all his fruits and most the veggies I offer the baby eats all the fruit and some veggies. Again some babies are different and need consistency and some babies have texture issues that turn into food choices. 😂 no big deal. Feed the kids always give them a fruit or veg to have. I always tel my kids. The banana or apple is there as a filler if we don’t want all of our veggie or all the Mac or potatoes we can eat the fruit and momma is happy and y’all are fed ❤
This!! Ding, ding, ding. You're constantly acting like eating vegetables and making healthy choices is a chore but then go Pikachu-face when your child does the same 💀 Like, make it make sense!!
Right?! If it's just casually on their plate or they see mommy and daddy eating it, they'll eat the veggies too
i feel a new kind of safe watching these videos
Me too she’s so sweet I’m her age and she makes me feel safe 😂
Yep, as an adult with ARFID, this makes me warm & fuzzy inside.
I forget she's talking to a pretend person. 😢 Every little boy and girl deserves this kind of love and responsiveness in their lives. ❤
Same here, I love that people like this exist in the world, gives me faith
@cilanatroisbetterthanparsley ......it's literally what happens when you don't get raised. She's a foster parent and her videos are examples of ways to help foster children. If Dino nuggets are the only food that's comfortable for them, at least they're eating. It won't be that way forever. They'll get used to new stuff eventually.
omg doing "i was gonna do this anyways, do you wanna try with me?" instead of "you _have_ to do this" is an absolutely incredible thing i love that
As a neurodivergent person, saying stuff that way is soo helpful! Rather than someone telling me what I should or shouldn't do, just giving me the information I need about it and letting me handle the rest makes everything so much more pleasant
I also love how it helps kids practice learning that they can make choices too. I know too many people who are given options of things to do and can almost never make any choices.
Excellent advice!
It's also just so weird to randomly force people to eat things. Like imagine as an adult you have a friend who randomy pulls out really obscure foods from around the globe and won't leave you alone until you eat it-regardless if you actually like it or not.
This is EXACTLY what I did with my daughter who was very picky around 2. Now at 4 she downs asparagus and cauliflower like nobody’s business. Feed them stuff that you would eat!
“Exaggerated praise can feel like pressure “ 🤯💯
This is so true
It can feel like the carrot to the stick.
If you're used to emotional whiplash, you start feeling like your parent has two extremes and no chill.
You don't trust anyone who acts too intense because if they have highs like your abuser, the lows will surely be coming.
You'll start waiting for the other shoe to drop and the rage to show.
my family did that while i was suffering from addiction and it made it 10x worse
@@unclebug35I’m so sorry, I hope you’re doing better now
@@IsildursBaneOfExistence thank you, it’s appreciated. i am for the most part but they are still doing the same stunt then try to dismiss me when i tell them how it comes across as.
pressure creates rigidity. choice creates flexibility. this is such a heartful, thoughtful approach ❤
I don't have foster kids or kids of my own, but letting the nibblings "loose" in the grocery store seems to help. "We need to choose a vegetable for dinner, and there are tons of vegetables here...what would you like?" does WONDERS! No, I don't let them "run wild," but I do let them say what seem interesting to them! And also let them ask questions! My niece focused on artichokes when she was like 4, and I said ok, we'll grab those (I love artichoke), is there anything else? And she pointed at the broccoli. I got both, and, yes, I ate most of the artichoke, but she got to try it and learn about it, and also saw me enjoying the rest of it (eating an artichoke is time-consuming, so even if she liked it, it would have tried her patience!). I understand that this is not in the financial means of everyone (a single artichoke can be up to $5!), but letting your kids explore a bit can be really helpful in getting them to actually eat their veggies!
I wish the foster parents I had were that nice. I was 7-8 And I remember them forcing me to eat a bologna sandwich dimpled with cheese which I hated. I found them disgusting so they made me sit alone at the table Listening to all the other kids in the pool and make me eat The whole thing. though I fed most of it to the course of like 3 hours and put some of the toilet. They're busy moderating the outside kids in the pool ,To really sit in there with me.
@@anbellfox I'm so sorry. My bio parents did the exact same thing to me (AuADHD with severe food texture sensitivity) and it gave me lifelong food trauma. It sucks and I can't imagine how much worse it would feel coming from a foster family where trust is much harder to come by. Hugs
@@genthespacewitch Thanks, but that wasn't the worst thing they did to me. I remember them I'm holding me down like all of them. I was like 7 to get eye drops in my eyes for some reason. To the state I don't know why. ( For some context. I think I went to the eye doctor beforehand but Around that time. I was supposed to wear glasses which I still refuse cause that hurt my eyes. So I never wore them till this day.)
Too many choices can overwhelm
"exaggerated praise can also feel like pressure" YES it's so great to see someone talk about that! It sounds so backwards but I struggled with a lot of things as a kid (like saying "I love you" or addressing adults by name) specifically because people make too big a deal out of it when I did them. It's such an easy mistake to make when you're just trying to be encouraging
I think this is why my niece with selective mutism talked to me more than others, because the 1st time she spoke to me, I gave her space to speak, but when she did, I didn't make a big deal of it.
Yea like there is over pressing them you feel pressure too be perfect like cheered no perfect for rubbish
Like praise is emportant like but not too much
I specifically remember not doing things I hadn't tried before, because I knew I would get over-praised for it. But I also _did_ want praise. Ah, the complexities of feelings ^^; So I would usually stay in my lane where I knew I was already good at something where I would then get praised.
Same as well, I never really say I love you to my parents cause I know they’ll make a big deal out of it 😂
same reason I never say I love you to anyone
“exaggerated praise can feel like pressure” holy crap??? i’ve never heard anyone say that before but it’s SO TRUE and explains why i’ve always hated being praised 😭
Praise feels so disingenuous and manipulative to me. I dislike it too.
Great advice , my mother just got a kid to foster a week ago that has been neglected and only ate 3 foods for their entire lives. I showed this to her her , and she wants to thank you so much!
❤❤❤❤❤
She kinda sounds like me when I was in foster care
Okay genuinely teared up a bit. Good to see this advice helping everyone!
Does she still have the foster child? If so, how is he/she doing?
Thank you for making the tone of the "first time" one kind and gentle. It really showcases how even well-meaning tactics can induce anxiety and put a ton of pressure on the situation.
This!!!
Took the words straight out of my mouth.
I completely agree. As a teacher, I struggle with this a lot.
Comment on point!
Thiiiiis !!! *mariah Carey high-note* 😂
My nephew is autistic. His parents try, but they can't get him to try different foods. When I see reels like this, I apply them to offering him new and different foods. And they work! Your videos have been a godsend, so thank you for the information and the confidence! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I wish it worked with my son, who is also autistic. We always give safe foods, and also offer him what we're having with low to no pressure. It almost never works. There are exceptions, but it's incredibly rare.
@@ChlomeRendia for me trying new foods in eating situations is harder than outside of them. It is not fun to try something on the table and then have negative reaction to it so I prefer to try things separately usually when preparing the food when I visit my mother I try some of the new ingredients. Of course I am an adult so it might be different. Also if I first get to poke around the food like feel the texture with my hands and smell it etc it makes it easier to taste as I know what to expect or I might know it will not be something for me and I avoid negative tasting experience. Hope your son finds plenty of safe foods it does make life easier.
Some tips for helping an autistic person to eat from an autistic adult :
- we often have issues with texture more than taste and tend to eat only easy things to eat with just our hand since we think eating is already a real bother.
- food need to be without surprise, good or not (I hate fish that can have fishbone for example, but also when taste change completely inside) and a bad experience have a really strong impact in my memory so it's hard to eat something relate to a bad memory even after years!
- we have digestive issues very frequently so it can help to think about that too... A diet plan without lactose or for irritable bowel syndrom can help.
- we find food less interesting that our own though or toys so much that eating can be view as a punishment since it's interrupt that. It can help to associate food with one of they interest or to let them eat while playing, casually.
- It's usually a lot better when we're able to choose freely what we want cause we tend to have a clear idea of what we don't want and it's impossible to eat it, even when starving!
And we usually want to eat only if we find a food interesting by smelling it or seeing it already cook, not just by talking about it or seeing freeze or raw when we're young. It's seem a bit logical when we think about it but it's really easy to forget and to show a freeze food, a can or a raw meet while saying "do you want that?" 😅
@@afhb7447 we actually do all of that. My husband is autistic also, so he can understand more, even though our son is not very verbal. It's still hard not to worry.
Yeah, I was thinking this is what I needed as an autistic child instead of coercion to eat things that made my stomach hurt. Turns out I have a condition that messes up my digestion and I only tolerate some foods (MTHFR). Effectively my parents were feeding me food I couldn't properly digest as a kid and making me sick, but because of my autism and neuro disabilities, they chose not to believe me. Needless to say, I am very upset with my parents and family, as in only on talk when absolutely necessary and only to one parent at all. I had vitamin deficiencies because instead of finding food I tolerated, they forced me to eat food my body cannot digest. People with autism are more likely to have other conditions such as MCAS. They are also more likely to have food allergies and intolerances generally. We need to trust kids to know what they can and cannot tolerate or we are gonna hurt them.
As someone who grew up as an undiagnosed autistic kid with ARFID, seeing this video brings my heart so much peace
This is ridiculous
@@sunshinedaydream422 what’s ridiculous is commenting on shit you clearly know nothing about, lmao how sad must your life be
@@sunshinedaydream422wtf
@sunshinedaydream422 Clearly this post isn't for you then, hope this helps 😄
Its not just foster parents. All parents should act like this
Um, if you want to create demanding kids.
I am getting a MAJOR kick out of the menu. As a kid, I never had a choice. But that would have been fun pretending home was a restaurant. I miss being a kid with parents.
My parents and teachers never were like that growing up. They always forced me to eat this many number of bites or try 10 minutes of a film that I knew from the jump I wouldn’t like. It’s part of why I’m like this. With the picky eating at 18. And the caring for myself and arguing until I’m given a choice or ignoring the person who gave me no choice. Pressure creates rigidity and resentment.
Lmao. No. No parents should ever act like this. Putting ranch on all of your vegetables is unbelievably unhealthy. This placating to childrens wants is a recipe to raising complete and total assholes as adults
@@kokuhakuqiun4215I can’t speak on behalf of your teachers (they have a curriculum to follow) or your parents specifically (parenting is HARD) but I tried to make a point of giving my child choices when she was very young so now that she is older, she knows options are available. I believe this helps with autonomy.
Love that offering the new food is presented as “I AM having this…would you like some too?” Some kids may not trust something they’ve never had or seen others have
I'm like this as an adult. And my family and even some friends catch on and let me try something. I genuinely give it a try sometimes or other times I leave it and I'm not pressured.
I remember recently I tried something my friend got from a takeaway cos she offered. She recognises that my sense of smell usually indicates whether I might like something or not. So she was implicitely not offended that I didn't like the smell but I took a tiny bite anyway cos I'm trying to eay new things. I didn't like it, and she wasn't offended.
My mum used to make this soupy stock soups and they smelled horrendous and it would reallly throw me off. Mum would get offended a lot by this even though I was trying to tell her that it wasn't me thinking she's a bad cook. It's that the smell was too much for me.
When I got diagnosed with ASD she started to realise that it wasn't a dig at her or her cooking. I just have a really sensitive smell and some scents are unpleasant for me.
What if they keep saying no....
Yeah. At the grocery store, I overheard a male caretaker offering a little girl salad, and i added i was here for that too. Even when i was suffering with a restrictive ED, it just really helps if other people want to eat it too.
This is so great. There's alsorts of reasons why a kid might only be able to manage a very limited diet.
By pressuring them you're making all food something to be feared.
They then become less able to eat anything, they've much more likely to then be able to try other food if they're allowed their safe food
I always asked my big brother to try things i never had before and if he said it was okay i gave it a try 😂
This is awesome. This approach also works with my toddler! She actually saw me eating a salad today and asked to have one, and ended up trying the lettuce and tomato- she at all of the tomatoes! No pressure is the way to go
Yes!!!! My family does not understand why I won't force feed my 2yo with new foods or "real food" as they put it.
My niece wanted so bad to try coffee cause I drink it. I put orange juice in my cup and she automatically assumed it was coffee. And when there was coffee in my drink she tried to sneak it. All kids want is to feel included. Serious FOMO. If I put veggies on my plate I knew she will absolutely want some. So even though I don't want or just can't eat the veggie I still put it on my plate.
@shannonhensley2942 I do feed my 1yo from my own plate, but my 2yo is too quick with that lol. He knows what he likes 🤷♀️ I always invite him to try my food..........but we're still working at it
the look my child gave the texture of avocado was priceless 😂 totally offended that I considered that food
@@LMCorvinusI super hate avocados 😂 I get the child’s reaction as the texture is gawd awful
Another tip, offer the kid to become involved in the process of making the food helps too. You can find age-appropriate ways to involve the kids, such as helping them turn cucumbers & carrots into shapes with plastic veggie shape cutters, letting them pick the fruit/veggies to go into their lunch box, or by watching you cook and discussing which ingredient goes next.
Just letting them touch, smell, and taste new ingredients (safely) as you cook can help break down barriers with food sensitivity.
No idea how all of these parenting videos keep showing up on my feed, but wow do i love seeing a new generation of parents giving positive info for everyone.
This. Nothing has helped my anxious, skinny son eat.more than downplaying the heckidehooha out of mealtimes and food.
My mom started out struggling to feed me since a infant I had issues with formulas,
We now know there's gut issues, allergies, histamine problems, and sensitivity.
As a picky toddler she would put grapes yogurt drops raisens little cheese chunks kidney beans or sliced cucumbers in lunch baggies to let me carry around the house and munch on I particularly liked the kidney beans, Somtimes I'd except a p&j cut in squares then she found pediasures to add for meals,
older I practically lived on spaghetti lightly buttered. Thing is dairy makes my gut swell and I'm now allergic to it I couldn't articulate my food issues even in pre-teens I just thought dairy and eggs were super filling (the tight stomach from swelling made me think I was full) as we learned all our health needs we cut out gluten dairy and me eggs I eat lots of salad potatoes chickpea noodles rice and broth and am expanding.
Thank you if you read this, I wanted to share is you could try the snack baggies and look for symtoms or patterns with food he may have allergies that deter him from eating or meals could be to stressful,
My father made it a point to stress how much cost we where to eat and use house utilities and medical and being alive in general I would stop eating if I heard anything about money being difficult and as a toddler I was too uncomfortable to eat at the table so I would just sit there when made too my mom would then re ask me to drink a pediasure after I'd except often because it was quick and not at the table and made her happy as her distress that I wouldn't eat was awful (I didn't want to worry her even really young I'd cry just from her looking upset, But food was so unpleasant on every way)
Heckidehooha, great word choice lol
This is how Supernanny does it too. Literally never comment on it or give it any special or additional attention. Often it is an attention/control thing more than a sensory thing.
Not sure how old your kid is, but I’ve always had sensory issues with food and a lot of anxiety around trying new foods. What helped me the most was honestly just looking through recipe books to find new dishes I was excited to try making! My thought process when I was younger was that meals wouldn’t be so stressful if I controlled the menu. You’re already doing great by not making a big deal out of what he chooses not to eat! He might get excited to try new things if he’s involved in their creation, like me :)
kids aren’t suppose to be fat…
this is great advice, not only for foster parents but for new parents as well, offering choices and providing visuals is a great technique
i get it for foster parent... but for the parents them self they shouldnt form the habit at the first place to be that much of a picky eater
@@CHSidChou it's not always just picky eating, sometimes it's texture adversity
@@tjgamerwolf3336if kids are given a food early in life, they won't be adverse to it
@@alex-qd6of that's not exactly how that works
For those of you disagreeing, a lot of the times, if a kid an ‘extreme picky eater’ it’s not actually picky eating at all. Most of the times, if it’s that extreme it’s actually sensory difficulties (AKA, Sensory Processing Disorder) which can lead to eating disorders like AFRID. Parents of kids with (suspected) SPD should probably try the stuff stated in the video, as to me, a person with SPD, it looks really helpful.
These are the things I wanted to hear as a kid but never did. To be talked to instead of talked down on. Kinda healed the forgotten child in me :')
Yeah so many parents confuse degradation with care or simply don't care enough to actually give care instead of the illusion of it. Not forcing/pressuring people to eat when they don't want to is common sense and decency that magically gets thrown away once someone is a child with their parents.
This is a good approach with kids, period 😁 just very important with foster kids specifically.
Model the behavior you want to see, offer choices as much as you can, and remember that for most kids what they put in their mouths is pretty much all the control they have over their lives. If they've come out of a difficult situation, that sense of control is even more important for them.
I love how it doesn't strawman the first example as 'bad' in any way. You can tell she's still being genuine and trying to be helpful. But then she shows why those might not get good results, and ways that might help more.
I remember this little kid that was as stubborn as a mule. I acted like some of my healthy food was “adult food” and he wasn’t “cool enough” to handle it.
He saw it was a challenge and ate it. I acted like he just took down a T-Rex with his bare hands and I saw him brag about it to others.
It makes me smile.
Truly, the best way to outsmart the kids sometimes is to make them think only the cool kids eat carrots
That is so sweet and I applaud you! Reminds me of when my grandma would say "I'm gonna win!" When we'd eat breakfast and she'd see that I wasn't eating my food much. I 'won' everytime after that.
We had an oppositional/defiant foster. Sometimes, I’d just reply “It’s okay; snack time is in two hours. You’ll be fine til then.” Other times, I’d try, “Yeah, you’re probably right. When your tastebuds are more grown up, you’ll probably like this. Most kids don’t.”
AAAWWWW i fkn love that
This healed my inner child
I love how in these videos the “new foster parent” characters always has the best intentions and seems so sweet. You bring empathy and understanding of both the children and the parents to these videos. Thank you ❤
this reminds me so much of my first time in my foster home. they made me so welcome and i really appreciated that
❤
I'm so glad! My husband was tossed around from bad home to bad home....I wonder if it was the time (80's), the area (large city) or luck. Regardless, I want to become a foster parent sometime can look back on and not feel trauma over
I have autism and ADHD, I’ve always been picky but when ppl try to force me to eat, it forms a bigger rigidity towards that food. Ur doing amazing! Ur kids are so lucky to have you
Edit: I didn’t know so many people related omg I feel so heard it’s crazyyy
I have ARFID which is an eating disorder look itbup if you wanna know what it Is and sensory issues and a gag reflex which makes it hard to eat anything
What methods worked for you to try new things? Im sure you dont want to be picky but cant help it. So what can parents do to make foods a positive experience. Especially for lower income families that cant always give their kids what they want or dinner menus
@@_.Ra1n3._fellow ARFID haver 🤝
@@KoalaR3public shutting my eyes, listening to music and just going for it. Or just tiny bites slowly getting bigger. I also have a special spoon that isn’t rly special I just like it and I eat food better from that spoon 💕
ADHD is caused by sugar,too much sugar and carbohydrates in your sistem
Amazing advice! I see many parents put pressure on picky eaters when they don’t want to eat, for example, “We’re not going to the park if you don’t eat!” Or, “You’re not eating this if you don’t eat the food I made you first!” I think this is a really good example of how sometimes you need to have patience with kids because they’re just kids.
I have a sis who is a very picky eater and for the longest she would only eat noodles so I start the offering if i was already doing long before I saw this and I'm just so happy other people can get behind the idea cause it truly does work😊 my parents used to try and force her to try new things until they seen what i was doing❤
I love how the first option, although not the ideal option was still loving and kind. It shows you know that most parents (of all kinds) have their hearts in the right place ❤
Yes!
Also the first option would work for kids in healthy backgrounds , who don't have any trauma/ stressful upbringings
@@noorashiraz9046not really, it still treats food as a reward or punishment, which can cause and foster bad relationships with food and eating, it’s part of the reason I have faced those kinds of issues in the past personally
@@googoogaga7986this, I grew up with the first approach which then turned into straight up forcing me to eat, making food have punishments and rewards sadly doesn't work. I now have an ED (ARFID) and my relationship with food is strained
@@googoogaga7986 "who don't have trauma" ,surely everyone has their package but if my mom would've suggest like in the first method i'll be "alright i'll try🤷♀️ "
I know these videos are mainly tips for fostering, but watching your channel is helping me learn how to be a better caregiver to my toddler ☺️
It's just great parenting advice in general. I babysit a lot and the kids I babysit don't come with instructions. Quite literally, I'm called and just show up or the kids are dropped off. So I try to do a variety of things with them, including coloring, arts and crafts, movie night, and using different themes helps. Like we'll have a safari theme where they'll learn about a few animals, we'll watch some clips on yt about some animals, color a page, and the food we eat will have something to do with the theme.
I agree! Great tips for any kid
Did you read any parenting guides, tips etc before having him?
@@sanna9062😭😭😭😭 doubt it
I’m so glad you’re doing that because most parents I see spoil their toddlers and babies then when their older they are brats
I don’t foster kids because I’m a minor but the second example shows a lot of stuff I’ve been doing for myself! My therapist says I have PDA so less demands and more choices has been so helpful with my mental health, especially regarding food.
I love how you don’t label food as good or bad and how you don’t limit what foods they can or can’t eat- not many parents/caregivers help kids to build a good relationship with food so it’s refreshing to see it, especially when that’s the main cause food eating disorders!
TLDR; this was amazing and I love everything you did! Keep up the great work!
One trick I've found useful once I have disposable income is to buy a safe food for myself and a new food I want to try to share with someone else. If I don't like it, then whoever I'm sharing with gets all of it.
Honestly while watching this video as a picky eater my self. I was very tempted to eat that cucumber
i’m 16 and we just started fostering my little cousin and her sister and this is so helpful for our picky 6 year old 💔
You are amazing. I wish you strength & love. 💙
Lots of parents could benefit from modeling your parenting. I wish my mom was like that. 😢
The great part is if you ever have kids, you know what you want to do differently! 🥲😭👍
yes agree! she has some great tips
Yep!!
@@laridion7901 I also wished my parents and foster parents I've been with were like that, and I used to think I'd be a much better parent because I knew everything *not* to do. But, then I found out about generational trauma, and I started noticing the exact things I hated in my parents (like anger issues) very prevalent in my own personality and actions.
I now don't want kids. I think I'd just keep passing it down.
@masterjunko it's so good that you know yourself well enough to say that. I will say though, if you ever find yourself in the spot of having an unexpected child, you have the leg up to change.
I personally knew I needed healing before getting married and having children. Every day I discover something new I don't want to do as a parent and actively choose to try something different with my daughter. My hope is she runs farther with that than I do for her kids (if she wants them).
I don’t have the greatest parents and I watch your videos because I want to be a good mom to my kids so they have a better life then me thank you for sharing ❤
My mom used the 'no thank you' bite with me. "Take a bite, if you don't like it, you can spit it out"
I was a Very picky eater but the freedom to completey reject it if i didn’t like it was really freeing
Whoaaaaa. I didn't even think about it until I just read this, but I feel like "you can spit" it out versus, "just take a bite" makes literally an entire world of difference. I feel like most kids that have parents that "give them the choice" usually will just say like, "just try one bite" but then you still have to have eaten at least part of it which I feel like is what's so hard to overcome with trying new things. I feel like letting them spit it out is such a tiny thing, but I don't know that I've ever actually heard or seen someone offer that to a child that they're trying to get to try something.
This is why I was the weird kid eating all sorts of raw vegetables at school -mind you, until college 💀 my mom always ate these with so much excitement. I never in my life had to "eat my vegetables". It was never a chore, almost more like a dessert.
I did have some pressure with meat though lmao, but then again, interestingly, my mother wasn't big on meat but insisted we eat it to grow. She herself wasn't crazy about it.
She sounds like a wonderful woman❤
I was in a similar sort of situation. As a kid, I always finished my veggies before my main meal. I’d always get reprimanded because “if you eat the vegetables first you’ll get too full to eat anything else.” When I didn’t touch my vegetables until I had finished the whole up my plate, they would always insist on “Eat your cucumbers! Eat your lettuce!” Stuff like that. I enjoyed eating vegetables but I didn’t know WHEN to eat them, if that makes sense.
Yesss. In my family we usually end up cutting a fruit or veggie into 4 and each one takes one
So everyone eats that fruit or veggie so it feels inclusive
Cool. I read a book about serving food in different orders so children learn to like all kinds of food so I did that with my children when they were growing up. Broccoli Tree dipped in melted cheese FIRST were a fun way to have veggies first!
@@TheImmortalSnaiIn😅Nn
as someone who has autism and struggles a lot with trying new things these sorts of videos bring me this sort of comfort I’ve never felt before
Fr
Yup. These videos feel like they're healing something. Bittersweet but make me feel safe too.
Yes exactly!! I have PDA type autism, so I personally find it extremely comforting that it feels like there isn’t any pressure to eat / sit at specific places, since my brain completely shuts down at the slightest bit of pressure.
Yesss my thoughts exactly
Experienced parent sounds like a grandma!
I was so worried when I saw the first example. The second is ao sweet and kind and loving. My daugter lost my grandkids for awhile to foster care and they didnt get good treatment. I wish they had experienced someone kind and loving. 😢 They are back home now. We live very far from each other.
I love how respectully you play the role of the new foster parent. Its clear that many foster parents are kind and loving and doing their best to support children in care. I bet many foster parents are being taught some great skills without feeling condemned or judged.
As some with ARFID who's ED was never taken seriously and I was forced to eat foods I couldn't because of it as a kid, I feel very comforted.
May I ask what ARFID is?
@@ciudadanadeunlugarllamadom8423 Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I also have it. Mine causes me to feel major anxiety when asked to try new foods. Its not an anxiety that easier to get over, and the ED is commonly just called picky eating when there's more probelms than that.
It's so weird how doctors treat Avoidance Restrictive Food Intake Disorder differently. My daughter was so malnourished from the disorder that she was required to eat four thousand calories a day. Once her body weight was back up we were to reintroduce one new food every 3 days and she had to eat a fist full size. Starting with foods that she ate before she got sick. So there was a lot of anxiety around eating and we were required to eat whatever she ate to show her that food was safe. I gained 30 lbs during that first year. But the goal was to get her eating the foods that she would eat before she got sick so there was pressure there not to eat just the same five foods over and over again. Today she is a grown up with very healthy eating habits and no anxiety about food whatsoever.
@weallhaveanopinion you said "before she got sick", that means there was a trauma that induced her "illness". I assume she went through extensive trauma therapy to deal with that as well as the diet exercise?
I have ARFID and it’s frustrating because it was only recently recognized as a Disorder. None of my doctors believed me because I was “too healthy” according to my blood work and wasn’t underweight. My own parents would try and force me to eat things or say your not leaving the kitchen till you try something. When it got bad, my parents took me to the doctors but only to hear that my blood work was good and that i could just be left alone. I was in food therapy before COVID not because I needed to be but because everyone treated me poorly and I wanted to change. Thankfully a lot of my safe foods were easily available to me but there would be days I would go without eating because I need a specific brand. (Such as only eating McDonalds chicken nuggets and not Wendy’s.) It is still incredibly aggravating for me and I often watch people I know look at my plate to see if I was eating just French fries (and yes that happens a lot at restaurants)
This made me cry :( I’ve always been a picky eater growing up and still very much am. There are even some foods I can’t even think about eating because they were forced so much. I’m older and not living with my mom anymore and now that there’s no pressure like the first one, I feel like I can try new things.
I used to only like my eggs scrambled but today I had one sunny side up for the 3rd time ever (the first time being a few months ago). It was actually really good. My mom used to force me to eat peas, or asparagus, which I hated. Years and years later I tried them on my own terms and actually liked them. It all really messed up how I saw food, eating in general. I wish anyone showed me this kindness when I was a kid. Sometimes, after seeing stuff like this, feels like I still am :(
I wish I had seen this before becoming a step mom. I had never parented before and definitely made these mistakes. I love your approach. It would have done wonders for me and my stepchild’s relationship.
Having choice is basically the same as having power!!!
so true
💯 and there’s NOTHING more power hungry than a toddler!!
Choices were not very useful with my kids. The experts say give them an A or B choice, but my kids always wanted option C. Funny, looking back, but insanely frustrating in the moment. Catering to kids gets to be too damn much. And all they do is learn entitlement.
@@mutteringcrone1210they are human beings and you are a terrible parent.
. Looks like a restaurant to me . Life’s tough and not everyone or every house these kids go to will be a “ restaurant “ which most people don’t do with their biological kids. This is not realistic and not real life .
And First off why are they there in the first place . Most CPS cases take kids from homes and they don’t need to be removed. Preventative care is always better ! CPS is a disgusting legal way of separating families ! Keep families together . Weed out the bull. But no one’s willing to do the work . Easy to just rip families apart so people like her and feel like the “ hero” and in realty they are not helping. Only making it worse
I was always told as a kid, "if you dont like it you dont have to eat it but you at least have to try it." It gives the kid a choice, they dont feel forced so they're more likely to try.
It’s so helpful x mine with my kid is “you don’t have to try it but I’d like you to, it might be your new fave food and you’d never know” and she reacts well to that. But also making sure familiar foods are available and not making the new food the only option, I hate so much when parents do that and then argue that forcing their kid to eat a whole serving or go hungry is the same as just getting them to try it
I tell my kids "you don't know if you're missing out on something amazing if you've never tried it" FOMO is real 😂
That's still forcing them to eat a little bit. Which I personally find very upsetting with some foods.
As a woman who had an extremely loving and supportive mother, I still want this woman to adopt me. 2nd mother!!
We need more if this foster community
I love this so much feeling safe around food can change your day in a way most people don’t understand
Ah yes, safe in your world of junk food, far away from scary vegetables and nutrition.
It's not about safety. It's about being a whiny baby and wanting only junk food and not being raised.
@@cilanatroisbetterthanparsley, you’re so funny!
@@cilanatroisbetterthanparsleytell me you know nothing about food issues without telling me.
I have safe foods that aren't junk! I love veggies so much (specifically carrots and broccoli and potatoes) you can cook them any way and I am able to eat them without difficulty. I know what to expect from them and I know it's not going to taste drastically different or have a massively different texture. Blackberries are a food I do not trust, because they vary so much in taste. Because of that I don't eat blackberries. Bread is hit or miss. There are only three or so brands of bread I can eat without difficulty and even the brands I like, I can't eat all the time because my responses aren't guaranteed to be positive. I love bacon but I can't eat it certain ways. (Can't be too crispy or too greasy) I can't eat tofu at all due to the texture.
The reason why a lot of people have "junk food" as safe foods is because of homogeneity. Chicken nuggets always taste and feel the same, so they can be trusted. I personally don't see chips as safe food because chips can vary so much from chip to chip. Natural foods tend to have more variety in them (like tomatoes ranging from sweet to sour in all directions at once) and so if you eat one and like it, you might not like the very next bite you take, which leads to uncertainty.
And I have never been considered a picky eater. I am actually considered kinda a crazy eater (I'm always curious about different combinations and especially meats. Bear meat lives rent free in my head since I first tried it) but sometimes I need to have a simple meal of foods I know I can trust. The best way to avoid this issues are to expose small children to new foods as young as possible and even then sometimes they will get like this (take my sister who grew up with the same family I did but spent YEARS only eating hotdog buns with chocolate spread, chicken nuggets with honey, and spaghetti with butter and salt. That's IT. Just those three things. She stopped at some point, but we had the same upbringing. There was no apparent reason for her to be picky and me not to be)
@myheartismadeofstars. What you said about safety from consistency makes so much sense. Thank you.
@@teresawood6830 you are so welcome! It's so important that these things be easy to understand because it makes picky eaters, autistic children and even children with eating disorders like ARFID much easier to help!
I grew up super picky because food was always a stressful topic when i didn’t eat! As a teen, my parents relaxed around my eating habits and my palette expanded
Glad u guys found a way too help everyone hope you guys have a nice Christmas and a happy New year
Same thing happened to me!
Wow, I'm not a foster mom, I have a biological 9 year old, but these tips are great! My daughter is so picky!
M-m-menu?! This is Genius! You very well may have just solved a huge obstacle in our home, thank you!
Sometimes its not even about the food . Its about the control . When kids dont have control over their life they might start wanting more control over the simple stuff like what or when to eat or what to wear . Giving them control over those control as much as possible makes them more open in trying new things
My son is autistic and was a very picky eater . His ot suggested to make his palet including his preferred and not preferred food and just leave it and let him decide when to eat it and what part to eat . It really really helped him expanding his palet and eat different foods .
I'm autistic. Just learned about pathological demand avoidance. I think it applies to food too. Might be why being chill and not demanding eating helped.
Great job. I'm glad I wasn't pressured to eat either. I grew up a total foodie. I have a couple texture things but other than that I love food.
So true
As a former foster child who’s now 20, thank you. People like you make kids where I was at feel safe in scary situations, and we really need support and kind people like you in the world. Again, thank you so much.
Every child deserves that kind of emotional safety 💔
True wish I had that when I was younger
Pls be my mom (I have parents who love me very much but you are so chill and I love it)
It's always wonderful seeing people showing good ways to take care of sensitive kids, it wasn't around when I was growing up!
Oddly the cat cucumber would've probably made me cry, simply because I wouldn't have wanted to eat the kitty 😅
That's ok. You're not supposed to eat the kitty, it's like a little fork you pick the veggie up with. I think she's probably explain better if she didn't have the time restriction for the video.
It’s fun! I wish those had been around when we had fosters.
“What’s this, Kitty? A cucumber . . . Do I eat it? Thank you, Kitty!”
We had toddlers, and they would’ve loved some role-playing (which is just modeling behavior)
@annme_87 Wow, I'd seen this video multiple times, and was always confused about the cucumber part "being a kitty" It did initially seem like the cucumber was supposed to be cat shaped somehow till I read your comment, and now see it's a little cat as a fork.
I hate watching the videos because no one should purposefully (and repeatedly) scare your pets, but the forks being shaped like cats is still very funny to me given their legendarily memeable aversion to cucumbers. 😅
my parents: “eat the fucking food or your going to bed hungry”
Same LOL
Ha! I'm in that club too.
And you survived
@user-wq7ho2vm8t yeah, I did. I do remember thinking my dad was trying to poison me with some of the food he put down to me though 😅 but I didn't raise my daughter that way. I gave her some choice in the matter.
😂😂😂❤
With the amount of joy I feel watching your videos… I know you truly have nothing better to do than being the absolute goat when it comes to these kids… so much love
“Exaggerated praise can also feel like pressure.” YESSS!!!!!! I grew up with too much exaggerated praise and then absolutely no attention or anything at all, it was so stressful as a kid. I’m glad to see parents/guardians seeing that :3
watching these videos and noticing how many of the good techniques my parents used with me growing up makes me appreciate them even more
God I love this woman. I'm autistic (and ex-foster kid :3) and this is EXACTLY how kids should be treated.
It's very hard for me to step out of my comfort zone and eat foods that aren't safe foods for me or are trigger foods. Offering options are the best thing ever! Thank you so much for making this channel and raising awareness of this.
this reminds me of when I actually rehabbed my African Grey Parrot from a neglectful situation, (also myself at some points in life- safe foods were a big thing, but I mentioned my Bird as he was only familiar with some fruits and sunflower seeds- he never tried veggies, sprouts, and other seed/nuts grains before- and he was 30 years old at the time.), it just can take a long time before you recognize new food items as safe to eat when you’re surviving, adapting and stressed , and even trying the new thing can be stressful (even if it ends up being yummy, it is still a lot of info to process for young/sensitive souls) 💖
I wich my mom was like this, it would feel so good to have someone to trust
I work as a DCS/CPS case manager and I really love your videos because I can help my placements with challenges from their perspective. It also really helps that I can be more mindful of actions I’m taking that affect placements and the children on my cases. Thank you for all that you do and Happy Holidays!
Cps is a disgusting system ! Nothing else needs to be said but that !
As someone who’s autistic this literally made me cry I was so happy, new things can be scary and it’s so important to show it as an option and to not pressure children in order to help them feel more comfortable with new things such as food, experiences, people, ect
This Isn't just for autistic people
@@_.Ra1n3._ i know that, just that as someone who is autistic i know that this would help me and many others the same as me.
Same thing I have autism
Same 💔
I love how parents are so innovative, it's so cute. My mom would just put a slap on my face, and when I opened my mouth to cry, she'd stuff the food
God, I love you so much! Thank you for these videos.
My cousins child was in temporary foster for a little while (things are better with her parents now) and she still carries around the blanket her foster mother got her as a comfort item when she first stayed with them. Very grateful for kind humans who take care of children in rough situations.
All of your videos makes me cry. The compassion and love you have in your heart always makes me feel like I want not only to feel but do bettee for everyone. Thank you so much
I wish I had foster parents like this. Mine were eat what I get you or don't eat at all so I didn't really eat much
The way you were talking in the experienced foster parent part made me instantly comforted and safe omg
I had a roommate who actually did that second one with me, and i tried several new foods that way. Just offering without pressure makes a huge difference
Choosing to or not to eat is often one of the few ways small children have control over their lives and bodies. Making food something they can still control but also enjoy experiencing new things so important and so kind.
I love her so much she’s amazing who else agrees?
Seeing a parent use everything I've learned in my ECE safety/health/nutrition class is so freaking satisfying.
You are seriously the best. I don’t have any intention of fostering but your advice works for my children.
This is very important for kids who are on the spectrum and feel outside their comfort zone being away from home
Yea I'm scared off public
We need more good loving caring forest parents like u
I've always been a very picky eater ever since I was very little, my parents are great but they would always get upset whenever I wouldn't try the food I make and wonder why there are such few foods I'll eat, this is definitely a perfect way to get picky eaters to try new food and I would've probably been a less picky eater if my parents did that instead of being pressuring. Very good tip!❤
Honestly this goes for all kids too. Instead of forcing them or giving ultimatums, let them be kids. Give them controlled options.
Yes! When my nephew was that age I'd give him choices. "For snack, do you want a popsicle, grapes or crackers?" He grew up to be a pretty reasonable and easygoing kid. I'd like to think I had a part in that. 😊
You’re an angel wish my parents would’ve talked to me like this 😢
I am so relieved to see that changes happening in the foster care system and the type of people that are becoming foster parents. As someone that went thru foster care and a parent who's kids went thru foster care it makes me want to cry when i see groups of fosters doing their best to adjust and become better.
I had a teacher like this and to this day, 10+ years later, I remember her all the time and have aspired to be like her in the way she treats and teaches kids. Mrs. Tonak now Mrs. Mason
My foster parents would just give me anything and I would be grateful and now as I'm older I mostly make my own food so this is kinda refreshing to see how it's done for others
My own daughter is teaching my parents this lesson about food. She runs away and cries when you offer more than once and my mom still can’t wrap herself around that. We are not the same poor as when they grew up, I have options for her. 💜
Always give options even if there aren’t many, feeling in control of your life is a HUGE deal
As a PDA profiled autist (persistent drive for autonomy) i am in awe of this approach. It makes my heart warm to watch those and know, that some autistic children are understood and accomodated like that. I wish noone of us were forced to put up with microagressions of the ego-driven, authoritarian alternatives to this approach, it directly impacts the way we are (or arent) able to advocate for ourselves as adults.
I have arfid because of health issues and ocd. I was always labeled a picky eater, but in reality, I would have full on panic attacks and throw up from eating something that felt unsafe. My girlfriend has helped me so much by not pressuring me, and by letting me still have control and choices, but still getting me to try new things. Pressure will never ever help a kid feel comfortable eating something new, it takes patience and trial and error
My sister was an exceptionally picky eater, right from the time she was a baby being introduced to solids at 3 months (that's how they did it 30+ years ago). She believes she has arfid, and is now trying to get help with it. She's so small and poorly from her restricted diet, though she does eat more things than she used to.
Hi Laura. You are so sweet. Thanks for raising awareness!
Who would have guessed that 'treating children like peers' was the best way to build trust and raport...
Not most people, apparently...
Why tf wasn’t my mum like this? She just said if I didn’t eat my food she’d shove it down my throat 💀
My spouse is helping me through ARFID as an adult using slightly more age appropriate language and the latter method. I was never able to try to fight it as a child because my parents reacted with pressure, starving me out, and eventual violent force feeding. It’s been 4 years but my menu has widened significantly, not wide enough to lose the diagnosis but much safer for my health.
Please listen to this video and handle eating issues with kindness, an open mind, no pressure, and no abuse.
We suspect my adult son (Asd) has ARFID but we don't really know what to do about this.
@@Level1HeraI would say take him to a psychiatrist for a formal diagnosis, then ask the psychiatrist where to go from there. Also perhaps there is some kind of therapist/specialist in your area that focuses on this disorder and could help you make a plan of action. Wishing you the best!
Proud of you ❤
I have ARFID as well and have been working with a therapist and a nutritionist doctor to help me through it and it was definitely from the way my mom treated me while I was a kid.
I hope your healing process is successful 💖💖💖
Everyone but my parents is under the assumption I have ARFID, but they never believe anything is wrong. I also have food allergies, so it can be a struggle in figuring out what is happening
I was not a foster kid and grew up save and loved, but due to high sensitivity am a picky eater. The pressure when being with relatives or eating in school was almost unberable and made me anxious. It's often not "not wanting" to eat something different, but the pressure of not being able to hide when I dislike something and then disappoint the one offering me the food.
Same! Especially since I do have dietary restrictions it is a pain to go out anywhere. I just had a work lunch party to go to and I felt so awkward just ordering chicken tenders with fries while everyone got these fancy meals. But hey, end of the day i'm gonna do what is best for me and not feel pressured by anyone to try something else.
That was my exact situation. I suspect I had (and maybe still have) the eating disorder Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). It's a newly recognize eating disorder.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association:
"Individuals with ARFID limit the volume and/or variety of foods they consume, but unlike the other eating disorders, food avoidance or restriction is not related to fears of fatness or distress about body shape, size or weight. Instead, in ARFID, selective eating is motivated by a lack of interest in eating or food, sensory sensitivity (e.g., strong reactions to taste, texture, smell of foods), and/or a fear of aversive consequences (e.g., of choking or vomiting)."
this is so wholesome omg my childhood was eat it or starve 💀
Dino? RAWR
Honestly this is so beautiful. I never really comment on these kind of videos but I was really touched by this. As a former (and still kinda) picky eater the first method felt SO anxiety inducing but the second one is the exact kind of low pressure situation that I always found wayyy more comfortable!
Pressuring someone to try new stuff can make them develope an eating disorder, so this is sososo important, thank you for being awesome
I have anxiety around trying new foods because of this exact reason! And I already had a type of eating disorder before the pressure made things worse
I personally love to try new foods and I can see how it can trigger an ed.
Why is this my entire personality with kids 24/7 tho-
I never was in foster care but i have c-PTSD from a mentally and emotionally abusive household plus the stress of undiagnosed/untreated ADHD, later depression and an ED. These videos make me feel so safe but also so, so sad. Thank you for all that you do.