This video has been extremely helpful! I’m a para Special Ed and it’s been so hard to know what is a meltdown versus a temper tantrum and how to deal with these things. You have given me so many practical and wise tools. I’ve had 2 college level classes in Autism and wished I had someone like yourself to explain practically what these ideas look like and mean, beyond just the theory or idea of FBAs etc. Thank you for sharing!
In a training today. I was told tantrums and meltdowns ARE the same thing. I didn't say NO! IT'S NOT ! Because I didnt want to be disrespectful to the speaker.
Wonderful video, so helpful in regard to my two year old daughter and how to handle her, especially with her new “hold me now” tantrums - I have no choice but to not give in because I hurt my back so I needed help!!
More interesting than before. For other people a tantrum it’s anger related (sorry) and a meltdown it’s anxiety related. But I wonder it’s the same for me?
Dr Spock’s thinking brought us to total loss of parental control, lack of respect for parents and authority in general, failure of classroom discipline.
teaching him & yourself how to communicate non verbally & maybe how to progress with his verbal communication. This that your son is asking yo inj for stuff like lunch or movie is a good sign & a good beginning ! It's hard but don't give up as your child is worth it ! Check out pinrest for games to play with your son & videos like the one above. Good luck & all the best for both of you. Believe me it will get better but it will cost you a lot of work.
@@sharelkloer9417 I heard many years ago, never use the word no to any child. It is usually the first thing parents do and way too often. You have nearly answered your own question and that is the word no, is followed by and causes a bad reaction.s He may even feel that you are punishing him every time you say it. This applies to all children. The word no is best saved for situations that involve danger and with a strong tone. If they hear the word from you everyday over and over it loses its effect and the day that you really need them to listen to stop them from walking into a dangerous situation and you can't get to them in time to prevent the incident, you really need that NO to save them. Instead of saying no, or "don't do that", tell them what you WANT them to do. This will take practice if you are used to saying no, it is probably automatic. Be conscious of this and every time you want him to not do something, stop yourself from saying no, and think of something else. Like this lady in the video says, if you change the behaviour of the carer, you will change the behaviour of the child. An example of this could be that he is bashing the furniture and you don't want him too. Instead of saying "no" put another object infant of him that you don't mind him hitting. Or better still buy him a drum and give this to him, divert his attention. Show him how you hit the drum and smile to show him you enjoy this then give it to him have to have a turn. Give all your attention to the drum as that is what it is for. You are diverting his attention away from destroying the furniture and teaching him something constructive at the same time. Its all about diversion, shifting the behaviour into something more useful, not putting a stop to it. So, divert their attention, avoid the word no. Try it! Let me know how you go. This is a real exercise in behaviour management for you. Once you start, you will want to know more.
When I had my daughter over 33 years ago now, I heard some very wise words. Never say no to children unless it is a very dangerous situation you want them to avoid. If you are constantly saying no to everything you don't want them to do, the word "no"nwill become worthless and in a real emergency, when you can't physically get to them to save them, the word no might be the only thing you can do to help them from a life threatening situation. You have almost answered your own question in that every time you say it, it causes a bad reaction in him. This applies to all children, not just children with autism. So just as Sharon states in the video, if you change the behaviour of the carer the behaviour of the child will change. Instead of saying no, and it will be difficult at first because it is probably automatic for you to say it, instead of "no" or "don't do that", tell him what you WANT him to do. For example, he is hitting the furniture with a stick and you don't want that. Instead of saying "no' or "don't do that," take the stick from him and show him an object he can hit, preferably a drum which is meant to be hit. Show him you enjoy it, then give him the stick to mimic you. What you are doing here is DIVERTING his attention instead of rousing and focusing on what you don't want him to do, and teaching him something constructive. Drums are meant to be hit. Diverting their attention at the same time as learning something new is the best way to go. Much better than NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! He needs to be shown what he CAN do. Another thing that will help, is attending a local children's centre with him and you can gain experience with trained childhood educators as to what they do to manage children like this. You can volunteer your services in exchange for learning strategies with him. I'm not sure how often you have your grandson with you, but you could do this on your days off to get experience.
@@catherinemarsh5453 so what about when I don't use the word no. Lets say he wants to do something and right now isn't a good time for whatever reason. I tell him we can do that after lunch. I don't say no. He still throws a tantrum. It's like if he doesn't get his way right away, he throws a fit. :/
@@beckyfry358 Yeah I see what you mean, he is still throwing tantrums, but it's a good start to refrain from saying no and that is really important. Save it for real emergencies. As for the continuing tantrums, could you tell me how much sleep he gets?Tiredness is a huge factor with tantrums. Does he have naps during the day? And could you note what times during the day he is likely to be like this?
Wht we can do if she (15yrs non verbal) started to scarching hitting me shouting... crying jumping in shoping mall and parks doing unhealthy things like going on wrong scalleters or lifts ...even we talk calmly.
I am so sorry to hear that. I just sent this question in to Shannon for Ask Dr. Doreen. Please tune in on Wednesdays or check out our Ask Dr. Doreen playlist for any videos that you may find helpful! -Autism Live Producer
There is no good way to talk to you without saying a bad word or words my son is on the Low end of a high spectrum is what they said he has meltdowns when told no and you can do it as nice as you can I was rough with you need to be he’s gonna have a meltdown
No wonder me and my dogs got along so well. I didn’t have to ask them why are my parents are going nuts? But isn’t that what you need teach the child at CARD not to do. It’s not healthy for humans to feel emotions that strongly it’s healthy for an animal to feel that by the way.
you mentioned that your son was a sweeper. My 6 year old will grab what ever is around him to throw when he gets mad about not getting what he wants right then. Is that an ignore? He obviously needs to learn a different coping skill which we try to in force. How do I get him to pick up what he threw and still ignore the behavior?
You can still ask him calmly to pick up what he thrown that way he might learn he need to clean after himself - sometimes it worled with my son. But you need to remember that in some situations you are not calm enough to ask him, basically you might be to angry or he will not cooperate and that ok, you just leave it.
@@channelmar15 So if the "normal" kids lined up their toys, then it would be acceptable for an autistic child? Why is everyone so obsessed with conformity?
@@filipeflower and you don’t want your child to be singled-out or bullied. And I know what you’re going to say next: “if we educated the ‘neurotypicals’ about autism, there wouldn’t be so much bullying.” Actually, I think the opposite would happen: the bullies would DOUBLE DOWN on the autistic kids whom they bully. Essentially, it would go through one ear and out the other.
Is it possible for non autistic child having a meltdown? My 20 mo son is rarely got a tantrum, but at one point he just lay down, make his head hit the floor, he don’t want to be held, talked, nursed, and i don’t know anything else to offer, he usually pretty easy to be offered something when tantrum.
Welcome to the terrible twos 😂 I would talk to your pediatrician to discuss how to manage his behavior, but tantrums are totally normal in all kids. Especially starting around your son's age--kids are learning to talk and usually discover that they can have some control over their world by saying no or screaming to get their way. Frustrating, but normal!
This autistic child never whined, or cried, he is 5 nonverbal, flight risk! I have been caring for him for 2 years! He got put in a daytime medication, and the mom is increasing when she has him, he has circles under his eyes, and NOW has been like that constantly! I am a RN and specialize in special needs-autism, he has a room at my house, and I have him 80% of the time, because the mom has three other children, and admits not being a special needs person, so I feel she is over medicating, because that’s when it started, also her husband, she just confided was a alcoholic, for obvious reasons I am concerned! I have decreased his medication to the normal amount and have been doing all I know to get him back on track, and it’s working! What’s going to happen when he goes to see his mom, and the same rules don’t apply? She does this to avoid hearing him verbally, and kicking his bedroom door! 😢
As an RN you are a court mandated reporter. If you see a situation in which you think someone is being mistreated, you have a legal obligation to report it to the authorities.
Finally a video that actually explains and give real life scenerios...not from a professional with no kids but who truly gets it...thank you!❤
This video has been extremely helpful! I’m a para Special Ed and it’s been so hard to know what is a meltdown versus a temper tantrum and how to deal with these things. You have given me so many practical and wise tools. I’ve had 2 college level classes in Autism and wished I had someone like yourself to explain practically what these ideas look like and mean, beyond just the theory or idea of FBAs etc. Thank you for sharing!
This has been super helpful and informative. Explained the process clearly. Thank you! 🙏🏻
Thank you. You helped me pass the RBT test 3 years ago. I flooded myself with videos. 👍BTW I was a court reporter for 27 years before an RBT. 👍
That's amazing! Glad we could help!!!!
I'm so happy I found this. My son is semi verbal autistic and he has been getting violent and need hepp
Awesome! Just what I was looking for to understand and help my newly diagnosed grandson. Great information. Thank you for providing this!
Gosh I needed this video. It made me laugh, cry and think. You've offered some info here that I hadn't considered before. Thank you
In a training today. I was told tantrums and meltdowns ARE the same thing. I didn't say NO! IT'S NOT ! Because I didnt want to be disrespectful to the speaker.
You’re absolutely right because meltdowns last way longer than tantrums do.
I love all the information very helpful. Thanks so much. Now I understand better my 3 yrs old.
Thank you so much for making this video!
Wonderful video, so helpful in regard to my two year old daughter and how to handle her, especially with her new “hold me now” tantrums - I have no choice but to not give in because I hurt my back so I needed help!!
This is great! And I never thought about the overhead lights and ball caps 🧢 or some type of sun hats 👒. That’s such a great idea! Thank you!!
More interesting than before.
For other people a tantrum it’s anger related (sorry) and a meltdown it’s anxiety related.
But I wonder it’s the same for me?
I've heard this too, but sometimes anxiety and anger go together.
Dr Spock’s thinking brought us to total loss of parental control, lack of respect for parents and authority in general, failure of classroom discipline.
Yup.
My son turns 25 in about two months and it doesn't get any easier.
It depends on the situation and what his disappointment is about.
🤷🏻♀️
Most impressive and lucid account - thank you very much.
teaching him & yourself how to communicate non verbally & maybe how to progress with his verbal communication.
This that your son is asking yo inj for stuff like lunch or movie is a good sign & a good beginning !
It's hard but don't give up as your child is worth it !
Check out pinrest for games to play with your son & videos like the one above.
Good luck & all the best for both of you.
Believe me it will get better but it will cost you a lot of work.
My Granson is 4 and Autistic. He has a tantrum, and agressive behavior. Every time he is told no
He also does speak and is high on the spectrum
@@sharelkloer9417 I heard many years ago, never use the word no to any child. It is usually the first thing parents do and way too often. You have nearly answered your own question and that is the word no, is followed by and causes a bad reaction.s He may even feel that you are punishing him every time you say it. This applies to all children. The word no is best saved for situations that involve danger and with a strong tone. If they hear the word from you everyday over and over it loses its effect and the day that you really need them to listen to stop them from walking into a dangerous situation and you can't get to them in time to prevent the incident, you really need that NO to save them. Instead of saying no, or "don't do that", tell them what you WANT them to do. This will take practice if you are used to saying no, it is probably automatic. Be conscious of this and every time you want him to not do something, stop yourself from saying no, and think of something else. Like this lady in the video says, if you change the behaviour of the carer, you will change the behaviour of the child. An example of this could be that he is bashing the furniture and you don't want him too. Instead of saying "no" put another object infant of him that you don't mind him hitting. Or better still buy him a drum and give this to him, divert his attention. Show him how you hit the drum and smile to show him you enjoy this then give it to him have to have a turn. Give all your attention to the drum as that is what it is for. You are diverting his attention away from destroying the furniture and teaching him something constructive at the same time. Its all about diversion, shifting the behaviour into something more useful, not putting a stop to it. So, divert their attention, avoid the word no. Try it! Let me know how you go. This is a real exercise in behaviour management for you. Once you start, you will want to know more.
When I had my daughter over 33 years ago now, I heard some very wise words. Never say no to children unless it is a very dangerous situation you want them to avoid. If you are constantly saying no to everything you don't want them to do, the word "no"nwill become worthless and in a real emergency, when you can't physically get to them to save them, the word no might be the only thing you can do to help them from a life threatening situation. You have almost answered your own question in that every time you say it, it causes a bad reaction in him. This applies to all children, not just children with autism. So just as Sharon states in the video, if you change the behaviour of the carer the behaviour of the child will change. Instead of saying no, and it will be difficult at first because it is probably automatic for you to say it, instead of "no" or "don't do that", tell him what you WANT him to do. For example, he is hitting the furniture with a stick and you don't want that. Instead of saying "no' or "don't do that," take the stick from him and show him an object he can hit, preferably a drum which is meant to be hit. Show him you enjoy it, then give him the stick to mimic you. What you are doing here is DIVERTING his attention instead of rousing and focusing on what you don't want him to do, and teaching him something constructive. Drums are meant to be hit. Diverting their attention at the same time as learning something new is the best way to go. Much better than NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! He needs to be shown what he CAN do. Another thing that will help, is attending a local children's centre with him and you can gain experience with trained childhood educators as to what they do to manage children like this. You can volunteer your services in exchange for learning strategies with him. I'm not sure how often you have your grandson with you, but you could do this on your days off to get experience.
@@catherinemarsh5453 so what about when I don't use the word no. Lets say he wants to do something and right now isn't a good time for whatever reason. I tell him we can do that after lunch. I don't say no. He still throws a tantrum. It's like if he doesn't get his way right away, he throws a fit. :/
@@beckyfry358 Yeah I see what you mean, he is still throwing tantrums, but it's a good start to refrain from saying no and that is really important. Save it for real emergencies. As for the continuing tantrums, could you tell me how much sleep he gets?Tiredness is a huge factor with tantrums. Does he have naps during the day? And could you note what times during the day he is likely to be like this?
Wht we can do if she (15yrs non verbal) started to scarching hitting me shouting... crying jumping in shoping mall and parks doing unhealthy things like going on wrong scalleters or lifts ...even we talk calmly.
I am so sorry to hear that. I just sent this question in to Shannon for Ask Dr. Doreen. Please tune in on Wednesdays or check out our Ask Dr. Doreen playlist for any videos that you may find helpful! -Autism Live Producer
There is no good way to talk to you without saying a bad word or words my son is on the Low end of a high spectrum is what they said he has meltdowns when told no and you can do it as nice as you can I was rough with you need to be he’s gonna have a meltdown
No wonder me and my dogs got along so well. I didn’t have to ask them why are my parents are going nuts? But isn’t that what you need teach the child at CARD not to do. It’s not healthy for humans to feel emotions that strongly it’s healthy for an animal to feel that by the way.
you mentioned that your son was a sweeper. My 6 year old will grab what ever is around him to throw when he gets mad about not getting what he wants right then. Is that an ignore? He obviously needs to learn a different coping skill which we try to in force. How do I get him to pick up what he threw and still ignore the behavior?
You can still ask him calmly to pick up what he thrown that way he might learn he need to clean after himself - sometimes it worled with my son. But you need to remember that in some situations you are not calm enough to ask him, basically you might be to angry or he will not cooperate and that ok, you just leave it.
Why do you people get so butthurt if an autistic child wants to line up their toys? Seriously? What will happen if the child lines up his cows?
It’s implicit behavior. No other kids do that except autistic ones.
@@channelmar15 and?
@@channelmar15 So if the "normal" kids lined up their toys, then it would be acceptable for an autistic child? Why is everyone so obsessed with conformity?
@@filipeflower and you don’t want your child to be singled-out or bullied. And I know what you’re going to say next: “if we educated the ‘neurotypicals’ about autism, there wouldn’t be so much bullying.” Actually, I think the opposite would happen: the bullies would DOUBLE DOWN on the autistic kids whom they bully. Essentially, it would go through one ear and out the other.
Is it possible for non autistic child having a meltdown? My 20 mo son is rarely got a tantrum, but at one point he just lay down, make his head hit the floor, he don’t want to be held, talked, nursed, and i don’t know anything else to offer, he usually pretty easy to be offered something when tantrum.
Welcome to the terrible twos 😂 I would talk to your pediatrician to discuss how to manage his behavior, but tantrums are totally normal in all kids. Especially starting around your son's age--kids are learning to talk and usually discover that they can have some control over their world by saying no or screaming to get their way. Frustrating, but normal!
yes - all kinds of people, children and adults can have meltdowns/
This autistic child never whined, or cried, he is 5 nonverbal, flight risk! I have been caring for him for 2 years! He got put in a daytime medication, and the mom is increasing when she has him, he has circles under his eyes, and NOW has been like that constantly! I am a RN and specialize in special needs-autism, he has a room at my house, and I have him 80% of the time, because the mom has three other children, and admits not being a special needs person, so I feel she is over medicating, because that’s when it started, also her husband, she just confided was a alcoholic, for obvious reasons I am concerned! I have decreased his medication to the normal amount and have been doing all I know to get him back on track, and it’s working! What’s going to happen when he goes to see his mom, and the same rules don’t apply? She does this to avoid hearing him verbally, and kicking his bedroom door! 😢
As an RN you are a court mandated reporter. If you see a situation in which you think someone is being mistreated, you have a legal obligation to report it to the authorities.
Funny enough what you are saying would work on non autistic kids.