As somebody who was sexually abused as a child, it’s so hard for me to look at people who remember their childhood fondly, without feeling a little bit of jealousy and anger towards them. This video helped that problem, among others. Time to put it into practice.
You're not alone, what we went through made us who we are. And everyone's journey is different, but that doesn't mean we aren't just as worthy, lovable, valuable or amazing. More than anything for me it has greatly helped me a more compassionate and understanding person, and I love that.
I'm so sorry you went through that, too. What matters most is the now. We are still here so we can still be happy, even if it takes more effort for us than others.
@@arioctober I wonder though, will we ever be truly happy? It sounds nice when I, myself or other ppl comfort others but in reality, happiness is very hard to attain.
Not feeling extroverted enough is definitely one of my biggest insecurities. I hate when people comment on how quiet I am, especially now I feel like it affects me professionally 😔
I had the same issue, truth is I was afraid to speak up because I was afraid of rejection, saying something stupid, embarass myself or people disagreeing with me. I was too focused on myself because I judge myself really harshly and thought that people would see me has I saw myself. The more you speak even to say something useless the better it becomes and you feel less affraid. Taking baby steps and be proud when you say something even if it just "what time is it ?" "The wheather is good today", "I watch that movie last night have you seen it ?" the goal is just to fix small goals to desensitized the fear response. Also ask people about them what they like and all, people love to talk about them and we can learn from it !
@@abracadabra866 definitely! The work environment also made a big impact but I'm trying to ask something small everyday. Mondays are the easiest because I can just say "what did you do this weekend" and sit back to listen
I love quiet people, i wish there were more like you Nadia. As long as you are happy in yourself, then you don't need to be extroverted, as that's really just a way to seek external validation from others, i prefer to find acceptance within myself ^_^
how would you react in a meeting, for example, if everybody shared their thoughts and opinions and your team lead or a moderator would ask you to speak your mind? would you feel comfortable or rather exposed? i'm asking out of curiosity, because i really like to include everyone i am with and also ask people to share their opinions, that otherwise wouldn't have.
Stop looking at other people's art for at least a month, more would be a plus. Ween yourself out of it. During that time, do the best you can. Create that which you ever wanted but never had the time or the disposition.
I see people my age with absolutely professional stunning works and i get so jealous, like where did i go wrong, why not me too...but im also happy for them, and happy that they dont have to feel the way i do.
Don't think of age as getting older and closer to death, cause we're technically close to death every day. Think of it instead as the fact that you have survived this long so far in this crazy world, see it as an achievement you know. Be proud of every birthday you live to see cause it's not a given :) and the bald look is cool af btw :)
This is actually a point that's made in the Hunger Games book(!) of all things. When Katniss arrives at the Capitol and notices how people try to hide that they're getting old by having plastic surgery and whatnot as if getting old was something to be ashamed of. While in her poor district, people who were old were revered and thought of as smart because they managed to survive so long and people would envy them and ask them what their secret of longevity was. Maybe not regarding getting old as an achievement comes from our societies having such a good standard of living. I mean, it's kinda expected now that you don't die young. So getting old is seen less as an achievement. While developing countries still hold their elders in much higher regard.
I second that, Diane. We’re so lucky to be still learning such life changing truths! And no matter how old we become, they’re will still be someone younger and wiser to show us the way! 😀👍
Jealousy comes naturally, but being happy for others is, like love, a decision. Jealous people need more love and commitment, not less, from their friends. I've met jealous people in the mirror every morning and have learned that Jealousy kills hope. There be dragons in that sea.
Wow, I love your input. I work with someone who is a narcissist and she is also so jealous of everyone. I have always been wondering how someone can ever be happy if that is how they think. :(
The "what are you jealous and not jealous of" is great thing to point out. I'm naturally busty and I often get female friends saying they wished they had my boobs. But I don't think they think about the downsides to being busty such as unwanted male attention, people assuming you are promiscuous, difficulty finding clothes that fit you properly etc. So I think getting people to think about the pros *and* cons of enviable traits will help stem the raise of envy and insecurities.
Your posts and comics are always great, I feel lucky the algorithm led me to your imposter syndrome video. Because of it, I started a year long journaling practice as well as started posting 2 videos per week to stop myself from drinking too much. I have lost ten pounds this year, and I'm positive it's from less alcohol consumption.
Every time I look at your videos I always wonder if the "me of the past" would have understood your words. Now to" the me in the present" they are totally reasonable, and I guess it is because I don't see things so blurred anymore. To the people out there struggling with any kind of negative thoughts: have a full immersion in the channel of this guy because having positive and sensibile inputs as his one's, might really help you... You might not agree because you think it is useless, but on a subconscious level you are putting a lot of good inputs in your brain!! This is what i learned from my own experience, but in any case just be kind to yourself peoplee:)
I have a two-step process for watching your videos. Step one is to watch and 🤯🤯🤯. Step two is to get out my journal and take notes and really contemplate what you’re teaching. Possibly because of our similar backgrounds, you always have a way of getting right to my heart, and touching a place that needs healing. Please keep making content. It’s marking a difference. 😭
one of the best pieces of advice i've gotten is, if you're like me and it's inevitable to compare yourself to something or someone, try to do it with your past self rather than someone else. it's much more productive to look at a piece of your old art or even to the person who you used to be and notice how much better you've gotten. it truly works at putting you in a higher position and better mind state than if you were comparing yourself to your favourite artist, or to someone who has lived with a good support system for their whole lives and is a good person because of that.
If a person has so much success, but has remained humble and wishes only happiness and success on other people, then this will clearly show who is truly jealous and who isn’t. I’d say, from personal experience, it becomes a little more complex if you’re not inherently a jealous person, but the person who, on the surface of things, is successful, but enjoys comparing their success against people/yourself who are/is struggling. This is the moment when you have to adjust the focus, remember to self love and realise that maybe this “successful” person is actually not doing so great inside themselves. To keep in focus, be kind, respect the healing progress (that being happy in life might take time) and believe that the grain of sand sized progress you’re making today will move mountains in your life eventually, with consistency.
Thank you for this great video, and for sharing your personal story. Much love to you struthless 🙏🏽♥️ Timestamps: 1:08 Breakdown of video 1:27 Part 1: Definitions 2:56 Part 2: Historical context 3:10 My favorite part “Cool right? WRONG. IT'S NOT COOL” 😂 4:27 Part 3: The practical exercise 5:03 Question 1: Are you jealous? 6:02 Question 2: What are you jealous of and what aren’t you jealous of? 6:48 Question 3: Have you been comparing down? 7:06 Question 4: Can you rephrase the ‘jealousy statement’ as a ‘prefer statement’? 7:54 Question 5: Add “and I love that” 8:36 Personal story 9:30 The aim: * Be grateful for what you have * Be happy for somebody else
This video made me realize that I spend a lot of time jealous of kids that had wealthier and more reliable upbringing than myself. I love my parents, and my family is crazy and wonderful and unique, but I guess I have more work to do than I thought.
I am sorry to hear that about your childhood. I was brought up in a wealthier family, not rich but money was always there. But in exchange for the money I barely saw my dad at all during my childhood and teenage years, he was always working. Maybe that brings some comfort, I guess everyone has it kinda rough in some way, some more than others. Hope your better now!
I am so sorry that that happened to you when you were a child, it's really impressive that you could overcome it and share your thoughts and ideas with others online to help them with their issues. big love and thanks for everything you provide!
After getting out of an abusive relationship (and being an aspie) I was so envious of people who could positively engage and deeply connect with others and make it seem effortless - how their conversations were so fun, they could just shittalk and laugh and I was stuck in a loop of wanting to connect but I was ruminating hard so I’d end up bringing up some hectic experience and alienate myself and make myself feel more isolated. Lots of self-reflection and acceptance later and now I only do that like 5-10% of the time, yay! Also way more comfortable with myself so not worried about saying something someone can’t relate to or makes them uncomfortable if it’s relevant to the topic (and is constructive) and that is a massive help.
Dude, thank you. Life's been rough lately. The kind of real shit where if anyone but your closest people ask you how things are going, most of the time you lie and say "Fine," and then immediately change the subject back to them, because talking about your own shit would kill the conversation and just leave both of you feeling worse, sitting in the sad, uncomfortable silence that settles when people are faced with the fact that someone is going through something hard and painful that simply has to be gone through, that there is no cure for or shortcut through. And the only thing worse than watching them sit with the weight of that is when they don't, and instead they try to come up with something to say to make it better. Whereas, hearing about their stuff is a pleasant distraction. I've been catching myself getting sucked back into comparing, sometimes with others, but more often with some idealized version of myself. Even though I know that it's unhelpful and only leads to focusing on the negative, I couldn't figure how to interrupt that exercise and reframe. Using "I'd prefer..." works like magic for me. And thank you for really putting yourself out there with your final example. At first, the "and I love that" technique didn't seem to be striking a chord for me, even though I love the elegance of self-hacks that take advantage of our innate human tendencies like that. But the fact that you then used it to take something where it's so hard to imagine there could be anything to love and turn it on its head? Yeah, that made it click. Thanks for giving me some really powerful new tools when I my toolbox was feeling pretty stale and I really need them.
I've got a friend that always says "WOW I love that for you", and it sounds really narky, but the thought is so genuine. I'm all here for putting a positive spin wherever possible, there's always other ways to look at things.
I was having some problems with my friend group and feeling disconnected and jealous of the people who did get along well with everyone. Using the "I prefer" and "I love that" thinking has really helped me out. Thank you! 🧡
I don't usually comment on videos, but since I am here a little bit early. I just want to express how beautiful and thoughtful your content is. I do really appreciate your time you take to produce such top-notch stuff. And this is only the third video of yours I am watching.. so, thanks a lot, mate! Keep going, and you can overcome drugs! Greetings from Egypt!
The most jealous I have ever been in my life was my senior year. We have to do senior speeches as a part of our final for our English class, and I was so incredibly jealous listening to everyone talk about their supportive, loving families and parents when my parents were my biggest obstacle. I was so jealous I was sitting in the back crying while everyone was expressing how their mom or dad was their hero, how they couldn't have gotten through without them. I'm jealous of people who had healthy, supportive, loving families, and I LOVE that. Its a beautiful thing to see people with loving parents, kids who are supported and cared for. It gives me hope, it makes me feel warm inside to observe good parenting. And someday I want to be a good parent too.
I can’t tell you how much this genuinely helped. I compare myself to literally everyone and your whole video was so helpful. Love you man ❤️ keep up the good work
What I learnt from this video: - Yes, I am jealous. - I feed my ego by comparing down. And this leads me to be in a comparitive mind-set. - It's cool to accept jealousy and to turn it into a positive narrative where you appreciate what others have and know your direction. these aren't exactly the 5 points, but it's what I got from it. And I'm definitely not going to get a pen and journal this somewhere so comment section it is :p I also generally love that this video doesn't just say "comparing yourself is bad, stop doing it", it gives actual stuff to think about.
I needed this rn, I literally just uploaded a video about having alopecia areata. What i've realised is that the bald patches I have don't have any bearing on my character and don't diminish who i am
Wonderful insight and advice my man. I also am jealous of guys with thick nice hair, which is a thing that me at 20 would be shocked and ashamed of, and me at 25 became all too familiar with. And just so you know, you do have the right shaped head to pull off the clean shave and look good. Own that shit. Thank you for sharing your delightful thoughts!
your videos are so healing!!! thank you so much! also thank you for opening up so much. i honestly sense 0%fakeness 100% realness from your side man and that is a rare jewel nowadays!!!!
For some bald guy on the internet you have some pretty great insights! Seriously, thank you for your videos and for being so open and honest, there aren’t enough people vulnerably sharing their stories and it’s very refreshing and relatable. I’m grateful I stumbled across this channel 🙏🏼✌🏼
Thanks dude you're a true legend! 🙏💙 my brother went bald he started balding at the age of 24, he shaved it off and bought a t-shirt reading... "I'm not bald, it's a solar panel for a sex machine" 😂 he's taught me alot over the years about accepting what I can't control and has overcome alot of trauma from his childhood! My other brother too is a strong man for simular reasons! 🙏 keep putting out the love and good advice dude! Much love man! 🤟🏽💙🤟🏽
I think...this video just lowkey changed my life. Damn. Forget the 3M views, you're creating tangible positive change in strangers' lives across the globe. Cheers mate, and thank you
Love this! Have to remind myself that it's ok to just be myself instead of trying to be as good as someone else that maybe I admire. Especially with my art. Keep up the great content!
Your questions has been A HUGE help to me! I have been taking notes from your videos and using these as journal prompts everyday since December. I can't put into words how much it has helped me learn more about myself and understand what my negative feelings are trying to tell me
Hey Nadia! Beautiful comment. I have been thinking about creating journals and your comment led me to your channel. I subscribed! You have a beautiful way of teaching.
I am jealous of your honest, compassionate understanding of your own vulnerabilities... and I love that because, reading through these comments, you reach, connect with and bring healing to so many people... and that's better than any hairy dude in my books :)
This one really hit home as an artist fighting the comparison cycle and working through childhood sexual abuse as well. Thank you so much for sharing. Much love your way.
Dude, I can totally see animations/ cartoons with all this amazing life coaching messages working for so many people. I hope Hump Wallace is a life coach!
Dude, thank you SO MUCH. I watched this 3 times, took notes, and went on a long walk. While I was walking I ran through a list of comparisons that I remember making that really triggered me into a dark place. And I got so much clarity and was able to let a lot of it go. I think this video may have just change my life. Again, thank you so much.
i love how you said that being jealous of someone isnt something bad or being ashamed of; we only improve as human beings as long as we realize our flaws and the areas we are good at whether this action being done by ourselves or being told by someone else. thanks you for the video, keep up the good work :)
Your channel has been changing my life. Every night before falling asleep I watch a couple of videos and think about the message. So I end up falling asleep with a very positive mindset and willing to change my habits, my way of thinking and the way I see myself and my life. I cant think of a way to thank you for sharing everything you do, the way you do. It is admirable and genuine. Your take on life is amazing. I hope I get there one day, too.
I'm jealous of other people who are very confortable in social situations and feel "normal" and I love that because it's remind me how much people are important for me and that I try my best to make them feel good with me, even if I feel different from them. And that's cool. Thank you so much for this haha
This video is so well done!! I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I've found my insecurity and comparison rise a bit with the new era of face mask life that we live in. Part of me is fearful that when I meet someone with my mask on, they'll be surprised when they eventually see me with it off because they pictured me as looking "better" than I actually do. I find myself comparing myself upwards against those who look "better" than I had imagined when I see them without their mask, and downward when I see people who look "worse" (worldly beauty standards wise) than I had pictured them. This video was helpful in seeing that jealousy is a normal feeling but something that I can actually work through.
I really like this. Whenever I find myself comparing I also like to think to myself “don’t compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.”
One thing i asked to myself is what made me happy all these years, form a list and realize what really its important and why those exact moments were happy :)
Love the compassion + humor you bring to heavy topics. The visuals/logic diagrams are helpful too. 🙏 Video notes: [1:40] Comparing ourselves --> negative feelings --> suboptimal actions --> suboptimal life. [2:00] Comparison is a tool & is not inherently problematic. "Comparison can just be an efficient way to make decisions and find the relationship b/w objects." Only harmful when comparison meets insecurity. [4:02] Historical context: consumerism preys on natural human tendency to compare ourselves. Marketing messaging creates a specific mold to fit. Result: we become silently insecure, with a lot to prove. Social media is an outlet to highlight our strengths, but also a trap. A framework to hide our flaws + show our best self. The more that people join this system, the more that comparison/FOMO ramps up. Quantifiable likes make this worse. [5:00] 5 questions to ask when comparing yourself: 1. Are you jealous? Occurs when you see your potential/desires lived out in someone else. Healthy way to try and reduce the gap: rising to their level. Bad response: hating/dragging them down. Understand that jealousy is a natural feeling. Recognize you can't control others/their accomplishments. You can only control yourself. 2. What ARE + AREN'T you jealous of? Maybe you're jealous of the attention they get. But not the type of content/lifestyle they sustain. Realize you're subconsciously shooting for an unrealistic standard of wanting the best of everything. (I'd argue this doesn't have to be a bad thing: it's okay to want a lot. Just recognize you can't have it immediately, all at once). 3. Have you been comparing down? Indulging our ego ("I'm better than that person") will eventually work against us, when the critical tone is turned toward ourselves. 4. Can you rephrase the jealousy statement as a 'prefer' statement? Transforms a "need" into a normal preference --> viewing the emotion w/ more objectivity. You're probably not alone in that preference for more security/success/wealth/status, etc. Also, positive desires/direction can hide in negative feelings. 5. "I'm jealous of ______, + and I love that" forces your brain to locate the positives.
Thanks for the video Struthless. I'd stopped journaling for the past week and wasn't sure what to write about, this videos given me a friendly kick in the right direction
A word I have been loving for some years...COMPERSION where I celebrate someone else's good stuff(whatever it is) ...when I am feeling "compersion", I am not envious or jealous, I am able to celebrate their fortune & use them as inspiration for my own path and preferences....so that has been a way I have moved myself away from stewing in a cyclic bitterness that unresolved jealousy can induce...but listening to this video of yours, I now have yet another approach to use👍💜 thank you for this video It is excellent 👌💞
I really enjoy the fact that your 10ish minute videos are packed to the brim with information, whether it's a story, a quick joke or the exercise itself. Seriously quality content here, man.
I knew you were awesome but you talking about you hard experiences made me appreciate you more. I am not alone in a sometimes harsh world, just aiming for personal growth.
I feel really lucky to have found you, I enjoy all your videos and posts and benefit so much from everything you create. So much entertainment with so much value it's really great - thank you.
I’m an evangelical Christian, so I want to add that I pray blessings for others I want to pull down from my jealousy. It makes me elevate them up and wish them the best and turns my hardened heart soft then I am genuinely happy with their success and wish they had more! Thank you for your video. I too am a victim of SA and what you said about comparing yourself to others that weren’t resonated with me. Praying for you!
I don't understand how every video you make is something that could have been pulled straight out of my head that needed articulating, but you do, and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for what you do.
These videos are the perfect companion to individual therapy - so relatable, easy to understand and just explained in really succinct ways especially with accompanying visuals. You've given me the boost I needed today, thank you!!!
thankyou for sharing. i struggle so much every day with being bitter and jealous of other people for managing to live their lives without extreme trauma and this practical exercise has been helping me with avoiding getting too emotionally invested and angry :)
A) you look great with no hair- there are many that would be jealous of how much you rock it ... 2) if you hadn’t been abused you would not be you, you would not have worked so hard to understand yourself or use that knowledge to help others, I wish it hadn’t happened to you with all my heart but I massively appreciate the result xx
Love you, man! The shit we experience as kids gave as perspective, and made us more insightful. I do not know why some kids live that, but there are much more ways to harm a kid than that specific one. I do not think we can compare traumas. I just can tell you that a child could suffer by knowing that someone else had that experience and feel guilt and sadness because of that. Childhood is not always a nice experience, I am glad it ended for me and I love that as an adult I can lead my life, as a child I felt much more an expectator of what was going on, and I had no idea how to handle it.
This did help. Just now, I asked & answered myself those 5 questions outloud & as soon I finished up with 'and I love that'; I felt a whole lot lighter immediately. I am grateful to have come across this video today. Thank you.
over the last few weeks, every time I’ve struggled and needed advice… I open up youtube and there you are! your face and a video that speaks almost directly to me and my concern. sort of creepy to think this app is reading my mind(?) however you have become a new source of inspiration, motivation, and hope in my life. THANK YOU. your work is extremely valued and meaningful. thank you.
Whenever I get jealous, I remind myself that blessings are unlimited on earth. Just because someone has become a great chef doesn't mean YOU cannot become a great chef as well. No one is stealing blessings from you. There can be as many great chef as they are people who wants to become great chefs
it's rare that a complete stranger can have such a positive impact on your life. Thank you struthless, you're a bloody legend.
amen.
BLOODY LEGEND!
As somebody who was sexually abused as a child, it’s so hard for me to look at people who remember their childhood fondly, without feeling a little bit of jealousy and anger towards them.
This video helped that problem, among others. Time to put it into practice.
You are a survivor, you matter and you are worthy. You have a special light and you make the world a better place in your way. Never doubt that.
You're not alone, what we went through made us who we are. And everyone's journey is different, but that doesn't mean we aren't just as worthy, lovable, valuable or amazing. More than anything for me it has greatly helped me a more compassionate and understanding person, and I love that.
@@Baronesssa Souls like You make the World a Better Place.
I'm so sorry you went through that, too. What matters most is the now. We are still here so we can still be happy, even if it takes more effort for us than others.
@@arioctober I wonder though, will we ever be truly happy? It sounds nice when I, myself or other ppl comfort others but in reality, happiness is very hard to attain.
"I'm just some bald guy on the internet"
My favourite one and all
Vsauce? The melon Anthony Fantano? Well honestly all these 3 bald guys are my favs
@@pistachioicecream1484 both very good b-bois also
@@Leni_99no, not jeff bezoz😕
Not feeling extroverted enough is definitely one of my biggest insecurities. I hate when people comment on how quiet I am, especially now I feel like it affects me professionally 😔
I had the same issue, truth is I was afraid to speak up because I was afraid of rejection, saying something stupid, embarass myself or people disagreeing with me.
I was too focused on myself because I judge myself really harshly and thought that people would see me has I saw myself.
The more you speak even to say something useless the better it becomes and you feel less affraid. Taking baby steps and be proud when you say something even if it just "what time is it ?" "The wheather is good today", "I watch that movie last night have you seen it ?" the goal is just to fix small goals to desensitized the fear response.
Also ask people about them what they like and all, people love to talk about them and we can learn from it !
@@abracadabra866 definitely! The work environment also made a big impact but I'm trying to ask something small everyday. Mondays are the easiest because I can just say "what did you do this weekend" and sit back to listen
I love quiet people, i wish there were more like you Nadia. As long as you are happy in yourself, then you don't need to be extroverted, as that's really just a way to seek external validation from others, i prefer to find acceptance within myself ^_^
Someone who is "quiet" is just not boastrously load! And I love that 😊
how would you react in a meeting, for example, if everybody shared their thoughts and opinions and your team lead or a moderator would ask you to speak your mind? would you feel comfortable or rather exposed?
i'm asking out of curiosity, because i really like to include everyone i am with and also ask people to share their opinions, that otherwise wouldn't have.
I'm jealous of other artist's skills and I love that because they worked hard to get where they are and they deserve the attention they get
same!
Stop looking at other people's art for at least a month, more would be a plus. Ween yourself out of it. During that time, do the best you can. Create that which you ever wanted but never had the time or the disposition.
I see people my age with absolutely professional stunning works and i get so jealous, like where did i go wrong, why not me too...but im also happy for them, and happy that they dont have to feel the way i do.
@@skeletoninyourbody9896I’m the same exact way but as a fisherman envious of others that catch more trophy fish than I do. Causes bad mental health
Don't think of age as getting older and closer to death, cause we're technically close to death every day. Think of it instead as the fact that you have survived this long so far in this crazy world, see it as an achievement you know. Be proud of every birthday you live to see cause it's not a given :) and the bald look is cool af btw :)
Ur comment is helpful af no joke
I’m always forgetting things like I’m still alive and I’m not dead person u know lol 😂
This is actually a point that's made in the Hunger Games book(!) of all things. When Katniss arrives at the Capitol and notices how people try to hide that they're getting old by having plastic surgery and whatnot as if getting old was something to be ashamed of. While in her poor district, people who were old were revered and thought of as smart because they managed to survive so long and people would envy them and ask them what their secret of longevity was.
Maybe not regarding getting old as an achievement comes from our societies having such a good standard of living. I mean, it's kinda expected now that you don't die young. So getting old is seen less as an achievement. While developing countries still hold their elders in much higher regard.
Moreover, the older you get, the wiser you become
I thought I had achieved this eureka thought weeks ago and you just filled in the blanks for me. Thank you so much!
I know a drag queen whose bald. She has an option to do looks with or without wigs. Being bald is not the end of the world
I'm jealous that I didn't have the kind of insight in my 20s that you have and I love that because I'm still learning even in my old-ass age.
I second that, Diane. We’re so lucky to be still learning such life changing truths!
And no matter how old we become, they’re will still be someone younger and wiser to show us the way! 😀👍
Jealousy comes naturally, but being happy for others is, like love, a decision. Jealous people need more love and commitment, not less, from their friends. I've met jealous people in the mirror every morning and have learned that Jealousy kills hope. There be dragons in that sea.
Wow, I love your input. I work with someone who is a narcissist and she is also so jealous of everyone. I have always been wondering how someone can ever be happy if that is how they think. :(
The "what are you jealous and not jealous of" is great thing to point out. I'm naturally busty and I often get female friends saying they wished they had my boobs. But I don't think they think about the downsides to being busty such as unwanted male attention, people assuming you are promiscuous, difficulty finding clothes that fit you properly etc. So I think getting people to think about the pros *and* cons of enviable traits will help stem the raise of envy and insecurities.
And a sore back! I've known a bunch of women that got breast reductions because they had a bad back.
Yeah... I compare myself a lot to others.... but I bet others compare themselves even more and are better at it... 😥
But I'm sure you're better than them at feeling bad about yourself. And I love that for you😊
@No One Yeah what an assole
“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
You choose
Sharing some positivity with you all.
Your posts and comics are always great, I feel lucky the algorithm led me to your imposter syndrome video. Because of it, I started a year long journaling practice as well as started posting 2 videos per week to stop myself from drinking too much. I have lost ten pounds this year, and I'm positive it's from less alcohol consumption.
🎉🎉🎉
💚
you can do it, you're awesome !!!!
you’re so awesome
Update: Hey thanks everyone! I haven't been great at making videos, but I have definitely done better about alcohol :)
I'm only 4mins in, but its taken me 10mins to watch it because every millisecond of this is pure gold, and I'm having to rewind and process 😅😂
Every time I look at your videos I always wonder if the "me of the past" would have understood your words. Now to" the me in the present" they are totally reasonable, and I guess it is because I don't see things so blurred anymore.
To the people out there struggling with any kind of negative thoughts: have a full immersion in the channel of this guy because having positive and sensibile inputs as his one's, might really help you... You might not agree because you think it is useless, but on a subconscious level you are putting a lot of good inputs in your brain!!
This is what i learned from my own experience, but in any case just be kind to yourself peoplee:)
I love how he said "for whatever childhood reason"
I have a two-step process for watching your videos. Step one is to watch and 🤯🤯🤯. Step two is to get out my journal and take notes and really contemplate what you’re teaching. Possibly because of our similar backgrounds, you always have a way of getting right to my heart, and touching a place that needs healing. Please keep making content. It’s marking a difference. 😭
one of the best pieces of advice i've gotten is, if you're like me and it's inevitable to compare yourself to something or someone, try to do it with your past self rather than someone else. it's much more productive to look at a piece of your old art or even to the person who you used to be and notice how much better you've gotten. it truly works at putting you in a higher position and better mind state than if you were comparing yourself to your favourite artist, or to someone who has lived with a good support system for their whole lives and is a good person because of that.
Am I jealous of his shirt or just so happy for him that it looks so great? Either way...
F a s h i o n
You deserve all the success coming to you. Thanks for taking us with you
If a person has so much success, but has remained humble and wishes only happiness and success on other people, then this will clearly show who is truly jealous and who isn’t.
I’d say, from personal experience, it becomes a little more complex if you’re not inherently a jealous person, but the person who, on the surface of things, is successful, but enjoys comparing their success against people/yourself who are/is struggling.
This is the moment when you have to adjust the focus, remember to self love and realise that maybe this “successful” person is actually not doing so great inside themselves.
To keep in focus, be kind, respect the healing progress (that being happy in life might take time) and believe that the grain of sand sized progress you’re making today will move mountains in your life eventually, with consistency.
Thank you for this great video, and for sharing your personal story. Much love to you struthless 🙏🏽♥️
Timestamps:
1:08 Breakdown of video
1:27 Part 1: Definitions
2:56 Part 2: Historical context
3:10 My favorite part “Cool right? WRONG. IT'S NOT COOL” 😂
4:27 Part 3: The practical exercise
5:03 Question 1: Are you jealous?
6:02 Question 2: What are you jealous of and what aren’t you jealous of?
6:48 Question 3: Have you been comparing down?
7:06 Question 4: Can you rephrase the ‘jealousy statement’ as a ‘prefer statement’?
7:54 Question 5: Add “and I love that”
8:36 Personal story
9:30 The aim:
* Be grateful for what you have
* Be happy for somebody else
The new studio space looks like a cozy jungle
The two dislikes are the girls that pushed me down at recess in third grade
it's 8 dislikes now. must be those 2 girls who pushed you down, with my 6 classmates who keeps spreading rumors against me
And my 8 grade bully that couldn't even look me in the eyes at my graduation because he was scared of me being suddenly 1 foot taller than him
I needed this cause I was just comparing myself to other RN and I was like let's see what's going on on TH-cam
I'll take that as a sign ❤️
This video made me realize that I spend a lot of time jealous of kids that had wealthier and more reliable upbringing than myself. I love my parents, and my family is crazy and wonderful and unique, but I guess I have more work to do than I thought.
Same
I am sorry to hear that about your childhood. I was brought up in a wealthier family, not rich but money was always there. But in exchange for the money I barely saw my dad at all during my childhood and teenage years, he was always working. Maybe that brings some comfort, I guess everyone has it kinda rough in some way, some more than others. Hope your better now!
@@But_WhatIf got some news for you my family was pretty poor, yet I never spend that much quality time with them when growing up
I am so sorry that that happened to you when you were a child, it's really impressive that you could overcome it and share your thoughts and ideas with others online to help them with their issues. big love and thanks for everything you provide!
After getting out of an abusive relationship (and being an aspie) I was so envious of people who could positively engage and deeply connect with others and make it seem effortless - how their conversations were so fun, they could just shittalk and laugh and I was stuck in a loop of wanting to connect but I was ruminating hard so I’d end up bringing up some hectic experience and alienate myself and make myself feel more isolated.
Lots of self-reflection and acceptance later and now I only do that like 5-10% of the time, yay! Also way more comfortable with myself so not worried about saying something someone can’t relate to or makes them uncomfortable if it’s relevant to the topic (and is constructive) and that is a massive help.
Dude, thank you.
Life's been rough lately. The kind of real shit where if anyone but your closest people ask you how things are going, most of the time you lie and say "Fine," and then immediately change the subject back to them, because talking about your own shit would kill the conversation and just leave both of you feeling worse, sitting in the sad, uncomfortable silence that settles when people are faced with the fact that someone is going through something hard and painful that simply has to be gone through, that there is no cure for or shortcut through. And the only thing worse than watching them sit with the weight of that is when they don't, and instead they try to come up with something to say to make it better. Whereas, hearing about their stuff is a pleasant distraction.
I've been catching myself getting sucked back into comparing, sometimes with others, but more often with some idealized version of myself. Even though I know that it's unhelpful and only leads to focusing on the negative, I couldn't figure how to interrupt that exercise and reframe. Using "I'd prefer..." works like magic for me.
And thank you for really putting yourself out there with your final example. At first, the "and I love that" technique didn't seem to be striking a chord for me, even though I love the elegance of self-hacks that take advantage of our innate human tendencies like that. But the fact that you then used it to take something where it's so hard to imagine there could be anything to love and turn it on its head? Yeah, that made it click.
Thanks for giving me some really powerful new tools when I my toolbox was feeling pretty stale and I really need them.
I've got a friend that always says "WOW I love that for you", and it sounds really narky, but the thought is so genuine. I'm all here for putting a positive spin wherever possible, there's always other ways to look at things.
jealousy is seeing your potential being lived out in somebody else. THIS. I felt it always but never heard anyone else said it.
the point where you said you want this person's shoes, that person's money etc. It really made sense. Thanks
I was having some problems with my friend group and feeling disconnected and jealous of the people who did get along well with everyone. Using the "I prefer" and "I love that" thinking has really helped me out. Thank you! 🧡
I don't usually comment on videos, but since I am here a little bit early. I just want to express how beautiful and thoughtful your content is. I do really appreciate your time you take to produce such top-notch stuff. And this is only the third video of yours I am watching.. so, thanks a lot, mate! Keep going, and you can overcome drugs! Greetings from Egypt!
The most jealous I have ever been in my life was my senior year.
We have to do senior speeches as a part of our final for our English class, and I was so incredibly jealous listening to everyone talk about their supportive, loving families and parents when my parents were my biggest obstacle. I was so jealous I was sitting in the back crying while everyone was expressing how their mom or dad was their hero, how they couldn't have gotten through without them.
I'm jealous of people who had healthy, supportive, loving families, and I LOVE that.
Its a beautiful thing to see people with loving parents, kids who are supported and cared for. It gives me hope, it makes me feel warm inside to observe good parenting. And someday I want to be a good parent too.
Hell yeah, thanks man! 👏
I can’t tell you how much this genuinely helped. I compare myself to literally everyone and your whole video was so helpful. Love you man ❤️ keep up the good work
The jealousy conversation is fascinating!!
What I learnt from this video:
- Yes, I am jealous.
- I feed my ego by comparing down. And this leads me to be in a comparitive mind-set.
- It's cool to accept jealousy and to turn it into a positive narrative where you appreciate what others have and know your direction.
these aren't exactly the 5 points, but it's what I got from it. And I'm definitely not going to get a pen and journal this somewhere so comment section it is :p
I also generally love that this video doesn't just say "comparing yourself is bad, stop doing it", it gives actual stuff to think about.
Appreciate the new perspective 🙋♀️ I have a huge paranoia of being betrayed or backstabbed 🤷🏼♀️😂
I needed this rn, I literally just uploaded a video about having alopecia areata. What i've realised is that the bald patches I have don't have any bearing on my character and don't diminish who i am
I actually think they look kinda cool in some way. Adds some special flavour
Wonderful insight and advice my man. I also am jealous of guys with thick nice hair, which is a thing that me at 20 would be shocked and ashamed of, and me at 25 became all too familiar with. And just so you know, you do have the right shaped head to pull off the clean shave and look good. Own that shit. Thank you for sharing your delightful thoughts!
your videos are so healing!!! thank you so much! also thank you for opening up so much. i honestly sense 0%fakeness 100% realness from your side man and that is a rare jewel nowadays!!!!
For some bald guy on the internet you have some pretty great insights! Seriously, thank you for your videos and for being so open and honest, there aren’t enough people vulnerably sharing their stories and it’s very refreshing and relatable. I’m grateful I stumbled across this channel 🙏🏼✌🏼
Thanks dude you're a true legend! 🙏💙 my brother went bald he started balding at the age of 24, he shaved it off and bought a t-shirt reading... "I'm not bald, it's a solar panel for a sex machine" 😂 he's taught me alot over the years about accepting what I can't control and has overcome alot of trauma from his childhood! My other brother too is a strong man for simular reasons! 🙏 keep putting out the love and good advice dude! Much love man! 🤟🏽💙🤟🏽
Man struthless uploads my mental health goes up keep up the good work i love your videos
I think...this video just lowkey changed my life. Damn. Forget the 3M views, you're creating tangible positive change in strangers' lives across the globe. Cheers mate, and thank you
You are talk therapy to a lot of people who can't afford them. Super underrated. Thank you for this video
Love this! Have to remind myself that it's ok to just be myself instead of trying to be as good as someone else that maybe I admire. Especially with my art. Keep up the great content!
Your questions has been A HUGE help to me! I have been taking notes from your videos and using these as journal prompts everyday since December. I can't put into words how much it has helped me learn more about myself and understand what my negative feelings are trying to tell me
Hey Nadia! Beautiful comment. I have been thinking about creating journals and your comment led me to your channel. I subscribed! You have a beautiful way of teaching.
@Jackie Diy aww thank you SOO much! your comment just made my day
I am jealous of your honest, compassionate understanding of your own vulnerabilities... and I love that because, reading through these comments, you reach, connect with and bring healing to so many people... and that's better than any hairy dude in my books :)
This. Helped. Wow. I love that. Adding it to my life. Thank you!
This one really hit home as an artist fighting the comparison cycle and working through childhood sexual abuse as well. Thank you so much for sharing. Much love your way.
Dude, I can totally see animations/ cartoons with all this amazing life coaching messages working for so many people. I hope Hump Wallace is a life coach!
men, I cannot express how your content is changing my life. thank you bro. hugs from brazil
I really get a lot of your videos about coping and mindset. Thank you so much!
what an absolute beauty this guy is, only putting out the absolute most top notch of vibes and with content that is actually so helpful and healing
I think the bald and beard suits you very well. 👏 very good videos friend😊
You're the best youtuber therapist i've ever had, love you man.
Dude, thank you SO MUCH. I watched this 3 times, took notes, and went on a long walk. While I was walking I ran through a list of comparisons that I remember making that really triggered me into a dark place. And I got so much clarity and was able to let a lot of it go. I think this video may have just change my life. Again, thank you so much.
i love how you said that being jealous of someone isnt something bad or being ashamed of;
we only improve as human beings as long as we realize our flaws and the areas we are good at whether this action being done by ourselves or being told by someone else.
thanks you for the video, keep up the good work :)
Your channel has been changing my life. Every night before falling asleep I watch a couple of videos and think about the message. So I end up falling asleep with a very positive mindset and willing to change my habits, my way of thinking and the way I see myself and my life. I cant think of a way to thank you for sharing everything you do, the way you do. It is admirable and genuine. Your take on life is amazing. I hope I get there one day, too.
i have a meeting with my therapist in an hour and this is exactly there stuff we’re going over.. thank you so much for the video
I'm jealous of other people who are very confortable in social situations and feel "normal" and I love that because it's remind me how much people are important for me and that I try my best to make them feel good with me, even if I feel different from them. And that's cool.
Thank you so much for this haha
unrelated but your voice is so calming to me im sick right now and binge rewatching your videos
This video is so well done!! I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I've found my insecurity and comparison rise a bit with the new era of face mask life that we live in. Part of me is fearful that when I meet someone with my mask on, they'll be surprised when they eventually see me with it off because they pictured me as looking "better" than I actually do. I find myself comparing myself upwards against those who look "better" than I had imagined when I see them without their mask, and downward when I see people who look "worse" (worldly beauty standards wise) than I had pictured them. This video was helpful in seeing that jealousy is a normal feeling but something that I can actually work through.
I'm jealous of this video.....and I love that.
This comes at the right time, thank you so much!
I really like this. Whenever I find myself comparing I also like to think to myself “don’t compare yourself to other people, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.”
One thing i asked to myself is what made me happy all these years, form a list and realize what really its important and why those exact moments were happy :)
Love the compassion + humor you bring to heavy topics. The visuals/logic diagrams are helpful too. 🙏
Video notes:
[1:40] Comparing ourselves --> negative feelings --> suboptimal actions --> suboptimal life.
[2:00] Comparison is a tool & is not inherently problematic. "Comparison can just be an efficient way to make decisions and find the relationship b/w objects." Only harmful when comparison meets insecurity.
[4:02] Historical context: consumerism preys on natural human tendency to compare ourselves. Marketing messaging creates a specific mold to fit. Result: we become silently insecure, with a lot to prove. Social media is an outlet to highlight our strengths, but also a trap. A framework to hide our flaws + show our best self. The more that people join this system, the more that comparison/FOMO ramps up. Quantifiable likes make this worse.
[5:00] 5 questions to ask when comparing yourself:
1. Are you jealous? Occurs when you see your potential/desires lived out in someone else. Healthy way to try and reduce the gap: rising to their level. Bad response: hating/dragging them down. Understand that jealousy is a natural feeling. Recognize you can't control others/their accomplishments. You can only control yourself.
2. What ARE + AREN'T you jealous of? Maybe you're jealous of the attention they get. But not the type of content/lifestyle they sustain. Realize you're subconsciously shooting for an unrealistic standard of wanting the best of everything. (I'd argue this doesn't have to be a bad thing: it's okay to want a lot. Just recognize you can't have it immediately, all at once).
3. Have you been comparing down? Indulging our ego ("I'm better than that person") will eventually work against us, when the critical tone is turned toward ourselves.
4. Can you rephrase the jealousy statement as a 'prefer' statement? Transforms a "need" into a normal preference --> viewing the emotion w/ more objectivity. You're probably not alone in that preference for more security/success/wealth/status, etc. Also, positive desires/direction can hide in negative feelings.
5. "I'm jealous of ______, + and I love that" forces your brain to locate the positives.
Thanks for the video Struthless. I'd stopped journaling for the past week and wasn't sure what to write about, this videos given me a friendly kick in the right direction
Your videos will always be my go to listens in the morning. I rewatch your videos the way I rewatch the office. Thank u, 🙏🏾
A word I have been loving for some years...COMPERSION where I celebrate someone else's good stuff(whatever it is) ...when I am feeling "compersion", I am not envious or jealous, I am able to celebrate their fortune & use them as inspiration for my own path and preferences....so that has been a way I have moved myself away from stewing in a cyclic bitterness that unresolved jealousy can induce...but listening to this video of yours, I now have yet another approach to use👍💜 thank you for this video
It is excellent 👌💞
Me at the beginning of the video: "Nah, I don't do jealousy"
Goes to show how well I really know myself.
Yes, yes this video is very helpful!
I really enjoy the fact that your 10ish minute videos are packed to the brim with information, whether it's a story, a quick joke or the exercise itself. Seriously quality content here, man.
You're like the older brother I needed growing up. Thanks Cam. ❤️
I knew you were awesome but you talking about you hard experiences made me appreciate you more. I am not alone in a sometimes harsh world, just aiming for personal growth.
This channel is pure gold. I come here to watch any video as a daily dose of happiness. It's my happy place. ❤️
I feel really lucky to have found you, I enjoy all your videos and posts and benefit so much from everything you create. So much entertainment with so much value it's really great - thank you.
Dude, this hit all the feels. Like even the feels that haven't become feels yet, they were hit. Thank you!
I’m an evangelical Christian, so I want to add that I pray blessings for others I want to pull down from my jealousy. It makes me elevate them up and wish them the best and turns my hardened heart soft then I am genuinely happy with their success and wish they had more! Thank you for your video. I too am a victim of SA and what you said about comparing yourself to others that weren’t resonated with me. Praying for you!
I don't understand how every video you make is something that could have been pulled straight out of my head that needed articulating, but you do, and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for what you do.
These videos are the perfect companion to individual therapy - so relatable, easy to understand and just explained in really succinct ways especially with accompanying visuals.
You've given me the boost I needed today, thank you!!!
I was feeling kinda low 10 minutes ago. Was.
This was Awesome! This has literally just shifted my mindset and I felt my mind ease and relax, wow - you’re a legend mate 👌🏼
Comparison is the thief of joy
You say the things I need to hear when I need to hear them... it's uncanny.
All the love headed for way, man
I love to practice that mental shift to be happy for somebody else. Thanks for your genuinity and honesty.
This channel has shifted my life for the better. Thank you.
thankyou for sharing. i struggle so much every day with being bitter and jealous of other people for managing to live their lives without extreme trauma and this practical exercise has been helping me with avoiding getting too emotionally invested and angry :)
i love you, you literally have a video for every single problem I seem to have in my life. I don't need therapy. I need struthless.
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences to help others with theirs.
Me seeing a new video by Struthless w/o even knowing what it’s about: YES KING 🙌 🙌
A) you look great with no hair- there are many that would be jealous of how much you rock it ...
2) if you hadn’t been abused you would not be you, you would not have worked so hard to understand yourself or use that knowledge to help others, I wish it hadn’t happened to you with all my heart but I massively appreciate the result xx
As someone who is currently drowning in self help induced loneliness, this video was so timely. Thank you friend. ❤️
I really really appreciate how you open up with your viewers (: thank you for making me feel better and for being an inspiring person.
Love you, man! The shit we experience as kids gave as perspective, and made us more insightful. I do not know why some kids live that, but there are much more ways to harm a kid than that specific one. I do not think we can compare traumas. I just can tell you that a child could suffer by knowing that someone else had that experience and feel guilt and sadness because of that. Childhood is not always a nice experience, I am glad it ended for me and I love that as an adult I can lead my life, as a child I felt much more an expectator of what was going on, and I had no idea how to handle it.
This did help. Just now, I asked & answered myself those 5 questions outloud & as soon I finished up with 'and I love that'; I felt a whole lot lighter immediately. I am grateful to have come across this video today. Thank you.
over the last few weeks, every time I’ve struggled and needed advice… I open up youtube and there you are! your face and a video that speaks almost directly to me and my concern. sort of creepy to think this app is reading my mind(?) however you have become a new source of inspiration, motivation, and hope in my life. THANK YOU. your work is extremely valued and meaningful. thank you.
Whenever I get jealous, I remind myself that blessings are unlimited on earth. Just because someone has become a great chef doesn't mean YOU cannot become a great chef as well. No one is stealing blessings from you. There can be as many great chef as they are people who wants to become great chefs