Hey guys, I felt like it was time for me to tell you a bit about my health and the journey it took to get where I am now. It was definitely hard to gain the courage to speak about it but, after doing so, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. For anyone out there who feels alone, misunderstood or outcast, I may not know exactly what you’re going through but, I can relate. I just want you to know, you’re not alone. I hope that this channel can be a positive community for you to take part in and I’m excited for many more journeys to come! 😊
Sometimes we are blessed with sound mind and body. Sometimes, just a sound mind and terrible body. Sometimes, just a sound body and a terrible mind. Eventually, when you get as old as dirt (like me) nothing is 'sound' anymore. I hope you find some physical relief through medicine, or whatever it takes. Just don't give up on the 'mind' part. From what you've described, it is clear you have the ability to be sound of that. And don't worry about up loading anything. We all love your channel, as long as you do. We do not want you to feel pain and misery creating content for us. And always remember, when life hands you a basket of onions, you don't have to eat them. You can sell them to some one who wants onions! (my terrible joke for the week.) Stay safe. Stay warm. Be happy.
I'm sorry to hear about your scoliosis. I'm a certified ATP(Assistive Technology Professional) currently working for a durable medical equipment company, and I deal a lot with fixed positions of the musculoskeletal systems of my clients. There are definitely supportive systems, and I stress supportive over rehabilitative, for fixed(or non-flexible) postural issues. Now, your scoliosis may not be fixed, and I am not sure if you are on a rehabilitation plan for it or it's to the point that is not an option(either way, you should inquire your specialist about any potential postural support you may consider using), but to relieve the pain for extended periods with minimal change in posture, you might explore similar solutions. Something as simple as a quad chambered adjustable air cell seating cushion, or sitting in a chair that has an adjustable lateral support option, could make all the difference in that situation. To get something like that, I would look into rehab wheelchair seating, if you haven't explored that option already. Some durable medical equipment providers have the ability to do pressure mapping for seating. These are the guys that deal directly with the products and the clients, they are the one's making the adjustments in the field, so having an assessment done by a quality DME provider, and bringing their suggestions to your specialist for a second opinion, might be worth the effort. In any case, I do understand the issues associated with the diagnosis, which are dependent on the severity, and vary widely. I wish you the best of luck in finding quality professionals that can assist with it. RESNA.org may be able to help you with that. Take care, be well, and I look forward to your next vid!
I feel your pain Marz. You are a pretty strong and powerful woman. I understand the feeling of uttter loneliness. My only daughter passed away a few years ago at 16 years old. It has pretty much destroyed me. Not having her in my life is just so hard. I feel lucky that I have found channels like yours. I play them constantly just so it sounds like there are people in the house.
My heart breaks for you.. I can't imagine the pain and struggles that you've endured. I'm glad that this place can be somewhere you can go to find comfort and ease your mind. I'm so sorry for your loss 😞
Loneliness is the worst feeling ever. I've been there too not so long ago and when I finally met someone that seemed to care about me I got so attached so fast that she got scared. Lucky for me I have awesome friends that helped me go through it. I'm still working on myself every day. My wounds are more psychological than physical one but I get how you felt. You have such a wonderful smile and I really enjoy watching you play my favorites games! Keep it up!
"There are people who cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for a long time..." To everyone here who is struggling, suffering a loss, having any pain, remember that is in your hands to get better, even if that means to endure a loss for the rest of your life, because pain is a teacher, and wisdom last forever... As Tool says: "embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion"
This broke my heart... especially when you talked about your friends not understanding your pain. I'm sorry you went through all that suffering. I'm happy I found your channel. You're a wonderful and beautiful woman, Marz.
This brought a tear to my eye, such a honest and genuine video. I totally get the loneliness aspect, I have a disabled brother and I feel a lot of people don’t want to know me or come round to mine cos of him. Plus being the person I am I basically put my life on the back burner to help my parents look after him, then 10yrs ago my dad collapsed with a brain tumour (he’s fine now and in the top 3% survivors here in the uk). As you can imagine that added even more weight and stress to my poor Mum and worrying 24/7 about my brother and Dad now. So I chose to stay home and sacrifice my life for them, I get up go to work come home, do food shop or pays bills and repeat each each day. My little pleasures life are gaming, films and drawing which I noticed you said you enjoy 😊
Good for you Marz. Very proud of you for sharing this with us. I've been through a lot of hell in my life as well. From dealing with my parents divorce as a kid, being exiled from my family and becoming homeless, from being clinically diagnosed with depression, enlisting in the military (constant training), to being in combat in Afghanistan that led to excessive amounts of health issues and chronic body pain, etc. Ignorance is definitely bliss. You're doing an amazing job pushing out content as needed. And trust me when I say that I will always be here to support you. You're doing great.
I have to say that with each video you come across as one of the most pleasant individuals I've ever interacted with. I can appreciate how difficult it can be to talk openly about something as private as health issues. I'm glad we could help you get it off your chest. I know all too well about how horrible sciatica can be, I get that periodically and at its worst I can't stand up straight without the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. I hope your neck gets better soon.
@10:45 litterly broke my heart.. i understand that feeling completely. To want something so much, and not being able to do so litterly kills you from the inside out... I wish you all the best with your health Marz. Know that you're not the only one that is experience this and should not have to experience it alone!!! you have my continued support forever!!!
I'm going through somewhat of a similar experience, I was born with a condition that limits my ability to walk for prolonged hours. To this day the pain continues to interfere more and more with my life. I've lost almost all of my friends because they always wanted me to follow them along their trips, but I just couldn't. They took offense at the fact that I couldn't keep up with them and left me alone. Not that they have to, but it just sucks knowing that the individuals you rely on aren't there when you most need them.
I just found your channel and saw this video and all I can say is “wow”....I know EXACTLY what it’s like to feel as if no one believes you and how frustrating it is not to have answers. I went 6 years before I was diagnosed with scoliosis, degenerative disc disease and syringomyelia. It’s horrible to feel alone and as if no one is there for you. Keep your head up. NEVER give up or give in. I always tell myself it could always be much worse, and that is definitely true. Keep strong and thank you for sharing your story.
I'm totally alone myself. Struggling with health issues and depression. Video games are kinda escape from reality for me. I've started watching your videos because I feel the need to share the experiences in those wonderful games we have those days, but its hard to do that when you have no one to talk to...Watching you react helps me a little. I know this is an old video, but I guess I just wanted to say thanks!
I can honestly say after watching this video, it really broke my heart to see the struggles you had to endure growing up and not being able to follow your previous dreams while being alone but it was also very heart warming to see how you were able to follow your heart on what you what you wanted to do next in your life while overcoming this very hard obstacles. I’m so happy to see you follow where your heart has led you to make you happy and I hope you are doing much better with your health now and moving forward in your life!
I really appreciate you putting yourself on camera and talking about this. I know it couldn’t have been easy and I respect you for that. 💛 I have a handful of health issues/concerns and the most severe one leaves a physical evidence. I deal on a day to day basis people staring and hushed voices saying, “do you see her scars?” I’ve been treated like a contagious mutation but I’ve also met many people who don’t see my medical condition and really *see* me. Those are the people and memories I hold on to. Thank you for telling your story, Marz, it meant a lot!
I know this is over a year old but man, this hits home for me. I have sciatica, at 35. I can't even get out of bed some days. I have herniated discs L4 and L5 and S1. I hurt my back in my late 20's. Over the years it gets worse and worse. Now I can't even sit upright, or play with my kid, walk (because my left leg is basically dead) This video is encouraging for me because I did feel alone. Thanks for sharing.
So I have never commented on TH-cam before, but felt like I needed to after watching your video. I know exactly how you feel regarding your health conditions because, ironically enough, I have muscular dystrophy. Had it my whole life but symptoms didn't really start to show till I graduated high school. It started slow with me tripping over myself a lot, then progressed to not being able to get off of the floor and now at 28, I officially can't walk. I'll probably be in a wheelchair the rest of my life. I was embarrassed by it for a long time and secluded myself indoors, not wanting people to see me. My schooling suffered because of it and I didn't finish college. I've since come to terms with it. I can't say I understand what it's like for you to have chronic pain but i completely understand the loneliness you probably feel when you're the only one in your circle of friends to have to deal with something so life altering. No one gets it and no one understands it because they haven't experienced it and you begin to feel alone. Trying to keep a positive outlook on life has been pretty hard, especially with the state of the world as it is, but channels like yours do lift my spirit and keep my mind off of the disease. It's rare to find someone who shows a deep kindness and empathy towards others, not just on TH-cam, but in life as well. These are traits that I think are sorely missing from the world these days and it's nice to see someone display them here. Just know that your videos have helped me when I feel down about my situation, so thank you for that. Also, as an animal lover myself, im glad you didn't give up on the last guardian because of the controls. It's been great watching you experience it for the first time. :)
You must be very strong. I can't say that I know what it's like to have something as debilitating as MD can be but, watching my father go through what he has, sheds light on how much the human spirit can really overcome. I wish you all the best!
I have trigeminal neuralgia and I totally understand the pain. I had brain surgery at 22, almost died from a stroke after that. Had this disease since I was 16. Stay strong!
Marz is definitely a genuinely good, beautiful person, like Strange Rebel Gaming. 😊 They are both such beautiful, wonderful women as gamers and as people. 😊❤️ They are in touch with their heart and soul. 😊
Dear Marz, Thank you so much for sharing. This video had me in tears, but they were happy tears because I didn't feel alone for the first time in a while. I've been experiencing back pain since I was 15 years old. I went to countless doctors, but no one would tell me what was wrong. All I ever heard "you're too young for back pain," a completely obvious and unhelpful comment. A few months ago, the back pain started getting worse. I randomly get shooting pains all through my back, neck, hips and legs. We did ultrasounds and bloodwork and couldn't find anything. Just like you, I had medical professionals looking at me like I was exaggerating; one even suggested that the pain was psychological and the result of anxiety. At a random RMT visit, I was asked if I'd ever been diagnosed with scoliosis. I hadn't, so I asked my doctor if we could check. She thought it was unlikely but ordered the x-ray, and low and behold, I have scoliosis. It's such a painful and frustrating experience when medical professionals don't take you seriously. Everyone acknowledged how strange it was for a teenager to be experiencing back pain, but not a single doctor was compassionate enough to want to investigate it, and it took me 15 years to get a diagnosis. The pain comes and goes, and it can be super discouraging to go from feeling fine one day to crippling pain the next. It sometimes feels like a vicious cycle because I can't move to work out, and exercise is supposed to help keep me strong and in less pain... It's even more upsetting when you can't sit up to do something as simple as play a game :( I've been watching your streams for a while now, and your sense of humour and cheerful personality has been helping me pull through some tough times. I just found this video today, so I actually had no idea you had suffered through something similar until now. Finding this video has inspired me and makes me feel strong enough to get through life's challenges. Thank you so much for being someone I can look up to and for letting me know I'm not alone. Thank you so much for all you do! I hope you've been feeling better these days
It really sucks that there is so much negativity on the internet but its very important to remember how much the internet can also help people who have problems and make them feel better. Especially when it comes to communicating with other people if for whatever reason you can't in real life and sort of feel like you matter. Thank you for sharing and yes it definitely helps a lot when you hear that you are not alone in having problems regardless if your trying to motivate people or not. Just sharing can be such a huge help
There's nothing more beautiful than a person showing their humanity. You're doing great, Marz. It may not seem like it from an internal perspective, but from an external perspective - we all can see the strength in you. My father beat on my Mom for years. As a result, she deals with many of the same issues you do. I get it and, feel for you. This is one of your best videos :)
wow, i started to cry with you when you were crying about how lonely it feels when you're dealing with something like this and no one has the time of day to try to understand or hang out with you. i relate to everything you said in this video!!! i'm 23 but three years ago i got tinnitus, which is a loud ringing in my ears (it can often be described as chronic pain because it accompanies all of the same symptoms / struggles). all of the doctors have told me there isn't really anything i can do other than to just live with it. i've been to over a dozen doctors who all tell me they don't know what's wrong with me. what's even worse is that i feel trapped inside of my body, unable to go to work or to go out with my friends anymore because it's either too loud or too quiet. so many people don't understand what i'm going through, and i've lost so so so many friends. i also watch youtubers (like you
Watching you crying . . I fully understand how you felt. Your friends even if they were 23, age doesn’t matter! if I see that one of my friends are going through a hard time I just can’t leave them alone. I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone for a long time. But now you have people on TH-cam that cared about you and you will never feel alone again ¡TRUST US!
This video was hard to watch. I just met you but my heart cries out for you. I was born with disabilities and I know a lot of what you have/are experiencing. You are just the most amazing trooper I've seen. Loyal fan for life.
My wife has been going through the exact same thing as you. Everything. To the doctors not believing her to not knowing what’s wrong. She has scoliosis, fibromyalgia, and sciatica. I’m about to watch your update video now! Thank you for sharing your story with us, you are such a strong person.
Thank you for sharing your story and for being brave enough to talk about it with everyone. It's sometimes tough to be the outcast and be looked at differently by society, but if you strive for something, hang on tight and truly give it your all good things will come your way. Stay strong, Marz and always know you've got a friend in me!
@@obadanw Yes, some ppl have no moral/ethical basis, so the point at which they show their true color is right away. Doesn't exactly pertain to eventuality, just a given timeline, whether short or long.
Last year I had similar issue on my left shoulder because of carrying around my DJ gear to my gigs and after going to the doctor multiple times because of anxiety attacks that felt like heart attacks in the middle of the nights. The only person who actually cared about what I was going through was my sister. She paid for my hospital visits and stayed with me when I was in the hospital during the nights. I totally understand what you went through and maybe that's why I enjoy your videos so much! Here with you in solidarity and wishing you all the best!
I can relate to this on every single level. I had severe scoliosis when I was younger - around 19 years old I was diagnosed and had the operation. I was more or less comotose for around half a year. I had to learn how to walk again. I couldn't stand or walk for mors than about 5 seconds at the worst points. Couldn't sit up for like 1 minute without pain radiating. Your comments about feeling alone at 11:00 mark - I k ow that. I felt that. It was horrible. Completely isolated. Seeing someone pull through this particular health challenge is always so heart warming. You're not alone, Marz. I have bad times even now, 6 years after my operation. I am very very new to this channel. And I am so bloody glad I found you and this channel. Sending all the support your ways ♥️
Hi Marz! I discovered you and your channel a few months ago and have basically been binge watching your play throughs! I came across this video and once you started to name the medical problems you have been dealing with I got a little freaked out. I was diagnosed with Scoliosis and Fibromyalgia at a very young age and then Degenerative arthritis just a year ago. I have never met anyone with all of the same issues that I have or anyone who could even understand what it feels like. Thank you so much for sharing your health story, it helps so much more than you know!
I lost a lot of my 20s to health issues and it feels good to have finally found medicine and a lifestyle to live a somewhat normal lifestyle. It sucks when everyone thinks you're just boring when you prefer to stay home because your body can't keep up with their energy. Glad to see you making videos and posting pics of being outside. Really show's how much you've fought and that you're doing better. Wish you the best!
i got tears 😢watching just want to hug you🤗 . my father lived his whole life with chronic illness i wish it was a way to fix these illnesses for all humanity
I also have scoleosis and am isolated so i know exactly what you are going through/went through, glad you found a supportive community around you through youtube the internet can be a toxic place which can make things worse
You are a tough woman Marz! Talking about your problems and stuff just out in the open can be really hard and scary. I just subscribed to you, and I see a lot of support in the comments down here, Makes me happy :D Stay strong girl!! And.. Love your Bloodborne videos so far!
Hey, thanks for sharing it with us, I find you to be a wonderful person to listen to, that's probably what a lot of people here think of you too, and don't stress out because of content for the channel. Love u too! Stay positive.
Still watching this after a long time I'm still drawn to how brave you are for telling your story. Always praying for you and hope you will continue to be strong and courageous no matter how bad things are. You can get through this Marz and know we that we all love you and support you. We all love your videos, your vlogs and all you upload. Thanks for being a positive influence on all of us and I know your heath problems can become unbearable and I can't even imagine what you went through but I'm happy to know that you never gave up and gave in. Keep your head up Marz and know that you are loved and appreciated. Bug hugs💖💖
Thank you for making this video. My story is quite similar to yours, but instead of scoliosis, food allergies and digestive issues were driving my chronic pain and fatigue. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19. I ended up losing 10 years of my life to this condition. Just like you, I was confined to laying in bed for many years. After about 8 years, I decided that if I wanted to get better I would have to figure out how to do that on my own. My doctors weren't helpful and didn't even believe my complaints most of the time. Miraculously, after nearly dying in the beginning of 2018, I have been able to sort out my health issues! I was able to go back to school to study nutrition and now I'm working on building a health coaching business to help people with ibs and fibromyalgia, as well as creating cooking tutorials on TH-cam. I'm currently working on making a video that details my health struggles and I understand how daunting it can be. I really appreciate your candor and courage. I know this video was uploaded 2 years ago and I hope this comment finds you well. Take care, hope to see you around the tubes.
I need to watch your stuff. As someone that's been suffering for over 6 years now with digestive issues, I need some answers. I can't live like this anymore
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at age 13, which was 20 years ago. Doctors back then didn't know much about the disease, and they never took my pain seriously. It was a 13 year old girl just faking it and looking for attention. Even once the disease was acknowledged, being so young no one would help me. It was only about 4 years ago that someone would help me. I suffered unnecessarily for 16 years. It's despicable to not take someone seriously because of their age and to let them suffer. My life was miserable when it didn't need to be. I was robbed of my childhood and young adult life. I wish you the best and thank you for doing something to help others who suffer like you do. ❤
My sister had the same experience in regards to migraines. It took several years for ANY medical professional to take her seriously telling her that it was all in her head, afraid of needles, ect. eventually even minor physical contact was excruciating. She felt like a wimp. They have finally started to figure it out, but it is still a process. You are an amazingly strong woman. Stay strong.
I relate to this so much. I've been dealing with chronic hives, anxiety, depression, gerd and nerve pain (which I still need to see a doctor about sigh) The amount of doctors I went through to get diagnosed for most of my health issues is just unreal. This has been happening for almost 4 years now and I've even came close to committing suicide, fortunately I'm still here and honestly the only reason is for my family. The worst part about this is the absolute helplessness and loneliness I feel, the only time I'm happy is when I watching one of my favorite youtubers, twitch streamers and gaming of course. But the one saving grace is I'm not alone, Thanks for sharing your health journey and maybe one day I can get through this too.
I feel this, I'm the same age and was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (chronic pain) and chronic fatigue. Used to be quite a healthy lad but now anything and everything can cause me serious pain, I had a large dog similar to yours and when walking the smallest of pulls on the lead will cause my shoulder/neck to be on fire for the next couple of days, I can 100% relate. Chronic fatigue is really upsetting as staying awake for a full normal day is really hard, and with the pain combined it's very hard to see what the future will bring, as there's so much that I want to do but it feels close to impossible with these illnesses. Can't even ride in the car as I get motion sickness everytime and because I feel weak constantly, that nausea on top of it is awful to manage.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS at age 13 (20 years ago) back when the disease wasn't really known about and taken seriously. It's a horrible thing that can ruin your life. After years of not being taken seriously, being told I'm just looking for attention, nothing was wrong with me, I just didn't even want to be here anymore. Now I have neuropathy in my feet and can't even stand or walk some days. You're not alone. Your pain is very real. I wish you relief and happiness.
When I saw you cry I felt the same too. I had been alone without friends many years of my life. Yes one feels like he/she is tied to straight jacket and closed in an empty dark room. I got used to it and it took me a lot of time. This is when you think about GOD and it really helps.
I don’t think you will see this, but if you do I wanted to say thank you. This really resonated with me on more levels than one. I’m at a very hard point in my life right now, and knowing this makes me feel like I have at least one person when I’m watching your videos. It was very brave to bring this out in the world but I’m glad you did
Hi Marz, I would like to thank you for uploading and sharing your life stories. It was this morning that I stumbled upon your let's play video and decided to check out your other videos. I'm currently going through a separation and it has been extremely tough for me to deal with emotionally. But this morning after watching some of your videos (and mainly the videos about yourself), I suddenly did not feel alone or lonely anymore. I felt free and that there's hope and everything will be okay. Today, was the first day, since about a month and a half, that I actually felt free and happy. I can go on and on but I really wanted to say thank you very much for uploading your videos and sharing them with the world. I wish you the very best in life, and I adore your strength as an individual. People like you give hope to the rest of the world Marz. That in itself is priceless. Thank you kindly.
I’m 17 and i’ve had pain in my muscles and joints since I was 12. Know how you feel. It really sucks and no one understands. I hope you feel better Marz.
ive sneezed like that several times in my life. absolutely wrecked my neck everytime. potentially one of the worst pains i've ever had but it only ever lasted about 10-20 minutes. having worked in a joinery for a year, i lost feeling in 2 of my toes, 2 of my fingers developed a click when they went past 30*, the place wasn't ventilated well so my lungs had a nice coating of sapele hardwood dust, developed trench foot due to rain once and it just never healed. mainly these but a whole host of carpal tunnel problems. felt myself degrading away so i left the place. After 2-3 months I healed nearly completely.I still can't believe how I and the others i worked with just lived with these issues. i really think vids like these are important :)
Your story resonates with me deeply. 5 years ago I came home from work one day and couldn't walk because the nerves in my feet felt like they were on fire. After many, many blood tests, glucose tests, MRIs, and an EMG there's still no diagnosis other than "peripheral neuropathy" and I've been fighting to get my doctor(s) to continue exploring the root cause of the nerve pain. It's really frustrating to be treated as if you're "making it up" or "playing up the pain" or your doctor basically gives up on trying to find out what's going on. Thankfully I've finally stopped accepting "we may never know the cause of your nerve pain" from my doctors and am actively pushing them to continue exploring despite their reluctance. Stay strong Marz and thank you for sharing your story as it helps chronic pain sufferers like us cope with our situations.
I am so sorry to hear everything you have gone through. I appreciate that you would share such a personal story. It is encouraging to hear that someone can overcome loneliness and physical limitations as you have. I have been struggling with major depression for the last several years because between 2016 and 2018, I had about 7 people in my life pass away. That caused me to fall apart, and I ended neglecting my social life and school, which caused me to go through a similar level of loneliness to what you described, and I flunked out of the college I was going to at the time. I am not starting to try to put my life back together, but I can go through weeks where I just feel hopeless. Hearing about what you overcame has really encouraged me to keep working on my life. Thank you for sharing!
I'm surprised I didn't find this video sooner. All I can say is that I relate almost on every level. 16 to 17 years old me in early 2000's I worked for McDonald's. My first job and I was doing great, having fund, etc. From that time to about just after I graduated in '05, I was doing a lot of heavy lifting because I was asked to and I thought I had to. By a lot of heavy lifting, I don't mean things that were crazy heavy but more so a constant amount with little to no breaks (especially when I went full time to make them happy). Example: Helping to unload the truck deliveries of frozen and other foods. Just boxes upon boxes of the stuff. On top of which I was also asked to, not just take them off the trucks, but also to load them into the coolers (at times, by myself) which involved organizing all the boxes already in there, often times having to take out the old to put the new in the back so that the old gets used first (quality control). Cleaning the grills often required heavy lifting of the grease buckets, traps, hard scraping, lots of cleaning, etc etc etc. I never thought that a job as small as McDonald's would eventually be the reason that I would develop muscle spasms in my back (especially the lower back). So there I am, about 18 years old or going on 19 and I already have back problems that most older people get. I was fit too, almost had a 6 pack (almost, I'm not bragging just, that's where I was at with my body). Suddenly I can't do things as much as I used to. Lifting heavy objects often left me feeling shaky or like millions of tiny needles were stabbing my back, or like someone was constantly pushing against my lower back some where on the side. Many different feelings of pain, all for the same reason. I went to physical therapy which helped, then I got a new job. Long story short about the new job is I did WAY more heavy lifting but I thought I was fine because I, THOUGHT, I was being smart about it. I had a back brace, kept up with my stretches, drank a lot of water, etc. Well, a year into that job (dishwasher for Maggiano's Little Italy then transitioned to a position they invented just for me, Bar Stocker, which was a glorified Busser, Bathroom checker, Ice Filler upper at 3 different locations, and Banquet hall cleaner at times), I started feeling much worse and would come home crying in pain. That job fired me because I called in too many times (despite me asking if it was becoming a problem and them telling me 2 days before I got fired that it was ok and they would have my back so long as I never called in less than 2 hours in advance). Now I'm depressed because I feel useless... Fast forward: My father rejoined the military some time while I was with McDonald's and after I got fired from Maggiano's some 4-5 years after he joined, he asked if I wanted to move in with him. This meant moving out from my mother and becoming his roomate (I'd have to find work, pay rent, etc.) I got a simple job at first, no problems, just cashier at Fort Carson in Colorado. No major struggle, and I always wore my back brace just in case. From there I got an interview for a Credit Union job. Worked there for over 5 years before suddenly, I start developing back pain again. I got careless and didn't keep up with my stretches since I wasn't doing lots of lifting like before. At some point after maybe 6 or 7 years into that job, my back completely went out. How it happened: I reached down for my morning coffee while sitting at my desk checking work e-mails and was about to follow up on some accounts I was working on. I take a sip and feel a kink in my back. As I set my coffee down I try to stretch my back out. Right when I think I can get a little crack in to relieve some strain, woosh. A huge surge of pain flows from my lower back to my shoulders. I am sitting in my chair and feeling myself being forced down as if someone was somehow standing in front of me and pushing down on my shoulders. All I can do is barely look up to my computer screen and type to my manager next door using the Skype messenger, "Help. *enter* Help *enter* my back *enter* it's gone *enter* help *enter* please" My manager comes rushing in witnessing me hunched over my chair crying. The other managers come in as well and close my door rubbing my back assuring me it'll be ok (this was probably the best team I ever worked for, not gonna lie). Eventually I get to the ER, have an X-Ray done but they can't find anything substantial. The only thing they can think of was just an unlucky accident because I have minor scoliosis. Pfft, unlucky accident my butt... I went on to work for them for just over 10 years total but the last couple of years I felt like I was more of a burden on the company and quit while moving in with my mother in another state. Since then, I've had an MRI, more therapy, and more pain. I can't sit or stand for too long without having trouble. I'm 34 now. I was planning on doing a lot more, being a writer, find a new job, etc. but then Covid lock downs happened and most places stopped hiring. I still plan on doing more but it's tough. Anywho, it was long but I hope me sharing my story somehow helps someone at some point, even if it's just to help them realize that, like you Marz, there are others that know what it feels like to be in pain and not be able to prove it with x-rays, MRI's, and such. Pain is real, it hurts, and shouldn't be ignored or taken lightly. Be well Marz, be well everyone, don't give up!
This brought a tear to my eye. As someone that’s been dealing with severe nerve pain in my legs every day for years and all these specialists and doctors or trips to the ER and them looking at me cross eyed like I have nothing wrong with me over and over while I’m in so much pain I had to be bed ridden for months like you can relate to. Finally I found a primary care dr who properly diagnosed me but seeing I’m not alone in this world warms my heart and I wish you all the best! It’s a blessing I found you’re channel and I will support it always as well as wish you nothing but success and good health.
I didn't mind the party scene at times but all the time is like eww I hate those people...I like being out and about but at times I don't mind sitting at a friends house and hanging out
I don't mind one every once in a while. But it gets pretty exhausting when its the only option every weekend! I prefer to stay in the house by myself tbh.
This is crazy, I am a wildlife biologist who literally went though the exact same thing, for 3 years, until I was finally able to get surgeries needed. What saved my ass was the gaming community though, because like you, no one understood how immobile pain makes one, so they assumed I was blowing them off and one by one relationships fell. So glad to hear you are doing great, and really enjoy watching ya play the souls games yo. Thanks for sharing
I found this channel through RDR 2. I can so relate to your experience. I was in a wreck and in the hospital, in a coma with a 1% chance to live. 13 years later I am still here. Most of my friends and most of my family abandoned me. I have went through the darkest nights in my life since then. I would not still be here without hope. This sounds life a self pitying story. It is a little I suppose but not really. It has taught me to appreciate everything more. Every day, every laugh, every moment with friends and loved ones so much more. I take a bucket of pills everyday but I am thankful to have them. Keep your spirits high all who can relate to this. With time, it will get better and to Marz, awesome channel. I can't believe you cried at the end of RDR2. Keep this a secret but I did too.😢🤠👍
that low level is really hard to deal with some people even gave up on life .. ive been there for 2 and half years and imagine youre a 34 yrs old grown man can be emotional crying about even in any small thing all because of the load of negative energy you have .. and every time you turn to be positive it so vulnerable to break fast to negative again sometimes took you a month to get back feeling better .. i 100% felt every single word you said even my tears dropped on my cheeks because i also gone through this as well .. im so proud of you passed all of this it really needs a strong person to go through all of that .. i found your channel today but after watching this video i feel that i know you for 1 year .. thank you so much for sharing your story youre so brave and strong .. and you also a good speaker
Stay strong Marz and thanks for sharing. When i hear stories like yours it inspires me and it helps me realize that there are others who struggle through life. I saw someone once who had no arms and legs but they were smiling and happy, so keep smiling! :)
Marz: As someone who’s suffered with Multiple Sclerosis for over thirty years I feel your frustration. It took over twelve years for a diagnosis even though it runs in my family. It killed my grandmother so, I know what it’s like to suffer in a way that no one around me can really understand Just take solace in the fact that you are strong and learn to rely on those who truly love you, unconditionally, like your siblings and parents;.and know that those people you called friends, you know, those who dismissed you to hang out with other people instead of consoling and assisting you, were just passersby on the road to wherever this life takes you. True friends don’t ditch, they stay no matter what. Keep fighting and never give in!
Spectre Status: At the time doctors didn’t think that MS ran in families and if a doctor in the U.S. chooses to send patients for many expensive tests which might prove nothing, insurance companies can refuse to pay for any test that doctor may prescribe in the future so my doctors were just covering their asses. If it weren’t for the fact that I was almost killed in a car accident two years prior, my doctors might not have sent me for testing at all. I guess they realized that I’m tough and don’t exaggerate.
@@paulmasella1616 Intresting. I asked that because recently I suspected myself that I may have MS. I had mild symptoms like neck and feet tingling, numbness when I sit on my couch (admittedly it's a bad couch), and my worse symptom is strabismus in my right eye thats on and off throughout the day. However, after an MRI and other tests on my nerves, the Neurologist determined MS was highly unlikely. No lesions detected on the brain or spine. No history of MS in my family and I'm an African American male, it would be extremely rare in my case. As the months went on most of the symptoms have gone away or are very mild. I have no idea what's wrong with me but I know MS is hard to diagnose and there is always a fear in the back of my head that I have it.
Spectre Status : I suggest you find an MS specialist in your area, not just a garden variety neurologist and get tested. MRIs of the spine and brain will do. If not, a lumbar puncture will also be able to diagnose. Know that, if you have it, there’s a boatload of medications which have been proven to help. I hope you’ll be fine.
First stumbled on you DS3 Friede video, now YT recommended this one (well I have watched a lot of chronic pain videos last year). Three years ago I was on the peak of my life in regarding of physical health. I had started going to gym for couple years back and by then and I was feeling great. No more back pain, no signs of headaches, no reflux symptoms etc. Then around the summer I was doing some beginners course for MMA and my 10yo relationship fell apart. Suddenly my arches of my feet started aching really bad. My whole bottom of the feet felt like super sensitive to anything. At worst days I could barely walk 800 steps a day or stand 2-5 minutes, I took showers with 150€ running shoes on. Doctors did not take me seriously at all since there was nothing visible and on examinations they did found nothing at that time. Then I reserved a time to a very expensive surgeon to examine my feet 3 month waiting list. He looked at me for couple minutes, then told me to walk couple minutes and then he told me: "okay, your walking is horrible. just fix it, stand more on your ball of the foot" and that was 250€ just to get that "expert opinion". My workplace doctor insisted that there was nothing wrong with me and refused to give me sick leave or anything to continue research my legs. Only thing they gave were triptyl to raise my pain tolerance, which I took at 5x normal dosage. Then I started going to physical therapy on my own and paid 150€ every week and progressed really slowly to get a bit better. I had booked my "trip of my life" to Japan a year before, suffice to say I could not go. I was devastated that even on my 30th birth year I could not do my dream vacation I had always dreamed. I could walk around 5000 to 8000 steps or stand 30min max, but after that feel broken for three to four days. After 6 months of that I started trying anything: massage, tissue massage, tissue treatments, Lapland healer, Kalevala massage, acupuncture, Chinese medicine, magnetism treatment, silent tank treatment, Trauma release exercises, breathing techniques, Achilles tendonitis treatment, plantar fasciitis exercises, night splint, psychiatric, chiropractic, different exercises for back + feet, lot of stretching, and many many more different treatments. Due to all the treatments I hardly had any money and my friends kept inviting me to different events etc. It was always crushing to try to explain again and again that "no, I cannot come to heavy metal festival where you walk and stand all day" or "yes, I still have the same condition since last week/month/year". They could not understand, that even going to a shop and standing in line felt like forever hell to me. Then they expect me to come to a pub standing with them and drinking beer with my condition and medication "oh it's not that bad".... they did just not understand at all. None of the did the trick, but finally I had convinced my doctors that it's not just in my head. So I got to the waiting list of walking physiologist and some serious sets of tests. All the blood work and 4 x MRI found almost nothing. I only had couple little bulges on my lower back, but they told me that they are not severe enough to do anything even though bulge around L4 - L5 - S1 = pain on feet arch and tip of the foot. My muscles always were stiff and I repeatedly told them that they are, they just told me to stretch and rest. Well after 6 months I got to the walking/gait physiologist and well I was still walking wrong but I was putting way too much pressure on the ball of my feet...yes exactly the opposite that the expensive surgeon told me to do. We made some adjustments and I got a bit better again. After that my rescheduled Japan trip from last year was closing in and I had advanced to walking 14 000 steps a day, so I decided to go anyway and alone since I don't have to be a drag to anyone else. Well I had lot of pain and my calfs were inflamed couple times during the trip, but overall it was a huge success specially mentally. Well after I had blown all my money for the doctors and my Japan trip, I started working my own calves with a broom stick by myself. After they started to loosen up a bit and I felt somewhat better. I had another time for the gait physiologist and he tested my calf and hamstrings, he was speechless for some time and said "I have never seen this tight hamstrings". Every time I stretched my hamstrings even after proper warmup, they were back to square one the next morning. So for now I have been making McKenzie move (to fix bulges) + calf stretches + hamstring stretches + squats + yoga forward bend every day and now hamstrings are starting to loose up. Feeling now better and almost without pain, haven.t tested my limit now. Just enjoying that I have days when I don't have pain. A while during the worst times I felt like I was never going to get better, felt like I had nothing to go on. I could not do anything and I hated my self for that. Even if the doctors don't believe you, keep searching and pushing forward. Maybe your life wont be the same ever again, but learn and try to live the best you can.
I know this video is like two years old so I doubt anyone will see this but this was actually a really helpful video for me right now especially. I just turned 22 last month, and I've been practically couch/bed ridden since October. I was in the middle of a semester and started getting some what they believe to be at the time colitis. Just constant vomiting, not being able to keep anything down even water or crackers, my throat felt like it was constantly strangling me thanks to probably the inflammation it was going through, and an aching sharp pain in my lower abdomen right at about the top of the hip bone that goes down, some times it'll be throughout the entire line connecting, others just those two spots on opposite ends of one another, along with that I've got this sharp-ish pain in the lower and at times middle parts of my ribs. Thankfully the Colitis itself went away in a month or so, but the pain in my abdomen and ribs have stayed since. We still don't know what's caused it, I've had every test in the book checking out for what it could be, MRI's, Xrays, Catscans, Endoscopy and Colonscopy, yet they can't find a single thing wrong ever since that first colitis diagnose. I've had over a half dozen, perhaps dozen different types of pills they've given me trying to figure out what's causing the issue or help it and nothing yet has. To which has caused me to drop out of college, and have major anxiety and depression being caused or added onto it either way. I wasn't even the most social person before, as I was homeschooled through highschool and once I finally felt like I was maybe actually making some friends, that was all torn apart not a full year in. That loneliness, that Isolation, this feeling of worthlessness. Not only that but what I had been planning on doing before was law enforcement so can't really do that with just the anxiety I seem to have let alone the physical issues I've been having. Maybe I'll try this whole youtube thing, I've been using it to try to feed this starvation of social and desperate need for just anything, to just prove I still exist, that there are people like this, going through this. Where your body has turned against you so abruptly and the doctors can't find a damn thing wrong with you. Now they're thinking it's some mental issues instead of actual physical ones, which they may be right for all I know, so I'm being sent to a psychiatrist now added on to it. Right now I'm on some Xanax and honestly it's not helping either with the pain. I guess, I just feel lost, without purpose, alone, confused and in pain. And I'm afraid that it will be like this for the rest of my life.
Hey buddy, I hope you're doing okay. Just hang in there and do what you feel is best, which sometimes the best you can do is keep a positive attitude and that's okay. One day it'll be okay, we are infinite, pain is temporary and we're all given the life we have because we were strong enough to live it. Trust in God and you'll be okay. You're in our prayers.
Thanks for sharing this Marz. It's interesting to see how many people deal with all sorts of problems.I had gynecomastia and I never had many friends because of this. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who felt like an outcast for a while. I'm doing good now.
I'm sorry for the delay, I only saw your channel a few weeks ago. Your channel is beautiful, everything you said and your videos are wonderful. This video moved me! My heart is still trembling listening to your story. I'm an Italian biologist and I understand when you say that you love nature and animals. I understand your anger and your pain because I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and my life has changed dramatically, both with nutrition and with the lifestyle. Like you, I'm a sensitive person and when I saw you cry, I cried too because your words reminded me of the pain with which I live every day and night. I just wanted to say thank you for this channel and for your support and work. Hang in there! Don't give up! Hugs from Italy, Doctor Valentina
We all here for your and remember your not alone we all here like a big one family and thank you for sharing the video with us and stay healthy I wish you all the best in your life I love you. ❤❤❤
You definitely aren't alone. Dealing with chronic health issues is traumatizing and life changing. I'm thankful I was able to come out the other end and overcome the hurdles I faced and I feel for other people who battle through their own struggles. The struggles I faced were almost identical to yours, facing doctors who don't take you seriously, not being understood in your issues, having friends basically go ghost in your life (when you're around teenagers don't expect much for support, because everyone is way too self absorbed at that age and just want to go wild), being bedridden and feeling hopeless and just drained. Thank you for being so open about your struggles! It definitely helps other people feel less burdened with their experiences. Cheers!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Out of what I consider a pretty good subscriber list I have to watch, you have become my go to youtuber on a daily basis. You have my support, and you are not alone. :)
I only recently subbed to your channel because I enjoy your Elden Ring playthroughs. I then watched this video after scrolling through your older videos. I haven’t watched more recent videos of your health updates yet but I’m sorry you had to go through this. I hope you are doing a lot better health wise. Take care. ❤
Lady, you are A LOT stronger than you think! You fight day by day just to be a live!! Keep going! Never give up!!! We are with you! Here, from Brazil, we are with you!
I know I'm 2 years late, but I'm seeing this video for the first time (I recently subscribed to your channel). I live in constant, excruciating pain. It began when I was a child (I'm 34 now). I do work, but I never wanted to use my pain as a reason not to work. So I just work through the pain and do my best not to show it. I told my friends, but they don't understand the extent of it. I had a gf. When we first started going out, I told her that my pain is so bad that I can't go out and do things. I stay home a lot and just watch movies (or TH-cam vids). Eventually we broke up because she couldn't handle hanging out at home all the time. My pain gets worse every day. I worry that I won't be able to go on for much longer. Your videos help me and help try to take my mind off of the pain. I think you are an amazing person. Thanks for sharing your health issues. I truly do understand. To add, I lost my only son a few years ago. Something I struggle with to this day. Dealing with emotional pain in addition to physical pain is unbearable.
Thank you for sharing this. I have to deal with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) on a daily basis. What you said at the end of the video really helped. I tend to get overly upset about it on bad days.
I had complete reconstructive shoulder surgery in 2015 and I know exactly how you feel the lonely feeling of being misunderstood and that no one gets you the stress of not being able to work. Stay strong god chokes but doesn't strangle everything you've experienced is something only you can accomplish because it's you. So stay strong and keep moving forward. I genuinely enjoy your blogs and game plays. Your a strong person and dont let anyone tell you ealse were because if you cant push your self forward no one will and I also learned that the hard way you have to be your own inspiration love yourself and take it one day at a time.
I have severe scoliosis myself, among other things. I actually had surgery to correct it when I was 12 but they normally don't like to operate until you're 17. However, mine was an "S" shape as well and off by about 60° and still progressing. Thankfully, most people have more minor forms of scoliosis and don't require surgery, if any treatment at all. Often times exercises/stretches are prescribed or a back brace for a period of time. Anyhow, it's 8 years since I've had the surgery, in which they installed 2 titanium steel lightweight rods on either side of the spine bolted into the bone and I have a quality of life like never before. Don't get me wrong, there are huge risks /potential problems that come with such a procedure, and it definitely wasn't always smooth sailing especially in the beginning, but I can live comfortably now and have a good life as well. I know this was a long comment but I sincerely wish you the best even if I don't always watch your stuff. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing your story. I had a bad case of Sciatica pain for 1-2 months. It was painful to do anything including sit/lie down. I could just barely take my mind off the pain if I got into the perfect position and took a heavy dose of tylenol. There is something wrong with a disk in my back but what triggered the 2 month flair-up was sitting in a new way or in a new chair. I too lifted ridiculously heavy things when I was younger. Good posture sitting and standing is so important. You cant lay in bed all day either or your body will degrade even further. It sounds like what you have is more serious/long term. No suggestions other than experiment with lots of different types of chairs/beds/memory foam/light exercise.
Marz you are so beautiful. Inside and out. Thank you for sharing what you've been through. I'm a cancer survivor and i can feel what you were saying in my heart. I really mean it. Thank you
Whenever I watch your videos, I feel like I've known you for a long time even though I have just subscribed a few months ago Thanks for all the motivation and keep doing what you love ❤
I was going through your Sekiro series and I stumbled across this video. Holy cow I am so impressed by how you were able to persevere and beat the Genichiro (after ~40 tries?) while experiencing back pain for 3 hrs straight! That is some serious dedication to gaming and your channel! RESPECT! I hope that you come up with more ergonomic gaming setup as you make more videos for the channel. Take care.
Bit late to the party (just found your channel), but, in my experience, the parts about friends abandoning and doctors not believing is something that can’t really be understood by anyone that hasn’t gone through it. After awhile, that makes it tough to talk about it at all. Thanks for the reminder that the journey isn’t all bad, and that there are people out there who get it.
When you got tears in your eyes so did I.. And it made me abit irritated. I don't want to judge because I don't know the people you were talking about.. But there is just no excuse for not giving a fuck about a friend in their time of need. Sorry you had to go through that!! But I'm really glad to see that you're all good now. You always seem so happy in your videos. Stumbled upon your channel not too long ago. And I've nearly watched every one of your videos already 😂 Stay strong & keep up the good work!! Happy to be part of the Marzmallow family!! 😁
I may be late to comment. I commend you for your bravery in sharing. My wife deals with major fibromyalgia and teaches high-school. I’ve taken upon myself to do 80-90% of normal life stuff (kids, house chores, outside chores). She is in constant pain and at times, is bedridden for whole days. Thank you for sharing and your inspiring video! I am enjoying the channel.
I literally can’t get out of bed sometimes because of my depression which has caused me to have no friends. So it feels like you’re a friend I can hang out with when I’m at a low. Thank you so much for being there for so many people me included.
Hi I know I am late but I just find you a couple of month ago but stay strong 💪🏽 I am mentally sick and is feeling alone all so I fully understand you :) keep strong that’s what I am trying but it’s hard :) big love from here :)
I've been watching you for a bit and just happened to get this in my feed, despite it's upload date. Keep moving forward. You've a community that will support you regardless of your conditions. Loneliness is a human condition, but you could say the worst of it is over now. Remember this.
wish i could pet you just like the kid does to trico, to make your pain go away. i too have a curved spine (mine makes a slight curve to my right side of the body) and sometimes i feel a heavy pain in my lower back that i can't even sit on a chair or stand straight for more than 5 minutes. so i identify with you in this aspect and really hope things will work out for you. you seem to be a really good person, and i wish only the best things to you.
Sometimes inspiring is knowing there are more people like with health issues. Not every single time we need a super positive person... Just opening up actually made my day and I find a lot more respect for you. Thank God I found this channel and you. God bless.
My girlfriend broke my neck trying to stop me falling out of bed onto my head after a seizure. I woke up with nerve pain all down my left arm and down my back. I couldn't even shave or sit in a car while it was moving. I have 3 slipped discs in my neck, the pain is chronic, a constant ache but far better than it was. I was on morphine and it didn't help until i started to exercise my neck and shoulders. It helped and now i can deal with it without pain meds most days. To those who have this chronic pain, don't lose hope. Many fully recover and most don't end up like us, one piece of advice I have is to have courage and face the pain, it will get better, either your symptoms will lessen or your tolerance will grow. To Marz, you probably wont see this but i really do understand you, my Partner has almost exactly the same problems you have. She is super brave and tough she even gave birth to our first child who's 1 and healthy. Stay brave and try to strengthen your muscles around the areas effected through physio. It hurts but it will be nothing for a woman like you and may help to take the pressure off the effected area. Subbed
Hey guys,
I felt like it was time for me to tell you a bit about my health and the journey it took to get where I am now. It was definitely hard to gain the courage to speak about it but, after doing so, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. For anyone out there who feels alone, misunderstood or outcast, I may not know exactly what you’re going through but, I can relate. I just want you to know, you’re not alone. I hope that this channel can be a positive community for you to take part in and I’m excited for many more journeys to come! 😊
Sometimes we are blessed with sound mind and body. Sometimes, just a sound mind and terrible body. Sometimes, just a sound body and a terrible mind. Eventually, when you get as old as dirt (like me) nothing is 'sound' anymore. I hope you find some physical relief through medicine, or whatever it takes. Just don't give up on the 'mind' part. From what you've described, it is clear you have the ability to be sound of that. And don't worry about up loading anything. We all love your channel, as long as you do. We do not want you to feel pain and misery creating content for us. And always remember, when life hands you a basket of onions, you don't have to eat them. You can sell them to some one who wants onions! (my terrible joke for the week.) Stay safe. Stay warm. Be happy.
I'm sorry to hear about your scoliosis. I'm a certified ATP(Assistive Technology Professional) currently working for a durable medical equipment company, and I deal a lot with fixed positions of the musculoskeletal systems of my clients. There are definitely supportive systems, and I stress supportive over rehabilitative, for fixed(or non-flexible) postural issues. Now, your scoliosis may not be fixed, and I am not sure if you are on a rehabilitation plan for it or it's to the point that is not an option(either way, you should inquire your specialist about any potential postural support you may consider using), but to relieve the pain for extended periods with minimal change in posture, you might explore similar solutions. Something as simple as a quad chambered adjustable air cell seating cushion, or sitting in a chair that has an adjustable lateral support option, could make all the difference in that situation. To get something like that, I would look into rehab wheelchair seating, if you haven't explored that option already. Some durable medical equipment providers have the ability to do pressure mapping for seating. These are the guys that deal directly with the products and the clients, they are the one's making the adjustments in the field, so having an assessment done by a quality DME provider, and bringing their suggestions to your specialist for a second opinion, might be worth the effort.
In any case, I do understand the issues associated with the diagnosis, which are dependent on the severity, and vary widely. I wish you the best of luck in finding quality professionals that can assist with it. RESNA.org may be able to help you with that. Take care, be well, and I look forward to your next vid!
Please take care ✌don't get depressed... Keep calm and believe in god.. HE WILL BLESS YOU. WHATEVER HAPPENS WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THEM..
Marz - you are so damn awesome! :)
hycron1234 yeah ✌
OK, I'm watching this two years later, and I just really want to reach through the screen and give you a hug!
Me too, also more than a hug
Only a hug ?! 😉
@@AndroBoy17 lol
@@AndroBoy17 po
only a hug
I feel your pain Marz. You are a pretty strong and powerful woman. I understand the feeling of uttter loneliness. My only daughter passed away a few years ago at 16 years old. It has pretty much destroyed me. Not having her in my life is just so hard. I feel lucky that I have found channels like yours. I play them constantly just so it sounds like there are people in the house.
My heart breaks for you.. I can't imagine the pain and struggles that you've endured. I'm glad that this place can be somewhere you can go to find comfort and ease your mind. I'm so sorry for your loss 😞
If you have Ps4 add me im mexican but with a pretty good english. Im a bit old, nota kid,maybe we can pass some time man. Id recabus
Bryan G im so sorry. Stay strong ♥️
wow man thats.. sad. stay strong dude.. no words can help i know but. stay strong.
I hope you're doing well. Stay strong.
Loneliness is the worst feeling ever. I've been there too not so long ago and when I finally met someone that seemed to care about me I got so attached so fast that she got scared. Lucky for me I have awesome friends that helped me go through it. I'm still working on myself every day. My wounds are more psychological than physical one but I get how you felt. You have such a wonderful smile and I really enjoy watching you play my favorites games! Keep it up!
"There are people who cry not because they are weak, but because they have been strong for a long time..."
To everyone here who is struggling, suffering a loss, having any pain, remember that is in your hands to get better, even if that means to endure a loss for the rest of your life, because pain is a teacher, and wisdom last forever...
As Tool says: "embrace this moment, remember: we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion"
Fuck yeah, Tool. 👍
I use to listen to that song all the time when I was depressed. Lol fml.
This broke my heart... especially when you talked about your friends not understanding your pain. I'm sorry you went through all that suffering. I'm happy I found your channel. You're a wonderful and beautiful woman, Marz.
This brought a tear to my eye, such a honest and genuine video. I totally get the loneliness aspect, I have a disabled brother and I feel a lot of people don’t want to know me or come round to mine cos of him. Plus being the person I am I basically put my life on the back burner to help my parents look after him, then 10yrs ago my dad collapsed with a brain tumour (he’s fine now and in the top 3% survivors here in the uk). As you can imagine that added even more weight and stress to my poor Mum and worrying 24/7 about my brother and Dad now. So I chose to stay home and sacrifice my life for them, I get up go to work come home, do food shop or pays bills and repeat each each day. My little pleasures life are gaming, films and drawing which I noticed you said you enjoy 😊
Good for you Marz. Very proud of you for sharing this with us. I've been through a lot of hell in my life as well. From dealing with my parents divorce as a kid, being exiled from my family and becoming homeless, from being clinically diagnosed with depression, enlisting in the military (constant training), to being in combat in Afghanistan that led to excessive amounts of health issues and chronic body pain, etc. Ignorance is definitely bliss. You're doing an amazing job pushing out content as needed. And trust me when I say that I will always be here to support you. You're doing great.
I have to say that with each video you come across as one of the most pleasant individuals I've ever interacted with. I can appreciate how difficult it can be to talk openly about something as private as health issues. I'm glad we could help you get it off your chest. I know all too well about how horrible sciatica can be, I get that periodically and at its worst I can't stand up straight without the most excruciating pain I've ever felt. I hope your neck gets better soon.
@10:45 litterly broke my heart.. i understand that feeling completely. To want something so much, and not being able to do so litterly kills you from the inside out... I wish you all the best with your health Marz. Know that you're not the only one that is experience this and should not have to experience it alone!!! you have my continued support forever!!!
I'm going through somewhat of a similar experience, I was born with a condition that limits my ability to walk for prolonged hours. To this day the pain continues to interfere more and more with my life. I've lost almost all of my friends because they always wanted me to follow them along their trips, but I just couldn't. They took offense at the fact that I couldn't keep up with them and left me alone. Not that they have to, but it just sucks knowing that the individuals you rely on aren't there when you most need them.
You´re not alone!! We got ya!!
I just found your channel and saw this video and all I can say is “wow”....I know EXACTLY what it’s like to feel as if no one believes you and how frustrating it is not to have answers. I went 6 years before I was diagnosed with scoliosis, degenerative disc disease and syringomyelia. It’s horrible to feel alone and as if no one is there for you. Keep your head up. NEVER give up or give in. I always tell myself it could always be much worse, and that is definitely true. Keep strong and thank you for sharing your story.
I'm totally alone myself. Struggling with health issues and depression. Video games are kinda escape from reality for me. I've started watching your videos because I feel the need to share the experiences in those wonderful games we have those days, but its hard to do that when you have no one to talk to...Watching you react helps me a little. I know this is an old video, but I guess I just wanted to say thanks!
hey marcin, how goes the fight?
I can honestly say after watching this video, it really broke my heart to see the struggles you had to endure growing up and not being able to follow your previous dreams while being alone but it was also very heart warming to see how you were able to follow your heart on what you what you wanted to do next in your life while overcoming this very hard obstacles. I’m so happy to see you follow where your heart has led you to make you happy and I hope you are doing much better with your health now and moving forward in your life!
I really appreciate you putting yourself on camera and talking about this. I know it couldn’t have been easy and I respect you for that. 💛
I have a handful of health issues/concerns and the most severe one leaves a physical evidence. I deal on a day to day basis people staring and hushed voices saying, “do you see her scars?” I’ve been treated like a contagious mutation but I’ve also met many people who don’t see my medical condition and really *see* me. Those are the people and memories I hold on to. Thank you for telling your story, Marz, it meant a lot!
I know this is over a year old but man, this hits home for me. I have sciatica, at 35. I can't even get out of bed some days. I have herniated discs L4 and L5 and S1. I hurt my back in my late 20's. Over the years it gets worse and worse. Now I can't even sit upright, or play with my kid, walk (because my left leg is basically dead)
This video is encouraging for me because I did feel alone. Thanks for sharing.
So I have never commented on TH-cam before, but felt like I needed to after watching your video. I know exactly how you feel regarding your health conditions because, ironically enough, I have muscular dystrophy. Had it my whole life but symptoms didn't really start to show till I graduated high school. It started slow with me tripping over myself a lot, then progressed to not being able to get off of the floor and now at 28, I officially can't walk. I'll probably be in a wheelchair the rest of my life. I was embarrassed by it for a long time and secluded myself indoors, not wanting people to see me. My schooling suffered because of it and I didn't finish college. I've since come to terms with it. I can't say I understand what it's like for you to have chronic pain but i completely understand the loneliness you probably feel when you're the only one in your circle of friends to have to deal with something so life altering. No one gets it and no one understands it because they haven't experienced it and you begin to feel alone. Trying to keep a positive outlook on life has been pretty hard, especially with the state of the world as it is, but channels like yours do lift my spirit and keep my mind off of the disease. It's rare to find someone who shows a deep kindness and empathy towards others, not just on TH-cam, but in life as well. These are traits that I think are sorely missing from the world these days and it's nice to see someone display them here. Just know that your videos have helped me when I feel down about my situation, so thank you for that. Also, as an animal lover myself, im glad you didn't give up on the last guardian because of the controls. It's been great watching you experience it for the first time. :)
You must be very strong. I can't say that I know what it's like to have something as debilitating as MD can be but, watching my father go through what he has, sheds light on how much the human spirit can really overcome. I wish you all the best!
I have trigeminal neuralgia and I totally understand the pain. I had brain surgery at 22, almost died from a stroke after that. Had this disease since I was 16. Stay strong!
Im so happy i have found your channel Marz! I just feel youre a good person ☺️
Yeh, Same.
Wise words.
yeah same
Marz is definitely a genuinely good, beautiful person, like Strange Rebel Gaming. 😊 They are both such beautiful, wonderful women as gamers and as people. 😊❤️ They are in touch with their heart and soul. 😊
Dear Marz,
Thank you so much for sharing. This video had me in tears, but they were happy tears because I didn't feel alone for the first time in a while.
I've been experiencing back pain since I was 15 years old. I went to countless doctors, but no one would tell me what was wrong. All I ever heard "you're too young for back pain," a completely obvious and unhelpful comment.
A few months ago, the back pain started getting worse. I randomly get shooting pains all through my back, neck, hips and legs. We did ultrasounds and bloodwork and couldn't find anything. Just like you, I had medical professionals looking at me like I was exaggerating; one even suggested that the pain was psychological and the result of anxiety.
At a random RMT visit, I was asked if I'd ever been diagnosed with scoliosis. I hadn't, so I asked my doctor if we could check. She thought it was unlikely but ordered the x-ray, and low and behold, I have scoliosis.
It's such a painful and frustrating experience when medical professionals don't take you seriously. Everyone acknowledged how strange it was for a teenager to be experiencing back pain, but not a single doctor was compassionate enough to want to investigate it, and it took me 15 years to get a diagnosis.
The pain comes and goes, and it can be super discouraging to go from feeling fine one day to crippling pain the next. It sometimes feels like a vicious cycle because I can't move to work out, and exercise is supposed to help keep me strong and in less pain... It's even more upsetting when you can't sit up to do something as simple as play a game :(
I've been watching your streams for a while now, and your sense of humour and cheerful personality has been helping me pull through some tough times. I just found this video today, so I actually had no idea you had suffered through something similar until now. Finding this video has inspired me and makes me feel strong enough to get through life's challenges. Thank you so much for being someone I can look up to and for letting me know I'm not alone.
Thank you so much for all you do! I hope you've been feeling better these days
It really sucks that there is so much negativity on the internet but its very important to remember how much the internet can also help people who have problems and make them feel better. Especially when it comes to communicating with other people if for whatever reason you can't in real life and sort of feel like you matter. Thank you for sharing and yes it definitely helps a lot when you hear that you are not alone in having problems regardless if your trying to motivate people or not. Just sharing can be such a huge help
There's nothing more beautiful than a person showing their humanity. You're doing great, Marz. It may not seem like it from an internal perspective, but from an external perspective - we all can see the strength in you. My father beat on my Mom for years. As a result, she deals with many of the same issues you do. I get it and, feel for you. This is one of your best videos :)
wow, i started to cry with you when you were crying about how lonely it feels when you're dealing with something like this and no one has the time of day to try to understand or hang out with you. i relate to everything you said in this video!!! i'm 23 but three years ago i got tinnitus, which is a loud ringing in my ears (it can often be described as chronic pain because it accompanies all of the same symptoms / struggles). all of the doctors have told me there isn't really anything i can do other than to just live with it. i've been to over a dozen doctors who all tell me they don't know what's wrong with me. what's even worse is that i feel trapped inside of my body, unable to go to work or to go out with my friends anymore because it's either too loud or too quiet. so many people don't understand what i'm going through, and i've lost so so so many friends. i also watch youtubers (like you
Watching you crying . . I fully understand how you felt. Your friends even if they were 23, age doesn’t matter! if I see that one of my friends are going through a hard time I just can’t leave them alone. I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone for a long time. But now you have people on TH-cam that cared about you and you will never feel alone again ¡TRUST US!
This video was hard to watch. I just met you but my heart cries out for you. I was born with disabilities and I know a lot of what you have/are experiencing. You are just the most amazing trooper I've seen. Loyal fan for life.
My wife has been going through the exact same thing as you. Everything. To the doctors not believing her to not knowing what’s wrong. She has scoliosis, fibromyalgia, and sciatica. I’m about to watch your update video now! Thank you for sharing your story with us, you are such a strong person.
Thank you for sharing your story and for being brave enough to talk about it with everyone. It's sometimes tough to be the outcast and be looked at differently by society, but if you strive for something, hang on tight and truly give it your all good things will come your way. Stay strong, Marz and always know you've got a friend in me!
I follow you both girls
Me too😁
Wow so i am not alone than i know both girls
Helloooo!!!
I have similar story. Funny how almost everyone around u dissapear when u are at ur weakest. Its those who stay, who matter
If they do that then they never cared about you or just used you and you're useless now so they left you
Cheers to that ~ everyone shows their true colors at one point or another.
@@KaiTakamatsu true but some people don't even try to hide how shit they are
@@obadanw Yes, some ppl have no moral/ethical basis, so the point at which they show their true color is right away. Doesn't exactly pertain to eventuality, just a given timeline, whether short or long.
no1 stayed for me
Last year I had similar issue on my left shoulder because of carrying around my DJ gear to my gigs and after going to the doctor multiple times because of anxiety attacks that felt like heart attacks in the middle of the nights. The only person who actually cared about what I was going through was my sister. She paid for my hospital visits and stayed with me when I was in the hospital during the nights. I totally understand what you went through and maybe that's why I enjoy your videos so much! Here with you in solidarity and wishing you all the best!
I can relate to this on every single level. I had severe scoliosis when I was younger - around 19 years old I was diagnosed and had the operation. I was more or less comotose for around half a year. I had to learn how to walk again. I couldn't stand or walk for mors than about 5 seconds at the worst points. Couldn't sit up for like 1 minute without pain radiating. Your comments about feeling alone at 11:00 mark - I k ow that. I felt that. It was horrible. Completely isolated. Seeing someone pull through this particular health challenge is always so heart warming. You're not alone, Marz. I have bad times even now, 6 years after my operation. I am very very new to this channel. And I am so bloody glad I found you and this channel. Sending all the support your ways ♥️
Hi Marz! I discovered you and your channel a few months ago and have basically been binge watching your play throughs! I came across this video and once you started to name the medical problems you have been dealing with I got a little freaked out. I was diagnosed with Scoliosis and Fibromyalgia at a very young age and then Degenerative arthritis just a year ago. I have never met anyone with all of the same issues that I have or anyone who could even understand what it feels like. Thank you so much for sharing your health story, it helps so much more than you know!
I lost a lot of my 20s to health issues and it feels good to have finally found medicine and a lifestyle to live a somewhat normal lifestyle. It sucks when everyone thinks you're just boring when you prefer to stay home because your body can't keep up with their energy. Glad to see you making videos and posting pics of being outside. Really show's how much you've fought and that you're doing better. Wish you the best!
i got tears 😢watching just want to hug you🤗 . my father lived his whole life with chronic illness i wish it was a way to fix these illnesses for all humanity
I also have scoleosis and am isolated so i know exactly what you are going through/went through, glad you found a supportive community around you through youtube the internet can be a toxic place which can make things worse
You are a tough woman Marz! Talking about your problems and stuff just out in the open can be really hard and scary. I just subscribed to you, and I see a lot of support in the comments down here, Makes me happy :D Stay strong girl!! And.. Love your Bloodborne videos so far!
Hey, thanks for sharing it with us, I find you to be a wonderful person to listen to, that's probably what a lot of people here think of you too, and don't stress out because of content for the channel.
Love u too! Stay positive.
Still watching this after a long time I'm still drawn to how brave you are for telling your story. Always praying for you and hope you will continue to be strong and courageous no matter how bad things are. You can get through this Marz and know we that we all love you and support you. We all love your videos, your vlogs and all you upload. Thanks for being a positive influence on all of us and I know your heath problems can become unbearable and I can't even imagine what you went through but I'm happy to know that you never gave up and gave in. Keep your head up Marz and know that you are loved and appreciated. Bug hugs💖💖
Thank you for making this video. My story is quite similar to yours, but instead of scoliosis, food allergies and digestive issues were driving my chronic pain and fatigue. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19. I ended up losing 10 years of my life to this condition. Just like you, I was confined to laying in bed for many years. After about 8 years, I decided that if I wanted to get better I would have to figure out how to do that on my own. My doctors weren't helpful and didn't even believe my complaints most of the time. Miraculously, after nearly dying in the beginning of 2018, I have been able to sort out my health issues! I was able to go back to school to study nutrition and now I'm working on building a health coaching business to help people with ibs and fibromyalgia, as well as creating cooking tutorials on TH-cam. I'm currently working on making a video that details my health struggles and I understand how daunting it can be. I really appreciate your candor and courage. I know this video was uploaded 2 years ago and I hope this comment finds you well. Take care, hope to see you around the tubes.
I need to watch your stuff. As someone that's been suffering for over 6 years now with digestive issues, I need some answers. I can't live like this anymore
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at age 13, which was 20 years ago. Doctors back then didn't know much about the disease, and they never took my pain seriously. It was a 13 year old girl just faking it and looking for attention. Even once the disease was acknowledged, being so young no one would help me. It was only about 4 years ago that someone would help me. I suffered unnecessarily for 16 years. It's despicable to not take someone seriously because of their age and to let them suffer. My life was miserable when it didn't need to be. I was robbed of my childhood and young adult life. I wish you the best and thank you for doing something to help others who suffer like you do. ❤
My sister had the same experience in regards to migraines. It took several years for ANY medical professional to take her seriously telling her that it was all in her head, afraid of needles, ect. eventually even minor physical contact was excruciating. She felt like a wimp. They have finally started to figure it out, but it is still a process. You are an amazingly strong woman. Stay strong.
I relate to this so much. I've been dealing with chronic hives, anxiety, depression, gerd and nerve pain (which I still need to see a doctor about sigh) The amount of doctors I went through to get diagnosed for most of my health issues is just unreal. This has been happening for almost 4 years now and I've even came close to committing suicide, fortunately I'm still here and honestly the only reason is for my family. The worst part about this is the absolute helplessness and loneliness I feel, the only time I'm happy is when I watching one of my favorite youtubers, twitch streamers and gaming of course. But the one saving grace is I'm not alone, Thanks for sharing your health journey and maybe one day I can get through this too.
You are loved Merz :) your personality is very hearth-warming and sincere. Keep it up!
I feel this, I'm the same age and was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (chronic pain) and chronic fatigue. Used to be quite a healthy lad but now anything and everything can cause me serious pain, I had a large dog similar to yours and when walking the smallest of pulls on the lead will cause my shoulder/neck to be on fire for the next couple of days, I can 100% relate. Chronic fatigue is really upsetting as staying awake for a full normal day is really hard, and with the pain combined it's very hard to see what the future will bring, as there's so much that I want to do but it feels close to impossible with these illnesses. Can't even ride in the car as I get motion sickness everytime and because I feel weak constantly, that nausea on top of it is awful to manage.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS at age 13 (20 years ago) back when the disease wasn't really known about and taken seriously. It's a horrible thing that can ruin your life. After years of not being taken seriously, being told I'm just looking for attention, nothing was wrong with me, I just didn't even want to be here anymore. Now I have neuropathy in my feet and can't even stand or walk some days. You're not alone. Your pain is very real. I wish you relief and happiness.
When I saw you cry I felt the same too. I had been alone without friends many years of my life. Yes one feels like he/she is tied to straight jacket and closed in an empty dark room. I got used to it and it took me a lot of time. This is when you think about GOD and it really helps.
Wish you the best, hope you will get well soon.
You will pass it, stay strong.
I don’t think you will see this, but if you do I wanted to say thank you. This really resonated with me on more levels than one. I’m at a very hard point in my life right now, and knowing this makes me feel like I have at least one person when I’m watching your videos. It was very brave to bring this out in the world but I’m glad you did
Alone no more! You have 500k friends now👊
This is the most sincere TH-cam video I've ever watched. Thank you for everything.
Hi Marz, I would like to thank you for uploading and sharing your life stories. It was this morning that I stumbled upon your let's play video and decided to check out your other videos. I'm currently going through a separation and it has been extremely tough for me to deal with emotionally. But this morning after watching some of your videos (and mainly the videos about yourself), I suddenly did not feel alone or lonely anymore. I felt free and that there's hope and everything will be okay. Today, was the first day, since about a month and a half, that I actually felt free and happy. I can go on and on but I really wanted to say thank you very much for uploading your videos and sharing them with the world. I wish you the very best in life, and I adore your strength as an individual. People like you give hope to the rest of the world Marz. That in itself is priceless. Thank you kindly.
I’m 17 and i’ve had pain in my muscles and joints since I was 12. Know how you feel. It really sucks and no one understands. I hope you feel better Marz.
When I was 6 years old I was diagnosed with pneumonia.
It's a long, tragic and sad story.
fr one of my fav channels on the platform. stay strong
ive sneezed like that several times in my life. absolutely wrecked my neck everytime. potentially one of the worst pains i've ever had but it only ever lasted about 10-20 minutes. having worked in a joinery for a year, i lost feeling in 2 of my toes, 2 of my fingers developed a click when they went past 30*, the place wasn't ventilated well so my lungs had a nice coating of sapele hardwood dust, developed trench foot due to rain once and it just never healed. mainly these but a whole host of carpal tunnel problems. felt myself degrading away so i left the place. After 2-3 months I healed nearly completely.I still can't believe how I and the others i worked with just lived with these issues. i really think vids like these are important :)
Your story resonates with me deeply. 5 years ago I came home from work one day and couldn't walk because the nerves in my feet felt like they were on fire. After many, many blood tests, glucose tests, MRIs, and an EMG there's still no diagnosis other than "peripheral neuropathy" and I've been fighting to get my doctor(s) to continue exploring the root cause of the nerve pain. It's really frustrating to be treated as if you're "making it up" or "playing up the pain" or your doctor basically gives up on trying to find out what's going on. Thankfully I've finally stopped accepting "we may never know the cause of your nerve pain" from my doctors and am actively pushing them to continue exploring despite their reluctance.
Stay strong Marz and thank you for sharing your story as it helps chronic pain sufferers like us cope with our situations.
We're here for you, Christine. Knew your name from one of your videos:) Stay strong, everything is gonna be fine. Much love from Germany.
I am so sorry to hear everything you have gone through. I appreciate that you would share such a personal story. It is encouraging to hear that someone can overcome loneliness and physical limitations as you have. I have been struggling with major depression for the last several years because between 2016 and 2018, I had about 7 people in my life pass away. That caused me to fall apart, and I ended neglecting my social life and school, which caused me to go through a similar level of loneliness to what you described, and I flunked out of the college I was going to at the time. I am not starting to try to put my life back together, but I can go through weeks where I just feel hopeless. Hearing about what you overcame has really encouraged me to keep working on my life. Thank you for sharing!
I'm surprised I didn't find this video sooner.
All I can say is that I relate almost on every level.
16 to 17 years old me in early 2000's I worked for McDonald's.
My first job and I was doing great, having fund, etc.
From that time to about just after I graduated in '05, I was doing a lot of heavy lifting because I was asked to and I thought I had to.
By a lot of heavy lifting, I don't mean things that were crazy heavy but more so a constant amount with little to no breaks (especially when I went full time to make them happy).
Example: Helping to unload the truck deliveries of frozen and other foods. Just boxes upon boxes of the stuff. On top of which I was also asked to, not just take them off the trucks, but also to load them into the coolers (at times, by myself) which involved organizing all the boxes already in there, often times having to take out the old to put the new in the back so that the old gets used first (quality control).
Cleaning the grills often required heavy lifting of the grease buckets, traps, hard scraping, lots of cleaning, etc etc etc.
I never thought that a job as small as McDonald's would eventually be the reason that I would develop muscle spasms in my back (especially the lower back).
So there I am, about 18 years old or going on 19 and I already have back problems that most older people get. I was fit too, almost had a 6 pack (almost, I'm not bragging just, that's where I was at with my body).
Suddenly I can't do things as much as I used to. Lifting heavy objects often left me feeling shaky or like millions of tiny needles were stabbing my back, or like someone was constantly pushing against my lower back some where on the side. Many different feelings of pain, all for the same reason.
I went to physical therapy which helped, then I got a new job.
Long story short about the new job is I did WAY more heavy lifting but I thought I was fine because I, THOUGHT, I was being smart about it.
I had a back brace, kept up with my stretches, drank a lot of water, etc.
Well, a year into that job (dishwasher for Maggiano's Little Italy then transitioned to a position they invented just for me, Bar Stocker, which was a glorified Busser, Bathroom checker, Ice Filler upper at 3 different locations, and Banquet hall cleaner at times), I started feeling much worse and would come home crying in pain.
That job fired me because I called in too many times (despite me asking if it was becoming a problem and them telling me 2 days before I got fired that it was ok and they would have my back so long as I never called in less than 2 hours in advance).
Now I'm depressed because I feel useless...
Fast forward:
My father rejoined the military some time while I was with McDonald's and after I got fired from Maggiano's some 4-5 years after he joined, he asked if I wanted to move in with him. This meant moving out from my mother and becoming his roomate (I'd have to find work, pay rent, etc.)
I got a simple job at first, no problems, just cashier at Fort Carson in Colorado. No major struggle, and I always wore my back brace just in case.
From there I got an interview for a Credit Union job.
Worked there for over 5 years before suddenly, I start developing back pain again.
I got careless and didn't keep up with my stretches since I wasn't doing lots of lifting like before.
At some point after maybe 6 or 7 years into that job, my back completely went out.
How it happened: I reached down for my morning coffee while sitting at my desk checking work e-mails and was about to follow up on some accounts I was working on.
I take a sip and feel a kink in my back. As I set my coffee down I try to stretch my back out. Right when I think I can get a little crack in to relieve some strain, woosh.
A huge surge of pain flows from my lower back to my shoulders. I am sitting in my chair and feeling myself being forced down as if someone was somehow standing in front of me and pushing down on my shoulders. All I can do is barely look up to my computer screen and type to my manager next door using the Skype messenger, "Help. *enter* Help *enter* my back *enter* it's gone *enter* help *enter* please"
My manager comes rushing in witnessing me hunched over my chair crying. The other managers come in as well and close my door rubbing my back assuring me it'll be ok (this was probably the best team I ever worked for, not gonna lie).
Eventually I get to the ER, have an X-Ray done but they can't find anything substantial. The only thing they can think of was just an unlucky accident because I have minor scoliosis.
Pfft, unlucky accident my butt...
I went on to work for them for just over 10 years total but the last couple of years I felt like I was more of a burden on the company and quit while moving in with my mother in another state.
Since then, I've had an MRI, more therapy, and more pain.
I can't sit or stand for too long without having trouble. I'm 34 now.
I was planning on doing a lot more, being a writer, find a new job, etc. but then Covid lock downs happened and most places stopped hiring.
I still plan on doing more but it's tough.
Anywho, it was long but I hope me sharing my story somehow helps someone at some point, even if it's just to help them realize that, like you Marz, there are others that know what it feels like to be in pain and not be able to prove it with x-rays, MRI's, and such.
Pain is real, it hurts, and shouldn't be ignored or taken lightly. Be well Marz, be well everyone, don't give up!
This brought a tear to my eye. As someone that’s been dealing with severe nerve pain in my legs every day for years and all these specialists and doctors or trips to the ER and them looking at me cross eyed like I have nothing wrong with me over and over while I’m in so much pain I had to be bed ridden for months like you can relate to. Finally I found a primary care dr who properly diagnosed me but seeing I’m not alone in this world warms my heart and I wish you all the best! It’s a blessing I found you’re channel and I will support it always as well as wish you nothing but success and good health.
Bruh I wish I had friends that just wanted to lay down and watch movies, everyone wants to party all the time and I just don’t care for it.
I didn't mind the party scene at times but all the time is like eww I hate those people...I like being out and about but at times I don't mind sitting at a friends house and hanging out
I don't mind one every once in a while. But it gets pretty exhausting when its the only option every weekend! I prefer to stay in the house by myself tbh.
you dont know how much i aspire to find people like that.
Same
What is that word you said “friends” I’ve never heard of such a thing so I’m just confused lol
This is crazy, I am a wildlife biologist who literally went though the exact same thing, for 3 years, until I was finally able to get surgeries needed. What saved my ass was the gaming community though, because like you, no one understood how immobile pain makes one, so they assumed I was blowing them off and one by one relationships fell. So glad to hear you are doing great, and really enjoy watching ya play the souls games yo. Thanks for sharing
I found this channel through RDR 2. I can so relate to your experience. I was in a wreck and in the hospital, in a coma with a 1% chance to live. 13 years later I am still here. Most of my friends and most of my family abandoned me. I have went through the darkest nights in my life since then. I would not still be here without hope. This sounds life a self pitying story. It is a little I suppose but not really. It has taught me to appreciate everything more. Every day, every laugh, every moment with friends and loved ones so much more. I take a bucket of pills everyday but I am thankful to have them. Keep your spirits high all who can relate to this. With time, it will get better and to Marz, awesome channel. I can't believe you cried at the end of RDR2. Keep this a secret but I did too.😢🤠👍
that low level is really hard to deal with some people even gave up on life .. ive been there for 2 and half years and imagine youre a 34 yrs old grown man can be emotional crying about even in any small thing all because of the load of negative energy you have .. and every time you turn to be positive it so vulnerable to break fast to negative again sometimes took you a month to get back feeling better .. i 100% felt every single word you said even my tears dropped on my cheeks because i also gone through this as well .. im so proud of you passed all of this it really needs a strong person to go through all of that .. i found your channel today but after watching this video i feel that i know you for 1 year .. thank you so much for sharing your story youre so brave and strong .. and you also a good speaker
You’re a strong young woman I respect you for that. I also love it when you swear it’s kinda cute
Stay strong Marz and thanks for sharing. When i hear stories like yours it inspires me and it helps me realize that there are others who struggle through life. I saw someone once who had no arms and legs but they were smiling and happy, so keep smiling! :)
Marz:
As someone who’s suffered with Multiple Sclerosis for over thirty years I feel your frustration. It took over twelve years for a diagnosis even though it runs in my family. It killed my grandmother so, I know what it’s like to suffer in a way that no one around me can really understand Just take solace in the fact that you are strong and learn to rely on those who truly love you, unconditionally, like your siblings and parents;.and know that those people you called friends, you know, those who dismissed you to hang out with other people instead of consoling and assisting you, were just passersby on the road to wherever this life takes you. True friends don’t ditch, they stay no matter what.
Keep fighting and never give in!
Why did it take so long for diagnosis, if you don't mind me asking.
Spectre Status: At the time doctors didn’t think that MS ran in families and if a doctor in the U.S. chooses to send patients for many expensive tests which might prove nothing, insurance companies can refuse to pay for any test that doctor may prescribe in the future so my doctors were just covering their asses. If it weren’t for the fact that I was almost killed in a car accident two years prior, my doctors might not have sent me for testing at all. I guess they realized that I’m tough and don’t exaggerate.
@@paulmasella1616 Intresting. I asked that because recently I suspected myself that I may have MS. I had mild symptoms like neck and feet tingling, numbness when I sit on my couch (admittedly it's a bad couch), and my worse symptom is strabismus in my right eye thats on and off throughout the day.
However, after an MRI and other tests on my nerves, the Neurologist determined MS was highly unlikely. No lesions detected on the brain or spine. No history of MS in my family and I'm an African American male, it would be extremely rare in my case. As the months went on most of the symptoms have gone away or are very mild. I have no idea what's wrong with me but I know MS is hard to diagnose and there is always a fear in the back of my head that I have it.
Spectre Status :
I suggest you find an MS specialist in your area, not just a garden variety neurologist and get tested. MRIs of the spine and brain will do. If not, a lumbar puncture will also be able to diagnose. Know that, if you have it, there’s a boatload of medications which have been proven to help.
I hope you’ll be fine.
First stumbled on you DS3 Friede video, now YT recommended this one (well I have watched a lot of chronic pain videos last year). Three years ago I was on the peak of my life in regarding of physical health. I had started going to gym for couple years back and by then and I was feeling great. No more back pain, no signs of headaches, no reflux symptoms etc. Then around the summer I was doing some beginners course for MMA and my 10yo relationship fell apart. Suddenly my arches of my feet started aching really bad. My whole bottom of the feet felt like super sensitive to anything. At worst days I could barely walk 800 steps a day or stand 2-5 minutes, I took showers with 150€ running shoes on. Doctors did not take me seriously at all since there was nothing visible and on examinations they did found nothing at that time. Then I reserved a time to a very expensive surgeon to examine my feet 3 month waiting list. He looked at me for couple minutes, then told me to walk couple minutes and then he told me: "okay, your walking is horrible. just fix it, stand more on your ball of the foot" and that was 250€ just to get that "expert opinion".
My workplace doctor insisted that there was nothing wrong with me and refused to give me sick leave or anything to continue research my legs. Only thing they gave were triptyl to raise my pain tolerance, which I took at 5x normal dosage. Then I started going to physical therapy on my own and paid 150€ every week and progressed really slowly to get a bit better. I had booked my "trip of my life" to Japan a year before, suffice to say I could not go. I was devastated that even on my 30th birth year I could not do my dream vacation I had always dreamed. I could walk around 5000 to 8000 steps or stand 30min max, but after that feel broken for three to four days. After 6 months of that I started trying anything: massage, tissue massage, tissue treatments, Lapland healer, Kalevala massage, acupuncture, Chinese medicine, magnetism treatment, silent tank treatment, Trauma release exercises, breathing techniques, Achilles tendonitis treatment, plantar fasciitis exercises, night splint, psychiatric, chiropractic, different exercises for back + feet, lot of stretching, and many many more different treatments. Due to all the treatments I hardly had any money and my friends kept inviting me to different events etc. It was always crushing to try to explain again and again that "no, I cannot come to heavy metal festival where you walk and stand all day" or "yes, I still have the same condition since last week/month/year". They could not understand, that even going to a shop and standing in line felt like forever hell to me. Then they expect me to come to a pub standing with them and drinking beer with my condition and medication "oh it's not that bad".... they did just not understand at all.
None of the did the trick, but finally I had convinced my doctors that it's not just in my head. So I got to the waiting list of walking physiologist and some serious sets of tests. All the blood work and 4 x MRI found almost nothing. I only had couple little bulges on my lower back, but they told me that they are not severe enough to do anything even though bulge around L4 - L5 - S1 = pain on feet arch and tip of the foot. My muscles always were stiff and I repeatedly told them that they are, they just told me to stretch and rest. Well after 6 months I got to the walking/gait physiologist and well I was still walking wrong but I was putting way too much pressure on the ball of my feet...yes exactly the opposite that the expensive surgeon told me to do. We made some adjustments and I got a bit better again. After that my rescheduled Japan trip from last year was closing in and I had advanced to walking 14 000 steps a day, so I decided to go anyway and alone since I don't have to be a drag to anyone else. Well I had lot of pain and my calfs were inflamed couple times during the trip, but overall it was a huge success specially mentally.
Well after I had blown all my money for the doctors and my Japan trip, I started working my own calves with a broom stick by myself. After they started to loosen up a bit and I felt somewhat better. I had another time for the gait physiologist and he tested my calf and hamstrings, he was speechless for some time and said "I have never seen this tight hamstrings". Every time I stretched my hamstrings even after proper warmup, they were back to square one the next morning. So for now I have been making McKenzie move (to fix bulges) + calf stretches + hamstring stretches + squats + yoga forward bend every day and now hamstrings are starting to loose up. Feeling now better and almost without pain, haven.t tested my limit now. Just enjoying that I have days when I don't have pain.
A while during the worst times I felt like I was never going to get better, felt like I had nothing to go on. I could not do anything and I hated my self for that. Even if the doctors don't believe you, keep searching and pushing forward. Maybe your life wont be the same ever again, but learn and try to live the best you can.
Sometimes all it takes is for someone else to understand. Thank you for talking about your experience.
I know this video is like two years old so I doubt anyone will see this but this was actually a really helpful video for me right now especially.
I just turned 22 last month, and I've been practically couch/bed ridden since October. I was in the middle of a semester and started getting some what they believe to be at the time colitis. Just constant vomiting, not being able to keep anything down even water or crackers, my throat felt like it was constantly strangling me thanks to probably the inflammation it was going through, and an aching sharp pain in my lower abdomen right at about the top of the hip bone that goes down, some times it'll be throughout the entire line connecting, others just those two spots on opposite ends of one another, along with that I've got this sharp-ish pain in the lower and at times middle parts of my ribs. Thankfully the Colitis itself went away in a month or so, but the pain in my abdomen and ribs have stayed since.
We still don't know what's caused it, I've had every test in the book checking out for what it could be, MRI's, Xrays, Catscans, Endoscopy and Colonscopy, yet they can't find a single thing wrong ever since that first colitis diagnose. I've had over a half dozen, perhaps dozen different types of pills they've given me trying to figure out what's causing the issue or help it and nothing yet has. To which has caused me to drop out of college, and have major anxiety and depression being caused or added onto it either way. I wasn't even the most social person before, as I was homeschooled through highschool and once I finally felt like I was maybe actually making some friends, that was all torn apart not a full year in. That loneliness, that Isolation, this feeling of worthlessness. Not only that but what I had been planning on doing before was law enforcement so can't really do that with just the anxiety I seem to have let alone the physical issues I've been having.
Maybe I'll try this whole youtube thing, I've been using it to try to feed this starvation of social and desperate need for just anything, to just prove I still exist, that there are people like this, going through this. Where your body has turned against you so abruptly and the doctors can't find a damn thing wrong with you. Now they're thinking it's some mental issues instead of actual physical ones, which they may be right for all I know, so I'm being sent to a psychiatrist now added on to it. Right now I'm on some Xanax and honestly it's not helping either with the pain.
I guess, I just feel lost, without purpose, alone, confused and in pain. And I'm afraid that it will be like this for the rest of my life.
Hey buddy, I hope you're doing okay. Just hang in there and do what you feel is best, which sometimes the best you can do is keep a positive attitude and that's okay. One day it'll be okay, we are infinite, pain is temporary and we're all given the life we have because we were strong enough to live it. Trust in God and you'll be okay. You're in our prayers.
“Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins. Stay hard! 💪🏼
Thanks for sharing this Marz. It's interesting to see how many people deal with all sorts of problems.I had gynecomastia and I never had many friends because of this. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who felt like an outcast for a while. I'm doing good now.
I'm sorry for the delay, I only saw your channel a few weeks ago. Your channel is beautiful, everything you said and your videos are wonderful. This video moved me! My heart is still trembling listening to your story. I'm an Italian biologist and I understand when you say that you love nature and animals. I understand your anger and your pain because I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and my life has changed dramatically, both with nutrition and with the lifestyle. Like you, I'm a sensitive person and when I saw you cry, I cried too because your words reminded me of the pain with which I live every day and night. I just wanted to say thank you for this channel and for your support and work. Hang in there! Don't give up!
Hugs from Italy,
Doctor Valentina
We all here for your and remember your not alone we all here like a big one family and thank you for sharing the video with us and stay healthy I wish you all the best in your life I love you. ❤❤❤
You definitely aren't alone. Dealing with chronic health issues is traumatizing and life changing. I'm thankful I was able to come out the other end and overcome the hurdles I faced and I feel for other people who battle through their own struggles. The struggles I faced were almost identical to yours, facing doctors who don't take you seriously, not being understood in your issues, having friends basically go ghost in your life (when you're around teenagers don't expect much for support, because everyone is way too self absorbed at that age and just want to go wild), being bedridden and feeling hopeless and just drained. Thank you for being so open about your struggles! It definitely helps other people feel less burdened with their experiences. Cheers!
Thank you so much for sharing this. Out of what I consider a pretty good subscriber list I have to watch, you have become my go to youtuber on a daily basis. You have my support, and you are not alone. :)
I only recently subbed to your channel because I enjoy your Elden Ring playthroughs. I then watched this video after scrolling through your older videos.
I haven’t watched more recent videos of your health updates yet but I’m sorry you had to go through this. I hope you are doing a lot better health wise. Take care. ❤
She should have at least a million subs by now, this is a great channel
Lady, you are A LOT stronger than you think! You fight day by day just to be a live!! Keep going! Never give up!!! We are with you! Here, from Brazil, we are with you!
This same exact thing is happening to me! It’s been 5 months! Thank you for posting this.
I know I'm 2 years late, but I'm seeing this video for the first time (I recently subscribed to your channel). I live in constant, excruciating pain. It began when I was a child (I'm 34 now). I do work, but I never wanted to use my pain as a reason not to work. So I just work through the pain and do my best not to show it. I told my friends, but they don't understand the extent of it. I had a gf. When we first started going out, I told her that my pain is so bad that I can't go out and do things. I stay home a lot and just watch movies (or TH-cam vids). Eventually we broke up because she couldn't handle hanging out at home all the time. My pain gets worse every day. I worry that I won't be able to go on for much longer. Your videos help me and help try to take my mind off of the pain. I think you are an amazing person. Thanks for sharing your health issues. I truly do understand.
To add, I lost my only son a few years ago. Something I struggle with to this day. Dealing with emotional pain in addition to physical pain is unbearable.
Thank you for sharing this. I have to deal with IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) on a daily basis. What you said at the end of the video really helped. I tend to get overly upset about it on bad days.
i have a neck injury too, you are 1000% RIGHT about neck problems shutting a person down. you're a rockstar! thank you for talking about health.
It's ok marz, we are all here for you and will support you no matter what
I had complete reconstructive shoulder surgery in 2015 and I know exactly how you feel the lonely feeling of being misunderstood and that no one gets you the stress of not being able to work. Stay strong god chokes but doesn't strangle everything you've experienced is something only you can accomplish because it's you. So stay strong and keep moving forward. I genuinely enjoy your blogs and game plays. Your a strong person and dont let anyone tell you ealse were because if you cant push your self forward no one will and I also learned that the hard way you have to be your own inspiration love yourself and take it one day at a time.
I have severe scoliosis myself, among other things. I actually had surgery to correct it when I was 12 but they normally don't like to operate until you're 17. However, mine was an "S" shape as well and off by about 60° and still progressing. Thankfully, most people have more minor forms of scoliosis and don't require surgery, if any treatment at all. Often times exercises/stretches are prescribed or a back brace for a period of time. Anyhow, it's 8 years since I've had the surgery, in which they installed 2 titanium steel lightweight rods on either side of the spine bolted into the bone and I have a quality of life like never before.
Don't get me wrong, there are huge risks /potential problems that come with such a procedure, and it definitely wasn't always smooth sailing especially in the beginning, but I can live comfortably now and have a good life as well. I know this was a long comment but I sincerely wish you the best even if I don't always watch your stuff. Good luck!
Thanks for sharing your story. I had a bad case of Sciatica pain for 1-2 months. It was painful to do anything including sit/lie down. I could just barely take my mind off the pain if I got into the perfect position and took a heavy dose of tylenol. There is something wrong with a disk in my back but what triggered the 2 month flair-up was sitting in a new way or in a new chair. I too lifted ridiculously heavy things when I was younger. Good posture sitting and standing is so important. You cant lay in bed all day either or your body will degrade even further. It sounds like what you have is more serious/long term. No suggestions other than experiment with lots of different types of chairs/beds/memory foam/light exercise.
Just got into your gaming videos, they're awesome! Love the channel. Massive respect for having the guts to post this video. Love from Norway
Marz you are so beautiful. Inside and out. Thank you for sharing what you've been through. I'm a cancer survivor and i can feel what you were saying in my heart. I really mean it. Thank you
Whenever I watch your videos, I feel like I've known you for a long time even though I have just subscribed a few months ago
Thanks for all the motivation and keep doing what you love ❤
I was going through your Sekiro series and I stumbled across this video. Holy cow I am so impressed by how you were able to persevere and beat the Genichiro (after ~40 tries?) while experiencing back pain for 3 hrs straight! That is some serious dedication to gaming and your channel! RESPECT! I hope that you come up with more ergonomic gaming setup as you make more videos for the channel. Take care.
You’re a kind person
Bit late to the party (just found your channel), but, in my experience, the parts about friends abandoning and doctors not believing is something that can’t really be understood by anyone that hasn’t gone through it. After awhile, that makes it tough to talk about it at all. Thanks for the reminder that the journey isn’t all bad, and that there are people out there who get it.
When you got tears in your eyes so did I.. And it made me abit irritated. I don't want to judge because I don't know the people you were talking about.. But there is just no excuse for not giving a fuck about a friend in their time of need. Sorry you had to go through that!! But I'm really glad to see that you're all good now. You always seem so happy in your videos. Stumbled upon your channel not too long ago. And I've nearly watched every one of your videos already 😂 Stay strong & keep up the good work!! Happy to be part of the Marzmallow family!! 😁
Thank you for being here ❤ your presence is appreciated
I may be late to comment. I commend you for your bravery in sharing. My wife deals with major fibromyalgia and teaches high-school. I’ve taken upon myself to do 80-90% of normal life stuff (kids, house chores, outside chores). She is in constant pain and at times, is bedridden for whole days.
Thank you for sharing and your inspiring video! I am enjoying the channel.
I hope that she can find some relief. I wish you both the best!
I literally can’t get out of bed sometimes because of my depression which has caused me to have no friends. So it feels like you’re a friend I can hang out with when I’m at a low. Thank you so much for being there for so many people me included.
Hi I know I am late but I just find you a couple of month ago but stay strong 💪🏽 I am mentally sick and is feeling alone all so I fully understand you :) keep strong that’s what I am trying but it’s hard :) big love from here :)
I've been watching you for a bit and just happened to get this in my feed, despite it's upload date.
Keep moving forward. You've a community that will support you regardless of your conditions. Loneliness is a human condition, but you could say the worst of it is over now. Remember this.
wish i could pet you just like the kid does to trico, to make your pain go away. i too have a curved spine (mine makes a slight curve to my right side of the body) and sometimes i feel a heavy pain in my lower back that i can't even sit on a chair or stand straight for more than 5 minutes. so i identify with you in this aspect and really hope things will work out for you. you seem to be a really good person, and i wish only the best things to you.
I also wish you the best! Hopefully you can find a way to relieve some of that pain ❤️
Sometimes inspiring is knowing there are more people like with health issues. Not every single time we need a super positive person... Just opening up actually made my day and I find a lot more respect for you. Thank God I found this channel and you. God bless.
Why would people thumb down this? 🤔... This is real talk
My girlfriend broke my neck trying to stop me falling out of bed onto my head after a seizure. I woke up with nerve pain all down my left arm and down my back. I couldn't even shave or sit in a car while it was moving. I have 3 slipped discs in my neck, the pain is chronic, a constant ache but far better than it was. I was on morphine and it didn't help until i started to exercise my neck and shoulders. It helped and now i can deal with it without pain meds most days. To those who have this chronic pain, don't lose hope. Many fully recover and most don't end up like us, one piece of advice I have is to have courage and face the pain, it will get better, either your symptoms will lessen or your tolerance will grow. To Marz, you probably wont see this but i really do understand you, my Partner has almost exactly the same problems you have. She is super brave and tough she even gave birth to our first child who's 1 and healthy. Stay brave and try to strengthen your muscles around the areas effected through physio. It hurts but it will be nothing for a woman like you and may help to take the pressure off the effected area. Subbed
11:00 Well, I do! I prefer stay home. From far XD