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The Truth About Boundaries | Matt Kahn
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 มิ.ย. 2022
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MATT KAHN is an incomparable spiritual teacher, highly attuned empathic healer, powerful motivational speaker, and captivating author. His mission is to enrich people’s lives by providing heart-centered solutions that ignite, delight, and unite! Matt wrote the highly acclaimed books Whatever Arises, Love That, Everything Is Here to Help You, and The Universe Always Has a Plan, which have been translated into more than a dozen languages. His newest, All For Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space, is receiving widespread accolades and is topping several bestseller lists in 2022.
Matt has become a TH-cam sensation with his healing and often humorous videos. Known as “The I Love You Guy,” more than 21 million TH-cam channel viewers (like you!) are finding comfort, inspiration, and relief from the challenges of daily life through his intuitive updates and heart-centered messages. Matt is the epitome of compassion, encouragement, and wisdom. Among his numerous honors, Matt was named one of the top 100 Most Spiritually Influential Living People by Watkins magazine, alongside the Dalai Lama and Eckhart Tolle.
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When I started saying no I found myself alone. The blessing of that was that I realized that all of the people who left me were only with me so that I could give to them. And then I found out that I really am my own best friend.
"Boundaries are for us. They're not against other people." I'm glad you said that. There's been a big mix up there.
Imagine how many people in hospitals and psychiatry subtly manipulated into forgetting this
"Here you will have to learn to say no to many things: no even to your own mind; no to your compulsions; no to your addictions; no to those pleasures that hurt your mind and your body; no to people who want you to do what they want you to do; no to opportunities that look good, but which, at a deeper level, you cannot accept; no to the consensus of people around you; no you will not follow their advice; no you will not join their group; no you will not accept their perception of reality. You do this not with anger or condemnation, not with fear of rejection, but with simple honesty and simple clarity.
Do not be angry that the world is full of deception and full of dishonesty because it is a world without Knowledge. People have not found God’s great gift yet, and so they act foolishly, mimicking one another, following whatever their social conditioning tells them they must follow-following their friends, their groups, their leaders, their religions-everything. For without Knowledge, what else could they do but follow everything that is a substitute for Knowledge?"
A quote from *The Great Waves of Change* - Chapter 5: The Deep Evaluation. A Marshall Vian Summers book that I highly recommend and that you can read totally free online.
Thanks Ivan
Interesting to consider we need to set boundaries with our own behaviors. I always enjoy a new perspective on a longtime principle.
Being authentic is liberating. And in the words of Angel Meatloaf, "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."
We'll happy dance to that tune & message!
This is the best explanation
/video I have heard about boundaries. Thanks you !
You're a great teacher Matt. So many of us needed to hear this. Thanks for being our friend and a wonderful person. 😊🌎✨
"The Highest Power in the universe demonstrates its power by being boldly honest, about where it is, in it's journey of evolution".
I love this. My throat just tightens when I want to say ‘no’ to something that someone else wants me to say yes to. For me I could never find the words to express what I really needed which led to lying, all not to hurt someone’s feelings. I LOVE the words you said “I’m not at my best.”. That feels so right and I’ll definitely use that in the future. It’s a neutral way, very respectful of me and the other. Thank you Matt.
"Boundaries are not against other people. Boundaries are for us."
"You dont have the right to treat me that way" = Advocating for yourself (not a boundary)
*Boundary = "What do I and what don't I have the energy to commit to and give"*
"The only reason any person acts lower than their highest standard of conduct, is because their needs are not being met."
This is like a glass of cold water for me who is very parched and drained from trying over and over with family… Thankyou
This is so Good!! Boundaries was and my biggest challenge. I'm happy to say, I now understand what Boundaries are and I have practiced putting them up by stating that I do have Boundaries in whatever situation that came up, to another person. It was such a self empowering feeling and I have felt the respect of another because I voiced it. Thank You, Matt!! This is so HUGE--for Many. 😁
This has changed everything for me! It resonates at a level where my soul is telling me thank you for finally listening to me.
So much gratitude and love to you Matt that I needed right now to uplift my energy. Namaste 😍 whomever may read this I love you beautiful soul ✌️🌊💕🌐💌🧘🙏✨💫😇🥰
As always , dear Matt ❤️ all your messages are in Divine Timing ❤️
I love you and Namaste 🙏
“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” Thank you Matt for this helpful video. It is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I’m going to purchase your book as soon as I’m finished listening. Peace and Love to all ✌️❤️
Bought the book on my iPad and already finished the first chapter….👍 What a timely book for the world we find ourselves in. I asked myself the question, “what events led to how you are feeling”? It is such a positive way to communicate. So compassionate. Can’t wait to read more…
"The only reason any person acts lower than their highest standard of conduct, is because their needs are not being met."
*"The deepest purpose of Boundary, is to get you into a solid relationship with Truth & Authenticity"*
Hi Matt, thank you for this honest, living teaching about bounderies. As a spiritual person who had no boundaries when it came to giving to others for years till I got very sick both physically and mentally I totally understand and feel the need to have boundaries. The way you explained it is very clear and I wish that more people would listen to this wonderful teaching. Thank you again.🙏
wow!!!!! its like Christmas in June..or NOW in June, LOL..YOu have been showing up alot lately..on Michael's Inspire Nation, here..and in your beautiful book..ALL FOR LOVE! No matter what you are addressing...my Heart is Singing..maybe its in the Air..Boundaries...yes, yes, yes.. the purrrrfect theme..I am SOOOO doing this NOW. Thank you Matt, All My LoVe and Aloha Nui Nui from the Heart of Hawaii to you and All
We must also recognize that boundaries can turn into narcissism when they become an indiscriminate default to any stressful situation. They can be used to avoid pain and hold someone at arm’s length who really needs our support. We have to be wise in knowing when someone needs us and when it is an act of wise love to reach deep and step up. There is a time and a place for both. A healthy heart knows the difference. Thank you, Matt, for rich food for thought always.
Most of us are trained to designer our needs and feelings, and I think that speaks to that. He just wants us to give out a place of two giving that out of should or a manipulation.
"spiritual karate" - LOL!!
This! It works this way. There is nothing more important in my life than to have fully conscious conversations. Spiritual Tai Chi
🙏❤️
The part about not saying no because you don't have a bandwidth or the energy to do something, out of fear ... That the person will be mad at me and retaliate, is something I've done repeatedly with my youngest daughter - The mother of my two granddaughters.
I finally hit a bottom this last time it happened and realized if I want different results I need to change something. Obviously I can't change her...
And although I knew I needed boundaries and I knew I had to follow thru with my own boundaries, because if I thought stating it to the other person was going to make a change, I wouldn't need the boundaries in the first place.
My fear of not being a nice person is at the root of this... So understanding that the boundary isn't an offense against others, It's a way of taking care of myself It's a way of taking care of my well being, happiness and health. That changes everything because then all I need is some humility to speak up. I don't have to be all things to all people.
The irony is, My daughter respects boundaries. She won't take advantage of others if she can. But she also senses when somebody is catering to her and she will lap out loud and have zero respect for that person for doing that and that includes me.
When she becomes super disrespectful, I get angry. At first I just leave. But it's the root of passive aggressive behavior in my part when I can't say no. When I can't speak up.
Not being able to speak up as a whole big issue with being whipped as a child and not having a voice being a girl with a father who was three generations apart from me.
Grateful to be able to hear from you what me heart has been trying to teach me❤️ I am a grandmother of 5 angels. Caring for Love with them has been an incredible opportunity to learn how to live in the wisdom of my own heart, although I can’t always find the words for the teachings. Thank you Matt for walking before me and sharing what you have learned about the ego. I’m currently in a relationship with one of my daughters and my husband that you described when you said people share their opinions and call it truth. My heart reset the boundaries that my mind couldn’t find the words for. It’s felt like I’m in the desert with them-my choice for what is best for me conflicted with the choice they wanted me to make to fulfill their desires. When I listened I was being held by my wise child who told me that I had simply made a mistake. Up until a cancer diagnosis 6 years ago I had thought Love meant allowing others to feed on me. I have worked the 12 steps of CODA over these years and developed healthier relationships. I have been able to redefine and live a new relationship with the Love I am. Last week as I watched them fighting over their portions and lash out at me because the food supply had diminished-my heart showed me where the boundaries needed realignment. Your new book arrived today! I’m awake tonight considering the timing for the conversation with them establishing this new awareness and was gifted with your offering. Thank you❤️
I'm the producer of my movie called life! With an open heart, I cast all roles to those who align with the energy needed to make the ultimate experience. Grab your popcorn!!!
The truth will set us free. Being truthful to ourselves about where we're at is the highest form of self love (even if it's not the highest place for now)
Thank you. Being honest about being "an experiencer" didn't " go down" in the generic sense of go down - too well with a sister to explain years later my sudden bolting from and being absent the morning of her daughters christening over 20 years ago due to an unexpected upsurge backlog of overwhelm post trauma processing - it was not intentional sabbotage attention seeking jealousy of an innocent baby!?! How even is that possible? And could not guarantee to hold my shit together as wearing a heart on my sleeve makes that a little difficult let alone reveal the news that we had star brothers and sisters etc aside from us in those days before internet on such a celebration. The emotional blackmail was - if I walked away "I was no longer part of the family" So in one fell swoop, chose not to be manipulated along with not to go through what was an impending breaking down Infront of guests which would "spoil" the day more possibly in the pews can you imagine..
and face the same wrath. I see now it was a soul contract of some sorts between us both. A gift in retrospect. Two further nephews on still Haven't been invited to any family celebration or event since and so to add to that prayer could we include for some as i am not the only one - Family ostracisation and alienation...in hindsight not to be hostage or enmeshed in toxic dynamics was a wise choice in the long run it was an eye opener for sure and of devastation from misunderstandings about the full picture and story and mis communication if any at all. I'm done being the scapegoat and serving notice. There is a price to being silent...and telling truth is it to cause harm or heal and for whom? Thank you.
Truth is beautiful and connecting. "Niceness" and playing rigid roles is fake and ultimately destructive.
Especially helpful for those of us who have aged into chronic diseases. Thank you.
Universe bless this man ❤❤❤
It’s all this and more!You inspire me to develop my spoken word because all these things need to be echoed✡️💟☮️
I resonate with all you say. I used to feel guilty for taking care of myself and turning down events or dates because of the need to relax and rejuvenate. "To love ourselves is the most beautiful gift we give to ourselves. Love to All..❤
So incredibly grateful for this compassionate teaching! I recently put this honest and vulnerable technique two use with a boundary with a dearly loved one. I spoke my truth, but in a loving, gentle way...I allowed myself to appear weak and less than. It was scary, but felt right and my peace returned. ❤
🙏 Thank you for your willingness to do so, dear One. Lovely to hear ❤️
Friends of mine are sitting at Center of Eternal Light.
I looked up a biomass and all of a sudden you came up Matt, and we previously had a discussion of your beautiful Heart. Synchronicity ❤️
Oh yes. I've been through this so many times with my family. They tend toward guilt trips when I don't show up at family gatherings. Ugh. I bought the book, can't wait to read it
Thank You Matt. The last few months, I started standing up for myself and setting boundaries. This make me realize I didn't do it the right way, since I ghosted them...
Looking forward to reading "All for Love". I answered Spirit's call and found myself embracing my aloness. There have been times I felt I was drowning in the darkness unable to communicate even to myself the emotions visiting my days. Six months onwards, by embracing what it was, I slowly began to surface. I learned it's okay to feel this way, it's okay to dive in deeply and love my sadness, frustration and struggle. Boundaries have been very important to set with myself and others. Wishing everyone a smooth transition to Greatness xoxo
In the name of boundaries is pledge of self ❤️. I love you!🙏😘
Thank You Matt,Love from South Africa.🇿🇦🌏💚🌬
I love you Matt 😘
Instead of boundaries or limitations, I prefer to say; "these are the parameters I am working within right now"😉🤗
I don't"make" anyone feel anything. They've chosen their feelings by choosing their perception of me and my actions/choices.
💝
That book will be my Bible from now on...
Matt, my friend, this transmission was phenomenal, I appreciate you and the teachings you deliver 🙏🏼
I am a mother, a wife, a student, a teacher and a lightworker, and boundaries have been a neglected relationship in my life. Often times feeling guilty because I secretly want to have time and space to myself …to heal, to meditate, to recharge or simply to be in silence but ignore that body of energy because my family, my community, or my roles and responsibilities pull me in a different direction. No blame or judgement here. I am in awareness that I create my reality, and my responsibility to myself and my selfcare must come first… and it’s ok
It’s ok k to say “I will pass this time” 🙂
Thank you 🙏🏼
Thank you. I’ve been operating this way with how I choose to engage with others and allowing them to do the same. It is so freeing and a beautiful loving practice.
I'm learning to recognize the feeling of being out of integrity with my own spirit - and then be able to more quickly speak up on my behalf and perhaps make a boundary so I'm not resentful... and finding out that if someone won't or can't respect my boundary (made with love) then they aren't invited close again. I can't be a people-pleaser anymore, integrity is my intention. You have spoken all this very beautifully... thank you...
My boundaries were not reciprocated for sooooo long. Now I dance to Kelly Clarkson's song "Since You Been Gone!"
Yes. Not setting boundaries caused difficulties 🤭 in my life.
*"A Boundary is a way for you to maintain Alignment with your highest Truth, and Integrity with your Energy"*
Beautifully moving, helpful, supportive and so appreciated! 💜💜💜🙏🙏🙏
THANK YOU FOR SHARING . SO TRUE. BEAUTIFULLY EXPRESSED. ABSOLUTELY.. PURE GIFT OF SHINING... LOVE BRIGHT.
I really wish I could room with this man.
Mostly because im homeless in maine again, after finally connecting to the wholeness of spirit while keeping my energeticn ntegrity.
Mostly. Im still terrified and wish there was someone like us nearby who was able to help.
I've learned not to share where I'm truly at... it's been a slow process of revealing my self more often. My heart feels open listening to this video :)
This is so brilliant Matt! I have never been able to articulate for myself a boundary and be for me. Thank you 😊❤️
We need to be comfortable being our own best friend
This was SO EMPOWERING!!!
I so much needed to hear this!! The deep call of daring to step out of codependency is scary but the only act of self love I can do to step back into my integrity and truth. Thank you Matt for showing me that this step is not against them, but towards me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Love is all we need!
❤ ❤ ❤
In Alanon I always hear Boundaries are our friends 🙌🏼💜 thank you
Boundaries are a hot word in the self care and spiritual world right now. *I'm glad you made this distinction of what boundaries are because I feel like it is often abused as a way to threaten or justify what doesn't make sense.*
*5 Ways To Raise Your Vibration:*
1. When emotions are high, intelligence is low. Make decisions with balanced emotions.
2. Before raising your vibrations, practice techniques like self love, gratitude and dance.
3. Place your hands on your heart and remember all the things you're grateful for.
4. Play some amazing music and get your body moving and when you feel the joy but your mind is a chaos.
5. To calm your mind, take a deep breath keep on practicing and then set your intentions or wishes with the highest vibration.
~Much Love from a Law of Attraction TH-camr💜
So much love and gratitude dear Matt. Blessings 🙏
Boundaries are excellent. Necessary. For all. Always. Too many use them to avoid taking responsibility or resolving problems, though. People in spiritual community often seem to lean way too heavily on the, “You’re toxic and you’re banned from the kingdom” mode when they’re avoiding responsibility or having a temper tantrum. Self care does not mean escaping reality. (Abuse excluded).
Namaste 🙏 Big Love ❤️
Setting boundaries has been a very challenging and painful experience for myself.
Until this lifetime I was not in need of boundaries and now need them.more than ever as I am in a constant state of awareness..
Pulling away from helping others on their journey leaves me.exhausted and sad... But I know deep in my heart it's the only way to get thru the suffering deep deep.deep. within my being..
I am sooooo tired of self inflicting rejection from lower vibrational energies...
I have been following Matt waince the begining of his .......
And absolutely resonate with every word he speaks...
It is all for love......
Thank you Matt 🙏
Hey Matt, just listened to your book Everything is here to Help You. Just wanted to thank you for helping me to understand where I am in my journey. You brought light to a dark place😊
It feels so FREEING to imagine living more this way. And HONEST!
I feel so free. like a weight has been lifted.
Beautifully said! When I started communicating my truth in this way I was surprised at how often people were fine with me saying no. In the past, I had thought that if I said no I would hurt their feelings. That was learned in childhood. I realized that it isn’t my job to care for their feelings and it’s ok for me to say no. I can serve others better when I am energetically present. Thank you, as always, Matt. 🙏🏻✨❤️
Dear Matt. Thank you❤🌈❤
I love and appreciate you beloved brother
can't even tell you how much this meant to me! so so affirming after awhile of just letting people think i'm the villain.
Thank you 🙏
If you could type into the comments…. how is what I'm saying resonating with you?
Oh my God.. I don't have the words to express how this is rescuing me it's as if you're in my heart my soul and my brain this is 100% what I need and I'm so eternally grateful like you could never imagine!
So much love to you Matt, and I've also purchased a T-shirt and a phone case that say all for love to remind me all the time of the beautiful transformation I am going through and how your energy is making it possible to learn and to grow and transition smoothly!! Thank you so very much!!
Brilliant. Thank you 🙏 ❤
It's not so much that I'm not aware that boundaries are for me, not against others. My struggle is weighing up whether my need for space, rest or whatever is greater than another's. For instance, my daughter is a single parent of five school age children. She never takes advantage of me but if her need for support is great, I help even though I can't easy cope.
I LOVE USING MY BOUNDARIES MORE & MORE,,, I CHOOSE ME ,, I CHOOSE SELF CARE SELF AWARENESS SELF LOVE...I AM SO HARD ON MYSELF..BEING FOR ME OVER OTHERS...THANKS SO VERY MUCH FRIEND..I EMBRACE HONESTY I EMBRACE
In the name of boundaries in an act of self love I put my Priorities first.......woooohoooooo...
This has come at such a beautiful perfect time in my process if healing from a very challenging situation with extended family. Thank you so much,,your new book is on my list to order..much gratitude and love ❤️
What a wonderful teaching! I stumbled across your name in a blog and this is the first time I'm hearing you speak. This has come at a perfect time and I am so excited to watch more of your talks and read the book! Thank you 🙏
Thank yOu BeautiFULL SOul of KAhN…These PARAbles R sooo GOoD…🤓😇🥰💝🙏💚✨🌎✨🐝🦋🌈✨
I feel like i really need to communicate honestly my deepest needs.
Thank you so much for this beautiful message. This was/is so important for me to hear. It articulates what I've been practicing and what I know in my heart to be true, but have not been able to put to words. Thank you, thank you. I love you, Matt Kahn!
Ahhh 🥰 thank you for this message 🙏🏼 Perfect timing for me ❤️
This makes me feel empowered
Thank you❤
Thank you Matt for this love centred clarity on setting boundaries. Much appreciated 🙏💜
Es wäre schön, die Videos in Deutsch sehen zu können !
Well said. Clear insight delivered light-heartedly! Thank you!
Wouldn't it be easier to allow ourselves a little "sin" and tell people to f...off every now and again? The only boundaries that ever really served me were harsh. Everything else was a painful and humiliating and taxing exercise.
I question the "divine impulse" in us, that is ok with us getting treated like crap, but is not ok with us hurting someone's feeling temporarily, even as it see us being super loving selfless beings 99% of the time.
Thank you Matt Kahn!!! ❤️🙏⚡️
I wish my family could understand this 😢
Sooooooo powerful
It hurts
To the max even to listen
Thanks god
I want to write down every word you are speaking because it is so pertinent to me myself. I plan to order the book you mentioned right away. I appreciate you.
Beyond Brilliant!! 💥 and sooo needed. Really truly beautifully transmitted. 🙏🏻✨♥️
Thank you so much Matt for this transmission! It cleared and clarrified a lot for me
Thank you 💛🌹
Its freeing me so much ❤
This is a life saver
♥️♾ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ♾♥️
Thank you Matt 💖🙏
Beautiful....I've been working and setting up boundaries more and more and experiencing lots of varied experiences. I started listening and immediately thought oh no I'm doing it all wrong (something inside me that made me think of that clearly!) but as I listened more I realised I'm not doing it wrong but this is such a more advanced way of thinking about it and realising it....thank you so much 🙏💜💜
Thank you so much for this video. This is something that I have struggled with all my life, and I deeply need to master maintaining healthy boundaries.
Thank you dearest heart😍😘🥰❣Feels really powerful to put it that way🙌
Had exactly this conversation with myself this afternoon🤗
💫🕊💝🙏🏼💝🕊💫