I've known a few women like the one mentioned at the beginning of this talk - their awareness and drive that helps them to do whatever they can to remove themselves from an awful situation.
After watching this, I asked my college class how many have been traumatized by the pandemic and 5% raised their hands. We then discussed the ideas in the video, and afterward, more than 80% agree that the pandemic had been traumatic.
A sense of purpose coupled with a supportive group of peers and a healthy routine are a powerful recipe to overcome any trauma. Thanks for this valuable advice.
This makes a lot of sense... often the biggest babies I know are people who have had super sheltered lives where nothing bad has ever happened to them...
One of the great things about resilience is that it can be built upon... once you understand the strength you're capable of you can withstand anything.
Trauma, I can't stand to admit that trauma seems to be a part of life. Really appreciate this talk and grateful the voices of resilience continue to get louder.
It’s sad that we haven’t figured out how to eliminate trauma-even now so much unnecessary trauma happening in Ukraine. But the same strengths that help us be resilient, even with high doses of trauma, will eventually help us reduce trauma too.
Very interesting as I am finding that there is a narritive being pushed that yes, trauma can help us to become more resilient - but also, that healing transgenerational trauma can help society in a way where we don't have to rely on resilience to help us get by, but can rely on our community and support networks for help, care and love.
Yes, definitely we can rely on our community and support networks for help, care, and love! The old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not supported by the evidence--1 trauma is worse than zero, two is worse than one, and so on. It's better to be insulated from as much trauma as possible, but we can overcome even high doses of trauma with enough assets and resources.
It surprises me that the first line of advice is to leave and seek a shelter, rather than explore ways that the person being abused can leave without huge interruptions to the rest of their life, the way the woman in her opening story did.
I'm all for resilience but after many years in intensive therapy I have begin to feel like it's a trick to encourage silence so that cycles may continue without disruption.
Resilience gets misused in a lot of settings and if you are getting pressure to be silent, that is definitely not resilience. Finding a safe space to share your story and participating in activism are two important pieces of resilience--the first one is key for almost everyone, and the second is a great way to find meaning after trauma. But you are certainly correct that we need to work harder to figure out ways to reduce trauma. I think helping people heal is a key element of breaking those cycles. Thanks for your comment.
I wish we didn't live in a world that resilience was just getting packed on and on - at what point do we say ENOUGH and start breaking down these cycles that ruin generations?
I think for people who are still struggling, that is mostly down to their dosage of trauma. Although some people focus on the worst or the most recent, it's the lifetime cumulative burden that most affects our functioning. However, high dosages of strengths can counter even high dosages of trauma.
It's an unfortunate fact of life that everyone will face a traumatic event at one point in their life, but how we process and respond to it doesn't always have to destroy us.
As I mentioned to Jack below, I wouldn't say that trauma creates resilience, but trauma is what creates the need for the processes that lead to resilience. Resilience is not just emotional toughness--it's our total portfolio of strengths and external resources that help us thrive, even after experiencing adverse events.
I understand what the message is here but there's also a lot of anger, and I think it's important to develop resilience from a sense of courage and faith in yourself and not let your trauma make you bitter or hardened.
Sure, trauma does create resilience. You go through enough and the way in which we preceive things changes, because every blow can humble us it can also create a mentality "well this is life, it's messed up, it messed me up, but that's okay because surely it can't get any worse" and BAM, it does get worse, you laugh it off and become more "resilient". It seems like a fine way to detach from our pain and "keep calm and carry on".
I wouldn't say that trauma creates resilience, but trauma is what creates the need for the processes that lead to resilience. The goal is not to detach from the pain--just the opposite. Ideally, people can acknowledge what happened to them and the harm that resulted, but also come to recognize that their traumatic experiences are not their defining characteristics. It's important that people don't use repression or denial to cope with trauma, that is not the path to true overcoming.
I read an article recently that there's a gene that's making us more susceptible to storing traumatic events in our bodies instead of processing them...what happens without the resilience she speaks of
It does seem humans are more or less tuned to keep producing harmful stress hormones, etc, in response to either brief or chronic trauma. But the resilience of all kinds seems to make a difference.
It's good to be resilient sure but there's also a balance that needs to be maintained where you can still access the vulnerable parts of yourself - as long as it's in a safe place, of course.
One of the biggest mistakes that early resilience researchers made was to equate resilience with emotional toughness. Emotional toughness can be good-as the child of alcoholic parents, that’s my comfort zone-but being vulnerable and able to ask for help are key elements of a resilience portfolio too. As you suggest! But it’s important to understand that is part of resilience, not opposed to it in some way. Thanks for your thoughtful comment
It's amazing what we can endure. However, I would like to see systems re-evaluated, services over hauled, so that perhaps, we don't need so much resilience.
I think of resilience broadly as a process that includes systems, social networks, and all aspects of the social ecology. I agree that the traditional focus on individual personality as the source of resilience has led to a lot of problems, including shifting the responsibility for overcoming trauma to individuals.
Hi Horace, the best research suggests that it is important to share your story in a safe space at least once. However, I agree with you that it's not necessary to keep retelling your story in order to thrive after trauma and can even be harmful in some cases. Once someone has had a chance to share their story, then it becomes important to build up their strengths portfolio and start working on putting together the elements of a good life.
It seems quite natural for resilience to form as a result of trauma but I wonder what is the cost of that to our vulnerability? A lot of the time I find people who are resilient are also somewhat... hardened? Or just generally a lot less willing to be vulnerable, which is completely understandable but it is possible to be both!
The media often talk about resilience as just emotional toughness or grit, but the idea behind resilience portfolios is that there’s more to it than that. Being vulnerable and knowing when to ask for help is an important skill too. I think of myself has having both skills-sometimes I’m tough, and-after many years of working on it-I’ve learned to be vulnerable sometimes too. Yes, possible to be both!
Would be nicer if we could just help educate people about what is abuse and the long term consequences to the brain. I know some people who do with some relief, their resilience does begin to run thin.
Somewhat surprisingly, such education does not help people--or prevent future abuse--as much as helping people build their resilience portfolios, with tools such as mindfulness, narrative, or helping them connect to their community.
@@SherryHamby I've always been a firm believer if we can bring holistic practices as well as therapy into primary education like CBT and DBT - it could help us raises more cycle breakers.
@@jasonopdebeeck4444 Yes! "Western" science is finally catching up. To your list I would add MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) and ACT (acceptance and commitment) therapies. In a big meta-analysis last year, ACT was best.
Of course it is so important to acknowledge trauma, but it's also important to process it in a way where it's done with. I don't think it's healthy to attribute positive qualities to trauma... that kind of makes it go down the 'everything happens for a reason' path which is just so problematic.
Yes I agree. I’m not attributing positive qualities to trauma-I’m suggesting people can use positive assets and resources (acquired or developed in other ways) to overcome trauma.
Yes, trauma is EVERY WHERE - because we have been sold this BS narrative that if we "keep calm and carry on" the fruits of our emotional labour will be bountiful - but they won't unless we carry on and speak our TRUTH - not patting ourselves on the back for being strong, but breaking open and being real about WHY we had to be strong - that's where healing comes from.
Finances are definitely an underappreciated need in the trauma literature, but you can "pack up" too and exit bad situations. You just need to find the resources to do it. The woman I mention did eventually divorce her husband, she was just smart about recognizing that was going to take money.
That's the thing about something like the pandemic, even if you didn't lose someone, for example, researchers find that more subtle aspects like isolation, ongoing uncertainty, and fear, are also traumatic. The point is to realize, though, that something can be traumatic and your coping may be sufficient for resilience (nice!) but that doesn't mean that you haven't suffered trauma. It's hard to hold onto this idea because we are used to thinking trauma means something that has to have (or should have) professional intervention.
Absolutely it is everywhere, we are literally born into trauma.
I really like her mindset and the message she's putting out there.
I've known a few women like the one mentioned at the beginning of this talk - their awareness and drive that helps them to do whatever they can to remove themselves from an awful situation.
After watching this, I asked my college class how many have been traumatized by the pandemic and 5% raised their hands. We then discussed the ideas in the video, and afterward, more than 80% agree that the pandemic had been traumatic.
truth is true isn't it?
More of these messages are needed as we all start to unpack certain cycles that have not served any of us.
TY Sonya, this does help..
Yes, there’s so much that can be done and people are often not given the info and support they need to heal
A sense of purpose coupled with a supportive group of peers and a healthy routine are a powerful recipe to overcome any trauma. Thanks for this valuable advice.
Thank you!
This makes a lot of sense... often the biggest babies I know are people who have had super sheltered lives where nothing bad has ever happened to them...
One of the great things about resilience is that it can be built upon... once you understand the strength you're capable of you can withstand anything.
I have huge respect for anyone who can process their trauma instead of staying trapped in it and letting it consume their whole life.
Agree.
and talking about our trauma, being open and real creates resilience!
Yes! Still something I am working on--it’s surprising how hard that is to do in professional spaces.
Trauma, I can't stand to admit that trauma seems to be a part of life. Really appreciate this talk and grateful the voices of resilience continue to get louder.
It’s sad that we haven’t figured out how to eliminate trauma-even now so much unnecessary trauma happening in Ukraine. But the same strengths that help us be resilient, even with high doses of trauma, will eventually help us reduce trauma too.
Absolutely brilliant. Keeping this line of discussion open is important and builds resilience!!
Thank you! Yes, we need to make it easier to talk about trauma and how we overcome it.
I very much appreciate that there is space opening up about discussing trauma and all its forms and impacts.
Met too! Finding safe spaces to discuss trauma is one of the most important steps toward healing.
Very interesting as I am finding that there is a narritive being pushed that yes, trauma can help us to become more resilient - but also, that healing transgenerational trauma can help society in a way where we don't have to rely on resilience to help us get by, but can rely on our community and support networks for help, care and love.
Yes, definitely we can rely on our community and support networks for help, care, and love! The old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not supported by the evidence--1 trauma is worse than zero, two is worse than one, and so on. It's better to be insulated from as much trauma as possible, but we can overcome even high doses of trauma with enough assets and resources.
It surprises me that the first line of advice is to leave and seek a shelter, rather than explore ways that the person being abused can leave without huge interruptions to the rest of their life, the way the woman in her opening story did.
Yes, it is surprising how seldom social services focus on finances and other practicalities that we all must deal with. I hope that starts to change.
resilience is a resource that never leaves you feeling empty!!
I always have so much respect for people who are willing to open up like this for all to see.
Thank you! It has been a journey for me, for sure
Incredibly tough stuff here but hearing the stories that Sherry has, of the people she's met... There is light.
Yes, there is light! I wish we spent as much time telling stories of overcoming as we do telling stories of trauma.
I'm all for resilience but after many years in intensive therapy I have begin to feel like it's a trick to encourage silence so that cycles may continue without disruption.
Resilience gets misused in a lot of settings and if you are getting pressure to be silent, that is definitely not resilience. Finding a safe space to share your story and participating in activism are two important pieces of resilience--the first one is key for almost everyone, and the second is a great way to find meaning after trauma. But you are certainly correct that we need to work harder to figure out ways to reduce trauma. I think helping people heal is a key element of breaking those cycles. Thanks for your comment.
slowly but surely, thats all that will be left. detachment from all our resilience...
Simply impressed that she wore her mask on stage!
Just another joy of being a woman!
I wish we didn't live in a world that resilience was just getting packed on and on - at what point do we say ENOUGH and start breaking down these cycles that ruin generations?
A very important reminder!!! I will be sharing, thanks Sherry.
Thank you!
Whether we suffer from trauma or Trauma, every one copes different.
Some solid truth in this talk. Thank you, Sherry,
Thank you, Betty! Much appreciated
definitely has me doing some thinking.
Wow, needed this today!
This is a really great talk, I found it pretty helpful in terms of readjusting my mindset a bit, finding the silver linings and all that.
Congratulations on moving forward from your trauma - so many don't.
I think for people who are still struggling, that is mostly down to their dosage of trauma. Although some people focus on the worst or the most recent, it's the lifetime cumulative burden that most affects our functioning. However, high dosages of strengths can counter even high dosages of trauma.
this is really insightful, thanks so much Sherry!
Thanks for sharing your story with such vulnerability.
It's an unfortunate fact of life that everyone will face a traumatic event at one point in their life, but how we process and respond to it doesn't always have to destroy us.
Yes!
Mmmmm very interesting... I'd never really thought about how resilience can be the outcome of trauma
As I mentioned to Jack below, I wouldn't say that trauma creates resilience, but trauma is what creates the need for the processes that lead to resilience. Resilience is not just emotional toughness--it's our total portfolio of strengths and external resources that help us thrive, even after experiencing adverse events.
I understand what the message is here but there's also a lot of anger, and I think it's important to develop resilience from a sense of courage and faith in yourself and not let your trauma make you bitter or hardened.
Stunning, love the message!
Sure, trauma does create resilience. You go through enough and the way in which we preceive things changes, because every blow can humble us it can also create a mentality "well this is life, it's messed up, it messed me up, but that's okay because surely it can't get any worse" and BAM, it does get worse, you laugh it off and become more "resilient". It seems like a fine way to detach from our pain and "keep calm and carry on".
I wouldn't say that trauma creates resilience, but trauma is what creates the need for the processes that lead to resilience. The goal is not to detach from the pain--just the opposite. Ideally, people can acknowledge what happened to them and the harm that resulted, but also come to recognize that their traumatic experiences are not their defining characteristics. It's important that people don't use repression or denial to cope with trauma, that is not the path to true overcoming.
I read an article recently that there's a gene that's making us more susceptible to storing traumatic events in our bodies instead of processing them...what happens without the resilience she speaks of
It does seem humans are more or less tuned to keep producing harmful stress hormones, etc, in response to either brief or chronic trauma. But the resilience of all kinds seems to make a difference.
Resilience can stem from a lot of things, yes trauma is the most common catalyst, but as she's saying, that doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
I think everybody has built a little resilience over the last couple of years..
It's good to be resilient sure but there's also a balance that needs to be maintained where you can still access the vulnerable parts of yourself - as long as it's in a safe place, of course.
One of the biggest mistakes that early resilience researchers made was to equate resilience with emotional toughness. Emotional toughness can be good-as the child of alcoholic parents, that’s my comfort zone-but being vulnerable and able to ask for help are key elements of a resilience portfolio too. As you suggest! But it’s important to understand that is part of resilience, not opposed to it in some way. Thanks for your thoughtful comment
It's amazing what we can endure. However, I would like to see systems re-evaluated, services over hauled, so that perhaps, we don't need so much resilience.
I think of resilience broadly as a process that includes systems, social networks, and all aspects of the social ecology. I agree that the traditional focus on individual personality as the source of resilience has led to a lot of problems, including shifting the responsibility for overcoming trauma to individuals.
instead of resilience, i focus on perseverance - in spite of.
I don't think it's necessary to talk about our trauma it keeps it alive when we want to move on.
Hi Horace, the best research suggests that it is important to share your story in a safe space at least once. However, I agree with you that it's not necessary to keep retelling your story in order to thrive after trauma and can even be harmful in some cases. Once someone has had a chance to share their story, then it becomes important to build up their strengths portfolio and start working on putting together the elements of a good life.
It seems quite natural for resilience to form as a result of trauma but I wonder what is the cost of that to our vulnerability? A lot of the time I find people who are resilient are also somewhat... hardened? Or just generally a lot less willing to be vulnerable, which is completely understandable but it is possible to be both!
The media often talk about resilience as just emotional toughness or grit, but the idea behind resilience portfolios is that there’s more to it than that. Being vulnerable and knowing when to ask for help is an important skill too. I think of myself has having both skills-sometimes I’m tough, and-after many years of working on it-I’ve learned to be vulnerable sometimes too. Yes, possible to be both!
Would be nicer if we could just help educate people about what is abuse and the long term consequences to the brain. I know some people who do with some relief, their resilience does begin to run thin.
Somewhat surprisingly, such education does not help people--or prevent future abuse--as much as helping people build their resilience portfolios, with tools such as mindfulness, narrative, or helping them connect to their community.
@@SherryHamby I've always been a firm believer if we can bring holistic practices as well as therapy into primary education like CBT and DBT - it could help us raises more cycle breakers.
@@jasonopdebeeck4444 Yes! "Western" science is finally catching up. To your list I would add MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) and ACT (acceptance and commitment) therapies. In a big meta-analysis last year, ACT was best.
All these resilience talks coming at me today YT is trying to tell me something....
Violent relationships trigger warning.
Sharing your trauma with others is acceptable but some people are very attached to their "story".
Of course it is so important to acknowledge trauma, but it's also important to process it in a way where it's done with. I don't think it's healthy to attribute positive qualities to trauma... that kind of makes it go down the 'everything happens for a reason' path which is just so problematic.
Yes I agree. I’m not attributing positive qualities to trauma-I’m suggesting people can use positive assets and resources (acquired or developed in other ways) to overcome trauma.
lol this is my friends mom
I think nihilism is also very good for building resilience
Correlation or causation?
Yes, trauma is EVERY WHERE - because we have been sold this BS narrative that if we "keep calm and carry on" the fruits of our emotional labour will be bountiful - but they won't unless we carry on and speak our TRUTH - not patting ourselves on the back for being strong, but breaking open and being real about WHY we had to be strong - that's where healing comes from.
Don't pack up, pack it away in a savings account.
Finances are definitely an underappreciated need in the trauma literature, but you can "pack up" too and exit bad situations. You just need to find the resources to do it. The woman I mention did eventually divorce her husband, she was just smart about recognizing that was going to take money.
Um not to detract from the very serious nature of this talk but I close my eyes and all I can see is Daria...
aaand so is nihilism.
First.
Wouldn't consider the pandemic someone that can give you trauma but ok
That doesn't mean someone else wouldn't. The pandemic has definitely put people into situations that trauma occurs at the very least.
And losing my father-in-law to Covid isn’t traumatic?
That's the thing about something like the pandemic, even if you didn't lose someone, for example, researchers find that more subtle aspects like isolation, ongoing uncertainty, and fear, are also traumatic. The point is to realize, though, that something can be traumatic and your coping may be sufficient for resilience (nice!) but that doesn't mean that you haven't suffered trauma. It's hard to hold onto this idea because we are used to thinking trauma means something that has to have (or should have) professional intervention.