The guy I was dating would threaten to end things in an argument which would keep us going around and around. I never understood what the argument was about, they were often just because I asked about things he had said before like “I want to do life with you.” If I asked why are you hurting me he said, “then I won’t hurt you any further. I’m done.”
Yeah, spot on I can’t tell you how many rabbit trails of escape that monarch would try to take in a conversation to get off topic even when we were counseling with our pastor he just kept going all over the board years past future present. Any topic he can get away from the topic at hand and I remember internally, laughing as the pastor kept saying stay on topictopic we’re talking about this. And you’re right they try to shake and rattle the cage to get you to pop off and get upset so they can close down the conversation.
I heard that its up to me to guide the difficult conversations and that it may not be easy, but I am the only one who will make it happen and I have to stay aware, centered, and grounded to succeed if its even possible.
Last comment, I swear. (I realize,.even this is narcissistic). Being honest is the most unnatural.thing. I find myself lying about the weirdest things. And that habit, of stopping the compulsive lying is tne of the hardest to quit, because it is so .natural.to me.
I don't think we do this on purpose. Narcissist, with ADHD and on the Spectrum here, who has just recently become self aware. I think that a lot of these are because we are also reacting impulsively and panicking .we don't trust anyone and feel like if we stop being manipulative she will manipulate us. The first step is to stop the behaviors. Just stop .second,.third step, grow your own self esteem and learn to validate yourself. . especially when she is in a place of healing , and will not validate is. This is such a learning curve as I learn how to be fully human. .
I recall feeling deep.down (I would never admit this), if I surrender I am nothing. She wins. I lose. That is that. If i admit to.cheating, to lying, to embezzling, how does that help the situation? In our screwed upind it makes sense. We dont realkze she jsnt trying to "win". Fully sane people dont do that. She is trying to get us to validate her feelings, so that we can together find a solution.
I wrote out several comments and bam, another trigger. lol Keep up the good work. After third viewing I found myself more relaxed and not near as angry. thank you
When GAP would circle jerk, I simply said, "I'm out of this conversation."
NO CONTACT. LIFETIME.❤
The guy I was dating would threaten to end things in an argument which would keep us going around and around. I never understood what the argument was about, they were often just because I asked about things he had said before like “I want to do life with you.” If I asked why are you hurting me he said, “then I won’t hurt you any further. I’m done.”
Bless you Ben. a sliver of sanity & a long luxurious Bath
Yeah, spot on I can’t tell you how many rabbit trails of escape that monarch would try to take in a conversation to get off topic even when we were counseling with our pastor he just kept going all over the board years past future present. Any topic he can get away from the topic at hand and I remember internally, laughing as the pastor kept saying stay on topictopic we’re talking about this. And you’re right they try to shake and rattle the cage to get you to pop off and get upset so they can close down the conversation.
Bingo 🎯
I heard that its up to me to guide the difficult conversations and that it may not be easy, but I am the only one who will make it happen and I have to stay aware, centered, and grounded to succeed if its even possible.
no contact
Discussing problems with a narc leads to nothing but anger and frustration. Don't even start.
@@marcharsveld2914Yeah it’s a waste of time
Last comment, I swear. (I realize,.even this is narcissistic). Being honest is the most unnatural.thing. I find myself lying about the weirdest things. And that habit, of stopping the compulsive lying is tne of the hardest to quit, because it is so .natural.to me.
I don't think we do this on purpose. Narcissist, with ADHD and on the Spectrum here, who has just recently become self aware.
I think that a lot of these are because we are also reacting impulsively and panicking .we don't trust anyone and feel like if we stop being manipulative she will manipulate us.
The first step is to stop the behaviors. Just stop .second,.third step, grow your own self esteem and learn to validate yourself. . especially when she is in a place of healing , and will not validate is.
This is such a learning curve as I learn how to be fully human. .
I recall feeling deep.down (I would never admit this), if I surrender I am nothing. She wins. I lose. That is that. If i admit to.cheating, to lying, to embezzling, how does that help the situation? In our screwed upind it makes sense. We dont realkze she jsnt trying to "win". Fully sane people dont do that. She is trying to get us to validate her feelings, so that we can together find a solution.
I wrote out several comments and bam, another trigger. lol Keep up the good work. After third viewing I found myself more relaxed and not near as angry. thank you
Awesome! Thank you!
They start yelling and throwing a tantrum when you don't let them get their way and change the subject.
🎯