I was diagnosed with ADHD aged 42. I have been told for years that i am autistic. I have two kids with both ADHD and autism. I have only come to understand that i am autistic in the last few months aged 45. Now i know why my life is on hard mode.
Omg yes, living life on hard mode was my experience since I left school. I liked the standardized way of learning and taking tests - I knew what was expected of me. I’m 30 years old and still struggle to understand what is really expected at work.
@@BlackPyramid-tn9edI am 57. I am also a medical professional and I can read the criteria in the DSM. My parents disowned me 40 years ago, so why would that be relevant?
I got my ADHD diagnosis the year before my autism diagnosis. Both together explain SO much of my 40 years of life and I'm honestly kinda pissed that I spent so much of my life feeling like I was a failure of a person when in reality, I was just a totally different operating system. Or, as one person so kindly put it, I wasn't a failed dog. I was a cat who did such a good job of pretending to be a dog that most dogs had no idea I wasn't one. 😂
I'm currently being diagnosed for the same thing, expected to get both, hence why I'm here..... I'm 38 as well. Its so frustrating knowing people missed this and i could have potentially had a better life. I hope you are doing well now.
I just got my Autism diagnosis but they eluded to the fact, I was ADHD (assessment in a few weeks time but that's a given!) I went for Autism first as I 'knew' I was ADHD XX
I can relate. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 39. Currently waiting for the clinic to get back to me about an ASD assessment. i’ve done several different ones online and have scored very high in each one. AuDHD describes me COMPLETELY. Learning more about it through videos like this has really helped me to accept myself, understand that it’s not me, it’s society, and has helped me find ways to reduce the negative symptoms and improve my well-being through being kinder to myself. I truly wish i had been diagnosed at a young age, because my ability to do school work changed when expectations increased and the type of work got harder to accomplish. Interestingly enough, i did better in college because I had more agency over myself
Internal screaming/meltdowns are extremely adaptive, like you said: Safer... but it's at an extreme personal cost that no one externally can see, evaluate, or even understand really.
Right. I asked QUORA a question related to that. I can feel the boiler motor of my mind overheating, all the gauges approaching the red. Outside, I look normal... Maybe a little more pensive. But, calm and relaxed. And really, I'm on the edge of publicly scream-crying. I'm able to tell people, "I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown." I was asking for help. No one believed me... How could they think I was serious? My relaxed face and voice probably make it look like I'm trying to be funny or something. Then it happened... I sat on the floor ugly crying for hours to my family. I mean, "wah-wah" scream crying. Horrible... Stupid... Pointless... Even when my mind was done crying, my face kept on crying. Like inside my head, I KNOW that no one is bleeding, or choking, or on fire... Everyone is fine. Everything is gonna be okay! But, my face kept on crying and wouldn't stop.
I asked QUORA, "How do you impress upon people that you really are having a problem and heading to a meltdown/shutdown, when on the outside you appear calm and normal?"
I sometimes do this thing i call “quiet screaming” where I just make a super high pitched but quiet squeezing sound. It’s because i don’t want to scare my cat, or upset anyone else
I feel like there are many ways audhders self-medicate, even unconsciously, with other things than substances. for example, i used to need to eat a whole tablet of chocolate before starting a demanding task for my executive function, in order to provide to my brain a sufficient enough dopamine level to be able to start
Wow... That's a great idea! I crave chocolatey things, devil's food cake, brownies and anything called Chocolate Lava Devastation ... But, I can totally resist it ... Maybe my brain was crying for help? I'll try the chocolate bar method... Side note: I also resisted the chocolate cravings very easily because I see the chocolate as reward BEFORE the Important Thing is done. So, obviously, "No chocolate for people who don't finish their shit!" Which doesn't really work. I still don't finish... I still get no rewards... Don't finish... No rewards... Stuck... In a cabin.... under two feet of snow.... And it's piling up more snow every few minutes. I'll experiment with some chocolate.
OMG!!! I HAVE NEVER EVER HEARD OF ANYONE ELSE RUBBING THEIR PAINTED FINGERNAILS ON THEIR LIPS TO CALM DOWN!!! I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!!! I'm sorry for the shouting but hearing you say that made all of the emotions just burst out at once ❤
I thought I didn’t feel a lot for most of my life. Then I realized I was actually angry all the time. And then it clicked when I found out what being disregulated feels like to me (spoilers, it’s anger) 😬
Sorry bout the sudden warning Zenpie, but I'm gonna use you as a specialized and important Boxcar rq. Please continue to resume to your normal tasks before or after this message you sparked: I know that feel. If you play Fallout, they have a mini nuke launcher, shoulder mounted. It's basically a catapult. I'm like that, but it's pent up anger that results in fits of verbal aggression at the source. ADHD is a nightmare, and any anger I do have is quickly burned up or vented! If it goes past that, run, because if I don't have a way to vent pressure, and if I can't back up, I will run over the derail first to break myself before blowing up or running someone over like a steam train. Just know that I have been getting help from videos with anger management, anxiety, all the mental train stops and shops for what I definitely have, repressed memories, and that list really goes on.
For me it was the opposite lol. I thought I was angry my whole life but I’ve realized my emotions are actually quite silent, I was just misinterpreting my other issues as emotion
I've said that AuDHD is sometimes like car whose brake and gas pedals are pushed the same time. The casual observer doesn't notice anything special going on, but it's really straining the engine and finding the balance is hard (kind of like the over/under stimulation). I often feel like I need to rest but I'm not able to as I want to use the free time to do something interesting etc. Also I just recently found out about the seven types of rest people need, and while my hobbies give me some kinds of rest, I should really focus more on making sure I get all kinds of rest I need.
i often use the phrase “can’t pump the brakes”, because it is how I feel when I know I’m becoming overwhelmed. There’s no mechanism in my body to “pump the brakes” and slow things down. As I’ve learned more i’ve found more ways to “pump the breaks”, but like you said it often feels like i’m pushing both the gas and brakes at the same time. When I was a child I was in a go-cart and did that on accident. Drove fast into a wall of blackberries bushes and had to climb my way out, hurting myself in the process and dying of embarrassment. That experience is sort of a representation of how I have felt my whole life.
@@mounaxs3472 I'd recommend a video by Hayley Honeyman called "How to actually rest if you have ADHD" - that's where I learned about it and I think it was a good one on the topic.
Bro why am i crying 2 minutes into this! Ive never self diagnosed myself with anything but even just the inital explanation hit so close to what ive been feeling for actual decades.
3:49 Re: emotional dysregulation, we need to remember that many of us* have also experienced significant trauma, often in childhood, so post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD) can add to the lability / fragility of our emotions. An unexpected reminder of a past traumatic experience can easily trigger a PTSD/C-PTSD flare, which - at least in my experience - is often difficult to distinguish from a "pure" neurodivergent meltdown or shutdown (I sometimes wonder if truly "pure" melt/shutdowns exist). * autistic, ADHD, AutDHD, and/or otherwise neurodivergent
My mum had been diagnosed with borderline, ptsd, panic disorder, she'd been through DV and SA. We've so much more information about ND and mental illnesses so to say and overlaps, misdiagnosises. Basically I wonder if it would be beneficial to her if we considered the possibility of asd but then there's the Imposter feeling like she's 60 and I reckon a lot of older generations may be autistic but to them it's just them or other stuff, and so many people goin through mental health systems. And the confronting feeling "is this really my issue?" or what is normal and what's not
Yes! I have childhood trauma and am pretty sure (but not diagnosed) that I also have ADHD or AuDHD and for me meltdowns feel very different than getting defensive when triggered. Before meltdowns I feel more sensorically sensitive than usual, irritated with everything and everyone, get more easily distracted and the longer I delay the meltdown the worse it gets, headaches and belly aches show up and everything feels painful and I feel I need to scream and hit something. Getting triggered feels more like a sudden snap, I get defensive (if it's fight, flight or fawn depends on a situation) and if it's a fight response my anger looks different than in a meltdown - I get laser focus, confidence and go and feel like a bulldozer, lol. Of course they can show up together and it's easier to get triggered while being overwhelmed. But I can have a hard time differentiating shutdowns. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm ignoring or not hearing some emotions or if there were too many spoons in my bucket and I just need to recharge. So, based on my experience I think 'pure' meltdowns and shutdowns exist. Also how I experience it may be very different than how it is for you and for others, but I hope it helped a little
I agree! I also have a PTSD dx so sometimes I get big imposter syndrome when I can’t identify why I’m feeling or reacting the way I am. I start telling myself I’m just difficult or need to “grow up” and start doubting myself and my diagnoses because I can’t articulate why I feel the way I do.
I’ve noticed that many women are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or bipolar when it’s actually ASD, C-PTSD, and ADHD. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I saw doctors to see if I had borderline or bipolar and I didn’t fit the criteria. Then I learned about C-PTSD from a psychiatrist. Years later I was diagnosed with ADHD, and the medication lowers my depression and anxiety, so I know those two diagnosis were just related to ADHD. I am now awaiting an assessment for ASD, because the ADHD meds made those symptoms much more pronounced. i feel that there are a lot of women like me out there who were misdiagnosed and dismissed so we didn’t get the help and the meds we needed. Now I’m only mentioning women because I’m a woman and also because research was only ever done on little boys so women with autism are massively underrepresented in medical literature
Definitely seeing a pattern here. I so have special interests, but only until my adhd gets bored and finds somthing new to hyperfocus on. The Special special interests I will get back to at some point. I forget to eat for long periods of time then get hangry and have no idea why. I can feel.the breeze of a person coming into a room and miss Ive cut myself and I'm bleeding.
I'm backwards of that 🤔 I think. I have a million little special interests that I refuse to let myself pursue because I desperately want to dive completely into them, but I know that I don't currently have the time, energy, money, and or space to properly pursue any of them. This is literally why I never went to college, I wanted to major in almost everything, I actually had a list over two pages long of all the things that I wanted to major in, but I didn't know what to do with that, and it took me years to narrow that down to where I would actually be capable of picking just 1 or 2 things from that list, but by then I had realized that I would probably never be able to adhere to the structure/rules/routines/deadlines of college considering that I barely managed to graduate from a charter high school after 5 years of driving all the faculty insane by taking all their routines and tying them in knots, ignoring most all their deadlines, doing my best to get away with taking more electives than core classes, and doing 2 years of summer school just to catch up. I can't tell the difference between feeling hungry, feeling full, having a stomach ache, having a bad gas bubble, and tying my guts in knots from stress, but without even trying I can easily (and sometimes painfully) tell the difference between subtle nuances in music (which I can't play and have not studied) that most people don't even seem to be aware exist.
I flipped out once after being tormented for two weeks. I could postpone the meltdown with the idea that the situation would end after two weeks. When it didn't, I had to deal with both the continuation of the horrible situation but also losing my job if not back on time. I locked myself in the bathroom to have a complete melt down in never had before. Needless to say nobody cared for the reasons of my meltdown, and I was only shamed for having a meltdown. All my meltdowns are internal. I can't get the image of a whole police squad throwing themselves on a man having a meltdown in his cell. He was in his cell and couldn't hurt anybody, the police was called and they came in full force on the man. I will be forever hunted by the terror of that poor man. I think it was in Belgium. So, I always think don't give them an excuse to lock you up and throw away the key.
That is awful. A lot of pressure for you. I hope you find your release valves and are able to diffuse your tensions more frequently, with less intensity and less build up. Internal meltdowns even when we look blank and super calm, are no fun.
@@Plethorality Thank you very much for your kindness. Yes, internal meltdowns run havoc on both your mental and physical health. Unfortunately, you are only treated for external symptoms. If you suffer in silence and don't bother anybody that means you are fine. I am doing much better mentally since I got rid off all the toxic people in my life but physically the damage is done. I am not saying this to complain even thou I have the right to. I am saying this to warn people. Physical and mental health bounce off each other. You ignore one it will run havoc on the other
The black and white thinking - Can that look like Very frustrated and anxious about something ambiguous but being okay with the thing being ambiguous once we're able to determine it's a genuinely ambiguous thing and not just that we don't understand the thing? Cause like, I Really hate ambiguity unless I'm sure the thing belongs in the 'ambiguity box'. And the ambiguity box is usually acceptable to me though I do still often feel the urge to poke at things in it to try to figure them out 😅
❤ This is one of the best videos, if not THE best video on the topic I have seen so far, so thank you! Found out that I am AuDHD at age 48, in research mode for 2 years now. Got my ADHD diagnosis age 49, trying ADHD meds for the first time at 50, still waiting on autism assessment (2 year waiting list). Many struggles throughout my life, many other diagnosis, nothing ever helped … Still on my journey to find out how to improve the quality of my life. And of my AuDHD kid!
AuDHD here and new sub. Thank you soooo much for your thoughts on addiction. Sober now, but alcohol was my crutch when I needed it and I might not be here without it.
It made me feel like a normal person for a long time. It really makes me wonder how many undiagnosed are out there masking all day and going home and drinking themselves to sleep...
I got ADHD from my Mom and autism from my Dad, meaning that I am a bundle of pure insanity! Also, I related to all of these traits you mentioned, so I'll say for sure that this video was very helpful! (Or at least, I THINK it was, I didn't pay attention to a few points, but I tried to) Thank you very much for teaching people about auDHD, you're making the world a better place! I wanted to give you more compliments, but my brain completely blanked out and it got so full that it's empty, or it's so empty that it's full.. Help???
Hullow, fellow combo. I get it. So many thoughts come out at once, that they bottle neck and jam up, and we end up with nothing, because we had everything, including footnotes, and it all got stuck. Is that how it was for you? And you are not insane.
Exactly! And every word wants to come out all at the same time which is impossible so you only get out a meaningless piece of an idea that ACTUALLY implies the completely WRONG thing, the more you try to clarify, the worse it gets. You can't fix it. Then people give this "knowing nod" that means, "Ohhhh, I see... She's f√¢×ed up in the head." Then they politely smile and excuse themselves. Or worse, they start talking "down" to you. Even worse, men will attempt to take advantage of me, thinking I'm stupid. I don't lack for intelligence... it's just that... I must compose my thoughts... It takes me longer to digest situations and ideas and come to a conclusion. This disrupts a normal conversation. In an attempt to just respond.... Stupid things come out of my mouth. If I didn't know me... I would think I was an idiot, too.
Damn these comments are too relatable. I think I also got ADHD from my mom and autism from my dad, mostly just speculation at this point though as we're all undiagnosed except for my sister who is autistic.
I really like that point at the end. I like to think of masking as compensation more than hiding. I dont think it's a bad thing for me to conciously care for others' emotions in conversation. I dont think it's hiding for me to get better at socializing. I came from a place of utter inability to socialize, and now I've built the habit of smiling and making eye contact. Might seem trivial to some. Not me.
Thank you for this video. My 5-year old is AuDHD. Having watched this before I started parenting this morning made it much easier to feel compassion for him, help with his dysregulation, and stay connected.
I am 37 and have masked both ADHD and TSA (AST in english, since in France we talk about "autism spectrum trouble" rather than autism) thanks to my HPI (my IQ is over 140) during all my life. I discovered all about it like one week ago. It's an outburst in my heart and my perception of past.
I know these videos aren't meant to be a real life coach, but this 23 minute video is honestly better than the entire treatment I get since age 3 and now I just turned 15.
Oh my god, your explanation of "internal Meltdown" was something I was looking for online, because I am self-identified AuDHD ( ADHD got diagnosed but doesnt explain everything) and I wasn't sure if I could count this extremely terrible internal experience as a Meltdown or if it is maybe something else, but this was so spot on - exactly my problem for my whole life, thank you for that, now I feel less confused and even more sure about getting an ASD diagnosis.
AuDHD sounds so right. Before I thought I had mild autism but it never really fit 100%. Adhd as well. But then my psychiatrist diagnosed me with adhd and it made so much sense. But now, audhd makes perfect sense to me!!
You’re great! Thanks for this! I was diagnosed with adhd at 30. My daughter is autistic, but only now through social media and my psych had I come across this. Your description of the combination audhd is spot on! I sent this to my family and said I’d like to introduce myself haha! Thanks for your work x
I’m so happy I found this channel! Sometimes the algo gets it right. Your train metaphor is so spot on. Anyway, I love your energy and personality. Thanks for being an ally and creator of this quality content. ❤ Edit: You’re the only one I’ve heard so far talk about substance use/abuse that way. Your kindness makes me want to cry out of sheer gratitude.
I find it incredibly difficult to express myself so I will keep this short… I just want to say your videos are transforming my life one video at a time. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for over 10 years and recently have begun to suspect I’m on the autism spectrum after years of trauma therapy and DBT have done pretty much nothing for me. I feel lost every day. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. The best life advice, in my experience, comes from fellow neurodivergent folks. Anyway, cheers & many thanks for the significant work you do for our community! 💖
I'm so glad I found this my daughter has both diagnoses and I've understood more from this video then all the books and pages of information I've been shown. Thank you so much.
I’m legally blind and had never heard of people not using the term “time blindness”, I wonder if some people feel the same about face blindness. I’ll still be using them because they make sense to NT people but yea
Diagnosed ADHD. Self-diagnosed Autism (I have taken every accredited test and fall within the 90-99% likelihood). This video is one of the most comforting and relatable videos describing Audhd I’ve seen. What a gem 💎 I wish I could find a therapist or friend like you! Thank you!
I'm so so so glad I could be comforting! I'm not a therapist, but I am a life coach, and if you're ever interested in working together, I've got slots available (: Just book a Discovery Call or DM me on IG (@theneurocuriosityclub) Self-diagnosis always welcome!
I got my ADHD diagnosis 3 days ago with a strong suspicion of ASD (an earlier assessment that requires further intervention scored me way past what is considered the “normal” baseline for ASD). Currently on the waiting list for an ASD diagnosis. Thus video in particular really makes me feel seen. I’m F53 years and I wish I had gotten this as far as I am today decades ago.
Autism/adhd and empath, the empath part makes certain things extremely hard. Peoples emotions and energy radiate through me and can cause chaos in my head in certain places. The one place i can be where i feel as 1 is hiking through the woods because of all the stimulation all at once. It gives me a euphoric feeling when i am there. My "BLAH" days are explained well here, i don't know how i feel at allllllll!! It can go for days sometimes and i am very unproductive but i will listen to music and stim. Learning more every day, thank you!! I could feel your emotions when you were saying how much it hurts!! I cried👍😎👻🤪🌶♾️
I am definitely AuDHD. And I’m in an existential crisis at the moment. And it sucks. And it is exhausting. Thank you for this video. You explained me to a T. The internalized meltdowns hit home. I’ve been doing that my entire life because you get in trouble if you “act out”. And I have BIG emotions. And I mask so much I don’t know who I am. I’m 50. Got the ADHD diagnosis a year ago. Waiting for the autism diagnosis.
I'm 41 and just now discovering that I could be auDHD. So so much of my life I spent thinking I was broken/ feeling other/ masking.. you name it. Thank you for making this video.
This made me feel seen so much!! I relate a lot. Sorry if this is going to be long… I had my diagnosis last week (an almost 5 hour session) and the psychologist was pretty sure I have ADHD but not sure about autism because, hold and behold, I quote his words “autistic people don’t care about making friends” (I would love to have more friends to hang out with my same interests but it’s SO hard socialising and maintaining friends) and “autistic people live in their own world, not really aware of the outside world”… he also took the DSM-5 book and literally started reading symptoms in children and saying that they don’t really apply to me. Okay sure, but I also forgot to tell him a lot of things that went on in my childhood and current situation and I’m so frustrated and confused. It’s funny because what made my whole 27 years of my life make sense was a specific video about autism (mind you, I did 2-3 months of INTENSE research beforehand). I’ve had a depersonalisation episode and I’m having frequent shutdowns, really struggling here… :/ in the end, I feel like an imposter 🥲
Yep....I'm 52, and I am an AuDHDer; bipolar/mood and anxiety disorder; OCD and C-PTSD. I was raised by a COVERT NARCISSTIC "mother". Everything you said is me 100%
This is such a great video. I am both. Im doing pretty good in life. Ive worked hard to help myself learn about who i am. At 57, im loving life! Im not just existing, im living! ❤️
Oh my goodness. I am 57 and have always felt different. My eldest son has autism, my youngest ADHD. In the past year, it’s become increasingly evident that I am also neurodivergent. First, I seemed to have so many “symptoms” of autism, but not all. Then, I stumbled across a video about ADHD that, for the first time, questioned whether I was actually ADHD. I’d never considered it because I have good time management and I am well organised. I am not diagnosed, it’s unlikely I will ever seek a diagnosis, but it feels like AuDHD is a good explanation for the complicated person I am, and why my life is (and always has been) very challenging at times. You have the most beautiful way of explaining things and a manner that is calming and soothing. I rarely subscribe, especially to things like this, but I have a feeling you are going to help me on my journey. Thank you.
First of all, I loved your video and your style. Brava on the whole thing, I get the amount of work that is. I was happy to be educated and to see more resources for AuDHD folk. I never had help like this when I was growing up, so by necessity, have had to be masked my entire life. I would have been killed or maimed if I hadn’t. I wish you had covered the reason WHY people mask, being the and very real and many-times experienced danger of living as ourselves in a heavily mundane-normative and punitive world. It’s important to address how our true selves are Othered, Penalized, Incarcerated and Killed on a regular basis, due to prejudice against neurodiverse folx in the mainstram. Plus the soul-deep damage that masking does to us. I keep uncovering layers even after decades of work on myself. We all do. It’s not only not easy to unmask, many of us who value our lives *can’t* unmask. Some may live in a safe bubble, but that does not speak to the experience of the masses of neurodiverse folx in the world. I am a 64 year old psychologist with a 35 year practice in helping victims of such violence deal with their trauma. I am also AuDHD & cPTSD (a video on this tripe-threat diagnosis would be great) from birth with no meds, help or anything but Othering, Minimizing and Silencing. Plus a lot of violence done to me without my will, which nearly all women with the AuDHD codiagnosis experience. That kind of trauma takes a lot of work to recover from, and that’s who I’ve worked with in my career. Every single one of us would love to see more on the psychological nuances of these issues. You do good work. Thanks!
honestly i've been loking for this kind of video for so long. i know now that i'm audhd but at the time when i wasn't sure and looked for more information, only a few videos have been as helpful as this one could've been to my doubtful self.
the no input filter is so real!! It makes me feel like a bad friend because it's really difficult for me to fully process what someone is saying when there are other noises/conversations happening around me. I get really worried people think I don't care about them when I can't remember things they tell me about themselves. It's really embarrassing
Thank you so much. I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and my psychiatrist really thinks I'm autistic too. I see so much of myself in your video. I'm still at the stage where I cry thinking about all those years when I felt different but everyone accepted me anyway. All those years when I never really felt like I belonged in a group. Your video really helped me! Thanks again for this.
I really think I am both. I feel so stuck because I need help to move forward, but I need money to be able to get the help I need… but if I could maintain a job and function I feel like I wouldn’t need the help. It’s so hard, and I just don’t know what to do. >.< So I’m making do with what I have. It just so often feels like a losing battle. Thank you for the video.
I was denied Disability in the US multiple times despite having both documented mental health and physical health issues for years that made finding and retaining employment very difficult. When I went through the hearings, all they would ask would be about my physical disabilities (which are important yes). They never ONCE asked me about or talked about how my mental health issues made functioning like everyone expects difficult. At the time I was misdiagnosed in a few areas and only recently diagnosed ADHD (among some other things). I am Autistic too but going through the process of getting diagnosed. I somehow suspect it is difficult for many Autistic people (and ADHD) to get help as well when they try because our society sees it as "high functioning" (as if your issues aren't enough to warrant attention and support) and basically says "deal with it." When in reality you need help to deal with it, which is the point.
YES! Someone else who rubs their fingernails on their lips! I usually stroke one of my thumbnails on my cupids bow, it just fits so perfectly and feels so calming 😌
Psychology is my special interest or recurring hyperfocus mainly because I had the feeling something is wrong with me since I'm a teenager (maybe it's ADHD, mabye autism or maybe AuDHD or something different entirely - still haven't figured it out completely)
@@leakrr 2 months later and I'm still wondering what is wrong with me My life is just a tangled ball of contradictions really. Realised today that apparently, my stream of thoughts is different from that of others
auDHD might be why i love hiking so much: a perfect routine, with a perfectly organized pack of all my beloved items, each in their special pocket with their special technical uses.... and with all of this set organisation and reassureance that i have everything i need to cope... I go outside and explore ther chaos of nature with new sights and sounds every day.
I am new to AuDHD following an autism diagnosis 3 years ago. This feels much more like me and for years I could never explain the conflict to people. I felt like a walking contradiction in everything that I would do and it would change from moment to moment. This is brilliant in trying to explain AuDHD to people.
It's a fantastic video, so true and so important to be talked about. I appreciated you included the contradictions of having both, compensations from each and why it's so challenging to have diagnosed both at once if the doctor is not applying a holistic view. Well, it all is so important, even if it doesn't change the hard time in life having both, cos is easy to see how it looks and feels incoherent to deal with the traces of ADHD and Autism combined.
I have a question. So criterion C and D for autism spectrum disorder say that symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not be fully manifest until life demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked in later life through compensatory strategies), and that they must cause clinically significant impairment in at least one area of life. This is REALLY hard for me to understand. Because I did have autistic traits in early childhood, but they didn't really cause me issues and when they did it was a lot more of an occasional thing. Now that I am older they are starting to cause more problems especially since I am almost an adult. I get overstimulated A LOT more often than I did when I was young, and ever since developing a lot more social anxiety (because I was an outgoing kid but was seen as weird and was being bullied/ CONSISTENTLY rejected because of my autistic traits like special interests and social behaviors in elementary school) the social deficits are becoming more obvious. But because they weren't as strongly present in childhood I don't know if I fit criterion C. since it was a more occasional thing that got worse as I got older. What confuses me about criterion D. is that I don't understand when something is clinically significant. I don't understand any sort of threshold between "normal" and "abnormal" especially when it comes to struggles. I do have issues almost daily (somedays being a lot worse and somedays where I have none), but I can't tell if they are strong enough issues in daily life to constitute autism, since at the end of the day autism spectrum disorder is a disability. Are you able to explain these more in-depth? This is the main thing hindering my understanding of myself and my suspected autism (not fully self-diagnosed since I don't understand those 2 criterion).
Now that you mention it, special interest can be a bit of an issue for some of us as it's not like I'm actually interested in most of that stuff, it just gets in my head and is incredibly uncomfortable to the point of having a breakdown as I continue to binge on whatever information. And, each time it happens with a new area, it just gets faster and faster.
Hi, this was quite enlightening for me. I'm 70+ years old and have struggled all my life with all the ADHD symptoms and maybe some of the spectrum stuff. I'm a retired Registered Nurse and I have learned quite a bit about both of these conditions over the years...at least the few decades of my life that they've been a thing. As a child I had behavioral issues for which I was physically punished, both at home and at school. I was also badly bullied and in those days we were expected to put up or shut up, ie fight for ourselves. So I relate strongly to when you said people with ADHD and Autism or both are sensitive to rejection and kind of expect it. I find it hard to relate to others and I second guess what I should be doing or saying. I also have Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. But I've been thinking that the FM/CFS doesn't explain all my problems. I've tried so hard for decades to get my head on straight so to speak and yet I keep failing. I have been praying for some answers and my daughter-in-law sent me the link to your video. I kept nodding my head and going uh huh, yep, yep, as you listed all the issues with these conditions. It's like you read my mind (and my body). Thank you for this video. So much.
I think a better alternate description of time blindness is lack of time awareness. Especially since it gets the point across without having to backtrack to explain whatever that last thing you said which I will never remember, no shade just being straightforward. My best way of combating this is putting the time in view everywhere it counts. I have a clock in the shower, it needs to be there otherwise I will be late. I also need to put one in view of the sink because as soon as I step outside of the shower, the current time gets left behind. I have a watch but always forget it is there and is basically useless, it would be fantastic to have something attached to my glasses!
damn this video is making me cry, Im fighting to get my AuDHD diagnosis right now and I've been reading a lot about both of those things but separate and I have the constant feeling that when it's JUST ADHD I'm missing some core things even though the rest fits like a glove, and the exact same when its JUST autism. Hearing someone talking about stuff I've always felt like emotional desregulation is so liberating, I always thought I was imature, that I was simply "wrong" and needed to try to be better (even though it led me to just pushing feelings away and having meltdowns when it became too much). I've also been high masking since a pre-teen, and I only realized it recently. And people always say "well, if it's so tiring just unmask" as if it's that easy, you are the first person that described how hard that process is thank you
"Neurocuriosity"! What a lovely term I had never heard of before. Finally a place to visit and wonder if I'm neurodivergent without fearing I'm some sort of fraud for even being here. Thanks so much for this video. Despite this weird in imposter syndrome I have about my own neurodiversity, watching this video I am sure I am AuDHD.
Autistic inertia is what got me unexpectedly diagnosed for ASD in 2002. So, starting and stopping is a well-known autism thing. Perhaps it factors into ADHD as well, I’m not sure about that: my statement “mind without an off switch” got me towards also getting an ADHD diagnosis last year. I do not have OCD as far as I understand it, nor do I have an anxiety issue. Also, autistics can’t filter out all our sensory inputs so as a result, I think, comes along the issue of not being able to habituate to various sensory levels things such as mobile device alerts, which led me as a huge factor into autistic burnout last year due to moving into an obnoxious open office environment with a lot of talking as well as mobile devices with alerts at MAX VOLUME which the owners drowned out but set off my fight-or-flight response all the time. And yes, I do have auditory processing disorder, and that sucks in that environment so bad.
Thanks a lot for your video, my journey in self discovery has reached a new milestone today thanks to you. Today I discovered I also have ADHD from this video. I already knew I have autism from a year ago but still something was a little off. Very well packed of information, I can totally relate to pretty much everything as I was experiencing it as you were going lol. Same as some videos I saw a year ago about autism symptoms....felt like an easy checklist of everything XD happening in realtime. This week I started the suspicion there was something besides autism, which I found after some 10 years of a painfully "not from this planet/lonely" soul-searching experience. Today my mind finally made it to search for both conditions combined and this video says all I needed. I even found more new symptoms from ADHD I thought were quirks of mine (for example, the thing about not knowing which emotion you have. As a kid, I called it "I'm having the chocolate" which is how I explained by brother and parents a strong emotion that I couldn't describe). Fun fact: I just turned 38. I remember being 37 and since Im aware of the cyclic nature of things, I found it interesting 37 is a prime so there is no frequency/cycles which generate it, meaning, 37 is a cycle by itself. I knew it was an interesting year in my life and boom, 2 months after my birthday I figure I'm autistic, which is the single most important piece of a puzzle in my life. I even love the puzzle symbol for the condition (tho some people dislike it) because for me personally it was like making sense of various pieces in my life that didn't make sense and know I was able to connect them. Later on, I started seeing videos about the number 37 (like Veritasium's) which is odd since its not like I was typing 37 anywhere (the idea that it was an important year was only in mind never really wrote it or searched it) and besides those videos were uploaded at that time (so it wasn't the algorithm giving me an old video, it was the video happening as I was 37!!!). I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but its a fun fact how 37 really came to be an important cycle in my life.
Thank you. This video is describes much of what i knew about myself with all of my issues that came to a head in my early 20s. I can share this with people im close to, so that they can understand me. Especially since im so organized (its a coping mechanism to my ADHD)
ti LOVE how you explain masking - i was struggling to word why it isn't as simple as an on/off switch for me, where i'm aware of a "mask" that isn't me, it's more like i look down at the tower of blocks that are and aren't me and i have to carefully jenga it apart to avoid losing my sense of myself
i was shocked when you mentioned the rubbing your finger nail across your lip bc i’ve never heard of anyone else doing it and i’ve been doing it for as long as i can remember. i am currently just getting into trying to get evaluated but have started to realize all these little quirks or personal struggles i have daily all sound like autism and just now addressing that!
I was diagnosed with autism in January 2023 and was then diagnosed with ADHD in December 2023. At the age of 50/51. I've never known who I was/am, so it's been a nightmare. I have tried medication (concerta), but it made my feel like i was medically masking.
This is such a good video, thank you! I feel so seen! The explanations of the quest for the Goldilocks "just right" and the redefining of "masking" are both so YES.
I was diagnosed last year with both ADHD and autistic spectrum disorder, aged 64. I so much hope that I had been diagnosed earlier. I have had so many problems. To name one, I had meltdowns, just as you described them, and I did not understand what was going on, and my family was also at loss, because usually I was not like that. I had alexithymia. I was like blindfolded in my social relations. I hated noise and crowds and scratching clothes and changes. I was extremely absent-minded and chaotic. My moods changed very quickly and I was mystified: what is the matter? I had to learn to start tasks and complete them and it was hard. I was clumsy and hit myself to things so that I was always bruised. I had difficulties sleeping because my mind was so active. Etc etc. If only somebody had come and said: no, you are not a freak, you are not lazy, cold, overemotional, bad and mad, but your brain just works differently.
So I recently for lack of a better word stepped out of the matrix two weeks ago. within that amount of time I went through the 12 step grieving process and finally realized that this is ME. I honestly thought I was losing my mind now I almost feel like an expert that could write an entire book and or thesis about this. One of my special interest is the observation of people and caring so much about others. I would love to do some work and research around this, but of course I need take time to allow myself to process the last few weeks. Honestly I’m excited to finally see the motivation to eventually get my PHD. Yay me but I will do my best to not try to obtain the knowledge too fast. Just because I can do something does not mean that I should 🤦🏾♀️
Diagnosis pending, but I think I am auDHD. I just want to go back to what was said about meltdowns, because I really like the way you described them: a response to a lack of control. For that looks like an intense panic attack, and I often times just leave the environment/situation because I am not able to deal with it otherwise. The problem with that is that I don’t have a plan when I leave and no one knows where I go (how could I tell them if I myself don’t know? I also go into verbal shutdowns, so communications is already more difficult at these times). And the older I get, the need to just blank out and leave is getting more frequent, and I can’t go a single day without being overwhelmed and melting down. It’s so exhausting and painful! I don’t have a place to go either; nowhere is safe for me, and it’s so scary. Whenever I go into a meltdown, I feel trapped. That’s how I always describe it. I feel trapped in that loss of control and it’s terrifying and painful and it feels like I will never be able to recover from that moment, and I can’t move. It’s restricting me - my thoughts, my feelings, my senses - and it’s so debilitating! That’s why I think ‘trapped’ is a great description, and also explains why I run away; because I feel the instinctual feeling of needed to escape. One cool thing about humans is that you put someone in a room and lock the door, tell them that you will come back to unlock it in [two] hours, after a while they will try to escape. That’s how it feels. I don’t think about it, it just happens and I leave. Maybe someone can relate?? I also want to touch on sleep, because I wonder if sensory issues are another big thing to why autistic and auDHD people might struggle with sleep. Me personally, I have been up since 3am (it’s 5:14 now) on the living room couch, even though I have a bed in my room. But I can’t sleep on it because it’s too overwhelming. I have a roommate who sleeps in the same room as me whose bed is really creaky, and it will always send me into a meltdown. Every. Single. Night. I do feel the need to sleep more, but when even the smallest turn of his head is too overwhelming, I cannot sleep. It’s also really hot in my room. So I sleep on the couch instead. I also just sleep throughout the day. I’ll get home from work and not be able to not fall asleep, which is where I think that ‘autistics need more sleep’ comes into play. Having meltdowns everyday is so exhausting! Sorry if this was long(?), but just some things I related to and wanted to see if others did too. I loved the video and your channel. Thanks!
Around 7:33, I resonated with how you described your meltdowns. You mention taking medication to reduce the frequency, what kind of medication is it? I feel like I could benefit from this
I'm glad I found this video and your channel in general. I was thinking I might have one or the other for a very long time, and you explained all of that very clearly. It feels like I have 90-95% of these symptoms... Even though I can't get assessed by a medical professional right now, it gave me some peace of mind and courage to continue fighting. It's always great to realize what's actually going on and why... Thank you.
It’s perfectly OK to self diagnose. I have an ADHD diagnosis that I got after my son was diagnosed in the early 90s. I have suspected I was on the autism spectrum since the early 90s when I began working with students on the autism spectrum as a special education teacher. Finally this year after many many hours of deep diving into being an adult with autism who went Without being diagnosed, I just claimed it. Affirming myself in this way has made so much of my life makes sense. It’s allowed me to forgive people who misunderstood me and responded in ways that really hurt or offended me. One of my deans labeled me ’the queen of the outliers’ because the quirky kids and I liked to be together. Of course we did! The neurotypical folks made us uncomfortable at best and were just plain mean to us at worst.
@@eboronkay You're right! Thank you sincerely for such heartfelt response and for sharing your story. It made me feel warm and understood ❤ I often feel recognizing this helped me too in this way. Take care and have a great week!
15:15 “if we’re not feeling it in the moment, it feels like we never have felt it and we never will feel it.” Aaaaannd THIS is is why I spent most of my adulthood with addiction (well I am still an addict, but no longer doth I partake)- how did I only just now learn that i am on the spectrum lol I have always felt like, just based on the way everyone in the world around me reacts to things, that I must feel things much deep than everyone else. Like how can you not wanna see every injustice overturned when any moment you spend thinking about it is just filling you with righteous fury towards evildoers! lol
Our family has one member with aspergers with associated learning disorders, with the cusp of Add + Adhd, with perverse language disorders, development delay and the list goes on and on and on the different disabilities, disorders, you need to be prepared to learn, and you need an enormous amount of patience. How it is for us, when one is functioning, the others are not. When the others are functioning the autism is not. It goes into rest, silent, dormat mode for a time so it goes from one to another, without warning. Plus the long list we have had to deal with that is beyond challenging for all including the medical and specialists and all the other fields, such as education that have had to deal with it. We got there and stil getting there. Yes we go through what you go through. Its about having emotional intelligence to deal with the emotional dysregulation, including the build up, its like a bomb that can go off for the whole family, but you can learn, we go through that and within a very short time, we are back in peace, quiet what we really are , we have and know how to deal with it and are experienced at it, and the member is really good at naming emotions. They don't feel emotion, but they hear it in people's voices. Even if people try and hide it, they can still hear it.
Super interesting and helpful video. Thanks. Helps us to feel less strange and alone to know there's others like us. I'd like to hear more of your perspective on dysregulation (and self-control or lack thereof) of various aspects of our curious brains including emotions, attention, energy/motivation, tolerance/handling of demands, etc. Dysregulation seems to be a common attribute across numerous parts of the AuDHD life.
Wow! I have all the traits you've mentioned!! I self-diagnosed as Autistic and have had other Autistic confirm it, but also have had strangers ask me if I'm ADHD or Bipolar... Maybe I'm actually AuDHD? But living in Japan... there's very little support for mental health issues and getting a diagnosis online is so expensive there's no way I could afford it without winning the lottery! I love this information, thou! Thanks for gathering it together and presenting it so nicely! You're adorably cute and remind me of my bestie! I wish you all the very best! 🥰
So. I was trying to find a reasonably short but accurate description of my nerological divergence to share with my boss and I found it here. Which also opens me up to the idea that I could be spectrum autistic. Ive not been tested. But there are points that resonate strongly with me. Thank you. Subscribed.
this video is Amazing!! I just went to get assessed for ADHD today! and the psychiatrist came back with Autism and ADHD! This video makes sooo much sense. After doing so much extensive research into ADHD I kind of didn't take into consideration the Autism side of things. My experience is so much the combination of both. I am such an organised ADHD person, but if I wasn't it would feel like disaster.... Thank you for making this video, it's super helpful for me to understand the autistic side of myself
Wow, I definitely have ADD. But this is a huge eye opener for me. The meltdown makes a lot of sense to me. Then, 10 minutes later, Im good. I was told I get frustrated fast but bounce back quickly.
Fantastic affirming video! Absolutely golden. You are amazingly gifted at explaining this crazily complicated subject. My internalized stigma just evaporated. One huge step closer to me having the strength to get my diagnoses. Thank you thank you thank you!
I was born in the early '90s and would say the '90s is close to being a special interest for me too! So I don't think it's something you necessarily need to be removed from - in fact I'm well aware the reason I am so fascinated with is specifically *because* of my experience of it. I think the time period during which we live our first decade of life occupies a very interesting space in that it's *just* out of reach to us - we experienced it but without any understanding of its greater context and without being able to form in-depth, long-lasting memories of it
Loved this you know your stuff. I got diagnosed at 26 it was blatantly obvious for years. With my background in occupational therapy you are the most knowledgeable on the topic on the TH-cam platform.
Damn good video. I’ve been diagnosed ADHD since I was 5 but explored Autism a couple years ago and was diagnosed at 34. I’ve spent the last year wondering if my diagnosis is correct or if I’m just pretending/reading into it, and wondering about a second opinion. I know people don’t believe my diagnosis, I don’t fit the stereotype. But EVERY single point in this video was a check mark. You described me… thank you.
This content helped me so much! The way that you explain things it makes so much sense in my head and it’s been so difficult to explain to other people what it feels like. I’m going to send this video to several people so that they can hopefully get a little bit of understanding. But I’m trying my best to work on things with my drs on my own to not overwhelm my friends. Thank you for this!!
Idk what to say right now, but feel I must say something. All I can come up with is thank you. Thank you so much for being who you are and making this video... it's just hitting me so hard rn I don't have words, so just thank you, thank you so much ❤❤❤
I was diagnosed with ADHD aged 42. I have been told for years that i am autistic. I have two kids with both ADHD and autism. I have only come to understand that i am autistic in the last few months aged 45. Now i know why my life is on hard mode.
It's an honor to meet you, my fellow 42 year old AuDHD brother.
You diagnosed yourself. Don't do that.
This TH-camr diagnosed herself, don't watch her doing that.
Jeez, don't any of you people have parents?
Omg yes, living life on hard mode was my experience since I left school. I liked the standardized way of learning and taking tests - I knew what was expected of me. I’m 30 years old and still struggle to understand what is really expected at work.
@@BlackPyramid-tn9edthis person is 45 - an adult. What’s your point?
@@BlackPyramid-tn9edI am 57. I am also a medical professional and I can read the criteria in the DSM. My parents disowned me 40 years ago, so why would that be relevant?
I usually say "undiagnosed neurodivergent", but truthfully this is the thing that I believe describes me the best.
Same!
I got my ADHD diagnosis the year before my autism diagnosis. Both together explain SO much of my 40 years of life and I'm honestly kinda pissed that I spent so much of my life feeling like I was a failure of a person when in reality, I was just a totally different operating system.
Or, as one person so kindly put it, I wasn't a failed dog. I was a cat who did such a good job of pretending to be a dog that most dogs had no idea I wasn't one. 😂
You just gave me the best language to describe my neurodivergence, I love it 👌
I'm currently being diagnosed for the same thing, expected to get both, hence why I'm here..... I'm 38 as well. Its so frustrating knowing people missed this and i could have potentially had a better life. I hope you are doing well now.
I just got my Autism diagnosis but they eluded to the fact, I was ADHD (assessment in a few weeks time but that's a given!) I went for Autism first as I 'knew' I was ADHD XX
I can relate. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 39. Currently waiting for the clinic to get back to me about an ASD assessment. i’ve done several different ones online and have scored very high in each one. AuDHD describes me COMPLETELY. Learning more about it through videos like this has really helped me to accept myself, understand that it’s not me, it’s society, and has helped me find ways to reduce the negative symptoms and improve my well-being through being kinder to myself. I truly wish i had been diagnosed at a young age, because my ability to do school work changed when expectations increased and the type of work got harder to accomplish. Interestingly enough, i did better in college because I had more agency over myself
I ❤ that analogy! 😊
Internal screaming/meltdowns are extremely adaptive, like you said: Safer... but it's at an extreme personal cost that no one externally can see, evaluate, or even understand really.
Exactly. Internal meltdowns might be physically safer, but they come at such a cost :/
Right. I asked QUORA a question related to that.
I can feel the boiler motor of my mind overheating, all the gauges approaching the red.
Outside, I look normal... Maybe a little more pensive. But, calm and relaxed. And really,
I'm on the edge of publicly scream-crying.
I'm able to tell people, "I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown." I was asking for help.
No one believed me... How could they think I was serious? My relaxed face and voice probably make it look like I'm trying to be funny or something.
Then it happened... I sat on the floor ugly crying for hours to my family. I mean, "wah-wah" scream crying. Horrible... Stupid... Pointless...
Even when my mind was done crying, my face kept on crying. Like inside my head, I KNOW that no one is bleeding, or choking, or on fire... Everyone is fine. Everything is gonna be okay! But, my face kept on crying and wouldn't stop.
I asked QUORA, "How do you impress upon people that you really are having a problem and heading to a meltdown/shutdown, when on the outside you appear calm and normal?"
An internal meltdown is like being stuck inside your body and your body is your own personal hell and you need to escape by any means necessary.
I sometimes do this thing i call “quiet screaming” where I just make a super high pitched but quiet squeezing sound. It’s because i don’t want to scare my cat, or upset anyone else
I feel like there are many ways audhders self-medicate, even unconsciously, with other things than substances. for example, i used to need to eat a whole tablet of chocolate before starting a demanding task for my executive function, in order to provide to my brain a sufficient enough dopamine level to be able to start
Chocolate caffeine and energy drinks along with lots of vitamins that’s my go to
Yeah, I don't eat that much chocolate, but still I think I use chocolate to self-medicate😖
Wow... That's a great idea! I crave chocolatey things, devil's food cake, brownies and anything called Chocolate Lava Devastation ... But, I can totally resist it ... Maybe my brain was crying for help? I'll try the chocolate bar method...
Side note: I also resisted the chocolate cravings very easily because I see the chocolate as reward BEFORE the Important Thing is done. So, obviously, "No chocolate for people who don't finish their shit!"
Which doesn't really work. I still don't finish... I still get no rewards... Don't finish... No rewards... Stuck...
In a cabin.... under two feet of snow.... And it's piling up more snow every few minutes.
I'll experiment with some chocolate.
Same. The only things that salved me this school year were sweets and music
*Chugs a red bull*
Whaat? Not me
Alexithymia is awful. My most common issues are: “am I bored, sleepy, sad, or hungry?” and “am I hot, angry, hungry, or anxious?” it’s bad.
OMG!!! I HAVE NEVER EVER HEARD OF ANYONE ELSE RUBBING THEIR PAINTED FINGERNAILS ON THEIR LIPS TO CALM DOWN!!! I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!!! I'm sorry for the shouting but hearing you say that made all of the emotions just burst out at once ❤
Same! I've been wondering why I've done that for years
I came here to also say in all caps that I didn't realize rubbing my nails on my lips was stimming lol XD
Me too!!!
I do it too!! I do it with unpainted nails cuz my nails are sensitive to nail polish, but it is something I do without even noticing XD
I do that as well!
I thought I didn’t feel a lot for most of my life. Then I realized I was actually angry all the time. And then it clicked when I found out what being disregulated feels like to me (spoilers, it’s anger) 😬
Sorry bout the sudden warning Zenpie, but I'm gonna use you as a specialized and important Boxcar rq. Please continue to resume to your normal tasks before or after this message you sparked:
I know that feel. If you play Fallout, they have a mini nuke launcher, shoulder mounted. It's basically a catapult. I'm like that, but it's pent up anger that results in fits of verbal aggression at the source. ADHD is a nightmare, and any anger I do have is quickly burned up or vented!
If it goes past that, run, because if I don't have a way to vent pressure, and if I can't back up, I will run over the derail first to break myself before blowing up or running someone over like a steam train.
Just know that I have been getting help from videos with anger management, anxiety, all the mental train stops and shops for what I definitely have, repressed memories, and that list really goes on.
I’ve been feeling intensely angry for the past few years as well and think this may be what’s going on for me as well.
For me it was the opposite lol. I thought I was angry my whole life but I’ve realized my emotions are actually quite silent, I was just misinterpreting my other issues as emotion
I've said that AuDHD is sometimes like car whose brake and gas pedals are pushed the same time. The casual observer doesn't notice anything special going on, but it's really straining the engine and finding the balance is hard (kind of like the over/under stimulation). I often feel like I need to rest but I'm not able to as I want to use the free time to do something interesting etc. Also I just recently found out about the seven types of rest people need, and while my hobbies give me some kinds of rest, I should really focus more on making sure I get all kinds of rest I need.
Hey can you tell me more about the 7 kind of rest or if you can give a link
i often use the phrase “can’t pump the brakes”, because it is how I feel when I know I’m becoming overwhelmed. There’s no mechanism in my body to “pump the brakes” and slow things down. As I’ve learned more i’ve found more ways to “pump the breaks”, but like you said it often feels like i’m pushing both the gas and brakes at the same time. When I was a child I was in a go-cart and did that on accident. Drove fast into a wall of blackberries bushes and had to climb my way out, hurting myself in the process and dying of embarrassment. That experience is sort of a representation of how I have felt my whole life.
@@mounaxs3472 I'd recommend a video by Hayley Honeyman called "How to actually rest if you have ADHD" - that's where I learned about it and I think it was a good one on the topic.
Bro why am i crying 2 minutes into this! Ive never self diagnosed myself with anything but even just the inital explanation hit so close to what ive been feeling for actual decades.
3:49 Re: emotional dysregulation, we need to remember that many of us* have also experienced significant trauma, often in childhood, so post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (C-PTSD) can add to the lability / fragility of our emotions. An unexpected reminder of a past traumatic experience can easily trigger a PTSD/C-PTSD flare, which - at least in my experience - is often difficult to distinguish from a "pure" neurodivergent meltdown or shutdown (I sometimes wonder if truly "pure" melt/shutdowns exist).
* autistic, ADHD, AutDHD, and/or otherwise neurodivergent
Yes to this. Trauma can absolutely be intertwined with autism, ADHD, and auDHD!
My mum had been diagnosed with borderline, ptsd, panic disorder, she'd been through DV and SA.
We've so much more information about ND and mental illnesses so to say and overlaps, misdiagnosises.
Basically I wonder if it would be beneficial to her if we considered the possibility of asd but then there's the Imposter feeling like she's 60 and I reckon a lot of older generations may be autistic but to them it's just them or other stuff, and so many people goin through mental health systems. And the confronting feeling "is this really my issue?" or what is normal and what's not
Yes!
I have childhood trauma and am pretty sure (but not diagnosed) that I also have ADHD or AuDHD and for me meltdowns feel very different than getting defensive when triggered. Before meltdowns I feel more sensorically sensitive than usual, irritated with everything and everyone, get more easily distracted and the longer I delay the meltdown the worse it gets, headaches and belly aches show up and everything feels painful and I feel I need to scream and hit something. Getting triggered feels more like a sudden snap, I get defensive (if it's fight, flight or fawn depends on a situation) and if it's a fight response my anger looks different than in a meltdown - I get laser focus, confidence and go and feel like a bulldozer, lol. Of course they can show up together and it's easier to get triggered while being overwhelmed.
But I can have a hard time differentiating shutdowns. Sometimes it's hard to tell if I'm ignoring or not hearing some emotions or if there were too many spoons in my bucket and I just need to recharge.
So, based on my experience I think 'pure' meltdowns and shutdowns exist. Also how I experience it may be very different than how it is for you and for others, but I hope it helped a little
I agree! I also have a PTSD dx so sometimes I get big imposter syndrome when I can’t identify why I’m feeling or reacting the way I am. I start telling myself I’m just difficult or need to “grow up” and start doubting myself and my diagnoses because I can’t articulate why I feel the way I do.
I’ve noticed that many women are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder or bipolar when it’s actually ASD, C-PTSD, and ADHD. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I saw doctors to see if I had borderline or bipolar and I didn’t fit the criteria. Then I learned about C-PTSD from a psychiatrist. Years later I was diagnosed with ADHD, and the medication lowers my depression and anxiety, so I know those two diagnosis were just related to ADHD. I am now awaiting an assessment for ASD, because the ADHD meds made those symptoms much more pronounced. i feel that there are a lot of women like me out there who were misdiagnosed and dismissed so we didn’t get the help and the meds we needed. Now I’m only mentioning women because I’m a woman and also because research was only ever done on little boys so women with autism are massively underrepresented in medical literature
Intro (what is auDHD?)
(0:00 - 1:47)
Autistic traits
(1:47 - 12:13)
1:47 - Hyper/hyposensitivity
3:20 - Alexithymia
3:48 - Emotional dysregulation
4:56 - Black + White thinking
5:28 - Stimming
6:08 - Meltdowns
8:28 - Shutdowns
9:28 - Special interests
Signs of ADHD
(12:13 - 18:48)
12:13 - No input filter
13:21 - Rejection Sensitivity
14:09 - Boredom
14:42 - Emotional dysregulation
15:28 - hyperfocus
16:00 - difficulty starting, finishing and switching tasks
16:50 - Misperception of time
17:40 - Fidgeting/internal restlessness
AuDHD traits/signs
(18:48 - 22:49)
18:48 - Emotional dysregulation
19:32 - Inconsistent sleep needs
20:21 - Narrow window of tolerance
21:04 - Self medicating
21:50 - Compensatory behaviours + masking
Outro
(22:49 - 23:18)
omggg thank you so much almost had to leave cause this wasn't apparent
Definitely seeing a pattern here. I so have special interests, but only until my adhd gets bored and finds somthing new to hyperfocus on. The Special special interests I will get back to at some point. I forget to eat for long periods of time then get hangry and have no idea why. I can feel.the breeze of a person coming into a room and miss Ive cut myself and I'm bleeding.
I'm backwards of that 🤔 I think. I have a million little special interests that I refuse to let myself pursue because I desperately want to dive completely into them, but I know that I don't currently have the time, energy, money, and or space to properly pursue any of them. This is literally why I never went to college, I wanted to major in almost everything, I actually had a list over two pages long of all the things that I wanted to major in, but I didn't know what to do with that, and it took me years to narrow that down to where I would actually be capable of picking just 1 or 2 things from that list, but by then I had realized that I would probably never be able to adhere to the structure/rules/routines/deadlines of college considering that I barely managed to graduate from a charter high school after 5 years of driving all the faculty insane by taking all their routines and tying them in knots, ignoring most all their deadlines, doing my best to get away with taking more electives than core classes, and doing 2 years of summer school just to catch up.
I can't tell the difference between feeling hungry, feeling full, having a stomach ache, having a bad gas bubble, and tying my guts in knots from stress, but without even trying I can easily (and sometimes painfully) tell the difference between subtle nuances in music (which I can't play and have not studied) that most people don't even seem to be aware exist.
@@crweirdo8961I relate to this post so much.
I flipped out once after being tormented for two weeks. I could postpone the meltdown with the idea that the situation would end after two weeks. When it didn't, I had to deal with both the continuation of the horrible situation but also losing my job if not back on time. I locked myself in the bathroom to have a complete melt down in never had before. Needless to say nobody cared for the reasons of my meltdown, and I was only shamed for having a meltdown.
All my meltdowns are internal. I can't get the image of a whole police squad throwing themselves on a man having a meltdown in his cell. He was in his cell and couldn't hurt anybody, the police was called and they came in full force on the man. I will be forever hunted by the terror of that poor man. I think it was in Belgium.
So, I always think don't give them an excuse to lock you up and throw away the key.
That is awful. A lot of pressure for you. I hope you find your release valves and are able to diffuse your tensions more frequently, with less intensity and less build up. Internal meltdowns even when we look blank and super calm, are no fun.
@@Plethorality Thank you very much for your kindness.
Yes, internal meltdowns run havoc on both your mental and physical health. Unfortunately, you are only treated for external symptoms. If you suffer in silence and don't bother anybody that means you are fine.
I am doing much better mentally since I got rid off all the toxic people in my life but physically the damage is done.
I am not saying this to complain even thou I have the right to.
I am saying this to warn people. Physical and mental health bounce off each other. You ignore one it will run havoc on the other
Man is it ever nice to have the WORDS for everything that ive been experiencing in my 37 years of life 😭😭😭
The black and white thinking - Can that look like Very frustrated and anxious about something ambiguous but being okay with the thing being ambiguous once we're able to determine it's a genuinely ambiguous thing and not just that we don't understand the thing? Cause like, I Really hate ambiguity unless I'm sure the thing belongs in the 'ambiguity box'. And the ambiguity box is usually acceptable to me though I do still often feel the urge to poke at things in it to try to figure them out 😅
I can't believe.... That made total sense to me. I agree and I recognize that relief you feel when you confirm the nature of it's unconfirmability.
yesss
@@DancingCurrently Right??? xD
This makes so much sense it hurts🤦♂️
THAT is so accurate!
❤ This is one of the best videos, if not THE best video on the topic I have seen so far, so thank you!
Found out that I am AuDHD at age 48, in research mode for 2 years now. Got my ADHD diagnosis age 49, trying ADHD meds for the first time at 50, still waiting on autism assessment (2 year waiting list). Many struggles throughout my life, many other diagnosis, nothing ever helped … Still on my journey to find out how to improve the quality of my life. And of my AuDHD kid!
AuDHD here and new sub. Thank you soooo much for your thoughts on addiction. Sober now, but alcohol was my crutch when I needed it and I might not be here without it.
It made me feel like a normal person for a long time. It really makes me wonder how many undiagnosed are out there masking all day and going home and drinking themselves to sleep...
I got ADHD from my Mom and autism from my Dad, meaning that I am a bundle of pure insanity! Also, I related to all of these traits you mentioned, so I'll say for sure that this video was very helpful! (Or at least, I THINK it was, I didn't pay attention to a few points, but I tried to) Thank you very much for teaching people about auDHD, you're making the world a better place! I wanted to give you more compliments, but my brain completely blanked out and it got so full that it's empty, or it's so empty that it's full.. Help???
Hullow, fellow combo. I get it. So many thoughts come out at once, that they bottle neck and jam up, and we end up with nothing, because we had everything, including footnotes, and it all got stuck.
Is that how it was for you?
And you are not insane.
@@Plethorality Howdy! I can say for sure that what you said is VERY accurate, and thanks for saying that I'm NOT insane lol
@@Plethoralityincluding footnotes!! you get it!
Exactly! And every word wants to come out all at the same time which is impossible so you only get out a meaningless piece of an idea that ACTUALLY implies the completely WRONG thing, the more you try to clarify, the worse it gets.
You can't fix it.
Then people give this "knowing nod" that means, "Ohhhh, I see... She's f√¢×ed up in the head."
Then they politely smile and excuse themselves. Or worse, they start talking "down" to you. Even worse, men will attempt to take advantage of me, thinking I'm stupid.
I don't lack for intelligence... it's just that... I must compose my thoughts... It takes me longer to digest situations and ideas and come to a conclusion. This disrupts a normal conversation. In an attempt to just respond.... Stupid things come out of my mouth. If I didn't know me... I would think I was an idiot, too.
Damn these comments are too relatable.
I think I also got ADHD from my mom and autism from my dad, mostly just speculation at this point though as we're all undiagnosed except for my sister who is autistic.
I really like that point at the end. I like to think of masking as compensation more than hiding. I dont think it's a bad thing for me to conciously care for others' emotions in conversation. I dont think it's hiding for me to get better at socializing. I came from a place of utter inability to socialize, and now I've built the habit of smiling and making eye contact. Might seem trivial to some. Not me.
Thank you for this video. My 5-year old is AuDHD. Having watched this before I started parenting this morning made it much easier to feel compassion for him, help with his dysregulation, and stay connected.
That was helpful. I was just diagnosed with AuDHD at 53 yrs old. I like the analogy of being at war with yourself. Does feel like it. Thank you 💗
I am 37 and have masked both ADHD and TSA (AST in english, since in France we talk about "autism spectrum trouble" rather than autism) thanks to my HPI (my IQ is over 140) during all my life. I discovered all about it like one week ago. It's an outburst in my heart and my perception of past.
I know these videos aren't meant to be a real life coach, but this 23 minute video is honestly better than the entire treatment I get since age 3 and now I just turned 15.
Oh my god, your explanation of "internal Meltdown" was something I was looking for online, because I am self-identified AuDHD ( ADHD got diagnosed but doesnt explain everything) and I wasn't sure if I could count this extremely terrible internal experience as a Meltdown or if it is maybe something else, but this was so spot on - exactly my problem for my whole life, thank you for that, now I feel less confused and even more sure about getting an ASD diagnosis.
AuDHD sounds so right. Before I thought I had mild autism but it never really fit 100%. Adhd as well. But then my psychiatrist diagnosed me with adhd and it made so much sense. But now, audhd makes perfect sense to me!!
When you have auDHD it can be hard to remember which symptoms come from where 😅
🤣
The way my face lit up when you said you rub your nail on your lip cuz they’re so smooth… I feel so seen 😅
That stimulation window piece spoke the most to me! It's one of the prominent factors of employment satisfaction and retention.
You’re great! Thanks for this! I was diagnosed with adhd at 30. My daughter is autistic, but only now through social media and my psych had I come across this. Your description of the combination audhd is spot on! I sent this to my family and said I’d like to introduce myself haha! Thanks for your work x
I’m so happy I found this channel! Sometimes the algo gets it right. Your train metaphor is so spot on. Anyway, I love your energy and personality. Thanks for being an ally and creator of this quality content. ❤
Edit: You’re the only one I’ve heard so far talk about substance use/abuse that way. Your kindness makes me want to cry out of sheer gratitude.
I find it incredibly difficult to express myself so I will keep this short… I just want to say your videos are transforming my life one video at a time. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD for over 10 years and recently have begun to suspect I’m on the autism spectrum after years of trauma therapy and DBT have done pretty much nothing for me. I feel lost every day. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us. The best life advice, in my experience, comes from fellow neurodivergent folks. Anyway, cheers & many thanks for the significant work you do for our community! 💖
@@mimithecat4648 thank you so so much for this kind comment!
I'm so glad I found this my daughter has both diagnoses and I've understood more from this video then all the books and pages of information I've been shown. Thank you so much.
I’m legally blind and had never heard of people not using the term “time blindness”, I wonder if some people feel the same about face blindness. I’ll still be using them because they make sense to NT people but yea
Diagnosed ADHD. Self-diagnosed Autism (I have taken every accredited test and fall within the 90-99% likelihood). This video is one of the most comforting and relatable videos describing Audhd I’ve seen. What a gem 💎 I wish I could find a therapist or friend like you! Thank you!
I'm so so so glad I could be comforting! I'm not a therapist, but I am a life coach, and if you're ever interested in working together, I've got slots available (: Just book a Discovery Call or DM me on IG (@theneurocuriosityclub) Self-diagnosis always welcome!
I got my ADHD diagnosis 3 days ago with a strong suspicion of ASD (an earlier assessment that requires further intervention scored me way past what is considered the “normal” baseline for ASD). Currently on the waiting list for an ASD diagnosis. Thus video in particular really makes me feel seen. I’m F53 years and I wish I had gotten this as far as I am today decades ago.
That's the best description of masking I've heard. ❤
Autism/adhd and empath, the empath part makes certain things extremely hard. Peoples emotions and energy radiate through me and can cause chaos in my head in certain places. The one place i can be where i feel as 1 is hiking through the woods because of all the stimulation all at once. It gives me a euphoric feeling when i am there. My "BLAH" days are explained well here, i don't know how i feel at allllllll!! It can go for days sometimes and i am very unproductive but i will listen to music and stim. Learning more every day, thank you!! I could feel your emotions when you were saying how much it hurts!! I cried👍😎👻🤪🌶♾️
I am definitely AuDHD. And I’m in an existential crisis at the moment. And it sucks. And it is exhausting. Thank you for this video. You explained me to a T. The internalized meltdowns hit home. I’ve been doing that my entire life because you get in trouble if you “act out”. And I have BIG emotions. And I mask so much I don’t know who I am. I’m 50. Got the ADHD diagnosis a year ago. Waiting for the autism diagnosis.
I'm 41 and just now discovering that I could be auDHD. So so much of my life I spent thinking I was broken/ feeling other/ masking.. you name it. Thank you for making this video.
This made me feel seen so much!! I relate a lot. Sorry if this is going to be long…
I had my diagnosis last week (an almost 5 hour session) and the psychologist was pretty sure I have ADHD but not sure about autism because, hold and behold, I quote his words “autistic people don’t care about making friends” (I would love to have more friends to hang out with my same interests but it’s SO hard socialising and maintaining friends) and “autistic people live in their own world, not really aware of the outside world”… he also took the DSM-5 book and literally started reading symptoms in children and saying that they don’t really apply to me. Okay sure, but I also forgot to tell him a lot of things that went on in my childhood and current situation and I’m so frustrated and confused. It’s funny because what made my whole 27 years of my life make sense was a specific video about autism (mind you, I did 2-3 months of INTENSE research beforehand). I’ve had a depersonalisation episode and I’m having frequent shutdowns, really struggling here… :/ in the end, I feel like an imposter 🥲
Yep....I'm 52, and I am an AuDHDer; bipolar/mood and anxiety disorder; OCD and C-PTSD. I was raised by a COVERT NARCISSTIC "mother". Everything you said is me 100%
Omg I'm currently getting a diagnosis and all of these are being concerned and I had a narcissistic father... is that coincidence
This is such a great video. I am both. Im doing pretty good in life. Ive worked hard to help myself learn about who i am. At 57, im loving life! Im not just existing, im living! ❤️
Oh my goodness. I am 57 and have always felt different. My eldest son has autism, my youngest ADHD. In the past year, it’s become increasingly evident that I am also neurodivergent. First, I seemed to have so many “symptoms” of autism, but not all. Then, I stumbled across a video about ADHD that, for the first time, questioned whether I was actually ADHD. I’d never considered it because I have good time management and I am well organised. I am not diagnosed, it’s unlikely I will ever seek a diagnosis, but it feels like AuDHD is a good explanation for the complicated person I am, and why my life is (and always has been) very challenging at times. You have the most beautiful way of explaining things and a manner that is calming and soothing. I rarely subscribe, especially to things like this, but I have a feeling you are going to help me on my journey. Thank you.
First of all, I loved your video and your style. Brava on the whole thing, I get the amount of work that is. I was happy to be educated and to see more resources for AuDHD folk.
I never had help like this when I was growing up, so by necessity, have had to be masked my entire life. I would have been killed or maimed if I hadn’t.
I wish you had covered the reason WHY people mask, being the and very real and many-times experienced danger of living as ourselves in a heavily mundane-normative and punitive world. It’s important to address how our true selves are Othered, Penalized, Incarcerated and Killed on a regular basis, due to prejudice against neurodiverse folx in the mainstram.
Plus the soul-deep damage that masking does to us. I keep uncovering layers even after decades of work on myself. We all do.
It’s not only not easy to unmask, many of us who value our lives *can’t* unmask.
Some may live in a safe bubble, but that does not speak to the experience of the masses of neurodiverse folx in the world.
I am a 64 year old psychologist with a 35 year practice in helping victims of such violence deal with their trauma.
I am also AuDHD & cPTSD (a video on this tripe-threat diagnosis would be great) from birth with no meds, help or anything but Othering, Minimizing and Silencing. Plus a lot of violence done to me without my will, which nearly all women with the AuDHD codiagnosis experience.
That kind of trauma takes a lot of work to recover from, and that’s who I’ve worked with in my career. Every single one of us would love to see more on the psychological nuances of these issues. You do good work. Thanks!
honestly i've been loking for this kind of video for so long. i know now that i'm audhd but at the time when i wasn't sure and looked for more information, only a few videos have been as helpful as this one could've been to my doubtful self.
the no input filter is so real!! It makes me feel like a bad friend because it's really difficult for me to fully process what someone is saying when there are other noises/conversations happening around me. I get really worried people think I don't care about them when I can't remember things they tell me about themselves. It's really embarrassing
Thank you so much.
I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and my psychiatrist really thinks I'm autistic too. I see so much of myself in your video. I'm still at the stage where I cry thinking about all those years when I felt different but everyone accepted me anyway. All those years when I never really felt like I belonged in a group.
Your video really helped me! Thanks again for this.
I really think I am both. I feel so stuck because I need help to move forward, but I need money to be able to get the help I need… but if I could maintain a job and function I feel like I wouldn’t need the help. It’s so hard, and I just don’t know what to do. >.< So I’m making do with what I have. It just so often feels like a losing battle. Thank you for the video.
I was denied Disability in the US multiple times despite having both documented mental health and physical health issues for years that made finding and retaining employment very difficult. When I went through the hearings, all they would ask would be about my physical disabilities (which are important yes). They never ONCE asked me about or talked about how my mental health issues made functioning like everyone expects difficult. At the time I was misdiagnosed in a few areas and only recently diagnosed ADHD (among some other things). I am Autistic too but going through the process of getting diagnosed. I somehow suspect it is difficult for many Autistic people (and ADHD) to get help as well when they try because our society sees it as "high functioning" (as if your issues aren't enough to warrant attention and support) and basically says "deal with it." When in reality you need help to deal with it, which is the point.
YES! Someone else who rubs their fingernails on their lips!
I usually stroke one of my thumbnails on my cupids bow, it just fits so perfectly and feels so calming 😌
Psychology is my special interest or recurring hyperfocus mainly because I had the feeling something is wrong with me since I'm a teenager (maybe it's ADHD, mabye autism or maybe AuDHD or something different entirely - still haven't figured it out completely)
I literally could have made this comment because everything you said describes me
me too!
@@leakrr 2 months later and I'm still wondering what is wrong with me
My life is just a tangled ball of contradictions really.
Realised today that apparently, my stream of thoughts is different from that of others
@@leakrr yay to us🥂
@@ThenameisBlessing sameeee here
auDHD might be why i love hiking so much: a perfect routine, with a perfectly organized pack of all my beloved items, each in their special pocket with their special technical uses.... and with all of this set organisation and reassureance that i have everything i need to cope... I go outside and explore ther chaos of nature with new sights and sounds every day.
Thank you, i was just diagnosed with autism and adhd combined
I am new to AuDHD following an autism diagnosis 3 years ago. This feels much more like me and for years I could never explain the conflict to people. I felt like a walking contradiction in everything that I would do and it would change from moment to moment. This is brilliant in trying to explain AuDHD to people.
It's a fantastic video, so true and so important to be talked about. I appreciated you included the contradictions of having both, compensations from each and why it's so challenging to have diagnosed both at once if the doctor is not applying a holistic view. Well, it all is so important, even if it doesn't change the hard time in life having both, cos is easy to see how it looks and feels incoherent to deal with the traces of ADHD and Autism combined.
I just subscribed, I’m definitely looking to more content 😊 it is so wonderful to feel understood
I have a question. So criterion C and D for autism spectrum disorder say that symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not be fully manifest until life demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked in later life through compensatory strategies), and that they must cause clinically significant impairment in at least one area of life. This is REALLY hard for me to understand. Because I did have autistic traits in early childhood, but they didn't really cause me issues and when they did it was a lot more of an occasional thing. Now that I am older they are starting to cause more problems especially since I am almost an adult. I get overstimulated A LOT more often than I did when I was young, and ever since developing a lot more social anxiety (because I was an outgoing kid but was seen as weird and was being bullied/ CONSISTENTLY rejected because of my autistic traits like special interests and social behaviors in elementary school) the social deficits are becoming more obvious. But because they weren't as strongly present in childhood I don't know if I fit criterion C. since it was a more occasional thing that got worse as I got older. What confuses me about criterion D. is that I don't understand when something is clinically significant. I don't understand any sort of threshold between "normal" and "abnormal" especially when it comes to struggles. I do have issues almost daily (somedays being a lot worse and somedays where I have none), but I can't tell if they are strong enough issues in daily life to constitute autism, since at the end of the day autism spectrum disorder is a disability. Are you able to explain these more in-depth? This is the main thing hindering my understanding of myself and my suspected autism (not fully self-diagnosed since I don't understand those 2 criterion).
Now that you mention it, special interest can be a bit of an issue for some of us as it's not like I'm actually interested in most of that stuff, it just gets in my head and is incredibly uncomfortable to the point of having a breakdown as I continue to binge on whatever information. And, each time it happens with a new area, it just gets faster and faster.
Hi, this was quite enlightening for me. I'm 70+ years old and have struggled all my life with all the ADHD symptoms and maybe some of the spectrum stuff. I'm a retired Registered Nurse and I have learned quite a bit about both of these conditions over the years...at least the few decades of my life that they've been a thing. As a child I had behavioral issues for which I was physically punished, both at home and at school. I was also badly bullied and in those days we were expected to put up or shut up, ie fight for ourselves. So I relate strongly to when you said people with ADHD and Autism or both are sensitive to rejection and kind of expect it. I find it hard to relate to others and I second guess what I should be doing or saying. I also have Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. But I've been thinking that the FM/CFS doesn't explain all my problems. I've tried so hard for decades to get my head on straight so to speak and yet I keep failing. I have been praying for some answers and my daughter-in-law sent me the link to your video. I kept nodding my head and going uh huh, yep, yep, as you listed all the issues with these conditions. It's like you read my mind (and my body). Thank you for this video. So much.
I think a better alternate description of time blindness is lack of time awareness. Especially since it gets the point across without having to backtrack to explain whatever that last thing you said which I will never remember, no shade just being straightforward. My best way of combating this is putting the time in view everywhere it counts. I have a clock in the shower, it needs to be there otherwise I will be late. I also need to put one in view of the sink because as soon as I step outside of the shower, the current time gets left behind. I have a watch but always forget it is there and is basically useless, it would be fantastic to have something attached to my glasses!
This is my first audhd video after a confirmed diagnosis this afternoon. Woot!
Omg, congrats on your diagnosis!!!
damn this video is making me cry, Im fighting to get my AuDHD diagnosis right now and I've been reading a lot about both of those things but separate and I have the constant feeling that when it's JUST ADHD I'm missing some core things even though the rest fits like a glove, and the exact same when its JUST autism. Hearing someone talking about stuff I've always felt like emotional desregulation is so liberating, I always thought I was imature, that I was simply "wrong" and needed to try to be better (even though it led me to just pushing feelings away and having meltdowns when it became too much).
I've also been high masking since a pre-teen, and I only realized it recently. And people always say "well, if it's so tiring just unmask" as if it's that easy, you are the first person that described how hard that process is thank you
"Neurocuriosity"! What a lovely term I had never heard of before. Finally a place to visit and wonder if I'm neurodivergent without fearing I'm some sort of fraud for even being here. Thanks so much for this video. Despite this weird in imposter syndrome I have about my own neurodiversity, watching this video I am sure I am AuDHD.
Autistic inertia is what got me unexpectedly diagnosed for ASD in 2002. So, starting and stopping is a well-known autism thing. Perhaps it factors into ADHD as well, I’m not sure about that: my statement “mind without an off switch” got me towards also getting an ADHD diagnosis last year. I do not have OCD as far as I understand it, nor do I have an anxiety issue.
Also, autistics can’t filter out all our sensory inputs so as a result, I think, comes along the issue of not being able to habituate to various sensory levels things such as mobile device alerts, which led me as a huge factor into autistic burnout last year due to moving into an obnoxious open office environment with a lot of talking as well as mobile devices with alerts at MAX VOLUME which the owners drowned out but set off my fight-or-flight response all the time.
And yes, I do have auditory processing disorder, and that sucks in that environment so bad.
Very good presentation on auDHD. At almost 50, I feel very strongly that this is my issue lol. It all checks out.
Thanks a lot for your video, my journey in self discovery has reached a new milestone today thanks to you. Today I discovered I also have ADHD from this video. I already knew I have autism from a year ago but still something was a little off.
Very well packed of information, I can totally relate to pretty much everything as I was experiencing it as you were going lol. Same as some videos I saw a year ago about autism symptoms....felt like an easy checklist of everything XD happening in realtime.
This week I started the suspicion there was something besides autism, which I found after some 10 years of a painfully "not from this planet/lonely" soul-searching experience. Today my mind finally made it to search for both conditions combined and this video says all I needed. I even found more new symptoms from ADHD I thought were quirks of mine (for example, the thing about not knowing which emotion you have. As a kid, I called it "I'm having the chocolate" which is how I explained by brother and parents a strong emotion that I couldn't describe).
Fun fact:
I just turned 38. I remember being 37 and since Im aware of the cyclic nature of things, I found it interesting 37 is a prime so there is no frequency/cycles which generate it, meaning, 37 is a cycle by itself. I knew it was an interesting year in my life and boom, 2 months after my birthday I figure I'm autistic, which is the single most important piece of a puzzle in my life. I even love the puzzle symbol for the condition (tho some people dislike it) because for me personally it was like making sense of various pieces in my life that didn't make sense and know I was able to connect them. Later on, I started seeing videos about the number 37 (like Veritasium's) which is odd since its not like I was typing 37 anywhere (the idea that it was an important year was only in mind never really wrote it or searched it) and besides those videos were uploaded at that time (so it wasn't the algorithm giving me an old video, it was the video happening as I was 37!!!). I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but its a fun fact how 37 really came to be an important cycle in my life.
Thank you. This video is describes much of what i knew about myself with all of my issues that came to a head in my early 20s. I can share this with people im close to, so that they can understand me. Especially since im so organized (its a coping mechanism to my ADHD)
ti LOVE how you explain masking - i was struggling to word why it isn't as simple as an on/off switch for me, where i'm aware of a "mask" that isn't me, it's more like i look down at the tower of blocks that are and aren't me and i have to carefully jenga it apart to avoid losing my sense of myself
i was shocked when you mentioned the rubbing your finger nail across your lip bc i’ve never heard of anyone else doing it and i’ve been doing it for as long as i can remember. i am currently just getting into trying to get evaluated but have started to realize all these little quirks or personal struggles i have daily all sound like autism and just now addressing that!
OMG, I'm not alone!!!! Hello fellow nail-lip person! And good luck with the evaluation process, I hope it brings you everything you're looking for
WOW! This is the best explanation of AuDHD I've come across! So helpful. Thanks so much for sharing this!
I was diagnosed with autism in January 2023 and was then diagnosed with ADHD in December 2023. At the age of 50/51. I've never known who I was/am, so it's been a nightmare. I have tried medication (concerta), but it made my feel like i was medically masking.
You described my ADHD traits SO WELL ❤ I’m going to share this with the people that are close to me for sure so they understand it better!
I like the term "resource roundup". I've been doing this for myself, friends, and clients and didn't have a name for it. Thanks!
I often tell people that I have two sleep modes: Sleep is for the week, and I sleep for a week. :)
time is like a river and you never know how fast it's falling until you're in the river
This is such a good video, thank you! I feel so seen! The explanations of the quest for the Goldilocks "just right" and the redefining of "masking" are both so YES.
I was diagnosed last year with both ADHD and autistic spectrum disorder, aged 64. I so much hope that I had been diagnosed earlier. I have had so many problems. To name one, I had meltdowns, just as you described them, and I did not understand what was going on, and my family was also at loss, because usually I was not like that. I had alexithymia. I was like blindfolded in my social relations. I hated noise and crowds and scratching clothes and changes. I was extremely absent-minded and chaotic. My moods changed very quickly and I was mystified: what is the matter? I had to learn to start tasks and complete them and it was hard. I was clumsy and hit myself to things so that I was always bruised. I had difficulties sleeping because my mind was so active. Etc etc. If only somebody had come and said: no, you are not a freak, you are not lazy, cold, overemotional, bad and mad, but your brain just works differently.
So I recently for lack of a better word stepped out of the matrix two weeks ago. within that amount of time I went through the 12 step grieving process and finally realized that this is ME.
I honestly thought I was losing my mind now I almost feel like an expert that could write an entire book and or thesis about this. One of my special interest is the observation of people and caring so much about others.
I would love to do some work and research around this, but of course I need take time to allow myself to process the last few weeks. Honestly I’m excited to finally see the motivation to eventually get my PHD. Yay me but I will do my best to not try to obtain the knowledge too fast.
Just because I can do something does not mean that I should 🤦🏾♀️
Diagnosis pending, but I think I am auDHD. I just want to go back to what was said about meltdowns, because I really like the way you described them: a response to a lack of control.
For that looks like an intense panic attack, and I often times just leave the environment/situation because I am not able to deal with it otherwise. The problem with that is that I don’t have a plan when I leave and no one knows where I go (how could I tell them if I myself don’t know? I also go into verbal shutdowns, so communications is already more difficult at these times). And the older I get, the need to just blank out and leave is getting more frequent, and I can’t go a single day without being overwhelmed and melting down. It’s so exhausting and painful! I don’t have a place to go either; nowhere is safe for me, and it’s so scary.
Whenever I go into a meltdown, I feel trapped. That’s how I always describe it. I feel trapped in that loss of control and it’s terrifying and painful and it feels like I will never be able to recover from that moment, and I can’t move. It’s restricting me - my thoughts, my feelings, my senses - and it’s so debilitating! That’s why I think ‘trapped’ is a great description, and also explains why I run away; because I feel the instinctual feeling of needed to escape. One cool thing about humans is that you put someone in a room and lock the door, tell them that you will come back to unlock it in [two] hours, after a while they will try to escape. That’s how it feels. I don’t think about it, it just happens and I leave. Maybe someone can relate??
I also want to touch on sleep, because I wonder if sensory issues are another big thing to why autistic and auDHD people might struggle with sleep. Me personally, I have been up since 3am (it’s 5:14 now) on the living room couch, even though I have a bed in my room. But I can’t sleep on it because it’s too overwhelming. I have a roommate who sleeps in the same room as me whose bed is really creaky, and it will always send me into a meltdown. Every. Single. Night. I do feel the need to sleep more, but when even the smallest turn of his head is too overwhelming, I cannot sleep. It’s also really hot in my room. So I sleep on the couch instead.
I also just sleep throughout the day. I’ll get home from work and not be able to not fall asleep, which is where I think that ‘autistics need more sleep’ comes into play. Having meltdowns everyday is so exhausting!
Sorry if this was long(?), but just some things I related to and wanted to see if others did too. I loved the video and your channel. Thanks!
When you described the meltdowns, I finally felt understood. Thank you ❤😢
Around 7:33, I resonated with how you described your meltdowns. You mention taking medication to reduce the frequency, what kind of medication is it? I feel like I could benefit from this
I'm glad I found this video and your channel in general. I was thinking I might have one or the other for a very long time, and you explained all of that very clearly. It feels like I have 90-95% of these symptoms... Even though I can't get assessed by a medical professional right now, it gave me some peace of mind and courage to continue fighting. It's always great to realize what's actually going on and why...
Thank you.
It’s perfectly OK to self diagnose. I have an ADHD diagnosis that I got after my son was diagnosed in the early 90s.
I have suspected I was on the autism spectrum since the early 90s when I began working with students on the autism spectrum as a special education teacher.
Finally this year after many many hours of deep diving into being an adult with autism who went Without being diagnosed, I just claimed it. Affirming myself in this way has made so much of my life makes sense. It’s allowed me to forgive people who misunderstood me and responded in ways that really hurt or offended me.
One of my deans labeled me ’the queen of the outliers’ because the quirky kids and I liked to be together. Of course we did! The neurotypical folks made us uncomfortable at best and were just plain mean to us at worst.
@@eboronkay You're right! Thank you sincerely for such heartfelt response and for sharing your story. It made me feel warm and understood ❤ I often feel recognizing this helped me too in this way. Take care and have a great week!
I was diagnosed with ADHD Combined a couple of years ago. I believe I also have the symptoms of Autism & DCD. Watching in 🇬🇧
15:15 “if we’re not feeling it in the moment, it feels like we never have felt it and we never will feel it.”
Aaaaannd THIS is is why I spent most of my adulthood with addiction (well I am still an addict, but no longer doth I partake)- how did I only just now learn that i am on the spectrum lol
I have always felt like, just based on the way everyone in the world around me reacts to things, that I must feel things much deep than everyone else. Like how can you not wanna see every injustice overturned when any moment you spend thinking about it is just filling you with righteous fury towards evildoers! lol
Our family has one member with aspergers with associated learning disorders, with the cusp of Add + Adhd, with perverse language disorders, development delay and the list goes on and on and on the different disabilities, disorders, you need to be prepared to learn, and you need an enormous amount of patience. How it is for us, when one is functioning, the others are not. When the others are functioning the autism is not. It goes into rest, silent, dormat mode for a time so it goes from one to another, without warning. Plus the long list we have had to deal with that is beyond challenging for all including the medical and specialists and all the other fields, such as education that have had to deal with it. We got there and stil getting there. Yes we go through what you go through. Its about having emotional intelligence to deal with the emotional dysregulation, including the build up, its like a bomb that can go off for the whole family, but you can learn, we go through that and within a very short time, we are back in peace, quiet what we really are , we have and know how to deal with it and are experienced at it, and the member is really good at naming emotions. They don't feel emotion, but they hear it in people's voices. Even if people try and hide it, they can still hear it.
Super interesting and helpful video. Thanks. Helps us to feel less strange and alone to know there's others like us.
I'd like to hear more of your perspective on dysregulation (and self-control or lack thereof) of various aspects of our curious brains including emotions, attention, energy/motivation, tolerance/handling of demands, etc. Dysregulation seems to be a common attribute across numerous parts of the AuDHD life.
Wow! I have all the traits you've mentioned!! I self-diagnosed as Autistic and have had other Autistic confirm it, but also have had strangers ask me if I'm ADHD or Bipolar... Maybe I'm actually AuDHD? But living in Japan... there's very little support for mental health issues and getting a diagnosis online is so expensive there's no way I could afford it without winning the lottery! I love this information, thou! Thanks for gathering it together and presenting it so nicely! You're adorably cute and remind me of my bestie! I wish you all the very best! 🥰
So. I was trying to find a reasonably short but accurate description of my nerological divergence to share with my boss and I found it here. Which also opens me up to the idea that I could be spectrum autistic. Ive not been tested. But there are points that resonate strongly with me. Thank you. Subscribed.
this video is Amazing!! I just went to get assessed for ADHD today! and the psychiatrist came back with Autism and ADHD! This video makes sooo much sense. After doing so much extensive research into ADHD I kind of didn't take into consideration the Autism side of things. My experience is so much the combination of both. I am such an organised ADHD person, but if I wasn't it would feel like disaster....
Thank you for making this video, it's super helpful for me to understand the autistic side of myself
Wow, I definitely have ADD. But this is a huge eye opener for me. The meltdown makes a lot of sense to me. Then, 10 minutes later, Im good. I was told I get frustrated fast but bounce back quickly.
I like the term 'Deep Interests'! I just thought I was autistic but I have been identified as having ADHD too. Thanks for your video
Fantastic affirming video! Absolutely golden. You are amazingly gifted at explaining this crazily complicated subject. My internalized stigma just evaporated. One huge step closer to me having the strength to get my diagnoses. Thank you thank you thank you!
I was born in the early '90s and would say the '90s is close to being a special interest for me too! So I don't think it's something you necessarily need to be removed from - in fact I'm well aware the reason I am so fascinated with is specifically *because* of my experience of it. I think the time period during which we live our first decade of life occupies a very interesting space in that it's *just* out of reach to us - we experienced it but without any understanding of its greater context and without being able to form in-depth, long-lasting memories of it
Loved this you know your stuff. I got diagnosed at 26 it was blatantly obvious for years. With my background in occupational therapy you are the most knowledgeable on the topic on the TH-cam platform.
I’ve never seen or heard of anyone else doing the nails on lips thing! That’s my main stim!
@@libbygressin3082 stim buddy!
Damn good video. I’ve been diagnosed ADHD since I was 5 but explored Autism a couple years ago and was diagnosed at 34. I’ve spent the last year wondering if my diagnosis is correct or if I’m just pretending/reading into it, and wondering about a second opinion. I know people don’t believe my diagnosis, I don’t fit the stereotype. But EVERY single point in this video was a check mark. You described me… thank you.
This content helped me so much! The way that you explain things it makes so much sense in my head and it’s been so difficult to explain to other people what it feels like.
I’m going to send this video to several people so that they can hopefully get a little bit of understanding. But I’m trying my best to work on things with my drs on my own to not overwhelm my friends. Thank you for this!!
After the first two traits I became convinced that this is something I have, This really explains my life more and makes me really grateful thank you🙏
All Social Constructs..
Diversity is the key to life on earth
Idk what to say right now, but feel I must say something. All I can come up with is thank you. Thank you so much for being who you are and making this video... it's just hitting me so hard rn I don't have words, so just thank you, thank you so much ❤❤❤
When you said that adhd people don’t perceive time as a line, you had me flabbergasted because I always thought time was a circle💀