Hope and Resilience: I got out of a codependent relationship over two years ago. I finally made the choice to be happy alone, instead of with someone who was wrong for me. I miss her, I miss the companionship, though it wasn't true and was mostly conditional acceptance. I'm glad I finally made the choice to break it off. Long story longer: I reached out to a local DBT therapist and fasted from 420 pleasures (going on four weeks now). I miss Mary Jane more than the ex, but am learning to face the BPD discomfort without self-medicating. Thanks Doc.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are a a gift to the world. I was diagnosed with BPD last year and I get frustrated with my set backs. I feel unlovable and like I’ll never live a healthy life. This video really inspired me to push through. I hate most TH-camrs, since they speak as if our identity is BPD. Thank you for all the wonderful work.
I am 65. I was diagnosed with BPD in the 70's. I promise recovery from the BPD is possible.The right help, hard work and faith you can have a life worth living are what you need. Good luck to anyone suffering. Never give up. You can do it. As fragile as we are, we are also strong. We are survivors. ❤❤❤
I would love to hear how your life was for you after treatment. Did you have a family of your own and if so how is your relationship with your children and spouse? Are you still in therapy? Thank tou
It feels painful everyday having to deal with extreme emotions, the difficulty of trusting others and avoidance of interaction when overthinking strikes makes it even worse. My brain just wants to give up because it makes so many enemies over the simplest word uttered, or by their actions. Too much overthinking of what others might've thought of how I irrationally reacted at one moment, repeating that moment again and again. But by being more self-aware really helps and is a good start. I'm currently going through therapy and I'm hoping I'd get properly diagnosed. My doctor said it would take much time to open up to a lot of childhood traumas and developed core beliefs. Though I already felt for a long time that I have this difficulty similar to BPD. I hope others would understand and get a clearer image of those who have this kind of disorder without any more negative judgements.
Thank you for another lovely video and for pointing out how BPD folks are very often viewed through a negative lens (by everyone, authors, strangers on the internet, even clinicians) a lens that portrays them as "monstrous" or overly dramatic. I can’t stand BPD TikTok or instagram. The influencers who act like it’s desirable or downright evil to have BPD always leaves me feeling more misunderstood and ostracized. Thanks again
His mother was diagnosed bi-polar and 2 of his sisters.. one committed suicide and the other is very emotionally traumatized. He was very manipulative and wanted to not be associated with his past would never answer questions and made up stories and acted like nothing really went on..I found out very differently very deceptive he can be to all people. Appearing someone who is very together. But is absolute chaos inside and extremely provoking and non empathy .
@@kareninman2865 I'm sorry you experienced that. There is nothing worse than an abusive marriage. He could have a co-morbid condition like NPD or even secondary psychopathy. Most of us are not like that though, and BPD is on a spectrum like Autism. I couldn't hurt a spider. I really hope you and your family are able to heal💛
@@kareninman2865but he could also have other comorbidities and not just BPD. Not all with BPD aré dangerous in that way. I have an adult daughter with it. She is not outwardly aggressive. Just towards herself. Which yes, it’s dangerous in its own ways.
@@kareninman2865 A lot of those behaviors are actually opposite of BPD behaviors. I'm sorry this happened. It sounds like that person may have something else going on.
I can finally breathe. I was avoiding a lot of other TH-camr content because it was so triggering and negative. I feel negative enough on my own and that other stuff isn't helping. Watching Dr Fox videos are helping me learn about myself and giving me tools to improve my life and the life of my family. Im a mom of 6 and I also have ADHD and the symptoms can be overwhelming at times. Im contemplating getting treatment for my adhd again but i don't know as i had issues in the past with it amplifying irritability at times. Our only son is 13 and has untreated ADHD. I asked if he would like to see what the options are these days.
I’ve been trying a non-stimulant medication for ADD. The stimulants always made me feel too intense. You might ask your doc about non-stimulant options.
Thank you so much!! From someone with BPD. What you are spreading is so helpful and always makes me want to cry. Hurting anyone or seeing someone hurt, even strangers, physically hurts me for weeks. I have NEVER wanted to hurt another person emotionally or physically. I have never even been able to want to seek revenge on someone who has hurt me. No one has ever believed that though, because caring about other people that much (more than myself) is impossible and a lie, so no one can put themselves in my shoes and see my perception. And because they can't see my perception, I am lying. I have hidden myself away in my room for the last 10 years, because everyone else matters more than i do and Im simply a wrench in their chain that makes them uncomfortable.
Dr Fox is very honest about the ability to successfully treat BPD over time. As an active psychiatric patient with BPD, coupled with c-ptsd, chronic (unresponsive to therapy), depression, and anxiety, I have made HUGE strides in my fight with BPD Using a group DBT, Dr,Ford's published workbook and card deck ( which I use daily during periods of stress in the related topic field). What I'm saying is, there is hope. You are not alone. The pervasive emptiness is still there some days, but SO MUCH LESS and not as bad. Dr. Ford, I wish I lived closer, I'd love to meet you sometime, to thank you in person. ❤😊
Thank you for this video, Dr. Fox. Having an assertive advocate in you is very encouraging, and what people with BPD really need. Your videos go a long way in helping those like me who have BPD, and I'd like to think that videos like this one would also go a long way in getting rid of the fog that people around us have in front of them - regarding this disorder.
I've been trying to help my girlfriend, and these videos are amazing. Seriously, thank you. I've gotten the wow you are the only person who understands me, and I'm trying my best, but these videos are like a meditation and remind me of the patience it's going to take.
I wish there was more doctors like this not trying to drug you up to prolong and continue having the same problems. But getting to the root of them to began resolving them naturally. So thankful to have seen this video. Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox.
Yes I get that core content hits bad. Then it turns to burn in chest rage and it happens at the speed of light. And yes we struggle on the daily especially at work. It’s exhausting.
God bless you, dr. Fox, you are the only therapist that really umderstands BPD and goves real resolutions.I have bought your books, so far your videos are the only thing that really helped anf give insight!❤
This is such a great channel, you've come to a safe place 💞 I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago. Since then, I got out of an abusive relationship, Stopped SH and addiction, I have held down a job for 3 years so far, I workout consistently, I have more confidence within myself. I got better by being vulnerable with 1 person close to me, therapy (lots of it), self care activities everyday (even if I didn't feel like it), positive self talk and learning as much as I could about bpd. Regardless of what stage your are at in your journey just know that you have totally got this and you are stronger than you think, go at your own pace and forgive yourself for your mistakes 💖
I also think the main communication issue between ppl with BPD and others have is, that ppl with BPD hate themselves and other people have never experienced that, so they cant possibly understand (or believe when we tell them) what we are saying, what we are meaning, or why.
Never is a strong word. (DBT helps us recognize that).There are people without BPD that have had times of really hating themselves. So many others it may be “sometimes” and for those with BPD it can feel more towards “all of the time.”I am very down on myself at times /negative about myself w/o BPD. However I also realize it can feel like it’s worse than everyone else’s when one has BPD. But feeling like that and reality are not always congruent.
Hey you all, I have been diagnosed with bpd and have had a history of self sabotage and bad relationships from the beginning of my adult life. Right now after extensive therapy for the last two years, I feel like I am in control of my life and am not an observer. I am a high achieving person ( am enrolled in a double doctorate program) and feel like I can take on the future after working on my thought patterns and surrounding myself with better people. Spreading love to everybody, we got this and can aim to move towards what we want in life.
I agree with you about the data- it never sat well with me that there are "professionals" saying to just throw out individuals with challenging personality / traits... Does not mean the street warrior can tackle the therapy to that individual but the fatalistic viewpoint on persons with PD does not help a global empathy/community as a whole.
Omg! I cried watching this cause I how you explain it made me understand myself . I’ve been diagnosed with BPdin 2015 but never got any help for it and never understood it. i’ve been trying to get help for it but it’s hard to find help. I was just hospitalized three times in the last month because of self harm and attempt of suicide after my boyfriend left me feeling worthless and him basically confirming that I’m worthless by saying I’m worthless and wants nothing to do with me. Thank you, Dr. Fox because I can now understand why I do what I do in all my relationships in the past.
I'm so glad my video resonated with you. It's really important to understand ourselves better, especially in tough times. Remember, reaching out for help is a brave step, and you deserve support on your journey.
I have had so many turbulent relationships that now in my late 50’s I have come to the conclusion that I am better off not being in a romantic relationship. I have learned my triggers and know that a romantic relationship is too much for me to deal with. All the jealousy,emotional rupture,insecurity.fear , abandonment,is just to hard for me and being alone has helped me to grow and get to know myself better.
Thank you for the books and videos you’ve put out educating people on BPD. I have learned so much and truly appreciate your compassion for people that suffer with this personality disorder. I wish I’d know more about it four years ago. 🙏🙏
Ya this channel is comforting whenever I feel bad about myself because of all the channels that are made for people who ‘have to deal with us’ and the most triggering thing for me is when other councellers or therapists advise others that it’s okay to ghost and just block the ‘toxic borderline’ for overstepping boundaries and other behaviours that I’ve done out of desperation of wanting someone I was attached to to care and someone who had previously been complimenting me alot did actually ghost me a few years back for this and it was horrendous and pain ljke despair because I didn’t know if it was all my fault or he was just a jerk and I felt so worthless after.. Being told he was a great guy by people didn’t help me feel better but neither did some people placating me and saying I did nothing wrong because I knew that wasn’t true.. Oh and hearing we are too immature and not capable of loving really bothers me too 😢 I appreciate this channel Dr Fox.. Thankyou for your advocacy for the misunderstood..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's important to have a space that feels comforting and validating, especially when dealing with complex emotions. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way!
@@paulhammarstedt7115 Hugs 🫂 Yes its nice when other people can relate to how we feel and have been through similar experiences..Your feelings are valid here..
i was so scared of watching your videos because i thought u were gonna stigmatize us but youre saving my relationship, and most importantly myself. well i guess its me doing the work by choosing to watch these and apply them into my life. but still!! thank you!!!
This is why I love Dr. Fox because the stigma can be very disheartening, especially for those with a shaky sense of self. I think it's getting better though, as therapists feel more confident to treat these issues than they did back in the day. In my personal experience, 'BPD' is not something to be eradicated but something to be understood, befriended and matured. It's like a misguided friend that stepped in in the absence of a secure attachment figure, which humans need in order to develop a healthy sense of self. Why would something meant to protect me make me hate myself? Maybe it thinks that if I hate myself the most, it won't be as painful when other people hate me or reject me. That's adaptive when you're in an environment facing rejection after rejection. But I don't have to hate myself anymore because I can choose my environment and I can disengage from people that are rejecting. Don't let other people, even experts, fool you into thinking there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You are a person that has struggled to survive in the circumstances you were born into and the more you understand about yourself and your own drives, and take ownership of them, the less other people can really mess with you.
What started me on the journey was doing the Myers Briggs personality test. I ended up with a largely discussed type and found a community of people who were me..People to look up to..and to understand my core strengths. After weeks, months, and years of work I kept coming back to trauma, adhd, cpstd and bdp symptoms. But untangling what means what..making dbt more effective...understanding my family more ...diving into the 16 personality types really helped
I finally managed a stable work environment and a healthy relationship. But not through therapy. It happened, because I took action and responsibility and it is amazing how the world resonates with you, if your symptoms decrease. However I got a lot of work ahead of me, and might be similar with my eating disorder. It's never gonna go away completely, but you can manage your life with it and its presence is getting more irrelevant. Really trying to be positive here, but that's part of the process I guess ... Greetings from overseas:)
Dr.Fox, this video was great. I have been working hard to heal from BPD and you are largely to thank for that. Thank you for always championing for us. Thank you for providing necessary information to help quell doubts and inspire hope. The algorithm only showed me this video today, but it was timely. I have been in an incredibly dark place for the past few months and haven't quite been able to get the help I need to squash this issue and definitely needed to hear quite a bit of this. When you said that you cannot shame someone into doing better it really struck a cord in me. I realized that I had fallen into a pit of intense self shaming and have denied myself the ability to live a life at all out of fear of being a harmful other because of my personality disorder. Thanks again. I'm looking forward to your next one.
In order to actually participate: I have managed to cut my addictions entirely. After heavily using nicotine, alcohol, and marijuana for about 11 years I am finally sober. It was incredibly difficult to do, and it took me a very lpng time and there were a ton of slip-ups but I feel empowered to know that I was able to get through addictions that I used to punish myself all by myself. I know that I can persist and become the person I actually want to be.
This is so me. It is painful, overwhelming and utterly exhausting. I wish that these traits I have were recognized earlier in my life so I might have gotten the appropriate treatment, and wouldn't still be dealing with this at 45 years old. I know that anger and resentment are not helpful; I'm sure that the professionals I saw over the years just didn't understand it, so blaming them is pointless. It was always just chalked up to depression and anxiety. But now that I am becoming more educated about BPD, I realize that it is so much more than that. And that's why medications have only been mildly to moderately effective, depending on how stressful my life external circumstances are. I can be coasting along, but when something happens that feels bigger than my capacity to tolerate it, I crumble to the ground and feel like I will never be able to build myself back up again. I don't have the internal or external resources to bounce back. Resilience has never been a tool in my toolbox. As you say, they medication can only treat the surface content, but I am still left with my core self. I can't help but feel cheated out of what could have been a more fulfilling life. So much squandered opportunity and potential and the shame that follows. Learning about BPD is a double-edged sword of ambivalence to the extreme. I am grateful to have insight, but terrified about what this means in terms of the recovery process. I wish I could just to a hard reset of myself and my life.
I really appreciate your videos, I've been wrestling with a BPD, CPTSD, and Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobic symptoms diagnosis for about a year now. Shortly before a documentary hit Netflix about an abusive fraudulent trouble teen school I got sent to at 14 (Academy at Ivy Ridge, a big source of my issues and currently my index trauma event) called the Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping. It definitely kicked a lot of these problems into high gear, but periodically I've been watching these lessons and they often give me hope. Thank you and keep up the good work.
Thank you for all your videos it helps in the worst of times when you need some positivity.its just a shame the NHS over here really wipe there hands when you have bpd everyday is a battle but still here still the smallest of light burning
Medicine has helped me tremendously once I found the correct one for my chemistry. No more emptiness. Now I need the therapy part. I can do it without all of the anxiety and depression holding me back.
Thank you for sharing your journey! It's inspiring to see how much progress you've made. Your strength is truly commendable, and I'm here cheering you on as you take the next steps!
Have CPTSD and BPD sure feels like me also and i been getting beat up by someone with NPD and more and it hurts so much i want to go home i am so tired and over life so much pain i just want someone to love me
Unfortunately I think the 1st step is to love yourself.i have no idea how to do it as I have never managed but your still here so keep going,you can always try something new when your here but not when your not if that makes any sense
Such a helpful video! Thank you! I actually just got your book on Complex BPD on Audible last month. Just gotta start it soon, was working through a couple of other books before it. 😊
Trusting people enough to communicate honestly has been an almost insurmountable problem for me. I am seeking out people and finding people in my life with whom I can be honest with and who can actually listen and understand my core content and encourage who I am.
It's great that you're actively seeking out supportive and understanding people in your life. Building a circle of trust is important for personal growth and well-being.
Yes yes, all those things you have mentioned are great! But how to make a BPD person understand that she needs treatment (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). I told her she has BPD and needs treatment but she does NOT admit it and says "I don't have BPD, you have it. Very frustrating. So, please advise or make videos on how to make a person with BPD seek treatment? I am pretty sure almost all spouses with BPD have these challenges. So, if you can help us with this it would be a really great video!!
I'm new to your videos but have found them enlightening so far. I was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago along with serious depression. Looking back, I realize I've likely had bpd most of my life. I've struggled to find treatment in my Province , most professionals here do not even really understand bpd let alone know how to treat it. My question is, would someone be able to take your course and learn to successfully live with bpd without also working with a professional? My bpd destroys my life and I'm desperate to find a way to live with it.
I'm in the same boat. I started with a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) app on Google. You can't find free DBT stuff online by search. And lastly, I bought an audible subscription which offers DBT books. I would assume kindle monthly does as well.
I’ve been in therapy over 15 years, most recently with an LPC doing CBT and DBT. In the beginning, he gave me worksheets and “homework” to do but now our sessions are just chit chat. I’m extremely intelligent but some of the concepts of therapy seem totally alien. I likened it to learning a foreign language. I wanted someone to “translate” this for me , help walk me through it and hold me accountable. I truly want to heal! I’ll do the hard work. Unfortunately I’m feeling like a failure because it took so long to find someone to agree to go through DBT with me and he expects me to read the material, understand it and implement it into every day life. It feels so hopeless. Should I seek a psychiatrist instead of an LPC? I’ve had psychiatrists before and none were able to get me into a healing journey 😢
It sounds like you're really putting in the effort and it's completely normal to feel frustrated at times. Finding the right fit in a therapist can be challenging. It might be worth exploring different options or discussing your feelings with your current LPC to see if there's a way to adjust your sessions to better meet your needs.
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar for almost 30 years. Then a new doctor diagnosed me as BPD like 10 years ago. It’s so overwhelming. I’ve been in counseling my whole life…but I don’t know how to start fixing all of this.
That's a really important point. Access to treatment can be a huge barrier for many people, even when they're ready and motivated to seek help. It's crucial to advocate for more accessible mental health resources. Try workbooks, university counseling centers can be good options too.
Medication and drugs only treat surface issues. YOu know because when the drug wears off the symptoms resume and there are no drugs/medications for core content issues. Please be careful.
@@DrDanielFox yes i agree with you. I do not use illicit drugs, though when i was younger i did experiment with hallucinogens. The person who adjusted me as a child for several years would tell me i could never tell anyone what he was doing to me because i would be the one who got in trouble. So i kept quiet till my 20's. It was while under the influence of MDMA that i finally talked about it to my best friend. I felt like I had separated from myself, no longer the victim but witness to it all. Without the emotional attachment to hinder my memory or interrupt the process altogether I was able to finally speak about it.
Yes, I've heard this too. Because theoretically people are able to look at themselves differently when they are in a calm state of mind, so their normal feelings of self hatred or blame might not pop up in the same way when looking at their past experiences and they can gain a more compassionate or objective perspective of themselves. Worth a shot I think but for people reading it's definitely only recommended with a therapist there to support and guide the experience.
It is manipulative. HOWEVER, it's not with the intention of hurting you. We all manipulate our environment to get our needs met. There is skillful manipulation, where we take other people's feelings and needs into consideration because we have the capacity to empathise. We have mentalising skills. Then there's unskilled manipulation, which lacks empathy and mentalising skills, which makes others feel used. The main issue I find, is that emotionally immature people can't see why they have to consider other people... unfortunately this is the BPD dynamic, then you withdraw and their fears come true.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It's always refreshing to see someone articulate the nuances of empathy and manipulation so clearly. Your perspective adds a lot to the conversation!
i cant stand my self destruction, i mean well and feel im just being too honest, the world today is too soft i try to help but end up screwing myself EVERY TIME...
It sounds like you're really going through a tough time. It's important to find a balance between honesty and self-care. Remember, it's okay to take a step back and prioritize your own well-being!
Well, it seems Im the first BPD person who wanted to people to be afraid of me.. in the past… on the other side, it turned out later that i just wanted revenge… i was really raised in horrible circumstances and often beaten and abused.. well, perhaps there is something more, but diagnosis bpd was proved several times.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such difficult experiences. Healing is a journey, and your insights can help others understand the complexities of BPD.
@@DrDanielFox Hi my dear Dr. Fox. I have bought 2 of your books and I am closer to self improvement thatn ever. I want to find a support system for BPD in Greece. Can you please guide me towards some institutions or comtacts of your knowing? Thank you for everithing.
Thank you! You are amazing! I've never heard anyone explain or understand BPD and literally know how I feel and what it's like on a daily basis. It's refreshing to know that I'm not the bad guy this is not a choice it's not that simple , "WE " wish we weren't ❤❤❤built this way if I could rub a belly or snap fingers or get on my magic carpet tomorrow and be "normal" absolutely in a heartheat ! Miracles don't happen overnight but these videos help so thank you! .... Appreciate you! 🙏❤️🩹
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In 20 years of therapy it's the first time I see a psychologist explain my condition so well.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
RIGHT!!!!! its like at least someone gets it!!!! just wish i could afford him lol
Hope and Resilience: I got out of a codependent relationship over two years ago. I finally made the choice to be happy alone, instead of with someone who was wrong for me. I miss her, I miss the companionship, though it wasn't true and was mostly conditional acceptance. I'm glad I finally made the choice to break it off. Long story longer: I reached out to a local DBT therapist and fasted from 420 pleasures (going on four weeks now). I miss Mary Jane more than the ex, but am learning to face the BPD discomfort without self-medicating. Thanks Doc.
Dr Fox is a gift.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you are a a gift to the world. I was diagnosed with BPD last year and I get frustrated with my set backs. I feel unlovable and like I’ll never live a healthy life. This video really inspired me to push through. I hate most TH-camrs, since they speak as if our identity is BPD. Thank you for all the wonderful work.
This is so encouraging. Thank u
Best overall bpd video yet!!!!
I am 65. I was diagnosed with BPD in the 70's. I promise recovery from the BPD is possible.The right help, hard work and faith you can have a life worth living are what you need. Good luck to anyone suffering. Never give up. You can do it. As fragile as we are, we are also strong. We are survivors. ❤❤❤
Thank u 💕🙏💕🙏
I would love to hear how your life was for you after treatment. Did you have a family of your own and if so how is your relationship with your children and spouse? Are you still in therapy? Thank tou
When did it get better for you. I feel so bad I am 38 and my bpd is bad again after 19 years because I have a favorite person
It feels painful everyday having to deal with extreme emotions, the difficulty of trusting others and avoidance of interaction when overthinking strikes makes it even worse. My brain just wants to give up because it makes so many enemies over the simplest word uttered, or by their actions. Too much overthinking of what others might've thought of how I irrationally reacted at one moment, repeating that moment again and again. But by being more self-aware really helps and is a good start. I'm currently going through therapy and I'm hoping I'd get properly diagnosed. My doctor said it would take much time to open up to a lot of childhood traumas and developed core beliefs. Though I already felt for a long time that I have this difficulty similar to BPD. I hope others would understand and get a clearer image of those who have this kind of disorder without any more negative judgements.
Thank you for another lovely video and for pointing out how BPD folks are very often viewed through a negative lens (by everyone, authors, strangers on the internet, even clinicians) a lens that portrays them as "monstrous" or overly dramatic. I can’t stand BPD TikTok or instagram. The influencers who act like it’s desirable or downright evil to have BPD always leaves me feeling more misunderstood and ostracized. Thanks again
My husband has this so severely..he is very dangerous and emotionally volitile.
His mother was diagnosed bi-polar and 2 of his sisters.. one committed suicide and the other is very emotionally traumatized. He was very manipulative and wanted to not be associated with his past would never answer questions and made up stories and acted like nothing really went on..I found out very differently very deceptive he can be to all people. Appearing someone who is very together. But is absolute chaos inside and extremely provoking and non empathy .
@@kareninman2865 I'm sorry you experienced that. There is nothing worse than an abusive marriage. He could have a co-morbid condition like NPD or even secondary psychopathy. Most of us are not like that though, and BPD is on a spectrum like Autism. I couldn't hurt a spider. I really hope you and your family are able to heal💛
@@kareninman2865but he could also have other comorbidities and not just BPD. Not all with BPD aré dangerous in that way. I have an adult daughter with it. She is not outwardly aggressive. Just towards herself. Which yes, it’s dangerous in its own ways.
@@kareninman2865 A lot of those behaviors are actually opposite of BPD behaviors. I'm sorry this happened. It sounds like that person may have something else going on.
I can finally breathe. I was avoiding a lot of other TH-camr content because it was so triggering and negative. I feel negative enough on my own and that other stuff isn't helping.
Watching Dr Fox videos are helping me learn about myself and giving me tools to improve my life and the life of my family.
Im a mom of 6 and I also have ADHD and the symptoms can be overwhelming at times. Im contemplating getting treatment for my adhd again but i don't know as i had issues in the past with it amplifying irritability at times.
Our only son is 13 and has untreated ADHD. I asked if he would like to see what the options are these days.
I’ve been trying a non-stimulant medication for ADD. The stimulants always made me feel too intense. You might ask your doc about non-stimulant options.
I always appreciate your nuanced and compassionate expertise.
Definitely thank God for Dr. Fox
Thank you so much!! From someone with BPD. What you are spreading is so helpful and always makes me want to cry. Hurting anyone or seeing someone hurt, even strangers, physically hurts me for weeks. I have NEVER wanted to hurt another person emotionally or physically. I have never even been able to want to seek revenge on someone who has hurt me. No one has ever believed that though, because caring about other people that much (more than myself) is impossible and a lie, so no one can put themselves in my shoes and see my perception. And because they can't see my perception, I am lying. I have hidden myself away in my room for the last 10 years, because everyone else matters more than i do and Im simply a wrench in their chain that makes them uncomfortable.
Dr Fox is very honest about the ability to successfully treat BPD over time. As an active psychiatric patient with BPD, coupled with c-ptsd, chronic (unresponsive to therapy), depression, and anxiety, I have made HUGE strides in my fight with BPD Using a group DBT, Dr,Ford's published workbook and card deck ( which I use daily during periods of stress in the related topic field).
What I'm saying is, there is hope. You are not alone. The pervasive emptiness is still there some days, but SO MUCH LESS and not as bad.
Dr. Ford, I wish I lived closer, I'd love to meet you sometime, to thank you in person. ❤😊
It's amazing to hear about your progress! Keep up the great work!
Thank you for this video, Dr. Fox. Having an assertive advocate in you is very encouraging, and what people with BPD really need. Your videos go a long way in helping those like me who have BPD, and I'd like to think that videos like this one would also go a long way in getting rid of the fog that people around us have in front of them - regarding this disorder.
I've been trying to help my girlfriend, and these videos are amazing. Seriously, thank you. I've gotten the wow you are the only person who understands me, and I'm trying my best, but these videos are like a meditation and remind me of the patience it's going to take.
I’m so glad that they’re helpful. Be well.
Thank you for understanding her and helping her. There isn't many like you. I have someone who understands me. We appreciate it more than you know.
I wish there was more doctors like this not trying to drug you up to prolong and continue having the same problems. But getting to the root of them to began resolving them naturally. So thankful to have seen this video. Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox.
Yes I get that core content hits bad. Then it turns to burn in chest rage and it happens at the speed of light. And yes we struggle on the daily especially at work. It’s exhausting.
You are inspirational and encouraging...please never stop helping those who have bpd...
God bless you, dr. Fox, you are the only therapist that really umderstands BPD and goves real resolutions.I have bought your books, so far your videos are the only thing that really helped anf give insight!❤
Thank you for your kind words, I'm glad my videos and books have been helpful to you!
This is such a great channel, you've come to a safe place 💞
I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago. Since then, I got out of an abusive relationship, Stopped SH and addiction, I have held down a job for 3 years so far, I workout consistently, I have more confidence within myself.
I got better by being vulnerable with 1 person close to me, therapy (lots of it), self care activities everyday (even if I didn't feel like it), positive self talk and learning as much as I could about bpd.
Regardless of what stage your are at in your journey just know that you have totally got this and you are stronger than you think, go at your own pace and forgive yourself for your mistakes 💖
Great talk Dr. FOX! Love that you're here!
I also think the main communication issue between ppl with BPD and others have is, that ppl with BPD hate themselves and other people have never experienced that, so they cant possibly understand (or believe when we tell them) what we are saying, what we are meaning, or why.
Never is a strong word. (DBT helps us recognize that).There are people without BPD that have had times of really hating themselves. So many others it may be “sometimes” and for those with BPD it can feel more towards “all of the time.”I am very down on myself at times /negative about myself w/o BPD. However I also realize it can feel like it’s worse than everyone else’s when one has BPD. But feeling like that and reality are not always congruent.
Hey you all, I have been diagnosed with bpd and have had a history of self sabotage and bad relationships from the beginning of my adult life. Right now after extensive therapy for the last two years, I feel like I am in control of my life and am not an observer. I am a high achieving person ( am enrolled in a double doctorate program) and feel like I can take on the future after working on my thought patterns and surrounding myself with better people. Spreading love to everybody, we got this and can aim to move towards what we want in life.
That's incredible progress and growth! Keep believing in yourself and your abilities.
I agree with you about the data- it never sat well with me that there are "professionals" saying to just throw out individuals with challenging personality / traits... Does not mean the street warrior can tackle the therapy to that individual but the fatalistic viewpoint on persons with PD does not help a global empathy/community as a whole.
It's important to approach every individual with empathy and understanding.
Omg! I cried watching this cause I how you explain it made me understand myself . I’ve been diagnosed with BPdin 2015 but never got any help for it and never understood it. i’ve been trying to get help for it but it’s hard to find help. I was just hospitalized three times in the last month because of self harm and attempt of suicide after my boyfriend left me feeling worthless and him basically confirming that I’m worthless by saying I’m worthless and wants nothing to do with me. Thank you, Dr. Fox because I can now understand why I do what I do in all my relationships in the past.
I'm so glad my video resonated with you. It's really important to understand ourselves better, especially in tough times. Remember, reaching out for help is a brave step, and you deserve support on your journey.
I have had so many turbulent relationships that now in my late 50’s I have come to the conclusion that I am better off not being in a romantic relationship. I have learned my triggers and know that a romantic relationship is too much for me to deal with. All the jealousy,emotional rupture,insecurity.fear , abandonment,is just to hard for me and being alone has helped me to grow and get to know myself better.
It sounds like you've really taken the time to understand yourself and what you need. That's a valuable insight to have.
Thank you for the books and videos you’ve put out educating people on BPD. I have learned so much and truly appreciate your compassion for people that suffer with this personality disorder. I wish I’d know more about it four years ago. 🙏🙏
You’re very welcome. ☺️
Ya this channel is comforting whenever I feel bad about myself because of all the channels that are made for people who ‘have to deal with us’ and the most triggering thing for me is when other councellers or therapists advise others that it’s okay to ghost and just block the ‘toxic borderline’ for overstepping boundaries and other behaviours that I’ve done out of desperation of wanting someone I was attached to to care and someone who had previously been complimenting me alot did actually ghost me a few years back for this and it was horrendous and pain ljke despair because I didn’t know if it was all my fault or he was just a jerk and I felt so worthless after..
Being told he was a great guy by people didn’t help me feel better but neither did some people placating me and saying I did nothing wrong because I knew that wasn’t true..
Oh and hearing we are too immature and not capable of loving really bothers me too 😢
I appreciate this channel Dr Fox..
Thankyou for your advocacy for the misunderstood..
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's important to have a space that feels comforting and validating, especially when dealing with complex emotions. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way!
Hi KimRose, it comforts me to know that what I am going through matches your experience. That my pain and perceptions are real. Thank you 😊.
@@paulhammarstedt7115 Hugs 🫂 Yes its nice when other people can relate to how we feel and have been through similar experiences..Your feelings are valid here..
i was so scared of watching your videos because i thought u were gonna stigmatize us but youre saving my relationship, and most importantly myself. well i guess its me doing the work by choosing to watch these and apply them into my life. but still!! thank you!!!
you helped me sooooooo much
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
This is why I love Dr. Fox because the stigma can be very disheartening, especially for those with a shaky sense of self. I think it's getting better though, as therapists feel more confident to treat these issues than they did back in the day. In my personal experience, 'BPD' is not something to be eradicated but something to be understood, befriended and matured. It's like a misguided friend that stepped in in the absence of a secure attachment figure, which humans need in order to develop a healthy sense of self. Why would something meant to protect me make me hate myself? Maybe it thinks that if I hate myself the most, it won't be as painful when other people hate me or reject me. That's adaptive when you're in an environment facing rejection after rejection. But I don't have to hate myself anymore because I can choose my environment and I can disengage from people that are rejecting. Don't let other people, even experts, fool you into thinking there's something fundamentally wrong with you. You are a person that has struggled to survive in the circumstances you were born into and the more you understand about yourself and your own drives, and take ownership of them, the less other people can really mess with you.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Thank you for giving us all hope ❤
What started me on the journey was doing the Myers Briggs personality test.
I ended up with a largely discussed type and found a community of people who were me..People to look up to..and to understand my core strengths.
After weeks, months, and years of work I kept coming back to trauma, adhd, cpstd and bdp symptoms. But untangling what means what..making dbt more effective...understanding my family more ...diving into the 16 personality types really helped
I finally managed a stable work environment and a healthy relationship. But not through therapy. It happened, because I took action and responsibility and it is amazing how the world resonates with you, if your symptoms decrease. However I got a lot of work ahead of me, and might be similar with my eating disorder. It's never gonna go away completely, but you can manage your life with it and its presence is getting more irrelevant. Really trying to be positive here, but that's part of the process I guess ... Greetings from overseas:)
It's inspiring to hear how you've taken control of your life and made positive changes. Keep up the great work!
Dr.Fox, this video was great. I have been working hard to heal from BPD and you are largely to thank for that. Thank you for always championing for us. Thank you for providing necessary information to help quell doubts and inspire hope. The algorithm only showed me this video today, but it was timely. I have been in an incredibly dark place for the past few months and haven't quite been able to get the help I need to squash this issue and definitely needed to hear quite a bit of this. When you said that you cannot shame someone into doing better it really struck a cord in me. I realized that I had fallen into a pit of intense self shaming and have denied myself the ability to live a life at all out of fear of being a harmful other because of my personality disorder. Thanks again. I'm looking forward to your next one.
In order to actually participate: I have managed to cut my addictions entirely. After heavily using nicotine, alcohol, and marijuana for about 11 years I am finally sober. It was incredibly difficult to do, and it took me a very lpng time and there were a ton of slip-ups but I feel empowered to know that I was able to get through addictions that I used to punish myself all by myself. I know that I can persist and become the person I actually want to be.
Thank you!!
This is so me. It is painful, overwhelming and utterly exhausting. I wish that these traits I have were recognized earlier in my life so I might have gotten the appropriate treatment, and wouldn't still be dealing with this at 45 years old. I know that anger and resentment are not helpful; I'm sure that the professionals I saw over the years just didn't understand it, so blaming them is pointless. It was always just chalked up to depression and anxiety. But now that I am becoming more educated about BPD, I realize that it is so much more than that. And that's why medications have only been mildly to moderately effective, depending on how stressful my life external circumstances are. I can be coasting along, but when something happens that feels bigger than my capacity to tolerate it, I crumble to the ground and feel like I will never be able to build myself back up again. I don't have the internal or external resources to bounce back. Resilience has never been a tool in my toolbox. As you say, they medication can only treat the surface content, but I am still left with my core self. I can't help but feel cheated out of what could have been a more fulfilling life. So much squandered opportunity and potential and the shame that follows. Learning about BPD is a double-edged sword of ambivalence to the extreme. I am grateful to have insight, but terrified about what this means in terms of the recovery process. I wish I could just to a hard reset of myself and my life.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for an amazing video as usual, Dr Fox. ❤❤❤
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
This guy is the real deal!
You are an amazing Psychologist.
I really appreciate your videos, I've been wrestling with a BPD, CPTSD, and Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobic symptoms diagnosis for about a year now.
Shortly before a documentary hit Netflix about an abusive fraudulent trouble teen school I got sent to at 14 (Academy at Ivy Ridge, a big source of my issues and currently my index trauma event) called the Program: Cons, Cults, and Kidnapping. It definitely kicked a lot of these problems into high gear, but periodically I've been watching these lessons and they often give me hope.
Thank you and keep up the good work.
Thank u for sharing truth
Absolutely empowering! Future proposal attachment styles - BPD!
I have a video on this you might find helpful.
@@DrDanielFox searching for it , all best and keep up the great work !
Thank you for all your videos it helps in the worst of times when you need some positivity.its just a shame the NHS over here really wipe there hands when you have bpd everyday is a battle but still here still the smallest of light burning
Medicine has helped me tremendously once I found the correct one for my chemistry. No more emptiness. Now I need the therapy part. I can do it without all of the anxiety and depression holding me back.
Thank you for sharing your journey! It's inspiring to see how much progress you've made. Your strength is truly commendable, and I'm here cheering you on as you take the next steps!
Love your work Doc, really you give me hope..
God bless you 💚💚💚
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you dr.
Hope & Resilience ❤ Just started therapy after I had my second daughter ❤
Have CPTSD and BPD sure feels like me also and i been getting beat up by someone with NPD and more and it hurts so much i want to go home i am so tired and over life so much pain i just want someone to love me
Unfortunately I think the 1st step is to love yourself.i have no idea how to do it as I have never managed but your still here so keep going,you can always try something new when your here but not when your not if that makes any sense
Thank you so much Dr. Fox. I appreciate your videos, I am working with your workbook. lots of thanks from Ecuador.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Dr. Daniel Fox, what is the typical/best medications used to help treat symptoms?
Medication does not treat core content. to treat surfacer content, it depends on the symptoms and severity.
Such a helpful video! Thank you! I actually just got your book on Complex BPD on Audible last month. Just gotta start it soon, was working through a couple of other books before it. 😊
Thanks for the support and I wish you well.
Wonderful!
Glad you think so! Be well.
Thank u for not making me feel like a loser
Trusting people enough to communicate honestly has been an almost insurmountable problem for me. I am seeking out people and finding people in my life with whom I can be honest with and who can actually listen and understand my core content and encourage who I am.
It's great that you're actively seeking out supportive and understanding people in your life. Building a circle of trust is important for personal growth and well-being.
Thank You 😊❤
I can keep my vicious defensive anger (to keep hurt and rrjection away) mostly under control... took 10 yrss... still struggle..
Yes yes, all those things you have mentioned are great! But how to make a BPD person understand that she needs treatment (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). I told her she has BPD and needs treatment but she does NOT admit it and says "I don't have BPD, you have it. Very frustrating. So, please advise or make videos on how to make a person with BPD seek treatment? I am pretty sure almost all spouses with BPD have these challenges. So, if you can help us with this it would be a really great video!!
I'm new to your videos but have found them enlightening so far. I was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago along with serious depression. Looking back, I realize I've likely had bpd most of my life. I've struggled to find treatment in my Province , most professionals here do not even really understand bpd let alone know how to treat it. My question is, would someone be able to take your course and learn to successfully live with bpd without also working with a professional? My bpd destroys my life and I'm desperate to find a way to live with it.
¿What would you recommend with someone with bpd diagnosis who cannot afford therapy?
Try workbooks and other online resources. I have an online course that many people use and find helpful: www.bpdcourse.com
@@DrDanielFox Thank you very much
I'm in the same boat. I started with a DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) app on Google. You can't find free DBT stuff online by search. And lastly, I bought an audible subscription which offers DBT books. I would assume kindle monthly does as well.
I’ve been in therapy over 15 years, most recently with an LPC doing CBT and DBT. In the beginning, he gave me worksheets and “homework” to do but now our sessions are just chit chat. I’m extremely intelligent but some of the concepts of therapy seem totally alien. I likened it to learning a foreign language. I wanted someone to “translate” this for me , help walk me through it and hold me accountable. I truly want to heal! I’ll do the hard work. Unfortunately I’m feeling like a failure because it took so long to find someone to agree to go through DBT with me and he expects me to read the material, understand it and implement it into every day life. It feels so hopeless. Should I seek a psychiatrist instead of an LPC? I’ve had psychiatrists before and none were able to get me into a healing journey 😢
It sounds like you're really putting in the effort and it's completely normal to feel frustrated at times. Finding the right fit in a therapist can be challenging. It might be worth exploring different options or discussing your feelings with your current LPC to see if there's a way to adjust your sessions to better meet your needs.
You can do it
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar for almost 30 years. Then a new doctor diagnosed me as BPD like 10 years ago. It’s so overwhelming. I’ve been in counseling my whole life…but I don’t know how to start fixing all of this.
You talk about ppl with bpd being ready for treatment.. what if their ready... But can't afford it?
That's a really important point. Access to treatment can be a huge barrier for many people, even when they're ready and motivated to seek help. It's crucial to advocate for more accessible mental health resources. Try workbooks, university counseling centers can be good options too.
i think i disagree with there not being a pill to help BPD. Micro dosing MDMA (i know i know it's still illegal) is a good candidate for research.
Medication and drugs only treat surface issues. YOu know because when the drug wears off the symptoms resume and there are no drugs/medications for core content issues. Please be careful.
@@DrDanielFox yes i agree with you. I do not use illicit drugs, though when i was younger i did experiment with hallucinogens. The person who adjusted me as a child for several years would tell me i could never tell anyone what he was doing to me because i would be the one who got in trouble. So i kept quiet till my 20's. It was while under the influence of MDMA that i finally talked about it to my best friend. I felt like I had separated from myself, no longer the victim but witness to it all. Without the emotional attachment to hinder my memory or interrupt the process altogether I was able to finally speak about it.
Yes, I've heard this too. Because theoretically people are able to look at themselves differently when they are in a calm state of mind, so their normal feelings of self hatred or blame might not pop up in the same way when looking at their past experiences and they can gain a more compassionate or objective perspective of themselves. Worth a shot I think but for people reading it's definitely only recommended with a therapist there to support and guide the experience.
@@katieg7679 yes clinical setting for sure
Can somebody who succeeds in recovering from it see the personality return through a relationship with a narcissist?
Yes. Relationships can reignite triggers and old patterns
😃
Bpd has ruined me. I have no family support. I get sad alot I also seem to have alot of problems dealing with people.
A mental health professional may be able to help you. Be well and never give up.
It is manipulative. HOWEVER, it's not with the intention of hurting you. We all manipulate our environment to get our needs met. There is skillful manipulation, where we take other people's feelings and needs into consideration because we have the capacity to empathise. We have mentalising skills. Then there's unskilled manipulation, which lacks empathy and mentalising skills, which makes others feel used. The main issue I find, is that emotionally immature people can't see why they have to consider other people... unfortunately this is the BPD dynamic, then you withdraw and their fears come true.
Thank you for sharing your insights! It's always refreshing to see someone articulate the nuances of empathy and manipulation so clearly. Your perspective adds a lot to the conversation!
@DrDanielFox very kind of you to respond. I do enjoy a bit of validation now and then 😌🙏
i cant stand my self destruction, i mean well and feel im just being too honest, the world today is too soft i try to help but end up screwing myself EVERY TIME...
It sounds like you're really going through a tough time. It's important to find a balance between honesty and self-care. Remember, it's okay to take a step back and prioritize your own well-being!
I have your book
Well, it seems Im the first BPD person who wanted to people to be afraid of me.. in the past… on the other side, it turned out later that i just wanted revenge… i was really raised in horrible circumstances and often beaten and abused.. well, perhaps there is something more, but diagnosis bpd was proved several times.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such difficult experiences. Healing is a journey, and your insights can help others understand the complexities of BPD.
@@DrDanielFox thank for your videos, they are really enlightening) wish more people were aware of the subject…
HI from AL
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox Hi my dear Dr. Fox. I have bought 2 of your books and I am closer to self improvement thatn ever. I want to find a support system for BPD in Greece. Can you please guide me towards some institutions or comtacts of your knowing? Thank you for everithing.
How can someone who hasn't been able to hold down a job, due to BPD, afford years of therapy?
I have a video on how to find a therapist that you may find helpful. Universities have very low cost or free services.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you
Thank you! You are amazing! I've never heard anyone explain or understand BPD and literally know how I feel and what it's like on a daily basis. It's refreshing to know that I'm not the bad guy this is not a choice it's not that simple , "WE " wish we weren't ❤❤❤built this way if I could rub a belly or snap fingers or get on my magic carpet tomorrow and be "normal" absolutely in a heartheat ! Miracles don't happen overnight but these videos help so thank you! .... Appreciate you! 🙏❤️🩹
You’re a real one for this. Thank you 🥹