"What an abyss of uncertainty whenever the mind feels that some part of it has strayed beyond its own borders; when it, the seeker, is at once the dark region through which it must go seeking." - Marcel Proust Check out my latest upload, ‘Nostalgia Isn’t What It Used To Be:’ th-cam.com/video/hbWJYuIkN_Y/w-d-xo.html Support Me: www.patreon.com/ClarkElieson Insta: instagram.com/clarkelieson/
Amazing video dude! What dementia also shows is thats really horrible is the abyss, its like it slowly reveals itself, you talked about the drain at the end our conciousness gets sucked into. But in most deaths why fall through a trapdoor quickly. But in dementia it just happens slower so we get to see the approaching abyss with clarity we otherwise wouldn't.
dont you think i wouldnt recognize the kane pixels music playin in the background nor the faint references to the caretaker"s album about dementia YOU CANNOT HİDE ANYTHİN FROM ME CLARK
@@mimithegshep4380 he was likely forgetting it too you forget KEY things at the later stages you literally start to forget how to form the most basic sentences, at that point you are essentially semi-dead..
His wife apparently said that he stopped drawing about the time of that last picture. And that even though he didn't die for a few more years, she considered him dead - because he was always drawing, always, it was just him, what he did. And when he stopped doing that, what was HIM, she considered him dead.
I just turned 74. Last week at the grocery store I forgot how to use my credit card. I stood looking at it and wondering what to do. Thankfully a ckerk who knows me saw what was heppening and came and rescued me. I know its comming, My Mother suffered from Dementia. She went back to her childhood, and I left here there. She was happy and so was I. Now it is my turn and I hope those around me let me be. It really is what is needed from you.
@@Waterenjoyer1308 I already seeing the doctor. But my mother went this way so I kinda know what's coming and I am taking proper steps to deal with it. Other than that I'm in good health.
Exactly. Because forgetfulness and confusion are symptoms. Dementia is a SYMPTOM of the destruction of the brain! I work with old people, and I have attained numerous classes about this. I learned, that sometimes tiny, short memories are left... Those are called memory islands...because all else around them.. is destroyed.🤯😖😢
Glad I'm not alone in having Alzheimer's/Dementia be a biggest fear. To know that one day I might forget my entire life, my family, and myself, and have absolutely no way to stop it, is utterly terrifying. In fact, I find dementia scarier than death itself. At least death generally happens quickly…dementia is like rotting while still alive.
I guess it’s somewhat twisted, this is the basis behind prison over death. Death will be over fast for the criminal but spending the years left of their life isolated from the rest of the world waking up day after day in the same bed, in the same room, in the same prison, going through the same routine… well that suffering prolonged for that long is incomparable to the suffering experienced in execution. If that’s the deemed to be the ultimate punishment for the worst criminals, how would it feel enduring that as an innocent man except your loosing every freedom slowly one after another until you can’t even do the subconscious acts.
@@draketurtle4169 depending on the crime letting someone rot their entire life is a very valid and rigth cause, heck id argue serial killers, rapists etc need to be tortured or made as slaves
I grew up with my grandmother. She raised me while my mom and dad were both away for work. We shared a bond like no other, almost as if I were her son. She developed Lung Fibrosis a few years back, then dementia kicked in. I’ve been watching her slowly wilt away to the point that she’s no more recognizable to me. Neither does she remember me. She’s currently admitted in the hospital and the doctor has stated that her time is near. It’s so painful, nobody can prepare you to cope with this.
As a kid, i lost my great grandma to dementia. I was so young that all i can remember are the last few stages, the loss of self. I remember bringing her flowers to the hospital with my grandma. At that point she couldn't say a word, just slurred mumbling. She leaned in for a hug while mumbling something and i take that it meant that even if she didn't recognize us still understood the situation. It was the last time i saw her. All i can say is that dementia, losing yourself, your memories, it getting to the point where you don't know if you're still alive makes it a fate worse than death.
@@ViperPain141 I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
@Manhog Sonic Just gotta squeeze politics into everything don't you? Also your delusional if you think this country was perfect before Biden but your most likely a mindless contrarian right winger so what else would I expect from you.
Well, as a witness to dementia, here’s what I’ll say. This is exactly what I needed, a way to understand what Grandma went thru from her side. Ever since Grandma died of dementia in 2018 (she had a brain surgery in 2017, it was believed that the anesthesia caused her dementia to rapidly speed up), and she had to move in with us, it was crazy. It started out with little things, she’d make breakfast at 4 AM, or dinner at 9 PM, or she’d confuse my oldest brother for my 2nd brother. Then it got more severe, she’d start forgetting names, yet she’d actually start remembering my name (She always called me by my siblings or cousins names by accident). So in that case it seems she did gain some function. But soon it’d like I said, be more severe stuff. She’d put a dirty spoon back into the drawer, think it was 1964 again, or ask me and my parents if Santa Claus had come yet. About 6 months in, she couldn’t walk much anymore, she’d be able to get from her bed to her chair, and from her chair to the bathroom, and at dinner time we’d help her to the table so she could eat with the family. Then about a month later, she couldn’t get out of the bed anymore, I felt so awful seeing her wear adult diapers because in a way, it felt like we were dehumanizing her. Then, she’d stop drinking her tea, and Grandma always had a tea kettle on the stove. 4 days before she died, she called myself and my parents into her room to tell us she saw Nanny and Grandpa (Grandma’s parents), she said Nanny was getting the bedroom ready, she was changing the sheets and dusting the shelves, and she had stuffed peppers in the oven to celebrate seeing Grandma again, and that Grandpa was on his way to get her, and for a few minutes, we had Grandma back, she drank her tea and ate breakfast for the first time in forever, Dad offered to make her more but she said “No thanks, you’ve done enough for me now, I’m all good.” And a few minutes later, she was almost in a vegetative state. I cannot explain how horrible it was, seeing Grandma, one of the most energetic people I’d met, just want to sleep all day. I said what I needed to say to her, and then just checked on her every few hours, letting her sleep. The day before she died, her home health aid came in to do her weekly checkup on Grandma, and that’s when we got the news, her oxygen saturation was at 83%, and that we needed to get everyone over to the house now. She started making this weird rattling noise too, the health aid said it’s called the death rattle. Exactly 14 hours later, 5/22/2018, 3:40 AM, Grandma stopped breathing. I miss you so much Grandma, I’m glad I could finally understand what you went through. EDIT: September 2023 Mom had a stroke 7 months ago, shit's been real hard, she's starting to display the same symptoms as Grandma, my father's taken all this the hardest. She'll call me thinking I'm my father, she's lost her ability to tell the time or differentiate the days of the week, she's got minimal use of her left and right leg, this is all so bad. I was the one who called for help when she had the stroke, and she was begging me not to, saying Grandma was here and she was ready to die. A few weeks later, Mom told me that when she was having the stroke, my grandmother was there with her and she was giving this elaborate speech about death, but once I called my brother so he could call an ambulance, Mom said Grandma stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, then back to her, and said "But I decided it's not time yet." and left. EDIT: September 2024 Everything's gone to shit. Mom's basically a toddler now. Dad brought her home despite me trying to tell him it wasn't right, and it's fucking awful. My mother wasn't the best mother to me when I was younger, and now she's even worse, it's to the point now where not a day goes by where I don't regret saving her life, and she blames me for it all, she says I caused her stroke, and that I should've let her die. Mom's only going to get worse, but everyone else thinks she can improve. Physically she's improving but she's mentally declining twice as fast. My father expects me to treat her like an adult but I can't, when she acts like a toddler, I'm gonna treat her like one, she's just as bad as Grandma was towards the end and this time I'm not helping. I dropped out of school to help Grandma, but for Mom, Dad's on his own. Knowing all the things my mother said and did to and about me when I was younger, I can't in good conscious help her, and mentally, she's even worse than Grandma ever was. I wish my Dad could see what's really happening and get out of this fantasy world he's living in, you're not supposed to survive a stroke Mom had let alone recover, especially given her age and health. I just don't know what to do, Dad needs me but I don't want to be around Mom, I don't have what it takes to go through all this again.
This story genuinely made my heart sting. I can't even say "that's just life" because not everyone suffers dementia. I apologize you ever had to see someone go through this, and I hope... No... I pray you never have to experience it yourself, and that's coming from an atheist
She must have experienced terminal lucidity early, her have enough clarity suddenly to tell her story about her nanny and grandpa foreshadowing that her death was just over the horizon,
Thank you for sharing, my grandma was suffering from dementia too. Your story made me feel that my family is not the only one who had to go through all this terryfing experience
Terminal lucidity is so mind boggling. I've seen a case of an elderly woman bedridden for a while. She was expected to pass away that day or that night so doctors had the whole family in the room at the time. She had a blank stare towards the ceiling. She wouldn't respond to much but the occasional "Huh?" As family members were talking to her holding her hand, she suddenly snapped out of that mindless state. She began to look around the room at every family member surrounding her. She began pointing with a slight smile as she said the names of her family members one by one. She passed away a couple hours after.
It’s like the bodies way of making sure the people around you don’t remember you in such a terrible light. A way to try to remind them there was a time before dementia. It’s beautiful honeslty
I’m a registered nurse working at a nursing home, Alzheimer’s and LBD are an every day surrounding element there. I see the fear and rage in my residents bubble up all the time, followed by those crushing waves of self-awareness and shame. I watch as their speech slowly deteriorates from full sentences, to extreme afasia, to just small sounds, and then silence. I watch as they slowly forget how to walk. I’ve held a hundred year old’s hand at night as they cried, asking for their mommy. I find myself wondering if I’m a hypocrite, sometimes. I adore my patients, love caring for them, it’s my entire world. I’m so fond of them.. while being terrified of becoming them one day. Amazing video. Gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time to make this.
Youre not a hypocrite, youre a human. To not wish to be in such a painful and terrifying state doesnt make you a bad person, but to shame those who do for no reason does. If you continue to help those who need your help most, you will find that when the time comes that you're the one who needs help standing from the chair, people will come to you and help. Please, continue to do your best work, and don't give up on those who need you most.
I'm majoring in psychology in hopes to work with the elderly in the future. Honestly I have huge respect for your work since society often leaves older people to their own luck.. so I wouldn't say you're a hypocrite at all. It's like having a doctor enjoy helping out their patients but still wish to never experience the pain and illness they've gained themselves. It's only natural wanting to look out for your well-being.
I'm a care aide and feel this so deep in my soul, I love my residents and care for them so it genuinely breaks me inside when they have those moments of clarity and are in distress because they know. It's heartbreaking. It's such a horrible disease to watch someone go through, seeing them go for walking and talking to laying there mouth open unable to do really anything. You will be holding hands with someone as they're bawling about how they're losing their minds and how lonely they are, how can someone even help with that? They will be trying to explain and they can't then they let out an angry defeated sigh then say nevermind, I can't imagine how frustrating that must be to not be able to even communicate. I even just did port mortem care for someone who passed from alzheimers, they just quietly started slowing down over a month and a half and then quietly exited. One thing for sure though is they may not remember who you are, but they absolutely remember how you make them feel and I swear there is still someone there deep down inside.
@@BB-pt9hv Thank you for this. I feel like the people actually working with and helping these people truly understand just how terrifying and horrible these diseases are. You are doing god’s work, we could never survive in the industry without the tireless dedication and care of care aides. Know that your work is valued by your peers, always. Lot’s of love. 💕
"And then they forget how to breathe." No words can describe how hard this hit me after all the talk about what our memories mean, what our conciousness is, and how dementia destroys it. Forgetting places, times names, loved ones, even forgetting emotions, reflexes, language And then forgetting how to breathe...
Aaaaa Maybe forgetting to take several long Deep slow breaths in a stressful situation however you can think the master programmer breathing is controlled through your subconscious automatically
I know you are never gonna see this message, but I just need to share somewhere… I was 30:20 in the video when my mom called and told me that my grandma was going to be unplugged tonight… she died from dementia. I just think that was crazy and I definitely won’t ever forget this video… much love and peace
Firstly sorry for your loss..... My 84 y.o. Mother is currently at about stage 5 going on 6.... it's gaining momentum..... It isn't a fun journey for us children (four of us.... I am the youngest at 54 but the most aware of us & educated on the Disease) BUT imagine how my poor bloody Mother must feel inside..... So hard to see "Mum" slipping farther & farther away from us...... It's like she's drowning into an Abyss & that she's too deep already to attempt a rescue..... Sorry, I speak in analogies....
I love how he didn't elaborate on "They forget how to breath". He didn't explained why its terrible because it couldn't be explained, no words or images can describe this utter terror, it is beyond explainations at this point.
It’s so horrifying. The framing as forgetting really carries the narrative to its absolute end. After everything has been taken from them and there’s only a living shell left, there’s still something more to be taken.
@@magentapurpleyap5566 that means if someone had Alzheimer and somehow survive forgetting how to breath they'll die by forgetting how to beat they're heart This is Terrifying
@@BroRavioli Maybe not forgetting how to beat your heart, since the heart is an involuntary muscle. A possible cause of forgetting how to breath is that the brain stem is already too damaged to do it.
@@triopical6884 I hope you understand because poor choice of words By "forgetting" I meant at an unconscious level since y'know you can't control it but technically the stem forget how to do it because of how damaged it is due to Alzheimer's disease
i consume horror movies like candy, and can confidently say that this video is one of the most unsettling pieces of media i have ever EVER taken in. well done.
It’s the uncanny atmosphere, with the terrifying music, accurate visuals, and deep dialogue, all blending together to make something truly unsettling and restless. Tip of the hat man.
As a person who’s grandma is in late stage frontal-temporal dementia, I thank you so much for this video. It’s a subject I try not to think about too much, but it always surfaces back up somehow.
That’s tough. I’ve had both grandmothers go through the same. I would play there favorites, for one it was Elvis and for the other it was the Beatles. It’s so strange how Melodie’s and lyrics can bring a mind back for a little bit until the song was over. Take it easy and just be there for them.
Dude this is my biggest fear videos about it keep popping up in my TH-cam recommendations and I get scared everytime I think about to the point where I can't think straight and I have difficulty remembering things. It's the main reason I don't want to die old. It's like I can't escape this subject because whenever I'm just minding my business, bam a video about dementia/Alzheimer's shows up. Also I'm very sorry about your grandmother it must be very tough for you to see her that way
My God.... This just randomly popped up in my recommended and it was like listening to an hour-long poem. It was so thought-provoking and so deep and so well researched. Round of applause.
20:59 There is something so utterly terrifying about that. He could barely remember how to use a pencil, or what his own face looked like, and yet he “lived” for several years after that. It fills me with a dread beyond words. To even call it “living” feels like a betrayal on life itself.
In some sense, perhaps, but even mono-cellular life-forms do live, as do amoebas and rest of the protozoans, and these certainly have no concept of pencils or faces. Rather, it is descent from conscious living into unconscious state that is majority of life-experience even within most of the animal kingdom.
The comparison of ADHD to Alzheimer's is a very good one. Because in ADHD it manifests as knowing you have to do something but getting entirely distracted and not remembering. Like even in games I will go somewhere that I needed to go and have completely forgot why I even came there in the first place and have to stop and retrace my steps. But Alzheimer's is a different beast, the caretaker is a project I've known about but steered clear of because just bits I've experienced instill a depression in me. The clock drawing test though, that actually broke my heart. Like the self portrait is just as bad in the same way but the clock drawing one is such a simple thing and you can already see the effects so plainly. Alzheimer's is one of those things I've just kinda tried to avoid thinking about, I've always said if I start forgetting close family members I would rather be killed than go through and put my family through that heartache. When my great grandma stopped recognizing me I couldn't bear to see her deteriorate. The next time I saw her was at her funeral, and she didn't even look like the woman I'd grown up with. I regret not being there more for her, not being able to deal with the pain to be able to make a few more memories with her there at the end.
As someone that has adhd and has a family member in the mental ward of an assisted living place (still haven't asked exactly what is happening as everyone just refers to it as she isnt herself anymore) the more I dwell on it and can't decide if I can't will myself to see them because they are less themselves or more what I see myself becoming (I wish to apologize if this comment brings sadness just don't really have anywhere to express this without the simple I'm sorry because there isn't much you can say to anyone in these kinds of situations)
I felt this way sometimes...it's hard. And scary. Not surprising others noticed the comparison...the adhd medication helps a lot. hope not to die of dementia, mI'll be so terrified, so alone, I'll be screaming bloody murder as I have before waiting for those I love to come help me but nobody will that time. Those who love me now won't be around. Who's to say I will even remember who I'm looking for yet still seeking them
Yeah man this is my biggest fear. Everytime I avoid it, it always comes back to taunt me. Ever since I learned about this subject it has been nothing but he'll for me. Because I have a constant fear of it, I can't seem to ever calm myself down, whenever I think about it my memory gets all fucked and shit and so does my ability to think straight. These experiences always go away but they come back when I see something about Alzheimer's and Dementia. This is why I want to die young. It's best to do all the things you want and die peacefully on your own terms afterwards then die a shell of your former self and with your loved ones not recognizing you anymore. It's just a very sad and tragic topic. May all those who were taken away by it Rest In Peace
As a man that has ADHD I dislike the fact that they are so similar with memory that I fear for my far future I maybe young but fuck my brain like for a few days or continuously in the days, I would suddenly fear dying of it It'd start from me staring at my wall than the fear would hit me like a wave and riptide, than I'd like... freak out, labored breathing, hiding, uncontrollably crying. Than I would try finding a good life time and beautiful paintings in my head and than after a few moments, I would've calmed down and look around my room taking it in. Everywhere at the end of time made me addicted, but now... when I hear something from stage 4 or 5... I just cry... The fear felt so real, it felt like everything around me, my friends, my family, the houses, country, continent, earth, solar system, all were gonna be destroyed and returned to the void... Which so far made me turn to religion, not to be desperate and to be cool but because of relief
I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
I worked at a memory care facility for over a couple of years. I was put through a simulation that blurred my vision, muffled my hearing and had gloves put on that make my hands feel ruff. I was given multiple tasks to do in this condition and I walked out crying. It really helped me to better care for the residents and to be more understanding of their situation.
I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
@@SpinoRexy733 The worst part is, by the time you feel like your condition is irreversible, it would have been too late, since you would have forgotten what your original plan was. All that is left is confusion and frustration.
Grandpa just died from sepsis and had terminal lucidity the day before. It's crazy, he went from asleep and motionless to alert and aware. His mind was intact until the end, the sepsis never got to his brain. So he was fully aware of what's happening. But this video makes me thankfull that he didn't die from dementia or any other disease, as he simply fell back asleep and died the day I'm writing this. Grief is also weird. Only experienced it a bit when my grandma died last year but I wasn't very close to her. I was very very close to my grandpa so it hits like a truck. There is no way to fully define it until you've experienced it. Thanks for reading lol. Just sad about my grandpa so I decided to express it through a TH-cam comment
Same as what Sallymander said.. I really Hope you are doing okay ❤ It hits the hardest when the news comes suddenly.. without time to process the reality of it, X 🖤🦇
I work in geriatrics, specifically memory care. The best way I've been able to explain dementia to families is this; imagine youre put in a random area with no memory. You use clues to piece things together. "Where am I? ...hm this tile looks familiar. OH! It looks like hospital tile. Oh right my kid had that surgery....oh yeah her tonsil removal. Its 2007 then and she's uum 5." Meanwhile its 2022 and her child is actually in her 30's. With research we've learned that "reality grounding" does NOT work. Why? Just observe where you are right now. Youre reading a comment on youtube, just chilling, and then suddenly someone begins to grab your shoulder and yell "Grandpa! Cmon! We need to get going!" Youre first instict will be "wtf? who tf are you? grandpa???" You'll be confused. Agitated that this person keeps insisting they know you. No matter how much they yell they wont convince you that youre their grandpa because that is not YOUR reality. I recently had a 102 year old patient get a visit from her daughter. Her daughter came by to feed her momma. At this point of age, she was on a puree diet and was a feeder. However when her daughter began to try to feed her mom, she goes "no! no stop. you should be feeding my daughter first" The nurse then asked "Oh! How old is your daughter?" and the 102 year old woman answers "...she's two...two" So here this woman was telling her 60 year old daughter that she was two because when she saw the puree and heard feeding she thought "oh! i must be feeding my baby!"
@@clarkelieson Love your video very much. Dementia has to be the scariest thing a human can expierence. I have seen gorey ER entrances on NOC shift but nothing is scarier than seeing the decline of the human mind to dementia. It can be fast or slow and effects everyone so differently. Another fact, a lot of times days before death dementia "cures" itself. Ive seen feeders who become bed ridden from dementia suddenly speak, ask about their grandkids, smile, and say "I'll feed myself. You can leave.." While the family celebrates we have to take them aside and try to explain how this might be a sign of the end..and then as fate will have it, they'll pass days later. We call it the sun before the storm. I find it to be the most fascinating, most heartbreaking, part. There might never be a cure but I hope research continues. Support groups are key as well. Its not easy being forgetten and its not easy forgetting as well.
Thanks for explaining it instead of SHROUDING IT IN METAPHOR FOR THE AESTHETIC OF CONFUSING THE FUCK OUT OF ME WTF ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE WORK TOMORROW MY BRAIN IS MOST OF THE DAY CONSUMING THE SHITTY BRAINED SENTENCES OF THE STUPID DETERIORATING BRAINS OF NO LIFE MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE I HAVE NO CHOICE I EITHER AM LISTENING TO THEM OR LISTENING TO GUYS LIKE THIS OR EVEN WORSE THAN BOTH TODAYS BAR FOR ENTERTAINMENT ON TH-cam COMMENTARY GUYS WITH FILLER SENTENCES THAT DEPEND ON THEIR LOOK TO BE RESPECTED AND I HAVE SHIT NEIGHBORS THAT REACT TO ME WHEN I DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IVE MADE IT CLEAR ON MY SIDE OF THE WALL THAT I HATE SHEEP AND THEY ARE LITERALLY SHEEP AND THEYRE LITERALLY THE PEOPLE I AM AGAINST AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO PROTECT ABOUT MYSELF EVERYDAY I JUST WANT THEM TO DIE AND I WANT 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND REGAIN THE PERSON IVE LOST THAT IS ME AND ENJOY VIDEOS LIKE THIS AGAIN 😐
When you began with the "someone grabs your shoulder" part I felt an existencial chill run down my spine.. that is too good of a way to grab me out of the comfort, feeling of safety and nonchalant attitude one has to the screen they stare at.
I’ve been having a lot of issues lately, and my doctor told me there’s a slim chance I’m in the very early stages of Alzheimer’s. I’m only 21 years old, and just the idea that it’s possible (no matter how unlikely) is scarier than I can ever say. This video was terrifying to watch, but… thank you for going into such detail on the topic.
Please get your thyroid checked out! Both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can create symptoms like memory loss, brain fog, trouble concentrating, etc.
My grandmother had dementia. She would forget everything. She thought my grandpa had a girlfriend living in the house, people were following her, my ex girlfriend was named Lindsey, she’d call her Reggie from time to time, we thought it was cute. One day she had a stroke and it seemed to set everything off. When she came home she couldn’t even talk, she looked right at me and touched my face, I got up and left the room shortly and cried so hard. And said who is that mom, what really happened. Day by day she was losing her motor functions, she couldn’t even drink water. Two weeks later she fell into a coma and she was on hospice. One day I sat next to her alone, I cried and pleaded with her to stop holding on, that she owed this life nothing, I absolutely spilled the beans and I can see her slowly reacting. Two days later I lost my grandmother. I was 22, I’m now 38 and still can’t hold back tears thinking about her.
The scariest part about dementia to me isn’t getting it for myself, I’m okay with that. I’ve made peace with the possibility. What I truly despise about it more than anything is the thought of my loved ones getting it, and the knowledge that I cannot stop it.
When my doctor was going over my MRI results, he mentioned my TBI put me at high risk for developing dementia. I'm only 33, and I'm glad he told me so I can make specific plans now to prepare because I don't want my family to have to go through seeing that. The weirdest feeling is trying to figure out how much I should tell them since I don't want them to worry and I don't want them to think they have to make me feel better and tell me it will all be alright. I can relate to not wanting to see any of my own loved ones go through it too because logically we know their memory is nothing to be taken personally, it's the disease, but it still hurts emotionally. Much love and many prayers sent everyone's way 🙏 ❤️
My uncle had alzheimers and my aunt used to tell us that several times she would wake up middle of the night and my uncle would be standing there on the bedside staring at her and would ask her who she is and what is she doing there. That scared the shit outta me. I am not sure i would have the courage to go through that.
I have a fear that’s kinda like that. It’s fearing to go insane, realize everybody is abandoning you and moving on without you, and forgetting about you, and then you soon forget about them when your own loved ones come back to you when you need them the most. Simple terms, also known as dementophobia, fear of going insane.
My grandmother died from Alzheimer's last month. Oddly enough, when it came to personality changes, she became a lot nicer of a person. Before, she was quite bitter. She had quite an unfortunate personal life, and had to struggle with raising two kids herself (my mother and aunt) after her husband (my grandfather) suddenly passed from a brain aneurysm. She had depression for most of her life, which didn't help either. By her final Christmas, she began thanking people a whole lot more. She smiled more. The saddest part about this, for me, is that I can tell that I was the only one of her grandchildren she recognized. She couldn't remember my name, but her face lit up when we made eye contact. When she parted ways with my siblings that Christmas, she said "Nice to meet you" to both, but not to me (As an aside, she wouldn't have said that if Alzheimer's hadn't impacted her personality). She only recognized my mother as "the woman who drives me to appointments". It was rough. Sorry if this is TMI, and I'm sure nobody will read it, but I felt like sharing, and who's going to stop me? Edit: I've made a slight mistake; she didn't die from Alzheimer's, she died from an infection due to aplastic anemia after a fall. She was, however, in the late stages of Alzheimer's and would've died from it in the span of about a year, had she not have aplastic anemia due to an allergy to one of her medications.
As a child I feared death. I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone. Recently I have been invited to play the piano for a rest home, most of the residents unfortunately has Dementia. That one experience single handedly changed my perception on death as a whole. Seeing their hopelessness and struggle with simple everyday tasks is heart breaking, it really painted death as a merciful way out. Now I no longer fear death as continuing to live on forever and ever is a curse, not a blessing.
people conflate immortality with degradation. if they halt aging and people can live healthy as long as they wish, I for one, would hop on it, current science points it's not a matter of if, only when. otherwise, yeah, leaving peacefully is my personal goal, not fading away in confusion and pain.
Charles M.'s story is kind of the scariest one in my opinion. He was allowed to live in his state of denial that it was just 'age' that he was succumbing to, not Dementia. When he read his own chart it was like reading his own obituary in a way, now that he knew without any doubt that he was going to die by forgetfulness.
@@catherinebirch2399 some of us don't have to. imagine taking care of your parent or grandparent through the first two stages of dementia and when they get to the third and finally get a diagnosis, you realize that it runs in the family and that someday you're going to go through the exact type of pain that you're trying to help them through even though you know it doesn't get better. It's really hard to live through that as a caregiver to someone that you really love and have to wonder every day if you're going to end up exactly the same and knowing that you probably will.
They could have told him twenty times over the years that he had Alzheimer's. It would be news to him every time he read it. Like my mom not remembering my dad dying years before. You end up joining their loss of reality to keep them from hurting all over again.
I can’t imagine anything more cruel than going through the horrors of dementia only to die the moment you finally remember yourself Edit: I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be lucid before you die, because at the very least it’s some nice closure before you pass on, which is better than nothing. I just find it very sad that the moment the clouds finally dissipate and everything starts to make sense again, you don’t get to experience the bliss of remembrance for very long before you ultimately pass away
I wonder if anyone has brought up this as a sign that rather than destroying our memories, Alzheimer’s just makes them increasingly difficult to access? Is it possible? *I just looked it up. It’s been brought up and it is a respected hypothesis.
To the right people it will feel like closure. The person getting together as much strength as they can muster to say goodbye. In a bittersweet way it’s a big relief. To others it’s like losing a loved one all over again, and having to grief all over again.
this video and concept has scared me to the point of crying while alone in my bed in the dark. I don't have dementia and I am young but my thoughts still scatter sometimes and I hope I never get dementia when I am older.
I just got a dream where my dad got dementia and it's the worst experience I've ever gotten in my life and it's not even real! Dementia really is the high end of a horrific disease.
I am also pretty young and this scared me so much, like at the end of the video it says “Then they forget how to breathe.” That. That is what haunts my life . I really hope I don’t get it
My aunt has a form of dementia and it’s terrifying. She was a semi famous writer, and she taught English at a college level. She began to always carry dozens of photos of people she loved. Like her sister, her mom and dad, her niece, her nephews and their children. I’m certain she knew something was up, cause she is the kind of person to fight it as best she can. She still is remembering most things luckily. It’s still terrifying for me and my family though…
@@loutenant2817 not sure about their specific illness but I did read that a lot of dementia patients think its normal forgetfulness at first. But the early stages also include changes in mood and social skills
as somebody that works with dementia patients, it’s truly heartbreaking seeing somebody decline . it hurts even more when they’re aware of their dementia ):
@ckienwang796 what is it like when they realize they have dementia? And is it a cycle of forgetting they have it, then remembering, only to forget again? Or was it once and only once they knew they had it.
I was raised by my Grandparents and my Nana now has dementia. For split moments they realise something is wrong. I call it an echo. Nana can ask a question then five minutes later ask again and when you give the answer she looks shocked and says “I already knew and asked that” then she states that she has no idea why she asked again then laughs. Nana has no idea she has dementia and bizarrely she is happier than she has ever been. The things is when you have a loved one with dementia you are told that “at least they are alive”. Yes they are thankfully alive but to them you are not because you are wiped from their memories completely and sometimes there is an echo but as fast as it came it’s gone. Because they have no memory of you the relationship changes so you are actually no longer dealing with your loved one. The pain is unbelievably and I am someone who has studied counselling and worked years with dementia patients and you can try and imagine what it is like but I promise you cannot. I thought I would be fine as I am a factual thinker but my heart and gut has been ripped out and the pain is so unreal however you need to get over it to be able to love this new version on the person and look after them. This disease is truly a horror and yes they are alive but you also know what the future may look like if the survive for many further years.xxxx
@@eddysegafan6655 my coworker’s brother has dementia and yeah that’s what it was like. they would have to keep reminding him until it eventually became useless. they either deny they have dementia and think you’re crazy or they don’t understand the concept anymore. before the diagnosis tho, he only thought his memory was just getting super bad. that’s why it’s so interesting, their memory and brain functions are so different yet it creates a fake illusion for them to where most of the time they think they’re living a normal life and just live in an apartment building(care home). one of my residents pours water on her food plate but thinks it’s normal, one of my residents thinks a baby doll is real. they don’t realize they do these things that aren’t normal. there are some that think they are still young and always demand to leave so they can go home to their families. while some don’t realize they have dementia and think they are normal, they understand they are in a care home and are surrounded by staff and residents. where as other residents don’t really understand where they are and always think they are in their hometown but don’t understand why they are always in to them what is a random building rather than being at home. that’s why some of them feel likes it’s prison and they’re locked up. sorry for the long reply!
Hearing about the poor man who used to be a doctor has to be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard of😟😰 Imagine thinking you're still a doctor doing the job that you loved so much only to realize that those days are long over and you're a dementia patient. That really is a fate worse than death.
Yeah, I think it's the fact that your very own sense of identity can become so corrupted before gradually melting away entirely that makes dementia so terrifying. Like, it really sticks with me that this doctor went through many days not even realizing anything was wrong, still thinking that his life was fine and normal when his mind was rotting away the whole time...just horrifying to think about.
I'm in medical school and I have ADHD. I'm already frustrated at forgetting basic things like where I left my stethoscope, what that patients name was, what's the name of that drug that does that? I can function though, and I know that I can put measures in place to help. I can't imagine having that forgetfulness getting progressively worse; that's a fate worse than hell. If I ever get a diagnosis of dementia, I'm going straight to an euthanasia clinic.
I mean if in moment of lucidity you realize you're a dementia patient who used to be a dr,, at least you can feel you accomplished something with your life.
My grandfather was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2017 , we watched it develop from the beginning. When I was younger I would go to visit my grandparents with my family and each time there would be a little less if him . It’s truly terrifying to watch someone you love disappear like that . He passed away earlier this year due to an injury caused by his dementia , he forgot so much of himself but I will never forget him. The love he had for his family , his animals and his life. He was such a unique man who can’t be described in a comment section. I love you granfee ❤️
Even though we lose ourselves, either through death or memory loss, I sincerely believe that just because those memories are gone, it doesn't mean those memories never happened. The past is permanent and they bring forth the present that molds the future. Knowing that those moments did happen and are cemented in history, even if they were bad moments, I feel at peace. Even if everyone forgets about one thing, it still leaves a mark in the universe, however small that might be.
My Mom says that when she's 80 plus, she'd rather die young than live old with dementia or Alzheimer's and I absolutely agree with her. I'd rather die as well because living with that curse is far worse than death. That's how horrifying having this disease is.
Marcus Carana. I don't know if you have seen a film called "Logan's Run"? The story is set sometime in the future and in this futuristic world; everyone stays young and healthy because of the advancement in medical science. However, humans now live in a culture whereby the state will destroy all human bodies before it reaches the age of 30 years, thus, no one has to go through the pain and suffering of old age...
this video is already depressing enough, but 30:45 literally broke me. imagine thinking you're a medical director and seeing your name on a chart, flipping through it you just see "Alzhimers" written right on it. Right then, you realize your life you thought you had was simply in the past, and you cant remember anything of the present.
@@ripadblock Well, i'm sure you'll love getting it, then. Oh wait... you won't, because you'll forget that you thought it was cool. Tough luck, my guy.
My grandma passed away on 10 January 2024, it was pneumonia that killed her but she had been suffering from dementia since 2016, and the way her decline was so gradual and then it just collapsed. She was able to do normal things, but her memory started acting fuzzy, she would remember things for a few days and then they were gone, then in 2021 she was psychotic and we had to admit for it. So much in this video reminds of her to the point that it is scary. I remember watching my grandma's decline and to be honest it was horrifying, absolutely horrifying. When this guy mentioned how they call you by names of people they know rather than your own, it hit my like a dagger because my grandma used to call me Omar when she could still speak, for context Omar was her cousin who died of alcholism in the 1970s, but I have often been told that I look very similar to gim, regardless it horrifies me how accurate this video has been when reflect on my grandma's experience with dementia. I'll say one more thing, the dementia was awful that even though it broke me when she passed away, in the end, I was more relieved than anything because finally her suffering had ended, she was and forever will be at peace
Alzheimer runs in my family. My grandma had it, my father had it and I'm quite convinced that I can also have it. My father fought against it as much as he could but was dragged just like his mother. No mental exercises, controlled food or physical activities have spared him. I saw him losing who he was, forgetting how to speak, how to walk, how to chew. I fear nothing because I saw the worst lost someone can have: being lost inside yourself. This has gave me a sense of living the day and just wanting it to be ok. I was really young when I realised how death was a lovely hug and not the enemy of ours. Our enemy is our sense of forever. We have to live the day and embrace it because we won't live forever nor will remember it. I keep a journal just with my life highlights, where which entry has 2-3 years between span, gathering all I succeed to do so I can remember when I have alzheimer how hard I tried to be happy.
My family is the same, after they turn 60 half die of cancer and the other half of dementia, im sure that going to get sick but i rather unalive myself before dying suffering also i dont want that bitch to win over me
Hey buddy, I’m so sorry to hear about that. I work in Alzheimer’s research. Drop a social if you want to talk to someone about this sometime, and I can even give you some advice to help yourself. This isn’t easy, I know. But you’re here right now and there’s no other place to be.
I'm very sorry, but still, hope for the better please. being prepared for the worst isn't a bad thing, though. cancer runs in my family so I feel you there.
Dementia runs in my family and unfortunately my grandma had it. The day my mother heard that she passed away was on Christmas eve and she told me that she felt relief that she passed away because the illness was making everyone in the family miserable including my grandmother. Whenever my mom would visit her she wouldn't recognise her and she would talk about my mom to her and she still couldn't figure out that the daughter was talking about was standing right in front of her. She couldn't even remember her name. My uncle is also showing early signs of dementia :/
My mother used to take my sister and I to see her elderly patients at their homes and old folks homes. They were so sweet and kind. I’m so sorry about your grandmother and uncle.
It’s terrifying to believe that you could forget everything that you loved, everything you cherished, and everything that’s important to you. And like you said, you can’t escape it. Dementia is truly terrifying.
"it stares at me everywhere I go, I can only get away from it when walls sorround me, I try to stop it but it finds different ways to be there... recently, my....my oh what is that..the, that person I think, told me that I was seeing myself."
My mom wasn't sad when we lost my grandpa. He was 92 when he went, and she said he's really been gone for years. He was essentially a toddler the last time I saw him, just weeks before his end. She's 72 now, and she's more forgetful than she used to be. I'm sure she'll end up like him, and it terrifies me more than anything.
I went through this exactly. I was hired as the caregiver for my Grandfather when he was going through it. After a while, the best thing you can do is just disconnect what's left of the person in front of you from who they actually were. It was easier for both of us as we didn't have to go through the whole "You don't remember me?" emotional train wreck. I was just the caregiver that never went home (he lived with us during that time).
I felt the same as your mom when my nanny died. My mom told me that she died and I didn't really react. She was mad at me when I came back from school, and I didn't say this out loud, but she was already long gone. She couldn't talk, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything other than lie in bed, and occasionally mumble something you might understand... or think you understand. I didn't see her like that because she was in a different country, but my mom did.
The part about replacing someone’s reality with one that makes sense to us being cruel is what my mom firmly believed when my grandpa was declining from dementia. He would talk about loved ones that passed away as if they were still around and thought he was 50 years old when he was actually in his 80s. My mom would go along with it and tell me that if our deceased members of our family are still alive in his mind, then let him be happy. He was simply misplaced in time
Truly. But I also saw it as them being replaced into a fully manufactured reality that is unrecognizable to them- Noone they know, not themselves, not the world- and it felt so cruel.
My grandpa had dementia. Eventually it got so bad that he could not move or talk. He knew that he was surrounded with his loved ones though. Seeing him in that state terrified me. I never felt the same way about death again. When I was younger he would always be laughing, and I just thought that he thought everything was just so funny.
@@marishiten5944thats not how dementia works. also no, i was not awful, i loved him and he loved me back. like dude how could you say something like that?
My grandma and two aunties have it right now.. but they’re all with family. We don’t even have nursing homes here so at least they’ll be with family till the very end..
well, the guy did his best to make it sensationalist and depressing with the music, visuals, and comparisons to nightmarish media. it is a mindset ultimately.
Dementia and Alzheimer's are true horror. You can either die of old age cherishing your memories, or die by forgetting everything and everyone you once knew. Even forgetting how to breathe of all things. It's just scary as hell.
My grandpa has dementia, he used to be a business man with 5 kids, standards, motivation, and interests like football. He was diagnosed in 2015 when I was in the 1st grade (I’m in 8th now) but now the majority of my memories of him are with dementia. Now it’s like he has no personality left and is just a person. He isn’t my grandfather anymore - just a being with the jumbled memories he has left of his poor childhood and his kids when they were younger. He lives in an elderly home now and my grandma’s visits him almost every day, but I’d made the mistake of not visiting him and in a way pushing him aside but now because of this and not to mention the drastic changes in my appearance over the last year , he has to be reminded of who I am and I miss the old grandad who would push me on his suitcase at the airport when he flew in to visit. I’m slowly forgetting what he used to be, but now just getting so used to his dementia and not seeing anything different. My grandma went to visit him on her birthday, but he had zero clue and thought it was just a regular day, and she just didn’t tell him, her husband that it was her birthday because she didn’t want him to cry. Now it’s just a matter of time until he’s fully deteriorated and my grandpa is fully gone. I wish he would die another way, a way where he didn’t have to very slowly fade into nothingness, leaving our family to just- watch.
I am so, so sorry for you. I could not even imagine the emotional pain that could cause. I would barely be able to smile if anything, i may not have experienced having a family member with dementia. But I know that it's one of the worst things to ever happen to someone
this is genuinely the best video essay i've ever seen, i watched it with headphones and the background noise and static switching between ears and repeating really gives the effect that you're forgetting something, also alathea (or however it's spelled) is now my favourite word
Horror movies will never be able to replicate the terror and fear that i experienced when i listened to Everywhere at the end of time. Nothing is as scary as knowing that you can die like this at an older age and Leyland Kirby perfectly showed it in music form.
@The Caped Critique Yeah Leyland James Kirby was originally making a Shining fan album before switching to work on everywhere at the end of time. Wonderfully horrifying, yet still not nearly as terrifying as real dementia must be.
Cherish the moments you have your youth and health because it wont be this way forever. Remember to forgive and don't let the little things overtake what is truly important.
I suffer from DPDR. I'm always trying to get a better grasp on what matters to me; who I am, what I want, and how I really feel. I want to enjoy my youth but time is passing me by. My dream is that when I die I will feel like I did what I truly wanted to do, as my true self, but if I died tomorrow I won't have fulfilled that dream. Maybe it's as they say; you can always start fresh and try again, even later in life, but now as I approach my 30s I wonder if I'll ever find what's important to me before old age. Your comment is scary to me, but also inspiring. In the end, even when our bodies fail, what matters is that we did what we wanted. Thanks.
Also don't dwell on the past. When you get older, don't mourn and wish for your younger years back. It's wasted energy, and that kind of depression can make you age even faster. I'm not gonna just say "be glad it happened" or whatever because that doesn't work for everyone though. Everyone has their own different way of coping with it. My advice is to find yours.
As a current young person I have to add, don't take this advice too hard. I say it because I think about it every day, trying to enjoy my youth. That takes a little bit of the joy of it. Children and (some) teens enjoy so much because they don't have that concept of aging as a real thing yet. They know it will happen, and they don't process it much, most of the time- they can make mistakes - but they also... aren't trying to cherish moments or make themselves a legacy or whatever thing you are trying to do. They are simply here for a good time and they will let no one and nothing stop them (well that's at least what they aspire for) and that is... very fun, and alive, with your brain reacting sensually strongly to things. I am unfortunately not like that. I wish I was a little more like that. Think about cherishing it. Don't panic over small things But... don't overthink it. Live your life, set some limits to yourself, try to have fun... And you'll be as fine as you can get. Just don't have too many sleepless nights( sleep is when the brain cleans the emeloyd beta proteins)
For me, personally, Dementia and Alzheimer's disease are some of the most painful diseases to witness. My Grandfather currently has it and his condition is painful to see from what he was only 2-3 years ago. Also, I think it was my great great grandfather who one day was being asked if he remembers people (Due to dementia he couldn't.) and he asked if he'll remember the guy over there. He pointed to a mirror that was facing himself. It broke my great grand mother's heart when he said that.
Not to trump what you are saying but I honestly feel like seeing someone die from stage 4 cancer is worse. My grandmother died from dementia at an old age, but my mother recently died from breast cancer at a young age and it is extremely horrifying to witness their youth being taken away from them, their own bodies attacking them from the inside. At least dementia patients get a chance to age and get old. Cancer can make a child as fragile & sickly as a 100 year old.
@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736 cancer is the slow death of the body and its functions. My sister died from a pretty bad brain tumor 2 years ago so I would know. The body stops listening to you as you slowly lose the ability to move. Then you lose the strength to talk or even think complicated throughts. Alzheimers on the other hand is the death of the mind, your mind dies as your body lives on. An empty shell with fragments of a person that are slowly also dying out. Much like the true death of the body, end stage of cancer, only difference is that your shell is still "alive" in some sense. Both are horrible deaths, and I myself would off myself If I got diagnosed with either. But I believe that alzhemiers is worse. Given the fact that some early stage alzheimers patients can get it at even the age of 20. Cancer can also come early, as with my 15 year old sister, bit it only takes 2 or so years for death to take you. Alzheimers on the other hand would have "you" or the empty shell of confusion that is left of you live on for another 20-30 years or until you forget how to breath. Which honstly is 100 times scaries that the pain I saw my sister go through those years. Plus nothing can be done for alzheimers while cancer can be managed if handled right, well atleast there is a small chance of hope. One of the many reasons my sister died was the doctors not wanting to do jack shit just pumped her with relaxants that took away the pain until she died. No attempt at an operation or even chemo.. Anyway enough of me and my rant, sorry.
@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736 Thing is that people at old age died more from heart disease and cancer than Alzheimer. Not to mention that people can died from heart attacks and strokes at young age In USA 2000: 1-)35 to 40% of folks over 75 died from heart disease 2-)16 to 20% of folks over 75 died from cancer 3-)8 to 10% of folks over 75 died from strokes
I do not expect anyone to read this. But this video is truly awesome-inspiring and thought provoking, this is food for the mind. Thank you for creating such a video.
the line “and then they forgot how to breathe” holds a particular weight to me. my grandmother who had dementia died just that way, sometime in the night she just stopped breathing. as a kid it didn’t seem that scary and sounded almost peaceful but now with the reflection of age and greater comprehension it contains a terrifying notion to me. the thought that dementia not only pulls at your consciousness but also your subconsciousness is so scary. it makes me wonder to what extent your subconsciousness is vulnerable, thoughts(similar to the point from the video of lacking a filter with remarks), mannerisms(like preferring your silverware to be ordered a particular way, or licking your finger before turning a page), and finally muscle control(obviously breathing but also blinking). it’s also interesting to add that the forgetfulness of dementia wouldn’t affect the persons ability to have their heart beat. it is a subconscious thing but not something you can control consciously like breathing and blinking, so the act of having control once is the thing that kills you once you lose it. if you read all this, thank you, truly.
i think that was more poetic than literal. people with dementia 'forget' to breathe the same way everyone else does in old age - heart disease, stroke, pneumonia. yes, if the part of the brain that controls breathing is damaged you'll stop breathing. but that is not 'forgetting'.
There's a film called Its Such a Beautiful Day, which in my opinion, is the greatest visual representation for alzheimers. It's about a man named Bill as he struggles with his mental illness, but as he has a dream about his final moments, the film says: "at the climax of all those years of worry, sleepless nights, and denials, Bill finally finds himself staring his death in the face, surrounded by people he no longer recognizes and feels no closer attachment to than the thousands of relatives who'd come before. And as the Sun continues to set, he finally comes to realize the dumb irony in how he had been waiting for this moment his entire life, this stupid awkward moment of death that had invaded and distracted so many days with stress and wasted time"
I was wondering if someone in the comments was going to mention Don Hertzfeldt's work. So much of his work centers around the idea of memories, identity and death...and all of it is heartwrenching.
I've at this point listened to everywhere at the end of time over 15 times and I still can't stop the uneasy feeling I get during act 3 and onwards, I truly wouldn't wish something so horrific such as Dementia on my worst enemy.
Same here, I almost made it through while on a six+driving to Chicago but I had to stop in Act 4 because I just felt such an underlying anxiety. I love Act 1 though, even if it still unsettled me, there is a pleasant nostalgia to it.
This is the first time I've heard of this album and I have to admit that everyone commenting on how disturbing it is really has me wanting to listen to it. How can it be that bad? I'm even thinking about listening next time I take ketamine, but I don't know if that's such a good idea. If it is as powerful and disturbing as people say then I wouldn't want to put my brain in that situation. It would probably feel like I was trapped and unsure if I wasn't already in the advanced stages of dementia and not just under the influence of a drug. So that probably won't be happening, but I'm still going to listen to it completely straight. Any words of wisdom for me?
@@trippmoore if you have a free 6-7 hours on your hand give it a try without any drugs or anything since I doubt it would really be good for you mentally. It’s definitely disturbing and I advice you have both headphones on for the full experience. The first 2 sets are rather tame with the 3rd 4th and 5th easily being the most disturbing as the music slowly becomes less coherent and when you try to remember the first two stages it becomes impossible, it feels like a blur that you can never remember. It may not effect you as much as others or it may effect you worse than others. That’s about all I can really say, but if you have other questions feel free to ask.
@@trippmoore its not that bad people are just pussies, just dont listen to it while severely depressed or some shit like that cuz it is very chaotic and dark, but its not gonna make you spontaneously get depression
In my family dementia runs in it. My grandma, great uncle, great auntie, my mom, my great grandma, everyone. Now I just accept that I will have it one day and forget about everything like they did. After seeing my grandparents forget they ever had kids killed me at first, I blamed them for forgetting me. (My 7 year old brain somehow came up to.) But, right now, I just don’t care. I don’t care they forgot me, I don’t care they forgot everything about themselves and especially me. I don’t care I will get it now, plus when I do get it I will forget I ever got it. So it’s just a loop in my family tree. I will never wish anyone this curse.
Being a young adult coming from a long line of people affected by dementia it can be daunting and terrifying, especially when you see your own parents and grandparents begin to show symptoms. Beginning to forget memories, names and forgetting. I appreciate this video being here to humanize this horrifying disease that hangs over nearly everyone, so thank you.
Though I believe there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel, it doesn’t mean anyone should devalue their actual lives here. Live yours dude, cherish it, awesome to see teens know what’s up
Grandma just passed from dementia last night. With 100% certainty, everything that was described is exactly how she acted. The slow to rapid decline. The anger mood swings. Forgetting im her grandson. Sentences that lead to nowhere. Motionless just with her eyes open. Then nothing Enjoy every bit of your life everyone.
I've been purposely avoiding this video since I first saw it show up in my youtube feed for a year. Hearing about Alzheimer's, and dementia but not knowing how devastating it is in-person and seeing my grandmother go through it has absolutely scares the daylights out of me. watching this made me have really bad anxiety that spiraled into a panic attack- I haven't had one in a few years. i'm writing this out to deal with my feelings after aggressively hitting a bong because I have shit to do in the morning and need like a few hours of sleep. I dont like dealing with emotions as severe as this is hitting me right now, usually im at 0 at everything, just chillin, i feel like the dial is cranked past its limit and it sucks. My happiest memory of my grandma after being admitted to a hospice facility has to be on a Sunday. Dad asked me if i wanted to visit grandma, because she wasn't doing well after a few falls, and she has been in dealing with dementia/decline for 3-5 years but i don't know exactly. I said yes knowing how tense things had become at home because of my dad having to care for his mom and other life bs, because fuck college homework it could wait (I ended up getting kicked out of college for mental health declining during/after all of this; First semester back- i hope i do ok) Anyway- We get there, grandma had gotten a bath in one of those really nice whirlpool tubs, and she was acting just like she was before the dementia happened. We watched the Twins play baseball on tv, i had handfed her some bomb ass twirly noodles in red sauce, some salad and garlic bread. She and I would go back and forth trying to have her eat more when she'd insist she was full, and would joke like we used to. After awhile she had enough of eating, and we watched the ballgame. I didn't spend a whole lot of time watching the ballgame though, I spent it trying to figure out how to get her to eat more because she was so skinny or trying to be on reddit to distract myself from spiraling anxiety (without dad or grandma seeing). Eventually she got around to eating some cake that i had soaked with one of those mandarin fruit cups so it would be moist, and because she absolutely adored mandarin oranges now that she wasn't able to eat regular ones (she used to grow them). She ate everything, and only a few orange slices were left in the Tupperware. At some point she mentioned seeing mother and father, and mentioned seeing her husband or looking for him, i cant recall. I think I just nodded at her, and said something along the lines of "well, i hope the twins win this game- it'll be really special then" or just tried to get her to eat food. We had left that evening, and i forgot the oranges in her room so i stopped back to grab them. her face lit up when she saw me and i told her id forgotten the oranges and needed to make sure they wouldn't spoil. i had hugged her and said i'd be back soon, and with more oranges and cake. She called me a nickname i hadn't heard in well over 4+ years. I genuinely did not think she would recall that again. Monday goes by, i dont know what happened that day. Tuesday was more concerning but we watched Bewitched. More concern and grandma went on more pain meds, thursday happened and i said my goodbyes. I promised her i'd become a nurse or scientific researcher because i dont need to be meredith grey, and she squeezed my hand. The entire time i had visited her that day, she was death rattling, and unresponsive aside from end stage of life natural physical reactions and such. Her eyes were closed for the most part. I briefly recall my dad mentioning that he would rather die right away with his mind intact than go through that hell, and im fairly certain if it is genetic, he will have it someday too. I hope that he can make the choice for himself to do assisted suicide while he is able to, i know i can eventually care for him but it terrifies me as a young adult with aging parents and scares me even more to have to see family in that same spot- and maybe myself someday. If that is the case, im going to enjoy a bunch of psychedelics and then kys. But I've never felt more certain she heard me, knew what i was saying and acknowledged it. I dont know if thats my minds comforting idea that she briefly opened her eyes while squeezing my hand or not but it helped me deal with her passing and the fear of forgetting that never really leaves my mind. ive decided i am now done typing all of this because feeling shitty sucks and i only have time for dealing with that in therapy i want to be cozy in my bed instead.
My grandpa has dementia, and I’m very happy he hasn’t forgotten me yet. I brought my saxophone in to play to him, and a couple weeks later, I received a letter from my grandma. She stated, “Your grandpa loved hearing you play your instrument.” I only played marching show music, and practiced my solo audition, which I never ended up making. But I do fear that he may forget me, and that’ll be just alright. It’s natural, and I just have to let it take its course, though I wish it didn’t. I have a drawing I’m making in an art class, and plan to beg my art teacher to keep it, so I can give it to my grandpa. I love him so much, and wish the best for him, as I don’t see him all too often.❤ -I HAVE AN UPDATE!!! I was told I can get it back! Bad news, I won’t get it back until April, because my art was so good, that it’s being put in an art competition. I’ll come back to this in April I guess? I don’t know. Update 2: It’s pretty bad this time around. I went down to my grandpa’s for Easter with my saxophone yet again. I played something from a book, and played some parts from my school’s Winter Winds show. It was all I had memorized. I didn’t find out until the car ride home, but yesterday (as of writing this) was his last day of living. The last thing he heard from my saxophone was the Winds show. We go to Dayton, Ohio for our final competition next week and perform it, and I’ll perform my hardest for him! I found out the artwork is just now being submitted, and the funeral is at the end of the week. It’s impossible for timing, but I’m sure my grandma would love it. I’ll give it to her. Thank you so much for the replies. I love reading them, and it’s so special for me to see some continued support. As of now, my hobbies have so much more meaning to them now, and I can’t wait to show how great I’ll get at them. For my grandpa. -This will most likely be my final update. I went to his funeral about a month and a half ago. I miss him. Dayton went really well though. We placed in the top three, even first in prelims! Things went wrong regarding him though, nothing with the funeral! That went really great. I was venting to a friend of mine. He was the only one who knew, and he went and told it to my best friend like it was nothing. Like it didn’t hurt me. He asked for a commission from the best friend (the best friend declined) and the best friend told me. It sucked, but I cut off all contact from him. So did somebody in my section. I still don’t know if it was the right idea, but he had already showed signs of extreme cliny-ness (not like average clingy but like “Hey wha should my future career be? Hey you’re the only friend I have (blatant lie)”) and it was getting to the point where the red flags overwhelmed the green. My friends keep reassuring me, I’m glad to have some back up. Oh yes, timing is all before the big competition. I think I’m doing better. His life is his own, and I’m kind of glad for cutting off. It was kind of freeing in a sense.
The best thing you can do honestly is treat them how you would anyone else. Take it from me who has Alzheimer's running in the family, recorded for the past 2 generations, and also an HVAC Service technician who works with a large population of elderly customers. I have never had someone who's had dementia where they didn't find some comfort in me just talking to them or even including them in a conversation/task they don't understand. My favorite memory of this was this previous June I was working at this elderly couples house. The husband had dementia and was honestly pretty grouchy and rude however when I got to working on the AC outside he had come out to watch me work even with the wife's protests. I ended up just talking to him about whatever he wanted to bring up while I worked while also I explaining why I'm doing what I'm doing. I do this often because then I don't skip steps and the customer builds trust so its no biggie to me. I get to testing a capacitor and he sparks up and starts going "Whoa look at you go! I used to work on ones 1000x stronger..." He explained a very obvious tall tale however I never reaffirmed what he was saying was logical but just asked him more making sure to be specific on what I was replying to. Also handed him a hose and just made him feel useful for a step or two. In the end he sat there and said "I know I have dementia I know I repeated myself and was rude but you really helped remind me I'm still myself, shook my hand and had a huge smile on his face while I explained what I had done today to the wife." Hopefully I see them again this upcoming winter cause I really empathize with what the wife and him will be going through. Anyway, just talking to them and relating your stories to their topics while reminding them what you were responding to will have an amazing effect in their mood.
My mother watched her own grandfather die from dementia. What hit me hard is when she told me about one of his last moments of consciousness. He was stomping on the floor trying to get rid of bugs that weren’t there. When all of a sudden, he stopped, look at my mom and said, “I’m not crazy, I’m just old.” Its so heart wrenching to think of him trying to keep it together, keep his dignity.
"I'm not crazy, I'm just old." That sentence right there sent a shiver down my spine. Being aware that your mind is playing tricks on you but not being able to stop it must be scary.
@@glassofwater281 it’s like watching a loved one fight an entity that is holding them in a cage while they struggle pointlessly. It’s terrifying and will always convince me my father was correct in what he said, “you may take my body but please don’t take my mind”
I've lost multiple loved ones to Alzheimer's and am currently under treatment myself. Thank you for this. I love that you incorporated the music of Kirby with the artwork of Seal, I believe they both came as close as possible to describing the horror of the disease.
The writing, the soundtracks, the references. Impeccable video. What an amazing job this is and what an incredibly fun and thought provoking video. I have become incredibly nitpicky of the writings in videos since the bigger part of them revolves around stitching sentences together with fancy words and questions marks at the end of them, attempting to sound dramatic and interesting. This video however is wholly honest and genuine in its attempt and i can see that it was an honest creative experience for that sake. Great job and thank you so much for it.
This is the single scariest thing I could ever experience, Weather to me or to a loved one. I have ADHD and in the glimpses where I forget things, I get so scared, its hard to explain.
@@xtremeyoylecakeThis video made me realize that I need to remember now, because I could forget later. Specifically the one bad relationship that fucked me up. I wanted to forget it so badly. I wish it never happened. But I can’t forget it, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to, or try to. The fact I can still remember is a testament to my mental fortitude, something I hold near and dear to me. If one day I do end up with dementia, please someone take me outback and shoot me like Ol’ Yeller, it’s not a life Id want any part in living.
dude; i have anxiety problems and adhd and life has sucked here recently but this video genuinely made me realize how important it is to get closer to god
Sometimes when I need to cope with difficult moments I think as the moment as already forgotten. Like how many moments are lost out of your memory? Entire days, weeks, maybe even months could go by and in the future you don't recall them. It helps to think a tough situation as to never have happened, because in the grand scheme it never happened because it was forgotten. I really enjoy the topics you explore in your videos and look forward to what else you make in the future!
It may help temporarily but what your describing is what the psychoanalysts called repression. It leads to the emotions around the traumatic event being unprocessed and unconscious. Most modalities of therapy are based around the idea of going back through your past and getting you to remember and resolve past traumas.
It reminds me of some stuff from elem school. I was a sort of really weird armchair philosopher, trying to understnad what is going on. It was a very early discovery of vague nihilistic stuff. And in 5th grade there was a difficult poem that I had to memorize. By the time I actually developed methods beyond reading it over and over as parents told, but this time they knew about it and were supervising. The poem was for the next day and there was lots of pressure to do it well as a demonstration. I had this very general and clear thought about that this will pass and will be an unclear weird thing from some months ago. It was one of the last times, and the biggest I remember of it being sort of something unusual. A lot happened before, but this is one. Since then a lot happened and I rose up to what you might call the Reddit user level. It is the best of the actual worst, but it's much better then what would have happened. Those people doing weird roleplay stuff, they are still something I understand and can't laugh at but feel bad for them
I used to be a patient care attendant. Witnessing someone actively losing their memory whilst 30 seconds before they were aware of their surroundings was like a living nightmare. They instantly forgot their age, their name, their past job, if it was day or night, where they were and why they were dressed like that. The patient was vividly aware that they were losing their mind, and to see them realize their dementia all over again whilst having absolutely no control over it is an experience that cannot even be described. It is eerie.
This is the true cosmic horror of Lovecraft's stories, it doesn't have words or anything to describe it, it has what you can understand but it's too tiny.
a resident i took care of (in the early stages of the disease) just sat in bed frustrated because she was constantly forgetting what time it was. she never yelled which i was grateful for. she’d get mealtimes mixed up, look at her clock and ask me if it was right or just straight up tell me it was wrong and needed to be fixed. as frustrating as it is as a caregiver (though i never let it show) it was heartbreaking. how would i even start to comfort her? :( the nurse always told me she just wanted to be alone, but i at least wanted to give her some reassurance to calm her down for the moment, but 19 year old me never knew how. she suggested i tell her to watch the tv her family set up, but there was the off chance she wouldn’t remember how to change the channel….working at that memory care facility left me so stressed. the behaviors, imagining their mental limbo, wondering if it would be me one day…it’s not until now i realize that my mind blocked out a lot of those experiences. my mom is well-versed in healthcare. she asked me why i wanted to quit so badly after six months in. i told her it was too much. just upsetting. she said “what’s upsetting? they’re just blissfully unaware.” she couldn’t be so far from the truth. i just wanted to shake her and say “yeah, you did a couple weeks of clinicals there, but you. don’t. get it. i clench my jaw so hard while i work because i’m so tense. i can feel teeth indentions on my cheeks when i get home.” the stress and worry built over the months and turned into a week of panic attacks. i’d stay up worrying that my brain would shut off and end me out of nowhere.…it was time to quit. cna’s are replaceable and there was a new class of trainees that would take my spot. it takes a certain kind of person to be a caregiver for a dementia patient :(
I help care for those with this illness. Ive witness "terminal lucidity", we call it "the last wind" in the unit. I've only seen it maybe four times in my 7years of working in healthcare. Its both bittersweet and amazing to see that they can get a little back before the end. You did an outstanding job capturing the brutality and transitional facts of this terrifying disease.
My great grandma had Alzheimer’s that eventually killed her. I remember one day where my mom had just gotten home from visiting her, and said that she was mostly lucid that day and had legitimate conversations with her. This sounds like what you are talking about.
@theEWDSDS I haven't, just cognitive function enough to remember some faces and sometimes where or the year, but never really all at once. Normally by the time the disease goes into last stages they're not able to do much but breathe and hear. The brain is just a mass and nothing connects too much more.
i haven't had to deal with this in people, but there was something very similar that happened to my childhood cat. She started walking in circles, hissing at nothing, and generally seemed super disoriented. After a couple weeks of that one morning she was completely fine. Went over to my mom and started asking for pets for a couple hours, then she regressed to the point that we had to put her down (they think it was a brain tumor, so there's not much we could've done) She was such a good kitty, rest in peace :(
As a 23 year old with adhd I can strongly relate with this fear as I have lots of short term memory issues since I was little. Long term memory is good though
@anenderwomanwithinternet helps, but the problem is the organization of those notes. My best attempt at not losing notes is writing them in google Docs, but unless I remember the title it got losts in the sea of documents as I probably create a new document every day
For a while after my grandma got diagnosed with dementia she lived part time at me and my parents house, that time was the worst time of my life. I had to slowly watch her go from helping around the house to trying to break down the door to get outside to escape supposed nazis coming to kill her, this combined with covid meaning that I couldn’t get out to the house for a break has probably mentally damaged me in some way. Even the smallest thing could set her off into a house destroying frenzy and at some point I was fully convinced she was gone and dead in my eyes, I still can’t shake that feeling now. At this point she is in a hospital for 24 hour care and I haven’t seen her in a year. Thanks for anyone that read this far, just needed to get this off my chest.
My maternal grandmother died of dementia in 2022. It was heartrending and miserable for everyone, but also terrifying because she didn't even recognize her own daughters. She regressed to the mindset of a child and would scream, yell at and cry when she saw my aunt and mother because she saw them as two strange old women. It was too hard for me to talk to or see her anymore and I feel deeply ashamed of having been so weak and frequently think of myself as a shitty grandson for that. Even more so because as much as my heart ached for her I also wanted her to die soon so that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. One morning she had (another) stroke and wound up fatally hitting her head when my mother was the only one nearby trying to help her, but she was too late. Dementia's no joke.
Covid quarantine was the worst time of my life, not only because I couldn't go out, because my granfather with alzheimer and cancer was on my house, and we were the only ones that for the previous 2 years could take care of him. I remember he starting to forget everyone, however, more than forget, he usually took others as sombody that he previusly know, however, I was the only one that everyday, I was a stranger to himself. As his diseasess sarted to advance, it was clear that this month, was his last, however, an unexpected event happened. My other grandfather died suddenly, because of covid, I didn't even knew that he catched something and felt all surreal. The days passed and as well my grandpa with dementia, and... the first day I could handle the pain of all, the anxiety that I was coming through but one night I have a dream. It was simple, and even.. felt like a normal day, I went out with my friends, having a great time. However, when I got to my house, I found My grandfather, standing and smiling and the only thing that I did was hugging him. I swear that when I did that, I felt the warm of his body, and no long after, I woke up crying, without knowing what happened. After that magical event, I started to feel more relieved, at least, he wasn't living in that manner anymore and... That dream felt like the farewell that I needed. This video made me remember of that rough time, and the only thing that I can do is express my story and beeing up to help and listen all the families that are coming through this
I had a dream of saying sorry to my grandpa and... well sadly even I can not remember fully but he did not speak at all, only nodded then smiled. This happened one week after he died from covid.
People are soft lol being inside the house is not that bad people need to relax, play video games watch movies , you don’t need to go out all the time Christ it was a year
My grandmother on my fathers side has dementia and my grandfather on my mothers side have dementia. Dealing with my grandfather, he was a man I looked up to my entire life and all the stories he told were always inspiring. With his frontal lobe dementia, his memory is less affected (mostly his short term memory being affected) however, the effect on his emotions have haunted me for the better part of a few years now. He does not laugh, he does not cry, he does not yell, he does not whisper. He has trouble with slurring his words. As for my grandmother, she was once a soft spoken woman with the voice of an angel that partially inspired me to become a musician. She is now a kranky hateful woman with a disturbingly quick wit for venomous comments. Francis was no more. I remember the moment she first asked me who I was, a tidal wave of skull splitting dread flooded my mind and I couldn't even look at her. I ran out of the room and cried in the room I was staying in. I still love them both but seeing them nowadays still breaks me in half. Thanks to all who listened to my story.
I don't want to scare you but I would definitely get tested for Alzheimer's yourself. Since you have very close relatives that have it, there's a very real possibility you could develop it too.
My grandma is dealing with this and is on hospice and it's truly heartbreaking to see the same person who would tell me amazing stories about her childhood, forget not only me but everything she was and the wonderful life she lived. I don't wish this on anyone so make sure to cherish the time you have with the ones you care for as even the narrator said, we are running out of it.
Good god I cannot imagine the amount of anguish one must feel when it's just another day at the job in the hospital. You pick up a patient's chart and read your own name, and below it a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. The overwhelming dread and despair must hit you like a freight train as you quickly realize what is going on, only for this horrific disease to drag you back out of lucidity, kicking and screaming.
@@redblade8160 I think you 'forgot' the fact that he was referring to the doctor case (where he, himself, had dementia and had forgot it - acting as a doctor 'normally' until he found his own name and diagnosis - which leads to their comment)
0:00 “At best, forgetting is simply inconvenient, at its worst, it can destroy a life. Multiple lives.” This is the scariest quote I have heard, hands down. No form of history is permanent, videos can be deleted or destroyed, VHS tapes can be unwound or torn apart by an uneducated child, and memories can be taken away, just as quickly as you gained them.
My grandfather died about two weeks ago. He had demetia, and he would forget things. He mentioned how the house that he was in was much like his own. He bought that house and raised four children in it. He would forget where he went to college, and what he did. He attained multiple P.H.D's in many subjects. His mind slipped away like ice cream melting into the burning concrete. He remembered people, however. For that I'm grateful. This video truly scared me, because this is real. I do not want this to happen to me. I may be fourteen, but the inevitability of this means I very well may lose myself tomorrow, and there would be the same result. Maybe I will be spared this fate. Maybe I shall resemble my grandfather. Maybe I will be left wandering an unfamiliar hall, with people I do not know, in a house I grew up in, with my family.
My grandfather also died recently, nearly a year ago. He too had dementia, and passed away quietly and peacefully. There is no advice applicable to the grieving one goes through due to a situation like this, but the days do get better, even if they intermittently get worse. In memory of the memories they could not recall, we live on.
Do not fear dementia. You cannot prevent it, so why would you fear it? Fear is used to protect you, protect you from an active threat. I had fear of dementia when I was Ten, I'm 14. It will come for us, and we must embrace it before it embraces us back,
@@mychemicalteaits very good. It's not talking like an ancient roman which makes it easily indecipherable. It is weird though, that every person who has a early developed brain will develop dementia. It is depressing, really.
I've lost four members of my family to dementia - my grandmother (father's side), my great aunt (father's side), my father's elder sister, and my father's little brother. The last one was the hardest because his death occurred during the Covid quarantine and my father couldn't be with him. My mom tries to reassure me that my uncle was surrounded by nurses that made sure his last moments were comfortable, but I'm thinking more of my dad. Our relationship is a rough one, but I still care about him. That damn virus kept my father from being with his brother. It's hereditary, the dementia, on both sides of my family. I fear my father getting it. I fear my mother getting it. I fear my sisters getting it. I fear getting it myself. I haven't had the best life, and, as you pointed out, dementia can cause a complete personality shift. I'm afraid of I might become. Is it horrible that I hope heart disease takes me? As scary as a heart attack would be, it wouldn't be lingering, would it? Hell, I almost died last October tripping over my own feet, falling down three stairs and bashing my head against a cedar chest. Anything could take me when I think about it, but I don't want to die a little by little everyday. There's a horror movie called Relic that came out in 2020 deals with the subject of a family member with dementia. A woman, along with her daughter, move into her mother's home to take care of her. The house is covered in an ever present mold, symbolic of the pervasiveness of the disease. There's some body horror in it, but the last 10 ten minutes got me right in heart because what happens. I don't want to spoil it, but it was a metaphor that almost made me cry. I've nothing more to say. I don't know if anyone will read this. Thank you, Mr. Elieson, for making this video.
I read this and I see you. I'm sorry for all of your loss. I haven't had to experience losing a loved one like this... Yet. But I'm pretty sure my grandmother is in the early stages..
i had trauma as a child so as i’ve grown i’ve forgotten a lot of my childhood. i only have a few distinct memories from before 16. my dad was telling me how he used to video tape and take pictures of me and my sister nearly every day. i didn’t believe him because i felt like i’d remember being in front of a camera all the time but.. he showed them to me… a version of me i used to be but have no recollection of… it was weird and very saddening for me. forgetting is scary
Childhood trauma messed with my memory too. I find myself running in circles in my mind because of the things I can't remember and it freaks me out. I hear other people recall their childhood vividly and it irks me that mine is just not there in my mind. Any of the parts I remember feel disjointed as if they were different lifetimes.
Introducing myself to my grandmother every time I see her is one of the hardest things I've ever done, at least she's always really happy whenever she gets to see us
This video is haunting. Watching this while coping with my grandma’s late stage dementia tears my family apart, my dad and grandpa becoming obsessed with her health and memory. It’s worse for them than it is for her. She smiles, she laughs at nothing, and she seems at peace. There is bliss in ignorance, they just have to find it.
My grandfather is similar. He was always an extremely disciplined man, and with the later stages he has become more happy and complacent. I don't think he knows who I am anymore, but he's happy. That's all I can ask for.
@@batyalivni3577 I’ll note that from my experience with my father, even when the person can’t understand your words or remember who you or they are… they know if they feel loved. The greatest thing you can do for your grandfather is to love him no matter what.
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. I remember at one point she kept asking me for a phone book so she could call her sister. Her sister had been dead for over a decade.
I think the part that really scares me with ADHD is when I'm driving somewhere familiar and my mind goes down a tangent and when I blink back to reality, I've gone a few blocks, having stopped at red lights and slowed for traffic. I was conscious, but my consciousness was elsewhere. True autopiloting.
Which is why many commit suicide after Alzheimer's diagnosis. People seeing it as better option to die while the memories are intact and the loved ones don't need to suffer for years as they watch you to forget everything
I had dementia for 4 years. It was an infectious/encephalitis kind, so when I was finally treated, I recovered (though I still have some cognitive issues). From my personal experience, it's not scary. I wouldn't use the word scary to describe it. It's more disorientating. As much as you want to function with other people, you just can't. You don't recognize your own face in the mirror. I would look at my parents and think 'yes, these are my parents,' but I would feel no emotional attachment to the concept. It's like I didn't recognize what parents meant anymore to me. If anyone dissociates or has depersonalization/derealization disorder, it's like that - just upped a few levels. You don't even know that you're forgetting or losing memories. Even now, I randomly can recover memories throughout the day - important ones too, and I can't believe that I ever lost them. I'm grateful to have them back, but I'm finally realizing that I don't actually need them. It's sort of like having a lot of stuff piled up in your room - you're attached, you don't want to get rid of them, but you don't really need them. You don't even know the memories that you're losing, so it doesn't feel like anything is being taken from you. Anyway, the feeling I overall had was kind of euphoric. It kind of felt like perpetually being high. Like yes, you're forgetting everything, but there was something really nice about it. Peaceful, almost? I would have moments of psychosis and those were less peaceful, but when I was lethargic and at my worst, it was honestly really nice and relaxing. It's weird that the beginning of having dementia was worse than the end of it. I've come to the conclusion that it's the literal ego death (if you're more spiritual). You're losing everything. Your self is gone, everything that made up you is gone, but it's not scary. A part of it feels normal. However, to function as a healthy and happy human in life, I think that you need a bit of ego. That's how you thrive, that's how you get things done - don't dismiss having an ego just because everyone constantly encouraging 'ego death' all the time. Hopefully this can bring some comfort to anyone whose loved ones are dealing with that (or people that are terrified of the concept).
Yes, these were my thoughts as well. From what I read and heard, fading away from dementia doesn't sound too bad. It's pure horror for my loved ones, but for my self it would simply waking up each day a little bit less 'me'. The perfect nihilistic death.
When you start remembering more about yourself and your feelings, you will probably feel pain. I'm not diagnosed with dementia but I, during a certain age of mine, sudde ly began losing attachment to things, depersonalization, and various memories I had of myself previous to the age of 10. I cry when I remember those beautiful emotions I experienced and how full life was with them... You might say that there's no horror, but the horror is there... You don't realize it because you are entrapped in blissful ignorance. Despite that, I prefer recovering my memories, because that implies I recover my capacity to feel like that, so ignorance may be a bliss, but remembering all, you are capable of more.
@Skaldewolf I've seen the opposite. Lots of people become filled with fear and dread, without knowing why. They can't explain their terror properly and comfort themselves. Definitely not all peaceful and nihilistic. They realise something is terriblly wrong but they don't know what. They feel bad they can't remember things or get things right and it crushes them. Don't romanticize this disease, it's horrifying for lots who have it.
@@rightwhereyouleftme__ I don’t think this is romanticizing the disease, just trying to offer comfort to those of us who are frightened by it. Thanks for crushing that… real cool of you!!!
It sounded like a passable (if overly poetic and dramatic) description of ego dissolution. You, too, can experience a temporary cessation of thought while remaining conscious if you use the right drugs.
I'm a pretty forgetful person. I always have this voice at the back of my head, saying "what would happen if I get dementia? or even alzheimers?" It already hurts forgetting friends (like online and such.) I always try to remember who they were, how I met them, what we did together, so and so. Hell, I would even start crying forgetting who they were. I fear forgetting. I would even wish I remembered everything in my entire life, every single detail of it. I am terrified of forgetting.
"What an abyss of uncertainty whenever the mind feels that some part of it has strayed beyond its own borders; when it, the seeker, is at once the dark region through which it must go seeking." - Marcel Proust
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Could you explain what this means? ( i am having trouble understanding)
Please do not stop making content, your content is peak-quality and i love your videos.
Amazing video dude! What dementia also shows is thats really horrible is the abyss, its like it slowly reveals itself, you talked about the drain at the end our conciousness gets sucked into. But in most deaths why fall through a trapdoor quickly. But in dementia it just happens slower so we get to see the approaching abyss with clarity we otherwise wouldn't.
Can u do one about skitzophrenia if u haven't
dont you think i wouldnt recognize the kane pixels music playin in the background
nor the faint references to the caretaker"s album about dementia
YOU CANNOT HİDE ANYTHİN FROM ME CLARK
"There's nothing sadder than mourning a person who's still alive."
fr
Had to do this with my dad unfortunately
did that with my grandparents when they had cancers
I understand this. My mom was this way before she died.
Reading all you guys replies make me wanna kiss my mom when she gets angry at me for doing something wrong
This went from educational to straight up existential
I litterly do not remember clicking on this video
@@Pastelwrlds where am i?
Yeah, that's usually what happens with philosophy
trash
@@DinxDog I don't remember
The most horrifying thing about the self portraits is that he lived for five years after he could barely even understand the concept of a head.
Chad tho
@@TheBBCSlurpee what?
It’s not that he couldn’t understand the concept of a head it’s that he was forgetting how to draw one
@@mimithegshep4380 he was likely forgetting it too you forget KEY things at the later stages you literally start to forget how to form the most basic sentences, at that point you are essentially semi-dead..
His wife apparently said that he stopped drawing about the time of that last picture. And that even though he didn't die for a few more years, she considered him dead - because he was always drawing, always, it was just him, what he did. And when he stopped doing that, what was HIM, she considered him dead.
I just turned 74. Last week at the grocery store I forgot how to use my credit card. I stood looking at it and wondering what to do. Thankfully a ckerk who knows me saw what was heppening and came and rescued me. I know its comming, My Mother suffered from Dementia. She went back to her childhood, and I left here there. She was happy and so was I. Now it is my turn and I hope those around me let me be. It really is what is needed from you.
Don't worry I'm 20 and do that sometimes; I really hope that you're doing alright though, I can't imagine how scary that is
The bad spelling makes me scared for you, talk to your doctors.
hes just having a little mishap dont worry until it really starts to manifest his mind@@Waterenjoyer1308
@@Waterenjoyer1308 I already seeing the doctor. But my mother went this way so I kinda know what's coming and I am taking proper steps to deal with it. Other than that I'm in good health.
Please if you are driving reassess frequently. Wishing you the best and your brave for acknowledging your situation
God, that story of the doctor who found his own chart and reading he had alzheimers is like a twilight zone episode
It really is
not going to lie I'm pretty sure there's a few Twilight episodes that are very similar
There was a similar story about a doctor that was studying psychopaths and after a while he realised he also was a psychopath 💀
Life is scarier than fiction
Exactly. Because forgetfulness and confusion are symptoms.
Dementia is a SYMPTOM of the destruction of the brain! I work with old people, and I have attained numerous classes about this. I learned, that sometimes tiny, short memories are left... Those are called memory islands...because all else around them.. is destroyed.🤯😖😢
“and then they forget how to breathe” This sent chills down my spine
Lemme guess you also forget how to blink
@@zkoopa4445 sure?
Then you forget how to forget
@@matthewboire6843 then you forget how to forget how to forget
Forgetting things is unforgettable.
Glad I'm not alone in having Alzheimer's/Dementia be a biggest fear. To know that one day I might forget my entire life, my family, and myself, and have absolutely no way to stop it, is utterly terrifying.
In fact, I find dementia scarier than death itself. At least death generally happens quickly…dementia is like rotting while still alive.
If you’re young, you can only hope that perhaps by the time you’re at risk of dementia, treatment will have advanced and we could even have a cure
I guess it’s somewhat twisted, this is the basis behind prison over death.
Death will be over fast for the criminal but spending the years left of their life isolated from the rest of the world waking up day after day in the same bed, in the same room, in the same prison, going through the same routine…
well that suffering prolonged for that long is incomparable to the suffering experienced in execution. If that’s the deemed to be the ultimate punishment for the worst criminals, how would it feel enduring that as an innocent man except your loosing every freedom slowly one after another until you can’t even do the subconscious acts.
@@draketurtle4169 depending on the crime letting someone rot their entire life is a very valid and rigth cause, heck id argue serial killers, rapists etc need to be tortured or made as slaves
Try plutonium 210 for rotting from inside. Dementia is the rotting of a brain and only a brain
@@nunothedude U.S. prisoners are already legally slaves but you might need to argue that torture part by encouraging more police brutality. 😉 再見！
I grew up with my grandmother. She raised me while my mom and dad were both away for work. We shared a bond like no other, almost as if I were her son. She developed Lung Fibrosis a few years back, then dementia kicked in. I’ve been watching her slowly wilt away to the point that she’s no more recognizable to me. Neither does she remember me. She’s currently admitted in the hospital and the doctor has stated that her time is near. It’s so painful, nobody can prepare you to cope with this.
As a kid, i lost my great grandma to dementia.
I was so young that all i can remember are the last few stages, the loss of self.
I remember bringing her flowers to the hospital with my grandma. At that point she couldn't say a word, just slurred mumbling.
She leaned in for a hug while mumbling something and i take that it meant that even if she didn't recognize us still understood the situation. It was the last time i saw her.
All i can say is that dementia, losing yourself, your memories, it getting to the point where you don't know if you're still alive
makes it a fate worse than death.
It just makes you a husk… horrible fate
@@ViperPain141 I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
@Manhog Sonic Just gotta squeeze politics into everything don't you? Also your delusional if you think this country was perfect before Biden but your most likely a mindless contrarian right winger so what else would I expect from you.
@Manhog Sonic what?
@Manhog Sonic how did you lose your country to dementia
Well, as a witness to dementia, here’s what I’ll say.
This is exactly what I needed, a way to understand what Grandma went thru from her side. Ever since Grandma died of dementia in 2018 (she had a brain surgery in 2017, it was believed that the anesthesia caused her dementia to rapidly speed up), and she had to move in with us, it was crazy.
It started out with little things, she’d make breakfast at 4 AM, or dinner at 9 PM, or she’d confuse my oldest brother for my 2nd brother.
Then it got more severe, she’d start forgetting names, yet she’d actually start remembering my name (She always called me by my siblings or cousins names by accident). So in that case it seems she did gain some function. But soon it’d like I said, be more severe stuff. She’d put a dirty spoon back into the drawer, think it was 1964 again, or ask me and my parents if Santa Claus had come yet.
About 6 months in, she couldn’t walk much anymore, she’d be able to get from her bed to her chair, and from her chair to the bathroom, and at dinner time we’d help her to the table so she could eat with the family.
Then about a month later, she couldn’t get out of the bed anymore, I felt so awful seeing her wear adult diapers because in a way, it felt like we were dehumanizing her. Then, she’d stop drinking her tea, and Grandma always had a tea kettle on the stove.
4 days before she died, she called myself and my parents into her room to tell us she saw Nanny and Grandpa (Grandma’s parents), she said Nanny was getting the bedroom ready, she was changing the sheets and dusting the shelves, and she had stuffed peppers in the oven to celebrate seeing Grandma again, and that Grandpa was on his way to get her, and for a few minutes, we had Grandma back, she drank her tea and ate breakfast for the first time in forever, Dad offered to make her more but she said “No thanks, you’ve done enough for me now, I’m all good.” And a few minutes later, she was almost in a vegetative state. I cannot explain how horrible it was, seeing Grandma, one of the most energetic people I’d met, just want to sleep all day. I said what I needed to say to her, and then just checked on her every few hours, letting her sleep.
The day before she died, her home health aid came in to do her weekly checkup on Grandma, and that’s when we got the news, her oxygen saturation was at 83%, and that we needed to get everyone over to the house now. She started making this weird rattling noise too, the health aid said it’s called the death rattle.
Exactly 14 hours later, 5/22/2018, 3:40 AM, Grandma stopped breathing.
I miss you so much Grandma, I’m glad I could finally understand what you went through.
EDIT: September 2023
Mom had a stroke 7 months ago, shit's been real hard, she's starting to display the same symptoms as Grandma, my father's taken all this the hardest. She'll call me thinking I'm my father, she's lost her ability to tell the time or differentiate the days of the week, she's got minimal use of her left and right leg, this is all so bad. I was the one who called for help when she had the stroke, and she was begging me not to, saying Grandma was here and she was ready to die. A few weeks later, Mom told me that when she was having the stroke, my grandmother was there with her and she was giving this elaborate speech about death, but once I called my brother so he could call an ambulance, Mom said Grandma stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, then back to her, and said "But I decided it's not time yet." and left.
EDIT: September 2024
Everything's gone to shit. Mom's basically a toddler now. Dad brought her home despite me trying to tell him it wasn't right, and it's fucking awful. My mother wasn't the best mother to me when I was younger, and now she's even worse, it's to the point now where not a day goes by where I don't regret saving her life, and she blames me for it all, she says I caused her stroke, and that I should've let her die. Mom's only going to get worse, but everyone else thinks she can improve. Physically she's improving but she's mentally declining twice as fast. My father expects me to treat her like an adult but I can't, when she acts like a toddler, I'm gonna treat her like one, she's just as bad as Grandma was towards the end and this time I'm not helping. I dropped out of school to help Grandma, but for Mom, Dad's on his own. Knowing all the things my mother said and did to and about me when I was younger, I can't in good conscious help her, and mentally, she's even worse than Grandma ever was. I wish my Dad could see what's really happening and get out of this fantasy world he's living in, you're not supposed to survive a stroke Mom had let alone recover, especially given her age and health. I just don't know what to do, Dad needs me but I don't want to be around Mom, I don't have what it takes to go through all this again.
This story genuinely made my heart sting.
I can't even say "that's just life" because not everyone suffers dementia. I apologize you ever had to see someone go through this, and I hope... No... I pray you never have to experience it yourself, and that's coming from an atheist
She must have experienced terminal lucidity early, her have enough clarity suddenly to tell her story about her nanny and grandpa foreshadowing that her death was just over the horizon,
This is a very impactful share. Thank you for allowing us to read it.
hey, what in the actual fuck
Thank you for sharing, my grandma was suffering from dementia too. Your story made me feel that my family is not the only one who had to go through all this terryfing experience
Terminal lucidity is so mind boggling. I've seen a case of an elderly woman bedridden for a while. She was expected to pass away that day or that night so doctors had the whole family in the room at the time. She had a blank stare towards the ceiling. She wouldn't respond to much but the occasional "Huh?" As family members were talking to her holding her hand, she suddenly snapped out of that mindless state. She began to look around the room at every family member surrounding her. She began pointing with a slight smile as she said the names of her family members one by one. She passed away a couple hours after.
It's like watching a corpse get up and speak, before plummeting into the abyss.
It’s like the bodies way of making sure the people around you don’t remember you in such a terrible light. A way to try to remind them there was a time before dementia. It’s beautiful honeslty
The brains final rally to consciousness…
The fucking shiver down my spine jesus christ
i am now crying
I’m a registered nurse working at a nursing home, Alzheimer’s and LBD are an every day surrounding element there. I see the fear and rage in my residents bubble up all the time, followed by those crushing waves of self-awareness and shame. I watch as their speech slowly deteriorates from full sentences, to extreme afasia, to just small sounds, and then silence. I watch as they slowly forget how to walk. I’ve held a hundred year old’s hand at night as they cried, asking for their mommy.
I find myself wondering if I’m a hypocrite, sometimes. I adore my patients, love caring for them, it’s my entire world. I’m so fond of them.. while being terrified of becoming them one day.
Amazing video. Gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time to make this.
This comment scares the shit out of me.
Youre not a hypocrite, youre a human. To not wish to be in such a painful and terrifying state doesnt make you a bad person, but to shame those who do for no reason does. If you continue to help those who need your help most, you will find that when the time comes that you're the one who needs help standing from the chair, people will come to you and help. Please, continue to do your best work, and don't give up on those who need you most.
I'm majoring in psychology in hopes to work with the elderly in the future. Honestly I have huge respect for your work since society often leaves older people to their own luck.. so I wouldn't say you're a hypocrite at all. It's like having a doctor enjoy helping out their patients but still wish to never experience the pain and illness they've gained themselves. It's only natural wanting to look out for your well-being.
I'm a care aide and feel this so deep in my soul, I love my residents and care for them so it genuinely breaks me inside when they have those moments of clarity and are in distress because they know. It's heartbreaking. It's such a horrible disease to watch someone go through, seeing them go for walking and talking to laying there mouth open unable to do really anything. You will be holding hands with someone as they're bawling about how they're losing their minds and how lonely they are, how can someone even help with that? They will be trying to explain and they can't then they let out an angry defeated sigh then say nevermind, I can't imagine how frustrating that must be to not be able to even communicate. I even just did port mortem care for someone who passed from alzheimers, they just quietly started slowing down over a month and a half and then quietly exited.
One thing for sure though is they may not remember who you are, but they absolutely remember how you make them feel and I swear there is still someone there deep down inside.
@@BB-pt9hv Thank you for this. I feel like the people actually working with and helping these people truly understand just how terrifying and horrible these diseases are. You are doing god’s work, we could never survive in the industry without the tireless dedication and care of care aides. Know that your work is valued by your peers, always. Lot’s of love. 💕
there's no fate worse than being alive to experience your own death.
We all die a little each day.
@@careypridgeon Was the stroke near the brain stem?
sup Herobane lol
@@CloudAnon what a place to find me huh
@@herobane64 indeed lmao
Imagine being a doctor and you flipping through your own medical history and then seeing "Alzheimer's" it's a nightmare
That’s fricking terrifying.
That is some nightmare fuel
Wait I don't remember getting diagnose-
Oh.
@@MuddyTony its Just a burning memory
@@paoduro9194 my heart is aching for some reason
Anyone know why?
"And then they forget how to breathe."
No words can describe how hard this hit me after all the talk about what our memories mean, what our conciousness is, and how dementia destroys it. Forgetting places, times names, loved ones, even forgetting emotions, reflexes, language
And then forgetting how to breathe...
It’s like how whales slowly give up on going back to the surface.
Aaaaa Maybe forgetting to take several long Deep slow breaths in a stressful situation however you can think the master programmer breathing is controlled through your subconscious automatically
@@fuckgoogleandyou8779 it was metaphorical lol
Forgetting what remembering feels like.
Forgetting what forgetting feels like.
Jeez that's terrifying
literally my worst fear on this entire planet
I know you are never gonna see this message, but I just need to share somewhere… I was 30:20 in the video when my mom called and told me that my grandma was going to be unplugged tonight… she died from dementia. I just think that was crazy and I definitely won’t ever forget this video… much love and peace
What a terrible coincidence. Very sorry.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope you’re doing okay
Firstly sorry for your loss.....
My 84 y.o. Mother is currently at about stage 5 going on 6.... it's gaining momentum.....
It isn't a fun journey for us children (four of us.... I am the youngest at 54 but the most aware of us & educated on the Disease)
BUT imagine how my poor bloody Mother must feel inside.....
So hard to see "Mum" slipping farther & farther away from us......
It's like she's drowning into an Abyss & that she's too deep already to attempt a rescue.....
Sorry, I speak in analogies....
@@somerandomgoogleuser3374you speak well boss, wish the best for you and your family
I’m very sorry for your loss
I love how he didn't elaborate on "They forget how to breath".
He didn't explained why its terrible because it couldn't be explained, no words or images can describe this utter terror, it is beyond explainations at this point.
It’s so horrifying. The framing as forgetting really carries the narrative to its absolute end. After everything has been taken from them and there’s only a living shell left, there’s still something more to be taken.
@@W333L You litterally forget how to live.
@@magentapurpleyap5566 that means if someone had Alzheimer and somehow survive forgetting how to breath they'll die by forgetting how to beat they're heart
This is Terrifying
@@BroRavioli Maybe not forgetting how to beat your heart, since the heart is an involuntary muscle.
A possible cause of forgetting how to breath is that the brain stem is already too damaged to do it.
@@triopical6884 I hope you understand because poor choice of words
By "forgetting" I meant at an unconscious level since y'know you can't control it but technically the stem forget how to do it because of how damaged it is due to Alzheimer's disease
i consume horror movies like candy, and can confidently say that this video is one of the most unsettling pieces of media i have ever EVER taken in. well done.
Bro idk Why this is so scary. But in a weird way
Me too
It’s the uncanny atmosphere, with the terrifying music, accurate visuals, and deep dialogue, all blending together to make something truly unsettling and restless. Tip of the hat man.
Yeah, it's also more uncomfortable than any gore video out there
Just the reality as cold as it always is
As a person who’s grandma is in late stage frontal-temporal dementia, I thank you so much for this video. It’s a subject I try not to think about too much, but it always surfaces back up somehow.
That’s tough. I’ve had both grandmothers go through the same. I would play there favorites, for one it was Elvis and for the other it was the Beatles. It’s so strange how Melodie’s and lyrics can bring a mind back for a little bit until the song was over. Take it easy and just be there for them.
Dude this is my biggest fear videos about it keep popping up in my TH-cam recommendations and I get scared everytime I think about to the point where I can't think straight and I have difficulty remembering things. It's the main reason I don't want to die old. It's like I can't escape this subject because whenever I'm just minding my business, bam a video about dementia/Alzheimer's shows up. Also I'm very sorry about your grandmother it must be very tough for you to see her that way
I wish you the best in life
The internet stalks you
Today would've been my grandma's birthday. I hate dementia
My God.... This just randomly popped up in my recommended and it was like listening to an hour-long poem. It was so thought-provoking and so deep and so well researched. Round of applause.
U not alone it popped randomly
20:59
There is something so utterly terrifying about that.
He could barely remember how to use a pencil, or what his own face looked like, and yet he “lived” for several years after that.
It fills me with a dread beyond words.
To even call it “living” feels like a betrayal on life itself.
Ikr?
He was more of an empty husk beyond that point…. Just a breathing machine barely functioning with no thoughts whatsoever… that’s no way to live
It’s truly horrifying. Those 5 years is what I think is his lasts few “working” brain cells desperately trying to keep the body alive
In some sense, perhaps, but even mono-cellular life-forms do live, as do amoebas and rest of the protozoans, and these certainly have no concept of pencils or faces.
Rather, it is descent from conscious living into unconscious state that is majority of life-experience even within most of the animal kingdom.
Terrifying..
I would just want to end it
The comparison of ADHD to Alzheimer's is a very good one. Because in ADHD it manifests as knowing you have to do something but getting entirely distracted and not remembering. Like even in games I will go somewhere that I needed to go and have completely forgot why I even came there in the first place and have to stop and retrace my steps.
But Alzheimer's is a different beast, the caretaker is a project I've known about but steered clear of because just bits I've experienced instill a depression in me. The clock drawing test though, that actually broke my heart. Like the self portrait is just as bad in the same way but the clock drawing one is such a simple thing and you can already see the effects so plainly.
Alzheimer's is one of those things I've just kinda tried to avoid thinking about, I've always said if I start forgetting close family members I would rather be killed than go through and put my family through that heartache. When my great grandma stopped recognizing me I couldn't bear to see her deteriorate. The next time I saw her was at her funeral, and she didn't even look like the woman I'd grown up with. I regret not being there more for her, not being able to deal with the pain to be able to make a few more memories with her there at the end.
As someone that has adhd and has a family member in the mental ward of an assisted living place (still haven't asked exactly what is happening as everyone just refers to it as she isnt herself anymore) the more I dwell on it and can't decide if I can't will myself to see them because they are less themselves or more what I see myself becoming (I wish to apologize if this comment brings sadness just don't really have anywhere to express this without the simple I'm sorry because there isn't much you can say to anyone in these kinds of situations)
I felt this way sometimes...it's hard. And scary. Not surprising others noticed the comparison...the adhd medication helps a lot. hope not to die of dementia, mI'll be so terrified, so alone, I'll be screaming bloody murder as I have before waiting for those I love to come help me but nobody will that time. Those who love me now won't be around. Who's to say I will even remember who I'm looking for yet still seeking them
Yeah man this is my biggest fear. Everytime I avoid it, it always comes back to taunt me. Ever since I learned about this subject it has been nothing but he'll for me. Because I have a constant fear of it, I can't seem to ever calm myself down, whenever I think about it my memory gets all fucked and shit and so does my ability to think straight. These experiences always go away but they come back when I see something about Alzheimer's and Dementia. This is why I want to die young. It's best to do all the things you want and die peacefully on your own terms afterwards then die a shell of your former self and with your loved ones not recognizing you anymore. It's just a very sad and tragic topic. May all those who were taken away by it Rest In Peace
As a man that has ADHD
I dislike the fact that they are so similar with memory that I fear for my far future
I maybe young but fuck my brain like for a few days or continuously in the days, I would suddenly fear dying of it
It'd start from me staring at my wall than the fear would hit me like a wave and riptide, than I'd like... freak out, labored breathing, hiding, uncontrollably crying. Than I would try finding a good life time and beautiful paintings in my head and than after a few moments, I would've calmed down and look around my room taking it in.
Everywhere at the end of time made me addicted, but now... when I hear something from stage 4 or 5... I just cry...
The fear felt so real, it felt like everything around me, my friends, my family, the houses, country, continent, earth, solar system, all were gonna be destroyed and returned to the void... Which so far made me turn to religion, not to be desperate and to be cool but because of relief
I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
I worked at a memory care facility for over a couple of years. I was put through a simulation that blurred my vision, muffled my hearing and had gloves put on that make my hands feel ruff. I was given multiple tasks to do in this condition and I walked out crying. It really helped me to better care for the residents and to be more understanding of their situation.
Sounds rough but I'm glad it helped give you perspective
I personally think it's cruel to keep these people alive, we humanly euthanize our pets when they are suffering from irreversible, untreatable and uncurable illnesses, yet we do not extent that same compassion to humans and just leave them to be consumed by these terminal illnesses. Which is why if I'm ever diagnosed with this illness I'll ask to be euthanized and if the doctors refuse then I'll go out of my way to do it myself, throw myself into speeding traffic if I have to. I refuse to suffer this fate.
@@SpinoRexy733 depending on the level of the illness, you will probably forget about it lol
@@SpinoRexy733 The worst part is, by the time you feel like your condition is irreversible, it would have been too late, since you would have forgotten what your original plan was. All that is left is confusion and frustration.
@@renbowo i mean... your not wrong
Grandpa just died from sepsis and had terminal lucidity the day before. It's crazy, he went from asleep and motionless to alert and aware. His mind was intact until the end, the sepsis never got to his brain. So he was fully aware of what's happening. But this video makes me thankfull that he didn't die from dementia or any other disease, as he simply fell back asleep and died the day I'm writing this.
Grief is also weird. Only experienced it a bit when my grandma died last year but I wasn't very close to her. I was very very close to my grandpa so it hits like a truck. There is no way to fully define it until you've experienced it.
Thanks for reading lol. Just sad about my grandpa so I decided to express it through a TH-cam comment
I’ve come across this comment and just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay ❤
Same as what Sallymander said.. I really Hope you are doing okay ❤ It hits the hardest when the news comes suddenly.. without time to process the reality of it, X 🖤🦇
@@_sallymander_4747 Yeah I'm doing good thank you. For the most part i've accepted life without him but its still so weird. Thanks for being so kind ❤
I work in geriatrics, specifically memory care. The best way I've been able to explain dementia to families is this; imagine youre put in a random area with no memory. You use clues to piece things together. "Where am I? ...hm this tile looks familiar. OH! It looks like hospital tile. Oh right my kid had that surgery....oh yeah her tonsil removal. Its 2007 then and she's uum 5." Meanwhile its 2022 and her child is actually in her 30's.
With research we've learned that "reality grounding" does NOT work. Why? Just observe where you are right now. Youre reading a comment on youtube, just chilling, and then suddenly someone begins to grab your shoulder and yell "Grandpa! Cmon! We need to get going!" Youre first instict will be "wtf? who tf are you? grandpa???" You'll be confused. Agitated that this person keeps insisting they know you. No matter how much they yell they wont convince you that youre their grandpa because that is not YOUR reality.
I recently had a 102 year old patient get a visit from her daughter. Her daughter came by to feed her momma. At this point of age, she was on a puree diet and was a feeder. However when her daughter began to try to feed her mom, she goes "no! no stop. you should be feeding my daughter first" The nurse then asked "Oh! How old is your daughter?" and the 102 year old woman answers "...she's two...two" So here this woman was telling her 60 year old daughter that she was two because when she saw the puree and heard feeding she thought "oh! i must be feeding my baby!"
Fascinating
@@clarkelieson Love your video very much. Dementia has to be the scariest thing a human can expierence. I have seen gorey ER entrances on NOC shift but nothing is scarier than seeing the decline of the human mind to dementia. It can be fast or slow and effects everyone so differently. Another fact, a lot of times days before death dementia "cures" itself. Ive seen feeders who become bed ridden from dementia suddenly speak, ask about their grandkids, smile, and say "I'll feed myself. You can leave.." While the family celebrates we have to take them aside and try to explain how this might be a sign of the end..and then as fate will have it, they'll pass days later. We call it the sun before the storm. I find it to be the most fascinating, most heartbreaking, part. There might never be a cure but I hope research continues. Support groups are key as well. Its not easy being forgetten and its not easy forgetting as well.
Thanks for explaining it instead of SHROUDING IT IN METAPHOR FOR THE AESTHETIC OF CONFUSING THE FUCK OUT OF ME WTF ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE WORK TOMORROW MY BRAIN IS MOST OF THE DAY CONSUMING THE SHITTY BRAINED SENTENCES OF THE STUPID DETERIORATING BRAINS OF NO LIFE MIDDLE
AGED PEOPLE I HAVE NO CHOICE I EITHER AM LISTENING TO THEM OR LISTENING TO GUYS LIKE THIS OR EVEN WORSE THAN BOTH TODAYS BAR FOR ENTERTAINMENT ON TH-cam COMMENTARY GUYS WITH FILLER SENTENCES THAT DEPEND ON THEIR LOOK TO BE RESPECTED AND I HAVE SHIT NEIGHBORS THAT REACT TO ME WHEN I DO ANYTHING BECAUSE IVE MADE IT CLEAR ON MY SIDE OF THE WALL THAT I HATE SHEEP AND THEY ARE LITERALLY SHEEP AND THEYRE LITERALLY THE PEOPLE I AM AGAINST AND I HAVE SO MUCH TO PROTECT ABOUT MYSELF EVERYDAY I JUST WANT THEM TO DIE AND I WANT 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE AND REGAIN THE PERSON IVE LOST THAT IS ME AND ENJOY VIDEOS LIKE THIS AGAIN 😐
When you began with the "someone grabs your shoulder" part I felt an existencial chill run down my spine.. that is too good of a way to grab me out of the comfort, feeling of safety and nonchalant attitude one has to the screen they stare at.
This comment is bringing me to tears, she still has maternal instincts after all this time 😢
I’ve been having a lot of issues lately, and my doctor told me there’s a slim chance I’m in the very early stages of Alzheimer’s. I’m only 21 years old, and just the idea that it’s possible (no matter how unlikely) is scarier than I can ever say. This video was terrifying to watch, but… thank you for going into such detail on the topic.
Sending my best wishes for you, you'll get though this, I'm sure.
@@Clefablestarz thank you
Might need to start injecting weed needles and using a password manager.
@American Monday I did but this has been a problem since before that
Please get your thyroid checked out! Both hypothyroidism and hyperthyroidism can create symptoms like memory loss, brain fog, trouble concentrating, etc.
I'm speechless. I used to think dementia just made you forget things, but now, I'm even more terrified of it..
dementia is a symptom
Same bro
Your brain essentially dissolves
real
man im scared of....... uhh........ oh god......
My grandmother had dementia. She would forget everything. She thought my grandpa had a girlfriend living in the house, people were following her, my ex girlfriend was named Lindsey, she’d call her Reggie from time to time, we thought it was cute. One day she had a stroke and it seemed to set everything off. When she came home she couldn’t even talk, she looked right at me and touched my face, I got up and left the room shortly and cried so hard. And said who is that mom, what really happened. Day by day she was losing her motor functions, she couldn’t even drink water. Two weeks later she fell into a coma and she was on hospice. One day I sat next to her alone, I cried and pleaded with her to stop holding on, that she owed this life nothing, I absolutely spilled the beans and I can see her slowly reacting. Two days later I lost my grandmother. I was 22, I’m now 38 and still can’t hold back tears thinking about her.
im sorry my brother, you will see her again in a way you never imagine
@@xman5446 thank you 🙏🏼
The scariest part about dementia to me isn’t getting it for myself, I’m okay with that. I’ve made peace with the possibility. What I truly despise about it more than anything is the thought of my loved ones getting it, and the knowledge that I cannot stop it.
My nan has it. Horrible. She doesn’t even know who I am.
@@Idk91919-r Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry.
When my doctor was going over my MRI results, he mentioned my TBI put me at high risk for developing dementia. I'm only 33, and I'm glad he told me so I can make specific plans now to prepare because I don't want my family to have to go through seeing that. The weirdest feeling is trying to figure out how much I should tell them since I don't want them to worry and I don't want them to think they have to make me feel better and tell me it will all be alright. I can relate to not wanting to see any of my own loved ones go through it too because logically we know their memory is nothing to be taken personally, it's the disease, but it still hurts emotionally. Much love and many prayers sent everyone's way 🙏 ❤️
My friend's aunt died from Alzheimer's
She didn't know who my friend was, yet she knew that he was an important person to her
My uncle had alzheimers and my aunt used to tell us that several times she would wake up middle of the night and my uncle would be standing there on the bedside staring at her and would ask her who she is and what is she doing there.
That scared the shit outta me. I am not sure i would have the courage to go through that.
I haven't cried in ages. my newest biggest fear is losing my self and forgetting everything while not knowing its happening.
Honestly... this video is so heavy.
I have a fear that’s kinda like that. It’s fearing to go insane, realize everybody is abandoning you and moving on without you, and forgetting about you, and then you soon forget about them when your own loved ones come back to you when you need them the most. Simple terms, also known as dementophobia, fear of going insane.
@Christian one, because it’s an genuinely horrifying concept, and two, because the odds of experiencing it as a senior are just as horrifying.
You should read Flowers for Algernon
@ryansmith8002 to 100, not likely.
My grandmother died from Alzheimer's last month. Oddly enough, when it came to personality changes, she became a lot nicer of a person. Before, she was quite bitter. She had quite an unfortunate personal life, and had to struggle with raising two kids herself (my mother and aunt) after her husband (my grandfather) suddenly passed from a brain aneurysm. She had depression for most of her life, which didn't help either. By her final Christmas, she began thanking people a whole lot more. She smiled more. The saddest part about this, for me, is that I can tell that I was the only one of her grandchildren she recognized. She couldn't remember my name, but her face lit up when we made eye contact. When she parted ways with my siblings that Christmas, she said "Nice to meet you" to both, but not to me (As an aside, she wouldn't have said that if Alzheimer's hadn't impacted her personality). She only recognized my mother as "the woman who drives me to appointments". It was rough. Sorry if this is TMI, and I'm sure nobody will read it, but I felt like sharing, and who's going to stop me?
Edit: I've made a slight mistake; she didn't die from Alzheimer's, she died from an infection due to aplastic anemia after a fall. She was, however, in the late stages of Alzheimer's and would've died from it in the span of about a year, had she not have aplastic anemia due to an allergy to one of her medications.
I read it
I read it.
i read it
@@captaincheese4511 same
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It sounds like you had a special bond with her, and that really means something.
No sound,
No memory,
Mind without purpose,
Mind without cohesion,
Body with no control,
Body with no hope.
Empty space.
Void.
Nothing.
Slowy less and after a while there is nothing to delete
that’s gonna be all of us. one day
As a child I feared death.
I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to someone.
Recently I have been invited to play the piano for a rest home, most of the residents unfortunately has Dementia.
That one experience single handedly changed my perception on death as a whole.
Seeing their hopelessness and struggle with simple everyday tasks is heart breaking, it really painted death as a merciful way out.
Now I no longer fear death as continuing to live on forever and ever is a curse, not a blessing.
There is no peace in death as you will no longer there to experience peace in the first place. No music will appreciate you if youre deaf.
@@Cpt_John_Price It's peace relative to dementia, I'd say.
people conflate immortality with degradation. if they halt aging and people can live healthy as long as they wish, I for one, would hop on it, current science points it's not a matter of if, only when. otherwise, yeah, leaving peacefully is my personal goal, not fading away in confusion and pain.
@@Cpt_John_Priceon behalf of a deaf person who also works in memory care (me), kindly eat a pebble
there's actually stuff even worse than dementia like SA. but dementia really can ruin
Charles M.'s story is kind of the scariest one in my opinion. He was allowed to live in his state of denial that it was just 'age' that he was succumbing to, not Dementia. When he read his own chart it was like reading his own obituary in a way, now that he knew without any doubt that he was going to die by forgetfulness.
Imagine taking a DNA test and finding that you have the Alzheimer's gene.
@@catherinebirch2399 some of us don't have to. imagine taking care of your parent or grandparent through the first two stages of dementia and when they get to the third and finally get a diagnosis, you realize that it runs in the family and that someday you're going to go through the exact type of pain that you're trying to help them through even though you know it doesn't get better. It's really hard to live through that as a caregiver to someone that you really love and have to wonder every day if you're going to end up exactly the same and knowing that you probably will.
@@brokenfoxproductions I would feel really angry at them for passing on defective genes.
@@catherinebirch2399 its not like an intentional thing. if there were early screenings for this kind of thing, that would be nice
They could have told him twenty times over the years that he had Alzheimer's. It would be news to him every time he read it. Like my mom not remembering my dad dying years before. You end up joining their loss of reality to keep them from hurting all over again.
I can’t imagine anything more cruel than going through the horrors of dementia only to die the moment you finally remember yourself
Edit: I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be lucid before you die, because at the very least it’s some nice closure before you pass on, which is better than nothing. I just find it very sad that the moment the clouds finally dissipate and everything starts to make sense again, you don’t get to experience the bliss of remembrance for very long before you ultimately pass away
I think it's a mercy. You see the sun one last time before it sets. If you have loved ones nearby, they get to see YOU again before the end.
I wonder if anyone has brought up this as a sign that rather than destroying our memories, Alzheimer’s just makes them increasingly difficult to access? Is it possible?
*I just looked it up. It’s been brought up and it is a respected hypothesis.
at least you get to die as your self... which is all any of us can truly hope for
@@brenndanmcdonaugh1672 I defo look at this way too
To the right people it will feel like closure. The person getting together as much strength as they can muster to say goodbye. In a bittersweet way it’s a big relief. To others it’s like losing a loved one all over again, and having to grief all over again.
this video and concept has scared me to the point of crying while alone in my bed in the dark. I don't have dementia and I am young but my thoughts still scatter sometimes and I hope I never get dementia when I am older.
i’m scared too dude, take care :(
Just take care, exercise, eat right, live a full life, love those around you, follow whatever god you feel is with you and don’t fear it
I just got a dream where my dad got dementia and it's the worst experience I've ever gotten in my life and it's not even real!
Dementia really is the high end of a horrific disease.
Me too, it’s just scary
I am also pretty young and this scared me so much, like at the end of the video it says “Then they forget how to breathe.” That. That is what haunts my life . I really hope I don’t get it
My aunt has a form of dementia and it’s terrifying. She was a semi famous writer, and she taught English at a college level. She began to always carry dozens of photos of people she loved. Like her sister, her mom and dad, her niece, her nephews and their children. I’m certain she knew something was up, cause she is the kind of person to fight it as best she can. She still is remembering most things luckily. It’s still terrifying for me and my family though…
I wish you and your family the best
What was the first sign that something was wrong?
@@loutenant2817 you'll never know
@@loutenant2817 not sure about their specific illness but I did read that a lot of dementia patients think its normal forgetfulness at first. But the early stages also include changes in mood and social skills
Well, drop a book she wrote! So we can read it and keep her work alive!
as somebody that works with dementia patients, it’s truly heartbreaking seeing somebody decline . it hurts even more when they’re aware of their dementia ):
Do they ever forget about their dementia?
@ckienwang796 what is it like when they realize they have dementia? And is it a cycle of forgetting they have it, then remembering, only to forget again?
Or was it once and only once they knew they had it.
I was raised by my Grandparents and my Nana now has dementia. For split moments they realise something is wrong. I call it an echo. Nana can ask a question then five minutes later ask again and when you give the answer she looks shocked and says “I already knew and asked that” then she states that she has no idea why she asked again then laughs. Nana has no idea she has dementia and bizarrely she is happier than she has ever been. The things is when you have a loved one with dementia you are told that “at least they are alive”. Yes they are thankfully alive but to them you are not because you are wiped from their memories completely and sometimes there is an echo but as fast as it came it’s gone. Because they have no memory of you the relationship changes so you are actually no longer dealing with your loved one. The pain is unbelievably and I am someone who has studied counselling and worked years with dementia patients and you can try and imagine what it is like but I promise you cannot. I thought I would be fine as I am a factual thinker but my heart and gut has been ripped out and the pain is so unreal however you need to get over it to be able to love this new version on the person and look after them. This disease is truly a horror and yes they are alive but you also know what the future may look like if the survive for many further years.xxxx
@@eddysegafan6655 my coworker’s brother has dementia and yeah that’s what it was like. they would have to keep reminding him until it eventually became useless. they either deny they have dementia and think you’re crazy or they don’t understand the concept anymore. before the diagnosis tho, he only thought his memory was just getting super bad. that’s why it’s so interesting, their memory and brain functions are so different yet it creates a fake illusion for them to where most of the time they think they’re living a normal life and just live in an apartment building(care home). one of my residents pours water on her food plate but thinks it’s normal, one of my residents thinks a baby doll is real. they don’t realize they do these things that aren’t normal. there are some that think they are still young and always demand to leave so they can go home to their families. while some don’t realize they have dementia and think they are normal, they understand they are in a care home and are surrounded by staff and residents. where as other residents don’t really understand where they are and always think they are in their hometown but don’t understand why they are always in to them what is a random building rather than being at home. that’s why some of them feel likes it’s prison and they’re locked up. sorry for the long reply!
@barney0460most of them are fully aware most of the time actually. That is sometimes the hardest part.
Hearing about the poor man who used to be a doctor has to be the most heartbreaking thing I've ever heard of😟😰 Imagine thinking you're still a doctor doing the job that you loved so much only to realize that those days are long over and you're a dementia patient. That really is a fate worse than death.
Yeah, I think it's the fact that your very own sense of identity can become so corrupted before gradually melting away entirely that makes dementia so terrifying. Like, it really sticks with me that this doctor went through many days not even realizing anything was wrong, still thinking that his life was fine and normal when his mind was rotting away the whole time...just horrifying to think about.
I'm in medical school and I have ADHD. I'm already frustrated at forgetting basic things like where I left my stethoscope, what that patients name was, what's the name of that drug that does that?
I can function though, and I know that I can put measures in place to help.
I can't imagine having that forgetfulness getting progressively worse; that's a fate worse than hell. If I ever get a diagnosis of dementia, I'm going straight to an euthanasia clinic.
Yeah. My aunt worked with memory care patients for almost her entire life, and she was diagnosed with dementia. The world is so cruel
timestamp?
I mean if in moment of lucidity you realize you're a dementia patient who used to be a dr,, at least you can feel you accomplished something with your life.
My grandfather was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2017 , we watched it develop from the beginning. When I was younger I would go to visit my grandparents with my family and each time there would be a little less if him .
It’s truly terrifying to watch someone you love disappear like that .
He passed away earlier this year due to an injury caused by his dementia , he forgot so much of himself but I will never forget him. The love he had for his family , his animals and his life. He was such a unique man who can’t be described in a comment section.
I love you granfee ❤️
I have all my hope towards you and your family for the greatest life ahead of you ❤❤ I'm so sorry for what happened to him 💔
@@CliipperzzFR thankyou ❤️
Our memories are what makes us "us", that's why dementia is so scary, we irreversibly lose ourselves
Everybody loses themselves consider it the ending of a certain thing.
No, it's not.
Nice job summarizing the whole video in one sentence 👍⭐️
Even though we lose ourselves, either through death or memory loss, I sincerely believe that just because those memories are gone, it doesn't mean those memories never happened. The past is permanent and they bring forth the present that molds the future.
Knowing that those moments did happen and are cemented in history, even if they were bad moments, I feel at peace. Even if everyone forgets about one thing, it still leaves a mark in the universe, however small that might be.
My Mom says that when she's 80 plus, she'd rather die young than live old with dementia or Alzheimer's and I absolutely agree with her. I'd rather die as well because living with that curse is far worse than death. That's how horrifying having this disease is.
Same, I'd rather die than suffer
@@ralphhammer4014 Espicially knowing my families pain of seeing me fade away
Marcus Carana.
I don't know if you have seen a film called "Logan's Run"? The story is set sometime in the future and in this futuristic world; everyone stays young and healthy because of the advancement in medical science. However, humans now live in a culture whereby the state will destroy all human bodies before it reaches the age of 30 years, thus, no one has to go through the pain and suffering of old age...
my grandma said the same thing but got dementia at 80... which kinda scares me tbh
@@superxara173 sad...
this video is already depressing enough, but 30:45 literally broke me. imagine thinking you're a medical director and seeing your name on a chart, flipping through it you just see "Alzhimers" written right on it. Right then, you realize your life you thought you had was simply in the past, and you cant remember anything of the present.
That’s just fucking horrible
A fate I wish on nobody.
@@ripadblock Well, i'm sure you'll love getting it, then. Oh wait... you won't, because you'll forget that you thought it was cool. Tough luck, my guy.
@@VictorMarwood "tough guy". Man you are lacking some self awareness, lil bro😭😭😭
@@ripadblock You literally said it's cool to have Alzheimer's. Did you forget?
My grandma passed away on 10 January 2024, it was pneumonia that killed her but she had been suffering from dementia since 2016, and the way her decline was so gradual and then it just collapsed. She was able to do normal things, but her memory started acting fuzzy, she would remember things for a few days and then they were gone, then in 2021 she was psychotic and we had to admit for it. So much in this video reminds of her to the point that it is scary. I remember watching my grandma's decline and to be honest it was horrifying, absolutely horrifying. When this guy mentioned how they call you by names of people they know rather than your own, it hit my like a dagger because my grandma used to call me Omar when she could still speak, for context Omar was her cousin who died of alcholism in the 1970s, but I have often been told that I look very similar to gim, regardless it horrifies me how accurate this video has been when reflect on my grandma's experience with dementia. I'll say one more thing, the dementia was awful that even though it broke me when she passed away, in the end, I was more relieved than anything because finally her suffering had ended, she was and forever will be at peace
Alzheimer runs in my family. My grandma had it, my father had it and I'm quite convinced that I can also have it. My father fought against it as much as he could but was dragged just like his mother. No mental exercises, controlled food or physical activities have spared him. I saw him losing who he was, forgetting how to speak, how to walk, how to chew. I fear nothing because I saw the worst lost someone can have: being lost inside yourself. This has gave me a sense of living the day and just wanting it to be ok. I was really young when I realised how death was a lovely hug and not the enemy of ours. Our enemy is our sense of forever. We have to live the day and embrace it because we won't live forever nor will remember it. I keep a journal just with my life highlights, where which entry has 2-3 years between span, gathering all I succeed to do so I can remember when I have alzheimer how hard I tried to be happy.
My family is the same, after they turn 60 half die of cancer and the other half of dementia, im sure that going to get sick but i rather unalive myself before dying suffering also i dont want that bitch to win over me
Hey buddy, I’m so sorry to hear about that. I work in Alzheimer’s research. Drop a social if you want to talk to someone about this sometime, and I can even give you some advice to help yourself. This isn’t easy, I know. But you’re here right now and there’s no other place to be.
I'm very sorry, but still, hope for the better please. being prepared for the worst isn't a bad thing, though. cancer runs in my family so I feel you there.
Dementia runs in my family and unfortunately my grandma had it. The day my mother heard that she passed away was on Christmas eve and she told me that she felt relief that she passed away because the illness was making everyone in the family miserable including my grandmother. Whenever my mom would visit her she wouldn't recognise her and she would talk about my mom to her and she still couldn't figure out that the daughter was talking about was standing right in front of her. She couldn't even remember her name. My uncle is also showing early signs of dementia :/
Good luck, man, and im really sorry. Hope RNGesus spares ya
The same happened to my grandpa. First day of Christmas. My dad was relieved. But it made him sad.
ur kind fucked
My mother used to take my sister and I to see her elderly patients at their homes and old folks homes. They were so sweet and kind. I’m so sorry about your grandmother and uncle.
I'm trully sorry about your grandmother, May she rest in peace, she will never be forgotten and will always be in our hearts.😥🙏❤
It’s terrifying to believe that you could forget everything that you loved, everything you cherished, and everything that’s important to you. And like you said, you can’t escape it. Dementia is truly terrifying.
@@ConnorisseurYT Bullshit. Improvement exists, dude can become a writer if he wants to.
@@ConnorisseurYT I'm afraid I don't understand what you're trying to say
this conversation went out like a candle 💀
@@blooberry8115 no, he’s right. Love, cherish l, and of great importance is the same thing lol
@@Davidpostingshid hes 100% right about it being redudant. What i have a problem with is "You shouldn't do [Thing] because you are bad at it".
Imagine seeing a stranger you've never met, runs to you and gives you the most loving hug, "I love you Dad"
"it stares at me everywhere I go, I can only get away from it when walls sorround me, I try to stop it but it finds different ways to be there... recently, my....my oh what is that..the, that person I think, told me that I was seeing myself."
My mom wasn't sad when we lost my grandpa. He was 92 when he went, and she said he's really been gone for years. He was essentially a toddler the last time I saw him, just weeks before his end. She's 72 now, and she's more forgetful than she used to be. I'm sure she'll end up like him, and it terrifies me more than anything.
You'll know if she has it when she starts saying there's "somebody" with you or her in the room/car/trees.
I went through this exactly. I was hired as the caregiver for my Grandfather when he was going through it. After a while, the best thing you can do is just disconnect what's left of the person in front of you from who they actually were. It was easier for both of us as we didn't have to go through the whole "You don't remember me?" emotional train wreck. I was just the caregiver that never went home (he lived with us during that time).
I felt the same as your mom when my nanny died. My mom told me that she died and I didn't really react. She was mad at me when I came back from school, and I didn't say this out loud, but she was already long gone. She couldn't talk, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything other than lie in bed, and occasionally mumble something you might understand... or think you understand. I didn't see her like that because she was in a different country, but my mom did.
The part about replacing someone’s reality with one that makes sense to us being cruel is what my mom firmly believed when my grandpa was declining from dementia. He would talk about loved ones that passed away as if they were still around and thought he was 50 years old when he was actually in his 80s. My mom would go along with it and tell me that if our deceased members of our family are still alive in his mind, then let him be happy.
He was simply misplaced in time
True. Why bring them out of that reality to a cruel one? Just play along and let them be happy.
Truly. But I also saw it as them being replaced into a fully manufactured reality that is unrecognizable to them- Noone they know, not themselves, not the world- and it felt so cruel.
My grandpa had dementia. Eventually it got so bad that he could not move or talk. He knew that he was surrounded with his loved ones though. Seeing him in that state terrified me. I never felt the same way about death again. When I was younger he would always be laughing, and I just thought that he thought everything was just so funny.
I'm sorry, to hear that.
@@marishiten5944or I'm just intentionally forgetting how there is any good left inside of you. Seems crazy huh?
@@marishiten5944thats not how dementia works. also no, i was not awful, i loved him and he loved me back. like dude how could you say something like that?
Lol asshole deleted his comment
My grandma and two aunties have it right now.. but they’re all with family. We don’t even have nursing homes here so at least they’ll be with family till the very end..
"Eventually the Light does dim, and they forget how to breath"
That line tho
this made me feel a type of terror i have never felt, it had me shaking, confused and just all types of emotions i could never explain.
i want to cry. out of straight fear
I agree this is one of the scariest videos I've ever watched, and it's unfortunately not a fictional horror story, but reality
Me too
well, the guy did his best to make it sensationalist and depressing with the music, visuals, and comparisons to nightmarish media. it is a mindset ultimately.
There are fates worst then death thats what scares me the most about this
This is my single greatest fear. Nothing could and never will compare to this.
@@marishiten5944the comment section is literally a place for sharing your thoughts.
This and rabies is terrifying
@@InYourFloorboards12345look at dudes acc he's shitting all over other ppl in this video's comment section. What a dickhead.
@marishiten5944 yes I believe he feels much better after your stupid comment
Dementia and Alzheimer's are true horror. You can either die of old age cherishing your memories, or die by forgetting everything and everyone you once knew. Even forgetting how to breathe of all things. It's just scary as hell.
My grandpa has dementia, he used to be a business man with 5 kids, standards, motivation, and interests like football. He was diagnosed in 2015 when I was in the 1st grade (I’m in 8th now) but now the majority of my memories of him are with dementia. Now it’s like he has no personality left and is just a person. He isn’t my grandfather anymore - just a being with the jumbled memories he has left of his poor childhood and his kids when they were younger. He lives in an elderly home now and my grandma’s visits him almost every day, but I’d made the mistake of not visiting him and in a way pushing him aside but now because of this and not to mention the drastic changes in my appearance over the last year , he has to be reminded of who I am and I miss the old grandad who would push me on his suitcase at the airport when he flew in to visit. I’m slowly forgetting what he used to be, but now just getting so used to his dementia and not seeing anything different. My grandma went to visit him on her birthday, but he had zero clue and thought it was just a regular day, and she just didn’t tell him, her husband that it was her birthday because she didn’t want him to cry. Now it’s just a matter of time until he’s fully deteriorated and my grandpa is fully gone. I wish he would die another way, a way where he didn’t have to very slowly fade into nothingness, leaving our family to just- watch.
I am so, so sorry for you. I could not even imagine the emotional pain that could cause. I would barely be able to smile if anything, i may not have experienced having a family member with dementia. But I know that it's one of the worst things to ever happen to someone
Grandpa skill issue lmao
@@nunothedude bro, not the place for that
@@nunothedude Sounds like it's your bedtime, goodnight child.
@@nunothedude dude, come on not the right place, Grow up
this is genuinely the best video essay i've ever seen, i watched it with headphones and the background noise and static switching between ears and repeating really gives the effect that you're forgetting something, also alathea (or however it's spelled) is now my favourite word
looks like the alathea of alathea has faded out of your mind...
Horror movies will never be able to replicate the terror and fear that i experienced when i listened to Everywhere at the end of time. Nothing is as scary as knowing that you can die like this at an older age and Leyland Kirby perfectly showed it in music form.
The dread,
this album i would describe as "if depression manifested as a sound/piece of music"
It's a sad masterpiece.
@@Kyumifun good way of explaining it
@The Caped Critique the moniker “the caretaker” along with the ballroom music was directly inspired by the shining. Good catch.
Black mirror's "Tester" episode did a pretty good job of showing the horror of alzheimers and forgetting yourself
@The Caped Critique Yeah Leyland James Kirby was originally making a Shining fan album before switching to work on everywhere at the end of time. Wonderfully horrifying, yet still not nearly as terrifying as real dementia must be.
Cherish the moments you have your youth and health because it wont be this way forever. Remember to forgive and don't let the little things overtake what is truly important.
Almost all of us are wage slaves with no choice but to chase that dollar just to survive hard to cherish youth when you want to die
Thanks, I am kind of sad right now but I need to think of all the good things and try to enjoy what I have right now
I suffer from DPDR. I'm always trying to get a better grasp on what matters to me; who I am, what I want, and how I really feel. I want to enjoy my youth but time is passing me by. My dream is that when I die I will feel like I did what I truly wanted to do, as my true self, but if I died tomorrow I won't have fulfilled that dream. Maybe it's as they say; you can always start fresh and try again, even later in life, but now as I approach my 30s I wonder if I'll ever find what's important to me before old age. Your comment is scary to me, but also inspiring. In the end, even when our bodies fail, what matters is that we did what we wanted. Thanks.
Also don't dwell on the past. When you get older, don't mourn and wish for your younger years back. It's wasted energy, and that kind of depression can make you age even faster. I'm not gonna just say "be glad it happened" or whatever because that doesn't work for everyone though. Everyone has their own different way of coping with it. My advice is to find yours.
As a current young person I have to add, don't take this advice too hard.
I say it because I think about it every day, trying to enjoy my youth.
That takes a little bit of the joy of it.
Children and (some) teens enjoy so much because they don't have that concept of aging as a real thing yet. They know it will happen, and they don't process it much, most of the time- they can make mistakes - but they also... aren't trying to cherish moments or make themselves a legacy or whatever thing you are trying to do.
They are simply here for a good time and they will let no one and nothing stop them (well that's at least what they aspire for) and that is... very fun, and alive, with your brain reacting sensually strongly to things.
I am unfortunately not like that. I wish I was a little more like that.
Think about cherishing it. Don't panic over small things
But... don't overthink it. Live your life, set some limits to yourself, try to have fun...
And you'll be as fine as you can get.
Just don't have too many sleepless nights( sleep is when the brain cleans the emeloyd beta proteins)
For me, personally, Dementia and Alzheimer's disease are some of the most painful diseases to witness. My Grandfather currently has it and his condition is painful to see from what he was only 2-3 years ago. Also, I think it was my great great grandfather who one day was being asked if he remembers people (Due to dementia he couldn't.) and he asked if he'll remember the guy over there. He pointed to a mirror that was facing himself. It broke my great grand mother's heart when he said that.
😭😭😭😭😭😭
Not to trump what you are saying but I honestly feel like seeing someone die from stage 4 cancer is worse. My grandmother died from dementia at an old age, but my mother recently died from breast cancer at a young age and it is extremely horrifying to witness their youth being taken away from them, their own bodies attacking them from the inside. At least dementia patients get a chance to age and get old. Cancer can make a child as fragile & sickly as a 100 year old.
@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736 cancer is the slow death of the body and its functions. My sister died from a pretty bad brain tumor 2 years ago so I would know. The body stops listening to you as you slowly lose the ability to move. Then you lose the strength to talk or even think complicated throughts.
Alzheimers on the other hand is the death of the mind, your mind dies as your body lives on. An empty shell with fragments of a person that are slowly also dying out.
Much like the true death of the body, end stage of cancer, only difference is that your shell is still "alive" in some sense.
Both are horrible deaths, and I myself would off myself If I got diagnosed with either. But I believe that alzhemiers is worse. Given the fact that some early stage alzheimers patients can get it at even the age of 20.
Cancer can also come early, as with my 15 year old sister, bit it only takes 2 or so years for death to take you. Alzheimers on the other hand would have "you" or the empty shell of confusion that is left of you live on for another 20-30 years or until you forget how to breath. Which honstly is 100 times scaries that the pain I saw my sister go through those years.
Plus nothing can be done for alzheimers while cancer can be managed if handled right, well atleast there is a small chance of hope. One of the many reasons my sister died was the doctors not wanting to do jack shit just pumped her with relaxants that took away the pain until she died. No attempt at an operation or even chemo..
Anyway enough of me and my rant, sorry.
@@donttalktomeyoureannoying8736 Thing is that people at old age died more from heart disease and cancer than Alzheimer.
Not to mention that people can died from heart attacks and strokes at young age
In USA 2000:
1-)35 to 40% of folks over 75 died from heart disease
2-)16 to 20% of folks over 75 died from cancer
3-)8 to 10% of folks over 75 died from strokes
I do not expect anyone to read this. But this video is truly awesome-inspiring and thought provoking, this is food for the mind. Thank you for creating such a video.
the line “and then they forgot how to breathe” holds a particular weight to me. my grandmother who had dementia died just that way, sometime in the night she just stopped breathing. as a kid it didn’t seem that scary and sounded almost peaceful but now with the reflection of age and greater comprehension it contains a terrifying notion to me. the thought that dementia not only pulls at your consciousness but also your subconsciousness is so scary. it makes me wonder to what extent your subconsciousness is vulnerable, thoughts(similar to the point from the video of lacking a filter with remarks), mannerisms(like preferring your silverware to be ordered a particular way, or licking your finger before turning a page), and finally muscle control(obviously breathing but also blinking). it’s also interesting to add that the forgetfulness of dementia wouldn’t affect the persons ability to have their heart beat. it is a subconscious thing but not something you can control consciously like breathing and blinking, so the act of having control once is the thing that kills you once you lose it.
if you read all this, thank you, truly.
i think that was more poetic than literal. people with dementia 'forget' to breathe the same way everyone else does in old age - heart disease, stroke, pneumonia. yes, if the part of the brain that controls breathing is damaged you'll stop breathing. but that is not 'forgetting'.
@LfunkeyA Isn't that how it makes you forget things though?
@@LfunkeyA no, it's actually literal
@@TheGr0nch seriously?? I just think it's impossible to forget something so automatic such as breathing.
@@kato_dsrdr you wouldn't really be "forgetting" it as you never learned it. But once that part of the brain is gone... Ye 😢
There's a film called Its Such a Beautiful Day, which in my opinion, is the greatest visual representation for alzheimers. It's about a man named Bill as he struggles with his mental illness, but as he has a dream about his final moments, the film says: "at the climax of all those years of worry, sleepless nights, and denials, Bill finally finds himself staring his death in the face, surrounded by people he no longer recognizes and feels no closer attachment to than the thousands of relatives who'd come before. And as the Sun continues to set, he finally comes to realize the dumb irony in how he had been waiting for this moment his entire life, this stupid awkward moment of death that had invaded and distracted so many days with stress and wasted time"
thank you for sharing, saved it for when I'm ready to watch that
I love that movie so much. I remember when it used to be on Netflix
I was wondering if someone in the comments was going to mention Don Hertzfeldt's work.
So much of his work centers around the idea of memories, identity and death...and all of it is heartwrenching.
I've at this point listened to everywhere at the end of time over 15 times and I still can't stop the uneasy feeling I get during act 3 and onwards, I truly wouldn't wish something so horrific such as Dementia on my worst enemy.
Same here, I almost made it through while on a six+driving to Chicago but I had to stop in Act 4 because I just felt such an underlying anxiety. I love Act 1 though, even if it still unsettled me, there is a pleasant nostalgia to it.
Banger album
This is the first time I've heard of this album and I have to admit that everyone commenting on how disturbing it is really has me wanting to listen to it. How can it be that bad? I'm even thinking about listening next time I take ketamine, but I don't know if that's such a good idea. If it is as powerful and disturbing as people say then I wouldn't want to put my brain in that situation. It would probably feel like I was trapped and unsure if I wasn't already in the advanced stages of dementia and not just under the influence of a drug. So that probably won't be happening, but I'm still going to listen to it completely straight. Any words of wisdom for me?
@@trippmoore if you have a free 6-7 hours on your hand give it a try without any drugs or anything since I doubt it would really be good for you mentally. It’s definitely disturbing and I advice you have both headphones on for the full experience. The first 2 sets are rather tame with the 3rd 4th and 5th easily being the most disturbing as the music slowly becomes less coherent and when you try to remember the first two stages it becomes impossible, it feels like a blur that you can never remember. It may not effect you as much as others or it may effect you worse than others. That’s about all I can really say, but if you have other questions feel free to ask.
@@trippmoore its not that bad people are just pussies, just dont listen to it while severely depressed or some shit like that cuz it is very chaotic and dark, but its not gonna make you spontaneously get depression
In my family dementia runs in it. My grandma, great uncle, great auntie, my mom, my great grandma, everyone. Now I just accept that I will have it one day and forget about everything like they did. After seeing my grandparents forget they ever had kids killed me at first, I blamed them for forgetting me. (My 7 year old brain somehow came up to.) But, right now, I just don’t care. I don’t care they forgot me, I don’t care they forgot everything about themselves and especially me. I don’t care I will get it now, plus when I do get it I will forget I ever got it. So it’s just a loop in my family tree. I will never wish anyone this curse.
Being a young adult coming from a long line of people affected by dementia it can be daunting and terrifying, especially when you see your own parents and grandparents begin to show symptoms. Beginning to forget memories, names and forgetting. I appreciate this video being here to humanize this horrifying disease that hangs over nearly everyone, so thank you.
This is genuinely terrifying and makes me scared of my future even though being 16 it has barley started and it does make me appreciate it more.
Though I believe there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel, it doesn’t mean anyone should devalue their actual lives here. Live yours dude, cherish it, awesome to see teens know what’s up
@@yes5937 Is that Nicky in your picture?
@@enobekuJ Currently it's Q
@@malunchies4473 Oh.
@@malunchies4473 I meant Nick Valentine
Grandma just passed from dementia last night. With 100% certainty, everything that was described is exactly how she acted. The slow to rapid decline. The anger mood swings. Forgetting im her grandson. Sentences that lead to nowhere. Motionless just with her eyes open. Then nothing
Enjoy every bit of your life everyone.
im sorry.
I’m sorry for your loss, it must have been horrible to watch as she slowly forgot everything including you.
hope you've been doing well since
I want it to end.
I've been purposely avoiding this video since I first saw it show up in my youtube feed for a year. Hearing about Alzheimer's, and dementia but not knowing how devastating it is in-person and seeing my grandmother go through it has absolutely scares the daylights out of me. watching this made me have really bad anxiety that spiraled into a panic attack- I haven't had one in a few years. i'm writing this out to deal with my feelings after aggressively hitting a bong because I have shit to do in the morning and need like a few hours of sleep. I dont like dealing with emotions as severe as this is hitting me right now, usually im at 0 at everything, just chillin, i feel like the dial is cranked past its limit and it sucks.
My happiest memory of my grandma after being admitted to a hospice facility has to be on a Sunday. Dad asked me if i wanted to visit grandma, because she wasn't doing well after a few falls, and she has been in dealing with dementia/decline for 3-5 years but i don't know exactly. I said yes knowing how tense things had become at home because of my dad having to care for his mom and other life bs, because fuck college homework it could wait (I ended up getting kicked out of college for mental health declining during/after all of this; First semester back- i hope i do ok) Anyway- We get there, grandma had gotten a bath in one of those really nice whirlpool tubs, and she was acting just like she was before the dementia happened. We watched the Twins play baseball on tv, i had handfed her some bomb ass twirly noodles in red sauce, some salad and garlic bread. She and I would go back and forth trying to have her eat more when she'd insist she was full, and would joke like we used to. After awhile she had enough of eating, and we watched the ballgame. I didn't spend a whole lot of time watching the ballgame though, I spent it trying to figure out how to get her to eat more because she was so skinny or trying to be on reddit to distract myself from spiraling anxiety (without dad or grandma seeing). Eventually she got around to eating some cake that i had soaked with one of those mandarin fruit cups so it would be moist, and because she absolutely adored mandarin oranges now that she wasn't able to eat regular ones (she used to grow them). She ate everything, and only a few orange slices were left in the Tupperware. At some point she mentioned seeing mother and father, and mentioned seeing her husband or looking for him, i cant recall. I think I just nodded at her, and said something along the lines of "well, i hope the twins win this game- it'll be really special then" or just tried to get her to eat food. We had left that evening, and i forgot the oranges in her room so i stopped back to grab them. her face lit up when she saw me and i told her id forgotten the oranges and needed to make sure they wouldn't spoil. i had hugged her and said i'd be back soon, and with more oranges and cake. She called me a nickname i hadn't heard in well over 4+ years. I genuinely did not think she would recall that again. Monday goes by, i dont know what happened that day. Tuesday was more concerning but we watched Bewitched. More concern and grandma went on more pain meds, thursday happened and i said my goodbyes. I promised her i'd become a nurse or scientific researcher because i dont need to be meredith grey, and she squeezed my hand. The entire time i had visited her that day, she was death rattling, and unresponsive aside from end stage of life natural physical reactions and such. Her eyes were closed for the most part.
I briefly recall my dad mentioning that he would rather die right away with his mind intact than go through that hell, and im fairly certain if it is genetic, he will have it someday too. I hope that he can make the choice for himself to do assisted suicide while he is able to, i know i can eventually care for him but it terrifies me as a young adult with aging parents and scares me even more to have to see family in that same spot- and maybe myself someday. If that is the case, im going to enjoy a bunch of psychedelics and then kys. But I've never felt more certain she heard me, knew what i was saying and acknowledged it. I dont know if thats my minds comforting idea that she briefly opened her eyes while squeezing my hand or not but it helped me deal with her passing and the fear of forgetting that never really leaves my mind. ive decided i am now done typing all of this because feeling shitty sucks and i only have time for dealing with that in therapy i want to be cozy in my bed instead.
Oh jeez
My grandpa has dementia, and I’m very happy he hasn’t forgotten me yet. I brought my saxophone in to play to him, and a couple weeks later, I received a letter from my grandma. She stated, “Your grandpa loved hearing you play your instrument.” I only played marching show music, and practiced my solo audition, which I never ended up making.
But I do fear that he may forget me, and that’ll be just alright. It’s natural, and I just have to let it take its course, though I wish it didn’t. I have a drawing I’m making in an art class, and plan to beg my art teacher to keep it, so I can give it to my grandpa. I love him so much, and wish the best for him, as I don’t see him all too often.❤
-I HAVE AN UPDATE!!! I was told I can get it back! Bad news, I won’t get it back until April, because my art was so good, that it’s being put in an art competition. I’ll come back to this in April I guess? I don’t know.
Update 2: It’s pretty bad this time around. I went down to my grandpa’s for Easter with my saxophone yet again. I played something from a book, and played some parts from my school’s Winter Winds show. It was all I had memorized. I didn’t find out until the car ride home, but yesterday (as of writing this) was his last day of living. The last thing he heard from my saxophone was the Winds show. We go to Dayton, Ohio for our final competition next week and perform it, and I’ll perform my hardest for him! I found out the artwork is just now being submitted, and the funeral is at the end of the week. It’s impossible for timing, but I’m sure my grandma would love it. I’ll give it to her.
Thank you so much for the replies. I love reading them, and it’s so special for me to see some continued support. As of now, my hobbies have so much more meaning to them now, and I can’t wait to show how great I’ll get at them. For my grandpa.
-This will most likely be my final update.
I went to his funeral about a month and a half ago. I miss him. Dayton went really well though. We placed in the top three, even first in prelims! Things went wrong regarding him though, nothing with the funeral! That went really great. I was venting to a friend of mine. He was the only one who knew, and he went and told it to my best friend like it was nothing. Like it didn’t hurt me. He asked for a commission from the best friend (the best friend declined) and the best friend told me. It sucked, but I cut off all contact from him. So did somebody in my section. I still don’t know if it was the right idea, but he had already showed signs of extreme cliny-ness (not like average clingy but like “Hey wha should my future career be? Hey you’re the only friend I have (blatant lie)”) and it was getting to the point where the red flags overwhelmed the green. My friends keep reassuring me, I’m glad to have some back up. Oh yes, timing is all before the big competition.
I think I’m doing better. His life is his own, and I’m kind of glad for cutting off. It was kind of freeing in a sense.
I hope you can give it to him :).
spend what time he has left with him.
Hopefully your grandpa gets to see your drawing. It’s lovely that you get to connect to him through art. I wish you and your family all the best!
Hope you keep your drawing. If you're not allowed to, try to have it scanned, make it a digital image, then printed.
The best thing you can do honestly is treat them how you would anyone else. Take it from me who has Alzheimer's running in the family, recorded for the past 2 generations, and also an HVAC Service technician who works with a large population of elderly customers. I have never had someone who's had dementia where they didn't find some comfort in me just talking to them or even including them in a conversation/task they don't understand. My favorite memory of this was this previous June I was working at this elderly couples house. The husband had dementia and was honestly pretty grouchy and rude however when I got to working on the AC outside he had come out to watch me work even with the wife's protests. I ended up just talking to him about whatever he wanted to bring up while I worked while also I explaining why I'm doing what I'm doing. I do this often because then I don't skip steps and the customer builds trust so its no biggie to me. I get to testing a capacitor and he sparks up and starts going "Whoa look at you go! I used to work on ones 1000x stronger..." He explained a very obvious tall tale however I never reaffirmed what he was saying was logical but just asked him more making sure to be specific on what I was replying to. Also handed him a hose and just made him feel useful for a step or two. In the end he sat there and said "I know I have dementia I know I repeated myself and was rude but you really helped remind me I'm still myself, shook my hand and had a huge smile on his face while I explained what I had done today to the wife."
Hopefully I see them again this upcoming winter cause I really empathize with what the wife and him will be going through. Anyway, just talking to them and relating your stories to their topics while reminding them what you were responding to will have an amazing effect in their mood.
You made me unintentionally cry
My mother watched her own grandfather die from dementia. What hit me hard is when she told me about one of his last moments of consciousness.
He was stomping on the floor trying to get rid of bugs that weren’t there. When all of a sudden, he stopped, look at my mom and said, “I’m not crazy, I’m just old.”
Its so heart wrenching to think of him trying to keep it together, keep his dignity.
That's Terrifying
"I'm not crazy, I'm just old." That sentence right there sent a shiver down my spine. Being aware that your mind is playing tricks on you but not being able to stop it must be scary.
@@glassofwater281 it’s like watching a loved one fight an entity that is holding them in a cage while they struggle pointlessly. It’s terrifying and will always convince me my father was correct in what he said, “you may take my body but please don’t take my mind”
That’s horrifying.
I've lost multiple loved ones to Alzheimer's and am currently under treatment myself. Thank you for this. I love that you incorporated the music of Kirby with the artwork of Seal, I believe they both came as close as possible to describing the horror of the disease.
Your getting treatment?
@@JokersD0ll Yes, Donepezil and B12 suppliments. Neither cure it but help slow it down.
I wish your final years of lucidity to be full of loving compassion and the final stages to be quick and painless.
@@deathbycognitivedissonance5036 💌
Hope you have a good time with what you have left
The writing, the soundtracks, the references. Impeccable video. What an amazing job this is and what an incredibly fun and thought provoking video. I have become incredibly nitpicky of the writings in videos since the bigger part of them revolves around stitching sentences together with fancy words and questions marks at the end of them, attempting to sound dramatic and interesting. This video however is wholly honest and genuine in its attempt and i can see that it was an honest creative experience for that sake. Great job and thank you so much for it.
This is the single scariest thing I could ever experience, Weather to me or to a loved one. I have ADHD and in the glimpses where I forget things, I get so scared, its hard to explain.
Same… after watching this video, I had a strong fear of having dementia for a long time
You don’t have to explain it brother, some of us understand. I hate it. ADHD.
@@xtremeyoylecakeThis video made me realize that I need to remember now, because I could forget later.
Specifically the one bad relationship that fucked me up. I wanted to forget it so badly. I wish it never happened. But I can’t forget it, and I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t want to, or try to. The fact I can still remember is a testament to my mental fortitude, something I hold near and dear to me.
If one day I do end up with dementia, please someone take me outback and shoot me like Ol’ Yeller, it’s not a life Id want any part in living.
ADHD isn’t real so you probably have a bigger issue.
dude; i have anxiety problems and adhd and life has sucked here recently but this video genuinely made me realize how important it is to get closer to god
Sometimes when I need to cope with difficult moments I think as the moment as already forgotten. Like how many moments are lost out of your memory? Entire days, weeks, maybe even months could go by and in the future you don't recall them. It helps to think a tough situation as to never have happened, because in the grand scheme it never happened because it was forgotten. I really enjoy the topics you explore in your videos and look forward to what else you make in the future!
It may help temporarily but what your describing is what the psychoanalysts called repression. It leads to the emotions around the traumatic event being unprocessed and unconscious. Most modalities of therapy are based around the idea of going back through your past and getting you to remember and resolve past traumas.
It reminds me of some stuff from elem school. I was a sort of really weird armchair philosopher, trying to understnad what is going on. It was a very early discovery of vague nihilistic stuff. And in 5th grade there was a difficult poem that I had to memorize. By the time I actually developed methods beyond reading it over and over as parents told, but this time they knew about it and were supervising. The poem was for the next day and there was lots of pressure to do it well as a demonstration. I had this very general and clear thought about that this will pass and will be an unclear weird thing from some months ago. It was one of the last times, and the biggest I remember of it being sort of something unusual. A lot happened before, but this is one. Since then a lot happened and I rose up to what you might call the Reddit user level. It is the best of the actual worst, but it's much better then what would have happened. Those people doing weird roleplay stuff, they are still something I understand and can't laugh at but feel bad for them
Unless you go out of your way to remind those of said past events
I used to be a patient care attendant. Witnessing someone actively losing their memory whilst 30 seconds before they were aware of their surroundings was like a living nightmare. They instantly forgot their age, their name, their past job, if it was day or night, where they were and why they were dressed like that. The patient was vividly aware that they were losing their mind, and to see them realize their dementia all over again whilst having absolutely no control over it is an experience that cannot even be described. It is eerie.
This is the true cosmic horror of Lovecraft's stories, it doesn't have words or anything to describe it, it has what you can understand but it's too tiny.
a resident i took care of (in the early stages of the disease) just sat in bed frustrated because she was constantly forgetting what time it was. she never yelled which i was grateful for. she’d get mealtimes mixed up, look at her clock and ask me if it was right or just straight up tell me it was wrong and needed to be fixed. as frustrating as it is as a caregiver (though i never let it show) it was heartbreaking. how would i even start to comfort her? :( the nurse always told me she just wanted to be alone, but i at least wanted to give her some reassurance to calm her down for the moment, but 19 year old me never knew how. she suggested i tell her to watch the tv her family set up, but there was the off chance she wouldn’t remember how to change the channel….working at that memory care facility left me so stressed. the behaviors, imagining their mental limbo, wondering if it would be me one day…it’s not until now i realize that my mind blocked out a lot of those experiences. my mom is well-versed in healthcare. she asked me why i wanted to quit so badly after six months in. i told her it was too much. just upsetting. she said “what’s upsetting? they’re just blissfully unaware.” she couldn’t be so far from the truth. i just wanted to shake her and say “yeah, you did a couple weeks of clinicals there, but you. don’t. get it. i clench my jaw so hard while i work because i’m so tense. i can feel teeth indentions on my cheeks when i get home.” the stress and worry built over the months and turned into a week of panic attacks. i’d stay up worrying that my brain would shut off and end me out of nowhere.…it was time to quit. cna’s are replaceable and there was a new class of trainees that would take my spot. it takes a certain kind of person to be a caregiver for a dementia patient :(
On my Nana's last few days she kept asking "Where am I going?" That gave me the chills.
I help care for those with this illness. Ive witness "terminal lucidity", we call it "the last wind" in the unit. I've only seen it maybe four times in my 7years of working in healthcare. Its both bittersweet and amazing to see that they can get a little back before the end. You did an outstanding job capturing the brutality and transitional facts of this terrifying disease.
Have you ever seen the full cognitive recovery in terminal lucidity? If so, what were they like in their final hours?
My great grandma had Alzheimer’s that eventually killed her. I remember one day where my mom had just gotten home from visiting her, and said that she was mostly lucid that day and had legitimate conversations with her. This sounds like what you are talking about.
@theEWDSDS I haven't, just cognitive function enough to remember some faces and sometimes where or the year, but never really all at once. Normally by the time the disease goes into last stages they're not able to do much but breathe and hear. The brain is just a mass and nothing connects too much more.
i haven't had to deal with this in people, but there was something very similar that happened to my childhood cat. She started walking in circles, hissing at nothing, and generally seemed super disoriented. After a couple weeks of that one morning she was completely fine. Went over to my mom and started asking for pets for a couple hours, then she regressed to the point that we had to put her down (they think it was a brain tumor, so there's not much we could've done)
She was such a good kitty, rest in peace :(
As a 23 year old with adhd I can strongly relate with this fear as I have lots of short term memory issues since I was little. Long term memory is good though
Would writing things down help your problem, perhaps?
@@neontangle11nah I can’t remember to do that
@anenderwomanwithinternet helps, but the problem is the organization of those notes. My best attempt at not losing notes is writing them in google Docs, but unless I remember the title it got losts in the sea of documents as I probably create a new document every day
@@Michigander_of_the_West understandable
Fortunately adhd doesn’t increase your chances of getting dementia
For a while after my grandma got diagnosed with dementia she lived part time at me and my parents house, that time was the worst time of my life. I had to slowly watch her go from helping around the house to trying to break down the door to get outside to escape supposed nazis coming to kill her, this combined with covid meaning that I couldn’t get out to the house for a break has probably mentally damaged me in some way. Even the smallest thing could set her off into a house destroying frenzy and at some point I was fully convinced she was gone and dead in my eyes, I still can’t shake that feeling now. At this point she is in a hospital for 24 hour care and I haven’t seen her in a year. Thanks for anyone that read this far, just needed to get this off my chest.
jezus christ i really need to man up abt my life if i read this shit. take care tho❤️🩹
@@axelvanburen7229you don’t need to “man up”. Your feelings are valid.
Hope your doing well now.
😢 I’m sorry
@@liviwaslostthe peace that reply brought me
My maternal grandmother died of dementia in 2022.
It was heartrending and miserable for everyone, but also terrifying because she didn't even recognize her own daughters.
She regressed to the mindset of a child and would scream, yell at and cry when she saw my aunt and mother because she saw them as two strange old women.
It was too hard for me to talk to or see her anymore and I feel deeply ashamed of having been so weak and frequently think of myself as a shitty grandson for that. Even more so because as much as my heart ached for her I also wanted her to die soon so that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.
One morning she had (another) stroke and wound up fatally hitting her head when my mother was the only one nearby trying to help her, but she was too late.
Dementia's no joke.
Covid quarantine was the worst time of my life, not only because I couldn't go out, because my granfather with alzheimer and cancer was on my house, and we were the only ones that for the previous 2 years could take care of him. I remember he starting to forget everyone, however, more than forget, he usually took others as sombody that he previusly know, however, I was the only one that everyday, I was a stranger to himself. As his diseasess sarted to advance, it was clear that this month, was his last, however, an unexpected event happened. My other grandfather died suddenly, because of covid, I didn't even knew that he catched something and felt all surreal. The days passed and as well my grandpa with dementia, and... the first day I could handle the pain of all, the anxiety that I was coming through but one night I have a dream. It was simple, and even.. felt like a normal day, I went out with my friends, having a great time. However, when I got to my house, I found My grandfather, standing and smiling and the only thing that I did was hugging him. I swear that when I did that, I felt the warm of his body, and no long after, I woke up crying, without knowing what happened. After that magical event, I started to feel more relieved, at least, he wasn't living in that manner anymore and... That dream felt like the farewell that I needed. This video made me remember of that rough time, and the only thing that I can do is express my story and beeing up to help and listen all the families that are coming through this
Both… the 2 worse things to happen to someone disease wise. I’m actually sorry for you.
I hope you recover soon. :(
Really sorry for your lost. hope that he will rest in peace.
I had a dream of saying sorry to my grandpa and... well sadly even I can not remember fully but he did not speak at all, only nodded then smiled. This happened one week after he died from covid.
People are soft lol being inside the house is not that bad people need to relax, play video games watch movies , you don’t need to go out all the time Christ it was a year
My grandmother on my fathers side has dementia and my grandfather on my mothers side have dementia. Dealing with my grandfather, he was a man I looked up to my entire life and all the stories he told were always inspiring. With his frontal lobe dementia, his memory is less affected (mostly his short term memory being affected) however, the effect on his emotions have haunted me for the better part of a few years now. He does not laugh, he does not cry, he does not yell, he does not whisper. He has trouble with slurring his words. As for my grandmother, she was once a soft spoken woman with the voice of an angel that partially inspired me to become a musician. She is now a kranky hateful woman with a disturbingly quick wit for venomous comments. Francis was no more. I remember the moment she first asked me who I was, a tidal wave of skull splitting dread flooded my mind and I couldn't even look at her. I ran out of the room and cried in the room I was staying in. I still love them both but seeing them nowadays still breaks me in half. Thanks to all who listened to my story.
I'm sorry to her that
I don't want to scare you but I would definitely get tested for Alzheimer's yourself. Since you have very close relatives that have it, there's a very real possibility you could develop it too.
"You never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory"
-Dr Suess
My grandma is dealing with this and is on hospice and it's truly heartbreaking to see the same person who would tell me amazing stories about her childhood, forget not only me but everything she was and the wonderful life she lived. I don't wish this on anyone so make sure to cherish the time you have with the ones you care for as even the narrator said, we are running out of it.
Good god I cannot imagine the amount of anguish one must feel when it's just another day at the job in the hospital. You pick up a patient's chart and read your own name, and below it a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. The overwhelming dread and despair must hit you like a freight train as you quickly realize what is going on, only for this horrific disease to drag you back out of lucidity, kicking and screaming.
Doomsday Orange.
Medical staff become desensitized (the nature of the job) when they see patients very ill and dying all day long and every day!
@@redblade8160 I think you 'forgot' the fact that he was referring to the doctor case (where he, himself, had dementia and had forgot it - acting as a doctor 'normally' until he found his own name and diagnosis - which leads to their comment)
0:00 “At best, forgetting is simply inconvenient, at its worst, it can destroy a life. Multiple lives.” This is the scariest quote I have heard, hands down. No form of history is permanent, videos can be deleted or destroyed, VHS tapes can be unwound or torn apart by an uneducated child, and memories can be taken away, just as quickly as you gained them.
My grandfather died about two weeks ago. He had demetia, and he would forget things. He mentioned how the house that he was in was much like his own. He bought that house and raised four children in it. He would forget where he went to college, and what he did. He attained multiple P.H.D's in many subjects. His mind slipped away like ice cream melting into the burning concrete. He remembered people, however. For that I'm grateful. This video truly scared me, because this is real. I do not want this to happen to me. I may be fourteen, but the inevitability of this means I very well may lose myself tomorrow, and there would be the same result. Maybe I will be spared this fate. Maybe I shall resemble my grandfather. Maybe I will be left wandering an unfamiliar hall, with people I do not know, in a house I grew up in, with my family.
My grandfather also died recently, nearly a year ago. He too had dementia, and passed away quietly and peacefully. There is no advice applicable to the grieving one goes through due to a situation like this, but the days do get better, even if they intermittently get worse. In memory of the memories they could not recall, we live on.
damn you got great writing skills at 14
It’s gonna be ok, don’t worry. there’s already treatments for Alzheimer’s! There is probably gonna be a cure by the time we’re old! (I’m also 14)
Do not fear dementia. You cannot prevent it, so why would you fear it? Fear is used to protect you, protect you from an active threat. I had fear of dementia when I was Ten, I'm 14. It will come for us, and we must embrace it before it embraces us back,
@@mychemicalteaits very good. It's not talking like an ancient roman which makes it easily indecipherable. It is weird though, that every person who has a early developed brain will develop dementia. It is depressing, really.
I've lost four members of my family to dementia - my grandmother (father's side), my great aunt (father's side), my father's elder sister, and my father's little brother. The last one was the hardest because his death occurred during the Covid quarantine and my father couldn't be with him. My mom tries to reassure me that my uncle was surrounded by nurses that made sure his last moments were comfortable, but I'm thinking more of my dad. Our relationship is a rough one, but I still care about him. That damn virus kept my father from being with his brother.
It's hereditary, the dementia, on both sides of my family. I fear my father getting it. I fear my mother getting it. I fear my sisters getting it. I fear getting it myself. I haven't had the best life, and, as you pointed out, dementia can cause a complete personality shift. I'm afraid of I might become. Is it horrible that I hope heart disease takes me? As scary as a heart attack would be, it wouldn't be lingering, would it? Hell, I almost died last October tripping over my own feet, falling down three stairs and bashing my head against a cedar chest. Anything could take me when I think about it, but I don't want to die a little by little everyday.
There's a horror movie called Relic that came out in 2020 deals with the subject of a family member with dementia. A woman, along with her daughter, move into her mother's home to take care of her. The house is covered in an ever present mold, symbolic of the pervasiveness of the disease. There's some body horror in it, but the last 10 ten minutes got me right in heart because what happens. I don't want to spoil it, but it was a metaphor that almost made me cry.
I've nothing more to say. I don't know if anyone will read this. Thank you, Mr. Elieson, for making this video.
I read this and I see you. I'm sorry for all of your loss. I haven't had to experience losing a loved one like this... Yet. But I'm pretty sure my grandmother is in the early stages..
i had trauma as a child so as i’ve grown i’ve forgotten a lot of my childhood. i only have a few distinct memories from before 16. my dad was telling me how he used to video tape and take pictures of me and my sister nearly every day. i didn’t believe him because i felt like i’d remember being in front of a camera all the time but.. he showed them to me… a version of me i used to be but have no recollection of… it was weird and very saddening for me. forgetting is scary
Childhood trauma messed with my memory too. I find myself running in circles in my mind because of the things I can't remember and it freaks me out. I hear other people recall their childhood vividly and it irks me that mine is just not there in my mind. Any of the parts I remember feel disjointed as if they were different lifetimes.
@sarviiek i have trauma but i remember everything down to when i was 1.5 yrs old
Ouch. Is this comment relatable.
@@sarviek my sister recalls our childhood pretty well. she tells me about so many things i did i don’t remember it’s so strange
Don't look back. Move forward. Be a blessing to others.
Introducing myself to my grandmother every time I see her is one of the hardest things I've ever done, at least she's always really happy whenever she gets to see us
This video is haunting.
Watching this while coping with my grandma’s late stage dementia tears my family apart, my dad and grandpa becoming obsessed with her health and memory. It’s worse for them than it is for her. She smiles, she laughs at nothing, and she seems at peace. There is bliss in ignorance, they just have to find it.
My grandfather is similar. He was always an extremely disciplined man, and with the later stages he has become more happy and complacent.
I don't think he knows who I am anymore, but he's happy. That's all I can ask for.
@@batyalivni3577 I’ll note that from my experience with my father, even when the person can’t understand your words or remember who you or they are… they know if they feel loved. The greatest thing you can do for your grandfather is to love him no matter what.
@@TheCrazyCapMaster thanks.
"Exposing the world as a delusion means to lose oneself in the process. If nothing is real, then how can I be who I am?" powerful...
My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. I remember at one point she kept asking me for a phone book so she could call her sister.
Her sister had been dead for over a decade.
Very common
@@bobobsen ???
@@sendkuuu he's right. IT'S very common for the dementia patients to forget that their loved one doesn't live or even exist
@@Spineblorg i just don’t understand what the point of saying very common was
@@sendkuuu Dumb
I think the part that really scares me with ADHD is when I'm driving somewhere familiar and my mind goes down a tangent and when I blink back to reality, I've gone a few blocks, having stopped at red lights and slowed for traffic. I was conscious, but my consciousness was elsewhere. True autopiloting.
@@marishiten5944just delete your reply:/
@@marishiten594442 people
@@marishiten5944 42 people cared enough to thumbs up :)
@@marishiten5944me
@marishiten5944 who shit in your bed
This fear is something not to be underestimated. Forgetting yourself is definitely worse than death.
Which is why many commit suicide after Alzheimer's diagnosis. People seeing it as better option to die while the memories are intact and the loved ones don't need to suffer for years as they watch you to forget everything
FR
@@MrSam2497i know i would
Easily agree you’re gone but forced to live
"Oh, something to watch while I draw!! 🙂"
(Has an existential crisis)
I had dementia for 4 years. It was an infectious/encephalitis kind, so when I was finally treated, I recovered (though I still have some cognitive issues). From my personal experience, it's not scary. I wouldn't use the word scary to describe it. It's more disorientating. As much as you want to function with other people, you just can't. You don't recognize your own face in the mirror. I would look at my parents and think 'yes, these are my parents,' but I would feel no emotional attachment to the concept. It's like I didn't recognize what parents meant anymore to me.
If anyone dissociates or has depersonalization/derealization disorder, it's like that - just upped a few levels.
You don't even know that you're forgetting or losing memories. Even now, I randomly can recover memories throughout the day - important ones too, and I can't believe that I ever lost them. I'm grateful to have them back, but I'm finally realizing that I don't actually need them. It's sort of like having a lot of stuff piled up in your room - you're attached, you don't want to get rid of them, but you don't really need them. You don't even know the memories that you're losing, so it doesn't feel like anything is being taken from you.
Anyway, the feeling I overall had was kind of euphoric. It kind of felt like perpetually being high. Like yes, you're forgetting everything, but there was something really nice about it. Peaceful, almost? I would have moments of psychosis and those were less peaceful, but when I was lethargic and at my worst, it was honestly really nice and relaxing. It's weird that the beginning of having dementia was worse than the end of it.
I've come to the conclusion that it's the literal ego death (if you're more spiritual). You're losing everything. Your self is gone, everything that made up you is gone, but it's not scary. A part of it feels normal.
However, to function as a healthy and happy human in life, I think that you need a bit of ego. That's how you thrive, that's how you get things done - don't dismiss having an ego just because everyone constantly encouraging 'ego death' all the time.
Hopefully this can bring some comfort to anyone whose loved ones are dealing with that (or people that are terrified of the concept).
Interesting. Wish you best. 🎉
Yes, these were my thoughts as well. From what I read and heard, fading away from dementia doesn't sound too bad. It's pure horror for my loved ones, but for my self it would simply waking up each day a little bit less 'me'. The perfect nihilistic death.
When you start remembering more about yourself and your feelings, you will probably feel pain. I'm not diagnosed with dementia but I, during a certain age of mine, sudde ly began losing attachment to things, depersonalization, and various memories I had of myself previous to the age of 10. I cry when I remember those beautiful emotions I experienced and how full life was with them...
You might say that there's no horror, but the horror is there... You don't realize it because you are entrapped in blissful ignorance.
Despite that, I prefer recovering my memories, because that implies I recover my capacity to feel like that, so ignorance may be a bliss, but remembering all, you are capable of more.
@Skaldewolf I've seen the opposite. Lots of people become filled with fear and dread, without knowing why. They can't explain their terror properly and comfort themselves. Definitely not all peaceful and nihilistic. They realise something is terriblly wrong but they don't know what. They feel bad they can't remember things or get things right and it crushes them. Don't romanticize this disease, it's horrifying for lots who have it.
@@rightwhereyouleftme__ I don’t think this is romanticizing the disease, just trying to offer comfort to those of us who are frightened by it. Thanks for crushing that… real cool of you!!!
"chemo for the cancer of thought" 41:32
im gonna have to give you that one. that shit HIT ME LIKE A BUS. legit got chills
Damn
It sounded like a passable (if overly poetic and dramatic) description of ego dissolution. You, too, can experience a temporary cessation of thought while remaining conscious if you use the right drugs.
I'm a pretty forgetful person. I always have this voice at the back of my head, saying "what would happen if I get dementia? or even alzheimers?" It already hurts forgetting friends (like online and such.) I always try to remember who they were, how I met them, what we did together, so and so. Hell, I would even start crying forgetting who they were. I fear forgetting. I would even wish I remembered everything in my entire life, every single detail of it. I am terrified of forgetting.