Roman Soldiers Excited For Super-Easy Job Guarding Tomb Of Some Jewish Guy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- These two Roman soldiers totally lucked out: their next assignment is to guard the tomb of some dead Jewish guy. How hard could it be?
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#easter #christian #jesus #comedy #bible #babylonbee
I bet those two Roman guards didn't think for a minute that they would make the news in the Babylon Bee 2000 years later!
That's even better than getting your picture on the cover of The Rolling Stone!
Hahahahahahaaa!!!😂😂😂
In Mistry Babylon the grate 😉👍👍
LOL no they didn't
MM years later 😅
I have been a Security Officer for 15 years. Glad to see the job hasn't changed in 2,000 years.
😂😂😂
Confirmed.
Someone probably said the Q-word that night.
That is too funny
As a security guard of 30 years, I appreciate this video. 😂😂😂
Bruh learn a skill.
@@zeroneutral Bruh get out of yer moms basement! 😆
@@zeroneutral his skill is guarding
second oldest profession
@@zeroneutral I play guitar. 😎
A couple of us guys played the guards in an Easter play one time when we were in high school. After the Resurrection, the other guy said that maybe we wouldn't get in trouble. I turned to the "tomb" with the cardboard stone off to one side and hyper dramatically said, "Oh, right - MAYBE NO ONE WILL NOTICE!"
I played Jesus in my youth group’s Stations of the Cross every year because I was a man child and the only one strong enough to lug around the cross.
😂
I played the donkey for Palm Sunday.. on our practice after the March is done "I stand up from my 4 limbs position and the one who played Jesus fell and cried, it was funny to me(and all others on d play)😂then
Oh, come on, you couldn't have had one of them say, "I was two days from retirement"
He said he had done XIV years. Retirement age in the Roman army is XXV years, so he still had XI years to go.
@@philiphumphrey1548 Lolium!
@@philiphumphrey1548 ¡Lolium!
It's good to see someone can still do math correctly. Feels like people haven't done it properly for MM years!
He should have pulled out a picture of a boat with multiple oars and rowing slaves and said "yeah, me and Sarah are going to cruise The Med".
Guard: "I'm about to get promoted!"
Jesus: "I'm about to end this man's whole career"
Hahahahah. Good one .
What good does it do for a man to win the whole world, but lose his soul in the process.
And what can you pay of your own to retrieve your soul.
You have nothing of your own, even the soul you were given by The Triune God.
Didn't the Roman army kill anyone who screwed up on guard duty?
Roman soldier: sir, this man with godly powers came at us, what could we do?!?!? Our spears bounced off him and pushed us aside by merely waving his hand at us from afar!!!!
😂😂😂bro!!!!!😅😅😅
Praise the Lord our God, the tomb is empty! Christ is Risen!
He is risen Indeed!
Not so fast... It's now even God Friday yet. It is hard to rise from dead before you are even dead!
He is Risen Indeed! Alleluia!
I love this, funny and true!!!
Resurexit sicut dixit!!!
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
😂
You didn't! lol
I don't get it.
V beers = 5 beers
Bruh ur slow@@SoRunThatYeMayObtain
To be honest, they were placed there to guard the tomb in case Jesus's disciples were to steal the body. So from their point of view they would not be guarding against "the dead guy" escaping, but against a mob coming to steal the body.
true. But that wouldn't fit this BB skit
I bet you were "the teacher's favorite." ... Just couldn't help yourself could you?
This is true. A lot of people don’t think of this.
That may be true INITIALLY. But by the third day they had obviously heard all the local gossip and met a number of his disciples. So they would naturally have adopted a more relaxed attitude. The Elders had said the disciples would try to steal the body, but the soldiers knew better. Totally legit.
@@PaulStringini Good points.
Many, many, many years ago, and I saved it, there was an editorial cartoon in the San Diego "Union" showing two guards walking away from the tomb, and one saying to the other, "Relax. Who will even care in 2000 years?" Knowing how liberal the UT is now, I doubt very much they would publish that. (I quit them a couple of years ago when they ran two articles about the claim that men can get pregnant. I wrote them and told them exactly why I was guitting them. I even asked the editor, "How much do YOU spend each month on tampons?" The publisher is a man.)
I love this! Thank you!!
It is half his budget since his husband left him. Irony much? I'm also sure that David Schwimmer will try to sue you for being a antifa nazi...
I had a subscription to the SD U-T years ago, too. Even had a liberal friend who worked there as a photographer. They did have some excellent writers over the years, though. Remember John Sinor?
I miss the old B.C. & Wizard of Id comic strips: Johnny Hart always seemed to make some overt or oblique nod to Easter. He was a class act. Back when newspapers were still a daily fact of life....
@@nunyabidniz2868 BC kix cave-butt.
Ya know, I really do feel sorry for those guards. How humiliating. You had one job!!!
, but hey if ur gonna fail, it might as well be to God.
@@arcguardian Good point.
Didn't they get paid off to say His followers came and took the body? A win? Though I suspect they might have been redeployed to somewhere like Scotland.
@@chrisgorman1652 Dereliction of duty in the Roman legions was an offence punishable by death. This is known by original documents from the time which still exist on stone tablets. Even falling asleep on guard duty would ensure a legionairre would never wake up (he would be executed in his sleep).
I very much doubt they would come to any agreement with Christ's followers for any amount of money, not that most followers of Christ had enough money to bribe anyone anyhow. Money is no good if you're dead.
The guarding of a well known political prisoner's body was taken very seriously indeed and the guards would most likely have been put to death following the events at Christ's tomb (although the Bible does not say either way). The Bible also talks a few times about the execution of guards who had lost prisoners on other occasions, including the escape of Paul and his companions from prison, when the guard was going to commit suicide in preference to a humiliating execution.
@@andymanaus1077 It was the Jewish leaders and the Romans that came to the agreement to quell any "Christ has risen" talk from His followers as that would look bad for both.
😂 love the use of Roman numerals in this
"V minutes later"
So funny!
CCCXIII people have liked this comment.
@@Jamesmatise Well, it's more than MCCCLXVI now. I do have to say, best V minutes of laughs here.
"Yeah, we enlisted XIV, XV years ago..."
I love the "V minutes later."
I think saying "V minutes later" is a missed opportunity to say "X minutes later" :D
@@wojciechsura It comes from "Sponge Bob SquarePants" where the narrator says it with a French accent (presumably because of Jaques Cousteau) while it is printed on the transition screen. ten (X) minutes later would not make sense and there would be no reason to say it.
By the way, they live in Bikini Bottom where the Atomic Bomb (Bikini Atoll, 1946) was tested so they are all mutants from the radiation. That is something that is lost on most viewers since they are almost all children.
The Hercules cartoon tjey yell call eye x eye eye IXII. 911. I was the only one laughing.
The XIV, XV years on the job cracked me up
"Quinque minutes later "
I’ve always loved the irony that the steps they took to put an end to the Way ended up proving the Resurrection beyond a doubt. They put a giant boulder in the way, with a giant seal on it, and stationed troops from the best Army in the world at the entrance.
AssFCKS for Jeezass are insane.
The ressurection was never proven. Spider-man was proven too in more books, right?
What they meant for evil the Lord used for Good!
@@PROVOCATEURSKAristotle must be fake because we have way more proof about Hulk's existence
@@PROVOCATEURSKJesus loves you and died for you
Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord..
Misinterpretation and misunderstanding of Paul’s words. Please cross-reference 1 Corinthians 8:6.
AMEN
LOL!
i was born beyond the wall, I DO NOT KNEEL!
@@GabrielEddy Roman's 14:11, Phillipians 2:10-11, Isaiah 45:23.
The statement is correct.
"Not wearing my throwing sandals..." Man do I know THAT feeling!
Up from the grave He arose
With a mighty triumph o’er His foes
He arose a victor from the dark domain
And He lives forever with His saints to reign
He arose! He arose!
Hallelujah, Christ arose!
Amen brother!
And He’s coming back for His bride! Everybody get ready!
LOVE this hymn!
Also - "Death cannot keep its prey, Jesus, my Savior.
He tore the bars away, Jesus, my Lord!!"
Powerful words of truth!
Καλό Πάσχα! Χριστός Ανέστη.
(Happy Passover - Resurrection Sunday. Christ is Risen!)
Lies. No one has ever risen. Period. Jesus was an invention of the Roman Empire, man made stories
@@Blurb777 there is no savior. There is YOU. You can save yourself. You don't need anything but will. Be righteous as God commanded and you will be justly rewarded with the ressurection.
Happy Resurrection Day.
My Jesus is alive...alive forever more!! :)
Does that mean someone else's Jesus may be dead?
@@BrianRetroYes, Jesus isn't an uncommon Name in some parts of the world
I like the authentic looking clothes. Did Romans really wear crocks? Happy Easter!
Latin crocks. Very Roman. 😂 Happy Easter!
😂
The Roman Army was defeated by Arminius at the battle of the Teutoburg Forest because they failed to put their Crocs into sport mode
I think Crocs came out in the early Hellenistic period! 😎
No they were wearing Birkenstock. Lol
Pretty good Roman uniforms. Particularly accurate on the pilum (javelin). Even accurate on the 'don't have my throwing sandals'...cuz those Birkenstocks were definitely not standard Roman issue! 🤣 Happy Easter everyone! He is Risen!
And the way the leather creaks....it's real leather!
I was expecting Angel Travis to be like: "Excuse me guys, I need to move that rock."
Angel Travis?
@@Psalm-yg6yi The guy in the end skit; as an angel.
Travis is the worker bee prisoner in the endcard. They often have him come out at the end of a sketch and deliver very matter of fact lines.
This is the best Bee video yet! Put tears in my eyes, bothfrom laughing and from Jesus!
I watched this video VII or VIII times and laughed every time!😅
😂
🤣😅
Who watching this in MMXXIV?
What is so funny about this? I don’t get the humor with this particular skit.
@@bunnydimples1283the toman soldiers think its silly that they guard a random dead jewish guy buts actually Jesus and he came out
The whole time they were saying how easy the guard job is, I was TOTALLY expecting Jesus to be silently sneaking away on the background, like a cartoon character.
This is a Christian channel, I don't think they would do that.
Saw a cartoon (drawn by a Protestant minister) showing a couple of disciples standing outside the open tomb and looking in, and another figure, obviously drawn to be Jesus standing behind them with His hands on the shoulders saying, "Hey guys. What are we looking at here?"
Really? Seems too not naff somehow. I mean this stuff is really good. Love the alien.
Bugs bunny style 😂
Those darn protestants 😂@@russs7574
He is risen indeed!
The stone wasn’t rolled away to let Him out. It was rolled away to show that He was already gone!
Good point.
Deep stuff
Does anything in the video contradict that? I don’t think the opinions of the guards count as theological statements.
Settle down.@@jjkrayenhagen
Amen
🤣🤣 Thanks, Babylon Bee! 🙌🏻✝️🙌🏻
LOL yessss lets go.
can't wait for all the bible humor.
HAPPY EASTER
At least I heard their next job was easier. They just had to guard Paul in prison.
Or Peter in King Herod's prison
"Ya set sixteen guards, and whaddya get? They won't get a day older to their great regret! Saint Peter's angel sprung him, and that's that, ya see, he left them guarding chains for the cell was empty!
I bet the Pharisees are gonna make up some lame story about the well-trained Roman guards falling asleep...
And the camera systems shutting down at the same time by pure chance 😂
They did and also said that if the soldiers got into trouble with their superiors the Pharisees would put in a good word for them and make it ok.
And the soldiers testifying that the apostles stole Jesus' body... even though they were "asleep".
@@timothypanfilomaruchan8267 always asked if you were asleep how do you know who took the body?
According to Pilate who talked to the head guard, they were all knocked out once the two women approached due to some sort of blinding light, the Bible explains that angels appeared and the timing coincides
My favorite part about Babylon Bee are the sensible comments in the feed. “You know, in reality….” Tough audience.
Dear Babylon Bee, if you read the resurrection account in Matthew's Gospel, it's clear that Pilate told the chief priests and Pharisees that they had their own guards (Jewish temple guards), that they could secure it themselves. It wasn't Roman guards at the tomb, but the henchmen of the chief priests.
Jesus also said that all the worlds dead would resurrect and not just him
Don't bother contradicting me because I've read it myself
And, don't ask me for its specific location as you should know already
Both had guards at different locations, the Roman guards were more involved and their "director" (I forget Roman ranks) on duty testified to a miracle, not having seen the Resurrection due to getting knocked out by a supernatural event
Awesome!! Thanks be to God that He rose and paid the price for us all!
OH NO the Church of Christ crack with the harmonica. Oh nice. I felt that. Good cut.
Every bee shall bow, every buzz confess...that Jesus Christ is Lord ❤ well done Bee on another great vid!
Hallelujah! The tomb is empty and HE lives! 🙌🏽❤️🔥✝️
No. You and billions have been deceived. ❤
His explanation for you is in John 8:47 @@AdaraBalabusta
Psst, over here. Did you know what the whore's favorite trick is? To obsess your mind and get you to think about her lies. 🙉🙈🙊
You living proves that you don´t believe and don´t want to meet god. Stall for 80 years for what, money?
@@PROVOCATEURSK I'm kind of curious what your statement means man. Do you mind to explain the meaning behind your words perhaps? Specially the stall for 80 years, I'm not sure I understand what context there is to that.
I love that the captions use Roman numerals 😂 it’s the little touches
The sad thing is, thousands of people will watch this and do not get what this skit is about.
I pray for you dear strangers
add to the grammar correction in the video as well seeing mot people cannot speak correct English and demand you follow their speak patterns. and they are encourage the reading of the Bible.
But many do. Praise the Lord!
@@ElCid48respectfully, your grammar is atrocious.
But the thing is this, maybe some of them will seek out the answer. :)
I'm Muslim and i get the skit. The Quran and Bible have a lot in common. Only thing contradicting each other is whether Jesus was the son of god or his messenger
You missed an opportunity to have someone sitting on top of the tomb, light beams coming off of him and holding a flaming sword. "Hey. How's it going? Everything good? Me, I'm just waiting on someone. Should be here any minute. Oh, look um, you guys can stay... but I'm on a bit of a schedule, alright? So no talking when she gets here. That okay with you guys? Of course it is."
One of the guards: "maybe it's like T'rex and can't see us if we don't move."
Dereliction of duty - check
Failure to obey a lawful order - check.
Loss of the Messiah - check.
Yep. They're going to end up standing in front of the First Sergeant's desk.
First Spear's desk. Primus Pilum. And ah... that might not be the end of their interaction with spears, since impalement was a punishment.
Centurion.
Praetor.
"How do you *lose* a Messiah, Private?"
"I don't know Sir, it just happened!"
It would be funny if they were also the prison guards in Acts.
At least they had an excuse, unlike Epstine's guards.
I wonder what their testimony was, did they even witness the angels before fainting etc.?
"Drake! Where’s the messiah?"
"What you mean he’s right there. . . . Oh, I see the problem"
"OH DO YA!"
Happy Easter! Christ is risen!
Hail Zeus.
Hail me 😊
Greater love, He laid down His life for us!❤
Then why does yourA$$Fckr god burn nonbelievers? You know, those of us that are notStupidFCKnCunts.
Did you know for like 1850 years after his "sacrifice" 50% of children died before age 5? Pretty evil.
Happy Easter, Christ has Risen !!!
He is risen indeed
He is risen indeed!
He is risen, indeed!
@@surlyogre1476Dude is dead
Christ is risen. PTL
For God So Loved the World...
That he did nothing during the holocaust. Oh wait, he saved that evil guy 42 times.
Praise Jesus ❤
Yahweh was one of several late Bronze early Iron Age gods that the early Israelites followed, along with Baal. Yahweh and Baal were two of the sons of the Sumerian god El, in ancient Ugaritic texts. Eventually Yahweh was adopted as their main and then the only god, adopting the characteristics of the other gods. From this, Christianity and then Islam emerged. Historically, many scholars consider Jesus to have been an apocalyptic prophet, one of many from ~200 BC to his time, and bit after. He expected the imminent end, as did Paul after and some of the earliest Church Fathers. This did not happen, of course. There are also ~2000 religions that we know of in our long written history, with many more gods. Each can be shown to be a product of it's time and place, based on local myths, legends and ideas.
@@theastronomer5800I'm glad someone has a brain
Jesus Christ is risen!
No one had risen. Get a clue
@@Jebusisblatantidolatry A clue would mean you can cite sources. You can get a clue by reading Lee Strobel's "Case for Christ". Scholars are now finding evidence that the gospels were written as early as 50 or 60 ad, 20or 30ish years after the event. No one in ancient history has that many detailed accounts arising in such a short time. Not Mithras, or Horus or anyone else that people say the gospels came from. Blessings!
He is risen indeed!
@jaycampbell6402 wrong. The gospels are anonymous. The gospels (based on the language used in the text themselves) don't start until after 70. They go as far as the 150s with later edits into the 300s. Get a clue. A REAL CLUE and quit making crap up.
@NRSGuardian my dough is risen. Jesus is nowhere....not in the present or the past. He's the same place that Bigfoot and the toothfairy are.... make believe land.
WHY CANT I LIKE THIS MORE THAN ONCE!!!!!
Thank you for bringing the Gospel in humorous form :) God bless you. Chris is king. Christ is risen!
Christ is King.... Happy Easter everyone
Love the Babylon Bee, always some truth with the humor.
Amen! He is Risen!
That was hilarious. Well done mighty men of valor. All glory to our Risen Savior.
Soldiers, soldiers never change.
You Guys are OUTSTANDING.
Blessings !!
1:43 completely missed opportunity to make a "we're not Greek" joke. Otherwise 10/10 the Bee ROCKS
As a member of the Church of Christ I find that last bit with the guy in jail for playing a harmonica HILARIOUS!!!!!
Same!😂
Ditto!
Same! 😂
He is risen!
It’s great to see these videos “especially the one where they have the disciples go over their plan to proclaim Jesus rose from the dead and then they were all going to get brutally murdered.”
The truth is, is that there is no good naturalistic way of explaining the reason why the disciples started to proclaim the resurrection of Christ Jesus. Glory to the one true God, who is the greatest and who actually demonstrated it! ✝️
The disciples would have been hunted down for being the remnants of a dangerous cult, anyway. What they said would have been irrelevant to their deaths.
He is risen indeed
Three crosses stood, But only one stood for me. At a place that was called Mount Calvary. A place I will never visit or see, But the place where GOD REMEMBERED ME ❤❤❤
Is this from a song/poem?
@@sulamitalovesJesus No, I wrote it myself. ❤🕊⚘
@@sarafreeman5073wow impressive. you'll have to change the lyrics if u do end up visiting there lol.
@@arcguardian❤ ⚘🕊
@@sarafreeman5073 its pretty❤🙏you should write more poetry!
Humor is such a powerful tool. Praise The Son Of Man on this most holy of holy weeks....
That's the son of God . Big G ❤️👑💪🙏
I'm laughing so hard! Y'all really outdid yourself with this one!
Happy Easter Everyone 🙏🛐✝️🇭🇲He Has Risen 🕊
Happy Easter!!!
Blessed & Joyous Easter, Alleluia He is Risen as He said.
“Whom are we guarding”? The Son of God. ✝️
Won't be long now. Maranatha!! 🙏
If you were in the U.S. Army (back when it was the U.S. Army), you can imagine the write up for the Army Commendation Medal for these brave Soldiers.
I bet even Jesus loved this video 😂😂😂. Live, love, laugh, and educate...
Hilarious.
Love the Bee❣️
Happy Easter everyone.
Rejoice our Savior Jesus Christ is risen . Jesus Christ is king of kings 👑❤️💪🙏
Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!
I was waiting for....
"Jesus Christ.... this job is so easy!" LOL 😂
Very apt for Easter weekend.
The soldiers should listen to,
"Oh Happy Day".
That should cheer them up!
“Well I’m not wearing my throwing sandals so, you know…” 😆
The Roman guards are like stormtroopers. They couldnt hit the tree with rocks and they certainly missed seeing a Risen King. Typical gaurds.
Alleluia He is risen!!!
Happy Blessed Easter, Babylon Bee, their families, & viewers! 🕊✝🙏🌷🐇💐
He was using Crocs as his throwing sandals. Too funny!
He is not here, for He is risen! Thank you Lord! Our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ now sits on the right hand of the Majesty on high. Hebrews 1:3.
It’s so scary funny!!!!!!! God bless you guys.
"he got up, and walked away"
"he what?"
"he got up and walked away"
F&P
@@AriomSilie yup
Very authentic Roman gear. The 2-part spears were authentic!
Soldiers throwing rocks to pass the time... some things never change.
Happy resurrection Sunday!
You forgot to "fall down as though dead. " But hilarious, of course. "We were recruited, what? XIV, XV years ago?" 😆
I was waiting for Travis to walk by and say hey guys who opened that tomb and they turn around and it's open and they're like 😮
Christ has risen!
Thank you for this! It is funny, heartwarming, and gets you in the feels!
He has risen, he has risen indeed! Yeshua, literal translation..... Our Savior!
Thank you for using His real name.
@@wwhinson Absolutely!
Yesheua is made up by haters of Christ. Of course, he uses it for good and it now allows people to come to him who never would have. But there is zero textual evidence that he was ever called "Yeshua".
Luke 2:21 says that the angel Gabriel gave him the name "Jesus" or Iessous, since the J would not have been pronounced as in modern English. The angel Gabriel is not limited to conjectures from scholars on Aramaic. Numerous times in the Bible (for example in Daniel) characters are given dual names if they have a name that was translated from one language to another.
The name "Yahahshua" was first invented by renaissance occultists but they were embarrassed when it was proven that this wasn't a real name. So they changed it to "Yehoshua" to cover their tracks, but then it was found that this name was rarely used in Judea of the time of Jesus, so then they changed it to "Yeshua" because that just happens to be the most common Aramaic name that sounds a little similar to Jesus. Guess what? NONE of that counts as evidence that anyone called Jesus "Yeshua" when his name was given directly by the angel of God!
@@jaycampbell6402 Tell that the Messianic Jews. Sorry, but Jesus is just a poor translation.
Yahweh was one of several late Bronze early Iron Age gods that the early Israelites followed, along with Baal. Yahweh and Baal were two of the sons of the Sumerian god El, in ancient Ugaritic texts. Eventually Yahweh was adopted as their main and then the only god, adopting the characteristics of the other gods. From this, Christianity and then Islam emerged. Historically, many scholars consider Jesus to have been an apocalyptic prophet, one of many from ~200 BC to his time, and bit after. He expected the imminent end, as did Paul after and some of the earliest Church Fathers. This did not happen, of course. There are also ~2000 religions that we know of in our long written history, with many more gods. Each can be shown to be a product of it's time and place, based on local myths, legends and ideas.
Happy Easter Babylon Bee.
They wouldn't have had beards but, I love the grammar lesson. Latin is all about the grammar.
Christos Anesti!!!
Vaistinu voskrese!
Vos estis decepti. ❤
This is one of the best they guarding a "dead" man
some people think He is dead.
He is the Messiah, the Prince of Pease.
The beloved Son of God.
Praise to Him for the glory of the Father:
The Infinitive Creator of every thing.
Holy of Fater.
Thanks for the message 😇
Remember, it doesn't and well for those 2. 😊
*_Monday Morning_*
Praetor: "Oh, Styx and Hades, what do you mean 'something' showed up and rolled the tomb stone away? What 'something'?!"
Love the V minutes later bit... thank you!
So glad that Jesus is risen! Doh! Sorry-spoiler alert.
Thank you for giving us something to laugh about on this most serious of holidays.
Christ is Risen! Jesus Christ is my life! ❤