Folks let me tell you something, I’m a better human being on this planet because of this guy. I learned so much from reading his first book and watching his tv programs. He was truly an original that taught the world how food and culture are completely connected and they both need to be respected. I’m so sorry he had his demons but I respect his decision on how he decided to deal with his problem. It was his life and it was ultimately his decision. Rest in utter peace Tony!!!!!
well said, I feel very much the same. he is such a tremendous light in this world and I know how selfish it is to still want him to be living just so I can experience more of him. thankfully, he’s still around us through all his adventures and sincere and heartfelt storytelling. the demons were aplenty but he is truly an angel.
I remember reading he also went to a place to get a burger... and somebody slid the burger down the bar toward him and he didn't like the look of the burger.. he didn't like the look of the burger coming at him and he just at that point went into a depression. People think that stuff is weird but that's just how depression works. It's a look... it's the way the light hits something. It's a memory or just emotion. And you can just be hit with that so strong that a certain sight or memory could put you in a very dark place. And sometimes our brains sends us intrusive thoughts. And it's very hard to break out of that sometimes because the brain never stops....
This is a very accurate description of depression. I always think it’s like the weather. A cloud will appear all of a sudden and rain onto you and you feel your whole body getting wet from the rain. You can put up an umbrella but you’re already wet, and it’ll be some time until you’re dry again. That’s how I feel with depression. Sometimes you can just be looking out the window and a memory will come to you or even just daydreaming, and it will hit you and you think there it is again. RIP Anthony.
I suffered from mental illness over 20 years now. Tony and his show really inspired me and I've become obsessed with foreign travel. As a result, im moving to Korea next month. Thanks Tony for being a huge inspiration.
@@seantierney3699 Not bad at all ,thank you for asking. I got here on December 8, started my job and all is well. So far, I can say I actually prefer South Korea over the USA. far cheaper too, friendly people, safe.
I met Anthony “Tony” Bourdain 1 month before his death. I DJ’d a fundraiser and VIP book signing. He was so into the music it was such an honor to have met him.
You never feel more depressed or alone than when people so blatantly make a mockery out of your passion, much less on your birthday. You start to question the integrity of everyone around you, even those you thought you knew.
I think it has very little to do with the people around him mocking his passion, he just became a very angry man towards the end of his life and lost all sense of humor.
Roderick Balt@ no, his problems started early in childhood, like the vast majority of people who have mental health and drug problems. It's so fucking ignorant to make claims without any developmental psychology research. People's fucking brains develop over many years, the most important being the first 7. To say he just got bitter and thus committed suicide just shows your zero knowledge of human development and trauma.
And then hang myself in the shower…he obviously had been thinking about ending it for a while, probably a long time. And finally that’s what he chose. He was a deeply troubled, self-loathing person. I’ve seen other interviews where he was disgusted with himself over things that didn’t seem that serious. I hope he’s at peace wherever he is.
@@adamkieszkowski9 Well, it's more likely he's just rotting, and that's fine. We just came up with this thing called soul because biology and chemistry alone weren't enough, this couldn't just be it, there certainly should be more, because it sounds bleak otherwise, right? Yeah, there's energy we can all feel between us, but that could just dissipate when the battery is dead, just like a light bulb, or an engine with no gas. We're afraid of death so we made something up to comfort us
I’ve had a similar things where I’m with friends and having a great time and out of nowhere, still surrounded by friends, I suddenly feel very alone. Like I’m standing alone watching everyone else separately like a tv show or something.
@@colinbero There are good counselors out there. It is a sign you are unhappy keep busy with positive life and forward thinking. See a doctor. Talk and research your concerns..
@@colinbero Keep trying to find help. Listen to any of Louise Hay TH-cam videos. You are very worth friends and all that you need. Be positive. Go easy on yourself!
i’m now permanently disabled from a past suicide attempt. i’m in bed most days unable to work due to it. if you’re thinking about it dont do it. life DOES gets better. even though i’m mostly bed bound life got better. suicide is not the answer.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I hope you can be one of those (of us) who can further share her own positive thoughts like you did here in front of support groups or even talks at high school/college forums on this important issue! You would be so inspiring. My best thoughts to you everyday to continue on in such a positive way!
I like your honesty, you should think about uploading a video and share your story and tell people who are contemplating suicide that it gets better, maybe you have, maybe it's to personal but I could see it helping a lot of people.
I can sooooo relate to his feelings. I've totally done exactly what he's talking about. It's creepy not the Octopus necessarily, but his emotions. Omg I've always known he was an addict n suffered from depression but I've never heard him speak so explicit about his emotions. God rest his soul.
@@michelebergman4336 This great man didn't "commit" anything. He made a decision regarding his life on this plane of existence and took action. Can we please hold the memory of him with the dignity and respect he deserves?
I can't I know people that have committed suicide and they did seem dippressed but never talked about killing a bunch of people and then killing themselves. That sounds like a mass murderer mindset.
A few months ago I watched the movie "Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain" and it pretty much explains what led to Tony's suicide and how he was as a person. I'll post some excerpts/subtitles from the movie below: - I'll tell you something really shameful about myself. The first time I shot up heroin, I looked at myself in the mirror with a big grin. You know, something was missing in me. Some part of me wanted to be a dope fiend. My whole life was leading up to that point. In my mind, it was my first step towards being an artist. I think even great art can be created when you're happy, but I think the best art in the universe is created through intense suffering. So then, do you put yourself in a situation where you're constantly in pain? And the answer to that question is yes. The addiction jumped (from heroin to something else, like Jujitsu and then the relationship with Asia Argento). When he threw himself into something, he threw himself completely. Jujitsu was a good one because he got super healthy. He looked great. He stopped smoking. He felt energized. He felt powerful. and it was a good thing for Tony to be obsessed with for a while. I mean, I do tend to have a sort of a manic personality. Everything is going really, really great or it's not going great. One minute, I'm okay, everything's going all right, and then suddenly it's... one little thing just sort of sets me off, and then I find myself, having momentary fantasies of harming other people or myself. Like I want to kill somebody or choke them or break their arms. When Tony met Asia Argento (italian actress), he's like, "She's the best. Oh, my God, she's so great."He seemed really happy with her. - That's why I'm never happy, because I feel I never belong. All I know is that he wrote to me a few times and said that it was gonna end very, very badly, and that was way back. Um, he knew it. He gets them to all agree that Asia Argento should direct this Hong kong episode. Zach Zamboni, 12-year veteran had made Parts Unknown one of the most beautiful shows on television. Tony's admiration for Zach was just kind of mind-blowing. In Hong Kong, Zach had a differing opinion from Asia on what they were shooting. And despite having a huge history and love and friendship, he was gone. When Tony fired Zach, it was a huge red flag. I mean, anyone on the inner circle is essentially, you know, disposable. She's gonna take over your life, you know. Tony did everything he could to be the... a dad. I think it broke his heart that he couldn't be the fucking dad he thought he could be, the romantic version of a dad. You know? His love for Asia was completely pure and safe and helpful and supportive. Which is essentially what he was looking for from her. /// There was a particular cringe scene where Tony was praising Asia's ability to park a car with superlatives for like 5 minutes. He was in awe with her, and then she betrayed him... A friend of his said Tony's favourite song was 'The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Anemone', which is essentially heroin music: th-cam.com/video/75By9AsNIDc/w-d-xo.html Asia Argento: In 1997, I was raped by Harvey Weinstein here at Cannes. Friends and creative partners... he threw them under the bus without any sort of consultation or anything. Then the movie shows Tony getting very angry and upset that his girlfriend Asia Argento was caught flirting with another man and it was all over the newspapers. She cheated on him and it was made public. This happens 4 days into shooting the last episode in France, days before Tony hangs himself. Him and Eric Ripert were lighthearted and funny up to that point. If you look at his last Instagram Story, he played the title sequence music from this '70s film Violent City. And if you've seen the film, you know that the beginning is a series of paparazzi photos of this couple. I mean, it's a revenge film. It's about this woman who betrays him and him seeking revenge. I mean, it's-it's all there. My brother committed suicide. I think if somebody else had been in his room, it might've been a murder and not a suicide. I think he was just in an explosive anger and-and this was the only way out. When you choose to hang yourself, it's a torture. Self-imposed torture. The toxicology report was he's clean and sober. I think it was a clear decision. It was a momentary lapse, and I don't think he weighed the pros and cons. If he had just made it through that night, you know? "I think Tony, at the end, felt alone and felt he couldn't talk to anybody about the pain that was going on inside of him."
It's mind boggling how such successful people with so much to offer give up on everything. I remember he passed away with a short time of Kate Spade. I'll have to check out that documentary. I was a big fan of his.
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing such observations. It’s helpful for others in the community who has similar feelings like Tony to read what you’ve written and know that they’re not alone.
You can't pin the blame only on someone else. It was a toxic relationship that he got into because he was already damaged. People - especially people who are financially independent - don't stay in those relationships unless there's a lot going on with them already.
Once in my life, for only 3 seconds, I thought a situation I was in made it necessary to end my life. Only 3 seconds long, but it was long enough to understand what it feels like. It’s very dark. Thank God I snapped out if it and have never returned.
Thanks for expressing that poignant thought. I've had other issues, irrational terror in my youth mainly, but never along the lines of the ultimate 'solution'. Sometimes just knowing your not alone in that (as I always assumed I was) is massively beneficial.
@@zeth8300 I've found in my life that usually people who say something like "Depression isn't that hard" or similar statements seem to come from people who have never had to deal with real, actual depression. Some may think they have, and truly believe it, but I've noticed many simply think depression is just some time that you felt really sad about something, which every single human since the dawn of time has felt, so basically why can't you "just get over it" like they could. It's so frustrating coming a cross these types of people, especially if they're your close friends or family members, because if they've never had real depression, there's really no way you can describe to them the feeling of it. It's like trying to describe what the color blue looks like to someone who's been blind since birth, ya know?
Prior to his suicide, Anthony had tweeted how "weird" Chantrix made him feel. He took the drug to help quit smoking. That drug has an FDA Black Box Warning of suicidal ideation as an "adverse effect".
@@karenritcheydamon8009 So glad you saw the red flags with that drug and stopped taking it. I was able to quit smoking by switching to vaping and despite all the bad press about vaping, I bought US made products and US made e-juice with FDA approved ingredients and was able to quit regular cigarettes. I weaned down on the nicotine levels until I got down to zero nicotine and only use it when I go out socially now. I quit 10 years ago. If it worked for me, it can work for anyone! :-)
@@karenritcheydamon8009 u should try vaping, it's far more safer than smoking, in fact the only health concerns from vaping come from the nicotine itself which is no more a stimulant than caffeine. everything against vaping is propaganda from tobacco companies who are pissed they lost millions in profits over the years. in fact the same year juul was in the spotlight for being a "bad influence," was one of the years that the U.S. has had the least amount of cigarette smokers in decades.
Beethoven’s last words were “Plaudite Amici, Comedia Finita Est.” If you want some heartbreaking words, read his Heiligenstadt Testament and then listen to the second movement of his Third Symphony.
You can heal yourself,ask for help and talk it out with a professional thearapist,that's why they exist,you gotta let it out and hopefully your therapist can help you sort it out,God luck
Read down and out in paris and london by george orwell. Bourdain read it and got his idea to elaborate on the theme. A very good read in this century, especially, look around. Just a cycle.
When he talks about that octopus on how he had to show reality that it was alive and well, but in real REALITY it was dead. but it was all about the perception to the world. and i think bourdain HATED that. look at our era right now in 2020. everything is flexing. everything you fucking do is being shared on social media. and alot of it was just like that octopus story. it looks great on tv and on the screens, but if you saw it behind the scenes it wasnt even like that. i think he finally gave in. he couldnt handle society and where were at right now and i completely agree with him and that story. our world right now is at a dark place and its cause of social media.
thanks for paying attention to his feeling and our feeling ... as you just said, it is a perception. also reality isn't what is behind the screen. reality isn't what is in the show, and what is behind the show. could it be at we r also part of a bigger show. I think if he thinks no him not octopus aren't live or dead, that could have given him another different perspective.
Not sure anyone could undo his pain. And what exactly was all his pain? I feel like this guy had a big chip of self expectation on his shoulder when ive watched clips.
I was suicidal back in 2008. The only reason I am alive is because I opened my mouth and started talking. If you are carrying this shit alone, start talking. There are thousands of people out there that will help you. But you have to ask.
It wasn't a waste... Not at all... He did so much, for so long, and he suffered like so many others have. I know you mean well but you should choose your words a bit wiser
Just hearing this story from him and learning this form of pretentiousness was forced on him without his approval piss me off so much, the fact that he didn’t go along with it, and the fact that he expressed his disgust makes me respect the Man even more than ever. This guy is a true definition of genuine and integrity, he had the courage to even share to the world this story and be transparent instead of pretending that his show was perfect. This clip is just another reminder of one of the reasons this Man is my hero 🫡
I loved Anthony Bourdain and was very sad when I heard of his death. But Dave Chappelle did a monologue about his suicide that was very inciteful. He talked about a friend of his who was from the ghetto, who had made it against all odds, went to college, became successful, actually got married in college. And after working so hard to crawl out of the bottom, his privileged wife divorced him, taking ALL of his $$$. This guy ended up back in the ghetto, working at Footlocker. And with all of that, he was still happy and never once entertained killing himself. Chappelle compared him to Mr. Bourdain, who travelled the world, talking to the most interesting people on earth, eating the best food, for a living. And yet he, and not his friend who worked at Footlocker, took his life. This is an observation of CULTURE and perspective. Happiness has to be something that is not dependent on external circumstances. Life fluctuates too much for that to be sustainable. It lies within us to find peace where we are at any given moment. The blessing of life is in appreciating just having one.
I sooo miss his wit & humanity, also to speak so candidly about his internal struggles. Just rewatching all his shows , on this cool cloudy fall day. I also suffer from bouts of extreme panic & ever present anxiety, which is a form of depression. Part n parcel - never really quite satisfied with urself, Something is always missing - not a good place to ever be! That’s certainly why he turned to drugs as i did & still have my moments of slipping, with overtaking Xanax / sleepers & booze. Then it becomes a slippery slope. Pure genius of word & very candid personality, just wish he cld have seen & felt it - yet I totally get where he’s coming from ! RIP - Mr. Bourdain , Rest in Peace now.
Start investing very small amount of money in crypto or stocks and whn your portfolio increases you will feel a sense of self worth and pride which will go very far..#workslikemagic.
Push comes to shove where one's morals, ethics 'n integrity is not shared going over the edge isn't far behind; fortunately, I've looked into that abyss 'n what came forth was mind-blowing ..
The world is a painful place, at least for some of us. Creativity is basically an attempt out of that pain. People pay for art and admire artists for feeling so deep, for expressing what others have no acccess to. Still all the money, fame, admiration, all the narcicistic fuel, the places you see, the models you date wont safe your soul from the suffering and loneliness you tried to avoid in the firat place.
Octopuses are the one animal people shouldn’t kill, there’s alot of evidence that there are the only other self aware being, they are soooo intelligent..
Some days I really am just disgusted with humans too, I hate being a person, having to judge and be judged and people are just cruel and it makes me so unbearably cynical at times, especially in the world we have today where everyone has a voice and tricks are being played all over the place and people are very dishonest. It always leads to drinking just to drown out all the horrible thoughts you have sometimes. I'm depressed because I drink and I drink because I'm depressed and its just a vicious cycle. It's even more hard to get used to a life without using anything to get by, its really sad I know this
Go to an AA Meeting ASAP! Google the nearest one too you. Support & compassion & unconditional acceptance from people who are struggling with life too & drinking as a coping mechanism too. They will never judge you. You will not be alone you ARE not alone...
do some counter-suffering by sweating your ass out. For example running every other day, little by little, without going to extremes. Do that for a year: That is 183 runs per year,. Don't talk or discuss to much about it or not at all. You'll be doing a 10k after ten months. Your liver will heal. Walk fast if you can't run, with intense elbow work Try to sleep seven hours a day. Consume minerals and whey proteins. Don't regret anything in your life, otherwise you'll fall back into depression. It's a freaking hormonal instability. You'll be fine if you decide so. No AA will help unless you do the decision. Alcohol WILL kill you. Start today, you'll save money, too and will be admired/envied by people. Don't get provoked. Learn to be by yourself only. You deserve it, even you think I can't say that because I don't know you. Peace.
Feeling and emotions come and go uninvited. If we live by them we will be depressed and exhausted. Fighting it only feeds it . Acceptance and a spiritual mindset will overcome it today.
"It was my birthday." Yeah, Tony, it was my birthday the day you killed yourself. 8th June. You were significant for me. Your words resonated. You convinced me to travel far and wide. And here I am, in Buriram, Thailand, really happy, and it's nearly all because of you.
No, he did not have everything. He had a hole inside, and he was constantly running towards the next thing, trying to fill it. Food, people, drugs, alcohol, all external things. The hole can only be filled from within. It's tragic that he never came across this, or integrated it into his life. Nobody is safe, you are right. But nobody is doomed, either. If you look for the solution to contentment in the material world, you will fail.
@@sephblack boom, exactly. Happiness is NOT in the material (physical) World but WITHIN. But we have to work at building that connection, hope and love within, it doesn’t come easy
He rarely saw his family to due to his work, and he spent most of his life in debt and afraid which never really goes away. He’s also a recovering polyaddict. I agree no one is safe but he did not have a seemingly perfect life.
There’s always been a stigma and children don’t get assessed and treated as necessary. In many cases people don’t get treated until well into adulthood and that’s too late.
He said things like this all the time. I have friends who said things like this all the time and thank god they haven't done anything like this but the truth is you never know. I had one friend I trusted so much, told me she was suicidal, I went on a motorcycle trip with her. I didn't think about it until half way through what I got myself into. We made it through fortunatelly but she had two wrecks since I left.
I have been a depressive since 13 and am now 53. At 23 i had my first of (3) nervous break downs post divorce. I completely understand why many give up. Therapy, Lexapro and Jesus got me to middle age and im grateful.❤
As a few others on here have said, this man changed my life. He's the only celebrity whose death really hit me. As I saw someone else post one time, I hope he's not really dead -- he's just on a beach somewhere far away where we can't find him, sipping a pina colada. There has been no better traveler, no better guest, in our lifetime. His memory and influence will be with me forever.
I think his death has showed a lot of people which road not to go down. He was so honest with himself that he could point out the dangers to everyone else. RIP, Tony.
his brother said he was sure he was in a fit of rage when he offed himself…we know he most likely wasn’t happy with his gf, i wonder who else pissed him off on the shoot?
Man, this is heartbreaking. He seems like he was constantly at odds with wanting to remain authentic, but also having to deal with the bullshit that comes with making reality TV for a living. Getting the shot and duping the audience is more important than actually living the experience and getting that on camera. Good for him for calling that out and having that make it into the final edit of that episode. I would have gotten hammered afterwards, too.
@@jmoney1941 check out the Sicily episode of Parts Unknown. You'll have no problem finding it on TH-cam. It happens pretty early on in the episode. I think what set him off about it was that he went out there under the impression that they would actually catch some octopi and squid, but what wound up happening wasn't real or authentic in any way.
I have to wonder if the incident was simply a trigger that touched some unresolved, very traumatic childhood experiences......that surfaced. Actually, I am strongly leaning towards an emotional flashback (Pete Walkers book).... Ancient buried dark emotions or horror.... most probably coming from childhood... or pre verbal. When you hear someone say they experienced a mental breakdown of sorts, that is a big clue to buried trauma manifesting. The emotions don’t fully match what is going on in the here and now.
@@eddieperez6121 When a person has anxiety and depression he/she should stop working especially if he is in the spotlight.He must be with positive people around him that will help him I mean friends and family possibly.If he had drug abuse issues he should go to a top detox clinic.And seek professional help.Anxiety depression and substance abuse is the worst mental state possible.Suicide becomes a way to escape suffering.
@@eddieperez6121 you can deal with the anxiety if you don’t have pressure you must say I don’t care what anyone may think about me .Remove guilt fear sadness be with people you like .
Bourdain was a good guy despite the gruff "too cool for school" façade. His aspirations to an ideal world of perfect authenticity and decency in humans were noble but ultimately unrealistic. And his realisation of that was too much for him. He was too delicate to cope with the insanity of life. The nuggets of beauty he found during the filming of his shows weren't enough to alleviate his feelings of despondency. His suicide was tragic and there wasn't anything anyone could've done to stop it. There's little we can learn from it other than to try and hang in there as much as we realistically can. The beauty he saw in things may not have been enough for him but it can be for others, and therefore save their lives. There's no magic secret to a good life, just do the best you can and accept that life isn't perfect.
The pain and anguish in this man’s voice his demeanour is overwhelming it’s taken control of him he’s in a dark address he can’t find his way out to he has therapy took things too literally. You had everything you wanted but the thing you wanted most was peace of mind which she could not achieve for some reason whatsoever it’s sad to see you gone yes I do hope you’re a piece you must be image a choice… We all have a choice…
I’m not familiar with the octopus story or its significance, but it seems he has a tendency to place more significance on trivial matters than is heathy. That is one sign of PTSD and other mental health maladies. Sad that he was not helped.
Your right about placing extreme significance on trivial matters in daily life…that is the territory of professional comedians on stage. Even with Tony’s great wit and humor it got buried under the many layers of complex shadows.🙏
the trivial matters become symbols representing larger things a small mishap or a broken appointment where a person is stood up ... they come to represent something bigger (the inability to be responsible or a feeling of being abandoned or unwanted) you are correct that they shouldn't be cause to end a life but the actual cause that the person feels is something deeper and larger...that's more the experience of it it's hard to help a person in this state of mind because the person already feels isolated and it's hard to reach them it's hard to know how badly the person is feeling in large part because the person is directing their negative thoughts and feelings in on themselves
The thing that’s really chilling is numerous times on his show even though he was joking with his dark sense of humor it didn’t feel like it was a joke anymore. I remember one time when he went to Canada and he talked about hitting someone over the head with a skillet and finding the nearest beam if I had to use an electric stove even though he was joking he talked about that particular kind of thing numerous times and then it just stopped being funny when it really happened
Hate to bust your bubble ,but this life is not YOUR life. What you refer to as “MY” life , was paid for IN BLOOD by someone else . It was a gift ,so that you might come to know the person who gave it . But for you to destroy that gift shows me you didn’t learn a damned thing .
I was just a kid when I heard about the passing of Bourdain. I had always known about him because I would watch him with my mom, I aspired to be a cook when I was a kid and I believe he is mainly the reason why. When I found out about his passing I was at school, when I went home my mom was distraught, I was distraught. It was probably the first death that has emotionally impacted me. Bourdain was so many things I loved, for he was what none could ever be. I will always remember Anthony Bourdain, and his passing.
Because you shared a story, I’ll share one. My brother loved Anthony Bourdain so much and it was very annoying to always hear about him. I never cared for him and watched any of his shows. I still do not watch anything related to Bourdain but I might in the future. I didn’t care when he passed away like most celebrities but my brother was distraught like you said and then he bought the cookbook
@@fabiomino3506 it’s easy to be passionate about someone like Anthony Bourdain. He was arguably the best at what he did and his personality was striking enough to make you really want to watch him. It’s likely your brother watched his shows, where he would travel all over the world, making conversation with locals and eating from local pubs. He had a respect for the culture of food without being pompous and flamboyant like a vast majority of celebrity chefs. Your brother probably cares deeply about art, as Bourdain was an artist at what he did in many ways. There’s not a lot to dislike about him, he was a very relatable, emotionally disturbed, journalist, who explored foreign nations to show people at home what real good food looks like in other countries, without any bullshit. He was genuinely one of a kind, not another food journalist in the entire world like him, and that doesn’t sound like a lot, but he was a huge deal for a lot of people.
To anyone out there who is very depressed, feels lost, hopeless or feels nobody cares: please seek help...nowadays there are so many places to turn. Maybe find a good psychiatrist or counselor, or confide in a trusted friend. If you're self conscious about this, don't be. If you don't want anyone to know you went for help, you don't have to tell others (you can keep it between you & your professional). Besides, nowadays, seems like more people go for therapy than not. Others DO CARE! Please stay well. 🙏 Love to all ❤
If someone , you did not know, gave you a gift so wonderful that it was impossible to comprehend the infinite beauty of that gift , would you feel that it was right for you ti destroy that gift ?
Anthony you are beyond fabulous. The universe was showing off when you were made. My heartfelt gratitude for all you contributed on this earth before you took steps to leave this Life. Suicide is a permanent to a temporary problem. I hope you found your peace on the other side. A rose still grows beyond the wall. Australia.
It's such a shame. I mean what the Hell!!!! No, I can't relate to any of this anymore maybe I used to but there's too much Jesus now--like I've been born again or something. Call out to Jesus and let Jesus into your heart. Anthony, Tony, I'm sorry you went through what you went through, you were truly a compassionate man.
I was at a physicians office a week ago, and had to fill out a questionnaire The questions seemed strange to me, asking how often I go to the dentist or the eye doctor etc.. Last question was how often do I think of suicide, and the first thing that popped in my mind was, daily or weekly?
He was the only thing I watched on that network. He really brought you to the areas of a country where the real food and citizens were. I am so sorry his demons were too strong.
Aww you know what ? You just miss him . He was one of those guys that you could picture yourself walking or hanging out with him in some of those Awesome places he took us to . 🌺
I agree. I worked in television as a producer for 18 years, but the only portion of that that I was truly happy was the 2 years that I was working on a travel show, learning about and helping others learn of other cultures. Bourdain’s show exemplified the exact idea that I always strived for, not only going to the non-mainstream places, but finding the good in every person and location. Sometimes in a very tongue-in-cheek way. But I’ve dealt with a lot of dark times myself, unemployment, loneliness, total lack of money, etc, and been clinically depressed for a good 15-16 years now. So I understand where he was coming from. Even if I can’t from the standpoint of his having a successful show, career, fame, etc. I understand that suicide also affects those around you after you die, and that’s the main reason that I’ve never gone that route. But I really do think that it’s anyone’s right to take their own life if they truly want. So while I miss Anthony a whole whole lot, I also respect his decision.
The unspeakable thoughts & feelings polite society hates. His words resonate with me personally. I’ve been in that space. I wish he had found a way out. RIP, Chef
Dude, if this is how he reacted to the fake scriptedness and phony nature of television, you can understand how he could have offer himself after the kind of betrayal and lies he was dealt with Asia Argento.
It’s crazy, me and my friends and family always said he had the best job in the world, travelling and eating. I respect him a lot for being an open book about his on mental health and his earlier struggles with drug addiction. RIP
Sadly no one close to him could really see what was going on inside-and clearly no one could have saved him. He needed a sitter-someone to make sure he was OK always (but eventually he would have been disgusted by that too). He was just too much on his own without the structure to feel secure (me thinks). He was definitely blessed, generous, and clearly deserves some grace. If his friend whom he left to deal with his hanging corpse can forgive him for that trauma surely the rest of us can forgive him for such an ugly ending, and hopefully it's a lesson learned.
This is what it looks like to gain the whole world but to lose one’s soul. r.i.p Anthony ! I love you!! 💕 Your spirit lives on in all the travel you inspired.
Some of us are just torchured without talent ,,that's life .it's trying to get loved ones to understand the pain so they can be at peace when the day comes.
ive been disgusted with humanity since i started talking and i was told to listen. i been disgusted with humanity when they told everyone they were beautiful and unique snowflakes and freedom was universal. ive been disgusted with humanity when people defend the killing of innocent babies and then defend child molesters and death row inmates sentenced to death. and as much as I can't stand most of the people i come across cause they are fake or have only two genuine emotions, i would not kill myself and deprive the world of my ugly face.i do wish i could have talked to Anthony Bourdain, truly listened to him, and try and convince him things would be ok and the world is better that he's in it because the only genuine people left are depressed as shyte about the things we see daily.
Folks let me tell you something, I’m a better human being on this planet because of this guy. I learned so much from reading his first book and watching his tv programs. He was truly an original that taught the world how food and culture are completely connected and they both need to be respected. I’m so sorry he had his demons but I respect his decision on how he decided to deal with his problem. It was his life and it was ultimately his decision. Rest in utter peace Tony!!!!!
I suffer from PTSD and intrusive thoughts.
well said, I feel very much the same. he is such a tremendous light in this world and I know how selfish it is to still want him to be living just so I can experience more of him. thankfully, he’s still around us through all his adventures and sincere and heartfelt storytelling. the demons were aplenty but he is truly an angel.
@@kenblank9892 MDD,GAD,BDD,ADD,BPD,CPTSD,tourettes.
@@kenblank9892 I hope things get better for you Ken. You are never alone.
@@WavyWatson Thank you for your kind concern my friend.
I remember reading he also went to a place to get a burger... and somebody slid the burger down the bar toward him and he didn't like the look of the burger.. he didn't like the look of the burger coming at him and he just at that point went into a depression. People think that stuff is weird but that's just how depression works. It's a look... it's the way the light hits something. It's a memory or just emotion. And you can just be hit with that so strong that a certain sight or memory could put you in a very dark place. And sometimes our brains sends us intrusive thoughts. And it's very hard to break out of that sometimes because the brain never stops....
Very eloquently expressed. Thank you. 👏👏👏👏👏
@@johnsrome8459 thank you. Sorry for the typos. I used hands free text, and it makes mistakes. Be well.
Thank you for posting. I’ve never read or heard depression explained in this way and it’s kind of blown my mind
@@Ilostmyfob Never even noticed the typos! You have insight, kind heart. That's all that matters. ❤️
@@scottward7850 Rather brilliant, isn't it? What does humanity need, this level of insight or people telling you to just stop moaning? ❤️
This is a very accurate description of depression. I always think it’s like the weather. A cloud will appear all of a sudden and rain onto you and you feel your whole body getting wet from the rain. You can put up an umbrella but you’re already wet, and it’ll be some time until you’re dry again. That’s how I feel with depression. Sometimes you can just be looking out the window and a memory will come to you or even just daydreaming, and it will hit you and you think there it is again. RIP Anthony.
I can relate to this. Thank you for sharing
@@DadsOnBasshope you’re coping well with it my friend 👍🏼 take care.
I suffered from mental illness over 20 years now. Tony and his show really inspired me and I've become obsessed with foreign travel. As a result, im moving to Korea next month. Thanks Tony for being a huge inspiration.
You are so lucky. I want to go there too. :(
how was the move?
@@seantierney3699 Not bad at all ,thank you for asking. I got here on December 8, started my job and all is well. So far, I can say I actually prefer South Korea over the USA. far cheaper too, friendly people, safe.
@@welfareleech1525 what do you do there and whatd you bring with you on the plane
@@taszat I teach English. Just brought my clothes and basic living stuff.
I met Anthony “Tony” Bourdain 1 month before his death. I DJ’d a fundraiser and VIP book signing. He was so into the music it was such an honor to have met him.
What kind of music did you play?
You never feel more depressed or alone than when people so blatantly make a mockery out of your passion, much less on your birthday. You start to question the integrity of everyone around you, even those you thought you knew.
Yes. 😔
An immensely lonely feeling.
I think it has very little to do with the people around him mocking his passion, he just became a very angry man towards the end of his life and lost all sense of humor.
OMG, I can only imagine how he must have felt, RIP Tony, we all love you!!
Roderick Balt@ no, his problems started early in childhood, like the vast majority of people who have mental health and drug problems. It's so fucking ignorant to make claims without any developmental psychology research. People's fucking brains develop over many years, the most important being the first 7. To say he just got bitter and thus committed suicide just shows your zero knowledge of human development and trauma.
And then hang myself in the shower…he obviously had been thinking about ending it for a while, probably a long time. And finally that’s what he chose. He was a deeply troubled, self-loathing person. I’ve seen other interviews where he was disgusted with himself over things that didn’t seem that serious. I hope he’s at peace wherever he is.
I think you really nailed it, I truely hope he is happy now, Loved him
He is rotting underground there is no place called “afterlife” after life.
@@legendsson wow didn’t know we were able to prove that
Parts Unknown
@@adamkieszkowski9 Well, it's more likely he's just rotting, and that's fine. We just came up with this thing called soul because biology and chemistry alone weren't enough, this couldn't just be it, there certainly should be more, because it sounds bleak otherwise, right? Yeah, there's energy we can all feel between us, but that could just dissipate when the battery is dead, just like a light bulb, or an engine with no gas.
We're afraid of death so we made something up to comfort us
I’ve had a similar things where I’m with friends and having a great time and out of nowhere, still surrounded by friends, I suddenly feel very alone. Like I’m standing alone watching everyone else separately like a tv show or something.
Do you remember what type of body language you showed? Wer u just staring ahead or can u not remember?
You are experiencing Thwarted sense of Belongingness. You may want to talk to someone.
You have anxiety. Stressed?
@@colinbero There are good counselors out there. It is a sign you are unhappy keep busy with positive life and forward thinking. See a doctor. Talk and research your concerns..
@@colinbero Keep trying to find help. Listen to any of Louise Hay TH-cam videos. You are very worth friends and all that you need. Be positive. Go easy on yourself!
i’m now permanently disabled from a past suicide attempt. i’m in bed most days unable to work due to it. if you’re thinking about it dont do it. life DOES gets better. even though i’m mostly bed bound life got better. suicide is not the answer.
thank you. needed it.
Thanks for sharing that
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I hope you can be one of those (of us) who can further share her own positive thoughts like you did here in front of support groups or even talks at high school/college forums on this important issue! You would be so inspiring. My best thoughts to you everyday to continue on in such a positive way!
Praying for you!
I like your honesty, you should think about uploading a video and share your story and tell people who are contemplating suicide that it gets better, maybe you have, maybe it's to personal but I could see it helping a lot of people.
I can sooooo relate to his feelings. I've totally done exactly what he's talking about. It's creepy not the Octopus necessarily, but his emotions. Omg I've always known he was an addict n suffered from depression but I've never heard him speak so explicit about his emotions. God rest his soul.
These people are on Antidepressants & Benzodiazepines that make them commit SUICIDE! Those drugs are DARK
@@michelebergman4336
This great man didn't "commit" anything. He made a decision regarding his life on this plane of existence and took action.
Can we please hold the memory of him with the dignity and respect he deserves?
@@michelebergman4336 I wouldn't be alive without them
I would b dead without my antidepressants..
I can't I know people that have committed suicide and they did seem dippressed but never talked about killing a bunch of people and then killing themselves. That sounds like a mass murderer mindset.
A few months ago I watched the movie "Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain" and it pretty much explains what led to Tony's suicide and how he was as a person. I'll post some excerpts/subtitles from the movie below:
- I'll tell you something really shameful about myself.
The first time I shot up heroin, I looked at myself
in the mirror with a big grin.
You know, something was missing in me.
Some part of me wanted to be a dope fiend.
My whole life was leading up to that point.
In my mind, it was my first step towards being an artist.
I think even great art can be created when you're happy,
but I think the best art in the universe
is created through intense suffering.
So then, do you put yourself in a situation where you're constantly in pain?
And the answer to that question is yes.
The addiction jumped (from heroin to something else, like Jujitsu and then the relationship with Asia Argento).
When he threw himself into something, he threw himself completely. Jujitsu was a good one because he got super healthy. He looked great. He stopped smoking.
He felt energized. He felt powerful.
and it was a good thing for Tony to be obsessed with for a while.
I mean, I do tend to have a sort of a manic personality.
Everything is going really, really great or it's not going great. One minute, I'm okay, everything's going all right,
and then suddenly it's... one little thing
just sort of sets me off, and then I find myself, having
momentary fantasies of harming other people or myself.
Like I want to kill somebody or choke them or break their arms.
When Tony met Asia Argento (italian actress), he's like, "She's the best.
Oh, my God, she's so great."He seemed really happy with her.
- That's why I'm never happy, because I feel I never belong.
All I know is that he wrote to me a few times
and said that it was gonna end very, very badly,
and that was way back. Um, he knew it.
He gets them to all agree that Asia Argento should direct this Hong kong episode.
Zach Zamboni, 12-year veteran had made Parts Unknown one of the most beautiful shows on television.
Tony's admiration for Zach was just kind of mind-blowing.
In Hong Kong, Zach had a differing opinion from Asia on what they were shooting.
And despite having a huge history
and love and friendship, he was gone.
When Tony fired Zach, it was a huge red flag.
I mean, anyone on the inner circle is
essentially, you know, disposable.
She's gonna take over your life, you know.
Tony did everything he could to be the... a dad.
I think it broke his heart that he couldn't be
the fucking dad he thought he could be,
the romantic version of a dad.
You know? His love for Asia was completely pure and safe and helpful and supportive. Which is essentially what
he was looking for from her.
/// There was a particular cringe scene where Tony was praising Asia's ability to park a car with superlatives for like 5 minutes. He was in awe with her, and then she betrayed him...
A friend of his said Tony's favourite song was 'The Brian Jonestown Massacre - Anemone', which is essentially heroin music: th-cam.com/video/75By9AsNIDc/w-d-xo.html
Asia Argento: In 1997, I was raped
by Harvey Weinstein here at Cannes.
Friends and creative partners... he threw them under the bus
without any sort of consultation or anything.
Then the movie shows Tony getting very angry and upset that his girlfriend Asia Argento was caught flirting with another man and it was all over the newspapers. She cheated on him and it was made public. This happens 4 days into shooting the last episode in France, days before Tony hangs himself. Him and Eric Ripert were lighthearted and funny up to that point.
If you look at his last Instagram Story, he played the title sequence music from
this '70s film Violent City.
And if you've seen the film, you know that the beginning is a series of paparazzi photos
of this couple.
I mean, it's a revenge film. It's about this woman
who betrays him and him seeking revenge.
I mean, it's-it's all there.
My brother committed suicide. I think if somebody else
had been in his room, it might've been a murder
and not a suicide. I think he was just in an explosive anger
and-and this was the only way out. When you choose
to hang yourself, it's a torture. Self-imposed torture.
The toxicology report was he's clean and sober.
I think it was a clear decision. It was a momentary lapse,
and I don't think he weighed the pros and cons.
If he had just made it through that night, you know?
"I think Tony, at the end, felt alone and felt
he couldn't talk to anybody about the pain that was
going on inside of him."
Thanks for writing all of this out. You’re right.
It's mind boggling how such successful people with so much to offer give up on everything. I remember he passed away with a short time of Kate Spade. I'll have to check out that documentary. I was a big fan of his.
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing such observations. It’s helpful for others in the community who has similar feelings like Tony to read what you’ve written and know that they’re not alone.
You can't pin the blame only on someone else. It was a toxic relationship that he got into because he was already damaged. People - especially people who are financially independent - don't stay in those relationships unless there's a lot going on with them already.
Thank you for writing your comments.
Once in my life, for only 3 seconds,
I thought a situation I was in made it necessary to end my life. Only 3
seconds long, but it was long enough to understand what it feels like. It’s very dark. Thank God I snapped out if it and have never returned.
hope all is well for you now brother.
It only takes a second or two to make the worst decision of your life
Thanks for expressing that poignant thought. I've had other issues, irrational terror in my youth mainly, but never along the lines of the ultimate 'solution'.
Sometimes just knowing your not alone in that (as I always assumed I was) is massively beneficial.
Thank god you’re ok. Keep loving, keep being creative I’m glad you’re here ❤️
I understand him !
Depression is something very serious
Not really
@@eddiew2325 why is that ?
It is look wat happen to him
@@zeth8300 I've found in my life that usually people who say something like "Depression isn't that hard" or similar statements seem to come from people who have never had to deal with real, actual depression.
Some may think they have, and truly believe it, but I've noticed many simply think depression is just some time that you felt really sad about something, which every single human since the dawn of time has felt, so basically why can't you "just get over it" like they could.
It's so frustrating coming a cross these types of people, especially if they're your close friends or family members, because if they've never had real depression, there's really no way you can describe to them the feeling of it.
It's like trying to describe what the color blue looks like to someone who's been blind since birth, ya know?
@@JaniceTZ I know wat you mean
Prior to his suicide, Anthony had tweeted how "weird" Chantrix made him feel. He took the drug to help quit smoking. That drug has an FDA Black Box Warning of suicidal ideation as an "adverse effect".
Mans should of just dosed on psilocybin. He was too proud tho…
@@brandlessheadphones I could be wrong but I think he used to shoot or at least smoke H so I doubt he’d have been to proud to do some shrooms
Yep. I know firsthand about Chantix making depression worse, had to stop taking it, my thoughts were darker than ever. Still smoking, tho.
@@karenritcheydamon8009 So glad you saw the red flags with that drug and stopped taking it. I was able to quit smoking by switching to vaping and despite all the bad press about vaping, I bought US made products and US made e-juice with FDA approved ingredients and was able to quit regular cigarettes. I weaned down on the nicotine levels until I got down to zero nicotine and only use it when I go out socially now. I quit 10 years ago. If it worked for me, it can work for anyone! :-)
@@karenritcheydamon8009 u should try vaping, it's far more safer than smoking, in fact the only health concerns from vaping come from the nicotine itself which is no more a stimulant than caffeine. everything against vaping is propaganda from tobacco companies who are pissed they lost millions in profits over the years. in fact the same year juul was in the spotlight for being a "bad influence," was one of the years that the U.S. has had the least amount of cigarette smokers in decades.
I could cry at his words. ! I feel the same about so many ways life has become a painful joke .
Beethoven’s last words were “Plaudite Amici, Comedia Finita Est.”
If you want some heartbreaking words, read his Heiligenstadt Testament and then listen to the second movement of his Third Symphony.
Yes, God has an unusually vicious sense of humor.
@@justicegusting2476 yep
You can heal yourself,ask for help and talk it out with a professional thearapist,that's why they exist,you gotta let it out and hopefully your therapist can help you sort it out,God luck
It’s never helped . Talking cannot change the realities of your life !!!
I am currently reading his book “Kitchen Confidential” . In addition to all the other talents that he had, he was also an amazing writer.
Next on my to-do list. Just received the Roadrunner DVD and now have seen it a few times, including in theater. Chokes me up every time.
Roadrunner is definitely worth the watch.
You’ll love kitchen confidential
Great read! Hope you find it worthwhile.
Read down and out in paris and london by george orwell. Bourdain read it and got his idea to elaborate on the theme. A very good read in this century, especially, look around. Just a cycle.
When he talks about that octopus on how he had to show reality that it was alive and well, but in real REALITY it was dead. but it was all about the perception to the world. and i think bourdain HATED that. look at our era right now in 2020. everything is flexing. everything you fucking do is being shared on social media. and alot of it was just like that octopus story. it looks great on tv and on the screens, but if you saw it behind the scenes it wasnt even like that. i think he finally gave in. he couldnt handle society and where were at right now and i completely agree with him and that story. our world right now is at a dark place and its cause of social media.
i agree with you but its cause of human greed social media is one of the production of that greed
thanks for paying attention to his feeling and our feeling ...
as you just said, it is a perception.
also reality isn't what is behind the screen.
reality isn't what is in the show, and what is behind the show.
could it be at we r also part of a bigger show.
I think if he thinks no him not octopus aren't live or dead, that could have given him another different perspective.
Spot on.
He was crying for help and we WERE NOT FUCKING LISTENING.
What an unbelievably painful tragedy.
Not sure anyone could undo his pain. And what exactly was all his pain? I feel like this guy had a big chip of self expectation on his shoulder when ive watched clips.
Some one could of saved his life
No he was not. Stop making crap up.
Why do so many funny and charming people commit suicide? That is life sometimes, you never how people are actually feeling beneath the surface.
I was suicidal back in 2008. The only reason I am alive is because I opened my mouth and started talking. If you are carrying this shit alone, start talking. There are thousands of people out there that will help you. But you have to ask.
I agree wholeheartedly #openyourmouth
There isn't.
The loss of this man was such a drama - such a great man. We miss you Tony.
He didn’t waste his life man. He got to do everything. He just chose to end it on his terms
It wasn't a waste... Not at all... He did so much, for so long, and he suffered like so many others have. I know you mean well but you should choose your words a bit wiser
Still time to delete this
I think you mean trauma and not drama!??
When I found out that he left us I was genuinely devastated. Huge loss. No one compares to him.
Just hearing this story from him and learning this form of pretentiousness was forced on him without his approval piss me off so much, the fact that he didn’t go along with it, and the fact that he expressed his disgust makes me respect the Man even more than ever. This guy is a true definition of genuine and integrity, he had the courage to even share to the world this story and be transparent instead of pretending that his show was perfect. This clip is just another reminder of one of the reasons this Man is my hero 🫡
I also share his belief.. and like him, I also am living my life to fullest.. and I am also bipolar.
Same, i Love u and I don’t even know you ❤️
All is well 🌻
You can see here he was a tortured individual, so talented and charismatic, its a shame.
An amazing man who lived a great example of living life to the fullest! Cheers brother and thank you for the magic you shared with all of us
I loved Anthony Bourdain and was very sad when I heard of his death. But Dave Chappelle did a monologue about his suicide that was very inciteful. He talked about a friend of his who was from the ghetto, who had made it against all odds, went to college, became successful, actually got married in college. And after working so hard to crawl out of the bottom, his privileged wife divorced him, taking ALL of his $$$. This guy ended up back in the ghetto, working at Footlocker. And with all of that, he was still happy and never once entertained killing himself. Chappelle compared him to Mr. Bourdain, who travelled the world, talking to the most interesting people on earth, eating the best food, for a living. And yet he, and not his friend who worked at Footlocker, took his life. This is an observation of CULTURE and perspective. Happiness has to be something that is not dependent on external circumstances. Life fluctuates too much for that to be sustainable. It lies within us to find peace where we are at any given moment. The blessing of life is in appreciating just having one.
He talked about taking his own life more than once on film.
You were one of the real ones ..it was a pleasure to watch youre shows & take in everything that was you. One of kind. Rip tony!
He fired crew members who had been with him for 12 or more years. Watch the documentary.
@@markothwriter I saw it mark , but he's resting now , & I want to thank you for serving !! 🕊🕊
I sooo miss his wit & humanity, also to speak so candidly about his internal struggles.
Just rewatching all his shows , on this cool cloudy fall day.
I also suffer from bouts of extreme panic & ever present anxiety, which is a form of depression. Part n parcel - never really quite satisfied with urself,
Something is always missing - not a good place to ever be!
That’s certainly why he turned to drugs as i did & still have my moments of slipping, with overtaking Xanax / sleepers & booze.
Then it becomes a slippery slope.
Pure genius of word & very candid personality, just wish he cld have seen & felt it - yet I totally get where he’s coming from !
RIP - Mr. Bourdain , Rest in Peace now.
Start investing very small amount of money in crypto or stocks and whn your portfolio increases you will feel a sense of self worth and pride which will go very far..#workslikemagic.
Panic & anxiety is NOT depression.
@@cincin4515 they certainly do , coexist !
This is why we should take talk of suicide seriously, even if it seems like it might be a joke, as in this case.
Most people who joke about suicide don't end up killing themselves. Hindsight 20/20.
What can you do? force them to take therapy or seek treatment, be with them 100% of the time? talk them out of it?
Authoritarian knobs like you are why people go crazy. Leave people alone. It's none of your business.
@@tuckerbugeater what are you going on about?
When a mind is too intelligent for the mediocre world it is in.......
It escapes.
Push comes to shove where one's morals, ethics 'n integrity is not shared going over the edge isn't far behind; fortunately, I've looked into that abyss 'n what came forth was mind-blowing ..
The world is a painful place, at least for some of us. Creativity is basically an attempt out of that pain. People pay for art and admire artists for feeling so deep, for expressing what others have no acccess to. Still all the money, fame, admiration, all the narcicistic fuel, the places you see, the models you date wont safe your soul from the suffering and loneliness you tried to avoid in the firat place.
Intelligent and creative people often have the most internal demons.
Yeah. No place to go. Maybe nature. Dunno.
Octopuses are the one animal people shouldn’t kill, there’s alot of evidence that there are the only other self aware being, they are soooo intelligent..
Some days I really am just disgusted with humans too, I hate being a person, having to judge and be judged and people are just cruel and it makes me so unbearably cynical at times, especially in the world we have today where everyone has a voice and tricks are being played all over the place and people are very dishonest. It always leads to drinking just to drown out all the horrible thoughts you have sometimes. I'm depressed because I drink and I drink because I'm depressed and its just a vicious cycle. It's even more hard to get used to a life without using anything to get by, its really sad I know this
you are not alone
Go to an AA Meeting ASAP! Google the nearest one too you. Support & compassion & unconditional acceptance from people who are struggling with life too & drinking as a coping mechanism too. They will never judge you. You will not be alone you ARE not alone...
do some counter-suffering by sweating your ass out. For example running every other day, little by little, without going to extremes. Do that for a year: That is 183 runs per year,. Don't talk or discuss to much about it or not at all. You'll be doing a 10k after ten months. Your liver will heal. Walk fast if you can't run, with intense elbow work Try to sleep seven hours a day. Consume minerals and whey proteins. Don't regret anything in your life, otherwise you'll fall back into depression. It's a freaking hormonal instability. You'll be fine if you decide so. No AA will help unless you do the decision. Alcohol WILL kill you. Start today, you'll save money, too and will be admired/envied by people. Don't get provoked. Learn to be by yourself only. You deserve it, even you think I can't say that because I don't know you. Peace.
Feeling and emotions come and go uninvited. If we live by them we will be depressed and exhausted. Fighting it only feeds it . Acceptance and a spiritual mindset will overcome it today.
"It was my birthday." Yeah, Tony, it was my birthday the day you killed yourself. 8th June. You were significant for me. Your words resonated. You convinced me to travel far and wide. And here I am, in Buriram, Thailand, really happy, and it's nearly all because of you.
He had everything - family, money, houses, a talent for cooking, humour and was struck down by mental health. Nobody is safe.
No, he did not have everything. He had a hole inside, and he was constantly running towards the next thing, trying to fill it. Food, people, drugs, alcohol, all external things. The hole can only be filled from within. It's tragic that he never came across this, or integrated it into his life.
Nobody is safe, you are right. But nobody is doomed, either. If you look for the solution to contentment in the material world, you will fail.
@@sephblack boom, exactly. Happiness is NOT in the material (physical) World but WITHIN. But we have to work at building that connection, hope and love within, it doesn’t come easy
what he was missing .. God
He rarely saw his family to due to his work, and he spent most of his life in debt and afraid which never really goes away. He’s also a recovering polyaddict. I agree no one is safe but he did not have a seemingly perfect life.
Why the hell do you think material possessions equates to happiness ?? The is one of the dumbest comments I've read.
Some people just need the permission to let go.
Mental health awareness must addressed beginning at the youngest ages. I think it may solve a lot of issues.
There’s always been a stigma and children don’t get assessed and treated as necessary. In many cases people don’t get treated until well into adulthood and that’s too late.
He did not want to be fake an honest soul who Loved food.. a genuinely awesome cook
Um. No. Watch his earlier shows. He was an arrogant prick who had no empathy for anyone and was proud of it.
Thats why I liked him.
@@cincin4515 that's just. Like, your opinion man.
He said things like this all the time. I have friends who said things like this all the time and thank god they haven't done anything like this but the truth is you never know. I had one friend I trusted so much, told me she was suicidal, I went on a motorcycle trip with her. I didn't think about it until half way through what I got myself into. We made it through fortunatelly but she had two wrecks since I left.
I have been a depressive since 13 and am now 53. At 23 i had my first of (3) nervous break downs post divorce. I completely understand why many give up. Therapy, Lexapro and Jesus got me to middle age and im grateful.❤
As a few others on here have said, this man changed my life. He's the only celebrity whose death really hit me. As I saw someone else post one time, I hope he's not really dead -- he's just on a beach somewhere far away where we can't find him, sipping a pina colada. There has been no better traveler, no better guest, in our lifetime. His memory and influence will be with me forever.
I think his death has showed a lot of people which road not to go down. He was so honest with himself that he could point out the dangers to everyone else. RIP, Tony.
A deeply disturbed genius I miss him rest in peace 🕊️
Aren’t they all? All genius’s that is?
it is hard for someone so real to do something so fake
i get it
his brother said he was sure he was in a fit of rage when he offed himself…we know he most likely wasn’t happy with his gf, i wonder who else pissed him off on the shoot?
Maybe he pissed somebody off?
I really miss the mans wit and story telling but he looked way older than he was. He was a heavy drinker. It all just caught up with him.
He was probably 60 years old here. He doesn't look that bad?
@@roryg137 agreed.
Great hair
Alcohol can really become a huge problem. Lost half my family to drug and alcohol addiction.some people can drink in moderation, not me.
Dude he was over 60. I don’t know where ur from , but in USA the average 45 year old doesn’t look this good lol
Man, this is heartbreaking. He seems like he was constantly at odds with wanting to remain authentic, but also having to deal with the bullshit that comes with making reality TV for a living. Getting the shot and duping the audience is more important than actually living the experience and getting that on camera. Good for him for calling that out and having that make it into the final edit of that episode. I would have gotten hammered afterwards, too.
Is there a clip of this particular scene? I don’t get exactly what set him off about it.
@@jmoney1941 check out the Sicily episode of Parts Unknown. You'll have no problem finding it on TH-cam. It happens pretty early on in the episode. I think what set him off about it was that he went out there under the impression that they would actually catch some octopi and squid, but what wound up happening wasn't real or authentic in any way.
This was only a trigger to a pre existing much larger problem.
I have to wonder if the incident was simply a trigger that touched some unresolved, very traumatic childhood experiences......that surfaced.
Actually, I am strongly leaning towards an emotional flashback (Pete Walkers book)....
Ancient buried dark emotions or horror.... most probably coming from childhood... or pre verbal.
When you hear someone say they experienced a mental breakdown of sorts, that is a big clue to buried trauma manifesting.
The emotions don’t fully match what is going on in the here and now.
The darkness will always be here but we must fill it with love.
Love is the light. 💛
Rest in Peace Anthony! Your burdens are over, be happy now. We all still love you.
Being in that state of mind and trying to be the best at what you do is a very dangerous combination
Can you elaborate? Would you say the pressure of trying to be your best and also fighting depression is too much? I’m very curious to learn more
@@eddieperez6121 When a person has anxiety and depression he/she should stop working especially if he is in the spotlight.He must be with positive people around him that will help him I mean friends and family possibly.If he had drug abuse issues he should go to a top detox clinic.And seek professional help.Anxiety depression and substance abuse is the worst mental state possible.Suicide becomes a way to escape suffering.
@@eddieperez6121 you can deal with the anxiety if you don’t have pressure you must say I don’t care what anyone may think about me .Remove guilt fear sadness be with people you like .
Rip Tony you were something special and truly missed!
Bourdain was a good guy despite the gruff "too cool for school" façade. His aspirations to an ideal world of perfect authenticity and decency in humans were noble but ultimately unrealistic. And his realisation of that was too much for him. He was too delicate to cope with the insanity of life. The nuggets of beauty he found during the filming of his shows weren't enough to alleviate his feelings of despondency. His suicide was tragic and there wasn't anything anyone could've done to stop it. There's little we can learn from it other than to try and hang in there as much as we realistically can. The beauty he saw in things may not have been enough for him but it can be for others, and therefore save their lives. There's no magic secret to a good life, just do the best you can and accept that life isn't perfect.
The pain and anguish in this man’s voice his demeanour is overwhelming it’s taken control of him he’s in a dark address he can’t find his way out to he has therapy took things too literally. You had everything you wanted but the thing you wanted most was peace of mind which she could not achieve for some reason whatsoever it’s sad to see you gone yes I do hope you’re a piece you must be image a choice… We all have a choice…
I’m not familiar with the octopus story or its significance, but it seems he has a tendency to place more significance on trivial matters than is heathy. That is one sign of PTSD and other mental health maladies. Sad that he was not helped.
Your right about placing extreme significance on trivial matters in daily life…that is the territory of professional comedians on stage.
Even with Tony’s great wit and humor it got buried under the many layers of complex shadows.🙏
the trivial matters become symbols representing larger things
a small mishap or a broken appointment where a person is stood up ...
they come to represent something bigger (the inability to be responsible or a feeling of being abandoned or unwanted)
you are correct that they shouldn't be cause to end a life but the actual cause that the person feels is something deeper and larger...that's more the experience of it
it's hard to help a person in this state of mind because the person already feels isolated and it's hard to reach them
it's hard to know how badly the person is feeling in large part because the person is directing their negative thoughts and feelings in on themselves
The thing that’s really chilling is numerous times on his show even though he was joking with his dark sense of humor it didn’t feel like it was a joke anymore. I remember one time when he went to Canada and he talked about hitting someone over the head with a skillet and finding the nearest beam if I had to use an electric stove even though he was joking he talked about that particular kind of thing numerous times and then it just stopped being funny when it really happened
Much truth is said in jest. Pay attention to what people say when they are "joking".
@@HappyPandaP Agreed.
@@HappyPandaP why?
Hate to bust your bubble ,but this life is not YOUR life.
What you refer to as “MY” life ,
was paid for IN BLOOD by someone else .
It was a gift ,so that you might come to know the person who gave it .
But for you to destroy that gift shows me you didn’t learn a damned thing .
I was just a kid when I heard about the passing of Bourdain. I had always known about him because I would watch him with my mom, I aspired to be a cook when I was a kid and I believe he is mainly the reason why. When I found out about his passing I was at school, when I went home my mom was distraught, I was distraught. It was probably the first death that has emotionally impacted me. Bourdain was so many things I loved, for he was what none could ever be. I will always remember Anthony Bourdain, and his passing.
Bourdain died three years ago so you’re probably still a kid…
@@livelyupmyself1 😂
Because you shared a story, I’ll share one. My brother loved Anthony Bourdain so much and it was very annoying to always hear about him. I never cared for him and watched any of his shows. I still do not watch anything related to Bourdain but I might in the future. I didn’t care when he passed away like most celebrities but my brother was distraught like you said and then he bought the cookbook
@@fabiomino3506 it’s easy to be passionate about someone like Anthony Bourdain. He was arguably the best at what he did and his personality was striking enough to make you really want to watch him. It’s likely your brother watched his shows, where he would travel all over the world, making conversation with locals and eating from local pubs. He had a respect for the culture of food without being pompous and flamboyant like a vast majority of celebrity chefs. Your brother probably cares deeply about art, as Bourdain was an artist at what he did in many ways. There’s not a lot to dislike about him, he was a very relatable, emotionally disturbed, journalist, who explored foreign nations to show people at home what real good food looks like in other countries, without any bullshit. He was genuinely one of a kind, not another food journalist in the entire world like him, and that doesn’t sound like a lot, but he was a huge deal for a lot of people.
@@calypso819 thank you, I’ll start soon
To anyone out there who is very depressed, feels lost, hopeless or feels nobody cares: please seek help...nowadays there are so many places to turn. Maybe find a good psychiatrist or counselor, or confide in a trusted friend. If you're self conscious about this, don't be. If you don't want anyone to know you went for help, you don't have to tell others (you can keep it between you & your professional). Besides, nowadays, seems like more people go for therapy than not. Others DO CARE!
Please stay well. 🙏 Love to all ❤
Written like a true well off. Most people with these issues certainly do not have access to these options or any family or friends. Wake up.
If someone , you did not know, gave you a gift so wonderful that it was impossible to comprehend the infinite beauty of that gift , would you feel that it was right for you ti destroy that gift ?
great comparison! thank you LOVE
Anthony you are beyond fabulous.
The universe was showing off when you were made.
My heartfelt gratitude for all you contributed on this earth before you took steps to leave this Life.
Suicide is a permanent to a temporary problem.
I hope you found your peace on the other side.
A rose still grows beyond the wall.
Australia.
"Beautiful words but depression in not a "temporary" problem in a lot of people's lives.
He was looking very old beyond his years....
It's such a shame. I mean what the Hell!!!! No, I can't relate to any of this anymore maybe I used to but there's too much Jesus now--like I've been born again or something. Call out to Jesus and let Jesus into your heart. Anthony, Tony, I'm sorry you went through what you went through, you were truly a compassionate man.
I was at a physicians office a week ago, and had to fill out a questionnaire
The questions seemed strange to me, asking how often I go to the dentist or the eye doctor etc..
Last question was how often do I think of suicide, and the first thing that popped in my mind was, daily or weekly?
He was the only thing I watched on that network. He really brought you to the areas of a country where the real food and citizens were. I am so sorry his demons were too strong.
Heartache. He said what he will do.
Damn
My therapist tells me that alcohol compounds the problem, and I believe that is true in my case.
Aww you know what ? You just miss him . He was one of those guys that you could picture yourself walking or hanging out with him in some of those Awesome places he took us to . 🌺
I agree. I worked in television as a producer for 18 years, but the only portion of that that I was truly happy was the 2 years that I was working on a travel show, learning about and helping others learn of other cultures. Bourdain’s show exemplified the exact idea that I always strived for, not only going to the non-mainstream places, but finding the good in every person and location. Sometimes in a very tongue-in-cheek way. But I’ve dealt with a lot of dark times myself, unemployment, loneliness, total lack of money, etc, and been clinically depressed for a good 15-16 years now. So I understand where he was coming from. Even if I can’t from the standpoint of his having a successful show, career, fame, etc. I understand that suicide also affects those around you after you die, and that’s the main reason that I’ve never gone that route. But I really do think that it’s anyone’s right to take their own life if they truly want. So while I miss Anthony a whole whole lot, I also respect his decision.
Be born human is extremely rare, don’t waste it.
The unspeakable thoughts & feelings polite society hates. His words resonate with me personally. I’ve been in that space. I wish he had found a way out. RIP, Chef
So very sad you can see how weary he looks here sad he never got the help he truly needed I hope he's found peace 🙏
I know exactly how he felt…I pray none of you ever know too.
Tony Bourdain was my idol. A bit of me inside died when he did.
Your idol ? Dude seriously ?
Dude, if this is how he reacted to the fake scriptedness and phony nature of television, you can understand how he could have offer himself after the kind of betrayal and lies he was dealt with Asia Argento.
He went to that dark place one time too many
It’s crazy, me and my friends and family always said he had the best job in the world, travelling and eating.
I respect him a lot for being an open book about his on mental health and his earlier struggles with drug addiction.
RIP
Where's this excerpt taken from? I wanna see more
🙏❣R.I.P Tony, I miss you
It's tough.. but you gotta stay above that of insanity..otherwise we're all fucked
happy ending is just a story that hasn't finished yet...
fucking beautiful sentence .
What exactly is he talking about with the dead octopus? I am not familiar.
I was hooked to his show.
Loved it. Sad
Such an authentic person…
Sadly no one close to him could really see what was going on inside-and clearly no one could have saved him. He needed a sitter-someone to make sure he was OK always (but eventually he would have been disgusted by that too). He was just too much on his own without the structure to feel secure (me thinks). He was definitely blessed, generous, and clearly deserves some grace. If his friend whom he left to deal with his hanging corpse can forgive him for that trauma surely the rest of us can forgive him for such an ugly ending, and hopefully it's a lesson learned.
Whose lesson learned?? A bit late don't you think? You're romantisizing something you know nothing about.
This is what it looks like to gain the whole world but to lose one’s soul. r.i.p Anthony ! I love you!! 💕 Your spirit lives on in all the travel you inspired.
Artifice is tiresome after awhile.
Does anyone know what episode he is referencing?
You can’t believe the selfishness and complete ignorance of those you love. People are so incredibly egotistical and rude.
Some of us are just torchured without talent ,,that's life .it's trying to get loved ones to understand the pain so they can be at peace when the day comes.
I feel that way every time I see an animal suffer for human reasons.
stuffed animals make you crazy?
rescue one.
@@blackandgold676 Every day
@@mugenspiegal7415 Pro- animal suffering?
@@mugenspiegal7415 Which animals currently raised on industrial farms will go extinct without human "help"?
During the Sicily show / episode he fell under the spell of a younger woman. She used him and turned him into a different person.
Probably because he was depressed. Depression can cause you to do stuff like have an "exciting relationship" to get out of your head.
ive been disgusted with humanity since i started talking and i was told to listen. i been disgusted with humanity when they told everyone they were beautiful and unique snowflakes and freedom was universal. ive been disgusted with humanity when people defend the killing of innocent babies and then defend child molesters and death row inmates sentenced to death. and as much as I can't stand most of the people i come across cause they are fake or have only two genuine emotions, i would not kill myself and deprive the world of my ugly face.i do wish i could have talked to Anthony Bourdain, truly listened to him, and try and convince him things would be ok and the world is better that he's in it because the only genuine people left are depressed as shyte about the things we see daily.
Is there more to this interview? Can you please share the link? Thnx!
Such a sad ending.was the only thing Worth watching on TV.
Thank you for posting this- Helps.