*Being direct with my intentions* That is probably the biggest weakness of mine. I have a character of observing and analyzing and people have mistaken my intentions. To me physical appearance is a reason to not go on a date with her, but a good character is the reason for why I want to go on a date with her. Most women who I don't find unattractive are also not attractive. Not being attractive is not a problem for me as attraction can grow over time, especially if they are of good character. There is only a small number of women I actually find attractive, but attractiveness in a woman evokes acknowledgement in me, not desire or lust. My current method is to find out if a women has a character that makes me want to ask them out. But that is a very slow process. And my intention is actually to spend time with her in a group setting to find out what kind of character she has. If I would go by looks when I ask women out then the honest pickup line in most cases would be: "I feel pretty neutral about your looks. Do you want to go on a date with me? Perhaps I will find out that you have a venerable character."
Great video! I always understood the idea of connecting with a person, but you explained all the aspects very well and now it’s clearer what areas I need to develop.
thank man, honestly mastering the art of connection is bar non the best thing a guy can do right now. everyone craves to be around a person like this. best of luck on your journey
Listen to this guy! He's 100% right with everything he's saying in this video. Learn how to genuinely use these methods and you'll create meaningful connections all around (romantic and otherwise).
thank man love the support, connection is the key to amazing relationships in the modern dating market! are there any challenges you're currently working to overcome in dating?
Hey Andrew, can I ask you about your thoughts? This isn't in the context of a date, but rather a girl I know from college. I feel like I have this issue where I probably don't share enough of myself - I don't know if that's a bad thing, since, like you've mentioned, attraction is based on how much the other person knows you. For example, the conversation flows naturally, but many times I don't know whether, if I interject with one of my own memories or thoughts about a subject, it'll be seen as "finally, you're done talking, and I have time to talk about myself." I listen a lot, and I'm fine with it since it's also something I want to do, but maybe there's a point wherein it's an injustice to the other person? I'm debating whether it's even such a big issue, but I'll write about this anyway. The way I see it is, maybe she would like to know more regarding my side, but she doesn't have the courage or know how to ask, OR, she doesn't have any interest. But if she didn't have interest, why would there be other signs more indirectly? It's this place where I have NO CLUE what the answer is, and I wouldn't like to make an assumption... Because how could you know what truly is in somebody's mind? It's just this - she's telling/showing me so much about herself, but I've probably shared less than half as much - and in the end, maybe that's unfair to her. Maybe all of this is in my mind? Hyperanalyzing psychology? But this is why I like your channel - you try to piece together different aspects of the human condition in a way that makes sense to us nerd-types. This is all linked to a quote I've read recently from a channel called The School of Life. It goes: "To be a good companion, it isn't enough simply to be polite or to commiserate. We need to take a risk. We need to give our friends something they could use against us - so that they can feel safe in giving us something we might use against them. Under the umbrella of mutually assured destruction, real trust and friendship can flourish." Let me know what you think 😉
the perfect interactions should definitely include you sharing yourself. your ideas, experiences and emotions. women fall in love with what they hear not what they see, so it's important for a guy to able to BE IN the conversation himself and not just a sponge for her. Otherwise it becomes predictable and boring. "oh i talk and he just nods and listens" be willing to share what makes you, YOU. and if that turns a girl off so be it, it will also turn a lot of girls on because it is real. the most attractive version of you is the one which is real.
@@HonestImprovementYT "women fall in love with what they hear not what they see" - from what I understand, you mean women see more of your character, your ambition, rather than results at the moment? Or can you elaborate more on this part? Otherwise... You're probably onto something😉
*Being noticed* I am trying to pay attention to people, but my memory isn't the best. I try to remember specifics on what people say me, but I don't always succeed. Especially if I am in a new environment and I meet several people who tell me their life story. In that case I also sometimes mix up two people or I remember the story, but I don't remember which person of that event it belongs to. Sometimes I say "I'm pretty sure I asked you that already but can you remind me again of what you said." Is that a good way of going about things? How would you recommend this point to be implemented when I'm curious, quick to understand but bad at memorizing. When I know a person a bit better, stuff they say stick better and there I try to make those personal remarks. So my question is more about how to navigate in those situations where I'm getting to know people and it doesn't work yet.
*Stories* If the goal of stories and showing vulnerability is to show who I really am, then a long indepth talk on some technical topic would be pretty representative of who I am. I do have some stories I tell and I sometimes try to create an analogy to explain why I think certain things, but usually my thinking is more along the line of understanding concepts. When it comes to vulnerability then that isn't one of my weaknesses. I tend to be too open in stuff like this. Funnily the autocorrect wanted to type venerability instead of vulnerability. I think venerability is a very admirable trait and I love it when books and movies contain venerable characters. I love one of my favorite animes because it has venerable characters in there.
*Touch* I'm aware that there is a touch starvation in the modern world. But I'm one of those guys who is glad that there is not too much touch going on. Perhaps that's because my family was a bit weird around that topic. I don't mind hugs for greetings and other purposeful touch, but the other types of touches is not something I particularly like. Especially with fellow guys I dislike it and with women I am not used to casual touch. I assume I like it in a romantic situation, but as I have never been in one that is pure speculation.
*Being direct with my intentions*
That is probably the biggest weakness of mine. I have a character of observing and analyzing and people have mistaken my intentions.
To me physical appearance is a reason to not go on a date with her, but a good character is the reason for why I want to go on a date with her. Most women who I don't find unattractive are also not attractive. Not being attractive is not a problem for me as attraction can grow over time, especially if they are of good character. There is only a small number of women I actually find attractive, but attractiveness in a woman evokes acknowledgement in me, not desire or lust.
My current method is to find out if a women has a character that makes me want to ask them out. But that is a very slow process. And my intention is actually to spend time with her in a group setting to find out what kind of character she has.
If I would go by looks when I ask women out then the honest pickup line in most cases would be: "I feel pretty neutral about your looks. Do you want to go on a date with me? Perhaps I will find out that you have a venerable character."
touch with calibration
Hey bro can you raise up the subtitles a bit? the bar kinda covers it up. great vid btw
sorted on new videos, cheers man! bumped up the background for clearer text
Great video! I always understood the idea of connecting with a person, but you explained all the aspects very well and now it’s clearer what areas I need to develop.
thank man, honestly mastering the art of connection is bar non the best thing a guy can do right now. everyone craves to be around a person like this. best of luck on your journey
Listen to this guy! He's 100% right with everything he's saying in this video.
Learn how to genuinely use these methods and you'll create meaningful connections all around (romantic and otherwise).
thank man love the support, connection is the key to amazing relationships in the modern dating market! are there any challenges you're currently working to overcome in dating?
Hey Andrew, can I ask you about your thoughts?
This isn't in the context of a date, but rather a girl I know from college.
I feel like I have this issue where I probably don't share enough of myself - I don't know if that's a bad thing, since, like you've mentioned, attraction is based on how much the other person knows you.
For example, the conversation flows naturally, but many times I don't know whether, if I interject with one of my own memories or thoughts about a subject, it'll be seen as "finally, you're done talking, and I have time to talk about myself." I listen a lot, and I'm fine with it since it's also something I want to do, but maybe there's a point wherein it's an injustice to the other person?
I'm debating whether it's even such a big issue, but I'll write about this anyway.
The way I see it is, maybe she would like to know more regarding my side, but she doesn't have the courage or know how to ask, OR, she doesn't have any interest. But if she didn't have interest, why would there be other signs more indirectly? It's this place where I have NO CLUE what the answer is, and I wouldn't like to make an assumption... Because how could you know what truly is in somebody's mind?
It's just this - she's telling/showing me so much about herself, but I've probably shared less than half as much - and in the end, maybe that's unfair to her.
Maybe all of this is in my mind? Hyperanalyzing psychology? But this is why I like your channel - you try to piece together different aspects of the human condition in a way that makes sense to us nerd-types.
This is all linked to a quote I've read recently from a channel called The School of Life. It goes:
"To be a good companion, it isn't enough simply to be polite or to commiserate. We need to take a risk. We need to give our friends something they could use against us - so that they can feel safe in giving us something we might use against them. Under the umbrella of mutually assured destruction, real trust and friendship can flourish."
Let me know what you think 😉
the perfect interactions should definitely include you sharing yourself. your ideas, experiences and emotions.
women fall in love with what they hear not what they see, so it's important for a guy to able to BE IN the conversation himself and not just a sponge for her. Otherwise it becomes predictable and boring. "oh i talk and he just nods and listens"
be willing to share what makes you, YOU. and if that turns a girl off so be it, it will also turn a lot of girls on because it is real. the most attractive version of you is the one which is real.
@@HonestImprovementYT
"women fall in love with what they hear not what they see" - from what I understand, you mean women see more of your character, your ambition, rather than results at the moment? Or can you elaborate more on this part?
Otherwise... You're probably onto something😉
*Being noticed*
I am trying to pay attention to people, but my memory isn't the best. I try to remember specifics on what people say me, but I don't always succeed. Especially if I am in a new environment and I meet several people who tell me their life story. In that case I also sometimes mix up two people or I remember the story, but I don't remember which person of that event it belongs to. Sometimes I say "I'm pretty sure I asked you that already but can you remind me again of what you said." Is that a good way of going about things? How would you recommend this point to be implemented when I'm curious, quick to understand but bad at memorizing.
When I know a person a bit better, stuff they say stick better and there I try to make those personal remarks. So my question is more about how to navigate in those situations where I'm getting to know people and it doesn't work yet.
*Stories*
If the goal of stories and showing vulnerability is to show who I really am, then a long indepth talk on some technical topic would be pretty representative of who I am. I do have some stories I tell and I sometimes try to create an analogy to explain why I think certain things, but usually my thinking is more along the line of understanding concepts.
When it comes to vulnerability then that isn't one of my weaknesses. I tend to be too open in stuff like this.
Funnily the autocorrect wanted to type venerability instead of vulnerability. I think venerability is a very admirable trait and I love it when books and movies contain venerable characters. I love one of my favorite animes because it has venerable characters in there.
*Touch*
I'm aware that there is a touch starvation in the modern world. But I'm one of those guys who is glad that there is not too much touch going on. Perhaps that's because my family was a bit weird around that topic. I don't mind hugs for greetings and other purposeful touch, but the other types of touches is not something I particularly like. Especially with fellow guys I dislike it and with women I am not used to casual touch. I assume I like it in a romantic situation, but as I have never been in one that is pure speculation.