I’m on the other side of this and you’re so right at every point! It’s true freedom and contentment and fulfillment in marriage! We’ve never been happier after 22 years together!!
@@TheGrowthMarriage i read the conscious parent by dr Shefali in 2014 & it completely changed my relationship with my kids. So I thought to myself….”self. If this worked so well with kids I wonder if it’ll work with hubby wubby.???” And it did. Then I threw in love languages and imago concepts and we have a unrecognizable relationship!! We just celebrated our 20 Year anniversary in October!!
So good topic! I didn´t know this term for this miserable situation in marriage. I´ve been marriaged for over 20 years and hate to be treated as a roommate. I do not want to live like this.
When emotional and physical needs go unmet, you can rely on the 3rd leg being mental connection. I have the 3rd but am being destroyed by lack of emotional and physical connection. That is not the goal of a marriage and/or relationship. I am at the precipice of having my dreams fulfilled but without a partner to share everything, I guess I face loneliness with myself or with my avoidant partner. Either way, it's not good.
Option 3 - how about when ONE OF US is doing that, and the OTHER won’t do the introspective work, hmm? Then ONE OF US feels like we’re are settling or being taken advantage of. Input on THAT, comments section.
It sounds like you’re still focussed on what your partner is or isn’t doing. If you are truly introspective and truly take personal responsibility for your own fulfillment, then your marriage is bound to improve.
There's a quite often overused quote that says: "It's about the journey not the destination ". I think this also applies in relationships. The real tragedy of roommate syndrome is that the journey itself becomes meaningless. While you may never find a replacement for what you once had, just the notion that there might be something novel out there and the curiosity to at least move in a direction rather than standing in one place all the time becomes a comfort in itself. I would rather be alone and curious than together and trapped/stuck. For now i am simply putting one foot in front of the other and making it thru day by day but i cannot continue to do this forever nor would I wish this on anyone.
we sleep in different rooms. havent had sex in months. and months before that. i dont even know him anymore. if i had the financial means to leave i would. but i dont. So i look on the bright side of things. and make tn best of it.
what if roomate syndrome is the only syndrome you have had in a 11+ year relationship. you have kids. so its easier to become the roommate that it is to actually leave
I’m just in the relationship so she doesn’t become Homeless with her kids. I checked out so long time ago. No romance, no sex. Split bills, and just surviving.
You can do both! But here's the thing to watch out for... When most of us (myself included) want to "talk about it," what we really mean is we want to show our partner what they need to change to make us happy. Talking about it is great. But try to keep the focus on your stuff... your moods, your anxious emotions, your misbehavior, your defensiveness. Don't turn it into a blame-game.
Dude.. I know what you’re trying to get at… But unfortunately marriage is not about love… marriage is about respect… and in return you get love! People have failed to notice and learn that in the beginning of the relationship that it starts with the understanding TO respect and the fruit of all that is love. We as a society have it backwards…. And it’s destroying marriages. Think about the business/workplace if we as employees respect our leaders, managers, supervisors, etc. then we will do good and the love comes when we have done good and respect those above us. And we keep our job and we get promoted, etc. Women today have no idea what respect is. Moreover, they loath the idea…
I’m on the other side of this and you’re so right at every point! It’s true freedom and contentment and fulfillment in marriage! We’ve never been happier after 22 years together!!
That’s so freaking awesome. What’s been your biggest lesson of the last 22 yeses?
@@TheGrowthMarriage i read the conscious parent by dr Shefali in 2014 & it completely changed my relationship with my kids.
So I thought to myself….”self. If this worked so well with kids I wonder if it’ll work with hubby wubby.???”
And it did.
Then I threw in love languages and imago concepts and we have a unrecognizable relationship!! We just celebrated our 20
Year anniversary in October!!
So good topic! I didn´t know this term for this miserable situation in marriage. I´ve been marriaged for over 20 years and hate to be treated as a roommate. I do not want to live like this.
35 here 🥲
Exactly 💯
When emotional and physical needs go unmet, you can rely on the 3rd leg being mental connection. I have the 3rd but am being destroyed by lack of emotional and physical connection. That is not the goal of a marriage and/or relationship. I am at the precipice of having my dreams fulfilled but without a partner to share everything, I guess I face loneliness with myself or with my avoidant partner. Either way, it's not good.
It’s dehumanizing
I am actually on the same page as you.
Withholding affection, intimacy and sex is emotional abuse. No excuses, no equivocation. Roommate is unacceptable and NOT a marriage.
Withholding happens for a reason, work on that reason and the intimacy will return.
Option 3 - how about when ONE OF US is doing that, and the OTHER won’t do the introspective work, hmm? Then ONE OF US feels like we’re are settling or being taken advantage of. Input on THAT, comments section.
It sounds like you’re still focussed on what your partner is or isn’t doing. If you are truly introspective and truly take personal responsibility for your own fulfillment, then your marriage is bound to improve.
lol I'm living the life of Taylor and Pat right now. Eerily accurate 😂
As a young man, I learned not to be at the mercy of ANY human being. You allow this to happen to you, fix it or get out.
I don't have the energy to fix it. He never wanted it different. so I I accepted it. this is my life
I have to be ok with it.
There's a quite often overused quote that says: "It's about the journey not the destination ". I think this also applies in relationships.
The real tragedy of roommate syndrome is that the journey itself becomes meaningless. While you may never find a replacement for what you once had, just the notion that there might be something novel out there and the curiosity to at least move in a direction rather than standing in one place all the time becomes a comfort in itself. I would rather be alone and curious than together and trapped/stuck. For now i am simply putting one foot in front of the other and making it thru day by day but i cannot continue to do this forever nor would I wish this on anyone.
Spouses might think that the grass will be greener on thr other side of the hill, somtimes will find mud over the hill
The grass is greenest where you water it.
Exactly, If you think the grass is greener over there - spend more time on your own lawn.@@TheGrowthMarriage
I just joined the epic club !!! I am so excited! Thank you for all of the great content
what a great advice,pure gold !! Thank you
I got the chills!!!!! This was amazing 🙏🏽
Fantastic insights. Could you tell me which book the quote from David Schnarch is from?
I believe it's from the book "Intimacy and Desire"
Hard to wrap my head around the idea.
Great vid
we sleep in different rooms. havent had sex in months. and months before that. i dont even know him anymore. if i had the financial means to leave i would. but i dont. So i look on the bright side of things. and make tn best of it.
Brillant
many are just flat mates
what if roomate syndrome is the only syndrome you have had in a 11+ year relationship. you have kids. so its easier to become the roommate that it is to actually leave
Sexless marriage though? I think I would actually end up killing myself, that or get my life destroyed in a divorce court.
It definitely destroys your emotional connection, marriage and sense of self worth.
4 years in one myself…dehumanizing
I’m just in the relationship so she doesn’t become Homeless with her kids. I checked out so long time ago. No romance, no sex. Split bills, and just surviving.
I'm confused so I just work on me . ? Or do we talk about it
You can do both!
But here's the thing to watch out for...
When most of us (myself included) want to "talk about it," what we really mean is we want to show our partner what they need to change to make us happy.
Talking about it is great. But try to keep the focus on your stuff... your moods, your anxious emotions, your misbehavior, your defensiveness. Don't turn it into a blame-game.
@@TheGrowthMarriage yes .thank you so much
that is why I have a side chic
Wrong.
Dude.. I know what you’re trying to get at… But unfortunately marriage is not about love… marriage is about respect… and in return you get love! People have failed to notice and learn that in the beginning of the relationship that it starts with the understanding TO respect and the fruit of all that is love. We as a society have it backwards…. And it’s destroying marriages. Think about the business/workplace if we as employees respect our leaders, managers, supervisors, etc. then we will do good and the love comes when we have done good and respect those above us. And we keep our job and we get promoted, etc. Women today have no idea what respect is. Moreover, they loath the idea…
You lost me at ...women today...